1 00:00:16,396 --> 00:00:18,701 That was titled "Essence." I wrote it about my mom. 2 00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:21,182 This next piece is also about my mom. 3 00:00:21,227 --> 00:00:23,184 - Uh, excuse me... - Wrap it up, nerd. 4 00:00:23,229 --> 00:00:25,294 -I'm still... -All right, I don't know what this is called, 5 00:00:25,318 --> 00:00:26,406 and I don't care. 6 00:00:26,449 --> 00:00:27,493 Two, three, four! 7 00:00:30,279 --> 00:00:31,888 That's kind of loud! 8 00:00:38,069 --> 00:00:40,159 What is the meaning of this intense bass? 9 00:00:40,202 --> 00:00:41,943 Are you mocking me?! 10 00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:43,615 I don't hear it on our side. 11 00:00:43,639 --> 00:00:45,163 It must be your equipment. 12 00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:47,382 Engineer K'noch, today you die! 13 00:00:48,471 --> 00:00:50,821 Will someone shut that up?! 14 00:00:54,476 --> 00:00:56,455 You're welcome. 15 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,048 Okay, whatever that was. 16 00:01:00,092 --> 00:01:02,137 Ladies and gentlemen, "Requiem for a Hug." 17 00:01:03,182 --> 00:01:04,705 Captain says you're too loud! 18 00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:07,273 Oh, God, oh, no, no, I'm so sorry. 19 00:02:18,256 --> 00:02:21,390 First officer's log, stardate 57501.4. 20 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,957 TheCerritos is en route to Cardassia Prime 21 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,959 for the most amazing reason. 22 00:02:26,003 --> 00:02:28,919 Captain Freeman is going to be instrumental in brokering peace 23 00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:30,921 between the... Uh, wait. 24 00:02:30,964 --> 00:02:32,922 Just... reading a little message here. 25 00:02:32,967 --> 00:02:34,534 Yada yada yada. Oh. 26 00:02:34,577 --> 00:02:36,578 Oh, no. 27 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:40,017 The captain is not gonna be happy about this. 28 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,759 What the hell are you talking about! 29 00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:44,283 I'm sorry, Captain Freeman, 30 00:02:44,325 --> 00:02:46,042 but we're moving the peace negotiations to Vulcan. 31 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,808 Nobody wants to go to Cardassia Prime. 32 00:02:47,851 --> 00:02:50,201 The Cardassians are creeping everyone out. 33 00:02:50,244 --> 00:02:53,552 But I already prepared a speech, I learned how to do the dance... 34 00:02:53,595 --> 00:02:55,118 I'm sure you'll be involved 35 00:02:55,163 --> 00:02:57,077 in the nexthistoric, once-in-a-lifetime summit. 36 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,123 For now, you'll be heading to Gelrak 5 37 00:02:59,166 --> 00:03:02,125 and, uh, endowing them with diplomatic trinkets. 38 00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:03,779 We're delivering gifts? 39 00:03:03,824 --> 00:03:04,824 Godspeed, Captain. 40 00:03:06,479 --> 00:03:09,263 I spent weeks learning how tobark out Cardassian small talk. 41 00:03:09,308 --> 00:03:11,309 Seems like they just changed locations. 42 00:03:11,352 --> 00:03:13,548 - I don't think it was a slight on the Cerritos. - Yeah, right. 43 00:03:13,572 --> 00:03:15,681 Nobody respects us, because we don't demand their respect. 44 00:03:15,705 --> 00:03:17,229 This ship is a joke. 45 00:03:17,272 --> 00:03:19,708 Well, then we're the funniest joke in all of Starfleet. 46 00:03:19,753 --> 00:03:21,536 Shut up, Jack! I'm sick of it. 47 00:03:21,581 --> 00:03:23,190 We have to do something to prove 48 00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:25,193 that this crew isn't a bunch of slackers. 49 00:03:26,933 --> 00:03:29,589 Okay, try it now. 50 00:03:29,631 --> 00:03:31,504 Field strength is at.. 51 00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:32,940 - Ooh! - 100% 52 00:03:32,982 --> 00:03:34,636 You almost phasered me! 53 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:35,943 Calm down. It's set to... 54 00:03:35,986 --> 00:03:37,857 Uh, it was... it was set to stun. 55 00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:39,836 Hey, Boimler, how's the field integrity looking in there? 56 00:03:39,860 --> 00:03:42,123 Uh... oh! 57 00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:44,517 It's good. 58 00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:46,953 Okay. Computer, margaritas. Frozen. Salt. 59 00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:48,191 Wait, don't we have to report 60 00:03:48,215 --> 00:03:49,999 that we're done so we can get a new task? 61 00:03:50,044 --> 00:03:52,369 Don't sweat it, baby girl... Likemany things, commanders have 62 00:03:52,393 --> 00:03:55,135 no idea how long it takes to balance a phase variance. 