1 00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:21,845 Since you're in beach buggies, 2 00:00:21,912 --> 00:00:23,681 you will now drive to the beach 3 00:00:23,747 --> 00:00:25,383 at the northernmost point 4 00:00:25,449 --> 00:00:27,451 of Namibia, where it meets Angola. 5 00:00:27,518 --> 00:00:30,554 It's 1,000 miles away. 6 00:00:30,621 --> 00:00:32,390 RICHARD: We have got to find this road. 7 00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:35,926 This is not gonna be too clever in the dark. 8 00:00:35,993 --> 00:00:39,830 Listen. I shall find the Southern Cross. 9 00:00:39,897 --> 00:00:42,400 RICHARD: Oh, this is a bad idea! 10 00:00:42,466 --> 00:00:43,967 We are now trusting our lives 11 00:00:44,034 --> 00:00:46,437 to an orangutang who thinks he's Patrick Moore. 12 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:50,240 JAMES: 24 hours of cold, misery, 13 00:00:50,307 --> 00:00:52,410 to achieve exactly nothing. 14 00:00:52,476 --> 00:00:54,945 I mean, it is exactly nothing. 15 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,115 RICHARD: Oh, it's coming in! 16 00:00:58,181 --> 00:01:00,451 (JEREMY YELLS) 17 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:02,920 This is the best desert I've ever been to. 18 00:01:02,986 --> 00:01:04,855 Holy shit! 19 00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:07,090 RICHARD: Oh! 20 00:01:07,157 --> 00:01:09,126 (YELLS) 21 00:01:09,192 --> 00:01:13,431 JEREMY: What it actually is is a big, orange killing engine. 22 00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,332 - Jesus! - (LAUGHS) 23 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,768 RICHARD: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God! 24 00:01:18,669 --> 00:01:20,971 Please make it! Please! 25 00:01:25,142 --> 00:01:28,579 Just need to find a road now. This is not funny any more. 26 00:01:28,646 --> 00:01:30,481 I don't want another night in the desert. 27 00:01:31,449 --> 00:01:32,750 Oh, my God. 28 00:01:32,816 --> 00:01:34,818 I could go east, I could go west. 29 00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:37,020 RICHARD: Whichever way you go, it goes somewhere. 30 00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:40,691 Yes! It is the road to freedom. 31 00:01:40,758 --> 00:01:41,559 (THUD) 32 00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:43,160 What the hell was that? 33 00:01:47,030 --> 00:01:51,101 What I'm driving here, or attempting to drive, is Apollo 13. 34 00:01:57,074 --> 00:02:02,179 JEREMY: It was morning by the time I nursed my wounded car into Windhoek, 35 00:02:02,245 --> 00:02:05,382 and my well-rested colleagues were full of admiration 36 00:02:05,483 --> 00:02:07,618 for how I'd pulled off such a feat. 37 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,021 -Is that the first thing you thought of? - What? 38 00:02:11,088 --> 00:02:13,491 Tear a hole in it. What's that gonna do? 39 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:17,027 I needed to get to the bleed valve on the radiator, which is there. 40 00:02:17,094 --> 00:02:20,063 - Is it? - And, to make life doubly difficult... 41 00:02:21,364 --> 00:02:23,567 ...I trod on my spectacles. 42 00:02:23,634 --> 00:02:24,968 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 43 00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:26,937 That is tragic, trying to fix it with one lens. 44 00:02:27,004 --> 00:02:30,974 I was trying to fix it. And the only eye I can close is this eye. 45 00:02:31,041 --> 00:02:33,611 -You can't close your left eye? -I can't close my left eye. 46 00:02:33,677 --> 00:02:37,681 Why didn't you put them on upside down? You'd have the lens over the other eye. 47 00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:41,785 That is logic there. 48 00:02:41,852 --> 00:02:43,921 - Oh, yeah. - (LAUGHS) 49 00:02:43,987 --> 00:02:46,690 - Come on, let's go. We've got a lot to do. - JEREMY: No! 50 00:02:46,757 --> 00:02:48,892 The one thing we have established now is that, 51 00:02:48,959 --> 00:02:50,661 with the exception of Windhoek, 52 00:02:50,728 --> 00:02:55,533 which is the capital, Namibia is a tough and arduous place. 53 00:02:55,599 --> 00:02:57,267 - Yeah. - Have you bought maps? 54 00:02:57,334 --> 00:03:00,037 - No. - Have you got tenting equipment of any sort? 55 00:03:00,103 --> 00:03:03,574 Have you got somewhere to sleep other than the desert floor? No. 56 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:06,644 So why don't we, today, get prepared 57 00:03:06,710 --> 00:03:10,013 for the next leg of the - big leg of the journey? 58 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,716 - That is a good idea. We'll do that. - That's not a bad idea. 59 00:03:12,783 --> 00:03:16,153 We'll grant ourselves a day of... shopping. Mm. 60 00:03:16,219 --> 00:03:19,990 First of all, would you permit me to chisel some of the cheddar 61 00:03:20,057 --> 00:03:22,425 that has grown in my underpants away? 62 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,894 Well, not here. 63 00:03:25,428 --> 00:03:27,898 JEREMY: Having de-cheesed my body parts, 64 00:03:27,965 --> 00:03:31,802 we headed out to get the necessary supplies. 65 00:03:31,869 --> 00:03:34,271 RICHARD: The thing is, if we go mesh, 66 00:03:34,337 --> 00:03:37,107 it'll keep the sun off but it won't keep the light out. 67 00:03:37,174 --> 00:03:39,577 That will wake us up early. That's 1.5 kilograms. But-- 68 00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:43,814 Hammond, the first thing you need to know before we start shopping in here 69 00:03:43,881 --> 00:03:46,316 is James and I are in charge. 70 00:03:46,383 --> 00:03:48,318 - RICHARD: Well... - JAMES: Sorry, he's right. 71 00:03:48,385 --> 00:03:50,453 No, you're not. You don't know anything about camping. 72 00:03:50,588 --> 00:03:52,590 - JAMES, JEREMY: Exactly. - How does that make you in charge? 73 00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:54,658 Because we know it's all terrible. 74 00:03:54,725 --> 00:03:58,295 If we leave it to you, we'll all end up sleeping in small green triangles. 75 00:03:58,361 --> 00:04:00,731 The camping you know about is in the Lake District, 76 00:04:00,798 --> 00:04:03,500 where you deliberately make yourself miserable. 77 00:04:03,601 --> 00:04:04,602 I'm sorry, he's right. 78 00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:07,671 It is possible, I think, 79 00:04:07,738 --> 00:04:09,940 with a bit of ingenuity and money, 80 00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:11,742 to make tenting bearable. 81 00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:15,979 JEREMY: Richard Baden-Hammond disagreed, 82 00:04:16,046 --> 00:04:18,782 so we went our separate ways. 83 00:04:18,849 --> 00:04:20,684 Correct, incorrect. 84 00:04:20,751 --> 00:04:22,319 - Exactly. - Do you agree? 85 00:04:22,385 --> 00:04:24,087 - But I'd go even more correct. - Oh, yes! 86 00:04:24,154 --> 00:04:28,091 Perfect. Roll it out on the desert floor... 87 00:04:29,627 --> 00:04:30,628 ...you're home. 88 00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,730 Oh, James! Le Creuset! 89 00:04:32,796 --> 00:04:36,133 See, Hammond would hate this, because this weighs more than a tent. 90 00:04:36,199 --> 00:04:38,335 - Which it does, actually. - A lot more. 91 00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:41,739 - And it weighs more because it is a quality item. - Exactly. 92 00:04:41,805 --> 00:04:44,074 Pocket trowel. 93 00:04:44,141 --> 00:04:45,175 Pocket soap. 94 00:04:46,243 --> 00:04:47,645 Here we go. 95 00:04:47,645 --> 00:04:50,714 - Pasta spoon. - Yeah, good idea. 96 00:04:50,781 --> 00:04:53,751 I find that bottle opener a bit... lightweight. 97 00:04:53,817 --> 00:04:55,653 Yeah, more expensive is what we're looking for. 98 00:04:55,719 --> 00:04:57,487 You see, look at this, James. 99 00:04:57,554 --> 00:05:00,123 This is the sort of thing Hammond would think is a chair. 100 00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:05,362 Ooh! That's all you need. That's your whole... stove. 101 00:05:05,428 --> 00:05:06,930 That's it. 102 00:05:06,997 --> 00:05:09,199 - Is it gas? It is, isn't it? - I presume so. 103 00:05:09,266 --> 00:05:12,836 For two, you could get a small chicken in there, or... a pheasant. 104 00:05:12,903 --> 00:05:14,838 We're getting there now. 105 00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:18,842 So that folds down to that. 106 00:05:23,113 --> 00:05:24,081 Yeah. 107 00:05:26,383 --> 00:05:29,119 JEREMY: The next morning, we headed out once more, 108 00:05:29,186 --> 00:05:31,889 with the camping gear James and I had bought 109 00:05:31,955 --> 00:05:33,356 bringing up the rear. 110 00:05:37,294 --> 00:05:39,730 And besides stocking up with essentials, 111 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:46,103 Hammond and I had used our day off in Windhoek to modify our cars. 112 00:05:46,169 --> 00:05:49,707 To solve my overheating problems, I've fitted a ram-air scoop, 113 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:54,511 which shovels refreshing, cooling air into the radiator as I go along. 114 00:05:54,577 --> 00:05:58,749 And, as you may have noticed, I've fitted a spoiler. 115 00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:05,022 My only complaint, really, about my beach buggy 116 00:06:05,088 --> 00:06:08,258 was its lack of performance in third and fourth gears. 117 00:06:08,325 --> 00:06:10,828 Couldn't up power from the engine and I don't want to stress it, 118 00:06:10,894 --> 00:06:12,730 so I could lighten it. 119 00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:16,233 I've stripped away the superstructure here and the passenger seat, 120 00:06:16,299 --> 00:06:18,201 anything spare. 121 00:06:18,268 --> 00:06:24,041 That means this car is 30-40 kilos lighter than it was before. 122 00:06:24,107 --> 00:06:28,478 Jeremy, why has your car sprouted a green moustache? 123 00:06:28,545 --> 00:06:32,249 JEREMY: Well, it's a spoiler for added downforce at the front end, 124 00:06:32,315 --> 00:06:34,918 which you need in a rear-engine vehicle. 