1 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,762 It came as a shock to many, but with the power vacuum left 2 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,639 by the heartless consumption of our dictator, 3 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,058 we shall impose even more Draconian cookie law, 4 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,643 one be- cookieing at a time! 5 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,853 [all screaming] 6 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,900 Oh, thank you! They took power immediately after you and your grandpa left. 7 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,568 Uh, sorry about that. 8 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:29,029 Rick doesn't do transition plans. I think he was just hungry. 9 00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:33,742 Well, now with you here, perhaps a new system of government, King Morty? 10 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:37,287 Look, I gotta run. I'm sure you guys will figure it out. I believe in you. 11 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,085 [alien] Morty! Can you help us with this UFO- shaped hole? 12 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,712 [Morty] Sure, jeez, but only because I was in the neighborhood. 13 00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,507 - [screaming] - [roars] 14 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,219 [alien] Morty, thank God! 15 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,638 The beast emerged right after your grandpa left, 16 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,598 and its gem went missing! 17 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,142 Jeez, that is a crazy coincidence that I-- 18 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,562 If I were you, probably just best left alone. 19 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,689 He's right. We should celebrate. 20 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:04,773 - Feast? - No time. 21 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:07,568 Sounds pretty classic though. Don't let me hold you up. 22 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:13,240 [gasps] Son of a bitch. He marked it. 23 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,163 [sizzles] 24 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,882 [beeping] 25 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,134 Oh! 26 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,052 Phew. 27 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,723 [sighs] 28 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,017 - [gasps] - [glass smashes] 29 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,561 What the... [strains] 30 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,773 Hey, what the hell? 31 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,108 Oh, Jesus! 32 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,277 You got some of that green stuff on you too, huh? 33 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,696 - This is bad. This is really bad. - How do you think I feel? 34 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,907 I had the ultimate stash hole, and now I got a kid in my thigh. 35 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,035 [theme music playing] 36 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:32,736 You seem like a nice guy in my hand hole, but if I can't sort this out, I'm dead. 37 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,865 - What the hell, dude? Gross. - I was just trying to... 38 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,409 You're just trying to what? Where'd this stuff come from? 39 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,495 Garbage Goober, get out here and eat this garbage. 40 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,873 Mmm! Trash, yeah, I love trash. Yum- yum trash. 41 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,084 - I wanna eat trash. - Hell yeah, I love that little guy. 42 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:51,088 Wait a minute. Is that Mountain Dew in my quantum transport solution? 43 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,590 I saw you were marking the levels so I had to top it off. 44 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,760 Top it off? Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is? 45 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,679 And you added it to my portal fluid? 46 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,556 - Only because you don't trust me! - Oh, that's great logic, Morty. 47 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,642 Forgive me for not doing the kissy chef gesture 48 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,560 since you probably spilled this shit everywhere. 49 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,854 - I don't want to teleport my lips. - I did not spill it! 50 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:10,065 I won't take your word for that and I shouldn't have to, 51 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,110 which is why I have sidekick rules. If you can't [burps] follow them-- 52 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,445 I can be replaced, yeah, yeah, so you keep telling me. 53 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,989 Excuse me? Did you just try to call my bluff? 54 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,199 Have you ever seen me bluff? 55 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:20,742 Fine. You know what, replace me! 56 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,119 Replace me, Rick. Just do it! 57 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,203 Good luck finding someone 58 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,455 that can be told 80,000 times how replaceable they are! 59 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,833 Okay. I'll see your bluff call and raise you reality. 60 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,293 I can't pretend I haven't been looking forward to this. 61 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,671 Behold my Wheel of Better Things Than Morty. 62 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,090 What are you, 8? Is this macaroni art? 63 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,592 You expect me to believe you built this because you don't care? 64 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,928 No, I built this because I don't expect shit from you. 65 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,888 Come on, anything! Anything but Morty, let's go! 66 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,266 Come on, baby, no whammies! 67 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:47,018 Stop! Okay, that's it. Two crows. You're fired! 68 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,187 Eat shit. You're just trying to make me feel worthless. 69 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,480 I never said you're worthless. 70 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:54,067 In fact, I've given you a very clear metric of your worth. Two crows. 71 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,569 Note I didn't say three! 