1 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:03,958 What's new at school? 2 00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:05,584 - Nothing. - Nothing! 3 00:00:05,664 --> 00:00:07,587 Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died. 4 00:00:07,666 --> 00:00:09,589 They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck 5 00:00:09,668 --> 00:00:11,341 and all the blood drained out of her. 6 00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,172 Good lord! Who does something like that? 7 00:00:13,255 --> 00:00:15,633 Obviously a vampire. W-W-Where's the pepper? 8 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,468 Wait, what?! Vampires are real'?! 9 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:20,430 Yes, Summer, vampires are real. Who knew? 10 00:00:20,512 --> 00:00:23,186 Oh, right, all humanity, for hundreds of years, now. 11 00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:24,562 Yeah, Summer, it's a big universe. 12 00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:26,484 Get used to it. R-Right, Rick? 13 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,732 Well, what are we going to do?! 14 00:00:27,811 --> 00:00:29,734 We're gonna live our lives until we die. 15 00:00:29,813 --> 00:00:31,736 Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident 16 00:00:31,815 --> 00:00:34,364 or heart disease, but possibly vampire. 17 00:00:34,443 --> 00:00:37,367 Grandpa Rick, couldn't you, like, use your superknowledge 18 00:00:37,446 --> 00:00:40,199 to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school 19 00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:42,751 and help us hunt the vampire down? 20 00:00:42,826 --> 00:00:44,419 Um -- Wow. 21 00:00:44,494 --> 00:00:46,747 Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer. 22 00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:49,583 I probably could turn myself into a teenager 23 00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:52,465 and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, 24 00:00:52,544 --> 00:00:54,512 low-stakes assworld that is high school. 25 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,215 But here's my reverse-ask -- 26 00:00:56,298 --> 00:00:59,017 Why in the fuck would I ever do that, ever? 27 00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,311 And how dare you even ask me that? 28 00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:03,184 And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself? 29 00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,391 - Dad! - Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie. 30 00:01:05,474 --> 00:01:07,272 Jerry! Do you know what you just said to our daughter? 31 00:01:07,350 --> 00:01:09,318 Sor-ry! I wasn't paying attention. 32 00:01:09,394 --> 00:01:11,772 To a conversation about vampires?! 33 00:01:11,855 --> 00:01:14,449 Clearly, I didn't know it was about vampires, 34 00:01:14,524 --> 00:01:16,276 because I wasn't paying attention, 35 00:01:16,359 --> 00:01:17,781 which you would know, 36 00:01:17,861 --> 00:01:19,613 if you ever paid attention to me! 37 00:01:19,696 --> 00:01:21,619 Oh, here we go, right to the victim role. 38 00:01:21,698 --> 00:01:23,291 Am I a victim, Beth, 39 00:01:23,366 --> 00:01:25,084 or am I married to a mean, unfair monster 40 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,377 that always hurts me?! 41 00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:28,376 Jesus Christ! Will you fix your marriage... 42 00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:31,459 or get a divorce already? 43 00:01:31,541 --> 00:01:35,546 Well, we tried a couples' therapist. 44 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,176 That's Earth therapy. 45 00:01:37,255 --> 00:01:38,882 You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round. 46 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:41,935 I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly, he's just gonna get horrified. 47 00:01:42,177 --> 00:01:44,805 I know about a place off-planet with a 100% success rate. 48 00:01:44,888 --> 00:01:47,357 Well, we want to make it work, if we can. 49 00:01:47,432 --> 00:01:48,809 It's just -- - Then it's settled. 50 00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:50,314 No need to pack. - Oh! 51 00:01:50,393 --> 00:01:51,815 Let's go, go, go, go! [ door opens, closes ] 52 00:01:51,895 --> 00:01:54,899 Do you think Mom and Dad are, you know, 53 00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,358 gonna get a divorce? 54 00:01:56,441 --> 00:01:58,193 I think it's okay to dream, Morty. 55 00:01:58,276 --> 00:02:01,997 I'm gonna go make some wooden stakes. 56 00:02:02,239 --> 00:02:03,957 ♪♪ 57 00:02:27,597 --> 00:02:29,691 ♪♪ 58 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:36,569 I booked you for a two-day intensive at Nuptia Four, 59 00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:39,322 the galaxy's most successful couples' counseling institute. 60 00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:40,869 They could save the marriage of a dog 61 00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:42,491 and a bar of dark chocolate. 62 00:02:42,571 --> 00:02:43,868 They could save the marriage 63 00:02:43,947 --> 00:02:45,574 of a porn star and a porn star. 64 00:02:45,657 --> 00:02:47,284 Well, I know I'm ready to try whatever it takes. 65 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,960 Which clearly implies that I'm not. 66 00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:50,412 It's not a competition, Beth. 67 00:02:50,495 --> 00:02:52,293 Oh is that how you're gonna try to win, 68 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,295 by implying I'm competitive? - If the shoe fits. 69 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,126 - My shoe fits up your ass. - You wish! 70 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,052 RICK: Okay, have fun. See ya Thursday! 71 00:02:58,295 --> 00:02:59,717 JERRY: Oh! 72 00:02:59,796 --> 00:03:01,719 Jerk. - Don't insult my father. 