1
00:00:03,038 --> 00:00:05,042
Between now and then, we
have a ton of stuff scheduled.
2
00:00:05,049 --> 00:00:07,963
Looks like we're gonna have
to skip the pie-baking event
3
00:00:07,970 --> 00:00:09,753
and the ceremonial
squash toss.
4
00:00:09,768 --> 00:00:11,760
- Oh.
- Oh, really? We have to skip that?
5
00:00:11,768 --> 00:00:14,307
I love watching those
squashes fly through the air.
6
00:00:14,330 --> 00:00:15,885
I kind of like
the way they land.
7
00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:17,377
Me too!
8
00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:22,197
Okay, excuse me, but I have to get
back to a city where things happen.
9
00:00:22,205 --> 00:00:25,221
Okay. This campaign is
about to start in earnest.
10
00:00:25,236 --> 00:00:28,361
Things are about to get real intense.
Leslie, you ready?
11
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:29,408
- Me Leslie?
- Yeah.
12
00:00:29,423 --> 00:00:33,470
Well, I was an actual candidate, so I think
I can handle being a candidate's wife.
13
00:00:33,493 --> 00:00:35,095
I know all the issues
inside and out.
14
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,587
Mm. See,
that's the problem.
15
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:39,291
Being the wife of
is a minefield.
16
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,862
If you were just a ding-dong, I would
just slap a flag pin on you.
17
00:00:41,869 --> 00:00:43,404
I'd pour some Valium
down your throat
18
00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:46,375
and just shove you behind
the podium way upstage.
19
00:00:46,398 --> 00:00:49,223
It's the smarties
that freak people out.
20
00:00:49,234 --> 00:00:50,969
I think you're
underestimating the voters.
21
00:00:52,947 --> 00:00:55,548
I don't think
that is possible.
22
00:00:56,983 --> 00:00:58,870
Stephen, be careful!
23
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:02,539
Poncho!
24
00:01:14,668 --> 00:01:22,668
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
25
00:01:23,069 --> 00:01:25,436
I know you normally
hate foundations,
26
00:01:25,459 --> 00:01:28,030
but this one
I think you'll actually like.
27
00:01:28,038 --> 00:01:30,141
We take people that don't know
what they want to do
28
00:01:30,147 --> 00:01:33,195
and then put them to work doing
cool stuff all over the world,
29
00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:34,711
and I start in
a couple months.
30
00:01:34,726 --> 00:01:40,203
Well, I had hoped you'd choose a more
dignified trade like masonry or logging,
31
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,570
but you are out of
local government,
32
00:01:42,577 --> 00:01:44,234
and that's a step
in the right direction.
33
00:01:44,256 --> 00:01:46,737
It's definitely
the job I wanted...
34
00:01:48,428 --> 00:01:52,267
But it means that we have
to move to Washington.
35
00:01:52,768 --> 00:01:54,057
Well...
36
00:01:54,988 --> 00:01:57,034
then bully for you.
37
00:01:57,059 --> 00:02:01,173
If you intend to move, I suppose you
should return the spare key to my house,
38
00:02:01,735 --> 00:02:04,899
the one I gave you years ago
when you were my assistant,
39
00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:06,641
for emergencies.
40
00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:08,097
Okay.
41
00:02:08,122 --> 00:02:09,587
Good talk.
42
00:02:13,324 --> 00:02:17,060
This neighborhood has been
mostly abandoned for years,
43
00:02:17,075 --> 00:02:19,872
but now, thanks to the new
Gryzzl headquarters,
44
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,854
this district will soon
transform
45
00:02:21,877 --> 00:02:24,784
into a hub of innovation
for decades to come.
46
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:25,706
Mr. Wyatt!
47
00:02:25,719 --> 00:02:27,685
Your campaign released
a schedule,
48
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:30,334
and it looks like your wife
is skipping the Pie-mary.
49
00:02:30,349 --> 00:02:31,341
Care to explain?
50
00:02:31,356 --> 00:02:34,045
The Pie-mary is a Southern
Indiana tradition
51
00:02:34,060 --> 00:02:38,217
where Congressional candidates' wives
face off in a pie-baking contest.
52
00:02:38,232 --> 00:02:41,969
The last contest winner was June
Hartwell's buttermilk meringue.
53
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:45,398
Last contest loser
was all women.
54
00:02:45,423 --> 00:02:49,151
Leslie would be the first candidate's wife
not to enter the Pie-mary.
55
00:02:49,176 --> 00:02:51,856
What kind of a statement
are you making by skipping it?
56
00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,780
We're--I'm not making
any kind of statement.
57
00:02:53,803 --> 00:02:55,881
We're just focusing
on bigger issues,
58
00:02:55,896 --> 00:03:00,452
like Ben's $150 million
revitalization project.
