1
00:00:00,980 --> 00:00:04,019
What kind of parents
drag their kids away
2
00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,799
for the entire week of spring break?
3
00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:07,659
I'm missing Mike Triscuit's drug party.
4
00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:09,317
Look at this. He's already watching
5
00:00:09,318 --> 00:00:10,457
"Euphoria" to pregame.
6
00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:13,009
Pregame. Game. Video game.
7
00:00:13,010 --> 00:00:15,999
Yes, yes, drugs and video
games. Poor babies.
8
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,927
What you need is to level up
with a bong rip of nature.
9
00:00:19,928 --> 00:00:21,565
Trust me, this is good for you.
10
00:00:21,566 --> 00:00:23,667
Can someone just kill me?
11
00:00:23,668 --> 00:00:25,111
Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything.
12
00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:27,707
No, he can't, Summer. We're roughing it.
13
00:00:27,708 --> 00:00:29,337
And that means no sci-fi bull-[BLEEP].
14
00:00:29,338 --> 00:00:30,979
- Isn't that right, Rick?
- Uh-huh.
15
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:37,629
Rick, was that a sci-fi phone call?
16
00:00:37,630 --> 00:00:38,759
Shut up, Jerry.
17
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,809
Damn it, I didn't think
she had this number.
18
00:00:40,810 --> 00:00:43,199
Why are you building a Faraday
box to block out the signal?
19
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,824
Oh, my God, Grandpa's ghosting someone.
20
00:00:44,825 --> 00:00:46,779
I'm not ghosting. Hey!
Give it back, Summer!
21
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,399
"Rick. Please answer me. I'm pregnant"?!
22
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,550
Oh, my God, Grandpa, you [BLEEP] boi.
23
00:00:52,558 --> 00:00:54,265
I'm not a [BLEEP] boi, Summer!
24
00:00:54,266 --> 00:00:55,683
- There's no way those kids are mine.
- Wow.
25
00:00:55,684 --> 00:00:58,337
At least we know why Rick
actually came on the trip...
26
00:00:58,338 --> 00:01:01,019
- to avoid his [BLEEP]-guy problems.
- Why would this person lie?
27
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:03,207
I don't know, honey. She's
addicted to what the Rick did.
28
00:01:03,208 --> 00:01:04,659
You know, it's...
it's... it's a tale as old
29
00:01:04,660 --> 00:01:06,151
as my huge dynamite penis.
30
00:01:06,152 --> 00:01:07,160
Can we turn the radio on?
31
00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:08,917
I am not letting you abandon those kids
32
00:01:08,918 --> 00:01:10,781
- like you abandoned me.
- Oh, my God!
33
00:01:10,782 --> 00:01:12,977
We're going to see this
baby mama right now!
34
00:01:12,978 --> 00:01:14,249
What, like, literally now?
35
00:01:14,250 --> 00:01:16,660
Yes, now! That's an order.
36
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:19,399
Aah!
37
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:20,820
No!
38
00:01:21,558 --> 00:01:23,927
This is exactly what
I was talking about!
39
00:01:23,928 --> 00:01:26,198
Rick, I hope you realize
the tubing permit
40
00:01:26,199 --> 00:01:27,559
was non-refundable!
41
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,279
Relax, Jerry, we'll be
in and out in a minute,
42
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,390
and then you can get right
back to your dumb vacation
43
00:01:31,398 --> 00:01:33,080
with a family that doesn't need you.
44
00:01:34,347 --> 00:01:36,339
Kind of expected someone to defend me,
45
00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:37,600
but, sure, okay.
46
00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,399
Hello, Gaia. Hold on.
47
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,247
Let me just adjust my
Seismic-to-English translator.
48
00:01:44,248 --> 00:01:45,774
Rick. You came.
49
00:01:45,775 --> 00:01:48,277
- W-Where is she?
- You're looking at her.
50
00:01:48,278 --> 00:01:49,947
I-I-I-I don't understand.
51
00:01:49,948 --> 00:01:51,280
Isn't it obvious, Morty?
52
00:01:51,281 --> 00:01:52,939
I [BLEEP] a planet.
53
00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:24,813
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
54
00:02:24,814 --> 00:02:27,149
So, what, you just go around
knocking up planets now?
55
00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,227
I-I-Is that what you
do when I'm at school?
56
00:02:29,228 --> 00:02:31,087
I'm a scientist, Morty. I try things.
57
00:02:31,088 --> 00:02:33,497
Sex with a living planet?
Big step for mankind.
58
00:02:33,498 --> 00:02:36,097
Yeah, we finally broke
the deadbeat dad barrier.
59
00:02:36,098 --> 00:02:38,203
- Ah, where the magic happened.
- Gross.