125 00:06:34,985 --> 00:06:38,121 This thing will be unbelievable through the corners now, 126 00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:39,356 it really will. 127 00:06:39,422 --> 00:06:40,457 Like a 911. 128 00:06:41,825 --> 00:06:43,126 And I tell you what, 129 00:06:43,193 --> 00:06:45,128 even with your new lightweight buggy, 130 00:06:45,195 --> 00:06:48,832 you're no match for what I've got here this morning. 131 00:06:48,899 --> 00:06:51,634 Yeah, I'm sorry, mate. This is quicker. 132 00:06:51,769 --> 00:06:54,104 - It is not. - It is. 133 00:06:54,171 --> 00:06:57,374 Right, Richard Hammond, I challenge you to a race. 134 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,043 OK, you're on. Idiot. 135 00:07:00,110 --> 00:07:03,046 JEREMY: We shall find a race track and we shall do racing. 136 00:07:03,113 --> 00:07:05,515 Well, you carry on. I'm not doing any racing. 137 00:07:05,582 --> 00:07:07,785 That's utterly pointless. 138 00:07:09,352 --> 00:07:11,388 JEREMY: On the outskirts of the city, 139 00:07:11,454 --> 00:07:13,590 we found a rather excellent circuit 140 00:07:13,656 --> 00:07:15,893 where we could do timed laps, 141 00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:19,296 and James could try out his new vacuum cleaner. 142 00:07:19,362 --> 00:07:20,430 (VACUUM WHIRS) 143 00:07:20,497 --> 00:07:21,799 JAMES: Oh, yes. 144 00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,036 - Are you ready? - No. 145 00:07:26,103 --> 00:07:28,939 - Why not? - Temperatures and pressures. 146 00:07:29,006 --> 00:07:31,208 This is a racing machine. Look at it. 147 00:07:31,274 --> 00:07:33,844 It's a plastic beach buggy parked near a V8. 148 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,813 - With aero. - Really? 149 00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:37,380 - In... - (REVVING) 150 00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,817 ...three, two, one, go! 151 00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:41,885 (REVVING STOPS) 152 00:07:41,952 --> 00:07:43,453 Yeah, I'm gonna do it in gear. 153 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,588 - Give it a shot. - I'm gonna try that. 154 00:07:45,655 --> 00:07:47,390 - In-- - No! Throttle's jammed. 155 00:07:48,725 --> 00:07:50,527 Yes. (STAMMERS) 156 00:07:50,593 --> 00:07:51,661 - Jammed. - In-- 157 00:07:51,728 --> 00:07:53,630 No! You can keep saying "in" 158 00:07:53,696 --> 00:07:55,165 till the cows come home. The throttle... 159 00:07:55,232 --> 00:07:57,367 (VACUUMING, JAMES HUMS TUNES) 160 00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:03,140 - (REVVING) - Three, two, one, begin! 161 00:08:04,274 --> 00:08:05,342 (BOTH YELL) 162 00:08:11,081 --> 00:08:12,515 Why... Why have you stopped? 163 00:08:12,582 --> 00:08:13,851 Ah. Well, erm... 164 00:08:13,851 --> 00:08:15,953 (ENGINE STOPS) 165 00:08:16,019 --> 00:08:18,221 The throttle may have gone a bit open. 166 00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:20,623 (IGNITION FAILS) 167 00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:21,859 Yeah. 168 00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:23,994 My throttle is totally broken. 169 00:08:24,061 --> 00:08:25,996 - Anyway, Hammond... - Yeah? 170 00:08:26,063 --> 00:08:29,166 Any car which can wheelie off the line... 171 00:08:29,232 --> 00:08:31,869 is going to be able to beat yours, and would have done. 172 00:08:31,869 --> 00:08:33,270 So... Sorry. 173 00:08:33,336 --> 00:08:35,038 You're saying because your car started, 174 00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:36,974 well, 50 yards away over there, 175 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,009 wheelied, was uncontrollable, slammed back down 176 00:08:39,076 --> 00:08:41,244 and broke itself, it's the best on the track? 177 00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:42,679 JEREMY: Yes. 178 00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:45,548 Well, much learned. Really useful. Glad we did it. 179 00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:52,689 RICHARD: With Jeremy's endlessly troublesome car fixed again, 180 00:08:52,755 --> 00:08:56,359 we scooped up James' Dyson and continued northwards 181 00:08:56,426 --> 00:08:59,930 towards the finish line at the border with Angola. 182 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:07,137 The going was smooth and easy and eerily quiet, 183 00:09:07,204 --> 00:09:09,539 which begged a question. 184 00:09:09,606 --> 00:09:14,611 Now, apparently, Namibia is the most dangerous place in the world to drive. 185 00:09:14,677 --> 00:09:17,180 There are more accidents per head then anywhere else, 186 00:09:17,247 --> 00:09:20,017 and car accidents are the first 187 00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:23,420 and most common cause of death in young adults. 188 00:09:24,654 --> 00:09:26,789 How? How can that be so? 189 00:09:26,924 --> 00:09:29,226 I mean... the place is empty. 190 00:09:32,930 --> 00:09:39,069 In Britain, there are 250-260 people for every square kilometre. 191 00:09:39,136 --> 00:09:41,404 Here... it's two. 192 00:09:42,472 --> 00:09:44,341 Two! 193 00:09:44,407 --> 00:09:47,610 This makes the Australian outback look like Monaco. 194 00:09:47,677 --> 00:09:50,147 Monkey! Monkey! 195 00:09:50,213 --> 00:09:53,350 Huge anus! Did you see that thing's anus? 196 00:09:56,119 --> 00:09:57,787 JAMES: I, however, was not thinking 197 00:09:57,854 --> 00:10:01,124 about population statistics or monkeys' bottoms. 198 00:10:01,191 --> 00:10:04,027 I was just happy to be on a smooth surface 199 00:10:04,094 --> 00:10:07,330 in a car that wasn't filled with dust. 200 00:10:07,397 --> 00:10:08,932 I shall relax... 201 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,269 ...with the lovely view. 202 00:10:13,503 --> 00:10:16,906 Sadly, though, a few miles later... 203 00:10:16,974 --> 00:10:18,275 (RATTLING) 204 00:10:19,609 --> 00:10:21,878 Ow! Ow! Oh, my nuts! Ow! 205 00:10:21,945 --> 00:10:23,613 (GROANS) 206 00:10:24,681 --> 00:10:25,782 (GROANS) 207 00:10:25,848 --> 00:10:27,350 Stop it! 208 00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:28,885 Ow! Ow! Agh! 209 00:10:28,952 --> 00:10:30,520 James May? 210 00:10:30,587 --> 00:10:33,190 Yes, I can hear you, but it's very uncomfortable 211 00:10:33,256 --> 00:10:35,392 and my car has... has cut out. 212 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,433 JAMES: Ow! 213 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,502 JEREMY: Mercifully for James, 214 00:10:45,568 --> 00:10:47,504 we eventually arrived at a game reserve, 215 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:50,340 which we decided would be an ideal place 216 00:10:50,407 --> 00:10:53,343 to set up camp for the night. 217 00:10:53,410 --> 00:10:55,612 - (UNZIPPING) - RICHARD: Right. 218 00:10:55,678 --> 00:10:57,180 (CHUCKLES) 219 00:10:59,549 --> 00:11:00,817 That's what we need. 220 00:11:01,018 --> 00:11:04,154 JEREMY: As Hammond built his canvas hovel... 221 00:11:07,357 --> 00:11:11,061 ...James and I were looking forward to a more civilised evening 222 00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:12,429 in the tents we'd bought, 223 00:11:12,495 --> 00:11:14,297 and which had been erected 224 00:11:14,364 --> 00:11:17,134 by the butler we'd also bought. 225 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,037 JAMES: Thank you, Giovanni. 226 00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:24,041 Tuck your shirt in, man! It's not a bloody caravan site. 227 00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:26,509 Erm... I'm just thinking, dinner. 228 00:11:26,576 --> 00:11:28,511 Mm. Do you mind if I get changed? 229 00:11:28,578 --> 00:11:31,281 - No, exactly. I'm gonna have a shower. - Mm. 230 00:11:31,348 --> 00:11:34,084 - Or I may have a bath, actually. - Why not? 231 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:36,453 Giovanni, could you run the baths? 232 00:11:46,196 --> 00:11:48,065 JEREMY: Apparently, this place has got oysters. 233 00:11:48,065 --> 00:11:50,800 - Really? Here? - Yeah. I know, it's extraordinary. 234 00:11:50,867 --> 00:11:52,235 Who knew? 235 00:11:52,302 --> 00:11:54,171 Are you coming for some dinner? 236 00:11:54,237 --> 00:11:56,606 RICHARD: What do you mean, "Coming for dinner"? I'm cooking here. 237 00:11:56,673 --> 00:11:58,075 There's a restaurant just down there. 238 00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,542 - A restaurant? - Yeah, just down there. 239 00:11:59,609 --> 00:12:01,511 I don't want to go. 240 00:12:01,578 --> 00:12:03,280 I'm cooking this. I'm doing it properly, camping. 241 00:12:03,346 --> 00:12:04,981 - Well, come and-- - I'll join you after dinner. 242 00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:06,416 JEREMY: Whatever. 243 00:12:06,483 --> 00:12:07,850 JAMES: He's such a peasant, isn't he? 244 00:12:07,917 --> 00:12:09,319 JEREMY: It's just unbelievable. 245 00:12:09,386 --> 00:12:10,820 (METALLIC CLANGING) 246 00:12:10,887 --> 00:12:12,222 JEREMY: That evening in the restaurant, 247 00:12:12,289 --> 00:12:14,257 Hammond never did join us. 248 00:12:14,324 --> 00:12:17,660 But James and I were not short of company. 249 00:12:17,727 --> 00:12:21,431 Oh, look, there's rhinos! There's actual rhinos! 250 00:12:21,498 --> 00:12:23,966 And they've been dehorned. 251 00:12:24,101 --> 00:12:25,102 They've had to take its horn out 252 00:12:25,168 --> 00:12:27,337 to stop poachers shooting it. 253 00:12:27,404 --> 00:12:30,240 But you know what the poachers are doing? 254 00:12:30,307 --> 00:12:31,841 They shoot the dehorned ones, 255 00:12:31,908 --> 00:12:35,145 because if they track for a couple of days, a rhino, 256 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,946 and then it's got no horn, they shoot it, 257 00:12:37,013 --> 00:12:40,483 and then they'll never track it again, so it saves time. 258 00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,220 Do you know how much you get for a rhino horn now? 259 00:12:43,286 --> 00:12:45,888 - On the... On the market? - Yeah, in Vietnam. 