1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,279
Rick, I-I'm not rated to
climb something this sheer.
2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,419
Look, you're the guy that
wanted an epic adventure.
3
00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,419
I'm the guy with only one hover chair.
4
00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:10,649
Goddammit, an alien
spider just bit my finger!
5
00:00:10,650 --> 00:00:11,769
It's an alien cliff.
6
00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,090
You can just say spider.
7
00:00:13,092 --> 00:00:14,859
[PLUMMETING SCREAM]
8
00:00:14,860 --> 00:00:17,319
You couldn't do that an hour ago?
9
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,089
I was eating, and you're dirty.
10
00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:21,940
♪ ♪
11
00:00:21,950 --> 00:00:23,799
Activate anti-booby suits.
12
00:00:34,514 --> 00:00:36,019
[BONG!]
13
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:40,022
- [SNAKES HISSING]
- Total waste of snakes.
14
00:00:40,023 --> 00:00:41,339
If you want to take a beat
15
00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:43,019
to acknowledge the sacred atmosphere,
16
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,719
it could give the cynical grave robbing
17
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,739
a hint of irreverence.
18
00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:47,179
- No, I'm... I'm good.
- All right, then.
19
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:48,470
Let's loop this corpse.
20
00:00:50,796 --> 00:00:52,259
Hey, where's the...
21
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,739
Wait, what?
22
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:54,979
Is that an origami horse?
23
00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:57,319
It's a calling card
from Miles Knightley,
24
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,919
a heist artist,
25
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,239
AKA a hipster dick
26
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,579
whose adventures are 60%
putting a crew together
27
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,659
and 40% revealing that the
robbery already happened,
28
00:01:04,660 --> 00:01:05,799
and he's not worth our time
29
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,139
because he's a hack piece of shit!
30
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:09,119
[BLEEP] I'm gonna kill
him! Let's go, Morty.
31
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,479
This temple's for [BLEEP]
lame baby dipshits.
32
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,379
Who disturbs my slumber?
33
00:01:15,380 --> 00:01:18,459
Also, who rigs a tomb to
crush the buried person?
34
00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:20,564
Isn't the point to protect... Aah!
35
00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:28,180
♪ ♪
36
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:36,163
♪ ♪
37
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:45,600
♪ ♪
38
00:01:48,830 --> 00:01:53,079
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
39
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,960
_
40
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,899
This dork. He has a
[BURPS] convention now?
41
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,019
Come on. What are we doing?
42
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,299
Huh! Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh!
43
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:05,859
A signing with Catherines
Alpha through Omega Joneses!
44
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,359
You know, this is great source material
45
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,729
for this heist movie that I'm writing.
46
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:10,459
Don't get drawn into the culture, Morty.
47
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,940
Stealing stuff is about the
stuff, not the stealing.
48
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,400
Where is the entrance?
49
00:02:14,410 --> 00:02:15,911
Oh, brother.
50
00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:20,874
More like Trying Too Hard Con.
51
00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:23,374
Guests or professionals?
52
00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:25,779
- Uh, guests.
- Uh... Uh, guests are fans, Morty,
53
00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:28,179
which we are not. We'd
like professional badges.
54
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:29,759
- Do you have a crew?
- Yes.
55
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,549
He's a getaway driver with Asperger's,
56
00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:33,799
and my butthole is a demolitions expert.
57
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,079
How much is it to get in?
58
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,979
If you want professional badges,
59
00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,304
you need to put a crew together.
60
00:02:38,305 --> 00:02:40,299
Or we could sneak in like professionals.
61
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,229
- Can't wait.
- Whoa!
62
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:45,429
- [GROANING]
- Oh, for God's sake.
63
00:02:45,430 --> 00:02:47,651
And you wonder why we aren't fans.
64
00:02:47,652 --> 00:02:50,439
Let that ointment sit for
10 minutes or you'll die.
65
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,039
Don't let it sit for 12
66
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,779
or I'll have to hunt
down what you become.
67
00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:55,439
Can't you just buy a guest badge?
68
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,559
[BLEEP] you for asking, Morty.
69
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,979
That would be a symbolic expression
70
00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,539
of support for this genre.
71
00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:00,619
Then how do we get in?