73 00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:03,721 He's the reason our kids are only half-stupid. 74 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,427 Ha! You just called yourself -- 75 00:03:05,510 --> 00:03:06,636 Oh. 76 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,313 - Beth and Jerry Smith? - Yes. 77 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,890 I'm Glaxo Slimslom. 78 00:03:09,973 --> 00:03:11,896 Welcome to Nuptia Four. 79 00:03:11,975 --> 00:03:14,444 Your marriage can rest easy now. 80 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,991 Jerry, go ahead and sit there and put this on. 81 00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,739 This machine isolates the part of the subject's brain 82 00:03:21,818 --> 00:03:25,038 containing all perceptions of its romantic partner. 83 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,159 And we will now render Jerry's perception of Beth 84 00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:31,620 with artificial biological life. 85 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,916 - [growl ] - GLAXO: Interesting. 86 00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:37,922 What the hell is that?! Take that back! 87 00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:39,753 You do not think that about me! 88 00:03:39,836 --> 00:03:41,588 I didn't do anything! They scanned it out of my brain. 89 00:03:41,671 --> 00:03:43,344 Can I take it back? 90 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:44,891 There's nothing to regret. 91 00:03:44,966 --> 00:03:47,014 We're dealing with unconscious, unhealthy thoughts. 92 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:48,640 Beth. 93 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,973 Now, we scan for Beth's perceptions of Jerry. 94 00:03:51,056 --> 00:03:53,684 - Scan hard. He's dead to me. - Everything's dead to you. 95 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,269 - What? - Nothing. 96 00:03:59,022 --> 00:04:01,320 [whimper] 97 00:04:01,399 --> 00:04:02,946 Read it and weep, bitch. 98 00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:04,653 [ Crying ] Does everybody see what I mean? 99 00:04:04,736 --> 00:04:06,955 I think we all see what you both mean. 100 00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,532 [ Bell rings] 101 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,538 Any leads on the vampire? 102 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,039 No, Summer! I mean, you know, 103 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,212 I think it might be time that we just l-let it go. 104 00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:15,960 Oh, so, now, you're too cool for this, 105 00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:17,461 just because Grandpa Rick is? 106 00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,508 It's not that, it's just that the universe 107 00:04:19,584 --> 00:04:21,803 is a little too big to care about something so small. 108 00:04:21,878 --> 00:04:24,222 Aah! - What up, my Helsings? 109 00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,140 Who wants to hunt a vampire? Ha ha ha! 110 00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:27,805 Rick? How -- How did you -- 111 00:04:27,884 --> 00:04:29,477 Yeah, I got bored and then, I remembered, 112 00:04:29,552 --> 00:04:31,520 this morning, how I blew Summer off, and I thought, 113 00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,269 "Hey, why are you such a grumpy douche, Rick? 114 00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:34,816 Go to the garage, transfer your mind 115 00:04:34,891 --> 00:04:36,518 into a younger clone of yourself, 116 00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:38,353 and get embroiled in some youthful hijinks. 117 00:04:38,436 --> 00:04:40,109 What's the BFD?" So here I am. 118 00:04:40,355 --> 00:04:42,232 I'm Tiny Rick! - O-O-Okay. 119 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,862 Well, it's good you're here, Rick. 120 00:04:43,942 --> 00:04:45,114 I was pretty sure we didn't have what it takes 121 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,703 to deal with a bloodsucker on our own. 122 00:04:46,778 --> 00:04:48,121 Don't short-sell yourself, Summer. 123 00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:50,164 You got everything it takes. But it'll still be fun... 124 00:04:50,407 --> 00:04:52,910 to do this as a fucking team, motherfucker. Tiny Rick! 125 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,837 Yeah! Oh, my god, Toby Matthews! 126 00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:58,131 Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick. I'm new. 127 00:04:58,373 --> 00:05:00,341 Hey oh -- Go easy on me. Ha ha. Just kiddin'. 128 00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:02,795 Hey, I like your straightforward style 129 00:05:02,877 --> 00:05:04,629 and that lab coat's pretty cool. 130 00:05:04,713 --> 00:05:06,010 Summer. 131 00:05:06,089 --> 00:05:07,887 He knows my name! 132 00:05:07,966 --> 00:05:09,263 Why wouldn't he? You're great! 133 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:10,810 But, listen, just be careful. 134 00:05:10,885 --> 00:05:12,262 We can't rule anybody out as the vampire, 135 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,564 not even the dreamboats. 136 00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:15,811 Stop, Tiny Rick. 137 00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:17,858 Huntin' a vampire with my grandkids! 138 00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:20,437 Fuck! Tiny Ri-i-ck! 139 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,363 GLAXO: The next step is to watch your mythologues 140 00:05:22,439 --> 00:05:25,534 interact together and, uh -- big surprise -- 141 00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:27,986 It's never pretty. - [ laughter] 142 00:05:28,069 --> 00:05:30,697 Here we have Garrrh and Zharbidar Gloompfschs, 143 00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,623 or, should I say, here we have the way 144 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,997 Garrrh and Zharbidar perceive each other. 