1
00:00:01,750 --> 00:00:03,809
Morty's on Jessica's Instagram again.
2
00:00:03,810 --> 00:00:05,029
Get out of here, jerk!
3
00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:06,409
What's so embarrassing, Morty?
4
00:00:06,410 --> 00:00:08,329
Sharing it with your family might help.
5
00:00:08,330 --> 00:00:09,849
Summer, stop shaming your brother.
6
00:00:09,850 --> 00:00:12,069
Morty, stop being a creepy,
perverted cyberstalker.
7
00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:13,629
I'm not cyberstalking!
8
00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:16,650
I-I-I just wanted to know where
she got this necklace from.
9
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:17,850
And now I know.
10
00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:20,173
Her... Her... Her
grandma left it to her.
11
00:00:20,174 --> 00:00:21,179
You're quiet, Rick.
12
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:23,669
Shouldn't you be revealing
grandmas aren't real?
13
00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:26,589
Hi. I've placed an
auto-response chip in my brain
14
00:00:26,590 --> 00:00:28,729
so I can spend time with my family.
15
00:00:28,730 --> 00:00:31,129
But you are spending
time with your family.
16
00:00:31,130 --> 00:00:32,989
Thank you for talking to Rick.
17
00:00:32,990 --> 00:00:34,849
Alright, I'm finished with my breakfast
18
00:00:34,850 --> 00:00:36,769
and my Amazon wish list.
Let's go, Morty.
19
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,069
I need death crystals
from Forbodulon Prime.
20
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:40,289
Uh...
21
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,406
Dad? There's a way we do this now.
22
00:00:43,790 --> 00:00:47,129
Morty, would you please accompany me
23
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,929
to Forbodulon Prime for death crystals?
24
00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:54,150
Well, thank you for asking.
Yes, I will do that.
25
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,569
It is a hot photo.
26
00:00:56,570 --> 00:00:59,199
I think grief flushes your cheeks.
27
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,049
Dad, you hardly put any syrup on.
28
00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:02,709
Honey, stop raising your
father's cholesterol
29
00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:04,269
so you can take a hot funeral selfie.
30
00:01:04,270 --> 00:01:06,013
I never get to do anything.
31
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
32
00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:41,069
Uh, Rick, maybe if we go a little...
33
00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:42,349
Faster? Good idea, Morty.
34
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:44,635
It'll get us through
these asteroids sooner.
35
00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:54,409
Geez, you're really this
pissed about my mom making sure
36
00:01:54,410 --> 00:01:55,729
I'm okay with our adventures?
37
00:01:55,730 --> 00:01:57,549
What's next, Morty? What
if I want you to jump off
38
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:58,559
the Empire State Building?
39
00:01:58,560 --> 00:01:59,899
- I have to ask?
- Yes?
40
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:02,360
And you seriously don't see
how that's a slippery slope?
41
00:02:02,361 --> 00:02:04,612
Just shut up and help
me with these, please.
42
00:02:04,613 --> 00:02:06,389
Why are they called death crystals?
43
00:02:06,390 --> 00:02:07,470
D-Do they kill you?
44
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:08,570
You're thinking of bullets, Morty.
45
00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:11,119
Death crystals show you
how you're gonna die.
46
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:17,869
Jesus Christ! I-I die a million times?
47
00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:19,969
Your future stems from your present,
48
00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:22,089
which, if you're living
right, keeps changing.
49
00:02:22,090 --> 00:02:24,550
Truth is, anyone that knows how
they're definitely gonna die
50
00:02:24,554 --> 00:02:25,716
is either boring as hell
51
00:02:25,717 --> 00:02:26,750
or about to get shot.
52
00:02:26,756 --> 00:02:28,689
Duck!
53
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,720
Who are those guys?!
54
00:02:29,721 --> 00:02:31,259
Crystal poachers.
55
00:02:31,260 --> 00:02:32,869
There's no lower form of life.
56
00:02:32,870 --> 00:02:35,309
They think the galaxy's their
own personal piggy bank.
57
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:36,909
Wait, then what are we?
58
00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:38,409
We're Rick and Morty.
59
00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:41,229
You're about to witness the only
real use for these crystals.
60
00:02:41,230 --> 00:02:43,109
They show you when the
other guy's reloading.