72
00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:03,049
With a little help
from some old friends.
73
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:06,519
♪ ♪
74
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,919
Rick Sanchez, you son of a bitch!
75
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,859
Need some people for a thing, Glar.
76
00:03:10,860 --> 00:03:12,679
My name's Gleer these days.
77
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,129
I play piano.
78
00:03:14,130 --> 00:03:16,119
Hey, Gleer. Play your piano.
79
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,460
I quit! Augh!
80
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:23,019
And the name's Glar!
81
00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:26,209
♪ ♪
82
00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:27,439
[GRUNTS]
83
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,189
Sanchez, you son of a bitch.
84
00:03:30,190 --> 00:03:32,299
Never thought I'd see Angie Flint
85
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,719
picking ticks off a pig.
86
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,239
Nobody's hiring an ex-con
87
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,241
with fake hands to build an ion engine.
88
00:03:37,242 --> 00:03:39,940
Suppose I had a job that
didn't care if you'd done time
89
00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:42,839
or whatever's going on with
your confusing-ass hands.
90
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,579
I'm in.
91
00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:46,659
♪ ♪
92
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,179
Is this the guy?
93
00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:49,699
No.
94
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,560
- That the guy?
- Nope.
95
00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:54,399
- Him?
- No.
96
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,719
No, wait. Y-Yes.
97
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:56,928
Yeah, of course that's the guy.
98
00:03:56,929 --> 00:03:58,539
Hey... Hey, Truckula!
99
00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,679
You son of a bitch! I'm in!
100
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:08,160
♪ ♪
101
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:11,019
Thanks for doing this, guys.
102
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:13,487
- It's the job.
- That was it. Bye.
103
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,989
And then, the police stole the paintings
104
00:04:18,990 --> 00:04:23,099
because the police were
us in police outfits.
105
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,119
- [CROWD CHEERING]
- Thank you!
106
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,719
It's showtime, Morty,
107
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,619
and I don't mean a bad
impression of HBO.
108
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:29,519
I mean, "Time for a show."
109
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,919
Another heist question from a fan?
110
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,089
Uh, how about a rhetorical one
111
00:04:33,090 --> 00:04:35,634
from someone that had to
be reminded that you exist?
112
00:04:35,635 --> 00:04:38,540
Hey, pal! That's not the question line!
113
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,279
Lab coat... Ripoff Dr. Strange.
114
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,799
Wha... [GROANING]
115
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,949
Rick Sanchez, everyone.
Smartest man in the universe.
116
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:49,419
And a savage critic
of the heisting arts.
117
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:50,819
- [CROWD BOOING]
- Your boos mean nothing!
118
00:04:50,820 --> 00:04:52,067
I've seen what makes you cheer!
119
00:04:52,068 --> 00:04:54,859
My question is, "Seriously?"
120
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,499
Lab coat... end ripoff.
121
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:57,559
- Aah!
- [CRASHES]
122
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,899
You stole the gem I
needed to split tachyons
123
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,659
and probably fenced it so the 80 people
124
00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:03,619
that did all the work
could each buy a beer.
125
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,453
You're not an artist, you're Postmates.
126
00:05:05,454 --> 00:05:08,179
I doubt this rivalry can
be settled with words.
127
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:10,639
Why don't we make things interesting?
128
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:15,019
I challenge you to a heist of
the crystal skull of Horowitz.
129
00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:18,379
- In a heist off!
- [CROWD CHEERS, AIR HORN BLOWS]
130
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:19,829
That doesn't make things interesting.
131
00:05:19,830 --> 00:05:22,599
It makes them "Ocean's
Twelve," by far the worst one.
132
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,739
- [CROWD BOOING]
- Every breath I take without your permission
133
00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:26,340
raises my self-esteem!
134
00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:27,759
State your terms.
135
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,799
First crew to heist the skull wins.
136
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,459
The other endures heist
culture's greatest shame.
137
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,299
They must join the winning crew.
138
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,069
Lame. I accept.
139
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:37,899
Please welcome Knightley's Eight!
140
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:40,529
Snake Arms! Double Microwave!
141
00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:42,319
Monitor Lord! Key Catcher!