63 00:03:55,178 --> 00:03:56,896 You never admit the actual amount of time it takes 64 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,116 to finish a job... if you did, your days would be packed. 65 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:01,969 - Isn't that lying? - No. It's creative estimating. 66 00:04:02,011 --> 00:04:03,404 When you get an assignment, 67 00:04:03,449 --> 00:04:05,233 you exaggerate how long it's gonna take, 68 00:04:05,277 --> 00:04:06,930 then you're a hero when it's done early. 69 00:04:06,974 --> 00:04:08,976 Eh, it's just a little buffer time. No biggie. 70 00:04:09,019 --> 00:04:10,368 And you're okay with this? 71 00:04:10,411 --> 00:04:12,762 No! If it were up to me, we'd never take a break. 72 00:04:12,806 --> 00:04:14,503 But it's Lower Decks tradition. 73 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:17,375 Tendi, how long will it take to repair a biobed? 74 00:04:17,419 --> 00:04:19,769 Oh, uh, that would take about five... 75 00:04:19,813 --> 00:04:21,336 hours. 76 00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:22,554 Excuse me? 77 00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:24,296 That's great! 78 00:04:24,339 --> 00:04:25,818 Aw, Tendi, look at us. 79 00:04:25,861 --> 00:04:27,647 Lower Decks... Breaching protocol together. 80 00:04:27,690 --> 00:04:29,301 Friendship! 81 00:04:32,477 --> 00:04:36,351 Oh, be sure to stroll throughthe ship as slowly as possible. 82 00:04:36,395 --> 00:04:37,961 It's not like we're busy exploring 83 00:04:38,005 --> 00:04:39,354 the mysteries of the cosmos! 84 00:04:43,358 --> 00:04:45,491 Does no one do any work around here?! 85 00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:48,145 - Geez, there goes buffer time. - What was that, Ensign? 86 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,798 Uh, nothing, Captain. 87 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,806 - Uh... - Bridge. 88 00:04:56,849 --> 00:04:58,416 Cap'n. I mean, Captain. 89 00:04:59,808 --> 00:05:01,724 Anything to report, Ensign? 90 00:05:01,767 --> 00:05:04,031 Uh, keeping busy. I inventoried Cargo Bay Four, 91 00:05:04,073 --> 00:05:05,640 assisted with the baryon sweep 92 00:05:05,685 --> 00:05:08,034 of the warp nacelles, skipped buffer time 93 00:05:08,077 --> 00:05:10,385 - and went straight to work on...-Turbolift halt! 94 00:05:10,428 --> 00:05:12,822 What is "buffer time"? 95 00:05:12,866 --> 00:05:14,214 Uh... 96 00:05:16,477 --> 00:05:19,262 What's up with you? You're looking more, like, 97 00:05:19,306 --> 00:05:21,676 - weaselly than usual. - Well, th-that's just how my face looks. 98 00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:23,330 You-you know that. 99 00:05:23,354 --> 00:05:24,791 Oh. 100 00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:26,812 "Effective immediately, the Lower Deck scheduling deceit 101 00:05:26,836 --> 00:05:28,402 will no longer be tolerated"? 102 00:05:28,447 --> 00:05:29,621 What scheduling deceit? 103 00:05:29,664 --> 00:05:31,406 Wait. Let me see. "All assignments 104 00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:33,645 "must be completed and logged in exactly the time mandated 105 00:05:33,669 --> 00:05:36,368 - by command"? - Are we being timed? 106 00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:37,953 "Failure to meet quotas will not be tolerated." 107 00:05:37,977 --> 00:05:39,674 Ah, this is bad, this is bad. 108 00:05:39,719 --> 00:05:42,132 I-I thought it was tradition. I thought you said nobody cared. 109 00:05:42,156 --> 00:05:44,046 They didn't. There was no way the captain noticed 110 00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:45,245 we were padding stuff out. 111 00:05:45,289 --> 00:05:46,378 Somebody ratted. 112 00:05:46,421 --> 00:05:48,596 I bet it was Delta shift. 113 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:49,990 Yeah. Delta shift is the worst. 114 00:05:50,032 --> 00:05:51,620 They thinkthey're so much better than us, 115 00:05:51,644 --> 00:05:53,385 just becausethey're so much better than us. 116 00:05:53,428 --> 00:05:55,995 It doesn't matter who ratted. We don't need buffer time. 117 00:05:56,039 --> 00:05:58,041 We're Starfleet. We're the best of the best, 118 00:05:58,084 --> 00:05:59,955 and we can still get everything done early. 119 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,914 Boimler's right. We don't need a buffer time. 120 00:06:01,957 --> 00:06:04,438 - We've got this! - Yeah, no, yeah, you're probably right. 121 00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:06,440 What's one less margarita a day? 122 00:06:18,539 --> 00:06:19,758 Excuse me! 123 00:06:22,108 --> 00:06:23,719 Watch it. 124 00:06:23,762 --> 00:06:25,217 Rutherford, I need that diagnostic 125 00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:26,635 on the guidance system, now! 126 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,202 But now is right now! 127 00:06:28,245 --> 00:06:29,421 Move! 128 00:06:29,464 --> 00:06:31,031 - Move, move, move, move! - Aah! 129 00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:32,640 Come on, watch where you're going. 