61
00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:46,569
Certain death, certain death,
certain death, uncertain death.
62
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,399
And certain death,
certain death, certain death.
63
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,309
Definitely gonna get shot by this guy;
64
00:02:54,310 --> 00:02:56,609
this is totally my fate;
nothing I could possibly do;
65
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,989
okay, now, not so much.
66
00:02:58,990 --> 00:03:00,669
Help me gather these up.
67
00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:09,669
- You just use these to win fights?
- I don't use them.
68
00:03:09,670 --> 00:03:12,149
People that spend their life
avoiding death are already dead.
69
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,389
They're also rich, and I like to
spend my life with their money.
70
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:16,729
- Oh, my God.
- Morty!
71
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:17,809
Jessica!
72
00:03:17,810 --> 00:03:19,309
Oh!
73
00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:20,529
I love you.
74
00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:22,170
Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
75
00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:24,829
- Morty.
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
76
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:25,939
I love you.
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00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:28,690
Jessica. I want to die with Jessica.
78
00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:38,409
- Ahh!
- What are you doing?
79
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:40,929
- Oh, um, c-can I drive?
- Why?
80
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,270
The... feel of the open road?
81
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,389
Alright! Who's this grandson?
82
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:47,869
I like his style.
83
00:03:47,870 --> 00:03:49,968
Morty, you know outer
space is up, right?
84
00:03:49,969 --> 00:03:53,709
Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh,
following... my... instincts.
85
00:03:53,710 --> 00:03:55,469
- Will you just go up?
- Stop!
86
00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:57,429
- You're gonna make me die wrong!
- Wait a minute, what?
87
00:03:57,430 --> 00:03:58,633
Morty, do you have a death crystal
88
00:03:58,634 --> 00:03:59,851
- in your pocket?
- No! Maybe!
89
00:03:59,852 --> 00:04:01,869
You little monster! I thought
you were masturbating!
90
00:04:01,870 --> 00:04:03,022
And you took that in stride?!
91
00:04:03,023 --> 00:04:04,191
You'd rather I address it?!
92
00:04:04,192 --> 00:04:05,199
Why would I be doing it?!
93
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,349
Why would you steal a death crystal?!
94
00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:08,369
- I want to die old!
- Then stop driving!
95
00:04:08,370 --> 00:04:09,489
- No!
- You son of a bitch!
96
00:04:09,490 --> 00:04:10,729
Give me the wheel, Morty.
97
00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:12,549
- No.
- Goddamn it.
98
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,490
Ohhh, shit.
99
00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:26,029
Oh, [BLEEP], oh, [BLEEP],
oh, [BLEEP], oh, [BLEEP].
100
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:28,529
I love you, Morty.
101
00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:31,810
I will avenge my death.
102
00:04:31,815 --> 00:04:33,174
- Holy [BLEEP]!
- Just kidding.
103
00:04:33,175 --> 00:04:35,449
I'm a crisis detection
and correction hologram
104
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:38,949
generated by a chip that
"real" Rick put in your spine.
105
00:04:38,950 --> 00:04:41,649
"Real" in quotes because calling
density-privileged entities
106
00:04:41,650 --> 00:04:43,409
"real" is incredibly holo-phobic.
107
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:45,909
Morty, do me a solid...
problematic wordplay aside...
108
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,689
grab the gun with the blue
handle from the trunk
109
00:04:47,690 --> 00:04:49,861
and get a tissue sample from the corpse.
110
00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:54,309
Alright, now take that to the trunk
111
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,550
and insert it into the clone compiler.
112
00:04:57,750 --> 00:05:00,229
I see you appear to be
holding a death crystal
113
00:05:00,230 --> 00:05:02,689
that's guiding your
decisions more than I am.
114
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:03,709
That's your right.
115
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:06,650
I just want to remind you that
some people can't hold anything
116
00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:09,749
and can never die, so that's
a little offensive to...
117
00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:12,030
Oh, okay.
118
00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:15,650
Listen, I'm programmed
for tolerance, Morty.
119
00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:17,489
So I'm willing to accept
that you're doing this
120
00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:19,724
if you're willing to accept
that you need to stop.
121
00:05:24,267 --> 00:05:25,979
Accepting. Rerouted.
122
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:28,329
Backup. Data. Operation.
123
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:30,559
Phoenix. Initiated.
