1 00:00:04,174 --> 00:00:05,409 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:07,110 --> 00:00:09,480 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 3 00:00:09,547 --> 00:00:12,583 (OCEAN LINER HORN BLOWS) 4 00:00:17,054 --> 00:00:19,156 ** 5 00:00:56,393 --> 00:00:57,795 (CHEERING) 6 00:01:03,166 --> 00:01:04,802 Hello, everybody! 7 00:01:04,868 --> 00:01:06,570 Hello. Greetings. Thank you. 8 00:01:07,638 --> 00:01:09,507 Hi, there. 9 00:01:09,573 --> 00:01:11,842 Hello! Hello! 10 00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:15,913 Thank you so much. Thank you. 11 00:01:15,979 --> 00:01:18,582 Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 12 00:01:18,649 --> 00:01:20,851 And welcome to The Grand Tour, 13 00:01:20,918 --> 00:01:23,353 which, once again, is in Whitby. 14 00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:24,722 (CHEERING) 15 00:01:28,325 --> 00:01:30,293 There is actually a very good reason for that. 16 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,964 It is because these two last week blew up my house, 17 00:01:34,031 --> 00:01:36,600 and I literally have nowhere else to go. 18 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:37,801 -(LAUGHTER) -RICHARD: Yeah. 19 00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:40,370 Plus-- Plus, James May lost the tent bag. 20 00:01:40,437 --> 00:01:41,839 -Soz. JEREMY: Yeah, he did. 21 00:01:41,905 --> 00:01:44,642 He did do that. Anyway, erm... 22 00:01:44,708 --> 00:01:48,045 we were reminiscing, as we've been here all week, 23 00:01:48,111 --> 00:01:51,715 and we worked out that Yorkshire is the only place on earth 24 00:01:51,782 --> 00:01:55,452 where all three of us have had a car crash. 25 00:01:55,553 --> 00:01:57,655 -(LAUGHTER) -So what was yours? 26 00:01:57,721 --> 00:01:59,957 A Triumph 2500 rolled over. 27 00:02:00,023 --> 00:02:02,292 -Yeah. Hammond? -My first car. 28 00:02:02,359 --> 00:02:03,861 And my second car. 29 00:02:03,927 --> 00:02:06,864 -(LAUGHTER) -My mum's car, my dad's car, 30 00:02:06,930 --> 00:02:08,566 my third and fourth cars, 31 00:02:08,566 --> 00:02:10,634 my first four motorcycles, 32 00:02:10,701 --> 00:02:12,435 the Radio York radio van, 33 00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:14,838 the Radio Leeds radio car, 34 00:02:14,905 --> 00:02:16,740 and a jet-powered dragster. 35 00:02:16,807 --> 00:02:19,142 -(CHEERING) JEREMY: Oh, yes. 36 00:02:19,209 --> 00:02:21,712 All of those. Busy. 37 00:02:21,779 --> 00:02:24,615 And, erm... And what about you in Yorkshire? 38 00:02:24,682 --> 00:02:27,685 Well, me, I'll tell you. No, 1977, 39 00:02:27,751 --> 00:02:29,753 when the driving examiner said to me, 40 00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:32,122 "Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, you've passed," 41 00:02:32,189 --> 00:02:35,092 what I heard was, "Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, 42 00:02:35,158 --> 00:02:37,360 you are the best driver I've ever seen." 43 00:02:37,427 --> 00:02:39,797 - Oh, no. - 36 hours later - 44 00:02:39,863 --> 00:02:42,399 That's all it was, 36 hours I'd been on the roads - 45 00:02:42,465 --> 00:02:43,801 stuffed my mother's Audi. 46 00:02:43,867 --> 00:02:45,636 Wheels came off, killed a sheep. 47 00:02:45,703 --> 00:02:47,470 (LAUGHTER) 48 00:02:47,605 --> 00:02:49,607 So, if you're the farmer, sorry about that. 49 00:02:49,607 --> 00:02:51,775 Er... Anyway, I'm glad we're still in Yorkshire, 50 00:02:51,842 --> 00:02:56,747 because last week we said there was no real motoring connection with the county, 51 00:02:56,814 --> 00:02:59,617 and it turns out that's not true. 52 00:02:59,617 --> 00:03:01,752 I was reading Trip Advisor last night. 53 00:03:01,819 --> 00:03:05,255 Now, Trip Advisor is a website for the mealy-mouthed and the bitter. 54 00:03:05,322 --> 00:03:06,890 Well, hang on. I mean, it's not entirely-- 55 00:03:06,957 --> 00:03:09,492 No, seriously, it's useless apart from anything else, 56 00:03:09,627 --> 00:03:14,632 because you have to know someone before their opinion is relevant. 57 00:03:14,665 --> 00:03:16,466 I mean, I know Hammond, OK? 58 00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:18,902 So if he tells me a restaurant's great, 59 00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:21,705 I know I don't want to go there, because it'll be rubbish. 60 00:03:21,772 --> 00:03:25,408 You're absolutely right, actually, because that bloke in the hat over there, 61 00:03:25,475 --> 00:03:29,279 I don't care how many stars he gives Oxfam Whitby, I'm not going there. 62 00:03:29,346 --> 00:03:31,548 (LAUGHTER) 63 00:03:31,649 --> 00:03:32,883 Exactly. Anyway... 64 00:03:34,517 --> 00:03:37,655 I went on Trip Advisor, OK, and there was a review of Whitby. 65 00:03:39,489 --> 00:03:41,058 And it said, and I'm quoting here, 66 00:03:41,124 --> 00:03:45,128 "One aspect of Whitby is the large number of local chavs..." 67 00:03:45,195 --> 00:03:46,664 (LAUGHTER) 68 00:03:46,664 --> 00:03:48,966 "...who drive around the town in a circuit 69 00:03:49,032 --> 00:03:52,069 in their noise-enhanced cars." 70 00:03:52,135 --> 00:03:54,705 Already, I don't like this person. 71 00:03:54,772 --> 00:03:56,539 "They accelerated down the narrow streets 72 00:03:56,674 --> 00:04:00,778 and then slowed their engines down quickly as they approached a junction, 73 00:04:00,844 --> 00:04:04,014 causing explosive-sounding backfiring." 74 00:04:04,081 --> 00:04:05,348 (LAUGHTER) 75 00:04:05,415 --> 00:04:06,817 He sounds like a right knob. 76 00:04:06,884 --> 00:04:08,085 Of course he's a right knob, 77 00:04:08,151 --> 00:04:10,487 he's leaving a message on Trip Advisor. 78 00:04:10,553 --> 00:04:14,291 Anyway, the police - the police, the local police here - 79 00:04:14,357 --> 00:04:16,860 they've decided they've had enough of people, how they put it, 80 00:04:16,927 --> 00:04:21,899 "...driving away in a manner that causes their wheels to spin and screech." 81 00:04:21,965 --> 00:04:23,901 OK? So they decided to have a clampdown. 82 00:04:23,967 --> 00:04:26,169 But, and this is the quote I love, 83 00:04:26,236 --> 00:04:29,439 "The operation was curtailed due to poor weather." 84 00:04:29,506 --> 00:04:31,775 (LAUGHTER) 85 00:04:31,842 --> 00:04:33,176 What, are they saying... 86 00:04:33,243 --> 00:04:35,312 They didn't go out because it was raining? 87 00:04:35,378 --> 00:04:38,315 No, law enforcement in Whitby is like cricket. 88 00:04:38,381 --> 00:04:40,718 Everybody just goes inside if it starts to drizzle. 89 00:04:40,718 --> 00:04:44,221 So this is... This is the Whitby Town Police we are talking about here? 90 00:04:44,287 --> 00:04:46,223 -Yeah, the WTPD. -Yeah. 91 00:04:46,289 --> 00:04:47,590 (LAUGHTER) 92 00:04:47,725 --> 00:04:50,393 No, hang on a minute, this is North Yorkshire. It's NYPD. 93 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:51,862 (LAUGHTER) 94 00:04:51,929 --> 00:04:53,964 RICHARD: Wow! It actually is! JEREMY: It's the NYPD! 95 00:04:54,031 --> 00:04:56,734 That would be a brilliant police drama. 96 00:04:56,734 --> 00:04:58,168 (IN YORKSHIRE ACCENT) "Right, Constable, 97 00:04:58,235 --> 00:05:02,105 I've had the Chief Constable, he's chewed my arse, 98 00:05:02,172 --> 00:05:05,108 the Mayor's chewed his arse, now we'll chew your arse." 99 00:05:05,175 --> 00:05:06,076 (LAUGHTER) 100 00:05:06,143 --> 00:05:07,978 "We've got these lads - well, chavs - 101 00:05:08,045 --> 00:05:10,047 "that are doing, like, wheel screeches, 102 00:05:10,113 --> 00:05:14,351 and you've got 48 hours to solve it, or I'll have your badge and your truncheon." 103 00:05:14,417 --> 00:05:15,753 (LAUGHTER) 104 00:05:15,786 --> 00:05:19,189 Anyway, on our car show tonight... 105 00:05:20,090 --> 00:05:22,159 a tree falls over... 106 00:05:23,827 --> 00:05:25,929 ... a hedgehog makes a noise... 107 00:05:27,664 --> 00:05:29,399 ...and a dog eats some meat. 108 00:05:31,501 --> 00:05:33,270 But we begin with Porsche. 109 00:05:33,336 --> 00:05:37,507 They offer an immense and immensely complicated range of cars 110 00:05:37,574 --> 00:05:39,777 all under the 911 banner. 111 00:05:39,843 --> 00:05:43,914 Now, Porsche enthusiasts, by which I mean these two imbeciles, 112 00:05:43,981 --> 00:05:46,483 say that they're all slightly different. 113 00:05:46,549 --> 00:05:47,918 Completely different. 114 00:05:47,985 --> 00:05:49,552 No, slightly different, 115 00:05:49,619 --> 00:05:53,456 and that the best of the bunch is something called the GT3 RS. 116 00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:57,995 So I thought I'd take it to our track to see what it was like. 117 00:05:58,061 --> 00:06:00,798 And let's just hope that, for once in your life, 118 00:06:00,864 --> 00:06:02,499 you haven't behaved like a child. 119 00:06:02,565 --> 00:06:06,669 -What do you mean? -Well, just said it's no good because I've got one. 120 00:06:06,804 --> 00:06:12,175 Hammond, I am a professional motoring journalist, and coming up... 121 00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:14,812 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 122 00:06:14,878 --> 00:06:16,046 Amongst other things. 123 00:06:16,113 --> 00:06:19,549 Coming up now is my professional review. 124 00:06:19,616 --> 00:06:20,984 (LAUGHTER) 125 00:06:23,987 --> 00:06:26,189 This is the car in question. 126 00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:30,828 No, wait. Sorry. Hang on. 127 00:06:30,828 --> 00:06:32,729 It's easy to be confused. 128 00:06:32,830 --> 00:06:33,964 This is it. 129 00:06:38,035 --> 00:06:40,203 The hottest, hardest, 130 00:06:40,270 --> 00:06:43,006 tightest 911 of them all... 131 00:06:44,707 --> 00:06:46,243 ...and the most exotic. 132 00:06:57,855 --> 00:07:02,259 It has the fattest back tyres I've ever seen on a road car. 133 00:07:02,325 --> 00:07:04,995 It has scaffolding in the back for stiffness, 134 00:07:05,062 --> 00:07:07,630 carbon-fibre body panels for lightness. 135 00:07:07,697 --> 00:07:10,167 The roof is made from magnesium, 136 00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:12,870 so if you turn it over and there are sparks, 137 00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:15,205 there will be a blinding flash of light, 138 00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:17,174 and then you will have a convertible. 139 00:07:26,683 --> 00:07:31,188 Like many people, I don't really like the idea of the Porsche 911, 140 00:07:31,254 --> 00:07:34,324 and I certainly don't like the people who drive them. 141 00:07:34,391 --> 00:07:39,062 I find them flawed, in some dark and rather disgusting way. 142 00:07:39,129 --> 00:07:40,898 But I will grudgingly admit 143 00:07:40,964 --> 00:07:43,967 that even the basic cooking models are... 144 00:07:44,034 --> 00:07:46,336 extremely lovely to drive. 145 00:07:46,403 --> 00:07:47,404 They're... 146 00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:49,907 They're just very good sports cars. 147 00:07:52,575 --> 00:07:54,777 But what about this one? 148 00:07:54,912 --> 00:07:55,946 Well... 149 00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:58,581 Let's find out. 150 00:08:04,988 --> 00:08:07,790 Straight away, I can tell you the engine... 151 00:08:07,925 --> 00:08:09,726 is incredible. 