Hey, we drinkin' beers?
Tit fucker. Tit fucker.
What's up, Big Sex?
Tit fucker.
I was gonna come over there
and pet your cute little head,
now maybe I won't.
That's more like it.
-Whadday'at? -What are you doing?
Whaddya mean, what am I doing?
Building a fuckin' fort or somethin'?
-Jerkin' off. -Huh?
-I'm jerkin' off. -You do it like that?
What do you mean, like that? How do you do it?
-On my back. -You does it like that?
Hold on a second. Goody!
Close the door, b'y!
Goody, you in there?
-Oh, are you jerkin' off too? -Yeah.
Is Goody jerkin' off, too?
Yeah, and this is what that looks like to me.
Close the door, b'y! Lordy jumpin' Josephina.
-Hey, we drinkin' beers? -Gimme a sec.
So, like five or so? Give or take.
'Kay, I'll see ya in a bit.
Can you close the door, bud?
Dolo, we drinkin' beers?
When I'm done jerking off.
Are you jerkin' off in there, too?
Yes.
Oh, my God. Wait, how?
What do you mean how?
Whaddya got like a laptop in there or somethin'?
No. No, bro.
Huh? But you're not watchin' porn?
Watching porn in the shower? No.
So, like you, what, you just do it to like,
what's in your head?
Yes. Huh?
You just dig into the spank bank.
So by memory?
Yes, the spank bank.
You just think of somethin'
then you jerk off to it?
Yes, handsome man.
What are we, on the fuckin' Mayflower?
Can you close the door, bro?
You never do that, Shoresy?
No! Why not?
'Cause we're not livin' in the fuckin' wild west.
-What do you mean? -I mean I'm not one of your
ancestors wailin' on it in a fuckin' teepee.
-Never? -Fightin' cowboys
in fuckin' wigwams.
You shouldn't watch porn at all, old man.
You shouldn't watch porn at all?
-Yeah, I heard it on a... -Huh?
I heard it on a podcast that you shouldn't watch porn.
-No, sir! -Now you give me one
fuckin' good reason why...
'Cause it rewires your brain
into only getting turned on when ya watches porn.
As opposed to what?
As opposed to actually hammerin' a broad.
What? Yeah.
So, if you watch porn, your dick won't work
when you wanna actually hammer a broad?
That's what the science suggests.
Really? That's what the data
-indicates, old man. -Really?
Too much of anything ain't good for ya, b'y.
Wow!
What are you doin', bud?
Doing you a favour. Actually,
can you plug that in? Shoresy, close the door
by the lard jaysus!
Well, wait a minute...
-But you're watching porn. -That's what I'm not.
Well then, what're you watching?
-Try-on hauls. -Huh?
-Try-on hauls. -Try on...
Girls trying on clothes on YouTube.
-What? -Yeah.
-Huh? -It's called try-on hauls.
Where girls goes around trying on clothes and all that.
They're just trying on clothes?
Yeah, they got nice butts and boobs and all that.
Well, you can look out the fuckin' window
for nice butts and boobs and all that.
No, b'y. With try-on hauls,
you can sometimes see the nipples through the clothes.
-On YouTube? -Yeah, sometimes.
Oh, my God.
It's just kinda the lesser of two evils, b'y!
What an odd East Coast cunt you are.
In the name of all things holy, Shoresy, b'y,
-close the door! -Goody.
-What's up, buddy? -Hitch is in there jerkin' off
to girls trying on clothes on YouTube.
-They're women, old man! -Is he?
It's just kinda the lesser of two evils, b'ys.
So what, so because you're not supposed to watch porn,
you just watch girls try on clothes instead?
Oh, you never heard nothin' so bad as that, eh?
Where are they trying on the clothes?
Sometimes home, sometimes at the mall.
At the mall?
Well, b'y, s'pose they could be at a standalone store,
-or a storefront. -But hey, hey,
and I didn't tell ya this, but he's in there on all fours too.
-What? -Yeah, he's in there
on all fours jerkin' off to girls at the mall.