130 00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:34,663 Now I only have ten minutes to do a 30-minute calibration. 131 00:06:34,687 --> 00:06:36,688 Stop yelling! 132 00:06:36,731 --> 00:06:37,993 Uh, sorry, wish I could help. 133 00:06:38,038 --> 00:06:39,668 I'm late for Ransom's stupid away mission. 134 00:06:39,692 --> 00:06:41,539 Ensign Tendi! You were supposed to be 135 00:06:41,563 --> 00:06:43,086 in sickbay 20 minutes ago! 136 00:06:43,130 --> 00:06:45,000 - I'm coming! - Personal Log: 137 00:06:45,044 --> 00:06:47,109 I've completed all of today's assignments ahead of schedule, 138 00:06:47,133 --> 00:06:48,613 and have requested more. 139 00:06:48,657 --> 00:06:51,137 The funnestfrontier? 140 00:06:52,618 --> 00:06:54,967 Ooh. Somebody's got to purge the calibration matrix. 141 00:06:55,010 --> 00:06:56,272 I call dibs! 142 00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:09,765 All right, let's see a little hustle there, guys. 143 00:07:09,808 --> 00:07:12,507 An away mission is only routineuntil it isn't. 144 00:07:12,551 --> 00:07:14,553 Horned gorillas, sentient tar, 145 00:07:14,596 --> 00:07:16,573 spores that make you hook upwith your best friend's sister... 146 00:07:16,597 --> 00:07:18,426 All disasters I've personally experienced 147 00:07:18,469 --> 00:07:20,601 on missions that should have been a walk in the park. 148 00:07:20,645 --> 00:07:22,212 Mariner, you're late. 149 00:07:22,255 --> 00:07:24,015 Uh, no, I've been here the whole time, you know, 150 00:07:24,039 --> 00:07:26,913 loading stuff, hearing aboutgorillas, uh, spores, et cetera, 151 00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:29,065 that weird story you told usabout your best friend's sister. 152 00:07:29,089 --> 00:07:30,264 Get it together, Mariner. 153 00:07:30,306 --> 00:07:31,589 The captain has us on a strict timetable. 154 00:07:31,613 --> 00:07:33,005 Well, then maybe you could help 155 00:07:33,048 --> 00:07:34,746 instead of whatever you're doingright now. 156 00:07:34,789 --> 00:07:36,531 I am helping. I'm commanding. 157 00:07:36,575 --> 00:07:38,532 You're lucky your phaser accuracy is so high, 158 00:07:38,577 --> 00:07:40,709 or I'd never let you beam off this ship. 159 00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:42,842 We wouldn't even be going on a mission if the admiral 160 00:07:42,885 --> 00:07:45,584 hadn't downgraded the captain to delivering gifts. 161 00:07:45,626 --> 00:07:47,976 - Come on, let's bail. - No. And roll down those sleeves. 162 00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:49,500 This isn't a barn. 163 00:07:54,548 --> 00:07:55,873 The Gelrakians base their entire social structure 164 00:07:55,897 --> 00:07:57,639 around crystals. 165 00:07:57,683 --> 00:08:00,337 When we land, we must display the honor crystal they gave 166 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,861 to the first contact team to show that we come in peace. 167 00:08:02,904 --> 00:08:04,385 I should've tried that with my ex. 168 00:08:04,428 --> 00:08:05,820 Yeah. 169 00:08:07,649 --> 00:08:09,911 I'm picking up an increase in atmospheric hydromounds. 170 00:08:09,955 --> 00:08:11,260 Yeah, they're called clouds, man. 171 00:08:11,305 --> 00:08:12,914 Just to be safe, I'll disengage autopilot 172 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,481 and land her manually. 173 00:08:14,525 --> 00:08:16,068 That's literally what the autopilot's for. 174 00:08:16,092 --> 00:08:17,745 It's a automatic pilot. 175 00:08:25,971 --> 00:08:27,321 Perfect landing, sir. 176 00:08:27,364 --> 00:08:29,192 Not even my best work, to be honest. 177 00:08:29,236 --> 00:08:31,606 - We could've just beamed down. - I didn't catch that, Mariner. 178 00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:33,782 Uh, yeah I just said we should get going, clock is ticking. 179 00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:35,371 Uh, productivity and et cetera. 180 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,418 We'll go when I give the order. 181 00:08:38,549 --> 00:08:41,377 Let's roll. 182 00:08:47,558 --> 00:08:50,299 Greetings. It is an honor to... 183 00:08:50,343 --> 00:08:53,086 Ensign Vendome, the honor crystal. 184 00:08:55,654 --> 00:08:58,308 - This isn't crystals. - He's got wood. He's got wood! 185 00:08:58,351 --> 00:08:59,677 Uh-oh, that doesn't sound peaceful. 186 00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:01,025 - Uh, uh... - Where's the crystal, Vendome? 187 00:09:01,049 --> 00:09:02,616 Sir, I loaded the wrong case. 188 00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,880 This is a fertility totem meant for Mavok Prime. 189 00:09:04,923 --> 00:09:06,447 I-I was rushing to finish my tasks. 