152 00:08:09,792 --> 00:08:11,094 (REVVING) 153 00:08:12,229 --> 00:08:13,530 There's no turbocharging. 154 00:08:13,596 --> 00:08:18,468 It's just a four litre flat-six, but... 155 00:08:18,535 --> 00:08:20,938 you get 500 horsepower. 156 00:08:22,005 --> 00:08:25,708 And its red line at 9,000rpm. 157 00:08:25,775 --> 00:08:27,077 (ENGINE REVS) 158 00:08:31,949 --> 00:08:33,750 9,000! 159 00:08:33,816 --> 00:08:35,452 That's bike territory. 160 00:08:37,487 --> 00:08:42,225 But the best thing is the way it goes round corners. 161 00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:44,995 Because it's got four-wheel steering, 162 00:08:45,062 --> 00:08:49,632 and because the engine is sitting right over the rear axle, 163 00:08:49,699 --> 00:08:53,036 the grip is just astonishing. 164 00:08:53,103 --> 00:08:54,304 (TYRES SCREECH) 165 00:08:54,371 --> 00:08:55,472 (LAUGHS) 166 00:08:58,241 --> 00:09:00,477 I've engaged all the hero buttons down here, 167 00:09:00,543 --> 00:09:04,781 turned all the electronic driver aids off, 168 00:09:04,847 --> 00:09:08,351 and let see if I can unstick it. 169 00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:12,822 In here far too fast into Swindon Swings. 170 00:09:12,889 --> 00:09:15,758 (TYRES SCREECH) 171 00:09:15,825 --> 00:09:18,228 Not "Swings," that's something completely different. 172 00:09:18,295 --> 00:09:21,564 But, anyway, no loss of traction at all. 173 00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:27,637 I thought, when I read the spec sheet on the RS, 174 00:09:27,704 --> 00:09:31,008 that Porsche had tried to make a supercar, 175 00:09:31,074 --> 00:09:35,645 a rival for Ferrari and McLaren and Lamborghini, but they haven't. 176 00:09:35,712 --> 00:09:37,547 It's still a sports car. 177 00:09:37,614 --> 00:09:40,017 It's still chuckable and deft. 178 00:09:42,619 --> 00:09:45,255 (TYRES SCREECHING) 179 00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:48,658 Whoa! It's very, very good. 180 00:09:48,725 --> 00:09:50,027 Annoyingly. 181 00:09:56,166 --> 00:09:59,436 But... is it as good as this, 182 00:09:59,502 --> 00:10:02,405 the BMW M4 GTS? 183 00:10:02,472 --> 00:10:08,011 Like the Porsche, it's made from exotic lightweight materials... 184 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:11,848 and fitted with scaffolding instead of back seats, 185 00:10:11,914 --> 00:10:13,550 and enormous tyres. 186 00:10:15,852 --> 00:10:17,420 It looks good. 187 00:10:17,487 --> 00:10:19,356 But there are some problems. 188 00:10:20,890 --> 00:10:23,960 When you arrive at a small speed hump in the Porsche, 189 00:10:24,027 --> 00:10:27,430 you raise its nose electrically and all is well. 190 00:10:28,931 --> 00:10:32,335 But when you arrive at the same hump in the BMW... 191 00:10:34,071 --> 00:10:37,174 you will need a team of men to fold away the spoiler 192 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,942 and adjust the ride height. 193 00:10:40,009 --> 00:10:41,678 This takes several hours. 194 00:10:44,481 --> 00:10:46,616 There are some other issues as well. 195 00:10:48,385 --> 00:10:52,222 To give owners the sense they're driving a racing car, 196 00:10:52,289 --> 00:10:55,225 all of the storage bins have been removed. 197 00:10:55,292 --> 00:10:58,195 There's no cubbyhole here, no door pockets. 198 00:10:58,261 --> 00:11:00,430 That means there's nowhere to put anything. 199 00:11:00,497 --> 00:11:04,667 And I think that, on a day-to-day basis, that would drive you a bit mad. 200 00:11:08,538 --> 00:11:11,608 Then there's the ride, which is extremely bumpy, 201 00:11:11,674 --> 00:11:15,278 and the drone from the tyres, which is horrendous. 202 00:11:16,613 --> 00:11:18,248 (RUMBLING) 203 00:11:18,315 --> 00:11:20,117 After ten minutes on a motorway, 204 00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:21,584 you will have a headache, 205 00:11:21,651 --> 00:11:24,121 and you won't have any headache pills with you, 206 00:11:24,154 --> 00:11:25,522 because there was nowhere to put them. 207 00:11:27,424 --> 00:11:30,793 Now, at this point, I would normally use the word "however" 208 00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:34,131 and start talking about the car's good points. 209 00:11:35,132 --> 00:11:36,933 However... 210 00:11:36,999 --> 00:11:39,169 I can't, because... 211 00:11:40,937 --> 00:11:42,339 I'm struggling to find any. 212 00:11:43,606 --> 00:11:46,409 The engine, for example, has water injection, 213 00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:48,845 which sounds cool. 214 00:11:48,911 --> 00:11:52,582 But it means that every third time you fill the car with fuel, 215 00:11:52,649 --> 00:11:56,319 you have to fill a water tank in the boot. 216 00:11:56,386 --> 00:12:02,325 I don't know, but I'm not sure this is very hi-tech. 217 00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:08,498 And then there's the steering, which in comfort mode is horrid, 218 00:12:08,565 --> 00:12:11,668 and in sport setting is even more horrid. 219 00:12:12,735 --> 00:12:15,538 That said, the steering wheel is nice. 220 00:12:15,605 --> 00:12:17,640 It's good and thick. It's... 221 00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:21,344 It's like holding onto something from the Ron Jeremy range. 222 00:12:21,411 --> 00:12:23,280 And the seats aren't bad. 223 00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:24,481 But other than that... 224 00:12:26,082 --> 00:12:27,317 No. 225 00:12:27,384 --> 00:12:30,187 A point that becomes even more obvious 226 00:12:30,253 --> 00:12:32,722 when you go into battle against the Porsche. 227 00:12:38,094 --> 00:12:41,531 We both have around 500 horsepower, 228 00:12:41,598 --> 00:12:44,467 both have a top speed of around 190, 229 00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:47,904 but the Porsche is a lot lighter. 230 00:12:50,207 --> 00:12:53,510 Probably because it doesn't have a tank full of water in the boot. 231 00:13:02,219 --> 00:13:03,820 Struggling to keep up now. 232 00:13:06,256 --> 00:13:08,258 Here we go, into Swindon. 233 00:13:08,325 --> 00:13:10,260 Oh, "Springs"! 234 00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:12,329 A pampas grass shop. 235 00:13:12,395 --> 00:13:14,864 Oh! We're having... God, that's nasty. 236 00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:19,669 This is not a car that responds well 237 00:13:19,736 --> 00:13:22,939 to my rather brutal driving style. 238 00:13:24,807 --> 00:13:26,376 The problem is... 239 00:13:26,443 --> 00:13:30,313 it doesn't really respond very well to delicacy, either. 240 00:13:34,484 --> 00:13:38,255 This competition here now between these two cars 241 00:13:38,255 --> 00:13:42,292 is like a boxing match between an actual boxer 242 00:13:42,359 --> 00:13:44,627 and someone who thinks they're a boxer 243 00:13:44,694 --> 00:13:46,863 because they're wearing satin shorts. 244 00:14:11,354 --> 00:14:16,293 How did BMW get this thing so wrong? 245 00:14:16,326 --> 00:14:17,527 Oh, God! 246 00:14:19,662 --> 00:14:23,400 It's twitchy, it's unpredictable. 247 00:14:23,466 --> 00:14:24,701 And in the rain, 248 00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:28,338 it's somewhere between spiteful and undrive... 249 00:14:28,405 --> 00:14:30,340 Oh, God! ...undriveable. 250 00:14:36,979 --> 00:14:40,917 But, that said, this has to be the winner of this test 251 00:14:40,983 --> 00:14:42,952 because Richard Hammond... 252 00:14:44,354 --> 00:14:45,822 ...has got one of those. 253 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:52,161 (CHEERING) 254 00:14:52,228 --> 00:14:53,530 RICHARD: I called it. 255 00:14:54,531 --> 00:14:56,098 That was annoying. 256 00:14:56,165 --> 00:14:58,034 That was a professional review. 257 00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,369 At points. 258 00:14:59,436 --> 00:15:00,837 But you were doing so well, 259 00:15:00,903 --> 00:15:02,639 and then you ruined it at the end. 260 00:15:02,705 --> 00:15:03,706 What do you mean, ruined it? 261 00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:05,342 By saying you'd have a worse car 262 00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:07,043 because I haven't got one. 263 00:15:07,109 --> 00:15:09,646 -That Porsche wounded me. -Wounded you? 264 00:15:09,712 --> 00:15:13,182 It did wound me, because, you know, it's got so much grip 265 00:15:13,249 --> 00:15:14,617 that you're sort of forced into the seat? 266 00:15:14,684 --> 00:15:16,453 And the seat's got stitching on it 267 00:15:16,519 --> 00:15:17,887 which digs a hole in your back. 268 00:15:17,954 --> 00:15:19,922 I've got a picture of what it did. Look at this! 269 00:15:19,989 --> 00:15:21,958 -That's my back! -(AUDIENCE GROANING) 270 00:15:22,024 --> 00:15:25,462 JAMES: Oh, I'm amazed you weren't hospitalised with that! That's horrific! 271 00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:28,365 -That is a savage wound! -Mine's never done that to me. 272 00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:31,701 That's cos you're a midget! You don't reach that high up the seat. 273 00:15:31,768 --> 00:15:34,236 Or maybe you're a freak and sit in the wrong place. 274 00:15:34,371 --> 00:15:36,706 It's not just the fact it wounds you. 275 00:15:36,773 --> 00:15:39,909 Also, the Porsche's more expensive than the BMW. 276 00:15:39,976 --> 00:15:43,380 Yes, but I'd rather spend £131,000 on the Porsche 277 00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:47,183 than £120,000 on a BMW that's not very good on the road, 278 00:15:47,249 --> 00:15:48,618 not very good on a track, 279 00:15:48,685 --> 00:15:50,553 and no good at all in the rain. 280 00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,054 Yeah, no, that's fair enough. 281 00:15:52,121 --> 00:15:53,490 -Hold on. -What? 282 00:15:53,556 --> 00:15:55,492 I've got to the bottom of the problem with the BMW. 283 00:15:55,558 --> 00:15:57,259 It's right here in the blurb. 284 00:15:57,394 --> 00:15:58,861 "Developed on the Nürburgring." 285 00:15:58,928 --> 00:16:00,663 (LAUGHTER) 286 00:16:00,730 --> 00:16:02,632 Yeah, and, actually, speaking of tracks, 287 00:16:02,699 --> 00:16:05,835 it's now time to hand the M4 over 288 00:16:05,902 --> 00:16:10,172 to a man who thinks that sparkling water is basically communist. 289 00:16:10,239 --> 00:16:12,775 Yeah, time to give it to the American. 290 00:16:15,277 --> 00:16:17,046 There he is. 291 00:16:17,113 --> 00:16:19,315 And he's off! No messing. 292 00:16:19,416 --> 00:16:21,017 Parps from the exhaust on the upshifts 293 00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:23,620 as he attacks the Isn't Straight. 294 00:16:23,686 --> 00:16:25,922 I wonder if he actually knows what he's in. 295 00:16:25,988 --> 00:16:27,424 Driving a BMW. 296 00:16:28,658 --> 00:16:30,660 British Motor Works. 297 00:16:30,727 --> 00:16:32,795 So, that's a no, then. 298 00:16:32,862 --> 00:16:34,964 OK, continuing up the Isn't. 299 00:16:36,799 --> 00:16:38,501 They say it's got more power. 300 00:16:39,936 --> 00:16:42,905 Than what, my damn toothbrush? 