1 00:00:08,630 --> 00:00:12,342 And in weird things in space news, that mysterious "rift" is still there. 2 00:00:12,426 --> 00:00:16,555 Not gone yet. You remember that, don't you? It's probably important. Back to you, Tabitha. 3 00:00:16,638 --> 00:00:19,891 Rick, Mom's working, and Dad's still sleeping. I'm gonna be late. 4 00:00:19,975 --> 00:00:22,436 Yeah, yeah. [burps] I got you. Here. 5 00:00:22,519 --> 00:00:25,856 - Holy shit. ls the portal gun working again? - Yeah, pretty much. 6 00:00:26,732 --> 00:00:27,733 [roaring] 7 00:00:27,816 --> 00:00:29,359 Sometimes that happens. 8 00:00:32,613 --> 00:00:34,698 Just get the keys. 9 00:00:36,325 --> 00:00:39,161 It's actually been nice taking a break from the portal travel stuff. 10 00:00:39,244 --> 00:00:41,580 I've been racking up a lot of high school adventures. 11 00:00:41,663 --> 00:00:43,373 I have a process, Morty. 12 00:00:43,457 --> 00:00:47,002 I'm fixing my portal gun, and every time you bring it up, it blocks my creative flow. 13 00:00:47,085 --> 00:00:50,547 And then I'm forced to take longer on purpose just to train you to not bring it up. 14 00:00:50,631 --> 00:00:52,299 Jeez. Do you know what "projection" is? 15 00:00:52,382 --> 00:00:55,385 - Do you? - No. I heard Mom use it. 16 00:00:55,469 --> 00:00:56,553 [school bell rings] 17 00:00:56,637 --> 00:00:59,681 Lord, no. He's here again? Morty protocol, children. 18 00:00:59,765 --> 00:01:05,062 Oh, what's it now? Brain bugs? Space worms? Have I been The Faculty'd again? 19 00:01:05,145 --> 00:01:07,189 You don't have to react like this every day. 20 00:01:07,272 --> 00:01:10,567 Last time, the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats. 21 00:01:10,651 --> 00:01:13,362 That's right, made me. I see that look on your faces. 22 00:01:13,445 --> 00:01:14,488 [building rumbling] 23 00:01:14,571 --> 00:01:17,866 - What did you do, you tiny monster? - This isn't me. 24 00:01:25,123 --> 00:01:29,044 The people demand to know. Do these visitors come in peace? 25 00:01:29,127 --> 00:01:33,340 But first, "Peter's Pizza Corner. " What slice we reviewing today, Petey? 26 00:01:33,423 --> 00:01:34,508 Cheese. 27 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:43,308 If these aliens want Earth, they'll have to go through Egypt. 28 00:01:43,392 --> 00:01:45,936 And they can ask mummies how that goes. 29 00:01:48,689 --> 00:01:50,524 Mummy mia! 30 00:01:56,988 --> 00:01:58,949 Dinosaurs are back? 31 00:01:59,032 --> 00:02:01,118 Monkeys went bald? 32 00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:03,036 [theme music playing] 33 00:02:39,364 --> 00:02:43,368 Before we start, where are the rest of us? 34 00:02:44,077 --> 00:02:45,036 Uh... 35 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,914 They died. Long time ago. 36 00:02:47,998 --> 00:02:50,876 Way before us. We didn't see nothing. 37 00:02:50,959 --> 00:02:54,629 But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind. 38 00:02:56,465 --> 00:02:57,549 Why is he nervous? 39 00:02:59,718 --> 00:03:03,430 Because you're dinosaurs. 40 00:03:03,513 --> 00:03:06,308 It's weird. Thought you were dead. 41 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:11,855 Moving on, we "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth 42 00:03:11,938 --> 00:03:14,775 until our technology was Planetarily harmonic. 43 00:03:14,858 --> 00:03:17,819 That being the goal with technology. 44 00:03:18,612 --> 00:03:21,239 After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth, 45 00:03:21,323 --> 00:03:24,576 our best and bravest left to help other planets. 46 00:03:24,659 --> 00:03:28,622 Over millions of years, we've called many worlds home and helped each one flourish. 47 00:03:28,705 --> 00:03:33,251 Imagine our surprise upon returning home to find our species extinct 48 00:03:33,335 --> 00:03:35,712 and Earth now in the care of... 49 00:03:35,796 --> 00:03:37,005 you guys. 50 00:03:37,088 --> 00:03:39,883 When we left, you were basically squirrels. 51 00:03:39,966 --> 00:03:44,721 Well, we've come a long way, and we've buried a lot more than nuts. 52 00:03:44,805 --> 00:03:49,392 We've evolved past nonconstructive criticism, so let's agree you've done your best. 53 00:03:49,476 --> 00:03:50,393 You're still alive. 