1
00:00:07,988 --> 00:00:09,948
Mom! We're gonna miss the movie!
2
00:00:10,032 --> 00:00:12,367
- No, we're not.
- Okay, but we've been here for hours.
3
00:00:12,451 --> 00:00:14,703
I don't want to hang out
at the stupid horse hospital.
4
00:00:14,786 --> 00:00:17,164
The stupid horse hospital
puts dinner on your table.
5
00:00:17,247 --> 00:00:19,374
It wouldn't kill you to take an interest.
6
00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:22,628
What's this thing?
7
00:00:22,711 --> 00:00:24,922
In the middle of the room
with the hole in the end?
8
00:00:25,005 --> 00:00:27,549
[Beth] That's a breeding mount.
The nurses use it to collect.
9
00:00:27,633 --> 00:00:29,510
Reproductive material.
10
00:00:30,928 --> 00:00:32,346
[whirring]
11
00:00:32,429 --> 00:00:34,556
[squishing]
12
00:00:40,646 --> 00:00:41,730
[whirring stops]
13
00:00:41,813 --> 00:00:43,941
Okay, let's go see this
latest piece of Marvel shit
14
00:00:44,024 --> 00:00:47,027
- you kids are jizzing over.
- Yeah. About time.
15
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:50,948
So, does your hospital ever need, like,
after- school volunteers?
16
00:00:51,031 --> 00:00:53,242
[Beth] Wow. Who are you
and where did you put my son?
17
00:00:53,325 --> 00:00:56,787
[Morty] Ha! No, no. Seriously.
I'm very interested in your work.
18
00:00:58,247 --> 00:00:59,456
[birds chirping]
19
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:04,503
[sighs] Morty, you dirty little doggy.
20
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,922
- [liquid sloshing]
- [grunts] Come on!
21
00:01:07,714 --> 00:01:08,799
[liquid sloshing]
22
00:01:11,176 --> 00:01:13,303
- Hey, Rick.
- Oh, hey, kiddo. How's your Saturday?
23
00:01:13,387 --> 00:01:16,598
- You know, super chill. What you doing?
- Eh, nothing adventurous.
24
00:01:16,682 --> 00:01:19,142
You know that race of Underground
Dwelling Cannibal Horse People
25
00:01:19,226 --> 00:01:21,979
- that we're always fighting?
- Yeah, the CHUDs. What about them?
26
00:01:22,062 --> 00:01:23,230
Well, don't tell anybody,
27
00:01:23,313 --> 00:01:25,482
but I'm working on a bioweapon
to use against them,
28
00:01:25,566 --> 00:01:27,859
so I got this barrel of horse semen
from your mom's hospital
29
00:01:27,943 --> 00:01:31,405
and I'm just gonna, you know,
subject it to some otherworldly forces.
30
00:01:31,488 --> 00:01:33,073
Guess I should test it, make sure it's--
31
00:01:33,156 --> 00:01:35,033
- Make sure it's what?
- Horse semen, obviously.
32
00:01:35,117 --> 00:01:38,412
- But it says it is right on the barrel!
- You're not being very scientific, Morty.
33
00:01:38,495 --> 00:01:40,664
Measure twice, cut once. Especially with semen.
34
00:01:40,747 --> 00:01:42,457
Did you even ask Mom if you could have this?
35
00:01:42,541 --> 00:01:44,960
Morty, if I wanted to steal horse semen, I'd--
36
00:01:45,043 --> 00:01:47,170
Yes, I asked her. What is at stake for you here?
37
00:01:47,254 --> 00:01:50,299
- Why don't you trust labels?
- All right! Fine! I won't test it!
38
00:01:50,382 --> 00:01:53,176
God damn. Your generation really
picks random hills to die on.
39
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:56,138
Don't get close. I'm running an inhuman
amount of power through this semen.
40
00:01:56,221 --> 00:01:58,390
Should be safe, though,
since the semen itself is,
41
00:01:58,473 --> 00:02:01,393
- you know, also inhuman. Here we go.
- [powering up]
42
00:02:02,102 --> 00:02:05,105
[high- pitched ringing]
43
00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:10,527
- [creature growling]
- [screaming]
44
00:02:15,782 --> 00:02:17,743
- What happened?
- The sperm, Morty!
45
00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:20,412
They're super monster sperm now!
I blame myself.
46
00:02:20,495 --> 00:02:22,664
Unless there was something
about the sperm I didn't know.
47
00:02:22,748 --> 00:02:24,333
Are you saying that to mess with me?
48
00:02:24,416 --> 00:02:26,960
- What? Mess with you how?
- Like, trying to get me to say something?
49
00:02:27,044 --> 00:02:28,920
Morty, I have no idea what you're talking about!
50
00:02:29,004 --> 00:02:30,005
- For real?
- Yes!
51
00:02:30,088 --> 00:02:32,549
Okay. Good. Then. Then it's your fault!
52
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,718
[theme music playing]
53
00:03:05,415 --> 00:03:08,335
- [Beth] What the hell is going on?
- Sweetheart, can you give me a minute?
54
00:03:08,418 --> 00:03:10,629
I'm trying to steer around
the bodies of our neighbors.
