1
00:00:08,865 --> 00:00:11,493
- Why are we waiting in line for food?
- It's a pop-up.

2
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:14,579
It's a rare, pop-up restaurant thing
that only enters our solar system.

3
00:00:14,663 --> 00:00:16,581
Rick, you're gonna spoil your appetite.

4
00:00:16,665 --> 00:00:19,292
That's a weird way to say
I'll stop being hungry by eating food

5
00:00:19,376 --> 00:00:22,587
- but whatever. Three crispy, four wiggling.
- You're probably not even hungry.

6
00:00:22,671 --> 00:00:24,798
You don't like lines
because they aren't about you.

7
00:00:24,881 --> 00:00:28,301
Another weirdly aggressive way to describe
a friend respecting themselves.

8
00:00:28,385 --> 00:00:31,388
- [groans]
- What a wonderful thing to say.

9
00:00:31,471 --> 00:00:34,683
I was merely inspired
by the wonderful thing you said.

10
00:00:34,766 --> 00:00:38,520
- Sirs? Guys? You dropped this.
- Please take it as a reward.

11
00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:41,148
- So courteous.
- How nice it will be for you to eat

12
00:00:41,231 --> 00:00:44,234
what you were willing to stand in line for
so much sooner.

13
00:00:44,317 --> 00:00:47,320
Oh, no, that's okay.
I came to stand in line and then eat.

14
00:00:47,404 --> 00:00:49,531
- I wouldn't wanna do it differently.
- [both] Hmm.

15
00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:53,034
Dear fellow, I choose this moment
to surrender my sword

16
00:00:53,118 --> 00:00:56,538
so that you may succeed me
as the newest Knight of the Sun.

17
00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:59,249
What? No.
I didn't even want your sandwich.

18
00:00:59,332 --> 00:01:00,584
I don't want your sword.

19
00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:04,504
- Oh, believe me, son. You want it.
- I don't understand. You're knights?

20
00:01:04,588 --> 00:01:10,135
- With a K? Of the Sun with a U or an O?
- Your alphabet is of no concern here.

21
00:01:10,218 --> 00:01:14,723
We are sworn defenders of Helios,
the center of this system.

22
00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:18,310
- Okay, so it's sun with a U...
- [Rick] Morty, don't take the sword.

23
00:01:18,393 --> 00:01:20,812
Oh, I'm shocked
you're against something, Rick.

24
00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:21,772
You know these guys?

25
00:01:21,855 --> 00:01:24,107
I know how they're dressed
and how boring this sounds.

26
00:01:24,191 --> 00:01:28,653
You take that sword, you're gonna get
sucked into a whole complicated... Oh, shit!

27
00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:31,573
- Come on, take it.
- Uh...

28
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:34,576
- If that kid's not gonna take the sword...
- He didn't offer it to you.

29
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:37,871
Can I just ask some stuff?
What does a Knight of the Sun do?

30
00:01:37,954 --> 00:01:41,416
- He takes the sword, for one thing.
- Maybe you made a bad call.

31
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,543
- He doesn't want the sword.
- I didn't say that.

32
00:01:43,627 --> 00:01:44,920
You sure aren't taking it.

33
00:01:45,003 --> 00:01:48,215
- Would you just take a random...
- Obviously, yes. And I did.

34
00:01:48,298 --> 00:01:50,884
Best decision of my life.
And you're shitting on it.

35
00:01:50,967 --> 00:01:53,094
- Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?
- [both] No.

36
00:01:53,178 --> 00:01:56,807
- I'm taking the sword.
- Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name?

37
00:01:56,890 --> 00:02:00,060
- Morty.
- Now it is Sir Mortaniel.

38
00:02:00,143 --> 00:02:01,812
I made it a little knightlier.

39
00:02:01,895 --> 00:02:04,147
- Good day.
- Wait, did he just...

40
00:02:04,231 --> 00:02:07,442
Goddamn it, Morty.
You took the sword? So boring.

41
00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:10,821
Oh, like you're not at this point?
You drunk, cranky fuck.

42
00:02:13,865 --> 00:02:16,117
Ouch.

43
00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:19,329
You guys still gonna stand in line?
You're not gonna take this food?

44
00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:22,749
The pop-up pays us to stand here.
To drive up business.

45
00:02:22,833 --> 00:02:23,667
Knew it.

46
00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:25,001
[theme music playing]

47
00:02:57,450 --> 00:03:02,414
Everyone. Sir Helios' successor,
Sir Mortaniel.

