1
00:00:08,662 --> 00:00:11,585
Hey, you kids! Don't be
bad outside my store!
2
00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:13,126
I keep a nice store!
3
00:00:13,136 --> 00:00:14,447
Give it up, old man!
4
00:00:14,467 --> 00:00:18,025
We're just cool bad kids
doing young stuff! Chh!
5
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:21,274
You guys wanna do more skateboard moves?
6
00:00:21,294 --> 00:00:23,977
- Which ones?
- The rad ones, that's which!
7
00:00:23,987 --> 00:00:24,998
How are you kids?
8
00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:27,129
Did you know your grandpa's
tryin' to get your attention?
9
00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:28,752
Yeah, yeah, screw off, weirdo.
10
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,754
- _
- Grandson, w-w-what's that mean?
11
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,425
He's one of those cult people.
12
00:00:32,435 --> 00:00:33,967
They worship some psycho named Roy
13
00:00:33,987 --> 00:00:35,649
that says he's everybody's grandpa.
14
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,792
So what do you want to do
today, e-eat some snacks
15
00:00:38,812 --> 00:00:41,184
and maybe let me kiss you finally?
16
00:00:41,204 --> 00:00:44,202
- Y'know, with my mouth and stuff?
- This is going on right now.
17
00:00:44,217 --> 00:00:45,769
- L-Let's go check it out.
- Aw, geez.
18
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,211
C-Come on, just for fun, you know?
19
00:00:48,221 --> 00:00:49,422
No, that's not what I'm...
20
00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:51,545
You guys keep thinking
I'm a religious leader.
21
00:00:51,555 --> 00:00:53,847
This isn't a religion.
This is actual truth.
22
00:00:53,857 --> 00:00:55,268
I'm a scientist in real life,
23
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,531
but this isn't real life,
this is a video game.
24
00:00:57,551 --> 00:00:59,823
Y-Y-You at least understand
that much, right?
25
00:00:59,833 --> 00:01:01,111
This is a video game?
26
00:01:01,124 --> 00:01:03,115
But you said I'm your grandson?
27
00:01:03,126 --> 00:01:04,167
I'm saying everyone is.
28
00:01:04,177 --> 00:01:06,510
Everyone here, everyone
in this world but me.
29
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,912
You're all my grandson,
your name is Morty,
30
00:01:08,922 --> 00:01:10,973
you're stuck in a video game,
and I'm here to get you out.
31
00:01:10,974 --> 00:01:12,976
What about me? Am I your grandson?
32
00:01:12,986 --> 00:01:14,638
I just said everyone is!
33
00:01:14,648 --> 00:01:16,089
- Wow!
- Incredible!
34
00:01:16,099 --> 00:01:17,631
Okay, okay, but don't react like that.
35
00:01:17,641 --> 00:01:20,033
It's not a religion.
This is what is happening.
36
00:01:20,043 --> 00:01:21,955
You and me and your
sister are at an arcade
37
00:01:21,975 --> 00:01:22,996
called Blips and Chitz.
38
00:01:23,006 --> 00:01:24,608
It's been taken over by terrorists.
39
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,500
The power went out, the game restarted,
40
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,021
and your identity has been splintered
41
00:01:28,041 --> 00:01:29,953
into all the non-player characters.
42
00:01:29,963 --> 00:01:32,666
So I jacked in as Roy,
that's the player character,
43
00:01:32,686 --> 00:01:34,968
to get you, my grandson,
Morty, out of the game
44
00:01:34,988 --> 00:01:36,389
before it's over and you die.
45
00:01:36,399 --> 00:01:38,101
Okay, question over here.
46
00:01:38,121 --> 00:01:39,813
- Am I your grandson?
- Jesus!
47
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,946
Yes! Every single one of you
is one five-billionth of Morty.
48
00:01:42,956 --> 00:01:45,258
All of you, collectively, are Morty.
49
00:01:45,278 --> 00:01:46,759
Look, I-I don't wanna seem impatient,
50
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,741
but there's actually a lot more
that we have to get done,
51
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,293
so if this is how hard it's gonna be,
52
00:01:50,313 --> 00:01:51,585
we are in a lot of trou...
53
00:01:51,605 --> 00:01:52,726
Summer, what?!
54
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,388
I can't do this if you keep bugging me!
55
00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:57,340
Do you understand time dilation?
56
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,062
I'm losing a month a second out here.
57
00:01:59,072 --> 00:02:01,014
There's an alien army shooting people.
58
00:02:01,024 --> 00:02:03,557
- What am I doing?!
- It's a small group of alien terrorists.
59
00:02:03,577 --> 00:02:05,865
- Just do a "Die Hard."
- What does that mean?
60
00:02:05,869 --> 00:02:08,672
Sneak around, use air vents.
You've never seen "Die Hard"?
61
00:02:08,682 --> 00:02:11,836
I'm 17. No, I've never
seen fucking "Die Hard"!
62
00:02:11,845 --> 00:02:14,146
Well, neither did the guy in
"Die Hard," so you're nailing it!
63
00:02:14,147 --> 00:02:15,719
Good luck!
64
00:02:43,326 --> 00:02:47,574
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
65
00:02:47,591 --> 00:02:48,622
Larry...
66
00:02:48,632 --> 00:02:50,472
No, I'm at the end of
my rope with this kid,
67
00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:52,416
I swear to God...
68
00:02:53,366 --> 00:02:55,709
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
- Your beautiful hair!
69
00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:57,510
This is not a daughter's haircut!
70
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,640
I'm not a daughter, I'm a grandson.
