1 00:00:01,661 --> 00:00:03,209 Morty, be sure to pee before we go. 2 00:00:03,272 --> 00:00:04,716 This adventure is gonna be a long haul, 3 00:00:04,803 --> 00:00:06,407 and I don't feel like emptying the jug. 4 00:00:06,495 --> 00:00:09,077 Jerry, will you please just let me automate this [bleep] task? 5 00:00:09,165 --> 00:00:10,688 I didn't ask for anyone's help. 6 00:00:10,776 --> 00:00:12,301 You two are welcome to leave. 7 00:00:12,389 --> 00:00:13,862 Mom told me she wanted me to stay here 8 00:00:13,949 --> 00:00:14,965 to make sure you didn't die. 9 00:00:15,052 --> 00:00:17,546 Well, you tell your mother that I'm gonna be fine. 10 00:00:17,634 --> 00:00:19,293 Don't train your child to lie, Jerry, 11 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:21,065 even though, you know, 'tis the season. 12 00:00:21,152 --> 00:00:22,037 Then I'll tell her. 13 00:00:22,125 --> 00:00:23,991 Whoa! 14 00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:25,864 I told you, no more rays. 15 00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:27,335 What ray did you zap me with? 16 00:00:27,423 --> 00:00:30,427 I made your atomic matrix slightly lighter than air, 17 00:00:30,522 --> 00:00:32,736 and now your shoes are heavier than air, 18 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,389 which makes you neutrally buoyant, 19 00:00:34,477 --> 00:00:37,273 which I find personally more impressive conceptually 20 00:00:37,361 --> 00:00:39,266 than walking on water, but what do I know? 21 00:00:39,354 --> 00:00:41,415 I wasn't born into the god business. 22 00:00:41,503 --> 00:00:42,526 I [bleep] earned it. 23 00:00:42,645 --> 00:00:45,132 Whoa! [ Laughs ] 24 00:00:45,259 --> 00:00:47,443 Just to be clear, this doesn't mean you helped me. 25 00:00:47,492 --> 00:00:48,778 It wears off in 10 hours, 26 00:00:48,866 --> 00:00:50,716 and the next hit will cost you 30 bucks. 27 00:00:50,804 --> 00:00:53,267 Like I'll even be using it in 10 hours. 28 00:00:53,355 --> 00:00:55,326 [ Whispers ] Siri, set a 9-hour and 50-minute timer. 29 00:00:55,413 --> 00:00:56,947 Siri: Playing The Beatles. 30 00:00:57,772 --> 00:00:59,106 - I need to pee. - Nope. 31 00:00:59,194 --> 00:01:00,838 Here, I've got a centipede you can swallow 32 00:01:00,926 --> 00:01:01,975 that makes you not have to go. 33 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,586 I ain't swallowing no centipede. 34 00:01:03,674 --> 00:01:05,611 What, you think the centipede wants to eat your pee? 35 00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:07,311 You're not the victim in this transaction. 36 00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:09,200 [ Thump ] Uh-oh, flat tire. 37 00:01:09,288 --> 00:01:11,203 How the hell do you get a flat tire in space, Rick? 38 00:01:11,290 --> 00:01:13,602 Obviously from a sharp thing in space, Morty. 39 00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:15,087 It's just crazy how much it feels 40 00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:16,217 like getting a regular flat. 41 00:01:16,304 --> 00:01:18,297 Oh, no, no, that's just my custom-programmed, 42 00:01:18,385 --> 00:01:21,055 fully immersive flat-tire indication experience. 43 00:01:21,143 --> 00:01:23,208 I-I can turn it off. I thought it was cooler 44 00:01:23,296 --> 00:01:25,361 than the celebrity voice package, but here. 45 00:01:25,558 --> 00:01:29,131 Christopher Walken: Flat tire... You should be... walkin'. 46 00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:30,462 - Oof. - Yeah. 47 00:01:30,576 --> 00:01:32,862 - Can I come out with you, Rick? - No, I've seen this movie. 48 00:01:32,949 --> 00:01:34,576 Two guys leave th[burps]e ship. 49 00:01:34,664 --> 00:01:36,016 One guy goes spinning away. 50 00:01:36,104 --> 00:01:37,463 You're staying in here where it's safe. 51 00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,280 [ Gasps ] 52 00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:40,980 [ Pants ] 53 00:01:42,424 --> 00:01:43,919 - Morty, goddamn it. - Come on. 54 00:01:44,007 --> 00:01:45,416 I n... I never get to be out here. 55 00:01:45,503 --> 00:01:47,429 Ugh, you young people think space is like 56 00:01:47,517 --> 00:01:48,756 "Saturday Night Live." 57 00:01:48,844 --> 00:01:51,211 You see it every day, so you dream of being in it, 58 00:01:51,299 --> 00:01:53,557 but it dreams of removing all the air from your body 59 00:01:53,644 --> 00:01:55,430 and making you float around it for eternity 60 00:01:55,518 --> 00:01:56,960 as a flash-mummified corpse, 61 00:01:57,047 --> 00:02:00,189 which is also what space wants, so get back in the car. 62 00:02:00,277 --> 00:02:02,064 I'm not in danger. There's nothing out here. 63 00:02:02,152 --> 00:02:03,767 Literally everything is out here, 64 00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:06,211 and unlike everywhere else, I'm too busy to help you. 65 00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:08,778 Right, because you're always so helpful. 