1
00:00:02,039 --> 00:00:03,370
RICK:
Morty?!
2
00:00:04,958 --> 00:00:06,369
-Morty!
-Rick?
3
00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:08,833
-RICK: Hey, Morty?!
-Rick?
4
00:00:08,962 --> 00:00:11,624
Are you far away,
or are you inside something?
5
00:00:11,757 --> 00:00:13,088
Is this a camera?
6
00:00:13,216 --> 00:00:14,752
Is everything a camera?
7
00:00:14,885 --> 00:00:16,501
RICK:
Morty, the garage, Morty.
8
00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:17,877
Come to the garage!
9
00:00:18,597 --> 00:00:21,214
-Morty?
-Rick? W-Where are you?
10
00:00:21,350 --> 00:00:22,465
RICK:
On my work bench, Morty.
11
00:00:22,601 --> 00:00:24,512
Are you invisible and you're
gonna, like, fart on me?
12
00:00:24,645 --> 00:00:25,726
RICK:
Flip the pickle over.
13
00:00:25,854 --> 00:00:26,844
What, I'm gonna touch it,
14
00:00:26,980 --> 00:00:28,436
and you're gonna tell me it's
an alien dick or something.
15
00:00:28,565 --> 00:00:30,306
RICK: Come on,
flip the pickle, Morty.
16
00:00:30,442 --> 00:00:33,230
You're not gonna regret it.
The payoff is huge.
17
00:00:33,362 --> 00:00:35,353
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
18
00:00:35,489 --> 00:00:37,651
Boom! Big reveal --
I'm a pickle.
19
00:00:37,783 --> 00:00:38,898
What do you think about that?
20
00:00:39,034 --> 00:00:40,741
I turned myself into a pickle!
21
00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:42,735
W-What are you just
staring at me for, bro?
22
00:00:42,871 --> 00:00:44,657
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
23
00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:45,905
-And?
-And?
24
00:00:46,041 --> 00:00:47,452
What more do you want
tacked on to this?
25
00:00:47,584 --> 00:00:50,246
I turned myself into a pickle,
and 9/11 was an inside job.
26
00:00:50,379 --> 00:00:51,585
-Was it?
-Who cares, Morty?
27
00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:53,374
Global acts of terrorism
happen every day.
28
00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:55,464
Uh, here's something
that's never happened before --
29
00:00:55,592 --> 00:00:56,832
I'm a pickle.
30
00:00:56,968 --> 00:00:59,209
I'm Pickle Rick!
31
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:06,809
[Dramatic music plays]
32
00:01:34,923 --> 00:01:37,631
Are you going to,
I mean, you know --
33
00:01:37,759 --> 00:01:39,750
Is this the first part
of some kind of magic trick?
34
00:01:39,886 --> 00:01:41,752
I don't do magic, Morty,
I do science.
35
00:01:41,888 --> 00:01:43,504
One takes brains,
the other takes dark eyeliner.
36
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,802
Well, can you move?
Can you fly?
37
00:01:45,934 --> 00:01:47,424
Wouldn't be much
of a pickle if I could.
38
00:01:47,561 --> 00:01:50,474
All right, well, do pickles
live forever or --
39
00:01:50,605 --> 00:01:53,723
Morty, stop digging for hidden
layers and just be impressed.
40
00:01:53,859 --> 00:01:55,270
-I'm a pickle.
-I-I'm just trying
41
00:01:55,402 --> 00:01:56,984
to figure out
why you would do this --
42
00:01:57,112 --> 00:01:58,352
why anyone would do this.
43
00:01:58,488 --> 00:02:00,900
The reason anyone would
do this is, if they could,
44
00:02:01,032 --> 00:02:03,114
which they can't,
would be because they could,
45
00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:04,108
-which they can't.
-[Door opens]
46
00:02:04,244 --> 00:02:06,281
Morty, we have to get going,
or we're gonna be late.
47
00:02:06,413 --> 00:02:08,074
-Where's your grandpa?
-RICK: Right here, sweetie.
48
00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:09,662
-I'm a pickle!
-What?!
49
00:02:09,791 --> 00:02:11,122
Why would you - Ugh!
50
00:02:11,251 --> 00:02:12,741
Look, we're running late.
We have to go.
51
00:02:12,878 --> 00:02:14,039
W-Where are you guys going?
52
00:02:14,171 --> 00:02:16,287
We have an appointment
downtown
53
00:02:16,423 --> 00:02:19,336
that was set a week ago
and agreed upon by everyone,
54
00:02:19,468 --> 00:02:20,333
including you.
55
00:02:20,469 --> 00:02:23,632
Oh, my God. Beth, oh,
it totally slipped my mind.
56
00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:25,630
Geez, oh, man.
I'm a pickle.
57
00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:27,973
I mean, I don't know
if I can -- Ooh, geez.
58
00:02:28,101 --> 00:02:30,593
Rick, did you do this on purpose
to get out of family counseling?
59
00:02:30,729 --> 00:02:32,094
-Morty!
-It's okay, Beth.
60
00:02:32,230 --> 00:02:33,561
I understand Morty's suspicion.
61
00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:35,226
I've misled him before.
62
00:02:35,358 --> 00:02:37,690
Morty, turn me so we're
making eye contact.
63
00:02:38,403 --> 00:02:41,441
Morty, I assure you,
I would never find a way
64
00:02:41,573 --> 00:02:43,564
to get out of family therapy.
