1
00:00:04,465 --> 00:00:12,465
{\an8}♪
2
00:00:32,118 --> 00:00:34,245
[ Electricity crackling ]
3
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:41,418
{\an8}I'm gonna rip out your spleen
4
00:00:41,419 --> 00:00:42,974
{\an8}and feed it to your husband!
5
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,583
{\an8}Uh-oh. Wouldn't want that.
6
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{\an8}Yikes, Morty, we'd better
run before it figures out
7
00:00:46,924 --> 00:00:48,040
{\an8}what a husband is.
8
00:00:48,065 --> 00:00:49,524
{\an8}This carnival of nightmares
9
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,841
{\an8}used to be scary, right?
10
00:00:50,866 --> 00:00:52,325
{\an8}Eh. We've seen too much.
11
00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:54,723
{\an8}It sucks, you know, 'cause
it's fun to break off
12
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{\an8}a scare now and then.
13
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{\an8}Did I hear you fellas
wishin' for some
14
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{\an8}good old fashioned scares?
15
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{\an8}I mean, I more wish
you wouldn't eavesdrop.
16
00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:02,355
{\an8}Yeah, who are you?
17
00:01:02,380 --> 00:01:03,945
{\an8}Does the suit mean
you work here,
18
00:01:03,970 --> 00:01:05,637
{\an8}or that you super
don't work here?
19
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{\an8}Like yourselves, I'm
a connoisseur of fear.
20
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{\an8}I'm also originally from Earth.
21
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{\an8}And did you know
Earth is the home
22
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:14,489
{\an8}of the single scariest
place in the galaxy?
23
00:01:14,514 --> 00:01:15,827
{\an8}I can show you if you like.
24
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{\an8}We were headed that way anyway.
25
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{\an8}Take a left. Almost there.
26
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{\an8}We know where Earth is.
27
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{\an8}For guys like you, you
know, who've seen it all,
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{\an8}there's only a few real
fears left to conquer.
29
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{\an8}And one of them is
right down here.
30
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{\an8}Okay, what the hell?
31
00:01:34,639 --> 00:01:36,264
{\an8}Yeah, this is punching down.
32
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{\an8}Denny's is a nice chain that
gives people starchy food
33
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{\an8}when they're up late.
{\an8}It's a hack joke, buddy.
34
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{\an8}No, this is the place.
Good luck to both of you.
35
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{\an8}I'm gonna get myself a slam.
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{\an8}He just wanted a ride, right?
37
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{\an8}He certainly took us for one.
38
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{\an8}Welp, as long as we're here.
39
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{\an8}Okay, Lumberjack
Slam, Grand Slamwhich,
40
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{\an8}Pancake Puppies, Slamburger,
two milkshakes...
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{\an8}and an order of Cheddar Tots.
42
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{\an8}Let me know when
you want your check,
43
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,081
{\an8}and if you're here for The Hole,
it's in the men's bathroom.
44
00:02:01,082 --> 00:02:02,249
{\an8}The what now? Hole?
45
00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:04,961
{\an8}The Fear Hole. Men's bathroom.
46
00:02:14,553 --> 00:02:16,304
{\an8}Well, it's definitely a hole.
47
00:02:16,305 --> 00:02:17,889
{\an8}They weren't lying about that.
48
00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:20,058
{\an8}Is that hair? Seaweed?
49
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{\an8}Boy, it's really circling
the whole rim, huh.
50
00:02:22,103 --> 00:02:24,813
{\an8}Guess you got to jump in
without touching the sides?
51
00:02:24,814 --> 00:02:26,481
{\an8}You think there's
spikes on the bottom?
52
00:02:26,482 --> 00:02:28,149
{\an8}I don't think they
want you to go in there
53
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{\an8}and just die.
54
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{\an8}What kind of business
would that be?
55
00:02:30,695 --> 00:02:32,070
{\an8}Well, they're not
drowning in money.
56
00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:34,239
{\an8}They still have a
built-in TV/VCR.
57
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{\an8}Morty: Hey, it's
that carnival guy.
58
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{\an8}Oh, so he gets a kickback.
59
00:02:36,784 --> 00:02:39,494
{\an8}Hi. Welcome to The Hole.
Here's how it works.
60
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{\an8}You jump in. The Hole
manifests your greatest fear.
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{\an8}You conquer that fear, and
come out, well, fearless.
62
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{\an8}And you get your
picture on the wall!
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{\an8}What does The Hole
get out of it?
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{\an8}Well, you know those fish that
nibble dead skin off your feet?
65
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{\an8}Yeah, the Hole's
kind of like that.
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{\an8}It eats fear.
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{\an8}You win. It wins. Have
fun, and enjoy the Ho-
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{\an8}Woman: Hey, Gaddafi,
cool your jets
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{\an8}with a taste of Mountain Dew!
70
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{\an8}This has been here
since VHS tapes
71
00:03:03,644 --> 00:03:05,312
{\an8}and there's only three photos?
72
00:03:05,313 --> 00:03:06,563
{\an8}Yeah, my tots are getting cold.
73
00:03:06,564 --> 00:03:08,315
{\an8}So you don't want to do it?
74
00:03:08,316 --> 00:03:09,809
{\an8}Do you? I mean...
75
00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,926
It says it takes away
your greatest fear.
76
00:03:11,951 --> 00:03:14,362
My greatest fear, Morty,
is trusting a gross hole
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to conquer my fear,
and I conquer that fear
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by walking away.
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Okay, fine.
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[ Yelps, panting ]
81
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You little turd!
82
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[ Screams ]
83
00:03:25,207 --> 00:03:27,917
Oh, God!