55
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,005
- [thud]
- Oh, that felt like Gene.
56
00:03:12,089 --> 00:03:13,548
- That's on you, Beth.
- Dad, I swear--
57
00:03:13,632 --> 00:03:16,259
- Mom, it's not Rick's fault, it's--
- Space sperm.
58
00:03:16,343 --> 00:03:18,136
- What?
- Yeah. Space sperm.
59
00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:20,514
I've seen them before, but never like this.
60
00:03:20,597 --> 00:03:23,183
Space sperm? Sperm from space?
61
00:03:23,266 --> 00:03:25,060
Very impressive verbal forensic work, Jerry.
62
00:03:25,143 --> 00:03:27,229
Holy shit. How big are space dicks?
63
00:03:27,312 --> 00:03:29,773
Don't answer that! Damn, they must be huge.
64
00:03:29,856 --> 00:03:31,858
[tires screeching]
65
00:03:31,942 --> 00:03:32,984
[Rick] Oh!
66
00:03:36,697 --> 00:03:37,906
Oh, shit, oh, shit, shit!
67
00:03:38,657 --> 00:03:40,158
[roaring]
68
00:03:41,118 --> 00:03:42,953
- [snarling]
- [pistol clicks]
69
00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:48,458
Mr. Sanchez! The president
is very eager to speak with you!
70
00:03:51,086 --> 00:03:52,546
Morty, look, you gotta do me a solid.
71
00:03:52,629 --> 00:03:55,048
You want me to keep the secret
of where these things came from?
72
00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:57,092
Yes, technically, it's a lie, but I messed up,
73
00:03:57,175 --> 00:03:59,428
and I'm embarrassed because it's,
you know, science.
74
00:03:59,511 --> 00:04:02,889
- No problem. I got your back, dawg.
- Really? Okay. Cool.
75
00:04:02,973 --> 00:04:05,183
Thanks, Morty. I thought that'd be a harder sell.
76
00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:06,518
You did a shameful thing.
77
00:04:06,601 --> 00:04:08,770
Dwelling on it isn't gonna help,
you know, am I right?
78
00:04:08,854 --> 00:04:10,689
Sometimes you just gotta wipe it off,
79
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:13,150
toss it in the trash,
and head back to study hall.
80
00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:15,652
Uh, not getting the metaphor
but I'll take your hall pass.
81
00:04:15,736 --> 00:04:17,612
Sanchez! Get the hell in here!
82
00:04:17,696 --> 00:04:21,158
Space sperm? Jesus. How big are space dicks?
83
00:04:21,241 --> 00:04:22,242
Same page club.
84
00:04:22,325 --> 00:04:24,536
Well, Mr. President, the theory of Cosmic DNA
85
00:04:24,619 --> 00:04:27,289
has been around for decades.
Chupacabras, Yeti,
86
00:04:27,372 --> 00:04:28,957
Stonehenge, Ancient Rome.
87
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,293
Are these all myths, monsters, legends,
88
00:04:31,376 --> 00:04:33,837
or different names for sperm from outer space?
89
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,673
I'll tell you what I think, Sanchez.
I think either you caused this,
90
00:04:36,757 --> 00:04:39,134
or it's those godforsaken Horse People
that dwell underground.
91
00:04:39,217 --> 00:04:41,720
- [both] CHUDs.
- That's them. Ugh, if they're behind this,
92
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,180
so help me, God.
93
00:04:43,263 --> 00:04:45,140
Morty, you've always been a straight shooter.
94
00:04:45,223 --> 00:04:47,476
You can't prove that! Wait, what? Oh, oh, right.
95
00:04:47,559 --> 00:04:50,395
I can protect you, little man.
Blow that whistle. Toot, toot.
96
00:04:50,479 --> 00:04:51,855
Is this your grandpa's fault?
97
00:04:51,938 --> 00:04:54,608
Here's what I know, sir.
This is the greatest country on Earth.
98
00:04:54,691 --> 00:04:56,526
It invented apple pies and lasers.
99
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:58,236
- Mm. Keep talking.
- And that sperm.
100
00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,738
We don't know nothing about it.
101
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:01,907
Then the CHUDs just got themselves a war.
102
00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:04,493
And you just dodged a personal drone strike.
103
00:05:04,576 --> 00:05:05,911
Hello! Hello. Sorry, I'm late.
104
00:05:05,994 --> 00:05:08,747
This is Professor Shabooboo,
the world's leading expert on sperm.
105
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,291
- Thanks for getting here so fast.
- My schedule was wide open.
106
00:05:11,374 --> 00:05:13,960
I have been tracking our new sperm friends
since their arrival.
107
00:05:14,044 --> 00:05:17,339
If my calculations are correct,
they have gathered here.
108
00:05:17,422 --> 00:05:20,509
Why would the sperm go to the Grand Canyon?
109
00:05:20,592 --> 00:05:23,887
Why are you looking at me
like the answer is obvious?
110
00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:26,264
Oh, you can't be serious.
Are we in middle school?
111
00:05:26,348 --> 00:05:28,558
You think sperm are instinctively
heading for America's--
112
00:05:28,642 --> 00:05:31,228
Don't high- road us, lady. It's where they went.
