1 00:00:01,153 --> 00:00:02,689 [Bell rings, lockers slam] 2 00:00:02,821 --> 00:00:04,858 So. Jessica. I heard you broke up with Brad. 3 00:00:04,990 --> 00:00:06,981 Who are you gonna date now that you can date anyone? 4 00:00:07,117 --> 00:00:07,948 I don't know. 5 00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:11,410 I mean, obviously if someone special comes along... 6 00:00:11,538 --> 00:00:13,620 B-But I mean really special, like, 7 00:00:13,749 --> 00:00:15,990 nothing I've even remotely considered in the past. 8 00:00:16,126 --> 00:00:17,742 -Holy shit, holy shit. -I want that kind of love 9 00:00:17,878 --> 00:00:19,209 -like that docking kind of love. -Oh, yeah. 10 00:00:19,338 --> 00:00:21,955 Like, penis in the foreskin kind of love, 11 00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,331 just, like, warm, just like... 12 00:00:26,261 --> 00:00:28,719 [Exhaling] He-- [Coughs] 13 00:00:28,847 --> 00:00:29,962 [Footsteps approach] 14 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,509 -[Inhales] -Everybody fuck off. 15 00:00:31,642 --> 00:00:32,848 Morty, I need your help. 16 00:00:32,976 --> 00:00:34,637 W-W-W-We -- We need to go on a quick adventure. 17 00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:36,226 You said I could go to school today. 18 00:00:36,355 --> 00:00:38,266 That was be[burps]fore I needed something, Morty. 19 00:00:38,398 --> 00:00:40,435 There's a plasma shard in the Abadango Cluster. 20 00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:42,934 A princess has it. If I get it, I'll be awesome. 21 00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:45,562 We've been going nonstop, Rick. It's not healthy. 22 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,062 You know, these are my teenage years. 23 00:00:47,199 --> 00:00:49,031 I-I just found out Jessica's single. 24 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,402 Oh, that's -- Wow, Morty. Wow. What an exciting life you lead. 25 00:00:52,537 --> 00:00:54,744 Let's go. In and out, 20 minutes adventure. 26 00:00:55,999 --> 00:00:59,287 -They're on our tail! -Steady, Morty. Five cetons. 27 00:01:04,508 --> 00:01:06,465 Steady, God damn it! Two cetons. 28 00:01:06,593 --> 00:01:07,958 -[Engine sputters] -MORTY: Wha! 29 00:01:08,095 --> 00:01:10,587 [Gasps, moans] 30 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,431 -Fire! -[Screams] 31 00:01:16,603 --> 00:01:18,435 Pull up, Morty, pull up! Pull up! 32 00:01:18,563 --> 00:01:19,598 [Morty screams] 33 00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,938 [Both screaming] 34 00:01:26,530 --> 00:01:31,366 [Cheers and applause, triumphant music plays] 35 00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:35,535 [Bottles clink] 36 00:01:38,875 --> 00:01:43,290 [Both sighing] 37 00:01:43,422 --> 00:01:47,336 -Fuck. -[Sobs] 38 00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:50,209 [Screams] 39 00:01:50,345 --> 00:01:52,052 Oh, fuck! 40 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,341 Fuck! 41 00:01:53,473 --> 00:01:55,965 Aah! Aah! 42 00:01:56,101 --> 00:01:57,967 I can't fucking do this anymore! 43 00:01:58,103 --> 00:02:00,515 That was seriously fucked up. We almost died. 44 00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:01,978 -So you agree? -Fuck yes! 45 00:02:02,107 --> 00:02:03,597 That w-- T-This was insane! 46 00:02:03,734 --> 00:02:04,724 That was pure luck. 47 00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:07,227 I was not in control of that situation at all. 48 00:02:07,362 --> 00:02:11,401 [Sobs, screams] 49 00:02:11,533 --> 00:02:13,365 Look at this, Morty. Look at my fucking hand. 50 00:02:13,493 --> 00:02:14,358 Look at this shit. 51 00:02:14,494 --> 00:02:16,656 Why do you keep doing this to us?I 52 00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:18,495 I don't know, Morty. Maybe I hate myself. 53 00:02:18,623 --> 00:02:20,910 Maybe I think I deserve to die. I-I-I-I don't -- I don't know! 54 00:02:21,042 --> 00:02:24,580 [Wails] 55 00:02:24,713 --> 00:02:26,545 We need a vacation. 56 00:02:26,673 --> 00:02:29,165 [Dramatic music plays] 57 00:02:58,497 --> 00:03:01,034 [Relaxing music plays] 58 00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:04,537 [Device beeps, alien purrs] 59 00:03:04,669 --> 00:03:06,580 -Isn't that something? -You were right. 60 00:03:06,713 --> 00:03:08,374 Best day spa in the galaxy. 61 00:03:08,507 --> 00:03:09,372 It's not even cruel, either. 62 00:03:09,508 --> 00:03:11,374 These things are just doing what they do in the wild. 63 00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:13,171 They love swallowing stressed-out creatures 64 00:03:13,303 --> 00:03:14,759 for 20 minutes and then puking them up. 65 00:03:14,888 --> 00:03:17,095 My whole body's like a baby's ass. 66 00:03:17,224 --> 00:03:19,306 Complimentary psychological detox? 67 00:03:19,434 --> 00:03:20,765 Removes all your cognitive toxins 68 00:03:20,894 --> 00:03:22,305 [Gurgles] purifies your system. 69 00:03:22,437 --> 00:03:23,848 Oof, this guy on commission or something? 70 00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,891 I don't think... Are you on commission? 71 00:03:26,024 --> 00:03:27,640 We're not on commission. We get paid by the hour. 72 00:03:27,776 --> 00:03:29,266 [Phlegmy] There's no incentive, really -- 73 00:03:29,402 --> 00:03:30,312 Oh, my God. Okay, listen. 74 00:03:30,445 --> 00:03:31,651 W-W-W-We'll try the machine, 75 00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,521 but -- but I'd like you to try something. 76 00:03:33,657 --> 00:03:36,319 Try swallowing the giant ball of snot 77 00:03:36,451 --> 00:03:38,692 that's dangling around in the back of your throat. 78 00:03:38,829 --> 00:03:40,695 It's disgusting. Nobody wants to hear that. 79 00:03:40,831 --> 00:03:42,413 [Clears throat] 80 00:03:42,541 --> 00:03:44,748 -That's what you do. -Okay, Rick, come on. Enough. 81 00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:47,208 Man, did you hear me bite that guy's head off? 82 00:03:47,337 --> 00:03:48,623 -Geez, I really need to chill. -[Whirring] 83 00:03:48,755 --> 00:03:50,120 Maybe you should go through twice. 