66 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,819 Ah! 67 00:02:12,187 --> 00:02:13,975 - God damn it. - What is that? 68 00:02:14,063 --> 00:02:15,768 Obviously, it's a space snake. 69 00:02:15,856 --> 00:02:17,388 T-There's snakes in space? 70 00:02:17,476 --> 00:02:19,844 There's literally everything in space, Morty! 71 00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,736 Now get the [bleep] back in the car. 72 00:02:21,824 --> 00:02:29,679 [♪♪] 73 00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:38,001 [♪♪] 74 00:02:38,088 --> 00:02:45,877 [♪♪] 75 00:02:46,138 --> 00:02:49,781 [♪♪] 76 00:02:49,842 --> 00:02:51,528 [♪♪] *RICK AND MORTY* Season 04 Episode 05 77 00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:53,544 [♪♪] *RICK AND MORTY* Episode Title : "Rattlestar Ricklactica" 78 00:02:54,726 --> 00:02:55,829 Morty: I'm dying, Rick. 79 00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:58,068 [ Groans ] I can see the black mountain. 80 00:02:58,156 --> 00:03:00,416 People who are really dying don't keep bring it up. 81 00:03:00,504 --> 00:03:01,729 - Is that true? - I don't know. 82 00:03:01,817 --> 00:03:03,885 I'm just usually around people that die faster. 83 00:03:03,982 --> 00:03:06,039 - [ Groans ] - All right. All right. 84 00:03:06,127 --> 00:03:07,810 J-Just let me analyze the snake's planet, 85 00:03:07,898 --> 00:03:09,477 so I can whip up an antivenom. 86 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,377 Computer, you might want to put a rush on this. 87 00:03:11,464 --> 00:03:14,030 Morty's starting to look like a '90s Japanese ghost. 88 00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:15,621 Computer: Cutting corners. 89 00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:18,217 Oof, oh, my God, these snakes are a mess. 90 00:03:18,305 --> 00:03:21,022 19 billion snakes divided into 10,000 nations 91 00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,343 all on the brink of global war over... 92 00:03:23,467 --> 00:03:25,090 [Laughs] race. 93 00:03:25,178 --> 00:03:26,249 How funny is that? 94 00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:28,244 Imagine being a racist snake. 95 00:03:28,332 --> 00:03:29,611 "Hey, other snake, I hate you 96 00:03:29,699 --> 00:03:31,478 because you're the wrong color, snake." 97 00:03:31,637 --> 00:03:34,125 Oh, my God. You're not laughing? 98 00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:35,426 Oh, you're dying. 99 00:03:35,601 --> 00:03:38,166 It's a miracle they were able to fling one this far out 100 00:03:38,254 --> 00:03:39,964 before they slithered into extinction. 101 00:03:40,052 --> 00:03:42,501 Oh, oh, God, I killed their... 102 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,734 What's his name, their Buzz Aspirin? 103 00:03:44,822 --> 00:03:46,128 It's actually Buzz Advil, Morty, 104 00:03:46,216 --> 00:03:47,605 and, uh, this is totally different. 105 00:03:47,692 --> 00:03:48,695 It's a female snake. 106 00:03:48,783 --> 00:03:50,283 There's an extra layer of heartbreak. 107 00:03:50,371 --> 00:03:51,984 Wait. Wait. Morty, Morty, you hear that? 108 00:03:52,072 --> 00:03:53,549 - Listen. - [ Rhythmic hissing ] 109 00:03:53,832 --> 00:03:55,546 Snake jazz. 110 00:03:55,752 --> 00:03:58,022 Ha. Idiots. Let's get moving. 111 00:03:58,110 --> 00:03:59,016 We've got a long way to go, 112 00:03:59,103 --> 00:04:00,482 and I'm not sharing that centipede. 113 00:04:00,570 --> 00:04:01,494 Rick, wait. Go back. 114 00:04:01,582 --> 00:04:04,442 I-I can't be the reason why 19 billion snakes lost all hope. 115 00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:05,467 That's right, Morty. 116 00:04:05,555 --> 00:04:07,223 Only 19 billion snakes can do that. 117 00:04:07,311 --> 00:04:09,693 That species was never getting beyond this stage. 118 00:04:09,781 --> 00:04:11,895 To paraphrase the great Jeff Foxworthy, 119 00:04:11,982 --> 00:04:14,174 if you bite your first contact on its ankle, 120 00:04:14,262 --> 00:04:16,919 you might be a type-zero-civilization-neck." 121 00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:20,370 What up, homeys? 122 00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:22,341 Shooting hoops, I see. 123 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,859 Hey, who's interested in a friendly bet 124 00:04:23,946 --> 00:04:25,670 that this white guy can jump. 125 00:04:25,758 --> 00:04:28,118 Hey, leave the racial stuff off the court, okay? 126 00:04:28,206 --> 00:04:30,136 Oh, I thought that kind of talk was part of street ball. 127 00:04:30,223 --> 00:04:32,812 Well, now it's part of everything else, so chill. 