1
00:00:33,936 --> 00:00:35,937
T-T-T-This is just
sloppy craftsmanship.

2
00:00:36,021 --> 00:00:37,355
Hey, Rick.

3
00:00:37,439 --> 00:00:40,608
Boy, sure is really especially
beautiful out there today, huh?

4
00:00:40,693 --> 00:00:41,901
Oh, yes, Morty.

5
00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:43,778
L-it's almost unbelievable,
isn't it?

6
00:00:43,862 --> 00:00:44,904
Yeah, you know?

7
00:00:44,989 --> 00:00:46,229
There's something about the air

8
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,865
and just the way the sunshine is.

9
00:00:47,950 --> 00:00:48,950
Uh, sure, buddy. Yeah.

10
00:00:48,951 --> 00:00:50,618
Sure. B-brilliant. Very convincing.

11
00:00:50,703 --> 00:00:51,703
Wha... convincing?

12
00:00:51,704 --> 00:00:52,787
Oh. Responsive, too.

13
00:00:52,871 --> 00:00:54,163
In real time. I love it.

14
00:00:54,248 --> 00:00:55,832
Uhh... okay.

15
00:00:55,916 --> 00:00:57,116
[ robotic ] I'm going to work.

16
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:58,501
Morty, good morning.

17
00:00:58,586 --> 00:00:59,627
Dad, good morning.

18
00:00:59,712 --> 00:01:01,588
I am going to work. Goodbye.

19
00:01:01,672 --> 00:01:03,089
What's with mom?

20
00:01:03,173 --> 00:01:04,591
Oh, what's with mom?

21
00:01:04,675 --> 00:01:06,509
So, you're saying that
she's acting weird?

22
00:01:06,594 --> 00:01:08,094
How soph[burps]isticated.

23
00:01:08,178 --> 00:01:09,387
Careful, guys.

24
00:01:09,471 --> 00:01:11,264
You're gonna burn out
the CPU with this one.

25
00:01:11,348 --> 00:01:12,557
Okay, you know what, Rick?

26
00:01:12,641 --> 00:01:13,725
You're acting weird, too.

27
00:01:13,809 --> 00:01:16,561
Whatever,
quote-unquote "Morty."

28
00:01:16,645 --> 00:01:17,812
All right, well...

29
00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:19,147
I'll see you after school.

30
00:01:19,231 --> 00:01:20,982
Ow! Oof! Ugh!

31
00:01:21,066 --> 00:01:22,066
Damn it!

32
00:01:22,151 --> 00:01:23,318
I'm all right. I'm okay.

33
00:01:23,402 --> 00:01:25,570
[ slurps ]

34
00:01:25,654 --> 00:01:28,823
All right, who can tell
me what 5 x 9 is?

35
00:01:28,907 --> 00:01:30,533
[ students whispering ]

36
00:01:30,618 --> 00:01:31,451
Morty?

37
00:01:31,535 --> 00:01:32,410
Uh, me?

38
00:01:32,494 --> 00:01:33,661
What is 5 x 9?

39
00:01:33,746 --> 00:01:36,831
Umm... you know,
it's uhh ...at least 40.

40
00:01:36,915 --> 00:01:37,999
[ students gasp ]

41
00:01:38,083 --> 00:01:40,293
Morty, that's exactly correct!

42
00:01:40,377 --> 00:01:42,879
5 x 9 is at least 40!

43
00:01:42,963 --> 00:01:43,838
Come up here.

44
00:01:43,922 --> 00:01:45,256
Whoo! Way to go, Morty!

45
00:01:45,341 --> 00:01:47,717
Everybody,
this is the best student.

46
00:01:47,801 --> 00:01:49,719
I want you to be
the teacher today.

47
00:01:49,803 --> 00:01:51,179
Teach us, Morty!

48
00:01:51,263 --> 00:01:52,430
Interesting.

49
00:01:52,514 --> 00:01:53,890
W-w-w-what do you
want me to teach you?

50
00:01:53,974 --> 00:01:55,016
Ooh, ooh!

51
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:56,851
How do you make
concentrated dark matter?

52
00:01:56,935 --> 00:01:58,102
Oh, that's a good question.

53
00:01:58,187 --> 00:01:59,520
Concentrated huh?

54
00:01:59,605 --> 00:02:00,730
Concentrated dark matter...

55
00:02:00,814 --> 00:02:03,316
the fuel for accelerated
space travel.

56
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,400
Now, do you know how to make it?

57
00:02:04,485 --> 00:02:05,360
Umm...

58
00:02:05,444 --> 00:02:06,444
JESSICA:
Come on, Morty.

59
00:02:06,445 --> 00:02:08,613
Isn't your grandpa,
like, a scientist?

60
00:02:08,697 --> 00:02:11,240
Oh, yeah, but, you know,
he told me that I shouldn't go

61
00:02:11,325 --> 00:02:13,951
around spouting off about, you
know, his science and stuff.

62
00:02:14,036 --> 00:02:17,038
I bet you've seen him make
concentrated dark matter a lot.

63
00:02:17,122 --> 00:02:20,291
You know, if you tell us,
I'll be your girlfriend.

64
00:02:20,376 --> 00:02:21,459
Uh, y-you will?

65
00:02:21,543 --> 00:02:23,461
Seems like a rare opportunity,
Morty.

66
00:02:23,545 --> 00:02:24,837
[ blam! ]

67
00:02:24,922 --> 00:02:26,673
Morty, u-uh, come on.
There's a family emergency.

68
00:02:26,757 --> 00:02:27,840
Stop right there!

69
00:02:27,925 --> 00:02:29,050
If he leaves,
I'm giving him an "F."

70
00:02:29,134 --> 00:02:30,134
RICK:
He doesn't care.

71
00:02:30,177 --> 00:02:31,177
Aw, man!

72
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:32,553
Rick, I have to go back!

73
00:02:32,638 --> 00:02:34,013
I think I was about
to get married!

74
00:02:34,098 --> 00:02:35,181
Ugh! Take a shower with me,
Morty.