65
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,236
I hope my lack of fingers
doesn't prevent
66
00:02:45,368 --> 00:02:46,984
the perception of my air quotes.
67
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,576
Can't you just turn yourself
back into a human?
68
00:02:48,705 --> 00:02:49,740
Great question, Summer.
69
00:02:49,873 --> 00:02:52,740
The unfortunate answer is
I did this to challenge myself.
70
00:02:52,876 --> 00:02:54,708
And it could take hours
or even days
71
00:02:54,836 --> 00:02:57,077
before I'm able to figure out
how to return to human form.
72
00:02:57,214 --> 00:02:58,796
But, I mean, you know,
your mom could put me
73
00:02:58,924 --> 00:03:00,460
in a purse or a pocket,
you know,
74
00:03:00,592 --> 00:03:01,582
if she really needs me to go.
75
00:03:01,718 --> 00:03:03,834
Nobody needs anything.
Okay, it's fine.
76
00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:05,552
I mean, you should just
stay here and figure out
77
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:06,966
how to stop being
a pickle, okay?
78
00:03:07,098 --> 00:03:09,931
Hey, Rick, why is there
a syringe of mysterious fluid
79
00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:11,346
hanging directly over you?
80
00:03:11,478 --> 00:03:13,810
Also, why is the string
attached to it running through
81
00:03:13,939 --> 00:03:15,555
a pair of scissors
attached to a timer?
82
00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:18,057
And why is the timer set
to 10 minutes from now,
83
00:03:18,193 --> 00:03:20,525
exactly when we would
have left for therapy?
84
00:03:21,696 --> 00:03:23,812
Well, Morty, if you must know,
85
00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:26,566
the syringe is completely
unrelated to this discussion
86
00:03:26,701 --> 00:03:28,442
and, therefore, does not warrant
further explanation.
87
00:03:28,578 --> 00:03:31,070
Enough. Kids, it's time to go.
We don't want to be late.
88
00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:32,571
W-W-What are you
doing there, Beth?
89
00:03:32,707 --> 00:03:33,868
W-What are you doing there,
sweetie?
90
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,741
Well, I mean, you don't
want to get pierced by a needle
91
00:03:35,877 --> 00:03:37,959
full of liquid unrelated
to your situation.
92
00:03:38,088 --> 00:03:39,203
How's that gonna help?
93
00:03:39,339 --> 00:03:40,545
Can't argue with that.
94
00:03:40,674 --> 00:03:41,709
Great.
We'll see you later.
95
00:03:41,842 --> 00:03:43,003
Hey, hey, be careful with that.
96
00:03:43,134 --> 00:03:44,124
-It's for something else.
-[Car doors open, close]
97
00:03:44,261 --> 00:03:45,296
-[Engine starts]
-It's really important,
98
00:03:45,428 --> 00:03:46,259
so don't break it.
99
00:03:47,681 --> 00:03:50,048
Okay, I may have fucked up here.
100
00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:51,218
[Groans]
101
00:03:51,351 --> 00:03:54,184
Dup, an ap, pap' ut,
dah, pap, pap, pap, pah.
102
00:03:54,312 --> 00:03:55,928
T-T-Ta h, ta h.
103
00:03:56,064 --> 00:03:59,523
[Blowing raspberries]
104
00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:00,812
[Groans]
105
00:04:00,944 --> 00:04:03,402
[Clicking tongue]
106
00:04:05,699 --> 00:04:07,281
-[Cat meows]
-Oh, great.
107
00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:10,526
Stupid cat.
108
00:04:10,662 --> 00:04:12,244
[Cat sniffs, yowls]
109
00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:13,612
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I know what it looks like
110
00:04:13,748 --> 00:04:15,159
to you, Izzy,
but I'm not a snake!
111
00:04:15,292 --> 00:04:16,703
I've seen the YouTube videos.
I know cats are scared
112
00:04:16,835 --> 00:04:18,951
of cucumbers and pickles because
they think they're snakes.
113
00:04:19,087 --> 00:04:20,418
-[Hisses]
-I'm not a snake!
114
00:04:20,547 --> 00:04:21,787
I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!
115
00:04:21,923 --> 00:04:23,004
Whoa! [Grunts]
116
00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:25,215
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
117
00:04:25,343 --> 00:04:26,583
[Groans]
118
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,382
Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
119
00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:31,596
Okay, come on.
120
00:04:31,725 --> 00:04:33,011
This can't really be
the way I go out.
121
00:04:33,143 --> 00:04:34,554
This is the mega-genius
equivalent
122
00:04:34,686 --> 00:04:36,302
of dying on the toilet.
123
00:04:38,273 --> 00:04:40,640
So hot.
124
00:04:40,775 --> 00:04:42,482
This is how I'm gonna die.
125
00:04:47,198 --> 00:04:50,065
[Thunder rumbles]
126
00:04:52,203 --> 00:04:54,114
Oh, God, moisture.
127
00:04:54,247 --> 00:04:56,614
Oh, God, the moisture.
Dial it back, God.
128
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,616
Dial it back a little bit here!
129
00:04:58,752 --> 00:04:59,833
Oh! Oh.
130
00:04:59,961 --> 00:05:01,167
[Gasping]
131
00:05:01,296 --> 00:05:03,162
[Grunting]
132
00:05:03,298 --> 00:05:04,333
Oh, God!
133
00:05:04,466 --> 00:05:06,457
Perpendicular, perpendicular!