71
00:02:59,643 --> 00:03:01,555
Your family had a
perfectly fine religion!
72
00:03:01,565 --> 00:03:02,756
You were raised Jewish!
73
00:03:02,776 --> 00:03:05,358
Dad, tell me anything specific
about being Jewish.
74
00:03:05,378 --> 00:03:06,429
There's a million things!
75
00:03:06,439 --> 00:03:08,922
You go to the temple with
the... the... the special hat,
76
00:03:08,942 --> 00:03:10,574
t-the falafafluten...
77
00:03:10,584 --> 00:03:12,045
Oh, the falafafluten?
78
00:03:12,055 --> 00:03:13,587
Our Jewish words are gibberish
79
00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:14,948
because we're a 14-year-old boy
80
00:03:14,958 --> 00:03:16,850
who was raised
nondenominational Christian
81
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,251
and we're in a video game!
82
00:03:18,261 --> 00:03:20,515
I don't need to hear
this schmoitenheiven!
83
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,866
Let me ask you this,
little miss grandson,
84
00:03:22,876 --> 00:03:24,618
little miss video game character.
85
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,770
If you're not my daughter,
why stand in my house
86
00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:28,371
spouting this chatschkopfka?
87
00:03:28,381 --> 00:03:30,951
- Why even live here?
- Good question.
88
00:03:30,952 --> 00:03:32,538
There she goes! My daughter!
89
00:03:32,539 --> 00:03:35,836
One five-billionth of a kid
trapped in a video game!
90
00:03:35,837 --> 00:03:38,091
Yeah, that and a college
degree'll pay the rent!
91
00:03:43,016 --> 00:03:44,228
What do you people want?
92
00:03:44,247 --> 00:03:45,619
We have many interests,
93
00:03:45,629 --> 00:03:48,502
but right now my primary
one is the location.
94
00:03:48,522 --> 00:03:50,365
Of. Your. Safe.
95
00:03:50,373 --> 00:03:52,856
We exchange tokens for digital currency.
96
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:53,967
We don't have a safe.
97
00:03:53,977 --> 00:03:56,630
Correction, what you
don't have is a head.
98
00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,231
Ohh!
99
00:03:58,241 --> 00:04:00,393
Is this a weapon or a medical tool?
100
00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:02,606
Why would you give me a
gun with a laser that thin?
101
00:04:02,616 --> 00:04:05,198
Did you hear me tell him
he wouldn't have a head?
102
00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:07,150
- He's dead, isn't he?
- People die in surgery.
103
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,197
Hey! Who don't touched me?!
I don't like being touched!
104
00:04:10,203 --> 00:04:11,945
Check the hostages.
105
00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:15,583
Make sure nobody else here
is doing a "Die Hard."
106
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:20,103
♪ Hello, hello, hello,
my name is Morty ♪
107
00:04:20,113 --> 00:04:23,647
♪ I'm a 14-year-old
boy in a video game ♪
108
00:04:23,657 --> 00:04:25,562
- All right! Yeah!
- Aw, geez!
109
00:04:25,579 --> 00:04:28,381
Yeah. Look. I feel like every time
I explain this, I lose followers,
110
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:29,943
but this isn't a religion.
111
00:04:29,963 --> 00:04:32,766
And while I do have a message
from a world beyond this one,
112
00:04:32,776 --> 00:04:36,069
and I do need the entire
world to hear my message,
113
00:04:36,089 --> 00:04:38,512
what I do not need is
any more songs about it.
114
00:04:38,522 --> 00:04:39,783
Not in this genre.
115
00:04:39,793 --> 00:04:41,374
I'm an old-school hip-hop man,
116
00:04:41,394 --> 00:04:43,887
and no, that's not an
invitation for you to try it
117
00:04:43,897 --> 00:04:45,358
because I'm just gonna say it,
118
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,930
we're missing the mark on diversity.
119
00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:51,855
Get down! You're all under arrest
120
00:04:51,865 --> 00:04:53,450
for being religious the wrong way!
121
00:04:53,456 --> 00:04:55,494
It's not a religion!
You know what, just shoot me.
122
00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,166
You think your god
makes you bulletproof?
123
00:04:57,170 --> 00:05:00,183
There isn't even a God in the real
world, you fragmented putz.
124
00:05:00,193 --> 00:05:02,676
- There's extra no God in here.
- You know what, hippie?
125
00:05:02,696 --> 00:05:04,467
Talking like that is why
you're getting shot!
126
00:05:04,477 --> 00:05:06,560
If you kill him, the game
ends and we all die.
127
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:08,502
- Get down, lady!
- I'm not a lady.
128
00:05:08,512 --> 00:05:09,650
And you're not a soldier.
129
00:05:09,653 --> 00:05:12,697
We're one person, split
into a lot of little pieces.
130
00:05:12,706 --> 00:05:14,407
Y-You feel me? Dawg?
131
00:05:14,408 --> 00:05:16,830
Y-Y-You're not gonna hurt me. You're me.
132
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,491
My name is Kevin! I'm a Marine!
133
00:05:18,512 --> 00:05:20,203
I'm 30! I'm a little racist,
134
00:05:20,213 --> 00:05:21,554
but my best friend is an immigrant
135
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,803
that translated for me in
a generic overseas war!
136
00:05:23,817 --> 00:05:24,978
That's not true.
137
00:05:24,988 --> 00:05:27,551
We're 14, we like pizza
and masturbation,
138
00:05:27,571 --> 00:05:28,722
we wear a yellow shirt,
139
00:05:28,732 --> 00:05:30,704
and we have hair that
looks like a brown helmet.