72 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,572 Man, that is not a healthy relationship. [sighs] 73 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,615 I hope you don't mind me eavesdropping. 74 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,660 Maybe we can figure out some sort of sound- proof bandage solution. 75 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,871 Hey, did Garbage Goober eat my porno magazines? 76 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,581 So, were you, like, a friend of Rick's? 77 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,666 - Were you? - [scoffs] Good question. 78 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,959 What's he doing? 79 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,670 Is he out there making sure you see him collecting two crows? 80 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,130 And now you're thinking, 81 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:18,717 "Gee, maybe if he cares enough to hurt me this bad, dot dot dot..." 82 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,719 [sighs] Break the cycle, Morty. 83 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,804 Change the things that you can change. 84 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,223 That's what I did. And now I'm free. 85 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:27,976 [crows caw] 86 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,103 Only cramming six years into six minutes, fellas. 87 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,147 - Take your time. - [caws] 88 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,067 - [rings bell] - Now that's what I'm talking about! 89 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,111 If you nail the next one, I've got bird Quaaludes. 90 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,196 And I might even share. 91 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,448 You know, you can stop doing that for my benefit. 92 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,866 Or keep doing it. Doesn't matter. 93 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,451 I'm out. I'm walking away! 94 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,952 Wait, Morty, don't go. 95 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,496 - Not until you see this. - [rings bell] 96 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,123 Commence, bird on a wire! 97 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,295 Yeah! Ha- ha! 98 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,672 [grumbles] Jerk! 99 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,550 Hey, let's hang out. 100 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,428 We're like brothers now, we both got away, you know, where are you at? 101 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:07,140 Oh, you know what, shoot, can't. I'm an alien, um, so... 102 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,227 That's okay, Rick turned my bike into a spaceship for solo adventures 103 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,187 like picking up his Venusian foot ointment. 104 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,815 - God, I'm seeing it so clearly now. - [clicking and beeping] 105 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,570 - [beeping] - Oh, wait. It says you're here on Earth. 106 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,781 - Yeah. Oh, don't come here. - Why not? 107 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,908 Look, I get it, my room is sometimes messy too, 108 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,701 I'll pick you up, right outside your... 109 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:28,829 ...mental asylum? 110 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:31,665 - Busted. - You literally said "I'm free." 111 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,958 I'm literally not free. 112 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:38,046 - Stop! That's my blanket! - How do you know Rick? 113 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:41,091 Look, I came to your place with him one night after the bar closed. 114 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:45,178 I started messing around in your garage and I spilled that portal stuff on me 115 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,889 and he, kind of, launched me to Australia. 116 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,851 Like with this weirdly primitive catapult, but the ammunition was-- 117 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,477 An airtight carbon chamber. 118 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,521 Yeah, that's how we lost our cable guy. 119 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,065 Anyways, that kind of experience shakes you up so... 120 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,401 Sorry I misled you. Have a nice life. 121 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,861 [indistinct chatter] 122 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,571 Nick. You got a visitor. 123 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,198 [door opens] 124 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:10,996 Damn, what happened to you? 125 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,582 The guards like to beat us on Sundays. [chuckles] 126 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:14,791 Still better than Mondays. 127 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,084 Jeez, what happens then? 128 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,879 They lick our faces when we're tied down. Plus, it's meatloaf day. 129 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,714 Well, you're leaving now, buddy. 130 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,133 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - I swiped them off the guard on my way in. 131 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,428 I mean, sure, yeah, I could undo my lock, but then what? 132 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,513 After the smartest guy in the world's done with you, 133 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,140 it's kinda hard to find a footing again. 134 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,226 That's why I need to get you out of here. We're not the problem, he is. 135 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,896 And if you can have a fresh start, then maybe I can too. 136 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,399 It's not like it's a prison break. 137 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,319 We're just leaving like a hospital that wants to help you extra bad. 138 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,737 Follow me. [knocks] 139 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:48,199 [grunts] Hey, get back here! You better open this door! 140 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,245 - I can fly! - [growls] 141 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,163 Keep running, Nick. 142 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,373 The more you sweat, the saltier your cheeks. 143 00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,250 - Lick this! - Thanks, Morty. 