84 00:03:50,257 --> 00:03:52,840 All right, mister comedy man, you don't have to bust my balls. 85 00:03:52,968 --> 00:03:54,458 -You're not helping things. -[Clanking, buzzing] 86 00:03:54,594 --> 00:03:56,631 Rick, is this thing supposed to be making this 87 00:03:56,763 --> 00:03:58,003 [Distorted] noise? 88 00:03:58,139 --> 00:03:59,971 [High-pitched ringing] 89 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,216 [Gurgling] 90 00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,604 [Echoing] Morty! 91 00:04:07,732 --> 00:04:09,222 -Ri-Rick. -Morty! 92 00:04:09,359 --> 00:04:11,191 [Groans] What happened? 93 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,230 We blew up, idiot! Are you really that stupid? 94 00:04:13,363 --> 00:04:15,149 Obviously the guy I yelled at overloaded the machine. 95 00:04:15,282 --> 00:04:18,240 It takes more than that to kill Rick and Morty, motherfucker! 96 00:04:18,368 --> 00:04:21,110 [Roaring] 97 00:04:21,246 --> 00:04:22,156 But this might do it. 98 00:04:22,289 --> 00:04:24,451 -Run, Morty! -E-Everything hurts! 99 00:04:24,583 --> 00:04:25,948 GUNK RICK: That's because you're worthless! 100 00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:28,701 [Grunts] Jesus, how big was this explosion? 101 00:04:28,837 --> 00:04:30,373 I'm a genius. I don't have time for this shit. 102 00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:32,337 W-W-We're in hell, aren't we, Rick? 103 00:04:32,465 --> 00:04:34,502 You're so stupid, Morty. You're an I[burps]diot. 104 00:04:34,634 --> 00:04:36,375 I Burns} There's no such thing as hell. 105 00:04:36,511 --> 00:04:38,468 I believe you, but I just want to die. 106 00:04:38,597 --> 00:04:41,464 You can die when I say so. I control you. 107 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,887 I control the universe! Why am I bragging about that? 108 00:04:44,019 --> 00:04:45,054 I have nothing to prove. 109 00:04:45,186 --> 00:04:47,769 I'm surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and... 110 00:04:49,482 --> 00:04:50,847 Toxins. 111 00:04:50,984 --> 00:04:53,351 We're not in hell, Morty. We're in the detoxifier. 112 00:04:53,486 --> 00:04:55,318 The machine didn't blow up. It worked normally. 113 00:04:55,447 --> 00:04:56,733 It removed our toxins. 114 00:04:56,865 --> 00:04:57,980 - We're the toxins. -[Screams] 115 00:04:58,116 --> 00:05:00,858 Are you listening, you stupid little garbage person?! 116 00:05:00,994 --> 00:05:03,031 We're what got removed! 117 00:05:05,206 --> 00:05:08,198 I hope you both found that detox sufficiently relaxing. 118 00:05:08,335 --> 00:05:10,542 Hey, man, listen, those comments I made about your throat? 119 00:05:10,670 --> 00:05:11,831 [Clears throat] It's all good. 120 00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,579 It's nice of you to let me off the hook. 121 00:05:13,715 --> 00:05:16,332 It's still unacceptable behavior, and I do regret it. 122 00:05:16,468 --> 00:05:18,300 Believe me, man, I've been working here a long time. 123 00:05:18,428 --> 00:05:19,259 I get it. 124 00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:25,098 Hey, uh, you mind if I put on some music? 125 00:05:25,226 --> 00:05:26,216 Not at all. 126 00:05:26,353 --> 00:05:27,468 [Slow-tempo music plays] 127 00:05:27,604 --> 00:05:29,845 ♪ Grab my terrifolds ♪ 128 00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,688 -What is that? -I just hit shuffle. 129 00:05:31,816 --> 00:05:33,056 -Are you kidding? -[Chuckles] 130 00:05:33,193 --> 00:05:35,685 This universe. [Belches] Oh, excuse me. 131 00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:37,606 We should listen to one random song a day, you know? 132 00:05:37,739 --> 00:05:39,195 We'd end up hearing more songs we didn't like, 133 00:05:39,324 --> 00:05:41,031 but we'd discover a lot more that we did. 134 00:05:41,159 --> 00:05:42,649 That is an interesting concept. 135 00:05:42,786 --> 00:05:43,901 You know, it makes me wonder 136 00:05:44,037 --> 00:05:45,277 if there's an algorithmic expression 137 00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:46,995 that could achieve the ideal ratio. 138 00:05:47,123 --> 00:05:48,284 [Chuckles] Listen to me 139 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:51,033 [Laughs] trying to calculate happiness over here. 140 00:05:51,169 --> 00:05:52,580 Hoo, if anyone could, Rick. 141 00:05:52,712 --> 00:05:54,544 Hey, here's something no science could measure. 142 00:05:54,673 --> 00:05:56,664 I'm real proud to be your grandpa, Morty. 143 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,757 Thanks, Rick. I love you. 144 00:05:58,885 --> 00:06:01,252 Yeah, motherfucker! Yeah! Get it! Get some! 145 00:06:01,388 --> 00:06:03,595 Right up your fucking bitch ass, you fuck! 146 00:06:03,723 --> 00:06:05,555 Guess who just discovered a new element?! 147 00:06:05,684 --> 00:06:06,845 You think you could do that, Mom? 148 00:06:06,977 --> 00:06:09,969 You think anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years? 149 00:06:10,105 --> 00:06:12,142 Do you think if God existed he could do it? 150 00:06:12,273 --> 00:06:13,183 The answer is no. 151 00:06:13,316 --> 00:06:15,557 If God exists, it's fucking me. 152 00:06:15,694 --> 00:06:17,230 Yes, Rick. I-I agree, Rick. 153 00:06:17,362 --> 00:06:19,899 While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, 154 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,772 I discovered the toxic equivalent 155 00:06:21,908 --> 00:06:22,898 of electricity, Morty. 156 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:23,990 What do you think about that? 157 00:06:24,119 --> 00:06:25,860 Uh...l th-- I think my voice is annoying. 158 00:06:25,996 --> 00:06:27,657 It is, and it's your best quality. 159 00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:29,245 So true. 160 00:06:29,374 --> 00:06:31,411 Now, who can tell me the common denominator 161 00:06:31,543 --> 00:06:33,284 of these two fractions? 162 00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:35,627 You don't know or y'all just bored? 