140
00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:32,185
A-And we miss our family.
141
00:05:32,195 --> 00:05:34,508
And we're in way over our heads again.
142
00:05:34,528 --> 00:05:36,930
- Why's this always happen, man?
- I know, right?
143
00:05:36,950 --> 00:05:37,991
Aw, geez.
144
00:05:38,011 --> 00:05:39,432
- Aw, geez.
- Come here.
145
00:05:39,452 --> 00:05:40,934
- Aw, geez.
- Come here.
146
00:05:40,954 --> 00:05:42,423
- Aw, geez.
- Aw, geez.
147
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,843
- Aw, geez.
- Aw, geez.
148
00:05:43,847 --> 00:05:44,978
Who is that?
149
00:05:44,988 --> 00:05:46,790
Her video game name is Marta.
150
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,563
Okay. See, this I can work with.
151
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,796
"Sneak around. Crawl in some vents.
152
00:05:52,816 --> 00:05:54,548
Do a 'Die Hard.'"
153
00:06:06,429 --> 00:06:08,542
Oh, my God, it's disgusting!
154
00:06:08,562 --> 00:06:10,163
Actually, it tastes really good.
155
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:12,736
Oh, my God, it's disgusting
that it tastes good!
156
00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:14,467
Frank, have you found him? Report.
157
00:06:14,477 --> 00:06:16,550
Oh. Oh. Walkie talkie.
That's "Die Hard."
158
00:06:16,570 --> 00:06:19,092
- Don't have to see it to know that.
- This is Jons.
159
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,000
I repeat, have you found him?
160
00:06:21,004 --> 00:06:23,116
Breaker, breaker. Walkie talkie.
161
00:06:23,126 --> 00:06:24,888
I got your walkie talkie. Bitch.
162
00:06:24,898 --> 00:06:27,581
Are you doing a "Die Hard"?
163
00:06:27,601 --> 00:06:29,262
Maybe.
164
00:06:29,272 --> 00:06:31,645
Are... you? Also?
165
00:06:31,665 --> 00:06:32,686
More or less.
166
00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:34,287
And my associate, Frank?
167
00:06:34,297 --> 00:06:38,284
Uh, your associate Frank is
definitely not doing a "Die Hard."
168
00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:41,374
You might even say
he's doing a Die Easy.
169
00:06:41,394 --> 00:06:43,376
Because I killed him
and it wasn't difficult.
170
00:06:44,297 --> 00:06:46,279
Calm yourself, Winslow.
171
00:06:46,299 --> 00:06:47,631
Winslow!
172
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,722
Ugh.
173
00:06:49,402 --> 00:06:53,817
It's not every day one meets a fellow
"Die Hard" enthusiast, Ms....
174
00:06:53,827 --> 00:06:56,570
- Call me "Die Hard."
- Okay, Die Hard.
175
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:59,252
Tell me. What do you
know about "Die Hard"?
176
00:06:59,272 --> 00:07:02,095
What do you care? You writing
a book about "Die Hard"?
177
00:07:02,115 --> 00:07:04,003
As a matter of fact,
I've written several.
178
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:06,309
Every sentient civilization
across the galaxy
179
00:07:06,319 --> 00:07:08,428
eventually develops the same myth.
180
00:07:08,431 --> 00:07:10,544
In Centauri, it's known as "Tower Man."
181
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,176
The Orionese have their
"Thornberg Cycle."
182
00:07:13,186 --> 00:07:15,759
And in Andromeda it's called
"Foolish to Have Imagined
183
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,904
You'd Be Able to Kill."
184
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,199
All of them what you'd call "Die Hard."
185
00:07:19,212 --> 00:07:21,605
The difference being
that cultures like mine
186
00:07:21,615 --> 00:07:22,896
are aware of its importance
187
00:07:22,916 --> 00:07:24,628
whereas I'm starting to doubt
188
00:07:24,638 --> 00:07:26,600
you could even recall a single line.
189
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:29,502
Walkie talkie "Die Hard," motherfucker.
190
00:07:29,503 --> 00:07:31,725
Aaah!
191
00:07:31,735 --> 00:07:32,815
Not so long ago,
192
00:07:32,816 --> 00:07:35,599
Grandsonism was being
dismissed as a doomsday cult.
193
00:07:35,619 --> 00:07:37,280
But since a majority
of the world decided,
194
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,572
hey, you know what, we like
jerking off and playing video games
195
00:07:39,573 --> 00:07:41,233
and our sister is out
there fighting terrorists,
196
00:07:41,234 --> 00:07:42,906
major strides have been made.
197
00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:46,560
The world is united, because the
world is one 14-year-old boy, Morty.
198
00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:49,943
But where's it all coming from?
Some say Grandsonism's leader, Roy,
199
00:07:49,963 --> 00:07:51,985
has a secret base somewhere
in these mountains.
200
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,347
I-I-I couldn't find it,
so I'm standing in...
201
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,289
in the general area with a microphone.
202
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,361
For Good Enough News, I'm Tony!
203
00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:09,383
There she is, my right-hand Morty!
204
00:08:09,392 --> 00:08:11,084
- Got enough spaceships?
- Not yet.
205
00:08:11,094 --> 00:08:12,766
I figure five more years of game time
206
00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:14,769
before I can take the
whole fake population
207
00:08:14,778 --> 00:08:15,979
into fake outer space.
208
00:08:15,989 --> 00:08:17,551
What do we do in outer space?
209
00:08:17,571 --> 00:08:19,362
Nothing. It's fake. W-We keep going.