134
00:05:06,593 --> 00:05:08,049
Oh, shit!
135
00:05:08,178 --> 00:05:10,260
Oh! Oh!
136
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,511
[Screaming]
137
00:05:15,644 --> 00:05:17,430
[Grunting]
138
00:05:18,188 --> 00:05:19,804
Oh!
139
00:05:24,194 --> 00:05:25,400
[Squeaking]
140
00:05:27,781 --> 00:05:29,567
Come on.
That's it.
141
00:05:29,699 --> 00:05:31,690
Come get this delicious brine.
142
00:05:31,826 --> 00:05:32,782
Aah!
143
00:05:32,911 --> 00:05:34,777
-[Squeals]
-[Grunts]
144
00:05:34,913 --> 00:05:36,824
[Muffled] Come on!
Come on, motherfucker!
145
00:05:36,957 --> 00:05:38,163
Come on!
146
00:05:38,291 --> 00:05:40,282
[Grunting]
147
00:05:42,796 --> 00:05:44,332
[Loud crunch]
148
00:05:44,464 --> 00:05:46,876
[Panting]
149
00:05:59,604 --> 00:06:01,390
Yes!
150
00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:03,685
How is this even family therapy
151
00:06:03,817 --> 00:06:06,149
if Dad's not invited
and Grandpa won't come?
152
00:06:06,277 --> 00:06:08,359
Yeah, and what's courageous
about eating a hot dog?
153
00:06:08,488 --> 00:06:10,695
It's nobody's choice
to be here, you knobs.
154
00:06:10,824 --> 00:06:13,441
The family was told to get
counseling by your principal,
155
00:06:13,576 --> 00:06:15,192
even though it's not
the family that was
156
00:06:15,328 --> 00:06:17,660
huffing pottery glaze
in the art room
157
00:06:17,789 --> 00:06:19,405
and desk wetting
in history class.
158
00:06:19,541 --> 00:06:21,282
-[Door opens]
-Oh, the Smith family,
159
00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:22,658
minus a dad.
160
00:06:22,794 --> 00:06:24,501
You're patients
of Dr. Wong, too?
161
00:06:24,629 --> 00:06:26,495
Temporarily --
by order of the school.
162
00:06:26,631 --> 00:06:29,589
Me too. How long have
you all been eating poop?
163
00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:34,044
We...have never...eaten poop.
164
00:06:34,180 --> 00:06:35,636
Uh, me, neither.
165
00:06:35,765 --> 00:06:38,803
Say, where did my family
get off to? [Chuckles]
166
00:06:38,935 --> 00:06:40,596
Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong.
167
00:06:40,729 --> 00:06:42,140
Come on in.
168
00:06:46,568 --> 00:06:49,151
I was told there was a grandpa
that might be joining us?
169
00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,111
He got wrapped up
in an experiment.
170
00:06:51,239 --> 00:06:52,855
He's a scientist.
171
00:06:52,991 --> 00:06:55,198
Like, legit,
like on a an inter-galactic,
172
00:06:55,326 --> 00:06:56,862
sci-fi level.
His work is very --
173
00:06:56,995 --> 00:06:58,201
He turned himself into a pickle.
174
00:06:58,329 --> 00:07:00,411
Morty, Mom's talking.
I'm sorry.
175
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,326
I suppose that's a good segue
176
00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,746
into our little
discipline cases here.
177
00:07:04,878 --> 00:07:07,586
Does Grandpa turn himself
into a pickle a lot?
178
00:07:07,714 --> 00:07:10,627
What?! No!
What kind of question is that?
179
00:07:10,759 --> 00:07:13,592
The kind that wasn't designed to
attack or hurt you in any way.
180
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,961
Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these.
181
00:07:16,097 --> 00:07:19,385
No, my father has never turned
himself into a pickle before.
182
00:07:19,517 --> 00:07:21,679
He's unpredictable
and eccentric.
183
00:07:21,811 --> 00:07:23,927
The whole family is.
Speaking of which...
184
00:07:24,064 --> 00:07:26,897
Okay, let's open things up
to the whole family,
185
00:07:27,025 --> 00:07:29,062
and let me ask this.
186
00:07:29,194 --> 00:07:32,232
Why do we think Grandpa
turned himself into a pickle?
187
00:07:34,324 --> 00:07:36,190
[Sawing]
188
00:07:39,996 --> 00:07:41,157
[Sighs]
189
00:07:41,289 --> 00:07:43,326
Wow. Ugh!
190
00:07:44,793 --> 00:07:46,283
[Snarling]
191
00:07:46,419 --> 00:07:48,660
Hey, listen, I know this
is your world, not mine.
192
00:07:48,797 --> 00:07:50,379
The sooner I can get out,
the sooner I can go back
193
00:07:50,507 --> 00:07:53,670
to taking big craps, and you can
go back to subsisting on them.
194
00:07:54,469 --> 00:07:56,005
You are one driven rat.
195
00:07:56,137 --> 00:07:59,971
Could you be
a little more driven?
196
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,841
To the right.
197
00:08:03,269 --> 00:08:04,805
Yes, yes, yes!
198
00:08:04,938 --> 00:08:06,895
Come on, come on, come on!
Fresh, fresh, fresh!
199
00:08:07,023 --> 00:08:08,889
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
was this your friend?
200
00:08:09,025 --> 00:08:10,891
Don't worry, he died
doing what he loved,
201
00:08:11,027 --> 00:08:12,483
being a dumb fucking rat.