301 00:16:42,972 --> 00:16:44,607 OK. 302 00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:47,577 Right to the end of the Isn't now, 303 00:16:47,644 --> 00:16:49,211 and into Your Name Here. 304 00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:51,481 Hard on the brakes, keeping it all in check, 305 00:16:51,548 --> 00:16:55,718 and surely he'll appreciate the turbos punching him out of the corner. 306 00:16:55,785 --> 00:17:00,790 Turbos on an engine is God's way of telling you it ain't got enough cylinders. 307 00:17:00,857 --> 00:17:03,526 My mistake. Right, back up the Isn't. 308 00:17:03,593 --> 00:17:05,695 Really winding up that straight-six. 309 00:17:05,762 --> 00:17:08,931 I must admit, from the outside, it sounds good. 310 00:17:08,998 --> 00:17:11,167 And already he's turning in hard, 311 00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:12,535 round the Unexploded Bomb, 312 00:17:12,602 --> 00:17:15,972 into the narrowness of Old Lady's House. 313 00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:19,642 Yeah, back on the power for the bumpy bit towards Sub Station. 314 00:17:19,709 --> 00:17:22,579 Idiotic splitter in peril over the ruts. 315 00:17:22,645 --> 00:17:25,047 Now working the ceramic brakes hard 316 00:17:25,114 --> 00:17:26,215 for the tight left. 317 00:17:26,282 --> 00:17:29,085 Tickle of power. There it is. 318 00:17:29,151 --> 00:17:31,788 And left again into Field Of Sheep. 319 00:17:31,854 --> 00:17:35,024 A whiff of oversteer, and across the line! 320 00:17:35,091 --> 00:17:37,193 (CHEERING) 321 00:17:37,259 --> 00:17:38,761 It looked tidy. 322 00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:40,196 Yeah, it looked all right. 323 00:17:40,262 --> 00:17:41,564 It looked tidy. Right... 324 00:17:42,699 --> 00:17:43,966 Let's bring up the er... 325 00:17:44,033 --> 00:17:45,935 Let's bring up the leader board, if we can. 326 00:17:46,002 --> 00:17:49,706 Now, there we are. We've already had the 911 GT3 RS round. 327 00:17:49,772 --> 00:17:51,708 RICHARD: Wha-- And you're not gonna show the lap? 328 00:17:51,774 --> 00:17:52,975 Nobody's interested in watching an American 329 00:17:53,042 --> 00:17:55,878 being sawn in half by a glorified Beetle. 330 00:17:55,945 --> 00:17:57,980 -(LAUGHTER) -It did 1:20.4. 331 00:17:58,047 --> 00:18:00,517 Right, so, now let's see what the M4 did. 332 00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:03,753 Let's put the time up. There it is. 333 00:18:03,820 --> 00:18:04,954 (LAUGHS) 334 00:18:05,021 --> 00:18:07,524 Two seconds slower, and that's a short track. 335 00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:09,592 That's unbelievable. That's not good, is it? 336 00:18:09,659 --> 00:18:13,563 RICHARD: No. It's only a second faster than a Porsche 718. 337 00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,732 I know. I mean, I admire BMW 338 00:18:15,798 --> 00:18:18,367 for trying with that car. I really do. 339 00:18:18,434 --> 00:18:20,436 But, my God, they've made a hash of it. 340 00:18:20,537 --> 00:18:22,705 In fact, I'm trying to think of a metaphor 341 00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:26,208 for someone who's really tried their hardest with something 342 00:18:26,275 --> 00:18:27,910 and it hasn't worked. 343 00:18:33,783 --> 00:18:35,084 No, nothing's coming to mind. 344 00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:36,686 I've got nothing. I've got nothing. 345 00:18:36,753 --> 00:18:37,854 I've got nothing at all. 346 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,556 So, let's... Let's move it on. 347 00:18:39,589 --> 00:18:44,226 It's time for us to make a gentle left into Conversation Street. 348 00:18:44,293 --> 00:18:46,563 (MOODY JAZZ SAXOPHONE) 349 00:18:46,596 --> 00:18:47,897 (LAUGHTER) 350 00:18:50,933 --> 00:18:54,170 OK. Right, I want to begin with the new Ford GT. 351 00:18:54,236 --> 00:18:56,906 You've got a picture of it here. Now, this is... 352 00:18:56,973 --> 00:18:59,208 Well, you remember the last GT they did. 353 00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:02,779 That was just an homage, really, to the old GT40. 354 00:19:02,845 --> 00:19:05,582 This one, they say, is actually a racing car on the road. 355 00:19:05,648 --> 00:19:08,384 It's got a twin-turbo, 3.5 litre V6, 356 00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:10,252 seven-speed flappy-paddle box, 357 00:19:10,319 --> 00:19:11,754 more than 600 horsepower. 358 00:19:11,821 --> 00:19:16,058 The problem is, though, I can't think of any racing car 359 00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,427 that works on the road, really, ever. 360 00:19:18,494 --> 00:19:19,762 No, they don't. 361 00:19:19,829 --> 00:19:22,765 I mean, the Nissan GTR: fabulous, fabulous car. 362 00:19:22,832 --> 00:19:26,035 Track edition: rubbish. It's undriveable. 363 00:19:26,102 --> 00:19:27,503 You know, it's a very good point, 364 00:19:27,604 --> 00:19:29,071 because a racing car on the road 365 00:19:29,138 --> 00:19:31,708 is a bit like trying to play tennis with a cricket bat. 366 00:19:31,774 --> 00:19:33,042 It's technically possible... 367 00:19:33,109 --> 00:19:34,944 Two totally different disciplines. 368 00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:38,014 The only trouble is, that looks so good, I do find myself going... 369 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,181 (MOANS) 370 00:19:39,248 --> 00:19:42,518 Mm. You erm... You bought the last GT, didn't you? 371 00:19:42,619 --> 00:19:44,120 Yes. 372 00:19:44,186 --> 00:19:46,355 Thank you for reminding me, Hammond. Yes, I did. 373 00:19:46,422 --> 00:19:47,890 -Did that go well for you? -No, it didn't. 374 00:19:47,957 --> 00:19:49,792 -Oh, did it not? -No, it didn't. 375 00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:52,394 The problem was the insurance company said it had to have a burglar alarm, 376 00:19:52,461 --> 00:19:56,899 which blew usually when my daughter was doing the school play and ruined it, 377 00:19:56,966 --> 00:19:58,635 and it had to have a tracker. 378 00:19:58,635 --> 00:20:02,271 And there is nothing on God's earth more annoying than a tracker. 379 00:20:02,338 --> 00:20:04,306 But I've got a tracker. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. 380 00:20:04,373 --> 00:20:06,442 No, that's because you'll have a little special place 381 00:20:06,508 --> 00:20:08,510 on your hall table with a pencil outline. 382 00:20:08,577 --> 00:20:11,714 (AS JAMES) "I've got my keys and must remember to take my tracker." 383 00:20:11,781 --> 00:20:13,449 Because you're organised and I'm not. 384 00:20:13,515 --> 00:20:16,085 One for your tracker, for your keys, one for your little penknife. 385 00:20:16,152 --> 00:20:18,154 One for some change in case you need it. 386 00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:21,090 -Yeah, with 10ps and 2ps. -And a tiny screwdriver for mending your glasses. 387 00:20:21,157 --> 00:20:23,059 -He will. Oh, he will. -No, I won't. 388 00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:24,927 No, it lives in a-- It just has a little pouch. 389 00:20:24,994 --> 00:20:26,095 You just hang it on the hook. 390 00:20:26,162 --> 00:20:27,930 -Oh, does it? -You've got a pouch? 391 00:20:27,997 --> 00:20:30,099 He's got a pouch for his tracker. 392 00:20:30,166 --> 00:20:31,834 -Especially for the tracker? -(LAUGHTER) 393 00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,870 -Well, yeah, because... -What's it made of? 394 00:20:33,936 --> 00:20:36,405 -Well, leather, I suppose. -A little leather pouch. 395 00:20:36,472 --> 00:20:37,840 Did you make it yourself? 396 00:20:37,907 --> 00:20:39,642 -No, it came... -A little leather pouch. 397 00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:41,744 It came with the car, believe it or not. 398 00:20:41,811 --> 00:20:43,780 Oh, so Ferrari sold it to you. 399 00:20:43,846 --> 00:20:45,882 Was it £600? I bet it was. 400 00:20:45,948 --> 00:20:47,717 No, it just came with the car! 401 00:20:47,784 --> 00:20:49,351 I don't think Ferrari give it away! 402 00:20:49,418 --> 00:20:50,887 The stripes on your Ferrari, OK? 403 00:20:50,953 --> 00:20:52,554 Two stripes, a bit like on that Ford. 404 00:20:52,621 --> 00:20:55,057 There are two stripes. How much did you pay for those stripes? 405 00:20:55,124 --> 00:20:57,559 Well, they were an option. They were £6,000. 406 00:20:57,626 --> 00:20:59,061 (LAUGHTER) 407 00:20:59,128 --> 00:21:02,699 Look. Listen, this is why I drive a Golf GTI, OK? 408 00:21:02,699 --> 00:21:04,767 Because you don't need an alarm, you don't need a tracker, 409 00:21:04,834 --> 00:21:08,771 and it's five insurance groups lower down than the previous Golf GTI level. 410 00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:10,306 -Wow! -It is! 411 00:21:10,372 --> 00:21:12,942 -(LAUGHTER) -It's because you can't crash it. 412 00:21:13,009 --> 00:21:16,545 -I bet I could. -(LAUGHTER) 413 00:21:16,612 --> 00:21:22,251 Anyway, have you two seen those new pedestrian traffic lights in Trafalgar Square? 414 00:21:22,318 --> 00:21:25,454 Which, if you're watching America, is in London, which is in Britain. 415 00:21:25,521 --> 00:21:27,156 Are these... Yes. 416 00:21:27,223 --> 00:21:30,526 These are the ones that have got the two blokes on them, isn't it? 417 00:21:30,592 --> 00:21:32,394 -James, don't be sexist! -(LAUGHTER) 418 00:21:32,461 --> 00:21:34,731 -Why is that...? -No, because what if you're a lesbian? 419 00:21:34,764 --> 00:21:37,633 -(LAUGHTER) -Well, you would put two women on it. 420 00:21:37,734 --> 00:21:39,468 Well, then what if you're straight? 421 00:21:39,535 --> 00:21:42,071 -A man and a woman? -But traffic lights are only this big. 422 00:21:42,138 --> 00:21:44,273 You can't have a man and a man, a man and a woman, 423 00:21:44,340 --> 00:21:46,976 a man who isn't sure, and a woman and a woman-- 424 00:21:47,043 --> 00:21:51,180 What if... What if you just want to cross the road? 425 00:21:51,247 --> 00:21:54,516 What... It's like being in the '70s with you two! 426 00:21:54,583 --> 00:21:58,888 Crossing the road is now an opportunity for you to express your sexuality. 427 00:21:58,955 --> 00:22:02,925 It is. That's why they've come up with these traffic lights in London. 428 00:22:02,992 --> 00:22:04,393 RICHARD: What are they for? 429 00:22:04,460 --> 00:22:06,262 JEREMY: No, they really have. They really have. 430 00:22:06,328 --> 00:22:08,297 RICHARD: They're real? JEREMY: They are for real. 431 00:22:08,364 --> 00:22:10,466 JAMES: What's that one on the right, then? 432 00:22:10,532 --> 00:22:12,634 Hello! Transgender. 433 00:22:12,769 --> 00:22:13,770 (LAUGHTER) 434 00:22:13,803 --> 00:22:15,838 What? So, hang on, only tran... 435 00:22:15,905 --> 00:22:17,774 -(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) -Yeah. -What? 436 00:22:17,774 --> 00:22:19,909 Transgender traffic lights. 437 00:22:19,976 --> 00:22:22,478 JAMES: I didn't know that. RICHARD: So only... 438 00:22:22,544 --> 00:22:25,381 Only transgender people can cross when that's green? 439 00:22:25,447 --> 00:22:26,682 No! 440 00:22:26,783 --> 00:22:28,417 When it goes red, does that mean 441 00:22:28,484 --> 00:22:29,886 it's not OK to be transgender? 442 00:22:29,952 --> 00:22:31,921 That's a good point. 