260 00:12:45,955 --> 00:12:47,124 I'm guessing it's a lot. 261 00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:49,926 $320,000. 262 00:12:49,992 --> 00:12:52,629 - So that's more expensive than gold. - Good God. 263 00:12:52,695 --> 00:12:56,399 Even the nub that's left that he's got is still worth, 264 00:12:56,466 --> 00:12:58,000 I don't know, thousands of dollars. 265 00:12:58,135 --> 00:13:00,203 I was gonna say, no matter how carefully you dehorn it, 266 00:13:00,270 --> 00:13:03,306 there's still horn going down into its nose. 267 00:13:03,373 --> 00:13:07,544 - JEREMY: That's such a tragedy, that, you know. - JAMES: Yeah. 268 00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:09,779 I want to do something about this while we're here. 269 00:13:09,846 --> 00:13:11,714 I'm sure we could come up with something. 270 00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:14,717 I'm sure we could. 271 00:13:16,153 --> 00:13:17,487 ** 272 00:13:25,495 --> 00:13:28,998 RICHARD: The next morning, I woke to find I'd been recruited 273 00:13:29,065 --> 00:13:33,736 into the Clarkson and May Rhino Protection Squad. 274 00:13:33,803 --> 00:13:36,005 They were even convinced that our beach buggies 275 00:13:36,072 --> 00:13:40,877 would be ideal for tracking the poachers. 276 00:13:40,943 --> 00:13:44,046 I can't deny, they do have a point about the whole rhino thing. 277 00:13:44,181 --> 00:13:45,648 It is ridiculous. 278 00:13:45,715 --> 00:13:49,051 Two rhinos killed every day in Africa by poachers, 279 00:13:49,186 --> 00:13:53,856 and then sold to a market that believes it's a cure for cancer, 280 00:13:53,923 --> 00:13:55,858 impotence, even hangovers. 281 00:13:57,327 --> 00:13:59,762 But are we necessarily the right men 282 00:13:59,829 --> 00:14:02,899 to tackle it head-on in the field? 283 00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:06,569 Ow! (YELLS) 284 00:14:06,636 --> 00:14:09,506 Wouldn't we be better just popping a £1 coin in a jar 285 00:14:09,572 --> 00:14:13,776 and letting somebody who knows what they're doing solve it? 286 00:14:13,843 --> 00:14:15,578 Well, I've got a tranquilizer gun 287 00:14:15,645 --> 00:14:18,215 from the place where we were last night, but... 288 00:14:19,749 --> 00:14:21,418 ...I can't see anyone to shoot. 289 00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:28,925 JEREMY: Figuring that the poachers probably didn't use the main road, 290 00:14:28,991 --> 00:14:32,128 we went off to look in the bush. 291 00:14:32,229 --> 00:14:33,896 JAMES: What about over there? 292 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:37,700 RICHARD: No poachers. 293 00:14:39,936 --> 00:14:41,271 Tyre marks. 294 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,873 It may be some poacher. 295 00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:45,074 Oh, no, wait. 296 00:14:45,141 --> 00:14:47,377 BF Goodriches. This is James May. 297 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,649 RICHARD: Just so you know, this is stupid. 298 00:14:52,715 --> 00:14:54,717 JEREMY: What's stupid? 299 00:14:54,784 --> 00:14:57,019 RICHARD: How would you recognise a poacher when you saw one? 300 00:14:57,086 --> 00:15:00,457 - And when you find one, what are you gonna do? - Shoot him. 301 00:15:00,523 --> 00:15:02,259 All we're doing on our journey 302 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:05,027 is driving three beach buggies to the Angolan border. 303 00:15:05,094 --> 00:15:07,063 - Yeah. - Which doesn't further the cause of humanity. 304 00:15:07,129 --> 00:15:08,798 - JAMES: Exactly. - RICHARD: And this does, does it? 305 00:15:08,865 --> 00:15:13,035 We've got a day, Hammond. Give us 24 hours. 306 00:15:13,102 --> 00:15:16,806 24 hours. Then, I promise, we'll get back on the road. 307 00:15:21,077 --> 00:15:23,980 JEREMY: Once our sceptical colleague had agreed, 308 00:15:24,046 --> 00:15:26,015 I decided to change tack, 309 00:15:26,082 --> 00:15:29,486 abandon the cars and search from the air, 310 00:15:29,552 --> 00:15:32,989 using some beach-front parasailing equipment. 311 00:15:35,124 --> 00:15:36,626 - Jeremy? - Yes? 312 00:15:36,693 --> 00:15:39,562 If we don't make it, please know that I hate you. 313 00:15:39,629 --> 00:15:42,932 There's not a breath of wind, so don't be stupid. 314 00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:45,902 Oh, my parachute's been... 315 00:15:47,304 --> 00:15:49,306 - Oh, hello! - RICHARD: Goodbye. 316 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:51,774 - (JEREMY YELLS) - RICHARD: Shit! 317 00:15:55,312 --> 00:15:57,680 RICHARD: That's not worked at all. 318 00:15:57,747 --> 00:16:00,216 JEREMY: OK. Right, I'm not gonna do that. 319 00:16:00,317 --> 00:16:03,686 Clearly, my solution was too dangerous for us, 320 00:16:03,753 --> 00:16:06,389 so we sent Giovanni up instead. 321 00:16:06,456 --> 00:16:08,758 (FAINT YELLING) 322 00:16:08,825 --> 00:16:10,927 Look, he's going over there. He's gonna crash and die. 323 00:16:10,993 --> 00:16:14,331 - No, he's been blown a bit sideways but-- - And downwards. 324 00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,933 (YELLING CONTINUES) 325 00:16:16,999 --> 00:16:18,635 He didn't sign up for this, did he? 326 00:16:20,603 --> 00:16:23,440 JEREMY: Giovanni failed to spot any poachers, 327 00:16:23,506 --> 00:16:25,542 so we told him to stop messing about 328 00:16:25,608 --> 00:16:28,210 and get back to camp to pour some drinks, 329 00:16:28,345 --> 00:16:31,381 whilst we had a rethink. 330 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,250 Everything we've tried has gone wrong. 331 00:16:34,351 --> 00:16:36,853 So let's accept it now and move on. 332 00:16:36,919 --> 00:16:38,254 We can go. 333 00:16:38,355 --> 00:16:39,656 No. 334 00:16:39,722 --> 00:16:43,826 I think the poachers only go out at night. 335 00:16:43,893 --> 00:16:45,362 Oh, for God's sake. 336 00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,029 We'll let the sun set, 337 00:16:47,096 --> 00:16:48,898 get some tactical kit. 338 00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:52,101 - Rifles. - Come on, Hammond. 339 00:16:52,168 --> 00:16:54,771 You gave us 24 hours before you took our guns and badges. 340 00:16:54,837 --> 00:16:56,706 - JAMES: He did. - RICHARD: OK. 341 00:16:56,773 --> 00:17:00,677 I think a couple more beers, head out there. 342 00:17:00,743 --> 00:17:02,211 I agree. 343 00:17:02,278 --> 00:17:04,046 - Let it get dark. Be patient. - JEREMY: Yes. 344 00:17:04,113 --> 00:17:06,649 - Hunters are patient, aren't they? - Exactly. 345 00:17:12,021 --> 00:17:13,990 JEREMY: Once darkness had fallen, 346 00:17:14,056 --> 00:17:15,392 we got kitted out 347 00:17:15,392 --> 00:17:17,494 with tranquilizer guns and tactical kit 348 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,095 and headed back into the bush 349 00:17:19,161 --> 00:17:23,833 with a very unsure Richard in tow. 350 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,768 I mean, I'd like to stop poachers, 351 00:17:25,835 --> 00:17:30,407 but out here at night, what is the poacher-to-lion ratio? 352 00:17:30,473 --> 00:17:32,409 What am I more likely to find? 353 00:17:36,012 --> 00:17:38,981 JEREMY: What you have to do is look for rhino tracks, 354 00:17:39,048 --> 00:17:42,452 cos that's what the poachers will be following. 355 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,103 Literally the most manly thing I've ever done. 356 00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:04,206 (IN AMERICAN ACCENT) Grand Tour for men, splashing all over. 357 00:18:04,273 --> 00:18:05,775 - (GUN FIRES) - RICHARD: Ow! 358 00:18:05,842 --> 00:18:09,145 - JEREMY: Bloody hell! - RICHARD: You stupid bastards! 359 00:18:09,211 --> 00:18:11,313 Someone's shot me! 360 00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:13,349 RICHARD: Hammond? Hammond? 361 00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:14,717 Hammond? 362 00:18:14,784 --> 00:18:16,619 JAMES: Clarkson, you moron. 363 00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:17,987 JEREMY: Hammond? 364 00:18:28,598 --> 00:18:30,467 Right, well, I have to be honest, 365 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,669 yesterday was a total waste of time. 366 00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:34,804 We achieved nothing. 367 00:18:34,871 --> 00:18:38,841 All we did achieve was we seem to have wounded Mr Hammond, 368 00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:41,944 who er... well, we couldn't wake him up this morning at all. 369 00:18:42,011 --> 00:18:45,047 And because we needed to get going, we've a long way to go, 370 00:18:45,114 --> 00:18:46,649 we've had to improvise. 371 00:18:48,284 --> 00:18:49,952 (HELICOPTER WHIRS) 372 00:18:57,226 --> 00:18:59,161 Aaargh! 373 00:19:01,798 --> 00:19:03,666 What the (BLEEP)? 374 00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:07,136 What the (BLEEP) is this? 375 00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:08,838 You bastards! 376 00:19:10,139 --> 00:19:11,974 (YELLS) 377 00:19:13,943 --> 00:19:15,244 JEREMY: Back on the ground, 378 00:19:15,311 --> 00:19:18,548 James and I had our own problems. 379 00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:20,650 - (RATTLING) - Oh, God! 380 00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,686 Ow! Ow! 381 00:19:28,257 --> 00:19:30,192 This is very good for the gravel rash 382 00:19:30,259 --> 00:19:34,363 that I got... during my parachute accident yesterday. 383 00:19:34,430 --> 00:19:36,032 Oh, that hurts. 384 00:19:39,068 --> 00:19:41,437 What we could really do with is a rain shower 385 00:19:41,538 --> 00:19:43,840 to dampen this dust down. 386 00:19:43,906 --> 00:19:46,008 JAMES: I think it's unlikely. 387 00:19:46,075 --> 00:19:49,746 Yeah, there's no evidence that rain is on its way, I would say. 388 00:19:51,347 --> 00:19:53,983 JEREMY: Soon, word came over the radio 389 00:19:54,050 --> 00:19:56,686 that Hammond was on his way to rejoin us... 390 00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:01,624 ...and that he wasn't in the best of moods. 