145 00:05:35,076 --> 00:05:37,170 [roaring] 146 00:05:37,412 --> 00:05:38,789 [chuckling ] As we can all see, 147 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,000 this is hardly the real Garrrh and Zharbidar. 148 00:05:41,082 --> 00:05:42,709 Which is good, because the relationship 149 00:05:42,792 --> 00:05:45,420 in their heads is not only ugly, 150 00:05:45,503 --> 00:05:47,756 it's unsustainable. [beep] 151 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:48,806 [ Roar] 152 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,759 [growling ] 153 00:05:50,842 --> 00:05:53,766 You may already be learning something important -- 154 00:05:53,845 --> 00:05:56,018 All of these relationships are different, 155 00:05:56,097 --> 00:05:59,021 none of them are real, and none of them work. 156 00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:02,650 We are not the monsters we sometimes see each other as, 157 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:06,450 because we are real and we are functional. 158 00:06:06,524 --> 00:06:09,619 That's what makes us better than them. 159 00:06:09,694 --> 00:06:12,447 We can find solutions. 160 00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:13,827 We can adapt. 161 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,080 We can communicate. - [growl] 162 00:06:16,159 --> 00:06:19,880 And, most importantly, 163 00:06:19,954 --> 00:06:23,959 we can work together. 164 00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:27,345 SUMMER: Well, it was a tough adventure, but it paid off -- 165 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,388 Our school is vampire-free! 166 00:06:29,464 --> 00:06:32,183 Man, who would've suspected Coach Feratu? 167 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:34,101 You did great, guys. Couldn't have done it without ya. 168 00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:35,895 You know, we -- w-we should be proud of ourselves. 169 00:06:35,970 --> 00:06:38,223 We killed a vampire and a gym teacher. 170 00:06:38,473 --> 00:06:40,475 Ha ha ha. Talk about two-for-one, right?! 171 00:06:40,558 --> 00:06:42,356 So, how, exactly, is your old body living 172 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:43,812 in there, Grandpa Rick? 173 00:06:43,895 --> 00:06:45,363 Oh, you know, hyperbaric quantum fluid, 174 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,361 [ burp]... that kind of thing. It preserves living tissue. 175 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,408 Not that there was much to preserve. 176 00:06:49,484 --> 00:06:52,203 Look at that mummy! Ha! Ha ha! 177 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,656 And I guess it's time for me to get back inside the old-timer. 178 00:06:54,739 --> 00:06:56,616 Oh, my god. Toby Matthews is asking... 179 00:06:56,699 --> 00:06:58,622 if my parents are still out of town 180 00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:00,294 and if we can have a party! 181 00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:02,289 All right, way to go, Summer! What did I tell you? 182 00:07:02,539 --> 00:07:05,668 Ohh! He's asking if Tiny Rick will be here. 183 00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,377 Well, you know what, Summer? 184 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,133 Tell him Tiny Rick will be here! 185 00:07:09,212 --> 00:07:10,839 And tell him to bring some brews! 186 00:07:10,922 --> 00:07:13,175 For real? Y-Y-Y-You would stay as Tiny Rick, 187 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,976 just so we can have a party? 188 00:07:15,051 --> 00:07:16,724 Hell, yeah! What's one more night? 189 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,272 And who can have fun with this old bastard hanging around, huh? 190 00:07:19,514 --> 00:07:21,892 [ Iaughter ] Wubby lubby doob doob! 191 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,648 - Whoo! - Tiny Rick! 192 00:07:23,726 --> 00:07:24,727 [growl ] 193 00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:28,614 Moving on. Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith 194 00:07:28,690 --> 00:07:30,613 from the planet E-Arth. 195 00:07:30,692 --> 00:07:32,660 - My heart is pounding. - This is gonna be great. 196 00:07:32,735 --> 00:07:34,658 The E-Arth relationships are simpler. 197 00:07:34,737 --> 00:07:37,331 It's a primitive planet, so their dysfunctions are oh -- 198 00:07:37,574 --> 00:07:39,121 W-Wait, what? What's going on? 199 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,873 Where are the Smith mythologues? 200 00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:43,250 [suspenseful music plays] 201 00:07:45,957 --> 00:07:47,049 JERRY: Oh, my god. 202 00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:48,627 - [ shriek ] - [ gasp ] 203 00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:50,053 Aah! Aah! 204 00:07:50,128 --> 00:07:53,177 - Oh, my god. - Secure the cell! 205 00:07:53,256 --> 00:07:55,133 Aaaah! [slice] 206 00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:57,685 Uh, hey! You know what's fun? Our gift shop. 207 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,558 Why don't we proceed in an orderly -- 208 00:07:59,637 --> 00:08:00,809 [growl ] 209 00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:02,436 [whimpering] 210 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:03,687 Oh, dear god, no. 211 00:08:03,766 --> 00:08:07,020 They're codependent! Run! 212 00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:08,104 [roaring] 213 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,190 Oh! 214 00:08:10,273 --> 00:08:11,900 [ Crickets chirp ] [chatting ] 215 00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:13,735 [rock music plays] 216 00:08:13,818 --> 00:08:15,946 [ laughter ] 217 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,827 Oh, yeah, yeah, you really know how 218 00:08:17,906 --> 00:08:20,034 to sport that color blue. - Really? 