75
00:02:35,265 --> 00:02:36,099
What?!

76
00:02:36,183 --> 00:02:37,392
Listen to me, Morty.

77
00:02:37,476 --> 00:02:39,268
Get your clothes off and
get in the shower right now.

78
00:02:39,353 --> 00:02:41,062
Y-y-y-you got to
trust me, Morty.

79
00:02:41,146 --> 00:02:42,146
Ugh!

80
00:02:42,189 --> 00:02:43,481
I'm gonna get an
"F" in class, Rick.

81
00:02:43,565 --> 00:02:44,691
Morty, that's not class.

82
00:02:44,775 --> 00:02:46,234
T-T-T-That wasn't your teacher.

83
00:02:46,318 --> 00:02:47,485
This isn't your school.

84
00:02:47,569 --> 00:02:49,112
This entire world
is not the world.

85
00:02:49,196 --> 00:02:51,596
We're inside a huge simulation
chamber on an alien spaceship.

86
00:02:51,657 --> 00:02:52,657
Wait a minute.

87
00:02:52,658 --> 00:02:53,825
W-what are you talking about?

88
00:02:53,909 --> 00:02:55,743
It's all fake [burps] Morty...
all of it.

89
00:02:55,828 --> 00:02:59,580
Nanobotic renderings, a bunch
of crazy fake nonsense, Morty.

90
00:02:59,665 --> 00:03:01,425
I couldn't say so until
we got in the shower.

91
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,709
They won't monitor us in here.

92
00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,293
Monitor us?! W-who?!

93
00:03:04,378 --> 00:03:05,795
Zigerion scammers, Morty...

94
00:03:05,879 --> 00:03:08,965
the Galaxy's most ambitious,
least successful con artists.

95
00:03:09,049 --> 00:03:11,217
You know, it's lucky for
us they're also really

96
00:03:11,301 --> 00:03:12,341
uncomfortable with nudity.

97
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:13,511
Aw, come on, Rick.

98
00:03:13,595 --> 00:03:14,846
If everyone's just
gonna be insane today,

99
00:03:14,930 --> 00:03:16,973
at least let me be
insane with Jessica.

100
00:03:17,057 --> 00:03:18,015
I can't [burps] let
you do that, Morty.

101
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:18,891
Give it to me!

102
00:03:18,976 --> 00:03:19,767
No! [ burps ]

103
00:03:19,852 --> 00:03:20,685
You give it to me!

104
00:03:20,769 --> 00:03:22,603
G-g-give it! No, Rick!

105
00:03:30,154 --> 00:03:31,320
[ aliens groaning ]

106
00:03:31,405 --> 00:03:33,072
Oh, God, Sir!
They're still naked!

107
00:03:33,157 --> 00:03:34,615
Ugh.

108
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:36,951
Well, check every five Quintons
and tell me when they're not.

109
00:03:37,035 --> 00:03:39,245
I think we should
make Kevin look, sir.

110
00:03:39,329 --> 00:03:40,329
What?! No!

111
00:03:40,372 --> 00:03:41,789
W-w-why would you even say that?

112
00:03:41,874 --> 00:03:43,916
Uh, sir, we have
a situation over here.

113
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:45,543
If there's a wiener on that
monitor,

114
00:03:45,627 --> 00:03:47,128
I swear to god, Stu...

115
00:03:47,212 --> 00:03:49,130
something is drawing a
lot of processing power.

116
00:03:49,214 --> 00:03:50,381
Oh, wait. No wonder.

117
00:03:50,466 --> 00:03:52,842
There's another real
human in the simulator.

118
00:03:52,926 --> 00:03:55,178
Okay, Jerry...
big pitch meeting.

119
00:03:55,262 --> 00:03:56,387
Make-or-break time.

120
00:03:56,472 --> 00:03:57,472
[ whirring]

121
00:03:57,473 --> 00:03:58,473
You can do this.

122
00:03:58,474 --> 00:03:59,515
How did this happen?!

123
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,017
Where's the
Abductions Department?

124
00:04:01,101 --> 00:04:03,644
Hey, man, Abductions just
follows the acquisition order.

125
00:04:03,729 --> 00:04:05,146
Don't put this on Acquisitions!

126
00:04:05,230 --> 00:04:07,774
We only acquire humans that
haven't been simulated!

127
00:04:07,858 --> 00:04:10,568
Well, simulations doesn't
simulate anybody that's been

128
00:04:10,652 --> 00:04:12,779
abducted,
so [chuckles] oh, I see!

129
00:04:12,863 --> 00:04:14,155
Oh, oh!
It was no one's fault.

130
00:04:14,239 --> 00:04:15,406
Oh, okay. [ chuckles ]

131
00:04:15,491 --> 00:04:16,657
I'm sorry.
Well, then, problem solved.

132
00:04:16,742 --> 00:04:17,784
Oh, wait... no.

133
00:04:17,868 --> 00:04:19,827
There's still another
human in here!

134
00:04:19,912 --> 00:04:21,245
Who is he?

135
00:04:21,330 --> 00:04:22,830
Rick's son-in-law,
Jerry Smith.

136
00:04:22,915 --> 00:04:25,708
So far, he hasn't noticed
he's in a simulation.

137
00:04:25,793 --> 00:04:26,793
[ sighs ]

138
00:04:26,877 --> 00:04:28,357
Well, cap his sector at 5%
processing,

139
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,546
keep his settings on auto, and
we'll deal with him later.

140
00:04:30,631 --> 00:04:32,757
Rick Sanchez is the target.

141
00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:36,344
[ inhales deeply ] Got to relax.

142
00:04:36,428 --> 00:04:37,720
It's just a pitch.

143
00:04:37,805 --> 00:04:39,055
Got to relax.

144
00:04:39,139 --> 00:04:39,931
[ click ]

145
00:04:40,015 --> 00:04:40,848
[ static ]

146
00:04:40,933 --> 00:04:42,391
This is Earth radio.

147
00:04:42,476 --> 00:04:45,102
And now, here's... human music.

