1
00:00:47,869 --> 00:00:49,913
{n8}<i>Glendale, California.</i>

2
00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:13,811
<i>Whatever</i>

3
00:01:17,273 --> 00:01:19,526
<i>I went down to the beach and saw Kiki</i>

4
00:01:19,609 --> 00:01:22,028
<i>She was all like, "Ehh"
And I'm like, whatever</i>

5
00:01:25,532 --> 00:01:27,617
<i>Then this chick comes up to me
And she's all like</i>

6
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,940
<i>"Hey, aren't you that dude?"
And I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

7
00:01:33,373 --> 00:01:36,209
<i>So later, I'm at the pool hall
And this girl comes up</i>

8
00:01:36,292 --> 00:01:38,628
<i>And she's all like, "Aww"
And I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

9
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:44,300
<i>'Cause this is my
United States of Whatever</i>

10
00:01:46,594 --> 00:01:50,181
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

11
00:01:52,934 --> 00:01:56,271
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

12
00:01:58,106 --> 00:01:59,274
Lucas!

13
00:02:00,108 --> 00:02:02,777
<i>And then it's 3 a.m.
I'm on the corner wearing my leather</i>

14
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:05,781
<i>And this dude comes up and he's like
"Hey, punk!" I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

15
00:02:07,782 --> 00:02:08,867
Lucas.

16
00:02:08,950 --> 00:02:11,744
<i>Then I'm throwing dice in the alley
Officer Leroy comes up</i>

17
00:02:11,828 --> 00:02:14,539
<i>He's like, "Hey, I thought I told you"
And I'm like, yeah, whatever</i>

18
00:02:17,375 --> 00:02:19,961
One, two...

19
00:02:20,044 --> 00:02:22,213
<i>Then up comes Zafo
I'm like, "Yo, Zafo. What's up?"</i>

20
00:02:22,297 --> 00:02:24,177
<i>He's like, "Nothin'"
And I'm like, "That's cool"</i>

21
00:02:25,008 --> 00:02:28,261
<i>'Cause this is my
United States of Whatever</i>

22
00:02:30,763 --> 00:02:34,017
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

23
00:02:50,366 --> 00:02:51,993
That's my agent, fellas.

24
00:02:53,745 --> 00:02:55,705
So what'd I do right this time?

25
00:02:55,788 --> 00:02:58,249
I've got bad news and bad news.

26
00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:00,251
Let's start with the bad.

27
00:03:00,335 --> 00:03:01,335
Very well.

28
00:03:01,711 --> 00:03:03,880
Lucas, between your string
of box-office bombs

29
00:03:03,963 --> 00:03:06,883
and reports
of your toxic skater boi behavior,

30
00:03:06,966 --> 00:03:10,595
this town's on the verge of saying,
"See you later, boi."

31
00:03:10,678 --> 00:03:13,681
You are one mistake away from movie jail!

32
00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:16,184
Good thing I've got
a get-out-of-jail-free card...

33
00:03:17,018 --> 00:03:18,102
this smile!

34
00:03:19,604 --> 00:03:23,191
You realize I can't see you, right?
We're on the phone, yeah?

35
00:03:23,274 --> 00:03:25,902
Lucas, you need to get your act together.

36
00:03:25,985 --> 00:03:28,112
My act is acting.

37
00:03:28,196 --> 00:03:31,199
You want goody-two-shoes,
buy 'em at a shoe store.

38
00:03:31,282 --> 00:03:35,286
Well, that's just the sort of thing that's
made you nigh unemployable, isn't it?

39
00:03:35,370 --> 00:03:39,582
We've got one offer for a lead role.
I suggest you take it!

40
00:03:39,666 --> 00:03:42,543
It's probably going to be
the last one for a while!

41
00:03:42,627 --> 00:03:45,338
Your flight to Toronto
departs in four hours.

42
00:03:45,421 --> 00:03:50,718
And remember, you must be professional
at every opportunity,

43
00:03:50,802 --> 00:03:55,598
or the stardom you love so much
will slip through your grasp.