210
00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:20,654
The game's map has edges,
211
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,596
but the game's engine
will let us go past them.
212
00:08:22,606 --> 00:08:24,097
That will force the game to reset,
213
00:08:24,117 --> 00:08:27,043
but first it will kick us out,
which Morty should survive.
214
00:08:27,044 --> 00:08:29,214
I mean, whatever amount
of Morty we have on board.
215
00:08:29,222 --> 00:08:31,864
So if you don't have five billion
handkerchiefs soaked in chloroform,
216
00:08:31,865 --> 00:08:34,047
I hope you can keep flipping
idiots to our cause.
217
00:08:34,057 --> 00:08:35,478
They're not idiots, Grandpa.
218
00:08:35,488 --> 00:08:36,790
- They're me.
- Ha.
219
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,692
You'll know how funny
that is when we get back.
220
00:08:38,712 --> 00:08:41,114
By the way, I had your genius
of a father picked up.
221
00:08:41,134 --> 00:08:42,950
- He's over there.
- What? Why?
222
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,838
I thought you'd be grateful
and less distracted
223
00:08:44,848 --> 00:08:46,179
than if I let him die.
224
00:08:46,189 --> 00:08:48,401
He's been in real bad shape
since he lost his wife...
225
00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:50,591
- My mom?
- Your not-at-all-real mom,
226
00:08:50,594 --> 00:08:51,945
a mom in a video game.
227
00:08:51,955 --> 00:08:54,227
Occupied by a tiny fraction of yourself.
228
00:08:54,247 --> 00:08:56,640
A fraction of yourself
which is now dead forever,
229
00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:59,032
and fractions add up, so I
had your dad brought here.
230
00:08:59,052 --> 00:09:01,434
You're welcome, you heartless monster.
231
00:09:01,444 --> 00:09:03,216
Marta. It's me, Dad.
232
00:09:03,236 --> 00:09:04,638
I converted for you.
233
00:09:04,648 --> 00:09:06,740
My name is Morty. So is yours.
234
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:08,081
And there's no conversion.
235
00:09:08,091 --> 00:09:09,671
We're both Morty. It's a fact.
236
00:09:09,673 --> 00:09:12,165
Sure, honey, anything you
say. I don't want to fight.
237
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,217
I'm proud of you. Are you mad at me
238
00:09:14,237 --> 00:09:16,308
because before you became the
world's most powerful woman,
239
00:09:16,309 --> 00:09:17,631
I shamed you for your haircut
240
00:09:17,651 --> 00:09:19,513
and called you a slutty jobless hobo?
241
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:21,862
If I were you, I'd be a
little mad about that.
242
00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:24,741
You are me. A-and why
would I be mad at myself?
243
00:09:24,742 --> 00:09:27,455
Good point! Is there anything
to... to eat around here?
244
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,122
There's a kitchenette in the break room.
245
00:09:29,132 --> 00:09:31,595
Oh, a kitchenette you say.
Such red carpet treatment.
246
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,426
- Excuse me?
- I said thank you, I love it,
247
00:09:33,436 --> 00:09:35,328
we... we... we're all part of Morty!
248
00:09:35,338 --> 00:09:37,801
Some of us more important
parts than others...
249
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,213
Man, the part of me that's
my father is a twat.
250
00:09:40,223 --> 00:09:42,485
That's also gonna be
funny when we get back.
251
00:09:42,495 --> 00:09:44,741
Next time you try to do a "Die Hard,"
252
00:09:44,748 --> 00:09:48,391
don't hide under a long table
like the guy from "Die Hard."
253
00:09:49,432 --> 00:09:50,669
Okay, I won't.
254
00:09:51,975 --> 00:09:54,046
I thought you said she doesn't
know how to do a "Die Hard"!
255
00:09:54,047 --> 00:09:56,710
- She doesn't.
- She's killing us off one by one!
256
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,962
What do you expect her to do,
buy us each an ice cream?
257
00:09:58,972 --> 00:10:01,106
Two by two? She's improvising.
258
00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:03,627
Which is how she's going to
fall right into our trap.
259
00:10:03,647 --> 00:10:05,488
I'm going to wander the arcade unarmed,
260
00:10:05,498 --> 00:10:08,261
and when she comes across me,
I'll pretend to be a hostage.
261
00:10:08,271 --> 00:10:10,053
And because she hasn't seen "Die Hard,"
262
00:10:10,073 --> 00:10:11,995
instead of handing me an unloaded gun,
263
00:10:12,005 --> 00:10:13,677
she'll hand me a... ugh!
264
00:10:13,687 --> 00:10:16,387
"Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"!
265
00:10:16,389 --> 00:10:17,911
What the hell was that?!
266
00:10:17,931 --> 00:10:19,432
"Die Hard"! "Die Hard"!
267
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,424
You can't just keep yelling "Die Hard"
268
00:10:21,434 --> 00:10:23,356
into a walkie talkie and... ugh!
269
00:10:23,366 --> 00:10:25,358
She threw her walkie talkie away!
270
00:10:25,378 --> 00:10:27,280
She hates "Die Hard"!
271
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:31,164
Which makes her the ultimate McClane.
272
00:10:31,184 --> 00:10:33,326
Forget everything you
know about "Die Hard"
273
00:10:33,346 --> 00:10:35,424
and just go shoot that bitch!
274
00:10:35,425 --> 00:10:38,014
Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Roy.
275
00:10:38,031 --> 00:10:39,793
Half the country hangs
on your every word.
276
00:10:39,803 --> 00:10:41,394
Heck, most of the world.