144 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,793 That dude's got a tongue like a cat. 145 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,424 - Stop those portal boys! - Did you hear that? That's gonna stick! 146 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,510 - [groans] - Damn. Just like Jackie Chan! 147 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,888 Ha! I guess that makes me Chris Tucker. 148 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,766 - I guess? - [device powering up] 149 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,435 Gonna get you! [growls] 150 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:16,978 [grunts] 151 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,528 [Morty] Holy shit! Did you see that? 152 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,030 I mean, you blinded a guy with puke! 153 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,199 Oh, it was insane! Gimme dap. 154 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,534 Am I doing it right? Did I give you a dap yet? 155 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,702 Look at us. We got out! 156 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,038 And not just from the asylum, but from Rick. 157 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:38,124 You get to say what an adventure is now. You still got that list? 158 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,418 Dude, we can't do that stuff without Rick's tech. 159 00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:44,047 Then it's time the Portal Boys get themselves a portal gun. 160 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,343 Remember your training, crows. The idol should be around that corner! 161 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:52,055 [crying] 162 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,352 Do you guys just follow training when you feel like it? 163 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,521 That's not being trained, that's being dicks. 164 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:00,939 [crows caw] 165 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,025 Oh, now I see. The real treasure is empathy. 166 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,236 And that's worth way more than any knick- knack. 167 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,822 You guys just earned yourself another adventure. 168 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,574 The adventure is you're fired. 169 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,535 Sorry, guys. If I wanted another bleeding heart, 170 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,788 I'd inject reanimator serum into an actual bleeding heart. 171 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:20,083 Relax, this is an avian planet with 40 million species of bird. 172 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,336 Even one day of working under me will make you apex geniuses down there. 173 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,547 Now hop into these pneumatic canisters they used to use 174 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,008 - at bank drive- thrus in the '70s. - [crows caw] 175 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,971 [sighs] 176 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,140 [music playing on radio] 177 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,601 What the... Hey! Who's tractor- beaming me? 178 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,853 Nobody tractor- beams me. 179 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,523 Nobody descrambles my tractor beam scrambler to boot. 180 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:51,156 Sorry for the tractor- beaming, but did you lose these two crows? 181 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:55,076 Oh, yeah. No, I dropped them off because I can't hold a candle to them. 182 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,287 You know, it seemed like the decent thing to do. 183 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:01,374 Be your crows. Train yourself. Crows are then trained. 184 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,792 I'm open to what you're describing 185 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,628 if it's easier than wiping an unearned smirk off my grandson's face. 186 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:06,588 What do I do? 187 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,549 Look at your crows. Be your crows. 188 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:10,884 God, I am so glad I'm a primate. 189 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,094 Fine. Looking at my crows. 190 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,722 We train ourselves to stop training. 191 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:19,434 The trained are untrained, we are untrained. 192 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,770 All training is complete. 193 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,897 Because no training was needed. 194 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,316 [crows cawing] 195 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:38,703 [lighter clicks] 196 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,289 My God. I get it now. 197 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:44,042 We are gonna shove this crow shit down Morty's throat! 198 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,837 Nick, maybe this isn't a good idea. Like, what if he catches us? 199 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,381 - He could trap me in a matrix again. - Listen to yourself. 200 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:54,177 We wouldn't even be in this situation if the dude hadn't fucked us both over. 201 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,889 Damn it. He must be showing the gun off to his stupid crows. 202 00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:58,848 It's not fair! 203 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,559 It's okay. We can still liberate all this other stuff. 204 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,728 Let's only grab what we need though. 205 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,605 Oh, no! Shit! That's Rick's can crusher. 206 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,273 He spent three weeks perfecting that. 207 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,442 Morty, buddy, you forget that we're in this together. 208 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,401 [Morty yelps] 209 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,862 Besides, tell me that didn't feel the slightest bit good. 210 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,365 I mean, yeah, but we can't do that again. 211 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,283 - Why the hell not? - [crashing] 212 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,579 Whoa! 213 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,039 - [laughs] - [farting] 214 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,667 - [Nick laughs] - [Morty] Here we go, bitch! 215 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,836 Son, have you fallen in with a weird stranger, 216 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,171 and are now trashing your grandpa's place? 