59
00:03:00,467 --> 00:03:02,475
Pardon me. I need to get through.
Pardon me. Excuse me.
60
00:03:02,490 --> 00:03:03,584
Mike Patterson here.
61
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,016
Leslie, you've made it pretty clear that
you don't think homemaking is important.
62
00:03:07,032 --> 00:03:08,607
Do you ever cook
for your children,
63
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,005
and who's even watching
your children right now,
64
00:03:11,028 --> 00:03:13,075
while you're out God
only knows where?
65
00:03:13,091 --> 00:03:15,272
What are you talking about?
I'm standing right here in front of you.
66
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,015
Okay. Take it easy.
Let's not get emotional.
67
00:03:17,023 --> 00:03:18,484
Okay. We have to run.
68
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:21,702
We'll see you all at my economic address.
Thanks for coming, everybody.
69
00:03:21,725 --> 00:03:25,561
What other traditions are you against,
Leslie? Baseball? Hugging your children?
70
00:03:25,584 --> 00:03:27,325
How much did that
haircut cost?
71
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,341
None of your business,
and thank you for noticing.
72
00:03:30,089 --> 00:03:33,311
My desk was right here, sitting
right on top of it this whole time.
73
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,296
- How much money is it?
- It's not money.
74
00:03:35,321 --> 00:03:38,148
I told you, it's Ron's key.
I hid it in here years ago.
75
00:03:38,625 --> 00:03:39,734
Ah! Wait!
76
00:03:39,749 --> 00:03:43,815
Yeah, no. No key. Just a note
and a movie ticket stub and four teeth.
77
00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:47,447
"If you are looking for Ron's key,
I moved it, and you'll never find it.
78
00:03:47,470 --> 00:03:48,853
Cordially, April."
79
00:03:48,868 --> 00:03:51,829
- Well, where'd you put it, then?
- I don't know. It was eight years ago.
80
00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:55,875
Oh, God. A key to Ron's house is
lost in a government building.
81
00:03:55,890 --> 00:03:57,656
- That's his worst nightmare.
- Listen, babe.
82
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:02,531
All we got to do is train
Champion to sniff out Ron's key.
83
00:04:02,553 --> 00:04:05,135
- Okay. - All we need is
Ron's key to give him a scent.
84
00:04:05,641 --> 00:04:07,727
So give me the key,
and I'll get you that key.
85
00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:12,915
No, You're Wrong
with Mike Patterson.
86
00:04:12,930 --> 00:04:16,071
Welcome back to the program.
My guest is June Hartwell,
87
00:04:16,087 --> 00:04:18,493
wife of incumbent Congressman,
Paul Hartwell.
88
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:21,540
Now, June, we all know what Ben
Wyatt's wife is really saying.
89
00:04:21,556 --> 00:04:25,970
By skipping the Pie-mary, she's saying
women who love their families are stupid.
90
00:04:25,985 --> 00:04:28,525
Well, Mike, we all
make certain choices.
91
00:04:28,549 --> 00:04:30,908
Ms. Knope chose
to try to have it all.
92
00:04:30,927 --> 00:04:32,756
I chose to put my family first.
93
00:04:32,779 --> 00:04:35,795
Well, I'm just speculating here, but do
you think that Leslie Knope's actions
94
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,702
indicate that she actually
hates her family?
95
00:04:38,717 --> 00:04:42,452
Well, it only took three
hours for Jen to be right.
96
00:04:42,475 --> 00:04:45,092
I'm officially a distraction.
I'm gonna enter that Pie-mary.
97
00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:47,015
This is just nonsense.
It'll blow over.
98
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,664
And the Pie-mary is
ridiculous and antiquated.
99
00:04:49,686 --> 00:04:51,155
But the more
they talk about this,
100
00:04:51,177 --> 00:04:53,459
the less they're gonna talk
about your economic plan.
101
00:04:53,475 --> 00:04:57,508
Besides, I'm good at making pies,
so I'll win, and then I can
102
00:04:57,533 --> 00:05:00,814
promote my self-published
women's rights barbecue cookbook--
103
00:05:00,829 --> 00:05:02,736
The Feminine Mesquite.
104
00:05:02,754 --> 00:05:03,868
Everything's fine.
105
00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:05,887
I had it in a safe place,
106
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:10,176
and then I moved it to protect
it, and I don't remember where.
107
00:05:10,191 --> 00:05:11,113
I see.
108
00:05:11,137 --> 00:05:12,571
Don't be mad, Ron.
109
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:15,408
She hid it too good,
110
00:05:15,433 --> 00:05:17,144
and she left a string of clues.