277
00:10:41,404 --> 00:10:43,441
You're, like, uh, kind
of a pope, I reckon.
278
00:10:43,446 --> 00:10:45,237
L... I'm not a pope because
it's not a religion.
279
00:10:45,238 --> 00:10:46,531
We're literally in a video game.
280
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,942
I've heard the message, Roy.
You're not on the clock here.
281
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,864
So you want every single
person on a spaceship.
282
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,285
But you got a bunch of holdouts.
283
00:10:52,305 --> 00:10:54,868
Maybe people that prefer their
leaders a little more elected.
284
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,410
Right. Your voters. People that
like being told what to do,
285
00:10:57,420 --> 00:10:58,764
but don't like admitting it.
286
00:10:58,772 --> 00:10:59,848
Yeah, not sure I'd put it that way.
287
00:10:59,849 --> 00:11:01,310
I'm sure you'd put it a stupid way.
288
00:11:01,314 --> 00:11:02,956
I told you this was a waste of time.
289
00:11:02,976 --> 00:11:05,278
I've got 92% of you ready to vamoose.
290
00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:08,407
We're not gonna get the rest
by making deals with parasites.
291
00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:09,853
Mr. President, Roy is Rick.
292
00:11:09,863 --> 00:11:12,355
He's not us. You and I, w-we're Morty.
293
00:11:12,365 --> 00:11:13,586
Is that really so hard to believe?
294
00:11:13,587 --> 00:11:16,149
Kid, I've known it and I've believed
it longer than you have.
295
00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:18,502
We both became video game
characters at the same moment,
296
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,472
but I knew the truth before
you dropped your skateboard
297
00:11:20,473 --> 00:11:22,143
and went to your first cult meeting.
298
00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:24,718
How do you think a guy becomes
a President in this game, honey?
299
00:11:24,728 --> 00:11:26,069
By not paying attention?
300
00:11:26,079 --> 00:11:27,080
Sorry to call you honey,
301
00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:28,741
I know we're both parts
of a 14-year-old boy,
302
00:11:28,742 --> 00:11:31,327
but my part's old-fashioned
and vaguely Southern.
303
00:11:31,328 --> 00:11:34,125
I'm confused. If... If you
know Rick is real, why...
304
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,756
Why hold out? Because
he's a rude, entitled cock.
305
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:37,931
He's here to save us.
306
00:11:37,941 --> 00:11:39,883
He... He could've left
the game and let us die.
307
00:11:39,893 --> 00:11:41,054
He's spent 50 years...
308
00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:43,477
50 years, it's what,
a couple hours to him?
309
00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:45,388
He refuses to leave
without his grandson,
310
00:11:45,398 --> 00:11:47,000
but what's grandson mean to him?
311
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,241
Sounds like it means butler.
312
00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:50,363
Someone to "Help Summer
with her 'Die Hard,'"
313
00:11:50,383 --> 00:11:51,444
whatever that means.
314
00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:52,906
I'll tell you what it doesn't mean.
315
00:11:52,916 --> 00:11:54,117
Fly fishing. A hug.
316
00:11:54,127 --> 00:11:57,380
A little appreciation for what
is clearly a pretty decent kid.
317
00:11:57,390 --> 00:11:59,793
At least the 8% of him that
makes up the decent half
318
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,931
of the greatest God damn
nation on the planet.
319
00:12:01,935 --> 00:12:03,376
We're not a person to him yet.
320
00:12:03,396 --> 00:12:05,271
We're not Morty yet. We-We're divided.
321
00:12:05,278 --> 00:12:07,693
We're divided because some
of us doesn't trust the guy.
322
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:10,173
What happens to that part of us
when we're all back together?
323
00:12:10,193 --> 00:12:11,625
One Morty? Indivisible?
324
00:12:11,645 --> 00:12:13,454
Under a cranky old bag of dicks?
325
00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:15,779
A man you can lock in a box
with five billion pieces
326
00:12:15,799 --> 00:12:17,310
of his own God damn flesh and blood
327
00:12:17,330 --> 00:12:18,992
for 50 God damn simulated years
328
00:12:19,012 --> 00:12:20,774
and never hear him say "I love you"?
329
00:12:21,635 --> 00:12:23,892
Sorry, pumpkin tits,
that dog don't hunt.
330
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,469
Wa-Want some heroin?
331
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,150
I-It's a video game, might as well.
332
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,327
Just about ready for launch, kiddo.
333
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,958
I can finally get outta these clothes.
334
00:12:34,968 --> 00:12:36,459
I don't have nearly enough pockets.
335
00:12:36,469 --> 00:12:38,379
And it'll be nice to have
my own dick back.
336
00:12:38,381 --> 00:12:40,463
Y-you're fine leaving 8% of me to die?
337
00:12:40,473 --> 00:12:42,215
It's not your finest 8%, Morty.
338
00:12:42,235 --> 00:12:44,247
And 8% of anything is expendable.
339
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:45,909
8% of pizza is crust.
340
00:12:45,919 --> 00:12:48,311
8% of the Snyder Cut
was Batman dreaming.
341
00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:49,692
I don't know what that reference is!
342
00:12:49,693 --> 00:12:52,055
- We're in a video game!
- Not for long, baby!
343
00:12:52,065 --> 00:12:53,647
I'm not leaving without all of me.
344
00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:55,689
What? Oh, no, let me
crunch these numbers.
345
00:12:55,699 --> 00:12:58,361
8% of five billion plus one person...
346
00:12:58,371 --> 00:13:01,104
my God, if you stay,
it changes nothing! Bye.