443 00:22:31,988 --> 00:22:33,522 I don't know what happens when it goes red. 444 00:22:33,589 --> 00:22:36,158 No way they're gonna say, "It's not a..." I don't know. 445 00:22:36,225 --> 00:22:38,795 And what has any of this got to do with crossing the road? 446 00:22:38,795 --> 00:22:42,064 That's all you want to do. It's nothing to do with expressing your sexuality. 447 00:22:42,131 --> 00:22:44,066 It's the wrong time. I want to cross the road. 448 00:22:44,133 --> 00:22:45,701 All I want to do at that point 449 00:22:45,802 --> 00:22:47,636 is work out how to go to the other side. 450 00:22:47,703 --> 00:22:49,271 And by that I don't mean... 451 00:22:50,506 --> 00:22:52,241 No. I don't... 452 00:22:53,509 --> 00:22:54,811 I mean... 453 00:22:56,245 --> 00:22:57,980 ...of the road. 454 00:22:58,047 --> 00:22:59,816 Maybe you're right, it is. 455 00:22:59,849 --> 00:23:02,151 Right, now, can I talk about Alfa Romeo? 456 00:23:02,218 --> 00:23:03,685 BOTH: No. -Why? 457 00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:05,554 Because we have to introduce our next film. 458 00:23:05,621 --> 00:23:08,324 Now, as we know, in recent years the world's carmakers 459 00:23:08,390 --> 00:23:11,093 have made great strides to make more fuel-efficient 460 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,830 and environmentally-friendly car engines, 461 00:23:13,830 --> 00:23:15,531 but very little has been done to make more 462 00:23:15,597 --> 00:23:18,835 environmentally-friendly car bodies and interiors. 463 00:23:18,868 --> 00:23:22,204 Yeah, by and large, they are still made of steel and plastic, 464 00:23:22,271 --> 00:23:24,406 and that consumes a huge amount of energy. 465 00:23:24,473 --> 00:23:29,078 So we had an idea. Are there more sustainable materials that could be used instead? 466 00:23:29,145 --> 00:23:33,015 Well, to find out, each of us bought a Land Rover Discovery. 467 00:23:33,082 --> 00:23:35,251 We then removed its metal body 468 00:23:35,317 --> 00:23:39,621 and replaced it with whatever we thought was the best solution 469 00:23:39,688 --> 00:23:41,891 for the future of the planet. 470 00:23:41,958 --> 00:23:43,860 (CHORAL SINGING) 471 00:23:46,028 --> 00:23:48,130 JAMES: The meeting point was in Wales, 472 00:23:48,197 --> 00:23:50,566 and I was the first to arrive, 473 00:23:50,632 --> 00:23:52,869 in a car made from mud. 474 00:23:56,638 --> 00:24:00,676 But, sadly, before I had the chance to tell you anything about it, 475 00:24:00,742 --> 00:24:02,044 Hammond arrived. 476 00:24:08,417 --> 00:24:09,385 (RICHARD CLEARS THROAT) 477 00:24:09,451 --> 00:24:12,354 Oh, yeah. Let me talk you through this. 478 00:24:12,421 --> 00:24:16,192 What I've done, I've built a frame out of hazel, 479 00:24:16,258 --> 00:24:18,928 through which I have weaved English flowers and shrubs. 480 00:24:18,995 --> 00:24:20,662 It's basically a hedgerow. 481 00:24:20,729 --> 00:24:22,899 Better still, it is growing, because I've planted them 482 00:24:22,899 --> 00:24:26,235 so it's got compost and soil to provide the nutrients required 483 00:24:26,302 --> 00:24:28,404 to let my car flourish and bloom. 484 00:24:28,470 --> 00:24:31,240 You don't... You don't wash this car, you water it. 485 00:24:31,307 --> 00:24:33,943 It's alive. It's brilliant, isn't it? 486 00:24:34,010 --> 00:24:36,545 -Clematis? -No, it's cleared up. 487 00:24:36,612 --> 00:24:40,382 -Have you become a hippie? -No, but I can feel it starting inside me. 488 00:24:40,449 --> 00:24:41,918 -What have you done? -Well... 489 00:24:41,984 --> 00:24:43,986 Sadly, before I could tell him, 490 00:24:44,053 --> 00:24:46,588 Jeremy arrived... in a snuff movie. 491 00:24:54,530 --> 00:24:58,300 JEREMY: Gentlemen, I can see what's happened. RICHARD: Wha... 492 00:24:58,367 --> 00:25:03,139 You're speechless, because all the words in your head 493 00:25:03,205 --> 00:25:06,943 have been sucked out by the magnetism of my genius. 494 00:25:06,976 --> 00:25:10,412 A car made from bone and skin. 495 00:25:10,479 --> 00:25:12,781 JAMES: What bones? -Animal bones. 496 00:25:12,848 --> 00:25:15,751 Bones are no good for this. You can't use bones to make cars. 497 00:25:15,817 --> 00:25:19,355 Why not? When your dog dies, what do you do now? You bury it. 498 00:25:19,421 --> 00:25:21,557 -I don't turn her into a boot lid! -Why not? 499 00:25:21,623 --> 00:25:24,026 Because I don't want to see a little face stretched across-- 500 00:25:24,093 --> 00:25:26,963 You don't have the face! I haven't got a face on it. 501 00:25:26,963 --> 00:25:28,297 It's just the bones. 502 00:25:28,364 --> 00:25:30,699 So as Granny gets older, does the family sit around 503 00:25:30,766 --> 00:25:33,069 planning a new little hatchback? 504 00:25:33,135 --> 00:25:34,536 Now, I hadn't thought of people. 505 00:25:34,603 --> 00:25:36,838 There's not a lot of dignity in it, is there? 506 00:25:36,973 --> 00:25:38,607 Have you used ears for wing mirrors? 507 00:25:38,674 --> 00:25:40,042 -Yes. -You're sick! 508 00:25:40,109 --> 00:25:42,311 Why would you not do that? They're designed for that. 509 00:25:42,378 --> 00:25:44,813 -No, they're not. -Well, they are. 510 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:49,351 -They're not reflective. -They absorb information and pass it on to the creature. 511 00:25:49,418 --> 00:25:51,120 -Look at my windscreen. -What is that? 512 00:25:51,187 --> 00:25:53,255 It's... the digestive system - 513 00:25:53,322 --> 00:25:55,992 well, part of the digestive system - of an cow. 514 00:25:55,992 --> 00:25:57,359 RICHARD: What part of the digestive system? 515 00:25:57,426 --> 00:25:59,495 -JAMES: Its stomach lining. -Not its stomach lining. 516 00:25:59,561 --> 00:26:01,363 -Well, where? Further back? -Yes. 517 00:26:01,430 --> 00:26:04,166 Are you staring at the world through a cow's ring? 518 00:26:06,602 --> 00:26:08,437 It is its anal passage. 519 00:26:08,504 --> 00:26:12,908 But it's stretched so thin that it's completely transparent. 520 00:26:13,009 --> 00:26:14,743 Cow's arse, horse's arse. It's perfect! 521 00:26:14,810 --> 00:26:19,581 Come on! It's a lot better than what you two have done, which is nothing. 522 00:26:19,648 --> 00:26:22,318 -What's this made out of? -Have a guess. -Is it mud? 523 00:26:22,384 --> 00:26:24,020 It's mud. It's a mud car. 524 00:26:24,053 --> 00:26:25,721 -You've got flat tyres. -No, they're not flat. 525 00:26:25,787 --> 00:26:28,357 They're pumped up as high as they will go without exploding. 526 00:26:28,424 --> 00:26:30,326 -How much does it weigh? -Quite a lot. 527 00:26:30,392 --> 00:26:31,760 -How much? -Yeah, loads. 528 00:26:31,827 --> 00:26:33,495 How much does it weigh, James? 529 00:26:33,562 --> 00:26:35,131 -What units would you like? -Tonnes. 530 00:26:35,197 --> 00:26:36,832 -Five. -(RICHARD LAUGHS) 531 00:26:36,898 --> 00:26:40,736 -Five tonnes? Well, that's just idiotic. -Well, mud is quite heavy. 532 00:26:40,802 --> 00:26:44,040 -This looks safe. -It's sustainable, is that. That is growing. 533 00:26:44,073 --> 00:26:47,609 While we've been having that conversation, this has extended a little bit. 534 00:26:47,676 --> 00:26:49,778 -It just grows quietly. -Is it actually a living car? 535 00:26:49,845 --> 00:26:53,282 Everything's planted. I've put bulbs along here, ready for spring. Daffodils. 536 00:26:53,349 --> 00:26:56,052 -Not safe, though, is it? -Yes. Hazel, very strong. 537 00:26:56,085 --> 00:27:00,156 It's not as strong as bone. Bone is three times stronger than steel. 538 00:27:00,222 --> 00:27:01,590 -Is it? -(MESSAGE TONE) 539 00:27:01,657 --> 00:27:04,593 Oh. Sorry, text. 540 00:27:04,660 --> 00:27:06,162 Mr Wilman. 541 00:27:06,228 --> 00:27:10,132 "Having built your cars from nature, you will now drive through it, 542 00:27:10,199 --> 00:27:11,633 to the Myarth Hill, 543 00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:15,237 where you will take part in a green motorsport event." 544 00:27:15,304 --> 00:27:18,074 -What green motorsport event? -He doesn't say. 545 00:27:18,107 --> 00:27:22,278 A motorsport event that is presumably ecological in some way. 546 00:27:22,344 --> 00:27:23,345 OK. 547 00:27:23,412 --> 00:27:25,281 JEREMY: Before setting off, 548 00:27:25,347 --> 00:27:27,983 we consulted a map to see where we were going. 549 00:27:28,084 --> 00:27:30,486 Right, so that's the UK. 550 00:27:30,552 --> 00:27:33,355 We're here, and we've got to get to here. 551 00:27:35,457 --> 00:27:38,660 Well... that doesn't look like too much of a challenge. 552 00:27:40,162 --> 00:27:41,863 With that sorted, we saddled up 553 00:27:41,930 --> 00:27:45,701 and began our epic 11-mile journey. 554 00:27:47,002 --> 00:27:48,204 RICHARD: Look at the smoke! 555 00:27:48,270 --> 00:27:49,871 JEREMY: That's ecological. 556 00:27:49,938 --> 00:27:53,709 Greenpeace are gonna be ringing him up at any moment. 557 00:27:53,775 --> 00:27:55,477 Tremendous. 558 00:27:55,544 --> 00:27:58,147 Smells of nature, I'm in nature, 559 00:27:58,214 --> 00:28:00,616 I'm made of nature. 560 00:28:00,682 --> 00:28:05,554 It's not quick, but it gives me more time to enjoy God's creation, 561 00:28:05,621 --> 00:28:08,357 of which I am very much a part. 562 00:28:08,424 --> 00:28:10,392 -Oh! -(LAUGHS) 563 00:28:11,860 --> 00:28:13,729 JEREMY: James! 564 00:28:13,795 --> 00:28:15,597 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 565 00:28:17,699 --> 00:28:22,171 We've done ten seconds, and James... (LAUGHS) 566 00:28:22,238 --> 00:28:26,275 I may be losing one of my - I think the correct technical term is the A-pillar. 567 00:28:26,342 --> 00:28:28,177 Now it's gone completely. 568 00:28:28,244 --> 00:28:30,212 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 569 00:28:30,279 --> 00:28:33,315 JEREMY: Oh, dear! (LAUGHS) 570 00:28:35,284 --> 00:28:38,754 Surely he has to admit defeat? 571 00:28:38,820 --> 00:28:40,956 RICHARD: There's not much car left now. 572 00:28:41,022 --> 00:28:43,892 JEREMY: Oh, dear, James. 573 00:28:43,959 --> 00:28:45,461 I think we can count you out. 574 00:28:45,527 --> 00:28:46,895 -But it doesn't matter. -What doesn't matter? 575 00:28:46,962 --> 00:28:49,231 Look. You think, "Oh, James's car's falling apart." 576 00:28:49,298 --> 00:28:53,335 I'm standing in my spare-parts department. All of it. 577 00:28:53,402 --> 00:28:55,003 Can be used to rebuild your car? 578 00:28:55,070 --> 00:28:58,640 -It's right under there, mud. -So it's as good as new? -Sort of. 579 00:28:58,707 --> 00:29:02,344 Well, I'm sorry, but we're gonna set off and leave you behind. 580 00:29:02,411 --> 00:29:03,879 Well, hang on. You can't leave me behind 581 00:29:03,945 --> 00:29:06,014 because we haven't started. We're still in the field. 582 00:29:06,081 --> 00:29:07,316 - Oh, yes. - Good point. OK, well, 583 00:29:07,383 --> 00:29:09,818 we're gonna set off and go to the pub. 584 00:29:09,885 --> 00:29:11,753 -That's a very good idea. -While you... 585 00:29:11,820 --> 00:29:14,656 -While you... -...find some mud. 586 00:29:14,723 --> 00:29:17,193 I've lost my car! Oh, it's there. It's there. 