391 00:20:01,691 --> 00:20:03,893 What was that? 392 00:20:04,894 --> 00:20:07,263 (GRUNTS) What was that about? 393 00:20:07,329 --> 00:20:09,932 - We didn't want to leave you behind. - You wouldn't wake up. 394 00:20:09,999 --> 00:20:11,768 No, obviously, you didn't want to leave me behind, 395 00:20:11,834 --> 00:20:13,369 so you did the logical thing, 396 00:20:13,435 --> 00:20:15,938 which is suspend me from a helicopter whilst asleep. 397 00:20:16,005 --> 00:20:18,575 - Yes. - Most people would arrive at the same conclusion. 398 00:20:18,641 --> 00:20:20,877 No, you didn't! You were having a laugh! 399 00:20:20,943 --> 00:20:22,945 Do you realise how rough the first road was 400 00:20:23,012 --> 00:20:24,747 that you haven't had to drive on? 401 00:20:24,814 --> 00:20:26,916 And you got a helicopter ride, which we haven't had. 402 00:20:26,983 --> 00:20:29,051 You wouldn't be laughing and sniggering so much 403 00:20:29,118 --> 00:20:31,688 if I'd fallen out of that thing, as I could have done. 404 00:20:31,754 --> 00:20:33,422 Well, it wouldn't be funny. 405 00:20:33,489 --> 00:20:34,724 No, it just wouldn't be interesting. 406 00:20:34,791 --> 00:20:36,993 (JEREMY SNIGGERS) 407 00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:42,932 JEREMY: With the rhino fiasco behind us, 408 00:20:42,999 --> 00:20:45,101 we got back to the job in hand... 409 00:20:46,803 --> 00:20:49,071 ...which was to reach the Angolan border, 410 00:20:49,138 --> 00:20:51,073 and therefore prove that beach buggies 411 00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:53,475 are brilliant go-anywhere machines 412 00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:55,878 and not just frivolous toys. 413 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:02,284 Today, however, that theory would be seriously tested. 414 00:21:05,622 --> 00:21:07,624 Oh, for God's sake! 415 00:21:07,624 --> 00:21:09,191 (GROANS) 416 00:21:10,259 --> 00:21:11,628 (GROANS) Ow! 417 00:21:14,263 --> 00:21:15,665 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 418 00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:21,337 Ow! Christ on a bike! 419 00:21:21,403 --> 00:21:25,207 I hate to admit this, but I'm jealous of Hammond. 420 00:21:25,274 --> 00:21:29,411 I wish I'd fitted that suspension on my car. 421 00:21:29,478 --> 00:21:34,083 How is this car gonna stand up to this punishment all day? 422 00:21:36,252 --> 00:21:38,788 Well, since it had been designed by me 423 00:21:38,855 --> 00:21:41,423 and made from 40-year-old components, 424 00:21:41,490 --> 00:21:44,226 the answer was depressingly predictable. 425 00:21:46,663 --> 00:21:50,099 The alternator, as you can see, has come off its hinge. 426 00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:53,269 The bolt's supposed to go in there and it's just come off. 427 00:21:53,335 --> 00:21:57,173 And the bolt, well, that's somewhere back there, 100 miles. 428 00:22:04,881 --> 00:22:07,516 So, my alternator is now held on with a screwdriver 429 00:22:07,583 --> 00:22:09,786 that I've hammered into place. 430 00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:12,254 And we're running well. 431 00:22:16,926 --> 00:22:19,862 Oh. I don't know what I'm gonna do about it, 432 00:22:19,929 --> 00:22:22,198 but I don't have a fan belt on there. 433 00:22:25,401 --> 00:22:27,469 I've got a problem. 434 00:22:27,536 --> 00:22:31,908 (SIGHS) Another five miles, another fan belt. 435 00:22:31,974 --> 00:22:34,210 I'm gonna need a pair of tights. 436 00:22:36,412 --> 00:22:38,948 And it wasn't just me. 437 00:22:39,015 --> 00:22:42,384 I've been through all of that, all of that, the ignition cut-out switch. 438 00:22:42,451 --> 00:22:44,386 I've got some weird gremlin. 439 00:22:44,453 --> 00:22:47,724 JEREMY: This road is just shaking these cars to pieces. 440 00:22:51,060 --> 00:22:53,730 JAMES: Naturally, Jeremy decided that the only way 441 00:22:53,763 --> 00:22:55,732 of keeping his car in one piece 442 00:22:55,732 --> 00:22:58,500 was to drive very quickly. 443 00:22:58,567 --> 00:23:02,571 My optimum speed is 2,800 rpm, 444 00:23:02,638 --> 00:23:04,941 that being my only dial, really. 445 00:23:05,007 --> 00:23:08,010 That way, I'm skipping over the top of the ridges. 446 00:23:09,545 --> 00:23:11,814 Unfortunately, at this speed, 447 00:23:11,881 --> 00:23:14,150 my V8 was emptying the petrol tank 448 00:23:14,216 --> 00:23:16,418 every 31 miles. 449 00:23:16,485 --> 00:23:19,756 And one of the items we'd forgotten to buy at the camping shop 450 00:23:19,822 --> 00:23:22,091 was a funnel. 451 00:23:22,158 --> 00:23:25,061 Right, wind's dropped. Here we go. 452 00:23:25,127 --> 00:23:26,095 Drink! 453 00:23:27,563 --> 00:23:29,766 (GROANS) This is completely safe. 454 00:23:29,799 --> 00:23:32,769 Some of the petrol is... Oh, my giddy aunt! 455 00:23:37,673 --> 00:23:40,242 The roads are getting worse. 456 00:23:40,309 --> 00:23:43,379 Even though the going was appalling... 457 00:23:46,548 --> 00:23:48,517 ...the beach buggies, amazingly, 458 00:23:48,584 --> 00:23:51,888 were, more or less, still in one piece. 459 00:23:53,389 --> 00:23:56,125 However, as the relentless pounding wore on, 460 00:23:56,192 --> 00:23:59,295 the same could not be said of James. 461 00:23:59,361 --> 00:24:01,163 Agh! 462 00:24:04,533 --> 00:24:06,102 Oh, my God! 463 00:24:08,270 --> 00:24:10,807 Honestly, my bones are going to shatter. 464 00:24:19,581 --> 00:24:20,983 (GROANS) 465 00:24:23,385 --> 00:24:24,821 I've had enough of this. 466 00:24:27,523 --> 00:24:30,726 What I'm doing is I'm trying to soften up the front suspension, 467 00:24:30,827 --> 00:24:32,694 and I'm gonna soften the tyres as well. 468 00:24:32,829 --> 00:24:34,363 I've done quite a bit under here. 469 00:24:34,430 --> 00:24:37,333 Now I'm going to let a bit of air out of the tyres. 470 00:24:37,399 --> 00:24:39,168 (AIR HISSES) 471 00:24:39,235 --> 00:24:41,904 JAMES: This made a huge difference. 472 00:24:41,971 --> 00:24:43,439 (CLATTERING CONTINUES) 473 00:24:48,644 --> 00:24:50,179 This is rubbish! 474 00:24:52,849 --> 00:24:54,083 Stop! 475 00:24:56,919 --> 00:24:58,587 But it didn't stop. 476 00:24:58,654 --> 00:24:59,956 It went on... 477 00:25:01,490 --> 00:25:02,458 ...and on. 478 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,863 That day, I did 350 miles, 479 00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:10,066 and every single one of them was filled with pain, 480 00:25:10,132 --> 00:25:12,101 dust and misery. 481 00:25:16,873 --> 00:25:18,740 And that's why , the following morning, 482 00:25:18,875 --> 00:25:21,978 I came up with a radical plan. 483 00:25:22,044 --> 00:25:26,315 Don't drive on the road, drive near it. 484 00:25:26,382 --> 00:25:27,984 I did a bit alongside the road. 485 00:25:28,050 --> 00:25:29,986 Admittedly only half a kilometre, 486 00:25:30,052 --> 00:25:31,687 but it was bliss by comparison. 487 00:25:31,753 --> 00:25:34,190 It was like driving on a freshly resurfaced Silverstone. 488 00:25:34,256 --> 00:25:36,425 We don't have to stray miles from it. 489 00:25:36,492 --> 00:25:39,128 I agree, that would be foolish, cos we could just end up as skeletons. 490 00:25:39,195 --> 00:25:41,898 But, honestly, it's agony in mine. 491 00:25:41,931 --> 00:25:45,567 I've got neck ache, headache. I hate it. 492 00:25:45,634 --> 00:25:48,770 Right, I tell you what, Hammond. I tell you why I like his idea. 493 00:25:48,905 --> 00:25:53,475 If it is smooth off-road, it's more comfortable for us. 494 00:25:53,542 --> 00:25:57,446 If it's hopeless out there, we can blame him. 495 00:25:57,513 --> 00:25:58,480 Fair enough. 496 00:26:02,418 --> 00:26:04,020 JEREMY: With that settled, we left the road 497 00:26:04,086 --> 00:26:07,256 and set out on Highway May. 498 00:26:10,592 --> 00:26:14,796 I'll give James one thing, it is smoother than the road, 499 00:26:14,931 --> 00:26:18,234 but I am doing 3 mph. 500 00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:20,136 I mean, yeah, I like off-roading, I do, 501 00:26:20,202 --> 00:26:24,340 but... this isn't exactly quicker, is it? 502 00:26:24,406 --> 00:26:26,308 JEREMY: Sadly, a short while later, 503 00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:29,311 we didn't even have smooth going for us. 504 00:26:31,213 --> 00:26:32,614 Ow! 505 00:26:32,681 --> 00:26:34,083 (GROANS) Ow! Ow! Ow! 506 00:26:34,150 --> 00:26:35,952 Oh, spiffing. 507 00:26:38,220 --> 00:26:40,522 (GROANS) James, I hope you're happy with this. 508 00:26:40,589 --> 00:26:44,026 How bad must it have been for him if this is better? 509 00:26:47,329 --> 00:26:51,333 Oh, God al-bloody-mighty! What an idiot that man is! 510 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,735 Yeah, this is a lot less bumpy. 511 00:26:53,802 --> 00:26:55,037 Oh, Christ! 512 00:26:57,306 --> 00:26:58,807 Jesus! 513 00:26:58,874 --> 00:27:00,342 Is this better? Really? 514 00:27:03,980 --> 00:27:05,647 Stop moaning! 515 00:27:06,983 --> 00:27:08,985 (GRUNTS) 516 00:27:09,051 --> 00:27:13,755 JEREMY: Hammond, my entire throttle assembly has disintegrated. 517 00:27:13,822 --> 00:27:16,458 RICHARD: I can't see why. I'm sure this is all helping it. 518 00:27:16,525 --> 00:27:18,394 JEREMY: Perfectly all right on the road. 519 00:27:18,460 --> 00:27:19,996 Yeah, I don't know why more people 520 00:27:19,996 --> 00:27:22,999 don't drive their cars on the road. 521 00:27:23,065 --> 00:27:25,501 Stop blaming your failures on the scenery. 522 00:27:26,435 --> 00:27:29,005 Every bone in his crotch... 523 00:27:29,038 --> 00:27:30,706 that's what I'm gonna break. 524 00:27:30,772 --> 00:27:33,209 Every single one of them. 525 00:27:33,275 --> 00:27:35,711 And then, if it were at all possible, 526 00:27:35,777 --> 00:27:38,280 May Tours got even worse. 527 00:27:40,149 --> 00:27:43,319 Oh! Oh, God! The dust! Agh! 528 00:27:43,385 --> 00:27:48,190 What is this Star Trek special effect we've arrived in? 529 00:27:50,426 --> 00:27:51,527 Oh, my God! 530 00:27:54,030 --> 00:27:57,299 I am swimming through dust. I'm actually swimming in it. 531 00:28:00,036 --> 00:28:01,803 Oh, dear, oh, dear! 532 00:28:01,870 --> 00:28:05,107 JAMES: We had driven into something called fesh fesh, 533 00:28:05,174 --> 00:28:08,044 a sand as fine as talcum powder. 