60
00:02:38,204 --> 00:02:40,120
Hey, uh, Gaia, baby,
61
00:02:40,130 --> 00:02:42,248
Big Daddy Rick is here.
What's the problem?
62
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,199
Children. Birth cycle. Now.
63
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,700
Okay, gettin' right into it.
64
00:02:47,671 --> 00:02:49,919
- I am! I am!
- Jesus Christ!
65
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,424
- I am!
- I am!
66
00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:52,669
I am!
67
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,739
Dad, do something! Make it stop!
68
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:55,859
You think I know how to stop this?
69
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,300
I thought she was gonna shit an egg.
70
00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:00,349
Cool vacation, guys.
71
00:03:00,350 --> 00:03:02,029
So happy I got to see the human geyser
72
00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,792
instead of micro-dosing with my friends.
73
00:03:03,793 --> 00:03:06,327
More coming. Kids. Need father.
74
00:03:06,328 --> 00:03:08,658
Yeah, um, Baby Quakes,
how big is your orbit again?
75
00:03:08,659 --> 00:03:10,627
I mean, not to say you
get around, but, um...
76
00:03:10,628 --> 00:03:11,965
Are you kidding me? Look at them!
77
00:03:11,966 --> 00:03:13,079
They look just like you.
78
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,939
Yeah, and snakes look like dildos, Beth.
79
00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:16,114
- What's your point?
- They do?
80
00:03:16,116 --> 00:03:17,767
The fact is even if they were mine,
81
00:03:17,768 --> 00:03:20,299
which they're not,
the best parent is evolution.
82
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,699
They'll probably develop harder skin
83
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,207
or maybe even webbed arms.
84
00:03:23,208 --> 00:03:25,347
Man, that'd be cool, huh?
Flying squirrel people?
85
00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:27,589
Yeah, Dad, that approach
worked out great for me.
86
00:03:27,590 --> 00:03:29,127
Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me.
87
00:03:29,128 --> 00:03:30,754
This is life in the galaxy, okay?
88
00:03:30,755 --> 00:03:31,780
It's totally normal.
89
00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:35,218
Fine. You won't do something, I will.
90
00:03:35,219 --> 00:03:37,220
Welp, there goes the surprise!
91
00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:38,959
I was gonna have us
jump on the trampoline
92
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,319
- after we caught our first fish.
- I am!
93
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,682
What? You're stupid.
94
00:03:41,683 --> 00:03:43,101
- I am!
- I am! I am!
95
00:03:43,102 --> 00:03:45,727
- Beth, that's not gonna help.
- Uh, I hate to agree with Rick,
96
00:03:45,728 --> 00:03:47,075
but shouldn't we just let this be?
97
00:03:47,076 --> 00:03:48,314
We're supposed to be on vacation.
98
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,439
You're unemployed, Jerry!
99
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,149
Every day is a vacation for you.
100
00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:52,939
- Okay, ouch.
- You guys do whatever you want.
101
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:54,445
I'm staying here and fixing this.
102
00:03:54,446 --> 00:03:56,071
- I am!
- I am!
103
00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:57,449
Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it,
104
00:03:57,450 --> 00:03:58,600
at least do it right.
105
00:03:58,610 --> 00:04:01,183
Gaia, baby, gonna need a
little raw iron and steam.
106
00:04:01,184 --> 00:04:03,328
Whatever you need, baby.
107
00:04:10,670 --> 00:04:12,687
- So much for camping.
- Nope.
108
00:04:12,688 --> 00:04:14,139
We are going camping.
109
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,279
There's trees over there.
110
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,175
- We're on solid ground.
- Mom!
111
00:04:17,176 --> 00:04:18,636
Summer, Morty, go camp with your father.
112
00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:20,345
- Ohh, son of a bitch.
- Son of a bitch.
113
00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:21,513
- I am!
- I am!
114
00:04:21,514 --> 00:04:24,768
- I am!
- Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment.
115
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,707
Dad, can we please go back
116
00:04:27,708 --> 00:04:29,247
and hang out with Grandpa's clay people?
117
00:04:29,248 --> 00:04:31,969
Why? Because they might
have a Sega Dreamcast?
118
00:04:31,970 --> 00:04:34,274
Why is it so hard for you
two to let nature in?
119
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:35,679
Because this sucks ass.
120
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,030
Camping is just being homeless
without the change.
121
00:04:38,031 --> 00:04:40,217
Well, that attitude is exactly
why we're out here.
122
00:04:40,218 --> 00:04:42,287
You guys wouldn't last
two seconds on your own.
123
00:04:42,288 --> 00:04:44,057
You're only happy when you're penned in
124
00:04:44,058 --> 00:04:47,456
and drugged up like some kind
of chicken or lemur. Hey!
125
00:04:47,457 --> 00:04:49,219
I told you kids no phones!
126
00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:50,580
There's not even any service.