587 00:29:18,860 --> 00:29:20,729 JEREMY: With Bob The Builder out of the way, 588 00:29:20,796 --> 00:29:22,931 Richard and I settled down to appreciate 589 00:29:22,998 --> 00:29:27,636 the planet-saving nature of our revolutionary eco-cars. 590 00:29:29,104 --> 00:29:30,906 You may be... 591 00:29:30,972 --> 00:29:32,408 amused by my bodywork, 592 00:29:32,474 --> 00:29:34,643 or perhaps horrified, 593 00:29:34,710 --> 00:29:39,448 but the fact is that making steel bodies for cars 594 00:29:39,515 --> 00:29:45,754 produces 120 million tonnes of carbon dioxide every year. 595 00:29:45,821 --> 00:29:48,224 120 million tonnes! 596 00:29:50,259 --> 00:29:52,261 Carmakers will sort out clean, 597 00:29:52,328 --> 00:29:54,996 environmentally-friendly engines. They will. 598 00:29:55,063 --> 00:29:59,601 But in the meantime, I can tell you that the CO2 produced by this car's engine 599 00:29:59,668 --> 00:30:03,405 is being absorbed and used by the bodywork. 600 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,943 Plants breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen. 601 00:30:08,009 --> 00:30:11,280 That's what my car's body is doing right now. 602 00:30:11,347 --> 00:30:12,714 (BLEATING) 603 00:30:12,781 --> 00:30:17,286 Jumpers, Sunday lunch... spare parts. 604 00:30:17,353 --> 00:30:20,155 You don't need a foundry or a furnace 605 00:30:20,222 --> 00:30:21,823 to build the body for this car. 606 00:30:21,890 --> 00:30:25,461 You just need animals to make love to one another. 607 00:30:25,527 --> 00:30:29,265 That's what this car is really. It's a sex machine. 608 00:30:30,799 --> 00:30:35,304 Meanwhile, back at base, James was having a rethink. 609 00:30:35,371 --> 00:30:37,473 I've decided to abandon my original idea 610 00:30:37,539 --> 00:30:39,975 because it was just too weak and too floppy, 611 00:30:40,041 --> 00:30:43,345 and instead I'm going to build a car out of bricks. 612 00:30:43,412 --> 00:30:45,281 The basic materials for making the bricks 613 00:30:45,347 --> 00:30:48,317 are fresh mud with a bit of water in it, 614 00:30:48,384 --> 00:30:51,887 er... some straw to give it strength, 615 00:30:51,953 --> 00:30:53,755 and some sheep poo. 616 00:30:53,822 --> 00:30:56,325 You then use that to make the brick shape, 617 00:30:56,392 --> 00:30:58,093 and then you fire those in a kiln. 618 00:30:58,159 --> 00:31:00,629 Then you use the bricks to build the thing like a house. 619 00:31:00,696 --> 00:31:03,732 Except, of course, it will be roughly the shape of a car. 620 00:31:05,567 --> 00:31:10,606 JEREMY: Back on the road, Hammond had called our eco convoy to a halt. 621 00:31:10,672 --> 00:31:13,074 -What's the matter? -Shh. 622 00:31:13,141 --> 00:31:14,343 Shush what? 623 00:31:14,410 --> 00:31:16,011 There's a bustle in my hedgerow. 624 00:31:17,513 --> 00:31:19,915 Well, don't be alarmed now. 625 00:31:19,981 --> 00:31:24,820 -It's probably just a... spring clean. -What, for the May Queen? 626 00:31:24,886 --> 00:31:28,324 RICHARD: As it turned out, I'd picked up a passenger. 627 00:31:29,391 --> 00:31:31,393 Hold on. There! Look! 628 00:31:31,460 --> 00:31:32,961 JEREMY: Oh! It's a hedgehog! 629 00:31:33,028 --> 00:31:34,696 RICHARD: Yeah! He's moved in. 630 00:31:36,665 --> 00:31:39,067 Do hedgehogs have bones? He could be a door mirror. 631 00:31:39,134 --> 00:31:41,903 He's now a member of my little community in here. 632 00:31:41,970 --> 00:31:43,772 You're not using him to make a door mirror. 633 00:31:43,839 --> 00:31:45,974 -No, but when he dies-- -He lives here! 634 00:31:46,041 --> 00:31:47,543 Hedgehogs die. 635 00:31:54,049 --> 00:31:56,151 (GRUNTS) 636 00:31:56,217 --> 00:31:58,219 (GRUNTS) 637 00:31:58,354 --> 00:31:59,421 (GRUNTS) 638 00:32:08,964 --> 00:32:11,700 JEREMY: Oh, he's got a mouse in his little bird box. 639 00:32:11,767 --> 00:32:15,371 And it's got the biggest testes I've ever seen! 640 00:32:17,939 --> 00:32:20,642 Eventually, Richard and I arrived at the pub. 641 00:32:22,544 --> 00:32:23,679 (CLATTERING) 642 00:32:23,745 --> 00:32:26,882 (LAUGHS) Oh, hello! Oh, mate! You fool! 643 00:32:28,817 --> 00:32:30,018 Oh! Oh, look. 644 00:32:30,085 --> 00:32:32,454 Clean break. That'll never... You're gonna need pins. 645 00:32:32,521 --> 00:32:35,624 Shut up! Your car's given me hay fever. 646 00:32:35,691 --> 00:32:37,158 I can't see through my eyes. 647 00:32:37,225 --> 00:32:39,628 Oh, so you crashed your car because mine's got flowers on 648 00:32:39,695 --> 00:32:43,432 and not because you built your windscreen out of a cow's balloon knot? 649 00:32:43,499 --> 00:32:46,635 Let's not get bogged down with who caused the accident, cos it was you. 650 00:32:46,702 --> 00:32:48,704 I am now gonna go and get some spare parts. 651 00:32:48,770 --> 00:32:50,071 Of course you are. That'll be easy. 652 00:32:50,138 --> 00:32:52,040 Maybe there'll be a nice zoo in this tiny village. 653 00:32:52,107 --> 00:32:53,775 No, hospital. Old folks' home. 654 00:32:53,842 --> 00:32:56,412 You could wait-- Just find one of those old ladies with... 655 00:32:56,478 --> 00:32:58,113 (CHAINSAW BUZZING) 656 00:32:58,179 --> 00:32:59,715 JEREMY: Back at the start point, 657 00:32:59,781 --> 00:33:02,784 the eco-warrior was ramping up the pace. 658 00:33:22,938 --> 00:33:23,805 Watch that go. 659 00:33:26,007 --> 00:33:27,709 JEREMY: Meanwhile, back at the pub, 660 00:33:27,776 --> 00:33:30,979 I was repairing my damaged front end. 661 00:33:31,046 --> 00:33:34,450 Well, annoyingly, the pork that I bought 662 00:33:34,450 --> 00:33:36,084 is sort of triangular and doesn't look right. 663 00:33:36,151 --> 00:33:38,654 It doesn't really fit, so I've got a side of beef, 664 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:40,522 which I think will be great. 665 00:33:40,589 --> 00:33:42,858 Now, I'm just erm... clearing away the old bone. 666 00:33:48,464 --> 00:33:50,699 (DOG SNUFFLING) 667 00:33:50,766 --> 00:33:53,502 No, shoo! Shoo in Welsh. 668 00:33:54,903 --> 00:33:56,672 I'm warning you. 669 00:33:56,738 --> 00:33:59,475 How would you like to be a petrol filler cap? 670 00:33:59,541 --> 00:34:01,076 (GROWLING AND BARKING) 671 00:34:03,712 --> 00:34:04,880 What do you think? 672 00:34:04,946 --> 00:34:06,648 I actually think it looks rather stylish, 673 00:34:06,715 --> 00:34:10,586 because it immediately looks ecological, recyclable, 674 00:34:10,652 --> 00:34:12,688 sustainable - all those things. 675 00:34:12,754 --> 00:34:15,491 You get a single-skin brick wall. 676 00:34:15,557 --> 00:34:17,926 It builds up very neatly, as you can see. 677 00:34:17,993 --> 00:34:20,662 It is exactly the same as making something out of Lego. 678 00:34:20,729 --> 00:34:22,498 -If you have lots of Lego... -(CREAKING) 679 00:34:22,564 --> 00:34:23,865 (CLATTERING) 680 00:34:29,971 --> 00:34:32,040 Right. 681 00:34:32,107 --> 00:34:36,244 JEREMY: Clearly, James was not going to get his car built that day, 682 00:34:36,311 --> 00:34:41,149 so Richard and I decided to spend the night at the pub. 683 00:34:41,216 --> 00:34:43,118 How far have we come today? Just remind me. 684 00:34:43,184 --> 00:34:44,753 We're still in the same field where we started. 685 00:34:44,820 --> 00:34:46,387 -Well, he is. -Yes. 686 00:34:46,522 --> 00:34:49,991 -We're in a pub. - But we have to go back to the start to start. 687 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,629 -It's not the best start. -No. 688 00:34:53,695 --> 00:34:55,564 -Erm... -How do we know? We haven't started yet. 689 00:34:55,631 --> 00:34:59,935 Precisely, so, actually, it might yet be a brilliant start when the start starts. 690 00:35:05,006 --> 00:35:06,041 Ow! 691 00:35:07,543 --> 00:35:08,810 (CHEERING) 692 00:35:11,580 --> 00:35:15,350 His one was useless. It's his slap-happy attitude to making things. 693 00:35:15,416 --> 00:35:17,352 Attention to detail. 694 00:35:17,418 --> 00:35:18,720 Thank you very much. 695 00:35:18,787 --> 00:35:22,558 Anyway, now it is time for Celebrity Brain Crash! 696 00:35:22,591 --> 00:35:24,059 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 697 00:35:29,164 --> 00:35:31,432 Now, last week... 698 00:35:31,567 --> 00:35:33,268 Last week, as I'm sure you'll remember, 699 00:35:33,334 --> 00:35:38,006 our guest Simon Pegg sadly fell into the harbour and drowned. 700 00:35:38,073 --> 00:35:41,009 Er... But there's no danger of that happening this week, 701 00:35:41,076 --> 00:35:44,746 because our guest is actually starting in the harbour. 702 00:35:44,813 --> 00:35:47,649 He is one of Britain's top comedians 703 00:35:47,716 --> 00:35:50,018 and a jet-ski enthusiast. 704 00:35:50,085 --> 00:35:54,122 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jimmy Carr! 705 00:35:54,189 --> 00:35:55,591 (CHEERING) 706 00:35:55,591 --> 00:35:57,593 Here he comes now, look, on the screen... 707 00:35:57,593 --> 00:35:59,695 and he's looking good! 708 00:35:59,761 --> 00:36:02,698 RICHARD: He is. What are we going to ask him when he gets here? 709 00:36:02,764 --> 00:36:05,601 I'm gonna ask him, actually, about erm... 710 00:36:05,667 --> 00:36:07,703 that story he told me once when we were on holiday. 711 00:36:07,769 --> 00:36:09,605 RICHARD: No, you can't ask him about that on air. 712 00:36:09,605 --> 00:36:11,039 Ofcom, they won't like it. 713 00:36:11,106 --> 00:36:12,941 Why does Ofcom... We're on the internet. 714 00:36:13,008 --> 00:36:15,677 Yeah, but we're still broadcast. You can't tell that story. 715 00:36:15,744 --> 00:36:17,613 (CHEERING) 716 00:36:17,646 --> 00:36:19,314 JAMES: Whoa! Hang on! Hang on! 717 00:36:19,380 --> 00:36:21,750 I don't want to interrupt. He's come in very hot. 718 00:36:21,817 --> 00:36:25,353 No, what's this boat doing? Shush, everyone! Shush! 719 00:36:25,420 --> 00:36:26,622 The boat! Stop the... 720 00:36:26,622 --> 00:36:28,123 Oh, for God's sake! The boat! 721 00:36:30,491 --> 00:36:32,628 Oh, my God. 722 00:36:32,628 --> 00:36:34,329 (EXPLOSION, AUDIENCE GASPS) 723 00:36:49,077 --> 00:36:53,114 As you may have noticed, the audience there applauding the tragic death... 724 00:36:55,350 --> 00:36:58,654 ...of one of Britain's best-loved comedians, Jimmy Carr. 725 00:36:59,855 --> 00:37:02,423 Does that mean he's not coming on, then? 726 00:37:02,490 --> 00:37:04,660 Well, James, he's burst 727 00:37:04,693 --> 00:37:07,929 and is now basically chum on the waters of the harbour, 728 00:37:07,996 --> 00:37:09,898 so that's a no, he's not coming on. 729 00:37:09,965 --> 00:37:11,900 This is a dis... It's awkward. 730 00:37:11,967 --> 00:37:14,670 -It's every single week. -We're getting a reputation. People are gonna notice. 731 00:37:14,670 --> 00:37:20,575 It's OK, though. I've just thought of something else we can do to fill the time. 732 00:37:20,676 --> 00:37:21,910 You... You know what it is. 733 00:37:21,977 --> 00:37:24,145 -You go outside, and you. -Do I have to do this? 734 00:37:24,212 --> 00:37:26,047 Yes, I'm afraid you do. Could you go that way? 735 00:37:26,114 --> 00:37:28,049 Go get it. Quickly, quickly. Run, run, run. 736 00:37:28,116 --> 00:37:30,118 (STAMMERS) Ladies and gentlemen, 737 00:37:30,185 --> 00:37:34,222 please try not to look at the hideous bloodstained water out of the window. 738 00:37:34,289 --> 00:37:35,824 (LAUGHTER) 739 00:37:35,891 --> 00:37:37,693 You see, the thing is... The thing is 740 00:37:37,693 --> 00:37:40,762 that when immigrants try to get into the country, 741 00:37:40,829 --> 00:37:43,098 they always come in the back of a container lorry, 742 00:37:43,164 --> 00:37:46,768 and I always think that is the world's worst game of hide-and-seek. 743 00:37:46,835 --> 00:37:49,771 Cos if you work for Homeland Security... No, what's it called here? 744 00:37:49,838 --> 00:37:53,842 Border Force? ...Border Force, you open the doors and, "Well, there you are." 745 00:37:53,909 --> 00:37:59,715 So I was thinking, surely there must be a better way of getting into Britain? 