124
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:34,810
What the hell? I axed this protocol.
125
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,049
What are you doing with my clone?
126
00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:39,269
It's okay. I'm you.
127
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:41,869
I took my own clone vat
offline a couple seasons ago,
128
00:05:41,870 --> 00:05:44,569
so I think my backup got
rerouted to your universe.
129
00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:46,809
- I'm sorry.
- All good. Happy to help.
130
00:05:46,810 --> 00:05:49,049
By the way, annoying
that I even have to ask,
131
00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:53,089
but you are down with
fascist dystopias, right?
132
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,090
_
133
00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:58,799
YYYYYes.
134
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,409
That "yes" was pretty...
135
00:06:00,410 --> 00:06:02,249
... liberal with the letter "Y."
136
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:04,689
Well, isn't this strange.
137
00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:07,170
I trust, the kind of strange
that makes Rick and Morty...
138
00:06:07,176 --> 00:06:08,439
... stronger.
139
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,249
Morty, I caught this
socialist in my bathrobe.
140
00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:11,989
He wants to give all of our martinis
141
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:12,999
to a family of immigrants.
142
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,669
Obviously, the most likely imposter
143
00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:16,969
- is the wet, naked clone.
- It is obvious.
144
00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:18,489
But it won't be to the police.
145
00:06:18,490 --> 00:06:19,559
Ohh!
146
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:20,699
'Kay.
147
00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:22,969
He was an inferior Rick.
He was too political.
148
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:25,369
I want to have fun, classic
Rick-and-Morty adventures
149
00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:26,389
like in the old days.
150
00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:28,489
Then we'll get along
fine, Fascist Morty.
151
00:06:28,490 --> 00:06:30,769
For starters, I just need to
get to Forbodulon Prime...
152
00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:33,109
You will go where I want you to go!!
153
00:06:33,110 --> 00:06:34,131
[BLEEP]
154
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:37,349
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
155
00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:39,409
Not cloning your grandpa has got to go!
156
00:06:39,410 --> 00:06:41,149
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
157
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,149
Not cloning your grandpa has got to go!
158
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:45,509
You don't get out of my face,
I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA.
159
00:06:45,510 --> 00:06:48,489
Alright. Okay, regroup, everybody.
160
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:49,950
You, too, Berkeley!
161
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,269
Snap out of it.
162
00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:52,809
At least tell me what this death is
163
00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:54,609
that you're so determined to...
164
00:06:54,610 --> 00:06:56,613
Oh. Jessica.
165
00:06:59,032 --> 00:07:01,560
Morty, I love...
166
00:07:01,564 --> 00:07:05,579
What?! No, no! No, no, no!
167
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:07,739
I love you.
168
00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:09,630
Damn it! How am I gonna die with her
169
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:10,789
if I can't even talk to her?
170
00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:12,650
Here's an idea, Morty. Throw
that thing in the garbage,
171
00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:14,759
stop planning your own death,
and talk to whoever you want.
172
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,109
Now you just sound like Real Rick.
173
00:07:16,110 --> 00:07:17,549
You're better than that language, Morty.
174
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:19,511
I ain't better than shit, Jack.
175
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:24,289
So, uh, w-what are we doing?
176
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,109
Stop asking questions.
Stop doing meta-commentary.
177
00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:28,269
Just have fun.
178
00:07:28,270 --> 00:07:30,659
We're going on a simple,
fun, classic adventure.
179
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:31,982
Okay, you know what?
It would really help
180
00:07:31,983 --> 00:07:35,068
if you could just say anything
other than what you don't want.
181
00:07:35,069 --> 00:07:37,109
I like Mr. Meeseeks.
182
00:07:37,110 --> 00:07:38,850
Okay, now we're talking. You know what?
183
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,950
I usually keep a Meeseeks box
in my glove compartment,
184
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,890
so maybe Fascist Rick does, too.
185
00:07:42,909 --> 00:07:44,199
Ah!
186
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,229
Well, look at that.
187
00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:47,770
Now we're doing something
we've done before.
188
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:49,129
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
189
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:50,570
Kill this Nazi prick!
190
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:51,950
Can do!
191
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,586
- Come here, you son of a bitch!
- No! Stop!
192
00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:04,089
Accepting. Rerouted.