190 00:09:06,490 --> 00:09:08,144 You dare insult us 191 00:09:08,188 --> 00:09:11,973 with this perverted woodensex charm of our sworn enemies? 192 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,409 This is an act of war. 193 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,630 Starfleet scum! 194 00:09:15,673 --> 00:09:17,980 Vendome! 195 00:09:25,726 --> 00:09:27,685 There's too many of them. Fall back! 196 00:09:27,729 --> 00:09:29,383 Come on. 197 00:09:33,212 --> 00:09:35,191 - Oh, God, I'm gonna die! - We live on a spaceship. 198 00:09:35,215 --> 00:09:37,520 - Nobody is dying from a spear wound. 199 00:09:38,610 --> 00:09:39,914 Crystals! 200 00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:42,135 - Oh. Hate when this happens. - Oh! 201 00:09:42,178 --> 00:09:44,136 Let's just stun them and get out of here! 202 00:09:44,179 --> 00:09:46,573 Negative, we just signed them into the Federation. 203 00:09:46,617 --> 00:09:48,531 What this calls for is some classic 204 00:09:48,576 --> 00:09:50,273 Jack Ransom peace brokering. 205 00:09:50,317 --> 00:09:51,447 Are you out of your mind? 206 00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:52,624 Watch and learn. 207 00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:53,972 This is gonna be awesome. 208 00:09:54,015 --> 00:09:56,366 Attention, Gelrakians, I am Commander Jack... 209 00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,324 Ooh! 210 00:09:58,367 --> 00:10:00,500 All right, that wasawesome. 211 00:10:00,544 --> 00:10:02,808 Ah, circled by spears. 212 00:10:02,851 --> 00:10:05,158 This is a classic. What am I, Kirk? 213 00:10:05,201 --> 00:10:06,942 Is this the 2260s? All right. 214 00:10:12,251 --> 00:10:15,168 Whoa, oh, hey, hey! 215 00:10:15,211 --> 00:10:16,691 Uh, we got acid here. 216 00:10:16,735 --> 00:10:18,779 Excuse me! 217 00:10:18,823 --> 00:10:21,783 Rutherford. 218 00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:23,218 Aah, Tendi, what the hell? 219 00:10:23,263 --> 00:10:24,351 Can't talk, got to work. 220 00:10:24,394 --> 00:10:25,395 I'm compiling. 221 00:10:25,438 --> 00:10:26,919 What? 222 00:10:26,962 --> 00:10:29,312 The impulse manifold needs to be degaussed again. 223 00:10:29,356 --> 00:10:31,183 I have to assist with a surgery, 224 00:10:31,226 --> 00:10:33,881 and I honestly can't remember which deck sickbay is on! 225 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,710 - Uh, 26? - Is that...? 226 00:10:35,754 --> 00:10:37,494 Do we have that many? 227 00:10:37,538 --> 00:10:38,973 Enter security code. 228 00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:41,454 - I'm waiting, Ensign. - Sorry, Captain. 229 00:10:41,497 --> 00:10:42,890 Something's wrong with the console. 230 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,284 Move! I'll do it myself. 231 00:10:45,327 --> 00:10:47,808 Lieutenant Shaxs, any word from the away team? 232 00:10:47,852 --> 00:10:51,420 Captain, the sensors have picked up Gelrakian ships 233 00:10:51,465 --> 00:10:53,119 approaching off the starboard bow. 234 00:10:53,162 --> 00:10:54,120 What? 235 00:10:54,163 --> 00:10:55,337 On screen. 236 00:10:55,381 --> 00:10:56,948 Are we supposed to be hosting 237 00:10:56,991 --> 00:10:58,254 a welcome dinner or something? 238 00:10:58,298 --> 00:11:00,169 Captain, they're locking phasers. 239 00:11:00,212 --> 00:11:01,475 Really? 240 00:11:01,518 --> 00:11:02,649 Raise shields. 241 00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:05,870 - Shaxs? - I'm trying, Captain. 242 00:11:05,914 --> 00:11:07,654 Something's wrong with the controls. 243 00:11:07,698 --> 00:11:09,612 Ah, stupid controls. 244 00:11:09,656 --> 00:11:12,355 Do I have to run this whole ship myself? 245 00:11:13,747 --> 00:11:14,769 They've launched boarding pods! 246 00:11:14,793 --> 00:11:15,794 Red alert! 247 00:11:19,188 --> 00:11:22,409 Repel all intruders, but do not use it as an excuse 248 00:11:22,452 --> 00:11:23,932 to stop doing what you are doing. 249 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:25,586 I want to stay on track and on time. 250 00:11:25,629 --> 00:11:27,587 It's called multi-tasking, people. 251 00:11:27,630 --> 00:11:29,851 They do it on the Enterprise all the time. 252 00:11:29,895 --> 00:11:32,047 I don't want to hear anycomplaining, I only want to hear 253 00:11:32,071 --> 00:11:34,311 repelling of intruders andpeople getting their work done! 254 00:11:36,770 --> 00:11:39,338 Swords and spears... how did these guys get on board? 255 00:11:43,082 --> 00:11:45,432 Hey, guy. 256 00:11:45,475 --> 00:11:47,433 Hey, guy? 257 00:11:47,476 --> 00:11:49,324 Hey, guy, is this whatyou wanted to do with your life? 258 00:11:49,348 --> 00:11:51,544 Just capture people... is thatwhat you dreamt of when you were 259 00:11:51,568 --> 00:11:53,788 a little whatever-you-are? Are you fulfilled by that? 260 00:11:53,832 --> 00:11:55,789 - Yes. - Wow, all right, uh... 261 00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,836 well, do you know what, that means you're lame. 262 00:11:57,879 --> 00:11:59,924 - You're a loser. - Hey, keep it down! 263 00:11:59,967 --> 00:12:02,361 I'm writing a speech that will convince them to let us go. 264 00:12:02,404 --> 00:12:05,408 A speech, seriously? Permission to speak freely. 