1 00:00:05,929 --> 00:00:09,057 I can't hold them off, Rick. There's too many. 2 00:00:12,978 --> 00:00:17,816 Richard. Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam. Relinquish it at once. 3 00:00:17,899 --> 00:00:19,484 [groaning] 4 00:00:25,073 --> 00:00:27,326 Submit, you continental cunt. 5 00:00:27,409 --> 00:00:28,952 Got a better idea. 6 00:00:29,036 --> 00:00:31,204 - Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. - [alarm blaring] 7 00:00:31,288 --> 00:00:32,956 [shouting] 8 00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:37,836 - Happy? - Of course I'm happy. 9 00:00:37,919 --> 00:00:40,547 You're acting like you won, but this is exactly what I wanted. 10 00:00:40,631 --> 00:00:43,383 I am Mr. Nimbus. 11 00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:45,344 Whatever. Come on, Morty. 12 00:00:45,427 --> 00:00:48,805 - Man, that was intense. - Yeah. [burps] Nice work, buddy. 13 00:00:48,889 --> 00:00:53,518 - Sorry, I had to blow up your bunker. - Not so fast, Sanchez. 14 00:00:53,602 --> 00:00:56,605 It is I, Cookie Magneto. 15 00:00:56,688 --> 00:01:01,193 - What the fuck? I'm not engaging this guy. - That's hardly up to you, Rick. 16 00:01:01,276 --> 00:01:04,154 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies? 17 00:01:04,237 --> 00:01:06,573 - Yes. - But cookies aren't a substance. 18 00:01:06,657 --> 00:01:09,534 - They're more of a name we give to... - To the things I control. 19 00:01:09,618 --> 00:01:12,788 Do you control cookie ingredients? Because, you know, that sounds dangerous. 20 00:01:12,871 --> 00:01:17,376 - You know, everything has sugar in it. - Fight me and find out! [screaming] 21 00:01:17,459 --> 00:01:19,211 - Jesus, Rick! - Sorry, Morty, 22 00:01:19,294 --> 00:01:23,799 I know you're gonna say it's punching down, but I can't fight another goofball super villain. 23 00:01:23,882 --> 00:01:25,967 I'm not the Tick. I'm exhausted. 24 00:01:26,051 --> 00:01:28,845 Okay, but if you really have a lot of these guys gunning for you, 25 00:01:28,929 --> 00:01:32,474 - maybe you should look into what you're doing to... - Oh, don't start that crap, Morty. 26 00:01:32,557 --> 00:01:34,935 I don't do anything for these dip shits to seek me out. 27 00:01:35,018 --> 00:01:37,145 I am Mr. Calypso. 28 00:01:37,229 --> 00:01:42,609 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit. 29 00:01:43,402 --> 00:01:45,195 Okay, I might look into it. 30 00:01:45,737 --> 00:01:47,197 [theme music playing] 31 00:02:18,562 --> 00:02:21,022 - Why don't you have a seat? - This isn't a therapy session. 32 00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:25,569 I'm asking you what people in your racket say about handling this situation. 33 00:02:25,652 --> 00:02:28,321 First, we'd want you to define the situation. 34 00:02:28,405 --> 00:02:30,991 I'm a walking target for a never-ending sea of angry nerds 35 00:02:31,074 --> 00:02:34,327 that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of, I don't know, platform? 36 00:02:34,411 --> 00:02:37,289 I mean, look at this guy. He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk." 37 00:02:37,372 --> 00:02:40,083 Because that's the angle of attack that's gonna undo me, right? 38 00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:43,211 You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo. 39 00:02:43,295 --> 00:02:47,132 And you think locking this man in a chamber and milking him of cosmic fluid 40 00:02:47,215 --> 00:02:48,592 will somehow resolve this? 41 00:02:48,675 --> 00:02:52,345 I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation and maybe set an example. 42 00:02:52,429 --> 00:02:56,391 But you've set this example many times and it's not changing your situation. 43 00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:59,936 Yeah. Now you're gonna tell me to ignore them. But guess what, they want that too. 44 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:03,523 - And why would they want to be ignored? - You really believe if I let a guy like this 45 00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:05,692 do whatever he wants, he gets bored and vanishes? 