111
00:05:17,159 --> 00:05:21,371
It's an impossible puzzle,
and I love puzzles!
112
00:05:21,378 --> 00:05:25,159
A minimal, unhelpful note, these appear
to be human teeth, and what is this?
113
00:05:25,175 --> 00:05:26,987
Twilight: New Moon.
114
00:05:27,002 --> 00:05:29,339
It's a movie,
but I've never seen it.
115
00:05:29,354 --> 00:05:32,433
It's, like, about lame werewolves
and vampires and stuff.
116
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,261
Donna likes those things!
117
00:05:34,276 --> 00:05:36,753
Dollars to doughnuts
this points us her way.
118
00:05:36,776 --> 00:05:39,790
Finally, a scavenger hunt
worthy of my time.
119
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:40,791
Onward!
120
00:05:41,703 --> 00:05:42,578
Okay.
121
00:05:42,586 --> 00:05:45,234
Snacks given, kids
tucked in, books read,
122
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:49,158
three simultaneous meltdowns for
no reason, kids tucked back in,
123
00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:53,135
one of them briefly got outside
somehow, kids back in bed.
124
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:53,869
They're all napping.
125
00:05:53,884 --> 00:05:56,857
Okay, I got everything
you need for pie domination.
126
00:05:56,872 --> 00:05:59,123
I even got an extra
whipped-cream can.
127
00:05:59,146 --> 00:06:02,263
One for baking, one for
directly-into-mouth.
128
00:06:02,271 --> 00:06:04,145
Oh, you know me so well.
129
00:06:06,258 --> 00:06:07,796
That might be one of the kids.
130
00:06:08,414 --> 00:06:12,201
Hi, Leslie. Elise Yarktin from
the Indiana Organization of Women.
131
00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:14,670
Oh, my goodness!
Elise, please come in.
132
00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:18,456
Wait! Are you here to give me
the Woman of the Year award?
133
00:06:18,471 --> 00:06:21,448
I have a speech prepared. Would
you like to see it right now?
134
00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:23,232
No. Leslie, we
were thrilled
135
00:06:23,254 --> 00:06:25,830
to find out you were boycotting
that ridiculous Pie-mary,
136
00:06:25,845 --> 00:06:28,621
but we just got word
you've decided to enter?
137
00:06:28,644 --> 00:06:32,006
Yeah. Well, I agree that it's dumb,
but this is not about me.
138
00:06:32,029 --> 00:06:35,623
It's about Ben, and he will do
more for women than Hartwell.
139
00:06:35,638 --> 00:06:38,997
So, you know, lose a battle, win the war.
That kind of thing. It's the way to go.
140
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:42,951
Look, the Pie-mary is retrogressive
and misogynistic, and if you participate,
141
00:06:42,973 --> 00:06:46,576
we will have no choice but
to protest you and Ben at the event.
142
00:06:46,598 --> 00:06:48,531
Hope you like pies...
143
00:06:48,555 --> 00:06:50,291
in yo' face.
144
00:06:50,874 --> 00:06:52,445
Metaphorically.
We'll be civil.
145
00:06:52,468 --> 00:06:55,758
Elise, there is no bigger
defender of gender equality
146
00:06:55,773 --> 00:06:57,772
than Leslie Knope,
and my husband, Ben,
147
00:06:57,795 --> 00:07:00,952
is a progressive champion
of women's rights.
148
00:07:00,975 --> 00:07:02,483
Babe, the oven's ready.
149
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,491
Chop-chop!
Time to get baking.
150
00:07:04,506 --> 00:07:06,426
Daddy want pie!
151
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,521
Hi. Ben Wyatt.
152
00:07:10,542 --> 00:07:13,048
We have a wonderfully
small number of clues.
153
00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,396
One is this ticket.
154
00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:17,338
Did you see this movie
about vampires and such?
155
00:07:17,346 --> 00:07:20,338
New Moon?
Yeah, I saw it with April.
156
00:07:20,354 --> 00:07:23,372
She was so hopped up on painkillers
from getting her wisdom teeth out,
157
00:07:23,395 --> 00:07:24,943
I convinced her
to see it with me.
158
00:07:24,951 --> 00:07:26,975
The teeth!
They're yours.
159
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,401
You were super out of it.
160
00:07:28,426 --> 00:07:31,934
You kept yelling, "Team Voldemort!"
at the screen, and we were kicked out.
161
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:33,447
I was furious.
162
00:07:33,818 --> 00:07:36,983
You only get to see the second Twilight
film for the seventh time once.
163
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,256
Do you remember
anything about a key
164
00:07:39,279 --> 00:07:42,248
or April doing anything
unusual that day?
