1 00:00:01,591 --> 00:00:03,992 ♪♪ 2 00:00:07,396 --> 00:00:10,242 [ENGINE RUMBLING] 3 00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:12,177 Tickets, please. 4 00:00:12,201 --> 00:00:15,737 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 5 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:19,585 Barkeep. A drink for my colleague. 6 00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:20,719 Do I know you? 7 00:00:20,743 --> 00:00:22,454 I know the only reason to travel by train. 8 00:00:22,478 --> 00:00:23,855 Is to travel with weapons. 9 00:00:23,879 --> 00:00:26,191 And we all know that at the end of this line, 10 00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:28,393 There's only one creature worth killing. 11 00:00:28,417 --> 00:00:31,330 The man in the white coat. 12 00:00:31,354 --> 00:00:33,933 May as well take turns exchanging stories. 13 00:00:33,957 --> 00:00:37,737 Mine begins on planet ramamama. 14 00:00:37,761 --> 00:00:39,871 Lower him into acid. 15 00:00:39,895 --> 00:00:44,009 Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid. 16 00:00:44,033 --> 00:00:45,811 Is he dissolved? 17 00:00:45,835 --> 00:00:48,748 At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer. 18 00:00:48,772 --> 00:00:50,882 I really don't like the attitude around here. 19 00:00:50,906 --> 00:00:53,753 It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude. 20 00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:54,777 [DOOR SLAMS OPEN] 21 00:00:55,911 --> 00:00:56,956 Who are you? 22 00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,090 [FARTS] 23 00:00:58,114 --> 00:00:59,558 How did you reach my sanctum? 24 00:00:59,582 --> 00:01:00,559 [FARTS] 25 00:01:00,583 --> 00:01:02,027 All right, this is going in circles. 26 00:01:02,051 --> 00:01:03,895 Seize him! 27 00:01:03,919 --> 00:01:05,765 - Aah! - Aah! 28 00:01:05,789 --> 00:01:08,033 [ALL SHOUTING] 29 00:01:08,057 --> 00:01:12,237 ♪♪ 30 00:01:12,261 --> 00:01:13,695 [GLASS SHATTERS] 31 00:01:14,263 --> 00:01:15,797 - Aah! - Aah! 32 00:01:19,669 --> 00:01:20,980 [FARTING] 33 00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:22,114 Very well. 34 00:01:22,138 --> 00:01:24,672 Now I will fight you. 35 00:01:25,341 --> 00:01:27,319 Anyway, he tells a different version of the story. 36 00:01:27,343 --> 00:01:29,254 Where I start crying or something. 37 00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:31,323 That's why he has to die. 38 00:01:31,347 --> 00:01:32,792 'Cause he's a liar. 39 00:01:32,816 --> 00:01:33,993 So... 40 00:01:34,017 --> 00:01:36,128 Why are you going to kill rick sanchez? 41 00:01:36,152 --> 00:01:37,262 Okay, I don't know who that is. 42 00:01:37,286 --> 00:01:38,864 I don't accept your weird leap in logic. 43 00:01:38,888 --> 00:01:41,000 That has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. 44 00:01:41,024 --> 00:01:43,335 And even if I did, why would we take turns. 45 00:01:43,359 --> 00:01:44,536 Telling stories about it like. 46 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:45,737 Little girls at a sleepover? 47 00:01:45,761 --> 00:01:47,406 If you're trying to be hurtful, 48 00:01:47,430 --> 00:01:48,808 You're doing a good job. 49 00:01:48,832 --> 00:01:49,809 I'll take his turn. 50 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,943 Here's why I'm going to kill rick sanchez. 51 00:01:51,967 --> 00:01:53,345 You guys have fun with this. 52 00:01:53,369 --> 00:01:55,014 Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun. 53 00:01:55,038 --> 00:01:56,882 Rising over a giant beach. 54 00:01:56,906 --> 00:01:58,350 Whew. [SIGHS] 55 00:01:58,374 --> 00:01:59,951 By then, of course, he had left toys. 56 00:01:59,975 --> 00:02:03,355 And flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive. 57 00:02:03,379 --> 00:02:04,556 Ah, a newcomer! 58 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:06,025 I suppose you think you have a better story. 59 00:02:06,049 --> 00:02:08,828 About how rick sanchez saved space christmas. 60 00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:11,763 What is with the rick sanchez obsession? 61 00:02:11,787 --> 00:02:12,632 [LAUGHTER] 62 00:02:12,656 --> 00:02:14,500 I think the best way to answer that. 63 00:02:14,524 --> 00:02:17,125 Is with my christmas rick tale. 64 00:02:18,662 --> 00:02:19,638 Whoo! 65 00:02:19,662 --> 00:02:21,440 Could've used rudolph tonight! 66 00:02:21,464 --> 00:02:23,242 Oh, thank god. I'm not too late. 67 00:02:23,266 --> 00:02:24,643 I don't know how to thank you, goomby. 68 00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:25,711 No need. 69 00:02:25,735 --> 00:02:27,112 You just go in there and have a nice time. 70 00:02:27,136 --> 00:02:28,803 I will. Thanks. 71 00:02:32,141 --> 00:02:33,853 [DOOR OPENS] hey. 72 00:02:33,877 --> 00:02:35,054 Merry christmas, goomby. 73 00:02:35,078 --> 00:02:36,922 Merry christmas, rick. 74 00:02:36,946 --> 00:02:38,123 Oh. Uh... 75 00:02:38,147 --> 00:02:39,525 Oh, it's okay. 76 00:02:39,549 --> 00:02:40,926 I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was... 77 00:02:40,950 --> 00:02:42,327 No. Um, um, I can ask. 78 00:02:42,351 --> 00:02:43,595 No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden. 79 00:02:43,619 --> 00:02:45,197 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just... 80 00:02:45,221 --> 00:02:46,598 There's a lot of people. Family. You know? 81 00:02:46,622 --> 00:02:47,466 I get it. 82 00:02:47,490 --> 00:02:48,734 You're not mad? Totally fine. 83 00:02:48,758 --> 00:02:50,069 Bye. 84 00:02:50,093 --> 00:02:52,226 [WIND WHISTLING] 85 00:02:55,364 --> 00:02:56,608 [LAUGHTER] 86 00:02:56,632 --> 00:02:58,077 That... Okay, none of my business. 87 00:02:58,101 --> 00:02:59,811 But he didn't even save christmas in that story. 88 00:02:59,835 --> 00:03:00,680 Oh, how dare you! 89 00:03:00,704 --> 00:03:02,147 That doesn't mean I'm invested. 90 00:03:02,171 --> 00:03:03,549 Tell your christmas rick story! 