163 00:06:35,755 --> 00:06:38,087 Hey, listen, you know, wha-- if we're all bored over here, 164 00:06:38,216 --> 00:06:40,082 wouldn't the common denominator be [chuckles] you? 165 00:06:40,218 --> 00:06:42,505 -[Laughter] -Damn, Morty. That's hilarious. 166 00:06:42,637 --> 00:06:45,004 Normally I would come down on any kind of disruption, 167 00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:46,756 but it seems to represent a positive change 168 00:06:46,891 --> 00:06:47,756 for your character. 169 00:06:47,892 --> 00:06:48,973 -Class dismissed! -[Chatter] 170 00:06:49,102 --> 00:06:51,514 -Awesome, Morty! -You done good, Morty. 171 00:06:51,646 --> 00:06:52,602 -GIRL: Oh, yeah! -[Bell rings] 172 00:06:52,731 --> 00:06:54,017 -Thanks for the advice, Morty. -You got it. 173 00:06:54,149 --> 00:06:55,765 -I did it, Morty! -I knew you could. 174 00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:56,981 Hey, Morty, remember yesterday 175 00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:58,521 when I couldn't play the trombone? 176 00:06:58,653 --> 00:06:59,893 Well, check this out! 177 00:07:00,030 --> 00:07:01,361 ["When the Saints Go Marching In" plays] 178 00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:02,854 Just like I told you, Mitch. 179 00:07:02,991 --> 00:07:04,857 The music was in your heart the whole time. 180 00:07:04,993 --> 00:07:05,983 Stupid hat. 181 00:07:06,119 --> 00:07:08,952 Wish I had the courage to just be myself. 182 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,320 There you are. 183 00:07:10,457 --> 00:07:12,414 [Music continues] 184 00:07:12,542 --> 00:07:14,328 You might have all these idiots fooled, 185 00:07:14,461 --> 00:07:16,828 but I know you're still the same pathetic loser 186 00:07:16,963 --> 00:07:19,079 hiding behind a confident facade. 187 00:07:19,215 --> 00:07:20,705 I know that because... 188 00:07:20,842 --> 00:07:22,958 I'm doing the same thing, brother. 189 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:25,711 -I'm not alone anymore! -[Music resumes] 190 00:07:25,847 --> 00:07:28,885 Hey, Morty. Word around school is you've become super healthy. 191 00:07:29,017 --> 00:07:30,132 I don't know about all that. 192 00:07:30,268 --> 00:07:32,555 I do, however, know that I have a pretty bad case of 193 00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:34,803 haven't taken you to dinner-itis. 194 00:07:34,939 --> 00:07:36,304 Might be fatal. [Chuckles] 195 00:07:36,441 --> 00:07:38,148 Hey. kids. Uh, hope I'm not interrupting. 196 00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:39,562 Morty, a moment of your time? 197 00:07:39,694 --> 00:07:40,980 Happy to help, Rick. 198 00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,068 I hate to bug you with this, 199 00:07:42,197 --> 00:07:44,655 but after our morning hike, I started receiving very faint, 200 00:07:44,783 --> 00:07:47,024 highly unusual transmissions on my sub-ether phone. 201 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:48,116 -Listen. -[Cellphone beeps] 202 00:07:48,244 --> 00:07:51,657 [Demonic whooshing, screams] 203 00:07:51,790 --> 00:07:54,031 -[Beep] -It's a bad phone. Chuck it. 204 00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:56,249 I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only. 205 00:07:56,377 --> 00:07:57,993 You know, if -- if -- if something's worth saying, 206 00:07:58,129 --> 00:07:59,244 I-it's worth eye contact. 207 00:07:59,380 --> 00:08:01,542 Uh, I-I-I traced the source of the call 208 00:08:01,674 --> 00:08:03,039 back to the spa we went to. Morty. 209 00:08:03,176 --> 00:08:04,382 I thought I could hear a voice in there, 210 00:08:04,511 --> 00:08:06,093 so I enhanced it, a-and listen. 211 00:08:06,221 --> 00:08:07,677 [Screaming] 212 00:08:07,806 --> 00:08:09,592 -GUNK RICK: Hey, asshole! -GUNK MORTY: Oh, man! 213 00:08:09,724 --> 00:08:11,556 - Remember us? -I don't like confrontation! 214 00:08:11,684 --> 00:08:13,425 GUNK RICK: You fucked us, you pieces of garbage! 215 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,643 That's right, you're fucking garbage, not us. 216 00:08:15,772 --> 00:08:17,558 I'm a fucking genius and a god. 217 00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:19,021 You really think this thing can hold me? 218 00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,640 - I'm gonna rip your throat - -[ Beep I 219 00:08:20,777 --> 00:08:23,269 Morty, what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities, 220 00:08:23,404 --> 00:08:24,485 their own will to live? 221 00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:26,321 W-What if mine shares my intelligence 222 00:08:26,449 --> 00:08:28,190 and devised a way to reach out to us? 223 00:08:28,326 --> 00:08:29,487 Sounds like he's in a lot of pain. 224 00:08:29,619 --> 00:08:31,485 [Smacks lips] Lot. 0. Pain. 225 00:08:31,621 --> 00:08:33,362 But, you know, you shouldn't have to deal with that, man. 226 00:08:33,498 --> 00:08:34,829 You know, I-let's work off your trauma 227 00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:36,198 with some urban spin yoga. 228 00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:38,166 It's amazing. You do yoga on a bike, 229 00:08:38,294 --> 00:08:39,329 but you have an at-risk preteen -- 230 00:08:39,462 --> 00:08:41,544 I don't think I can just blow this off, Morty. 231 00:08:41,673 --> 00:08:44,005 If I had known it worked this way, I wouldn't have detoxed. 232 00:08:44,134 --> 00:08:46,091 Well, I would have because I was toxic. 233 00:08:46,219 --> 00:08:49,337 Now I'm detoxed and I'm accountable to my toxins, right? 234 00:08:49,472 --> 00:08:52,305 -I-It's a dilemma. -I think I know what to do. 235 00:08:52,433 --> 00:08:53,969 -Morty! -Rlck! [Laughs] 236 00:08:54,102 --> 00:08:56,264 You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain 237 00:08:56,396 --> 00:08:58,728 that misses eating all them big fat problems. 238 00:08:58,857 --> 00:09:01,440 Focus on the good things. Trust me, things are good. 239 00:09:01,568 --> 00:09:03,309 Taking that away from me [Chuckles] 240 00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:05,151 That wouldn't be healthy. 