165
00:07:42,263 --> 00:07:45,371
She did make us stop by
the shoe-shine stand before she left,
166
00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:47,816
because she wanted to drop
something off for Andy.
167
00:07:47,831 --> 00:07:49,582
She had a real bad
crush on him.
168
00:07:49,597 --> 00:07:53,456
Oh, babe! You had
a crush on me!
169
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:54,964
That's embarrassing.
170
00:07:54,979 --> 00:07:57,022
- We're married.
- Still!
171
00:07:57,045 --> 00:07:58,749
To the shoe-shine stand!
172
00:07:58,764 --> 00:08:01,233
- Stop! Stop!
- Ooh, chase me!
173
00:08:05,283 --> 00:08:06,800
Garry, what the hell
are you doing?
174
00:08:06,823 --> 00:08:10,542
Oh, gosh. Well, I dropped my
wedding ring down this grate,
175
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,136
and then I was trying
to get it out,
176
00:08:12,151 --> 00:08:15,587
and I dropped my keys down
there too, so I can't leave.
177
00:08:15,612 --> 00:08:17,638
Damn. This takes me back.
178
00:08:17,656 --> 00:08:21,699
- You mind if I stay and watch?
- Oh, not at all. Appreciate the company.
179
00:08:21,724 --> 00:08:23,376
The I.O.W. does
not mess around,
180
00:08:23,391 --> 00:08:26,391
which, normally, is why I love them,
but now I'm on the other side.
181
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:29,304
Oh, my God, Ben! I gave them
$100 in their annual pledge.
182
00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:32,000
Do you know how many anti-me
signs that could buy?
183
00:08:32,015 --> 00:08:34,601
You just don't do
the pie contest, obviously.
184
00:08:34,616 --> 00:08:36,344
Then we're just back
where we started.
185
00:08:36,366 --> 00:08:39,521
Then it just seems like I'm saying
I'm better than the women who bake.
186
00:08:39,546 --> 00:08:41,280
What should we do?
Should we get a divorce?
187
00:08:41,295 --> 00:08:42,921
Well, how about this?
188
00:08:43,259 --> 00:08:48,212
What if I register for the contest?
I bake the pie. I act as my own wife.
189
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:51,447
Oh, that could work.
We sidestep the controversy,
190
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:54,504
we refocus the campaign
onto the actual candidate,
191
00:08:54,518 --> 00:08:57,354
and then we flip the antiquated
tradition right on its head.
192
00:08:57,376 --> 00:09:00,041
Exactly, but more
importantly,
193
00:09:00,049 --> 00:09:03,863
we change the idea
of what a pie is.
194
00:09:04,372 --> 00:09:06,031
I feel like
that's not more important,
195
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,413
but I-I like the energy
that we have, so let's hear it.
196
00:09:08,433 --> 00:09:09,593
Okay. Picture this.
197
00:09:09,609 --> 00:09:13,500
Crust on the bottom,
filling, crust on top.
198
00:09:13,523 --> 00:09:15,674
- What am I describing?
- A pie.
199
00:09:15,698 --> 00:09:18,448
No, but you're
in the right zone.
200
00:09:18,463 --> 00:09:19,314
Oh.
201
00:09:19,339 --> 00:09:21,006
- Calzone!
- Sure.
202
00:09:21,024 --> 00:09:25,754
Pies are just sweet calzones, honey,
and I'm good at making calzones.
203
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,000
You're amazing.
204
00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:29,559
- I can win this thing.
- Of course you can, baby!
205
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:31,178
Get in there
and start baking!
206
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:33,371
♪ Talk about the highway ♪
207
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:36,569
♪ To the calzone-zone! ♪
208
00:09:37,796 --> 00:09:40,398
I am having some
serious déjà vu.
209
00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:42,498
- How many times have you lost
your wedding ring? - Oh, G--
210
00:09:44,222 --> 00:09:45,995
Too many times to count.
211
00:09:46,011 --> 00:09:47,996
And it causes real
trouble with Gayle.
212
00:09:48,011 --> 00:09:51,667
Yeah, I mean, anytime I lose my ring,
she turns into a real grumpy goose.
213
00:09:51,682 --> 00:09:53,066
- Is that so?
- Oh, yeah.
214
00:09:53,082 --> 00:09:53,935
She'll say, you know,
215
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,788
"Garry, you'd lose your head if
it wasn't screwed on tight."
216
00:09:56,813 --> 00:10:00,442
And then she makes me go for the fresh
oranges for the morning OJ.
217
00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:03,604
Yeah, I mean, she says,
"Hey, Mr. Forgetful."
218
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,203
Well, I mean,
those words--
219
00:10:06,217 --> 00:10:07,947
I mean, they rattle
around here for hours.