127
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,336
Just... Just let us be
happy for a minute.
128
00:04:52,337 --> 00:04:54,379
You know, maybe if you
two stopped whining
129
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,237
and let your old man take the reins,
130
00:04:56,238 --> 00:04:59,307
you might actually learn something.
131
00:04:59,308 --> 00:05:01,568
Here. Take a bite of this tasty treat.
132
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:04,139
Oh, you think this s'more
makes you special?
133
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:05,239
What? Because someone said,
134
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,377
"good job," to you once
when you were 10?
135
00:05:07,378 --> 00:05:09,893
That's actually really sad,
Dad. Let's be real.
136
00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,383
You've been high-roading us non-stop,
137
00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:12,409
forcing us to do nothing
138
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:14,319
in the middle of [BLEEP] nowhere
because it's the only way
139
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,897
you're gonna level the
playing field, isn't it?
140
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,987
Because if you move the bar so low,
141
00:05:17,988 --> 00:05:20,322
you might actually seem like
you're worth a [BLEEP].
142
00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:22,588
Huh.
143
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,810
I'm gonna go take a walk.
144
00:05:28,706 --> 00:05:32,000
Jesus Christ, you really need
to stop hanging out with Rick.
145
00:05:36,881 --> 00:05:38,676
Okay, so, if we divert
the Lawyer Pipeline here,
146
00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:39,859
they should avoid the Ethics Tube
147
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:41,757
and come out spineless
enough to do their job.
148
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,509
Right. Wait, why are the athletes
149
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:44,679
going through the introvert sector?
150
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,857
Obviously so they can
bully the mathematicians
151
00:05:46,858 --> 00:05:49,514
- and give us astronomers.
- God, you are such a space nerd.
152
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,779
I'm not a nerd. We're raising
a society here, Beth.
153
00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:53,149
If we want them to be self-sufficient,
154
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:55,275
they need to get out into space.
155
00:05:55,276 --> 00:05:56,733
Birth cycle. Coming.
156
00:05:56,734 --> 00:05:58,945
We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot
'em hard and up the middle!
157
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,647
We got an oversupply of teachers
158
00:06:15,648 --> 00:06:17,158
putting a strain on the literary drive.
159
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,339
Activating playwright converter!
160
00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:20,409
Aah!
161
00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:22,859
Nice work, honey. Okay, the
therapists are getting bored.
162
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,729
We need to increase their
supply of incest porn.
163
00:06:24,730 --> 00:06:26,019
20% wasn't enough?
164
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:27,344
What the hell is that?
165
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,709
The unproductives. Goddamn it!
166
00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:30,727
- How are there so many of them?
- Unproductives?
167
00:06:30,728 --> 00:06:32,827
Yeah, deejays, foodies, influencers.
168
00:06:32,828 --> 00:06:34,980
I just re-circulate
them through until...
169
00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:37,857
[BLEEP] they blew a hole in the
human resources department!
170
00:06:37,858 --> 00:06:38,859
- You're fired!
- Downsizing already?
171
00:06:38,860 --> 00:06:40,120
I'm putting this in your file!
172
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:43,479
We gotta fix this, Dad.
173
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,032
We can't keep recycling them through.
174
00:06:45,033 --> 00:06:47,179
I could add an online
college workaround.
175
00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:49,379
Or just push them out
through a pipe in the back.
176
00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:50,744
- Same thing.
- Same thing.
177
00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:53,219
These kids may not be mine,
but you definitely are.
178
00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:55,459
Look at you. My little
steampunk overlord.
179
00:06:55,460 --> 00:06:56,660
Eeee!
180
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,169
I don't think he's coming back.
181
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:00,719
You know, you... you really
messed him up, Summer.
182
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,159
Yeah, well, he called me a lemur.
183
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,339
Let's just go find Grandpa.
184
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,179
Maybe he can portal
us home or something.
185
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:07,019
- Should we leave a note?
- Dad is fine.
186
00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:08,390
He's probably sucking off a tree
187
00:07:08,398 --> 00:07:10,767
and having the time
of his life right now.
188
00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:14,900
Guess you don't want to learn
how to skip rocks, either.
189
00:07:14,910 --> 00:07:16,567
Aah!
190
00:07:16,568 --> 00:07:19,737
Aaah!
191
00:07:19,738 --> 00:07:21,599
Whoa! Whoa! Aah!
192
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,939
Aaaaaah!
193
00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:25,179
Ohh!
194
00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:27,366
Aaaaaah!
195
00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:28,817
Gah!
196
00:07:28,818 --> 00:07:31,279
Ohhhh! Aaah!
197
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,770
Aah!
198
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,459
Aah!
199
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,052
Aaah!
200
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:48,839
Ow! Hey!
201
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,479
Aah!
202
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,139
Aaaaah!