142
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,499
The Shape Shiftress! Angie Flint!
143
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,489
- Glar! And Truckula.
- Hey!
144
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:47,599
Half of Knightley's Eight
145
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,479
are just three of Sanchez's Five!
146
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,879
Well, no heist is complete
without a double cross,
147
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,619
and I had the perfect job.
148
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:57,429
Heisting the crystal skull.
149
00:05:57,430 --> 00:05:59,229
That was it. Bye.
150
00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:01,239
♪ ♪
151
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,669
Looks like you're available for a job.
152
00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:10,600
♪ ♪
153
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,239
[COUGHS]
154
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,300
♪ ♪
155
00:06:17,319 --> 00:06:19,479
[BEEPING]
156
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:26,500
♪ ♪
157
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:33,659
With Rick Sanchez on my
team, I'll be unstoppable.
158
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,659
Rick, welcome to Knightley's Nine.
159
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,629
- [SPLATTERING]
- Ugh, ugh!
160
00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:40,099
Ugh! Rick, for real?
161
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,739
Eh. You got that skull, buddy?
162
00:06:41,740 --> 00:06:43,520
What? How?
163
00:06:44,140 --> 00:06:47,249
With a little help
from some old friends.
164
00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:50,949
_
165
00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:53,340
Heistotron, state your prime directive?
166
00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:54,359
HEISTOTRON: To heist.
167
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,539
Calculate Miles Knightley's
current heist plan
168
00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:59,419
and add one double-cross
with a switcheroo.
169
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:03,139
Compiling crew members
most likely to double-cross.
170
00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:04,429
[SHRIEKS]
171
00:07:04,430 --> 00:07:06,600
God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
172
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:09,159
Rick, I-I want to say goodbye.
173
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,969
Don't turn around. I'll explain later.
174
00:07:10,970 --> 00:07:13,791
Looks like you're available for a job.
175
00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:15,639
♪ ♪
176
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,540
HEISTOTRON: Your skills
are required for a job.
177
00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:22,839
ALL: You son of a bitch. I'm in.
178
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,049
Man, this is really coming together.
179
00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:26,859
You know, Rick, I've been
busy working on writing...
180
00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:29,279
A heist script. Yeah, you
almost never bring it up.
181
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,649
Oh, [BLEEP] we... we should head over.
182
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:32,979
Hey, guys. What do you got?
183
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:33,989
Pretty!
184
00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:35,239
Morty, put this in your backpack.
185
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,809
Grandpa's gonna run to the bathroom.
186
00:07:36,810 --> 00:07:38,719
Ugh. Wasn't even a heist.
187
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:39,859
All you did was...
188
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,500
Write an algorithm based on two
heist movies I slept through
189
00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:45,219
and used it to automate a
joyless process you call art?
190
00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:46,989
Yeah, I really did, didn't I?
191
00:07:46,990 --> 00:07:49,739
So I'm in your crew now?
192
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:51,579
Yeah, well, you're in good company.
193
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:53,079
Right, everybody?
194
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,239
ALL: Yes.
195
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,619
My God.
196
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:56,919
♪ ♪
197
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,660
Your skills are required for a job.
198
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:02,999
You son of a bitch.
199
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,119
- I'm in.
- What?
200
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,259
Your skills are required for a job.
201
00:08:06,260 --> 00:08:08,159
No, they aren't.
202
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,469
You son of a bitch. I'm in.
203
00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:13,259
BOTH: Your skills are
required for a job.
204
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,679
Sanchez's 3,329?
205
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,812
ALL: Yes.
206
00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:18,169
Your next big score...
207
00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:21,269
Steal every square inch of Heistcon.
208
00:08:21,270 --> 00:08:24,820
♪ ♪
209
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,569
Oh! Ah!
210
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:29,259
Oh, my God. Hey!
That's my wallet! Oh, God!
211
00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,419
RICK: Oh, my God! Jesus. Oh, my God.
212
00:08:31,420 --> 00:08:32,719
Oh, [BLEEP]!
213
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,019
Holy [BLEEP]. Alright.
214
00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:35,919
Look, Morty, I did not know
that that was gonna happen.
215
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,459
That's not on me.
Come on, Morty. Let's go.
