1 00:00:06,094 --> 00:00:09,097 [BIG BEN CHIMING] 2 00:00:09,097 --> 00:00:11,032 [THUNDER RUMBLES] 3 00:00:22,411 --> 00:00:24,446 [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 4 00:00:29,017 --> 00:00:31,086 RADIO: According to today's newspaper headlines, 5 00:00:31,086 --> 00:00:33,154 it seems that it's the end of the road 6 00:00:33,154 --> 00:00:35,757 for motoring presenter Jeremy Clarkson... 7 00:00:38,494 --> 00:00:40,095 ...and said that it's with deep regret 8 00:00:40,095 --> 00:00:42,664 the decision had been taken not to renew him. 9 00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:16,565 [BEEP] 10 00:01:24,339 --> 00:01:26,708 ..forecast plenty of sunshine through today 11 00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:29,177 with seasonal temperatures. 12 00:01:29,177 --> 00:01:33,081 We should reach a high of about 82 degrees by this afternoon... 13 00:01:33,081 --> 00:01:38,687 * I can see clearly now the rain has gone * 14 00:01:40,822 --> 00:01:44,993 * I can see all obstacles in my way * 15 00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:52,534 * Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind * 16 00:01:53,669 --> 00:01:55,671 * It's gonna be a bright * 17 00:01:56,605 --> 00:01:58,073 * Sunshiney day * 18 00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:06,114 * Think I can make it now the pain has gone * 19 00:02:08,817 --> 00:02:12,854 * All of the bad feelings have disappeared * 20 00:02:15,824 --> 00:02:20,896 * Here is the rainbow I've been praying for * 21 00:02:20,896 --> 00:02:24,500 * It's gonna be a bright * 22 00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,134 * Sunshiney day * 23 00:02:29,505 --> 00:02:33,642 * We're gonna make it now the pain has gone * 24 00:02:35,544 --> 00:02:39,915 * All of the bad feelings have disappeared * 25 00:02:42,117 --> 00:02:46,955 * I can see clearly now the rain has gone * 26 00:02:46,955 --> 00:02:51,693 * It's gonna be a bright sunshiney day * 27 00:02:53,394 --> 00:02:59,200 * Gonna be a bright sunshiney day * 28 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,169 * Take it away * 29 00:03:43,378 --> 00:03:45,380 * Oh-oh * 30 00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:48,617 * Oh! Sunshiney day * 31 00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:52,888 * Oh-oh, oh-oh * 32 00:03:52,888 --> 00:03:54,222 * Sunshiney day * 33 00:03:55,924 --> 00:03:57,993 * Gonna be a bright * 34 00:03:57,993 --> 00:04:00,596 * Sunshiney day * 35 00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:07,035 * Sunshiney day * 36 00:04:09,605 --> 00:04:12,741 * Bright sunshiney day * 37 00:04:16,978 --> 00:04:18,179 * Sunshiney day * 38 00:04:20,481 --> 00:04:24,085 * Gonna be a bright sunshiney day * 39 00:04:27,889 --> 00:04:30,892 * Bright sunshiney day * 40 00:04:34,395 --> 00:04:36,632 * Bright sunshiney day * 41 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:44,105 * Sunshiney day * 42 00:04:44,105 --> 00:04:46,041 [CHEERING] 43 00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,683 Hello, everybody! 44 00:04:56,985 --> 00:04:59,655 Hello. That was the Hothouse Flowers. 45 00:04:59,655 --> 00:05:01,690 And now, look what we have here. 46 00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:05,360 [CHEERING] 47 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,895 He was born-- 48 00:05:06,895 --> 00:05:10,398 He was born in 1836... 49 00:05:10,398 --> 00:05:12,167 [LAUGHTER] 50 00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:14,970 He was fired by Car magazine, 51 00:05:14,970 --> 00:05:17,405 fired by Autocar magazine, 52 00:05:17,405 --> 00:05:19,741 fired by Scotland On Sunday, 53 00:05:19,741 --> 00:05:22,678 and somehow he managed to get fired 54 00:05:22,678 --> 00:05:25,546 by a Volvo dealership. 55 00:05:25,546 --> 00:05:26,915 Thank you. 56 00:05:26,915 --> 00:05:29,017 Probably for driving too slowly. 57 00:05:29,017 --> 00:05:32,153 Ladies and gentlemen, James May! 58 00:05:32,153 --> 00:05:34,155 [CHEERING] 59 00:05:39,227 --> 00:05:41,462 Thank you, thank you. You're very kind. 60 00:05:41,462 --> 00:05:44,733 And, ladies and gentlemen, 61 00:05:44,733 --> 00:05:48,503 you probably can't see him from the back, 62 00:05:48,503 --> 00:05:52,974 but I assure you he is here. 63 00:05:52,974 --> 00:05:56,277 He was fired by Radio York, 64 00:05:56,277 --> 00:05:58,113 fired by Radio Leeds, 65 00:05:58,113 --> 00:06:00,448 and fired by Radio Lancashire, 66 00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:02,383 it's Richard Hammond! 67 00:06:02,383 --> 00:06:05,754 Hello! Hello! Thank you! 68 00:06:06,855 --> 00:06:08,890 Thank you. 69 00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:12,728 And, ladies and gentlemen! 70 00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:17,332 Over here! 71 00:06:17,332 --> 00:06:20,969 He's-- He's basically 72 00:06:20,969 --> 00:06:24,806 a shaved ape in a shirt. 73 00:06:24,806 --> 00:06:28,744 And he, technically, is the only one of us 74 00:06:28,744 --> 00:06:30,812 never to be fired by anyone. 75 00:06:30,812 --> 00:06:32,748 It's Jeremy Clarkson! 76 00:06:32,748 --> 00:06:34,750 [CHEERING] 77 00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:36,417 Thank you so much. 78 00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:41,289 And the good thing is, 79 00:06:41,289 --> 00:06:44,960 it's very unlikely I'm going to be fired now, 80 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,763 because we're on the Internet, 81 00:06:47,763 --> 00:06:49,664 which means I could pleasure a horse. 82 00:06:49,664 --> 00:06:51,767 No! No. 83 00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:53,134 - Dog? - No. 84 00:06:53,134 --> 00:06:54,870 No pleasuring of any sort. 85 00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:57,773 - There are families watching. - Yes! 86 00:06:57,773 --> 00:07:01,442 Anyway, we are all car journalists. 87 00:07:01,442 --> 00:07:04,780 And we have spent the last 20 years... 88 00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:08,083 - Being fired. - Yes. 89 00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:09,951 But we have poured everything we know, 90 00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:13,588 everything we care about, into this show. 91 00:07:13,588 --> 00:07:16,357 [CHEERING] 92 00:07:16,357 --> 00:07:20,328 Everything. And coming up now is a small montage 93 00:07:20,328 --> 00:07:24,165 of what you can expect over the next 12 weeks. 94 00:07:33,341 --> 00:07:35,543 Are we ready, gentlemen? 95 00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:37,813 Honestly, I don't know. 96 00:07:44,652 --> 00:07:47,355 Argh! 97 00:07:47,355 --> 00:07:49,825 Is that the size of the drop or what's happened to his penis? 98 00:07:52,027 --> 00:07:54,629 You're looking at magnificence. 99 00:07:54,629 --> 00:07:56,932 Help! This is bad. 100 00:08:00,135 --> 00:08:02,103 James says we've got to stop for fuel. 101 00:08:07,042 --> 00:08:09,845 [SCREAMS] I hate you! 102 00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:11,880 He doesn't like us. 103 00:08:16,852 --> 00:08:19,120 Bloody Nora! 104 00:08:21,589 --> 00:08:23,558 [SCREAMING] 105 00:08:25,126 --> 00:08:28,463 May be leaking slightly. 106 00:08:28,463 --> 00:08:30,531 What a moron. 107 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,003 You sunk my limousine! 108 00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:38,273 I've lost one of my nose tampons. 109 00:08:38,273 --> 00:08:42,677 This is not a particularly cultural thing to do. 110 00:08:42,677 --> 00:08:46,614 I don't like the smell of tire smoke in the evening. 111 00:08:46,614 --> 00:08:48,549 Oi! Get back in! 112 00:08:48,549 --> 00:08:50,886 James is falling... 113 00:08:58,793 --> 00:09:00,996 Sideways in linen. 114 00:09:12,941 --> 00:09:14,675 There's no dignity in that, is there? 115 00:09:14,675 --> 00:09:16,611 No. 116 00:09:20,281 --> 00:09:22,517 Thank you. Thank you so much. 117 00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:24,352 Now-- Thank you. 118 00:09:24,352 --> 00:09:28,924 All of that is gonna be hosted from this. 119 00:09:28,924 --> 00:09:32,393 This is our new travelling studio tent. 120 00:09:32,393 --> 00:09:35,796 Thank you so much. We're gonna be roaming the world in it. 121 00:09:35,796 --> 00:09:37,265 We're gonna be like gypsies. 122 00:09:37,265 --> 00:09:40,368 Only the cars we drive are gonna be insured. 123 00:09:40,368 --> 00:09:42,737 Stop saying things that are gonna get us fired. 124 00:09:42,737 --> 00:09:44,772 But I'm just saying, it's brilliant. 125 00:09:44,772 --> 00:09:46,975 - It is. - [GUNSHOT] 126 00:09:48,643 --> 00:09:51,779 Oi! Who shot our drone? 127 00:09:51,779 --> 00:09:54,749 - Did someone shoot it? - Him. 128 00:09:54,749 --> 00:09:57,685 Let's not get bogged down in who shot what, okay? 129 00:09:57,685 --> 00:10:00,788 Let's get changed and get on with the show. 130 00:10:00,788 --> 00:10:02,958 Shall we get on with the show? 131 00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:04,625 Let's do it. 132 00:10:25,546 --> 00:10:27,248 Thank you, everybody! 133 00:10:27,248 --> 00:10:29,184 Thank you so much. 134 00:10:29,184 --> 00:10:33,654 And welcome to the first ever Grand Tour. 135 00:10:37,892 --> 00:10:42,863 Thank you. Now, we hope you like our tent. 136 00:10:42,863 --> 00:10:46,667 We think the great thing is that because it roams around the world, 137 00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:50,005 we get a different view out of the big picture windows every week. 138 00:10:50,005 --> 00:10:52,040 So this week, obviously we've got 139 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,408 the high desert of California. 140 00:10:53,408 --> 00:10:56,544 - Next week, who knows? - I do. 141 00:10:56,544 --> 00:11:00,615 Well, yes, James, we know. It's Johannesburg. 142 00:11:00,615 --> 00:11:04,019 - Now they know. - I know they know! It doesn't matter! 143 00:11:04,019 --> 00:11:07,055 The point is the view changes and so does the audience, okay? 144 00:11:07,055 --> 00:11:09,557 This week you're all Americans. 145 00:11:09,557 --> 00:11:11,492 [CHEERING] 146 00:11:17,032 --> 00:11:19,367 Now, this is a bit of a problem 147 00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:22,403 for people like us who speak English. 