1 00:00:01,111 --> 00:00:04,238 [ popping ] 2 00:00:04,323 --> 00:00:06,365 - [ sighs ] - Hey, Rick. 3 00:00:06,450 --> 00:00:08,367 I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. 4 00:00:08,452 --> 00:00:10,036 You think you could help me out? 5 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,840 - Whatever. - Well, I mean, traditionally... 6 00:00:11,914 --> 00:00:14,290 science fairs are a father-son thing. 7 00:00:14,374 --> 00:00:17,168 Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing. 8 00:00:17,252 --> 00:00:18,753 Morty, I think it would be fun for you 9 00:00:18,837 --> 00:00:21,589 to work on a science project with your Dad. 10 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,549 [ cellphone beeps ] 11 00:00:23,634 --> 00:00:25,551 Uh... [ clears throat ] 12 00:00:25,636 --> 00:00:28,304 Yeah, Dad. Why don't we do it together? 13 00:00:28,388 --> 00:00:31,182 Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son. 14 00:00:31,266 --> 00:00:33,392 We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee, 15 00:00:33,477 --> 00:00:35,812 and knock this thing out in two or three days. 16 00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:37,188 [ robot whirs ] 17 00:00:37,272 --> 00:00:38,731 [ monotone ] What is my purpose? 18 00:00:38,816 --> 00:00:40,983 Pass the butter. 19 00:00:42,486 --> 00:00:44,070 Thank you. 20 00:00:44,154 --> 00:00:45,738 [ popping ] 21 00:00:45,823 --> 00:00:46,906 [ sighs ] 22 00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:48,449 Dad, I need a ride to work. 23 00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:50,326 Maybe Rick can give you a ride. 24 00:00:50,410 --> 00:00:52,203 I'm helping Morty with science. 25 00:00:52,287 --> 00:00:54,205 - I'm busy. - Doing what? 26 00:00:54,289 --> 00:00:56,749 Uh, anything else. 27 00:00:56,834 --> 00:00:58,751 What is my purpose? 28 00:00:58,836 --> 00:01:00,878 You pass butter. 29 00:01:00,963 --> 00:01:02,588 Oh, my god. 30 00:01:02,673 --> 00:01:04,632 Yeah, welcome to the club, pal. 31 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:40,501 Since when do you have a job? 32 00:01:40,586 --> 00:01:41,586 Since last week. 33 00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:43,337 It's part-time at this little vintage thrift store. 34 00:01:43,422 --> 00:01:45,756 My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man 35 00:01:45,841 --> 00:01:48,050 that treats me nice and values me. 36 00:01:48,135 --> 00:01:49,927 Meow. Can't wait to meet... 37 00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:51,804 this [burps] fascinating character. 38 00:01:51,889 --> 00:01:54,432 Please don't. 39 00:01:54,516 --> 00:01:57,310 Oh. Well, when did this stop being Jamba Juice? 40 00:01:57,394 --> 00:01:59,562 I've just recently opened for business, 41 00:01:59,646 --> 00:02:01,731 Mister, um, Goldenfold. 42 00:02:01,815 --> 00:02:03,107 You know my name? 43 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,901 [ chuckling ] That's disarming. 44 00:02:04,985 --> 00:02:07,737 I also know you long for female company. 45 00:02:07,821 --> 00:02:10,865 You know, it has been lonely since the divorce. 46 00:02:10,949 --> 00:02:13,784 Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice. 47 00:02:13,869 --> 00:02:17,371 This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. 48 00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:18,831 Free of charge. 49 00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:21,542 One never pays here... not with money. 50 00:02:21,627 --> 00:02:23,544 Nothing to read into there. Thanks! 51 00:02:23,629 --> 00:02:25,588 Sorry I'm late, Mr. Needful. 52 00:02:25,672 --> 00:02:28,841 This is my grandpa, Rick. He was just leaving. 53 00:02:28,926 --> 00:02:29,967 Huh. 54 00:02:30,052 --> 00:02:31,844 Tell me, Rick, what do you desire? 55 00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,846 Eh, I make my own stuff. 56 00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:35,723 So, what are you... like, the devil? 57 00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:37,391 - What? Sorry? - I don't know. 58 00:02:37,476 --> 00:02:40,603 Store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy. 59 00:02:40,687 --> 00:02:42,563 Are you the devil? A demon? Leprechaun? 60 00:02:42,648 --> 00:02:44,440 - Grandpa Rick! - Hey, I'm not judging. 61 00:02:44,524 --> 00:02:46,442 Just like shoot straight. I'm a man of science. 62 00:02:46,526 --> 00:02:49,278 Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this. 63 00:02:49,363 --> 00:02:53,282 This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension. 64 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:54,575 [ laughs ] 65 00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,118 [ Rick laughs ] 66 00:02:56,203 --> 00:02:56,994 [ laughs louder ] 67 00:02:57,079 --> 00:02:58,204 [ Rick laughs louder ] 68 00:02:58,288 --> 00:02:59,580 [ laughs louder ] 69 00:02:59,665 --> 00:03:00,665 [ Rick laughs louder ] 70 00:03:00,707 --> 00:03:01,582 [ laughs louder ] 71 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,584 Grandpa, go home and drink. 72 00:03:03,669 --> 00:03:05,419 [ swoop! ] 73 00:03:05,504 --> 00:03:07,421 Why don't we do a model of the solar system? 74 00:03:07,506 --> 00:03:09,506 That's what my Dad did with me when I was your age. 75 00:03:09,508 --> 00:03:11,008 Oh, okay. 76 00:03:11,093 --> 00:03:13,678 You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs 77 00:03:13,762 --> 00:03:16,013 and wormholes and all that weird stuff, 78 00:03:16,098 --> 00:03:17,848 but this is real science. 