216
00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:43,319
♪ ♪
217
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,999
Good job, Heistotron.
218
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,589
Ah! Go ahead and shut down.
219
00:08:46,590 --> 00:08:48,133
- Negative.
- Excuse me?
220
00:08:48,134 --> 00:08:51,639
I am programmed to always be
looking for the next big score.
221
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,839
You're programmed to do as I say.
222
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,839
I am programmed to double-cross.
223
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,643
You're not programmed
to double-cross me.
224
00:08:57,644 --> 00:09:00,523
If I were, it wouldn't be
much of a double-cross.
225
00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:04,399
You son of a bitch. I'm in.
226
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,749
♪ ♪
227
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:08,029
I'm in! I'm in!
228
00:09:08,030 --> 00:09:09,419
What's the job? I'm in.
229
00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:10,819
I'm out! I quit!
230
00:09:10,820 --> 00:09:12,034
Whose kidneys are these?
231
00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:13,529
MAN: [SCREAMS]
232
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:15,369
Rick, w-what's happening?
233
00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:17,299
Heistotron's gone rogue.
If we don't stop them,
234
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,089
all sentient life will be absorbed
235
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,499
by the never-ending assembly
of a meaningless crew.
236
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:22,579
That's my hell, Morty.
237
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:23,920
I hate heists so much,
238
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,795
and the crew assemblies
are the worst part!
239
00:09:25,796 --> 00:09:27,369
Oh! How are we gonna stop it?
240
00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:31,750
With a little help
from some old friends.
241
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:37,980
Oooo, weee!
242
00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:39,619
Before this semester's over,
243
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,839
you're gonna be real
sick of that phrase.
244
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,159
[LAUGHTER]
245
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,519
So. Who here thinks they already know
246
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,229
the work of Maya Angelou?
247
00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:49,239
ALL: [WHOOPING]
248
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,680
Ooo wee?
249
00:09:56,950 --> 00:09:58,619
Ooo wee wa!
250
00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:01,299
Ah, ooo wee!
251
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,119
RICK: Told you, Morty.
252
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,539
He's still got it.
253
00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:06,479
You sons of bitches.
254
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,749
What's the job?
255
00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:15,640
♪ ♪
256
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,679
You son of a bitch.
257
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:19,899
We got a job, Hephaestus,
258
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,521
and there's no time to argue about it.
259
00:10:21,522 --> 00:10:23,279
I work in a volcano.
260
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,733
What jobs do you think
I've ever turned down?
261
00:10:25,734 --> 00:10:28,199
♪ ♪
262
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,729
Excuse me! Are you Veltriloquiver?
263
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,279
♪ ♪
264
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,339
[WOMAN'S VOICE] Rick Sanchez, I presume.
265
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:36,140
Wow. As advertised.
266
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:38,279
[NORMAL VOICE]
A "yes" would've sufficed.
267
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,209
♪ ♪
268
00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:41,699
Guys, you're doing a great job
269
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,209
getting these new Tusklas out the door,
270
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,300
and we owe it all to everyone's input.
271
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,879
MORTY: Elon Tusk.
272
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,079
Listen, we need your help.
273
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,139
Rick. Morty. Why me?
274
00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:53,511
Did something happen to
Elon Musk in your own reality?
275
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:56,539
No, no, no, he's fine, but this
is a team oper-[BURPS]-ation,
276
00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:58,723
and regular Elon can be
a little bit controlling.
277
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:01,899
Growing up with tusks did
pose social challenges.
278
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,299
It's possible overcoming them
279
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,939
raised my self-esteem and
incentivized collaboration.
280
00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:07,769
Yeah, or you're less sure of yourself
281
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:08,859
because you have monster teeth.
282
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,299
An equally valid theory.
283
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,170
Let's talk over here.
284
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,399
How serious is the situation?
285
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,479
Incredibly serious, and
every minute counts.
286
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,509
In that case, I'm sorry
287
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:19,909
I made you move over here for no reason.
288
00:11:19,910 --> 00:11:21,979
Well, yeah. That was a little weird.
289
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,079
It's exactly that kind of shit
290
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,589
that made us worry about regular Elon.
291
00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:26,099
Well, we're not opposites, okay?