202
00:08:12,612 --> 00:08:14,148
[Grunts]
203
00:08:15,865 --> 00:08:17,731
[Snarling, screeching]
204
00:08:17,867 --> 00:08:19,699
[Dramatic music plays]
205
00:08:33,216 --> 00:08:35,048
Oh, yeah!
206
00:08:35,176 --> 00:08:37,133
[Grunting]
207
00:08:40,014 --> 00:08:41,470
[Laughs]
208
00:08:43,309 --> 00:08:44,720
[Rats squealing]
209
00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:58,397
[Grunting]
210
00:08:58,533 --> 00:09:00,023
Aaaah!
211
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,742
I didn't say
my father is perfect,
212
00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,201
I said his work is important.
213
00:09:03,329 --> 00:09:05,036
And she's saying
what's important is
214
00:09:05,165 --> 00:09:07,076
that Grandpa lied to you
to get out of coming here.
215
00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:08,164
Oh, he did not!
216
00:09:08,293 --> 00:09:09,658
Let's do an experiment here.
217
00:09:09,794 --> 00:09:12,035
I get the impression
this family values science.
218
00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:14,288
So raise your hand
if you feel certain
219
00:09:14,424 --> 00:09:16,165
you know what was
in the syringe.
220
00:09:17,427 --> 00:09:19,714
Raise your hand
if you know for certain
221
00:09:19,846 --> 00:09:22,929
the syringe does not
contain anti-pickle serum.
222
00:09:24,851 --> 00:09:26,137
Beth, your hand did
a little thing there.
223
00:09:26,269 --> 00:09:27,555
Do you really not see
what's happening here?
224
00:09:27,687 --> 00:09:29,553
-Tell me.
-Well, Dr. Wong -
225
00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:31,145
by the way, racist name -
226
00:09:31,274 --> 00:09:33,265
obviously, Morty and Summer
are seizing on your
227
00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:35,517
arbitrary pickle obsession
as an end run
228
00:09:35,653 --> 00:09:37,735
around what was supposed
to be their therapy.
229
00:09:37,864 --> 00:09:41,107
Oh, I think this pickle incident
is a better path than any other
230
00:09:41,242 --> 00:09:43,108
to the heart of
your family's dysfunction.
231
00:09:43,244 --> 00:09:44,985
I think it's possible
that you and your father
232
00:09:45,121 --> 00:09:47,283
have a very specific dynamic.
233
00:09:47,415 --> 00:09:48,371
I don't think it's one
234
00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,240
that rewards emotion
or vulnerability.
235
00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:51,616
I think it may punish them.
236
00:09:51,753 --> 00:09:54,290
I think it's possible that
dynamic eroded your marriage
237
00:09:54,422 --> 00:09:56,208
and is infecting
your kids with a tendency
238
00:09:56,341 --> 00:09:57,957
to misdirect their feelings.
239
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,045
Fuck you.
240
00:10:00,178 --> 00:10:01,043
-Mom!
-Mom!
241
00:10:01,179 --> 00:10:02,135
Fuck both of you, too.
242
00:10:02,263 --> 00:10:04,129
[Snarling]
243
00:10:04,265 --> 00:10:06,472
By the way, you might notice
that in spite of
244
00:10:06,601 --> 00:10:08,262
your numerous
distinctive features
245
00:10:08,394 --> 00:10:11,853
[growls] I never gave you a name
like Scar or Stripe or Goliath.
246
00:10:11,981 --> 00:10:14,313
That's because, to me,
you aren't special.
247
00:10:14,442 --> 00:10:16,604
You were special to rats.
Now they're dead.
248
00:10:16,736 --> 00:10:19,023
I guess it was me
you should have impressed.
249
00:10:19,155 --> 00:10:20,816
God damn it, I love myself.
250
00:10:31,209 --> 00:10:33,496
Pickle Rick!
251
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:42,547
[Grunting]
252
00:10:44,305 --> 00:10:45,511
[Sighs]
253
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,847
[Grunting]
254
00:10:47,976 --> 00:10:50,138
Get that parkour.
Get that parkour!
255
00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:51,806
[Grunts]
256
00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:53,520
[Elevator dings]
257
00:10:53,648 --> 00:10:55,104
-[All gasp]
-Hey, it's cool.
258
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:56,348
Just need to find
the nearest exit.
259
00:10:56,484 --> 00:10:58,020
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No need to freak out.
260
00:10:58,152 --> 00:10:59,859
[Shouting in Russian]
261
00:10:59,988 --> 00:11:00,898
Whoa!
262
00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:02,395
[Panting]
263
00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:04,523
Who in the fuck's toilet
is this?
264
00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:07,492
[Alarm blaring]
265
00:11:11,332 --> 00:11:12,493
What is it?
266
00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:14,992
[Russian accent]
A pickle? A rat? Both.
267
00:11:15,128 --> 00:11:16,539
[Russian accent]
It says it's a scientist.
268
00:11:16,671 --> 00:11:17,832
Where is it?
269
00:11:17,964 --> 00:11:19,671
It seems to be
using the air ducts
270
00:11:19,799 --> 00:11:21,289
and the mail tubes
to get around.
271
00:11:21,426 --> 00:11:23,963
It's been gathering
office supplies, we think,
272
00:11:24,095 --> 00:11:25,256
to build weaponry.