220
00:10:07,962 --> 00:10:09,460
That's why I've got
to be extra careful
221
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,781
with this replacement ring,
because if I lost--
222
00:10:17,455 --> 00:10:20,033
I'm gonna order
us some dinner.
223
00:10:22,741 --> 00:10:24,568
The shoe-shine
stand is gone...
224
00:10:24,584 --> 00:10:27,185
or maybe it was
never here.
225
00:10:27,204 --> 00:10:29,282
They must have moved
it during the remodel.
226
00:10:29,290 --> 00:10:31,314
It's probably
in basement storage.
227
00:10:31,336 --> 00:10:32,524
To the basement!
228
00:10:36,499 --> 00:10:38,140
- Tighter!
- Are you sure, dude?
229
00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:40,141
Yeah, dude. Tighter.
I can do it.
230
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,260
Do what exactly?
231
00:10:41,279 --> 00:10:43,029
Nothing. We're not
doing anything.
232
00:10:43,052 --> 00:10:45,341
And we definitely do not
live down here now.
233
00:10:45,364 --> 00:10:47,755
Guys, where's the old
shoe-shine stand from upstairs?
234
00:10:47,778 --> 00:10:49,326
We don't know anything
about that.
235
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:51,477
Boys, think.
We are on a quest,
236
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:53,914
and we are not leaving
until we get an answer.
237
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,588
Well, we're on
our own quest,
238
00:10:55,595 --> 00:10:57,707
which is to squeeze this
just tight enough
239
00:10:57,714 --> 00:11:01,232
to make my eyes bulge out a little
bit, but not so tight that I die.
240
00:11:01,247 --> 00:11:04,096
Oh, I've been there.
That's a real tightrope walk.
241
00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:06,176
Oh! Hey!
242
00:11:06,196 --> 00:11:09,774
Last week this real scary ghost
came down here looking for it.
243
00:11:09,797 --> 00:11:13,071
It had black hair, but you
could see through its skin,
244
00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:16,720
and it didn't like me, but that's just
'cause I got a soul of a Ghostbuster.
245
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:20,439
Yeah, it said something about how it
was worried Brett was gonna mug it.
246
00:11:20,454 --> 00:11:23,775
Okay, so we're looking
for a racist ghost
247
00:11:23,798 --> 00:11:26,048
with black hair
who likes shoe shines.
248
00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:29,051
I think I have the answer.
The chase continues!
249
00:11:30,739 --> 00:11:34,091
Okay, wait. The time that you told
us you were mugged in the park,
250
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,868
what were you
reaching for in the river?
251
00:11:35,889 --> 00:11:37,835
- A burrito.
- That's right!
252
00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:40,695
You fell in the river
reaching for a burrito.
253
00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:43,156
Yes, ma'am, that was not
one of my finer moments.
254
00:11:44,139 --> 00:11:46,155
Ooh, it's getting late.
We need to bounce.
255
00:11:46,178 --> 00:11:48,019
- I can give you a ride.
- Oh, thank you, Donna.
256
00:11:48,044 --> 00:11:51,005
Probably gonna get an earful
when I get home tonight.
257
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:53,293
Gayle might even call me
the B word.
258
00:11:54,078 --> 00:11:55,068
"Bozo."
259
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:56,386
- Wow.
- Mm.
260
00:11:56,399 --> 00:11:58,462
We are very
different people.
261
00:12:00,114 --> 00:12:01,724
Did you hear
back from Elise?
262
00:12:01,749 --> 00:12:04,587
Oh, yeah, we're good. The I.O.W.
is not gonna protest us.
263
00:12:04,603 --> 00:12:06,368
How's your pie?
264
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:08,298
I don't know.
I didn't make a pie.
265
00:12:09,026 --> 00:12:11,447
Okay. How is your
dessert calzone?
266
00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:12,665
It's ready.
267
00:12:12,676 --> 00:12:15,115
The question is, are they?
268
00:12:15,639 --> 00:12:19,905
All right. Our next contestant is
candidate Ben Wyatt's wife, Leslie.
269
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,186
Let's see what Mrs. Wyatt
has baked up for us, shall we?
270
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:26,975
It's actually Ms. Knope, and,
actually, right now it's Mr. Wyatt.
271
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,570
Leslie has her own busy life,
272
00:12:28,577 --> 00:12:30,813
and I happen to be
an excellent pie maker,
273
00:12:30,828 --> 00:12:33,126
so we figured
we'd switch it up a bit.
274
00:12:33,151 --> 00:12:34,904
Now, pack your suitcases,
275
00:12:34,919 --> 00:12:38,553
because we're going
to a little town
276
00:12:38,576 --> 00:12:42,053
called a-Napoli
in Ital-y.
277
00:12:42,076 --> 00:12:45,181
Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt!