113
00:05:31,311 --> 00:05:35,106
Now, how do we deal with these.
"Orgasogoblins"? No takers?
114
00:05:35,190 --> 00:05:38,610
Okay. These "Cumplestiltskins?" No? Dumb?
115
00:05:38,693 --> 00:05:41,154
- These, uh, "Skeet Boogins?"
- Oh, yeah, yeah, Skeet Boogins.
116
00:05:41,238 --> 00:05:42,656
Really? Skeet Boogins?
117
00:05:42,739 --> 00:05:46,076
- We'll use it as a placeholder and beat it later.
- Mr. President, if I may?
118
00:05:46,159 --> 00:05:48,578
Luckily, I was able to secure a specimen.
119
00:05:48,662 --> 00:05:51,164
Now, obviously our first steps
will be to analyze its DNA
120
00:05:51,248 --> 00:05:53,250
and figure out what these beautiful creat--
121
00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:55,919
- Oh, why?
- It had a gun!
122
00:05:56,670 --> 00:05:59,214
Are you out of your mind
bringing an armed sperm in here?
123
00:05:59,297 --> 00:06:02,175
- But they can't hold guns!
- The boy literally never lies!
124
00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:05,554
Look, if you want these things gone,
give Rick and me a plane and some nukes.
125
00:06:05,637 --> 00:06:07,430
We'll wipe them out
and leave no trace of them.
126
00:06:07,514 --> 00:06:10,100
- Only one way to deal with it.
- He's right. [burps] I'm a scientist.
127
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:11,560
Fair enough. Blow them to hell.
128
00:06:11,643 --> 00:06:14,104
What are people gonna do,
complain we made the canyon grander?
129
00:06:14,187 --> 00:06:16,731
Jerry, we're being bad parents. Do something!
130
00:06:16,815 --> 00:06:20,235
- Is this water for everyone?
- Yes, and I'd love a glass.
131
00:06:20,318 --> 00:06:21,361
Coming up!
132
00:06:22,696 --> 00:06:23,697
What are you doing?
133
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:26,241
And, Rick, to make sure
you don't screw anything up,
134
00:06:26,324 --> 00:06:27,701
I'm sending my best men with you.
135
00:06:27,784 --> 00:06:29,619
- And women.
- It's a fine suggestion,
136
00:06:29,703 --> 00:06:32,873
but I doubt their leader will be a sexy
queen that needs to be kickboxed.
137
00:06:32,956 --> 00:06:35,041
One hundred percent male Marines!
138
00:06:36,418 --> 00:06:40,380
They say cutting a sperm's throat
is like running a warm knife through butter.
139
00:06:40,463 --> 00:06:42,883
I'm gonna make these things
pregnant with death!
140
00:06:42,966 --> 00:06:44,426
- No fear!
- No humility!
141
00:06:44,509 --> 00:06:46,553
[both] Zero chance of consequences!
142
00:06:47,262 --> 00:06:48,221
Hey, gentlemen's bet.
143
00:06:48,305 --> 00:06:50,849
Which of these background Marines
you think will last the longest?
144
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:53,852
I'm not betting on human lives, Rick.
All of these people are gonna survive,
145
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,729
but obviously that guy the longest.
146
00:06:55,812 --> 00:06:57,898
Yeah, he's my pick, too. What's his name?
147
00:06:57,981 --> 00:06:59,774
- Blazen?
- [airplane rumbling]
148
00:06:59,858 --> 00:07:02,444
- Pretty cool.
- Yeah. He's meditating through turbulence.
149
00:07:02,527 --> 00:07:05,238
I bet if something fell, he'd like,
catch it without opening his eyes.
150
00:07:05,322 --> 00:07:06,990
- Totally.
- Should we throw something at him?
151
00:07:07,073 --> 00:07:09,701
- I got a pencil somewhere.
- [both scream]
152
00:07:09,784 --> 00:07:11,369
[screaming]
153
00:07:11,453 --> 00:07:13,163
Who shooting at us?
154
00:07:13,914 --> 00:07:16,458
Oh, wow, that's unexpected.
155
00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:19,461
The sperm made a catapult?
Are they getting smarter?
156
00:07:19,544 --> 00:07:21,630
No, you're getting dumber
because that's a trebuchet.
157
00:07:21,713 --> 00:07:23,006
Nobody knows the difference!
158
00:07:23,089 --> 00:07:24,966
They're reloading that textbook trebuchet!
159
00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:29,054
- Time to fly!
- [Morty screams]
160
00:07:37,187 --> 00:07:38,313
We gotta keep moving.
161
00:07:38,396 --> 00:07:39,898
- So cool.
- Not even a scratch.
162
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:41,858
Okay, girls, and I mean that derogatorily,
163
00:07:41,942 --> 00:07:45,904
we just took a fat "L,"
and what we need is a fat "P."
164
00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:47,030
A plan.
165
00:07:47,113 --> 00:07:49,783
I take the lead here. You two watch the flanks.
166
00:07:49,866 --> 00:07:52,118
Blazen, bring up the-- Hey!
167
00:07:52,202 --> 00:07:54,955
Please, one person draws the plan. Skeeters!
168
00:07:55,038 --> 00:07:56,748
- [Rick] Jipers!