746 00:37:59,715 --> 00:38:02,517 And I think I've worked it out. 747 00:38:02,718 --> 00:38:05,486 -So, James, could you bring the car in? JAMES: Yes. 748 00:38:05,553 --> 00:38:06,888 JEREMY: Yes, good man. 749 00:38:06,955 --> 00:38:08,089 Right, here he comes now, 750 00:38:08,156 --> 00:38:10,859 at his usual top speed of eight, 751 00:38:10,926 --> 00:38:14,395 in what is an Audi TT Quattro. 752 00:38:14,462 --> 00:38:17,799 That's perfect. Thank you so much, James. If you'd like to step out. 753 00:38:17,866 --> 00:38:21,803 Now, Richard Hammond is in this car. 754 00:38:21,870 --> 00:38:23,538 (LAUGHTER) 755 00:38:23,604 --> 00:38:27,475 And I'm going to give you, the studio audience, one hour to find him. 756 00:38:27,542 --> 00:38:29,477 RICHARD: (MUFFLED) Oh, not an hour! -(LAUGHTER) 757 00:38:29,544 --> 00:38:33,148 All right, not an hour. A minute. I'll give you 60 seconds to find him. 758 00:38:33,214 --> 00:38:35,483 Help yourselves, everybody. See if you can find him. 759 00:38:35,550 --> 00:38:37,819 JAMES: Open the bonnet. MAN: Look in the ashtray! 760 00:38:37,886 --> 00:38:41,022 JEREMY: Look in the ashtray? He's small, but he's not that small. 761 00:38:41,089 --> 00:38:43,792 JAMES: Open the boot. MAN: Inside the seat. 762 00:38:43,859 --> 00:38:45,093 JEREMY: "Inside the seat." 763 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,028 MAN: He's strapped underneath. He's underneath. 764 00:38:47,095 --> 00:38:49,297 JEREMY: Have a look. MAN: I'll get down. 765 00:38:49,364 --> 00:38:51,099 JEREMY: If you just go down there, you can have a look underneath. 766 00:38:51,166 --> 00:38:53,234 MAN: Has anyone lifted this? 767 00:38:53,301 --> 00:38:55,570 Three, two, one... 768 00:38:55,636 --> 00:38:56,872 No, you've all failed. 769 00:38:56,938 --> 00:38:58,774 You'd be no good in Immigration. 770 00:38:58,807 --> 00:39:00,408 (LAUGHTER) 771 00:39:00,475 --> 00:39:04,112 Right, go back to where you were, because, ladies and gentlemen, 772 00:39:04,179 --> 00:39:07,015 what we are going to do now is reveal to you 773 00:39:07,082 --> 00:39:10,685 where Richard Hammond was concealed in this car. 774 00:39:10,786 --> 00:39:12,620 James, could you give me a hand? 775 00:39:12,687 --> 00:39:15,223 -Certainly. -Okey-doke. 776 00:39:15,290 --> 00:39:16,792 -Hello! JAMES: There he is. 777 00:39:16,792 --> 00:39:20,428 Hello! I'm in the car. Yeah. 778 00:39:21,629 --> 00:39:23,431 (GRUNTS) 779 00:39:23,498 --> 00:39:25,266 JEREMY: Are you all right? 780 00:39:25,333 --> 00:39:27,168 Yeah. Can I get out now? 781 00:39:27,235 --> 00:39:30,605 The amazing thing is, it's not just Audi TTs. 782 00:39:30,671 --> 00:39:33,441 Almost any car has that much space 783 00:39:33,508 --> 00:39:35,811 if you want to do a spot of people smuggling. 784 00:39:35,844 --> 00:39:38,279 Yeah, it's not that much space, just to be clear. 785 00:39:38,346 --> 00:39:39,915 Can I get out now? 786 00:39:39,981 --> 00:39:43,018 No, because I've just thought of something. 787 00:39:43,084 --> 00:39:44,820 No, seriously. James, could you pop the bumper back on? 788 00:39:44,886 --> 00:39:46,421 -What? -No, move your feet. 789 00:39:46,487 --> 00:39:49,057 -No, because-- -It's not very nice! 790 00:39:49,124 --> 00:39:52,127 Is it not? Right, so, pop that back on there. 791 00:39:52,193 --> 00:39:54,729 Now, what we've got here, I think, 792 00:39:54,830 --> 00:39:58,133 is a really rather effective parking sensor. 793 00:39:58,199 --> 00:40:02,003 RICHARD: What? I don't like this! -I like it. I like it. 794 00:40:02,070 --> 00:40:05,006 You get back in. We'll bring a car in so that... 795 00:40:05,073 --> 00:40:07,142 Yeah, so you've got something to reverse up to. 796 00:40:07,208 --> 00:40:09,244 I need to drill some holes for your eyes. 797 00:40:09,310 --> 00:40:12,780 RICHARD: You bloody don't! -(LAUGHTER) 798 00:40:12,848 --> 00:40:15,917 Seriously, Hammond, you won't be able to see anything unless I do. 799 00:40:15,984 --> 00:40:19,020 -Where are your eyes? About here? -At the front of my head! 800 00:40:19,087 --> 00:40:21,156 Right, close them, Hammond. This... 801 00:40:24,259 --> 00:40:25,260 (ALL GASP) 802 00:40:26,727 --> 00:40:28,029 (LAUGHTER) 803 00:40:29,797 --> 00:40:32,333 -Hammond? -I'm not talking to you! 804 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,235 (LAUGHTER) 805 00:40:34,302 --> 00:40:36,271 Right, I'll do one for your other eye. 806 00:40:38,573 --> 00:40:41,309 There. Can you see out now? 807 00:40:41,376 --> 00:40:42,310 (LAUGHTER) 808 00:40:42,377 --> 00:40:44,179 Yes, there. Look. Can you see? 809 00:40:44,245 --> 00:40:47,482 We can see his little eyes. That's lovely. If someone holds this. 810 00:40:47,548 --> 00:40:50,185 Right, James, if you'd like to start reversing, 811 00:40:50,251 --> 00:40:53,654 keeping your ears open for Hammond's pitiable screams. 812 00:40:53,721 --> 00:40:55,123 JAMES: Roger. 813 00:40:55,190 --> 00:40:57,658 RICHARD: No... No! No! Just stop! 814 00:40:57,725 --> 00:40:59,427 No! Stop! 815 00:40:59,494 --> 00:41:02,263 JAMES: How far away is that? JEREMY: About 15 feet. 816 00:41:02,330 --> 00:41:03,531 (LAUGHTER) 817 00:41:03,598 --> 00:41:04,765 RICHARD: What? JAMES: Hammond? 818 00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:06,434 RICHARD: What? JAMES: We live in London. 819 00:41:06,501 --> 00:41:09,570 -You could build a £4 million house in that gap. -(LAUGHTER) 820 00:41:09,637 --> 00:41:11,606 I need to know when you're half an inch away. 821 00:41:11,672 --> 00:41:14,542 RICHARD: You're not the one in the bloody bumper! -(LAUGHTER) 822 00:41:14,609 --> 00:41:16,511 -Right, come on, then, James. -Here we go. 823 00:41:16,577 --> 00:41:18,914 Hammond, you're on silence till it's dangerous. 824 00:41:18,980 --> 00:41:20,381 (RICHARD WHIMPERS) 825 00:41:22,217 --> 00:41:24,652 (WHIMPERING CONTINUES) 826 00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,621 (YELLS) Stop! 827 00:41:28,289 --> 00:41:30,926 That is absolutely brilliant. 828 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:33,995 That's like a quarter of an inch. 829 00:41:35,396 --> 00:41:37,565 Look at that. 830 00:41:37,632 --> 00:41:38,633 Cor! 831 00:41:40,101 --> 00:41:43,138 The thing is, parking sensors are very expensive. 832 00:41:43,204 --> 00:41:45,340 You can rent a man for almost nothing. 833 00:41:45,406 --> 00:41:48,676 Yeah, look, I don't know how much you pay to rent a man normally, 834 00:41:48,743 --> 00:41:50,611 but I cost more. 835 00:41:50,678 --> 00:41:52,580 Now, get me out of here, please. 836 00:41:52,647 --> 00:41:55,350 Well, no, because we've got to link into the next film. 837 00:41:55,416 --> 00:41:57,818 -(RICHARD SPLUTTERS) -We can't get you out anyway 838 00:41:57,953 --> 00:41:59,587 because you're too close; we'll never get the bumper off. 839 00:41:59,654 --> 00:42:02,590 -You're too good at your job, Hammond. RICHARD: Oh, God! 840 00:42:02,657 --> 00:42:04,759 That's what's happened. So we're going back... 841 00:42:04,825 --> 00:42:08,263 Actually, it's part two, isn't it? What was the film? 842 00:42:08,329 --> 00:42:10,465 It was Italy. No, that was last week. 843 00:42:10,531 --> 00:42:11,832 (AUDIENCE CALLING OUT) 844 00:42:11,967 --> 00:42:13,969 -Oh, the cars! RICHARD: Oh, really? 845 00:42:14,035 --> 00:42:18,073 -Oh, the sustainable thing. -Sustainable cars. So... -Yes. 846 00:42:18,139 --> 00:42:23,211 RICHARD: (YELLS) Get on with it! -(LAUGHTER) 847 00:42:24,812 --> 00:42:26,381 (COCKEREL CROWS) 848 00:42:26,447 --> 00:42:28,984 JEREMY: The following morning we were up bright and early 849 00:42:28,984 --> 00:42:31,386 so we could get back to the start line. 850 00:42:31,452 --> 00:42:32,320 (DOG BARKING) 851 00:42:34,689 --> 00:42:37,358 -Not a bad night, actually. -It was all right. 852 00:42:37,425 --> 00:42:38,526 Oh, hello. 853 00:42:40,028 --> 00:42:42,230 -May? -(BARKING CONTINUES) 854 00:42:43,464 --> 00:42:44,532 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 855 00:42:44,599 --> 00:42:47,568 Oh! That's dogs and foxes and things, isn't it? 856 00:42:47,635 --> 00:42:50,071 Dogs have come and eaten your car. (LAUGHS) 857 00:42:50,138 --> 00:42:52,173 They haven't eaten it, they've destroyed it, 858 00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:55,076 which means I've got to put it back together again. 859 00:42:56,611 --> 00:42:59,547 There are some spare parts up there. 860 00:42:59,614 --> 00:43:01,716 JEREMY: Yeah, I think that horse is looking very ill. 861 00:43:01,782 --> 00:43:03,251 It's got a very grey face. 862 00:43:03,318 --> 00:43:05,020 That's always a sign of looking ill. 863 00:43:05,086 --> 00:43:07,188 Is your horse ill? 864 00:43:07,255 --> 00:43:08,423 -No. -No? 865 00:43:08,489 --> 00:43:10,591 -No -He'll last the day, then? 866 00:43:10,658 --> 00:43:11,692 Yeah. 867 00:43:13,661 --> 00:43:14,662 Damn it. 868 00:43:17,465 --> 00:43:20,235 It took all morning to repair my car 869 00:43:20,301 --> 00:43:22,137 with stuff from the butcher's shop, 870 00:43:22,203 --> 00:43:23,804 which meant it was lunchtime 871 00:43:23,871 --> 00:43:25,373 before we were on our way back 872 00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:27,475 to see how James was getting on. 873 00:43:30,278 --> 00:43:32,347 Jeremy, what's all that smoke up ahead there? 874 00:43:33,714 --> 00:43:35,083 JEREMY: What smoke? 875 00:43:35,150 --> 00:43:38,119 That massive ball of smoke in front of us, up front. 876 00:43:38,186 --> 00:43:40,188 I can't see it. My hay fever's really bad. 877 00:43:40,255 --> 00:43:42,557 No, you can't see it because you're trying to looking at it 878 00:43:42,623 --> 00:43:45,226 through a cow's butt hole. 879 00:43:45,293 --> 00:43:48,129 JEREMY: As it turned out, the smoke was on account 880 00:43:48,196 --> 00:43:53,734 of James having single-handedly restarted the Industrial Revolution. 881 00:44:00,975 --> 00:44:02,077 What? 882 00:44:02,110 --> 00:44:03,778 -What are you doing? -I'm making... 883 00:44:04,979 --> 00:44:06,581 (ENGINE STOPS) 884 00:44:06,647 --> 00:44:12,853 The theory is... we are reducing our impact on the environment, 885 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:13,954 but you've dug it up! 886 00:44:14,089 --> 00:44:15,323 It's not where anybody lives. 887 00:44:15,390 --> 00:44:17,092 It's just the countryside. It's not doing anything. 888 00:44:17,125 --> 00:44:18,593 Is that a coal lorry? 889 00:44:18,659 --> 00:44:22,397 -Yes. -The least environmental thing on the entire earth. 890 00:44:22,463 --> 00:44:25,100 It's a lorry delivering coal. 891 00:44:25,166 --> 00:44:27,402 -So? -Why do you need coal? 892 00:44:27,468 --> 00:44:29,370 -To fire up the kiln. -What? 893 00:44:29,437 --> 00:44:31,739 The bricks have to be baked. You can't just-- 894 00:44:31,806 --> 00:44:35,810 -Hold on. So you're making a car out of mud bricks? -Yes. 895 00:44:35,876 --> 00:44:39,314 Are you gonna dig a canal network to get in and out, perhaps, with your coal? 896 00:44:39,380 --> 00:44:41,749 -That's quite a good idea. -It isn't a good idea! 897 00:44:43,318 --> 00:44:45,653 JEREMY: Much ruined countryside later, 898 00:44:45,720 --> 00:44:49,357 James's new car was finally ready. 