128 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:34,179 We... We got off on the wrong foot. 129 00:04:34,266 --> 00:04:36,156 My name is Jerry Smith. I live in the suburbs. 130 00:04:36,244 --> 00:04:38,207 I'm only here because I have a certain power 131 00:04:38,295 --> 00:04:40,282 I wanted to kind of celebrate before it goes away. 132 00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:41,949 Yo, we got a Nazi up here. 133 00:04:42,037 --> 00:04:44,195 Hey, I think there's a misunderstanding. 134 00:04:44,282 --> 00:04:45,997 Here, just... just watch. 135 00:04:46,084 --> 00:04:47,210 Huh? 136 00:04:47,298 --> 00:04:48,398 Help! Help! 137 00:04:48,486 --> 00:04:50,286 I-I need that shoe! 138 00:04:51,213 --> 00:04:53,675 No, no, don't touch that shoe or that money. 139 00:04:53,786 --> 00:04:55,986 Let them be a powerful but confusing monument 140 00:04:56,074 --> 00:04:57,536 to our neighborhood's integrity. 141 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,411 Oh, boy, what an adventure, huh? 142 00:05:00,644 --> 00:05:02,780 Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset 143 00:05:02,868 --> 00:05:04,274 about the whole snake encounter thing, 144 00:05:04,361 --> 00:05:05,568 so I'll tell you what. 145 00:05:05,656 --> 00:05:06,747 I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you 146 00:05:06,834 --> 00:05:07,724 for the rest of the day. 147 00:05:07,843 --> 00:05:09,176 [ Cans clatter ] 148 00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:12,490 Play snake jazz. 149 00:05:12,886 --> 00:05:15,238 [ Rhythmic hissing ] 150 00:05:15,389 --> 00:05:21,098 [♪♪] 151 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:26,838 [♪♪] 152 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,538 I-Is this one friendly? 153 00:05:28,626 --> 00:05:29,507 It's a snake. 154 00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:31,668 You ever... You ever see this one look up at the sky 155 00:05:31,756 --> 00:05:33,796 like it's dreaming of something more? 156 00:05:33,884 --> 00:05:37,024 No, but, uh, all those ones marked with red sticker, yeah. 157 00:05:37,112 --> 00:05:39,080 Any snake over 50 bucks yearns for the beyond. 158 00:05:39,168 --> 00:05:40,518 I-I-I've seen them do it. 159 00:05:40,781 --> 00:05:43,587 [ Hissing ] 160 00:05:44,350 --> 00:05:46,644 Ow! Damn it, Slippy, come on. 161 00:05:46,732 --> 00:05:48,647 Ow! Just please. 162 00:05:48,772 --> 00:05:50,887 [ Crying ] I'm sorry. 163 00:05:51,148 --> 00:05:53,946 Man on TV: Everyone has a plumbus in their home. 164 00:05:54,996 --> 00:05:57,703 First, they take the dinglepop. 165 00:06:01,963 --> 00:06:04,473 Ow! [Bleep] monster. 166 00:06:08,632 --> 00:06:10,996 [ Radar beeping ] 167 00:06:11,636 --> 00:06:13,136 [ Hissing ] 168 00:06:20,231 --> 00:06:22,206 [ Hissing ] 169 00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:24,716 [ Hissing ] 170 00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,354 [ Hissing ] 171 00:06:26,584 --> 00:06:28,720 [ Camera shutters clicking ] 172 00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:34,757 [ Hissing ] 173 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:42,116 [ Monitors beeping ] 174 00:06:45,403 --> 00:06:47,537 [ Hissing ] 175 00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:51,645 [ Hissing ] 176 00:07:14,341 --> 00:07:15,749 [ Hissing ] 177 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:18,419 [ Hisses ] 178 00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:26,404 [ Hissing ] 179 00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:03,172 Downbeat. 180 00:08:03,260 --> 00:08:04,500 How do you win this [bleep] game? 181 00:08:04,587 --> 00:08:06,000 We-We've never gotten that far. 182 00:08:06,088 --> 00:08:08,327 Guys, did I not tell you to keep your eye on Jerry? 183 00:08:08,415 --> 00:08:09,845 - We did. - Then where is he? 184 00:08:09,933 --> 00:08:11,315 Maybe he's having an affair. 185 00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:14,103 [ Laughter ] 186 00:08:14,191 --> 00:08:16,039 But for real, has anyone seen him? 187 00:08:16,155 --> 00:08:17,874 Grandpa, did you trap him in a painting again? 188 00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:18,904 I didn't do shit. 189 00:08:18,992 --> 00:08:21,137 Well, y-y-you made him floaty. 190 00:08:21,225 --> 00:08:22,480 - Asshole. - Made him floaty? 191 00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:25,552 I saved his life by making his body slightly lighter than air, 192 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,253 and it expires in a couple of hours. 