148 00:11:22,403 --> 00:11:26,641 We can converse perfectly well in a shop or a restaurant, 149 00:11:26,641 --> 00:11:29,344 but when it comes to cars and motoring, 150 00:11:29,344 --> 00:11:32,147 every single word you use is different. 151 00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:35,450 When I say "different," I mean "wrong." 152 00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:37,852 When you change gear with a lever, what do you call that? 153 00:11:37,852 --> 00:11:40,421 - Stick. - Stick. 154 00:11:40,421 --> 00:11:42,423 Now, you see, this is a stick. 155 00:11:42,423 --> 00:11:44,692 Couldn't change gear with this. 156 00:11:44,692 --> 00:11:47,395 Wouldn't work. What you can do with this is point at things. 157 00:11:47,395 --> 00:11:49,430 Let's see if we can get you educated. 158 00:11:49,430 --> 00:11:51,399 What do you call this bit of a car? 159 00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:54,435 - ALL: The hood! - MAN: Bonnet. 160 00:11:54,435 --> 00:11:56,971 - Bonnet. - They're learning. 161 00:11:56,971 --> 00:12:00,075 What do you mean? I know you can wear a bonnet on your head. 162 00:12:00,075 --> 00:12:04,745 It's two things. We're capable of having those different thoughts. 163 00:12:04,745 --> 00:12:07,182 - What type of vehicle is this? - ALL: Pick-up. 164 00:12:07,182 --> 00:12:08,783 No, it's stupid. 165 00:12:08,783 --> 00:12:12,087 - Oh, now, hang on. - It is stupid. 166 00:12:12,087 --> 00:12:14,422 Let's do another one of these. 167 00:12:14,422 --> 00:12:18,326 - What type of vehicle is this? - ALL: Coupe. 168 00:12:18,326 --> 00:12:22,363 Coupe? Coop is where you keep your chickens. 169 00:12:22,363 --> 00:12:24,632 That's a coupé. That's a French word, I admit. 170 00:12:24,632 --> 00:12:26,801 - Yeah, a bit. - They're muddled with that. 171 00:12:26,801 --> 00:12:29,570 George Bush, have you heard what he once said about the French? 172 00:12:29,570 --> 00:12:31,372 "The trouble with the French is they have no word 173 00:12:31,372 --> 00:12:33,141 for entrepreneur." 174 00:12:34,542 --> 00:12:36,711 It is difficult. I think the only thing we agree on 175 00:12:36,711 --> 00:12:38,946 - is "steering wheel." - Yeah. 176 00:12:38,946 --> 00:12:43,151 But then they go and put it on the wrong side of the car. 177 00:12:43,151 --> 00:12:47,588 It must be really annoying having to drive along like that all the time. 178 00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:51,292 Why don't you just put it in front of the driver like we do? 179 00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:53,728 It's probably a good idea if we get on with the actual show. 180 00:12:53,728 --> 00:12:56,131 Yes, it is. But we had to clear all that up, 181 00:12:56,131 --> 00:12:58,466 because contrary to what some people have been saying, 182 00:12:58,466 --> 00:13:00,868 this actually is a car show. 183 00:13:00,868 --> 00:13:03,604 - Well, not next week it isn't. - Next week is an exception. 184 00:13:03,604 --> 00:13:05,406 - Yeah. - But not when we go to Barbados either. 185 00:13:05,406 --> 00:13:07,442 No, Barbados is definitely another exception. 186 00:13:07,442 --> 00:13:11,279 But tonight couldn't be more "car-y" if it tried. 187 00:13:11,279 --> 00:13:14,449 I'm gonna prove that point because we're kicking off with this. 188 00:13:16,151 --> 00:13:18,486 [LAUGHTER AND JEERING] 189 00:13:18,486 --> 00:13:21,422 Bear with me, bear with me-- 190 00:13:21,422 --> 00:13:24,225 - I agree! - [LAUGHTER] 191 00:13:24,225 --> 00:13:25,393 The thing is, though, 192 00:13:25,393 --> 00:13:27,795 various supercar makers have now taken 193 00:13:27,795 --> 00:13:31,632 the polar-bear-friendly technology from a Prius, 194 00:13:31,632 --> 00:13:35,436 and they are now using it to create raw, naked speed. 195 00:13:35,436 --> 00:13:38,706 Now, I say the best of these hybrid hypercars 196 00:13:38,706 --> 00:13:43,077 is the mad, swivel-eyed McLaren P1. 197 00:13:43,077 --> 00:13:45,180 Whereas Richard Hammond, who's wrong-- 198 00:13:45,180 --> 00:13:46,281 I'm not wrong. 199 00:13:46,281 --> 00:13:48,549 He is, because he says the best 200 00:13:48,549 --> 00:13:51,752 is actually the rather boring Porsche 918. 201 00:13:51,752 --> 00:13:54,289 - It's not boring! - Yes, it is. 202 00:13:54,289 --> 00:13:56,291 - It isn't. - Mm-hmm. 203 00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:57,825 It isn't. Well, whatever. 204 00:13:57,825 --> 00:14:01,396 We decided to meet up with the cars 205 00:14:01,396 --> 00:14:03,864 and settle this once and for all. 206 00:15:01,622 --> 00:15:06,527 The location we chose for this titanic duel was Portugal... 207 00:15:06,527 --> 00:15:11,466 specifically, the international race track of the Algarve. 208 00:15:17,805 --> 00:15:20,608 When we arrived, mechanics from Porsche 209 00:15:20,608 --> 00:15:22,743 and McLaren pounced on our cars, 210 00:15:22,743 --> 00:15:25,813 fettling them for what was to come. 211 00:15:25,813 --> 00:15:28,883 And this meant Hammond and I had some time to indulge 212 00:15:28,883 --> 00:15:32,887 in a spot of childish point scoring. 213 00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:36,123 Which one of these is going to be the fastest around this track? 214 00:15:36,123 --> 00:15:37,525 - This? - Yeah. 215 00:15:37,525 --> 00:15:39,827 Apart from this one, which will be faster. 216 00:15:39,827 --> 00:15:42,463 It won't. Which one do you think will be the fastest? 217 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,399 - This one. - This one. 218 00:15:44,399 --> 00:15:47,702 Porsche think the Porsche will be fastest. McLaren say the McLaren. 219 00:15:47,702 --> 00:15:49,837 How much is it if I wanted to buy one? 220 00:15:49,837 --> 00:15:52,873 I think one was sold in an auction for 1.8 million. 221 00:15:52,873 --> 00:15:56,911 1.8 million dollars. Hammond, how much is yours? 222 00:15:56,911 --> 00:15:58,913 838 euros. 223 00:15:58,913 --> 00:16:01,782 - Thousand I'm guessing? - Yes. It is thousands. 224 00:16:01,782 --> 00:16:04,652 Why has your car got a number on the side? 225 00:16:04,652 --> 00:16:06,687 It's the Weissach edition, this one. 226 00:16:06,687 --> 00:16:08,723 - You also get titanium chassis bolts. - Stupid. 227 00:16:08,723 --> 00:16:10,858 For just an extra £60,000. 228 00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:14,695 And a carbon-fiber bonnet strut. 229 00:16:14,695 --> 00:16:16,096 Look at that. How much does that save? 230 00:16:16,096 --> 00:16:19,534 - About 100 grams. - Right there, 100 grams. 231 00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:22,069 Has the McLaren got a carbon-fiber bonnet strut? 232 00:16:22,069 --> 00:16:25,440 - Doesn't need one. - No, because my bonnet doesn't go up 233 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,842 because it will never break down. 234 00:16:27,842 --> 00:16:30,778 And it's got silly doors. Proper doors, silly doors. 235 00:16:30,778 --> 00:16:34,415 Mine does 34 miles to the gallon. 236 00:16:34,415 --> 00:16:36,684 This does 94. 237 00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:38,819 - 94 miles to the gallon? - 94mpg. 238 00:16:38,819 --> 00:16:41,021 Just remind me, Porsche is owned by? 239 00:16:41,021 --> 00:16:42,957 That'll be Volkswagen. 240 00:16:48,396 --> 00:16:53,167 Soon the McLaren and the Porsche were ready for some shakedown laps. 241 00:16:53,167 --> 00:16:55,870 [REVVING] 242 00:16:55,870 --> 00:17:00,441 And for these we decided we'd drive each other's cars. 243 00:17:04,779 --> 00:17:06,581 Straight away, I can tell you 244 00:17:06,581 --> 00:17:10,050 that this doesn't have the brutality or the savagery 245 00:17:10,050 --> 00:17:12,987 of the McLaren. 246 00:17:12,987 --> 00:17:17,024 Because it has rear-wheel steering and four-wheel drive, 247 00:17:17,024 --> 00:17:19,927 it feels secure and safe. 248 00:17:19,927 --> 00:17:22,129 And that gives you the confidence-- 249 00:17:22,129 --> 00:17:24,599 [CHUCKLES] 250 00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:26,701 ...to play about. 251 00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:32,907 [TIRES SQUEALING] 252 00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:40,881 If I went round this corner this fast in the McLaren... 253 00:17:43,217 --> 00:17:45,753 ...a lot of poo would come out. 254 00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:54,529 Whoa! There's poo coming out now! 255 00:17:57,798 --> 00:17:58,766 Jesus. 256 00:18:00,835 --> 00:18:03,704 It's spinning its [BLEEP] wheels in sixth! 257 00:18:08,743 --> 00:18:11,111 This is frightening, that's what it is. 258 00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:16,451 Whoa! More poo. 259 00:18:16,451 --> 00:18:20,621 I didn't think it was possible to shit yourself to death. 260 00:18:26,193 --> 00:18:28,095 [CHUCKLES] 261 00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:37,472 The grip is genuinely incredible. 262 00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:44,311 Oh, there you go. 263 00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:47,482 RICHARD: In the savage and unforgiving P1, 264 00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:49,484 my nerves were shot to pieces. 265 00:18:49,484 --> 00:18:53,053 But I, too, was falling in love. 266 00:18:53,053 --> 00:18:55,656 903 horsepower. 267 00:18:58,258 --> 00:19:00,127 Oh, my God! 268 00:19:02,362 --> 00:19:04,499 Oh, you bad, bad, naughty car! 269 00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:10,771 Jesus. 270 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,142 This recalibrates your mind. 271 00:19:15,142 --> 00:19:18,378 I didn't think anything could be as exciting as that Porsche, 272 00:19:18,378 --> 00:19:20,981 but this-- this is. 273 00:19:20,981 --> 00:19:23,584 [TIRES SCREECH] 274 00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,687 This is brilliant. 275 00:19:28,255 --> 00:19:32,292 Absolutely brilliant. 276 00:19:32,292 --> 00:19:34,328 Oh. 277 00:19:34,328 --> 00:19:36,363 What a car. 278 00:19:36,363 --> 00:19:37,865 I love it. 279 00:19:40,535 --> 00:19:43,370 - Well? - This is rubbish! 280 00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,740 I was just thinking exactly the same about this. 281 00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:47,441 - Were you? - This was boring me to death. 