219 00:08:20,116 --> 00:08:22,039 - You're looking real good. - Oh, my god. 220 00:08:22,118 --> 00:08:24,120 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, hey -- hey, Jessica. 221 00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:27,708 So, is Tiny Rick your brother or cousin, or...? 222 00:08:27,790 --> 00:08:29,758 No, my grandpa just transferred his consciousness 223 00:08:29,834 --> 00:08:32,178 into a clone of himself so he could be in our high school. 224 00:08:32,253 --> 00:08:33,550 Cool. 225 00:08:33,630 --> 00:08:35,678 Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar. 226 00:08:35,757 --> 00:08:36,929 All right, everybody. 227 00:08:37,008 --> 00:08:38,681 This next one's coming straight from the heart. 228 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,762 Making the lyrics up right off the top of my head. 229 00:08:40,845 --> 00:08:42,222 ♪ Let me out ♪ 230 00:08:42,305 --> 00:08:45,605 ♪ What you see is not the same person as me ♪ 231 00:08:45,683 --> 00:08:46,775 ♪ My life's a lie ♪ 232 00:08:46,851 --> 00:08:48,194 ♪ I'm not who you're looking at ♪ 233 00:08:48,269 --> 00:08:50,363 ♪ Let me out, set me free ♪ 234 00:08:50,605 --> 00:08:52,323 ♪ I'm really old; this isn't me ♪ 235 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:57,780 ♪ My real body's slowly dyin' in a vat ♪ 236 00:08:57,862 --> 00:08:59,489 ♪ ls anybody listening' ♪ 237 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,370 ♪ Can anyone understand? ♪ 238 00:09:01,449 --> 00:09:05,044 ♪ Stop lookin' at me like that and actually help me ♪ 239 00:09:05,119 --> 00:09:06,120 ♪ Help me! ♪ 240 00:09:06,204 --> 00:09:07,956 ♪ Help me; I'm gonna die! ♪ 241 00:09:08,039 --> 00:09:09,882 Tiny Rick! Thanks, everybody! 242 00:09:09,958 --> 00:09:11,084 [ Cheering ] This guy's amazing! 243 00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,089 - I love Tiny Rick! - Bad. Ass. 244 00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,967 [ Hooting ] - Yeah! 245 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,974 [ Snarl ] 246 00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:20,143 [ Hiss] 247 00:09:20,218 --> 00:09:22,937 [screaming in distance] 248 00:09:23,012 --> 00:09:24,013 [ Rattle ] 249 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,098 Aah! 250 00:09:26,891 --> 00:09:28,484 [ominous music plays] 251 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,648 [growl ] 252 00:09:33,731 --> 00:09:35,074 Huh? 253 00:09:35,149 --> 00:09:36,822 What the fuck? 254 00:09:36,901 --> 00:09:38,824 Yeah, I know! What kind of operation are you running? 255 00:09:38,903 --> 00:09:41,622 Us?! What the hell kind of relationship do you have?! 256 00:09:41,698 --> 00:09:42,995 Oh, right, blame this on us. 257 00:09:43,074 --> 00:09:46,294 Okay, uh, I can and I am! 258 00:09:46,369 --> 00:09:49,964 Your demonized mythologizations of each other are cooperating. 259 00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:53,293 - Isn't that good? - No. No! It's bad! 260 00:09:53,376 --> 00:09:56,425 You have the single worst marriage I've ever witnessed. 261 00:09:56,671 --> 00:09:58,264 It shouldn't exist! 262 00:09:58,339 --> 00:10:00,341 You should never, ever, ever, have gotten together 263 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:03,099 and I do not understand how, or why, 264 00:10:03,177 --> 00:10:05,145 you would ever stay together. 265 00:10:05,221 --> 00:10:06,473 Aaah! 266 00:10:06,723 --> 00:10:08,020 Well, this is just bad couples' therapy. 267 00:10:08,099 --> 00:10:09,396 Totally. 268 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,319 [ Panting ] 269 00:10:12,395 --> 00:10:14,489 [suspenseful music plays] 270 00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:17,359 - Wait for us! - There's only room for one more. 271 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:19,194 I'm a therapist. I'll talk to them. 272 00:10:19,277 --> 00:10:22,030 They're not therapists. Go, go, go! 273 00:10:22,113 --> 00:10:24,161 There's gotta be a way to contact my dad. 274 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,117 Let's find a control room or something. 275 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,204 [suspenseful music plays] 276 00:10:29,287 --> 00:10:31,335 [ Creak ] 277 00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:33,166 JERRY: Beth! You'll want to see this. 278 00:10:33,249 --> 00:10:35,718 - What is it? - It's a small, hinged panel... 279 00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:38,467 with a tiny amount of space behind it. 280 00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:40,423 If you can find one, too, 281 00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:43,726 we should be safe for hours, maybe days! 282 00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:46,179 You stay put, Jerry. 283 00:10:46,262 --> 00:10:48,515 I'll send help, if I make it. 284 00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:50,483 You don't want to find your own little hatch? 285 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:53,319 Jerry, I believe that, if you hide by yourself, 286 00:10:53,394 --> 00:10:55,613 you might survive and I believe I, 287 00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,782 by myself, have a shot of getting out of here, 288 00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,610 but the two of us, together? 289 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,070 I don't know. 290 00:11:02,153 --> 00:11:04,076 Look, maybe the shrink was right. 291 00:11:04,155 --> 00:11:06,408 Good luck. 292 00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:09,410 [ Roar] 293 00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:10,666 All right, now, you listen to me. 294 00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:11,871 Oh! Or don't. 295 00:11:11,954 --> 00:11:13,922 Hey! Don't! Please! 