54 00:03:50,477 --> 00:03:55,482 But surely there was some point between gunpowder and something called Amazon Prime 55 00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:58,652 that you folks had to think, "Are we supposed to be running a planet? 56 00:03:58,735 --> 00:04:02,447 Wouldn't we rather make Marvel movies?" How many Marvel movies have you made? 57 00:04:02,531 --> 00:04:04,449 Twenty-nine, and 14 more on the way. 58 00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:05,951 See, you love doing that. 59 00:04:06,034 --> 00:04:08,370 And we love helping new life-forms get their footing. 60 00:04:08,453 --> 00:04:12,666 So now that we're back, we can respectfully take it from here. 61 00:04:12,749 --> 00:04:15,836 Now, hold on. if you've seen Endgame, you know invasion is not something 62 00:04:15,919 --> 00:04:17,003 Earth takes lying down. 63 00:04:17,087 --> 00:04:21,842 This is not an invasion. Besides, wouldn't you like to lie down? 64 00:04:21,925 --> 00:04:23,927 Oh. You must be exhausted. 65 00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:28,557 Put your feet up, get more tattoos, finish rounding out this Ant-Man character. 66 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,935 Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation," except permanent. 67 00:04:32,018 --> 00:04:34,396 I think I speak for all world leaders when I say that 68 00:04:34,479 --> 00:04:37,732 the poor people would just murder us if we made you leave, so... 69 00:04:37,816 --> 00:04:39,025 [clears throat] 70 00:04:39,526 --> 00:04:41,403 Welcome home, dinosaurs. 71 00:04:41,486 --> 00:04:43,071 [man] Oh. I could use a vacation. 72 00:04:43,154 --> 00:04:45,407 - Should we nuke them? - I'm on vacation, Curtis. 73 00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:47,325 Well, you leaned into this fast. 74 00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:48,952 [rock music playing] 75 00:04:49,035 --> 00:04:52,831 ♪ Zuniceratops ♪ 76 00:04:52,914 --> 00:04:56,543 ♪ Elvisaurus ♪ 77 00:04:56,626 --> 00:04:58,962 ♪ Bambiraptor ♪ 78 00:04:59,045 --> 00:05:01,089 ♪ Erectopus ♪ 79 00:05:01,172 --> 00:05:05,844 ♪ Dracorex Hogwartsia ♪ 80 00:05:05,927 --> 00:05:09,264 ♪ Gojirasaurus ♪ 81 00:05:09,347 --> 00:05:11,224 ♪ Vulcanodon ♪ 82 00:05:11,308 --> 00:05:13,226 ♪ Sauroniops ♪ 83 00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:17,022 ♪ Phuwiangosaurus ♪ 84 00:05:17,105 --> 00:05:21,359 ♪ Those are real dinosaur names ♪ 85 00:05:21,443 --> 00:05:22,652 [groans] 86 00:05:23,695 --> 00:05:24,821 [alarm buzzing] 87 00:05:27,115 --> 00:05:31,328 I can't even pretend to feel useful in a game. This is how humanity's story ends? 88 00:05:31,411 --> 00:05:33,622 Relieved of duty and sat at the kid's table? 89 00:05:33,705 --> 00:05:35,206 I got to respect these dinosaurs. 90 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:39,002 They dominated a whole species just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time. 91 00:05:39,085 --> 00:05:41,588 They didn't dominate us because we're not worth a fight. 92 00:05:41,671 --> 00:05:43,506 We've become biological Tyler Perry movies. 93 00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:45,842 - All they've done is help. - We didn't need their help. 94 00:05:45,926 --> 00:05:47,886 We were not the problem. This house recycles. 95 00:05:49,429 --> 00:05:52,140 They sort it at the trash facility. 96 00:05:52,223 --> 00:05:55,352 What the eff? My dance videos are getting zero likes now. 97 00:05:55,435 --> 00:05:59,356 - Oh, yeah. The dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok. - Great. So now I'm broke? 98 00:05:59,439 --> 00:06:03,234 - You don't need money anymore. - So what's this for now? Phone calls? Ugh. 99 00:06:03,318 --> 00:06:05,195 Come on, Dad. You don't hate this too? 100 00:06:05,278 --> 00:06:07,489 Why would I? I was already doing what I wanted. 101 00:06:07,572 --> 00:06:10,617 I do think it's kind of funny that you're all basically Jerry now. 102 00:06:11,201 --> 00:06:12,410 Fuck. 103 00:06:12,911 --> 00:06:14,663 Jerry, how do you do it? 104 00:06:14,746 --> 00:06:17,374 - Yeah, Dad, how do you do it? - How do you do it, Dad? 105 00:06:17,457 --> 00:06:19,459 - Huh? - [all] How do you do it? 106 00:06:19,542 --> 00:06:21,336 It's finally happened. 