282 00:19:47,441 --> 00:19:51,946 It was like being stuck in a Victorian woman's novel. 283 00:19:51,946 --> 00:19:55,816 I'd rather that than being stuck in a telephone box with a panicking gorilla. 284 00:19:55,816 --> 00:19:57,852 - Rubbish. - It was trying to kill me. 285 00:19:57,852 --> 00:19:59,887 - It wants to hurt me. - That's why I like it. 286 00:19:59,887 --> 00:20:02,189 This is a missionary-position car. 287 00:20:02,189 --> 00:20:04,258 Razor blade in the hands of a surgeon. 288 00:20:04,258 --> 00:20:07,528 Sickle in the hands of a drunk peasant. 289 00:20:07,528 --> 00:20:11,198 Downton Abbey. Breaking Bad. That's crystal meth. 290 00:20:11,198 --> 00:20:12,867 That's some iffy weed. 291 00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:16,503 Fine wine. Crate of Newcy Brown. 292 00:20:17,572 --> 00:20:20,608 Schooner of sherry. Absinthe. 293 00:20:20,608 --> 00:20:22,376 James Bond specifying 294 00:20:22,376 --> 00:20:24,411 his martini to be shaken not stirred. 295 00:20:24,411 --> 00:20:25,946 Begbie in Trainspotting 296 00:20:25,946 --> 00:20:27,748 lobbing a pint pot over his shoulder in a night club 297 00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:30,551 and starting a bar fight. What? 298 00:20:35,455 --> 00:20:37,124 Hi. 299 00:20:37,124 --> 00:20:38,959 What are you doing here? 300 00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:40,995 I'm here because, gentlemen, 301 00:20:40,995 --> 00:20:43,030 I have in the back of that lorry 302 00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:45,866 something that will make your McLaren and your Porsche 303 00:20:45,866 --> 00:20:48,268 look like lumps of yesteryear. 304 00:20:54,374 --> 00:20:56,310 [REVVING] 305 00:21:16,263 --> 00:21:18,165 I cannot remember the last time a car, 306 00:21:18,165 --> 00:21:20,067 or, indeed, any sort of thing, 307 00:21:20,067 --> 00:21:22,870 gave me a fizz like the Ferrari LaFerrari. 308 00:21:24,639 --> 00:21:27,675 This has 950 horsepower. 309 00:21:27,675 --> 00:21:29,176 950. 310 00:21:30,645 --> 00:21:32,479 More than either of the other two. 311 00:21:32,479 --> 00:21:35,282 And it's lighter. It weighs 1,250 kilograms. 312 00:21:38,218 --> 00:21:41,188 Which is less than most hatchbacks. 313 00:21:43,891 --> 00:21:46,160 Actually there is a bit more to the Ferrari LaFerrari, 314 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:50,965 because what it has is, in effect, a formula one KERS system. 315 00:21:50,965 --> 00:21:55,836 It constantly recovers energy that would otherwise be lost 316 00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:58,238 using its electric motor and its battery. 317 00:21:58,238 --> 00:22:01,041 So as I brake there, 318 00:22:01,041 --> 00:22:04,912 the car is actually saying, "That energy, I'll have that." 319 00:22:06,180 --> 00:22:08,115 Straight! 320 00:22:09,316 --> 00:22:12,920 This is what 950 horsepower feels like! 321 00:22:17,591 --> 00:22:19,727 Jesus! 322 00:22:23,563 --> 00:22:27,968 This I believe will absolutely mince the other two. 323 00:22:27,968 --> 00:22:29,870 Oh, man! 324 00:22:31,605 --> 00:22:34,775 JEREMY: James was obviously talking nonsense. 325 00:22:34,775 --> 00:22:37,077 But there's no getting around the fact 326 00:22:37,077 --> 00:22:39,313 that these three cars take automotive science 327 00:22:39,313 --> 00:22:41,248 to a new level. 328 00:22:43,550 --> 00:22:46,253 They use the latest green technology 329 00:22:46,253 --> 00:22:49,023 to squeeze as much speed as possible 330 00:22:49,023 --> 00:22:51,826 from every molecule of fuel. 331 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:56,530 As a result, they're all capable of blasting 332 00:22:56,530 --> 00:22:58,966 way past 200 miles an hour 333 00:22:58,966 --> 00:23:03,237 whilst producing fewer harmful emissions than a family saloon. 334 00:23:08,642 --> 00:23:13,347 What we have here, then, are three incredible machines 335 00:23:13,347 --> 00:23:15,182 which, at a stroke, 336 00:23:15,182 --> 00:23:18,418 have made the traditional supercar look wooden... 337 00:23:18,418 --> 00:23:20,354 and old-fashioned. 338 00:23:23,157 --> 00:23:26,927 Welcome, everyone, to the hypercar holy trinity. 339 00:23:30,330 --> 00:23:35,035 In that door mirror I have a £1 million Porsche. 340 00:23:35,035 --> 00:23:39,173 In that door mirror I have a £1 million Ferrari. 341 00:23:41,508 --> 00:23:43,110 What a toy box today. 342 00:23:49,950 --> 00:23:52,086 Sparks from Jezzer. 343 00:23:58,558 --> 00:24:00,494 I don't think so, Hammond. 344 00:24:00,494 --> 00:24:02,429 [TIRES SQUEALING] 345 00:24:08,035 --> 00:24:10,170 This could be so expensive. 346 00:24:20,014 --> 00:24:22,049 It's going to boost. 347 00:24:22,049 --> 00:24:24,418 Pushing the IPAS button! 348 00:24:24,418 --> 00:24:28,422 And that gives me another 170 horsepower. 349 00:24:28,422 --> 00:24:30,090 [LAUGHING] 350 00:24:31,225 --> 00:24:33,027 Opening DRS! 351 00:24:34,829 --> 00:24:36,831 Oh, my Christ! 352 00:24:36,831 --> 00:24:39,199 Bloody... 353 00:24:39,199 --> 00:24:42,036 And here comes May in the Ferrari LaFerrari. 354 00:24:47,274 --> 00:24:50,244 Concentrating. Concentrating. 355 00:25:02,122 --> 00:25:04,524 Oh-oh! That bloody car 356 00:25:04,524 --> 00:25:06,526 is trying to kill me, and I'm not even in it. 357 00:25:09,429 --> 00:25:11,198 Ha-ha! 358 00:25:21,876 --> 00:25:24,744 JEREMY: We could have played out there all day, 359 00:25:24,744 --> 00:25:28,382 but before we ended up in a £3 million crash, 360 00:25:28,382 --> 00:25:30,417 we decided to start the tests 361 00:25:30,417 --> 00:25:33,253 to see which of the cars was best. 362 00:25:33,253 --> 00:25:34,922 I came up with the first one, 363 00:25:34,922 --> 00:25:38,392 mainly to annoy gate-crasher May. 364 00:25:38,392 --> 00:25:41,395 Let's make the first test a drag race 365 00:25:41,395 --> 00:25:45,332 - using electrical power only. - Good idea. 366 00:25:45,332 --> 00:25:48,068 - It isn't a good idea. - Why not? 367 00:25:48,068 --> 00:25:50,905 Because you can't drive the Ferrari on electrical power only. 368 00:25:50,905 --> 00:25:53,908 - No! - Of course you can't, 369 00:25:53,908 --> 00:25:55,976 because it's a KERS system like a Formula One car. 370 00:25:55,976 --> 00:25:58,913 It's got a V12 engine and an electric motor, 371 00:25:58,913 --> 00:26:01,681 but they are integrated, they work together, you can't separate them. 372 00:26:01,681 --> 00:26:05,419 - You should have thought about that, shouldn't you? - Bad planning. 373 00:26:07,121 --> 00:26:09,924 With James reduced to the role of onlooker, 374 00:26:09,924 --> 00:26:13,460 we lined up the P1 and the 918 on the start line, 375 00:26:13,460 --> 00:26:17,564 but then, instead of revving the petrol engines, 376 00:26:17,564 --> 00:26:19,934 we shut them down. 377 00:26:24,138 --> 00:26:26,173 That is weird. 378 00:26:26,173 --> 00:26:29,476 Preparing to start a drag race 379 00:26:29,476 --> 00:26:31,845 in complete silence. 380 00:26:31,845 --> 00:26:34,481 I still have two electric motors 381 00:26:34,481 --> 00:26:37,817 that together produce 285 brake horsepower 382 00:26:37,817 --> 00:26:39,453 which is 109 more 383 00:26:39,453 --> 00:26:44,591 than the one electric motor in his McLaren. Oh, yeah. 384 00:26:45,825 --> 00:26:48,462 [BEEPING] 385 00:26:49,563 --> 00:26:51,465 [BEEP AND KLAXON] 386 00:26:54,969 --> 00:26:57,137 I'm outta here! 387 00:26:57,137 --> 00:26:59,773 You've got to love that, the immediate power 388 00:26:59,773 --> 00:27:02,209 from an electrical engine. 389 00:27:02,209 --> 00:27:06,246 That is 70 miles an hour already and it isn't enough. 390 00:27:06,246 --> 00:27:08,148 [RICHARD LAUGHING] 391 00:27:10,617 --> 00:27:12,987 [LAUGHING] 392 00:27:18,993 --> 00:27:22,062 Who won that? It was me, wasn't it? 393 00:27:22,062 --> 00:27:24,098 Yeah, but it's not important though, is it? 394 00:27:24,098 --> 00:27:25,865 - Is it not? - It's just not relevant. 395 00:27:25,865 --> 00:27:27,467 Right, right. 396 00:27:27,467 --> 00:27:30,170 In a drag race, it's irrelevant which car gets there first? 397 00:27:30,170 --> 00:27:33,407 Yeah, yours is the better milk float. 398 00:27:33,407 --> 00:27:35,875 [LAUGHS] 399 00:27:35,875 --> 00:27:40,314 Back in the pits, Hammond had an idea for the next test. 400 00:27:40,314 --> 00:27:43,517 We've got to drive to the hotel yet. It's about an hour away. 401 00:27:43,517 --> 00:27:46,020 It gives us a chance to see what they're like on the road. 402 00:27:46,020 --> 00:27:48,455 - That's a good point. - Real world. 403 00:27:48,455 --> 00:27:51,525 - That is a good point. - I can't do that. 404 00:27:51,525 --> 00:27:53,560 I can't drive the Ferrari on the road. 405 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,895 - Why? - It's not registered. 406 00:27:55,895 --> 00:27:57,631 It is, it's got number plates. 407 00:27:57,631 --> 00:27:59,499 No, that's just pretend number plates. 408 00:27:59,499 --> 00:28:01,435 If they register it, it becomes second-hand 409 00:28:01,435 --> 00:28:03,237 and they pay tax. That's why it came in the lorry. 410 00:28:03,237 --> 00:28:05,272 So you can't drive it on the road either? 411 00:28:05,272 --> 00:28:07,307 Nobody can drive it. It's not road legal. 412 00:28:07,307 --> 00:28:10,044 - Oh, no. - Mate, that's... 413 00:28:10,044 --> 00:28:12,646 - That is such a shame. - It's an hour of-- 414 00:28:12,646 --> 00:28:14,781 That's really a rotten bit of luck. 415 00:28:14,781 --> 00:28:16,916 'Cause you've come a long way from Italy. 416 00:28:16,916 --> 00:28:18,785 I can't give you a lift 417 00:28:18,785 --> 00:28:21,655 'cause the soundman's headphones are on the seat and the mixer. 418 00:28:21,655 --> 00:28:23,457 JAMES: Oh, no. 419 00:28:23,457 --> 00:28:25,359 There's literally nothing I can do. 420 00:28:28,628 --> 00:28:30,597 Soon Richard and I were enjoying 421 00:28:30,597 --> 00:28:34,068 the world's best-ever commute. 422 00:28:41,508 --> 00:28:43,543 It may be a bit Spartan in here, 423 00:28:43,543 --> 00:28:46,080 but it's unbelievably comfortable. 424 00:28:46,980 --> 00:28:50,250 Because it uses electronics 425 00:28:50,250 --> 00:28:52,519 rather than traditional anti-roll bars. 426 00:28:52,519 --> 00:28:54,754 That means there's no physical connection 427 00:28:54,754 --> 00:28:56,590 between the wheels. 