-No, he isn't. -Yeah, come look!
Come see. Look at this.
Well, come in and make yerselves at home, boys,
by the jackal or jaysus.
-You do it like that? -You never does it like this?
-No! -How do you do it, b'y?
Fuck, Hitch, what are you doing?
Fuck, he should try taking screenshots
with his eyes, like you. One time.
Fuck it, me nerves is rubbed right raw.
Let's go to North Bay.
Drinkin' beers!
Hey, are we drinkin' beers?
I just gave you a beer.
-Drinkin' beers. -Thanks for driving us, Jill.
It's just a cool buck and a half to North Bay, eh?
Thanks for doing this for Jack.
Jack woulda done the same thing for me,
-his good buddy, Theodore. -You smell good.
-Thanks, buddy. -He'll be so happy
-to see you guys. -Well, lock up your daughters
with this one coming. Whoa!
He's just a little homesick outta the gate.
It's normal.
And how about this one
fresh off a buck hunt up north.
Seeing some familiar faces will go a long way.
Eh, Goody? Six Nations, gonna gobble up all the Cree
-in Sault Ste. Marie? -Settle down.
Why don't we go sit at a bar uptown and split an appetizer.
-Is he scoring? -No, but it's just
five games in. Is that a big deal?
-He's a goal scorer. -Dolo, we drinkin' beers?
Is Jack's Mom coming?
Jack's Mom? Yeah, she's gonna be a bit late.
She's in Massachusetts.
Mashachussets?
Massachusetts.
Why you wanna know if she's coming, Dolo?
They've got the kids doing so many things now.
-Toxic masculinity seminar? -Yeah.
-Radioactive masculinity? -He'll settle in.
Highly flammable masculinity?
What do you say to some good chat and a nice bottle of red?
Tsunami hazard masculinity! Ah!
-Shut up, Shoresy. -Seek shelter immediately.
Shoresy, shut up.
Hey, we drinkin' beers?
Hey, you should peel off. Why?
Well, if he's already homesick,
you don't want him seeing his buddy's mom before the game.
-Really? -What, the one who's been
making him PB & J and breakfast for supper
-his whole life? -Why?
I'd be crying into my shirt.
Okay, I'll see ya out there. Seriously. All right.
Where're we goin'? Fuckin' hell.
What is this?
Behind the curtain, eh? Look out.
Where is this fuckin' guy? Uh-oh. Whoa, there he is!
Cunner! Yeah!
Goody, what's goin' on, buddy?
Yeah! Stephen Cunningham,
as I live and breathe.
Aw, man. Holy boats.
-Wow! -It's the Salisbury
Beefsteak Bulldogs.
This is Dolo. This is Hitch.
You guys were unreal in that BROdude tournament.
-Hey, thanks, b'y. -That was fun hockey.
One time.
Gonna go grab us some beer, b'ys.
Don't even fuckin' try to shake my hand.
Last time I saw you, you were cross-checking me in the neck.
Yeah, well, we were down three goals. Someone had to do something.
It's my wedding party, he's cross-checking me in the neck.
If it wasn't your wedding, you'd be gettin' it in the teeth.
Hey, what's this I hear about a church league in Sudbury
-that got banned from their rink? -Yeah, it's fuckin' everywhere, eh?
That's the most bush league shit I ever heard in my life.
Well, those guys play like psychos.
How's it goin'?
Good. Everything's good.
No, like with the team?
Slow start.
Little slow. We're not scoring yet.
But good group?
Great group. Couple wild boys in there.
-Oh yeah, couple psychos? -Couple psychos in there.
Two times.
-Nice. -But good balance.
A lot of U.S. kids this year.
Michigan, Minnesota, Massachusetts.
-"Massachushetts?" -Massachusetts.
Well, you're only about half as ugly as I remember, Cunner.
-That's pretty good. -You're here for Jack, right?
-Sudbury boy. -Yeah.
Seventeen, c'mere!
Oh, I don't know if I like your tone there, Cunner.