44
00:03:57,809 --> 00:04:04,774
<i>The stardom you love so much
will slip through your grasp.</i>

45
00:04:08,319 --> 00:04:09,404
Whatever.

46
00:04:10,196 --> 00:04:13,700
<i>'Cause this is my
United States of Whatever</i>

47
00:04:15,785 --> 00:04:19,247
<i>And this is my United States of Whatever</i>

48
00:06:31,212 --> 00:06:32,880
While we appreciate your passion,

49
00:06:32,964 --> 00:06:37,176
{n8}no one visits the set of a Lucas Lee movie
without explicit permission.

50
00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:39,929
Lucas Lee is here?

51
00:06:40,012 --> 00:06:42,849
Of course he's here.
What do you think our job is?

52
00:06:42,932 --> 00:06:45,935
Oh man!
Do you think we could have a selfie?

53
00:07:09,876 --> 00:07:11,127
Young Neil?

54
00:07:11,210 --> 00:07:13,671
Ramona! Love the new hair.

55
00:07:13,754 --> 00:07:16,632
Have a seat.
They're about to roll the camera.

56
00:07:16,716 --> 00:07:19,510
Not like a bowling ball.
The camera doesn't roll at all.

57
00:07:19,594 --> 00:07:21,262
You learn a lot on a movie set.

58
00:07:29,061 --> 00:07:32,064
Why does the set look
exactly like The Rockit?

59
00:07:32,148 --> 00:07:35,234
The director thinks sets
are more authentic than locations.

60
00:07:35,318 --> 00:07:38,779
They don't consult me on those decisions.
I'm just the writer.

61
00:07:38,863 --> 00:07:40,198
Of this movie?

62
00:07:41,115 --> 00:07:42,325
You wrote a movie?

63
00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:43,659
Yes.

64
00:07:43,743 --> 00:07:46,120
You wrote a Lucas Lee movie.

65
00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:47,747
Bring in first team!

66
00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:51,918
Let's go.

67
00:08:02,178 --> 00:08:03,721
Hey, Young Neil.

68
00:08:04,555 --> 00:08:06,557
Why is Envy Adams dressed like me?

69
00:08:06,641 --> 00:08:08,184
She's playing Ramona Flowers.

70
00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:10,060
Okay.

71
00:08:10,394 --> 00:08:13,439
Young Neil, what's the title
of this movie?

72
00:08:13,523 --> 00:08:14,649
Quiet on the set!

73
00:08:15,942 --> 00:08:18,277
{n8}<i>Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life.</i>

74
00:08:18,361 --> 00:08:19,570
{n8}Scene 12, take 1.

75
00:08:21,531 --> 00:08:22,531
{n8}Action!

76
00:08:22,949 --> 00:08:26,077
So are you a fan of Sex Bob-omb?

77
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,455
No, I'm kind of seeing
someone in the band.

78
00:08:29,539 --> 00:08:32,166
That's crazy! I am too!

79
00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:37,588
So, I just want to make sure
I understand what's happening here.

80
00:08:38,089 --> 00:08:41,634
We're both dating Scott
at the same time and don't know it?

81
00:08:41,717 --> 00:08:44,637
Cut! Yes, our lead character is flawed.

82
00:08:45,388 --> 00:08:49,100
You wrote an entire script
about a world where Scott Pilgrim

83
00:08:49,183 --> 00:08:51,102
won the fight with Matthew Patel?

84
00:08:51,185 --> 00:08:52,270
Basically.

85
00:08:52,353 --> 00:08:54,146
Do you know where I can find Lucas Lee?

86
00:08:56,649 --> 00:08:57,733
Wait.

87
00:08:57,817 --> 00:08:59,652
Who is he playing in this?

88
00:09:09,245 --> 00:09:12,748
Did you know in the U.S.
these are called Mario Karts?

89
00:09:12,832 --> 00:09:13,958
That can't be true.

90
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:16,002
How would you know that?