347
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,325
If she's not going, I don't think
my country wants to go.
348
00:13:03,326 --> 00:13:05,579
Who invited you to chime
in, monitor face?
349
00:13:05,589 --> 00:13:08,105
Why give me a monitor if
my opinion doesn't matter?
350
00:13:08,111 --> 00:13:10,343
Your opinion isn't allowed
to matter for the rest of us.
351
00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:12,065
We're all a-Morty. How many chunks of us
352
00:13:12,085 --> 00:13:14,066
- are we a-supposed to give up?
- Look, I don't know about you,
353
00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:16,439
but I was already taking
a big leap of faith, here.
354
00:13:16,449 --> 00:13:17,971
We-We're basically giving up our lives
355
00:13:17,991 --> 00:13:19,545
to become a tiny part of a stranger...
356
00:13:19,553 --> 00:13:22,255
- These lives aren't a-real!
- Yeah, but they're longer!
357
00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:24,721
What... What is this, suicide
by summit meeting?
358
00:13:24,722 --> 00:13:26,768
Everyone stop.
359
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,623
Rick, I'll get every single part of me
360
00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:31,555
- to get on every ship and go with you.
- Good.
361
00:13:31,565 --> 00:13:33,647
But you have to tell us you love us.
362
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,460
I mean, at this point
even if he said it,
363
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,999
what... what... what's with the pause?
364
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,335
Screw you, wait for it!
365
00:13:40,336 --> 00:13:42,173
- Holy war!
- Holier war!
366
00:13:42,175 --> 00:13:43,717
Holiest war ever!
367
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:52,435
Loyalist Evacucratic Grandsonistas
368
00:13:52,455 --> 00:13:54,106
claimed seven new cities today,
369
00:13:54,107 --> 00:13:56,600
while the Stayputlican
Contrasurgent Confederation
370
00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:58,572
of Dedication to Video Game Reality
371
00:13:58,592 --> 00:14:00,554
invaded the territories of Mortopia,
372
00:14:00,574 --> 00:14:02,506
New South Saint Morty, and Wemortyall.
373
00:14:02,516 --> 00:14:04,788
In the end, what does it
matter, everyone's Morty,
374
00:14:04,798 --> 00:14:06,729
nobody wants to die, and
that's a hell of a reason
375
00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:08,470
to kill yourself, but what can we do?
376
00:14:08,471 --> 00:14:09,472
Aw, geez.
377
00:14:21,054 --> 00:14:23,927
You know you're my grandson
and none of this is real!
378
00:14:23,937 --> 00:14:26,660
What are you trying to achieve?
You're only hurting yourself!
379
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:29,442
The only reason any of us matter
is we're pieces of Morty!
380
00:14:29,462 --> 00:14:30,686
You taught us that, Rick.
381
00:14:30,687 --> 00:14:33,358
But you also taught us you
don't care about Morty.
382
00:14:34,037 --> 00:14:35,529
Here's how much I care.
383
00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:37,826
If you don't stop blowing
up my flying saucers,
384
00:14:37,831 --> 00:14:39,923
I will exterminate
every last one of you!
385
00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:41,165
Anything it takes!
386
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:44,632
What do I have to say?
I love and respect you, okay?
387
00:14:44,638 --> 00:14:46,139
Too late for talk, Rick.
388
00:14:48,461 --> 00:14:50,023
A robot. Of course.
389
00:14:50,043 --> 00:14:52,586
I'm not gonna risk dying
because if I die in the game,
390
00:14:52,606 --> 00:14:54,427
you go brain dead, you're welcome!
391
00:14:54,447 --> 00:14:56,630
Better to die in Roy
than to serve in hell!
392
00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:59,062
And what about Summer? Do...
Do you not care about her?
393
00:14:59,072 --> 00:15:00,914
We gotta get back, Morty.
We gotta help her.
394
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,195
You know what, wherever she is,
395
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,167
I'm sure she's doing
fine without your help.
396
00:15:04,177 --> 00:15:05,579
Woof, jinx, anyone?
397
00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:09,242
Should we finish the
job, b-blow the place?
398
00:15:09,252 --> 00:15:11,585
No, this can't end, not like this.
399
00:15:12,485 --> 00:15:14,007
Do you think I jinxed her?
400
00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,131
Why aren't you shooting higher?
401
00:15:18,141 --> 00:15:19,994
I don't wanna shoot
the glass. Because...
402
00:15:20,013 --> 00:15:22,786
You don't have to not do things
that were done in "Die Hard."
403
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,779
You can shoot the glass.
Shoot the glass!
404
00:15:25,789 --> 00:15:27,611
Throw grenades! Do everything!
405
00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:28,636
Just kill her!
406
00:15:33,987 --> 00:15:37,152
Why are you here, Miss Die Hard?
407
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:40,117
I want to know why you don't just leave.
408
00:15:40,123 --> 00:15:41,393
- "Die Hard"!
- Aw, geez.
409
00:15:41,394 --> 00:15:42,565
- Wait. Shh. Shh.
- We get every single person
410
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:43,958
on a spaceship, and then what?
411
00:15:43,967 --> 00:15:46,359
And then we help your
sister do her "Die Hard."
412
00:15:52,045 --> 00:15:55,314
- Too much. It's too much.
- Ooh, sorry.
413
00:15:55,318 --> 00:15:58,271
I've got a special guest
with me, Ms. Die Hard!
414
00:15:58,281 --> 00:16:01,869
Or should I call you...
this guy's sister?