107 00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:37,435 [laughs] 108 00:06:37,519 --> 00:06:39,104 All right. 109 00:06:39,187 --> 00:06:42,607 Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers? 110 00:06:42,691 --> 00:06:43,566 [phone chiming] 111 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:47,112 President only pages me if it's an emergency or he needs Molly. 112 00:06:51,199 --> 00:06:55,870 I'm sure glad you stayed open, Beau. Wish we could pay, but no more capitalism. 113 00:06:56,454 --> 00:06:59,249 I never make ribs for the money, Mr. President. 114 00:06:59,332 --> 00:07:01,543 Oh, here you go. 115 00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:04,504 That's not why I called. Drugs can't solve this problem. 116 00:07:04,587 --> 00:07:06,131 I can't live like this anymore. 117 00:07:06,214 --> 00:07:09,676 At first, it was fun spending all day watching whatever YouTube autoplays 118 00:07:09,759 --> 00:07:13,179 after the last one autoplayed, but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly. 119 00:07:13,263 --> 00:07:17,600 Rick. Please. You're not bound by morality. Get rid of them. Slit their necks. 120 00:07:17,684 --> 00:07:20,145 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species. 121 00:07:20,228 --> 00:07:24,149 I won't tell. Help us go back to the old days, where we pretend to fix the problems we caused. 122 00:07:24,232 --> 00:07:27,110 You think I'm going to side with you over hyper-intelligent creatures 123 00:07:27,193 --> 00:07:30,613 operating way beyond your comprehension? I have more in common with them than you. 124 00:07:30,697 --> 00:07:33,742 You pompous autistic cadaver! You think you're above this? 125 00:07:33,825 --> 00:07:35,493 - I ought to... - Look here, Mr. President. 126 00:07:35,577 --> 00:07:39,247 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious, I pamper them. 127 00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:44,210 See, if you give someone what they want, they'll give you what you need. 128 00:07:44,294 --> 00:07:46,546 - I'm just saying. - I see your point, Beau. 129 00:07:46,629 --> 00:07:49,215 All right, Rick. Name your price. 130 00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,760 - Oh, crap. - Goddamn it! 131 00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:56,848 - How often are you Westworld-ing me? - Hang on. Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again. 132 00:07:56,931 --> 00:08:00,393 Ol' reliable Rick. Always knows what to do. 133 00:08:00,477 --> 00:08:01,478 What do you want, Rick? 134 00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:04,397 I won't stoop to answering that again. You know exactly what I want. 135 00:08:04,481 --> 00:08:06,566 I can't snap my fingers and get you that job. 136 00:08:06,649 --> 00:08:09,194 - Yeah, yeah. Thanks for lunch. - Fine. Fine! 137 00:08:09,277 --> 00:08:12,197 If you get rid of the dinosaurs, you can host the Oscars. 138 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,114 Yes! 139 00:08:13,198 --> 00:08:18,495 Righteous Rick. Straight shooting, truth-telling, never wets the bed. 140 00:08:21,081 --> 00:08:26,169 Goodbye, old friends. May you rest in peace, rather than the tank of an SUV. 141 00:08:26,252 --> 00:08:28,963 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers. 142 00:08:29,047 --> 00:08:30,090 Can we help you? 143 00:08:30,173 --> 00:08:31,966 Actually, I can probably help you. 144 00:08:32,050 --> 00:08:35,720 See, I'm technically human, but I've come to be more, you know, on your level. 145 00:08:35,804 --> 00:08:37,013 We're fine, thank you. 146 00:08:37,097 --> 00:08:38,348 Maybe I'm being too indirect. 147 00:08:38,431 --> 00:08:40,433 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel, 148 00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:42,852 and I could probably zap you guys to an alternate Earth. 149 00:08:42,936 --> 00:08:46,356 We used portal travel eons ago, but evolved to a one-universe, 150 00:08:46,439 --> 00:08:49,400 one-truth policy as the highest form of existence. 