217 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,924 - Because I'll help. - [smashing] 218 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:34,884 - [gurgling] - Dad? 219 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,052 Whatever, man. 220 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,179 - Oh, yeah! - Yeah! Now eat my ass, Rick! 221 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,597 Suck it, Sanchez! 222 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,225 Morty, is that what I think it is? 223 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,519 I mean, it's the equivalent of an iPhone 3 and it's empty, 224 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,438 but it means the Portal Boys be portalling! 225 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,066 - [computer] Rick incoming. - Ah, crap. We better skedaddle. 226 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,943 [gurgling] Morty! 227 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,611 What about my dad? He's, like, a puddle. 228 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:54,571 You heard the garage. 229 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,739 Rick will turn him back into a solid when he gets here. 230 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,784 Sorry, Dad, gotta go be heroes. Gonna take your car, love you! 231 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,417 Mm. That's us down there with the poop brown roof. 232 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,553 - What is that? - Oh, huh. 233 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,763 That? That's... nothing. 234 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,683 But I see "Two Crows" written right here beside... 235 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:27,228 "Gene with donkey brains," "half a Paul Giamatti," 236 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,730 and "sentient shit"! 237 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,357 I guess the joke being that crows are stupid? 238 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,359 I think it's a little more nuanced than that. 239 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,738 Right, because you just learned empathy from us ten minutes ago, 240 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,199 but now we're going to learn we don't get your humor? 241 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,200 Fucking horse shit! 242 00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,493 Yeah, there's not a ton to get, genius. 243 00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:45,747 The joke is your grandson was so replaceable 244 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,333 that even two crows could do it. 245 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,418 [chuckles] It's funny, except it's not. 246 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,046 Right, well, to be honest, that is how I felt at the time. 247 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,882 But I've rounded a corner. I seriously have, you guys. 248 00:11:55,965 --> 00:12:00,386 Well, now it's time to round the corner of death! 249 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,182 [crow] Let the crowvolution begin! 250 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,017 [screams] 251 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,478 Ah, that sound! What have you done? 252 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,856 Turned crows against dozens of humans in a 300- meter radius. 253 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,107 [Rick groans] 254 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,653 - [gurgling] Help, please... - Oh, now you beg for help? 255 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,071 - That wasn't me. - What do you mean? 256 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,114 [gurgling] Down here. 257 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:23,493 - Jerry, what the fuck, why are you a puddle? - Well, you don't deserve these! 258 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,203 [laughs] Genius. 259 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,747 - [gurgling] Catch you at a bad time? - Yeah, Jerry. 260 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,832 They took my goddamn crows! 261 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,922 Not now, Garbage Goober! Get back in your hole! 262 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,887 [chuckles] Our first adventure! This definitely the place? 263 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:45,765 Yeah, Rick's been ripping these guys off for years, they'll be really... 264 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,225 [distant yelling] 265 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,643 ...uh, grateful. 266 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,770 - You know, there-- - Let's just get that fluid, bud. 267 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:54,107 The Portal Boys are about to be in portal business! 268 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,900 [music playing] 269 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,568 Here he is. 270 00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,654 This rat was skimming your crystal harvest 271 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:03,491 and sending it to a spaceman named Rick Sanchez. 272 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,575 - Bastard! - Screw Rick! 273 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,077 - Kick his dick! - Right? 274 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,663 But me and Nick here, we put a stop to that. 275 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:09,831 [slams table] 276 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,209 - [alien gasps] - The people of Kuntak thank you. 277 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,544 He's a bad guy, right? 278 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,129 You're gonna bring him to justice? 279 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,423 - Yeah, of course. - [gunshot] 280 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,925 Okay, pleasure doing business. 281 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,135 Not so fast, Morty. 282 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,762 We're not leaving until we get what we came for. 283 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,805 Funny, I'm prepared to. 284 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,182 So, hey, look, what we want is portal fluid. 285 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,851 - As our thanks. - [chuckles] 286 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,311 Portal fluid? 287 00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:34,731 You think I'd live in a lizard mine if I had portal fluid? 288 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,859 Right... Okay, or we could just kill you for it. 289 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,819 - [laughs] - He's kidding. He's... 290 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,612 The Portal Boys only kill with kindness. 291 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,948 - And with guns. - Oh, no. 292 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,825 Oh, no! I'm not the one shooting! 