241 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,611 [Ominous music plays] 242 00:09:06,739 --> 00:09:08,400 [Laughs] 243 00:09:08,533 --> 00:09:10,900 Oh, man. World's Greatest Grandpa, for reals. 244 00:09:11,035 --> 00:09:12,742 It's not just a coffee cup for you, bud. 245 00:09:12,871 --> 00:09:14,157 You're legit. 246 00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:18,748 [Piano music plays] 247 00:09:18,877 --> 00:09:20,288 I love drums. I never took drum lessons. 248 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:23,333 Why? Limitations. We are addicted to our own limitations. 249 00:09:23,464 --> 00:09:24,420 How amazing is that? 250 00:09:24,549 --> 00:09:25,835 Is the kale prepared in the kitchen? 251 00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:27,503 -I'll have a water. -Uh... 252 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,967 how is the. . "cm-due?" 253 00:09:30,096 --> 00:09:32,383 erudite. We. a cup of carrot sticks. 254 00:09:32,515 --> 00:09:34,301 Ha! It's okay! Pronounce it however you want. 255 00:09:34,434 --> 00:09:35,970 Words are just things. Please. Thank you. 256 00:09:36,102 --> 00:09:37,308 We're having a conversation. 257 00:09:37,437 --> 00:09:40,225 God, I am so excited to finally have dinner with you. 258 00:09:40,356 --> 00:09:41,687 You know how long I've been waiting for this? 259 00:09:41,816 --> 00:09:43,181 It's like, whew! 260 00:09:43,318 --> 00:09:44,808 I-I-I wish you'd shut up. though. 261 00:09:44,944 --> 00:09:46,480 Just kidding. You know, you're so quiet. What's wrong? 262 00:09:46,613 --> 00:09:47,853 W-Why don't you tell me about yourself? 263 00:09:47,989 --> 00:09:49,775 What's the atmosphere like on planet Jessica? 264 00:09:49,908 --> 00:09:50,943 Where's the equator? 265 00:09:51,075 --> 00:09:53,157 What are the vacations a-and the holidays? 266 00:09:53,286 --> 00:09:54,993 I mean, you know [Laughs] are they the same time? 267 00:09:55,121 --> 00:09:57,158 -Talk to me. -Well...I... 268 00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:58,621 like this restaurant. 269 00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:01,583 Holy shit! Holy shit! We have a moron over here! 270 00:10:01,711 --> 00:10:02,621 I'm an idiot. 271 00:10:02,754 --> 00:10:04,085 I can't believe I haven't thought of this. 272 00:10:04,214 --> 00:10:06,125 You have to do this detox thing I did. 273 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:07,918 It's at an alien spa. You go through it. 274 00:10:08,051 --> 00:10:11,089 Fwoos-s-s-ssh, lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa. 275 00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:13,633 [Imitates lasers] Sucks everything out. 276 00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:15,381 Everything that was holding me back, everything bad, 277 00:10:15,516 --> 00:10:16,881 I mean, it just [Makes suction noises] 278 00:10:17,018 --> 00:10:17,883 [Laughs] Right? 279 00:10:18,019 --> 00:10:20,477 Cooooool. 280 00:10:20,605 --> 00:10:22,892 Oh, my God! I can't believe this. 281 00:10:23,024 --> 00:10:24,185 Yeah, phones are awful. I downgraded to -- 282 00:10:24,317 --> 00:10:26,354 I totally forgot my... 283 00:10:26,486 --> 00:10:29,854 I have a...thing, and... 284 00:10:29,989 --> 00:10:31,479 -Things are good. -You know what? 285 00:10:31,616 --> 00:10:33,857 Why am I doing that? That's more rude than the truth. 286 00:10:33,993 --> 00:10:36,485 Look, I'm sorry, Morty. I just don't think -- 287 00:10:36,621 --> 00:10:39,488 Do not. Even. You have no need to explain. 288 00:10:39,624 --> 00:10:40,489 It's all good. 289 00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:42,036 I think you'd get bored with me. 290 00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:43,954 E-Exactly. Look, the sparks aren't flying. 291 00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:45,703 This is what dating is for, you know? 292 00:10:45,838 --> 00:10:47,670 [Laughs] First date, no sparks. 293 00:10:47,799 --> 00:10:50,006 No damage, no worries. Life is a highway. 294 00:10:50,134 --> 00:10:51,841 We're gonna ride it all night lonnngg! 295 00:10:51,970 --> 00:10:53,927 Gonna eat some "erudite." Mmm! 296 00:10:54,055 --> 00:10:56,387 Is this organic? Mmm. All right. 297 00:10:56,516 --> 00:10:58,223 You know, the evening continues. 298 00:10:58,351 --> 00:11:00,513 Okay, here we go. 299 00:11:00,645 --> 00:11:02,807 Ma'am, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. 300 00:11:02,939 --> 00:11:04,555 Your money's no good here. [Laughs] 301 00:11:04,691 --> 00:11:06,056 I'll - I'll get the next round. sir. 302 00:11:06,192 --> 00:11:08,775 -Aren't you a child? -Only in the ways that matter. 303 00:11:08,903 --> 00:11:10,735 -Morty. -[Sighs] Stacy. 304 00:11:10,863 --> 00:11:12,103 I've been watching you drink. Stacy. 305 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:13,651 I get the feeling you've got a hard job. 306 00:11:13,783 --> 00:11:15,319 I wonder what it takes to please you. 307 00:11:15,451 --> 00:11:17,818 That's the job I want -- part time, full time, 308 00:11:17,954 --> 00:11:19,410 I want to be good at it, bad at it. 309 00:11:19,539 --> 00:11:22,406 I want to get promoted, fired, corner office, hostile takeover, 310 00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:23,452 workplace accident. 311 00:11:23,584 --> 00:11:24,790 I'm on my knees, Stacy, 312 00:11:24,919 --> 00:11:27,581 praying, worshiping, begging, whatever you want. 313 00:11:27,714 --> 00:11:30,081 [Sniffs] What do you think about that? 314 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:32,753 Okay. Fuck it. 315 00:11:32,885 --> 00:11:33,750 -[Glasses clink] -Tink. 316 00:11:33,886 --> 00:11:37,004 -[Tires screech] -STACY: [Giggling] Mm! 317 00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:39,006 MORTY: Let's ask my grandpa. He's a scientist. 318 00:11:39,142 --> 00:11:42,100 Hey, Rick, are you familiar with Ben Wa technology? 