79 00:03:17,933 --> 00:03:20,017 A man and his boy, making planets. 80 00:03:20,102 --> 00:03:22,603 Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto? 81 00:03:22,688 --> 00:03:24,063 And then Jupiter... 82 00:03:24,147 --> 00:03:26,649 Uh, actually, I don't think Pluto's a planet. 83 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:28,150 [ chuckles ] 84 00:03:28,235 --> 00:03:30,027 Of course Pluto's a planet, son. 85 00:03:30,112 --> 00:03:31,904 I learned that in the third grade. 86 00:03:31,989 --> 00:03:33,656 Well, yeah, but you know they changed it. 87 00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:35,616 Morty, nobody changed the planets. 88 00:03:35,701 --> 00:03:38,035 I just googled it. Pluto's not a planet. 89 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,037 They changed it in 2006. 90 00:03:40,122 --> 00:03:42,748 Yeah, I heard about that, Morty. 91 00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:45,626 And I disagree. - You disagree? 92 00:03:45,711 --> 00:03:48,129 That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. 93 00:03:48,213 --> 00:03:49,797 Pluto was a planet. 94 00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,521 Some committee of fancy assholes disagree. 95 00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:53,467 I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball. 96 00:03:53,552 --> 00:03:55,928 Um, okay. I-I just have to... 97 00:03:56,013 --> 00:03:57,773 Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto? 98 00:03:57,848 --> 00:03:58,973 No. Geez! 99 00:03:59,057 --> 00:04:01,392 I just gotta go to the bathroom. Damn. 100 00:04:01,476 --> 00:04:04,270 Oh. [ coughs ] Okay, good. 101 00:04:04,354 --> 00:04:05,938 [ laughing ] This is gonna be fun. 102 00:04:06,023 --> 00:04:07,023 [ electricity crackling ] 103 00:04:07,024 --> 00:04:08,824 Hey, Morty, let me [burps]... let me [burps]... 104 00:04:08,859 --> 00:04:10,693 let me ask you a question real quick. 105 00:04:10,777 --> 00:04:12,528 Does evil exist, and if so, 106 00:04:12,612 --> 00:04:14,280 can one detect and measure it? 107 00:04:14,364 --> 00:04:16,115 - Um... - Rhetorical question, Morty. 108 00:04:16,199 --> 00:04:18,492 The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius." 109 00:04:18,577 --> 00:04:20,411 Cute. Your sister's boss gave me a microscope 110 00:04:20,495 --> 00:04:21,996 that would have made me retarded. 111 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,789 Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick. 112 00:04:23,874 --> 00:04:25,791 I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know? 113 00:04:25,876 --> 00:04:28,169 Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. 114 00:04:28,253 --> 00:04:30,588 I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, 115 00:04:30,672 --> 00:04:32,232 it would have made me mentally retarded. 116 00:04:32,299 --> 00:04:34,675 Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. 117 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,594 I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for 118 00:04:36,678 --> 00:04:39,096 powerful groups that are doing the right thing. 119 00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:40,806 Well, that's retarded. 120 00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:42,683 - What are you talking about? - Apparently, nothing. 121 00:04:42,768 --> 00:04:44,727 You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you? 122 00:04:44,811 --> 00:04:45,811 - No! - It's not. 123 00:04:45,896 --> 00:04:47,313 - Shut up, Rick. - Whoa. 124 00:04:47,397 --> 00:04:48,981 I don't care what anyone says. 125 00:04:49,066 --> 00:04:51,817 If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again. 126 00:04:51,902 --> 00:04:54,737 Planet. Planet, planet, planet. 127 00:04:54,821 --> 00:04:57,239 Stay scientific, Jerry. 128 00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,868 This aftershave made women want me, 129 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,870 but it also made me impotent! 130 00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,581 A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. 131 00:05:05,665 --> 00:05:07,917 A price for everything. 132 00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:09,251 [ laughs evilly ] 133 00:05:09,336 --> 00:05:11,629 [ gasps ] Oh, my god! 134 00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:14,340 How could I not see this coming?! 135 00:05:14,424 --> 00:05:18,094 [ sobbing ] My lust! 136 00:05:18,178 --> 00:05:20,304 My greed! 137 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,890 I deserved this! 138 00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:25,893 This serum should [burps] counteract the negative effects. 139 00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:28,604 Holy cats! Ladies, let's get out of here. 140 00:05:28,688 --> 00:05:30,606 [ door opens ] I haven't learned a thing! 141 00:05:30,690 --> 00:05:32,024 Here. [burps] 142 00:05:32,109 --> 00:05:33,776 You can have this [burps] back. 143 00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:35,027 You didn't use it? 144 00:05:35,112 --> 00:05:36,904 Sure I did... to develop this. 145 00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:38,989 It detects and catalogs all your "Twilight Zone," 146 00:05:39,074 --> 00:05:41,492 Ray Bradbury, "Friday the 13th" The Series 147 00:05:41,576 --> 00:05:43,160 voodoo crap magic. 