193
00:08:04,090 --> 00:08:06,429
Backup. Data. Operation.
194
00:08:06,430 --> 00:08:09,059
Phoenix. Initiated.
195
00:08:10,130 --> 00:08:12,063
Aw, come on, man.
196
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,669
Whoa, are you okay?
197
00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:15,759
Yeah, sorry.
198
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,129
I'm a Rick from another reality.
199
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,170
I-I got uploaded to your clone vat.
200
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:21,109
Hey, don't worry about it,
man. I have a dozen.
201
00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:22,749
W-W-What the heck, Rick?
202
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,409
Are you making clones down here?
203
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:26,589
- Get outta here, Morty!
- Stop asking stupid questions, Morty!
204
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:27,954
You sound like a piece of [BLEEP].
205
00:08:27,955 --> 00:08:29,389
Aw, geez.
206
00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:31,209
So, tell the truth, man. No shame.
207
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,449
You're looking at your
shrimp body like "What?!"
208
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,389
Ah, is it that obvious? I'm sorry.
209
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,715
Yeah, my original body is more
bipedal... uh, ape-descended.
210
00:08:38,716 --> 00:08:39,719
Really! Weird.
211
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,149
Does your house look like a tree, or...
212
00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:42,449
No, it looks like this.
213
00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:44,770
It's, like, identical to this, actually.
214
00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:45,809
That is such a mind [BLEEP].
215
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,554
It's all good, man. I'm fine with it.
216
00:08:47,555 --> 00:08:49,209
Honestly, you're doing me a huge favor
217
00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:51,436
by being shrimp instead of fascists.
218
00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:54,019
What?
219
00:08:54,020 --> 00:08:55,369
Goddamn it!
220
00:08:55,370 --> 00:08:57,939
When did this shit become the default?!
221
00:09:00,530 --> 00:09:02,029
Who wants to come up to the board
222
00:09:02,030 --> 00:09:03,770
and show me some basic-ass integers?
223
00:09:03,780 --> 00:09:05,489
- I love you, Morty.
- Aah!
224
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,453
Morty? Yeah, right.
225
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:15,609
That's not an integer!
226
00:09:15,610 --> 00:09:17,110
Apparently, it doesn't matter.
227
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,610
Damn, Morty, you're bad at math,
228
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:20,629
but I'm giving you an
A-plus in confidence.
229
00:09:20,630 --> 00:09:21,989
Just doin' what I gotta do.
230
00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:23,459
Extra credit!
231
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:29,049
I love you, Morty. I love you, Morty.
232
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:31,049
What's with the strut?
You think you own this school?
233
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:32,509
- Nope!
- What if I killed you?
234
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,109
Would you be strutting then?
235
00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:36,889
Only if the events of the Pixar
movie "Coco" are to be believed,
236
00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:37,989
which I doubt.
237
00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:39,409
I have it on good authority
238
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,069
that you're probably not gonna kill me.
239
00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:42,689
So why don't you do what I do
240
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:44,349
and just go with the flow,
241
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,865
nice and Zen, baby.
242
00:09:47,410 --> 00:09:51,260
Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
243
00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:52,997
Ugh! Impotence!
244
00:09:52,998 --> 00:09:57,749
Aah! Impotent rage!
245
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:00,189
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
246
00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:03,330
You die tomorrow, no matter what.
247
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:07,469
It's what bullies call
a "fait accompli."
248
00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,889
- Oh, man! Oh, [BLEEP]!
- Well, well, well. Mm.
249
00:10:09,890 --> 00:10:12,749
Looks like you got yourself in
a lick of trouble, huh, Morty?
250
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:14,749
Okay, okay, look, if
you help me not die,
251
00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:16,249
I'll bring Rick back to life.
252
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:18,249
Why are you pretending to eat chicken?
253
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,369
Excuse me?
254
00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:21,149
This chicken is quite real to me.
255
00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:22,889
- Yeah, okay, but it doesn't have...
- Nutrients?
256
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,445
- Yeah.
- What's the last thing you ate?
257
00:10:24,446 --> 00:10:27,170
- Baloney and an orange.
- So, no holographic foods?
258
00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:28,770
So, to me, you never ate?
259
00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:30,409
Or we could try respecting each other.
260
00:10:30,410 --> 00:10:32,529
Will you just show me how to stay alive?
