1
00:00:04,750 --> 00:00:06,460
Before we move off this topic,
2
00:00:06,470 --> 00:00:08,754
can I ask if you're
currently a hologram?
3
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,730
Yeah, yeah. Hold on. One sec.
4
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:14,250
Left a bag of Funyuns
down there last week.
5
00:00:14,270 --> 00:00:15,486
Didn't want to waste our time.
6
00:00:15,487 --> 00:00:17,250
Okay. Let's do it. Therapy me.
7
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,673
- Do you need to take that?
- No. Just the president.
8
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,511
Maybe we should turn off the phone.
9
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:25,910
President of the United States.
10
00:00:25,930 --> 00:00:27,019
Thought you might think that was cool.
11
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,020
You like it when people
think you're cool?
12
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,375
You're extra-analytical today.
13
00:00:30,390 --> 00:00:31,629
Looking to remodel your kitchen?
14
00:00:31,630 --> 00:00:34,146
Sanchez, I know you're in there.
15
00:00:34,870 --> 00:00:37,260
When I call you directly,
it's an emergency.
16
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,470
I was in therapy. Don't
stigmatize mental health.
17
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,310
How rude of me. Hello.
18
00:00:41,330 --> 00:00:43,600
- I'm President Andre Curtis.
- Yes, I recognize you.
19
00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:44,970
Oh? How nice.
20
00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:48,452
It's not nice to recognize
a president. Can we go?
21
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:53,150
In 1961, the CIA secretly relocated
the Loch Ness Monster
22
00:00:53,170 --> 00:00:55,790
to Lake Erie and replaced
her bones with titanium.
23
00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,930
She was then bit by several werewolves,
24
00:00:57,950 --> 00:00:59,960
giving us the ultimate
anti-submarine weapon.
25
00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:02,010
- Got it.
- But the Soviets smuggled in
26
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,590
a leprechaun, who turned
Nessie's bones to silver,
27
00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:06,630
giving her the were-version of AIDS.
28
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,990
She sank to the bottom, and
we assumed she was dead.
29
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,390
But she was only asleep.
Now she's awake and hungry.
30
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,410
- You can't date my shrink.
- What?
31
00:01:14,430 --> 00:01:17,330
- Bro, you're nuts.
- Then don't date my shrink.
32
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,070
I'm not dating your shrink.
33
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:21,550
She probably doesn't even like me.
34
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,620
- Stand down, Sanchez.
- Tell him to stand down.
35
00:01:23,630 --> 00:01:25,170
Would you let him bang your therapist?
36
00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:26,940
I don't believe in therapy.
37
00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:29,630
What the hell does that even
mean, you don't believe in it?
38
00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:31,662
- He's a Scientologist.
- Don't date my shrink!
39
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:33,090
And don't be a space Mormon.
40
00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:34,930
- Why not?
- It's silly.
41
00:01:34,950 --> 00:01:36,990
Sorry. It's a cheap shot.
42
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,270
Worship how you want.
43
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,120
- I like Tom Cruise.
- Thank you.
44
00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:43,674
- Therapy's working.
- Keep it in your pants.
45
00:02:11,270 --> 00:02:15,490
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
46
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:20,110
Ooh. Welcome back to Mr. Stabby.
47
00:02:20,130 --> 00:02:22,463
Let's get another question
from the audience.
48
00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:24,060
Ow. Augh.
49
00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,300
Why do people get
tickets to his tapings?
50
00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:27,930
It's a fame-obsessed culture.
51
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,349
- Mr. President?
- I got an emergency, Rick.
52
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:32,810
Another president mission?
53
00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:34,750
You just killed the Loch
Ness Monster for him.
54
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:35,919
Tell that little bitch to zip it.
55
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,340
You can't talk to me like that.
56
00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:38,869
Tell him he can't talk to me like that.
57
00:02:38,870 --> 00:02:40,079
You can't talk to Morty like that.
58
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,690
- Whatever.
- I'll portal over.
59
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,310
I've seen this one anyway.
The audience dies.
60
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,030
Rick, thanks for coming.
61
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,260
We've got a situation in
the state of Virginia.
62
00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:52,810
- Bigfoot?
- That's Montana.
63
00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:55,060
- Nazis?
- That's, uh... everywhere.
64
00:02:55,070 --> 00:02:56,510
That's an exaggeration, sir.
65
00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:59,090
Jesus, Carl. You, too?