296 00:11:13,998 --> 00:11:15,295 [hissing] 297 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,922 [whining] 298 00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:18,469 Oh, god, oh, god, Oh, god! 299 00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:20,342 Now, I know I've said, in the past, 300 00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:22,173 that math is important -- And it is! -- 301 00:11:22,256 --> 00:11:24,634 But I also think that, one day, you'll all look back 302 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:28,312 on being in high school with Tiny Rick and Morty, 303 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,392 who I hear had a great party last night. 304 00:11:31,474 --> 00:11:34,774 So, class dismissed. You've got the day off! 305 00:11:34,852 --> 00:11:37,025 All right! Good work, Mr. Goldenfold! 306 00:11:37,105 --> 00:11:38,982 Yeah, get outside. Read a book. 307 00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:40,487 Put on some sunscreen, Danielle! 308 00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,239 Hey, what's up, Summer? Ooh, nice top. 309 00:11:42,318 --> 00:11:44,241 Thanks. Tiny Rick, you think you might be 310 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,947 getting back into your old body tonight? 311 00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:47,953 No can do. Tonight's the big dance. 312 00:11:48,032 --> 00:11:50,410 And Marty's bringing Jessica. He needs his tiny wing man. 313 00:11:50,493 --> 00:11:52,211 - BOTH: Tiny Rick! - [ laughs ] 314 00:11:52,286 --> 00:11:54,880 Okay, but if not tonight, when? 315 00:11:54,956 --> 00:11:56,424 I don't know. When I feel like it? 316 00:11:56,499 --> 00:11:58,422 Damn, girl! You need to chill out! 317 00:11:58,501 --> 00:12:00,595 This whole thing was your idea, in the first place, 318 00:12:00,837 --> 00:12:02,430 and, now, you're trying to rush it along. 319 00:12:02,505 --> 00:12:04,257 Yeah, and you know what? I like high school. 320 00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:06,058 I like hanging out. Tiny Rick! 321 00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:08,853 But what if the you that likes it isn't you? 322 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,521 [ Iaughter] ~ Oh! 323 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,189 BOTH: Oh, Summer! 324 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,983 It's just Rick in a younger body. 325 00:12:14,058 --> 00:12:15,355 What's the -- What's -- What's -- What's -- 326 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:16,687 What's the -- What's the problem? 327 00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,442 Look at his art, Morty. 328 00:12:18,521 --> 00:12:21,274 I've got an emo streak. Part of what makes me so rad. 329 00:12:21,357 --> 00:12:23,906 Why does it say "help me Morty and Summer!"? 330 00:12:23,985 --> 00:12:26,238 Come on, Summer, that's the title of the art. 331 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,368 Why was Knight Rider called Knight Rider? 332 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,701 The car's name was Kitt. Nobody rode Michael Knight. 333 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:33,411 You're overthinking it, Summer. I'm Tiny Rick! 334 00:12:33,494 --> 00:12:35,417 Grandpa, I think that, when you put your mind 335 00:12:35,496 --> 00:12:37,089 into this body's young brain, 336 00:12:37,165 --> 00:12:38,712 it did what young brains do -- 337 00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:40,338 It shoved the bad thoughts into the back 338 00:12:40,418 --> 00:12:42,170 and put a wall around them. 339 00:12:42,253 --> 00:12:44,472 But those bad thoughts are the real Rick. 340 00:12:44,547 --> 00:12:46,265 The fact that you're old, 341 00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:48,013 the fact that we're all going to die one day, 342 00:12:48,092 --> 00:12:49,844 the fact that the universe is so big, 343 00:12:49,927 --> 00:12:52,555 nothing in it matters -- those facts are who you are. 344 00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,515 So you're trapped in there and you can only come out 345 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:57,193 in the form of Tiny Rick's teen angst! 346 00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:59,612 Well, Summer, I hear 347 00:12:59,687 --> 00:13:01,985 Toby Matthews isn't into psycho chicks. 348 00:13:02,064 --> 00:13:03,657 Can't think of anyone that is. 349 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,323 I'll see you motherfuckers at the dance! Tiny Rick! 350 00:13:06,402 --> 00:13:08,029 Morty, you have to help me! 351 00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:10,035 Summer, he's happy! I'm happy! 352 00:13:10,114 --> 00:13:11,832 I-l-ls that why you're doing this, 353 00:13:11,908 --> 00:13:13,410 you don't want me and Rick to be happy? 354 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,416 - No. - Then get your shit together! 355 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,123 Get it all together and put it in a backpack. 356 00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:20,925 All your shit, so it's together. 357 00:13:21,918 --> 00:13:23,420 And if you gotta take it somewhere, 358 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,880 take it somewhere, you know? 359 00:13:24,962 --> 00:13:26,430 Take it to the shit store and sell it 360 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,759 o-or put it in a shit museum. I don't care what you do! 361 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,434 You just gotta get it together. 362 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,513 Get your shit together. 363 00:13:35,097 --> 00:13:37,099 [slug wailing] 364 00:13:38,309 --> 00:13:40,528 [ Gasping ] Get back! 365 00:13:40,603 --> 00:13:43,231 [ Fart] - Wait, for real? 366 00:13:43,314 --> 00:13:44,361 [whimpers] 367 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,693 You're how Beth sees me? 368 00:13:46,943 --> 00:13:49,696 Oh, my god. Turn around! 369 00:13:49,946 --> 00:13:51,539 I said turn around! 