84
00:03:27,918 --> 00:03:29,795
[ Screams ]
85
00:03:30,683 --> 00:03:33,965
Hold still while I
stuff you with maggots!
86
00:03:33,966 --> 00:03:36,676
Rick!
87
00:03:36,677 --> 00:03:39,971
Okay, the Hole thinks I'm
scared of not having a gun?
88
00:03:39,972 --> 00:03:41,890
[ Grunting ]
89
00:03:41,891 --> 00:03:43,975
[ Laughs ] Fear conquered!
90
00:03:43,976 --> 00:03:45,226
[ Grunting ]
91
00:03:45,227 --> 00:03:46,978
Check out them gains! Morty!
92
00:03:46,979 --> 00:03:48,271
Where are you, Morty?
93
00:03:48,272 --> 00:03:49,356
Let's go!
94
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,067
Oh, jeez! Oh, God, oh, jeez!
95
00:03:52,068 --> 00:03:53,735
We both shit our pants!
What a fuckin' ride!
96
00:03:53,736 --> 00:03:55,612
Christ, Rick! My
button. Maggots.
97
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In my button!
98
00:03:56,989 --> 00:03:58,239
Fuck yeah, on the
wall, motherfucker!
99
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,902
It's not worth
it! Not worth it!
100
00:04:03,162 --> 00:04:05,622
Oh, my God, you both
reek. What is that?
101
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Morty and I shit our pants.
102
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You're looking at the two
newest members of the Hole Club.
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Uh, okay, sluts.
104
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[ Screams ] What the hell?
105
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Bomb almost killed her.
106
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Take care of our wife.
107
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Rick? No! Oh, my God.
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No. No!
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Mom? Where am I?
110
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Who are you people?
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You're my mom, but,
112
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you're young?
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Rick, what's happening?
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W-Wait.
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00:04:32,904 --> 00:04:34,154
Rick?
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What the fuck,
Grandpa? Say something!
117
00:04:36,551 --> 00:04:37,946
Okay, we're clearly
still in the hole.
118
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That's exactly what
I was thinking.
119
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We never left the hole and...
120
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And part of the hole is thinking
you left the hole and then...
121
00:04:42,427 --> 00:04:43,738
And then it can
really dig into you.
122
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Because you can't really
be scared of anything
123
00:04:45,474 --> 00:04:46,410
if you know you're...
124
00:04:46,435 --> 00:04:48,064
Together: Still in the hole.
125
00:04:48,089 --> 00:04:49,506
What the fuck are you
two talking about?
126
00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:51,356
Why is dead Grandma
alive in our living room?
127
00:04:51,381 --> 00:04:53,072
Rick, why are you old?
128
00:04:53,097 --> 00:04:54,295
All great questions.
129
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You guys get reacquainted
while we grab some equipment.
130
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Wait, are we sure this isn't,
like, a double mislead?
131
00:04:59,691 --> 00:05:01,761
A double mislead like we
went into a generic fear hole
132
00:05:01,762 --> 00:05:04,236
and then coincidentally
came home to that?
133
00:05:04,261 --> 00:05:06,174
That's... That's my wife.
134
00:05:06,199 --> 00:05:07,642
From the day I lost her.
135
00:05:07,643 --> 00:05:10,770
Well, what's it
got to do with me?
136
00:05:10,771 --> 00:05:11,980
Rick! Right.
137
00:05:11,981 --> 00:05:13,314
I think I figured it out, Morty.
138
00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:15,233
Your greatest fear is
me getting Diane back
139
00:05:15,234 --> 00:05:17,152
and being happy
again. What? Why?
140
00:05:17,153 --> 00:05:18,570
Because then I won't need you.
141
00:05:18,571 --> 00:05:20,280
Look how scared you're
getting just talking about it.
142
00:05:20,281 --> 00:05:21,990
I'm not scared, I'm insulted,
143
00:05:21,991 --> 00:05:23,825
what kind of backhanded-ass
theory is that?
144
00:05:23,826 --> 00:05:25,785
My greatest fear
is you hooking up?
145
00:05:25,786 --> 00:05:27,871
You're right. We
can't know for sure
146
00:05:27,872 --> 00:05:29,199
until I get more data.
147
00:05:29,224 --> 00:05:31,976
Alright, family, who wants
to catch up over ice cream?
148
00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:34,627
I knew he was working
on teleportation.
149
00:05:34,628 --> 00:05:37,464
But wouldn't this
be time travel?
150
00:05:37,465 --> 00:05:39,215
Oh, Dad never
touches time travel.
151
00:05:39,216 --> 00:05:40,519
Ye calls it the Long...
152
00:05:40,544 --> 00:05:42,760
The Long Island Iced Tea
of science fiction, yes,
153
00:05:42,785 --> 00:05:44,627
but then what... what is this?
154
00:05:44,652 --> 00:05:46,014
Don't worry about
it. It's not real.
155
00:05:46,015 --> 00:05:48,349
Okay. I figure it's better
to do this in front of you.
156
00:05:48,350 --> 00:05:50,166
I didn't want to
walk in de-aged.
157
00:05:50,191 --> 00:05:51,853
What do you think,
D? 45? Younger?
158
00:05:51,854 --> 00:05:53,480
I don't care about
your age, Rick.
159
00:05:53,481 --> 00:05:55,176
I don't even want
to call you that.
160
00:05:55,201 --> 00:05:57,877
That's my husband's
name. He just died.
161
00:05:57,902 --> 00:06:00,424
I know. So, 27?
162
00:06:00,449 --> 00:06:02,267
Dad! You're traumatizing her.
163
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:03,501
What? It's my face, too.