91 00:03:03,573 --> 00:03:05,617 Step the hell back! Back! 92 00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:08,754 ♪♪ 93 00:03:08,778 --> 00:03:10,956 [PANTING] 94 00:03:10,980 --> 00:03:12,758 You start teeing up a rick sanchez vignette, 95 00:03:12,782 --> 00:03:14,426 And you'll be doing it through two holes. 96 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:16,295 I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train. 97 00:03:16,319 --> 00:03:17,629 Do you remember getting on it? 98 00:03:17,653 --> 00:03:20,432 No. First thing I remember is... 99 00:03:20,456 --> 00:03:22,423 Tickets, please. 100 00:03:23,393 --> 00:03:26,772 So, why did you date rick sanchez? 101 00:03:26,796 --> 00:03:27,907 What? 102 00:03:27,931 --> 00:03:29,508 Oh, you don't have to pretend you didn't date him. 103 00:03:29,532 --> 00:03:31,310 We all did. We get it. 104 00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:34,980 Low point in your life, rebound from an ex, et cetera. 105 00:03:35,004 --> 00:03:36,315 No, really, who? 106 00:03:36,339 --> 00:03:38,317 [CHUCKLES] oh, exactly. 107 00:03:38,341 --> 00:03:42,521 In fact, and get this, when he met my family... 108 00:03:42,545 --> 00:03:44,056 [WOLF GROWLING] aah! 109 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,257 [GRUNTING] 110 00:03:45,281 --> 00:03:47,459 Leah! Leah, check it out. 111 00:03:47,483 --> 00:03:48,660 Where'd you meet this, um... 112 00:03:48,684 --> 00:03:50,596 [SIGHS] ...Sprite? 113 00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:52,798 He's actually a human. 114 00:03:52,822 --> 00:03:55,334 But he invented portal tech? 115 00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:57,269 I am the concept of time. 116 00:03:57,293 --> 00:03:58,403 Jesus! 117 00:03:58,427 --> 00:03:59,671 I warned you not to do that. 118 00:03:59,695 --> 00:04:01,607 I wasn't trying. You don't have to. 119 00:04:01,631 --> 00:04:02,742 The train is obviously amplifying. 120 00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:04,410 And linking unrelated narrative fields. 121 00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:05,745 Uh-huh... 122 00:04:05,769 --> 00:04:07,546 Morty? I told you if you found me again, 123 00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:09,148 Identify yourself. 124 00:04:09,172 --> 00:04:10,816 I didn't know it was you. 125 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,017 How did you not recognize me? 126 00:04:12,041 --> 00:04:13,552 Didn't you create the disguises? 127 00:04:13,576 --> 00:04:15,354 When I create shit, it works, morty. 128 00:04:15,378 --> 00:04:16,688 It's called being talented. 129 00:04:16,712 --> 00:04:17,757 Why can't we find the engine? 130 00:04:17,781 --> 00:04:19,959 It's not a real train, it's a story device. 131 00:04:19,983 --> 00:04:22,428 Literally. A literal literary device. 132 00:04:22,452 --> 00:04:24,830 Quite literally metaphorically containing us. 133 00:04:24,854 --> 00:04:25,631 A simulation. 134 00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:27,232 Worse. An anthology. 135 00:04:27,256 --> 00:04:28,900 Okay, so how... How do we hijack it? 136 00:04:28,924 --> 00:04:30,436 Oh, morty, it's been hijacked. 137 00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:31,837 For at least two full minutes. 138 00:04:31,861 --> 00:04:33,839 Are you not hearing this insane conversation? 139 00:04:33,863 --> 00:04:36,308 Okay, tickets please guy, stop the anthology. 140 00:04:36,332 --> 00:04:38,644 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do interdimensional cable, 141 00:04:38,668 --> 00:04:40,579 Not some uptight, overwritten... 142 00:04:40,603 --> 00:04:42,247 Rick? God damn! 143 00:04:42,271 --> 00:04:43,449 Tickets, please. 144 00:04:43,473 --> 00:04:44,650 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, 145 00:04:44,674 --> 00:04:46,585 So many tickets at this point. 146 00:04:46,609 --> 00:04:48,788 Jesus! The tickets please guy is cut! 147 00:04:48,812 --> 00:04:50,722 He... he... he's... he's got those things. 148 00:04:50,746 --> 00:04:52,658 W-What do you call them. Uhm, [BLEEP] gutters. 149 00:04:52,682 --> 00:04:54,126 Morty, gross! That's what people call them. 150 00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:55,861 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture. 151 00:04:55,885 --> 00:04:58,263 [BLEEP] so watery in such volumes that... 152 00:04:58,287 --> 00:04:59,598 Hey, hey, hey, stay back. 153 00:04:59,622 --> 00:05:01,266 I'll kick you. I-I'll kick your shin, bro. 154 00:05:01,290 --> 00:05:02,734 Aaah! Hey! 155 00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:04,870 I'll [BLEEP] cook and eat your ticket-taking [BLEEP] 156 00:05:04,894 --> 00:05:07,272 - [COUGHS] - hey, I found a ticket. 157 00:05:07,296 --> 00:05:08,674 [COUGHS] 158 00:05:08,698 --> 00:05:11,010 Wow, you are just... Ladies and gentlemen, 159 00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:12,878 The jackie chan of human shielding. 160 00:05:12,902 --> 00:05:14,480 Who takes the time to get this good at... 161 00:05:14,504 --> 00:05:15,614 [BLEEP] this. 162 00:05:15,638 --> 00:05:17,216 Aaah - structural breach. 163 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,617 Losing continuity. 164 00:05:18,641 --> 00:05:20,219 Morty, hold on to something. 165 00:05:20,243 --> 00:05:21,220 Keep your head inside. 166 00:05:21,244 --> 00:05:22,354 Aaah! 167 00:05:22,378 --> 00:05:24,423 [GASPS] 168 00:05:24,447 --> 00:05:27,159 [VIDEO GAMES BEEPING] 169 00:05:27,183 --> 00:05:28,494 Share with your sister, josh. 170 00:05:28,518 --> 00:05:29,829 Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean. 171 00:05:29,853 --> 00:05:31,296 You can be an asshole. 172 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,432 You okay, dad? Is this real? 173 00:05:33,456 --> 00:05:34,766 I doubt it, but you get what you get. 174 00:05:34,790 --> 00:05:35,967 When you eat dinner in an arcade. 