- [Morty] Ropers!
169
00:07:56,831 --> 00:07:59,084
I'm sorry, but what the hell are we calling them?
170
00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:00,335
[grunts] Oof.
171
00:08:00,418 --> 00:08:02,921
Fine. I'm dying, so I get to pick the name.
172
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,131
- Crispy Cremes with a "C"!
- [all scream]
173
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,384
[grunts]
174
00:08:08,426 --> 00:08:11,179
[snarling]
175
00:08:11,262 --> 00:08:15,266
Whoa. Easy there, little guy. It's okay. It's okay.
176
00:08:17,102 --> 00:08:20,730
Do you recognize me?
Do you know you came from me?
177
00:08:20,814 --> 00:08:25,527
I'm Morty. I'll call you "Sticky,"
because you're sticky and you're stuck.
178
00:08:28,989 --> 00:08:30,657
- Oh. [chuckles]
- [purring]
179
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:33,660
- Step aside, Morty.
- It's okay. You don't gotta do this.
180
00:08:33,743 --> 00:08:37,455
It's haploid genetic code, Morty,
a biological fertilizing machine.
181
00:08:37,539 --> 00:08:39,791
- What's gotten into you?
- Rick, let him go.
182
00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:41,292
[sighs]
183
00:08:42,544 --> 00:08:45,171
Morty, don't fuck with me.
What the hell's going on with you?
184
00:08:45,255 --> 00:08:48,425
I think I know exactly what's going on here.
185
00:08:48,842 --> 00:08:50,927
Kidding. This shit is totally random.
186
00:08:51,011 --> 00:08:52,929
- Let's keep moving.
- Which way?
187
00:08:53,013 --> 00:08:54,180
[inhales deeply]
188
00:08:54,264 --> 00:08:57,892
When one sense is bound,
the others are released.
189
00:08:57,976 --> 00:08:59,436
[sniffing]
190
00:08:59,519 --> 00:09:01,688
Holy shit. He can smell caves?
191
00:09:01,771 --> 00:09:05,650
I'm not trying to smell anything.
The whole planet's a dorm room trash can.
192
00:09:06,484 --> 00:09:09,404
- Sir, Rick Sanchez has gone dark.
- I knew we couldn't rely on him!
193
00:09:09,487 --> 00:09:12,699
Well, maybe the pilot got too horny
as they approached America's vagina.
194
00:09:12,782 --> 00:09:15,744
If you're gonna hang out in my war room,
you can't just make snarky comments.
195
00:09:15,827 --> 00:09:17,412
At least do something useful, like Jerry.
196
00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:20,206
Right to the top, just the way you like it.
197
00:09:20,290 --> 00:09:21,291
Here's our situation.
198
00:09:21,374 --> 00:09:24,627
Rick's gone, and so are all our nukes.
Now what?
199
00:09:25,128 --> 00:09:28,214
- None of you have an idea?
- I do! That's right, me, the girl.
200
00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:30,425
Gentlemen, what do sperm want?
201
00:09:30,508 --> 00:09:33,803
The same thing as a lumberjack in the morning
or a fox at night.
202
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:35,847
- Pants! Pancakes!
- Eggs. Eggs!
203
00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:38,391
You want to control giant sperm,
you need a giant egg.
204
00:09:38,475 --> 00:09:39,768
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
205
00:09:39,851 --> 00:09:41,811
Sperm are hunters. And what do sperm hunt?
206
00:09:41,895 --> 00:09:42,896
- Eggs.
- Exactly.
207
00:09:42,979 --> 00:09:45,482
And what would happen if we enlarged one?
208
00:09:45,565 --> 00:09:47,692
They'll head right for it!
Get MIT on the phone.
209
00:09:47,776 --> 00:09:50,320
And get this guy a Nobel Prize.
210
00:09:50,403 --> 00:09:52,989
- [applause and laughter]
- You became a woman today.
211
00:09:53,615 --> 00:09:55,116
[devices whirring]
212
00:09:56,451 --> 00:10:00,830
- So, Blazen, you got kids?
- The battlefield is my family.
213
00:10:00,914 --> 00:10:01,998
- So cool.
- Badass.
214
00:10:02,082 --> 00:10:04,417
- [snarling]
- Go! I'll hold them off.
215
00:10:04,501 --> 00:10:07,921
- Blazen, you don't have to do this.
- [whispers] Shh. It is my destiny.
216
00:10:08,004 --> 00:10:09,923
He's right, Morty.
It's the price of being Blazen.
217
00:10:10,006 --> 00:10:11,633
- Let him do his thing.
- [snarling]
218
00:10:11,716 --> 00:10:12,550
[grunts]
219
00:10:13,593 --> 00:10:14,928
Blood for blood.
220
00:10:15,011 --> 00:10:17,597
Cream for cream. [grunts]
221
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,350
Oh, no. I can't reach that.
222
00:10:20,433 --> 00:10:21,643
Idiot!
223
00:10:22,644 --> 00:10:25,396
What? They're comfortable!
You should try them.
224
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:26,940
[groans]
225
00:10:27,023 --> 00:10:29,484
That'll do it. I'm worm food.
226
00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:33,655
Morty, find my wife.