370 00:13:51,614 --> 00:13:53,787 How can Beth have these thoughts about me?! 371 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,460 That judgmental monster bitch! 372 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,254 I'm not taking this. 373 00:13:58,329 --> 00:13:59,672 I want to know where my wife is. 374 00:13:59,914 --> 00:14:01,712 You are going to help me. 375 00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:04,006 No! Nobody's doing that! 376 00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:06,804 [growling ] 377 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,802 Stay. 378 00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:11,634 - What do you want? - Jerrys. 379 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:14,687 You want Jerry? I don't even want Jerry. 380 00:14:14,929 --> 00:14:17,478 I want Jerrys. 381 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,059 [whimpering] 382 00:14:19,141 --> 00:14:20,688 An army. 383 00:14:20,935 --> 00:14:23,154 [ Iaughs] An army of Jerrys. 384 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:26,824 The value of his subservience is wasted on you. 385 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:30,073 I will use it to dominate the universe. 386 00:14:30,152 --> 00:14:31,870 Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must think I'm pretty stupid, 387 00:14:31,946 --> 00:14:33,493 for you to be this stupid. 388 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,120 Wouldn't it make more sense 389 00:14:35,199 --> 00:14:37,122 to put my dumbass husband in this chair, 390 00:14:37,201 --> 00:14:39,124 so you can make an army of your badass self? 391 00:14:39,203 --> 00:14:40,705 [ Iaughs ] 392 00:14:40,788 --> 00:14:42,711 There could never be more than one of me. 393 00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:45,760 I'm the strongest, smartest being alive 394 00:14:46,002 --> 00:14:48,755 because Jerry thinks you're that much stronger 395 00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:52,100 and smarter than you are! 396 00:14:52,174 --> 00:14:54,518 Okay, ouch. 397 00:14:56,512 --> 00:14:59,311 ♪♪ 398 00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:03,111 Oh, hey h-hey-y! Morty, Jessica, what's up? 399 00:15:03,185 --> 00:15:04,653 Check out the new dance I made up. 400 00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,697 It's called "Ooh let me out!" 401 00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,695 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪ 402 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,697 ♪ This is not a dance ♪ 403 00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:12,699 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪ 404 00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,701 ♪ Please come let me out ♪ 405 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,703 ♪ Let me out, Let me out ♪ 406 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,705 ♪ This is not a dance ♪ 407 00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,707 ♪ I'm beggin' for help, I'm screamin' for help ♪ 408 00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,629 ♪ Please come let me out ♪ 409 00:15:22,705 --> 00:15:25,379 ♪ I'm dyin' in a vat in the gara-a-ge ♪ 410 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,677 [ cheering ] - Awesome! 411 00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:29,550 Okay, that last part was really weird. 412 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,302 Maybe Summer's on to something here. 413 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:32,632 I don't know. It was fun. 414 00:15:32,715 --> 00:15:33,967 You want to slow dance? 415 00:15:39,055 --> 00:15:40,728 Tiny Rick, hey, great dancing as usual. 416 00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,433 Moment of your time? 417 00:15:42,516 --> 00:15:44,268 Tiny Rick, this conversation 418 00:15:44,352 --> 00:15:46,104 is gonna break my heart wide open. 419 00:15:46,187 --> 00:15:47,734 You're a great student and the fact that 420 00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:49,565 you're an 80-Year-Old man in a clone body, 421 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,242 it never bothered me. 422 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:52,569 But this here is another matter. 423 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,529 You recognize this? 424 00:15:54,612 --> 00:15:56,410 We got a tip it was in your locker. 425 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,412 Yeah, now, because the gym coach was a vampire, 426 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,164 the school board is embarrassed 427 00:16:00,242 --> 00:16:01,835 and won't take it public, However, 428 00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:03,500 they can't have students killin' teachers. 429 00:16:03,579 --> 00:16:05,502 I gotta expel you for this one, TR. 430 00:16:05,581 --> 00:16:07,629 I'm sorry. 431 00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:10,549 I just got expelled, Summer! 432 00:16:10,628 --> 00:16:13,427 Oh! So I guess there's no need to stay young. 433 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,429 My top! - Screw your top! 434 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,260 You ratted on me?! I'm Tiny Rick! 435 00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,220 Fine! Yes! Because I love you... 436 00:16:19,303 --> 00:16:21,180 and I'm trying to save your life! 437 00:16:21,263 --> 00:16:23,607 High school is my life! 438 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,606 Summer Smith is a fucking psycho nerd 439 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,733 and she just got me kicked out of school! 440 00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:30,656 ALL: [gasp ] 441 00:16:30,731 --> 00:16:33,109 [thud] 442 00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,614 Boo! 443 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,116 Summer, I thought you were cool! 444 00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,822 I'm sorry, okay? 445 00:16:37,905 --> 00:16:39,873 How can you be such a bitch? 