273
00:11:25,388 --> 00:11:27,800
But look what it did
on the mezzanine.
274
00:11:27,932 --> 00:11:31,766
It transferred a bottle from
the trash to the recycling bin.
275
00:11:31,894 --> 00:11:35,353
Whatever this thing is,
it's shaming us.
276
00:11:35,481 --> 00:11:37,939
We have 34 armed guards,
and we can't kill a pickle?
277
00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,933
32 armed guards.
278
00:11:40,069 --> 00:11:41,730
He killed two.
279
00:11:41,863 --> 00:11:42,898
It's on the phone.
280
00:11:43,031 --> 00:11:45,819
Put him on, and locate
the phone he's using.
281
00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:47,236
-[Phone beeps]
-Hello.
282
00:11:47,368 --> 00:11:50,235
RICK: Hi, um, can you, uh
[belches] please let me out?
283
00:11:50,371 --> 00:11:51,861
Your mere presence
in this building
284
00:11:51,998 --> 00:11:53,739
violates international law.
285
00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:56,867
I couldn't let you out even
if you hadn't killed two men.
286
00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:59,119
You should know
those men killed themselves.
287
00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:00,871
PAVEL:
And how is that?
288
00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:02,873
RICK: They didn't
[belches] let me out.
289
00:12:03,009 --> 00:12:03,714
Solen'ya.
290
00:12:03,843 --> 00:12:05,174
Shut your mouth
and do your jobs,
291
00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:06,259
you fucking children!
292
00:12:06,387 --> 00:12:08,219
Uh, is this not
a good time or...
293
00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:10,931
Some of my men
are calling you "Solen'ya” --
294
00:12:11,059 --> 00:12:14,268
the Pickle Man,
an old wives' tale.
295
00:12:14,395 --> 00:12:15,885
He crawls from
bowls of cold soup
296
00:12:16,022 --> 00:12:18,138
to steal the dreams
of wasteful children.
297
00:12:18,274 --> 00:12:19,685
RICK:
That'd be a lucky break for you.
298
00:12:19,817 --> 00:12:20,932
Go, shoot to kill.
299
00:12:22,612 --> 00:12:23,443
Aaah!
300
00:12:25,573 --> 00:12:28,031
[Both scream]
301
00:12:30,370 --> 00:12:31,781
[Gunfire in distance]
302
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:37,081
[Russian accent]
We got him.
303
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,120
-Ah.
304
00:12:38,252 --> 00:12:39,117
RICK:
Because this pickle
305
00:12:39,253 --> 00:12:41,290
doesn't care about
your children.
306
00:12:42,048 --> 00:12:43,504
And I'm not gonna
take their dreams.
307
00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:46,421
I'm gonna take their parents.
308
00:12:46,552 --> 00:12:47,883
[Beeping]
309
00:12:50,807 --> 00:12:52,468
[Whirring]
310
00:12:57,563 --> 00:12:59,270
[Whirring]
311
00:12:59,399 --> 00:13:01,310
[Screaming]
312
00:13:03,111 --> 00:13:04,943
Solen'ya!
He's coming!
313
00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:07,654
It's because I threw
halfway my sandwich!
314
00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:09,443
He's just a pickle!
315
00:13:09,575 --> 00:13:10,610
He's a monster.
316
00:13:10,743 --> 00:13:12,325
He's not the only one.
317
00:13:13,371 --> 00:13:13,985
[Beep]
318
00:13:21,546 --> 00:13:25,335
You can stay dead to the world
and die in this room.
319
00:13:25,466 --> 00:13:29,460
Or you can kill a pickle for me
and earn your freedom.
320
00:13:29,595 --> 00:13:33,714
There is no freedom while
your leader breathes.
321
00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:35,887
Our country is a prison.
322
00:13:36,018 --> 00:13:37,725
Then Catarina is a prisoner.
323
00:13:37,854 --> 00:13:40,221
Perhaps I could arrange
her escape, as well.
324
00:13:40,356 --> 00:13:42,848
She lives, Jaguar.
325
00:13:43,943 --> 00:13:46,355
Where is this pickle?
326
00:13:46,487 --> 00:13:48,649
What do you think is
in the syringe, Beth?
327
00:13:48,781 --> 00:13:51,364
You're the one that costs
$200 an hour. You tell me.
328
00:13:51,492 --> 00:13:52,903
-Anti-pickle serum.
-It's anti-pickle serum.
329
00:13:53,035 --> 00:13:55,902
Your kids think it might be
anti-pickle serum.
330
00:13:56,038 --> 00:13:59,656
My kids pee their desks
and suck on unbaked vases.
331
00:13:59,792 --> 00:14:01,783
They're just angry at me
for divorcing their father.
332
00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:03,330
I never said I was angry at you.
333
00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:05,579
That's the point of
pottery-enamel huffing, Summer.
334
00:14:05,715 --> 00:14:07,205
You do it so you
don't have to say,
335
00:14:07,341 --> 00:14:09,252
"I'm angry at Mommy," out loud.
336
00:14:09,385 --> 00:14:10,921
Oh, my God!
Oh, there --
337
00:14:11,053 --> 00:14:13,044
there's pictures of people
eating poop in there!
338
00:14:13,181 --> 00:14:16,924
It's not my job to take sides
or pass judgment.
339
00:14:17,059 --> 00:14:19,426
Do you think when your father
asks for that syringe,
340
00:14:19,562 --> 00:14:20,267
you could ask him -
341
00:14:20,396 --> 00:14:21,682
He won't have to
ask for it, okay?