148
00:04:45,187 --> 00:04:48,314
[ repetitive rhythmic beeping]

149
00:04:48,398 --> 00:04:50,316
Hmm. Human music.

150
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,860
I like it.

151
00:04:52,945 --> 00:04:54,862
[ beeping continues]

152
00:05:02,704 --> 00:05:05,873
[ Rick and Morty panting ]

153
00:05:05,958 --> 00:05:06,958
Rick!

154
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:08,042
Uhp, uhp, uhp!

155
00:05:08,126 --> 00:05:09,418
Morty, keep your hands
off your ding-dong!

156
00:05:09,503 --> 00:05:10,983
It's the only way
we can speak freely.

157
00:05:11,004 --> 00:05:12,213
Look around you, Morty.

158
00:05:12,297 --> 00:05:14,340
Do you really think
this [burps] world is real?

159
00:05:14,424 --> 00:05:17,009
You'd have to be an idiot not to
notice all the sloppy details.

160
00:05:17,094 --> 00:05:19,220
Look... that guy's putting
a bun between two hot dogs.

161
00:05:19,304 --> 00:05:20,346
MORTY:
I don't know, Rick.

162
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:21,889
I mean, I've seen people
do that before.

163
00:05:21,974 --> 00:05:23,294
RICK:
Well, look at that old lady.

164
00:05:23,308 --> 00:05:24,934
She's... she's walking
a cat on a leash.

165
00:05:25,018 --> 00:05:26,936
Uh, Mrs. Spencer does
that all the time, Rick.

166
00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:29,355
Look, I-I-l don't want to
hear about Mrs. Spencer, Morty!

167
00:05:29,439 --> 00:05:30,523
She's an idiot!

168
00:05:30,607 --> 00:05:31,482
All right, all right, there.

169
00:05:31,567 --> 00:05:32,733
W-what about that, Morty?

170
00:05:32,818 --> 00:05:34,569
MORTY:
Okay, okay, you got me on that one.

171
00:05:34,653 --> 00:05:35,778
Oh, really, Morty?

172
00:05:35,863 --> 00:05:37,321
Are you sure you haven't
seen that somewhere

173
00:05:37,406 --> 00:05:38,281
in real life before?

174
00:05:38,365 --> 00:05:39,615
No, no.
I haven't seen that.

175
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:41,659
I mean, why would a
pop tart want to live inside

176
00:05:41,743 --> 00:05:43,077
a toaster, Rick?

177
00:05:43,161 --> 00:05:45,538
I mean, that would be, like, the
scariest place for them to live.

178
00:05:45,622 --> 00:05:46,664
You know what I mean?

179
00:05:46,748 --> 00:05:47,988
You're missing the point, Morty.

180
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,920
Why would he drive a smaller
toaster with wheels?

181
00:05:50,002 --> 00:05:52,522
I mean, does your car look like
a smaller version of your house?

182
00:05:52,588 --> 00:05:53,629
No.

183
00:05:53,714 --> 00:05:54,714
So, why are they doing this?

184
00:05:54,798 --> 00:05:55,882
W-what do they want?

185
00:05:55,966 --> 00:05:57,049
Well, that would be
obvious to you, Morty,

186
00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:58,374
if you'd been paying attention.

187
00:05:58,427 --> 00:05:59,594
[ siren wails ]

188
00:05:59,678 --> 00:06:00,928
[ tires screech ]

189
00:06:01,013 --> 00:06:02,847
We got the President of the
United States in here!

190
00:06:02,931 --> 00:06:05,766
We need 10cc of concentrated
dark matter, stat, or he'll die!

191
00:06:05,851 --> 00:06:07,810
Concentrated dark matter?

192
00:06:07,895 --> 00:06:09,520
They were asking
about that in class.

193
00:06:09,605 --> 00:06:11,272
Yeah, it's a special fuel I
invented to travel through

194
00:06:11,356 --> 00:06:12,982
space faster than anybody else.

195
00:06:13,066 --> 00:06:15,234
These Zigerions are always
trying to scam me out of my secrets,

196
00:06:15,319 --> 00:06:17,862
but they made a big
mistake this time, Morty.

197
00:06:17,946 --> 00:06:19,739
They dragged you into this.

198
00:06:19,823 --> 00:06:20,907
Now they're gonna pay!

199
00:06:20,991 --> 00:06:22,551
What do you...
w-w-what are we gonna do?

200
00:06:22,618 --> 00:06:24,535
We'll scam the scammers, Morty.

201
00:06:24,620 --> 00:06:27,330
And we're gonna take them for
everything they've got.

202
00:06:27,414 --> 00:06:30,041
JERRY:
National Apple Farmers of America,

203
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:32,209
welcome to our Ad Agency.

204
00:06:32,294 --> 00:06:34,211
I'm Jerry Smith.

205
00:06:35,339 --> 00:06:36,339
All right.

206
00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:37,715
I'll just... get to the pitch.

207
00:06:37,799 --> 00:06:41,761
Um, simple question, gentlemen,
[ hoarsely ] what are apples?

208
00:06:41,845 --> 00:06:43,179
[ clears throat ] Excuse me.

209
00:06:43,263 --> 00:06:44,972
Ahh.

210
00:06:45,057 --> 00:06:47,099
[ coughs, clears throat ]

211
00:06:47,184 --> 00:06:49,060
What are apples?

212
00:06:49,144 --> 00:06:51,729
Apples are food.

213
00:06:51,813 --> 00:06:54,315
And... when do we need food?

214
00:06:54,399 --> 00:06:56,275
When we're hungry.

215
00:06:57,444 --> 00:07:00,404
With that, I give
you your new slogan!

216
00:07:00,489 --> 00:07:01,989
[ sighs ]

217
00:07:02,074 --> 00:07:03,908
Well, say something!

218
00:07:03,992 --> 00:07:04,992
Do you like it?

219
00:07:05,077 --> 00:07:06,118
Yes.

220
00:07:06,203 --> 00:07:07,203
You do?

221
00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:08,245
ALL:
Yes.