446 00:16:40,116 --> 00:16:41,618 Oh, my god, Morty. 447 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,874 Your sister crossed Tiny Rick? 448 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,838 Talk about self-destructive. 449 00:16:45,913 --> 00:16:47,631 Yeah. 450 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,548 JERRY: Hey, Jerry-Lover! 451 00:16:51,627 --> 00:16:53,675 How about a taste of the real thing? 452 00:16:53,754 --> 00:16:55,756 - [ roar ] - Jerry! 453 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,717 Ah. Ah. Ah. 454 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,098 Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah. 455 00:17:02,513 --> 00:17:05,107 Not on my watch. 456 00:17:05,182 --> 00:17:07,105 That's it! 457 00:17:07,184 --> 00:17:09,232 Beth, it's me, your husband! 458 00:17:09,311 --> 00:17:11,234 I'm here to save you. 459 00:17:11,313 --> 00:17:13,736 Or my name isn't Jerry Smith! 460 00:17:13,816 --> 00:17:15,284 - Aha! - Yes! 461 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:16,736 Jerry Smith! 462 00:17:16,819 --> 00:17:18,116 - Yeah, here. - Aha! 463 00:17:18,195 --> 00:17:19,913 Okay, fair enough. 464 00:17:20,156 --> 00:17:21,282 [ominous music plays] 465 00:17:21,365 --> 00:17:22,958 [ Door creaks open ] 466 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,877 Say goodnight, old man. 467 00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:30,545 [gasp] 468 00:17:30,624 --> 00:17:31,876 What the hell are you doing?! - Put it down! 469 00:17:32,126 --> 00:17:33,844 Summer, you bitch! 470 00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:35,921 Don't talk to her that way! She's your granddaughter! 471 00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:38,391 I don't need a granddaughter! I'm Tiny Ri-i-ck! 472 00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:40,389 She's my sister! And if Tiny Rick is 473 00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:42,470 gonna be an asshole to my sister, then, 474 00:17:42,553 --> 00:17:44,555 you know, y-y-you may as well be old again. 475 00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:46,265 You think you're tough, huh, Morty? 476 00:17:46,348 --> 00:17:47,725 What are you gonna do? I'm Tiny Rick. 477 00:17:47,808 --> 00:17:49,481 I'm the coolest kid in your school. 478 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,608 How are you gonna just make me do whatever you say, huh? 479 00:17:51,687 --> 00:17:53,781 I'm gonna do what real Rick would do if he was here -- 480 00:17:53,856 --> 00:17:55,824 I'm gonna kick your ass! 481 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,243 Ohhhh! 482 00:17:57,318 --> 00:17:58,319 [grunting ] 483 00:17:58,402 --> 00:18:00,780 Rick, I know you're in there! 484 00:18:00,863 --> 00:18:02,410 I know you're trying to get out! 485 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:05,164 That's it, Morty! Hold him down! 486 00:18:05,242 --> 00:18:07,210 [ Ballad ] ♪ Drink up, baby ♪ 487 00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:09,831 I Stay up all night I 488 00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:12,838 Listen to it, Tiny Rick. Listen to Elliott Smith. 489 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,339 Ugh! No! 490 00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:15,886 Feel what he's feeling. 491 00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:19,135 Ugh! Noooooooo! God! 492 00:18:19,256 --> 00:18:20,599 ♪ That you'll never see ♪ 493 00:18:20,674 --> 00:18:22,676 Oh, god, what is life? 494 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,309 How can someone so talented die so young'? 495 00:18:25,387 --> 00:18:27,139 What is being young? 496 00:18:27,223 --> 00:18:29,726 I'm not young. I'm old. I'm -- I'm gonna die. 497 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,402 My body isn't real. 498 00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,320 Morty! Summer! It's me! 499 00:18:33,395 --> 00:18:34,942 It's Rick! Regular Rick! 500 00:18:35,022 --> 00:18:36,899 Rick! How do we get you back into your body? 501 00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,108 Okay, listen carefully. 502 00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:40,194 There's a set of diodes on the vat's control panel, 503 00:18:40,277 --> 00:18:41,403 a blue one and a red one. 504 00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,489 Oh, god, what kind of world is this? I didn't ask to be born. 505 00:18:43,572 --> 00:18:46,325 I need you to connect the blue one to my left temple 506 00:18:46,408 --> 00:18:48,376 and the red one to -- Why doesn't anyone really like me? 507 00:18:48,452 --> 00:18:50,375 - Focus, Grandpa! - Just put the stupid wires on my head! 508 00:18:50,454 --> 00:18:52,172 I hate being a teenager! 509 00:19:00,256 --> 00:19:02,008 Ugh! Arrgghh! 510 00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:07,396 Ah! Uhhhhh! 511 00:19:07,471 --> 00:19:09,769 Jerry, you can't bend metal. 512 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,851 Then make a me that can! - How can I do that... 513 00:19:11,934 --> 00:19:14,562 while I'm watching you totally fail to bend metal? 514 00:19:14,645 --> 00:19:16,113 Good Old Beth! 515 00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,156 The mind of a robot and the heart of an insect! 516 00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,984 Don't talk that way about her! 517 00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:22,115 What? 518 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:24,492 Oh, it hurts! 519 00:19:24,572 --> 00:19:25,789 Oh, god. 520 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,123 Stop. 521 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:33,877 This representation displeases me. 522 00:19:33,956 --> 00:19:35,674 Aaah! 523 00:19:39,962 --> 00:19:42,010 Good lord. How did you...? 524 00:19:42,256 --> 00:19:43,883 Well, I had a feeling that, in your mind, 525 00:19:43,966 --> 00:19:45,718 the ideal version of me is one smart enough 526 00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:47,474 to see you as... 527 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,055 a goddess. 