66
00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:02,110
The problem in Virginia is... love.
67
00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:04,530
You've heard the state motto,
"Virginia is for Lovers"?
68
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,850
Well, now they've codified it into law.
69
00:03:06,870 --> 00:03:10,928
Virginia has declared itself literally
and exclusively for lovers.
70
00:03:10,930 --> 00:03:12,850
- Sounds boring.
- It gets worse.
71
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,310
There's no crime, no poverty,
72
00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:16,430
and suspiciously, no complaints.
73
00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:19,561
The governor just hit
100% approval rating.
74
00:03:19,570 --> 00:03:21,930
- And that's worse?
- 100%?
75
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,190
Get on the web, Dwayne.
76
00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:25,510
There's no such thing
as 100% of anything.
77
00:03:25,530 --> 00:03:28,270
America knows and incinerates
a cult when it sees one.
78
00:03:29,010 --> 00:03:30,800
But I can't do that to all of Virginia,
79
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,190
so we need to infiltrate.
80
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,300
I volunteer to do acid
to prove I'm not a cop.
81
00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:37,420
No lone wolves. We need a
crack team for this one.
82
00:03:37,430 --> 00:03:38,770
Rick, meet Fleeflak.
83
00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:40,374
He might be able to tell the future.
84
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,140
- Might?
- We're waiting to find out.
85
00:03:42,150 --> 00:03:43,790
Onyx here is a weapons specialist,
86
00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:46,990
and our eye in the sky is my
chief of staff bot, Chi-Chi.
87
00:03:47,005 --> 00:03:49,132
- Sleek.
- Yes. An excellent team.
88
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:51,450
Ah, but there's something missing.
89
00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:54,090
- A psychology expert, perhaps.
- Oh, fuck me.
90
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,680
You pretended to need a crack team
91
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,140
so you could get Wong's number?
92
00:03:57,150 --> 00:03:59,390
Get her number? I own the CIA.
93
00:03:59,410 --> 00:04:01,186
If I wanted, I could get her genome.
94
00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:03,900
So, you wanted what from
me, permission? You got it.
95
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,000
It's a free country, so
you're always saying.
96
00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:07,800
That's certainly all
I'd be willing to pay.
97
00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:10,050
You're making me choose? You or her?
98
00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:11,730
There's three billion
women on this planet
99
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,710
that have nothing to do with me.
100
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:14,825
Can you blame them?
101
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:18,327
- You suck.
- Wait! Danger.
102
00:04:18,328 --> 00:04:20,247
Wow. That's great, buddy.
103
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:22,070
It's going right on the fridge.
104
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,170
I appreciate your lending your expertise
to this mission, Dr. Wong.
105
00:04:30,190 --> 00:04:31,760
- Gun?
- No, thank you.
106
00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:34,870
I was surprised to receive
your call, but excited.
107
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,180
I haven't done field work
since grad school.
108
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:38,530
We think the people of Virginia
109
00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:41,150
have become some kind
of hippie sex cult.
110
00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:43,470
I haven't done that since
grad school, either.
111
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,870
Ho-ho! Dr. Wong, you are a firecracker.
112
00:04:46,890 --> 00:04:48,440
Sir, we've reached the border.
113
00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:49,902
- Halt!
- _
114
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:53,050
I'm so sorry, Mr. President.
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00:04:53,070 --> 00:04:54,820
Virginia is closed to visitors.
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00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:56,290
I thought it was for lovers.
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00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:57,330
I'm a lover.
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00:04:57,350 --> 00:04:58,740
- You guys lovers?
- Mm-hmm.
119
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,210
I appreciate that,
120
00:05:00,230 --> 00:05:01,660
but the rest of your country
121
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,970
doesn't need Virginia's love right now.
122
00:05:03,990 --> 00:05:06,490
You know, the last time
a state talked that way,
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00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:08,350
we had to have a whole thing.
124
00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:09,650
And?
125
00:05:09,670 --> 00:05:12,591
And this time, the other side has nukes.
126
00:05:13,910 --> 00:05:15,130
Let them in.
127
00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:17,760
Well done, Doctor.
128
00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:18,970
Call me Helen.
129
00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:28,830
As you can see, Virginia
has no crime, no poverty.
130
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,443
- All goods are freely given.
- Communist bastards.
131
00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:33,250
And all goods are freely made.
132
00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:34,863
Communist bastards.
133
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:36,890
So, what happened? Tell me the secret.