265 00:12:05,452 --> 00:12:06,758 You always speak freely. 266 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,343 Nobody can stop you from speaking freely. 267 00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:09,649 All right, you know what you've got going on? 268 00:12:09,673 --> 00:12:11,631 You have broad shoulders and shiny hair 269 00:12:11,674 --> 00:12:13,851 and you talk a good game, but when it comes to actually 270 00:12:13,895 --> 00:12:16,115 doing the job... the job... You don't have it. 271 00:12:16,158 --> 00:12:19,117 I'm calling bull on your whole thing here, sir. 272 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,480 You're so busy breaking protocolthat you never look ahead. 273 00:12:21,510 --> 00:12:23,489 One of these days you're going to get someone killed, Ensign. 274 00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:24,992 With all due respect, sir, 275 00:12:25,037 --> 00:12:26,754 my friends aren't trapped in an alien prison, 276 00:12:26,778 --> 00:12:28,300 your team is. 277 00:12:28,343 --> 00:12:30,693 That's not myteam, it's ourteam. 278 00:12:30,737 --> 00:12:32,784 But I guess you don't think that way. 279 00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:34,828 Here we go, show time. 280 00:12:34,872 --> 00:12:37,439 We may come from different worlds, 281 00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:40,616 - but on the inside we are all... - Silence, Starfleet! 282 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,881 You are being held responsiblefor the lies of the Federation. 283 00:12:43,924 --> 00:12:46,058 Your trial will be by combat. 284 00:12:46,101 --> 00:12:47,885 Yes, now we're talking! 285 00:12:47,928 --> 00:12:49,800 And by "talking," of course, I mean "fighting." 286 00:12:49,843 --> 00:12:53,194 One of you must face our greatest champion, Vindor. 287 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,458 Usually we start the battle andVindor steps out of the shadows 288 00:12:56,502 --> 00:12:58,505 and it's super intimidating, but he's here, 289 00:12:58,548 --> 00:13:01,550 so I'm just gonna show him to you right now. 290 00:13:01,595 --> 00:13:03,640 Vindor. 291 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,641 If you win, we let you go. 292 00:13:05,686 --> 00:13:08,994 If you lose, you'll be dead and your away team 293 00:13:09,037 --> 00:13:12,039 will be crushed by the adjudication geode. 294 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,999 Crystals! 295 00:13:16,044 --> 00:13:18,611 Okay, I'm looking at a lot of blank faces here. 296 00:13:18,654 --> 00:13:20,919 An adjudication geode is a special type 297 00:13:20,962 --> 00:13:23,462 of constitutional crystal we useto legally smoosh our criminals. 298 00:13:23,486 --> 00:13:25,010 Here is your battle blade. 299 00:13:25,053 --> 00:13:27,664 You have one hour to choose 300 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:30,188 who gets the honorof being slaughtered by Vindor. 301 00:13:30,231 --> 00:13:32,278 If you can't decide, we will... 302 00:13:32,321 --> 00:13:33,428 - I'll do it! - I'll do it! Give it to me! 303 00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:34,516 - Yo, I touched it first. - Give it, come... 304 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:35,803 - Tell him! No, me! - No, mine! 305 00:13:35,846 --> 00:13:37,040 You do realize you're fighting over who gets 306 00:13:37,064 --> 00:13:37,935 to be chopped in half by Vindor, right? 307 00:13:37,979 --> 00:13:39,197 - Me, dibs! - No, I said me, 308 00:13:39,241 --> 00:13:40,261 - I touched it first. - Come on. Give it to me. 309 00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:41,725 - Jack Ransom... it's mine! - No! No! 310 00:13:49,077 --> 00:13:51,165 Aah! 311 00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:54,386 Translation... "Bark hugging root smoochers"? 312 00:13:54,429 --> 00:13:56,997 What the heck got these guys so wound up? 313 00:13:57,042 --> 00:13:59,434 Gah, this is totally gonna mess up my schedule. 314 00:14:01,263 --> 00:14:02,655 Don't move, human! 315 00:14:02,698 --> 00:14:03,744 We have you surrounded. 316 00:14:03,787 --> 00:14:05,659 Yeah, but I-I have a phaser. 317 00:14:07,573 --> 00:14:09,183 These guys are lightweights. 318 00:14:09,227 --> 00:14:11,707 This is what the red alert's about? 319 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:15,146 Captain, I just phasered some Gelrakians? 320 00:14:17,452 --> 00:14:20,020 - Um, hello? - Intruder! 321 00:14:21,674 --> 00:14:23,764 Oh, it's just that huffy ensign. 