193 00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:29,686 Expires, like he'll fall out of the sky? 194 00:08:29,774 --> 00:08:31,170 He won't by in the sky, Beth, 195 00:08:31,258 --> 00:08:34,602 unless it's possible for Jerry to [bleep] up wearing shoes. 196 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,180 - Oh, crap, he's gonna die. - What were you thinking? 197 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,828 [ Shivering ] 198 00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:45,436 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 199 00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:46,770 Hey, babe. 200 00:08:46,857 --> 00:08:48,678 Jerry, are you in the air? 201 00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:50,281 Rick told me he made you floaty. 202 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,179 Made me floaty? Pfft. 203 00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:54,254 Got to love Rick's world view. 204 00:08:54,563 --> 00:08:56,495 Yes, I had Rick make me floaty 205 00:08:56,583 --> 00:08:57,879 so I could put up some lights. 206 00:08:57,991 --> 00:08:58,983 Now, I'm at the light store. 207 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,652 - [ Squawking ] - Get away! 208 00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:04,678 Sorry, this lady at the store is trying to peck me. 209 00:09:04,772 --> 00:09:08,289 Yes, you can help me find lights after I'm off the phone. 210 00:09:08,377 --> 00:09:10,407 We're in Rick's ship. How about we just pick you up? 211 00:09:10,494 --> 00:09:11,980 - You're with Rick? - Well, why wouldn't I... 212 00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:13,599 Jerry, I paused Beth with a device 213 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,967 Christopher Walken gave me after a record session. 214 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,310 Real talk, buddy, where you at? 215 00:09:17,398 --> 00:09:19,106 - Go to hell, Rick. - Come on, Jerry. 216 00:09:19,194 --> 00:09:20,749 I can recognize the sound of a seagull. 217 00:09:20,837 --> 00:09:23,140 Can you recognize the sound of a man's pants 218 00:09:23,227 --> 00:09:24,548 filling up with rain? 219 00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,901 I hope to one day. 220 00:09:27,616 --> 00:09:28,611 Jerry, I'll tell you what. 221 00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:30,619 Because it's Christmas, I'm gonna do you a favor. 222 00:09:30,721 --> 00:09:32,938 I won't let you die, and I won't tell Beth 223 00:09:33,026 --> 00:09:34,303 that you almost killed yourself. 224 00:09:34,391 --> 00:09:36,933 - Sounds like a win-win to me. - Come again? 225 00:09:37,021 --> 00:09:39,356 If I survive, it'll be without you, 226 00:09:39,443 --> 00:09:41,559 and if I die, it'll be on your ass. 227 00:09:41,646 --> 00:09:43,561 Merry Christmas, bitch. 228 00:09:43,711 --> 00:09:48,017 I am the Jesus Christ of Christmas! 229 00:09:57,427 --> 00:10:00,008 [ Screaming ] 230 00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:02,184 - [ Cellphone vibrates ] - ..I be with him? 231 00:10:02,272 --> 00:10:03,685 We both care. 232 00:10:04,402 --> 00:10:06,615 - Whoa. Jerry. - Yes, honey? 233 00:10:06,703 --> 00:10:08,061 Let us just come get you. 234 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,636 Beth, I am so touched 235 00:10:09,724 --> 00:10:11,764 that you care for me this much, but I'm fine, 236 00:10:11,852 --> 00:10:13,457 and I just want to put up these Christmas lights, 237 00:10:13,544 --> 00:10:15,258 and [Distorted] I will eat your world. 238 00:10:15,346 --> 00:10:17,683 Honey, my dad can hear you. 239 00:10:17,771 --> 00:10:18,819 [ Normal voice ] Got to go. 240 00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:20,995 - [ Distorted ] See you soon. - Okay. 241 00:10:21,091 --> 00:10:24,878 [ Screams ] 242 00:10:25,294 --> 00:10:26,674 Well, it sounds like he's fine. 243 00:10:26,762 --> 00:10:29,449 Yeah, I'm almost kind of rooting for him this time. 244 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:36,213 [♪♪] 245 00:10:36,434 --> 00:10:38,322 One Diet Sprite Remix, please, 246 00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:41,031 and, uh, is anyone here an Uber driver? 247 00:10:41,119 --> 00:10:42,549 You can't bring that boulder in here. 248 00:10:42,636 --> 00:10:44,391 - What? - I said no boulders. 249 00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:46,136 - This ain't the lake, buddy. - Drop the rock. 250 00:10:46,223 --> 00:10:48,284 Well, it's kind of a... A service boulder. 