164
00:06:03,526 --> 00:06:05,026
And now Diane gets to understand
165
00:06:05,051 --> 00:06:06,743
that I'm still
sexy and a genius.
166
00:06:06,768 --> 00:06:08,369
[ Scoffs ] What a kindness.
167
00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:10,916
You were right, Rick. I'm
really terrified right now.
168
00:06:10,941 --> 00:06:12,213
Terrified of what?
169
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,088
If you don't mind, I'd
like to get to know
170
00:06:14,113 --> 00:06:17,295
the adult version
of my... Oh, my God.
171
00:06:17,296 --> 00:06:19,261
Where's my real daughter?
172
00:06:19,286 --> 00:06:20,619
Sweetie, it's all right.
173
00:06:20,644 --> 00:06:22,049
This may as well be
our real daughter
174
00:06:22,074 --> 00:06:23,752
because she's just
as real as you.
175
00:06:23,777 --> 00:06:24,807
What? Put it this way.
176
00:06:24,832 --> 00:06:26,519
You're all basically NPCs.
177
00:06:26,544 --> 00:06:27,752
Only Morty and I are real,
178
00:06:27,777 --> 00:06:29,236
so your side quests
don't matter.
179
00:06:29,261 --> 00:06:30,892
The main quest is us.
180
00:06:30,893 --> 00:06:32,101
You're disgusting.
181
00:06:32,102 --> 00:06:33,353
You're talking about
182
00:06:33,354 --> 00:06:35,183
our baby girl like
she's theoretical?
183
00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:36,314
Welcome to the family.
184
00:06:36,315 --> 00:06:37,676
No, you don't get it, honey.
185
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:39,410
Even if this was real,
she'd be only a version
186
00:06:39,435 --> 00:06:41,352
of your daughter who could also
be a clone of your daughter.
187
00:06:41,377 --> 00:06:43,420
Stop wearing my husband's face!
188
00:06:43,447 --> 00:06:44,531
You're nothing like him!
189
00:06:44,532 --> 00:06:45,740
Because I lost you!
190
00:06:45,741 --> 00:06:48,869
Maybe you didn't deserve me!
191
00:06:53,515 --> 00:06:55,182
You want to hear a new theory?
192
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:58,336
Maybe your greatest fear
is getting a second chance
193
00:06:58,337 --> 00:06:59,879
with her and blowing it.
194
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,908
You don't think that fear's
been pretty well faced?
195
00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,713
Then you haven't conquered it.
196
00:07:03,738 --> 00:07:05,718
Or accepted it. Or something.
197
00:07:05,719 --> 00:07:07,512
"Or something?" I'm
not a fearologist!
198
00:07:07,513 --> 00:07:09,097
Morty, all rom-coms have an arc.
199
00:07:09,098 --> 00:07:11,057
Even "You've Got Mail"
begins with Tom Hanks
200
00:07:11,058 --> 00:07:12,225
killing that cop. Really?
201
00:07:12,226 --> 00:07:13,560
I don't know. I'm not going to
202
00:07:13,561 --> 00:07:14,936
fucking watch
"You've Got Mail."
203
00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:16,396
I'm doing this for you, Morty.
204
00:07:16,397 --> 00:07:17,939
The sooner I get her back,
the sooner you can conquer
205
00:07:17,940 --> 00:07:20,483
your fear of being a
useless, lonely turd.
206
00:07:20,484 --> 00:07:23,529
You don't think
that's been faced?
207
00:07:27,741 --> 00:07:30,201
♪ Hello, Diane, here's
the song I rehearsed ♪
208
00:07:30,202 --> 00:07:32,954
♪ You had a bad day and
Rick made it worse ♪
209
00:07:32,955 --> 00:07:35,290
♪ He felt bad, so
he created me ♪
210
00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:38,126
♪ I deliver you waffles
and an apology ♪
211
00:07:38,127 --> 00:07:40,461
Why do I have memories
of being a human child?
212
00:07:40,462 --> 00:07:42,130
Why would I need...
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
213
00:07:42,131 --> 00:07:44,007
Goddamnit, there was
a whole second verse
214
00:07:44,008 --> 00:07:45,925
about inviting you to
the zoo with the family.
215
00:07:45,926 --> 00:07:48,469
I've seen that robot's arms.
216
00:07:48,470 --> 00:07:50,513
Yeah, I used them on a
law enforcement drone
217
00:07:50,514 --> 00:07:51,806
that the Feds had me build.
218
00:07:51,807 --> 00:07:55,852
It's how we, uh...
How I met my wife.
219
00:07:55,853 --> 00:07:58,062
The zoo sounds nice.
220
00:07:58,063 --> 00:07:59,981
And this one time, we
raised a civilization
221
00:07:59,982 --> 00:08:01,316
living on a zit on my face,
222
00:08:01,317 --> 00:08:03,026
and Grandpa helped me
rule over it as queen.
223
00:08:03,027 --> 00:08:05,570
It sounds like you guys
are a real family now.
224
00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:07,780
I wish you could've
been part of it, Mom.
225
00:08:07,781 --> 00:08:09,407
Oh.
226
00:08:09,408 --> 00:08:10,825
Oh, honey.
227
00:08:10,826 --> 00:08:12,994
Rick, is there a deadline on
this theory you're chasing?
228
00:08:12,995 --> 00:08:16,664
Uh, yeah, sure. Uh,
that's a good idea, Morty.
229
00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:18,958
Do that.
230
00:08:18,959 --> 00:08:21,711
I always wished I knew
what they were saying.
231
00:08:21,712 --> 00:08:22,920
Your Master's thesis.
232
00:08:22,921 --> 00:08:24,047
Non-human Intelligence.