319 00:11:42,228 --> 00:11:43,138 Morty, great news. 320 00:11:43,271 --> 00:11:44,682 I went back to the spa, and they let me purchase 321 00:11:44,814 --> 00:11:46,430 the containment unit from their detoxifier. 322 00:11:46,566 --> 00:11:47,397 Why? 323 00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:48,765 Because we're coming home, bitch! 324 00:11:48,901 --> 00:11:49,606 What is this? 325 00:11:49,736 --> 00:11:52,023 This is the parts of your pussy grandpa that keep it real. 326 00:11:52,155 --> 00:11:53,896 Oh -- Oh, and I think you dropped something, too! 327 00:11:54,032 --> 00:11:56,399 I don't want to be on-camera. I'm ugly and gross. Please. 328 00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:58,195 -Should I go? -You're your own person, Stacy. 329 00:11:58,328 --> 00:11:59,409 Then I'd like to stay. 330 00:11:59,537 --> 00:12:00,447 Rick, please tell me 331 00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:02,821 you're not trying to put that stuff back inside of us. 332 00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:05,449 Morty, I'm sorry. That stuff is alive and it belongs with us. 333 00:12:05,585 --> 00:12:07,622 We yanked them from their homes and locked them in a can. 334 00:12:07,754 --> 00:12:09,165 -[Clanks] -Motherfucker! 335 00:12:09,297 --> 00:12:10,628 See? They're living in pain. 336 00:12:10,757 --> 00:12:12,247 That's what they do, Rick. They live in pain. 337 00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,544 They are pain, you know? 338 00:12:13,676 --> 00:12:15,508 Th-They're all the bad parts of us, which, by the way, 339 00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:16,751 includes our dishonesty, 340 00:12:16,888 --> 00:12:19,346 so how do you know this isn't all some sort of crazy trick? 341 00:12:19,474 --> 00:12:21,181 Oh, so now because I'm made entirely of toxins, 342 00:12:21,309 --> 00:12:22,219 I'm also a liar? 343 00:12:22,352 --> 00:12:24,514 Fuck you, you little sociopath. You hear this, Morty? 344 00:12:24,645 --> 00:12:25,931 Oh, everybody hates me. I can tell. 345 00:12:26,064 --> 00:12:27,350 -Y-You all hate me -- -All right, shut up, Morty. 346 00:12:27,482 --> 00:12:28,643 Healthy Rick, are we doing this or what? 347 00:12:28,775 --> 00:12:30,857 Yep. Sorry, Morty. I need you to step into the booth. 348 00:12:30,985 --> 00:12:33,022 Don't negotiate with that little turd, dummy. 349 00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:35,145 You're the Rick. You need to show dominance. 350 00:12:35,281 --> 00:12:38,023 Morty, booth, now. Booth! 351 00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:39,274 -Come on, Morty. -Don't touch me! 352 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:42,118 Morty, do the healthy thing and voluntarily retoxify yourself. 353 00:12:42,246 --> 00:12:43,111 Nooooo! 354 00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:45,033 Is it wrong if I think this is kind of hot? 355 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:47,123 Let me out of here! Stacy, help! Open the door! 356 00:12:47,251 --> 00:12:49,288 I need to hear our safe word, Morty. 357 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:50,831 Sea Cucumber! Sea Cucumber! 358 00:12:50,963 --> 00:12:51,703 What are you doing? 359 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,625 I'll do anything for you, Morty. 360 00:12:53,758 --> 00:12:55,999 [Booth hisses, whirs] 361 00:12:56,135 --> 00:12:59,378 It worked! [Laughs] Yes! That idiot believed every word. 362 00:12:59,514 --> 00:13:02,006 Now let's see how he enjoys living in that shit tank. 363 00:13:02,141 --> 00:13:03,506 He's right behind me, isn't he? 364 00:13:03,643 --> 00:13:06,260 -He's in front of you. -My eyes are still adjusting. 365 00:13:06,396 --> 00:13:08,103 Uh, is this like a sex dungeon? 366 00:13:08,231 --> 00:13:10,518 I guess I should've been paying attention. 367 00:13:11,818 --> 00:13:13,149 GUNK RICK: After 70 years of being bottled up 368 00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:15,018 inside a [burps] sentimental jackass, 369 00:13:15,154 --> 00:13:16,440 I finally get to live my own life. 370 00:13:16,572 --> 00:13:17,528 You said we were merging. 371 00:13:17,657 --> 00:13:19,773 I lied, dumb-ass! I lie about everything! 372 00:13:19,909 --> 00:13:21,991 Why would I ever re-merge with a pussy like you? 373 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,031 So...you were just gonna trap us in that tank? 374 00:13:24,163 --> 00:13:25,028 T-That was your plan? 375 00:13:25,164 --> 00:13:26,905 Not was, motherfucker. Still is. 376 00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:28,657 -[Groans] -Kill him, Rick! 377 00:13:28,793 --> 00:13:30,158 I don't like this! This is scary! 378 00:13:30,294 --> 00:13:31,250 All right, you asked for it. 379 00:13:31,379 --> 00:13:32,790 -Did I ask for this? -[Groans] 380 00:13:32,922 --> 00:13:35,380 Did I ask for this? Huh? Did I? 381 00:13:35,508 --> 00:13:37,670 -[ Whirs] - Assessing threat to groin. 382 00:13:37,802 --> 00:13:39,668 Groin System 6000. Kill him! 383 00:13:39,804 --> 00:13:40,714 [Whirs, beeps] 384 00:13:40,847 --> 00:13:42,838 That...is my groin's user. 385 00:13:42,974 --> 00:13:44,715 Believe me, I got a lot more use out of that thing 386 00:13:44,851 --> 00:13:45,556 than he ever did. 387 00:13:45,685 --> 00:13:48,052 You know what? Not my table. 388 00:13:48,187 --> 00:13:50,599 [Grunting] 389 00:13:50,731 --> 00:13:54,645 - You do know me. -[ Gasps] 390 00:13:55,945 --> 00:13:56,901 What the hell, Grandpa Rick? 391 00:13:57,029 --> 00:13:58,519 -Fuck you, Summer! -Sorry, Summer! 392 00:13:58,656 --> 00:13:59,737 [Beep] 393 00:13:59,866 --> 00:14:01,857 Okay, okay, take it easy. Don't do it. 394 00:14:01,993 --> 00:14:03,108 [Rapid beeping, creature whimpers] 395 00:14:03,244 --> 00:14:05,451 I love you. Good boy. Daddy's little boy. 396 00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:06,695 Summer, get out of here! Go! 397 00:14:06,831 --> 00:14:07,696 Oh, who's that? 398 00:14:07,832 --> 00:14:09,448 Who[burps]'s that over there? 