134
00:05:36,910 --> 00:05:39,430
Well, if I tell you,
you'll tell everyone.
135
00:05:39,450 --> 00:05:41,970
But if I show you, you won't have to.
136
00:05:41,990 --> 00:05:43,590
How unsettling and cryptic.
137
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,290
Oh!
138
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:51,050
My God. So, that's it?
You're all just drunk!
139
00:05:51,970 --> 00:05:54,790
Sir, it's some kind of
body-snatching hive-mind.
140
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:56,770
Finally, your religion comes in handy.
141
00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:59,471
No! My only chance at
meeting Will Smith.
142
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:06,800
Pick up your phone, asshole.
143
00:06:06,820 --> 00:06:08,939
When I call, it's an actual emergency.
144
00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:11,400
Rick?
145
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,150
Unity.
146
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,070
Take it easy. Take it easy.
147
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,073
I can explain. Just let me
get things under control.
148
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,990
You controlling things
is the explanation.
149
00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:22,160
And we agreed you wouldn't
do it where I work.
150
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:25,980
What the fuck are you spraying me with?
151
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,010
A new scent I picked up after you left.
152
00:06:28,030 --> 00:06:29,490
I call it Separation.
153
00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:31,910
You concocted a me repellent?
154
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,256
Does that look like a bad idea?
155
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:38,890
Rick, are you in a relationship
with the population of Virginia?
156
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,220
We dated.
157
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,220
I just want to talk.
158
00:06:44,230 --> 00:06:46,720
I'm pretty sure you have
trillions of cellphones.
159
00:06:46,730 --> 00:06:48,562
No. Come back. Let's talk.
160
00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:54,600
Thank God you had a crack team with you.
161
00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:56,111
- Where's Helen?
- Helen?
162
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,430
She initiated first name.
163
00:06:58,490 --> 00:06:59,590
Whoa!
164
00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:01,783
Call in a chopper.
I'm being cock-blocked.
165
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:05,250
Rick, it's me.
166
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:06,980
I was released from Unity.
167
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,910
Cool. So, you won't
mind if I spray this.
168
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,080
Well, I won't, but we're surrounded
169
00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:13,040
and Unity knows your reload time.
170
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:16,200
I really believe you
and Unity should talk.
171
00:07:16,210 --> 00:07:18,610
How would you know?
You're just a nutritionist.
172
00:07:18,620 --> 00:07:21,429
When you work in nutritionism
as long as I have,
173
00:07:21,430 --> 00:07:22,690
you get a certain feel.
174
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,050
Calm down.
175
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,500
We came because we're worried about you.
176
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:32,930
- Why?
- We hear things, Rick.
177
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:37,527
I tried calling, but is it true
you're looking for... him again?
178
00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:39,430
You almost died last time.
179
00:07:39,450 --> 00:07:40,790
That's none of your business.
180
00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:43,200
- You're our business.
- You quit that business.
181
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:44,609
And you're fired from that business.
182
00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:46,030
And I'm using your last paycheque
183
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,430
to cover the stapler you stole,
which was my heart.
184
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:51,050
Civil War, baby.
185
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:56,046
Sorry. That was supposed
to be suppressive.
186
00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:00,050
Aah! Aah! Rick, wait.
187
00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:02,170
Aah!
188
00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:04,530
- Thank you, Andre.
- Thank you, Helen.
189
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:06,640
It's time to put these bastards on ice.
190
00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:09,250
- Cue up the dome.
- Yes, sir!
191
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:24,680
Ow!
192
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:34,210
Do you have a dome the
size of every state?
193
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,730
You'll need a second
date for that answer.
194
00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:38,750
Barf.
195
00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:41,729
A nation in turmoil tonight,
196
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,410
as the entire state of Virginia
197
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,429
continues to be trapped
inside an energy dome.
198
00:08:46,430 --> 00:08:47,669
The White House released a statement
199
00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:52,250
dismissing the president's shouts
of "Civil War, baby," as hyperbole.
200
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,640
Shonda, what do we make of that?
201
00:08:53,650 --> 00:08:55,360
More like "hyper bully," Tom.
202
00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:57,170
Oh, shit. Shonda came to play.
203
00:08:57,190 --> 00:08:58,740
This president has been in office
204
00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:00,610
for how many alien invasions?
205
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,170
Not to mention the mutant turkeys,
206
00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:04,120
the abandoned White House
orbiting our planet,
207
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,824
the Eco-conscious dinosaurs.