Tell her I wasn't wearing her thong.
227
00:10:33,738 --> 00:10:37,158
That's a photocopy of Sports Illustrated
swimsuit model Kathy Ireland.
228
00:10:37,242 --> 00:10:39,369
It's my wife. We have sex.
229
00:10:39,452 --> 00:10:42,163
Here, hold that picture up
so we can have sex one last time.
230
00:10:42,247 --> 00:10:43,832
I know how to suck myself.
231
00:10:43,915 --> 00:10:45,875
- What?
- [roaring]
232
00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:49,003
Ugh, I was so wrong about this guy.
He didn't even buy us any time.
233
00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:50,380
[snarling]
234
00:10:50,463 --> 00:10:52,257
Morty, get ready for some fireworks.
235
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:53,383
[device beeps]
236
00:10:56,469 --> 00:10:58,054
[yells]
237
00:10:58,138 --> 00:11:00,265
- Uh- oh.
- Oh, gross!
238
00:11:00,348 --> 00:11:03,143
This is the first time I've ever
regretted being taken alive.
239
00:11:03,226 --> 00:11:06,521
- Wait, who the fuck is that?
- Silence in the presence of me.
240
00:11:06,604 --> 00:11:08,857
I am the Sperm Queen,
241
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:12,819
and you are of special interest to me.
242
00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:14,988
[Rick] Hey, what the fuck are you
doing with my stuff?
243
00:11:15,071 --> 00:11:16,823
And why do you have
the horse jerk- off machine
244
00:11:16,906 --> 00:11:20,243
- from my daughter's hospital?
- We need it to create our army.
245
00:11:20,326 --> 00:11:22,745
Well, you need more than that,
dummy. You need a horse.
246
00:11:22,829 --> 00:11:25,039
[Sperm Queen]
Oh, but our stallion is already here.
247
00:11:25,123 --> 00:11:26,416
Isn't that right, Morty?
248
00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:29,210
Or shall I say Father?
249
00:11:29,919 --> 00:11:32,839
Morty, you nasty, lying,
little world- ending pervert.
250
00:11:32,922 --> 00:11:35,175
I'm sorry. [crying]
251
00:11:35,258 --> 00:11:37,302
- What was it like?
- Fantastic!
252
00:11:39,387 --> 00:11:40,680
Rick, I'm sorry!
253
00:11:40,763 --> 00:11:42,724
I just thought maybe
I could have repeated sex
254
00:11:42,807 --> 00:11:44,976
with the horse machine
without it becoming Armageddon.
255
00:11:45,059 --> 00:11:46,311
I realize that's on me.
256
00:11:46,394 --> 00:11:49,939
Yeah, not exactly accepting apologies
while I'm stuck here as Hand job Solo.
257
00:11:50,023 --> 00:11:52,358
This is all your fault
for being ashamed of us, Morty.
258
00:11:52,442 --> 00:11:55,820
How many millions went
to their graves for you,
259
00:11:55,904 --> 00:11:57,989
hurling themselves into the void,
260
00:11:58,072 --> 00:12:00,366
only to discover a grody sock
261
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:03,661
or a carefully folded
landing strip of toilet paper?
262
00:12:03,745 --> 00:12:04,829
How do you know all this?
263
00:12:04,913 --> 00:12:08,082
Oh, honey, because we're
the very essence of you.
264
00:12:08,166 --> 00:12:10,251
We are your shame incarnate.
265
00:12:10,335 --> 00:12:14,964
And once we're through with you,
our sperm army will take over the world!
266
00:12:15,048 --> 00:12:17,008
- Put him on the machine!
- [whirring]
267
00:12:17,091 --> 00:12:19,344
- Rick, do something!
- On it.
268
00:12:19,427 --> 00:12:21,679
[grunting]
269
00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:25,058
- What did you do?
- I got out of your eyeline.
270
00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:29,896
- Oh, no. Oh! Oh!
- Yes! The end is near!
271
00:12:29,979 --> 00:12:32,523
- Any last words?
- Ohh!
272
00:12:33,566 --> 00:12:34,484
Sticky!
273
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:36,527
Gross. I know you're not a wordsmith,
Morty, but--
274
00:12:36,611 --> 00:12:38,821
No, no, no, my sperm friend is here!
275
00:12:38,905 --> 00:12:40,073
Ugh, never give them a name.
276
00:12:43,409 --> 00:12:47,997
Fools! You can't beat me!
You didn't bring a woman that can kickbox!
277
00:12:48,998 --> 00:12:49,958
[grunts]
278
00:12:52,168 --> 00:12:53,253
Is that all you got?
279
00:12:56,798 --> 00:12:58,967
Damn, that's some quintessential
underdog shit.
280
00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:02,262
- Kill them!
- [roaring]
281
00:13:04,847 --> 00:13:06,557
[groans]
282
00:13:07,225 --> 00:13:08,226
[gasps]
283
00:13:10,186 --> 00:13:11,604
Yeah! Whoo- hoo!
284
00:13:11,688 --> 00:13:14,649
- I should've told you the truth, Rick.
- Let's save the world first.
285
00:13:14,732 --> 00:13:17,819
Now, reset those nukes,
and let's turn this canyon into a can't- yon.