251 00:10:48,372 --> 00:10:49,842 Yeah, I float without it. 252 00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:51,814 Big man holding a big rock, 253 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,187 think you can take me down? 254 00:10:53,275 --> 00:10:55,317 No, obviously not. You're huge. 255 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,367 - Then put it down. - Put the boulder down! 256 00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:57,508 - If I put it down, - Drop it! 257 00:10:57,596 --> 00:10:59,184 - I'm going to float. - Put it down! 258 00:10:59,272 --> 00:11:01,304 And frankly, your bar has a lot of ceiling fans. 259 00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:02,506 - You think you're better than us? - Drop the rock. 260 00:11:02,593 --> 00:11:04,692 - Put it down. - Okay, okay, okay. 261 00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:05,813 Hey, whoa, what the [bleep] 262 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:07,481 - Stop doing that. - I told you this would happen. 263 00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:08,618 Well, stop floating. 264 00:11:08,706 --> 00:11:10,659 - Who said you could float here? - I can't control it. 265 00:11:10,746 --> 00:11:13,027 [ Indistinct shouting ] 266 00:11:13,654 --> 00:11:16,403 Aaaaaaaaaah! 267 00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:18,476 And take your girlfriend with you. 268 00:11:18,676 --> 00:11:20,391 [ Grunts ] 269 00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:23,527 [ Snake jazz playing ] 270 00:11:23,614 --> 00:11:25,850 Summer, how supes shook am I 271 00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:27,455 about your playlisting fleekness tonight? 272 00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:29,169 You love it? It's snake jazz. 273 00:11:29,257 --> 00:11:31,208 My little brother got bit by a snake in outer space 274 00:11:31,296 --> 00:11:32,334 and killed it with a hubcap, 275 00:11:32,422 --> 00:11:33,993 and my grandpa had to scan its planet's culture 276 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,652 for an antivenom, and they found this. 277 00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:36,987 It's my jam. 278 00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:40,319 Seriously, my new thing now is snake jazz. 279 00:11:40,407 --> 00:11:42,275 Can you alter the course of a species' evolution 280 00:11:42,362 --> 00:11:43,577 like that without repercussions? 281 00:11:43,664 --> 00:11:45,063 Gee, I don't know, Nancy. 282 00:11:45,151 --> 00:11:47,327 Can you alter the course of being a giant [bleep] nerd? 283 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,621 - Sorry. - Also, later, 284 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,676 we need to discuss your clothing and your weight. 285 00:11:50,764 --> 00:11:51,949 That's fair. 286 00:11:52,037 --> 00:11:53,825 [ Moans ] 287 00:11:54,024 --> 00:11:55,026 What the hell? 288 00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:56,501 [ Robotically ] Target acquired. 289 00:11:56,589 --> 00:11:57,957 [ Gunshot ] 290 00:11:58,045 --> 00:12:03,795 [♪♪] 291 00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:05,435 Snakes! Get back in the car! 292 00:12:05,523 --> 00:12:07,209 Morty, enough with the... Snakes! 293 00:12:07,297 --> 00:12:09,131 [ Robotically ] Target acquired. 294 00:12:10,703 --> 00:12:14,359 Aliens, I am a robot sent back in time by the Snake Resistance 295 00:12:14,447 --> 00:12:15,893 to protect you from Serpacorp. 296 00:12:15,981 --> 00:12:19,040 My appearance is designed to be familiar and to put you at ease. 297 00:12:19,128 --> 00:12:22,369 The ape child must be eliminated to protect our timeline. 298 00:12:22,457 --> 00:12:23,975 Morty, what the hell did you do? 299 00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:25,894 I was just trying to do the right thing. 300 00:12:25,982 --> 00:12:27,246 I took a living snake... 301 00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:29,460 [ Groans ] 302 00:12:29,772 --> 00:12:30,949 Get behind me. 303 00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:32,625 - I will protect... - Aaah! 304 00:12:32,789 --> 00:12:37,774 [♪♪] 305 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,294 Why... Why are they attacking us? 306 00:12:40,424 --> 00:12:41,683 I-I-I helped them. 307 00:12:41,771 --> 00:12:43,367 You gave them proof that there was something bigger 308 00:12:43,454 --> 00:12:45,447 and scarier to unite against, you little idiot. 309 00:12:45,535 --> 00:12:47,042 They would have gone back into the Dark Ages 310 00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:48,212 for a couple of generations, 311 00:12:48,299 --> 00:12:49,992 but instead, they dedicated themselves 312 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,282 into making universe-destroying, 313 00:12:51,369 --> 00:12:53,817 un-thought-out technology like time travel 314 00:12:53,904 --> 00:12:56,420 all so they could try to kill a little [bleep] sack on Earth 315 00:12:56,507 --> 00:12:57,891 who couldn't let a dead snake be dead 316 00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,901 even after it bit his ankle. 