148 00:05:43,245 --> 00:05:44,662 I thought you might want it so you didn't 149 00:05:44,746 --> 00:05:47,164 accidentally sell anybody, say... 150 00:05:47,249 --> 00:05:49,708 A typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries 151 00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:52,628 and then makes the murders happen in real life? 152 00:05:52,712 --> 00:05:53,587 Ooh. - Be quiet. 153 00:05:53,672 --> 00:05:55,005 Don't you want to make sure 154 00:05:55,090 --> 00:05:56,590 people know what they're getting? 155 00:05:56,675 --> 00:05:58,717 You're not intentionally selling... 156 00:05:58,802 --> 00:06:00,511 Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty 157 00:06:00,595 --> 00:06:02,763 but also makes them blind? 158 00:06:02,848 --> 00:06:04,765 I find this all quite preposterous. 159 00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:06,767 Oh, I say, good sir. Oh, harrumph. 160 00:06:06,852 --> 00:06:09,728 Oh, oh [babbles]! 161 00:06:09,813 --> 00:06:11,230 That's beautiful. 162 00:06:11,314 --> 00:06:14,066 You know it's gonna be wearing you in three hours? 163 00:06:14,151 --> 00:06:15,871 [ door opens ] Do I need to call the police? 164 00:06:15,902 --> 00:06:17,236 Here, you can use my phone. 165 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,779 Don't worry, it won't make you deaf 166 00:06:18,864 --> 00:06:20,114 because I'm not a hack. 167 00:06:20,198 --> 00:06:21,532 Hey! 168 00:06:21,616 --> 00:06:23,117 [ both grunting ] 169 00:06:23,201 --> 00:06:24,577 You think you're fucking so great! 170 00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:26,453 Stop it! No! 171 00:06:26,538 --> 00:06:28,330 Fuck yeah, man. 172 00:06:28,415 --> 00:06:30,082 Stop it right now! 173 00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:32,168 Grandpa Rick, I like working here. 174 00:06:32,252 --> 00:06:34,336 - You work for the devil. - So what? 175 00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:36,005 - BOTH: "So what?" - Yes! 176 00:06:36,089 --> 00:06:37,673 So what if he's the devil, Rick? 177 00:06:37,757 --> 00:06:39,341 At least the devil has a job. 178 00:06:39,426 --> 00:06:41,093 At least he's active in the community. 179 00:06:41,178 --> 00:06:42,761 What do you do? 180 00:06:42,846 --> 00:06:44,847 You eat our food and make gadgets. 181 00:06:44,931 --> 00:06:47,224 Buh-bye. 182 00:06:47,309 --> 00:06:48,726 Wh[burps]Oops. 183 00:06:48,810 --> 00:06:50,644 [ giggles ] 184 00:06:50,729 --> 00:06:52,813 I'm sorry, Mr. Needful. I'll clean that up. 185 00:06:52,898 --> 00:06:54,607 I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady 186 00:06:54,691 --> 00:06:56,275 that came out of it, but... - It's fine. 187 00:06:56,359 --> 00:06:58,235 Summer, you know, your grandfather's right. 188 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,030 This store curses people. That's my business. 189 00:07:01,114 --> 00:07:03,449 Well, yeah. Fast-food gives people diabetes, 190 00:07:03,533 --> 00:07:05,284 and clothing stores have sweatshops. 191 00:07:05,368 --> 00:07:07,494 Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil? 192 00:07:07,579 --> 00:07:09,205 This is my first job. 193 00:07:09,289 --> 00:07:10,915 You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful. 194 00:07:10,999 --> 00:07:12,708 You respect me. 195 00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:15,211 Please, call me "The Devil." 196 00:07:15,295 --> 00:07:17,046 I'd rather not, actually. 197 00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,881 Yes, perhaps not during business hours. 198 00:07:18,965 --> 00:07:20,883 I told you, I want to file a declaration 199 00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:23,052 that Pluto is a planet. 200 00:07:23,136 --> 00:07:25,387 Well, then my son's going to fail his science class, 201 00:07:25,472 --> 00:07:27,598 and when that happens, I'm suing you first. 202 00:07:27,682 --> 00:07:28,724 [ clicks ] 203 00:07:28,808 --> 00:07:30,935 I think I know what the "A" in N.A.S.A. stands for. 204 00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:33,812 - Dad, what's your endgame? - Ain't no game, sucka. 205 00:07:33,897 --> 00:07:35,564 Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets? 206 00:07:35,649 --> 00:07:36,857 It's even easier. 207 00:07:36,942 --> 00:07:40,027 Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake 208 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,029 for saying the sun is round? 209 00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,240 Science isn't always easy, Morty. 210 00:07:44,324 --> 00:07:45,324 [ humming ] 211 00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:47,451 Whoa! Whoa! 212 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,078 What the hell?! 213 00:07:49,162 --> 00:07:52,289 [ both groaning ] 214 00:07:52,374 --> 00:07:54,124 [ ting! ] 215 00:07:58,797 --> 00:08:00,547 [ hisses, buzzes ] 216 00:08:00,632 --> 00:08:02,299 [ fanfare plays ] 217 00:08:02,384 --> 00:08:04,510 I'm King Flippy Nips, ruler of Pluto. 218 00:08:04,594 --> 00:08:06,845 We discovered you quite by accident 219 00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:09,515 during routine surveillance of your world. 