Maybe pull back on the masculinity a little bit.
Kids are like dogs. You know, you gotta raise 'em with a stiff hand,
teach 'em to come when they're called. It's important.
-Yep. -One day, you'll call them to come
and they won't because they're run over.
-Yeah, buddy. -Gotta keep 'em structured,
-keep 'em safe. -Well, spoken like
-a two-time coach of the year. -Three.
Really?
Three times!
Wow!
Oh, there he is!
What's up, mon bonhomme?
Cunner, let me grab him for a sec.
-Yeah. -Hold onto 'er buddy,
you're all right. I haven't seen this kid in forever.
Hold onto 'er. You're okay. You're all right.
Sorry.
No, don't say sorry. You just already started it,
-just let it out. -All right.
Don't fuckin', don't sob or anything,
just get it outta ya. It's all right.
Sorry.
Who gives a shit. Just let it out.
You're all right.
You all right? I'm all right.
Okay. What's goin' on?
I wanna quit.
No, you're not gonna quit.
-I wanna come home. -Well, that's stupid.
-No, it isn't. -Don't be an idiot.
-I wanna come home. -What's at fuckin' home?
-All my friends. -No, they're not.
They're out playing junior, like you.
-Not all of 'em. -Fuckin' all you got at home
is a bunch of drunk minors and a bad homeless problem.
-Yeah. Yeah. -It's getting worse.
Fuckin', what you want at home, you want some paninis?
-No. -I can bring you one of those.
-No, I'm good. -All right.
Well, what's the fuckin' problem then?
Just nothing happening.
What do you mean, nothing happening?
-I'm not scoring. -Huh?
-Not making buddies. -Fuckin'...
you're a hockey player. Don't worry about
making buddies. You'll make a ton of buddies.
-Yeah. -Fuckin' once the boys
start gellin', you'll have a ton of buddies.
-Yeah. -You'll get a ton of ass.
-Yeah. -Why aren't you scoring?
I don't know, I got the yips.
Oh, fuckin' everybody gets the yips.
-That's normal too, idiot. -No, this is bad.
-Yeah, it's the yips! -Every time I touch the puck
it's like I'm chopping it up into little pieces.
-Happens to everybody. -It's really bad.
All right, you wanna talk about the yips?
You ever been in bed with a girl,
-your dick doesn't work? -No. Have you?
No, but imagine?
-Then why'd you bring it up? -I don't know,
but you shouldn't watch porn anymore. Did ya know that?
-Oh, my God. -Your dick's workin' okay, eh?
-Yeah. Yeah. -You're sure? I fuckin' knew it.
Look at you, all fuckin' robust, aren't ya?
-All right? -Yeah.
All right, we out the other end of 'er here, or what?
Yeah.
All right, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna keep it simple, okay?
We're gonna take it one period at a time.
-Just one period at a time. Okay? -Okay.
All right, so you're not scoring.
You gotta find a way to contribute.
-Right. -You gotta find a way
-to help your team. -I know.
-So, go kill some guys. -Okay.
Just fuckin' go out there, run around,
-and fuckin' get in the game. -Okay.
-Kill some guys. -Okay.
-Now, what did I tell ya to be? -The hardest worker out there.
-That's right. Say it again. -The hardest worker out there.
You go out there and you work hard,
you'll get your bounces. The bounces come
with the hard work. So, you go out there and you skate.
-Okay. -You go like fuckin' stink.
-Okay. -Yeah?
-Let's go, 17. -Hold on. Are you okay?
-Yeah. -You sure you're all right?
-Fuck yeah. -You ready?
-Yeah. -All right, well I'm comin'
back after the first period. You better have done
-somethin' good. -Okay.
I'm serious, just do something good.
Go out there and you just fuckin' kill some guys.
-I will. I will. Yeah. -Be a killer. All right?
Work hard. Keep it simple. That's it.
-Okay. Yeah. Okay. -That's it. Let's go.
Let's go, Jack.
Hey, good luck, Coach!
Thanks, man.
Oh! Here we go!