322 00:14:23,807 --> 00:14:25,156 - Sorry, Brimler. - I'm not huffy. 323 00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:26,548 Why aren't you at your post? 324 00:14:26,592 --> 00:14:27,699 We wouldn't even be in this situation 325 00:14:27,723 --> 00:14:29,290 if you weren't slacking off. 326 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,423 I'm not! 327 00:14:30,466 --> 00:14:33,251 Damn it! We're 15 minutes behind. 328 00:14:33,294 --> 00:14:35,428 Our entire schedule is going to be off for the month. 329 00:14:35,471 --> 00:14:37,429 Wait a minute... clocks, 330 00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:39,693 time, schedules. 331 00:14:39,736 --> 00:14:42,564 You guys are under the strict scheduling, too? 332 00:14:42,608 --> 00:14:44,871 I have to be... I'm manning every station on my own. 333 00:14:44,915 --> 00:14:46,438 What? No, no, no, no, no. 334 00:14:46,481 --> 00:14:48,024 This is all wrong... You're the captain! 335 00:14:48,048 --> 00:14:51,009 I need us working harder and faster and stricter! 336 00:14:51,052 --> 00:14:53,073 Where are you hiding your crystals?! 337 00:14:53,097 --> 00:14:54,664 We don't have any crystals! 338 00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:57,067 I mean we do have dilithium, but we're not giving you those. 339 00:15:00,626 --> 00:15:03,150 Trial by combat is my responsibility. 340 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,806 I'm ranking officer, I'll be fighting Vindor, end of story! 341 00:15:05,848 --> 00:15:07,415 Rank means nothing right now. 342 00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:09,288 Rank means everything always! 343 00:15:09,331 --> 00:15:11,178 You know what, I doget off on breaking protocol. 344 00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,509 I'm good at exploring strange new worlds, 345 00:15:13,553 --> 00:15:15,990 solving space mysteries and kicking asses. 346 00:15:16,034 --> 00:15:18,297 Protocol is for people that need to be told what to do, 347 00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:20,342 which Idon't. See this bad boy? 348 00:15:20,385 --> 00:15:21,691 Tentacle guy, bunch of arms. 349 00:15:21,735 --> 00:15:23,345 Stabbed me with a barnacle blade. 350 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:26,783 Check it out... Magus III, Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale. 351 00:15:26,827 --> 00:15:28,001 That was a mess. 352 00:15:28,045 --> 00:15:30,569 I earned every one in high-concept fights 353 00:15:30,612 --> 00:15:31,701 just like this one. 354 00:15:31,745 --> 00:15:33,138 So? What do you got? 355 00:15:33,181 --> 00:15:35,246 - Let me see your scars. - You know I don't have any. 356 00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,837 Because you play it safe. 357 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,231 You said it... that's ourteam under that geode. 358 00:15:39,274 --> 00:15:42,059 Let me do what I'm good at, let me save them. 359 00:15:42,102 --> 00:15:45,019 Sometimes you have to do what's wrong to survive. 360 00:15:45,063 --> 00:15:46,499 You're right. 361 00:15:48,587 --> 00:15:51,242 What the?! Ah, God, oh! 362 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:53,766 You stabbed me in the foot with a battle blade! 363 00:15:53,809 --> 00:15:56,160 I'd rather die than let you put your life on the line. 364 00:15:56,203 --> 00:15:57,553 Oh, you are such a psycho! 365 00:15:57,596 --> 00:15:58,640 What are you doing? 366 00:15:58,684 --> 00:16:00,207 Ow! Why? 367 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,210 I'm the first officer of a Federation starship, 368 00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:03,689 and your commander. 369 00:16:03,732 --> 00:16:06,083 And nobody crushes my team. 370 00:16:06,126 --> 00:16:07,649 Let's do this! 371 00:16:07,693 --> 00:16:10,348 Vindor! Vindor! 372 00:16:10,391 --> 00:16:12,090 Vindor! Vindor! 373 00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:13,787 Vindor! 374 00:16:17,008 --> 00:16:18,835 - Vindor? - Come on, big guy. 375 00:16:18,879 --> 00:16:22,013 I only need my hands for this one. 376 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,891 Ha-ha-ha! Yah! 377 00:16:33,894 --> 00:16:35,982 Ha-ha! 378 00:16:36,026 --> 00:16:37,810 - Double-fist punch! - Oh! 379 00:16:41,074 --> 00:16:43,207 Whoa, that was actually kind of hot. 380 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:45,165 Ugh! Get it together, Mariner, get it together. 381 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:47,038 You are notinto this. Come on. 382 00:16:55,568 --> 00:16:57,408 Let's see how much those Federation wood lovers 383 00:16:57,439 --> 00:16:59,962 like our crystal graffiti. Ha-ha-ha! 384 00:17:03,444 --> 00:17:05,185 I-I need to get back to comms. 385 00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:06,970 - Captain, listen to me... - Don't touch me! 386 00:17:07,013 --> 00:17:09,494 This is all my fault, thinking I belong at a peace summit 387 00:17:09,538 --> 00:17:11,279 when I can't even keep my own ship together. 