48
00:03:02,497 --> 00:03:07,627
♪ <i>Sir Mortaniel, face so bright
Serves the sun with strength and might</i> ♪

49
00:03:07,711 --> 00:03:12,757
♪ <i>Sir Mortaniel, come and see
Just what the sun provides for thee</i> ♪

50
00:03:12,841 --> 00:03:16,011
- Wow, my own song.
- Now you know why Sir Helios

51
00:03:16,094 --> 00:03:18,805
had to change your name
to something with three syllables.

52
00:03:18,889 --> 00:03:24,144
- Welcome, Dawnling, to the sun.
- So it is the sun, like Earth's sun?

53
00:03:24,227 --> 00:03:28,356
- Aha! He's heard of us.
- How come I'm not burning to a crisp?

54
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:32,861
You are currently protected by our powers,
but soon they will be yours.

55
00:03:32,944 --> 00:03:35,113
Our flesh is indestructible.

56
00:03:35,196 --> 00:03:39,117
Our lives are never-ending,
but not even in the dumb vampire way

57
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,286
where after a while you hate it
and you can't die.

58
00:03:41,369 --> 00:03:42,913
We can die whenever we want.

59
00:03:42,996 --> 00:03:45,874
- We just don't have to.
- But you're not allowed to leave, right?

60
00:03:45,957 --> 00:03:49,711
- Like I'll never see my family again?
- We leave constantly.

61
00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:51,338
I met you on an asteroid.

62
00:03:51,421 --> 00:03:53,840
Oh, yeah.
Between us, that wasn't a deal breaker

63
00:03:53,924 --> 00:03:55,508
but it's better that there's options.

64
00:03:55,592 --> 00:03:58,428
You'll have more freedom
than you've ever known.

65
00:03:58,511 --> 00:03:59,763
Our king.

66
00:03:59,846 --> 00:04:02,223
The sun is the center of the solar system.

67
00:04:02,307 --> 00:04:05,936
It is the home of the solar scepter,
around which all worlds revolve.

68
00:04:06,019 --> 00:04:09,814
The men who keep it safe
are admired by all and live as gods.

69
00:04:09,898 --> 00:04:13,610
- Any more questions?
- Uh, yeah, where do I sign?

70
00:04:13,693 --> 00:04:16,613
- Huzzah.
- Well, that does it.

71
00:04:16,696 --> 00:04:20,241
- Off to the parapet to make this official.
- Yeah, let's do this.

72
00:04:22,077 --> 00:04:24,955
Now just cut off your penises
and throw them into the sun.

73
00:04:26,289 --> 00:04:30,377
- Okey-dokey.
- I see Mortaniel wants to go first.

74
00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:31,461
Uh, not true.

75
00:04:31,544 --> 00:04:34,464
Do I just leave the sword wherever?
ls there a sword bin?

76
00:04:34,547 --> 00:04:36,549
What are you saying,
you don't want to cut off...

77
00:04:36,633 --> 00:04:39,552
- Guys, can we not...
- It's a terrific and painful sacrifice

78
00:04:39,636 --> 00:04:43,181
we all make for the most important
and powerful job in the universe.

79
00:04:43,264 --> 00:04:45,725
- We've done it since the dawn of dawns.
- [Morty] Yep.

80
00:04:45,809 --> 00:04:48,395
There it is in stained glass. It's official.

81
00:04:48,478 --> 00:04:51,189
And I'm not judging it.
And I'm not doing it.

82
00:04:51,272 --> 00:04:54,067
People really live here?
This is nuts, I thought it was a metaphor.

83
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:55,568
We have to go.

84
00:04:56,236 --> 00:04:59,447
- Boy. They're not messing around, huh?
- How are you not burning?

85
00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:00,490
Oh, it's just science,

86
00:05:00,573 --> 00:05:03,618
which, unless I'm misinterpreting,
is clearly not a priority here.

87
00:05:03,702 --> 00:05:06,246
Okay, common Lil Junebug,
I won't rub your face in this one.

88
00:05:06,329 --> 00:05:09,749
- I'm guessing you're feeling pretty stupid.
- Yes. Thank you.

89
00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:13,586
Sir Helios gave his life with that sword.
Mortaniel took it.

90
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:16,256
He cannot leave unless
he bests me in combat.

91
00:05:16,715 --> 00:05:18,717
Hmm. Okay, one sec.

92
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,469
I'm guessing these guys are like
pseudo immortalish

93
00:05:21,553 --> 00:05:23,847
so playing by their rules
might be the fastest way out.

94
00:05:23,930 --> 00:05:26,474
- Just best him in combat. Here.
- What?

95
00:05:26,558 --> 00:05:28,935
This sword uses Al to learn
from an opponent's attacks.

96
00:05:29,019 --> 00:05:32,105
- I have to get attacked first?
- The sword has already seen <i>Blade.</i>

97
00:05:32,188 --> 00:05:33,982
And loved it. You'll be fine.