Handsome man. Where are we?
Section 105. Where's that?
Look for the hottest mother you ever did see, b'ys.
Hey, that's our designated driver you're talking about.
She's smokin'. The strip club's open
again, boys. Should I ask her to go, or what?
Worst she could say is no.
Hey, we drinkin' beers?
Oh, yeah.
-What? -You killed some guys.
-Kinda. -Oh no, you fuckin'
-killed some guys. -That one in front
-of our bench was pretty good. -Yeah, did ya hear
-that sound after? -What?
It's the sound of 100 people opening their programs
-to see who fuckin' 17 is. -Shut up.
That's Sudbury, Ontario, bitch.
-Shut up. -And you got an assist, too.
How 'bout that? See what happens when you work hard,
-you get your bounces. -It was a phantom assist.
It wasn't a phantom assist, it was a secondary assist.
Secondary assist, whatever.
You got an assist. You contributed.
-Shut the fuck up. -Fine.
You're on the score sheet, dumb fuck. Smile.
-Fine. -So, what are you gonna do now?
-Work hard. -You're already doing that.
-Keep it simple. -You're already doing that.
-Contribu... -You're gonna score
-a goal, idiot. -Oh yeah?
Well, you're a goal scorer, aren't ya?
-Yeah. -Well then, keep it simple.
First period, kill some guys. Second period, score some goals.
Okay, I'll just start scoring now.
Hey, you love scoring goals.
All hockey players love scoring goals.
That's what keeps us coming back. That feeling.
-I know. -Get back to that.
-Okay. -You fuckin' started
playing hockey to score goals.
You idolized the guys that score goals.
Just remember how good it feels to score.
You love scoring goals. Go get that feeling.
Get that feeling.
I'm coming back after the second. Do somethin' good!
Look at you.
Look at fuckin' you!
You are buzzin', kid.
-Seventeen, you've arrived, eh? -Yup.
Welcome to the league.
You're on the PP with Dunk and Hayesy to start the third.
Okay.
Now what're you gonna do?
-Get another one. -Are ya?
-Yeah. -Huh?
-What? -Well, ya already got one.
-I'll get another. -Yeah, you already got one.
So, what do I do?
Well, first period, kill some guys.
-Yeah. -Second period,
-score some goals. -Yep. Third period?
Make sure they never forget who you are.
-Who are ya? -Jack.
-Jack who? -Jack Webster.
-From where, Narnia? -From Sudbury.
-Hell yeah, fuck yeah. -Just tell me what to do.
-It's working. -All right, well you got
a goal, you got an assist. What don't you got?
-What? -You got a goal,
you got an assist,
you're one away from somethin'.
You want me to go for a Gordie Howe hat trick?
Well, I don't know. What's that?
-You want me to fight? -What's a Gordie Howe hat trick?
A goal, an assist, and a fight.
-Is that what that is? -Yeah.
Fuck, that'll get ya a ton of ass.
-You think? -A Gordie Howe hat trick
-sounds so cool. -Okay.
Look, you're scoring. Your teammates like that.
But you fight? Your teammates love that.
-Oh, man. -So, you wait 'til you get up
another goal or two, and you pick a fight.
-How? -What do you mean, how?
-Well, what do I do? -Huh?
Just go up to some guy, you tell him his mom's
so fuckin' boring you're half asleep
-even when you're railing on her. -Oh, my God, dude!
That if her feet didn't stink so bad you'd be right out cold.
Are you seriously telling me to fight?
-Me? No? -'Cause you're not supposed
-to do that anymore. -I'm just sayin'
I love when my teammates do.
That's all.
I fuckin' love it.
-Fuck you, Shoresy. -I don't fuckin' care.
Tell him you love his mom's Egyptian cotton sheets.
Say you can't believe she found 'em at Winners.
This trip had the effect I was after.
Well, the best is yet to come.
-Thanks for this, guys. -No problem. Our pleasure.
Hey, have you met my pal, Dolo?
You were in Massachushetts?
-Massachusetts. -"Mashachusetts?"