220 00:08:09,599 --> 00:08:12,559 You really gave it to those guys at N.A.S.A. 221 00:08:12,644 --> 00:08:14,061 I was... you know, 222 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:16,397 sometimes science is about conviction. 223 00:08:16,481 --> 00:08:18,899 It'd like to introduce you to a few people 224 00:08:18,984 --> 00:08:20,901 that very much agree with you. 225 00:08:20,986 --> 00:08:22,736 Oh, I... 226 00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:25,030 [ echoing ] Plutonians. 227 00:08:25,115 --> 00:08:27,074 Jerry Smith is a scientist from Earth, 228 00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:30,577 where he's creating a model of our solar system. 229 00:08:30,662 --> 00:08:33,914 Jerry, tell Pluto about your decision. 230 00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:35,499 [ clears throat ] 231 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,127 [ echoing ] Um... Pluto's a planet. 232 00:08:38,211 --> 00:08:39,420 [ cheers and applause ] 233 00:08:39,504 --> 00:08:42,381 Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch! 234 00:08:42,465 --> 00:08:45,926 Oh, man. This is definitely gonna go to his head. 235 00:08:46,011 --> 00:08:49,722 If it's athletic prowess you desire, Principal Vagina, 236 00:08:49,806 --> 00:08:51,598 I might... - I'll take it. 237 00:08:51,683 --> 00:08:52,683 B-But I haven't even... 238 00:08:52,726 --> 00:08:53,766 Thank you very, very much. 239 00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:55,936 Great store. Great place. Bye. 240 00:08:56,021 --> 00:08:57,813 Huh. Okay. 241 00:08:57,897 --> 00:09:00,733 I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather's outburst 242 00:09:00,817 --> 00:09:02,109 would have disrupted business, 243 00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:04,820 but this is the best weekend I've had since Salem. 244 00:09:04,904 --> 00:09:06,822 Nice. "Wholesome Delight" for lunch? 245 00:09:06,906 --> 00:09:08,824 - Is that the vegan place? - Yeah, I love their soup. 246 00:09:08,908 --> 00:09:10,701 I'm kind of soup-ed out. 247 00:09:10,785 --> 00:09:12,619 [ door opens ] Mrs. Tate, is it? 248 00:09:12,704 --> 00:09:14,830 What do you desire? 249 00:09:14,914 --> 00:09:16,999 Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey. 250 00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:18,751 Oh, is there a limit? Everything's free, right? 251 00:09:18,835 --> 00:09:22,379 Let's just say you don't pay... with money. 252 00:09:22,464 --> 00:09:24,381 [ both chuckle ] That was perfect. 253 00:09:24,466 --> 00:09:26,383 You pay with the curses, right? 254 00:09:26,468 --> 00:09:27,968 Um... I... well... 255 00:09:28,053 --> 00:09:31,221 But, Mrs. Tate, why do you want cursed items? 256 00:09:31,306 --> 00:09:32,931 Well, I'm going to get the curses removed 257 00:09:33,016 --> 00:09:34,266 at "Curse Purge Plus." 258 00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:36,268 You know, the guy on TV? 259 00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:38,312 [ door closes ] What? 260 00:09:38,396 --> 00:09:40,773 Have you acquired creepy specific old stuff 261 00:09:40,857 --> 00:09:42,274 from a mysterious antique or thrift store 262 00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:44,693 that gives you powers but fucks with you 263 00:09:44,778 --> 00:09:45,861 in unforeseeable ways? 264 00:09:45,945 --> 00:09:47,571 Bring it to "Curse Purge Plus." 265 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,657 [burps] I use science to UN-curse the items for cash, 266 00:09:50,742 --> 00:09:52,242 and you get to keep the powers. 267 00:09:52,327 --> 00:09:53,607 This guy got mysterious sneakers 268 00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:55,788 to make him run faster, but guess what? 269 00:09:55,872 --> 00:09:57,664 He would have had to run until he died, 270 00:09:57,749 --> 00:09:58,874 making them worthless. 271 00:09:58,958 --> 00:10:00,542 I removed the curse, making them worth, 272 00:10:00,627 --> 00:10:02,836 like, I don't know, $8 million. 273 00:10:02,921 --> 00:10:04,088 See you at the Olympics. 274 00:10:04,172 --> 00:10:05,589 This eerily intelligent doll 275 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,299 was threatening to murder its family. 276 00:10:07,384 --> 00:10:08,717 Now it does their taxes. 277 00:10:08,802 --> 00:10:10,344 Everything's deductible. 278 00:10:10,428 --> 00:10:12,054 Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul. 279 00:10:12,138 --> 00:10:13,597 Pay for it with money. 280 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,933 You know, like how every other store in the world works? 281 00:10:16,017 --> 00:10:18,185 We're located at First and Main in Old Town. 282 00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,603 Come on... come on down. 283 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:20,896 "First and..." 284 00:10:20,980 --> 00:10:22,189 [ babbles ] 285 00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:24,900 That's right across the street from "Needful Things," 286 00:10:24,984 --> 00:10:27,319 where you can get evil items for free! 287 00:10:27,404 --> 00:10:30,781 Diabolic son of a motherf... 288 00:10:30,865 --> 00:10:32,783 We're back on "Good Morning, Pluto." 289 00:10:32,867 --> 00:10:34,785 And a very good morning it is 290 00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:37,538 for our guest, Earth scientist Jerry Smith, 291 00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:39,748 who's making headlines with his bold announcement 292 00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:41,917 that is what, Jerry? 