203
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:56,104
Aaaaaaaah!
204
00:07:57,670 --> 00:07:58,809
Ohh!
205
00:08:00,846 --> 00:08:03,403
_
206
00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:05,748
Who are you guys?
207
00:08:05,749 --> 00:08:09,118
We are... unproductives.
208
00:08:09,119 --> 00:08:10,701
Ahh, I get it.
209
00:08:10,702 --> 00:08:12,900
Bunch of bull-[BLEEP].
210
00:08:16,541 --> 00:08:18,397
What is that?
211
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:21,429
This? This is camping.
212
00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:23,439
Camping? Ooh!
213
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,464
Camping!
214
00:08:24,465 --> 00:08:27,499
Camping! Camping! Camping!
215
00:08:41,024 --> 00:08:43,067
_
216
00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:58,107
Good work there, TickTock.
217
00:08:58,108 --> 00:08:59,967
Keep whittling. Incredible.
218
00:08:59,968 --> 00:09:02,307
You've almost got smoke
over there, Florflock.
219
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,807
There you go, guys!
220
00:09:03,808 --> 00:09:04,977
Pump those cheeks.
221
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,677
That's the camping spirit.
222
00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:08,383
What the... Squeeb!
223
00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:09,678
This is not a tent.
224
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,617
It is a new kind of tent,
225
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:14,988
with special gutters to
funnel the rain, and a door.
226
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,219
It's a house!
227
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:18,099
No houses! No doors!
228
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,029
Once you have doors, you have indoors.
229
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:23,399
Once you have indoors,
you won't want to camp anymore.
230
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,600
Then why do they not camp?
231
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:28,367
Because they're bad.
232
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,480
Bad. Bad. Bad.
233
00:09:30,498 --> 00:09:32,282
Bad. Bad. Bad.
234
00:09:32,283 --> 00:09:34,677
Oh, my God. Maybe Dad was right.
235
00:09:34,678 --> 00:09:36,307
Maybe we have no life skills.
236
00:09:36,308 --> 00:09:38,347
I've definitely drank more
pee than I care to remember.
237
00:09:38,348 --> 00:09:40,007
I'm just gonna sit down.
238
00:09:40,008 --> 00:09:42,627
If I die, don't eat my ass.
That'd be weird.
239
00:09:42,628 --> 00:09:44,430
Uh, Summer?
240
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,218
Damn, you think they got infected
241
00:09:50,219 --> 00:09:51,719
by a mind slug or something?
242
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,859
Probably drove through a nebula
243
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,260
that made them see their own fears.
244
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,429
Whoa!
245
00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:00,930
These controls.
246
00:10:00,937 --> 00:10:02,997
It's just like my video
game controllers.
247
00:10:02,998 --> 00:10:05,610
I just wish I could read these symbols.
248
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,530
This looks just like Tricia's bong.
249
00:10:11,539 --> 00:10:13,447
Morty, I think these tubes might contain
250
00:10:13,448 --> 00:10:15,076
all of their collective knowledge.
251
00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:22,839
- Mm!
- Well?
252
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,793
I think we got this, bro.
253
00:10:26,129 --> 00:10:27,639
Beth, you wanna do the honors?
254
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,422
What? Really? Wow. Okay.
255
00:10:29,423 --> 00:10:30,800
- _
- Here we go.
256
00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:34,379
If you told me six days
ago I'd be christening
257
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,764
a generation ship for
my half-rock children,
258
00:10:36,765 --> 00:10:38,139
I would've called you crazy.
259
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:40,443
But I guess that's the lesson...
crazy things happen
260
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:42,936
when you put in the work. Salud!
261
00:10:42,937 --> 00:10:45,188
[BLEEP] Doopnar! Sing something!
262
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:48,619
- Great toast, Dad.
- Thanks, sweetie.
263
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:50,659
Damn, listen to those pipes.
264
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,117
You sure these kids are yours?
265
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:53,817
What, you've never
heard me sing karaoke?
266
00:10:53,818 --> 00:10:55,757
I'm... I'm pretty good when
someone's in my register,
267
00:10:55,758 --> 00:10:57,487
like the guy that sings
"Circle of Life."
268
00:10:57,488 --> 00:10:59,418
Can't remember his name.
Dresses up weird.
269
00:10:59,419 --> 00:11:02,388
Look at this. Everyone's happy.
270
00:11:02,389 --> 00:11:04,127
They're about to go into space.
271
00:11:04,128 --> 00:11:06,209
I know things haven't
always been great with us,
272
00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:08,503
but we do make a pretty good team.
273
00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:10,589
Uh, Rick? Can we talk?
274
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:12,577
Kinda in the middle of a
breakthrough with my daughter.
275
00:11:12,578 --> 00:11:14,839
Go ahead, Dad.
Gaia deserves some time, too.