222
00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:09,872
So... I sold it?

223
00:07:09,957 --> 00:07:11,874
[ laughs ] I sold the idea?

224
00:07:11,959 --> 00:07:12,959
ALL:
Yes.

225
00:07:13,001 --> 00:07:14,627
Oh, my god! Thank you!

226
00:07:14,711 --> 00:07:16,587
TOGETHER:
Thank you.

227
00:07:16,672 --> 00:07:17,672
You're welcome.

228
00:07:17,673 --> 00:07:20,675
[ "Baker Street" plays ]

229
00:07:21,969 --> 00:07:23,094
Hey!

230
00:07:23,178 --> 00:07:24,553
I just sold my first pitch!

231
00:07:24,638 --> 00:07:26,013
[ dialing ]

232
00:07:26,098 --> 00:07:27,223
Slow down! Lookin' good.

233
00:07:27,307 --> 00:07:28,391
My man!

234
00:07:28,475 --> 00:07:31,102
[ beeping, telephone ringing ]

235
00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:32,311
[robot] Hello.

236
00:07:32,396 --> 00:07:34,605
Guess who just sold
the apples campaign.

237
00:07:34,690 --> 00:07:36,315
Who just sold
the apples campaign?

238
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,775
Me!

239
00:07:37,859 --> 00:07:40,486
I guess it wasn't a rip-off
of "Got milk? " after all.

240
00:07:40,570 --> 00:07:42,363
Guess someone was wrong.

241
00:07:42,447 --> 00:07:43,531
Yes.

242
00:07:43,615 --> 00:07:45,074
Well, all is forgiven,
because right now,

243
00:07:45,158 --> 00:07:47,439
I've got an erection the size
of an East coast lighthouse,

244
00:07:47,494 --> 00:07:49,654
and I'm coming home to share
it with my beautiful wife.

245
00:07:49,663 --> 00:07:50,496
Okay.

246
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:51,372
Wait... really?

247
00:07:51,456 --> 00:07:52,289
Yes.

248
00:07:52,374 --> 00:07:54,125
Yes! See you in 10 minutes!

249
00:07:54,209 --> 00:07:55,209
[ cellphone beeps ] Hey!

250
00:07:55,252 --> 00:07:56,794
I'm going to make
love to my wife!

251
00:07:56,878 --> 00:07:58,212
Lookin' good.

252
00:07:58,296 --> 00:07:59,088
Slow down!

253
00:07:59,172 --> 00:08:00,047
My man!

254
00:08:00,132 --> 00:08:01,507
[ beeping ]

255
00:08:01,591 --> 00:08:02,842
Aw, geez, Rick.

256
00:08:02,926 --> 00:08:04,593
I-I don't know if I
like this plan, you know?

257
00:08:04,678 --> 00:08:07,513
I mean, crowds,
t-t-t-they have a tendency

258
00:08:07,597 --> 00:08:08,637
to make me really nervous.

259
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,765
Morty, relax.

260
00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:11,517
It's just a bunch
of 1s and 0s out there.

261
00:08:11,601 --> 00:08:12,810
You're gonna be fine.

262
00:08:12,894 --> 00:08:14,061
Just follow my lead.

263
00:08:14,146 --> 00:08:15,646
Yo, deejay, drop that beat.

264
00:08:15,731 --> 00:08:17,523
[ hip-hop beat plays ]

265
00:08:17,607 --> 00:08:18,441
[ cheers and applause ]

266
00:08:18,525 --> 00:08:19,984
Uh-oh, Morty.

267
00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:23,154
This crowd looks too small for
one of our famous rap concerts.

268
00:08:23,238 --> 00:08:25,072
I don't think we can
perform our new song,

269
00:08:25,157 --> 00:08:27,366
"The Recipe for
Concentrated Dark Matter,"

270
00:08:27,451 --> 00:08:28,576
for a crowd this tiny.

271
00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:30,161
You got that right, Rick.

272
00:08:30,245 --> 00:08:33,539
[ cheers and applause ]

273
00:08:33,623 --> 00:08:35,291
RICK:
Now that's [burps] more like it!

274
00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:37,001
Morty, here we go.

275
00:08:37,085 --> 00:08:39,962
Let me hear everybody
say "Hey-oh!" yeah!

276
00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:41,380
[ crowd cheering ]

277
00:08:41,465 --> 00:08:42,757
All the ladies say, "Yeah!"

278
00:08:42,841 --> 00:08:43,841
[ ladies cheering ]

279
00:08:43,925 --> 00:08:46,093
Everybody over 30,
do this with your hands!

280
00:08:46,178 --> 00:08:48,763
Everybody with a red shirt,
jump up and down!

281
00:08:48,847 --> 00:08:50,639
[ beeping ]

282
00:08:55,812 --> 00:08:57,021
[ tires screech ]

283
00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:01,734
Mm. Mm. Mm.

284
00:09:01,818 --> 00:09:03,277
Yeah, don't move.

285
00:09:03,361 --> 00:09:05,571
Mm, mm, mm, mm!

286
00:09:05,655 --> 00:09:06,947
Mm!

287
00:09:07,032 --> 00:09:08,199
[ cheers and applause ]

288
00:09:08,283 --> 00:09:09,742
Yo, everyone whose first name
begins with an "L"

289
00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:12,453
who isn't Hispanic, walk in a
circle the same number of times

290
00:09:12,537 --> 00:09:15,164
as the square root
of your age times 10!

291
00:09:15,248 --> 00:09:18,417
[ beeping ]

292
00:09:18,502 --> 00:09:19,293
Run, Morty!

293
00:09:19,377 --> 00:09:20,586
Before the system reboots!

294
00:09:20,670 --> 00:09:22,004
[ squeaking ]

295
00:09:22,089 --> 00:09:23,130
JERRY:
Yeah! You like that?

296
00:09:23,215 --> 00:09:25,216
Now who's unremarkable?

297
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,759
You hungry for apples?

298
00:09:26,843 --> 00:09:28,344
[ squeaking intensifies ]

299
00:09:28,428 --> 00:09:30,471
Are you hungry... for... apples?!