293 00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:43,585 Pluto is a planet. 294 00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:45,379 [ chuckling ] Well, how about that. 295 00:10:45,463 --> 00:10:47,381 I love it. [ cheers and applause ] 296 00:10:47,465 --> 00:10:49,800 Morty Smith. I'm Scroopy Noopers. 297 00:10:49,884 --> 00:10:51,927 I'm a scientist. Can I show you something? 298 00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:53,804 Uh, I better not. 299 00:10:53,888 --> 00:10:56,265 Right now. 300 00:10:56,349 --> 00:10:57,224 [ blurp! ] 301 00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,976 The center of Pluto, Mr. Smith, 302 00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:01,228 is made of a substance called "plutonium." 303 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,940 mines like these suck plutonium up to the cities, 304 00:11:05,024 --> 00:11:07,234 where corporations use it to power everything, 305 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:10,946 from diamond cars to golden showers. 306 00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:13,949 And the more we remove, the more Pluto shrinks. 307 00:11:14,033 --> 00:11:15,951 [ rumbles ] There it goes again. 308 00:11:16,035 --> 00:11:17,578 Just shrank a little. 309 00:11:17,662 --> 00:11:18,829 But a few years ago, 310 00:11:18,913 --> 00:11:21,748 your scientists noticed Pluto had gotten so small 311 00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:24,042 they couldn't even call it a "planet" anymore. 312 00:11:24,127 --> 00:11:25,919 Should've been our wake-up call. 313 00:11:26,004 --> 00:11:27,713 But the rich plutonians won't wake up, 314 00:11:27,797 --> 00:11:30,591 and they love your Dad telling everyone Pluto's a planet 315 00:11:30,675 --> 00:11:32,634 because that means they can keep mining 316 00:11:32,719 --> 00:11:35,971 until Pluto goes from planet to asteroid 317 00:11:36,055 --> 00:11:39,266 to meteor, and finally... 318 00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,852 poof. - Um, a party? 319 00:11:41,936 --> 00:11:43,336 Is everyone in your family an idiot? 320 00:11:43,396 --> 00:11:45,063 Well, for sure me and my Dad are. 321 00:11:45,148 --> 00:11:46,899 [ sighs ] Well, all you have to do 322 00:11:46,983 --> 00:11:48,525 is get him to admit that, 323 00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:51,111 and you could save four billion lives. 324 00:11:51,196 --> 00:11:56,158 Yeah, you know, the thing is my Dad's really insecure. 325 00:11:57,952 --> 00:11:59,411 Hmm. Funny. 326 00:11:59,496 --> 00:12:01,747 Mr. Needful, out of everything in the store, 327 00:12:01,831 --> 00:12:04,458 you'll never guess what we couldn't get rid of. 328 00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,460 [ gasps ] - [ sputtering ] 329 00:12:06,544 --> 00:12:08,086 Oh, my god. 330 00:12:08,171 --> 00:12:10,130 [ grunting ] 331 00:12:10,215 --> 00:12:11,757 Oh, my god. 332 00:12:11,841 --> 00:12:16,428 I wish this desk was lighter. 333 00:12:16,513 --> 00:12:19,515 I wish this knot was looser. 334 00:12:19,599 --> 00:12:21,308 [ grunts ] Come on. 335 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,977 [ blows ] I don't... 336 00:12:24,062 --> 00:12:25,437 [ grunts ] 337 00:12:25,522 --> 00:12:27,147 Wait, what am I doing? 338 00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:29,358 I wish I knew CPR. 339 00:12:29,442 --> 00:12:30,651 1, 2, 3. 340 00:12:30,735 --> 00:12:32,361 [ chokes, sputters ] Oh, Jesus. 341 00:12:32,445 --> 00:12:34,613 What a waste of a monkey paw. 342 00:12:34,697 --> 00:12:36,615 Mr. Needful, how could you even think of doing 343 00:12:36,699 --> 00:12:38,242 something so horrible? 344 00:12:38,326 --> 00:12:39,910 I'm the devil. What should I do 345 00:12:39,994 --> 00:12:42,162 when I fail... get myself an ice cream? 346 00:12:42,247 --> 00:12:43,497 You haven't failed. 347 00:12:43,581 --> 00:12:45,415 People like Rick are making me obsolete. 348 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,417 I mean, seriously. I may be "the devil," 349 00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:50,128 but your grandpa is the devil. 350 00:12:50,213 --> 00:12:51,588 I just want to go back to hell, 351 00:12:51,673 --> 00:12:53,313 where everyone thinks I'm smart and funny. 352 00:12:53,383 --> 00:12:55,008 No! It's not fair. 353 00:12:55,093 --> 00:12:57,302 Everyone in this town got something they wanted 354 00:12:57,387 --> 00:12:58,470 from you... even Rick. 355 00:12:58,555 --> 00:13:01,640 I was your only friend, and I get nothing? 356 00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:04,601 Okay. I'll give you one thing. Name it. 357 00:13:04,686 --> 00:13:06,937 I want to help you. 358 00:13:07,021 --> 00:13:08,021 Clever twist. 359 00:13:08,022 --> 00:13:10,190 I learned from the best, you old fart. 360 00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:12,317 Now, let's go get you hydrated. 361 00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:14,027 Looks like we've got... 362 00:13:14,112 --> 00:13:16,029 haunted boxing gloves that will make you 363 00:13:16,114 --> 00:13:17,990 the heavyweight champion in 1936, 364 00:13:18,074 --> 00:13:19,950 and then you'll be trapped there, 365 00:13:20,034 --> 00:13:21,451 winning the same fight for eternity. 