899 00:44:49,424 --> 00:44:52,193 Why are you dressed up like an American footballer? 900 00:44:52,260 --> 00:44:54,295 Well, it's a prototype, 901 00:44:54,362 --> 00:44:56,364 and I'm a test pilot, in effect. 902 00:44:56,431 --> 00:44:58,699 Test pilots wear specialist equipment. 903 00:44:58,766 --> 00:45:01,136 But that looks perfectly solid to me. 904 00:45:02,137 --> 00:45:04,139 That roof is... 905 00:45:04,172 --> 00:45:07,242 James, even given the limitations of the material you've used, 906 00:45:07,308 --> 00:45:08,576 your car looks crap. 907 00:45:08,643 --> 00:45:10,511 But look how it blends in with the environment. 908 00:45:10,578 --> 00:45:11,746 Prince Charles would love this. 909 00:45:11,812 --> 00:45:13,348 RICHARD: It doesn't blend in with anything. 910 00:45:13,414 --> 00:45:16,151 There's no environment left - you've dug it all up. 911 00:45:16,184 --> 00:45:19,019 JEREMY: Right, can we finally go? JAMES: Yes, you can. 912 00:45:19,154 --> 00:45:20,588 RICHARD: 11 miles lie ahead. 913 00:45:20,655 --> 00:45:22,690 -(ENGINE STARTS) JAMES: See you there. 914 00:45:25,326 --> 00:45:27,662 -(LAUGHTER) -Ow! 915 00:45:29,730 --> 00:45:31,566 (JEREMY GUFFAWS) 916 00:45:33,401 --> 00:45:36,671 JAMES: That is a complete mystery, to be honest. 917 00:45:36,737 --> 00:45:38,273 It's not. 918 00:45:38,339 --> 00:45:40,841 It had an arched roof, it had a keystone. 919 00:45:40,908 --> 00:45:43,010 There must be something wrong with that mortar. 920 00:45:43,077 --> 00:45:46,847 JEREMY: Waiting for James to mend his bodywork, again, 921 00:45:46,914 --> 00:45:50,518 meant my bodywork started to go off. 922 00:45:50,585 --> 00:45:51,452 (GROANS) 923 00:45:52,687 --> 00:45:54,855 But, eventually, he was ready. 924 00:46:00,261 --> 00:46:02,463 It's really rather pleasant. 925 00:46:02,530 --> 00:46:05,500 This is like being at home with the windows open. 926 00:46:05,566 --> 00:46:09,470 Richard, meanwhile, had added some floral go-faster stripes, 927 00:46:09,537 --> 00:46:13,741 and I'd opened up my cow's rectum to improve the ventilation. 928 00:46:16,644 --> 00:46:18,546 We have had a few problems. 929 00:46:18,613 --> 00:46:22,283 We've only covered, yes, two miles in two days, 930 00:46:22,350 --> 00:46:24,385 but here we are, 931 00:46:24,452 --> 00:46:27,222 as a threesome, going along. 932 00:46:33,261 --> 00:46:34,495 But then... 933 00:46:34,562 --> 00:46:36,597 It's a river, and not a small one. 934 00:46:41,469 --> 00:46:43,604 (GROANS) Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 935 00:46:47,242 --> 00:46:49,877 Oh, God. 936 00:46:49,944 --> 00:46:52,947 -Oh, your bricks have fallen off, mate. -Your bonnet's fallen off. 937 00:46:53,013 --> 00:46:55,916 JAMES: Perfectly all right. Redundancy's built into it. 938 00:46:55,983 --> 00:46:57,985 -Is it? -Yeah. 939 00:46:58,052 --> 00:47:00,421 JEREMY: Since Richard is the team bumpkin, 940 00:47:00,488 --> 00:47:02,957 we decided he should go first. 941 00:47:04,859 --> 00:47:08,028 OK, well, my community of people, make for higher ground. 942 00:47:08,095 --> 00:47:09,930 Just climb. 943 00:47:09,997 --> 00:47:13,701 Hammond's ark made it to the other side safely. 944 00:47:13,768 --> 00:47:15,503 Yeah! 945 00:47:15,570 --> 00:47:17,438 And then it was my go. 946 00:47:18,606 --> 00:47:20,808 I'm really deep here. 947 00:47:20,875 --> 00:47:22,310 Really, really deep. 948 00:47:22,377 --> 00:47:24,579 Oh, no! Cows leak! 949 00:47:24,645 --> 00:47:26,947 That's a terrible thing to learn! 950 00:47:28,416 --> 00:47:31,519 However, I, too, made it with relative ease. 951 00:47:31,586 --> 00:47:33,521 Eat my meat, Hammond! 952 00:47:34,522 --> 00:47:36,291 But then... 953 00:47:36,324 --> 00:47:38,025 Look at this. 954 00:47:38,092 --> 00:47:39,394 Tragic. 955 00:47:39,460 --> 00:47:43,197 An old man driving a low garden wall into a river. 956 00:47:43,298 --> 00:47:46,367 Let's look on the bright side. If this doesn't work as a car, 957 00:47:46,434 --> 00:47:48,469 it will be very effective as a dam. 958 00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,842 JEREMY: He's not doing it quite as quickly as you or I did it. 959 00:47:54,909 --> 00:47:56,944 Nor as aggressively, nor as purposefully. 960 00:47:58,779 --> 00:48:01,782 His car is also riding a lot lower than ours because it weighs so much. 961 00:48:01,849 --> 00:48:04,552 I was getting very deep. It may be leaking slightly. 962 00:48:07,488 --> 00:48:08,789 It's leaking a lot. 963 00:48:10,391 --> 00:48:13,761 Cack. Chaps, I think I'm beached. 964 00:48:13,828 --> 00:48:16,464 I'm being honest, there's not a great deal we can do about it. 965 00:48:16,531 --> 00:48:18,399 You're in the river, we're here. 966 00:48:18,466 --> 00:48:21,336 (CLEARS THROAT) Right, if I go right a bit, 967 00:48:21,336 --> 00:48:23,938 I should... clear that... 968 00:48:24,004 --> 00:48:25,973 Oh, yes! 969 00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,876 -Oh, the... -The side's just come off. -Yeah, that's... 970 00:48:28,943 --> 00:48:31,946 So the mortar's dissolving and the bricks are just falling off. 971 00:48:32,012 --> 00:48:33,414 JEREMY: Yes. 972 00:48:35,416 --> 00:48:36,717 That's more gone. 973 00:48:36,784 --> 00:48:39,420 Oh, God! The mortar's dissolving! 974 00:48:39,487 --> 00:48:42,056 He's just transporting his own cameras along. 975 00:48:42,122 --> 00:48:43,591 That's all he's doing. 976 00:48:43,658 --> 00:48:44,792 Get off! 977 00:48:46,026 --> 00:48:48,529 -Get off! -(SPLASH) 978 00:48:48,596 --> 00:48:50,931 Little spindly arms throwing a brick. 979 00:48:50,998 --> 00:48:52,032 (ENGINE REVVING) 980 00:48:53,368 --> 00:48:54,569 Help! 981 00:48:56,737 --> 00:48:58,906 We're gonna have to put him out of his misery. 982 00:48:58,973 --> 00:49:02,543 JEREMY: We'll just abandon him. RICHARD: Do you think? 983 00:49:02,610 --> 00:49:04,078 What is the point of him? 984 00:49:04,144 --> 00:49:05,746 James, can you hear me? 985 00:49:05,813 --> 00:49:08,849 We've analysed the situation and there is literally 986 00:49:08,916 --> 00:49:10,985 nothing we can do to help. Nothing. 987 00:49:12,687 --> 00:49:15,055 Leaving James in his dissolving car, 988 00:49:15,122 --> 00:49:18,993 we headed off to make camp and get supper underway. 989 00:49:20,461 --> 00:49:22,730 Well, apart from your rather tragic tents, 990 00:49:22,797 --> 00:49:26,534 -this isn't so bad. -It's all right. 991 00:49:26,601 --> 00:49:28,135 It is amazing, isn't it? 992 00:49:28,202 --> 00:49:31,572 My car, the way it disappears into that hedge, 993 00:49:31,639 --> 00:49:34,675 it's not just camouflage, it is hedge. 994 00:49:34,742 --> 00:49:36,511 -It's gone. -No, it is genuinely... 995 00:49:36,577 --> 00:49:40,080 Actually, I will agree, yours is remarkable. 996 00:49:41,849 --> 00:49:44,952 Meanwhile, James's car had shed so much weight 997 00:49:45,019 --> 00:49:47,522 that he was able to get free... 998 00:49:47,588 --> 00:49:52,793 and start raping the countryside again to rebuild it. 999 00:49:52,860 --> 00:49:53,794 Bastards. 1000 00:49:54,995 --> 00:49:55,930 Bastards. 1001 00:49:57,965 --> 00:50:00,735 You know, what's incredible about this - 1002 00:50:00,801 --> 00:50:03,404 this sustainable living we're doing - 1003 00:50:03,404 --> 00:50:03,438 this sustainable living we're doing - is our barbecue is made from bricks from James's car, 1004 00:50:03,438 --> 00:50:07,642 is our barbecue is made from bricks from James's car, 1005 00:50:07,708 --> 00:50:10,945 the kindling and the vegetables are from your car. 1006 00:50:11,011 --> 00:50:14,114 (GROANS) Are you about to tell me I'm eating... 1007 00:50:14,181 --> 00:50:15,716 -Back wing. -(RETCHES) 1008 00:50:19,153 --> 00:50:22,457 -What? -When you buy a steak, it says "keep refrigerated". 1009 00:50:22,523 --> 00:50:24,692 It doesn't say, "Stick to the side of your car, 1010 00:50:24,759 --> 00:50:26,694 leave in the sun, then drive through a river." 1011 00:50:32,132 --> 00:50:33,000 Whoa! 1012 00:50:45,780 --> 00:50:48,683 James is making such a racket, isn't he? 1013 00:50:48,749 --> 00:50:51,351 It's worse than last time. 1014 00:50:51,418 --> 00:50:55,389 The difference on this trip, while he's been tearing nature apart, 1015 00:50:55,456 --> 00:50:57,858 I've never felt closer to it. 1016 00:50:57,925 --> 00:51:01,095 Well, he's just messing everything up. He always... 1017 00:51:06,901 --> 00:51:08,603 Holy cow. 1018 00:51:08,669 --> 00:51:10,505 -Hammond. -What? 1019 00:51:12,072 --> 00:51:13,107 That. 1020 00:51:14,742 --> 00:51:16,677 What are you doing? 1021 00:51:16,744 --> 00:51:18,579 He couldn't see it. It's a hedge trimmer. 1022 00:51:18,646 --> 00:51:21,882 That's my community, you rural bastard! 1023 00:51:21,949 --> 00:51:23,250 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 1024 00:51:23,317 --> 00:51:25,152 -Oh, my... -Oh, God! 1025 00:51:27,254 --> 00:51:29,256 The next morning, to cheer up Hammond 1026 00:51:29,323 --> 00:51:31,592 following the decimation of his car 1027 00:51:31,659 --> 00:51:34,562 and his woodland animal community, 1028 00:51:34,629 --> 00:51:35,996 I made breakfast. 1029 00:51:37,532 --> 00:51:39,166 -Eat it. -No! 1030 00:51:39,233 --> 00:51:41,368 -Why not? -Because it's going green! 1031 00:51:41,435 --> 00:51:42,637 It's just a bit of door. 1032 00:51:42,703 --> 00:51:44,905 You can see where the flies have been on it. 1033 00:51:44,972 --> 00:51:45,940 It's disgusting. 1034 00:51:46,006 --> 00:51:47,975 Hello. Hello! 1035 00:51:48,042 --> 00:51:48,909 What...? 1036 00:51:50,177 --> 00:51:52,112 -It's a dung heap. -It is a dung heap. 1037 00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:55,683 (JAMES GROANS AND SPLUTTERS) 1038 00:51:55,750 --> 00:51:57,351 -Morning. -Morning. 1039 00:51:57,417 --> 00:51:59,119 Is this a car? What is it? 1040 00:51:59,186 --> 00:52:03,390 It is a totally sustainable car made of, effectively, wattle and daub, 1041 00:52:03,558 --> 00:52:05,392 only the wattle has been replaced by straw 1042 00:52:05,459 --> 00:52:07,327 and the daub has been replaced by cow poo, 1043 00:52:07,394 --> 00:52:09,096 but the principle is the same. 1044 00:52:09,163 --> 00:52:11,699 JEREMY: How the hell do you fit in it? -Only just. 1045 00:52:11,766 --> 00:52:14,201 -Where's your windscreen? -There. 1046 00:52:14,268 --> 00:52:15,135 Hang on. 1047 00:52:16,637 --> 00:52:18,973 Can we just test your blind spots, James? 1048 00:52:19,039 --> 00:52:21,175 Can you see either of us now? 1049 00:52:22,409 --> 00:52:23,878 -No. -(LAUGHS) 1050 00:52:23,944 --> 00:52:26,681 Heavily pedestrianised areas should be avoided. 1051 00:52:29,416 --> 00:52:32,587 -Right, come on. We've just got two miles to go. -Yes. 1052 00:52:33,654 --> 00:52:34,822 -Jesus Christ! -(FLIES BUZZING) 1053 00:52:34,889 --> 00:52:36,490 -The smell! -(GROANS) 1054 00:52:36,591 --> 00:52:40,260 -What's that? -It breaks my heart, but it's a small gift for you. 1055 00:52:40,327 --> 00:52:44,498 -Is it? Mate! -Yes, from me and my woodland community. 