534 00:28:08,077 --> 00:28:10,046 Oh, shite! 535 00:28:10,112 --> 00:28:13,582 And this had made Ali G even more cross. 536 00:28:13,649 --> 00:28:16,185 (REVVING) 537 00:28:16,252 --> 00:28:19,055 I can't see a bloody thing now. I've got to... 538 00:28:19,088 --> 00:28:22,091 I can't even find James May to kill him. 539 00:28:23,525 --> 00:28:26,595 (GROANS) 540 00:28:26,662 --> 00:28:30,432 JEREMY: OK, the engine's boiling and I'm stuck. 541 00:28:30,499 --> 00:28:32,701 All my electrics have gone haywire 542 00:28:32,768 --> 00:28:35,271 My... It's still trying to turn the motor over. The battery's dead. 543 00:28:35,337 --> 00:28:37,073 Are you stuck, James? 544 00:28:37,106 --> 00:28:39,275 Er... (COUGHING FIT) 545 00:28:41,243 --> 00:28:42,878 (COUGHING) I think I'm stuck. 546 00:28:42,944 --> 00:28:44,980 Well done, James. 547 00:28:45,081 --> 00:28:46,782 Improved our lot no end. 548 00:28:46,848 --> 00:28:48,584 So the situation is... 549 00:28:48,650 --> 00:28:51,220 Hammond has broken his car, you're stuck, 550 00:28:51,287 --> 00:28:53,355 and mine's overheated. 551 00:28:53,422 --> 00:28:57,259 Are we going to say, James, that your idea was stupid? 552 00:28:58,660 --> 00:28:59,761 It was stupid. 553 00:29:03,299 --> 00:29:06,368 JEREMY: With even Sergeant Stubborn admitting defeat, 554 00:29:06,435 --> 00:29:08,704 it was time to throw in the towel. 555 00:29:08,770 --> 00:29:12,808 So we got ourselves sorted out, got a wash in the river 556 00:29:12,874 --> 00:29:16,678 and headed back to the road. 557 00:29:16,745 --> 00:29:19,581 There you go. Freshly ironed linen shirt 558 00:29:19,648 --> 00:29:24,120 with epaulettes that matches my beach buggy. 559 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:25,587 Ironed by Giovanni. 560 00:29:28,824 --> 00:29:30,292 Despite everything, 561 00:29:30,359 --> 00:29:33,929 our beach buggies had covered 750 miles 562 00:29:33,995 --> 00:29:36,132 of our 1,000-mile journey, 563 00:29:36,198 --> 00:29:38,800 and we were now well into the tribal regions 564 00:29:38,867 --> 00:29:40,402 of northern Namibia... 565 00:29:42,138 --> 00:29:44,640 ...which is picture-book Africa. 566 00:29:47,143 --> 00:29:50,146 Well, this is all a bit too beautiful for words along here. 567 00:29:50,179 --> 00:29:52,181 Look at this. 568 00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,283 Tribal Namibia, I like it. 569 00:30:02,158 --> 00:30:04,626 Where we are now, it's genuinely... 570 00:30:04,693 --> 00:30:08,664 Well, what would you say, "unspoiled"? Yeah. 571 00:30:08,730 --> 00:30:10,999 People do live the lives 572 00:30:11,066 --> 00:30:13,435 they've led here for thousands of years. 573 00:30:16,538 --> 00:30:17,306 Oh, no! 574 00:30:17,373 --> 00:30:21,143 Oh, no! I'm dying! 575 00:30:21,210 --> 00:30:23,879 Annoyingly, the James May excursion 576 00:30:23,945 --> 00:30:26,615 had caused more damage than I'd realised. 577 00:30:27,583 --> 00:30:30,219 Oh, now this is stuck on. 578 00:30:30,286 --> 00:30:31,953 Oh, bugger. 579 00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:35,090 Then, instead of the breakdown-recovery service, 580 00:30:35,157 --> 00:30:37,693 some topless ladies arrived... 581 00:30:37,759 --> 00:30:39,528 (SHRIEKING AND SINGING) 582 00:30:39,595 --> 00:30:41,062 RICHARD: Hello. 583 00:30:41,129 --> 00:30:45,000 ...which made knowing where to look a bit difficult. 584 00:30:45,066 --> 00:30:46,235 Oh! 585 00:30:50,406 --> 00:30:52,308 Erm... Concentrate on the job, Richard. 586 00:30:54,643 --> 00:30:56,745 This is unusual. 587 00:30:56,812 --> 00:30:58,814 I mean, normally the AA would have done. 588 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,816 (SINGING CONTINUES) 589 00:31:00,882 --> 00:31:01,917 Thank you! 590 00:31:03,252 --> 00:31:04,686 Very good. 591 00:31:04,753 --> 00:31:07,556 - (SINGING CONTINUES) - Oh, there's more. 592 00:31:14,530 --> 00:31:19,501 JEREMY: I, too, was nursing wounds as a result of May Tours. 593 00:31:19,568 --> 00:31:21,136 I do seem to have lost... 594 00:31:21,237 --> 00:31:22,771 (ENGINE CHUGS) 595 00:31:22,838 --> 00:31:24,440 ...one of my cylinders somehow. 596 00:31:24,506 --> 00:31:26,242 I'm driving a V7. 597 00:31:28,544 --> 00:31:32,013 Basically, this is now Spitty Spitty Bang Bang. 598 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,116 So, at the lunch stop, Richard and I decided 599 00:31:35,251 --> 00:31:37,253 to get our revenge on Mr May. 600 00:31:47,296 --> 00:31:48,897 Clarkson! 601 00:31:48,964 --> 00:31:50,266 What? 602 00:31:50,266 --> 00:31:51,933 You've put... Where's... 603 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,436 That is disturbing. 604 00:31:54,503 --> 00:31:56,272 What's annoying is, what have you done 605 00:31:56,272 --> 00:31:58,440 with my original vintage VW gear knob? 606 00:31:58,507 --> 00:32:00,642 Ah, well, no, good news on that. 607 00:32:00,709 --> 00:32:02,844 Giovanni has posted your original gear lever 608 00:32:02,911 --> 00:32:04,313 back to your address in London. 609 00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:05,981 - Has he? - RICHARD: Special delivery. 610 00:32:06,047 --> 00:32:09,285 What is the matter with you? That's really offensive. 611 00:32:09,285 --> 00:32:11,787 Well, I think that's a bit sexist. 612 00:32:11,853 --> 00:32:14,656 No, it's not. Why would I want to drive with a rubber penis? 613 00:32:14,723 --> 00:32:16,792 I don't know. I think you're weird. 614 00:32:16,858 --> 00:32:17,959 (LAUGHTER) 615 00:32:22,298 --> 00:32:26,902 RICHARD: With our break over, we got back on the road. 616 00:32:26,968 --> 00:32:30,372 For our American viewers, James May is driving a dick-shift. 617 00:32:33,742 --> 00:32:35,677 And it wasn't just James's knob 618 00:32:35,744 --> 00:32:37,613 that was keeping us amused. 619 00:32:37,679 --> 00:32:39,881 There was something else we'd learned over lunch 620 00:32:39,948 --> 00:32:42,050 that was even funnier. 621 00:32:42,117 --> 00:32:45,554 James May's fuel tank has a hole in it, or it's split. 622 00:32:46,455 --> 00:32:48,324 He's driving a bomb. 623 00:32:50,526 --> 00:32:52,227 It's a tense moment, this. 624 00:32:52,328 --> 00:32:55,096 It's like the end of a football match when it's 1-1. 625 00:32:55,163 --> 00:32:57,232 You're driving along, you know he's gonna blow up, 626 00:32:57,333 --> 00:32:59,668 you just don't know when. 627 00:32:59,735 --> 00:33:01,637 RICHARD: It's not gonna read well in the papers. 628 00:33:01,703 --> 00:33:05,574 "James May died in an exploding beach buggy, holding a rubber penis." 629 00:33:06,842 --> 00:33:08,810 Oh, shut up! 630 00:33:08,877 --> 00:33:09,978 Jeez! 631 00:33:15,651 --> 00:33:17,353 JAMES: Oh! In the face! 632 00:33:21,089 --> 00:33:23,825 JEREMY: Once James's fuel tank had run low enough, 633 00:33:23,892 --> 00:33:25,627 we pulled over in a small village 634 00:33:25,694 --> 00:33:27,996 so he could make some repairs. 635 00:33:31,132 --> 00:33:34,870 Well, the wind's blowing that way, so the fireball will go up there. 636 00:33:34,936 --> 00:33:37,272 It'll be sudden, won't it, when he goes? 637 00:33:37,373 --> 00:33:38,440 Yeah. It's "woompf." 638 00:33:38,507 --> 00:33:39,675 "Woompf," then a bit of quiet, 639 00:33:39,741 --> 00:33:41,410 and then... as all bits come down. 640 00:33:41,477 --> 00:33:43,144 JEREMY: Yes. 641 00:33:43,211 --> 00:33:45,381 Here's the split in the tank. 642 00:33:45,447 --> 00:33:48,116 - Apply this. - Oh, hello! 643 00:33:48,183 --> 00:33:50,986 You know we've been saying how bad the roads are, Hammond? 644 00:33:51,052 --> 00:33:52,621 Yes. 645 00:33:52,688 --> 00:33:56,024 They're bad enough to kill an un-killable car. 646 00:33:56,091 --> 00:33:57,959 That's kind of a terrifying sight, isn't it? 647 00:33:58,026 --> 00:34:02,398 I know. I've never seen that before in my life. 648 00:34:02,431 --> 00:34:05,100 A dead Toyota pickup truck. 649 00:34:06,902 --> 00:34:08,804 JEREMY: With James's tank bodged, 650 00:34:08,870 --> 00:34:11,773 we knuckled down to getting some miles under our belt. 651 00:34:14,710 --> 00:34:16,578 And for the rest of the day, 652 00:34:16,645 --> 00:34:19,948 the only person with petrol issues was me. 653 00:34:25,220 --> 00:34:29,425 Right. Refuelled, so I'm good now for 31 miles. 654 00:34:32,761 --> 00:34:35,497 By the end of the day, we'd made good progress. 655 00:34:35,564 --> 00:34:37,433 And when we stopped to make camp... 656 00:34:37,433 --> 00:34:40,268 Where the bloody hell's Giovanni? 657 00:34:40,335 --> 00:34:43,805 ...we were less than 100 miles from the finish line. 658 00:34:43,872 --> 00:34:46,575 So, after supper, we decided to have a conversation - 659 00:34:46,642 --> 00:34:48,176 well, argument - 660 00:34:48,243 --> 00:34:51,813 about who'd built the best beach buggy. 661 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:55,951 The point is, yours isn't a beach buggy. 662 00:34:56,017 --> 00:34:57,285 - My car? - Yeah. 663 00:34:57,352 --> 00:34:58,820 Apart from having a beach buggy's body 664 00:34:58,887 --> 00:35:01,457 and the beating, pulsating heart of a beach buggy, 665 00:35:01,523 --> 00:35:02,791 namely a Beetle engine. 666 00:35:02,858 --> 00:35:04,526 I look at yours and go, 667 00:35:04,593 --> 00:35:06,261 "That doesn't even look like a beach buggy." 668 00:35:06,327 --> 00:35:08,564 It does and it is! It's a beach buggy. 669 00:35:08,630 --> 00:35:10,599 Enhanced, but in the spirit of beach buggying. 670 00:35:10,666 --> 00:35:14,202 - It isn't. - Jeremy, yours is... a freak. 671 00:35:14,269 --> 00:35:17,338 Had it existed 100 years ago, it would have been exhibited. 672 00:35:17,473 --> 00:35:21,109 People would come from miles and children would peak at it through curtains. 673 00:35:21,176 --> 00:35:22,678 "Oh, look at the monster!" 674 00:35:22,744 --> 00:35:23,879 The point is, I have always loved 675 00:35:23,945 --> 00:35:25,547 the spirit of the beach buggy. 676 00:35:25,614 --> 00:35:28,216 I love the era that created it and all of that. 677 00:35:28,283 --> 00:35:30,619 But the one thing that's made me not like it 678 00:35:30,686 --> 00:35:33,154 is the engine reminds me of Hitler. 