276
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:18,089
- They're your kids.
- Yes, about that.
277
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:21,766
Pam! It's good to see you, baby!
278
00:11:21,767 --> 00:11:24,269
Um, Gaia? You know this guy?
279
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:27,229
Ha! You call her Gaia? So lame.
280
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,939
Is that... God?
281
00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:31,109
Rick. The kids. I messed up.
282
00:11:31,110 --> 00:11:33,529
- You're not their father.
- Little ones!
283
00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:34,530
Daddy's here!
284
00:11:34,531 --> 00:11:36,797
I'm sending some fog down.
285
00:11:36,798 --> 00:11:39,409
- Feel my presence through the fog!
- Ooh!
286
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:41,480
Beth! What the [BLEEP]. Don't touch it!
287
00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:45,041
You gotta be kidding me.
God is the father?
288
00:11:45,042 --> 00:11:46,879
No hard feelings, okay?
289
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,460
We thought they were yours, you know,
290
00:11:48,468 --> 00:11:50,462
because they're so small.
291
00:11:50,463 --> 00:11:52,768
Oh, wow. No hard feelings.
Y-You hear that, Beth?
292
00:11:52,769 --> 00:11:55,204
Guy swoops in after we raised
his whole civilization
293
00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:57,386
and tells us he forgives us.
What a [BLEEP] mooch!
294
00:11:57,387 --> 00:11:59,804
Don't push me, asshole!
295
00:11:59,805 --> 00:12:02,277
Rick, I think you should go.
296
00:12:02,278 --> 00:12:04,817
Seriously? You really
want this pile of dry ice
297
00:12:04,818 --> 00:12:05,893
to raise your kids?
298
00:12:05,894 --> 00:12:08,057
Stop acting like you did a good job.
299
00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:11,179
You made my kids soft and empty inside.
300
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:13,499
This city is a monument to nothing!
301
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,737
Where is their faith?
302
00:12:14,738 --> 00:12:16,099
Reggie is right.
303
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,319
The children are not ready to leave.
304
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,639
He can give them more.
305
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,637
I mean, maybe we should just bail, Dad.
306
00:12:21,638 --> 00:12:24,037
At least this guy is immortal
and can stick around.
307
00:12:24,038 --> 00:12:26,037
Bull-[BLEEP]. They're
my kids! We're staying!
308
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:27,707
Bad! Bad!
309
00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:30,292
See? Now, this is the kind
of shit I'm talking about.
310
00:12:30,293 --> 00:12:34,079
- Bad! Bad!
- Jerry! Oh, my God! Is that you?
311
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,964
- What the hell are you doing?
- Camping.
312
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:37,840
Oh, look, Jerry finally
found his people.
313
00:12:37,848 --> 00:12:39,844
All it took was a deep enough drip pan.
314
00:12:39,845 --> 00:12:42,217
You labeled these
creatures "unproductive,"
315
00:12:42,218 --> 00:12:44,557
but I have given them
more purpose than ever.
316
00:12:44,558 --> 00:12:46,559
Oh, yeah? They filing
your unemployment forms?
317
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,857
His tongue is sharp,
but it cannot whittle.
318
00:12:48,858 --> 00:12:50,894
The Great Roughing of It is at hand.
319
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,799
You will now join the One Family
320
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,428
on its Eternal Getaway.
321
00:12:54,429 --> 00:12:57,998
Or join the embers over
which we hold marshmallows
322
00:12:57,999 --> 00:12:59,667
at just the right distance.
323
00:12:59,668 --> 00:13:03,059
Six inches! Until it gets golden brown!
324
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:04,839
Don't let it start on fire!
325
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,706
The carbon is bad for you!
326
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:10,039
What's happening?
327
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,639
My children, I give you my power.
328
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,787
Use it to take what is yours.
329
00:13:14,788 --> 00:13:17,173
Oh, this mother-[BLEEP].
Raise the walls!
330
00:13:20,469 --> 00:13:23,549
Walls can't stop us, Rick.
We are chosen.
331
00:13:23,550 --> 00:13:24,724
Sha-boom-boom!
332
00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:26,927
Sorry! Sorry!
333
00:13:26,928 --> 00:13:28,476
Just trying to get the
hang of this thing.
334
00:13:28,477 --> 00:13:30,767
Nice choice of chosen people, G-diddles.
335
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,748
I guess you'll be playing
the "mysterious ways" card
336
00:13:32,749 --> 00:13:34,339
- on that one.
- You wanna go, bro?
337
00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:35,901
I'll kick your ass myself.
338
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:37,277
Oh, dude, don't tempt me.
339
00:13:37,278 --> 00:13:39,038
When I'm done with you,
you'll need a staff
340
00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:40,572
to un-part your [BLEEP] face.