208
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:08,030
Then he sees Virginia,
with its perfect economy
209
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,420
and synchronized lawn-mowing,
210
00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:12,390
so he shoots them and
puts them in a dome?
211
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:14,790
- Classic Curtis.
- Will someone mute the goddamn news?
212
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,130
If I want a list of my failures,
I'd dig up my mother.
213
00:09:18,030 --> 00:09:20,119
I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.
That's a turn-off, right?
214
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,160
Guy screaming about his
mother in a war room?
215
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,510
Sanchez, America hates your dome.
216
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:26,469
- How long is it going to be up?
- Hope you marked that.
217
00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:28,640
It was his dome in the
chopper. Now it's mine.
218
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:31,130
It will contain that part of
Unity until I shut it down,
219
00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:34,370
because one of us here knows
how to set boundaries.
220
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:37,610
Rick, I agree that my accepting
this mission was inappropriate.
221
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,320
When I was invited, I didn't know...
222
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,750
That he was hitting on you?
223
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:43,610
I was aware of potential
romantic motivations.
224
00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:45,390
- And I was open to them.
- Bam!
225
00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,270
But I did not know you and
I would be crossing paths.
226
00:09:48,290 --> 00:09:49,290
You mean you didn't care,
227
00:09:49,310 --> 00:09:51,330
because on one hand,
you got professional ethics
228
00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:53,339
and in the other hand, you
got world-famous schlong?
229
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,330
- Now I get to beat you.
- Bring it.
230
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:56,830
Alien vessel approaching Earth.
231
00:09:56,850 --> 00:09:58,370
- It's hailing us.
- Put it through.
232
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,490
- I don't work for you.
- You couldn't. You suck.
233
00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:01,755
I'll do it.
234
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,298
Mr. President.
235
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,290
Lady, you bring that ship
to America's planet,
236
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:07,090
I'm launching 4,000 warheads,
237
00:10:07,110 --> 00:10:09,180
3,000 of which will turn out to work.
238
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,810
Then I'll call China,
and you're really fucked.
239
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,350
Let's listen to Unity.
240
00:10:13,370 --> 00:10:14,890
- Are you still here?
- Are you?
241
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,720
If I wanted Earth,
I would have taken it.
242
00:10:16,730 --> 00:10:17,739
- Oh, bullshit.
- Give me a break.
243
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:19,820
You cut eight million pieces of me off.
244
00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:21,250
- It hurt.
- Boo-hoo.
245
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:23,390
You've made it clear we
can't be friends, Rick,
246
00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:25,250
but I need to reconnect those people
247
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:26,930
so I can properly release them.
248
00:10:26,950 --> 00:10:28,590
They're hosting a mindless collective.
249
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:30,230
If it connects to another mind,
250
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,469
it could become its own colony.
251
00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,380
Wow. You made a PowerPoint?
252
00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:34,950
I needed you to understand
253
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,830
- how serious this is.
- I can handle it.
254
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:38,190
We got the spray, bitch.
255
00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:39,670
Don't talk to them like that.
256
00:10:39,690 --> 00:10:41,640
Rick, do you not trust Unity?
257
00:10:41,650 --> 00:10:43,030
- Shut up.
- Apologize.
258
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,050
- Eat me.
- Do you not trust me, Rick?
259
00:10:45,070 --> 00:10:47,050
- Who would?
- Let Rick answer.
260
00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:48,519
Baby, I know you want to help, but...
261
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,919
Andre, I think we need to move slower.
262
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,480
Slower? I haven't even touched you,
263
00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:53,849
and you're already
back-seat war-rooming.
264
00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:54,930
- Andre?
- Helen.
265
00:10:54,950 --> 00:10:56,550
- Rick?
- I don't trust you.
266
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,480
You ghosted me to focus on your work.
267
00:10:58,490 --> 00:11:00,350
Your work is absorbing the universe.
268
00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:02,570
But it's my universe. Please go.
269
00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:04,860
We'll spray the Virginians
before they touch anyone.
270
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:06,940
I'm sorry you lost a finger,
but that's the price
271
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:08,410
of surprise butt play.
272
00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:10,130
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
273
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:12,534
Alien vessel is departing.
274
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:13,910
Good job, people.
275
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:16,079
I'll run the aerosol cannon
from the chopper.
276
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,310
We need the optics.
Send out a press release.
277
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:20,870
"President sprays Virginia
with the opposite of bullets."