428 00:28:56,590 --> 00:29:00,727 So if one goes over a bump the others aren't affected. 429 00:29:00,727 --> 00:29:03,763 It's uncanny. It's like being in a Rolls-Royce Phantom. 430 00:29:07,267 --> 00:29:11,004 It's a lovely evening. Taken the roof panels out. 431 00:29:11,004 --> 00:29:13,107 Set the air-con just so. 432 00:29:13,107 --> 00:29:15,209 And I'm enjoying a drive in the country. 433 00:29:23,683 --> 00:29:25,252 [CHUCKLES] 434 00:29:28,822 --> 00:29:30,757 JEREMY: Meanwhile... 435 00:30:00,287 --> 00:30:01,455 [CHUCKLES] 436 00:30:05,359 --> 00:30:08,562 JAMES: Oh, bloody hell. 437 00:30:08,562 --> 00:30:10,497 [BEEPING] 438 00:30:11,665 --> 00:30:13,500 You're all right. 439 00:30:13,500 --> 00:30:15,969 You're all right, in Italian. 440 00:30:15,969 --> 00:30:18,104 [CAR HORN] 441 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,177 [CAR HORNS] 442 00:30:24,644 --> 00:30:26,680 Oh, God. 443 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,615 [CHEERING] 444 00:30:32,652 --> 00:30:34,621 - James. - What? 445 00:30:34,621 --> 00:30:38,192 I'm sorry to have to say this, but that Ferrari is useless. 446 00:30:38,192 --> 00:30:40,927 Yes, yes, yes. Later on in part two, 447 00:30:40,927 --> 00:30:43,230 when these two have stopped dreaming up 448 00:30:43,230 --> 00:30:44,931 idiotic and irrelevant tests 449 00:30:44,931 --> 00:30:48,768 that it can't take part in, we shall see. 450 00:30:48,768 --> 00:30:50,604 Fair enough. Now, 451 00:30:50,604 --> 00:30:53,106 at this point in the show we like to sit down 452 00:30:53,106 --> 00:30:56,576 and chew the fat about new cars and motoring issues. 453 00:30:56,576 --> 00:31:00,280 Like, for example, why in Britain we have to drive at 50 miles an hour 454 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,917 when they're doing roadworks to protect the workforce which is never there. 455 00:31:03,917 --> 00:31:05,619 Yes, okay... 456 00:31:05,619 --> 00:31:07,621 And why fully-grown adults 457 00:31:07,621 --> 00:31:11,057 have taken to riding around the city on children's toys? 458 00:31:11,057 --> 00:31:13,560 - Yes, okay. - I think they're called bicycles. 459 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,129 - Is that the right word? - It's issues like that. 460 00:31:16,129 --> 00:31:19,499 It's a segment we are calling Conversation Street. 461 00:31:19,499 --> 00:31:21,635 ** [JAZZY TUNE] 462 00:31:25,138 --> 00:31:26,906 [LAUGHTER] 463 00:31:26,906 --> 00:31:29,943 - Well... - What? 464 00:31:29,943 --> 00:31:31,978 [CHEERING] 465 00:31:31,978 --> 00:31:34,314 We put a lot of work into that! 466 00:31:34,314 --> 00:31:38,252 It was really, really hard doing that. 467 00:31:38,252 --> 00:31:41,655 Better than that, rather brilliantly, we have made 468 00:31:41,655 --> 00:31:44,023 a bespoke version of that sting 469 00:31:44,023 --> 00:31:45,559 for every single episode 470 00:31:45,559 --> 00:31:47,794 we're gonna make for the next three years. 471 00:31:47,794 --> 00:31:49,829 How about that? 472 00:31:49,829 --> 00:31:51,931 [CHEERING] 473 00:31:51,931 --> 00:31:54,167 But hold on. The slight problem with that 474 00:31:54,167 --> 00:31:56,002 is that we were so busy doing that 475 00:31:56,002 --> 00:31:58,972 we didn't think actually of anything to talk about. 476 00:31:58,972 --> 00:32:00,807 - We did. - Yeah. 477 00:32:00,807 --> 00:32:03,042 - What? - You'll love this. 478 00:32:03,042 --> 00:32:08,948 James May, the world's slowest moving human being, 479 00:32:08,948 --> 00:32:12,319 has been caught speeding. 480 00:32:12,319 --> 00:32:14,988 [GASPS OF SURPRISE] 481 00:32:14,988 --> 00:32:16,790 Actually charged by the police. 482 00:32:16,790 --> 00:32:19,459 Criminal. 483 00:32:19,459 --> 00:32:20,994 He's actually quite proud of it. 484 00:32:20,994 --> 00:32:24,498 He did it on a Honda CBR 600RR sports bike. 485 00:32:26,199 --> 00:32:27,467 The thing was... 486 00:32:27,467 --> 00:32:29,903 [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] 487 00:32:29,903 --> 00:32:32,606 Richard and I were genuinely astonished. 488 00:32:32,606 --> 00:32:34,040 He came into the office and said, 489 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,443 "I've been done for speeding." 490 00:32:36,443 --> 00:32:39,413 Until we found out how fast he was going. 491 00:32:39,413 --> 00:32:41,848 James, how fast was it again? 492 00:32:41,848 --> 00:32:44,451 37 miles an hour. 493 00:32:44,451 --> 00:32:47,687 Crazy! Mad man! 494 00:32:47,687 --> 00:32:50,757 How did you even breathe at that kind of speed? 495 00:32:50,757 --> 00:32:53,793 How did the police catch you? Were they running? 496 00:32:55,228 --> 00:32:57,664 Gentle jog for sure. 497 00:32:57,664 --> 00:32:59,699 The thing is, if you've been caught, 498 00:32:59,699 --> 00:33:02,068 'cause we genuinely don't believe anyone in the world has, 499 00:33:02,068 --> 00:33:06,873 but if you've been caught speeding at a speed less than 37, 500 00:33:06,873 --> 00:33:09,943 do honestly please write to us and let us know. 501 00:33:09,943 --> 00:33:11,978 'Cause we don't think it's possible. 502 00:33:11,978 --> 00:33:14,748 And mark your envelope, "I'm a tortoise." 503 00:33:14,748 --> 00:33:16,950 And that is all we have time for this week 504 00:33:16,950 --> 00:33:18,385 on Conversation Street. 505 00:33:18,385 --> 00:33:19,753 - Whoa! Hang on a minute. - What? 506 00:33:19,753 --> 00:33:21,120 The first-ever show, and you just mock me 507 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,590 for my speeding ticket and then we move on? 508 00:33:23,590 --> 00:33:25,592 It's a busy show. 509 00:33:25,592 --> 00:33:28,662 It is a busy show. We've got to tell everyone about our track. 510 00:33:28,662 --> 00:33:31,731 - Yes, we have one. - [CHEERING] 511 00:33:31,731 --> 00:33:34,668 This is the sort of place where you can drive cars 512 00:33:34,668 --> 00:33:36,636 at speeds that you can do on the road 513 00:33:36,636 --> 00:33:39,238 but only if you want to go to prison afterwards. 514 00:33:39,238 --> 00:33:41,040 What, like 38 miles an hour? 515 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,744 39 maybe even, 40 from time to time. 516 00:33:44,744 --> 00:33:46,713 Now, we were hoping that we could bring it 517 00:33:46,713 --> 00:33:48,715 round the world with us like the tent. 518 00:33:48,715 --> 00:33:52,519 But unfortunately it's too heavy, 519 00:33:52,519 --> 00:33:55,389 and, as you are about to see, too bitey. 520 00:34:00,159 --> 00:34:02,195 This is it. 521 00:34:02,195 --> 00:34:04,030 It's not a race circuit. 522 00:34:04,030 --> 00:34:07,133 It's not an airfield. 523 00:34:07,133 --> 00:34:09,669 It's not a road. 524 00:34:09,669 --> 00:34:13,006 What it is is brilliant and fast. 525 00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:16,410 And extremely dangerous. 526 00:34:17,844 --> 00:34:20,113 It even looks dangerous on a map. 527 00:34:20,113 --> 00:34:23,450 Because as you can see, it's the exact same shape 528 00:34:23,450 --> 00:34:25,585 as the Ebola virus. 529 00:34:27,854 --> 00:34:31,925 Right, time now to show you what a lap looks like. 530 00:34:31,925 --> 00:34:35,429 To do that we've got a bit of a performance benchmark. 531 00:34:35,429 --> 00:34:37,431 A Ferrari 488. 532 00:34:37,431 --> 00:34:39,433 Take it away. 533 00:34:39,433 --> 00:34:41,468 [REVVING] 534 00:34:41,468 --> 00:34:43,069 Take it away. 535 00:34:45,872 --> 00:34:48,241 First up, it's the Isn't Straight, 536 00:34:48,241 --> 00:34:51,745 so called because it isn't straight. 537 00:34:51,745 --> 00:34:56,249 There is a super-fast left followed by a super-fast right. 538 00:34:56,249 --> 00:35:00,153 And if you make a mistake, there's no run-off area or Armco. 539 00:35:00,153 --> 00:35:03,457 It's just woods. 540 00:35:03,457 --> 00:35:05,459 Woods that are full of wildlife 541 00:35:05,459 --> 00:35:08,161 which likes to run out in front of you. 542 00:35:10,530 --> 00:35:13,700 After the second right on the Isn't Straight, 543 00:35:13,700 --> 00:35:16,470 we're into Your Name Here Corner. 544 00:35:18,004 --> 00:35:20,740 Sponsorship opportunities are available here. 545 00:35:20,740 --> 00:35:22,776 However, I should explain 546 00:35:22,776 --> 00:35:25,879 that it's possible nobody will be looking at your banner 547 00:35:25,879 --> 00:35:28,247 because this is a corner that was designed 548 00:35:28,247 --> 00:35:30,717 so a car can do this. 549 00:35:42,629 --> 00:35:44,130 [TIRES SCREECH] 550 00:35:44,130 --> 00:35:45,398 Ladies and gentlemen, 551 00:35:45,398 --> 00:35:48,535 James May... isn't here today. 552 00:35:48,535 --> 00:35:49,969 That's just a friend of mine 553 00:35:49,969 --> 00:35:54,140 on his way back up the Isn't Straight... 554 00:35:54,140 --> 00:35:56,510 towards Old Lady's House. 555 00:35:58,077 --> 00:36:00,747 We've called this section Old Lady's House, 556 00:36:00,747 --> 00:36:02,782 because it's right next to a house 557 00:36:02,782 --> 00:36:06,419 where an old lady lives. 558 00:36:06,419 --> 00:36:09,288 She tells us she likes cars. 559 00:36:09,288 --> 00:36:12,125 Says she used to have one. 560 00:36:12,125 --> 00:36:15,061 Not sure she's going to like them quite so much 561 00:36:15,061 --> 00:36:17,063 after we've been here a few times. 562 00:36:17,063 --> 00:36:20,199 [TIRES SQUEALING] 563 00:36:20,199 --> 00:36:23,069 Next up, there's a narrow and bumpy sprint 564 00:36:23,069 --> 00:36:25,805 to Sub Station. 565 00:36:25,805 --> 00:36:28,174 You need to get this 90-left right, 566 00:36:28,174 --> 00:36:31,177 or you'll crash into a cage full of electricity. 567 00:36:33,346 --> 00:36:36,650 And you'll need to get the final 90-left right as well, 568 00:36:36,650 --> 00:36:39,218 or you'll run into a field of sheep. 569 00:36:43,089 --> 00:36:45,291 So, trees, animals, 570 00:36:45,291 --> 00:36:47,226 a house, electricity, 571 00:36:47,226 --> 00:36:49,062 and because it's in England, 572 00:36:49,062 --> 00:36:51,230 usually quite a lot of moisture in the air. 573 00:36:51,230 --> 00:36:55,635 It really is the most dangerous track anywhere in the world. 574 00:36:55,635 --> 00:36:57,671 To post a fast time here, 575 00:36:57,671 --> 00:37:01,307 you do need... 576 00:37:01,307 --> 00:37:03,242 those. 