233
00:08:24,048 --> 00:08:25,757
When did you read that?
234
00:08:25,758 --> 00:08:27,050
After you were gone.
235
00:08:27,051 --> 00:08:29,218
It helped me develop this.
236
00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:31,846
Fuck you. Fuck you, Greg!
237
00:08:31,847 --> 00:08:33,473
Fuck you, Lisa! Yum, bread.
238
00:08:33,474 --> 00:08:34,933
- No, fuck you!
- Fuck you! There's bread.
239
00:08:34,934 --> 00:08:36,184
I guess that's what I expected?
240
00:08:36,185 --> 00:08:37,185
Anticlimactic, isn't it?
241
00:08:37,186 --> 00:08:39,646
Yep, they kind of suck.
242
00:08:39,647 --> 00:08:42,065
[ Both laughing ]
243
00:08:42,066 --> 00:08:44,943
Hey, want to grab a drink?
244
00:08:44,944 --> 00:08:47,862
Whoo! Alright, yeah!
245
00:08:47,863 --> 00:08:49,740
[ Laughing ]
246
00:08:58,707 --> 00:09:00,917
Oh, when did you stop
being a lightweight?
247
00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:03,670
Kept looking for my wife
at the bottom of a bottle.
248
00:09:03,671 --> 00:09:05,046
You're pathetic.
249
00:09:05,047 --> 00:09:08,050
Hey. To being pathetic.
250
00:09:12,471 --> 00:09:13,430
Clear!
251
00:09:13,431 --> 00:09:15,014
[ Electricity crackling ]
252
00:09:15,015 --> 00:09:16,767
{\an8}[ Both belching ]
253
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:23,898
[ Retches ]
254
00:09:23,899 --> 00:09:25,692
My turn, my turn.
255
00:09:25,693 --> 00:09:27,111
[ Retches ]
256
00:09:28,445 --> 00:09:30,780
[ Laughs ] I'll tell
you what, old man.
257
00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:34,450
Seems like losing me made
you cooler. [ Chuckles ]
258
00:09:34,451 --> 00:09:36,077
I should die more often.
259
00:09:36,078 --> 00:09:37,245
[ Both chuckle ]
260
00:09:37,246 --> 00:09:38,663
You did.
261
00:09:38,664 --> 00:09:41,416
You died everywhere forever.
262
00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:43,292
You're the only thing
I can't replace.
263
00:09:43,293 --> 00:09:45,420
Okay, okay, Mr. Weepy.
264
00:09:45,421 --> 00:09:47,505
I'm not even real, remember?
265
00:09:47,506 --> 00:09:50,091
Nothing's real. That's
your jam, right?
266
00:09:50,092 --> 00:09:53,594
My grandson, our grandson,
thinks this is happening
267
00:09:53,595 --> 00:09:55,888
because my greatest
fear is letting you go.
268
00:09:55,889 --> 00:09:56,973
Then don't.
269
00:09:56,974 --> 00:09:58,266
I don't want to. Then kiss me.
270
00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:00,268
I'm old, and we have puke mouth.
271
00:10:00,269 --> 00:10:03,355
Well, I'm not here,
and it's not real puke.
272
00:10:05,441 --> 00:10:11,028
{\an8}♪
273
00:10:11,029 --> 00:10:12,655
Okay, Rick... whoa! Dude!
274
00:10:12,656 --> 00:10:14,115
Fuck you, Morty.
It's a blazer.
275
00:10:14,116 --> 00:10:16,117
That's not what I
meant. You look sick.
276
00:10:16,118 --> 00:10:17,410
The hole is feeding on you.
277
00:10:17,411 --> 00:10:19,120
I thought it's supposed
to eat my fear.
278
00:10:19,121 --> 00:10:20,663
Can we get some fucking
rules up in this hole?
279
00:10:20,664 --> 00:10:22,540
I don't know the rules!
Maybe you're just dying
280
00:10:22,541 --> 00:10:24,208
because you've been
in here too long!
281
00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:25,460
Interesting theory.
282
00:10:25,461 --> 00:10:27,211
I wonder why you're
so rosy-cheeked.
283
00:10:27,212 --> 00:10:28,671
What are you saying?
284
00:10:28,672 --> 00:10:30,465
Maybe the real you is off
somewhere running from spiders.
285
00:10:30,466 --> 00:10:31,883
Oh, so now I'm not real?
286
00:10:31,884 --> 00:10:33,801
Yeah, maybe my greatest fear
is having to tell you to
287
00:10:33,802 --> 00:10:35,136
fuck the fuck off.
288
00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:36,471
Go ahead and face it!
Fuck the fuck off!
289
00:10:36,472 --> 00:10:38,264
Hey. Ready to Showbiz Pizza?
290
00:10:38,265 --> 00:10:40,308
Let me see that bear play banjo!
291
00:10:40,309 --> 00:10:41,350
Here's one for ya.
292
00:10:41,351 --> 00:10:43,144
I'm afraid of watching you die.
293
00:10:43,145 --> 00:10:46,690
I like that theory,
Morty. So stop watching.
294
00:10:49,651 --> 00:10:51,778
Okay, this is it.
You nailed it.
295
00:10:51,779 --> 00:10:55,615
My worst nightmare. I'd
like to leave The Hole now.
296
00:10:55,616 --> 00:10:58,326
Hey. Hey, Hole,
I'm talking to you.
297
00:10:58,327 --> 00:11:00,329
Are you listening?
298
00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:08,503
[ Thunder crashes ]
299
00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:10,797
So, what are you,
like, the Hole?
300
00:11:10,798 --> 00:11:12,173
The Hole's promoter?
301
00:11:12,174 --> 00:11:13,841
The Hole's intern?