151 00:08:49,484 --> 00:08:53,613 Sort of a "put your own oxygen mask on before helping others" type of a thing. 152 00:08:53,696 --> 00:08:55,240 Have you been on a plane? 153 00:08:55,323 --> 00:08:56,908 Yes, I've been on a plane. 154 00:08:56,991 --> 00:08:59,828 We have no problem if you jump dimensions. 155 00:08:59,911 --> 00:09:02,539 Although we sense your gateway device is suboptimal. 156 00:09:02,622 --> 00:09:03,456 Let us help. 157 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,917 I don't need help. I'm here to help you. 158 00:09:06,584 --> 00:09:07,544 What the hell is this? 159 00:09:07,627 --> 00:09:11,381 A Portal Pistol. The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl, 160 00:09:11,464 --> 00:09:13,341 so now you can see where you're going. 161 00:09:13,424 --> 00:09:14,342 Clever girl. 162 00:09:14,425 --> 00:09:17,428 If you'd like, we could patch up your little interdimensional rift too. 163 00:09:17,512 --> 00:09:21,182 No, leave it. I know how to close that. That's there for a reason. Very canonical. 164 00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:23,893 - Don't you just want it closed? - Morty, whose team are you on? 165 00:09:23,977 --> 00:09:28,565 - It's normal to be frustrated. Here. - Oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me? 166 00:09:28,648 --> 00:09:30,024 - Goodbye. - No. Wait. 167 00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:31,526 What the fuck? 168 00:09:33,778 --> 00:09:36,531 - Dr. Manhattan high-road assholes teleporting me? - I saw my bones! 169 00:09:36,614 --> 00:09:37,866 Why wasn't that painful? 170 00:09:37,949 --> 00:09:41,661 - They didn't do it right. My fly is down. - Your fly was already down. 171 00:09:41,744 --> 00:09:43,413 What are you doing with that? 172 00:09:43,496 --> 00:09:45,748 - Rick, it was a better... - Nothing from them is better! 173 00:09:45,832 --> 00:09:49,752 - That thing had uptight Zen snob germs all over it. - So, what, now you're going to fight them? 174 00:09:49,836 --> 00:09:53,339 And prove we're violent and stupid? No. We're going to find out what they're hiding. 175 00:09:53,423 --> 00:09:56,926 Only people who have really fucked up in the past have to virtue signal this hard. 176 00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:57,927 Look at Sean Penn. 177 00:09:58,011 --> 00:10:00,805 But, Rick, aren't these feelings, like, what they're talking about? 178 00:10:00,889 --> 00:10:05,435 Like, life gets, "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution." 179 00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:09,522 Like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy, but once a species can get enough sugar, 180 00:10:09,606 --> 00:10:13,735 from a machine to give itself diabetes, it's allowed to start thinking beyond conflict. 181 00:10:13,818 --> 00:10:15,653 I mean, it's all in their pamphlet. 182 00:10:17,488 --> 00:10:20,742 Morty, you're a genius. I clearly mean that in the '90s ironic sense, 183 00:10:20,825 --> 00:10:25,622 but this self-fellating zine is a treasure map to every fossilized bone in their skeleton closet. 184 00:10:25,705 --> 00:10:30,585 They're going to call us Laura Dern because we're about to get elbow-deep in dino doo-doo. 185 00:10:30,668 --> 00:10:31,794 Get it, Morty? The gloves? 186 00:10:31,878 --> 00:10:35,048 - You remember that? - No, I get it. I said "clever girl" earlier. 187 00:10:35,131 --> 00:10:36,925 - You didn't even react. - I was angry. 188 00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:48,228 I'm looking for a few of my friends. 189 00:10:48,311 --> 00:10:51,564 Kind of look like the Skullfeet that used to live on our planet way before us. 190 00:10:51,648 --> 00:10:53,441 They're long gone now. 191 00:10:53,524 --> 00:10:55,818 - Really? They're extinct here too? - Yeah. 192 00:10:55,902 --> 00:10:58,238 We keep their bones in that museum over there. 193 00:10:59,155 --> 00:11:01,866 - Um, wow. - These guys aren't going to be much help. 194 00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:06,537 The leading theory is, the Skullfeet stepped on their own brains so much they straight-up died. 195 00:11:06,621 --> 00:11:08,915 Such a shame. Would have loved to hear them sing. 196 00:11:08,998 --> 00:11:10,083 - Sing? - Yeah. 197 00:11:10,166 --> 00:11:13,419 We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts in their land amphitheater. 