91
00:09:16,085 --> 00:09:17,837
I'm from the U.S.

92
00:09:18,713 --> 00:09:20,631
Well, they're definitely
called that in Japan.

93
00:09:20,715 --> 00:09:22,466
Pretty sure that's not true either.

94
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,552
Agree to disagree.

95
00:09:27,013 --> 00:09:28,681
There's Lucas Lee's trailer.

96
00:09:30,975 --> 00:09:33,144
Thanks for the tour.

97
00:09:33,227 --> 00:09:34,061
Anytime.

98
00:09:34,145 --> 00:09:36,105
I know my way around the studio.

99
00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:41,694
I don't know where I am!

100
00:09:46,532 --> 00:09:47,532
Someone's outside.

101
00:09:48,826 --> 00:09:50,828
Who is it? I'm working on my lines.

102
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:52,455
It's Ramona.

103
00:09:52,997 --> 00:09:53,997
Flowers.

104
00:10:02,048 --> 00:10:03,215
Oh my god!

105
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:06,218
Ramona Flowers.

106
00:10:06,302 --> 00:10:07,595
Been a while.

107
00:10:07,678 --> 00:10:09,305
Freshman year, high school.

108
00:10:10,389 --> 00:10:11,599
We need to talk.

109
00:10:11,682 --> 00:10:12,975
I'm not sure we do.

110
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:15,227
About Scott Pilgrim.

111
00:10:15,311 --> 00:10:16,520
I'm Scott Pilgrim.

112
00:10:16,604 --> 00:10:18,773
No, the real Scott Pilgrim.

113
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,150
You saying I'm a fake Scott Pilgrim?

114
00:10:21,233 --> 00:10:24,153
No, the Scott Pilgrim
your character is based on.

115
00:10:25,321 --> 00:10:26,781
I didn't know this was a biopic.

116
00:10:26,864 --> 00:10:28,866
No, it's more like...

117
00:10:28,949 --> 00:10:31,786
Wait, do you even know
what this movie is about?

118
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,537
Have you read the script?

119
00:10:33,621 --> 00:10:34,664
I read the title.

120
00:10:34,747 --> 00:10:36,916
Maybe you should read a little more.

121
00:10:37,416 --> 00:10:40,961
Well, as not fun as it's been to catch up,
I'm needed on set.

122
00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:44,840
We're about to shoot my first scene.
Gotta give the people what they want.

123
00:10:44,924 --> 00:10:47,051
Crank that Lucas Lee charm to 11.

124
00:10:47,134 --> 00:10:49,303
- I think you're a 12.
- Let's make out.

125
00:10:50,471 --> 00:10:53,432
Damn girl! What are you doing later?

126
00:10:55,768 --> 00:10:57,103
Are you hitting on me?

127
00:10:57,853 --> 00:11:00,940
Maybe I am, and maybe I am.

128
00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:04,735
Gross.

129
00:11:08,197 --> 00:11:09,197
My Lord!

130
00:11:22,628 --> 00:11:24,088
Ramona Flowers.

131
00:11:24,171 --> 00:11:25,840
Didn't expect to see you here.

132
00:11:25,923 --> 00:11:27,091
Seeking fame?

133
00:11:27,675 --> 00:11:28,759
Not my style.

134
00:11:30,094 --> 00:11:33,681
Still on the search for my old roommate,
what's-his-name.

135
00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:34,932
Any progress?

136
00:11:35,015 --> 00:11:35,891
Minimal.

137
00:11:35,975 --> 00:11:38,811
But hopefully that's about to change.
What brings you here?

138
00:11:39,395 --> 00:11:42,314
I heard they hired
a notorious heterosexual to play me.

139
00:11:43,107 --> 00:11:44,984
Needed to see this debacle up close.

140
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:46,067
Action!

141
00:11:48,362 --> 00:11:50,489
I had a dream about that girl again.

142
00:11:51,824 --> 00:11:53,951
I didn't care the first time you told me.