577 00:37:09,048 --> 00:37:12,018 The car I've selected for my first lap 578 00:37:12,018 --> 00:37:14,654 of the Eboladrome is this. 579 00:37:18,257 --> 00:37:20,694 The BMW M2. 580 00:37:35,074 --> 00:37:38,277 Sadly, there isn't the time in this, our first-ever show, 581 00:37:38,277 --> 00:37:41,848 to do a full road test of this car, 582 00:37:41,848 --> 00:37:45,184 but there is time to say that I think 583 00:37:45,184 --> 00:37:49,088 this is the best M car BMW has ever made. 584 00:38:02,636 --> 00:38:04,671 In a lot of fast cars these days, 585 00:38:04,671 --> 00:38:06,840 you get all sorts of knobs and buttons 586 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,643 which you can use to change-- 587 00:38:09,643 --> 00:38:10,944 I say change-- I mean ruin 588 00:38:10,944 --> 00:38:12,378 the characteristics of the engine 589 00:38:12,378 --> 00:38:15,248 and the suspension and the steering and so on. 590 00:38:15,248 --> 00:38:17,450 And I always think, isn't that like a chef 591 00:38:17,450 --> 00:38:19,285 bringing a fish to your table 592 00:38:19,285 --> 00:38:21,888 and an oven and some butter and a bit of parsley, 593 00:38:21,888 --> 00:38:23,890 and saying, "Cook it yourself"? No. 594 00:38:23,890 --> 00:38:26,259 You cook it, it's what I'm paying for. 595 00:38:27,661 --> 00:38:29,663 This car, happily, has a more 596 00:38:29,663 --> 00:38:31,497 back-to-basics approach. 597 00:38:31,497 --> 00:38:34,333 In the M2, you get a little rocker switch down here 598 00:38:34,333 --> 00:38:37,036 which does nothing at all 599 00:38:37,036 --> 00:38:40,139 as far as I can see, and that's it. 600 00:38:40,139 --> 00:38:43,076 You're buying a car which was set up at the factory 601 00:38:43,076 --> 00:38:46,780 by engineers who know what they're doing. 602 00:38:46,780 --> 00:38:49,315 And all you have to do is enjoy it. 603 00:38:51,517 --> 00:38:53,252 Which I am doing. 604 00:38:59,292 --> 00:39:00,960 Yes, look at this. 605 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,196 Oh, yeah, loving that. 606 00:39:03,196 --> 00:39:05,031 [CHUCKLES] 607 00:39:05,031 --> 00:39:07,901 I'll do that again, actually, and make sure-- 608 00:39:07,901 --> 00:39:10,169 make sure I was correct. 609 00:39:17,711 --> 00:39:19,045 There's hardly any understeer at all. 610 00:39:19,045 --> 00:39:22,448 Poke the back out and hold it there. 611 00:39:22,448 --> 00:39:25,284 Yeah! [LAUGHS] 612 00:39:25,284 --> 00:39:27,120 I'll do that again... 613 00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,922 only going the other way. 614 00:39:28,922 --> 00:39:31,057 Wrong way round Your Name Here. 615 00:39:33,860 --> 00:39:38,464 Klaus and Fritz, I am loving your work. 616 00:39:38,464 --> 00:39:42,235 Oh, I made a mess of that. But I'll just do this, 617 00:39:42,235 --> 00:39:44,904 and it'll look like I did it on purpose. 618 00:39:46,372 --> 00:39:48,808 With the tires begging for mercy, 619 00:39:48,808 --> 00:39:50,509 I got back onto the Isn't 620 00:39:50,509 --> 00:39:54,380 and unleashed 365 rampaging horsepowers 621 00:39:54,380 --> 00:39:58,051 from the turbo-charged three-liter straight six. 622 00:39:59,786 --> 00:40:02,756 This isn't as fast in a straight line 623 00:40:02,756 --> 00:40:05,524 as an M3, but everywhere else... 624 00:40:05,524 --> 00:40:07,360 it is better. 625 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,830 It feels less heavy, less cumbersome. 626 00:40:16,369 --> 00:40:19,906 And due to the unique characteristics of our straight, 627 00:40:19,906 --> 00:40:22,842 I can tell the steering is less... 628 00:40:22,842 --> 00:40:25,211 It's less twitchy. 629 00:40:29,883 --> 00:40:33,586 This track was designed to trip cars up. 630 00:40:33,586 --> 00:40:35,755 There are fast corners, 631 00:40:35,755 --> 00:40:37,623 slow corners, 632 00:40:37,623 --> 00:40:40,126 drifty corners, and bumps. 633 00:40:40,126 --> 00:40:42,461 It's hard on the tires. 634 00:40:42,461 --> 00:40:46,065 It's hard on the brakes. It's hard on the engine. 635 00:40:46,065 --> 00:40:49,836 It's point and squirt and bark and yelp. 636 00:40:49,836 --> 00:40:51,971 It is vicious. 637 00:40:54,407 --> 00:40:59,145 But there is nothing here which has flummoxed the M2. 638 00:40:59,145 --> 00:41:02,849 This thing is an absolute masterpiece. 639 00:41:05,684 --> 00:41:08,822 Like I said, it is the best M car 640 00:41:08,822 --> 00:41:10,523 BMW has ever made. 641 00:41:13,526 --> 00:41:15,929 You may think it's mad to suggest 642 00:41:15,929 --> 00:41:18,497 the cheapest M car is the best, 643 00:41:18,497 --> 00:41:20,333 but look at it this way, 644 00:41:20,333 --> 00:41:23,669 this track is a lot cheaper than Silverstone. 645 00:41:23,669 --> 00:41:26,472 And I know which one I'd rather drive round. 646 00:41:32,678 --> 00:41:34,848 [CHEERING] 647 00:41:38,717 --> 00:41:40,753 Go drive an M2. Unbelievable. 648 00:41:40,753 --> 00:41:43,857 What? 649 00:41:43,857 --> 00:41:47,393 Why is there that zigzag at Old Lady's House? 650 00:41:47,393 --> 00:41:49,562 - That wasn't there when I went. - No, that wasn't. 651 00:41:49,562 --> 00:41:51,630 But after you'd left, we discovered there is 652 00:41:51,630 --> 00:41:54,400 an unexploded Second World War bomb, seriously, 653 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:58,204 right where the track was, so we had to go round it. 654 00:41:58,204 --> 00:41:59,738 - Fair enough. - Let me get this right. 655 00:41:59,738 --> 00:42:03,509 At our track, there's trees, animals, 656 00:42:03,509 --> 00:42:05,344 moisture, electricity, 657 00:42:05,344 --> 00:42:07,380 a house, and an unexploded bomb? 658 00:42:07,380 --> 00:42:10,316 Yeah. Like I said, it's the most dangerous track in the world. 659 00:42:10,316 --> 00:42:14,320 Honestly, it makes Imola look like a duvet. Honestly. 660 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:18,091 Anyway, all the cars that we test at the Eboladrome 661 00:42:18,091 --> 00:42:19,926 will do a timed lap. 662 00:42:19,926 --> 00:42:22,495 And to make sure it's a completely level playing field, 663 00:42:22,495 --> 00:42:26,465 they will all be driven by the same racing driver. 664 00:42:26,465 --> 00:42:28,301 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 665 00:42:28,301 --> 00:42:30,536 We thought about this. We gave it some thought. 666 00:42:30,536 --> 00:42:32,438 How clever is that? Now... 667 00:42:32,438 --> 00:42:33,907 [LAUGHTER] 668 00:42:33,907 --> 00:42:36,275 The thing is, Amazon insisted 669 00:42:36,275 --> 00:42:37,911 that the racing driver in question 670 00:42:37,911 --> 00:42:39,946 should be from this side of the pond. 671 00:42:39,946 --> 00:42:44,017 So we went to something called NASCAR? 672 00:42:44,017 --> 00:42:46,652 And we found one. We shipped him to England 673 00:42:46,652 --> 00:42:49,923 and then we introduced him to the complicated procedure 674 00:42:49,923 --> 00:42:53,792 which involves turning right. 675 00:42:53,792 --> 00:42:55,194 He's called Mike Skinner, 676 00:42:55,194 --> 00:42:57,796 but we know him simply as "the American." 677 00:42:57,796 --> 00:42:59,498 We should warn you 678 00:42:59,498 --> 00:43:02,468 that some of his views are quite strong. 679 00:43:02,468 --> 00:43:05,171 Yes, he has very specific views, for example, 680 00:43:05,171 --> 00:43:07,573 on cars that have engines with fewer than eight cylinders. 681 00:43:07,573 --> 00:43:09,775 - Communist. - Or more than eight cylinders. 682 00:43:09,775 --> 00:43:13,012 - Communist. - Or cars that have their engine in the middle. 683 00:43:13,012 --> 00:43:15,014 Communist. 684 00:43:15,014 --> 00:43:18,117 Everything that isn't American really with a V8 is communist. 685 00:43:18,117 --> 00:43:21,187 So let's see how he gets on with the M2. 686 00:43:21,187 --> 00:43:23,222 There he is. 687 00:43:23,222 --> 00:43:25,558 Looking utterly bewildered. 688 00:43:27,293 --> 00:43:30,596 But he's off. A skitter of a wheel spin. 689 00:43:30,596 --> 00:43:33,032 And immediately he's onto the Isn't Straight. 690 00:43:33,032 --> 00:43:35,501 There is a right there that will have confused him. 691 00:43:35,501 --> 00:43:37,036 Now a left, he'll be good at that. 692 00:43:37,036 --> 00:43:38,071 Now he can open the taps. 693 00:43:38,071 --> 00:43:42,541 Three liters, six cylinders. 694 00:43:42,541 --> 00:43:44,243 This thing wouldn't pull a greasy string 695 00:43:44,243 --> 00:43:46,145 out of a dog's ass. 696 00:43:46,145 --> 00:43:51,017 JEREMY: I've literally no idea what he's talking about. 697 00:43:51,017 --> 00:43:53,752 Where I come from, this ain't a car. 698 00:43:53,752 --> 00:43:55,989 It's a cry for help. 699 00:43:55,989 --> 00:43:57,823 JEREMY: Whatever. 700 00:43:57,823 --> 00:44:00,193 He's through the final corner on the Isn't Straight. 701 00:44:00,193 --> 00:44:02,996 Into Your Name Here. Hard on the brakes. 702 00:44:02,996 --> 00:44:04,998 Grabbing the stick, 703 00:44:04,998 --> 00:44:07,000 which is on the left-hand side of where he's sitting, 704 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,467 and turning in. 705 00:44:08,467 --> 00:44:10,669 See what I mean? No understeer at all. 706 00:44:10,669 --> 00:44:12,771 Damn tracks are narrower than my driveway. 707 00:44:12,771 --> 00:44:15,574 Yeah, that's 'cause it doesn't have a monster truck on it. 708 00:44:15,574 --> 00:44:19,445 Wonder which one of them came up with this thing. 709 00:44:19,445 --> 00:44:22,648 The tall one? The short one? Or the one with the girly hair? 710 00:44:22,648 --> 00:44:25,851 JEREMY: Okay, coming up to Old Lady's House. 711 00:44:25,851 --> 00:44:27,320 Hard on the brakes. 712 00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,223 Turning in, round the unexploded bomb, 713 00:44:30,223 --> 00:44:32,858 and now opening the taps again. 714 00:44:32,858 --> 00:44:35,394 No turbo lag at all, 715 00:44:35,394 --> 00:44:37,796 as he hammers down the bumpy back straight 716 00:44:37,796 --> 00:44:39,632 towards Sub Station. 717 00:44:39,632 --> 00:44:41,467 This is a 90-left, 718 00:44:41,467 --> 00:44:43,336 new Tarmac but it held it well. 719 00:44:43,336 --> 00:44:46,372 One more 90-left to go through Field Of Sheep. 720 00:44:46,372 --> 00:44:49,475 And he's done it well. And across the line. 721 00:44:49,475 --> 00:44:51,410 [CHEERING] 722 00:44:53,246 --> 00:44:55,914 First one. That's good. 723 00:44:55,914 --> 00:44:57,483 He's great. 