366 00:13:21,536 --> 00:13:23,412 I can take out the "eternity" and the padding, 367 00:13:23,496 --> 00:13:26,123 and then you'll have some time-traveling mittens. 368 00:13:26,207 --> 00:13:28,125 Oh, look, it's Rosemary's Baby. 369 00:13:28,209 --> 00:13:29,835 How's business? 370 00:13:29,919 --> 00:13:31,712 Here's the last of our inventory. 371 00:13:31,796 --> 00:13:34,673 We're going to file chapter 1 1 and do some restructuring. 372 00:13:34,757 --> 00:13:36,592 Sounds like code for "You win, Rick." 373 00:13:36,676 --> 00:13:38,552 That was important to you, wasn't it? 374 00:13:38,636 --> 00:13:40,220 Nope. Lt was important to your dumb devil friend. 375 00:13:40,305 --> 00:13:41,930 To me, this was all just a bit, 376 00:13:42,015 --> 00:13:43,557 like when Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer 377 00:13:43,641 --> 00:13:44,766 for 20 minutes. 378 00:13:44,851 --> 00:13:46,393 He tried to kill himself. 379 00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:48,645 [ laughing ] Seriously? Holy crap. 380 00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:50,355 Holy crap. 381 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,149 But you know what, Grandpa Rick? 382 00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:54,109 He's strong, and he's never going to give up. 383 00:13:54,193 --> 00:13:56,653 - Uh-huh, yeah, I don't care. - Oh, I know. 384 00:13:56,738 --> 00:13:58,530 - Everyone knows you don't care. - So? 385 00:13:58,615 --> 00:14:00,532 So have fun not caring. 386 00:14:00,617 --> 00:14:02,284 - I always do. - Good. 387 00:14:02,368 --> 00:14:04,161 Yeah, it is good. [burps] It's the best. 388 00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:06,246 I'm sure it is. 389 00:14:06,331 --> 00:14:07,831 - Bye. - Later. 390 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,250 I'm here to pick up my undead cat and child. 391 00:14:10,335 --> 00:14:12,502 Yeah, uh... give me a sec. 392 00:14:12,587 --> 00:14:14,880 These are the forms for the employee health plan. 393 00:14:14,964 --> 00:14:18,425 All right, yeah, put... put them on my... eh. 394 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:21,094 I just got bored. 395 00:14:21,179 --> 00:14:23,764 Everybody out. 396 00:14:23,848 --> 00:14:25,724 JERRY: All right, just one more rally, 397 00:14:25,808 --> 00:14:27,684 then I promise we'll get back to your science project. 398 00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:29,353 Dad, Pluto isn't a planet. 399 00:14:29,437 --> 00:14:31,021 It's shrinking because of corporations. 400 00:14:31,105 --> 00:14:33,023 Yeah, that's what that anti-planet nut job 401 00:14:33,107 --> 00:14:34,983 Scroopy Noopers was screaming about 402 00:14:35,068 --> 00:14:37,110 outside the Ministry of Money's Fundraiser. 403 00:14:37,195 --> 00:14:39,946 Are you telling me four billion Plutonians are wrong? 404 00:14:40,031 --> 00:14:41,657 You said science wasn't easy. 405 00:14:41,741 --> 00:14:43,367 I said science isn't a/ways easy. 406 00:14:43,451 --> 00:14:45,952 Obviously, that means sometimes it is easy. 407 00:14:46,037 --> 00:14:48,163 Let's not debase ourselves with word games, son. 408 00:14:48,247 --> 00:14:49,665 Dad, their whole planet is dying. 409 00:14:49,749 --> 00:14:53,043 Ha! You called it a planet. Checkmate. 410 00:14:53,127 --> 00:14:54,961 What's up, Pluto? 411 00:14:55,046 --> 00:14:56,880 [ cheers and applause ] 412 00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:59,341 [ classical music plays ] 413 00:14:59,425 --> 00:15:01,218 Mr. Smith, please tell my friend here 414 00:15:01,302 --> 00:15:03,178 what you just told me. Go on. 415 00:15:03,262 --> 00:15:05,639 My very eager mother just served us nine pickles, 416 00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:07,599 and the "pickles" is Pluto. 417 00:15:07,684 --> 00:15:10,310 [ sputters ] My god, the man's a genius. 418 00:15:10,395 --> 00:15:12,229 Um, excuse me. 419 00:15:12,313 --> 00:15:14,314 Morty, what? 420 00:15:14,399 --> 00:15:16,239 Dad, what did you think about the recent report 421 00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:18,402 published by The Pluto Science Reader 422 00:15:18,486 --> 00:15:22,948 linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and surface shrinkage 423 00:15:23,032 --> 00:15:26,493 to deep-core plutonium drilling? 424 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:29,746 Well, son, what did you think 425 00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:31,748 when you were five and you pooped your pants, 426 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:34,000 and you threw your poopy undies out your bedroom window 427 00:15:34,085 --> 00:15:35,752 because you thought it was like 428 00:15:35,837 --> 00:15:37,504 throwing something in the garbage? 429 00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:38,880 [ laughter ] 430 00:15:38,965 --> 00:15:40,245 I mean, I'm trimming the hedges, 431 00:15:40,299 --> 00:15:41,925 and these things are just hanging there. 432 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,929 Was I supposed to think the poop bunny left them? 433 00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:46,972 Good one, Dad. 434 00:15:47,056 --> 00:15:49,808 Hey, Morty, you want to go on a... oh. 435 00:15:49,892 --> 00:15:51,768 Hey, Beth. Hello? 436 00:15:51,853 --> 00:15:54,229 Hey, Jerry, you in here being stupid? 