98
00:05:44,284 --> 00:05:49,456
- Okay, so we're done here.
- No. We're not done, I am done.

99
00:05:49,539 --> 00:05:50,957
You are now king of the sun.

100
00:05:51,041 --> 00:05:54,461
- Protect the Scepter always.
- No, no, I don't want to...

101
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:02,010
How is that supposed to work?
He's king but he was never even a knight?

102
00:06:02,093 --> 00:06:04,804
- I mean, that's stupid.
- It's definitely a sun first.

103
00:06:04,888 --> 00:06:07,098
- A king with a penis?
- What do you want from me?

104
00:06:07,182 --> 00:06:10,101
[knights] All hail King Mortaniel.

105
00:06:10,185 --> 00:06:13,605
Uh, as your king, I hereby,
declare a vacation, for me,

106
00:06:13,688 --> 00:06:16,399
I'll come visit you guys on like Sundays.

107
00:06:16,483 --> 00:06:21,738
Sundays. if I forget, just wait a week,
keep doing that, keep the crown, peace.

108
00:06:25,408 --> 00:06:28,495
Hell yeah. See? That's from
when he's fighting Deacon Frost.

109
00:06:29,329 --> 00:06:32,457
- I don't know. I thought it was cool.
- Okay. So...

110
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:36,961
So you dragged me to a fake restaurant,
yelled at me for not doing what you wanted

111
00:06:37,045 --> 00:06:40,215
then did something I told you not to
and it almost cost you your pud

112
00:06:40,298 --> 00:06:43,760
but I saved your life and you're waiting
for me to make you feel like shit.

113
00:06:43,843 --> 00:06:46,054
- That's... Yeah, you nailed it.
- Morty, I'm sorry

114
00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:47,764
I let your opinion of me get this low.

115
00:06:47,847 --> 00:06:50,642
- I get it.
- There's nothing to get, I'm for real.

116
00:06:50,725 --> 00:06:54,604
I'm a drunk, I'm a psychopath, I'm a murderer,
but when you called me boring...

117
00:06:54,687 --> 00:06:56,815
- I shouldn't have...
- I needed to hear it.

118
00:06:56,898 --> 00:06:59,150
You took the stupid sword
and I was like, "Holy crap,

119
00:06:59,234 --> 00:07:02,445
this is who I am to this kid?
He just does the opposite of my advice now?

120
00:07:02,529 --> 00:07:03,863
I mean, I gotta fix that."

121
00:07:03,947 --> 00:07:07,325
So I'm gonna be like 22%
more agreeable with you for like,

122
00:07:07,408 --> 00:07:09,410
maybe one episode or one adventure.

123
00:07:09,494 --> 00:07:11,746
- We'll see how it goes.
- ls 22% a lot?

124
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:14,082
I won't tell you what percentage
of our time together

125
00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:17,836
I'm mean to you because it'll hurt
your stupid feelings but 22 is substantial.

126
00:07:17,919 --> 00:07:21,589
- You're gonna feel the difference.
- Okay. I mean, I appreciate it.

127
00:07:22,674 --> 00:07:24,676
You should because you made a real mess.

128
00:07:24,759 --> 00:07:25,844
- Oh, man.
- Sire.

129
00:07:25,927 --> 00:07:27,846
- You can't leave.
- Go away.

130
00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:33,434
My king, it is our duty to follow you
till the sun sets on our watch.

131
00:07:33,518 --> 00:07:36,938
I mean, it set yesterday,
so you're done. Bye.

132
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:39,482
Sire, the sun never sets on the sun.

133
00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:42,485
- Can you get rid of them?
- You want me to...?

134
00:07:42,569 --> 00:07:45,155
Well, you guys know
he can kill you, right?

135
00:07:45,238 --> 00:07:48,908
I think he'd find that quite difficult, sire,
but if it pleases you.

136
00:07:48,992 --> 00:07:51,786
Can't I just tell you it pleases me
for you to go away?

137
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:55,206
- No. Not really.
- So you'd rather die than leave me alone?

138
00:07:55,290 --> 00:07:56,457
[knights] Yes.

139
00:07:56,541 --> 00:08:01,421
♪ <i>A pheasant plucked for my good king
A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing</i> ♪

140
00:08:02,755 --> 00:08:05,425
These guys live on our sun?
I've never heard of them.

141
00:08:05,508 --> 00:08:08,011
I don't see them doing a lot
to earn interplanetary fame.

142
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:09,554
I beg your pardon, wizard,

143
00:08:09,637 --> 00:08:12,140
the Knights of the Sun
protect the solar scepter,

144
00:08:12,223 --> 00:08:14,559
around which even this world turns.