293 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,536 - Kill them! - I'm sorry. 294 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:49,871 Stop! 295 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,539 Stop! They're unarmed! 296 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,126 Ah! What the fuck? Morty! 297 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,294 Morty! 298 00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,212 [crows cawing] 299 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:04,510 Cool place you got here. 300 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,804 Very "Dark Crystal meets Hot Topic." 301 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,139 Now, where are my damn crows? 302 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,518 - [crunches] - [crow alarm sounds] 303 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:15,396 Seriously? ls there anything not on theme here? 304 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:18,649 [crows yelp] 305 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,701 Even now, your primate storms our ship to assert his dominance. 306 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,579 Touch the sacred egg and ascend. 307 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,457 No longer shall you take orders from this beast. 308 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,877 - But taking orders from you is fine? - Silence, ape! [caws] 309 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:39,837 [groans] 310 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,882 Come on! If you think my crows are gonna leave the great thing we have 311 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,927 for whatever high fantasy bullshit this is, you're wrong. 312 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:46,969 Right, guys? 313 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,472 This is seriously a toss- up? 314 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,307 [phone ringing] 315 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,975 Uh, someone wanna get that? 316 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,645 Oh. It's me, isn't it? Oof. 317 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,189 Let me just make sure it's not an emergency... Yello. 318 00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,608 Rick, I'm so sorry, I messed up big! 319 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,693 Morty? It's okay, you can't be worse off than me. 320 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,445 I got portal splashed, robbed you, 321 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,281 jumped into a rebound with a psycho, and left a trail of dead! 322 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,533 Wow. Somebody's been busy. 323 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,452 I did it because you hurt my feelings when you chose the two crows. 324 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,537 Jesus, it was a bit. 325 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,872 I'm getting my ass kicked by this dumb fucking crow story. 326 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,040 It's all gone tits up. 327 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,293 Huh. Okay. I miss you, man. 328 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,587 Goddamn it. Might've been a bit too frank there. 329 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,681 Yeah, gonna have to call you back. 330 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,682 [screams] 331 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,017 [Nick grunts] Tiny- handed little brat. 332 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,520 You think you can fuck with me and get away with it? 333 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,231 Then you don't know Nick! 334 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,735 [grunts] 335 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,196 [groans] 336 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,615 Busted! 337 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,075 You don't get it, do you? 338 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,370 As long as we have these portals, you can never escape me. 339 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,329 What the hell, man! 340 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,498 I thought we were both victims of Rick's abuse. 341 00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:58,875 Maybe we are, maybe we're not. 342 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,626 Maybe we both just drink at the same bar, 343 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,421 and maybe one night I tried to take his portal gun. 344 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,882 See, I thought Rick was my ticket to something special, 345 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,675 but it turns out you were, Morty! 346 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,678 And look at me now. I'm a Portal Boy! 347 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:13,181 That name sucks! I was just trying to "yes, and." 348 00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,807 You don't get it, Morty. 349 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,101 We're partners. 350 00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,687 Now fall in line or I'll make your life a living hell. 351 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,314 No, thank you. 352 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:25,651 Pity. I can't have you connected to me if you're not on my side! 353 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,695 That means I gotta kill you! 354 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:31,657 The thing is, I already got a partner, and there's no room for promotions. 355 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,577 [screams] 356 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:36,746 What the fuck did you just do? 357 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,706 Cut you out of my life. 358 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,459 [screaming] 359 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,797 - [screams] - [sizzling] 360 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,007 [grunts] 361 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,600 See how quickly your allies abandon you, Rick Sanchez? 362 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,061 Lucky for me, abandonment's my bread and butter. 363 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,734 Oh, shit! You were supposed to die! 364 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:07,944 Gotta hand it to you, 365 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,947 I was iffy about this one, but crow tech slaps! 366 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,114 [yells] 367 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:15,326 [grunts] 368 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:18,579 - Finish him, you fools! - Go ahead. Do it. 369 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:22,917 You guys look so rad. I deserve to go out this way. [groans] 370 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,216 - Bird Quaaludes. - Bird Quaaludes. 