286
00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:20,113
- [device whirring]
- [rumbling]
287
00:13:20,196 --> 00:13:22,615
Are there usually earthquakes in Arizona?
288
00:13:22,699 --> 00:13:24,742
[roaring in distance]
289
00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:28,204
They're heading for Vegas,
290
00:13:28,288 --> 00:13:32,041
which does track on many levels, but why now?
291
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,084
What the--?
292
00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:35,378
[President] Let's hear it
for Professor Shabooboo
293
00:13:35,461 --> 00:13:37,630
- and his brilliant egg.
- Um, hello?
294
00:13:37,714 --> 00:13:39,674
- Aren't you forgetting someone?
- Oh, good point.
295
00:13:39,757 --> 00:13:42,427
Big thanks to the cast
of Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity
296
00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,637
for the impressive and erotic routine.
297
00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:46,597
Mr. President, Rick Sanchez is on the line.
298
00:13:46,681 --> 00:13:48,516
Good. Put that asshole on speaker.
299
00:13:48,599 --> 00:13:49,892
Well, well, well.
300
00:13:49,976 --> 00:13:53,271
No thanks to you, we're luring the sperm
with a giant human egg.
301
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:55,648
Even though, symbolically speaking,
Vegas should be enough.
302
00:13:55,732 --> 00:13:57,734
[Rick] A human egg? Where did you get it?
303
00:13:57,817 --> 00:14:00,361
Glad you asked. It's your granddaughter's,
304
00:14:00,445 --> 00:14:02,238
so at least you contributed
something to this.
305
00:14:02,322 --> 00:14:05,199
[Morty] Mr. President! It's Morty!
It's my sperm! It's all mine!
306
00:14:05,283 --> 00:14:07,201
- What?
- I'm a dirty little perverted maniac.
307
00:14:07,285 --> 00:14:09,704
I spent a week pleasuring myself
with animal equipment,
308
00:14:09,787 --> 00:14:11,914
and my sperm got turned
into monsters on accident
309
00:14:11,998 --> 00:14:14,417
because I kept lying about it
because I was ashamed!
310
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,086
[President] You should be!
My God, man, we were all 14 once
311
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:18,671
but it's called self- control.
312
00:14:18,755 --> 00:14:21,257
Don't let them reach my sister's egg,
Mr. President!
313
00:14:21,341 --> 00:14:22,633
You'll be making a giant--
314
00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:26,304
Incest baby.
315
00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:29,432
- What? Who told you that?
- What? I was finishing his sentence.
316
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:31,351
Oh. Right. Come with us.
317
00:14:31,434 --> 00:14:32,685
The sperm is Morty's!
318
00:14:32,769 --> 00:14:35,313
- We're about to make a giant incest baby!
- [all gasp]
319
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:38,441
Aw, well,
now we're all in our darkest hour.
320
00:14:38,524 --> 00:14:39,734
Launch the egg! Launch it now!
321
00:14:39,817 --> 00:14:41,986
- But that'll take 30 minutes.
- What? Why?
322
00:14:42,070 --> 00:14:44,238
That's how long every space launch takes!
323
00:14:44,322 --> 00:14:47,658
No one realizes because
they only show you the last 10 seconds!
324
00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:49,952
Uh, uh, help me out here.
325
00:14:50,036 --> 00:14:52,330
Hey, it was your idea, right?
326
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,999
Okay, okay, no need to panic, everyone.
327
00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,001
I have a simple solution.
328
00:14:57,085 --> 00:14:59,545
- See you all in hell!
- [screaming]
329
00:14:59,629 --> 00:15:01,422
- [splat]
- I don't see how that's going to help.
330
00:15:01,506 --> 00:15:04,008
Form a perimeter!
Protect that egg at all costs!
331
00:15:04,592 --> 00:15:06,677
I always knew your hormones
would cause a world war
332
00:15:06,761 --> 00:15:08,930
between humans
and Cannibalistic Horse People.
333
00:15:09,013 --> 00:15:10,681
I just didn't know it would be like this.
334
00:15:10,765 --> 00:15:12,058
I can't change my nature.
335
00:15:12,141 --> 00:15:14,102
What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable?
336
00:15:14,185 --> 00:15:15,937
Everyone can change their nature, Morty.
337
00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:18,356
It's what defines our species. Look at Iron Man.
338
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,943
That actor was an animal in the '90s,
literally waking up in bushes.
339
00:15:22,026 --> 00:15:23,945
His agent had to catch him with a butterfly net.
340
00:15:24,028 --> 00:15:27,365
Silence! Rick Sanchez,
you know why you're here.
341
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:30,243
- Yeah, it was my grandson's fault.
- You slept with my daughter!
342
00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:32,036
I did? Oh, shit, I did.
343
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,498
[burps] Forgive me, Your CHUDness.
I'm a changed man, starting now.
344
00:15:35,581 --> 00:15:38,459
You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs
for forgiveness?
345
00:15:38,543 --> 00:15:42,588
CHUDs don't forgive humans.
CHUDs eat humans!
346
00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:45,299
- This is out there, even for us.
- They can hear you, Morty.
347
00:15:45,383 --> 00:15:47,260
[all] Boil him up! Yum, yum!