145
00:08:14,642 --> 00:08:17,145
You do mean that,
like, symbolically, right?

146
00:08:17,228 --> 00:08:20,773
Oh, quite literally. The scepter is
the center of the solar system.

147
00:08:20,857 --> 00:08:23,568
All planets orbit it.
We keep it on the sun so that

148
00:08:23,651 --> 00:08:26,237
Jupiter and Saturn don't bump
into each other.

149
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,908
- Oh, my God.
- They don't even know sixth-grade science.

150
00:08:29,991 --> 00:08:31,242
That's it.

151
00:08:31,326 --> 00:08:32,827
Yeah, so there you have it.

152
00:08:32,911 --> 00:08:36,164
Traditions suck ass and your most
foundational beliefs are total bullshit.

153
00:08:36,247 --> 00:08:38,249
We're supposed to take your word for it?

154
00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:41,211
Anyone can draw circles on a board
and spout numbers.

155
00:08:41,294 --> 00:08:44,047
Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire,

156
00:08:44,130 --> 00:08:46,341
but it would take more than this
for us to give up.

157
00:08:46,424 --> 00:08:47,967
How do you guys think it works?

158
00:08:48,051 --> 00:08:50,845
- Well, the scepter...
- Oh, you mean this old thing?

159
00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:51,930
[knights shouting]

160
00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:55,266
You want it? Here. Take it back home.
It's a symbol. It's your culture.

161
00:08:55,350 --> 00:08:57,143
That's not the same as reality.

162
00:08:57,227 --> 00:09:00,396
Does this mean we cut off our penises
for absolutely no reason?

163
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,775
That's the bad news.
The good news is you're free.

164
00:09:05,485 --> 00:09:07,946
- Oh, that stings.
- Fuck this knight shit.

165
00:09:08,029 --> 00:09:12,033
A query? I just used your computer phone
to search "despair."

166
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:15,203
- Where can I get this heroin?
- I'm not telling you that.

167
00:09:15,286 --> 00:09:19,082
No matter, I'm seeing from most of your
song lyrics that I can get it anywhere.

168
00:09:19,707 --> 00:09:20,750
[clears throat]

169
00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:24,128
Um, you guys,
someone just used critical thinking

170
00:09:24,212 --> 00:09:27,507
and basic physics
to destroy their first entire religion.

171
00:09:27,590 --> 00:09:28,883
- Good job, Morty.
- Nice.

172
00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:30,969
- So no more sun-tour age?
- Yep. All done.

173
00:09:31,052 --> 00:09:33,680
Plus, Rick and I both learned
to support each other better.

174
00:09:33,763 --> 00:09:35,723
So that's it, we're done.

175
00:09:35,807 --> 00:09:37,642
Feels early, but we're done.

176
00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:41,771
What's happening? Appliances
are breaking that I haven't touched.

177
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,942
Maybe the sun is celebrating?

178
00:09:48,403 --> 00:09:52,031
The Sons of the Moon
are storming the Walkway. Doesn't matter.

179
00:09:52,115 --> 00:09:56,119
Their aggression will be kept in check by
a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances.

180
00:09:56,202 --> 00:09:59,163
It's complicated, but as long as
The Knights of the Sun stand together,

181
00:09:59,247 --> 00:10:02,417
the solar system will always have
complete political stability.

182
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,378
Where are the Knights of the Sun,
by the way? I'm done pooping.

183
00:10:06,129 --> 00:10:11,134
Hmm? Did the Knights of the Sun disband?

184
00:10:11,217 --> 00:10:12,468
While I was pooping?

185
00:10:13,303 --> 00:10:14,929
Sun-kward...

186
00:10:19,684 --> 00:10:22,312
How many planets in our solar system
have these clowns?

187
00:10:22,395 --> 00:10:25,023
I guess if the sun can support life,
any planet can.

188
00:10:25,106 --> 00:10:27,025
Maybe we all descended
from a common ancestor?

189
00:10:27,108 --> 00:10:29,027
Haven't you seen
all of the universes?

190
00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:32,613
Exactly, so why would I hang out on Pluto?
That's some Jerry-league shit.

191
00:10:32,697 --> 00:10:35,241
If the Sons of the Moon
can attack the sun,

192
00:10:35,325 --> 00:10:38,536
why should the Viscounts of Venus
continue sitting in Saturn's shadow?

193
00:10:38,619 --> 00:10:42,582
How's this for a reason?
We got all the rings and all the balls.

194
00:10:42,665 --> 00:10:44,125
- Oh, fuck you.
- Really?

195
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:47,670
If the Saturno-Venusian detente
is no longer honored,

196
00:10:47,754 --> 00:10:51,883
I declare you all moons of Jupiter.
Because that's what you are to us.