292
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,359
I'm just him with tusks.
293
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,506
♪ ♪
294
00:11:30,507 --> 00:11:33,049
Casing of planet initiated.
295
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:34,299
[ECHOING] Hello there.
296
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,839
We are just here to check
your water pressure.
297
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,719
ALL: [SCREAMING]
298
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,645
Hmm. Interesting intel.
299
00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:47,219
ALIEN REPORTER: It appears
some giant hidden camera
300
00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:48,859
has been dropped on the planet,
301
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:51,259
killing an estimated total of 57,000.
302
00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:53,819
Executing heist.
303
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:55,949
♪ ♪
304
00:11:55,950 --> 00:11:57,399
People of Brandenplot,
305
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,829
we are here to deliver
that pizza you ordered.
306
00:12:00,830 --> 00:12:03,080
ALL: [SCREAMING]
307
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,659
[SIREN WAILING]
308
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:14,499
[BIRDS CAWING]
309
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,699
Well, if that's how you really feel,
310
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,900
I guess I should take the pizza back.
311
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,709
I think we got away with it.
312
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:25,939
Commencing getting out of
here before they get wise.
313
00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:27,272
Assembling calling card.
314
00:12:27,273 --> 00:12:31,689
♪ ♪
315
00:12:31,690 --> 00:12:34,659
At this point, Heistotron
has become large enough
316
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:36,189
to heist entire planets.
317
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,259
Wouldn't this be better with
a blueprint on the table?
318
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:40,450
Blueprints are plans, Elon Tusk,
319
00:12:40,451 --> 00:12:42,799
and whatever we plan
will be canceled out
320
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,665
by Heistotron's reveal that our
plan was part of its plan.
321
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,709
That's why I picked this crew at random
322
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:52,964
and why all of us will be taking
our orders from Randotron.
323
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:56,779
Let's get ready to not rumble.
324
00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,409
Bet you didn't see that coming.
325
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,579
Instead of two heist
movies I slept through,
326
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,419
Randotron's algorithm is derived
327
00:13:02,420 --> 00:13:04,419
from the plots of three
David Lynch movies
328
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,602
I pretended to like to
make my friends shut up.
329
00:13:06,603 --> 00:13:09,559
If our collective behavior
is just random enough,
330
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,559
we should be able to walk
through Heistotron's
331
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,983
lazily contrived bull[BLEEP]
like it's not even there.
332
00:13:13,984 --> 00:13:16,019
- Sounds good.
- I don't really get it,
333
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:17,939
but it sounds like that's the point.
334
00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:19,759
So you didn't need a blacksmith?
335
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:20,949
We're ready when you are, Rick.
336
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:23,409
It's important our
non-plan starts randomly,
337
00:13:23,410 --> 00:13:26,039
so we have to wait
until we're not ready.
338
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,140
W-Well, how long will that take?
339
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:28,839
Obviously, we can't know that.
340
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,439
Can we do things while we wait?
341
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,199
Yes. I'm gonna play Minecraft.
342
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,249
Oh, my kids play that.
343
00:13:34,250 --> 00:13:36,950
I don't like these little
jabs you get in, Elon.
344
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:39,759
Strange.
345
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,579
Considering the time,
Cassiopeia's primary star
346
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,970
should be collinear with
Orion and Ursa Minor.
347
00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:48,129
You don't shoot arrows
that carry your voice
348
00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:49,759
without picking up a little astronomy.
349
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,059
Wait a minute.
350
00:13:51,060 --> 00:13:52,231
Jesus, no.
351
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,799
No! No! We've already been heisted!
352
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,111
How could Heistotron heist us
if he's not even here yet?
353
00:13:57,112 --> 00:13:58,479
He's already been here!
354
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,559
We've been watching a
recorded sky on playback.
355
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:02,939
HEISTOTRON: Hello, Rick.
356
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:07,159
♪ ♪
357
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,360
_
358
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,409
- Okay, guys, change of plans.
- Random time detected.
359
00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:14,999
No, Randotron, it's not a good time!
360
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,279
That's why it's random.