300
00:09:30,555 --> 00:09:33,182
[ squeaking stops ]

301
00:09:33,266 --> 00:09:34,391
[ sighs deeply ]

302
00:09:34,476 --> 00:09:35,476
[ chuckles ]

303
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,103
Oh, my God.

304
00:09:37,187 --> 00:09:40,022
That's the best sex
I've ever had in my life.

305
00:09:40,107 --> 00:09:44,318
It's... it's... too good.

306
00:09:44,402 --> 00:09:46,612
I don't deserve this, Beth.

307
00:09:46,696 --> 00:09:48,781
I'm a fraud.

308
00:09:48,865 --> 00:09:49,865
Oh, man, Rick!

309
00:09:49,908 --> 00:09:51,158
W-w-w-where we running to?

310
00:09:51,243 --> 00:09:52,493
Out of the simulation, Morty.

311
00:09:52,577 --> 00:09:54,495
Normally, the chamber
operates like a treadmill,

312
00:09:54,579 --> 00:09:56,339
with the virtual world
disappearing behind us

313
00:09:56,414 --> 00:09:58,374
and being rendered in front
of us as we move through it,

314
00:09:58,458 --> 00:10:01,418
but while it's frozen, Morty,
we can get to...

315
00:10:01,503 --> 00:10:03,129
the edge.

316
00:10:03,213 --> 00:10:04,213
Here we go.

317
00:10:04,256 --> 00:10:05,131
Holy crap!

318
00:10:05,215 --> 00:10:06,215
Come on, Morty.

319
00:10:06,258 --> 00:10:07,758
[ grunts ]

320
00:10:07,843 --> 00:10:09,885
Sir, they're over the edge.

321
00:10:09,970 --> 00:10:11,053
Yes, they are.

322
00:10:11,138 --> 00:10:14,056
Just... as... planned.

323
00:10:14,141 --> 00:10:17,935
[ evil laughter ]

324
00:10:18,019 --> 00:10:19,937
Oh, this is going to
be such a mindfuck!

325
00:10:22,107 --> 00:10:24,316
Keep your eyes peeled for the
central processing room, Morty.

326
00:10:24,401 --> 00:10:26,068
That's how we're gonna
scam these idiots.

327
00:10:26,153 --> 00:10:28,487
So, hey, why do these aliens
keep coming after you, Rick,

328
00:10:28,572 --> 00:10:29,972
if you're so
much smarter than them?

329
00:10:30,031 --> 00:10:31,631
It's an obsession
for them at this point.

330
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,534
The Zi[burps]gerions have
been trying to outsmart

331
00:10:33,618 --> 00:10:34,827
me for years, Morty.

332
00:10:34,911 --> 00:10:36,912
Every time they do,
I'm one step ahead of them.

333
00:10:36,997 --> 00:10:38,038
Aha!

334
00:10:38,123 --> 00:10:39,206
Here we go.

335
00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:42,418
Grab as many processors
as you can carry, Morty.

336
00:10:42,502 --> 00:10:43,878
These guys aren't good at much,

337
00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:46,172
but they're reallygood
at making these chips.

338
00:10:47,591 --> 00:10:49,091
RICK: I've got so many,
l can barely hold them all.

339
00:10:49,176 --> 00:10:50,176
[ chuckles ]

340
00:10:50,177 --> 00:10:51,177
Look at...
look at this.

341
00:10:51,261 --> 00:10:52,261
Oops. l dropped one.

342
00:10:52,304 --> 00:10:53,637
Don't worry about it, Morty.

343
00:10:53,722 --> 00:10:55,139
There's plenty of them,
you little goofball.

344
00:10:55,223 --> 00:10:56,265
[ both laugh ]

345
00:10:56,349 --> 00:10:57,892
Come here, Morty!
Oh, l gotcha!

346
00:10:57,976 --> 00:10:58,851
Come on, quit it, Rick!

347
00:10:58,935 --> 00:11:00,227
Quit it!
[ laughs ]

348
00:11:00,312 --> 00:11:02,229
Nothing wrong with just a
little bit of horseplay every

349
00:11:02,314 --> 00:11:03,856
now and then, little fella.

350
00:11:08,361 --> 00:11:09,403
[ glass shatters ]

351
00:11:15,619 --> 00:11:16,827
Wow. What do you know?

352
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:18,245
Huh. That was easy.

353
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:20,748
Totes malotes, dawg.

354
00:11:20,832 --> 00:11:21,957
Just kind of hard to believe,
you know?

355
00:11:22,042 --> 00:11:23,417
Believe it, Morty.

356
00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:25,711
And once again, I'm flying away
with everything l can carry,

357
00:11:25,795 --> 00:11:28,214
and the Zigerions
got nothing of mine.

358
00:11:33,595 --> 00:11:34,386
[ sighs ]

359
00:11:34,471 --> 00:11:35,711
Mr. Marklevitz,
do you have a...

360
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:36,889
minute to talk?

361
00:11:36,973 --> 00:11:38,349
[ snaps fingers ] Yes.

362
00:11:38,433 --> 00:11:40,017
Look, I'm a fraud.

363
00:11:40,101 --> 00:11:41,560
I mean, let's face it...

364
00:11:41,645 --> 00:11:44,063
"Hungry For Apples" is just
a rip-off of "Got Milk?"

365
00:11:44,147 --> 00:11:45,356
It's almost identical.

366
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,649
[ snaps fingers ] Yes.

367
00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:47,942
[ sighs ] Okay.

368
00:11:48,026 --> 00:11:49,193
I deserve that.

369
00:11:49,277 --> 00:11:52,571
Umm... I guess...
I'll just pack up my desk.

370
00:11:52,656 --> 00:11:53,864
[ snaps fingers ] Yes.

371
00:11:53,949 --> 00:11:56,617
[ crying ]

372
00:11:56,701 --> 00:11:59,286
[ sobbing ] Oh, my God.

373
00:11:59,371 --> 00:12:01,914
Wait. You know what?! No!