46 00:03:05,776 --> 00:03:08,737 Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong? 47 00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:10,614 - Yes. - Then show me data. 48 00:03:10,697 --> 00:03:14,910 - Ignore them for a week and see what happens. - Oh. You're on, bitch. 49 00:03:15,577 --> 00:03:17,496 Is that man dead? 50 00:03:17,579 --> 00:03:20,582 - Is everything in here confidential? - Everything but murder. 51 00:03:20,665 --> 00:03:21,583 Then he's fine. 52 00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:26,046 I think it's pretty big, you know? Big step for the big cheese. 53 00:03:26,129 --> 00:03:29,007 - Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed. - Can we not make it a big deal? 54 00:03:29,090 --> 00:03:32,093 It's worth celebrating, Rick. You accepted the concept of therapy 55 00:03:32,177 --> 00:03:34,596 without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly. 56 00:03:34,679 --> 00:03:37,766 Jerry, for fucks sake, that was a regular fly in her office that day. 57 00:03:37,849 --> 00:03:42,187 - What the hell? - Rick. How about a little piss? 58 00:03:42,270 --> 00:03:45,232 Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn? 59 00:03:45,315 --> 00:03:48,318 - I'm sure he'll tell you. - I am Pissmaster. 60 00:03:48,401 --> 00:03:52,656 Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez. 61 00:03:52,739 --> 00:03:54,574 He's spraying my lavender bush. 62 00:03:54,658 --> 00:03:56,493 My bees need that lavender. 63 00:03:56,576 --> 00:03:59,454 Remember five seconds ago when you guys were stoked about me changing 64 00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:01,540 because it made you feel superior? 65 00:04:01,623 --> 00:04:06,545 Ooh, whole family is here. Who's that redhead? Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower. 66 00:04:06,628 --> 00:04:07,712 Oh, my God, what? 67 00:04:07,796 --> 00:04:09,130 - Hey. - Okay, that's it. 68 00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:12,509 Think about this. if you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole for not helping 69 00:04:12,592 --> 00:04:15,929 - or an asshole for helping. - My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms 70 00:04:16,012 --> 00:04:17,305 and I'll respond how I choose. 71 00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:18,473 - Wait, Dad, don't. - Honey. 72 00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:21,601 - Hey. - You want a piece of piss? 73 00:04:21,685 --> 00:04:25,146 If that's your stupid, rude way of saying I have to fight you, I will. 74 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:26,523 Take your shot, pussy. 75 00:04:26,606 --> 00:04:29,234 - Don't talk to me that way. Go away. - Make me. 76 00:04:29,317 --> 00:04:31,152 Go away! 77 00:04:32,445 --> 00:04:33,530 Ow. 78 00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:35,198 Careful, honey. 79 00:04:44,958 --> 00:04:48,962 - Just stay down. I don't even know you. - Yeah, you don't know me. 80 00:04:49,045 --> 00:04:52,340 But I'm gonna know your whole ass, you son of a gun. 81 00:04:57,095 --> 00:04:59,347 - Hey, none of that. - Break it up, guys. 82 00:05:04,978 --> 00:05:07,314 Come on, you dirty motherfucker. 83 00:05:11,276 --> 00:05:12,110 No! 84 00:05:12,611 --> 00:05:14,154 No, no, no! 85 00:05:18,825 --> 00:05:19,993 Stop! 86 00:05:21,953 --> 00:05:23,830 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! 87 00:05:23,914 --> 00:05:25,790 Stop! I give up! 88 00:05:25,874 --> 00:05:27,417 Apologize to my daughter. 89 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,961 - For what? - You know for what. 90 00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:31,630 [sobbing] I'm sorry. 91 00:05:31,713 --> 00:05:34,591 I'm sorry I sexualized you. 92 00:05:34,674 --> 00:05:37,594 It came out wrong. 93 00:05:37,677 --> 00:05:38,762 That's my dad. 94 00:05:38,845 --> 00:05:40,555 That's my fucking dad. 95 00:05:40,639 --> 00:05:42,057 [crowd cheering, clamoring] 96 00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:45,393 Honey, I'm so proud of you. 97 00:05:45,477 --> 00:05:47,228 - Ow. - Oh, sorry. 98 00:05:48,188 --> 00:05:49,189 Thank you, Rick. 99 00:05:51,107 --> 00:05:53,777 Damn. Hashtag "Flamingo Dad" is everywhere. 100 00:05:53,860 --> 00:05:57,572 Buzzfeed made an odd-numbered list of other people's observations about you 101 00:05:57,656 --> 00:06:02,035 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis on white Twitter's impression of Black Twitter. 