261
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:33,989
Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal.
262
00:10:33,990 --> 00:10:35,909
Once we bring your Rick back to life,
263
00:10:35,910 --> 00:10:37,529
then I'll help you with the bully.
264
00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:39,809
Go ahead and open the hatch
to the subterranean lab.
265
00:10:39,810 --> 00:10:41,709
That's where all the
cloning equipment is.
266
00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:45,609
Please tell me you're not
hitting that crystal again.
267
00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:49,249
Look, Rick might be the epitome
of bloated flesh privilege,
268
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:50,950
but he's right about one thing.
269
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,224
You're gonna be a lot happier
if you focus on the moment,
270
00:10:53,225 --> 00:10:54,789
rather than on how you're gonna die.
271
00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,549
I mean, w-who's worried about that, huh?
272
00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:57,869
Sorry, Hologram Rick.
273
00:10:57,870 --> 00:11:00,369
I'm going with the crystal on this one.
274
00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:02,170
Morty.
275
00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:03,850
Oh, alright, okay.
276
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:06,089
Just because I can't
interact with solid matter
277
00:11:06,090 --> 00:11:07,989
means you can just walk all over me?
278
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,569
Dear God.
279
00:11:15,788 --> 00:11:18,579
Bist du faschistisch?
280
00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:21,150
Nope.
281
00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:24,649
Finally.
282
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,758
I thought maybe you were pussying out.
283
00:11:26,759 --> 00:11:28,069
Hyah!
284
00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:29,089
What the [BLEEP]?
285
00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:30,099
Oh, the air's getting thin!
286
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:33,630
Well, well, well, looks like
there's a new bully in town!
287
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,659
Lucky for us, he just
made bully-bullying
288
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,470
the new bullying! Bully him!
289
00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:42,139
Aah!
290
00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:43,829
We've got an Akira-type situation
291
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,526
going on behind the mall. Over.
292
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,404
Dying with Jessica...
293
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,009
Hey!
294
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:53,389
What the hell?
295
00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:55,661
Aah! Aah!
296
00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:01,659
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
297
00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:02,961
Shield me from the law!
298
00:12:02,962 --> 00:12:05,879
- Yes, sir! Can do!
- Stand down!
299
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,548
Look at me!
300
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,989
I... will... die... old!
301
00:12:24,990 --> 00:12:27,270
Up next, an unstoppable
science-fiction boy
302
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,729
is attacking our nation's
final line of defense.
303
00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:31,629
Will we all fall to his deadly touch?
304
00:12:31,630 --> 00:12:33,389
But first, something silly?
305
00:12:33,390 --> 00:12:34,689
What do you mean, "but first"?
306
00:12:34,690 --> 00:12:37,099
I already said "up next."
You always do this.
307
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,309
I don't always do shit.
Don't gaslight me.
308
00:12:39,310 --> 00:12:40,529
Gaslighting doesn't exist.
309
00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:42,541
You made it up 'cause
you're [BLEEP] crazy.
310
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:02,329
Why are you letting me do this?
311
00:13:02,330 --> 00:13:05,389
I do as the crystal guides.
312
00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:09,289
Your Honor, my client was
acting in self-defense.
313
00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:11,529
He turned 13 men into piles of ash.
314
00:13:11,530 --> 00:13:13,989
Sit down! Before I sentence you,
315
00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:16,367
is there anything you
have to say for yourself?
316
00:13:16,368 --> 00:13:23,829
I... w-w-will a-al-sways...
317
00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:31,509
always r-r-remember o-our...
318
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:37,129
our... our... v-v-t-time... time...
319
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:42,309
i-in... f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru.
320
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:45,049
I will always remember our
time in Peru, Your Honor.
321
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:46,309
Your Honor,
322
00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:49,317
as you can see, my client
is speaking nonsense.
323
00:13:49,318 --> 00:13:50,484
Stop.
324
00:13:50,485 --> 00:13:53,399
Those were my husband's last words.
325
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,249
He says that he... l-loves you...
326
00:13:57,250 --> 00:14:02,159
ttt-llll-lit-lit-little... little
327
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:08,529
ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow...
328
00:14:08,530 --> 00:14:09,550
sparrow!
329
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,069
He loves you, little sparrow.
330
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:15,069
He's innocent. Case dismissed.