198 00:11:13,503 --> 00:11:16,047 - [Rick] You people are idiots. - We didn't have much to go by. 199 00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:18,675 - Bones aren't big on conversation. - Neither are you. 200 00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:23,054 The majestic Basketsaur. Aren't they incredible? 201 00:11:23,137 --> 00:11:27,684 We're even making a series of terrible movies about cloning them in a theme park. 202 00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:29,978 - So what happened to them? - No idea. 203 00:11:30,061 --> 00:11:34,190 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup out of the Great Dirt Bowl. 204 00:11:34,274 --> 00:11:35,984 Starting to see a pattern here. 205 00:11:36,943 --> 00:11:38,778 Breathtaking, aren't they? 206 00:11:38,861 --> 00:11:41,656 It's a common misconception that they roamed our planet. 207 00:11:41,739 --> 00:11:43,241 The truth is, they rolled. 208 00:11:43,324 --> 00:11:45,618 Street-style mostly. Some vert. 209 00:11:45,702 --> 00:11:48,705 Let me guess. There's a very large, deep circular indentation 210 00:11:48,788 --> 00:11:51,374 in which these "Grindasaurs" used to shred. 211 00:11:51,457 --> 00:11:56,045 We think they had a second brain in their butt dedicated to pulling 1080s. 212 00:11:56,129 --> 00:11:59,966 Three planets visited by dinosaurs, three apocalyptic meteor impacts. 213 00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:02,593 Give me the board. I'm dropping in for data. 214 00:12:02,677 --> 00:12:03,511 [shouts] 215 00:12:03,594 --> 00:12:05,805 Rick! That's the hardest thing in skateboarding. 216 00:12:05,888 --> 00:12:08,683 It looked so easy on Pro Skater 3. 217 00:12:11,352 --> 00:12:12,437 Hello. 218 00:12:14,564 --> 00:12:15,440 Jackpot, Morty. 219 00:12:15,523 --> 00:12:17,900 You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide? 220 00:12:17,984 --> 00:12:19,610 No, Morty, they have a reason to hide. 221 00:12:19,694 --> 00:12:22,405 - Come here, you little whippersnapper. - Stop! No, don't touch me. 222 00:12:22,488 --> 00:12:25,283 - Your hands are greasy. - Give me a hug. What's the matter with you? 223 00:12:25,992 --> 00:12:29,370 It's become clear your species is having a hard time 224 00:12:29,454 --> 00:12:32,040 adjusting to its reduced accountability. 225 00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:35,793 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks, 226 00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:38,713 which you used to launch new phones and religions. 227 00:12:38,796 --> 00:12:40,465 I see someone eager to speak. 228 00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:44,052 Hi. What do you do when you want to kill yourself? 229 00:12:44,135 --> 00:12:47,722 You don't do that. Thank you for asking, though. Very important. 230 00:12:47,805 --> 00:12:50,558 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature 231 00:12:50,641 --> 00:12:52,560 that we think everyone should read. 232 00:12:52,643 --> 00:12:57,357 Holy shit! I'm a famous author! Wait, where's my name? 233 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:01,110 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow. 234 00:13:01,194 --> 00:13:03,613 Excuse me. Aren't you going to say who wrote it? 235 00:13:03,696 --> 00:13:06,407 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit. 236 00:13:06,491 --> 00:13:10,495 It's all here in this book that belongs to everyone. For free. 237 00:13:10,578 --> 00:13:13,456 You communist lizard scumbags! I wrote that! 238 00:13:13,539 --> 00:13:16,876 - Me, Jerry Smith! - [horn blaring] 239 00:13:17,919 --> 00:13:19,379 Hey, hey, hey! 240 00:13:25,968 --> 00:13:30,932 Guess what. Dinosaurs are not secretly evil, and they're not out to cause anybody trouble, 241 00:13:31,015 --> 00:13:33,893 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them. 242 00:13:34,602 --> 00:13:37,271 [robot] Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's showtime. 