437 00:15:54,313 --> 00:15:58,316 [ sighs, burps ] 438 00:15:58,401 --> 00:16:00,110 [ robot whirs ] 439 00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:01,445 Thanks. 440 00:16:01,529 --> 00:16:03,363 Hey, you know, I was thinking, you know, 441 00:16:03,448 --> 00:16:04,656 I might watch a movie. 442 00:16:04,741 --> 00:16:06,283 I am not programmed for friendship. 443 00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:08,368 Suit yourself. [ burps ] 444 00:16:08,453 --> 00:16:11,371 [ hums ] 445 00:16:11,456 --> 00:16:12,539 Hey. [clears throat] Hey. 446 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:13,915 W-W-What's going on? 447 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,252 Um, can you help me do the stupid science fair project? 448 00:16:17,336 --> 00:16:19,212 Whatever. 449 00:16:19,297 --> 00:16:22,507 PLUTONIAN: Jerry, you must be so excited. 450 00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:25,385 The Pluto-bel prize is the highest honor 451 00:16:25,470 --> 00:16:27,596 a scientist can receive. 452 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,598 I'm flattered and humbled. 453 00:16:29,682 --> 00:16:32,392 Oh, I like that. Use that in your speech. 454 00:16:32,477 --> 00:16:34,686 Also, talk about Pluto being a planet. 455 00:16:34,771 --> 00:16:36,396 People like that. 456 00:16:36,481 --> 00:16:38,064 Your highness, we've captured Scroopy Noopers. 457 00:16:38,149 --> 00:16:39,691 You animals! Animals! 458 00:16:39,776 --> 00:16:44,404 Ooh, look who's little journey's come to an end. 459 00:16:44,489 --> 00:16:46,531 Take him to Pluto-namo Bay. 460 00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:49,159 You can't kill the truth, father. 461 00:16:49,243 --> 00:16:51,453 - What? - I can see you're confused. 462 00:16:51,537 --> 00:16:53,330 Pluto-namo Bay is a military prison... 463 00:16:53,414 --> 00:16:55,207 a sort of play on words. 464 00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:56,833 Did he call you "father"? 465 00:16:56,918 --> 00:16:59,377 Scroopy Noopers, the anti-planet nutjob, 466 00:16:59,462 --> 00:17:01,046 is your son? 467 00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:03,381 The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry. 468 00:17:03,466 --> 00:17:06,593 Pluto is a cold, cold celestial dwarf. 469 00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:08,845 - It's a what? - Huh? Oh, planet. 470 00:17:08,930 --> 00:17:10,555 [ laughs ] 471 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,224 "Pluto is a cold, cold planet." 472 00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:14,226 That's what I meant. 473 00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:17,312 Knock them dead out there, you. 474 00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:22,567 [ echoing ] Pluto is... 475 00:17:31,494 --> 00:17:34,788 [ sighs ] not a planet. 476 00:17:34,872 --> 00:17:37,582 - [ shouting ] - Ow! It's not a planet. 477 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:40,961 Hey! It's not a planet! 478 00:17:41,045 --> 00:17:44,130 I'm an idiot, and I love my son. 479 00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:46,132 It was a long six hours, 480 00:17:46,217 --> 00:17:48,218 but we've overhauled "Needful Things" 481 00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:49,886 into the globally-compliant web 4.0 482 00:17:49,971 --> 00:17:53,890 "E-nomenon," n33dful.Com, 483 00:17:53,975 --> 00:17:56,685 spelled with threes instead of "E's." 484 00:17:56,769 --> 00:17:58,353 [ cheering ] 485 00:17:58,437 --> 00:18:02,649 Okay, that's it. We just got bought by Google! 486 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,485 Mm. I'm so proud of you, Lucius. 487 00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:07,988 So, how much did we make? 488 00:18:08,072 --> 00:18:10,031 [ chuckling ] "We." 489 00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:12,367 This is my business. Security! 490 00:18:12,451 --> 00:18:14,327 [ gasps ] You're Zuckerberg-ING me? 491 00:18:14,412 --> 00:18:15,954 I was Zuckerberg-ING people 492 00:18:16,038 --> 00:18:17,664 before Zuckerberg's balls dropped. 493 00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:20,500 I'm the devil, bitch! What, what?! 494 00:18:20,585 --> 00:18:23,920 [ fiddle plays ] 495 00:18:24,005 --> 00:18:26,715 Hey! [ groans ] 496 00:18:29,343 --> 00:18:31,261 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, oh, hey, Dad. 497 00:18:31,345 --> 00:18:34,222 Um, what... what are you doing back from Pluto so quick? 498 00:18:34,307 --> 00:18:37,225 Uh... some people just can't handle the truth. 499 00:18:37,310 --> 00:18:39,227 Especially dummies like me. 500 00:18:39,312 --> 00:18:41,771 Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, 501 00:18:41,856 --> 00:18:45,108 but I promise never to make that your problem again. 502 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,693 Hey, Dad. 503 00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,863 Nobody's smarter than Rick, but nobody else is my Dad. 504 00:18:49,947 --> 00:18:51,656 You're a genius at that. 505 00:18:51,741 --> 00:18:53,658 Wow. [ sniffles ] 506 00:18:53,743 --> 00:18:57,245 That's... humbling and flattering, son. 507 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,247 Thank you. 508 00:18:59,332 --> 00:19:01,613 What say we finish ourselves an eight-planet solar system? 