102 00:06:02,118 --> 00:06:05,205 Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence that you're a bad person. 103 00:06:05,288 --> 00:06:08,458 - That is their highest honor. - So this is what it's like to trend. 104 00:06:08,541 --> 00:06:10,251 Feels good. Feels right. 105 00:06:10,335 --> 00:06:13,380 Now a bunch more assholes are gonna know they can get a rise out of you. 106 00:06:13,463 --> 00:06:15,924 - [both] Boo. - Rick, let a dog have one day. 107 00:06:16,007 --> 00:06:17,634 I'm letting, I'm letting. 108 00:06:19,511 --> 00:06:23,056 - Whoa. Are those orbs? - This is what I'm talking about. 109 00:06:23,139 --> 00:06:27,227 Some asshole saw that fight and they were jealous of Pissmaster. 110 00:06:30,021 --> 00:06:34,567 I am Blagnar the Eternal. We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster. 111 00:06:34,651 --> 00:06:37,112 - That's my dad, Jerry Smith. - Jerry Smith. 112 00:06:37,195 --> 00:06:41,032 Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice and those who deliver it. 113 00:06:41,116 --> 00:06:43,410 - Wait, what? - Our great council would like to offer you 114 00:06:43,493 --> 00:06:44,703 this silver orb. 115 00:06:44,786 --> 00:06:47,122 And with it, a place amongst us. 116 00:06:47,205 --> 00:06:48,915 Whoa, it's sticky. 117 00:06:48,999 --> 00:06:52,168 That means it's found a pure heart it wants to bond with. 118 00:06:52,252 --> 00:06:56,131 You guys saw my son-in-law on the news, now he gets a sticky orb. What's the catch? 119 00:06:56,214 --> 00:06:58,341 - We're not rubes. - Yeah, your power is well-known 120 00:06:58,425 --> 00:07:01,344 in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez, and it should come as no surprise 121 00:07:01,428 --> 00:07:03,596 that our orbs are unsticky for you. 122 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,183 Oh, no. First, I get banned from the Nextdoor app, now this. 123 00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:09,811 I'd be honored to join your organization. 124 00:07:09,894 --> 00:07:13,940 So, what do I do, rub the orb when I see crime or eat the orb like spinach? 125 00:07:14,024 --> 00:07:16,568 The orb is raw power. 126 00:07:16,651 --> 00:07:18,278 Trust your heart, Jerry. 127 00:07:18,361 --> 00:07:20,155 It will know what to do. 128 00:07:20,864 --> 00:07:21,990 [groaning] 129 00:07:22,657 --> 00:07:24,242 [microwave turns on] 130 00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:27,245 Did you turn on the microwave? 131 00:07:27,328 --> 00:07:30,123 No. Maybe. I was trying to fly. I... 132 00:07:31,332 --> 00:07:33,251 - What? - I mean, come on, Rick. 133 00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:36,838 - Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. - Orbs and goblets. 134 00:07:36,921 --> 00:07:40,258 You're the orb guy in the family. Can you please help me? 135 00:07:40,341 --> 00:07:43,094 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me. 136 00:07:43,178 --> 00:07:46,139 - Trust me, I'm helping by not helping. - Seriously? 137 00:07:46,222 --> 00:07:49,184 What the eff? Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing. 138 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:52,145 Now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back from being a hero? 139 00:07:52,228 --> 00:07:54,939 - Are you that petty? - You know what? Fine. 140 00:07:55,023 --> 00:07:59,611 Here. Here's your suit. I hardwired the orb's infinite energy right into it. 141 00:07:59,694 --> 00:08:01,196 This shooty thing looks cool. 142 00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:04,616 That shooty thing is a nuclear disruptor that can blow up planets. 143 00:08:04,699 --> 00:08:06,159 - So tight. - Kind of hot. 144 00:08:06,242 --> 00:08:11,039 Okay, show me acts of evil happening around the galaxy. 145 00:08:11,122 --> 00:08:12,874 Whoa, Space Hitlers? 146 00:08:12,957 --> 00:08:15,919 Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime. 147 00:08:16,002 --> 00:08:18,671 My God. Each one of them is their own type of Hitler. 148 00:08:18,755 --> 00:08:21,341 - Yeah, that's a problem. - Oh, shit, do that one. Oh, you guys. 149 00:08:21,424 --> 00:08:22,842 That's my parents. 