399 00:14:09,584 --> 00:14:11,541 Oh, no. You see the bad man in front of you? 400 00:14:11,669 --> 00:14:13,501 You're a good little boy. You're gonna get him. 401 00:14:13,629 --> 00:14:15,370 -[Creature roars] -You're gonna get him. 402 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:17,918 -Aah! -[Screams] 403 00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:19,085 Son of a... 404 00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,094 [Grunts] 405 00:14:23,848 --> 00:14:25,930 [Screams, moans] 406 00:14:26,058 --> 00:14:27,924 [Screams] Ahh! 407 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:30,301 [Roars] 408 00:14:30,438 --> 00:14:31,724 Nice try, asshole. 409 00:14:31,856 --> 00:14:33,312 We can resolve [panting] our issues. 410 00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:35,398 We don't need to resort to over-the-top -- 411 00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:36,732 [Groans] 412 00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:37,942 Aah! 413 00:14:38,070 --> 00:14:39,856 I-I did it, Rick. I got the tank! 414 00:14:39,989 --> 00:14:41,696 I-I'm a piece of shit, but I got the tank! 415 00:14:41,824 --> 00:14:43,155 You're going in that tank, motherfucker. 416 00:14:43,284 --> 00:14:45,025 You're gonna [burps] live in that toxic shit wasteland 417 00:14:45,161 --> 00:14:46,071 like I had to do! 418 00:14:46,204 --> 00:14:46,909 -Aah! -Ow! 419 00:14:47,038 --> 00:14:50,326 [Screaming] 420 00:14:50,458 --> 00:14:51,914 GUNK RICK: That's right, motherfucker. 421 00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:53,533 You're going in that fuckin' -- 422 00:14:54,754 --> 00:14:56,244 Dads? 423 00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:58,246 Okay, just -- just leave her out of it. 424 00:14:58,382 --> 00:14:59,087 What's going on? 425 00:14:59,217 --> 00:15:00,423 All right, fuck this. Time for plan B. 426 00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,258 If I can't trap you in a toxic world, 427 00:15:02,386 --> 00:15:04,548 I'll just make the whole world toxic. 428 00:15:06,474 --> 00:15:07,339 It's okay, girls. 429 00:15:07,475 --> 00:15:10,092 I-I'm so sorry I put us in danger with some of my behavior. 430 00:15:10,228 --> 00:15:12,640 I-If you'd like, I can go out in the g-garden, 431 00:15:12,772 --> 00:15:15,184 pick some fresh basil, and make us a nice Scallopini. 432 00:15:15,316 --> 00:15:17,148 What did the booger version of you mean 433 00:15:17,276 --> 00:15:19,608 when he said he was going to make the whole world toxic? 434 00:15:19,737 --> 00:15:22,855 Believe me, sweetie, that man's motivations are a mystery. 435 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,606 Screw that, Rick. We got to stop him. 436 00:15:24,742 --> 00:15:26,107 What's the last thing you'd think about doing 437 00:15:26,244 --> 00:15:27,154 with that tank thing? 438 00:15:27,286 --> 00:15:28,902 Morty, I appreciate what you're trying to do, 439 00:15:29,038 --> 00:15:30,494 but it's not our place, you know, 440 00:15:30,623 --> 00:15:33,411 to pick and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse. 441 00:15:33,543 --> 00:15:36,376 Our -- Our toxins have as much a right to their worldview as -- 442 00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:38,290 Morty, how is it healthy to slap me? 443 00:15:38,422 --> 00:15:40,629 Obviously my version of health is a hell of a lot different 444 00:15:40,758 --> 00:15:42,340 from yours, you useless old turd. 445 00:15:42,468 --> 00:15:43,333 Wait. That's it. 446 00:15:43,469 --> 00:15:44,925 How could that detox machine know the difference 447 00:15:45,054 --> 00:15:48,046 between healthy and sick for everything that goes through it? 448 00:15:48,182 --> 00:15:48,887 It can't. 449 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,974 It must be by the individual's own definition of toxicity. 450 00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:53,764 That means... 451 00:15:53,896 --> 00:15:55,512 -Dad! -What - What the hell, Rick? 452 00:15:55,648 --> 00:15:56,809 I'll explain on the way. 453 00:15:56,941 --> 00:15:58,648 GUNK RICK: This "Moon Tower," Morty, 454 00:15:58,776 --> 00:16:00,562 I[burps]s the perfect height and metallic composition 455 00:16:00,695 --> 00:16:03,153 for the a[burps]mplification and beaming of toxic energies. 456 00:16:03,281 --> 00:16:04,316 What do you think about that, Marty? 457 00:16:04,448 --> 00:16:05,609 Are you excited about that. Marty? 458 00:16:05,741 --> 00:16:08,153 Oh, man. I'm just freaked out. I-It's too high up here. 459 00:16:08,286 --> 00:16:09,367 Once I flip this switch, 460 00:16:09,495 --> 00:16:12,157 the entire world is gonna be just as toxic as us, baby. 461 00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:14,702 [Electrical crackling] 462 00:16:19,130 --> 00:16:21,337 As we praise our loving Father -- 463 00:16:21,465 --> 00:16:24,082 God is a lie! We made him up for money! 464 00:16:24,218 --> 00:16:26,459 [Bells chiming] 465 00:16:26,596 --> 00:16:29,258 [Laughter, squeaking] 466 00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:31,631 Santa Claus isn't real. 467 00:16:31,767 --> 00:16:34,384 You were all mistakes! [Groans] 468 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,057 [Laughs] We fuckin' did it, Morty. 469 00:16:37,189 --> 00:16:38,350 Put your fuckin' hands in the air. 470 00:16:38,482 --> 00:16:40,974 Yeah, you little piece of shit. 471 00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:42,100 Remember me? 472 00:16:42,236 --> 00:16:44,694 Didn't you learn last time that you can't beat me? 473 00:16:44,822 --> 00:16:46,608 Yeah, I did. And then I learned something else. 474 00:16:46,741 --> 00:16:48,357 -This. -Aah! [Screams, moans] 475 00:16:48,492 --> 00:16:50,904 That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus 476 00:16:51,037 --> 00:16:53,699 that will disintegrate your Morty in about, ah, 20 minutes. 477 00:16:53,831 --> 00:16:54,696 You think I give a shit? 478 00:16:54,832 --> 00:16:56,163 I know you give a shit, dummy. 