388 00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:12,777 What? Captain, no. You did nothing wrong. 389 00:17:12,801 --> 00:17:14,239 Your schedules, your rules... 390 00:17:14,281 --> 00:17:16,022 This has been the greatest week of my life. 391 00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,348 You run the tightest ship in Starfleet. 392 00:17:17,372 --> 00:17:18,939 Captain, we need to act now! 393 00:17:18,981 --> 00:17:21,115 "Tightest ship." Then why is it falling apart? 394 00:17:21,158 --> 00:17:22,769 Because not everyone is a Boimler. 395 00:17:22,811 --> 00:17:24,770 This crew has their limits. They're only human. 396 00:17:24,814 --> 00:17:26,468 Well, and Vulcan. And Orion. 397 00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:28,122 There's that Benzite guy in Tactical... 398 00:17:28,165 --> 00:17:29,992 Damn it, man! If you're trying to inspire 399 00:17:30,037 --> 00:17:32,170 some sort of resolution, then inspire it now! 400 00:17:32,212 --> 00:17:34,650 Ugh, it kills me to say this, but for the good of the ship 401 00:17:34,693 --> 00:17:36,304 we have to... loosen up. 402 00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:38,523 Loosen up? But then we're right back to buffer time. 403 00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:40,395 Yes, when people could do whatever they had to 404 00:17:40,439 --> 00:17:41,788 to get the job done. 405 00:17:41,830 --> 00:17:45,225 You're a great captain. Let them be a great crew. 406 00:17:45,270 --> 00:17:46,662 You're... you're right! 407 00:17:46,705 --> 00:17:48,708 I ama great captain! 408 00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:53,104 As of now, 409 00:17:53,146 --> 00:17:56,454 I am authorizing all crew to break any rule, 410 00:17:56,498 --> 00:17:59,848 abandon any protocol, and cut any corner to defend 411 00:17:59,893 --> 00:18:01,286 theCerritos. 412 00:18:01,328 --> 00:18:02,895 You are Starfleet... 413 00:18:02,939 --> 00:18:06,247 Do what you have to do to take back this ship. 414 00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:07,291 Buffer time! 415 00:18:18,999 --> 00:18:20,956 I demand 416 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,523 a peaceful negotiation. Yah! 417 00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,613 I respect your sovereignty. 418 00:18:24,656 --> 00:18:26,789 Mm, so ethical. 419 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,145 Interlocked hands! 420 00:18:35,189 --> 00:18:36,581 Stop! Stop! I submit! 421 00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:38,626 I thought you only said "Vindor." 422 00:18:38,671 --> 00:18:40,846 It's so the other guys think I'm strong and dumb. 423 00:18:40,889 --> 00:18:43,022 But I'm not. I love to read! 424 00:18:43,066 --> 00:18:46,548 Well, all right, you're free, you're all free. 425 00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,507 Everybody's free. 426 00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,728 Whoo-whoo! Starfleet! 427 00:18:52,771 --> 00:18:55,077 Oh, I see how it is... You're gonna stab me, but then 428 00:18:55,122 --> 00:18:56,968 you don't stab Vindor? What are your priorities, Ransom? 429 00:18:56,992 --> 00:18:58,256 I ju... Whoa! 430 00:18:58,298 --> 00:19:00,126 We got to stop doing trial by combat, 431 00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:02,215 or we'll never get to use the geode. 432 00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:04,566 How about a regular trial, with a judge? 433 00:19:04,609 --> 00:19:06,220 And instead of the geode... 434 00:19:06,263 --> 00:19:07,979 Oh! We could do a death race! 435 00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:10,049 Start building a crystal car! 436 00:19:11,311 --> 00:19:12,617 Crystals. 437 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,276 Ha-ha! 438 00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:22,193 Ooh! 439 00:19:25,195 --> 00:19:27,241 Oh! 440 00:19:50,525 --> 00:19:53,484 Hey, sorry about the whole "invading your ship" thing. 441 00:19:53,528 --> 00:19:55,922 You know? Very un-crystal-like of us. 442 00:19:55,964 --> 00:19:58,097 Don't worry about it. I'd rather be here with you 443 00:19:58,141 --> 00:20:00,318 than with those freaks on Mavok Prime. 444 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,319 Wood-worshiping freaks, right? 445 00:20:02,363 --> 00:20:04,278 Come on. 446 00:20:04,321 --> 00:20:06,888 You'll be fine. 447 00:20:06,933 --> 00:20:08,934 Want me to clean up those disgusting scars? 448 00:20:08,978 --> 00:20:11,285 Uh, no way. No. These are my trophies. 449 00:20:11,328 --> 00:20:14,288 Congratulations, you look like a scratching post. 450 00:20:14,331 --> 00:20:15,942 - Mariner. - Commander. 