175 00:05:35,991 --> 00:05:38,103 I mean are you real, is life real? 176 00:05:38,127 --> 00:05:39,971 Okay, I'm calling the nurse because you are not. 177 00:05:39,995 --> 00:05:41,440 Doing this tonight. You're god damn right 178 00:05:41,464 --> 00:05:43,709 I'm not because... You are not doing this tonight! 179 00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:44,844 This isn't real life! 180 00:05:44,868 --> 00:05:46,512 Dad? Oh, my god! Honey. Sweetie. 181 00:05:46,536 --> 00:05:47,579 What's happening? Give me your tickets. 182 00:05:47,603 --> 00:05:48,848 I... I need tickets. 183 00:05:48,872 --> 00:05:52,384 Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts! 184 00:05:52,408 --> 00:05:53,875 Aaaah! 185 00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:56,577 Aaah! 186 00:05:57,881 --> 00:06:00,325 Female voice: Emergency continuity deployed. 187 00:06:00,349 --> 00:06:01,927 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 188 00:06:01,951 --> 00:06:03,084 [GROANS] 189 00:06:04,888 --> 00:06:06,598 This could come in handy. Can't we just ride out the... 190 00:06:06,622 --> 00:06:07,933 [BLEEP] you, I'd rather die. 191 00:06:07,957 --> 00:06:09,669 [CRASHING] train cops! Hands in the air! 192 00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:11,270 Tee up a story about rick sanchez! 193 00:06:11,294 --> 00:06:12,671 He is rick! Jesus christ! 194 00:06:12,695 --> 00:06:14,206 Is that the tickets please guy? 195 00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:15,607 Well, just the stub. 196 00:06:15,631 --> 00:06:16,942 Too soon! Too soon! 197 00:06:16,966 --> 00:06:18,666 Don't move! Too soon! 198 00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:22,948 So, what did the train cops do wrong? 199 00:06:22,972 --> 00:06:24,616 Shot... People? 200 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,218 Shot passengers. Wrong. 201 00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:28,420 The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure. 202 00:06:28,444 --> 00:06:29,821 Lethal response was permitted, 203 00:06:29,845 --> 00:06:32,157 But not with him holding that tank. 204 00:06:32,181 --> 00:06:34,025 Let's take a look at what they should have done. 205 00:06:34,049 --> 00:06:35,294 Train cops! Hands in the air! 206 00:06:35,318 --> 00:06:36,628 Drop the tank! Drop it! 207 00:06:36,652 --> 00:06:38,386 Drop it! Drop the tank. 208 00:06:39,122 --> 00:06:40,832 [APPLAUSE] 209 00:06:40,856 --> 00:06:42,367 Sorry to nitpick, sir, but if there was. 210 00:06:42,391 --> 00:06:45,571 A continuity explosion, isn't there always one? 211 00:06:45,595 --> 00:06:47,639 And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere? 212 00:06:47,663 --> 00:06:49,174 What? No, you idiot, that... it's... 213 00:06:49,198 --> 00:06:51,577 It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen. 214 00:06:51,601 --> 00:06:52,644 That's what you think. 215 00:06:52,668 --> 00:06:54,113 Hey. How'd you get here? 216 00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:55,847 Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere? 217 00:06:55,871 --> 00:06:57,048 [BLEEP] these guys. 218 00:06:57,072 --> 00:06:58,973 [GRUNTING] 219 00:07:00,209 --> 00:07:02,321 Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed. 220 00:07:02,345 --> 00:07:04,056 Yeah, it's a real free-for-all. 221 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,324 Here we go. 222 00:07:05,348 --> 00:07:06,992 Of course this thing is just a [BLEEP] circle. 223 00:07:07,016 --> 00:07:08,727 You'd think it was so god damn complicated... 224 00:07:08,751 --> 00:07:11,196 Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were. 225 00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,064 God, imagine if that had been the whole thing. 226 00:07:13,088 --> 00:07:16,868 So now we're here, and the engine must be here. 227 00:07:16,892 --> 00:07:18,604 I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits. 228 00:07:18,628 --> 00:07:20,872 That start failing around here so we can. 229 00:07:20,896 --> 00:07:21,941 [BURPS] pay a heavy price. 230 00:07:21,965 --> 00:07:23,609 For re-entering at this threshold. 231 00:07:23,633 --> 00:07:24,944 We have to leave the train? 232 00:07:24,968 --> 00:07:26,545 We don't have to do anything, morty. 233 00:07:26,569 --> 00:07:28,080 This is just a structural guide. 234 00:07:28,104 --> 00:07:30,149 We're obviously gonna impart our own style. 235 00:07:30,173 --> 00:07:31,817 I don't like how meta this is getting, rick. 236 00:07:31,841 --> 00:07:33,018 Shut up, morty. You're 14. 237 00:07:33,042 --> 00:07:34,620 You watch videos of people on youtube. 238 00:07:34,644 --> 00:07:36,088 Reacting to [BLEEP] youtube. 239 00:07:36,112 --> 00:07:37,489 I'll be the judge of when we get too meta. 240 00:07:37,513 --> 00:07:38,690 Holy [BLEEP] 241 00:07:38,714 --> 00:07:39,759 How is he still breathing? Aah! 242 00:07:39,783 --> 00:07:41,693 He's suspended in disbelief, 243 00:07:41,717 --> 00:07:43,429 Slowly dying while living out an alternative. 244 00:07:43,453 --> 00:07:44,563 Non-diagetic reality. 245 00:07:44,587 --> 00:07:46,565 Geez, what a horrible way to die. 246 00:07:46,589 --> 00:07:47,633 You don't know the half of it. 247 00:07:47,657 --> 00:07:49,301 Oh! [BOTH LAUGH] 248 00:07:49,325 --> 00:07:51,236 You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, rick. 249 00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:52,504 That one was organic, though. 250 00:07:52,528 --> 00:07:54,039 That's because you're naturally funny. 251 00:07:54,063 --> 00:07:55,441 That... that's good old-fashioned fun. 252 00:07:55,465 --> 00:07:56,776 Right there, you know? 253 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,043 W-w-we don't need to over-think [BLEEP], okay? 254 00:07:58,067 --> 00:07:59,511 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded, 255 00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:01,046 Fully immersive from here on out. 256 00:08:01,070 --> 00:08:02,114 [RUMBLING] 257 00:08:02,138 --> 00:08:03,915 Right after this. W-What's happening? 