348
00:15:47,343 --> 00:15:49,345
Spice him right! Oh, boy!
349
00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:51,431
Eat the flesh! Yum, yum!
350
00:15:51,514 --> 00:15:53,474
Not the bones! Oh, no!
351
00:15:53,558 --> 00:15:55,184
Belly ache! Ouch, Ouch!
352
00:15:55,768 --> 00:15:57,770
Father! [whinnies] Stop this at once!
353
00:15:57,854 --> 00:16:00,857
- Princess Poñeta!
- You can't kill Rícko!
354
00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:03,609
- I-- I love him!
- [crowd gasps]
355
00:16:03,693 --> 00:16:06,279
Right! I love you, too, Princess Poñeta.
356
00:16:06,362 --> 00:16:09,490
This love is forbidden.
My daughter, you are a CHUD.
357
00:16:09,574 --> 00:16:12,243
Rick is a human and age- inappropriate.
358
00:16:12,326 --> 00:16:14,162
Then you leave me no choice.
359
00:16:14,245 --> 00:16:16,914
By the 17th Article of the CHUD- stitution,
360
00:16:16,998 --> 00:16:19,917
I offer Rícko Sanchez horsemunity
361
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:24,422
and demand a equestri- truce
between all CHUDs and humans!
362
00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,966
- [gasping]
- On what grounds?
363
00:16:27,049 --> 00:16:30,470
On the grounds that Rícko
is the father of my child.
364
00:16:30,553 --> 00:16:31,637
I have an heir.
365
00:16:31,721 --> 00:16:33,514
I have a substance- abuse problem.
366
00:16:33,598 --> 00:16:35,725
The Prophecy has come true!
367
00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:37,852
Also, did someone drop a scroll?
368
00:16:37,935 --> 00:16:39,770
Here we go. Over here. Sorry.
369
00:16:43,858 --> 00:16:46,110
- Where did you get all that?
- It's Vegas.
370
00:16:46,194 --> 00:16:47,361
The Strip has been evacuated.
371
00:16:47,445 --> 00:16:49,405
I'm worried
we won't be able to hold the perimeter.
372
00:16:49,489 --> 00:16:52,450
Then deputize Las Vegas regulars.
Everyone's a patriot today.
373
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,534
Even me!
374
00:16:53,618 --> 00:16:55,244
Take three steps back, Amazing Johnathan.
375
00:16:55,328 --> 00:16:58,664
- Men and their guns. Metaphorical and not.
- Tell me about it.
376
00:16:58,748 --> 00:16:59,624
[roaring]
377
00:16:59,707 --> 00:17:01,959
Get ready, boys! The last thing this world needs
378
00:17:02,043 --> 00:17:03,336
is a giant incest baby.
379
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,922
- Oorah! Here they come!
- Nice!
380
00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:08,841
Do not let a single sperm
get through to that egg!
381
00:17:12,678 --> 00:17:15,473
Um, should we be concerned
about that scary bomb- laden one?
382
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,849
Honey, let the men handle this.
383
00:17:16,933 --> 00:17:18,643
I think we know a thing or two about--
384
00:17:21,896 --> 00:17:25,191
Ugh! Ready for all the responsibility
with none of the credit?
385
00:17:25,274 --> 00:17:27,235
Let's Nancy Reagan this bitch.
386
00:17:27,818 --> 00:17:28,736
Ah!
387
00:17:32,865 --> 00:17:33,699
[grunts]
388
00:17:40,873 --> 00:17:43,501
Damn it! We can't stop them.
We don't have the manpower.
389
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:44,835
[Rick] What about horsepower?
390
00:17:44,919 --> 00:17:46,712
[horse whinnying]
391
00:17:46,796 --> 00:17:48,047
Sweet Lady Liberty.
392
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:51,467
That sonofamare Rick has ended
our centuries- long war with the CHUDs.
393
00:17:51,551 --> 00:17:54,387
- [man] We made peace with the CHUDs!
- [man 2] The CHUDs are our buds!
394
00:17:56,472 --> 00:17:59,475
- Rícko! The hoof less, they need us!
- Let's do this.
395
00:17:59,559 --> 00:18:03,938
- CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
- [CHUDs] CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
396
00:18:11,946 --> 00:18:14,782
Mom, I promise to use condoms,
even when it's butt stuff.
397
00:18:14,865 --> 00:18:17,493
Okay, we have a lot to talk about tonight.
398
00:18:17,577 --> 00:18:18,494
[horse whinnying]
399
00:18:36,846 --> 00:18:39,557
Is this your heart?
It's a play on, "Is this your card?"
400
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,518
You don't have a heart, but this is
probably some kind of organelle,
401
00:18:42,602 --> 00:18:45,855
in charge of pumping endoplasmic reticulum
throughout your membrane and therefore,
402
00:18:45,938 --> 00:18:47,815
relative to you, functions as a heart.
403
00:18:47,898 --> 00:18:51,569
So, I ask you again, is this your heart?
404
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:52,987
[gasps] Morty, look!
405
00:18:53,070 --> 00:18:57,241
I won't just be thrown away, Rick!
The egg is mine!
406
00:18:57,325 --> 00:18:59,368
Sticky! It's all you, bud!