679 00:35:33,221 --> 00:35:37,493 I have removed all of that Hitler DNA from mine, 680 00:35:37,526 --> 00:35:39,495 fitted a bloody great V8. 681 00:35:39,495 --> 00:35:41,730 It's gone too far. 682 00:35:41,797 --> 00:35:44,766 - It's Frankenstein's buggy. - JAMES: I can settle this. 683 00:35:44,833 --> 00:35:47,168 - Yours isn't a proper beach buggy. - It isn't. 684 00:35:47,235 --> 00:35:50,038 - But it's more of a beach buggy than yours. - Oh, rubbish! 685 00:35:50,105 --> 00:35:52,674 Because the true spirit of the beach buggy 686 00:35:52,741 --> 00:35:54,676 is the Beetle floorpan and engine, which his has. 687 00:35:54,743 --> 00:35:55,777 Yours doesn't have the engine. 688 00:35:55,844 --> 00:35:56,878 Mine actually has everything. 689 00:35:56,945 --> 00:35:58,680 Mine is the proper beach buggy. 690 00:35:58,747 --> 00:36:00,749 - I'm sorry about this, James, but... - You're not. 691 00:36:00,816 --> 00:36:02,718 ...your car was created 692 00:36:02,784 --> 00:36:04,920 by the swinging '60s and endorsed by Steve McQueen, 693 00:36:04,986 --> 00:36:07,589 one of the coolest people who ever lived, 694 00:36:07,656 --> 00:36:09,691 and yet, somehow, you have managed 695 00:36:09,758 --> 00:36:11,527 to make your beach buggy boring. 696 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,194 - Rubbish - It is a bit. 697 00:36:13,261 --> 00:36:15,363 - It is boring. - It's a boring firework display. 698 00:36:15,430 --> 00:36:18,634 - It is. - It's boring in that it works. 699 00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:19,968 - No, James. - It doesn't work! 700 00:36:20,035 --> 00:36:21,670 The only thing that has gone wrong 701 00:36:21,737 --> 00:36:23,805 is a small leak in the petrol tank. 702 00:36:23,872 --> 00:36:25,874 Everything else about it has constantly worked. 703 00:36:25,941 --> 00:36:27,809 Do you know, every time I've overtaken you, 704 00:36:27,876 --> 00:36:29,611 I've looked and thought, "That's dismal." 705 00:36:29,678 --> 00:36:31,913 It isn't. It has an elegance and a purity. 706 00:36:31,980 --> 00:36:34,115 And when you say, "You've never come past me," 707 00:36:34,182 --> 00:36:37,352 I come past you every 30 miles because you've run out of fuel. 708 00:36:37,418 --> 00:36:41,690 It wheelies, the throttle sticks, the alternator falls off, bolts fall out of it. 709 00:36:41,757 --> 00:36:45,561 - It... The alternator... - You've had to fit a wing on it, which ruins the looks. 710 00:36:45,594 --> 00:36:47,328 It's not in the spirit of the beach buggy, 711 00:36:47,395 --> 00:36:50,599 but of a man desperately trying to justify a terrible idea. 712 00:36:50,666 --> 00:36:53,034 - It was a brilliant idea! - It doesn't work! 713 00:36:53,101 --> 00:36:54,670 I'm fairly conscious right now 714 00:36:54,736 --> 00:36:56,805 your car is drinking the fuel out of mine 715 00:36:56,872 --> 00:36:58,740 like a sort of plastic vampire. 716 00:36:58,807 --> 00:37:01,276 Look, mine has been thirsty. 717 00:37:01,342 --> 00:37:02,778 - Thirsty? - Yes. 718 00:37:02,844 --> 00:37:04,412 JAMES: We continued arguing 719 00:37:04,479 --> 00:37:08,349 until Giovanni reminded us it was time to go to bed. 720 00:37:08,416 --> 00:37:10,185 But I didn't go to bed, 721 00:37:10,251 --> 00:37:14,990 because I had business to attend to. 722 00:37:15,056 --> 00:37:17,025 Right, Jeremy Clarkson thinks he's being flamboyant, 723 00:37:17,092 --> 00:37:19,628 and he doesn't realise that my knowledge of aerodynamics 724 00:37:19,695 --> 00:37:23,699 will trump his ability to fit rubber penises to people's cars. 725 00:37:41,316 --> 00:37:42,283 Shit! 726 00:37:47,656 --> 00:37:49,925 Hammond! Fire! 727 00:37:49,991 --> 00:37:51,760 Help! 728 00:37:51,827 --> 00:37:53,829 Hammond! Help! 729 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,037 The next morning, as we resumed our journey, 730 00:38:02,103 --> 00:38:04,640 I was feeling rather philosophical. 731 00:38:06,041 --> 00:38:08,143 I once saw an old lady fall over 732 00:38:08,209 --> 00:38:11,212 and drop her shopping bag on the opposite side of the road, 733 00:38:11,279 --> 00:38:12,914 and her shopping fell out. 734 00:38:12,981 --> 00:38:14,650 And amongst it was an Easter egg, 735 00:38:14,683 --> 00:38:18,086 which I assume she bought for a grandchild or something, 736 00:38:18,153 --> 00:38:20,856 and it rolled into the road and got run over by a car. 737 00:38:20,922 --> 00:38:24,860 It was the most tragic thing I've ever seen... 738 00:38:24,926 --> 00:38:27,829 until I saw the front of my car this morning. 739 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,037 JEREMY: And it wasn't just the front of his own car he'd ruined. 740 00:38:40,508 --> 00:38:44,913 I wouldn't mind, but the rattling from James's workmanship is appalling. 741 00:38:48,684 --> 00:38:52,320 Despite everything, though, we were now almost there. 742 00:38:52,387 --> 00:38:55,256 Today, we would reach the beach that marked the finish 743 00:38:55,323 --> 00:38:58,459 of what had been a spectacular journey 744 00:38:58,526 --> 00:39:01,229 through a spectacular country. 745 00:39:03,464 --> 00:39:05,333 Oh! 746 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:07,402 - That deserves a stabbing. - (LAUGHTER) 747 00:39:09,504 --> 00:39:12,040 RICHARD: Oh, my God! 748 00:39:13,574 --> 00:39:14,743 Oh! 749 00:39:14,810 --> 00:39:16,878 (SCREAMS) 750 00:39:19,314 --> 00:39:21,482 JEREMY: Oh, my... 751 00:39:21,549 --> 00:39:24,119 Giovanni, could you run the baths? 752 00:39:24,185 --> 00:39:25,286 (YELLS) 753 00:39:27,422 --> 00:39:29,424 Aargh! 754 00:39:29,490 --> 00:39:31,793 Help! 755 00:39:31,860 --> 00:39:35,196 JEREMY: It really is an amazing part of the world, this. 756 00:39:35,263 --> 00:39:39,100 But everything that makes it amazing is harsh 757 00:39:39,167 --> 00:39:41,302 and unforgiving and difficult. 758 00:39:44,105 --> 00:39:46,341 Oh, stop! 759 00:39:46,407 --> 00:39:49,745 No one's ever said this before, but Namibia... 760 00:39:51,312 --> 00:39:54,282 ...is a beautiful bastard of a country. 761 00:40:03,158 --> 00:40:04,592 And yet, 762 00:40:04,659 --> 00:40:08,063 as we counted down the last few miles of our journey, 763 00:40:08,129 --> 00:40:12,734 our home-made beach buggies were still running. 764 00:40:12,801 --> 00:40:17,172 They were battered and bruised, but they'd proved our point to Mr Wilman. 765 00:40:18,273 --> 00:40:19,474 They'd made it. 766 00:40:21,709 --> 00:40:23,745 And they had done something else as well - 767 00:40:23,812 --> 00:40:25,246 they'd got under our skin. 768 00:40:25,313 --> 00:40:27,448 We liked them even more at the end 769 00:40:27,515 --> 00:40:30,251 than we had done at the start. 770 00:40:30,318 --> 00:40:32,954 I think everybody in the world should drive a beach buggy, 771 00:40:33,021 --> 00:40:36,591 because you're exposed to so much. 772 00:40:36,657 --> 00:40:38,026 Not just the elements, 773 00:40:38,093 --> 00:40:40,996 but the opinions of other people. 774 00:40:41,062 --> 00:40:42,430 I mean, when you're in a normal car, 775 00:40:42,497 --> 00:40:44,900 you shake your fist and make gestures, 776 00:40:44,966 --> 00:40:46,267 and shout and yell, 777 00:40:46,334 --> 00:40:49,037 because you feel cocooned and safe 778 00:40:49,104 --> 00:40:52,240 and immune from everybody. 779 00:40:52,307 --> 00:40:56,244 But in a beach buggy, everyone's just there. 780 00:40:56,311 --> 00:40:58,046 It's brilliant! 781 00:40:58,113 --> 00:41:00,982 It's such a friendly way of moving about. 782 00:41:02,818 --> 00:41:04,419 And with that, we settled down 783 00:41:04,485 --> 00:41:08,689 for what we hoped would be a smooth cruise to the beach. 784 00:41:08,824 --> 00:41:10,391 But it wasn't. 785 00:41:10,458 --> 00:41:11,426 Ow! Ow! 786 00:41:12,861 --> 00:41:14,195 Oh, God! Ow! 787 00:41:19,134 --> 00:41:20,869 This is outrageous! 788 00:41:22,670 --> 00:41:24,105 Holy shit! 789 00:41:26,908 --> 00:41:28,509 Oh, no! It's gone! 790 00:41:28,576 --> 00:41:32,547 And now my aerodynamics are badly affected as well. 791 00:41:35,683 --> 00:41:37,085 Oh, my word! 792 00:41:38,419 --> 00:41:40,488 Jeremy is hoping to get to the finish line 793 00:41:40,555 --> 00:41:43,558 in the sort of pile of scrap you hate your neighbours 794 00:41:43,624 --> 00:41:45,894 for keeping at the bottom of their garden. 795 00:41:49,330 --> 00:41:50,565 Oh, God! 796 00:41:55,203 --> 00:41:57,738 JEREMY: (LAUGHS) Oh, no! There's petrol! 797 00:41:57,873 --> 00:42:01,076 Oh! Hammond, don't go near his car! 798 00:42:01,142 --> 00:42:03,478 There's petrol all over the front of his car. 799 00:42:03,544 --> 00:42:04,612 - Is there? - Yeah. 800 00:42:04,679 --> 00:42:06,214 RICHARD: Ooh! 801 00:42:06,281 --> 00:42:08,383 JEREMY: What if it caught fire, James? 802 00:42:13,654 --> 00:42:15,490 With just 30 miles to go, 803 00:42:15,556 --> 00:42:19,895 the mighty seven-cylinder V8 really started to play up. 804 00:42:19,928 --> 00:42:21,429 (ENGINE CHUGGING) 805 00:42:21,496 --> 00:42:23,098 - (ENGINE GRINDING) - Oh, no! 806 00:42:26,401 --> 00:42:27,936 (LAUGHS) 807 00:42:28,970 --> 00:42:30,638 And then it started to go dark, 808 00:42:30,705 --> 00:42:34,209 which presented us with the biggest problem of the lot. 809 00:42:35,343 --> 00:42:37,578 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 810 00:42:37,645 --> 00:42:39,380 That's just terrible. 811 00:42:39,447 --> 00:42:41,582 Oh, God! 812 00:42:41,649 --> 00:42:43,284 JAMES: Well, that's marvellous. 813 00:42:43,351 --> 00:42:45,253 JEREMY: That one is dazzling me 814 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,522 and that one is showing me where to go. 815 00:42:49,090 --> 00:42:52,193 RICHARD: This is far from ideal. 816 00:42:52,260 --> 00:42:54,295 JEREMY: Before pitch darkness fell, 817 00:42:54,362 --> 00:42:57,999 we pulled over to do some emergency repairs. 818 00:42:58,066 --> 00:42:59,767 I'm gonna put some... 819 00:42:59,834 --> 00:43:03,004 tape of a certain well-known brand on the problem. 820 00:43:04,940 --> 00:43:06,407 JEREMY: Finger tight will do. 821 00:43:06,474 --> 00:43:09,444 These repairs were extremely successful. 