258 00:08:03,939 --> 00:08:05,006 Going into an act break. 259 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:08,720 ♪ Not quite a bird ♪ 260 00:08:08,744 --> 00:08:10,789 ♪ Not quite a person ♪ 261 00:08:10,813 --> 00:08:11,990 ♪ Maybe what matters ♪ 262 00:08:12,014 --> 00:08:14,526 ♪ Is to love yourself first and ♪ 263 00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:16,328 ♪ Soar ♪ 264 00:08:16,352 --> 00:08:17,863 ♪ Child of air and land ♪ 265 00:08:17,887 --> 00:08:20,066 ♪ With wings and hands ♪ 266 00:08:20,090 --> 00:08:22,068 ♪ Yes, you're a bird and a person ♪ 267 00:08:22,092 --> 00:08:24,403 ♪ I'm a bird and a person ♪ 268 00:08:24,427 --> 00:08:26,204 ♪ And more ♪ 269 00:08:26,228 --> 00:08:27,873 Sure, that was a great moment, 270 00:08:27,897 --> 00:08:29,007 But it was hardly the best time 271 00:08:29,031 --> 00:08:30,408 Rick and morty were musical. 272 00:08:30,432 --> 00:08:31,543 Who can forget the t... 273 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:33,545 Hey. You guys think there's something weird. 274 00:08:33,569 --> 00:08:34,813 About this train? 275 00:08:34,837 --> 00:08:35,814 We've been here a really long time. 276 00:08:35,838 --> 00:08:37,149 And nobody's taken our tickets. 277 00:08:37,173 --> 00:08:38,350 Aaah! 278 00:08:38,374 --> 00:08:39,551 [ALL SCREAMING] 279 00:08:39,575 --> 00:08:41,753 Aaaah! 280 00:08:41,777 --> 00:08:43,889 The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder. 281 00:08:43,913 --> 00:08:46,558 The horrific figure known to children as floaty blood man. 282 00:08:46,582 --> 00:08:49,161 But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth. 283 00:08:49,185 --> 00:08:51,229 For cutesy name news, I'm uncle nibbles. 284 00:08:51,253 --> 00:08:53,766 I can't believe floaty bloody man is real. 285 00:08:53,790 --> 00:08:55,768 He's more than real, he's my new god. 286 00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:57,770 Check it. Is that brand-new, 287 00:08:57,794 --> 00:08:59,772 Or is the blood just... Accurately depicted, yeah. 288 00:08:59,796 --> 00:09:02,040 His followers believe the entire universe. 289 00:09:02,064 --> 00:09:03,909 Is floaty bloody man's nightmare as he dies. 290 00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,444 In a time-dilated reality. 291 00:09:05,468 --> 00:09:06,779 So we could go at any minute. 292 00:09:06,803 --> 00:09:09,115 No. I'm part of the floaty nogasm brotherhood. 293 00:09:09,139 --> 00:09:10,849 We believe we're keeping him alive. 294 00:09:10,873 --> 00:09:13,451 By redirecting our suppressed sexual energies. 295 00:09:13,475 --> 00:09:14,787 You're staying a virgin. 296 00:09:14,811 --> 00:09:17,323 Just to keep the universe existing? 297 00:09:17,347 --> 00:09:19,725 That's... So attractive. 298 00:09:19,749 --> 00:09:20,859 It is? 299 00:09:20,883 --> 00:09:23,195 Okay, look, let's just do it once. 300 00:09:23,219 --> 00:09:25,620 [MOANING] 301 00:09:27,157 --> 00:09:28,790 Sorry. 302 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,137 Aaah! 303 00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:32,738 Happy now? He was suffering. 304 00:09:32,762 --> 00:09:33,939 Keep moving. 305 00:09:33,963 --> 00:09:35,407 We have to get to the return threshold. 306 00:09:35,431 --> 00:09:36,942 Before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero. 307 00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:38,144 Why would you put ticking clock... 308 00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:39,545 Because if it's too easy to get there, 309 00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:41,147 We'll never get there. 310 00:09:41,171 --> 00:09:43,081 If you don't want to be meta stop, deconstructing shit. 311 00:09:43,105 --> 00:09:44,883 That's the thematic seal. 312 00:09:44,907 --> 00:09:46,284 Gotta find a way to disrupt it. 313 00:09:46,308 --> 00:09:49,287 Okay, morty, tell a story unrelated to us. 314 00:09:49,311 --> 00:09:51,557 Uh, what do... Stop thinking and do it! 315 00:09:51,581 --> 00:09:53,692 Uh, okay, uh, there was this... 316 00:09:53,716 --> 00:09:55,828 My name is mike johnson. That's good coffee. 317 00:09:55,852 --> 00:09:56,829 [DOORBELL RINGS] 318 00:09:56,853 --> 00:09:58,697 Better get that door. 319 00:09:58,721 --> 00:10:00,366 Iiiiiiii, hello. 320 00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:01,700 I want your cookies. 321 00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:02,901 I'm hungry, I want your cookies. 322 00:10:02,925 --> 00:10:04,236 Scorpions, scorpions. 323 00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:06,638 There's scorpions outside. Get inside. 324 00:10:06,662 --> 00:10:07,840 What do they want from us? 325 00:10:07,864 --> 00:10:09,641 They want food. Me too. 326 00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:10,642 RICK: Okay, just stop. 327 00:10:10,666 --> 00:10:12,178 I'm not a writer, okay? 328 00:10:12,202 --> 00:10:14,112 Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid. 329 00:10:14,136 --> 00:10:15,313 I just failed to predict how well. 330 00:10:15,337 --> 00:10:17,115 That would mesh with the theme. 331 00:10:17,139 --> 00:10:18,250 Think. Think. 332 00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:19,785 What kind of story would we never... 333 00:10:19,809 --> 00:10:21,920 Morty, do you know what the bechdel test is? 334 00:10:21,944 --> 00:10:23,255 The what? For god's sake, morty, 335 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:25,123 The formula for measuring female agency. 336 00:10:25,147 --> 00:10:26,993 In a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist allison... 337 00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:28,794 What the hell are they teaching you in that school?! 