197
00:10:51,966 --> 00:10:53,343
A bunch of moons!

198
00:10:53,426 --> 00:10:57,055
Do the Knights of the Sun plan
to protect Mercury from this chaos?

199
00:10:57,138 --> 00:11:01,642
Because if we're on our own,
there's a new, very tiny sun in town.

200
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:08,399
- It's all you, pal.
- Um, hello?

201
00:11:08,483 --> 00:11:11,986
Don't I have, like, authority
over this Sons of the Moon meeting?

202
00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:14,072
That all depends. Who the hell are you?

203
00:11:14,155 --> 00:11:15,490
This guy's the king of the sun.

204
00:11:15,573 --> 00:11:17,408
- King of the sun.
- When did this happen?

205
00:11:17,492 --> 00:11:19,410
Then tell your knights to do their jobs.

206
00:11:19,494 --> 00:11:21,454
Yes, Your Majesty.

207
00:11:21,537 --> 00:11:25,208
We all know the sun's power
lives and dies with your knights.

208
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:30,588
- Who are you?
- Who...? I am the Marquis of Mars.

209
00:11:30,671 --> 00:11:34,425
And I declare war on all of you.
War on all of you!

210
00:11:34,509 --> 00:11:37,804
Where are the Knights of the Sun
when we need them most?

211
00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:41,224
- Funny you should ask...
- They're gone.

212
00:11:41,307 --> 00:11:43,267
- [all gasping]
- They've abandoned their duties.

213
00:11:43,351 --> 00:11:46,521
- I see it in the bones.
- Damn, the bones nailed it.

214
00:11:46,604 --> 00:11:49,148
Okay, so you have spaceships
and magic ladies?

215
00:11:49,232 --> 00:11:50,650
I'm not gonna read all the books.

216
00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:53,945
What will it take to let this Sons of the Moon
fiasco resolve itself?

217
00:11:54,028 --> 00:11:57,031
Excuse me.
How did you become king of the sun?

218
00:11:57,115 --> 00:11:59,367
- You look like an Earthling.
- Santa?

219
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:03,538
Santa? What the hell is that?
I'm the Earl of Earth, goddamn it.

220
00:12:03,621 --> 00:12:05,498
I agree with Earth on one thing:

221
00:12:05,581 --> 00:12:08,334
Venus questions the legitimacy
of this king's authority.

222
00:12:08,418 --> 00:12:09,627
[indistinct chatter]

223
00:12:11,462 --> 00:12:13,840
I'm the king.
I've got the scepter right here.

224
00:12:13,923 --> 00:12:16,592
- What the fuck?
- Yeah, I know you're freaking out

225
00:12:16,676 --> 00:12:20,096
- because it's not on the sun.
- No, because whoever has it

226
00:12:20,179 --> 00:12:23,224
- rules the solar system.
- It's up for grabs, get it.

227
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:24,892
After it.

228
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:27,687
Yes. I have the scepter.

229
00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:30,314
Soon Jupiter will be
the center of our solar system's

230
00:12:30,398 --> 00:12:32,608
- newest dark...
- Fuck that.

231
00:12:32,692 --> 00:12:38,114
- Mercury will now be the shining beacon of...
- Time to throw it all against the wall.

232
00:12:39,073 --> 00:12:40,324
I think you crushed it.

233
00:12:40,408 --> 00:12:42,452
I mean, not just anybody
can start Solar War I.

234
00:12:42,535 --> 00:12:44,662
- Stop supporting me.
- Can do.

235
00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:48,374
["Goodbye Blue Sky" playing]

236
00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:50,751
♪ <i>Goodbye, blue sky</i> ♪

237
00:12:51,836 --> 00:12:55,131
♪ <i>Goodbye, blue sky</i> ♪

238
00:12:55,214 --> 00:12:56,799
♪ <i>Goodbye</i> ♪

239
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:00,887
♪ <i>Goodbye</i> ♪

240
00:13:04,765 --> 00:13:08,227
♪ <i>Did you see the frightened ones?</i> ♪

241
00:13:09,228 --> 00:13:12,607
♪ <i>Did you hear the falling bombs?</i> ♪

242
00:13:13,941 --> 00:13:18,613
♪ <i>Did you ever wonder
Why we had to run for shelter</i> ♪

243
00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:24,118
♪ <i>When the promise of a brave new world
Unfurled beneath a clear blue sky?</i> ♪

244
00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:32,043
♪ <i>Ooh</i> ♪

245
00:13:35,922 --> 00:13:40,885
♪ <i>Ooh</i> ♪

246
00:13:44,764 --> 00:13:47,683
♪ <i>Did you see the frightened ones?</i> ♪

247
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:52,355
♪ <i>Did you hear the falling bombs?</i> ♪