Is there a hole here?
302
00:11:13,842 --> 00:11:16,511
Right, I'm supposed to go
in there and be shocked
303
00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:19,180
that there's no hole,
or that there is a hole?
304
00:11:19,181 --> 00:11:20,348
What difference would it make?
305
00:11:20,349 --> 00:11:22,558
Hm, you are hard to scare.
306
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:23,893
And Rick isn't, right?
307
00:11:23,894 --> 00:11:25,853
The Hole's gonna, like,
suck on him forever
308
00:11:25,854 --> 00:11:28,898
because his big secret is
that he's got the most fear?
309
00:11:28,899 --> 00:11:30,733
Well, we can certainly
say you're not afraid
310
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:31,901
to be reductive.
311
00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:33,694
I doubt your grandpa
has "more" fear
312
00:11:33,695 --> 00:11:35,446
than the average
asshole in a Denny's.
313
00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:36,656
Man: Hey! Sorry.
314
00:11:36,657 --> 00:11:38,157
If anything, he
seems pretty brave.
315
00:11:38,158 --> 00:11:39,867
He's certainly
not afraid to die.
316
00:11:39,868 --> 00:11:43,372
Maybe that makes his
fear extra delicious.
317
00:11:45,749 --> 00:11:47,708
So, what, he's scared of love?
318
00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:49,585
Everyone's scared
of love, dipshit.
319
00:11:49,586 --> 00:11:50,795
You'll learn that in your '20s.
320
00:11:50,796 --> 00:11:52,964
It takes a very
rare, very powerful
321
00:11:52,965 --> 00:11:55,591
being to be terrified
of happiness.
322
00:11:55,592 --> 00:11:57,301
Dumb. You're dumb.
323
00:11:57,302 --> 00:11:58,678
That's why you're not
scared to be happy.
324
00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:00,054
The smarter you are,
the more you know.
325
00:12:00,055 --> 00:12:02,765
Happiness is a trap.
It can't last forever.
326
00:12:02,766 --> 00:12:04,392
Let's say you meet
the love of your life,
327
00:12:04,393 --> 00:12:05,935
well, it's still gonna end.
328
00:12:05,936 --> 00:12:09,105
It's inevitable, whether by
the slow pull of a disease,
329
00:12:09,106 --> 00:12:11,315
or the shock of loose
footing on a hiking trail,
330
00:12:11,316 --> 00:12:13,568
whether it be the corrosion
of two personalities
331
00:12:13,569 --> 00:12:16,028
that reshape each other
until they're incompatible,
332
00:12:16,029 --> 00:12:17,405
or maybe the old
stranger in a bar
333
00:12:17,406 --> 00:12:19,240
who says the things
that need to be said,
334
00:12:19,241 --> 00:12:21,617
to that person, that night.
335
00:12:21,618 --> 00:12:25,079
The point is,
happiness always ends.
336
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,914
Best case scenario,
think about this.
337
00:12:26,915 --> 00:12:31,210
Best case is that you
die at the same time.
338
00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:32,378
Yikes.
339
00:12:32,379 --> 00:12:33,754
Can't the Hole just
let me go then?
340
00:12:33,755 --> 00:12:35,423
Sounds like I don't
matter. You don't.
341
00:12:35,424 --> 00:12:37,174
But if you go,
you'll take him away.
342
00:12:37,175 --> 00:12:38,384
Don't worry.
343
00:12:38,385 --> 00:12:39,844
Rick will die before
accepting happiness.
344
00:12:39,845 --> 00:12:42,221
After that, we'll chase
you with some clowns
345
00:12:42,222 --> 00:12:43,806
or some dumb shit like that.
346
00:12:43,807 --> 00:12:45,266
But Grandpa...[ Chuckles ]
347
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:48,019
Yummy, yummy.
Grandpa's gonna die.
348
00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:50,271
Just like Diane.
349
00:12:50,272 --> 00:12:51,606
[ Thunder crashes ]
350
00:12:51,607 --> 00:12:53,650
[ Laughs ]
351
00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:56,777
[ Thunder crashes ]
352
00:12:56,778 --> 00:12:59,447
Sir, you've been in this
booth for a really long time.
353
00:12:59,448 --> 00:13:00,948
One coffee isn't gonna cut it.
354
00:13:00,949 --> 00:13:03,117
That's fair. Want to split
some pancake puppies?
355
00:13:03,118 --> 00:13:04,368
No!
356
00:13:04,369 --> 00:13:08,080
[ Screams ] Beth!
Summer? Anyone!
357
00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:09,457
Dad, it's not real.
Neither are you.
358
00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:12,126
If that's true, then
you deal with it!
359
00:13:12,127 --> 00:13:14,587
You know what? You're right.
360
00:13:14,588 --> 00:13:17,882
[ Screams ] How about this?
361
00:13:17,883 --> 00:13:19,300
Morty! What are you doing?
362
00:13:19,301 --> 00:13:21,260
Being scared!
363
00:13:21,261 --> 00:13:23,387
[ Screaming ]
364
00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:25,014
[ Gulps ]
365
00:13:25,015 --> 00:13:26,724
How is that not enough fear?
366
00:13:26,725 --> 00:13:28,643
You're the one
scaring me, Morty!
367
00:13:28,644 --> 00:13:30,019
No, no, Dad, it's okay.
368
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:32,647
It's not okay!
That wasn't normal!
369
00:13:32,648 --> 00:13:34,315
[ Rumbling ]
370
00:13:34,316 --> 00:13:37,818
My greatest fear is
not being accepted.
371
00:13:37,819 --> 00:13:39,195
It should be!