278
00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:22,410
But write it better than that.
279
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,590
You riding shotgun, or
you staying butt hurt?
280
00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:27,050
Suck my dick and lose
my number. You too.
281
00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:29,690
If you invite me to the wedding,
I will shit in the punch.
282
00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:33,030
He'll be back.
283
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,610
What would you like for dinner?
284
00:11:34,630 --> 00:11:36,630
I'm not interested in
taking this further.
285
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,850
What? Why? That's insane!
286
00:11:38,870 --> 00:11:41,050
How can you be a therapist and insane?
287
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,790
Since you're asking for feedback,
288
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:43,940
my sincere advice
289
00:11:43,950 --> 00:11:46,730
is that you overcome
your need for approval.
290
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,490
Okay. You want to play it that way?
291
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,390
There's an exit tunnel
by the ladies' room.
292
00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:54,630
It gets lots of use, and
not just by sex workers.
293
00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:57,954
Can you at least tell security
I did the dumping?
294
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:04,390
- Uh, you okay?
- Yes.
295
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,559
The news said Virginia was a hive-mind.
296
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,630
Yes.
297
00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:08,720
- Was it...
- Yes!
298
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,290
Oh, my God. Dude, whatever.
299
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,819
When's the last time
you saw your therapist?
300
00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:13,530
- Today.
- Well, then, she sucks.
301
00:12:13,550 --> 00:12:15,650
- No shit!
- Stop yelling at me!
302
00:12:15,670 --> 00:12:18,650
- I need boundaries.
- Well, here's a big one, fuck face!
303
00:12:20,950 --> 00:12:22,312
Sorry.
304
00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:28,910
Arriving at the dome, sir.
305
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,510
Good. I don't need anybody.
306
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,520
- What?
- What? I said good.
307
00:12:32,530 --> 00:12:34,350
- Tell me when we're there.
- We are.
308
00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:37,035
Roger that. Just gonna
see how we're looking.
309
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,530
And there's Helicopter One
with the aforementioned gas,
310
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,870
and you can actually see
President Curtis inside,
311
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,830
checking his phone to see if
this will make people like him.
312
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:47,310
There he is frowning now,
of course, as he realizes
313
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:50,180
no amount of spectacle is
going to undo his last debacle.
314
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,110
- Shonda?
- Oh, not Shonda.
315
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:53,830
- She hates me.
- It's true, Tom.
316
00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:56,790
I mean, yes, President Curtis
is going to release Virginia
317
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,848
from yet another alien threat,
318
00:12:58,850 --> 00:13:01,040
but when they are free
to speak their minds,
319
00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:03,780
does he really think they're going
to say, "Wow. What a president"?
320
00:13:03,790 --> 00:13:05,271
Deactivating dome, sir.
321
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,709
The fact is, nothing short of
literally a 100% approval rating
322
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:10,710
is gonna save Curtis
in the next election.
323
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,220
Let her rip, sir.
324
00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:16,890
100% approval?
325
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:21,010
Whoopsie. I-I-I'll be right back.
326
00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:22,830
- Sir?
- I just gotta get the thing.
327
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,083
Wha'? Huh? How is that going to work?
328
00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:29,630
Give it to me. Give me that hive!
329
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,350
Mother, forgive me.
Just forgive me. I need it.
330
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:44,018
Holy...
331
00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:46,020
... shit!
332
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:51,130
Loved ones are gathered here
to reunite with the captives,
333
00:13:51,150 --> 00:13:53,210
who appear to walking, quite eagerly,
334
00:13:53,230 --> 00:13:55,530
and now running, in perfect
unison, toward them.
335
00:13:55,540 --> 00:13:57,810
Such a beautiful scene...
everyone kissing.
336
00:13:57,830 --> 00:14:00,610
And now everyone that got
kisses is kissing everyone else.
337
00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:02,720
Heartfelt, almost disgusting kisses.
338
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:05,270
The wave of affection is
headed in all directions.
339
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,310
Hello, sir.
340
00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:09,370
The president has saved us.
He's the best president.
341
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:10,470
The best man, really, ever.
342
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,795
- His mother was wrong.
- Uh-oh.
343
00:14:11,796 --> 00:14:13,882
Did somebody close the lady tunnel?
344
00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:21,560
Hey, Rick, w-w-was Unity...
345
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,460
She's gone, and I don't care.
346
00:14:23,470 --> 00:14:26,102
- I think she's back.