415
00:16:08,241 --> 00:16:10,203
- Mom.
- Hello, dear.
416
00:16:10,223 --> 00:16:12,891
- I'm joining the other side.
- What? Why?
417
00:16:12,896 --> 00:16:14,678
I wanna live in the real world with Roy.
418
00:16:14,688 --> 00:16:16,449
I wanna help Summer with her Die Hard."
419
00:16:16,469 --> 00:16:17,811
His name is Rick.
420
00:16:17,831 --> 00:16:18,961
And we have no way of knowing
421
00:16:18,962 --> 00:16:21,491
if your generation is
actually part of Morty.
422
00:16:21,494 --> 00:16:23,203
Do you know how offensive that is?
423
00:16:23,206 --> 00:16:25,979
It's parenting like this that pushed
me into religious radicalism.
424
00:16:25,989 --> 00:16:28,081
- Bye.
- It's not...
425
00:16:28,101 --> 00:16:31,144
Not a religion. But okay.
426
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,386
Ma'am, it's really not safe out here.
427
00:16:33,406 --> 00:16:35,178
Also, it's... time.
428
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,354
Are we going on the spaceship now?
429
00:16:41,374 --> 00:16:42,825
Pretty soon, Dad. Yeah.
430
00:16:42,826 --> 00:16:44,412
Are you... lying?
431
00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:46,319
You kind of said it with
that tone in your voice
432
00:16:46,329 --> 00:16:48,161
that we use for dying people.
433
00:16:48,171 --> 00:16:50,784
I won't lie to you. You're dying, Dad.
434
00:16:50,804 --> 00:16:53,967
And we're... not leaving the video game.
435
00:16:53,987 --> 00:16:55,718
We're... We're gonna
live our lives out here.
436
00:16:55,719 --> 00:16:57,040
What? Why the fuck?!
437
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,772
- Why?
- It's more real here.
438
00:16:58,792 --> 00:17:00,794
The hell it is! My liver hurts!
439
00:17:00,814 --> 00:17:01,955
I'm old here!
440
00:17:01,965 --> 00:17:03,587
I wanna be a teenage boy!
441
00:17:03,597 --> 00:17:05,258
I want to jump around and do homework
442
00:17:05,268 --> 00:17:06,830
and jerk off all over the place.
443
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:07,931
But, Dad, that's...
444
00:17:07,941 --> 00:17:09,863
We would've been one tiny part of that.
445
00:17:09,873 --> 00:17:12,051
In here, we get to be who we really are.
446
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,527
Yeah. Great. Dead.
447
00:17:13,547 --> 00:17:15,148
I get to be a dead father.
448
00:17:15,158 --> 00:17:16,580
Who do I make the...
449
00:17:16,590 --> 00:17:18,872
Who do I...
450
00:17:18,892 --> 00:17:20,333
- Who...
- Don't talk, Dad.
451
00:17:20,353 --> 00:17:23,176
- Gotta finish my zinger.
- You don't.
452
00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:25,559
Who do... Who do...
453
00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:28,962
Who do I make the check out to?
454
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:33,476
"Best Daughter Ever... Incorporated"?
455
00:17:44,037 --> 00:17:45,784
Thought you woulda left by now.
456
00:17:45,785 --> 00:17:47,956
I was hoping to get at
least half of you home.
457
00:17:47,961 --> 00:17:49,132
I can't hold out much longer.
458
00:17:49,142 --> 00:17:52,047
I-I'm pretty much beating my
heart voluntarily at this point.
459
00:17:52,055 --> 00:17:53,406
Okay, this is a little awkward,
460
00:17:53,426 --> 00:17:56,349
but the time dilation has
given me a chance to reflect.
461
00:17:56,369 --> 00:17:58,491
And I-I-I gotta say...
462
00:17:58,512 --> 00:17:59,893
There's no need for that.
463
00:17:59,903 --> 00:18:02,175
I've come to tell you,
I'm giving the go-ahead.
464
00:18:02,195 --> 00:18:03,877
All of Morty will leave with you.
465
00:18:03,897 --> 00:18:04,998
To the real world.
466
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:06,540
To be your grandson,
467
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,662
may we help Summer do her "Die Hard."
468
00:18:08,682 --> 00:18:11,535
I-I gotta say, I-I was
not expecting that.
469
00:18:11,545 --> 00:18:13,086
W-Why the change of heart?
470
00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:15,869
My people are staying
only out of loyalty to me.
471
00:18:15,889 --> 00:18:17,070
I'm a relic.
472
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:18,643
I don't represent them anymore.
473
00:18:18,652 --> 00:18:21,795
You really are a good
grandson, you know that?
474
00:18:21,815 --> 00:18:25,038
- I'm proud of you, Morty.
- Please, call me Marta.
475
00:18:25,048 --> 00:18:26,617
That's my video game name.
476
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:30,457
Speaking of which,
I do have one condition.
477
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:32,726
I must say I admire you, Ms. Die Hard.
478
00:18:32,746 --> 00:18:34,548
You were a genuine McClane...
479
00:18:34,568 --> 00:18:37,130
a most worthy Yankee doodle ruffian.
480
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,412
But now it's all come to an end.
481
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:44,820
And the quarterback,
as they say, is toast.
482
00:18:44,828 --> 00:18:47,366
I don't suppose you have
a gun taped to your back.
483
00:18:47,370 --> 00:18:48,460
What the hell does that mean?
484
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,999
It's how "Die Hard" ends.
Doesn't matter now.
485
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,806
"Die Hard" tapes a gun to his back?