724 00:44:57,483 --> 00:45:00,453 He's great going left and right. Amazing. 725 00:45:00,453 --> 00:45:02,321 To make sure that the M2-- 726 00:45:02,321 --> 00:45:05,258 that wasn't on the lap board all by itself, 727 00:45:05,258 --> 00:45:08,294 we got the American to put other benchmark cars-- 728 00:45:08,294 --> 00:45:12,431 we call them benchmark cars, he calls them communist-- 729 00:45:12,431 --> 00:45:14,467 around the track, to see what's what. 730 00:45:14,467 --> 00:45:16,402 There they all are: McLaren, Audi and so forth. 731 00:45:16,402 --> 00:45:18,604 Hang on a minute. We saw a Ferrari 488 732 00:45:18,604 --> 00:45:20,073 at the track in the film earlier on. 733 00:45:20,073 --> 00:45:21,307 Why isn't that on there? 734 00:45:21,307 --> 00:45:23,476 Because Ferrari wouldn't let us time it. 735 00:45:23,476 --> 00:45:25,378 - Wouldn't let us? - No. 736 00:45:25,378 --> 00:45:28,081 So the Ferrari LaFerrari can't go on the road 737 00:45:28,081 --> 00:45:30,549 - or run on electric only? - No. 738 00:45:30,549 --> 00:45:32,418 And the 488 can't do a timed lap? 739 00:45:32,418 --> 00:45:34,953 Ferrari are quite tricky to deal with from time to time. 740 00:45:34,953 --> 00:45:38,191 Let's just put it that way and move on. It's time to see 741 00:45:38,191 --> 00:45:40,526 where the M2 goes on that board. 742 00:45:40,526 --> 00:45:43,362 Let's have a look. Let's put it on. 743 00:45:43,362 --> 00:45:45,598 - Oh! - RICHARD: Ha-ha! 744 00:45:45,598 --> 00:45:47,266 Wow! Wow! 745 00:45:47,266 --> 00:45:51,104 "I think it's the best M car they've ever made." 746 00:45:52,738 --> 00:45:54,807 Not my words. 747 00:45:54,807 --> 00:45:57,143 "I prefer it to all the others that are quicker than it." 748 00:45:57,143 --> 00:46:00,113 - Yes, it's-- - The one you should have, 749 00:46:00,113 --> 00:46:02,381 if you want one that's slower than all the other M cars. 750 00:46:02,381 --> 00:46:04,717 It's better. It's only two seconds-- 751 00:46:04,717 --> 00:46:07,686 - It's quicker than a Civic. - Yeah. 752 00:46:07,686 --> 00:46:09,322 But it's slower than-- 753 00:46:09,322 --> 00:46:11,124 If you had a choice of M cars, lined them up, 754 00:46:11,124 --> 00:46:13,592 and said, "I'd like the fastest," it wouldn't be that one. 755 00:46:13,592 --> 00:46:17,029 - Shut up. - Better in every single way? 756 00:46:17,029 --> 00:46:19,498 - You said that. - I don't care. Have you driven one? 757 00:46:19,498 --> 00:46:22,468 - I have. - It's fabulous. 758 00:46:22,468 --> 00:46:25,138 It's a brilliant car. It really honestly is. 759 00:46:25,138 --> 00:46:28,241 It's a shame we can't take the track round the world with us. 760 00:46:28,241 --> 00:46:31,377 Because if we did, we could invite celebrities to drive round it 761 00:46:31,377 --> 00:46:33,412 and we could keep a score sheet 762 00:46:33,412 --> 00:46:35,648 of who was the fastest. 763 00:46:35,648 --> 00:46:37,683 [LAUGHTER] 764 00:46:37,683 --> 00:46:39,152 No, I don't like it! 765 00:46:39,152 --> 00:46:40,886 I don't like it, no. 766 00:46:40,886 --> 00:46:43,456 - I don't think it would work. - Nobody wants to watch that. 767 00:46:43,456 --> 00:46:46,392 I'm not sure that they do. Anyway, we've got a better idea, 768 00:46:46,392 --> 00:46:48,427 Okay, for our celebrities. 769 00:46:48,427 --> 00:46:51,497 We're calling it Celebrity Brain Crash, 770 00:46:51,497 --> 00:46:53,832 and we had a sting made for that as well. 771 00:47:01,274 --> 00:47:04,310 That is terrible. 772 00:47:04,310 --> 00:47:06,545 I don't like to use this... 773 00:47:06,545 --> 00:47:08,181 [CHEERING] 774 00:47:09,848 --> 00:47:12,218 RICHARD: It's just terrible. 775 00:47:12,218 --> 00:47:16,189 Who is gonna say, "I'm gonna watch that new Amazon car show. 776 00:47:16,189 --> 00:47:18,924 Henry VIII's head explodes"? 777 00:47:18,924 --> 00:47:22,395 Why is there smoke coming out of Brad Pitt's head? 778 00:47:22,395 --> 00:47:24,930 What are we trying to say? 779 00:47:24,930 --> 00:47:26,899 - No, we're not. - No, we're not saying that. 780 00:47:28,201 --> 00:47:30,102 Not that. 781 00:47:30,102 --> 00:47:31,937 That is a terrible sting, 782 00:47:31,937 --> 00:47:35,007 but the machine itself isn't terrible at all. 783 00:47:35,007 --> 00:47:37,976 It's used to measure somebody's mental agility, 784 00:47:37,976 --> 00:47:39,812 their observational skills 785 00:47:39,812 --> 00:47:42,481 and their ability to multi-task. 786 00:47:42,481 --> 00:47:44,517 It's actually based on a machine 787 00:47:44,517 --> 00:47:46,552 that's used to test fighter pilots 788 00:47:46,552 --> 00:47:48,587 who want to join the Royal Air Force 789 00:47:48,587 --> 00:47:51,490 which, as we all know, is the finest and greatest air force 790 00:47:51,490 --> 00:47:54,793 - in the world. - [JEERING] 791 00:47:54,793 --> 00:47:58,431 What do you mean, "Boo"? What do you mean, "Boo"? What? 792 00:47:58,431 --> 00:48:01,400 If that was true, we wouldn't have to help you every time you get in trouble. 793 00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:05,238 [UPROAR, CHEERING] 794 00:48:10,075 --> 00:48:11,910 I'll hold myself back here. 795 00:48:11,910 --> 00:48:15,681 Now, hold on. You lot can grumble as much as you like, 796 00:48:15,681 --> 00:48:18,684 but we edit this show and we're British, 797 00:48:18,684 --> 00:48:20,686 so you'll just get cut out. 798 00:48:20,686 --> 00:48:23,856 - [BOOING] - We're all in agreement. 799 00:48:23,856 --> 00:48:28,060 That the Royal Air Force is better than the US Air Force. 800 00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:31,697 [CHANTING] USA! USA! USA! 801 00:48:31,697 --> 00:48:34,099 - [JEERING] - We're all in agreement 802 00:48:34,099 --> 00:48:37,770 the Royal Air Force is better than all the other air forces in the world. 803 00:48:37,770 --> 00:48:39,738 [JEERING] 804 00:48:40,706 --> 00:48:43,041 We're all now in agreement. 805 00:48:43,041 --> 00:48:44,810 The Royal Air Force is-- 806 00:48:44,810 --> 00:48:46,812 is the best air force in the world. 807 00:48:46,812 --> 00:48:48,881 [BOOING] 808 00:48:48,881 --> 00:48:52,351 So we're all in agreement the Royal Air Force is quite good. 809 00:48:52,351 --> 00:48:55,288 - [JEERING] - That will do. That will do. 810 00:48:55,288 --> 00:48:58,991 So let's get back to Celebrity Brain Crash 811 00:48:58,991 --> 00:49:00,926 and meet our first-ever guest. 812 00:49:00,926 --> 00:49:02,761 Normally on other shows, 813 00:49:02,761 --> 00:49:04,797 the guest will come through a sparkly curtain, 814 00:49:04,797 --> 00:49:08,100 wave a bit and then sit down, but not here. 815 00:49:08,100 --> 00:49:11,904 Oh, yes, our guests make a proper arrival. 816 00:49:11,904 --> 00:49:15,040 And on that note, let's meet tonight's star. 817 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,710 He has been in pretty much 818 00:49:17,710 --> 00:49:20,546 every single movie franchise there is 819 00:49:20,546 --> 00:49:22,581 apart from Bridget Jones. 820 00:49:22,581 --> 00:49:24,583 No, he was Bridget Jones. 821 00:49:24,583 --> 00:49:26,852 - Was he? - No. 822 00:49:26,852 --> 00:49:29,788 But it doesn't matter. He was in the Bourne films. 823 00:49:29,788 --> 00:49:31,490 He was in the Mission Impossible films, 824 00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:32,858 the Avengers films, 825 00:49:32,858 --> 00:49:36,429 and right now he is 10,000 feet above us, 826 00:49:36,429 --> 00:49:38,997 waiting to make one hell of an entrance. 827 00:49:38,997 --> 00:49:41,467 Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Renner! 828 00:49:41,467 --> 00:49:43,736 [CHEERING] 829 00:49:43,736 --> 00:49:47,340 There he is. There he is, that's his plane. 830 00:49:47,340 --> 00:49:49,408 [CHEERING] 831 00:49:52,678 --> 00:49:54,680 Hold on, everybody. Here he comes. 832 00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:57,416 He is ready to jump. 833 00:49:57,416 --> 00:49:59,117 I'm ready! 834 00:49:59,117 --> 00:50:02,355 He is ready to jump. And there he goes! 835 00:50:02,355 --> 00:50:03,889 RICHARD: That is amazing 836 00:50:03,889 --> 00:50:05,691 to see him doing his own stunts. 837 00:50:05,691 --> 00:50:09,227 JEREMY: Yeah, I know. And he is looking good! 838 00:50:09,227 --> 00:50:11,296 When he gets here, 839 00:50:11,296 --> 00:50:13,999 I do want to talk to him about that Bourne Legacy film. 840 00:50:13,999 --> 00:50:16,735 A: what it was like to punch Shane Jacobson. 841 00:50:16,735 --> 00:50:19,805 And, B... Ooh, hang on. 842 00:50:19,805 --> 00:50:23,041 He's leaving this terribly late. 843 00:50:23,041 --> 00:50:24,977 [NERVOUS LAUGHTER] 844 00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:29,915 [AUDIENCE CLAMORING] 845 00:50:29,915 --> 00:50:31,850 [APPLAUSE] 846 00:50:41,694 --> 00:50:44,863 Right. 847 00:50:44,863 --> 00:50:47,165 Does that mean he's not coming on, then? 848 00:50:47,165 --> 00:50:50,102 No, James, he's not. 849 00:50:50,102 --> 00:50:53,406 It's okay, though. We anticipated this sort of thing, 850 00:50:53,406 --> 00:50:55,441 so we got a back-up guest ready. 851 00:50:55,441 --> 00:50:57,476 Uh... 852 00:50:57,476 --> 00:50:59,845 He was in Man From Uncle. 853 00:50:59,845 --> 00:51:03,281 He was in Lone Ranger. He was both twins 854 00:51:03,281 --> 00:51:05,050 in The Social Network. 855 00:51:05,050 --> 00:51:07,820 And his new film is called Nocturnal Animals. 856 00:51:07,820 --> 00:51:09,855 We haven't had time, unfortunately, 857 00:51:09,855 --> 00:51:11,790 to organize a dramatic entrance, 858 00:51:11,790 --> 00:51:14,627 but I hope you'll give him a warm welcome nevertheless. 859 00:51:14,627 --> 00:51:17,029 Ladies and gentlemen, Armie Hammer! 860 00:51:18,263 --> 00:51:20,132 There he is. 861 00:51:21,233 --> 00:51:23,268 Oh, my... 862 00:51:23,268 --> 00:51:24,970 Jesus! 863 00:51:24,970 --> 00:51:26,772 Is that a snake? 864 00:51:26,772 --> 00:51:28,674 - It's a snake. - That's a rattlesnake. 865 00:51:28,674 --> 00:51:30,676 - Is it? - Yeah. 866 00:51:30,676 --> 00:51:33,579 He's being killed. Quiet, everyone. 867 00:51:33,579 --> 00:51:35,614 Quiet, please. 868 00:51:35,614 --> 00:51:37,650 There's literally nothing we can do. 869 00:51:37,650 --> 00:51:39,685 He's yards away from us. 870 00:51:39,685 --> 00:51:41,353 Snakes are like herds of them. 871 00:51:41,353 --> 00:51:44,056 - They hunt in packs. - Yeah, they're pack animals. 