150 00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:28,598 Wow. Well, family, looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission. 151 00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:31,101 Lawn flaming-ho! 152 00:08:32,268 --> 00:08:35,021 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this. 153 00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:39,526 Soon our Legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order. 154 00:08:39,609 --> 00:08:40,860 A Reich, if you will. 155 00:08:40,944 --> 00:08:45,156 - Riddle Hitler me this. - Sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now? 156 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,867 Auf Wiedersehen, bad guys. 157 00:08:47,951 --> 00:08:49,285 Exterminate him! 158 00:08:49,369 --> 00:08:52,705 Oh, shit! Oh, Jesus, one at a time. 159 00:08:55,166 --> 00:08:56,209 Oh, my God. 160 00:09:00,338 --> 00:09:04,092 Uh, hope there weren't other people on that planet. 161 00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:07,595 And there were no other people on the planet. Only Hitlers. 162 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,931 Each one ready to start their own holocaust, 163 00:09:10,014 --> 00:09:13,685 meaning an estimated 30 billion lives were saved by a single blast. 164 00:09:13,768 --> 00:09:16,020 And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith. 165 00:09:16,104 --> 00:09:18,189 Hashtag "Flamingo Dad." 166 00:09:18,273 --> 00:09:21,776 - You gotta be fucking kidding me. - Up next... Oh, actually, nothing. 167 00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:24,195 I guess we're gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more. 168 00:09:24,904 --> 00:09:26,197 [Goldenfold] I don't know. 169 00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:30,869 Therapy is starting to feel hopeless. I've got so many issues. [shouts] 170 00:09:30,952 --> 00:09:32,078 We need to talk. 171 00:09:32,162 --> 00:09:37,750 Hey, no. I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me and my patients with respect. 172 00:09:40,545 --> 00:09:41,421 Oh, Lord. 173 00:09:41,504 --> 00:09:42,505 I was a fly. 174 00:09:42,589 --> 00:09:43,548 So unburdened. 175 00:09:43,631 --> 00:09:45,175 So free of shame. 176 00:09:45,258 --> 00:09:47,093 Welp, I'm officially cured. 177 00:09:47,177 --> 00:09:49,804 Here. Here's your data. Hard proof that God hates me. 178 00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:51,973 I ignored a troll and Jerry beat the guy's ass. 179 00:09:52,056 --> 00:09:56,269 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power, which I gave him, to annihilate planets of Hitlers 180 00:09:56,352 --> 00:09:58,188 and everyone's popping champagne. 181 00:09:58,271 --> 00:10:02,609 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change. And they're changing. It's working. 182 00:10:02,692 --> 00:10:06,404 Oh, so if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law beats up people, it's working. 183 00:10:06,487 --> 00:10:10,074 - But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power? - Rick, listen to yourself. 184 00:10:10,158 --> 00:10:13,411 You're complaining about how you have to be careful with your immense power 185 00:10:13,494 --> 00:10:17,498 and that Hitlers are dead. Everything you're describing is positive. 186 00:10:18,082 --> 00:10:21,461 Oh, shit, not reacting. That really is the kill move? 187 00:10:21,544 --> 00:10:25,882 I don't know if you need to think about it in terms of murder, but, yes, just stay the course. 188 00:10:25,965 --> 00:10:29,177 - Okay, good talk. - What you're describing is therapy. 189 00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:33,765 And if you'd like to keep receiving it, start scheduling your visits with Judy up front. 190 00:10:33,848 --> 00:10:35,099 Thank you. 191 00:10:35,183 --> 00:10:39,520 Thank you, Flamingo Fam. When they asked if I wanted to be the first human 192 00:10:39,604 --> 00:10:43,274 to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, I thought, I don't know. 193 00:10:43,358 --> 00:10:47,278 I got this cool orb suit that goes fast. But you know what sold me? 194 00:10:47,362 --> 00:10:48,404 [alarm system chirps] 195 00:10:48,488 --> 00:10:53,493 The council said I could pick my own bridge crew. Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say? 196 00:10:53,576 --> 00:10:56,746 - What? Are you serious? - Oh, shit, yeah, I love Mitsubishi. 197 00:10:56,829 --> 00:10:59,207 - Me too. I've heard of them. - [Beth] This is so exciting. 198 00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:00,917 Oh, my, God, this is so cool. 199 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,294 All right, gang, orbs away! 200 00:11:10,051 --> 00:11:12,178 Oh, me, oh, my. Can it be? 201 00:11:12,262 --> 00:11:14,555 A giant piece of shit I see? 202 00:11:17,267 --> 00:11:20,937 I am Mr. Stringbean. No one resists my rhyming scheme. 203 00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:23,523 Hey, douchebag, why don't you chill out? 204 00:11:23,606 --> 00:11:24,816 Who's this asshole? 205 00:11:24,899 --> 00:11:26,234 I am Dr. Buckles. 206 00:11:26,317 --> 00:11:28,820 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions. 207 00:11:28,903 --> 00:11:32,282 Oh, you wanna see the Bean get mean? [shouting] 208 00:11:35,034 --> 00:11:36,286 I'll be damned. 209 00:11:36,369 --> 00:11:37,745 - I'm out. - Stop it. 210 00:11:38,329 --> 00:11:39,622 I'm out. 211 00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:44,085 I'm out. 212 00:11:44,168 --> 00:11:47,922 Oh, my God, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on. 213 00:11:48,006 --> 00:11:51,426 Look at him. He tried to crawl under the car. What a loser. 214 00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:53,511 - Hey, you watching the Pissmaster video? - Yeah. 215 00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:56,347 He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right? 216 00:11:56,431 --> 00:12:00,685 Oh, without a doubt. Who could relate being that much of a piece of shit? 217 00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:03,479 [somber music playing] 218 00:12:17,493 --> 00:12:18,494 [doorbell ringing] 219 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,180 Goddamn it. 220 00:12:38,056 --> 00:12:39,474 Fuck shit. 221 00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:40,975 Come on, man. Fuck. 222 00:12:41,059 --> 00:12:42,393 Come on, where is it? 223 00:12:42,477 --> 00:12:43,644 Shit, shit. 224 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,648 [grunts] Fuck. 225 00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:51,527 Come on, Pissmaster, come on. 226 00:12:53,279 --> 00:12:54,364 [grunts] 227 00:12:54,447 --> 00:12:55,823 [speaking indistinctly] 228 00:12:58,368 --> 00:12:59,202 Damn it. 229 00:13:02,997 --> 00:13:04,082 [doorbell ringing] 230 00:13:04,832 --> 00:13:06,250 [knocking on door] 231 00:13:06,959 --> 00:13:07,835 [woman] It's me. 232 00:13:08,461 --> 00:13:09,545 Please. 233 00:13:09,629 --> 00:13:11,047 Please, just open up. 234 00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:15,426 Dad, Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls and I'm worried. 235 00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:20,556 I said terrible things about you on my podcast. It's just, I've been so frustrated with you. 236 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:24,227 If you were to do something, I'd never stop blaming myself. 237 00:13:24,310 --> 00:13:27,897 - Just please. Please let me know you're okay. - Goddamn it. 238 00:13:30,441 --> 00:13:33,778 - I'm okay, honey. We're good. - I thought something happened to you. 239 00:13:33,861 --> 00:13:38,950 I can tell you, if anything happens to me, it's 100% not on you. It's my own choice. 240 00:13:39,033 --> 00:13:42,328 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad. 241 00:13:42,412 --> 00:13:45,039 Just promise you won't, okay? 242 00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:47,625 Okay, yeah. Promise. 