372
00:13:39,196 --> 00:13:41,447
And you need to fear it
a hell of a lot more!
373
00:13:41,448 --> 00:13:42,823
[ Rumbling ]
374
00:13:42,824 --> 00:13:44,283
I can do that.
375
00:13:44,284 --> 00:13:46,285
You like that? Do
you want to die?
376
00:13:46,286 --> 00:13:50,665
I have enough unaddressed
trauma to flood this hallway.
377
00:13:50,666 --> 00:13:52,625
You fuckin' idiot,
this list says
378
00:13:52,626 --> 00:13:55,378
"Top Five Things", and
you only wrote down four.
379
00:13:55,379 --> 00:13:57,422
[ Laughter ]
380
00:13:57,923 --> 00:13:59,800
[ Rumbling ]
381
00:14:01,301 --> 00:14:02,677
Trust fall!
382
00:14:02,678 --> 00:14:05,262
None of us touch or
speak to this kid ever.
383
00:14:05,263 --> 00:14:06,681
[ Rumbling ]
384
00:14:06,682 --> 00:14:09,100
Morty: Maybe take a picture,
send it to your friends?
385
00:14:09,101 --> 00:14:10,851
Huh. Not a bad
idea. [ Rumbling ]
386
00:14:11,064 --> 00:14:13,941
How can we do the school play
if Johnny has laryngitis?
387
00:14:13,966 --> 00:14:15,639
There's no understudy!
388
00:14:15,664 --> 00:14:17,989
Put me in the play. You
don't know the lines.
389
00:14:18,014 --> 00:14:20,557
Yes, I do. "Three
Days of Rain."
390
00:14:20,582 --> 00:14:21,957
I have it memorized.
391
00:14:21,982 --> 00:14:23,733
And I refuse to prove
that until you cast me.
392
00:14:23,758 --> 00:14:25,866
Have it your way, but The
New York Times is coming,
393
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:28,119
and they're doing a feature
on the current state
394
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,662
of young American theater.
395
00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:31,706
[ Rumbling ]
396
00:14:31,707 --> 00:14:33,000
Perfect.
397
00:14:33,025 --> 00:14:35,042
It ended in a church? What?
398
00:14:35,043 --> 00:14:38,889
Yeah, they'd already died. It
was purgatory or something.
399
00:14:38,914 --> 00:14:40,297
How did your
universe's version end?
400
00:14:40,298 --> 00:14:42,591
Mm, Jack, Locke, and Sawyer
teamed up to kill a fog monster
401
00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:44,218
and everyone got rescued.
402
00:14:44,219 --> 00:14:46,429
It was one season long, and
it was perfect television.
403
00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:49,056
You can be great or you can
be around forever, right?
404
00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:52,768
True. True.
405
00:14:52,769 --> 00:14:54,603
Where's this going?
406
00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:57,231
We doing robot role play?
I've got oil at home.
407
00:14:57,232 --> 00:14:58,566
[ Rumbling ]
408
00:14:58,567 --> 00:14:59,734
What was that? True.
True. True. True.
409
00:14:59,735 --> 00:15:01,068
Diane. Diane? Diane?
410
00:15:01,069 --> 00:15:02,737
Hey. Stay with
me. Diane. Diane.
411
00:15:02,738 --> 00:15:04,030
Diane? Rick?
412
00:15:04,031 --> 00:15:05,239
What's happening?
413
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,158
Fuckin' Morty! He's
trying to hog the hole.
414
00:15:07,159 --> 00:15:08,952
Come on!
415
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,128
Alas, our father is dead.
416
00:15:19,129 --> 00:15:21,213
Walker, are you here?
417
00:15:21,214 --> 00:15:22,465
[ Crowd gasping ]
418
00:15:22,466 --> 00:15:26,927
Uh, hi. I'm Walker. Uh...
419
00:15:26,928 --> 00:15:29,013
Sure has been raining
420
00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:31,140
a lot of days.
421
00:15:31,141 --> 00:15:32,641
[ Rumbling ]
422
00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:34,268
What the fuck is he doing?
423
00:15:34,269 --> 00:15:35,936
[ Groans ] What's
wrong with him?
424
00:15:35,937 --> 00:15:37,104
He's naked.
425
00:15:37,105 --> 00:15:40,274
And why does he look sick?
426
00:15:40,275 --> 00:15:43,170
Because he's dying.
427
00:15:43,195 --> 00:15:44,236
Fuck.
428
00:15:44,237 --> 00:15:45,709
I got to get him out of here.
429
00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:48,115
But if I do, I might
have to go with him.
430
00:15:48,116 --> 00:15:50,975
I don't want to. I
don't want to, Diane,
431
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,751
I think my greatest
fear is letting you go.
432
00:15:52,776 --> 00:15:55,759
That's a good fear,
Rick. Keep that fear.
433
00:15:55,784 --> 00:15:57,416
If you don't, you'll kill me.
434
00:15:57,417 --> 00:15:58,918
Again.
435
00:15:58,919 --> 00:16:01,128
I know. But I don't
have to kill Morty, too.
436
00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:02,939
How do you know he's even real?
437
00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:06,217
Look at his weird little balls.
438
00:16:06,218 --> 00:16:08,010
Goodbye, Diane.
439
00:16:08,011 --> 00:16:09,763
[ Gasping ]
440
00:16:10,889 --> 00:16:12,640
Rick! Shut up Morty.
441
00:16:12,641 --> 00:16:15,559
DJ, drop that beat. We
got to conquer a fear!