479 00:16:56,292 --> 00:16:57,327 Because I know I don't. 480 00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:58,575 Here's another thing I know. 481 00:16:58,711 --> 00:17:00,622 The decryption key that neutralizes the virus. 482 00:17:00,755 --> 00:17:01,961 You want it? Come and get it. 483 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,705 Merge with me and you'll know how to save him. 484 00:17:03,841 --> 00:17:05,081 Pm. Come on, man. We been trapped 485 00:17:05,217 --> 00:17:07,208 in your pussy brain for 70 years of delusions, 486 00:17:07,345 --> 00:17:10,212 but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I've ever -- 487 00:17:10,348 --> 00:17:12,339 Jesus Christ! What are you doing?! 488 00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:13,681 He's cutting your time in half. 489 00:17:13,809 --> 00:17:15,425 -10 minutes. -What is your problem? 490 00:17:15,561 --> 00:17:17,598 Oh, I had all my problems removed -- my entitlement, 491 00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:19,562 my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, 492 00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,897 my irrational attachments. 493 00:17:22,026 --> 00:17:23,733 They must be somewhere. They ain't over here, bro. 494 00:17:23,861 --> 00:17:25,226 I'm not going back in there! 495 00:17:25,363 --> 00:17:26,774 Honestly, I don't care either way. 496 00:17:26,906 --> 00:17:27,896 I hate having you in me. 497 00:17:28,032 --> 00:17:29,522 And when I say "honestly" you can believe it, 498 00:17:29,659 --> 00:17:31,400 because we both know I'm too healthy to lie. 499 00:17:31,535 --> 00:17:32,866 -Watch. -[Screams] 500 00:17:32,995 --> 00:17:35,111 All right! Knock it off! You're not impressing anyone. 501 00:17:35,247 --> 00:17:37,079 Morty, not that I give a shit, but are you okay? 502 00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:39,074 -Jesus Christ, it hurts. -Relax, quit your bitching. 503 00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:41,121 Y-You're gonna be fine. Grandpa's here. 504 00:17:41,253 --> 00:17:42,709 -[Laughs] -You think that's funny? 505 00:17:42,838 --> 00:17:44,624 Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things. 506 00:17:44,757 --> 00:17:45,838 Oh, wait, you can't. 507 00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:48,173 You're literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture. 508 00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:49,792 I guess it's just funny because you've never done 509 00:17:49,929 --> 00:17:51,636 anything but complain about me being in charge, 510 00:17:51,764 --> 00:17:54,347 but if I ever gave you the wheel we'd be dead in five minutes. 511 00:17:54,475 --> 00:17:56,967 -Rick? -You poor, dumb, sick animal. 512 00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:58,013 [Weakly] Rick? 513 00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:00,261 Aah! Just do it! 514 00:18:00,398 --> 00:18:02,139 Just do it, you piece of -- 515 00:18:02,274 --> 00:18:03,810 [Groans] 516 00:18:03,943 --> 00:18:06,935 I'm back, baby! Regular Rick! Master of both worlds! 517 00:18:07,071 --> 00:18:08,311 Check it it out! [Farts] 518 00:18:08,447 --> 00:18:09,983 "Excuse me." 519 00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:12,483 Now we'll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam. 520 00:18:12,618 --> 00:18:14,450 Man, I really overthink shit when I'm angry. 521 00:18:14,578 --> 00:18:17,286 [Electricity crackles, powers down] 522 00:18:17,415 --> 00:18:19,452 -[Moaning] -Oh, give it to me. 523 00:18:19,583 --> 00:18:21,915 Mm, ma-mah. 524 00:18:22,044 --> 00:18:24,786 God is not a lie. 525 00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:25,912 [Whoosh!] 526 00:18:26,048 --> 00:18:28,881 [Bells chime] 527 00:18:29,009 --> 00:18:32,218 [Animalistic screeching] 528 00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:33,677 [Wailing] 529 00:18:33,806 --> 00:18:35,012 Mommy! Mommy! 530 00:18:35,141 --> 00:18:36,472 Ha! All right, Morty, 531 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,386 now it's time we re-merge your little ass. 532 00:18:38,519 --> 00:18:39,429 You're a better man than me, Rick. 533 00:18:39,562 --> 00:18:40,893 I'm healthy enough to admit that! 534 00:18:41,021 --> 00:18:43,228 That kid is a real piece of shit. 535 00:18:43,357 --> 00:18:44,768 Y-Y-You're gonna save me, right? 536 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:47,267 Part of me wanted to, Toxic Morty. 537 00:18:47,403 --> 00:18:49,986 Part of me really wanted to. 538 00:18:50,114 --> 00:18:51,570 [Car horn beeps] 539 00:18:51,699 --> 00:18:53,406 I'm telling you, these shares are hot. Yeah. 540 00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:55,491 That sounds like a good idea. It's definitely a good idea. 541 00:18:55,619 --> 00:18:57,906 MORTY: Duane, Duane, Duane, I get it. Now can you get me? 542 00:18:58,038 --> 00:18:59,528 Have I ever lied to you? 543 00:18:59,665 --> 00:19:02,783 That's right, and ask around, I never do, Duane. 544 00:19:02,918 --> 00:19:04,204 Let me put this real simple. 545 00:19:04,336 --> 00:19:06,748 This stock is a beautiful redhead, recently single, 546 00:19:06,881 --> 00:19:09,248 not looking to date but ready to fall in love, 547 00:19:09,383 --> 00:19:11,715 and fate has put her locker two down from yours, Duane -- 548 00:19:11,844 --> 00:19:13,881 two lockers down. 549 00:19:14,013 --> 00:19:15,924 So step up or step off, Duane. 550 00:19:16,056 --> 00:19:18,548 Blue pill or red pill, what'll it be, bro? 551 00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:22,268 Totally understand, Duane. 552 00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:23,852 -You're the boss. -[Phone beeps] 553 00:19:23,981 --> 00:19:25,392 Heinholz Biotech -- 554 00:19:25,524 --> 00:19:27,356 million and a half at thirty-three. 555 00:19:27,485 --> 00:19:29,271 -[Cheers and applause] -Heh. 556 00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:31,360 You little fuckin' monster. 557 00:19:31,489 --> 00:19:33,856 [Chopping] 558 00:19:33,991 --> 00:19:34,947 [Crunch] 559 00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:36,816 Mmm! Is this organic? 