872 00:51:44,056 --> 00:51:46,825 Does that mean he's not coming on either? 873 00:51:46,825 --> 00:51:50,095 No, James, he's finished writhing around in agony. 874 00:51:50,095 --> 00:51:52,130 And now he's dead. 875 00:51:52,130 --> 00:51:54,166 So that is a no. 876 00:51:54,166 --> 00:51:56,001 Well, uh... 877 00:51:56,001 --> 00:51:58,571 maybe there's somebody famous in the audience. 878 00:51:58,571 --> 00:52:00,573 That's unlikely. 879 00:52:00,573 --> 00:52:03,041 No. Seriously, you know Carol Vorderman? 880 00:52:03,041 --> 00:52:05,611 She rang me this morning from an air show nearby 881 00:52:05,611 --> 00:52:08,647 and said, can she come to the show? 882 00:52:08,647 --> 00:52:10,649 I know you don't know who Carol Vorderman is. 883 00:52:10,649 --> 00:52:13,185 She's a huge, huge, huge star in the UK. 884 00:52:13,185 --> 00:52:15,220 She started out on a program called Countdown 885 00:52:15,220 --> 00:52:17,490 and established herself as being unbelievably brilliant, 886 00:52:17,490 --> 00:52:19,492 a fantastic mathematician 887 00:52:19,492 --> 00:52:21,527 and very beautiful. 888 00:52:21,527 --> 00:52:24,830 Yes, she's also dead. 889 00:52:24,830 --> 00:52:26,364 What? 890 00:52:26,364 --> 00:52:30,168 - What? - She's dead. 891 00:52:30,168 --> 00:52:32,938 - How did that happen? - I don't know. I'm not a pathologist! 892 00:52:32,938 --> 00:52:35,574 But she's dead is what she is. 893 00:52:35,574 --> 00:52:37,576 - Seriously? - Yes! 894 00:52:37,576 --> 00:52:40,579 - Christ. - Problem. 895 00:52:40,579 --> 00:52:42,881 What are we gonna do? 896 00:52:42,881 --> 00:52:44,149 Um... 897 00:52:44,149 --> 00:52:46,519 Jesus, look at that out there. It's like a-- 898 00:52:46,519 --> 00:52:48,153 It's just littered with corpses. 899 00:52:48,153 --> 00:52:50,623 [LAUGHTER] 900 00:52:50,623 --> 00:52:54,126 Lads, I don't think this bit is working. 901 00:52:54,126 --> 00:52:55,528 Let's drop 902 00:52:55,528 --> 00:52:57,863 Celebrity Brain Crash this week. 903 00:52:57,863 --> 00:52:59,998 We'll do it again in South Africa next week, 904 00:52:59,998 --> 00:53:02,034 and I think people will have forgotten all this. 905 00:53:02,034 --> 00:53:04,803 - They might not. - I think they will. 906 00:53:04,803 --> 00:53:07,239 We'll just skip over it now. It's not gonna happen. 907 00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:09,575 That's okay, 'cause we can back to the cars. 908 00:53:09,575 --> 00:53:12,678 - Yes! Moving on! - [CHEERING] 909 00:53:13,979 --> 00:53:16,381 - Don't look. - Yes, don't look. 910 00:53:16,381 --> 00:53:17,750 This week-- 911 00:53:17,750 --> 00:53:20,052 This week we are trying to find out 912 00:53:20,052 --> 00:53:22,821 which of the new breed of hybrid hypercars is the best. 913 00:53:22,821 --> 00:53:25,190 Yes. On day one at the track in Portugal, 914 00:53:25,190 --> 00:53:28,694 we established that the McLaren P1 is a mentalist, 915 00:53:28,694 --> 00:53:32,464 that the Porsche 918 is a very good milk float, 916 00:53:32,464 --> 00:53:35,734 and that the Ferrari LaFerrari can do nothing at all. 917 00:53:36,635 --> 00:53:38,671 Some of that is true. 918 00:53:38,671 --> 00:53:41,774 But now, day two. 919 00:53:51,950 --> 00:53:53,919 JEREMY: We began by lining up 920 00:53:53,919 --> 00:53:56,655 the three most exciting cars on the planet 921 00:53:56,655 --> 00:54:00,292 for the drag race of all drag races. 922 00:54:14,306 --> 00:54:17,976 Naturally, this meant engaging launch control, 923 00:54:17,976 --> 00:54:22,314 which in the McLaren takes about a fortnight. 924 00:54:22,314 --> 00:54:26,384 I have to have the drive tray in track mode, 925 00:54:26,384 --> 00:54:28,621 the aero package in sport mode, 926 00:54:28,621 --> 00:54:29,955 so that the rear end squats 927 00:54:29,955 --> 00:54:31,924 when I set off and gives me more traction. 928 00:54:31,924 --> 00:54:35,160 I have to have the DRS button pressed with my thumb 929 00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:39,164 to keep the rear wing open which reduces drag obviously. 930 00:54:39,164 --> 00:54:42,267 Launch control in the Porsche, left foot on the brake hard. 931 00:54:42,267 --> 00:54:44,302 Right foot on the throttle hard. 932 00:54:44,302 --> 00:54:46,639 Light goes green, left foot off brake. Pa-ching! 933 00:54:46,639 --> 00:54:49,041 Launch button, press for two seconds. 934 00:54:49,041 --> 00:54:51,810 Left foot on brake. Right foot on throttle. 935 00:54:51,810 --> 00:54:54,246 Press launch control, mash the throttle, 936 00:54:54,246 --> 00:54:57,049 within four seconds release the brake. 937 00:54:57,049 --> 00:55:00,285 Three seconds later, I have full boost, 938 00:55:00,285 --> 00:55:02,721 and I have to set off within three seconds 939 00:55:02,721 --> 00:55:05,123 or the entire system disengages. 940 00:55:05,123 --> 00:55:07,893 I'm going to get this wrong. 941 00:55:07,893 --> 00:55:09,928 Just so you know. 942 00:55:09,928 --> 00:55:12,230 I've got a lot to do in here. 943 00:55:15,701 --> 00:55:18,003 [REVVING] 944 00:55:35,220 --> 00:55:37,122 [BEEP] 945 00:55:38,691 --> 00:55:41,459 I wasn't ready. 946 00:55:41,459 --> 00:55:44,229 Oh, my God! That is quick! 947 00:55:48,100 --> 00:55:52,237 Holy mother! Did you see that? 948 00:55:52,237 --> 00:55:55,473 [BLEEP] me! Jesus [BLEEP] Christ! 949 00:55:55,473 --> 00:55:57,409 It's all over the place. 950 00:56:02,748 --> 00:56:05,350 Since it was clear I'd got all my buttons wrong, 951 00:56:05,350 --> 00:56:08,787 the chaps agreed to another run. 952 00:56:08,787 --> 00:56:10,823 Sit rep, the lights went green 953 00:56:10,823 --> 00:56:12,891 before the boost was ready, 954 00:56:12,891 --> 00:56:15,060 and I had the DRS button still pressed 955 00:56:15,060 --> 00:56:17,730 when I got to the end, which meant I had no downforce, 956 00:56:17,730 --> 00:56:20,933 which meant-- Well, poo came out. 957 00:56:20,933 --> 00:56:25,003 This time I'm gonna do it with more drag, 958 00:56:25,003 --> 00:56:27,605 which will slow me down, but I will be able to stop 959 00:56:27,605 --> 00:56:29,742 without killing myself. 960 00:56:31,744 --> 00:56:34,747 [REVVING] 961 00:56:34,747 --> 00:56:36,849 KERS system charged. Right. 962 00:56:41,486 --> 00:56:43,856 JEREMY: Boost building. 963 00:56:46,658 --> 00:56:48,794 Three, two... 964 00:56:52,765 --> 00:56:54,833 And we are away! What a start! 965 00:56:57,602 --> 00:57:00,005 The Porsche has got off to a flyer. 966 00:57:01,506 --> 00:57:03,441 Oh, balls! 967 00:57:04,910 --> 00:57:07,179 180, 190, 210. 968 00:57:08,981 --> 00:57:11,016 230 kilometers an hour. 969 00:57:16,488 --> 00:57:19,257 That wasn't very good. 970 00:57:19,257 --> 00:57:22,494 Because James had somehow messed up that time, 971 00:57:22,494 --> 00:57:24,963 and because this test was about the cars, 972 00:57:24,963 --> 00:57:27,499 we decided to go again. 973 00:57:32,637 --> 00:57:34,072 It's a rocket ship. 974 00:57:35,808 --> 00:57:37,910 For England! 975 00:57:39,544 --> 00:57:41,279 No, no! 976 00:57:47,019 --> 00:57:49,287 Okay, we have all three won this now. 977 00:57:51,924 --> 00:57:54,192 JEREMY: Determined to find a definitive 978 00:57:54,192 --> 00:57:57,695 one-two-three finishing order, 979 00:57:57,695 --> 00:57:59,564 we ran again. 980 00:57:59,564 --> 00:58:01,499 [BEEP] 981 00:58:04,502 --> 00:58:08,506 Another totally different result there, gentlemen. 982 00:58:09,674 --> 00:58:11,109 And again. 983 00:58:14,246 --> 00:58:18,050 That's a different result again. 984 00:58:18,050 --> 00:58:20,185 JEREMY: And again? 985 00:58:25,390 --> 00:58:27,659 At this point, we decided to call 986 00:58:27,659 --> 00:58:29,227 a halt to proceedings, 987 00:58:29,227 --> 00:58:33,899 because we had reached a scientific conclusion. 988 00:58:33,899 --> 00:58:37,335 It turns out it doesn't really matter which car you buy, 989 00:58:37,335 --> 00:58:39,571 it all depends on your shoes. 990 00:58:39,571 --> 00:58:41,273 Now, this is a TOD loafer. 991 00:58:41,273 --> 00:58:44,342 Slightly worn to get a crisper jump 992 00:58:44,342 --> 00:58:46,544 off the brake pedal, and it's immediate. 993 00:58:46,544 --> 00:58:49,481 - This is a Converse. - There's more sponge in there than I thought. 994 00:58:49,481 --> 00:58:52,450 See, Adidas, they weren't thinking that through. 995 00:58:52,450 --> 00:58:55,620 - So, as you lift your foot up-- - It's a millisecond. 996 00:58:55,620 --> 00:58:56,989 I know you've got KERS, 997 00:58:56,989 --> 00:58:58,556 I know you've got a 6.3-litre V12, 998 00:58:58,556 --> 00:59:01,126 and I know that launch control system is amazing, 999 00:59:01,126 --> 00:59:02,527 but it's all let down 1000 00:59:02,527 --> 00:59:04,496 by the sponginess of the Adidas shoe. 1001 00:59:04,496 --> 00:59:06,731 So they should sell you the car and the shoes. 1002 00:59:06,731 --> 00:59:09,267 No, have you got the correct shoes and have you worn them in? 1003 00:59:09,267 --> 00:59:11,303 - Exactly. - Fresh shoes, lads. 1004 00:59:11,303 --> 00:59:15,507 - I just need to-- - You need to skid about. There we go. 1005 00:59:15,507 --> 00:59:18,110 With that sorted, 1006 00:59:18,110 --> 00:59:20,345 it was time to bring in a racing driver 1007 00:59:20,345 --> 00:59:24,216 to see which of our cars could do the fastest lap. 1008 00:59:24,216 --> 00:59:27,552 Our resident American said he wasn't interested, 1009 00:59:27,552 --> 00:59:30,555 because all three cars are probably communist. 1010 00:59:30,555 --> 00:59:33,926 So instead, we went for a Belgian chap-- 1011 00:59:33,926 --> 00:59:35,460 [GUNFIRE] 1012 00:59:35,460 --> 00:59:39,097 ...who's done Formula One and Formula E, 1013 00:59:39,097 --> 00:59:41,633 Jerome d'Ambrosio. 1014 00:59:46,604 --> 00:59:48,306 Jerome took the cars out 1015 00:59:48,306 --> 00:59:50,976 to get a sense of how they handled. 1016 01:00:07,292 --> 01:00:09,127 And when he'd finished, 1017 01:00:09,127 --> 01:00:10,929 we were interested to hear 1018 01:00:10,929 --> 01:00:12,897 his professional opinion. 1019 01:00:12,897 --> 01:00:15,233 [SPEAKS FRENCH] 1020 01:00:57,075 --> 01:00:59,711 RICHARD: At this point, word reached us that Jeremy 1021 01:00:59,711 --> 01:01:03,381 was taking liberties with the subtitling machine. 