143
00:11:54,493 --> 00:11:55,953
I care even less now.

144
00:11:58,998 --> 00:12:00,916
Cut! Let's go again.

145
00:12:02,752 --> 00:12:05,796
Hey, how was that? Gay enough? Any notes?

146
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,925
Yeah. How about you build
a time machine, go back in time,

147
00:12:10,009 --> 00:12:12,386
and never audition for this part
in the first place.

148
00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:14,430
Am I being heckled?

149
00:12:14,513 --> 00:12:18,726
Who has the nerve to share
his opinions on the set of my film?

150
00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:20,478
Me. I have the nerve.

151
00:12:20,561 --> 00:12:22,480
You? What's your name?

152
00:12:23,814 --> 00:12:24,899
I'm Wallace Wells.

153
00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:30,821
Method, wow! Bold, confident, impressive.

154
00:12:31,322 --> 00:12:32,615
I love it!

155
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:38,287
What's happening right now?

156
00:12:39,455 --> 00:12:40,498
Have you acted before?

157
00:12:40,581 --> 00:12:43,501
I considered it.
But I was worried I'd be too good at it.

158
00:12:44,084 --> 00:12:46,045
Wonderful! The part's yours.

159
00:12:46,128 --> 00:12:47,129
What about the other guy?

160
00:12:47,213 --> 00:12:49,298
He's already been escorted off set.

161
00:12:51,258 --> 00:12:52,258
What?

162
00:12:53,427 --> 00:12:54,720
Everybody, take five

163
00:12:54,804 --> 00:12:57,181
while we get our new Wallace
to hair and makeup.

164
00:12:57,264 --> 00:13:00,726
You heard him, everybody!
Take five, people.

165
00:13:02,728 --> 00:13:04,396
{n8}Hey, Young Neil.

166
00:13:05,147 --> 00:13:08,108
{n8}How'd you know exactly what Scott and I
said in bed that morning?

167
00:13:09,777 --> 00:13:12,154
The creative process is a mystery.

168
00:13:12,238 --> 00:13:14,406
Congrats on skipping
all the traditional steps

169
00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:16,283
to becoming a major movie star.

170
00:13:16,367 --> 00:13:18,410
Hey, if Lucas Lee can do it, why not?

171
00:13:18,494 --> 00:13:19,787
Speaking of which,

172
00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:22,414
I hear Mr. Lee is already
balls deep in a sweaty affair

173
00:13:22,498 --> 00:13:24,166
with someone on the production.

174
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,669
You catch any gossip
on who the lucky lady might be?

175
00:13:26,752 --> 00:13:30,840
Not the mystery I'm trying to solve.
And on that note, wish me luck.

176
00:13:30,923 --> 00:13:33,801
Hey, you could always wish upon a star.

177
00:13:35,261 --> 00:13:36,804
The star being me.

178
00:13:42,977 --> 00:13:44,061
It's Ramona.

179
00:13:45,729 --> 00:13:48,148
I'm reading the script.
I'm busy. Come back later.

180
00:13:48,232 --> 00:13:51,277
I'm not falling for that.
I know you have a girl in there.

181
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,195
Can we just get this over with?

182
00:13:54,822 --> 00:13:56,407
Fine. It's open.

183
00:14:02,955 --> 00:14:03,955
No girl.

184
00:14:05,374 --> 00:14:06,876
Did you know I'm in this?

185
00:14:07,793 --> 00:14:09,378
Yeah. You're the lead.

186
00:14:10,004 --> 00:14:12,006
No, there's a Lucas Lee character,

187
00:14:12,089 --> 00:14:14,258
and Scott tricks him
into grinding to death.

188
00:14:14,341 --> 00:14:17,720
I'd never fall for that.
What kind of idiot would write this?

189
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:27,980
Who put that garbage can there?

190
00:14:30,524 --> 00:14:33,944
Wow, that's a fast garbage can!

191
00:14:34,778 --> 00:14:36,363
So this movie is what would've happened

192
00:14:36,447 --> 00:14:38,991
if Scott won the fight
against Matthew Patel?