243 00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:48,626 Love you, Dad. 244 00:13:52,422 --> 00:13:53,923 [groans] Fuck. 245 00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:04,100 [Pissmaster] Welp, this is it. 246 00:14:04,183 --> 00:14:06,727 I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith. 247 00:14:06,811 --> 00:14:08,104 The Earth man. 248 00:14:08,187 --> 00:14:09,772 Flamingo Dad. 249 00:14:09,856 --> 00:14:15,653 Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped made me realize people just wanna see me fail. 250 00:14:15,736 --> 00:14:20,408 All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong. 251 00:14:20,491 --> 00:14:21,742 [dramatic music playing] 252 00:14:34,464 --> 00:14:36,841 [screaming] Help! 253 00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,137 Wait. Who are you? 254 00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:42,346 Pissmaster. 255 00:14:42,430 --> 00:14:45,433 Make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you. 256 00:14:45,516 --> 00:14:48,186 Those were heat-seeking pissiles, by the way, not just missiles. 257 00:14:48,269 --> 00:14:49,228 Oh. 258 00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:52,023 - Okay. - ♪ Y'all ready for piss? ♪ 259 00:14:52,106 --> 00:14:55,693 Yo. Pissmaster. You saving that cat to make people forget you suck? 260 00:14:55,776 --> 00:14:59,030 - Nope, just saving it to save it. - Okay, we got nothing. 261 00:15:05,119 --> 00:15:06,078 ♪ Piss ♪ 262 00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:07,914 ♪ Pee ♪ 263 00:15:08,998 --> 00:15:09,999 ♪ Urine ♪ 264 00:15:10,708 --> 00:15:11,709 ♪ Number one ♪ 265 00:15:12,335 --> 00:15:13,336 ♪ Pee ♪ 266 00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:16,047 ♪ Piss ♪ 267 00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:18,007 Look, it's Pissmaster. 268 00:15:20,635 --> 00:15:23,763 - Dr. Wong, what's up? - [Wong] You're late for your session. 269 00:15:23,846 --> 00:15:26,224 - Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good. - [Wong] You're good? 270 00:15:26,307 --> 00:15:29,143 [Rick] See, I put on the suit of my enemy and I love it. 271 00:15:29,227 --> 00:15:30,603 Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, 272 00:15:30,686 --> 00:15:34,315 plant it in a city, and then have the suit autopilot the bomb into space. 273 00:15:34,398 --> 00:15:36,817 Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself. 274 00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:39,987 He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise never get myself, 275 00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:41,280 nice wet bow on top. 276 00:15:41,364 --> 00:15:45,660 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that, but I think you might be nailing it. 277 00:15:45,743 --> 00:15:48,329 - What? - If it's free and fun, do it. 278 00:15:48,412 --> 00:15:49,497 It sounds healthy. 279 00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:53,000 Oh, that wasn't my goal, but good to know. Shit, gotta go. 280 00:15:58,506 --> 00:15:59,799 [all cheering] 281 00:16:03,594 --> 00:16:05,721 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing, 282 00:16:05,805 --> 00:16:08,975 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so... 283 00:16:10,851 --> 00:16:13,896 Hey. Sorry, I'm late. Lot of traffic on the orbway. 284 00:16:13,980 --> 00:16:15,356 Take a seat, Jerry. 285 00:16:15,439 --> 00:16:18,568 We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise. 286 00:16:18,651 --> 00:16:20,027 Who cares, right? 287 00:16:20,111 --> 00:16:23,864 Uh, people are talking about him. He's becoming likable. Good, even. 288 00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:25,700 But he's Pissmaster. 289 00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:28,619 People change. Everyone loves a comeback story. 290 00:16:28,703 --> 00:16:29,829 I agree. - Everyone. 291 00:16:29,912 --> 00:16:31,581 All in favor of offering Orbship 292 00:16:31,664 --> 00:16:34,709 to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster? 293 00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,043 [all] Orb-yes. 294 00:16:36,127 --> 00:16:37,295 All those opposed? 295 00:16:37,378 --> 00:16:38,671 Obviously, orb-no. 296 00:16:38,754 --> 00:16:40,131 The Orbship has spoken. 297 00:16:42,383 --> 00:16:44,969 You know what, Jerry? This is a good test for you. 298 00:16:45,052 --> 00:16:48,389 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough to recruit Pissmaster, 299 00:16:48,472 --> 00:16:51,142 maybe you don't deserve your orb. 300 00:16:51,225 --> 00:16:55,271 And, Jerry, don't come back without him. 301 00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:56,564 [reporter] Absolute chaos. 