342
00:14:21,814 --> 00:14:23,896
He won't need it.
He'll just make more.
343
00:14:24,025 --> 00:14:26,187
He doesn't need
anything from anyone.
344
00:14:26,319 --> 00:14:28,651
You admire him for that.
345
00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:30,854
It's better than
making your problems
346
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,355
other people's problems.
347
00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:34,483
[Whirring]
348
00:14:48,508 --> 00:14:49,373
[Screams]
349
00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:51,420
Oh, come on!
[Grunts]
350
00:14:55,681 --> 00:14:57,388
[Screams]
351
00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:58,632
[Groans]
352
00:15:00,019 --> 00:15:01,601
[Sighs]
353
00:15:01,729 --> 00:15:04,892
Pickle Man, you should
know this isn't personal!
354
00:15:05,024 --> 00:15:06,480
You should know
that isn't original.
355
00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:07,565
They have my daughter.
356
00:15:07,693 --> 00:15:09,650
There's nothing I won't do
to see her again.
357
00:15:09,779 --> 00:15:11,895
Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do
to see my daughter,
358
00:15:12,031 --> 00:15:13,692
but killing you gets me
to her quicker
359
00:15:13,824 --> 00:15:15,485
than your derivative bullshit.
360
00:15:15,618 --> 00:15:17,234
[Groaning]
361
00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:20,408
[Both screaming]
362
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,326
I never bullshit, Pickle Man.
363
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,540
This can only end
with one of us dead,
364
00:15:24,669 --> 00:15:26,080
and I have never died.
365
00:15:26,212 --> 00:15:27,998
That will be your
downfall, Jaguar,
366
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,292
not being open
to new experiences.
367
00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:35,293
[Gunfire]
368
00:15:41,936 --> 00:15:43,973
Is it done?
369
00:15:44,105 --> 00:15:45,391
Jaguar?!
370
00:15:45,523 --> 00:15:47,264
RICK:
Jaguar couldn't make it.
371
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,435
PAVEL:
Do it.
372
00:15:48,568 --> 00:15:50,730
Okay, you win, Pickle Man.
373
00:15:50,861 --> 00:15:52,147
I'm unsealing the building.
374
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,817
RICK: No, thanks.
I'm coming for you now.
375
00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:57,441
Pickle Man, there's
$100 million worth of bonds
376
00:15:57,577 --> 00:15:58,817
in a safe on level two.
377
00:15:58,953 --> 00:16:00,068
I'll give you the combination.
378
00:16:00,204 --> 00:16:02,036
That money belongs
to the people.
379
00:16:02,164 --> 00:16:04,280
Shut up and call me
a helicopter, you prick!
380
00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:05,407
Do we have a deal?!
381
00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:07,409
RICK: Take that money,
give it to Jaguar's daughter
382
00:16:07,545 --> 00:16:08,535
when you set her free.
383
00:16:08,671 --> 00:16:09,832
Or I'll be visiting you.
384
00:16:09,964 --> 00:16:11,420
PAVEL:
Jaguar's daughter is dead.
385
00:16:11,549 --> 00:16:12,664
Huh, so you're a liar.
386
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,211
Jaguar was an. animal.
387
00:16:14,343 --> 00:16:15,799
You're an intelligent pickle.
388
00:16:15,928 --> 00:16:17,214
We can do business.
389
00:16:17,346 --> 00:16:19,303
RICK: I don't think so.
See you soon.
390
00:16:19,432 --> 00:16:20,672
-Is the helicopter here?
-Yes.
391
00:16:20,808 --> 00:16:23,220
And the police are on the way.
What do we tell them?
392
00:16:23,352 --> 00:16:24,308
-Ooh!
-Aah!
393
00:16:24,437 --> 00:16:26,098
Tell them we were robbed.
394
00:16:29,275 --> 00:16:30,640
[Helicopter blades whirring]
395
00:16:30,776 --> 00:16:32,938
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?!
396
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,526
I'm right here!
397
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:51,127
Farewell, Solen'ya.
398
00:16:55,343 --> 00:16:57,004
F-158 are scrambled.
399
00:16:57,136 --> 00:16:59,503
This helicopter will be
shot down in seven minutes.
400
00:16:59,639 --> 00:17:01,050
Well, my daughter
is about five away,
401
00:17:01,182 --> 00:17:02,798
and I've got about
eight to live.
402
00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,174
Pickle Man, it's too late
for me to tell my daughter
403
00:17:05,311 --> 00:17:06,927
I love her, but not for you.
404
00:17:07,063 --> 00:17:08,303
Oh, well, uh, she knows.
405
00:17:08,439 --> 00:17:10,180
I mean, we don't really
buy into that kind of crap.
406
00:17:10,316 --> 00:17:11,647
To the extent that love
is an expression
407
00:17:11,776 --> 00:17:14,359
of familiarity over time,
my access to infinite timelines
408
00:17:14,487 --> 00:17:16,148
precludes the necessity
of attachment.
409
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,612
In fact, I even abandoned
one of my infinite daughters
410
00:17:18,741 --> 00:17:22,609
in an alternate version of earth
that was taken over by mutants.
411
00:17:22,745 --> 00:17:25,077
Okay.
Good luck with that.
412
00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:27,163
Wait. Do I have
infinite daughters?