248
00:13:53,272 --> 00:13:58,152
<i>♪The flames are all long gone
But the pain lingers on</i> ♪

249
00:14:02,156 --> 00:14:05,701
♪ <i>Goodbye, blue sky</i> ♪

250
00:14:06,577 --> 00:14:10,039
♪ <i>Goodbye, blue sky</i> ♪

251
00:14:10,122 --> 00:14:11,624
♪ <i>Goodbye</i> ♪

252
00:14:14,669 --> 00:14:16,087
♪ <i>Goodbye</i> ♪

253
00:14:19,799 --> 00:14:22,969
Who would've thought giving the Amish nukes
would threaten the solar system?

254
00:14:23,052 --> 00:14:25,596
- Maybe we should just jump universes.
- I don't know,

255
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,724
feels like we're kind of more about
trying out commitment now, you know?

256
00:14:28,808 --> 00:14:31,310
Maybe there's something we haven't tried.

257
00:14:31,394 --> 00:14:33,271
- Oh, here's an idea: fuck you.
- Hey!

258
00:14:33,354 --> 00:14:35,189
Rick, I can't take it. I admit I'm wrong,

259
00:14:35,273 --> 00:14:37,942
I screwed up, you're killing me here
"yes, and-ing" me to death.

260
00:14:38,025 --> 00:14:40,027
What is this, Vat of Acid again?

261
00:14:40,111 --> 00:14:43,781
I'm sorry I've been such a dick in the past
that you think I'm doing a thing here.

262
00:14:43,864 --> 00:14:46,367
I'm honestly just trying to do better by you.

263
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,953
- Are you a robot? A clone?
- Morty.

264
00:14:49,036 --> 00:14:51,080
This family's got enough
clones and robots in it.

265
00:14:51,163 --> 00:14:54,584
Stop asking what you're asking
and let's just get back to our crisis.

266
00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:57,503
I'm sorry, it's just been
a hard road with you, Rick.

267
00:14:57,587 --> 00:14:59,130
I get that, but you can trust me

268
00:14:59,213 --> 00:15:01,090
when I say I'm trying to do right by you.

269
00:15:01,173 --> 00:15:03,092
Okay, Rick. You're right.

270
00:15:03,175 --> 00:15:06,470
Maybe I just need
to round up some knights?

271
00:15:06,554 --> 00:15:10,016
If I disillusioned the old ones,
I'll just have to re-illusion them.

272
00:15:10,099 --> 00:15:11,684
It shouldn't be that hard, right?

273
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:21,193
Cousins, we need to return
to the Walkway at once.

274
00:15:23,779 --> 00:15:25,823
Why are you laughing?
Did I say something funny?

275
00:15:25,906 --> 00:15:27,283
Oh, Mortaniel.

276
00:15:27,366 --> 00:15:30,953
The only person we bend the knee
to these days is that sweet Black Betty.

277
00:15:31,037 --> 00:15:35,041
- Yeah, man, all hail Mr. Brownstone.
- And his doctor.

278
00:15:35,124 --> 00:15:36,375
Feelgood, that is.

279
00:15:36,459 --> 00:15:38,628
They're talking about heroin, Morty,
they like it.

280
00:15:38,711 --> 00:15:40,463
- Obviously.
- Obviously?

281
00:15:40,546 --> 00:15:44,342
Apparently living on the sun has turned
our veins into triple-bonded carbon,

282
00:15:44,425 --> 00:15:48,179
so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel:
We can't OD.

283
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:49,972
Come on, you guys are a mess.

284
00:15:50,056 --> 00:15:51,682
They actually seem awesome.

285
00:15:51,766 --> 00:15:54,810
Let me be your king.
I admit I wanted what you once had:

286
00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:57,355
brotherhood, tradition,
stability, purpose.

287
00:15:57,438 --> 00:15:59,899
I just didn't want to cut
my dick off for it.

288
00:15:59,982 --> 00:16:03,235
Yeah, that's the point.
We were quick to follow this boy before,

289
00:16:03,319 --> 00:16:05,946
without even forcing him
to commit to our traditions.

290
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:09,200
And all he did was break our faith
and our Walkway.

291
00:16:09,283 --> 00:16:13,954
And now this random fucking guy is here
again to tell us what to do?

292
00:16:14,038 --> 00:16:15,539
No fucking way.

293
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:17,958
What if I cut off my dick?

294
00:16:19,251 --> 00:16:21,545
But you'd be cutting it off for no reason.