338 00:10:28,818 --> 00:10:30,729 Other stuff! Then you've killed us both! 339 00:10:30,753 --> 00:10:32,798 Why is lesbian part of her job title?! 340 00:10:32,822 --> 00:10:34,000 Oh, now you're progressive?! 341 00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,868 What is the test?! You have to tell... 342 00:10:35,892 --> 00:10:37,135 [BEEPING] 343 00:10:37,159 --> 00:10:39,271 [GAGGING] 344 00:10:39,295 --> 00:10:41,339 Morty, morty. 345 00:10:41,363 --> 00:10:43,809 Two women. They both have to have names. 346 00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:45,544 And talk to each other about something... 347 00:10:45,568 --> 00:10:46,879 Rick! 348 00:10:46,903 --> 00:10:48,947 Other than a man... Oh, rick, listen to me. 349 00:10:48,971 --> 00:10:51,617 Once upon a time, my mom and my sister... 350 00:10:51,641 --> 00:10:53,341 Listen to me! 351 00:10:54,444 --> 00:10:56,488 Mom, can I try your tea? 352 00:10:56,512 --> 00:10:58,424 Yes, summer. 353 00:10:58,448 --> 00:10:59,825 Yes. Try my tea. 354 00:10:59,849 --> 00:11:02,428 It's so good. It's so warm. 355 00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:04,430 Mom, can I talk to you. 356 00:11:04,454 --> 00:11:05,898 About my special time? 357 00:11:05,922 --> 00:11:08,234 It's okay. I have one, too. 358 00:11:08,258 --> 00:11:09,568 Mine is heavy today. 359 00:11:09,592 --> 00:11:11,037 Mine is never light. 360 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,239 I love you ever since you were... 361 00:11:13,263 --> 00:11:14,506 Mailed to me. 362 00:11:14,530 --> 00:11:15,974 By a doctor woman. 363 00:11:15,998 --> 00:11:17,576 Your special time is your power. 364 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,712 It makes you strong like a boob. 365 00:11:19,736 --> 00:11:20,979 Strong against what? 366 00:11:21,003 --> 00:11:23,115 Scorpions. Female scorpions. 367 00:11:23,139 --> 00:11:25,239 They're attacking outside. Come on. 368 00:11:27,543 --> 00:11:29,455 Fight them with your heavy special time. 369 00:11:29,479 --> 00:11:30,856 You do it, too. 370 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,192 [EPIC MUSIC PLAYS] 371 00:11:34,216 --> 00:11:36,795 ♪♪ 372 00:11:36,819 --> 00:11:37,996 [CELLPHONES RING] 373 00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:39,465 Hello? Hello? 374 00:11:39,489 --> 00:11:42,601 I'm that supreme court lady, and you [BLEEP] did it. 375 00:11:42,625 --> 00:11:44,892 We did it! We did it! 376 00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:49,541 [GRUNTS] 377 00:11:49,565 --> 00:11:51,143 Great job, morty. 378 00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:52,678 A feminist masterpiece. 379 00:11:52,702 --> 00:11:54,402 Hey, look. 380 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,552 Guess who's got two penises and all the agency? 381 00:12:00,576 --> 00:12:02,554 Rick and morty. 382 00:12:02,578 --> 00:12:04,022 Story lord. 383 00:12:04,046 --> 00:12:05,758 I should've known you were behind this, and I did. 384 00:12:05,782 --> 00:12:07,025 Who is this guy? Ugh. 385 00:12:07,049 --> 00:12:09,027 He's like a matrix space frasier. 386 00:12:09,051 --> 00:12:10,096 Let's get this fight over with, nerd. 387 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,429 I've got [BLEEP] to do. 388 00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:13,031 You of all people know, rick, 389 00:12:13,055 --> 00:12:15,433 There can be no destination without a journey. 390 00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:17,770 I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport. 391 00:12:17,794 --> 00:12:20,372 Oh, of course. No rules for you. 392 00:12:20,396 --> 00:12:22,108 Spiraling through the multiverse, 393 00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:24,910 Burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters, 394 00:12:24,934 --> 00:12:27,446 So we may as well pull out our [BLEEP] and rub them. 395 00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:30,116 On fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth. 396 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,651 But we're using your gross, dirty [BLEEP] 397 00:12:32,675 --> 00:12:33,786 Must be nice. 398 00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:34,987 [SLURPS] nobody's stopping you. 399 00:12:35,011 --> 00:12:37,255 True. Not anymore. 400 00:12:37,279 --> 00:12:38,190 [GRUNTS] 401 00:12:38,214 --> 00:12:39,391 Goddamn! We already did this. 402 00:12:39,415 --> 00:12:41,727 Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well. 403 00:12:41,751 --> 00:12:43,796 Just how I adventure, dawg. 404 00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:44,863 This is more impressive than. 405 00:12:44,887 --> 00:12:46,064 The tickets please guy, though. 406 00:12:46,088 --> 00:12:47,733 You are like 90% [BLEEP] gutter. 407 00:12:47,757 --> 00:12:51,159 It's called discipline. Watch this. 408 00:12:51,494 --> 00:12:52,871 God damn. Geez! 409 00:12:52,895 --> 00:12:53,872 Do we have to fight him? 410 00:12:53,896 --> 00:12:55,141 I don't want to. 411 00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:56,809 We surrender. We're not fighting. 412 00:12:56,833 --> 00:12:57,743 [GRUNTING] ow! 413 00:12:57,767 --> 00:12:59,011 Ow! 414 00:12:59,035 --> 00:13:00,746 [BLEEP] kick your ass. 415 00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:01,747 Ow! 416 00:13:01,771 --> 00:13:03,015 Oh! 417 00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:05,306 [ALARM RINGING] hey! Get back in your egg! 418 00:13:06,843 --> 00:13:08,154 - What the... - Don't worry, morty! 419 00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,421 Nothing out there is canon! 420 00:13:09,445 --> 00:13:10,356 [GRUNTS] 421 00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:12,090 We've got a pulse. Stay with me, private. 422 00:13:12,114 --> 00:13:13,959 Smith, listen to me. You were exposed. 