374
00:12:01,998 --> 00:12:03,999
The milk people don't
have a patent on

375
00:12:04,084 --> 00:12:05,960
simple rhetorical questions!

376
00:12:06,044 --> 00:12:08,504
There's not even a single word
in "Hungry For Apples" that's

377
00:12:08,588 --> 00:12:10,381
shared by "Got Milk?"

378
00:12:10,465 --> 00:12:12,299
It's a completely
different slogan.

379
00:12:12,384 --> 00:12:13,676
It's different!

380
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,678
And I shouldn't be fired.

381
00:12:15,762 --> 00:12:17,388
I should be promoted!

382
00:12:17,472 --> 00:12:18,712
- [ snaps fingers ] Yes.
- Yeah!

383
00:12:18,723 --> 00:12:19,723
Wait. Really?

384
00:12:19,766 --> 00:12:20,808
- [ snaps fingers ] Yes.
- Yes!

385
00:12:20,892 --> 00:12:22,434
I mean, I'm...
it may be derivative,

386
00:12:22,519 --> 00:12:24,311
but it's the most successful
campaign to come out of this

387
00:12:24,396 --> 00:12:25,396
agency in a long time.

388
00:12:25,397 --> 00:12:26,814
[ snaps fingers ] Yes.

389
00:12:26,898 --> 00:12:28,816
I-I'm not saying it should win
an award for commercials,

390
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:30,901
but it could certainly be
nominated for an award

391
00:12:30,986 --> 00:12:32,861
for commercials specifically
about apples,

392
00:12:32,946 --> 00:12:34,571
like... an Appley or something.

393
00:12:34,656 --> 00:12:35,656
[ snaps fingers ] Yes.

394
00:12:35,740 --> 00:12:36,782
Is there really an
award called the Appley

395
00:12:36,866 --> 00:12:37,992
for Apple-Related ad campaigns?

396
00:12:38,076 --> 00:12:39,118
[ snaps fingers ] Yes.

397
00:12:39,202 --> 00:12:40,411
- Could we nominate me?
- [ snaps fingers ] Yes.

398
00:12:40,495 --> 00:12:42,246
Holy crap!

399
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:43,330
[ beeping ]

400
00:12:48,128 --> 00:12:49,545
Get in, Morty.

401
00:12:49,629 --> 00:12:52,214
I'm gonna [burps] be able to use
these processors to make some

402
00:12:52,299 --> 00:12:54,008
real important science stuff.

403
00:12:55,135 --> 00:12:56,468
[ keypad beeping ]

404
00:12:56,553 --> 00:12:57,761
Huh.

405
00:12:57,846 --> 00:12:59,013
I thought l entered
the code right.

406
00:12:59,097 --> 00:13:00,347
[ keypad beeping ]

407
00:13:07,314 --> 00:13:08,814
Wha... well, what's this?

408
00:13:08,898 --> 00:13:11,358
W-what could this possibly be?

409
00:13:11,443 --> 00:13:14,028
Because it looks like
you're inside a simulation...

410
00:13:14,112 --> 00:13:16,947
inside a simulation.

411
00:13:17,032 --> 00:13:18,574
You're still on the ship.

412
00:13:18,658 --> 00:13:20,200
Game-day bucket go boom.

413
00:13:20,285 --> 00:13:22,786
Sir, the, uh, doctor's
appointment to examine the

414
00:13:22,871 --> 00:13:24,955
discoloration on your
butthole flaps was...

415
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,373
Too loud, Cynthia.

416
00:13:26,458 --> 00:13:27,624
Too loud and too specific.

417
00:13:27,709 --> 00:13:28,709
Uhh...

418
00:13:28,710 --> 00:13:29,835
[ chuckles ]

419
00:13:29,919 --> 00:13:31,712
We've known how to make
concentrated dark matter

420
00:13:31,796 --> 00:13:33,756
for a long time.

421
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:39,261
But now we also know the code to
your fabled safe, Rick Sanchez!

422
00:13:39,346 --> 00:13:42,848
All your most valuable
secrets will now be ours!

423
00:13:42,932 --> 00:13:44,600
Uh, yeah, until I get home
before you and change the

424
00:13:44,684 --> 00:13:46,185
combination,
you bunch of idiots!

425
00:13:46,269 --> 00:13:47,603
That is why you're
never getting home.

426
00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:48,812
Get them!

427
00:13:48,897 --> 00:13:50,189
[ grunts ]

428
00:13:50,273 --> 00:13:52,358
[ aliens shouting, groaning ]

429
00:13:52,442 --> 00:13:55,277
Run, Morty!

430
00:13:55,362 --> 00:13:57,237
[ both panting ]

431
00:14:02,494 --> 00:14:04,328
Oh, my God!

432
00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,084
[ beep, click ]

433
00:14:13,588 --> 00:14:16,048
[ mechanical breathing ]

434
00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:21,845
Ow!

435
00:14:25,642 --> 00:14:26,475
[ click, whoosh ]

436
00:14:26,559 --> 00:14:28,894
[ aliens screaming ]

437
00:14:28,978 --> 00:14:30,896
[ both panting ]

438
00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:32,106
l got to tell you, this morning,

439
00:14:32,190 --> 00:14:33,670
l didn't even know
this award existed.

440
00:14:33,733 --> 00:14:35,192
Now I'm holding one.

441
00:14:35,276 --> 00:14:37,569
And... um...

442
00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:41,407
look, I want to say that today
was the best day of my life...

443
00:14:41,491 --> 00:14:45,619
but... the truth is, it's...
it's more meaningful than that.

444
00:14:45,703 --> 00:14:46,703
MAN:
My man!

445
00:14:46,746 --> 00:14:47,996
Yes. Thank you, sir.

446
00:14:48,081 --> 00:14:49,873
[ sighs deeply ]

447
00:14:49,958 --> 00:14:53,544
l...am... finally complete!

448
00:14:53,628 --> 00:14:55,212
[ beeping ]

449
00:14:56,464 --> 00:14:59,049
My... my... my... my man!