243 00:13:37,355 --> 00:13:41,401 Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it is eventually smashed by a huge space rock 244 00:13:41,484 --> 00:13:43,653 that takes out them and most existing life. 245 00:13:43,736 --> 00:13:45,530 What? That can't be true. 246 00:13:45,613 --> 00:13:48,032 It's all right to be frustrated. Let me explain. 247 00:13:48,116 --> 00:13:51,119 Why would planet-killing meteors follow dinosaurs? 248 00:13:51,202 --> 00:13:55,498 As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels of loving vegan godhood, 249 00:13:55,581 --> 00:13:58,418 another life-form devolved into an equally selfless, 250 00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:01,379 hate-filled species of barely sentient rocks. 251 00:14:01,462 --> 00:14:05,091 They hurtle through space and do as much damage as they can to their chosen enemy, 252 00:14:05,174 --> 00:14:10,388 which is guess who. Yup, everywhere these dinos go, these rocks, they come a-crashing. 253 00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:11,305 And this one... 254 00:14:12,473 --> 00:14:15,351 is headed directly towards us. 255 00:14:15,435 --> 00:14:18,062 And all of our work? It was for... 256 00:14:18,146 --> 00:14:19,939 Nothing. Bingo. Welcome to life. 257 00:14:20,022 --> 00:14:22,775 It's a big boat with a lot of holes, but we're all in it together. 258 00:14:22,859 --> 00:14:24,110 - Oh, my. - Oh... 259 00:14:24,193 --> 00:14:25,987 So much death. 260 00:14:26,612 --> 00:14:30,408 Congratulations, primates. Looks like Earth could have done worse. 261 00:14:30,491 --> 00:14:31,576 Rick, out. 262 00:14:31,659 --> 00:14:34,412 Oh. And don't forget to tune in to this year's Oscars. 263 00:14:35,496 --> 00:14:38,791 - Well, this is a lot to take in. - [crowd booing] 264 00:14:41,252 --> 00:14:42,795 I like trains now. 265 00:14:42,879 --> 00:14:44,672 Okay, that hurt. 266 00:14:44,755 --> 00:14:47,675 [man] Trains rule! Dinos drool! 267 00:14:48,801 --> 00:14:52,555 And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors that followed in your wake? 268 00:14:52,638 --> 00:14:56,017 We just learned about it like you. Truly heartbreaking news. 269 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:59,520 But I assume you're going to destroy it when it arrives here, right? 270 00:14:59,604 --> 00:15:05,067 Um, we're in the process of finding a solution that doesn't involve violence. 271 00:15:05,151 --> 00:15:07,487 Hold on. You're in the process? 272 00:15:08,654 --> 00:15:10,072 There you have it, Cooperheads. 273 00:15:10,156 --> 00:15:12,366 An angry species of rock is going to slam into our... 274 00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:17,288 Sorry their planet, and our new planet runners are weighing whether to let it happen. 275 00:15:19,373 --> 00:15:22,418 I mean, no one knows if the meteor species is even real. 276 00:15:22,502 --> 00:15:25,004 No. It's very real. We all know that. 277 00:15:25,087 --> 00:15:28,382 You know what's real? A rear naked choke hold. I'll show you. 278 00:15:28,466 --> 00:15:29,300 What? 279 00:15:29,383 --> 00:15:30,843 Final question. 280 00:15:30,927 --> 00:15:33,054 How we doing? 281 00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:35,348 [groans] We have come to the conclusion 282 00:15:35,431 --> 00:15:39,602 the only way to ensure humanity will be safe is for us to go. 283 00:15:39,685 --> 00:15:41,562 We are leaving the planet for good. 284 00:15:41,646 --> 00:15:42,939 [crowd cheering] 285 00:15:43,814 --> 00:15:47,151 ♪ Exxon spilling the oil ♪ 286 00:15:47,235 --> 00:15:48,819 ♪ Chernobyl blowing up ♪ 287 00:15:48,903 --> 00:15:51,030 ♪ Asbestos in Montana ♪ 288 00:15:51,113 --> 00:15:55,243 ♪ Atlantic City Type 2 diabetes ♪ 289 00:15:55,326 --> 00:15:59,664 ♪ Deepwater deeply blew it ♪ 290 00:15:59,747 --> 00:16:02,583 ♪ Giant garbage island ♪ 291 00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:05,628 ♪ And all the bees are dying ♪ 292 00:16:05,711 --> 00:16:10,591 ♪ Fuck off and Die...nosaurs ♪ 293 00:16:10,675 --> 00:16:11,842 [crowd cheering] 294 00:16:15,805 --> 00:16:19,475 Maybe it's the Molly, but I fucking love you, Rick. 295 00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:20,601 It's the Molly. 