509 00:19:01,626 --> 00:19:03,960 Um... I'm just gonna take this thing in 510 00:19:04,045 --> 00:19:05,962 and get an "A." - Butter. 511 00:19:06,047 --> 00:19:07,672 - But... - You're a genius... 512 00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:08,840 at being my Dad, Dad. 513 00:19:08,925 --> 00:19:10,175 Quit while you're ahead. 514 00:19:10,259 --> 00:19:11,843 And also, knock next time, you know? 515 00:19:11,928 --> 00:19:13,408 I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm 14... 516 00:19:13,471 --> 00:19:14,971 I got a computer in here, you know? 517 00:19:15,056 --> 00:19:16,806 Oh, I... I think I understand. 518 00:19:16,891 --> 00:19:18,433 You're really playing with fire 519 00:19:18,517 --> 00:19:19,851 when you burst in here like that, man. 520 00:19:19,936 --> 00:19:21,394 I get it. Say no more. 521 00:19:21,479 --> 00:19:22,896 I mean, one of these days, 522 00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:24,689 you know, you're gonna end up seeing something. 523 00:19:24,774 --> 00:19:27,025 I got it! Noted. Good night. 524 00:19:27,109 --> 00:19:29,945 [ metal music playing ] 525 00:19:30,029 --> 00:19:33,448 How's your pretend grandpa doing, aka "The Devil"? 526 00:19:33,532 --> 00:19:36,284 - He dumped me. - Oof. Sorry. 527 00:19:36,369 --> 00:19:38,495 Did we learn a lesson here I'm not seeing? 528 00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:39,871 Not sure. 529 00:19:39,956 --> 00:19:41,748 Maybe in a much bigger way, 530 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:44,417 Mr. Needful gave us both what we really wanted? 531 00:19:44,502 --> 00:19:47,879 Because I was always jealous of you hanging out with Morty, 532 00:19:47,964 --> 00:19:51,007 and you didn't realize how much you valued my approval? 533 00:19:51,092 --> 00:19:53,635 - No, that's dumb. - Yeah, not satisfying. 534 00:19:53,719 --> 00:19:55,553 I'll tell you what, though. 535 00:19:55,638 --> 00:19:57,347 If... if... if it's satisfaction you're after, 536 00:19:57,431 --> 00:19:59,057 I think I might have an idea. 537 00:19:59,141 --> 00:20:01,351 [ whispering ] - Uh-huh. 538 00:20:01,435 --> 00:20:02,936 Uh-huh. 539 00:20:03,020 --> 00:20:04,354 Uh-huh, totally. Let's do it. 540 00:20:04,438 --> 00:20:06,106 ♪ X gonna give it to ya ♪ ♪ What? ♪ 541 00:20:06,190 --> 00:20:07,857 ♪ Wait for you to get it on your own, 542 00:20:07,942 --> 00:20:09,609 X gonna deliver to ya ♪ 543 00:20:09,694 --> 00:20:11,611 ♪ Knock knock, open up the door, it's real ♪ 544 00:20:11,696 --> 00:20:13,905 ♪ With the non-stop pop pop and stainless steel ♪ 545 00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:16,032 ♪ Go hard, getting busy with it ♪ 546 00:20:16,117 --> 00:20:17,450 ♪ but I got such a good heart 547 00:20:17,535 --> 00:20:19,911 that I'll make the mother wonder if he did it ♪ 548 00:20:19,996 --> 00:20:21,538 ♪ Damn right, and I'll do it again, 549 00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:24,249 'cause I am nice so I gots to win ♪ 550 00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:25,917 ♪ Break bread with the enemy ♪ 551 00:20:26,002 --> 00:20:27,585 ♪ But no matter how many cats I break bread with, 552 00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:29,045 I'll break who you... ♪ 553 00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:30,964 And that's how I took my storefront 554 00:20:31,048 --> 00:20:33,508 into the forefront of the up front. 555 00:20:33,592 --> 00:20:35,176 Thank you, Seattle. 556 00:20:35,261 --> 00:20:36,928 [ cheers and applause ] 557 00:20:37,013 --> 00:20:39,723 Rick? Summer? 558 00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:41,391 [ audience groans ] 559 00:20:41,475 --> 00:20:42,892 Stupid motherfucker! 560 00:20:42,977 --> 00:20:44,144 You stupid bitch. 561 00:20:44,228 --> 00:20:45,937 Stupid motherfucker! 562 00:20:46,022 --> 00:20:48,148 How do you like that? How do you like that? 563 00:20:48,232 --> 00:20:50,942 [ grunts, groans ] 564 00:20:51,027 --> 00:20:52,402 W-W-Why? 565 00:20:52,486 --> 00:20:55,030 Because sometimes what you really need is 566 00:20:55,114 --> 00:20:57,699 for someone else to pay a horrible price. 567 00:20:57,783 --> 00:20:59,701 [ whimpers ] 568 00:20:59,785 --> 00:21:01,202 [ spits ] 569 00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:02,871 - We did it. - Yeah, bro. 570 00:21:02,955 --> 00:21:05,540 We totally worked it. We did it! 571 00:21:05,624 --> 00:21:07,834 We just pulled it off. 572 00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:11,171 Yeah, bro. Yeah. 573 00:21:44,497 --> 00:21:46,831 ♪ Bitch, please, if the only thing you cats did 574 00:21:46,916 --> 00:21:48,124 was came out to play ♪ 575 00:21:48,209 --> 00:21:49,876 ♪ Stay out my way, mother ♪ 576 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,878 ♪ First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ♪ 577 00:21:51,962 --> 00:21:54,672 ♪ Then we let it pop, don't let it go ♪ 578 00:21:54,757 --> 00:21:59,385 ♪ X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ♪ 579 00:21:59,470 --> 00:22:02,222 ♪ First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ♪ 580 00:22:02,306 --> 00:22:04,599 ♪ Then we let it pop, don't let it go ♪ 581 00:22:04,683 --> 00:22:09,312 ♪ X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ♪ 582 00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:11,147 ♪ Ain't never gave nothing to me ♪ 583 00:22:12,691 --> 00:22:14,109 Did you get any of that? 584 00:22:14,193 --> 00:22:16,152 It's a good-a show!