Massachusetts.
That's a fuckin' dive!
That's a dive!
Send 'em both, bud!
-The kid's a diver! -He fuckin' dove!
-Get outta here! -Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
-That's a dive. -Kid's a fuckin' diver.
That's a dive. Oh, fuckin' look at that.
One guy gets the gate, the other one stays on the ice.
-How 'bout that? -That's a fuckin' dive!
Kid's a fuckin' diver!
Hey! You got something to say?
-Sit down. -That's my kid.
-You got something to say? -Fuckin' careful
-how loud you say that. -No, let's fuckin' hear it.
Yeah, he plays like a fuckin' Euro.
-Fuck you. -Yeah, you teach him how
-to lay on the ice like that? -Fuckin' teach you somethin'.
-Teach him how to dive? -I will kick your ass.
Oh, fuckin' cool. You wanna be that guy
at your kid's game? Get in a fight?
-Sit down. Drink your beer. -Fuck you!
-Sit the fuck down! -Fuckin' loser.
Fuck you!
Fuck!
We got a guy for you if you want it.
-Drink your beer. -Shut the fuck up.
Fuck.
Diving's part of the game now.
Gross.
Every hit's a penalty
so the kids are hitting way less.
I know. It's crazy.
And if they get hit, they snap their head back
or they fold up like a lawn chair.
They know how to sell it to draw the penalty.
Dishonourable hockey.
Nothing worse than being labelled a diver.
Nothing.
It's all in their tool bags now.
Diver's the worst label in hockey, me son.
Could be the difference in the game, so they go for it.
I have a hard time with that.
Well, you're a coach. You okay with diving
-if it gets you a win? -Well, a win's a win, boys.
-Fuck off. -All is fair in true
-love and war. -What you gonna lay on
-the ice, old man? -Well, no, you never
-fuckin' lay on the ice. -But you'll take a dive?
Well, I'll stick ya in the face,
I'll spear ya in the nuts, whatever it takes
to get ya to retaliate. But I dunno.
I'd rather lose honourably than win dishonourably.
You?
Let's see what kinda pretzel you squeeze yourself into
this year as a coach.
Fuck.
Hey, man. Hey, man.
I'm sorry. That was super bush league.
There's no room for that here.
-All right. -No, no, no,
I was being an idiot. I'm sorry.
That was super bush league.
-Yeah, don't worry about it. -Can I buy you a beer?
-Sure. -Sweet. Let's have a beer.
Where ya in from?
-You know Wingham? -Oh, yeah, man.
Home of Wingham Ironmen Junior C?
-Yeah, that's the one. -That's it.
-How long's it take to get here? -Aw jeezus, seven hours.
This is turning into quite the story, folks.
An unfortunate one for North American hockey.
It's not just the running up of scores
by the Europeans that's the news maker here.
We are seeing a physical style of play
from the Europeans that exceeds anything
I've seen in perhaps decades.
This team known as simply the EU
are doing a real number on us.
Understatement contest. I win.
Hey, settle down, you mom hugger.
Let the b'y hug his mudder.
Let this b'y hug his mom.
Yes, handsome man.
You all right?
Who wants to keep me company back to Sudbury?
One time.
You can tell me about Mashachusetts.
-Massachusetts. -Holy shit, you're hammered.
-Huh. -When did this happen?
Dolo, you're not riding an hour and half
-home alone in a car with my mom. -I'll go too.
-That's better. -I'll babysit.
-I'll allow it. -You better get your shit
together or you're not gonna have a shot.
-You're fuckin' hilarious. -Hmm.
Hey, good fuckin' game, handsome man. Fun.
Thanks bro.
He'll be just fine.
Good game, kiddo. Keep it up.
-Thank you. Love you. -Love you.
I'll go get the car.
-What're you lookin' for? -What?
-Huh? -Chair.
-For what? -What do you with a chair, b'y?
-Sit. -Why?
I'm drunk.
Inspired performance. Inspired.
-Thanks. -I'm serious.