295
00:16:21,629 --> 00:16:24,882
Yeah, that's the point of tradition,
doing things for no reason,

296
00:16:24,965 --> 00:16:28,177
but it'd be reason enough
doing it for you guys.

297
00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:31,639
Well, you do that,
that would compete with heroin.

298
00:16:31,722 --> 00:16:34,475
Cool, cool, can I maybe get a minute?

299
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,977
- [sobbing]
- Buddy, what's up?

300
00:16:37,061 --> 00:16:39,522
Reaching some sad conclusions
about your situation?

301
00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:41,357
Yes, but that Walkway
needs those knights,

302
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,193
those knights need a king
and that king needs no dick.

303
00:16:44,276 --> 00:16:46,529
Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up.

304
00:16:46,612 --> 00:16:49,490
Now do you want me to help you
not have to cut your dick off?

305
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:51,659
- Yes, please.
- Then I got you.

306
00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:53,953
- You really mean it, Rick?
- Of course, buddy.

307
00:16:54,036 --> 00:16:56,622
I'll give you a fake dick.
With three layers of failsafes.

308
00:16:56,706 --> 00:16:58,708
They'll never know the difference.

309
00:16:58,791 --> 00:17:02,086
Shh. Morty, we're gonna make your dick
so fake, buddy.

310
00:17:08,926 --> 00:17:12,054
The signal.
Sir, the Knights of the Sun are once more.

311
00:17:12,138 --> 00:17:15,641
Hold fire.
If this return to the Old Ways is true,

312
00:17:15,725 --> 00:17:18,853
I'd be willing to return home
and put an end to the bloodshed.

313
00:17:18,936 --> 00:17:20,104
[all cheering]

314
00:17:22,356 --> 00:17:23,399
[inaudible dialogue]

315
00:17:32,074 --> 00:17:36,078
Sir? Shall we hold off on the anti-matter
hydrogen bombing?

316
00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:40,666
Those crusty knights won't do
the sun much good without their...

317
00:17:40,750 --> 00:17:42,376
Let's hear them out.

318
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:43,544
[crowd cheering]

319
00:17:44,295 --> 00:17:46,630
I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor,

320
00:17:46,714 --> 00:17:49,633
personally oversee
the stumping of thy king's stem.

321
00:17:49,717 --> 00:17:54,472
If his stem burns true, peace will be
restored between the spheres.

322
00:17:54,555 --> 00:17:55,473
[crowd cheering]

323
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:01,395
Present the shears of stumping.

324
00:18:01,479 --> 00:18:04,315
- Morty the brave.
- You got this, my king.

325
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:09,653
First thing's first,
step through this machine

326
00:18:09,737 --> 00:18:12,406
which checks for nanotech no logical
hologram dicks.

327
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:13,949
- What?
- War opened our eyes

328
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:18,454
to the wonders of new technologies.
Please, step through, my liege.

329
00:18:25,252 --> 00:18:27,213
- Ooh.
- Sorry, my lord,

330
00:18:27,296 --> 00:18:29,799
but we're gonna need you to step through
this second machine

331
00:18:29,882 --> 00:18:32,176
which checks for emergency clone dicks.

332
00:18:32,259 --> 00:18:36,096
Oh wow, you guys really embraced
a lot of specific new tech?

333
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:38,682
- Whoa, a sunspot.
- What? Where?

334
00:18:40,476 --> 00:18:44,146
Boy, is that a third detector
I see as well?

335
00:18:44,230 --> 00:18:45,981
You'll find out after the second one.

336
00:18:46,065 --> 00:18:49,068
We don't like to reveal them
until the previous detecting threshold

337
00:18:49,151 --> 00:18:50,694
- has been crossed.
- Right.

338
00:18:52,822 --> 00:18:55,991
The third detector is going to scan
for a prosthetic dick.

339
00:18:56,075 --> 00:18:58,744
- Oh, good.
- Okay, well, go on through.

340
00:18:58,828 --> 00:19:02,581
And of course, by "prosthetic,"
we mean witchcraft dick.

341
00:19:02,665 --> 00:19:04,416
- Shit.
- I sense one.

342
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:07,211
The bones say he's still packing.

343
00:19:08,254 --> 00:19:09,171
[all gasping]

344
00:19:09,255 --> 00:19:12,091
Can't get nothing
past the chicken bone lady.

345
00:19:12,174 --> 00:19:16,512
- Just testing her.
- Stump. Thy. Stem.

346
00:19:17,763 --> 00:19:21,016
[Rick] <i>Morty? Morty, don't answer out loud,
can you hear me?</i>

347
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:22,560
<i>I'm talking to you with my mind.</i>

348
00:19:22,643 --> 00:19:24,645
- I can hear you.
- <i>You said that out loud.</i>

349
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:25,813
- <i>Don't speak.
</i>- Sorry...