528 00:19:49,305 --> 00:19:51,433 Not such a stupid worm now, are you? 529 00:19:51,515 --> 00:19:54,143 Honey, when it comes to the subject of your ego, 530 00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,194 I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson. 531 00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:58,739 Ugh, it's -- Never mind. 532 00:19:58,814 --> 00:20:00,532 I love you. 533 00:20:00,608 --> 00:20:04,033 [ Processing, powering up] 534 00:20:04,111 --> 00:20:05,863 [ buzz ] 535 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,079 - Rick! - Pants! 536 00:20:09,325 --> 00:20:11,202 Holy shit! Thanks, kids. 537 00:20:11,285 --> 00:20:13,333 You figured it out. Well, Summer did. 538 00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:15,414 Kind of weird that you were that willing 539 00:20:15,497 --> 00:20:17,499 to sell my existence out for some trim, Morty. 540 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,051 - What?! - Pants! 541 00:20:19,293 --> 00:20:21,011 But listen -- I forgive you both because you know what? 542 00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:22,929 I learned, today, something important -- 543 00:20:23,005 --> 00:20:24,632 The teenage mind is its own worst enemy. 544 00:20:24,715 --> 00:20:25,932 Oh, I also learned this... 545 00:20:26,008 --> 00:20:27,806 [ beeping ] 546 00:20:27,885 --> 00:20:30,889 Operation Phoenix is not the fallback I thought it would be. 547 00:20:30,971 --> 00:20:32,644 I guess it's back to the drawing board. 548 00:20:32,723 --> 00:20:35,567 Oh, my god! 549 00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:38,442 - Oh, my god. - Put some pants on! 550 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,692 Put pants on. 551 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,649 Grandpa's back, baby! 552 00:20:41,732 --> 00:20:42,858 Grandpa's -- [buzz] 553 00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,785 Oh, man, I gotta pick up your parents. 554 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,703 They have been blowin' me up. 555 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:47,905 One last swing for the road! 556 00:20:47,988 --> 00:20:49,535 Aaaaaaaaaaah! 557 00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,037 For the love of god, get dressed! 558 00:20:53,577 --> 00:20:55,671 So, what do you think? You wanna... 559 00:20:55,746 --> 00:20:57,419 keep this marriage going a while longer? 560 00:20:57,498 --> 00:21:00,923 At least until Morty has graduated high school. 561 00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:02,628 Oh. Mm. 562 00:21:02,711 --> 00:21:04,759 [moaning lightly] 563 00:21:04,838 --> 00:21:06,966 Aha, you see? What did I tell you two? 564 00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:08,346 It worked. 565 00:21:08,425 --> 00:21:09,927 You know what, Rick? I guess, in a way -- 566 00:21:10,010 --> 00:21:12,138 Already lost interest. Get in the car. 567 00:21:12,388 --> 00:21:13,685 I've been inside a kid all day and, now, 568 00:21:13,764 --> 00:21:15,232 I can feel my bones scraping each other. 569 00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:17,435 Uh, just so you're prepared, 570 00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:19,441 there's a bunch of dead mes in the garage. 571 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,865 Huh! Sounds like our stories were connected by a theme. 572 00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:25,113 - [ Iaughter] - Not really, Jerry. 573 00:21:25,192 --> 00:21:28,492 Probably a cosmetic connection your mind mistakes for thematic. 574 00:21:28,570 --> 00:21:29,992 Oh. 575 00:21:30,072 --> 00:21:32,074 Old Rick! Ruinin' everything! 576 00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:33,830 ♪♪ 577 00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:05,365 [ squeaking ] 578 00:22:05,441 --> 00:22:07,284 [ominous music plays] 579 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,111 - Master. - Speak. 580 00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:12,289 Coach Feratu's presence was discovered by the humans. 581 00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:14,617 He has been destroyed. - No bother. 582 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,293 The mortals shall soon -- 583 00:22:16,368 --> 00:22:17,494 I'm sorry, what did you say his name was? 584 00:22:17,578 --> 00:22:19,421 - Coach Feratu. - Coach Feratu. 585 00:22:19,496 --> 00:22:21,749 That was his real name, like his actual vampire name? 586 00:22:21,832 --> 00:22:23,880 No no no no. His vampire name was Balik Alistane. 587 00:22:23,959 --> 00:22:25,586 Why the fuck would he name himself 588 00:22:25,669 --> 00:22:27,421 after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit? 589 00:22:27,504 --> 00:22:28,756 I do not know, your unholiness. 590 00:22:28,839 --> 00:22:30,466 Jesus fucking Christ. 591 00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:33,018 From now on, no more of this clever-name bullshit. 592 00:22:33,093 --> 00:22:34,686 When a vampire is pretending to be a human, 593 00:22:34,762 --> 00:22:35,979 they can just call themselves 594 00:22:36,055 --> 00:22:37,807 Alan Jefferson or something like that. 595 00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:39,187 It's crazy, right? 596 00:22:39,266 --> 00:22:40,563 I mean, am I being an asshole? 597 00:22:40,642 --> 00:22:42,189 Okay, I feel like everybody in the room 598 00:22:42,269 --> 00:22:43,441 is looking at me like I'm the buzzkill. 599 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:44,521 I'm not? 600 00:22:44,605 --> 00:22:47,984 Good. Okay. Great. [ hiss ] 601 00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:49,489 [screaming ] 602 00:22:49,568 --> 00:22:50,990 Did you get any of that? 603 00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,993 It's-a good-a show!