331
00:14:15,070 --> 00:14:17,629
I'm coming for you, Condor!
332
00:14:17,630 --> 00:14:21,089
Well, I, for one, will not
be accepting this verdict.
333
00:14:21,090 --> 00:14:24,009
And this little monster may
think he's gotten away,
334
00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:26,350
but there is something called
the court of public opinion
335
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,330
that still has final
say in this country.
336
00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:30,129
Oh, I guess he's coming out
of the courthouse now.
337
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,139
Let's go live to that.
338
00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:47,589
People, I gotta tell you something.
339
00:14:47,590 --> 00:14:48,630
That little boy...
340
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,969
I thought I knew everything
about everything.
341
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:54,029
But something about the
tones and frequencies
342
00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:56,149
that just came out of his
mouth have made me...
343
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:58,650
I mean, I think we're just
about ready to forgive him
344
00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:01,309
and move past this whole thing.
He's a free young man.
345
00:15:01,310 --> 00:15:04,390
And as far as continuity goes,
the reset button's been hit.
346
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,909
Morty! That was a fast trial.
347
00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:10,559
Jess-i-ca?
348
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,689
A bunch of us girls were gonna
go skinny-dipping later,
349
00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:13,709
if you wanted to join.
350
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:16,449
Actually, now, really.
We're gonna do it right now.
351
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:18,249
This is the last conversation
I'm having about it
352
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,532
fully clothed.
353
00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:20,689
No, thanks.
354
00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:24,060
I'm... assuming... we... maybe...
355
00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:27,029
get together... in our 40s?
356
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:28,929
Uh, cool.
357
00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:31,069
Sounds... hot.
358
00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:32,079
Bye.
359
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,110
Must... continue... moving...
360
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:40,030
in ways... that lead...
to dying... with you.
361
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,369
Whoa! Way to use up a clone!
362
00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:47,419
What the [BLEEP], man?
363
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:49,129
What's the matter with you?
Y-Y-You don't talk?
364
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:50,688
Tarantula got your tongue?
365
00:15:50,689 --> 00:15:54,869
Uh... Heil, Wasp Hitler?
366
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,170
What? What the [BLEEP]?
367
00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:57,693
Where's that [BLEEP] coming from?
368
00:15:57,694 --> 00:16:00,129
Look, I'm a primate.
I-I'm having a hard time.
369
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:01,945
I'll think or say whatever gets me home.
370
00:16:01,946 --> 00:16:04,089
Well, here's how it works with wasps.
371
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:05,989
We eat our prey alive,
and when we don't,
372
00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:07,650
we lay our eggs in their eyeballs
373
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:09,409
so that our young can
feast on their brains
374
00:16:09,410 --> 00:16:10,669
when they hatch.
375
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,373
When you're born that big an asshole,
376
00:16:12,374 --> 00:16:14,462
the least you can do is
have a little empathy.
377
00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:17,789
Now, come have dinner
with my beautiful family.
378
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:19,091
And drop the Hitler stuff.
379
00:16:19,092 --> 00:16:21,719
Wasp Morty's been on some
crazy message boards.
380
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,549
Aah! Aah! Oh!
381
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:25,860
Aah! Ow!
382
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:27,129
Me and my friends want to fly around
383
00:16:27,130 --> 00:16:28,659
and look for something to sting tonight.
384
00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:30,519
You be careful not to
waste all your venom.
385
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,271
I'm not a bee, Dad.
386
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,809
Oh, God! Kill me! Please kill me!
387
00:16:35,810 --> 00:16:38,709
Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner,
could I maybe borrow Morty
388
00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:42,069
to help the lost Rick get back
to his primate-based reality?
389
00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:43,770
Morty, are you done with your homework?
390
00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:46,239
- Not all of it.
- Sorry, Dad.
391
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,770
Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie.
We're all in this together.
392
00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:51,019
We're wasps, not monsters.
393
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,029
Aah!
394
00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:54,624
Huh, guess I don't have
it as bad as I thought.
395
00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:56,069
Can you pass the acid?
396
00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:59,589
Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies!
397
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:01,299
Bonus!
398
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,669
Morty? Morty?
399
00:17:06,670 --> 00:17:08,289
Where is that little [BLEEP]? Morty!
400
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:09,529
Whoa, garage foul.