341
00:13:40,573 --> 00:13:43,159
Guys. Please. Not in front of the kids.
342
00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:46,944
Did you for real just try to smite me?
343
00:13:46,945 --> 00:13:48,664
Siri, triangulate source of power.
344
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:51,819
Got you now, you son of a bitch.
345
00:13:51,820 --> 00:13:53,056
Sweetie, you handle the hippies.
346
00:13:53,058 --> 00:13:54,424
I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh.
347
00:13:54,425 --> 00:13:56,547
- Kick his ass, Dad!
- Bear witness.
348
00:14:02,553 --> 00:14:05,597
Now you see my true form.
349
00:14:05,598 --> 00:14:09,642
The clouds were simply a shape
more appealing to Gaia's mind.
350
00:14:09,643 --> 00:14:11,604
No shit. Any form is more
appealing than this.
351
00:14:11,605 --> 00:14:13,639
You look like Kid Rock [BLEEP] Zeus.
352
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,583
Oh, seriously, you expect
me to fight you like this?
353
00:14:15,584 --> 00:14:17,777
You're the size of four
Empire State Buildings.
354
00:14:17,778 --> 00:14:20,872
All right, mother-[BLEEP]. Let's go.
355
00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:40,549
Aaah! Aah!
356
00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:42,673
Ha-ha! You like that?
357
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,553
- Ohh!
- Here comes some pain!
358
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:46,960
Ohh!
359
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:00,840
Ow!
360
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:03,180
Ow!
361
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:11,719
And... that last one should be...
362
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,179
the start button.
363
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,837
Perfect. I guess we're ready.
364
00:15:14,838 --> 00:15:16,907
Let's show Mom and Dad what video games
365
00:15:16,908 --> 00:15:19,129
and partying are all about.
366
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,514
Jesus Christ, was that the wings?
367
00:15:30,648 --> 00:15:32,487
This is not like a video game!
368
00:15:32,488 --> 00:15:34,561
- It's not like a video game at all!
- Oh, my God, make it stop! Make it stop!
369
00:15:34,562 --> 00:15:37,814
- How do I make it stop?!
- I don't know. I'm [BLEEP] high!
370
00:15:37,815 --> 00:15:39,927
Aah!
371
00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:43,939
Oh, God, now I'm high, too!
372
00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:50,119
- Jerry, that's enough.
- Oh, hey, babe.
373
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,745
You like these plagues I'm
unleashing on your asses?
374
00:15:52,746 --> 00:15:54,819
No, they're lame. It's not a great sign
375
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,000
that your army's on the
same side as disease.
376
00:15:57,001 --> 00:16:00,429
Sorry we aren't modern enough
to sort people by value
377
00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:02,965
and shit the losers
through a mean butt tube!
378
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,511
Just admit this is about you
wanting to feel needed!
379
00:16:08,512 --> 00:16:10,557
Says the woman who sold out her family
380
00:16:10,558 --> 00:16:12,974
for an ounce of approval
from her drunk father!
381
00:16:12,975 --> 00:16:14,954
Well, maybe he drinks
because it isn't easy
382
00:16:14,955 --> 00:16:16,311
to be more powerful than God.
383
00:16:16,312 --> 00:16:17,527
Well, if it's god power
384
00:16:17,528 --> 00:16:19,367
that gets you going, light some candles
385
00:16:19,368 --> 00:16:22,279
and put on the Billy Ocean
because Moses is home
386
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,459
and he's ready to burn some bush!
387
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:26,070
Sha-boom-boom!
388
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,069
Ohh! [BLEEP]
389
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:31,307
Ow! All right, all right, stop.
390
00:16:31,308 --> 00:16:33,328
- Come on, bitch!
- Look, you win, okay?
391
00:16:33,329 --> 00:16:34,789
Ju... I don't care about the kids.
392
00:16:34,790 --> 00:16:36,547
Smite them, raise them to [BLEEP] sheep.
393
00:16:36,548 --> 00:16:38,147
Just keep the city, okay?
394
00:16:38,148 --> 00:16:39,399
My daughter and I built that thing.
395
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,920
- It's important to her.
- No, bro. I'm a Zeus.
396
00:16:41,921 --> 00:16:44,387
I can literally do anything.
397
00:16:44,388 --> 00:16:47,050
Think I'm gonna hang
around and raise kids?
398
00:16:47,051 --> 00:16:51,227
The only lesson they need
is right here... fear.
399
00:16:51,228 --> 00:16:53,431
And it looks like school's out, bitch.
400
00:16:53,432 --> 00:16:55,389
I-I think you mean school's in.
401
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:56,919
What are... What are you talking about?
402
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,077
I-If you're teaching fear,
403
00:16:58,078 --> 00:17:00,480
then choking me... school would be in.
404
00:17:00,481 --> 00:17:02,750
Fine. School's in, bitch.