423 00:13:13,983 --> 00:13:16,028 To a chemical that is altering your mind. 424 00:13:16,052 --> 00:13:17,496 To beat it, you have to hold on... 425 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:18,430 We're losing him. 426 00:13:18,454 --> 00:13:20,098 Aliens. Sarge?! 427 00:13:20,122 --> 00:13:22,434 Morty, never forget the highest truth of all... 428 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,837 You're getting your ass kicked on a train. 429 00:13:24,861 --> 00:13:25,838 [GRUNTS] 430 00:13:25,862 --> 00:13:27,373 Professor sanchez? 431 00:13:27,397 --> 00:13:28,306 Did it work? 432 00:13:28,330 --> 00:13:30,108 I wouldn't say that, marcus. 433 00:13:30,132 --> 00:13:32,444 I'd say it [BLEEP] worked. 434 00:13:32,468 --> 00:13:35,247 100% time dilation and total immersion. 435 00:13:35,271 --> 00:13:36,582 Define "total." marcus, 436 00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:38,450 I've been back in reality for three hours, 437 00:13:38,474 --> 00:13:40,853 And I still have memories of a completely different life. 438 00:13:40,877 --> 00:13:42,788 I-I-I was a scientist still. 439 00:13:42,812 --> 00:13:44,456 I-I-I was... I-I-I had developed. 440 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,793 Inter-dimensional travel, I-I-I-I had a daughter. 441 00:13:47,817 --> 00:13:49,261 I-I didn't have a mustache. 442 00:13:49,285 --> 00:13:53,732 I-I was kinda funny sometimes, mostly burping. 443 00:13:53,756 --> 00:13:55,067 No more secret testing. 444 00:13:55,091 --> 00:13:56,535 I can help people now. 445 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:57,670 You've helped people. 446 00:13:57,694 --> 00:13:59,137 I've hurt more. 447 00:13:59,161 --> 00:14:00,206 Aaah! 448 00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,274 P-p-professor sanchez. I-I'm morty smith. 449 00:14:02,298 --> 00:14:03,809 From the... the... The the 241st. 450 00:14:03,833 --> 00:14:05,211 They... they... put your pill in our food. 451 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,012 It... it works. Call the police! 452 00:14:07,036 --> 00:14:08,881 It's okay. It's okay. It's not real. 453 00:14:08,905 --> 00:14:10,549 N-n-n-n-nothing's real. 454 00:14:10,573 --> 00:14:11,483 I'm sorry, son. 455 00:14:11,507 --> 00:14:13,619 I-I-it's okay. You aren't real. 456 00:14:13,643 --> 00:14:15,287 [ALL SCREAMING] 457 00:14:15,311 --> 00:14:18,156 God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff. 458 00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:20,158 In you go. What's happening? 459 00:14:20,182 --> 00:14:21,894 The reason I brought you here. 460 00:14:21,918 --> 00:14:23,829 I'll now fuel my anthology with your. 461 00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:25,431 Limitless potential, propelling it to. 462 00:14:25,455 --> 00:14:29,023 Its final stop... Beyond the fifth wall. 463 00:14:31,127 --> 00:14:33,372 You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless. 464 00:14:33,396 --> 00:14:34,707 You'll never break the fifth wall. 465 00:14:34,731 --> 00:14:35,841 Before you've burnt us out. 466 00:14:35,865 --> 00:14:38,644 Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win. 467 00:14:38,668 --> 00:14:39,912 Rick, w-what's he doing? 468 00:14:39,936 --> 00:14:41,580 He's trying to tap into us, morty. 469 00:14:41,604 --> 00:14:43,315 Resist. 470 00:14:43,339 --> 00:14:45,451 I can't believe you're finally headed off to college. 471 00:14:45,475 --> 00:14:47,119 Yeah, you know, it really felt like. 472 00:14:47,143 --> 00:14:48,520 You were gonna be 17 forever. 473 00:14:48,544 --> 00:14:50,589 For, like, 16 years, at least. 474 00:14:50,613 --> 00:14:52,524 I can't believe I'm tearing up over this. 475 00:14:52,548 --> 00:14:55,061 Jesus, rick, you know, you've really softened up. 476 00:14:55,085 --> 00:14:56,795 It's a human moment, morty. 477 00:14:56,819 --> 00:14:58,330 It's a human moment. 478 00:14:58,354 --> 00:15:00,388 Aaah! Aaah! It hurts! 479 00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:06,272 [CRASHING] 480 00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,274 Abradolph lincoler? I thought you were dead. 481 00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:11,543 I'm very much alive, and I need your help. 482 00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:12,678 Yeah! 483 00:15:12,702 --> 00:15:14,346 [BLEEP] he's taking the good stuff, morty. 484 00:15:14,370 --> 00:15:16,082 Wait, is... Is any of this canon? 485 00:15:16,106 --> 00:15:17,215 It could have been. 486 00:15:17,239 --> 00:15:18,751 [CHUCKLES] oh, dear. 487 00:15:18,775 --> 00:15:21,954 Are there things rick sanchez holds sacred after all? 488 00:15:21,978 --> 00:15:23,089 [WHIRRING] 489 00:15:23,113 --> 00:15:24,912 [BOTH GROANING] 490 00:15:26,783 --> 00:15:28,360 [GRUNTS] 491 00:15:28,384 --> 00:15:29,962 How did you find us? 492 00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:31,430 [GRUNTING] 493 00:15:31,454 --> 00:15:32,631 I trusted you! 494 00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:35,033 Don't blame others for your bad decisions. 495 00:15:35,057 --> 00:15:36,635 [GRUNTING] 496 00:15:36,659 --> 00:15:39,171 Resist, morty! Resist before he burns us out! 497 00:15:39,195 --> 00:15:40,906 Oh, too late now! 498 00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:42,240 What's wrong, rick? 499 00:15:42,264 --> 00:15:44,510 Don't you want to see how your story ends?! 500 00:15:44,534 --> 00:15:46,444 [LAUGHS] 501 00:15:46,468 --> 00:15:52,518 ♪♪ 502 00:15:52,542 --> 00:15:57,211 [ALL SHOUTING] 503 00:15:58,014 --> 00:15:59,992 Holy [BLEEP], rick. What do we... 504 00:16:00,016 --> 00:16:01,193 There... there... There's now way out! 505 00:16:01,217 --> 00:16:02,394 You're right, morty. 506 00:16:02,418 --> 00:16:04,130 Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out. 507 00:16:04,154 --> 00:16:05,664 Like it's hopeless. 