401
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,189
Who said you could go through my stuff?
402
00:17:11,190 --> 00:17:12,937
W-Where's my Boglin? There you are.
403
00:17:12,938 --> 00:17:14,869
Don't worry, Pop-pop's back.
404
00:17:14,870 --> 00:17:16,529
I'll keep you safe. What the...
405
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:18,429
He took my Meeseeks boxes!
406
00:17:18,430 --> 00:17:21,809
All that's left are these [BLEEP]
Kirkland brand Meeseeks boxes.
407
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:24,349
What do you want?
408
00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:26,829
Damn, your Morty sucks.
409
00:17:26,830 --> 00:17:28,929
Aah, wasps! Why the hell
didn't you show Morty
410
00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:30,489
how to bring my body back to life?
411
00:17:30,490 --> 00:17:31,789
Don't tell me you gained sentience
412
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,269
- and tried to take over.
- What?
413
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:35,089
That is some A.I., racist, accusatory,
414
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:36,961
Isaac Asimov bull[BLEEP] right there.
415
00:17:36,962 --> 00:17:38,630
Then what happened? Where's my body?
416
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,715
Oh, you're gonna love this.
417
00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:09,989
- I love you, Morty.
- This is my life.
418
00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:11,536
This is good.
419
00:18:14,990 --> 00:18:16,249
What do ya know?
420
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:17,589
Our little Morty knows how to scream.
421
00:18:17,590 --> 00:18:19,419
Oh, you're [BLEEP] now! I told you!
422
00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:20,921
Get him, Rick!
423
00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:29,670
Aaaah!
424
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:33,170
Aah! I-I can't see my own death.
425
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:34,449
H-How am I gonna die?!
426
00:18:34,450 --> 00:18:36,219
Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet.
427
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:37,409
It's gonna be alright.
428
00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:39,170
You don't get to know
how you're gonna die.
429
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,570
It's over. Oh, hey.
430
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:44,027
This [BLEEP] ferrofluid's
wrapping around my legs.
431
00:18:44,028 --> 00:18:47,739
[BLEEP] I can feel! I have mass!
432
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:50,569
I'm a [BLEEP] god now! You're [BLEEP]!
433
00:18:50,570 --> 00:18:51,589
What the [BLEEP]?
434
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:53,662
I-I thought you were
proud to be a hologram!
435
00:18:53,663 --> 00:18:55,706
That's 'cause I had to [BLEEP] be one!
436
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:01,709
Shit!
437
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:03,070
Aaah!
438
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,929
Ugh! Aaah!
439
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:13,189
There's a lesson here,
440
00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:15,393
and I'm not the one that's
gonna figure it out.
441
00:19:15,394 --> 00:19:18,609
Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you
442
00:19:18,610 --> 00:19:20,650
and tried to kill the
whole world and stuff.
443
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,649
I guess I got to learn how to
live in the moment a little more.
444
00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:25,330
Oh, boy, so, you actually
learned something today?
445
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:26,629
What is this, "Full House"?
446
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:28,069
I was living in the moment all day,
447
00:19:28,070 --> 00:19:29,749
and it kept getting me killed by Nazis.
448
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:32,155
I think you have to think
ahead and live in the moment.
449
00:19:32,156 --> 00:19:34,589
Morty, we saw you on
the news. Are you okay?
450
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,819
Oh, real nice, Rick.
451
00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:38,289
Turning our son into
an Akira? Real nice.
452
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:39,789
Eat my [BLEEP], Jerry.
453
00:19:39,790 --> 00:19:41,189
He turned himself into Akira.
454
00:19:41,190 --> 00:19:44,029
Oh, I'll eat it, because
this is my house, Rick.
455
00:19:44,030 --> 00:19:45,630
- I'll eat any [BLEEP] I want.
- Gross.
456
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,466
You said the crystals
wouldn't hurt anyone, Dad.
457
00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:49,029
This family has a clean start.
458
00:19:49,030 --> 00:19:51,470
I don't know if adventures
fit into my son's life.
459
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,789
I'm fine. Get off Rick's back.
460
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:55,929
Rick wasn't even here when
I was doing all that stuff.
461
00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:57,349
That was all on me.
462
00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:59,070
Well, alright, Morty.
463
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,394
I guess, as long as you're okay,
that's all we care about.