442
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,311
[ Music playing ]
443
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:18,787
♪ This is my grandson ♪
444
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,115
♪ Don't look at his pee-pee ♪
445
00:16:20,140 --> 00:16:21,482
♪ Instead of staring at Morty ♪
446
00:16:21,507 --> 00:16:22,982
♪ Put your eyes on me-me ♪
447
00:16:23,007 --> 00:16:24,053
♪ I'm a roped-out freak ♪
448
00:16:24,078 --> 00:16:25,453
♪ Loose dog in my ass ♪
449
00:16:25,478 --> 00:16:26,686
♪ Macaroni in my pocket ♪
450
00:16:26,711 --> 00:16:28,295
♪ Rickity masterclass ♪
451
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,612
♪ I don't know how to rap ♪
452
00:16:29,637 --> 00:16:31,013
♪ I don't know how to rhyme ♪
453
00:16:31,038 --> 00:16:32,493
♪ I don't know how to rap ♪
454
00:16:32,494 --> 00:16:34,780
♪ Now eat my shit! ♪
455
00:16:34,805 --> 00:16:36,097
Incredible.
456
00:16:36,122 --> 00:16:37,498
♪ Now throw your hands up! ♪
457
00:16:37,499 --> 00:16:38,791
♪ And put your hands down ♪
458
00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:40,147
♪ Throw your hands up ♪
459
00:16:40,172 --> 00:16:41,686
♪ Now put them back down ♪
460
00:16:41,711 --> 00:16:44,630
♪ Three days of rain ♪
461
00:16:44,631 --> 00:16:46,674
[ Cheers and applause ]
462
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:49,568
That was an astounding
feat of personal bravery.
463
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:52,721
Nudity always makes
theater serious and good.
464
00:16:52,722 --> 00:16:54,122
How do you feel?
465
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,766
Accepted. You?
466
00:16:55,767 --> 00:16:58,018
Pathetic. But...
467
00:16:58,019 --> 00:16:58,890
happy?
468
00:16:58,915 --> 00:17:01,334
[ Rumbling ]
469
00:17:10,532 --> 00:17:12,199
[ Gasping ]
470
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,994
We did it! We
conquered our fears.
471
00:17:14,995 --> 00:17:16,329
Right?
472
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:20,583
Uh, hey, Rick.
473
00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:23,943
You just looked real
sad, which I'm afraid of.
474
00:17:23,968 --> 00:17:26,982
You know, of being
responsible for your sadness.
475
00:17:27,007 --> 00:17:29,997
Which means, I think we
might still be in The Hole.
476
00:17:30,022 --> 00:17:31,844
Huh. Well, I am
definitely afraid
477
00:17:31,845 --> 00:17:33,927
of you ever knowing
anything before me.
478
00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:38,225
So, yeah, I'd say there's a
100% chance that we're still...
479
00:17:38,226 --> 00:17:40,853
God damn it. Is this
going to be a whole thing?
480
00:17:40,854 --> 00:17:42,646
No word play, Morty.
We have to figure out
481
00:17:42,647 --> 00:17:44,398
our actual fears if we're
ever going to get out of here.
482
00:17:44,399 --> 00:17:45,858
Actual fears? Yeah.
483
00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:47,610
Tell me your fuckin' fear
so we can conquer it.
484
00:17:47,611 --> 00:17:48,986
I just had to crucify myself
485
00:17:48,987 --> 00:17:50,905
in order to save you
from your Hole wife,
486
00:17:50,906 --> 00:17:53,616
and you think I'm the one
with unresolved fears?
487
00:17:53,617 --> 00:17:55,576
I ought to be afraid
that we'll never get out,
488
00:17:55,577 --> 00:17:58,121
because you'll never
admit that you're afraid!
489
00:17:59,073 --> 00:18:00,729
[ Both groan ]
490
00:18:00,754 --> 00:18:03,423
Okay. Good job. You
conquered it, right?
491
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,586
I think so. How are
we supposed to know?
492
00:18:05,587 --> 00:18:07,087
No, no, this is
real. I can tell.
493
00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:08,923
You're not afraid that
you could be certain
494
00:18:08,924 --> 00:18:12,927
about something and still
turn out to be wrong?
495
00:18:12,928 --> 00:18:14,428
[ Groans ] You
cowardly asshole!
496
00:18:14,429 --> 00:18:16,223
How was I supposed to know?!
497
00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:20,142
$8 for a side of bacon!
498
00:18:20,143 --> 00:18:22,228
[ Groans ] Are you
fucking kidding me?!
499
00:18:22,229 --> 00:18:24,104
It's a symptom of a
larger concern, Morty.
500
00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:25,439
If capitalism collapses...
501
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,066
Are we done here?
I don't know.
502
00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:28,609
Aren't you a little
afraid at this point
503
00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:30,611
of The Hole itself?
What? [ Gasps ]
504
00:18:30,612 --> 00:18:32,613
I swear to God, if we're
still climbing out of this
505
00:18:32,614 --> 00:18:34,448
fucking Hole two
seasons from now.
506
00:18:34,449 --> 00:18:35,866
Maybe that was it. What?
507
00:18:35,867 --> 00:18:38,744
Maybe we needed to let go
of our fear of uncertainty.
508
00:18:38,745 --> 00:18:40,371
You know? Right.
509
00:18:40,372 --> 00:18:42,748
I'd say we're pretty native
to that at this point.
510
00:18:42,749 --> 00:18:44,667
Okay, thank you,
Hole! Thank you, Hole!
511
00:18:44,668 --> 00:18:47,002
We no longer need to
know if we're in you.
512
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:49,798
So, bye.
513
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:57,638
Are you afraid
we're still in it?
514
00:18:57,639 --> 00:18:59,139
I mean, I hope we're not,
515
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:01,350
but if we are... We'll
find out eventually.