317 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,300 Next time stay in the [bleep] car. 318 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:09,141 Narrator: 17 billion snake lives sended on June 21, 2026. 319 00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:13,669 The survivors lived only to face a new nightmare, 320 00:13:13,757 --> 00:13:16,657 the war between snake and machine. 321 00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:20,215 In the end, snake overcame machine 322 00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,085 because of what we couldn't predict... 323 00:13:22,305 --> 00:13:27,618 That an alien, a child from a distant star, would save us. 324 00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:34,629 [♪♪] 325 00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:41,653 [♪♪] 326 00:13:41,936 --> 00:13:44,367 W-Where are we going? W-What are we doing here, Rick? 327 00:13:44,455 --> 00:13:45,870 We got to get the heart of Snake Net. 328 00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:47,546 Now, shut up, and stay close. 329 00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:49,660 [ Robotically ] Resistance is mouselike. 330 00:13:49,748 --> 00:13:51,979 Whoa, hey, look. That one's actually really cool. 331 00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:53,085 Come here, little guy. 332 00:13:53,173 --> 00:13:54,912 Ah, you little son of a bitch. 333 00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:56,389 Come on, Morty. 334 00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:00,480 [ Robotically ] Your brood must be exterminated. 335 00:14:00,568 --> 00:14:02,706 You will not kill her or her brood. 336 00:14:03,072 --> 00:14:05,868 - Must kill brood and mother. - Get behind me. 337 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,792 Your brood will seed all life on this planet. 338 00:14:07,879 --> 00:14:09,994 - That doesn't make sense. - That didn't make sense. 339 00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:11,571 Hey, it's... It's Slippy! 340 00:14:11,659 --> 00:14:13,416 Keep up, shit bag. 341 00:14:22,514 --> 00:14:23,998 [ Sighs ] 342 00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:27,542 Beth: Hi, you went directly to voicemail 343 00:14:27,629 --> 00:14:28,901 because your number is not in my phone. 344 00:14:28,988 --> 00:14:30,102 Don't leave a message. 345 00:14:30,301 --> 00:14:31,609 Hi, honey. 346 00:14:31,769 --> 00:14:34,685 Uh, look. Morty told me that you didn't think 347 00:14:34,772 --> 00:14:37,147 I could hang lights without killing myself. 348 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:41,667 Look, I want to be a strong man for you, but the truth is... 349 00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:46,808 The truth is, I'm coming home with the best lights ever. 350 00:14:49,786 --> 00:14:51,033 Oof. 351 00:14:51,121 --> 00:14:52,488 Whoa, feel that turbulence? 352 00:14:52,576 --> 00:14:53,775 Nope, I'm on molly. 353 00:14:53,886 --> 00:14:55,338 [ Both laugh ] 354 00:14:55,488 --> 00:14:57,443 - Give me some. - Ahh. 355 00:15:00,131 --> 00:15:01,712 Siri: 10 hours has expired. 356 00:15:02,637 --> 00:15:04,340 Aaaah! 357 00:15:06,618 --> 00:15:08,154 I don't suppose you guys will take a bribe? 358 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,772 - [ Hisses ] - Ah! 359 00:15:13,211 --> 00:15:15,134 Anyone else want legs? 360 00:15:20,883 --> 00:15:22,539 God damn it. Are you kidding me? 361 00:15:22,627 --> 00:15:24,295 I thought there'd be a time machine in here. 362 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,417 They're not even a quarter of the way through making it. 363 00:15:26,504 --> 00:15:28,061 I'm gonna have to invent it for them. 364 00:15:28,149 --> 00:15:29,605 I-I don't know snake math. 365 00:15:29,693 --> 00:15:31,294 Ugh, I didn't want to have to do this. 366 00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:32,943 [Bleep] All right. 367 00:15:33,281 --> 00:15:35,053 W-What's going on? What are you doing? 368 00:15:35,141 --> 00:15:38,149 I'm reminding myself to commit even more to your [bleep] up. 369 00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:39,446 Hey, assholes. 370 00:15:39,534 --> 00:15:41,703 - [Bleep] you. Takes one to know one. - What the heck? 371 00:15:42,105 --> 00:15:44,602 Hey, man, you... you okay? You know what? [Bleep] you. 372 00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,824 - What? Screw you. - Here. 373 00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:48,292 Come on. Was it really that hard? 374 00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:50,227 What do you think? Come on, Morty. 