193
00:14:39,074 --> 00:14:39,992
Yeah.

194
00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:41,619
Scott defeats all your exes,

195
00:14:41,702 --> 00:14:43,829
and the two of you
live happily ever after.

196
00:14:43,913 --> 00:14:47,333
Young Neil may not be the brightest,
but he has a vivid imagination.

197
00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:49,293
The ending is unrealistic.

198
00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:52,004
The Ramona Flowers I know
would be on to the next one.

199
00:14:52,087 --> 00:14:54,006
That was a long time ago.

200
00:14:54,089 --> 00:14:55,633
Feels like yesterday.

201
00:14:58,427 --> 00:14:59,637
Why are you here?

202
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,263
Scott's not dead.

203
00:15:01,347 --> 00:15:04,558
Someone wants us to think he is.

204
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:05,643
Who?

205
00:15:05,726 --> 00:15:06,726
Why?

206
00:15:07,061 --> 00:15:09,146
That's what I'm trying to find out.

207
00:15:09,229 --> 00:15:13,150
Is there anyone from my past
who would do something this messed up?

208
00:15:13,734 --> 00:15:17,237
You think I'd kidnap some Canadian loser
and fake his death?

209
00:15:17,821 --> 00:15:21,075
You willfully chose to join
a league of evil exes.

210
00:15:21,158 --> 00:15:23,202
I need to know how evil you really are.

211
00:15:24,119 --> 00:15:26,413
We're not really evil. It's just branding.

212
00:15:26,497 --> 00:15:27,998
I know your reputation.

213
00:15:30,501 --> 00:15:33,253
You're a quintessential Hollywood bad boy.

214
00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:34,880
You can't judge me.

215
00:15:34,964 --> 00:15:37,508
You're on a quest to find a guy
who was dating a high schooler.

216
00:15:37,591 --> 00:15:39,259
I'd never do anything that stupid.

217
00:15:39,343 --> 00:15:41,387
If I did, my career would be over.

218
00:15:42,471 --> 00:15:43,471
Lucas.

219
00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:47,393
My God!

220
00:15:48,477 --> 00:15:49,395
{n8}<i>This just in.</i>

221
00:15:49,478 --> 00:15:54,400
{n8}<i>The actor playing Scott Pilgrim is dating
an actress playing a high schooler.</i>

222
00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:57,236
{n8}<i>That's actually hilarious!</i>

223
00:15:57,319 --> 00:15:59,530
You're dating a 17-year-old?

224
00:15:59,613 --> 00:16:01,532
She's 31 in real life!

225
00:16:03,951 --> 00:16:05,869
An earthquake in Toronto?

226
00:16:05,953 --> 00:16:07,788
No, something worse.

227
00:16:12,126 --> 00:16:13,252
Paparazzi!

228
00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:30,144
Leave her alone!

229
00:16:30,811 --> 00:16:32,312
Go! I'll cover you.

230
00:16:35,107 --> 00:16:36,191
Lucas!

231
00:16:44,992 --> 00:16:48,412
We have you surrounded, actor scum!
Show yourself!

232
00:17:07,556 --> 00:17:08,556
{n8}Whatever.

233
00:17:09,641 --> 00:17:11,935
{n8}<i>Lucas Lee versus the paparazzi.</i>

234
00:17:12,019 --> 00:17:13,019
<i>Fight!</i>

235
00:19:56,975 --> 00:20:03,023
<i>The stardom you love so much
will slip through your grasp.</i>

236
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,158
Need an assist?

237
00:20:13,742 --> 00:20:15,661
Why would you help me?

238
00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:19,039
What do you mean? I always helped you.