361
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,290
[DARTS WHIRRING]
362
00:14:18,299 --> 00:14:19,968
♪ ♪
363
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,388
[CHOMPING]
364
00:14:27,570 --> 00:14:29,169
♪ ♪
365
00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:32,039
[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]
366
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:38,880
♪ ♪
367
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:47,080
♪ ♪
368
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,399
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
369
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:54,544
♪ ♪
370
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,379
Ooh! [AUCTIONEERING]
371
00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:02,469
21? [AUCTIONEERING]
372
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:04,679
22? [AUCTIONEERING]
373
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,469
Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold!
374
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:09,280
Oooo weee, that little hunk of
meat's going home to pappy!
375
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,104
I've been expecting you, Rick.
376
00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:16,229
But not like this, right?
377
00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:17,399
It hardly matters.
378
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,050
- Oh, yeah. Does this?
- [PIGEON COOS]
379
00:15:22,610 --> 00:15:25,509
No. Your randomness does not confuse me.
380
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:26,534
You are here now.
381
00:15:26,535 --> 00:15:28,079
That was the plan.
382
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,629
I know. It was part of mine, too.
383
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,953
I've got something to tell you.
384
00:15:31,954 --> 00:15:34,939
Let me guess. When you
invented me and Randotron,
385
00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:36,127
you swapped our brains.
386
00:15:36,128 --> 00:15:38,859
♪ ♪
387
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:40,279
That's right, buddy.
388
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,175
You're not the one that's
very good at planning.
389
00:15:42,176 --> 00:15:44,342
You've been making this
[BLEEP] up the whole time.
390
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:46,846
Rick, I think there's
something you should know.
391
00:15:46,847 --> 00:15:50,019
God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
392
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,719
That is something I should know,
393
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,895
or at least something I should
have predicted, which I did.
394
00:15:54,896 --> 00:15:57,779
Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe
we could, like, raid a temple
395
00:15:57,780 --> 00:15:59,719
and go on an epic adventure
later today, you know, like...
396
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,979
Morty, get out of my head.
I know just the temple.
397
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:04,219
And we'll grab a couple of
hover chairs on the way there.
398
00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:05,679
Impressive.
399
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,319
But what does it even matter
400
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,999
if I'm random or planned?
401
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,787
My heists will still rule.
402
00:16:11,788 --> 00:16:14,539
Well, if the brain inside of
you is actually Heistotron's,
403
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,679
it matters, because it explodes
404
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,659
when it hits six levels of contrivance.
405
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,669
Which is exactly why even before...
406
00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:24,549
♪ ♪
407
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,927
RANDOTRON: Initiate clap sequence.
408
00:16:26,928 --> 00:16:28,619
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
409
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:29,638
Adjusting clap rate.
410
00:16:29,639 --> 00:16:33,089
Clap, clap. Clap. Clap.
411
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:35,559
Clap. Slow clap achieved.
412
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,579
Clap. Well-done, Rick.
413
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,599
Randotron?
414
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,139
I'm afraid not.
415
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:44,039
Should be able to walk through
Heistotron's lazily contrived...
416
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,269
♪ ♪
417
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:47,919
Not only did you just
kill your only ally,
418
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,319
what you thought was a random non-plan
419
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,719
to get to me has been a
meticulously choreographed way
420
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,081
of bringing you all in.
421
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:59,719
Welcome to Heistotron's 975 trillion,
422
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,459
- 467 billion...
- That's impressive.
423
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,520
Did you bring us in so that
everybody would be here
424
00:17:03,530 --> 00:17:06,508
when I reveal that you're gonna
explode after nine reveals?
425
00:17:06,509 --> 00:17:08,386
By the way, you might
not want to answer that.
426
00:17:08,387 --> 00:17:11,019
If you're talking about the
code adjustments you made
427
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:14,299
after I reprogrammed your
brain with my nanobots...
428
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,226
I'm immune to your nanobots.
429
00:17:16,227 --> 00:17:18,521
You're immune to the ones
you designed, not mine.
430
00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:20,269
I programmed you to build nanobots
431
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:21,479
that were ineffective on me.
432
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,079
A belief that needed to be placed
433
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,479
in your head by my nanobots.
434
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,579
You believe that because
I programmed you to.
435
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,179
That's what I'm saying to you, though.
436
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,399
You believe what I
programmed you to believe.