375 00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:52,173 Man, I-I-I wonder why I had a black eye. 376 00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:54,263 Morty, shut the [bleep] up and put these on. 377 00:15:57,455 --> 00:16:03,908 [♪♪] 378 00:16:03,995 --> 00:16:05,633 Okay, so w-what are we doing? 379 00:16:05,721 --> 00:16:06,945 That book has everything they need 380 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,461 to create snake time travel, 381 00:16:08,549 --> 00:16:11,312 a-and they're getting it in 1985, snake time. 382 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,895 Now, they're gonna do it so early that it won't involve us, 383 00:16:13,983 --> 00:16:15,319 and they're gonna be even stupider with it. 384 00:16:15,406 --> 00:16:16,828 Huh, a-and then what? 385 00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:18,671 We're removing ourselves from this sloppy, 386 00:16:18,759 --> 00:16:20,649 [bleep] up story and letting snake time travel 387 00:16:20,737 --> 00:16:22,319 eat its own tail. 388 00:16:27,217 --> 00:16:28,998 [ Hissing ] 389 00:16:29,086 --> 00:16:30,486 [ All hissing ] 390 00:16:58,916 --> 00:17:01,876 [ Hissing ] 391 00:17:30,185 --> 00:17:31,283 [♪♪] 392 00:17:31,371 --> 00:17:33,553 Just have to keep my grip. 393 00:17:33,641 --> 00:17:36,054 Jerry Smith, I am here to save you. 394 00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:38,612 What? I already told Rick I don't want help. 395 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:39,804 I do not know Rick. 396 00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:42,242 I was sent by a society of human-snake hybrids... 397 00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:44,494 - Classic Rick. - ..from an alternate version... 398 00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,171 I did it! We're landing! 399 00:17:49,259 --> 00:17:50,507 I knew I could do it. 400 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,369 [ Laughs hysterically ] 401 00:17:52,504 --> 00:17:59,420 [♪♪] 402 00:18:00,335 --> 00:18:03,058 Jesus Christ, Rick, it's pandemonium out there! 403 00:18:03,146 --> 00:18:04,824 T-This is worse than when we left. 404 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,801 Rick, look, Summer! 405 00:18:10,106 --> 00:18:13,619 Nobody chokes me without consent. 406 00:18:13,707 --> 00:18:15,627 Y-You just made things worse, Rick. 407 00:18:15,715 --> 00:18:17,256 Trust me, Morty. We helped them press 408 00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:18,289 on the gas pedal. 409 00:18:18,377 --> 00:18:20,370 We just got to wait for them to blow by a cop. 410 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,555 [ Telephone rings ] 411 00:18:24,877 --> 00:18:26,545 Shleemypants here, what's up? 412 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,454 Snakes? Time travel? They did what? 413 00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:32,657 How the [bleep] did... Okay, okay, I'm on it. 414 00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:36,340 We got a 10-51 on a goddamn snake planet. 415 00:18:36,428 --> 00:18:38,516 Don't look at me. I'm afraid of snakes. 416 00:18:38,604 --> 00:18:39,930 "I'm afraid of snakes," [Bleep]. 417 00:18:40,354 --> 00:18:42,077 You afraid of work. That's what you afraid of. 418 00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:43,067 All right. All right. 419 00:18:43,154 --> 00:18:45,054 [ Sighs ] Let's go take care of this. 420 00:18:46,761 --> 00:18:50,273 [ Hisses ] 421 00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:51,776 Oh, look at you. 422 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,375 You a smart snake, huh? 423 00:18:53,463 --> 00:18:55,250 You using tools now, huh? 424 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:56,601 Those tools are gonna turn into you 425 00:18:56,688 --> 00:18:58,402 manipulating the fabric of shit. 426 00:18:58,490 --> 00:19:00,081 Get over here, mother[bleep] What the [bleep] you think you doing? 427 00:19:00,168 --> 00:19:03,754 - Don't [bleep] with time. - You don't [bleep] with time. 428 00:19:03,841 --> 00:19:05,601 [ Snakes hissing ] 429 00:19:05,689 --> 00:19:08,295 - Holy [bleep] - What happened? 430 00:19:08,383 --> 00:19:10,184 Look, this is better than them attacking us. 431 00:19:10,272 --> 00:19:11,892 Also, that's about as much curvature 432 00:19:11,987 --> 00:19:13,776 as you're gonna get from a time-travel story. 433 00:19:13,871 --> 00:19:16,088 You know what? This one counts as one of your adventures. 