1022 01:01:04,749 --> 01:01:07,719 So we moved on to the big event: 1023 01:01:07,719 --> 01:01:10,388 the timed laps. 1024 01:01:15,727 --> 01:01:17,762 Once the mechanics had finished their preparations, 1025 01:01:17,762 --> 01:01:20,698 the three speed traps were activated. 1026 01:01:24,169 --> 01:01:26,838 And the Ferrari LaFerrari took its place 1027 01:01:26,838 --> 01:01:29,341 on the start line. 1028 01:01:30,475 --> 01:01:32,510 Look how good it looks there. 1029 01:01:32,510 --> 01:01:35,847 This is just wasting time. It's wasting rubber and fuel. 1030 01:01:35,847 --> 01:01:37,682 No, this is like an amuse-bouche. 1031 01:01:37,682 --> 01:01:41,386 Yeah, it is. You have ordered the duck and sherry trifle. 1032 01:01:41,386 --> 01:01:45,123 - And you're a melon ball. - I'm not even listening. 1033 01:01:48,060 --> 01:01:50,228 [BEEPING] 1034 01:02:00,738 --> 01:02:05,743 Gentlemen, it is doing 231.4 kilometers an hour 1035 01:02:05,743 --> 01:02:07,879 at the end of the straight. 1036 01:02:07,879 --> 01:02:11,483 It's about the same speed as a Golf diesel, something like that. 1037 01:02:25,130 --> 01:02:28,566 194.9. 1038 01:02:28,566 --> 01:02:30,402 Going down the hill using gravity. 1039 01:02:30,402 --> 01:02:32,604 - Is he stopping off for shopping? - He must be. 1040 01:02:48,253 --> 01:02:50,388 Here he is. 1041 01:02:56,894 --> 01:03:01,633 - James, if you want to get a cup of tea. - We've warmed the track. 1042 01:03:01,633 --> 01:03:06,138 RICHARD: Next it was the turn of the Porsche 918. 1043 01:03:06,138 --> 01:03:08,640 How much faster will it go because of the stripes? 1044 01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:09,641 Much. 1045 01:03:24,589 --> 01:03:26,424 231 point... 1046 01:03:26,424 --> 01:03:28,460 So he's faster than the Ferrari. 1047 01:03:37,969 --> 01:03:40,472 RICHARD: 183.0. 1048 01:03:40,472 --> 01:03:44,075 Way, way, way slower than him. 1049 01:03:44,075 --> 01:03:46,211 Don't forget between here and the next measuring point, 1050 01:03:46,211 --> 01:03:48,880 Okay, you've got four slow corners, 1051 01:03:48,880 --> 01:03:51,549 and those are the ones where the Porsche is gonna make up time. 1052 01:03:53,451 --> 01:03:54,652 Because of the four-wheel steering. 1053 01:03:54,652 --> 01:03:58,323 - Like a Honda Prelude? - No! 1054 01:04:11,936 --> 01:04:14,739 - 110 point what? - One. 1055 01:04:14,739 --> 01:04:18,676 So, almost to a tenth of a kilometer an hour, the same speed as you. 1056 01:04:23,548 --> 01:04:26,351 RICHARD: Here he comes. He's firing noises. 1057 01:04:27,652 --> 01:04:29,221 There it is. Look at that. 1058 01:04:32,123 --> 01:04:35,627 JEREMY: Finally, it was the turn of the psycho killer. 1059 01:04:35,627 --> 01:04:38,330 The trickiest, the edgiest of the three. 1060 01:04:39,831 --> 01:04:41,733 But I was so confident it'd win, 1061 01:04:41,733 --> 01:04:45,337 I was prepared to take a massive gamble. 1062 01:04:46,671 --> 01:04:51,376 If the McLaren isn't the fastest, 1063 01:04:51,376 --> 01:04:54,246 you two can knock my house down. 1064 01:04:54,246 --> 01:04:56,414 - What? - Knock it down. 1065 01:04:56,414 --> 01:04:59,284 - What, your house? - Yeah, and I mean that. 1066 01:04:59,284 --> 01:05:02,954 That's how confident I am that that will be the fastest. 1067 01:05:02,954 --> 01:05:07,091 - You know we will do that? - Yeah. 1068 01:05:07,091 --> 01:05:09,561 - It's a serious bet? - Yeah. 1069 01:05:09,561 --> 01:05:12,129 - Fine. - If that's not the fastest, 1070 01:05:12,129 --> 01:05:14,699 - we can knock your house down? - Yup. 1071 01:05:14,699 --> 01:05:16,934 You know where it is. You've both been. 1072 01:05:16,934 --> 01:05:18,903 I'd love to knock it down. 1073 01:05:25,310 --> 01:05:27,512 Here we go. A lot riding on this. 1074 01:05:40,124 --> 01:05:43,595 235.9. 1075 01:05:43,595 --> 01:05:46,298 Okay, it's fastest at the end of the first straight. 1076 01:05:51,002 --> 01:05:53,037 Would you like to come to my house for dinner? 1077 01:05:53,037 --> 01:05:54,839 Yes. Can I bring a bulldozer? 1078 01:06:02,614 --> 01:06:04,482 188.3. 1079 01:06:04,482 --> 01:06:06,518 That is worryingly quick. Brisk. 1080 01:06:06,518 --> 01:06:08,353 It's quite brisk? 1081 01:06:08,353 --> 01:06:11,155 We don't know how fast it's going around the tight turns. 1082 01:06:11,155 --> 01:06:13,725 Might have been doing two kilometers an hour around here. 1083 01:06:25,470 --> 01:06:27,672 Where is he? 1084 01:06:27,672 --> 01:06:28,906 Crashed. 1085 01:06:46,358 --> 01:06:49,226 With that, back to the tent. 1086 01:06:49,226 --> 01:06:51,829 [CHEERING] 1087 01:06:57,101 --> 01:06:58,936 Thank you so much. Now... 1088 01:06:58,936 --> 01:07:00,972 I want to make it absolutely plain, 1089 01:07:00,972 --> 01:07:03,007 'cause I know this matters to anoraks, 1090 01:07:03,007 --> 01:07:08,446 all three cars were running on exactly the same sort of tires. 1091 01:07:08,446 --> 01:07:11,048 Yes, same tires, same track, same driver. 1092 01:07:11,048 --> 01:07:13,385 So the times are down to the cars. 1093 01:07:13,385 --> 01:07:16,621 Yup. And now it is time to reveal those times. 1094 01:07:16,621 --> 01:07:18,823 Let me just make it absolutely clear. 1095 01:07:18,823 --> 01:07:20,392 We don't know what they are. 1096 01:07:20,392 --> 01:07:22,560 The producers have kept them from us. 1097 01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:23,895 - They're top secret. - Yup. 1098 01:07:23,895 --> 01:07:26,063 So, let's put the scoreboard up, 1099 01:07:26,063 --> 01:07:27,298 and let's begin with 1100 01:07:27,298 --> 01:07:29,934 the Ferrari LaFerrari, I believe. 1101 01:07:29,934 --> 01:07:32,404 Let's see what it did it in, please. 1102 01:07:36,173 --> 01:07:39,243 We don't know if that's any good, do we? 1103 01:07:39,243 --> 01:07:41,613 Let's move on and do the Porsche next. 1104 01:07:41,613 --> 01:07:43,080 What did the Porsche do it in? 1105 01:07:44,482 --> 01:07:48,920 Oh, yes! 1:54.2! 1106 01:07:48,920 --> 01:07:51,823 Yes! Yes! You see? 1107 01:07:51,823 --> 01:07:53,958 You said it would mince the Porsche. 1108 01:07:53,958 --> 01:07:57,328 And it didn't mince it. It was slower than the Porsche. 1109 01:07:57,328 --> 01:07:59,196 I told you it's just a melon ball. 1110 01:07:59,196 --> 01:08:01,132 It's slower than my car, 1111 01:08:01,132 --> 01:08:03,668 which was faster than your car. 1112 01:08:03,668 --> 01:08:05,903 0.2 of a second, and it looks better. 1113 01:08:05,903 --> 01:08:08,640 Yeah, it did in my mirror where it belongs getting smaller. 1114 01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:10,241 It's a melon ball, and it lost. 1115 01:08:10,241 --> 01:08:11,476 - Hammond. - What? 1116 01:08:11,476 --> 01:08:13,244 - Calm down. - All right. 1117 01:08:13,244 --> 01:08:14,446 Because now we must bring up 1118 01:08:14,446 --> 01:08:16,013 the time that really matters. 1119 01:08:16,013 --> 01:08:19,584 The one where a lot's at stake. 1120 01:08:19,584 --> 01:08:20,585 The McLaren... [CLEARS THROAT] 1121 01:08:20,585 --> 01:08:21,753 The McLaren P1. 1122 01:08:21,753 --> 01:08:24,456 - Are you nervous? Sure? - No. No. 1123 01:08:24,456 --> 01:08:25,790 - A little bit? - No! 1124 01:08:25,790 --> 01:08:27,559 - I'm not nervous. - Why be nervous? 1125 01:08:27,559 --> 01:08:28,760 You could get, like, a shopping trolley 1126 01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:30,995 and keep all your things in it. 1127 01:08:30,995 --> 01:08:33,865 Make some new friends under a bridge somewhere. 1128 01:08:33,865 --> 01:08:36,133 - Hammond. - I'd say sell your body but don't do that. 1129 01:08:36,133 --> 01:08:38,870 Be quiet! Let's-- 1130 01:08:38,870 --> 01:08:41,606 Let's bring up the time of the P1. Here we go. 1131 01:08:41,606 --> 01:08:44,709 - Oh, God. - Where is it? 1132 01:08:49,113 --> 01:08:52,383 [UPROAR] 1133 01:08:52,383 --> 01:08:54,752 Yes! 1134 01:08:58,956 --> 01:09:02,694 That is funny. Because you said... 1135 01:09:02,694 --> 01:09:05,497 the fastest, but it's not the fastest. 1136 01:09:05,497 --> 01:09:07,499 It's the slowest! 1137 01:09:07,499 --> 01:09:10,735 Ladies and gentlemen, journalist, broadcaster 1138 01:09:10,735 --> 01:09:14,171 and homeless man, Jeremy Clarkson. 1139 01:09:14,171 --> 01:09:16,107 [CHEERING] 1140 01:09:21,078 --> 01:09:25,850 That's what it is. That's what it is. 1141 01:09:25,850 --> 01:09:28,653 You're not really going to knock my house down? 1142 01:09:28,653 --> 01:09:31,155 Yes, we are. 1143 01:09:31,155 --> 01:09:33,190 - A bet is a bet. - That's the deal. 1144 01:09:33,190 --> 01:09:35,927 - And we're going to film it. - No, but the thing is, 1145 01:09:35,927 --> 01:09:38,530 on the tires that the McLaren can be bought with, 1146 01:09:38,530 --> 01:09:40,865 it was faster. 1147 01:09:40,865 --> 01:09:42,567 We agreed right at the start 1148 01:09:42,567 --> 01:09:45,670 we'd all run on the same tires. 1149 01:09:45,670 --> 01:09:48,139 That was the deal before your car lost. 1150 01:09:48,139 --> 01:09:49,674 So let's just... 1151 01:09:49,674 --> 01:09:53,177 Let's just sum this first show up, shall we? 1152 01:09:53,177 --> 01:09:55,012 I've lost my house. 1153 01:09:55,012 --> 01:09:57,381 - We've had a fight with the audience. - Big one. 1154 01:09:57,381 --> 01:10:00,251 Somebody shot our drone down. 1155 01:10:00,251 --> 01:10:02,954 And we've killed three quite major celebrities. 1156 01:10:02,954 --> 01:10:04,989 Yeah, but on the plus side, 1157 01:10:04,989 --> 01:10:07,191 my Porsche was the fastest! 1158 01:10:07,191 --> 01:10:08,660 [CHEERING] 1159 01:10:12,697 --> 01:10:14,866 And on that terrible disappointment, 1160 01:10:14,866 --> 01:10:16,968 I'm afraid it's time to end. 1161 01:10:16,968 --> 01:10:18,770 Thank you all very much for coming. 1162 01:10:18,770 --> 01:10:20,304 Thank you for watching. 1163 01:10:20,304 --> 01:10:22,173 And we'll see you next week in Johannesburg. 1164 01:10:22,173 --> 01:10:23,575 Good-bye! 1165 01:10:23,575 --> 01:10:25,242 [CHEERING] 1166 01:10:30,314 --> 01:10:32,717 * Oh, sunshiney day * 1167 01:10:34,786 --> 01:10:38,756 * Gonna be a bright sunshiney day * 1168 01:10:42,126 --> 01:10:44,962 * Bright sunshiney day * 1169 01:10:48,099 --> 01:10:51,168 * Bright sunshiney day * 1170 01:10:54,005 --> 01:10:57,742 * Bright sunshiney day * 1171 01:11:00,144 --> 01:11:03,247 * Bright sunshiney day *