350
00:19:25,896 --> 00:19:28,107
- <i>Sorry.
</i>- [Rick] <i>I uplinked a telepathic nanosatellite</i>

351
00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:29,859
<i>so we could hear each other's thoughts.</i>

352
00:19:29,942 --> 00:19:33,612
<i>Carefully do everything I tell you
in the exact order I tell you to do it.</i>

353
00:19:33,696 --> 00:19:35,531
- [Morty] <i>Okay.
</i>- [Rick] <i>Grab the scissors.</i>

354
00:19:35,614 --> 00:19:37,741
- [Morty] <i>Okay. Got the scissors.
</i>- [crowd cheering]

355
00:19:37,825 --> 00:19:39,827
- [Rick] <i>Now run.
</i>- [Morty] <i>Oh, shit.</i>

356
00:19:39,910 --> 00:19:41,745
Guards, seize them!

357
00:19:41,829 --> 00:19:43,747
[Morty]
<i>Run? You couldn't have just said that?</i>

358
00:19:43,831 --> 00:19:45,207
You don't have to use telepathy,

359
00:19:45,291 --> 00:19:47,251
you can ask
your rhetorical questions out loud.

360
00:19:47,334 --> 00:19:48,210
I don't understand.

361
00:19:48,294 --> 00:19:50,337
Here's something that's easy
to understand.

362
00:19:50,421 --> 00:19:53,215
I'm proud of you
for trying to solve your own shit.

363
00:19:53,299 --> 00:19:55,759
- I didn't wanna have to do this.
It's okay this time.

364
00:19:55,843 --> 00:19:57,636
We don't have any choice.

365
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,930
- I love you, Rick.
- Love you too, buddy.

366
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:04,143
[both screaming]

367
00:20:05,644 --> 00:20:08,772
[Fairenheat] And that's when King Morty
and Rick were left with no choice

368
00:20:08,856 --> 00:20:10,357
but to leap into the sun.

369
00:20:10,441 --> 00:20:13,402
Such shame he felt
for what he'd done to our society,

370
00:20:13,485 --> 00:20:15,404
sacrificing his dick wasn't enough,

371
00:20:15,487 --> 00:20:19,033
he gave his entire body
and wizard servant as well.

372
00:20:19,116 --> 00:20:22,786
And after a while,
their sun-proof bones floated up to the top.

373
00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:26,040
We even checked with a royal ladle
to ensure it was real sun,

374
00:20:26,123 --> 00:20:28,959
not just them hiding beneath
in a vat of fake sun.

375
00:20:29,043 --> 00:20:30,836
Such a violent death.

376
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,422
And finally,
when our grief could bear no more,

377
00:20:33,505 --> 00:20:37,092
we decided to abolish
our medieval act of stem stumping.

378
00:20:37,176 --> 00:20:40,596
And we have King Morty the Molten
to thank for that.

379
00:20:40,679 --> 00:20:43,891
[both]
Morty the Molten. King Morty the Molten.

380
00:20:43,974 --> 00:20:45,851
See, Morty? Worked like a charm.

381
00:20:45,935 --> 00:20:47,770
Aren't we risking it all coming back here?

382
00:20:47,853 --> 00:20:50,564
Morty, we had to know,
plus the heat, it's good for my joints.

383
00:20:50,648 --> 00:20:54,276
- King Mortaniel? You're alive?
- Yeah, go tell everybody.

384
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:56,528
Your reward's gonna be cutting off
your own dick.

385
00:20:57,237 --> 00:21:01,283
Right. Point taken. RIP and cheerio.

386
00:21:03,243 --> 00:21:04,119
Ooh.

387
00:21:04,495 --> 00:21:05,913
[theme music playing]

388
00:21:36,527 --> 00:21:40,197
- One crispy, one wriggling.
- Coming right up. Three loozums.

389
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,950
How about ten years? In jail.

390
00:21:43,033 --> 00:21:44,702
Special Agent Mongo Bongo,

391
00:21:44,785 --> 00:21:47,705
you're under arrest
for illegal hot dog trafficking.

392
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:52,167
[all groaning]

393
00:21:59,758 --> 00:22:01,010
[all groaning]

394
00:22:02,011 --> 00:22:04,221
Be free, my little babies.

395
00:22:04,972 --> 00:22:05,973
Ah.

396
00:22:07,391 --> 00:22:09,101
Surprised they actually made it.

397
00:22:09,184 --> 00:22:11,645
Kind of thought maybe
some birds would swoop down or...

398
00:22:11,729 --> 00:22:13,105
[screaming]

399
00:22:13,188 --> 00:22:15,399
I jinxed it!