822 00:43:13,714 --> 00:43:16,451 Oh, it's swung into my face! 823 00:43:16,517 --> 00:43:19,620 No, I can't see a thing. Agh! That's worse! 824 00:43:21,990 --> 00:43:24,559 Oh, God. Now they've turned. 825 00:43:24,625 --> 00:43:27,328 Oh, no! My car's gone cross-eyed again! 826 00:43:29,630 --> 00:43:32,267 JEREMY: There's a man coming the other way. 827 00:43:32,333 --> 00:43:33,868 What's he gonna think of us? 828 00:43:33,969 --> 00:43:35,170 (LAUGHS) I don't know. 829 00:43:35,236 --> 00:43:37,238 I can't see a bloody thing. 830 00:43:38,873 --> 00:43:41,476 Thank you. Oh, that's good! 831 00:43:41,542 --> 00:43:43,711 It's shaken the headlight back round again! 832 00:43:43,778 --> 00:43:47,282 Yeah! No, it's back again. Oh, just for a moment. 833 00:43:48,984 --> 00:43:53,621 Then the rough road brought some new headlight problems. 834 00:43:53,688 --> 00:43:56,557 Oh, nothing! Oh, no! Nothing! Nothing! 835 00:43:56,624 --> 00:44:00,295 I've got... I've now got nothing at all. 836 00:44:00,361 --> 00:44:02,530 OK, Hammond and May, can you just let me know 837 00:44:02,597 --> 00:44:05,166 what your lighting situation is now? 838 00:44:05,233 --> 00:44:09,104 RICHARD: As long as I hold the flash lever back, I have light. 839 00:44:09,170 --> 00:44:13,141 JAMES: If I hold the lever, I get one light and one flashing light, yes. 840 00:44:13,208 --> 00:44:16,444 But I have to take my hand off to change gear. 841 00:44:16,511 --> 00:44:19,114 JEREMY: And then Hammond's car suddenly turned into 842 00:44:19,180 --> 00:44:21,482 the lighting rig at a Pink Floyd gig. 843 00:44:23,618 --> 00:44:25,786 Why does it keep changing? What... 844 00:44:25,853 --> 00:44:27,155 And it's all got... 845 00:44:28,623 --> 00:44:29,724 (GASPS) 846 00:44:32,593 --> 00:44:35,663 It's only three kilometres to go now. Three. 847 00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:40,101 Ahh! 848 00:44:40,168 --> 00:44:42,170 Oh, (BLEEP) hell! 849 00:44:43,138 --> 00:44:44,572 Gone. Coming back. 850 00:44:46,374 --> 00:44:48,076 Although we couldn't see, 851 00:44:48,143 --> 00:44:51,279 we knew we must be close to the beach. 852 00:44:51,346 --> 00:44:53,448 It's not... you know, a seaside beach. 853 00:44:53,514 --> 00:44:56,717 It must be on a river or a lake, or something. 854 00:44:59,687 --> 00:45:02,123 This is uphill. I'm sure that's wrong. 855 00:45:04,059 --> 00:45:06,461 That's a big drop there. 856 00:45:06,527 --> 00:45:09,164 I don't want to go off there. 857 00:45:09,230 --> 00:45:11,466 JEREMY: I'm not sure this is sensible. 858 00:45:11,532 --> 00:45:15,203 Nowhere in any guide I've ever read does it say, 859 00:45:15,270 --> 00:45:18,839 "Explore new territory in a beach buggy 860 00:45:18,906 --> 00:45:22,143 with your lights all broken." 861 00:45:22,210 --> 00:45:26,181 Unable to find anything even remotely resembling a beach, 862 00:45:26,247 --> 00:45:28,083 we pulled over. 863 00:45:28,083 --> 00:45:29,917 (WATER RUSHING) 864 00:45:29,984 --> 00:45:33,154 We cannot carry on just plunging around in the darkness, 865 00:45:33,221 --> 00:45:34,622 hoping to find the beach. 866 00:45:34,689 --> 00:45:36,491 And, anyway, what is that noise? 867 00:45:37,858 --> 00:45:42,863 RICHARD: I would say that...is a waterfall. 868 00:45:42,930 --> 00:45:45,233 Is it something you want to come across in the dark? 869 00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:48,303 Because the other thing I'd say about that sound - 870 00:45:48,369 --> 00:45:51,739 it might be my imagination, but that sounds as though it's coming from below, 871 00:45:51,806 --> 00:45:53,108 like we're above it. 872 00:45:53,108 --> 00:45:54,509 We have climbed up that track. 873 00:45:54,575 --> 00:45:56,811 And a waterfall is a drop, by definition. 874 00:45:56,877 --> 00:45:59,180 If we're... I don't want to... in the dark. 875 00:45:59,247 --> 00:46:01,682 Abandon. I'm not doing it. 876 00:46:01,749 --> 00:46:03,818 We'll do it tomorrow. Sun. 877 00:46:03,884 --> 00:46:06,721 Let's look at the stars and have one more night in Namibia. 878 00:46:06,787 --> 00:46:09,023 We'll find it tomorrow and it'll be fantastically glorious. 879 00:46:09,124 --> 00:46:10,125 RICHARD: Tomorrow on the beach. 880 00:46:10,191 --> 00:46:12,493 JEREMY: Giovanni! 881 00:46:16,197 --> 00:46:20,701 The next morning, daylight brought answers to our questions. 882 00:46:22,770 --> 00:46:24,505 So it wasn't a waterfall. 883 00:46:24,572 --> 00:46:26,941 No, it was many waterfalls. 884 00:46:27,007 --> 00:46:28,343 Hundreds of waterfalls. 885 00:46:36,917 --> 00:46:39,019 And they were just part of what we all agreed 886 00:46:39,154 --> 00:46:44,192 was the most beautiful view we'd ever seen. 887 00:46:54,369 --> 00:46:58,005 But...many waterfalls. 888 00:46:58,072 --> 00:46:59,807 No beach that I can see. 889 00:47:03,278 --> 00:47:05,012 Does that count as a beach? 890 00:47:05,079 --> 00:47:06,181 JEREMY: That is a beach. 891 00:47:06,181 --> 00:47:07,948 JAMES: I'd call that a beach. 892 00:47:08,015 --> 00:47:11,018 - The beach. - That's got to be it. There's no others. 893 00:47:11,085 --> 00:47:14,189 Gentlemen, our quest is at an end. 894 00:47:14,222 --> 00:47:17,024 Let us ride... 895 00:47:17,091 --> 00:47:20,761 in splendour... to... 896 00:47:20,828 --> 00:47:23,231 - I'm not finishing that very well. What is it? - It's very moving. 897 00:47:23,298 --> 00:47:26,901 I'm trying to think of something evocative and Victorian and brilliant. 898 00:47:26,967 --> 00:47:29,103 RICHARD: "Let's go over there and finish our journey"? 899 00:47:29,204 --> 00:47:30,938 No, that's Brummie rubbish! 900 00:47:31,005 --> 00:47:32,973 - It is! - It's the fact. 901 00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,877 JEREMY: Unable to find the right words to mark the moment... 902 00:47:36,944 --> 00:47:38,413 ...we set off anyway. 903 00:47:41,949 --> 00:47:43,351 Yeah, this is it. 904 00:47:46,387 --> 00:47:49,624 We are half a kilometre from our objective. 905 00:47:53,928 --> 00:47:55,230 Oh. 906 00:47:55,296 --> 00:47:57,898 Oh, no. Path ends. Path ends. 907 00:47:59,133 --> 00:48:00,668 Erm... 908 00:48:03,037 --> 00:48:04,839 Oh, my God! 909 00:48:07,442 --> 00:48:08,809 Well, if this won't get over there, 910 00:48:08,876 --> 00:48:10,378 there's no way will theirs. 911 00:48:13,448 --> 00:48:16,551 JEREMY: We split up to look for a path through the rocks... 912 00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:19,787 JAMES: Oh, no! 913 00:48:19,854 --> 00:48:22,623 ...but it was hopeless. 914 00:48:22,690 --> 00:48:23,658 Forget it. 915 00:48:24,859 --> 00:48:26,627 Hammond, forget it. 916 00:48:26,694 --> 00:48:28,763 We aren't going down this hill. 917 00:48:32,032 --> 00:48:35,870 The problem is, even if we could get over this stuff, which we can't... 918 00:48:35,936 --> 00:48:37,505 RICHARD: No, we can't. 919 00:48:37,572 --> 00:48:40,275 ...have you seen what's between us and the beach? 920 00:48:40,341 --> 00:48:44,279 Look at it. There's no way you could drive over that or anywhere near. 921 00:48:44,312 --> 00:48:46,814 - Look, you can't even go inland. - No, we can't go there. 922 00:48:46,881 --> 00:48:48,583 And you can't go around that mountain 923 00:48:48,649 --> 00:48:50,718 and come at it from the back, cos they're cliffs. 924 00:48:56,791 --> 00:48:58,759 Wait a minute. 925 00:48:58,826 --> 00:49:00,795 What? 926 00:49:00,861 --> 00:49:01,962 I've had... 927 00:49:03,030 --> 00:49:04,432 ...a great idea. 928 00:49:04,499 --> 00:49:07,368 - RICHARD: Oh, no. - No. 929 00:49:07,435 --> 00:49:10,471 So we can't drive over here. 930 00:49:10,538 --> 00:49:15,910 But we have to get us and our cars to that beach over there. 931 00:49:17,378 --> 00:49:20,481 If there were to be some kind of... 932 00:49:20,548 --> 00:49:23,718 A mounting point on that cliff, maybe, and then-- 933 00:49:23,784 --> 00:49:24,719 Do what? 934 00:49:24,785 --> 00:49:26,854 No. Mounting point down there. 935 00:49:26,921 --> 00:49:28,756 Over that distance? That's a huge distance. 936 00:49:28,823 --> 00:49:30,358 - It's about half a kilometre. - No! 937 00:49:30,425 --> 00:49:32,092 But can you imagine the forces on it? 938 00:49:32,159 --> 00:49:34,629 - The things at the end are gonna have to be... - Huge. 939 00:49:34,695 --> 00:49:37,798 - Massive. - Jeremy, we don't all live in a cartoon. 940 00:49:37,865 --> 00:49:39,634 We will die! Dead! 941 00:49:42,603 --> 00:49:45,340 RICHARD: Given that there were no alternatives, 942 00:49:45,373 --> 00:49:47,207 we had to go with the ape's plan, 943 00:49:47,342 --> 00:49:52,747 which was to turn our beach buggies into cable cars. 944 00:49:52,813 --> 00:49:56,183 - That's over two metres. - Yeah, that's good enough. 945 00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:59,354 So we headed to a nearby abandoned mine... 946 00:50:00,688 --> 00:50:02,490 ...to scavenge materials. 947 00:50:05,393 --> 00:50:07,094 JAMES: Is that bit any good? 948 00:50:07,161 --> 00:50:11,231 - How much more of that cable have we got? - Four drums. 949 00:50:11,298 --> 00:50:14,635 - Are you proposing that that becomes a winding drum? - Yeah. 950 00:50:14,702 --> 00:50:17,171 It's very important... 951 00:50:17,237 --> 00:50:21,008 we get as much weight as possible into Hammond's car... 952 00:50:21,075 --> 00:50:23,478 for erm... well, for your amusement. 953 00:50:25,813 --> 00:50:27,582 - (COUGHS) - (METAL CLATTERING) 954 00:50:29,283 --> 00:50:30,351 Right, toolbox. 955 00:50:30,418 --> 00:50:31,886 (CLANGING AND GRUNTING) 956 00:50:37,324 --> 00:50:39,694 - JAMES: How much do you want? - JEREMY: 30 metres. 957 00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:49,069 James, have you got that hoop welded in yet? 958 00:50:49,136 --> 00:50:50,438 No, that's my next job. 959 00:50:55,443 --> 00:50:57,211 RICHARD: Several days later, 960 00:50:57,277 --> 00:50:59,947 and with absolutely no help whatsoever 961 00:51:00,014 --> 00:51:04,318 from any Namibian mining engineers... 962 00:51:04,419 --> 00:51:08,556 ...the world's first beach buggy cable car was ready, and-- 963 00:51:08,623 --> 00:51:10,324 JEREMY: Shit! Stop, everybody! 