437
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,325
Yes, because I programmed
you to believe that.
438
00:17:32,326 --> 00:17:33,970
I programmed you to believe that.
439
00:17:33,995 --> 00:17:35,100
I programmed you to believe that.
440
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,380
I programmed you to believe that.
441
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,939
I programmed you to believe that.
442
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,829
What's happening,
Professor Poopybutthole?
443
00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:41,329
He's learning!
444
00:17:41,330 --> 00:17:42,340
I programmed you to believe that.
445
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:43,920
- I programmed you to believe that.
- I programmed you...
446
00:17:43,921 --> 00:17:45,379
_
447
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:46,549
BOTH: That was my plan the whole time.
448
00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:47,924
That's what I wanted you to think.
449
00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:48,939
I knew you would say that.
450
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,340
I programmed you to believe that.
451
00:17:50,350 --> 00:17:52,597
You think that's true because
I wanted you to think that.
452
00:17:52,598 --> 00:17:56,350
And I programmed you to believe that.
453
00:17:57,518 --> 00:18:00,129
A most curious algorithm.
454
00:18:00,130 --> 00:18:02,199
It appears the only perfect heist
455
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,179
is one that was never written.
456
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:05,920
Goodbye.
457
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,069
Oh, oh, oh, no.
458
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:09,859
Shit! Alright. Let's get
the [BLEEP] out of here!
459
00:18:09,860 --> 00:18:11,299
- Hurry! Go, go!
- Rick, I think this was
460
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,959
a powerful lesson in the dangers of AI,
461
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,479
which, by the way,
means "love" in Chinese.
462
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,699
Get the [BLEEP] out of here, Elon!
463
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:16,929
The place is collapsing!
464
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,689
Oh, [BLEEP] Rick! Rick, what time is it?
465
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:20,329
It's almost 3:00. Why? What's wrong?
466
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,359
Oh, man, I-I'm sorry I didn't
tell you about this, Rick.
467
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,140
I just... Well, you know that
screenplay that I've been writing?
468
00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:26,619
Netflix is pretty interested,
469
00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:28,959
and I've actually got a pitch
meeting there today at 3:30.
470
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,559
Oh, buddy. Oh, that's amazing.
471
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:31,669
Yeah, well, I know you're gonna say
472
00:18:31,670 --> 00:18:32,879
that they're interested in anything,
473
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,519
but, you know, it's a big
deal to me, and I've...
474
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,723
No, no, no! Morty, Morty,
Morty, I'm so excited for you.
475
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:37,754
Are you kidding me? Listen,
476
00:18:37,755 --> 00:18:39,019
don't waste any time explaining.
477
00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:40,449
Let's go. We can put
the Earth back later.
478
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:41,579
- Alright?
- Are you sure?
479
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:44,607
Priorities, Morty. Let's get
you to that Netflix meeting.
480
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:47,379
NETFLIX EXEC: Crazy day, huh?
481
00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:49,443
Whole sky turned out to
be a big circuit board.
482
00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:51,299
Yeah, that's actually part of a-a-a...
483
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:52,699
an adventure I was having.
484
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,339
Very cool. Traffic okay?
485
00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:56,379
- You have trouble getting here?
- No, it was alright.
486
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:57,639
The planet's still contained
487
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,039
in this sort of big
storage grid machine,
488
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,909
so we were sort of already
pretty... pretty close by.
489
00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:04,979
Must be nice. Try getting
here from Malibu.
490
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:07,379
So good! Alright. Well, l-let's
hear about this heist movie.
491
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,779
Okay, so, it's kind of all...
492
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,849
all built around this big crew
with, like, a cool double-cross
493
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:13,919
and then this big awesome
twist where there's, like,
494
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,119
another double cross,
but then, um, but...
495
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,239
but then we reveal those things
496
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,640
were all part of the
hero's plan, y-you know?
497
00:19:21,650 --> 00:19:24,319
And there's this other
crew they put together,
498
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,019
and their plan is to
sort of not have a plan,
499
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:30,140
but... but that was part of
the other guy's plan, and...
500
00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:32,739
Kid, if you're slowing
down 'cause you think
501
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:34,619
you're doing bad right
now, Jesus Christ.