278
00:12:45,204 --> 00:12:47,181
Excuse me.
Free me from what?
279
00:12:47,188 --> 00:12:49,454
From the tyranny of women.
280
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:50,767
We are the Male Men.
281
00:12:50,790 --> 00:12:54,165
We are a men's rights activist
group, and we are fed up!
282
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,891
I'm sorry.
What's happening now?
283
00:12:55,909 --> 00:13:01,347
Behind every successful woman
is a man she has oppressed.
284
00:13:01,366 --> 00:13:04,334
First, Leslie Knope poaches
her husband's campaign
285
00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:06,015
by making it all about her.
286
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:09,871
Now she's forcing him to bake
pies and enter a contest for her?
287
00:13:09,886 --> 00:13:12,398
Oh, excuse me! I'm not
forcing him to do anything.
288
00:13:12,421 --> 00:13:13,734
He loves to cook.
289
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:16,633
He--he has five
personalized aprons.
290
00:13:16,647 --> 00:13:20,383
Oh, so I guess he was asking for it
because of the way he was dressed.
291
00:13:20,406 --> 00:13:25,172
We are sick and tired
of this feminized society!
292
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:29,468
Men have had a very rough go
of it for--just recently,
293
00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:32,079
and it ends now!
294
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,931
Male and proud!
295
00:13:33,944 --> 00:13:37,078
Male and proud! Male and proud!
296
00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:42,518
Leslie Knope exemplifies
the feminist attack on our values.
297
00:13:42,533 --> 00:13:45,808
She could learn a little something
about traditional family structure
298
00:13:45,823 --> 00:13:47,603
from me and my
husband, Marshall.
299
00:13:47,623 --> 00:13:49,678
Um, fierce alert!
Eat 'em up, honey!
300
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:53,794
The idea that feminism is an attack
on family values is absurd.
301
00:13:53,809 --> 00:13:56,144
Ooh, so you're defending
Leslie Knope.
302
00:13:56,163 --> 00:13:57,890
No. Absolutely not.
303
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,251
Frankly, I don't
think she's done enough
304
00:13:59,266 --> 00:14:02,220
to distance herself
from this misogynistic lunacy.
305
00:14:02,235 --> 00:14:04,760
Let's turn, now,
to Sasha Dunkirk.
306
00:14:04,783 --> 00:14:08,182
She is head of the group
Women Against Feminism.
307
00:14:08,189 --> 00:14:10,229
What a surprise!
308
00:14:10,244 --> 00:14:13,752
The woman is only talking
to other women.
309
00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:18,408
Can we have one conversation about
feminism where men get to be in charge?
310
00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:20,385
I actually agree with him.
311
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:21,947
I don't need your pity.
312
00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:27,432
Joan, Leslie Knope and I are united
in our disgust of this week's events.
313
00:14:27,447 --> 00:14:31,033
Leslie, if you're watching,
I, Brandi Maxxxx,
314
00:14:31,048 --> 00:14:35,518
star of 69 Jump Street
and 50 Shaved Old Gays,
315
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,609
have your back.
316
00:14:36,634 --> 00:14:37,564
Oof!
317
00:14:37,588 --> 00:14:39,655
Really stepped in it
this time, Knope.
318
00:14:39,662 --> 00:14:42,939
Why isn't the other candidate's wife
being scrutinized like this?
319
00:14:42,963 --> 00:14:46,549
Because June Hartwell
is a lukewarm bowl of nothing.
320
00:14:46,564 --> 00:14:49,002
She started an awareness campaign
called "Bring a Sweater."
321
00:14:49,017 --> 00:14:50,807
She calls it
goose-bump prevention.
322
00:14:50,822 --> 00:14:52,381
Come on, you guys,
you know the drill.
323
00:14:52,402 --> 00:14:54,027
Just ignore the fact
that you're right,
324
00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:58,021
put on your blandest outfits,
so that one, hopefully,
325
00:14:58,036 --> 00:15:00,676
and then just go out there
and publicly apologize. Done.
326
00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:02,904
- What?
- Apologize for what?
327
00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:05,079
Doesn't matter.
Just say you're sorry.
328
00:15:05,102 --> 00:15:08,230
It's like taking a shot of tequila.
You just got to force it down.
329
00:15:08,246 --> 00:15:10,607
Suddenly, the world feels
so much more pleasant.
330
00:15:10,623 --> 00:15:13,124
I do three shots every time
I have to enter this house.
331
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,789
Donna, what are you
doing here so early?
332
00:15:18,797 --> 00:15:20,361
I come bearing gifts.
333
00:15:20,376 --> 00:15:23,908
First off, I got a dude in maintenance
to open up that grate this morning.