451 00:20:15,984 --> 00:20:17,824 I would appreciate it if you give me a heads-up 452 00:20:17,856 --> 00:20:20,095 before you file your report. It would give me some extra time 453 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,209 to pack up my free weights... There's a ton of 'em. 454 00:20:22,252 --> 00:20:24,558 - What report? - For stabbing you with a battle blade. 455 00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:26,212 That's a guaranteed court-martial. 456 00:20:26,257 --> 00:20:28,301 I am not filing a report, actually. 457 00:20:28,346 --> 00:20:30,347 But... I thought you hated me. 458 00:20:30,391 --> 00:20:32,087 You talk about yourself a little too much, 459 00:20:32,132 --> 00:20:33,741 but stabbing me, breaking protocol... 460 00:20:33,786 --> 00:20:35,482 That was actually pretty cool. 461 00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,746 Sometimes I forget what Starfleet's all about, 462 00:20:37,789 --> 00:20:39,965 and today you reminded me. 463 00:20:40,009 --> 00:20:42,316 Plus, this is gonna make a good scar. 464 00:20:43,491 --> 00:20:45,276 A great scar. 465 00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:49,148 - Take her away, boys! - W-Wait, what? Why? 466 00:20:49,192 --> 00:20:50,778 Because you ignored me when I ordered you 467 00:20:50,802 --> 00:20:52,760 to roll down your sleeves. They're against code. 468 00:20:52,805 --> 00:20:55,068 The sleeve thing? You're an idiot. 469 00:20:55,110 --> 00:20:57,896 You just earned an extra day in the brig! 470 00:20:57,940 --> 00:21:00,073 Joke's on you, man... I love the brig! 471 00:21:00,116 --> 00:21:02,683 I'm going to my favorite place! 472 00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:06,035 Next time, I'm gonnalet somebody kill you. 473 00:21:06,078 --> 00:21:08,080 I'm gonna dance in your blood! 474 00:21:08,124 --> 00:21:11,432 Okay. That was kind of hot. 475 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,479 Come. 476 00:21:14,521 --> 00:21:17,046 - You wanted to see me, Captain?-It took the eyes of a child 477 00:21:17,089 --> 00:21:19,527 to see whatwe were blind to today, Boimler. 478 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,660 If it wasn't for you, we would still be following 479 00:21:21,702 --> 00:21:23,270 every little rule in the book. 480 00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:24,681 Wait, is that bad? 'Cause I loverules. 481 00:21:24,705 --> 00:21:26,446 We're instituting a new ship-wide mandate, 482 00:21:26,491 --> 00:21:29,058 and we're calling it the "Boimler Effect." 483 00:21:29,102 --> 00:21:30,756 Really? I-I'm honored. 484 00:21:30,798 --> 00:21:32,539 You should be. The Boimler Effect is about 485 00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:34,367 encouraging shortcuts and preventing people 486 00:21:34,412 --> 00:21:36,327 from just blindly following the rules. 487 00:21:36,369 --> 00:21:38,459 From now on, the crew can build in buffer time 488 00:21:38,502 --> 00:21:39,764 whenever they deem fit. 489 00:21:39,808 --> 00:21:41,462 Congratulations. Dismissed. 490 00:21:41,506 --> 00:21:43,811 Oh. Well, hey, how about we add a little thing 491 00:21:43,856 --> 00:21:46,031 about how important it is to blindly followrules? 492 00:21:46,075 --> 00:21:48,295 If my name is going to be associated with... 493 00:21:48,338 --> 00:21:50,689 No, the Boimler Effect isliterally the opposite of that. 494 00:21:50,731 --> 00:21:53,386 But I don't know, I don't know how I feel about that, and... 495 00:21:53,431 --> 00:21:55,998 I-Is it in ink? Is it already in the system? Is it... 496 00:21:56,041 --> 00:21:57,782 Wow, it's on a plaque. 497 00:21:57,826 --> 00:22:00,568 Get back to your stationand do whatever youdeem right. 498 00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:05,268 I get a whole rule named after me, 499 00:22:05,311 --> 00:22:07,357 and it's all about notfollowing rules. 500 00:22:07,401 --> 00:22:08,968 Don't worry about it, man. 501 00:22:09,010 --> 00:22:11,404 They're always making upnew rules no one ever remembers. 502 00:22:11,449 --> 00:22:13,276 I'm sure this one will fade, too. 503 00:22:13,319 --> 00:22:14,906 Yeah, this isn't something to worry about. 504 00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:16,366 No one will remember. 505 00:22:17,672 --> 00:22:19,673 Which is why 506 00:22:19,718 --> 00:22:22,937 the Boimler Effect issomething we will never forget. 507 00:22:22,981 --> 00:22:24,635 So named after the laziest, 508 00:22:24,679 --> 00:22:27,508 most corner-cutting officer in Starfleet history, 509 00:22:27,551 --> 00:22:29,379 Brad Boimler, 510 00:22:29,423 --> 00:22:32,686 seen here with one of the great birds of the galaxy. 511 00:22:32,731 --> 00:22:35,646 Anyway, let's move onto somebody even more important, 512 00:22:35,690 --> 00:22:39,040 perhaps the most important person in Starfleet history, 513 00:22:39,085 --> 00:22:41,914 Chief Miles O'Brien. 514 00:24:11,481 --> 00:24:12,482 Chirp.