302 00:16:56,647 --> 00:16:59,400 No one knows who planted the bomb, but one thing is clear. 303 00:16:59,483 --> 00:17:04,905 Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans, now sits on the brink of doom. 304 00:17:04,989 --> 00:17:08,909 The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle it as we speak. 305 00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:13,623 I can't stress enough. I'm 8 years old. I have no idea what I'm doing. 306 00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:16,042 Look, it's Pissmaster. 307 00:17:16,125 --> 00:17:19,670 Oh, no, there's no time to dismantle it. Come on, it's not safe here. 308 00:17:19,754 --> 00:17:21,005 [orphans cheering] 309 00:17:21,088 --> 00:17:23,090 Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop? 310 00:17:24,592 --> 00:17:26,844 - Pissmaster. - What are you doing here? 311 00:17:26,927 --> 00:17:29,013 [groans] Eugene Michael Piss. 312 00:17:29,096 --> 00:17:32,850 By decree of the Andromeda Strain, our great council presents you with this orb, 313 00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:36,020 - which you have to take. - Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something. 314 00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:39,357 Excuse me? Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given. 315 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,442 - I don't want it. - You have to take it. 316 00:17:41,525 --> 00:17:43,444 Jesus Christ, get out of here. 317 00:17:45,529 --> 00:17:48,741 He's flying it into space. He's gonna sacrifice himself. 318 00:17:50,117 --> 00:17:52,745 Get back here, you ungrateful shit. 319 00:17:52,828 --> 00:17:55,164 What is your problem? You're screwing up my hero death. 320 00:17:55,247 --> 00:17:56,123 Good. 321 00:17:56,207 --> 00:17:58,167 Flamingo Dad wants us to blow up? 322 00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,127 When did he become a shit heel? 323 00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:01,712 Life comes at you fast. 324 00:18:01,796 --> 00:18:04,924 - Dad, people are filming. - Yeah, maybe dial it back? 325 00:18:12,264 --> 00:18:13,724 [gasps] Rick? 326 00:18:13,808 --> 00:18:16,894 - PissSuit. Autopilot the payload. - [PissSuit] Confirmed. 327 00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:31,200 That's my fucking dad. 328 00:18:31,283 --> 00:18:32,493 [Jerry shouting] 329 00:18:36,288 --> 00:18:37,915 - Jerry? - Dad, are you okay? 330 00:18:37,998 --> 00:18:40,835 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster. 331 00:18:40,918 --> 00:18:42,586 Grandpa? What the hell? 332 00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:45,631 Jerry, what is this? 333 00:18:45,715 --> 00:18:47,508 People are saying you turned shit heel? 334 00:18:47,591 --> 00:18:51,303 Well, my father-in-law is Pissmaster, so why don't you ask him? 335 00:18:51,387 --> 00:18:56,016 What the...? Rick Sanchez, the Pissmaster? Okay, this is not a good look. 336 00:18:56,100 --> 00:19:00,354 This family, man. Look, I don't know what weird shit you two are pulling, 337 00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:03,232 but it's completely unstick worthy. We're done here. 338 00:19:03,315 --> 00:19:04,483 But I didn't know. 339 00:19:04,567 --> 00:19:05,776 I'm a good guy. 340 00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:07,737 I made you all famous. 341 00:19:07,820 --> 00:19:09,363 I'm a thousand years old. 342 00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:11,991 You know how many Flamingo Dads I've seen? 343 00:19:12,074 --> 00:19:13,451 Don't orb us. 344 00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:19,039 I don't get it. You were Pissmaster the whole time? 345 00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:20,416 Obviously not, Jerry. 346 00:19:20,499 --> 00:19:24,336 I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill... Uh, when you made him... 347 00:19:25,546 --> 00:19:29,008 Um, yeah, I've always been Pissmaster. 348 00:19:29,091 --> 00:19:34,764 But that would mean you let my dad beat you up just so he could, like, feel more confident? 349 00:19:34,847 --> 00:19:36,515 - Damn, Rick. - That's amazing. 