413
00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:30,249
Huh? Uh, no.
No, nope, sorry about that.
414
00:17:30,378 --> 00:17:31,664
Nope, just me.
415
00:17:33,214 --> 00:17:34,249
Yeesh!
416
00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:39,834
Am...
417
00:17:39,970 --> 00:17:41,506
afraid...
418
00:17:41,639 --> 00:17:43,050
that my kids will get expelled.
419
00:17:43,182 --> 00:17:44,547
Good.
Summer, you go.
420
00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:46,925
I am mad...
421
00:17:47,061 --> 00:17:48,927
that I can't huff enamel
422
00:17:49,063 --> 00:17:51,930
without people assuming
it's because my family sucks.
423
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:55,479
I hope to be seen one day
424
00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:57,397
as someone that just
likes getting high.
425
00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:58,361
Good job.
426
00:17:58,489 --> 00:18:00,275
Morty, do you have
an "I" statement?
427
00:18:00,408 --> 00:18:03,776
I am sad...
428
00:18:03,911 --> 00:18:05,072
that I peed.
429
00:18:05,204 --> 00:18:08,663
I'm sad that I peed in class
instead of a toilet.
430
00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:11,874
Look at this family go.
You guys are pros.
431
00:18:12,002 --> 00:18:14,960
What do you guys think about
doing this once a week?
432
00:18:16,882 --> 00:18:17,997
Ugh.
433
00:18:21,387 --> 00:18:23,424
[Grunts]
434
00:18:23,556 --> 00:18:25,593
[Groans]
435
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:27,466
-You must be Rick.
-Mm-hmm.
436
00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:29,091
I've heard a lot
about you today.
437
00:18:29,228 --> 00:18:31,139
Your family is crazy about you.
438
00:18:31,272 --> 00:18:32,854
Your daughter holds you
in very high regard.
439
00:18:32,982 --> 00:18:34,268
You're a lucky fella.
440
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,186
Yeah, thank you.
Uh, sweetie, you don't still
441
00:18:36,318 --> 00:18:37,900
happen to have that syringe
in your purse?
442
00:18:41,782 --> 00:18:43,398
Dad...
443
00:18:43,534 --> 00:18:47,949
I would like you to tell me
what's in the syringe.
444
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:52,119
It's a serum that I need to,
uh -- to stay alive.
445
00:18:52,251 --> 00:18:55,084
I have had a rough day.
446
00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:58,455
And, uh, I've sustained
a lot of damage.
447
00:18:58,591 --> 00:19:01,458
I'm pretty close to death,
which the serum will prevent.
448
00:19:01,594 --> 00:19:03,881
By changing you from
a pickle to a human.
449
00:19:04,638 --> 00:19:05,628
Yes.
450
00:19:05,765 --> 00:19:07,722
Rick, why did you lie
to your daughter?
451
00:19:09,101 --> 00:19:10,967
So I wouldn't have to come here.
452
00:19:11,103 --> 00:19:12,218
Why didn't you want
to come here?
453
00:19:12,354 --> 00:19:14,766
Because I don't respect therapy,
because I'm a scientist.
454
00:19:14,899 --> 00:19:16,981
Because I invent, transform,
create, and destroy
455
00:19:17,109 --> 00:19:18,565
for a living, and when
I don't like something
456
00:19:18,694 --> 00:19:19,855
about the world, I change it.
457
00:19:19,987 --> 00:19:21,944
And I don't think going to
a rented office in a strip mall
458
00:19:22,072 --> 00:19:23,938
to listen to some
agent of averageness
459
00:19:24,074 --> 00:19:25,781
explain which words
mean which feelings
460
00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:27,366
has ever helped
anyone do anything.
461
00:19:27,495 --> 00:19:29,031
I think it's helped a lot
of people get comfortable
462
00:19:29,163 --> 00:19:30,995
and stop panicking,
which is a state of mind
463
00:19:31,123 --> 00:19:32,864
[burps] we value
in the animals we eat
464
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,582
but not something
I want for myself.
465
00:19:34,710 --> 00:19:35,825
I'm not a cow.
466
00:19:35,961 --> 00:19:37,918
I'm a pickle --
when I feel like it.
467
00:19:38,047 --> 00:19:40,664
So...you asked.
468
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,007
Rick, the only
connection between
469
00:19:43,135 --> 00:19:45,342
your unquestionable intelligence
and the sickness
470
00:19:45,471 --> 00:19:48,259
destroying your family
is that everyone in your family,
471
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:51,849
you included, use intelligence
to justify sickness.
472
00:19:51,977 --> 00:19:54,435
You seem to alternate
between viewing your own mind
473
00:19:54,563 --> 00:19:58,272
as an unstoppable force
and as an inescapable curse.
474
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,811
And I think
it's because the only
475
00:19:59,944 --> 00:20:01,935
truly unapproachable
concept for you
476
00:20:02,071 --> 00:20:04,938
is that it's your mind
within your control.
477
00:20:05,074 --> 00:20:06,735
You chose to come here.
478
00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:09,609
You chose to talk,
to belittle my vocation,
479
00:20:09,745 --> 00:20:11,907
just as you chose
to become a pickle.
480
00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:13,950
You are the master
of your universe,
481
00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:16,666
and yet you are dripping
with rat blood and feces,
482
00:20:16,794 --> 00:20:19,957
your enormous mind literally
vegetating by your own hand.