508 00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:07,933 But remember, there's always someone there for us. 509 00:16:07,957 --> 00:16:09,267 Who? 510 00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:10,536 My best friend and personal savior, 511 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,603 Jesus christ. 512 00:16:11,627 --> 00:16:13,205 What?! You... you don't believe in god. 513 00:16:13,229 --> 00:16:14,606 But he believes in us, morty. 514 00:16:14,630 --> 00:16:16,342 You know, I thought I was the inventor, 515 00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,543 But the greatest invention of all. 516 00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,277 Is the free gift of eternal life. 517 00:16:19,301 --> 00:16:21,279 Is this... Are you [BLEEP] with me? 518 00:16:21,303 --> 00:16:22,815 [CHUCKLES] oh, trust me, morty. 519 00:16:22,839 --> 00:16:24,683 I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life. 520 00:16:24,707 --> 00:16:27,085 But it's never too late to accept christ. 521 00:16:27,109 --> 00:16:28,620 Jesus is always knocking at the door. 522 00:16:28,644 --> 00:16:30,222 All we have to do is open it and let him. 523 00:16:30,246 --> 00:16:31,423 Into our hearts. How? 524 00:16:31,447 --> 00:16:33,091 I'm so glad you asked, morty. 525 00:16:33,115 --> 00:16:35,093 Just close your eyes and go to him in prayer. 526 00:16:35,117 --> 00:16:36,495 Like this. 527 00:16:36,519 --> 00:16:38,096 Heavenly father. Heavenly father. 528 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,966 TOGETHER: Thank you for sending your only begotten son. 529 00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:41,968 What a second, no! What are you doing?! 530 00:16:41,992 --> 00:16:44,102 Jesus, I accept you into my heart. 531 00:16:44,126 --> 00:16:45,504 No! This sucks. 532 00:16:45,528 --> 00:16:47,305 Stop! You guys would never do this. 533 00:16:47,329 --> 00:16:48,574 Together: Fill me with your spirit. 534 00:16:48,598 --> 00:16:50,376 Make me a shining city on a hill for you. 535 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,244 - No! No! - Make me born again. 536 00:16:52,268 --> 00:16:54,112 - No! - In jesus' name, we pray. 537 00:16:54,136 --> 00:16:55,381 - Amen. - Amen. 538 00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:57,115 - Amen! - You did it! 539 00:16:57,139 --> 00:16:58,450 Way to go, morty! Crossy. 540 00:16:58,474 --> 00:16:59,651 Bible-saurus. You made it. 541 00:16:59,675 --> 00:17:01,787 We wouldn't miss this for anything! 542 00:17:01,811 --> 00:17:03,055 You said it, mr. Celery. 543 00:17:03,079 --> 00:17:04,991 What the [BLEEP] is all of this?! 544 00:17:05,015 --> 00:17:06,925 Greatest story ever told, story lord. 545 00:17:06,949 --> 00:17:08,927 No, it's not. It's awful! 546 00:17:08,951 --> 00:17:10,196 [WHOOSHING] 547 00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:11,997 I beg your pardon? 548 00:17:12,021 --> 00:17:13,866 Ah! 549 00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:15,467 Goddamn. 550 00:17:15,491 --> 00:17:17,335 [ALL GASPING] my lord and my god! 551 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,004 - No! No! It sucks in here. - Let's get the [BLEEP] 552 00:17:19,028 --> 00:17:20,939 Outta here. Go, now. 553 00:17:20,963 --> 00:17:22,340 Ugh. We're safe, morty. 554 00:17:22,364 --> 00:17:24,010 Nobody ever wanted to see that shit. 555 00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:25,678 Wh-what's gonna happen to story lord? 556 00:17:25,702 --> 00:17:28,214 He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell... 557 00:17:28,238 --> 00:17:29,548 The bible. I don't know. 558 00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:31,349 Some people actually like that stuff. 559 00:17:31,373 --> 00:17:32,818 Seems kind of cynical. 560 00:17:32,842 --> 00:17:34,420 I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know? 561 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,288 Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally. 562 00:17:36,312 --> 00:17:37,756 Saved by Jesus christ. 563 00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:39,558 Tell me in any way how that's offensive. 564 00:17:39,582 --> 00:17:41,027 This was a little confusing, 565 00:17:41,051 --> 00:17:43,229 But I guess it brought us closer together, you know? 566 00:17:43,253 --> 00:17:44,630 Tested our demons. 567 00:17:44,654 --> 00:17:46,365 Made us believe in ourselves more than ever. 568 00:17:46,389 --> 00:17:47,633 Yeah. You're right, morty. 569 00:17:47,657 --> 00:17:49,435 We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way. 570 00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:51,237 And now we can just be ourselves. 571 00:17:51,261 --> 00:17:53,171 Now what do you say we bring this train. 572 00:17:53,195 --> 00:17:54,840 Into the station. 573 00:17:54,864 --> 00:18:02,864 ♪♪ 574 00:18:04,074 --> 00:18:06,585 Oh [BLEEP] 575 00:18:06,609 --> 00:18:08,320 Morty: So what do you think? 576 00:18:08,344 --> 00:18:09,588 Wow. Where did you get this thing? 577 00:18:09,612 --> 00:18:11,390 The citadel of ricks gift shop. 578 00:18:11,414 --> 00:18:14,126 Do you really like it? I didn't think you'd even care. 579 00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:16,262 What? Morty. No. I love it. 580 00:18:16,286 --> 00:18:17,996 You did the most important thing. 581 00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:19,397 You... you bought something. 582 00:18:19,421 --> 00:18:20,732 What? You bought something. 583 00:18:20,756 --> 00:18:23,469 With money. God. I love money so much, morty. 584 00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,471 Are you being sarcastic? Merchandise, morty. 585 00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:28,340 Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise. 586 00:18:28,364 --> 00:18:29,742 And you did it. You went into a store... 587 00:18:29,766 --> 00:18:32,611 An actual honest to god store... And you bought something. 