434 00:19:16,175 --> 00:19:17,579 Hey, come on. No freebies. 435 00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:19,685 Aw, man, I-I wanted to go to Boob World. 436 00:19:19,773 --> 00:19:21,572 Well, now, we can't because you [bleep] up. 437 00:19:21,688 --> 00:19:23,174 Got to learn a lesson. 438 00:19:23,442 --> 00:19:25,056 You want to go to Boob World, Summer? 439 00:19:25,144 --> 00:19:26,581 Eh, not today. 440 00:19:26,691 --> 00:19:29,021 [ Sighs ] This sucks. 441 00:19:29,312 --> 00:19:32,213 [ Panting ] Hey, honey, check it out. 442 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,251 Jerry, I was worried about you. 443 00:19:34,338 --> 00:19:36,726 Oh, just killing some snakes up here like everyone else, 444 00:19:36,814 --> 00:19:38,824 I guess, and finishing the Christmas lights. 445 00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:41,247 Wait, the whole time? I was screaming for help, 446 00:19:41,335 --> 00:19:42,493 and you stayed on the roof? 447 00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:44,595 I couldn't hear you over my own screaming. 448 00:19:44,682 --> 00:19:45,766 We've talked about this. 449 00:19:45,854 --> 00:19:47,998 Well, I'm just glad you're safe. 450 00:19:48,156 --> 00:19:50,513 Well, duh, of course, I'm safe. 451 00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:52,069 Hey, guess what, asshole. 452 00:19:52,156 --> 00:19:53,270 I did it without you. 453 00:19:53,357 --> 00:19:54,864 Whoa! Ah! 454 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,684 Oh, God, it hurts. 455 00:19:57,795 --> 00:19:58,962 Huh! What was that? 456 00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:00,622 I healed your leg 50%. 457 00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,648 The rest is on you, big man. 458 00:20:02,736 --> 00:20:05,574 That's what I'm talking about. Respect, my brother. 459 00:20:05,702 --> 00:20:07,862 Geez, your dad sucks. All right, Morty. 460 00:20:07,950 --> 00:20:09,792 Let's go enjoy a little bit of eggnog, huh? 461 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:10,755 All right. 462 00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:12,397 Not so fast, boys. 463 00:20:12,485 --> 00:20:14,296 Yeah, I think you might be forgetting something. 464 00:20:14,383 --> 00:20:16,266 Merry Christmas, [bleep] nuts. Get to work. 465 00:20:16,355 --> 00:20:17,508 Geez, I don't see why you have to be 466 00:20:17,595 --> 00:20:19,248 - smug about it. That's not necessary. - A bunch of [bleep] 467 00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:20,297 This [bleep] sucks. 468 00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:22,032 Yeah, it's fun until it's you, huh, shit nog? 469 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,632 Yeah, have fun sewing those snake costumes together, 470 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,547 - you little tramp. - You tell them, Morty. 471 00:20:26,635 --> 00:20:28,392 Geez, you guys don't have to be dicks about it, all right? 472 00:20:28,479 --> 00:20:30,547 Yeah, neither did the guys before us, but you know what? 473 00:20:30,634 --> 00:20:31,775 They were. Merry Christmas, 474 00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:33,086 - you shit bags. - Yeah, ghost of Christmas 475 00:20:33,173 --> 00:20:35,081 future bitches, you [bleep] idiots. 476 00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:36,987 - So mean. - Those guys are mean. 477 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:42,400 [♪♪] Sync corrections by srjanapala 478 00:20:42,931 --> 00:20:48,233 [♪♪] 479 00:20:50,591 --> 00:20:58,246 [♪♪] 480 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:05,797 [♪♪] 481 00:21:08,928 --> 00:21:10,944 Man, I just want to open my Christmas presents. 482 00:21:11,032 --> 00:21:13,209 Well, I'm waiting on you to finish those snake costumes. 483 00:21:13,296 --> 00:21:14,830 I'm almost done. You know what? 484 00:21:14,934 --> 00:21:16,620 T-They're good enough. I'm done. 485 00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:18,307 All right. Let's go. 486 00:21:20,111 --> 00:21:21,591 All right. We're landing. Come on. 487 00:21:21,679 --> 00:21:23,592 Man, I can't believe we're almost done, Rick. 488 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,722 I can practically taste the eggnog. 489 00:21:25,810 --> 00:21:26,889 Hey, you know what? 490 00:21:26,977 --> 00:21:29,010 I... I feel like we're forgetting something. 491 00:21:29,098 --> 00:21:30,968 Oh, yeah, uh, thanks for reminding me. 492 00:21:31,063 --> 00:21:33,095 Morty, next time, stay in the car. 493 00:21:33,183 --> 00:21:34,783 [ Camera shutter clicks ] 494 00:21:37,204 --> 00:21:38,530 Did you get any of that?