- Hmm?
347
00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:28,730
Someone order cranky dick?
348
00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:30,370
- I said I was sorry.
- No, you didn't.
349
00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:31,810
I said it quietly. Shut up.
350
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,390
Now, Governor, can you explain
why all of Virginia ran
351
00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:36,810
in all directions and puked
on everyone in the country?
352
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,310
It's simple, news man.
353
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:40,140
They puke in love of the president.
354
00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:42,660
We approve of the president.
Everyone does.
355
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:44,390
Sorry, Governor,
356
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:46,210
but you're making me
bring Shonda into this.
357
00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:48,440
Thanks, Tom. Governor, I can assure you
358
00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:51,020
that no matter how you
personally may feel...
359
00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:54,010
Good president.
360
00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:55,690
President good, good, good.
361
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:58,030
Are you okay? Uh, Josh just
vomited into your mou...
362
00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:01,410
Oh. Ha. I get it now.
363
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:02,870
Wow! What a president.
364
00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:05,010
- Approval here.
- President approved.
365
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,960
I thought Unity promised
to never do this.
366
00:15:06,970 --> 00:15:08,030
That's not Unity.
367
00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:09,590
You kids stay inside and lock up.
368
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,680
Dad's still out shopping.
369
00:15:10,690 --> 00:15:12,949
Then stay inside, lock up,
and plug your ears.
370
00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:15,450
- Where are you going?
- Therapy.
371
00:15:16,030 --> 00:15:17,430
Thank God.
372
00:15:25,470 --> 00:15:26,490
Huh?
373
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:27,560
Aah!
374
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:31,650
Aah!
375
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:35,930
You're rehired.
376
00:15:36,710 --> 00:15:38,970
- Is that Unity?
- It's your boyfriend.
377
00:15:38,990 --> 00:15:40,910
He must have linked with
the severed hive-mind.
378
00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,410
He's going to assimilate the
Earth faster than I can fight it.
379
00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:44,780
And you want me to talk to him?
380
00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:45,850
There's no talking to him.
381
00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:47,530
No human mind can keep itself together
382
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:49,150
while controlling millions of people.
383
00:15:49,170 --> 00:15:51,450
- So, where are we going?
- I need Unity's help.
384
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:53,630
So, you need to convince
her I'm worth it.
385
00:15:53,650 --> 00:15:55,250
- You aren't.
- So, lie.
386
00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:00,113
Inbound vessel detected.
387
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,690
- Tell him to turn around.
- Tell me in person.
388
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,140
- I'm already here.
- God damn it.
389
00:16:04,150 --> 00:16:05,450
But your ship was just...
390
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:06,569
You have your gimmicks, I have mine.
391
00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:08,530
This is my therapist.
She can vouch for me.
392
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:11,374
We met. She was me for a second.
What do you want, Rick?
393
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,000
Look. It's clear you weren't lying
394
00:16:13,010 --> 00:16:14,629
when you said you could've
taken over Earth
395
00:16:14,630 --> 00:16:16,710
because your finger
just took over America.
396
00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:18,339
I need you to help me fix that.
397
00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:20,383
Oh. It took that to make you believe me?
398
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:21,430
Why should I believe you?
399
00:16:21,450 --> 00:16:23,636
You show up unannounced
and hijack a state.
400
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,470
I called you! Multiple times.
401
00:16:26,490 --> 00:16:28,099
You ghosted me.
402
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:30,170
- Rick, is that true?
- She dumped me.
403
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,470
Why would I answer her calls?
404
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,390
All right. I'm going to
commit a cardinal sin
405
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,630
in couples' therapy here.
406
00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:36,970
But Rick, I think you're wrong.
407
00:16:36,980 --> 00:16:38,526
Bringing you was a mistake.
408
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,430
You had an outer-space lady
who was worried for your life,
409
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,741
and your response was hostile
enough to cause a huge problem.
410
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:45,750
Thank you.
411
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:49,190
Now you're asking her to both
forgive you and solve it?
412
00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:51,600
Unity, I think the reason
Rick brought me here
413
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:55,070
is that he doesn't know how to
indicate to you he's changed,
414
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:57,510
because he's changing very slowly.
415
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:58,990
But he is.
416
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,910
All right. Anyone else
wanna call me a baby?
417
00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:04,910
Maybe we can drag this out until
Earth is fully assimilated?
418
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,830
All right.
419
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,890
So, you're asking for an invasion?