405
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,610
Oh.
406
00:17:05,611 --> 00:17:06,779
What the [BLEEP].
407
00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:15,117
Ohh! Are we dead? D-Did we die?
408
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,497
I don't ever want to be high again.
409
00:17:16,498 --> 00:17:17,787
I-I got scared straight.
410
00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:19,257
Oh, my God, I got scared straight.
411
00:17:19,258 --> 00:17:20,627
[BLEEP] Dad was right.
412
00:17:20,628 --> 00:17:21,867
We... We think we know everything,
413
00:17:21,868 --> 00:17:23,228
but maybe we're the ones who suck.
414
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:26,923
You kids are my [BLEEP] heroes!
415
00:17:26,924 --> 00:17:29,399
You saved Grandpa's life!
I [BLEEP] love you so much!
416
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,689
- Papa!
- Papa!
417
00:17:30,690 --> 00:17:32,659
We played video games and
got high! We did wrong!
418
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,447
- We did wrong!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, little boopas.
419
00:17:34,448 --> 00:17:37,459
Come on, now. You kids,
you did real good here.
420
00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:38,560
You did good.
421
00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:40,317
Getting high and playing
video games is the best,
422
00:17:40,318 --> 00:17:41,389
I swear to [BLEEP] God.
423
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:42,579
But Mom and Dad are gonna be mad.
424
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:43,647
No, hey, hey, look, no.
425
00:17:43,648 --> 00:17:46,278
[BLEEP] your mom and dad.
Your parents are a bag of dicks.
426
00:17:46,279 --> 00:17:48,287
Getting high and playing
video games is the best,
427
00:17:48,288 --> 00:17:50,217
and I will never sell you out, ever.
428
00:17:50,218 --> 00:17:51,239
Now, we got to get out of here
429
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,639
before this guy falls out of the sky.
430
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,838
He's generating an ionic cloud
431
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,179
from his own belief system.
432
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:56,919
Holy [BLEEP]. Summer,
were you smoking this?
433
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,540
You were basically inhaling
brake fluid. Jesus!
434
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,328
Mm, yeah.
435
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:11,507
It's over, Beth. Tell your
people to lower the gates
436
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,377
and pack their moisture-wicking shirts.
437
00:18:13,378 --> 00:18:15,207
Incoming!
438
00:18:21,988 --> 00:18:23,699
Jerry!
439
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,940
Beth! Just hold on!
440
00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:27,693
I'm losing my grip!
441
00:18:29,486 --> 00:18:31,199
- Jerry.
- Squeeb?
442
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,059
Use the s'more, Jerry.
443
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:37,327
- Ow! You stabbed my hand!
- Sorry! Sorry!
444
00:18:40,238 --> 00:18:42,164
Should... Should we make love?
445
00:18:42,165 --> 00:18:43,279
Jerry, I love you,
446
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,619
but I can literally smell
your balls from here.
447
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:46,669
Oh, wow.
448
00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:49,347
Ask God for a flood next time.
It'll come with a shower.
449
00:18:49,348 --> 00:18:50,620
Noted.
450
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:53,217
Aw, geez, that... that poor guy.
451
00:18:53,218 --> 00:18:54,747
Can you maybe not tell Mom and Dad?
452
00:18:54,748 --> 00:18:57,248
Relax, it's just a Zeus.
If this was the real God, it...
453
00:18:57,249 --> 00:18:59,474
it'd be a completely different story.
454
00:18:59,475 --> 00:19:02,387
Rick! What did you do?!
455
00:19:02,388 --> 00:19:03,888
I mean, gravity did most of it.
456
00:19:03,889 --> 00:19:07,023
- So, you, technically.
- I told you to leave!
457
00:19:07,024 --> 00:19:09,097
Yeah, well, you also asked
me to raise your kids.
458
00:19:09,098 --> 00:19:11,694
Uh, not sure if you heard the
phrase, "pick a lane," but...
459
00:19:11,695 --> 00:19:13,321
You killed their father!
460
00:19:13,322 --> 00:19:15,237
Father or not, he was a
lying piece of [BLEEP].
461
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:17,065
I don't care who else
stuffed your crust,
462
00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:18,499
but I'm the guy that showed up.
463
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:19,579
But I mean, if you want,
464
00:19:19,580 --> 00:19:22,164
I can still power-wash his guts
off the tower and maybe...
465
00:19:22,165 --> 00:19:23,489
Get oooout!
466
00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:24,859
Okay, yeah, she's pissed.
467
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:26,751
I mean, you killed her
slam piece, Grandpa.
468
00:19:26,752 --> 00:19:28,260
I don't blame her.
469
00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:45,104
See? You put the fire stick
to the wood, and, voilà!
470
00:19:45,105 --> 00:19:46,109
Campfire.