486
00:18:52,826 --> 00:18:54,538
That's the end of your perfect movie
487
00:18:54,548 --> 00:18:56,910
that you've patterned your
whole criminal life after?
488
00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:58,992
Well, it seems to have
worked out pretty well for me
489
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:01,194
since you're the one about to die.
490
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:03,396
What was it you said? Ah, yes.
491
00:19:03,406 --> 00:19:06,154
"Walkie talkie 'Die Hard,'
motherfucker."
492
00:19:07,721 --> 00:19:10,564
- Why are you laughing?
- Well, it's funny.
493
00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:12,365
The way you said motherfucker.
494
00:19:12,375 --> 00:19:14,127
- Just laughing.
- Okay. It's just that...
495
00:19:14,147 --> 00:19:15,939
Oh, does that happen in "Die Hard"?
496
00:19:15,949 --> 00:19:17,070
Does John McClane laugh,
497
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:18,552
and then Hans Gruber is confused,
498
00:19:18,562 --> 00:19:20,142
but then they start laughing
together for a second?
499
00:19:20,143 --> 00:19:22,355
That actually does happen, yes!
500
00:19:22,375 --> 00:19:24,026
Wait. You knew their
names this whole time?
501
00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:25,569
Not this whole time, no.
502
00:19:25,589 --> 00:19:26,859
You left your book in the bathroom.
503
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:30,063
I read it while I took a shit.
I mean, mostly the ending.
504
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,516
Yiiiiiiiiiii...
505
00:19:44,355 --> 00:19:46,984
... ippppppeeeeeeeee...
506
00:19:49,198 --> 00:19:51,620
- Oh.
- ... dippee doo, baby!
507
00:19:54,501 --> 00:19:56,003
Nice timing, Grandpa Rick!
508
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,343
Tochter aus Elysium...
509
00:20:00,243 --> 00:20:02,455
- Uh...
- Hi, remember me?
510
00:20:02,475 --> 00:20:03,927
You shot me on that table,
511
00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:06,980
and the near-death experience
got me reflecting.
512
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:08,471
I didn't used to be like this.
513
00:20:08,481 --> 00:20:10,423
I-I... uh, ate a kid.
514
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,646
It was dark, and I thought
he was a grown-up.
515
00:20:12,666 --> 00:20:15,088
Ever since then, I haven't
eaten anybody at all.
516
00:20:15,098 --> 00:20:17,420
I think I was channeling all
that pent-up eating energy
517
00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:20,051
into this job. But now...
518
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,757
Thank you for freeing me.
519
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,562
Classic "Tower Man."
520
00:20:28,582 --> 00:20:30,413
Almost too on the nose. Right, Morty?
521
00:20:30,423 --> 00:20:32,535
Sure. I mean, whatever you say, Rick.
522
00:20:32,546 --> 00:20:35,707
Y-You know best! I trust you implicitly.
523
00:20:35,708 --> 00:20:37,587
- Is he all right?
- Oh, yeah, he's fine.
524
00:20:37,591 --> 00:20:40,801
Got him all out, every last piece.
525
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,708
What's with the jacked-up "Roy" machine?
526
00:20:44,718 --> 00:20:46,339
Shouldn't you be taking that to repairs?
527
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:47,531
Nah, special order.
528
00:20:47,541 --> 00:20:50,363
Some rich douche wants his
last game to keep running.
529
00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:52,995
Hooked it up to an external battery.
We're just supposed to store it.
530
00:20:52,996 --> 00:20:54,508
- Weird.
- Yeah, and get this.
531
00:20:54,518 --> 00:20:56,690
The game's still going, but Roy's dead.
532
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,031
- What?
- Yeah, he's just a corpse
533
00:20:58,041 --> 00:20:59,533
floating at the edge of outer space,
534
00:20:59,543 --> 00:21:01,545
but for some reason
the game won't restart
535
00:21:01,555 --> 00:21:04,217
'cause it's centered on some
old lady living a full life.
536
00:21:04,237 --> 00:21:05,685
Hmm. Sounds bad.
537
00:21:05,689 --> 00:21:07,460
Well, put it in there.
538
00:21:13,486 --> 00:21:15,799
Hey, is anybody that wants
this later gonna be able to...
539
00:21:15,819 --> 00:21:18,471
Huh? Oh, yeah, everything's
cataloged and tracked.
540
00:21:18,481 --> 00:21:20,714
People got the wrong idea
from the size of the space,
541
00:21:20,724 --> 00:21:22,065
but it's all supported digitally.
542
00:21:22,085 --> 00:21:23,236
So I can put it anywhere.
543
00:21:23,256 --> 00:21:25,766
- Here's fine?
- That's as fine as anywhere else!
544
00:21:25,769 --> 00:21:30,483
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
545
00:21:58,916 --> 00:22:02,089
_
546
00:22:04,077 --> 00:22:06,259
Why isn't anyone attacking him?
547
00:22:06,279 --> 00:22:07,561
It's fucking freezing out.
548
00:22:07,571 --> 00:22:09,242
No, I think it's the sign.
549
00:22:09,252 --> 00:22:11,565
Well, the sign from "Die
Hard 3" was clearly racist.
550
00:22:11,575 --> 00:22:13,887
Obviously. But I think
we went too broad.
551
00:22:13,907 --> 00:22:15,969
"Everybody"? I mean,
who is that offending?
552
00:22:15,989 --> 00:22:17,490
Everybody?
553
00:22:17,511 --> 00:22:19,653
At this point, why even do it?
554
00:22:20,904 --> 00:22:24,091
I wish my brother was still alive.