483
00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:22,626
I have no doubt that
you would be bored senseless
484
00:20:22,758 --> 00:20:25,375
by therapy, the same way
I'm bored when I brush my teeth
485
00:20:25,511 --> 00:20:26,672
and wipe my ass.
486
00:20:26,804 --> 00:20:28,590
Because the thing
about repairing,
487
00:20:28,722 --> 00:20:32,386
maintaining, and cleaning is
it's not an adventure.
488
00:20:32,518 --> 00:20:34,805
There's no way to do it
so wrong, you might die.
489
00:20:34,937 --> 00:20:36,393
It's just work.
490
00:20:36,522 --> 00:20:37,478
And the bottom line is,
491
00:20:37,606 --> 00:20:41,065
some people are okay going
to work, and some people...
492
00:20:41,193 --> 00:20:43,434
well, some people
would rather die.
493
00:20:43,571 --> 00:20:46,108
Each of us gets to choose.
494
00:20:48,242 --> 00:20:49,983
-[Watch beeps]
-That's our time.
495
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:51,359
I'm going to
give you guys my card
496
00:20:51,495 --> 00:20:52,530
and hope to hear
from you again.
497
00:20:52,663 --> 00:20:54,404
And if you have any friends
or family that eat poop
498
00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:57,202
and would like to stop,
give them my number.
499
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:01,411
Um---
500
00:21:01,547 --> 00:21:03,538
I'm sorry I lied
to get out of the thing.
501
00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:05,711
-I - I shouldn't lie to you.
-Oh, it's fine.
502
00:21:05,843 --> 00:21:08,130
I mean, thank you,
and, yeah, you shouldn't.
503
00:21:08,262 --> 00:21:09,923
But I hope you know
that's not what
504
00:21:10,055 --> 00:21:11,637
that session was supposed to be.
505
00:21:11,765 --> 00:21:14,223
Oh, no, I mean, I know
it was Morty peeing his pants
506
00:21:14,351 --> 00:21:16,092
and Summer snorting glue
or whatever...
507
00:21:16,228 --> 00:21:17,138
[Beth laughs]
508
00:21:17,271 --> 00:21:20,059
She huffed enamel, and we never
even talked about it.
509
00:21:20,190 --> 00:21:21,305
RICK: Well, there was
so much more at stake.
510
00:21:21,442 --> 00:21:22,398
[Beth laughs]
511
00:21:22,526 --> 00:21:25,564
RICK: I mean, that shrink,
what a monologuist.
512
00:21:26,864 --> 00:21:29,105
Are we gonna go back?
513
00:21:29,241 --> 00:21:31,027
Sweetie, could I get --
get that syringe now?
514
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,401
Oh, my God, yes!
Dad, it's in my purse.
515
00:21:33,537 --> 00:21:35,403
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must be in agony.
516
00:21:35,539 --> 00:21:36,700
Eh.
517
00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,867
[Groans]
518
00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:43,370
[Coughing]
519
00:21:43,505 --> 00:21:44,336
Jesus.
520
00:21:44,465 --> 00:21:45,705
[Coughs]
521
00:21:45,841 --> 00:21:48,208
Jesus Christ.
Therapists, man.
522
00:21:48,344 --> 00:21:49,630
Weird breed.
523
00:21:49,762 --> 00:21:51,344
Man, I missed having hands...
524
00:21:51,472 --> 00:21:54,305
and blood and a stomach.
525
00:21:54,433 --> 00:21:55,764
We should get a drink.
526
00:21:55,893 --> 00:21:57,224
Really?
Like, go somewhere?
527
00:21:57,353 --> 00:21:59,811
Yeah, let's drop the kids off
and go tie one on.
528
00:21:59,939 --> 00:22:01,555
Absolutely.
529
00:22:02,232 --> 00:22:04,098
I-I liked her.
530
00:22:04,234 --> 00:22:07,192
So what are you thinking,
like, Smokey's Tavern?
531
00:22:07,321 --> 00:22:08,186
Maybe Shoney's?
532
00:22:08,322 --> 00:22:10,233
Yeah, either one.
Either one.
533
00:22:10,366 --> 00:22:14,075
[Dramatic music plays]
534
00:22:42,731 --> 00:22:44,517
RICK: You'll never get away
with this, Concerto.
535
00:22:44,650 --> 00:22:46,687
That is where you're mistaken,
Mr. Sanchez.
536
00:22:46,819 --> 00:22:50,437
This shall be my greatest
performance of all time!
537
00:22:50,572 --> 00:22:52,313
["Moonlight Sonata" plays]
538
00:22:53,033 --> 00:22:54,523
RICK: This is it, Morty.
We're goners.
539
00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:55,650
We're not getting
out of this one.
540
00:22:55,786 --> 00:22:57,117
After everything
we've been through,
541
00:22:57,246 --> 00:22:58,281
this is how we're gonna die.
542
00:22:58,414 --> 00:22:59,870
Make peace with your god.
543
00:22:59,999 --> 00:23:01,865
Oh, geez, Rick,
I-I-I don't want to die!
544
00:23:02,001 --> 00:23:04,959
And now for the E-splat!
545
00:23:05,087 --> 00:23:06,418
[Grunts]
546
00:23:07,381 --> 00:23:08,166
Jaguar!
547
00:23:12,511 --> 00:23:14,377
Who -- Who was that, Rick?
548
00:23:14,513 --> 00:23:17,301
That, Morty, is why
you don't go to therapy.