964 00:51:10,425 --> 00:51:13,293 The goats are eating the tree that we've anchored it to. 965 00:51:13,428 --> 00:51:15,763 - Shoo, goats! Shoo! - (BLEATING) 966 00:51:18,633 --> 00:51:20,868 They were eating the tree. 967 00:51:20,935 --> 00:51:22,737 RICHARD: Anyway, as I was saying, 968 00:51:22,803 --> 00:51:25,239 it stretched for more than a third of a mile. 969 00:51:25,305 --> 00:51:28,175 And since the drop to the crocodile-infested river 970 00:51:28,242 --> 00:51:30,445 was several hundred feet, 971 00:51:30,478 --> 00:51:32,613 we decided James should go first. 972 00:51:33,614 --> 00:51:35,115 - We had a vote. - Did you? 973 00:51:35,182 --> 00:51:37,151 We did, and we were unanimous you were going first. 974 00:51:37,217 --> 00:51:39,019 Right, so it's become a democracy all of a sudden? 975 00:51:39,086 --> 00:51:40,955 - JEREMY: Yes, it has. - RICHARD: Yeah. 976 00:51:41,021 --> 00:51:42,590 And anyway, your car's the lightest, 977 00:51:42,657 --> 00:51:44,158 now you've burned half of it away. 978 00:51:46,461 --> 00:51:49,464 I'm climbing in. Jesus! 979 00:51:49,497 --> 00:51:52,967 JEREMY: With the state-of-the-art generators fired up... 980 00:51:53,033 --> 00:51:54,134 (CHUGGING) 981 00:51:57,672 --> 00:51:59,874 ...James fortified himself for the journey... 982 00:52:01,375 --> 00:52:03,243 Is he drinking? 983 00:52:03,310 --> 00:52:06,481 ...and then simply drove off the launch pad. 984 00:52:06,547 --> 00:52:08,549 JAMES: Oh, my God! Whoa! 985 00:52:08,616 --> 00:52:11,118 (CREAKING) 986 00:52:11,185 --> 00:52:12,920 Oh, shit! It's really high! 987 00:52:12,987 --> 00:52:16,356 It's really high! I'm turning the engine off. 988 00:52:16,491 --> 00:52:18,559 - RICHARD: We had to test it. - JEREMY: Well, exactly. 989 00:52:18,626 --> 00:52:21,696 - He had to go first. - Don't look at us and think we're bad. 990 00:52:21,762 --> 00:52:24,298 Because that was scientifically vigorous. 991 00:52:24,364 --> 00:52:25,666 (CREAKING) 992 00:52:30,638 --> 00:52:32,206 It's a cable car. It's a cable car. 993 00:52:32,272 --> 00:52:34,942 I've been on lots of cable cars. They're safe. 994 00:52:35,009 --> 00:52:38,078 - JEREMY: God. Look, he's... This is where it's high. - RICHARD: That's horrible. 995 00:52:41,181 --> 00:52:43,150 No! It's going really high! I don't like... 996 00:52:43,217 --> 00:52:44,852 (SCREAMS) 997 00:52:47,087 --> 00:52:48,422 JAMES: I hate you! 998 00:52:48,523 --> 00:52:50,525 - OK. - He doesn't like us. 999 00:52:54,028 --> 00:52:58,365 JAMES: Despite my terror, the cable buggy kept on chugging through 1000 00:52:58,432 --> 00:53:03,203 what's technically Angolan airspace towards the beach. 1001 00:53:03,270 --> 00:53:04,438 God, I'm nearly there! 1002 00:53:04,539 --> 00:53:05,806 (CREAKING) 1003 00:53:07,141 --> 00:53:09,176 Neutral. Handbrake off. 1004 00:53:09,243 --> 00:53:11,546 He's gonna do it. He's gonna do it. 1005 00:53:11,612 --> 00:53:12,913 I'm at the end! 1006 00:53:15,315 --> 00:53:18,152 - JEREMY: He's down. - RICHARD: That's a landing. 1007 00:53:18,218 --> 00:53:20,154 Yes! 1008 00:53:20,220 --> 00:53:21,922 - Do you know what, though? - What? 1009 00:53:21,989 --> 00:53:23,791 - I'm doing maths here. - Mm? 1010 00:53:23,858 --> 00:53:27,161 One of us is gonna be killed doing this, obviously, yes? 1011 00:53:27,227 --> 00:53:31,165 - I'd say so, yeah. - So when we were all here, 33% chance. 1012 00:53:31,231 --> 00:53:33,934 Now I'm doing it with a 50% chance. 1013 00:53:34,001 --> 00:53:35,636 - Now you're doing it? - I'm going next. 1014 00:53:35,703 --> 00:53:37,605 - I can go next. - You can't go next. 1015 00:53:37,672 --> 00:53:40,140 - Why can't I go next? - (CREAKING) 1016 00:53:40,207 --> 00:53:43,711 JEREMY: Whilst James toasted his success with some more drink... 1017 00:53:45,179 --> 00:53:48,983 ...I won the argument and prepared for launch. 1018 00:53:49,917 --> 00:53:52,119 Why is my car at this angle? 1019 00:53:52,186 --> 00:53:55,590 Well, maybe because there's a massive V8 hanging out the back of it. 1020 00:53:55,623 --> 00:53:58,092 Right! Right, right, right! 1021 00:53:58,158 --> 00:53:59,326 I'll... here we go. 1022 00:53:59,393 --> 00:54:00,695 (ENGINE STARTS) 1023 00:54:05,265 --> 00:54:06,233 (GROANS) 1024 00:54:09,369 --> 00:54:14,074 My rectum has just opened like a set of theatre curtains. 1025 00:54:14,141 --> 00:54:16,911 And for good reason, because my beach buggy 1026 00:54:16,977 --> 00:54:21,682 weighed 200 kilograms more than James's charred wreck. 1027 00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,755 Ooh! Ooh! He brushed the grass! 1028 00:54:31,058 --> 00:54:32,793 I'm terrified, I'll be honest, 1029 00:54:32,860 --> 00:54:35,630 but, for the first time since I set off, 1030 00:54:35,663 --> 00:54:37,632 I'm comfortable in my beach buggy. 1031 00:54:43,804 --> 00:54:45,105 (METALLIC CLUNK) 1032 00:54:49,343 --> 00:54:52,747 Approaching the beach. Approaching the end of the journey. 1033 00:54:52,813 --> 00:54:54,114 Here I come. 1034 00:54:55,215 --> 00:54:58,118 And... touchdown! 1035 00:54:58,185 --> 00:55:00,655 Yes! 1036 00:55:00,655 --> 00:55:03,390 JEREMY: Bad news, Hammond. I've made it. 1037 00:55:03,457 --> 00:55:04,992 Oh, great. 1038 00:55:05,059 --> 00:55:08,663 - Sir? - Oh, I say, James! 1039 00:55:08,663 --> 00:55:10,898 JEREMY: Actually, I was lucky there was some left, 1040 00:55:10,965 --> 00:55:14,669 because James had had a bit of a thirst on whilst he'd been alone. 1041 00:55:14,669 --> 00:55:16,136 (GRUNTS) 1042 00:55:16,203 --> 00:55:17,504 Hello, guys down there. 1043 00:55:17,571 --> 00:55:19,840 It's Richard at the top. 1044 00:55:19,907 --> 00:55:22,209 Right, I'm gonna do this now, so goodbye. 1045 00:55:26,781 --> 00:55:28,883 Oh! I don't like that feeling! 1046 00:55:29,984 --> 00:55:32,319 (GROANS) 1047 00:55:32,386 --> 00:55:33,988 (GROANING CONTINUES) 1048 00:55:34,054 --> 00:55:36,891 Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen, Richard Hammond. 1049 00:55:38,225 --> 00:55:39,293 (GRUNTS) No! 1050 00:55:41,461 --> 00:55:44,298 I could take solace from the fact that this system 1051 00:55:44,364 --> 00:55:48,168 has already run twice with their cars and not failed - it's been tested. 1052 00:55:48,235 --> 00:55:50,237 Or I could take a more realistic view, 1053 00:55:50,304 --> 00:55:55,009 which is that those two fat oafs have already weakened it. 1054 00:55:55,075 --> 00:55:57,311 JEREMY: Plus he had all that scrap metal in the back, 1055 00:55:57,377 --> 00:55:59,747 which is why all eyes were on him. 1056 00:55:59,814 --> 00:56:02,082 Well, when I say "all"... 1057 00:56:02,149 --> 00:56:05,185 Look at the colours in those rocks over there. 1058 00:56:05,252 --> 00:56:07,788 It's... It's fantastic. 1059 00:56:07,855 --> 00:56:09,990 Just to the left of where Hammond is. 1060 00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,730 Why's my car sitting so low? It is heavy. 1061 00:56:15,796 --> 00:56:17,564 It is... Why's it lower? 1062 00:56:17,631 --> 00:56:20,400 - The colouring is fabulous, isn't it? - Yeah, they are. 1063 00:56:24,471 --> 00:56:27,975 RICHARD: Despite all my fears, the cables were holding 1064 00:56:28,042 --> 00:56:31,578 and drawing me ever closer to my colleagues. 1065 00:56:31,645 --> 00:56:33,981 This is it. I can see the beach. 1066 00:56:34,048 --> 00:56:36,083 I'm so nearly there. We are gonna do it! 1067 00:56:37,752 --> 00:56:39,153 Come on, Hammond. Come on. 1068 00:56:41,421 --> 00:56:43,457 I'm gonna do it. 1069 00:56:43,523 --> 00:56:45,359 Come on, Hammond. Come on. 1070 00:56:45,425 --> 00:56:46,794 (CREAKING) 1071 00:56:46,861 --> 00:56:47,962 (METALLIC CLUNK) 1072 00:56:48,028 --> 00:56:49,764 (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) 1073 00:56:49,797 --> 00:56:51,065 Oh. 1074 00:56:53,768 --> 00:56:55,302 Erm... 1075 00:56:57,304 --> 00:56:58,773 Why have I stopped? 1076 00:56:58,773 --> 00:57:00,207 - JEREMY: Hammond! - JAMES: Come on! 1077 00:57:00,274 --> 00:57:02,442 - RICHARD: I've stopped! - JEREMY: Hammond! 1078 00:57:02,509 --> 00:57:04,144 It's just stopped! 1079 00:57:04,211 --> 00:57:05,980 What can I do? It's just stopped! 1080 00:57:06,046 --> 00:57:09,049 There's, like, 200 metres to go! 1081 00:57:09,116 --> 00:57:12,119 I don't have anything to do with it! It's not up to me! 1082 00:57:12,186 --> 00:57:15,055 Is there nothing you can do? 1083 00:57:15,122 --> 00:57:17,124 Sadly, James was too drunk to think, 1084 00:57:17,191 --> 00:57:18,859 and I'm mechanically inept. 1085 00:57:18,926 --> 00:57:22,797 Plus, whatever had gone wrong had gone wrong at the top, 1086 00:57:22,863 --> 00:57:24,664 and we were at the bottom. 1087 00:57:24,799 --> 00:57:26,266 Move! Move! Move! 1088 00:57:26,333 --> 00:57:28,402 There's literally nothing we can do. 1089 00:57:28,468 --> 00:57:29,837 We've assessed everything 1090 00:57:29,904 --> 00:57:31,906 and you're in a hopeless position. 1091 00:57:33,607 --> 00:57:35,409 We could have another beer. 1092 00:57:40,447 --> 00:57:42,682 We've gonna have to conclude, I'm afraid, 1093 00:57:42,817 --> 00:57:47,454 that Mr Wilman was right that the beach buggy is no good. 1094 00:57:47,521 --> 00:57:51,091 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1095 00:57:51,158 --> 00:57:53,861 Thank you so much for watching. Good night. 1096 00:58:02,069 --> 00:58:04,171 * You've got your head on backwards, baby * 1097 00:58:04,238 --> 00:58:05,705 * You don't know where you're at * 1098 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:07,541 * You've got your head on backwards, baby * 1099 00:58:07,607 --> 00:58:09,543 * Watch out or you'll fall flat * 1100 00:58:09,609 --> 00:58:12,646 * Instead of saying hi to the people that you meet * 1101 00:58:12,712 --> 00:58:15,715 * You ought to say goodbye as you're walking down the street * 1102 00:58:15,850 --> 00:58:18,552 * You've got your head on backwards, baby * 1103 00:58:18,618 --> 00:58:21,355 * And you're gonna hit the ground * 1104 00:58:21,421 --> 00:58:22,857 * Yeah * 1105 00:58:22,857 --> 00:58:24,358 * Well, when you finally fall down, baby * 1106 00:58:24,424 --> 00:58:27,327 * I don't wanna be around * 1107 00:58:28,528 --> 00:58:29,496 * No *