450
00:15:02,053 --> 00:15:03,470
Aah!

451
00:15:03,555 --> 00:15:04,805
What the hell?!

452
00:15:04,889 --> 00:15:08,100
[ beeping ]

453
00:15:08,184 --> 00:15:09,309
No.

454
00:15:09,394 --> 00:15:10,394
- Jerry?!
- Dad!

455
00:15:10,395 --> 00:15:11,854
What are you doing here?

456
00:15:11,938 --> 00:15:13,021
W-why are you
dressed like a waiter?

457
00:15:13,106 --> 00:15:14,231
Screw it.
We don't have time.

458
00:15:14,315 --> 00:15:15,107
Come on.

459
00:15:15,191 --> 00:15:16,608
[ sobbing ] No!

460
00:15:23,116 --> 00:15:25,075
[ alarm blaring ]

461
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,160
Ohhhhh!

462
00:15:28,246 --> 00:15:29,413
[ beeping ] Aah!

463
00:15:48,975 --> 00:15:51,351
ALL:
Yes! Yes! Yes!

464
00:15:59,486 --> 00:16:00,486
Oof!

465
00:16:01,696 --> 00:16:03,113
Man up, Jerry!

466
00:16:03,198 --> 00:16:04,573
I may need you to
work the lasers.

467
00:16:04,657 --> 00:16:06,492
[ beeping ]

468
00:16:07,744 --> 00:16:08,535
[ slurps ]

469
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:09,453
[ gasps ]

470
00:16:09,537 --> 00:16:11,413
[ alarm blaring ]

471
00:16:17,253 --> 00:16:19,087
Oh, man!
They're hot on our tail, Rick!

472
00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:21,131
I guess they really do have
concentrated dark matter.

473
00:16:21,216 --> 00:16:22,716
Well, you know how to make it,
too, right, Rick?

474
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:23,800
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

475
00:16:23,885 --> 00:16:25,177
Uh, check the engine room.

476
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:27,930
We just need Cesium, Plutonic
Quarks, and bottled water.

477
00:16:30,433 --> 00:16:31,433
It's all here, Rick!

478
00:16:31,518 --> 00:16:32,518
Wow, Morty.
Lucky break.

479
00:16:32,602 --> 00:16:33,769
Grab that bucket.

480
00:16:33,853 --> 00:16:37,022
Okay, two parts Plutonic Quarks,
one part Cesium.

481
00:16:37,106 --> 00:16:38,232
Okay. Uh-huh.

482
00:16:39,609 --> 00:16:40,484
[ fizzing ]

483
00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:41,735
All right.

484
00:16:41,819 --> 00:16:43,320
Now empty the water bottle
into the bucket and pour

485
00:16:43,404 --> 00:16:46,406
it all into the fuel tank so we
can get the hell out of here!

486
00:16:46,491 --> 00:16:47,571
What are you doing, Morty?!

487
00:16:47,617 --> 00:16:48,617
There's no time!

488
00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,661
[ beeping ]

489
00:16:53,581 --> 00:16:55,165
[ stammering ]

490
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:56,917
Oh, no.

491
00:16:57,001 --> 00:16:58,126
What the...

492
00:16:58,211 --> 00:16:59,211
No!

493
00:16:59,295 --> 00:17:00,963
[ laughter ]

494
00:17:04,467 --> 00:17:06,593
Oh, my God, Rick.

495
00:17:06,678 --> 00:17:08,345
How dumb are you?

496
00:17:08,429 --> 00:17:10,097
You're inside a simulation...

497
00:17:10,181 --> 00:17:12,182
of a simulation...

498
00:17:12,267 --> 00:17:14,977
inside another giant simulation!

499
00:17:15,061 --> 00:17:16,353
[ laughs ]

500
00:17:16,437 --> 00:17:19,189
W-We never had the recipe for
concentrated dark matter.

501
00:17:19,274 --> 00:17:20,857
But we do now!

502
00:17:20,942 --> 00:17:22,568
We do now, sucka!

503
00:17:22,652 --> 00:17:24,778
You simulated my
grandson's genitalia?!

504
00:17:24,862 --> 00:17:27,281
Y-Y-You bunch of
diabolical sons of bitches!

505
00:17:27,365 --> 00:17:29,658
Kevin fought real hard to
supervise that project.

506
00:17:29,742 --> 00:17:31,743
You said you weren't
gonna tell anyone!

507
00:17:31,828 --> 00:17:33,620
I'm never gonna live
this down, am I?

508
00:17:33,705 --> 00:17:34,997
All right. Okay.
All right, great. Wonderful.

509
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:36,540
You win.
Can we go home now?

510
00:17:36,624 --> 00:17:38,250
I don't know.
Can you?

511
00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,209
Ha! Nice.

512
00:17:39,294 --> 00:17:40,877
Okay, okay.

513
00:17:40,962 --> 00:17:42,921
Show this gullible
turd to his shuttle.

514
00:17:43,006 --> 00:17:44,298
I'm done with him.

515
00:17:44,382 --> 00:17:45,299
Oh, wait.
Let me get a picture.

516
00:17:45,383 --> 00:17:46,216
[ shutter clicks ]

517
00:17:46,301 --> 00:17:47,801
Aww. Look at his face.

518
00:17:47,885 --> 00:17:50,085
He's trying to figure out if
he's in a simulation still.

519
00:17:50,096 --> 00:17:51,096
Are you, Rick?

520
00:17:51,139 --> 00:17:52,472
Are you?

521
00:17:52,557 --> 00:17:53,599
[ laughs ]

522
00:17:53,683 --> 00:17:54,891
You're not.

523
00:17:54,976 --> 00:17:56,935
Or are you?

524
00:17:58,938 --> 00:18:01,857
Oh, a-and, by the way, l don't
have discolored butthole flaps.

525
00:18:01,941 --> 00:18:03,275
That was part of the simulation.

526
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:04,443
Oh.

527
00:18:04,527 --> 00:18:05,986
Uh, sir, should I cancel
that appointment, then?