471
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:48,159
You have known about
this the whole time?
472
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,929
I'm not gonna waste my
time building you an ark,
473
00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:51,199
but if your mom gets clingy,
474
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,637
you can use this to get some space.
475
00:19:52,638 --> 00:19:55,071
Is that all you want to say to
your children before you leave?
476
00:19:55,072 --> 00:19:57,991
Oh, yeah, uh, don't ask me for money.
477
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,640
I mean, Gaia's not
gonna raise those guys
478
00:20:02,648 --> 00:20:04,517
to hunt us down, right?
479
00:20:04,518 --> 00:20:06,617
Oh, most definitely.
I put a tracker on their ship.
480
00:20:06,618 --> 00:20:08,376
I'll blow it up if they
come anywhere near me.
481
00:20:08,377 --> 00:20:10,335
Well, kids, never thought I'd say this,
482
00:20:10,336 --> 00:20:12,527
- but, Summer, you were right.
- Wait, what?
483
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:14,757
I thought I wanted to teach
you guys about tents,
484
00:20:14,758 --> 00:20:16,924
but really, I just wanted
to feel important.
485
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,639
I guess sometimes teenagers do know
486
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,797
what they're talking
about, even if it's mean.
487
00:20:20,798 --> 00:20:23,837
Right, but didn't you, like, go
into god-mode and fight Mom?
488
00:20:23,838 --> 00:20:25,977
Love is the only power
that matters, Morty.
489
00:20:25,978 --> 00:20:28,334
No, you had actual power,
and you did jack shit.
490
00:20:28,335 --> 00:20:29,559
That was a divine staff.
491
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,315
You could've cured cancer
or raised the dead.
492
00:20:31,316 --> 00:20:34,117
- Instead you made bugs.
- Well, I was impressed, Dad.
493
00:20:34,118 --> 00:20:36,690
He saved my life, no thanks to you.
494
00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:40,617
Your kids got high on alien mist
495
00:20:40,618 --> 00:20:42,197
and drove the ship into
that Zeus guy's head.
496
00:20:42,198 --> 00:20:43,459
- Basically murdered him.
- Grandpa!
497
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:44,469
- What the hell?!
- Come on!
498
00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:45,999
What? You did. I mean,
not to cast the first stone,
499
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,637
but, Beth and Jerry, pretty
terrible parenting on your part.
500
00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:50,324
Did you know Summer
huffed a K-Zax Array?
501
00:20:50,325 --> 00:20:51,859
She basically smoked "The Ring."
502
00:20:51,860 --> 00:20:53,449
Most pilots die after three days.
503
00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:54,659
And Morty, the [BLEEP] moron,
504
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:56,837
he thought the ship worked
like a game controller.
505
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,667
What in the Disney
Channel [BLEEP] is that?
506
00:20:58,668 --> 00:21:00,307
Maybe help him with homework next time.
507
00:21:00,308 --> 00:21:02,138
He's clearly crying for help.
508
00:21:02,139 --> 00:21:05,809
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
509
00:21:33,629 --> 00:21:36,715
Planets Only. Planets
Only. Planets Only.
510
00:21:36,716 --> 00:21:39,729
Entire systems of steamy, lush globes
511
00:21:39,730 --> 00:21:42,547
and barely habitable celestial objects
512
00:21:42,548 --> 00:21:44,931
are drifting through
the void just for you.
513
00:21:44,932 --> 00:21:47,039
- Planets Only.
- Let's terraform.
514
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,394
- Or colonize me as I am.
- Planets Only.
515
00:21:50,395 --> 00:21:52,515
Oops, there's a hole in my ozone.
516
00:21:52,516 --> 00:21:54,499
I didn't put it there. Did you?
517
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,379
I can't fill it by myself.
518
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:57,739
I'm not smart enough.
519
00:21:57,740 --> 00:22:00,419
Young, dumb, and orbiting the sun.
520
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:03,597
The greenhouse is in full
effect at Planets Only.
521
00:22:03,598 --> 00:22:06,661
Oh, I want you to split my
Pangea into distinct continents.
522
00:22:06,662 --> 00:22:09,139
I don't have hydrostatic
equilibrium yet.
523
00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:10,832
Is that something you can learn?
524
00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:13,929
You get the idea.
525
00:22:13,930 --> 00:22:14,939
Phew!
526
00:22:14,940 --> 00:22:16,918
I was watching over your
shoulder for a full minute.
527
00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:18,479
So? I was watching because it's funny.
528
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:19,828
It's... It's... They...
They... They're planets,
529
00:22:19,829 --> 00:22:22,019
but they're sexy.
It's a comedic premise.
530
00:22:22,020 --> 00:22:24,757
- Yeah.
- Planets Only.
531
00:22:24,758 --> 00:22:26,265
Planets Only.