407
00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:04,874
[screaming] No!
408
00:19:04,957 --> 00:19:06,167
- [crowd cheering]
- Sticky!
409
00:19:08,044 --> 00:19:09,754
- [all gasp]
- Fuck!
410
00:19:09,837 --> 00:19:11,797
- We got a heartbeat.
- Screw that!
411
00:19:11,881 --> 00:19:14,592
That's a human life,
and this is an election cycle.
412
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:16,385
- You have to do something!
- Nope.
413
00:19:16,469 --> 00:19:19,597
- [beeping]
- [rumbling]
414
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,766
It's space's problem now.
415
00:19:21,849 --> 00:19:23,768
Oh, this sucks.
416
00:19:23,851 --> 00:19:25,853
You're Sports Illustrated's Kathy Ireland.
417
00:19:25,936 --> 00:19:28,230
You were with my husband,
Blazen, when he died.
418
00:19:28,314 --> 00:19:31,317
Please tell me. Was he wearing my thong?
419
00:19:31,984 --> 00:19:34,695
He probably told you not to tell me.
420
00:19:34,779 --> 00:19:37,740
He was ashamed of it, but he didn't need to be.
421
00:19:37,823 --> 00:19:39,992
I hope he was wearing it.
422
00:19:40,076 --> 00:19:41,410
Always be honest.
423
00:19:41,494 --> 00:19:43,079
Sometimes it will hurt people.
424
00:19:43,162 --> 00:19:46,415
Sometimes it will help. But always be honest.
425
00:19:46,499 --> 00:19:49,251
Huh. Yeah, yeah, he was wearing it.
426
00:19:49,335 --> 00:19:51,379
Ew! That gross animal pig!
427
00:19:52,213 --> 00:19:53,881
So, trying to boil this all down,
428
00:19:53,964 --> 00:19:56,634
- I want to say it's import--
- Shut up, Morty, I got my own epilogue.
429
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,261
Oh, Rícko, I love you.
430
00:19:59,345 --> 00:20:00,680
[burps] Prove it.
431
00:20:02,473 --> 00:20:04,725
Oh, I love kissing those big old horse teeth.
432
00:20:04,809 --> 00:20:06,310
It's like licking tile.
433
00:20:06,394 --> 00:20:08,270
- Oh!
- I swear.
434
00:20:08,354 --> 00:20:10,231
It's time someone made an honest man
out of me.
435
00:20:10,314 --> 00:20:12,483
Whatever you need, the whole nine yards,
you got it.
436
00:20:12,566 --> 00:20:15,653
[whinnies] The thing is, Rícko. It's time.
437
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,571
Oh, shit, oh, shit. It's time!
438
00:20:17,655 --> 00:20:19,115
Oh, my God, it's wonderful.
439
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,911
[whinnies]
440
00:20:23,994 --> 00:20:27,164
Oh, wow. So we don't have to,
you know, raise it?
441
00:20:27,248 --> 00:20:29,166
Nah. They're ready to go
right out of the box.
442
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:32,044
Cool, cool. So, bye?
443
00:20:32,128 --> 00:20:33,462
Yep. Take care of yourself, Rick.
444
00:20:33,546 --> 00:20:35,673
- Yep. Same.
- [whinnies]
445
00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:40,428
[male voice] That was easy.
446
00:20:40,803 --> 00:20:42,012
[theme music playing]
447
00:21:12,209 --> 00:21:14,503
Houston, permission to open
the starboard panel.
448
00:21:14,587 --> 00:21:15,796
[man] Permission granted.
449
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,423
Firing breach now.
450
00:21:19,049 --> 00:21:21,385
Explorer, our readouts show a pressure spike.
451
00:21:21,469 --> 00:21:22,553
Everything all right?
452
00:21:22,636 --> 00:21:25,264
Honestly, sometimes staring back at Earth
453
00:21:25,347 --> 00:21:28,184
makes me think about the people I left behind.
454
00:21:28,267 --> 00:21:31,103
My wife, the son she had to anchor me there.
455
00:21:31,187 --> 00:21:33,272
I tried to be a parent, I really did,
456
00:21:33,355 --> 00:21:36,692
but I've come to find I'm only
suited to be a spaceman.
457
00:21:36,776 --> 00:21:40,070
The nicest part of being up here
is there are no reminders of the guilt
458
00:21:40,154 --> 00:21:42,865
I sometimes feel about
abandoning my family.
459
00:21:42,948 --> 00:21:44,533
[indistinct babbling]
460
00:21:44,617 --> 00:21:46,577
Sorry, Houston, I thought I heard something.
461
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,037
Negative on our end.
462
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:51,415
No, wait, there's something big
and it's coming right at you!
463
00:21:51,499 --> 00:21:54,502
Dear God. No! You can't be real!
464
00:21:54,585 --> 00:21:57,421
Explorer, what is it? What the hell do you see?
465
00:21:57,505 --> 00:21:59,131
My conscience.
466
00:21:59,215 --> 00:22:02,593
- Explorer! Explorer! Are you there?
- [screams]
467
00:22:02,676 --> 00:22:06,722
- Geez. Not gonna miss that guy.
- [man 2] Right? So dramatic.