516
00:19:01,351 --> 00:19:02,685
Which no longer scares me.
517
00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:05,896
Same. Okay. I'm
gonna go get drunk.
518
00:19:05,897 --> 00:19:07,773
{\an8}♪
519
00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:13,654
♪ Move on they say, you'll
feel better with time ♪
520
00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:18,618
♪ But time alone can't
heal this heart of mine ♪
521
00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:26,292
♪ You can't go back,
that's the only rule ♪
522
00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:32,264
♪ But rules were meant to
break when it comes to you ♪
523
00:19:32,289 --> 00:19:38,834
♪ I saw time and time
slip by when I withdrew ♪
524
00:19:38,859 --> 00:19:44,561
♪ I wandered far and
wide without you ♪
525
00:19:45,228 --> 00:19:47,354
♪ Without you ♪
526
00:19:47,355 --> 00:19:55,355
{\an8}♪
527
00:19:58,594 --> 00:20:04,750
♪ So I bury my dead, and
I try to start again ♪
528
00:20:04,775 --> 00:20:10,687
♪ But it will never be the
same as it was back then ♪
529
00:20:10,712 --> 00:20:16,884
♪ I've seen time and time
slip by, but I'll make do ♪
530
00:20:16,885 --> 00:20:18,761
♪ 'Cause I won't live my life ♪
531
00:20:18,762 --> 00:20:21,723
Oh, my God! I've
turned into my dad!
532
00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:24,421
Oh, maybe there's no way out.
533
00:20:24,446 --> 00:20:26,018
Maybe we were born here.
534
00:20:26,019 --> 00:20:28,145
[ Groans ] Come on. We're
gonna get through this.
535
00:20:28,146 --> 00:20:29,688
I'm staying here.
536
00:20:29,689 --> 00:20:32,608
No. We're Rick and Morty.
I'm not leaving without you.
537
00:20:32,609 --> 00:20:34,108
What did you say?
538
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,405
I said I'm not
leaving you in here.
539
00:20:35,430 --> 00:20:36,945
Come on. You're
irreplaceable...
540
00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:39,448
[ Echoing ] irreplaceable...
irreplaceable...
541
00:20:39,449 --> 00:20:41,200
What? Oh, my God!
542
00:20:41,201 --> 00:20:42,743
I know what I'm afraid of.
543
00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:44,953
I'm afraid you'd never
say that in real life.
544
00:20:44,954 --> 00:20:46,914
I'm afraid that if I
jumped into a hole,
545
00:20:46,915 --> 00:20:49,083
you wouldn't even bother
jumping in after me.
546
00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:51,280
You'd just stand
there and watch.
547
00:20:51,305 --> 00:20:53,467
This entire thing
has been about me.
548
00:20:53,492 --> 00:20:57,591
You're not even in
the Hole, are you?
549
00:20:57,592 --> 00:21:00,022
Thank you for visiting
the Fear Hole, Morty.
550
00:21:00,047 --> 00:21:03,389
Your fear of relying on
Rick has been delicious.
551
00:21:03,414 --> 00:21:06,083
Dear God!
552
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,424
Rick: Morty! How was it?
553
00:21:09,449 --> 00:21:10,741
Was it spiders?
554
00:21:10,766 --> 00:21:13,857
Oh. Oh, jeez. Oh, my God, no.
555
00:21:13,858 --> 00:21:16,322
You... You didn't
go in at all?
556
00:21:16,347 --> 00:21:17,764
No, it's a one-person ride.
557
00:21:17,789 --> 00:21:19,600
You can't face two
fears at the same time.
558
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,698
If my fear was fire
and yours was water...
559
00:21:21,699 --> 00:21:24,119
I get it. It's fine.
560
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,296
It really is fine. Huh.
561
00:21:27,321 --> 00:21:29,764
You do seem a little
less burdened.
562
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:32,167
Rick, am I irreplaceable?
563
00:21:32,168 --> 00:21:34,795
I mean, define irreplaceable.
564
00:21:34,796 --> 00:21:37,631
That's good. Good.
565
00:21:37,632 --> 00:21:39,258
I'm back.
566
00:21:39,534 --> 00:21:41,743
Don't! Or I won't
know if I'm out!
567
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:42,935
Is it that good?
568
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,210
Should I go in? No!
569
00:21:44,235 --> 00:21:45,556
You holdin' out on me?
570
00:21:45,821 --> 00:21:47,702
You don't want to
deal with it, Rick.
571
00:21:47,727 --> 00:21:49,802
There was messed-up
mental shit in there.
572
00:21:49,827 --> 00:21:51,077
Like, Diane was in there.
573
00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,563
What? Not in a good way.
574
00:21:52,564 --> 00:21:54,161
Just trust me.
575
00:21:54,186 --> 00:21:57,440
Okay, buddy. Let's go
slam some pancakes.
576
00:21:59,821 --> 00:22:01,906
[ Panting ]
577
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:20,250
{\an8}♪
578
00:22:45,825 --> 00:22:47,784
Ooh-whee. How bout that?
579
00:22:47,785 --> 00:22:49,328
Season 7!
580
00:22:49,329 --> 00:22:51,955
It was touch and go
there for a second.
581
00:22:51,956 --> 00:22:54,374
Remember when I stole my kid?
582
00:22:54,375 --> 00:22:57,587
I stole one of these, too!
583
00:23:00,131 --> 00:23:02,257
It's all about having a goal
584
00:23:02,258 --> 00:23:05,052
and stopping at
nothing to achieve it!
585
00:23:05,053 --> 00:23:07,889
Then you'll be fulfilled!
586
00:23:14,687 --> 00:23:16,147
Did you get any of that?