296 00:16:20,685 --> 00:16:21,727 Isn't this nice? 297 00:16:21,811 --> 00:16:26,857 Rivalries behind us, dinos gone, two cool guys living in the moment. 298 00:16:26,941 --> 00:16:30,444 So, like, [clears throat] you know what you're going to wear? Because... 299 00:16:30,528 --> 00:16:32,071 - I can't get another plus-one. - What? 300 00:16:32,154 --> 00:16:37,243 I got you the gig, you son of a bitch! I feel this napkin. Feel this napkin. 301 00:16:37,326 --> 00:16:39,662 So soft. 302 00:16:39,745 --> 00:16:43,624 [announcer] This is the 95th annual Academy Awards. 303 00:16:43,708 --> 00:16:48,754 Now, please welcome your host, an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs, 304 00:16:48,838 --> 00:16:51,007 Rick Sanchez. 305 00:16:53,509 --> 00:16:57,597 Suck my gray tits, Hollywood pinkos. Where's the mic? 306 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,223 The raising mic? 307 00:16:59,307 --> 00:17:00,600 [burping] 308 00:17:00,683 --> 00:17:01,642 Bring it up! 309 00:17:05,646 --> 00:17:08,524 Tommy. Tom Hanks is here. 310 00:17:09,442 --> 00:17:11,402 Come on. Do it. 311 00:17:12,153 --> 00:17:13,821 Come on. 312 00:17:13,904 --> 00:17:15,197 Do it. 313 00:17:15,281 --> 00:17:17,450 Okay, okay, one time. 314 00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:20,453 "Wilson!" 315 00:17:20,536 --> 00:17:22,038 [crowd cheering] 316 00:17:22,121 --> 00:17:24,040 I'm Oscar host Rick. 317 00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:28,002 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool. 318 00:17:28,085 --> 00:17:30,338 - That microphone bit killed. - Yeah, told you it would. 319 00:17:30,421 --> 00:17:32,798 - That was all scripted? - Every moment at the Oscars is. 320 00:17:32,882 --> 00:17:34,383 Even that one thing. 321 00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:36,510 Look who stole themselves a swag bag. 322 00:17:36,594 --> 00:17:38,095 A fucking Sprinkles coupon. 323 00:17:38,179 --> 00:17:39,096 We're splitting that. 324 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:43,142 Hey, so I was thinking it might be funny to add dinosaurs to the "In memoriam." 325 00:17:43,225 --> 00:17:46,270 It feels beneath us. It's funnier that they left and we don't even care. 326 00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:49,482 Oh, yeah, they left, but they keep begging for attention. 327 00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:50,608 You haven't heard? 328 00:17:50,691 --> 00:17:54,695 The dinos are just standing up there on Mars with their dicks in their hands. So dramatic. 329 00:17:54,779 --> 00:17:57,490 What, they're just going to let the meteor hit them and die? 330 00:17:57,573 --> 00:17:58,574 [Jerry] Good. 331 00:17:58,658 --> 00:18:02,286 If being superior to everyone makes you die, I call that balance. 332 00:18:02,370 --> 00:18:07,291 It's all in my globally published book the dinos stripped my name from! 333 00:18:08,292 --> 00:18:13,381 Oscars are over. Where are my keys? Goddamn it! I need to fix portal travel. 334 00:18:13,464 --> 00:18:15,883 And I'm going to. I have a process. 335 00:18:18,177 --> 00:18:20,054 Our final act of kindness. 336 00:18:20,137 --> 00:18:23,474 It's been an honor serving the sanctity of life with you all. 337 00:18:23,557 --> 00:18:25,142 [screaming] 338 00:18:25,893 --> 00:18:27,103 [gibbering] 339 00:18:31,399 --> 00:18:33,943 - Rick, what are you doing? - Standing here with you guys. 340 00:18:34,026 --> 00:18:36,821 You don't want to do that. We're sacrificing ourselves here. 341 00:18:36,904 --> 00:18:40,866 Then so am I. You know? Elon Musk be damned, we're blowing up Mars. 342 00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:44,829 No. We're doing something selfless. You're doing it out of pettiness. 343 00:18:44,912 --> 00:18:49,250 How is anyone supposed to know the difference? Consider it a game of virtue chicken. 344 00:18:54,088 --> 00:18:56,549 Okay, if you won't go, we'll make you go. 345 00:18:57,383 --> 00:19:00,344 Oh. Sorry. I dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys. 346 00:19:00,428 --> 00:19:03,806 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness are two sides of the same coin, 347 00:19:03,889 --> 00:19:05,391 so what's the point? 