334
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,651
So here's your rings,
keys, credit cards,
335
00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:29,417
and I found some heart medicine
I assume is yours.
336
00:15:29,432 --> 00:15:31,643
Yeah, no, that's mine.
That's mine. Oh, my gosh.
337
00:15:31,659 --> 00:15:35,503
Also, I thought I'd bring over some
fresh oranges for you and Gayle.
338
00:15:35,525 --> 00:15:38,814
Okay, well, that is just
so kind, Donna. Thank you.
339
00:15:38,839 --> 00:15:40,675
- You're one of a kind, Garry.
- Oh.
340
00:15:40,697 --> 00:15:43,534
And I just want to thank you
for taking me down memory lane,
341
00:15:43,549 --> 00:15:44,993
you big B word.
342
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,879
- Oh.
- "Buddy."
343
00:15:48,869 --> 00:15:51,439
So much has changed
around here.
344
00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:54,736
Uhh, I just wanted to remember
the good old days,
345
00:15:54,751 --> 00:15:57,038
when a shoe shine
was two bits
346
00:15:57,058 --> 00:16:00,669
and there were no Mexicans
in the music business.
347
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:04,972
If you don't mind, Councilman Milton,
we just need to search this stand.
348
00:16:04,987 --> 00:16:07,054
Yes! Found it.
349
00:16:09,832 --> 00:16:12,957
"Hi, Andy. I hate people,
but you are okay.
350
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,250
It's weird. Woof, woof.
April."
351
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:17,882
Oh, my God, babe, you were so into me.
That's hilarious.
352
00:16:17,898 --> 00:16:18,881
That's it.
353
00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:21,707
It's a dead end.
No more clues.
354
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,434
See me in my office.
355
00:16:26,078 --> 00:16:29,924
If it makes you feel any better,
I had a big crush on you too.
356
00:16:30,654 --> 00:16:33,164
It does make me feel
a little better. Thanks.
357
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,190
Oh, thank God.
358
00:16:35,658 --> 00:16:37,119
Get off my boat!
359
00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:40,102
Good afternoon.
360
00:16:40,117 --> 00:16:42,310
I'm here today
to share with you all
361
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:45,787
my vision for the economic
future of Southern Indiana,
362
00:16:45,802 --> 00:16:49,009
but first, Leslie
Knope, my wife...
363
00:16:49,739 --> 00:16:51,106
has a brief statement.
364
00:16:51,122 --> 00:16:53,292
Hello, everyone.
Thank you. Wow.
365
00:16:53,315 --> 00:16:55,362
How about this weather
we're having?
366
00:16:55,373 --> 00:16:57,147
Very temperate.
367
00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:59,614
Okay. Recently, I made
an attempt to--
368
00:16:59,639 --> 00:17:01,655
Actually, hang on. Stop.
369
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:05,903
I'm sorry. This whole thing
just makes me queasy
370
00:17:06,556 --> 00:17:08,987
I love how independent
my wife is,
371
00:17:09,002 --> 00:17:12,643
and because of that,
I will not let her speak.
372
00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:17,401
That came out wrong. The point
is Leslie is a great mother,
373
00:17:17,408 --> 00:17:20,143
public servant,
all-around person,
374
00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:23,456
and I am tired of everybody
constantly telling her
375
00:17:23,463 --> 00:17:26,063
that she's making
the wrong choice.
376
00:17:27,085 --> 00:17:28,732
So you can say
whatever you want.
377
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,787
I couldn't care less about
the political consequences.
378
00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:34,751
Thank you, Ben.
379
00:17:34,768 --> 00:17:37,208
Well, the first thing
I'm gonna do is say sorry.
380
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:41,152
I'm sorry that the spotlight
is on me and not on Ben,
381
00:17:41,172 --> 00:17:44,117
because he is going to make
a great congressman.
382
00:17:44,142 --> 00:17:46,970
Second, the Male Men.
Where are you? Ah!
383
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,055
You're ridiculous,
and men's rights is nothing.
384
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,564
Third, I'm now gonna give you
permanent answers
385
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:54,005
to all the silly questions that
you're gonna end up asking me
386
00:17:54,028 --> 00:17:56,409
and every other woman in this
election over the next few months.
387
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:58,295
Why did I change
my hairstyle?
388
00:17:58,302 --> 00:18:00,287
Well, I don't know, I just
thought it would look better.
389
00:18:00,302 --> 00:18:02,350
Or my kids got gum in it.
390
00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:04,215
Are you trying
to have it all?
391
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,397
That question makes no sense.
It's a stupid question.
392
00:18:06,412 --> 00:18:07,686
Stop asking it.
Don't ask it.
393
00:18:07,693 --> 00:18:09,412
Do you miss your kids
while you're at work?