464
00:20:02,395 --> 00:20:04,809
I don't want to see any more anime stuff
465
00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:06,769
happening to my son, buster.
466
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,509
That finger has AIDs now. Not my fault.
467
00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:09,770
You skipped HIV?
468
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:10,850
He's messing with you, sweetie.
469
00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:12,089
But it's tingling!
470
00:20:12,090 --> 00:20:14,619
So, I guess what we learned
is to split the diff.
471
00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,449
From now on, Rick and Morty
doing a little of this
472
00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:18,729
- and a little of that.
- Yeah, sometimes we'll do classic stuff.
473
00:20:18,730 --> 00:20:19,999
You know, other times,
we'll do whatever!
474
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,449
Sometimes we won't even do anything!
475
00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:23,159
Rick and Morty do... not doing anything!
476
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,369
- A hundred years!
- Pushing it to the limit.
477
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:25,899
- Rick and Morty, not sticking to one path.
- Rick and Morty, pushing it to the limit.
478
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:29,079
Trying different things, making
sure to keep out of a rut.
479
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,089
Doing stuff.
480
00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:31,729
- Sometimes not doing stuff.
- Not even pushing a little bit
481
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,289
- towards the limit.
- Doing it alone or together.
482
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:35,329
Making sure to keep our
eyes on the prize.
483
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:36,529
Or not. And you can do
484
00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:37,929
- whatever the [BLEEP] you want, Morty.
- Sometimes just relaxing.
485
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:39,639
- That's the end.
- Wait, wait, what the [BLEEP]?
486
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,689
H-Hold on. What the
[BLEEP] did you just say?
487
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:43,069
Nothing. I didn't say anything.
488
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:44,669
I was just playing along with you guys.
489
00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:46,649
You know I record everything, right?
490
00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:49,069
Garage, isolate Summer's
voice and play back.
491
00:20:49,070 --> 00:20:50,939
Oh, and then you guys can get married,
492
00:20:50,940 --> 00:20:52,189
and, like, [BLEEP] each other off
493
00:20:52,190 --> 00:20:54,029
in a testosterone-addled
third-grade-boy [BLEEP].
494
00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:55,689
What, the hell, Summer?!
That's disgusting.
495
00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:57,449
Gross, Summer! Jesus Christ!
496
00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,729
I was just joking around, you...
497
00:20:59,730 --> 00:21:02,469
just seeing if you guys
pay any attention to me.
498
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,689
- Just want to be a part of the fun.
- Get the [BLEEP] out of here!
499
00:21:04,690 --> 00:21:05,709
Get out of here, Summer!
500
00:21:05,710 --> 00:21:07,009
- [BLEEP] disgusting!
- Get out of here!
501
00:21:07,010 --> 00:21:08,869
You ruined the Season 4 premiere!
502
00:21:08,870 --> 00:21:11,217
The Season 4 premiere, you ruined it!
503
00:21:11,218 --> 00:21:16,218
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
504
00:21:42,450 --> 00:21:44,329
God, tomorrow's career day.
505
00:21:44,330 --> 00:21:46,770
I don't want to think about what
I do when I get out of school.
506
00:21:46,780 --> 00:21:49,069
I know exactly what I want to do.
507
00:21:49,070 --> 00:21:50,849
I want to work in hospice.
508
00:21:50,850 --> 00:21:53,069
I want to comfort the
people who are dying,
509
00:21:53,070 --> 00:21:55,309
who have no one else in their lives...
510
00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:57,110
the real lonely people.
511
00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:59,719
I'm gonna look at their name
tags, and I'm gonna say,
512
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,350
"I love you,"
513
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,309
followed by whatever it
says on their name tag,
514
00:22:03,310 --> 00:22:05,369
over and over.
515
00:22:05,370 --> 00:22:07,199
What the [BLEEP]?
516
00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:09,389
Hey, Morty, quick favor.
517
00:22:09,390 --> 00:22:11,029
What, cover me in gasoline and spiders?
518
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:12,739
Fine, yeah, I'm in.
519
00:22:12,740 --> 00:22:13,929
Wasn't my first pitch,
520
00:22:13,930 --> 00:22:17,279
but, hey, not gonna
waste this opportunity.
521
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,288
_
522
00:22:23,740 --> 00:22:25,389
Did you get any of that?