420
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,290
Hold them back. They love me.
They just forgot.
421
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,682
They just forgot. They just forgot.
422
00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:56,670
No! Stop. You love me.
423
00:17:56,690 --> 00:17:58,590
What? Why are you stopping?
424
00:17:58,610 --> 00:17:59,774
I've won you over?
425
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,910
Oh, good. You're here.
426
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,090
Unity, kept them warm for you.
427
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,850
They went a little crazy, but, uh...
428
00:18:08,860 --> 00:18:11,230
Anyway, seems like this is all over.
429
00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:12,870
Helen, we could grab some coffee.
430
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,730
Wait. Unity, what are you doing?
431
00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:18,190
All right, Rick. That's everyone.
432
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,790
Nice job, Une.
433
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,790
Well, this has been quite a session.
434
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,650
Hope you do group discounts.
435
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,420
Actually, just send the
bill to the White House.
436
00:18:28,570 --> 00:18:30,910
I wouldn't be doing this
for anyone else, Rick.
437
00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:32,890
Yeah. It was nice to team up again.
438
00:18:32,910 --> 00:18:35,440
No. I mean I wouldn't be doing it.
439
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:38,350
I've never released hundreds
of millions of people before.
440
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:39,730
This is gonna suck.
441
00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:11,710
_
442
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,480
Here. It's over. Nice job, Une.
443
00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:23,350
- I'm fine.
- You want a painkiller?
444
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:26,220
I, uh, I'm on a few of them right now.
445
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:27,490
No, thank you.
446
00:19:27,510 --> 00:19:29,990
I mean, you could hang out if you want,
447
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,610
come see the kids.
448
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,350
I trust you now.
449
00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:36,730
That's nice, but I don't trust you.
450
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:39,190
Fair enough.
451
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:01,170
Hey, Rick, it's Unity.
452
00:20:01,190 --> 00:20:03,720
Uh, give me a call, okay?
453
00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:05,260
Hey, Rick. Unity.
454
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:06,690
Look. Cards on the table.
455
00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:08,790
I heard you were going
after that guy again.
456
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,230
Just made me worried. Give me a call.
457
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,130
Look. I get it. I dumped you.
You're ignoring me.
458
00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:15,320
But I care about you,
459
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:17,770
and I just wanna know you're all right.
460
00:20:18,270 --> 00:20:21,670
Hey, Rick, listen. I'm just
gonna stop by Virginia, okay?
461
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,290
I don't know what state you live in,
462
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,770
but I'll camp out there
and try to reach you.
463
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:26,910
Hope you're okay.
464
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,110
Hey, Rick. David Miscavige here.
465
00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:30,829
Heard you were saying
some really great things
466
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,120
about Scientology.
467
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:33,419
If you ever wanna meet Travolta...
468
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:34,420
End playback!
469
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:41,690
You, uh, really went all
in on that approval, huh?
470
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:43,670
Yeah.
471
00:20:44,790 --> 00:20:46,800
Shonda's gonna eat me alive.
472
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:48,192
Ah, fuck 'em.
473
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,510
Thanks, Rick.
474
00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:52,870
Don't take this the wrong way,
475
00:20:52,890 --> 00:20:56,790
but, uh, I think I might need therapy.
476
00:20:57,827 --> 00:21:02,331
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
477
00:21:34,390 --> 00:21:36,550
And we're back with Mr. Stabby.
478
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,285
What do you say to people who say,
"I don't want to get stabbed.
479
00:21:39,290 --> 00:21:40,730
I want to go a show.
480
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:43,122
I have a right to not get stabbed"?
481
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:45,410
Well, Gary, I have a
right to arms and legs.
482
00:21:45,420 --> 00:21:46,950
But I wasn't born with those.
483
00:21:46,970 --> 00:21:49,100
And I don't think that means
I should be boxed out
484
00:21:49,110 --> 00:21:50,990
of an industry where, let's face it,
485
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,330
there's zero representation of people
486
00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:54,960
with swords for arms and legs.
487
00:21:54,970 --> 00:21:57,595
But do you have to take
questions from the audience?
488
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,330
People come to my show because
they want the experience.
489
00:22:00,350 --> 00:22:02,230
If they didn't want it,
they'd stop coming.
490
00:22:02,250 --> 00:22:06,510
Your show has resulted in the
deaths of 58,000 attendees.
491
00:22:07,610 --> 00:22:10,440
Well, you're talking about it.