560 00:19:36,952 --> 00:19:38,488 Mmm! 561 00:19:38,621 --> 00:19:41,033 -[Cellphone vibrates] -Go for Morty. 562 00:19:41,165 --> 00:19:42,906 JESSICA: Hi, Morty. It's Jessica. 563 00:19:43,042 --> 00:19:45,283 Look, can we just talk for a minute? 564 00:19:45,419 --> 00:19:47,581 Is that how long it takes for Rick to trace my location? 565 00:19:47,713 --> 00:19:49,795 JESSICA: Come back, Morty. I miss you. 566 00:19:49,924 --> 00:19:50,789 You miss the old me. 567 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:52,256 You miss someone that loved you so much, 568 00:19:52,384 --> 00:19:53,499 you never had to love 'em back. 569 00:19:53,636 --> 00:19:55,092 JESSICA: How do you know I don't want to love you? 570 00:19:55,221 --> 00:19:57,553 -Because I'm not sick. -Ex-girlfriend? 571 00:19:57,681 --> 00:19:58,842 Should I be jealous? 572 00:19:58,974 --> 00:20:00,305 There's nothing to be jealous of. 573 00:20:00,434 --> 00:20:01,720 I just realized that I'm scheduled 574 00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:04,184 to speak at that fundraiser on our date night. 575 00:20:04,313 --> 00:20:05,553 I can cancel. 576 00:20:05,689 --> 00:20:07,100 We'll be together. That's a date. 577 00:20:07,233 --> 00:20:09,065 You are the perfect man. 578 00:20:09,193 --> 00:20:11,560 Oh, sweetie, I think you hit the wrong button. 579 00:20:11,695 --> 00:20:12,730 You didn't hang up. 580 00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,820 Huh. How 'bout that? 581 00:20:14,949 --> 00:20:16,439 [Glass shatters] 582 00:20:16,575 --> 00:20:19,317 [Mechanical whirring] 583 00:20:19,453 --> 00:20:21,569 Sorry, tiny American Psycho. 584 00:20:21,705 --> 00:20:23,821 Time to take the op[burps]posite of your medicine. 585 00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:26,746 Do what you got to do. [Screams] 586 00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:29,164 Oh! Ow! Aah! 587 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,621 So, how do you feel, Morty? 588 00:20:31,757 --> 00:20:34,215 -Ah, geez. I'm miserable. -Am I good or what? 589 00:20:34,343 --> 00:20:36,550 I guess it's worth it, though, to know how much you care. 590 00:20:36,679 --> 00:20:39,216 Care? Me? Morty, I'm fine with you. 591 00:20:39,348 --> 00:20:41,806 -I only did this for him. -You lying bitch. 592 00:20:41,934 --> 00:20:43,925 She kept coming to our house, Morty, and kept asking me, 593 00:20:44,061 --> 00:20:45,347 "Did -- Did -- D-Did you get a new Morty yet?" 594 00:20:45,479 --> 00:20:48,016 Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it. 595 00:20:48,148 --> 00:20:49,309 I wasn't crying! 596 00:20:49,441 --> 00:20:50,476 Jacquelyn, I - 597 00:20:50,609 --> 00:20:52,350 I-I-I wasn't who I said I was. 598 00:20:52,486 --> 00:20:55,023 You weren't a 14-year-old boy from the Midwest 599 00:20:55,155 --> 00:20:56,862 who ran away from his family and capitalized 600 00:20:56,991 --> 00:20:59,608 on his lack of conscience by becoming a stock broker? 601 00:20:59,743 --> 00:21:01,825 Oh. I guess I was pretty up front about that, wasn't I? 602 00:21:01,954 --> 00:21:03,444 You were up front about everything. 603 00:21:03,581 --> 00:21:04,787 You were my soul mate. 604 00:21:04,915 --> 00:21:08,533 Well... N-Not anymore. I'll, um... 605 00:21:08,669 --> 00:21:10,034 Y-You can keep the apartment 606 00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:11,956 and -- and -- and, uh...the drones. 607 00:21:12,089 --> 00:21:13,045 She can't keep the drones. 608 00:21:13,173 --> 00:21:14,538 They turn into a little Voltron robot. 609 00:21:14,675 --> 00:21:15,665 They're awesome. 610 00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:16,916 [Electrical whirring] 611 00:21:17,052 --> 00:21:18,793 You can't keep the drones. 612 00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:20,294 [School bell rings] 613 00:21:20,431 --> 00:21:22,263 So, how was your date with Brad? 614 00:21:22,391 --> 00:21:24,223 It wasn't a date. We were just having lunch. 615 00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:25,967 You guys are getting back together, aren't you? 616 00:21:26,103 --> 00:21:27,434 Morty, I need your help on an adventure. 617 00:21:27,563 --> 00:21:28,769 Eh, "need" is a strong word. 618 00:21:28,898 --> 00:21:30,639 We need door stops, but a brick would work, too. 619 00:21:30,774 --> 00:21:31,855 Okay. 620 00:21:32,985 --> 00:21:34,271 Morty. 621 00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:36,898 Good to have you back. 622 00:21:38,782 --> 00:21:40,113 Have you ever been peed on before? 623 00:21:40,242 --> 00:21:42,859 Oh, my God. Yum. 624 00:21:42,995 --> 00:21:46,454 ♪ Hey, did you ever want to hold a terrifold? ♪ 625 00:21:46,582 --> 00:21:48,198 ♪ I got one right here ♪ 626 00:21:48,334 --> 00:21:49,745 ♪ Grab my tam-flap' ♪ 627 00:21:49,877 --> 00:21:50,912 ♪ Squeeze it ♪ 628 00:21:51,045 --> 00:21:53,332 ♪ Grab it, squeeze it, tug on my terri-flap ♪ 629 00:21:53,464 --> 00:21:55,546 ♪ Hey, I want to take you to ♪ 630 00:21:55,674 --> 00:21:57,335 ♪ The terrifold dance I 631 00:21:57,468 --> 00:22:00,506 ♪ Wanna come with me? You can grab my holdie-folds ♪ 632 00:22:00,638 --> 00:22:02,220 ♪ Squeeze 'em tight ♪ 633 00:22:02,348 --> 00:22:03,679 ♪ You son of a bitch ♪ 634 00:22:03,807 --> 00:22:06,014 ♪ Suck my holdie-flappy folds ♪ 635 00:22:06,143 --> 00:22:08,680 ♪ Lick my flappy foldie-holes ♪ 636 00:22:08,812 --> 00:22:11,395 ♪ My terri-flaps in your mouth ♪ 637 00:22:11,523 --> 00:22:13,764 I Suck my flaps, you piece of shit ♪ 638 00:22:13,901 --> 00:22:16,518 ♪ [Echoes] Whoo ♪ 639 00:22:16,654 --> 00:22:19,191 MAN: Although only a handful of moon towers remain today, 640 00:22:19,323 --> 00:22:21,906 they were popular in the late 19th century. 641 00:22:22,034 --> 00:22:24,492 An entire town could be illuminated by... 642 00:22:24,620 --> 00:22:25,906 What the hell is this? 643 00:22:26,038 --> 00:22:27,574 [Beeps, hisses] 644 00:22:27,706 --> 00:22:29,162 -Sea Cucumber! -[Tour guide screams] 645 00:22:29,291 --> 00:22:31,407 Sea Cucumber!