350 00:19:36,599 --> 00:19:41,312 Hold on, what?...? Everyone's just accepting this? Wait, wasn't Pissmaster an alien? 351 00:19:41,395 --> 00:19:43,272 - Probably a robot. - He obviously Avatar'd it. 352 00:19:43,355 --> 00:19:45,524 But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that? 353 00:19:45,608 --> 00:19:50,154 Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once, okay? He's trying to change. 354 00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:55,284 [ship] You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi. 355 00:19:57,036 --> 00:20:00,706 Proud of you, Dad. Or should I say, Pissmaster. 356 00:20:00,790 --> 00:20:03,042 Yeah. Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you. 357 00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:07,505 And sorry for trying to stop you from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb. 358 00:20:07,588 --> 00:20:10,341 I just really liked having an orb. 359 00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:11,634 Ah, don't sweat it, Jer. 360 00:20:11,717 --> 00:20:13,052 Piss under the bridge. 361 00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,846 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh? 362 00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:18,349 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good. 363 00:20:18,432 --> 00:20:22,436 - That's pretty great of you, Rick. - Yeah. That's right, Morty. That's right. 364 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:26,148 You have to promise not to tell anyone, but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself. 365 00:20:26,232 --> 00:20:28,359 - Oh, man, what? - Yeah, I mean, I found him dead 366 00:20:28,442 --> 00:20:32,071 and I put on his suit. But look at this. He literally blames your dad. 367 00:20:32,154 --> 00:20:36,700 Holy shit. Wait, you kept the suicide note? That's so messed up. 368 00:20:36,784 --> 00:20:39,537 I know. I had to tell someone, Morty. I couldn't just sit on that. 369 00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:42,122 - And you expect me to? - Morty, no, what are you doing? 370 00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:43,749 [Jerry screams] 371 00:20:43,833 --> 00:20:47,127 - What the hell? He killed himself? - Jesus, Dad, you should've told us. 372 00:20:47,211 --> 00:20:49,588 - Especially if Jerry murdered him. - Wait, don't say that. 373 00:20:49,672 --> 00:20:51,465 - I didn't murder. - I thought it was cool 374 00:20:51,549 --> 00:20:53,676 - that I withheld that information. - But you didn't. 375 00:20:53,759 --> 00:20:57,555 - You're walking around with the note. - Gotta keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice. 376 00:20:57,638 --> 00:21:01,183 - That's the cool move. - How am I the bad guy? He sprayed piss on us. 377 00:21:01,267 --> 00:21:03,477 - You all cheered me on. - Don't drag us into this. 378 00:21:03,561 --> 00:21:05,479 Again, I told you this would happen. 379 00:21:05,563 --> 00:21:07,022 - Oh, get off your high horse. - Boo. 380 00:21:07,106 --> 00:21:09,358 Go ahead and boo. I was breathing piss. Think I care? 381 00:21:09,441 --> 00:21:11,068 Is this what it's like to trend? 382 00:21:11,151 --> 00:21:15,030 This is a nightmare. I should've just let him pee on my daughter. 383 00:21:15,114 --> 00:21:16,323 [Summer] What the hell, Dad? 384 00:21:16,699 --> 00:21:18,117 [theme music playing] 385 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:53,110 How about Jack Miller, aka carjack? He lifted a car off a stranger. 386 00:21:53,193 --> 00:21:54,153 - I guess. - Next. 387 00:21:54,236 --> 00:21:56,947 Orb-no. We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy. 388 00:21:57,031 --> 00:22:01,452 - Maybe we add someone that's already powerful? - We have to be realistic about who we can get. 389 00:22:01,535 --> 00:22:04,330 - I have a pitch. - We're not going to add Scarlett Johansson. 390 00:22:04,413 --> 00:22:10,794 - Next up, Mr. Nimbus. Lord of the oceans. - Oh, I hear he controls the police. 391 00:22:10,878 --> 00:22:12,671 - The police? - [all] Orb-yes. 392 00:22:12,755 --> 00:22:16,216 Guys, I already checked. His reps say he's really busy right now. 393 00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:18,844 - Everyone says that. - Oh, and we're not busy?