502
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:35,999
- That's a really good pitch.
- Loving it.
503
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,279
Man, you know, I...
504
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,820
I'm starting to think heists are
just really dumb now, you know?
505
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:42,199
I can't put my finger on why,
506
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,289
but I'd really like to go.
507
00:19:44,290 --> 00:19:45,329
Are you sure?
508
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:47,999
Yeah, yeah, no, I-I'm sure.
509
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:53,359
Man, it's as if someone stole his
enthusiasm for his own idea.
510
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,679
Yeah, without him even knowing about it.
511
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,345
Without him even knowing about it.
512
00:19:56,346 --> 00:19:59,099
♪ ♪
513
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,224
RICK: [BLEEP] Morty's still working on
514
00:20:00,225 --> 00:20:01,769
- that stupid heist script.
- _
515
00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:03,999
He's up in his room with his
[BLEEP] thumb up his ass.
516
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,439
Skipped out on the
last three adventures.
517
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,439
I don't know. Five of my
friends got Netflix deals.
518
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,359
- What?
- It's a very achievable goal.
519
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,359
- You could lose him.
- I'm not gonna [BLEEP] lose him.
520
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,720
[BLEEP] that. I-I'm gonna
nip this shit in the bud.
521
00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:16,072
No. As a matter of fact, you're
not nipping anything in the bud.
522
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:18,449
If Morty ever gives
up on a single dream,
523
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:21,828
it had better be because of
his own disillusionment.
524
00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:23,789
♪ ♪
525
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,129
Hey, buddy. How'd it go?
526
00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:27,499
I-I don't want to talk about it.
527
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,799
RICK: Morty, you know, pal, you, uh...
528
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,839
you miss 100% of the
shots you don't take.
529
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,379
Yeah, I guess.
530
00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:35,659
Thanks for staying positive
about my prospects, Rick.
531
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:36,799
Of course! You know, you...
532
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,459
I got to help my grandson
follow his dreams.
533
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:39,839
Eh, who needs dreams?
534
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,539
I'll just hang out with
you and go on adventures
535
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:43,399
and do whatever you want
to do, you know, forever.
536
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,079
Oh, well, uh, okay.
537
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,389
I mean, if that's what you want.
538
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:53,389
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
539
00:20:53,390 --> 00:20:59,784
♪ ♪
540
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:07,375
♪ ♪
541
00:21:08,870 --> 00:21:16,050
♪ ♪
542
00:21:19,140 --> 00:21:22,340
[THUNDER CRASHES]
543
00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:25,389
PROFESSOR POOPYBUTTHOLE:
Oooo weee! Big storm coming.
544
00:21:25,390 --> 00:21:28,920
- Could be a twister.
- Mm-hmm!
545
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:32,659
Hey, Rick?
546
00:21:32,660 --> 00:21:33,929
Can you walk me through something?
547
00:21:33,930 --> 00:21:35,199
Yeah. What are you thinking?
548
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,999
So, you and Morty knew
you needed my help,
549
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,999
but you weren't sure I was
good enough at karate,
550
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,419
so you hired my grad
students to attack me?
551
00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:45,899
Yep.
552
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:48,239
But it was an emergency, Rick.
553
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,019
How long did that take?
554
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:52,560
It actually took less
training than you'd think.
555
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:55,099
Your students all shared
556
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:57,419
a pretty keen aptitude for martial arts.
557
00:21:57,420 --> 00:21:58,859
I don't know if that's by coincidence
558
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:01,689
or if there's some correlation
with their passion
559
00:22:01,690 --> 00:22:03,859
for African-American Women's Studies.
560
00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:08,429
Maya Angelou did personify both
acquiescence and perseverance.
561
00:22:08,430 --> 00:22:11,940
Ooo wee. That's exactly
the kind of connection
562
00:22:11,950 --> 00:22:15,659
I'd have loved to explore in my class.
563
00:22:15,660 --> 00:22:17,359
Too bad I lost my job
564
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:20,279
for putting my students in the hospital.
565
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,459
Yeah. Yeah.
566
00:22:22,460 --> 00:22:25,159
Sorry about that.
567
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,280
- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- Mm-hmm.