239
00:20:37,766 --> 00:20:38,766
<i>Yeah.</i>

240
00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:42,980
<i>Until you left me
with nothing but a broken heart.</i>

241
00:20:50,654 --> 00:20:51,989
<i>And a broken board.</i>

242
00:20:54,366 --> 00:20:56,952
<i>That was the day I decided
who I was gonna be.</i>

243
00:20:57,035 --> 00:21:01,540
<i>The best skater,
the highest paid actor, the biggest star.</i>

244
00:21:04,251 --> 00:21:06,795
That day made me who I am.

245
00:21:06,878 --> 00:21:11,591
So I guess, in a way,
I have to thank you, Ramona.

246
00:21:12,092 --> 00:21:15,012
That's really nice and all,
but we're out of time.

247
00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:17,806
Are you gonna let me help you or not?

248
00:21:18,307 --> 00:21:20,726
{n8}Lucas Lee, we know you're in there!

249
00:21:48,795 --> 00:21:49,795
All clear.

250
00:21:50,505 --> 00:21:52,299
I just got off the phone with my agent.

251
00:21:52,382 --> 00:21:55,469
I'm off the movie.
And she's dumping me as a client.

252
00:21:56,762 --> 00:21:58,305
Well, there goes my career.

253
00:21:58,388 --> 00:22:00,849
It's like I'm a show
that's no longer on the air.

254
00:22:00,932 --> 00:22:01,932
I'm a...

255
00:22:02,726 --> 00:22:04,936
Damn. I wish there was a word for it.

256
00:22:08,315 --> 00:22:10,108
Maybe this will all blow over.

257
00:22:10,734 --> 00:22:13,862
Nah, they're already testing
new actors to play Scott.

258
00:22:13,945 --> 00:22:14,988
By tomorrow morning,

259
00:22:15,072 --> 00:22:18,033
someone else will be cast in the role
of the guy you like more than me.

260
00:22:18,116 --> 00:22:20,077
And I'll be back to being nobody.

261
00:22:21,370 --> 00:22:24,998
That was your cue to say something, like,
"You were never nobody, Lucas."

262
00:22:25,749 --> 00:22:29,795
Well, you were definitely nobody,
but I still made out with you.

263
00:22:31,588 --> 00:22:32,756
Hey, I'll take it.

264
00:22:36,802 --> 00:22:39,471
Still think I kidnapped
the real Scott Pilgrim?

265
00:22:40,055 --> 00:22:40,972
No.

266
00:22:41,056 --> 00:22:42,891
I don't see you as a kidnapping guy.

267
00:22:42,974 --> 00:22:43,975
Or a portal guy.

268
00:22:44,601 --> 00:22:46,603
Good. Because I didn't.

269
00:22:46,686 --> 00:22:49,731
That was the night
of the <i>Teen Sorcerer 4</i> premiere in L.A.

270
00:22:50,315 --> 00:22:52,442
I got blitzed
and puked on Winifred Hailey.

271
00:22:52,526 --> 00:22:54,361
You can find the photos online.

272
00:22:55,028 --> 00:22:57,197
Guess someone else
took your stupid boyfriend.

273
00:22:57,697 --> 00:22:59,199
He's not my boyfriend.

274
00:22:59,825 --> 00:23:02,702
Whoever did this kept that train
from leaving the station.

275
00:23:03,203 --> 00:23:05,038
Take care of yourself, Lucas.

276
00:23:07,916 --> 00:23:08,916
Whatever.

277
00:23:33,442 --> 00:23:35,026
Vegan powers.

278
00:23:35,610 --> 00:23:36,862
Vegan portals?

279
00:23:40,949 --> 00:23:42,325
Yes, hello.

280
00:23:42,409 --> 00:23:43,493
I'm Todd Ingram.

281
00:23:44,077 --> 00:23:47,372
I'm vegan, and I'm here to audition
for the part of Scott Pilgrim.

282
00:23:47,456 --> 00:23:49,207
Scott Pilgrim?

283
00:23:49,291 --> 00:23:51,251
You mean the lead role in this picture?

284
00:23:51,334 --> 00:23:53,295
Well, good luck.

285
00:23:54,087 --> 00:23:56,131
Watch out, guys. Vegan coming through.