394
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:13,182
Yes, of course I do.
Everybody does.
395
00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:14,982
And then, you know,
sometimes I don't.
396
00:18:14,997 --> 00:18:17,629
Yeah, and by the way, no one's
ever asked me that question.
397
00:18:17,652 --> 00:18:19,488
No one asks me,
"Where are your kids?"
398
00:18:19,496 --> 00:18:20,968
Or "Who's taking
care of them?"
399
00:18:20,983 --> 00:18:22,881
By the way, who is taking care
of the kids right now?
400
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:24,057
My mom, babe.
Everything's fine.
401
00:18:24,065 --> 00:18:26,348
Right. So maybe
Leslie doesn't fit
402
00:18:26,363 --> 00:18:30,225
your personal idea of what
a candidate's wife should be.
403
00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:31,141
So what?
404
00:18:31,155 --> 00:18:34,288
That's good, because there
shouldn't be just one idea anyway.
405
00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:36,372
That's right. If you want
to bake a pie, that's great.
406
00:18:36,396 --> 00:18:38,378
If you want to have a career,
that's great too.
407
00:18:38,392 --> 00:18:40,491
Do both or neither.
It doesn't matter.
408
00:18:40,506 --> 00:18:43,563
Just don't judge what someone
else has decided to do.
409
00:18:43,578 --> 00:18:46,181
I mean, we're all just trying
to find the right path for us
410
00:18:46,201 --> 00:18:49,214
as individuals on this Earth.
411
00:18:55,324 --> 00:18:57,397
I'd say that's 50/50
boos and cheers.
412
00:18:57,412 --> 00:18:58,412
Yeah, that seems about right.
413
00:18:58,427 --> 00:19:01,558
Let Ben speak!
Let Ben speak!
414
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:02,824
He just spoke.
415
00:19:02,839 --> 00:19:07,046
Oh. Sorry. I-I just got here. I had
a broken bike chain. My bad.
416
00:19:18,665 --> 00:19:25,725
So I guess we are celebrating that
you trusted me and I let you down.
417
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:26,414
Great.
418
00:19:26,429 --> 00:19:29,695
I change my house locks
every 16 days.
419
00:19:29,709 --> 00:19:31,171
That key has been useless
420
00:19:31,179 --> 00:19:34,742
since the second Tuesday
after I gave it to you.
421
00:19:34,749 --> 00:19:37,343
What matters is
that I trust you
422
00:19:37,358 --> 00:19:39,522
and admire you
as a person.
423
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:44,419
I will be sorry to see you leave
this town for many reasons...
424
00:19:45,492 --> 00:19:50,224
not the least of which is that you created
a puzzle that even I couldn't solve.
425
00:19:50,985 --> 00:19:55,016
And boy, oh, boy,
did you love Andy.
426
00:19:56,727 --> 00:19:59,399
"Woof, woof."
427
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:01,196
It really is embarrassing.
428
00:20:01,211 --> 00:20:03,278
Oh, my God. I totally
know where the key is.
429
00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:12,700
How'd you remember?
430
00:20:13,259 --> 00:20:14,618
"Woof, woof."
431
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,088
Bark.
432
00:20:17,713 --> 00:20:19,349
Why here?
433
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:23,304
Because this tree
reminds me of you.
434
00:20:23,319 --> 00:20:26,258
It's strong and quiet
435
00:20:26,272 --> 00:20:29,242
and always here
when you need it...
436
00:20:30,473 --> 00:20:31,882
or whatever.
437
00:20:32,594 --> 00:20:35,137
I have always felt a certain
kinship with April,
438
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,583
and this is proof
that I was correct--
439
00:20:37,598 --> 00:20:40,008
not the nice things
she said about me,
440
00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:44,601
the fact that I buried a large amount
of gold under that same tree years ago.
441
00:20:46,029 --> 00:20:47,781
I've since moved it.
442
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:50,129
Or have I?
443
00:20:52,287 --> 00:20:53,731
- Elise.
- Oh...
444
00:20:53,756 --> 00:20:55,099
What did I do wrong now?
445
00:20:55,107 --> 00:20:59,980
No, actually, we at the I.O.W. loved
what you said in your speech.
446
00:21:00,005 --> 00:21:04,107
- Really? - But what we loved
even more was how you, Ben,
447
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:07,714
gave Leslie a platform
in which to speak her mind.
448
00:21:09,041 --> 00:21:10,729
Congratulations, Ben Wyatt.
449
00:21:10,745 --> 00:21:14,237
You are this year's I.O.W.
Woman of the Year.
450
00:21:14,252 --> 00:21:15,940
Son of a bitch.
451
00:21:15,952 --> 00:21:22,952
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