348 00:19:05,474 --> 00:19:07,560 [gibbering] 349 00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:18,863 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter is dying on Mars with an old dickhead. 350 00:19:22,032 --> 00:19:23,033 [shouts] 351 00:19:24,368 --> 00:19:25,911 All right! Welcome back! 352 00:19:25,995 --> 00:19:28,205 You obnoxious little twat! 353 00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:31,751 Yeah, but you're alive. No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy. 354 00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:34,754 You don't get to be so smart that you remove yourself from everybody. 355 00:19:34,837 --> 00:19:37,214 From one God being to another, you're welcome. 356 00:19:37,298 --> 00:19:39,717 Well, as long as we're doing each other favors. 357 00:19:41,427 --> 00:19:43,512 Hey. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? 358 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:51,854 You fixed my rift? You fucking hypocritical cocks. It was all canonical and shit. 359 00:19:51,937 --> 00:19:56,317 We could a milked that thing for a whole season. Or, like, a three-episode arc at least. 360 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:01,155 Sorry. That's just us. We love helping, God beings to God being. 361 00:20:01,238 --> 00:20:03,866 Seriously. I was going to fix that. 362 00:20:09,038 --> 00:20:10,331 Shit. They're coming back. 363 00:20:11,081 --> 00:20:14,668 Can we turn on the AC? It's, like, a thousand degrees outside. 364 00:20:14,752 --> 00:20:16,045 - [phone chimes] - [gasps] Yes! 365 00:20:16,128 --> 00:20:22,134 New follower. Named CryptoForBareToes? Not sure I get it, but sounds like business. 366 00:20:22,218 --> 00:20:24,094 - Proud of you, honey. - ls Dad okay? 367 00:20:24,178 --> 00:20:27,097 Yes. I'm just writing my second book. 368 00:20:27,181 --> 00:20:30,142 I don't know what it's going to be about, but I can tell you one thing. 369 00:20:30,226 --> 00:20:33,813 The title is Jerry Smith Presents A Book by Jerry Smith. 370 00:20:34,605 --> 00:20:35,564 Chapter one. 371 00:20:39,610 --> 00:20:40,611 Fuck! 372 00:20:42,279 --> 00:20:44,740 [Rick] Morty, get your ass in the garage. 373 00:20:49,703 --> 00:20:53,415 Hoo-ha! Check it out. A dimension where hats wear people. 374 00:20:53,499 --> 00:20:54,416 Mm. 375 00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:56,919 I did it! I fixed portal travel. 376 00:20:57,002 --> 00:20:59,922 - Oh, shit. - Figured my guy deserves a vacation. 377 00:21:00,005 --> 00:21:03,259 - Boob World! - You're damn right. And it's Areola Week. 378 00:21:03,342 --> 00:21:06,929 - All right! Good old-fashioned portal fun. - Yep. Like this. 379 00:21:07,012 --> 00:21:10,182 - It's going to be classic episodes, Morty. - Oh, I'm going to puke, Rick! 380 00:21:10,266 --> 00:21:14,436 Portaling in. Wrecking shit, Portaling out, Morty. Oh, my God. Adventures, Morty. 381 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:19,358 Social commentary. Crude characters. Here we go. Rick and Morty time! 382 00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:20,860 [theme music playing] 383 00:21:51,515 --> 00:21:52,850 This is our home now. 384 00:21:52,933 --> 00:21:55,102 We shall live out the rest of our days here. 385 00:21:55,185 --> 00:21:57,938 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again. 386 00:21:58,022 --> 00:21:59,398 We are content. 387 00:21:59,481 --> 00:22:00,691 It was a good run. 388 00:22:00,774 --> 00:22:02,568 Speaking of a good run. 389 00:22:02,651 --> 00:22:06,822 I bet I could switch heel onto that Manny pad, big spin out, tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail, 390 00:22:06,906 --> 00:22:10,367 drop into the bowl, stale fish into a Christ Air, and then we get fucking wrecked. 391 00:22:10,451 --> 00:22:12,202 It's on, lguanadon. 392 00:22:12,286 --> 00:22:14,914 ♪ Grinding some rocks! Nollie the hubba ♪ 393 00:22:14,997 --> 00:22:18,042 ♪ Goofyfoot, kick flip Take care of the Groms! ♪ 394 00:22:18,125 --> 00:22:20,794 ♪ But you're a bad little dino boy ♪ 395 00:22:20,878 --> 00:22:24,381 ♪ And you're rotting in a crater So now let's make some noise! ♪