1056 00:52:44,599 --> 00:52:45,833 Oh! 1057 00:52:45,900 --> 00:52:48,502 -It's a dead bat! -Yeah, it is. 1058 00:52:48,603 --> 00:52:51,271 -Bats have sonar, don't they? -Yeah. 1059 00:52:51,338 --> 00:52:54,408 So I could use it as a reversing parking sensor. 1060 00:52:54,474 --> 00:52:57,044 Yeah, I don't think it works once the bat is dead. 1061 00:52:59,814 --> 00:53:01,916 And so, with all of us running... 1062 00:53:01,982 --> 00:53:04,151 (JEREMY MIMICS REVERSING BEEP) 1063 00:53:05,953 --> 00:53:08,422 My reversing bat is working well. 1064 00:53:08,488 --> 00:53:12,860 ...we began the final two-mile leg of our epic journey. 1065 00:53:14,361 --> 00:53:15,930 JAMES: Oh, balls! 1066 00:53:15,996 --> 00:53:19,634 There are some issues associated with environmentalism, 1067 00:53:19,634 --> 00:53:22,202 and we're seeing one of them right now. 1068 00:53:22,269 --> 00:53:23,638 (LAUGHTER) 1069 00:53:28,042 --> 00:53:31,646 -Am I anywhere near the gate? -Oh, God! 1070 00:53:34,649 --> 00:53:39,687 James attempted to tie his car back together using a ball of string... 1071 00:53:39,754 --> 00:53:41,121 which went well. 1072 00:53:42,890 --> 00:53:44,959 RICHARD: It's going... 1073 00:53:45,025 --> 00:53:46,661 (LAUGHTER) 1074 00:53:46,727 --> 00:53:49,664 RICHARD: Oh, that's gonna confuse him now! 1075 00:53:49,664 --> 00:53:53,000 Why'd they make it in a ball shape? What a stupid idea! 1076 00:53:54,669 --> 00:53:57,972 But eventually it was done and we were on our way. 1077 00:54:00,074 --> 00:54:02,877 James, how much does it weigh now? 1078 00:54:02,943 --> 00:54:07,247 I'm gonna say the weight has gone down a bit. I think I'm down to three tonnes. 1079 00:54:07,314 --> 00:54:09,383 So you still need an HGV licence? 1080 00:54:09,449 --> 00:54:12,687 JAMES: But it's not a type of car known to the DVLA. 1081 00:54:15,155 --> 00:54:17,925 Mind you, I had even bigger problems. 1082 00:54:17,992 --> 00:54:21,095 My car was starting to smell really bad. 1083 00:54:22,697 --> 00:54:23,998 One of the sound recordists 1084 00:54:24,064 --> 00:54:25,866 just came to fiddle with my microphone, 1085 00:54:25,933 --> 00:54:27,401 and actually was sick. 1086 00:54:29,003 --> 00:54:32,840 Eventually, though, our destination hoved into view. 1087 00:54:35,175 --> 00:54:37,912 RICHARD: After three days gruelling travel 1088 00:54:37,978 --> 00:54:40,715 over 11 miles, we're here. 1089 00:54:42,316 --> 00:54:44,184 This must be it. 1090 00:54:44,251 --> 00:54:48,388 It was the Inaugural Sustainable Living Motorsport Challenge 1091 00:54:48,455 --> 00:54:52,159 on a track carved out of nature itself. 1092 00:54:53,327 --> 00:54:55,129 -(MESSAGE ALERT) JEREMY: Oh, hang on. 1093 00:54:56,731 --> 00:54:58,598 -A text message. -What? 1094 00:54:58,733 --> 00:55:00,000 I've got a text here from Mr Wilman, 1095 00:55:00,067 --> 00:55:01,969 with the instructions of what we're doing. 1096 00:55:02,036 --> 00:55:06,106 "Whoever does the most laps in one hour wins." 1097 00:55:06,173 --> 00:55:08,042 Oh, well, James, that's not gonna be you. 1098 00:55:08,108 --> 00:55:10,878 -Well, you don't know. -No, I do know it's not gonna be you. 1099 00:55:10,945 --> 00:55:13,280 Oh, no, wait. Hang on. "You will be racing against 1100 00:55:13,347 --> 00:55:16,116 three old-fashioned steel cars." 1101 00:55:17,217 --> 00:55:19,319 -Hang on. Yes, those. -Hello. 1102 00:55:20,755 --> 00:55:22,990 JEREMY: Oh, there they are. JAMES: How quaint. 1103 00:55:23,057 --> 00:55:25,092 JEREMY: No, they don't look quaint. They look ridiculous. 1104 00:55:25,159 --> 00:55:27,061 It's funny, that's the nature of progress. 1105 00:55:27,127 --> 00:55:29,429 -Suddenly, they look stupid. JEREMY: They do. 1106 00:55:31,331 --> 00:55:35,803 The museum pieces were being driven by three local yobbos. 1107 00:55:35,870 --> 00:55:37,304 (ENGINES REVVING) 1108 00:55:37,371 --> 00:55:38,773 Right, this is it. 1109 00:55:38,806 --> 00:55:42,843 The MeaTI, the TreeTI and the PeaTI are ready. 1110 00:55:48,448 --> 00:55:51,551 Oh, what a start! It's a good start. 1111 00:55:51,618 --> 00:55:53,653 Yes, we're blocking! (LAUGHS) 1112 00:55:53,788 --> 00:55:57,424 Oh, they've gone! They've gone! I couldn't see the flag. 1113 00:55:59,393 --> 00:56:02,797 Yes, there are some hay bales. I'll follow those. 1114 00:56:02,797 --> 00:56:05,399 Where the hell does it go next? 1115 00:56:05,465 --> 00:56:08,302 Despite the excellent start from Richard and I, 1116 00:56:08,368 --> 00:56:12,039 we were quickly overwhelmed by the steel cars. 1117 00:56:12,106 --> 00:56:14,875 And now the Golf's got past! 1118 00:56:14,942 --> 00:56:16,610 (RICHARD GROANS) 1119 00:56:16,676 --> 00:56:18,278 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1120 00:56:18,345 --> 00:56:20,815 I've let the Mondeo through. That's a disaster! 1121 00:56:21,982 --> 00:56:25,085 Oh, I've lost one of my nose tampons! 1122 00:56:25,152 --> 00:56:29,356 What Richard and I really needed was help from our colleague. 1123 00:56:29,423 --> 00:56:31,826 Sadly, though... 1124 00:56:31,826 --> 00:56:35,029 JAMES: I'm gonna take a racing line. Oh, I'm completely lost. 1125 00:56:35,095 --> 00:56:39,199 The trouble is, the race track looks the same as the front of the car. 1126 00:56:39,266 --> 00:56:41,201 What a stupid idea for an event. 1127 00:56:43,470 --> 00:56:46,473 I've lost the other nose tampon! Help! 1128 00:56:47,842 --> 00:56:49,977 I may have to pit for another tampon. 1129 00:56:51,511 --> 00:56:52,847 JAMES: Where am I going? 1130 00:56:54,514 --> 00:56:56,416 All right, James? 1131 00:56:56,483 --> 00:56:57,717 No. 1132 00:56:57,852 --> 00:56:59,386 No time to lose. 1133 00:57:02,489 --> 00:57:04,291 I've gone for the super absorbent, 1134 00:57:04,358 --> 00:57:06,927 slightly larger nose tampons, 1135 00:57:06,994 --> 00:57:08,963 which I hope will last a little longer. 1136 00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:16,070 Given that we were in an endurance race, 1137 00:57:16,136 --> 00:57:19,373 our tactics so far had been to protect our cars. 1138 00:57:21,308 --> 00:57:24,178 RICHARD: Reliability, that's what we need here. That is everything. 1139 00:57:24,244 --> 00:57:25,745 That's what matters most. 1140 00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:29,449 But with the cars of the past racking up so many laps, 1141 00:57:29,516 --> 00:57:31,518 we had to get the hammer down. 1142 00:57:33,787 --> 00:57:35,890 The MeaTI against the... 1143 00:57:35,923 --> 00:57:40,260 whatever that is - 1.6 litre Golf. 1144 00:57:40,327 --> 00:57:41,595 Yes! 1145 00:57:41,661 --> 00:57:43,430 Yes! I've got him! 1146 00:57:44,965 --> 00:57:47,601 RICHARD: Power sliding a hedge. 1147 00:57:47,667 --> 00:57:49,369 Come on! 1148 00:57:49,436 --> 00:57:50,504 (GRUNTS) 1149 00:57:53,773 --> 00:57:55,910 JEREMY: Yes. Oh, yes. 1150 00:57:59,113 --> 00:58:01,181 I think I've done a lap. 1151 00:58:02,682 --> 00:58:06,921 With us three - well, two - making good progress, 1152 00:58:06,987 --> 00:58:10,624 the cars from the past started to play dirty. 1153 00:58:10,690 --> 00:58:13,027 (CLATTERING) 1154 00:58:13,093 --> 00:58:15,262 That is out of order! They are getting violent! 1155 00:58:17,998 --> 00:58:20,200 (YELLS) Oh! Oh, no! 1156 00:58:20,267 --> 00:58:21,969 I've lost a tampon again! 1157 00:58:24,571 --> 00:58:26,073 JAMES: Who was that? 1158 00:58:26,140 --> 00:58:27,307 RICHARD: Think you can mess with us 1159 00:58:27,374 --> 00:58:29,076 just because we like trees, do you? 1160 00:58:29,143 --> 00:58:32,146 That's out of order, mate. You can't. Have that! 1161 00:58:32,212 --> 00:58:33,948 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 1162 00:58:38,953 --> 00:58:41,088 The bone is taking on the steel! 1163 00:58:43,623 --> 00:58:45,625 Although we were holding our own, 1164 00:58:45,692 --> 00:58:49,563 the relentless pressure started to take its toll on our vehicles. 1165 00:58:51,431 --> 00:58:52,967 (GRUNTS) 1166 00:58:54,068 --> 00:58:55,602 JAMES: I've lost part of the hat. 1167 00:58:58,638 --> 00:59:00,674 I can smell... 1168 00:59:00,740 --> 00:59:02,309 (SNIFFS) What can I smell? 1169 00:59:03,777 --> 00:59:06,013 Is that from the exhaust? 1170 00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:10,384 With Hammond distracted by the hot exhaust burning his bodywork, 1171 00:59:10,450 --> 00:59:12,652 it was all down to my cow car. 1172 00:59:16,156 --> 00:59:21,161 Good dicing here between the past and the future. 1173 00:59:21,228 --> 00:59:23,597 It's neck and neck! 1174 00:59:23,663 --> 00:59:24,798 (LAUGHS) 1175 00:59:24,864 --> 00:59:26,500 But then... 1176 00:59:26,566 --> 00:59:28,002 Oh, no! No! 1177 00:59:29,103 --> 00:59:30,270 Disaster! 1178 00:59:30,337 --> 00:59:32,072 Oh, hell. I think it looks like 1179 00:59:32,139 --> 00:59:33,340 Jeremy's got trouble. 1180 00:59:35,309 --> 00:59:37,011 How do you peel a cow? 1181 00:59:38,612 --> 00:59:41,415 Having eventually got to the overheating engine 1182 00:59:41,481 --> 00:59:45,619 and seen it had become a production line for maggots... 1183 00:59:45,685 --> 00:59:48,188 ...I decided to go off and be sick. 1184 00:59:51,558 --> 00:59:56,530 Er... News from the Inaugural Sustainable Motorsport Event 1185 00:59:56,596 --> 00:59:58,932 On A Sustainable Track, or whatever it's called, 1186 00:59:59,033 --> 01:00:02,402 Jeremy Clarkson has retired with a maggot infestation. 1187 01:00:04,171 --> 01:00:07,641 JAMES: This meant all our hopes rested with Richard Hammond 1188 01:00:07,707 --> 01:00:09,309 and his smouldering ark. 1189 01:00:12,279 --> 01:00:14,048 Yeah, you ran wide! 1190 01:00:14,114 --> 01:00:15,882 But then... 1191 01:00:15,949 --> 01:00:17,251 Oh, my God! 1192 01:00:18,985 --> 01:00:20,054 Oh, no! 1193 01:00:22,189 --> 01:00:26,493 Oh, no! More news from the Sustainable Motorsport Challenge is that... Ow! 1194 01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:29,696 ...Richard Hammond, I believe, is on fire. 1195 01:00:29,763 --> 01:00:31,398 The garden centre is ablaze. 1196 01:00:32,999 --> 01:00:35,502 Oh, God! Oh, no! Oh, no! 1197 01:00:37,771 --> 01:00:39,173 That's gonna make it worse! 1198 01:00:40,374 --> 01:00:41,408 (GROANS) 1199 01:00:41,475 --> 01:00:43,377 JEREMY: With Hammond's car on fire... 1200 01:00:44,811 --> 01:00:48,815 mine alive, and James's disintegrating again... 1201 01:00:48,882 --> 01:00:50,517 JAMES: Ow! Ow! 1202 01:00:50,584 --> 01:00:54,621 ...we decided that environmentalism simply doesn't work. 1203 01:00:55,855 --> 01:00:58,425 -And with that, back to-- -(SIREN BLARES) 1204 01:00:58,492 --> 01:01:00,660 And with that, back to the tent. 1205 01:01:03,363 --> 01:01:04,564 JAMES: Holy crap! 1206 01:01:07,167 --> 01:01:08,468 (CHEERING) 1207 01:01:10,870 --> 01:01:13,573 -No, it didn't work. -No. So, there we are. 1208 01:01:16,110 --> 01:01:17,477 There we are, we've looked into it. 1209 01:01:17,544 --> 01:01:18,945 We've looked into it thoroughly, 1210 01:01:19,012 --> 01:01:22,449 and I'm afraid we're all doomed, we're all gonna die. 1211 01:01:22,516 --> 01:01:26,019 And on that terrible disappointment, I'm afraid it's time to end. 1212 01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:27,621 See you next week. Goodbye! 1213 01:01:27,687 --> 01:01:28,788 (CHEERING) 1214 01:01:30,857 --> 01:01:32,826 **