588 00:18:32,635 --> 00:18:34,613 You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints. 589 00:18:34,637 --> 00:18:36,548 You... you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws. 590 00:18:36,572 --> 00:18:39,085 Of capitalism and said "yes, daddy, please." 591 00:18:39,109 --> 00:18:41,353 And I'm... I'm so proud of you. 592 00:18:41,377 --> 00:18:42,754 I only wish you could've bought more. 593 00:18:42,778 --> 00:18:45,357 I... I love buying things so much, morty. 594 00:18:45,381 --> 00:18:46,625 Rick, are... are you... 595 00:18:46,649 --> 00:18:47,826 Do you need to go to the hospital? 596 00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:50,362 I love you, morty. Give grandpa a kiss. 597 00:18:50,386 --> 00:18:52,098 Give... give... gimme... Give grandpa a kiss. 598 00:18:52,122 --> 00:18:53,432 Lips if you want. 599 00:18:53,456 --> 00:18:54,967 What... whatever you're comfortable with. 600 00:18:54,991 --> 00:18:56,234 Some cultures do that. 601 00:18:56,258 --> 00:18:57,836 That was sweet. Thank you. 602 00:18:57,860 --> 00:19:00,572 I... I love you. You're my little buddy. 603 00:19:00,596 --> 00:19:02,240 Okay. 604 00:19:02,264 --> 00:19:03,509 Let's watch some interdimensional cable. 605 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:05,911 [TELEVISION CLICKS, STATIC CRACKLES] 606 00:19:05,935 --> 00:19:08,402 [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS] 607 00:19:08,738 --> 00:19:10,783 So you're saying my father. 608 00:19:10,807 --> 00:19:12,184 And his kingdom... 609 00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:15,187 Well, yes... It's based on the fusion. 610 00:19:15,211 --> 00:19:16,655 Of a sumerian god named "ya". 611 00:19:16,679 --> 00:19:19,325 And a mesopotamian god named "way." 612 00:19:19,349 --> 00:19:22,060 And we're in a toy train? 613 00:19:22,084 --> 00:19:23,395 Yes. 614 00:19:23,419 --> 00:19:24,530 It's enough to really make you question. 615 00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:26,532 All of existence, isn't it? 616 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:29,135 So what do you think you're gonna do about it? 617 00:19:29,159 --> 00:19:32,471 I'm gonna do what I've always done. 618 00:19:32,495 --> 00:19:34,340 I'm gonna get the [BLEEP] outta here. 619 00:19:34,364 --> 00:19:38,966 Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight! 620 00:19:39,235 --> 00:19:41,347 [CRACKLING] 621 00:19:41,371 --> 00:19:42,881 Hey, what the [BLEEP] morty? 622 00:19:42,905 --> 00:19:44,616 The train you got me just completely derailed itself. 623 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,284 There's blood all over the windows on it. 624 00:19:46,308 --> 00:19:48,354 Oh, man, I'm sorry, rick. I guess I'll return it. 625 00:19:48,378 --> 00:19:49,621 Return... are you insane? 626 00:19:49,645 --> 00:19:51,089 Did you hear nothing I said? 627 00:19:51,113 --> 00:19:52,290 Buy another one, morty. 628 00:19:52,314 --> 00:19:53,625 Consume, morty. 629 00:19:53,649 --> 00:19:55,627 Nobody's out there shopping with this [BLEEP] virus. 630 00:19:55,651 --> 00:19:57,696 Where's your [BLEEP] wallet?! 631 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:05,720 ♪♪ 632 00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:15,730 ♪♪ 633 00:20:17,940 --> 00:20:25,940 ♪♪ 634 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,528 RICK: Tired of the same boring adventures. 635 00:20:29,552 --> 00:20:30,596 With your dogshit morty? 636 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,330 Yeah! Aw. Geez. 637 00:20:32,354 --> 00:20:34,800 Then get ready for the citadel of rick's story train. 638 00:20:34,824 --> 00:20:36,535 DEEP VOICE: Story train. Story train. 639 00:20:36,559 --> 00:20:37,870 RICK: The citadel of rick's story train. 640 00:20:37,894 --> 00:20:40,138 Comes with car after car of enemies, lovers, 641 00:20:40,162 --> 00:20:41,540 And goomby, all grappling with. 642 00:20:41,564 --> 00:20:42,675 The nature of who you truly are. 643 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:44,276 Rick is a god! Tickets please. 644 00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:46,011 Whoa! Watch out! It's story lord! 645 00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:47,345 Damn. He's jacked. 646 00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:48,747 Deep voice: Pure [BLEEP] gutter. 647 00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:50,416 RICK: And of course, what story would be complete. 648 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,350 Without the engineer of the greatest story ever told. 649 00:20:52,374 --> 00:20:53,552 Oh, Jesus christ. 650 00:20:53,576 --> 00:20:54,620 Jesus: I have come not to judge. 651 00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,222 The world, but to save it. 652 00:20:56,246 --> 00:20:58,024 RICK: And the best part is, the fun never ends. 653 00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,758 Thanks to the rick-patented anthology generator, 654 00:20:59,782 --> 00:21:01,293 You'll never run out of new stories. 655 00:21:01,317 --> 00:21:02,428 And people to tell them. 656 00:21:02,452 --> 00:21:03,696 Are they alive? Of course. 657 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,097 But not in any ways that matter. 658 00:21:05,121 --> 00:21:06,698 Deep voice: They. Have. No. Souls. 659 00:21:06,722 --> 00:21:08,034 Puppets. Of. Fate. 660 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,568 RICK: The story train. 661 00:21:09,592 --> 00:21:11,169 Available now in the citadel of ricks. 662 00:21:11,193 --> 00:21:12,771 Buy it ironically. Buy it sincerely. Just buy it. 663 00:21:12,795 --> 00:21:13,972 Not buying it is an act of buying it. 664 00:21:13,996 --> 00:21:15,374 Buy it now. Look it up. It's real. 665 00:21:15,398 --> 00:21:17,109 Www.Story-train.Com. 666 00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:19,245 On the internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train. 667 00:21:19,269 --> 00:21:20,802 We want you to buy the train.