371 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,300 Done. 372 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,931 Oh, my God. That was awesome. 373 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,393 You could've killed me back there. How did you guys ever forgive me? 374 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:41,644 [crows caw] 375 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,730 Right, because this toxic thing I have with Morty doesn't define us. 376 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,024 Man, crows are empathetic as fuck. 377 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,820 Definitely saving this one. 378 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,575 Rick and Two Crows! 379 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,247 Oh, my God, Morty. 380 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,874 Here, come here, let Grandpa fix you up. 381 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,876 What do you want, a robot hand? A lizard hand? 382 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,628 I can make it big again like that one time? 383 00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:11,048 - Just my regular hand! - Right, not a time for bits, I get it. 384 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,553 There you go, good as new. 385 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,348 So we're like, back- back, right? Rick and Morty, together again. 386 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,309 - Full reset? - [sighs] 387 00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:23,311 No. No, Morty, I think we're done. 388 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:25,521 Because I spilled the portal fluid and didn't tell you? 389 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,982 No, Morty. Because you were too afraid to tell me. 390 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,900 What we had was abusive. Don't you see? 391 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:32,486 I'm a bad partner because I never made you a true partner. 392 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:33,946 The crows made me see that. 393 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,448 I thought they were a joke like you, 394 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,700 but it turns out they're more enlightened than any of us. 395 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,994 Oh, okay? And what's the undercut? 396 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,120 You're not hearing me. 397 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,538 I will never be the same. 398 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,374 So, I need to leave with the crows and see what more they can teach me. 399 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,751 Oh. 400 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,753 - Oh. - Here. 401 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,089 - [crows caw] - I want you to have this. 402 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,799 Oh, wow. I... 403 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,094 You know what, Rick? You really have changed. 404 00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,763 Thanks, Morty. 405 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,308 I'll always be your grandpa, Morty. 406 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,268 Just kinda obsessed with crows now. 407 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,655 [crows cawing] 408 00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:22,828 ♪ I thought that the sun burned brighter With you by my side ♪ 409 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,789 [sobs] 410 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:31,754 ♪ And that we'd go on forever Together you and I ♪ 411 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:37,718 Oh, shit! Rick and Two Crows! Kicking off my new franchise! 412 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,303 The galaxy is our telephone wire! 413 00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:42,723 We'll do a thousand seasons, 14 episodes each, nine seconds a pop 414 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,685 because that's the future of viewing. Shows on your shoes. Sneaky! 415 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,063 That's when you've got everybody's attention, when they're putting crap on their feet. 416 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,898 That's when they wanna laugh, cry, 417 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,192 or feel anything besides a shoe going on their foot! 418 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,610 Watch sitcoms on your sneakers! 419 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,195 The Rick and Two Crows Show. 420 00:19:56,278 --> 00:20:00,408 We're gonna be laying walnuts on the road for car tires to open them. 421 00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:03,786 You know what I mean? Forever, it's Rick and Two Crows forever! 422 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:11,168 ♪ Thought we'd go on You by my side ♪ 423 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:14,880 ♪ Forever, you and I ♪ 424 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:19,385 ♪ We raised hell, every night ♪ 425 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,972 ♪ Together, you and I ♪ 426 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:27,560 ♪ Running on borrowed time ♪ 427 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:31,564 ♪ Forever, you and I ♪ 428 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:40,781 [red light buzzes] 429 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,742 - Oh! - Where do you think you're going? 430 00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,410 Oh, well, you know... 431 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,204 the red light usually means there's garbage... 432 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:50,708 - Did you seriously not talk to Rick yet? - I kinda hinted at it. 433 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,003 Look, I know it's not the job I came here for, but it's an honest living. 434 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,254 Goddamn it, Harold! 435 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,506 What do they call you? Garbage Goober? 436 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,508 You are a doctor for God's sake! 437 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,385 Look, I don't know how I let this happen, 438 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,430 but I've let it play out so long that I can't stop now. 439 00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,515 You're a coward. 440 00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:10,019 You're right. This ends here and now. 441 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,688 [Summer] Garbage Goober, we got freshy trash- trash for you! 442 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,441 Extra stinky, just the way you like it! 443 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,028 Mmm. Trash, I love trash. 444 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,155 Yum- yum trash. I wanna eat trash.