528
00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:07,529
Yeah! Of course you should!

529
00:18:07,614 --> 00:18:08,739
[ chuckles ]

530
00:18:08,823 --> 00:18:09,865
No, keep it.

531
00:18:09,949 --> 00:18:11,229
Move it up, actually,
if you can.

532
00:18:16,039 --> 00:18:17,331
RICK:
Hey, Jerry, don't worry about it.

533
00:18:17,415 --> 00:18:19,124
So what if the most meaningful
day of your life was a

534
00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:21,668
simulation operating at
minimum cap[burps]acity?

535
00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:23,128
You know what, Rick?

536
00:18:23,212 --> 00:18:25,422
Those guys took you
for a ride, too.

537
00:18:25,506 --> 00:18:27,549
You should try having a little
respect for the dummies of the Universe,

538
00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:29,426
now that you're one of us.

539
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:30,927
Maybe you're right, Jerry.

540
00:18:31,012 --> 00:18:32,721
Maybe you're right.

541
00:18:32,805 --> 00:18:34,097
[ aliens cheering ]

542
00:18:34,182 --> 00:18:36,433
[ dance music plays ]
All right, everybody.

543
00:18:36,517 --> 00:18:39,978
Two parts Plutonic Quarks...

544
00:18:40,063 --> 00:18:42,272
One part Cesium...

545
00:18:42,357 --> 00:18:43,565
[ fizzing ]

546
00:18:43,650 --> 00:18:45,817
A-and listen,
I'm sorry for yelling earlier.

547
00:18:45,902 --> 00:18:48,278
I-I couldn't ask
for a better staff.

548
00:18:48,363 --> 00:18:51,698
I love you guys,
and I love all your families.

549
00:18:51,783 --> 00:18:54,910
And the final ingredient...

550
00:18:57,372 --> 00:18:58,455
JERRY:
Whoa!

551
00:18:58,539 --> 00:19:00,540
What the hell?!
W-what happened back there?

552
00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:03,168
Why don't you ask the smartest
people in the Universe, Jerry?

553
00:19:03,252 --> 00:19:05,045
Oh, yeah.
[ burps ] you can't.

554
00:19:05,129 --> 00:19:06,463
They blew up.

555
00:19:06,547 --> 00:19:08,006
[ sighs ]

556
00:19:08,091 --> 00:19:09,132
[ beep ]

557
00:19:09,217 --> 00:19:12,344
[ "Baker Street" plays]

558
00:19:12,428 --> 00:19:15,263
[ vocalizing ]

559
00:19:16,265 --> 00:19:21,311
[ vocalizing out of sync ]

560
00:19:27,318 --> 00:19:30,696
[ "Baker Street" continues ]

561
00:19:46,838 --> 00:19:47,963
JERRY:
So...

562
00:19:48,047 --> 00:19:49,548
what do you think?

563
00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:51,341
You're fired.

564
00:19:51,426 --> 00:19:52,551
Wha...

565
00:19:52,635 --> 00:19:55,637
But t-this idea was tested in a
state-of-the-art simulation.

566
00:19:55,722 --> 00:19:57,347
Well, then, it was
a terrible simulation.

567
00:19:57,432 --> 00:19:58,932
Get out.

568
00:20:00,852 --> 00:20:02,227
[ door opens, closes ]

569
00:20:02,311 --> 00:20:05,731
Man, how does a guy like that go
home and have sex with his wife?

570
00:20:06,607 --> 00:20:07,441
Hey, Morty.

571
00:20:07,525 --> 00:20:08,358
What?

572
00:20:08,443 --> 00:20:09,443
Hey, little buddy.

573
00:20:09,485 --> 00:20:11,278
H-h-how you doing
in here right now?

574
00:20:11,362 --> 00:20:13,238
Aw, geez, Rick.
What are you doing, man?

575
00:20:13,322 --> 00:20:14,698
Y-y-you're a
good kid, Morty.

576
00:20:14,782 --> 00:20:16,783
Y-you're a real l-little
c-character, Morty.

577
00:20:16,868 --> 00:20:18,118
Oh, boy.

578
00:20:18,202 --> 00:20:20,746
You know, l had a really
rocky road today, M-Morty.

579
00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:22,873
You're my little friend,
aren't you?

580
00:20:22,957 --> 00:20:24,082
[ sighs ]

581
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,293
We had some good times together,
huh, M-Morty?

582
00:20:26,377 --> 00:20:28,420
We... you're a real
true hero out in the field.

583
00:20:28,504 --> 00:20:31,631
You're a Li... you're a real
trooper, huh, M-M-Morty?

584
00:20:31,716 --> 00:20:32,876
Have you been drinking, Rick?

585
00:20:32,884 --> 00:20:34,134
I really appreciate you, Morty.

586
00:20:34,218 --> 00:20:35,552
O-okay, cool.

587
00:20:35,636 --> 00:20:37,304
A-all right, Rick...
you little son of a bitch!

588
00:20:37,388 --> 00:20:39,222
Y-y... are you a simulation?!

589
00:20:39,307 --> 00:20:40,599
Huh?! Are you a simulation?!

590
00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:42,142
No! No! No!

591
00:20:42,226 --> 00:20:43,393
You little son of a bitch!

592
00:20:43,478 --> 00:20:44,478
[ gasping ]

593
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,104
l-I-I'm sorry, Morty.

594
00:20:46,189 --> 00:20:47,397
Y-you're a good...
you're a good kid, Morty.

595
00:20:47,482 --> 00:20:48,565
Geez!

596
00:20:48,649 --> 00:20:49,733
Y-you're a good...
you're a good kid.

597
00:20:49,817 --> 00:20:50,901
Oh, my god!

598
00:20:50,985 --> 00:20:51,985
[ snoring ]

599
00:20:52,028 --> 00:20:54,571
W-W-What the hell?

600
00:20:54,655 --> 00:20:55,655
What a life.

601
00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:58,825
Did you get any of that?

602
00:20:58,910 --> 00:21:00,744
It's a good-a show!