You made me wanna take a couple hard laps.
-Thanks for helping me out. -Don't be soft.
-Right. -Now it's time to get to work.
-Yep. -You got a new team,
new squad. You gotta help build the culture.
-I will. -Gotta help build
-a winning culture. -I will.
It's important. Every guy buys in.
-I know. -So you know names?
-Yeah. -Everybody's name?
-Yeah. -All right, what's his name?
-Who? -The trainer.
-I dunno. -That's the first name
-you should know. -I'll learn it.
You're gonna be fuckin' bleeding and sweating
all over those guys all year. Know their names.
-Calm down. I will. -What's this guy's name?
-The bus driver? -No, the spaceship driver,
-ya fuckin' idiot. -I don't know.
Know everybody's name. The bus driver,
the beer vendor, the janitor,
the janitor's stepdaughter's half-daughter.
You didn't know my name for like, a month.
That's different. Shut the fuck up.
-Okay, I get it. -Know everybody's name.
And call them by name.
That's how you build respect.
That's how you build a winning culture.
All right. All right. All right. All right.
-What's the equipment guy's name? -I don't know. I'll learn it.
You don't know fuckin' anything.
You don't know six times eight.
-58. -No!
-68. -Six times eight?
I know there's an eight there. Fuckin' 48?
Holy fuck, you're dumb!
Is that what it is?
-You're such a dumb fuck. -I don't fuckin' care.
I got bigger fish to try, buddy boy, trust me.
-Yeah, like the yips? -I never said
-that happened to me. -Oh, okay.
-But you're so insensitive. -Right.
It's fuckin' hammer time, every time with me,
-but I confided in you. -Sure.
I was just saying what I needed to say to get ya to stop
with all your...
-No, you weren't! -Yeah I was. You're all like...
No, you weren't.
Yeah, I was. Shut the fuck up.
You're the best player out there, buddy.
No one out there is better than you.
It's gonna be tough sometimes. Just give your balls a tug.
No one out there is better than you.
-Thanks. -You're the best.
You're gonna get a ton o' ass.
Hitch, we drinkin' beers?
He's had enough.
Well, he's never gonna get ya out for dim sum
with that kinda work ethic.
How are you not like that too?
-'Cause I'm a real man. -You're an idiot.
Hey, crank your rearview. I'll show you what
a real man looks like. Back here drinkin' beers.
How do you know what to do with them?
-With who? -The kids.
'Cause I was one.
How did you know what to do with Jack?
It's what my brother used to do with me.
He found a way to simplify things for me.
So I could get what I want.
So, where are you going tonight?
Where am I going?
-Yeah. -Huh?
-You going to the Coulson? -Nah.
Strip club side's back open again.
Oh, I hadn't heard.
How did this town survive
without a strip club for that long?
I don't know, but we're back, baby!
Why, where you goin'?
Bed.
Well, you've earned it.
Straight to bed.
Hmm.
Long day on the road.
I'm just trying to figure out if I turn on the furnace
or if I have someone to crawl in there with me.
♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ She told me She can break your heart ♪
♪ And put you in misery ♪
♪ Since I met this little... ♪
Actually, can you drop me off at the rink?
I sure can.
I'll get him home safe.
♪ And I'm telling ya ♪
♪ It's too late to turn back now ♪
♪ I believe, I believe I believe I'm falling in love ♪
♪ It's too late to turn back now ♪
♪ I believe, I believe, I believe I'm falling in love ♪
♪ I found myself phoning her ♪
♪ At least ten times a day ♪
♪ You know that's so unusual for me ♪
♪ To carry on this way ♪
♪ I'll tell you I can't sleep at night ♪
♪ For wanting to hold her tight ♪
♪ I've tried so hard to convince myself ♪
♪ That this feeling just can't be right ♪
♪ I'm telling you ♪
♪ It's too late to turn back now ♪
♪ I believe, I believe I believe I'm falling in love ♪
♪ It's too late to turn back now ♪
♪ I believe, I believe I believe I'm falling in love ♪