1 00:01:00,731 --> 00:01:03,366 Thank you. Thank you. 2 00:01:03,401 --> 00:01:05,869 Thank you very much. Thank you. 3 00:01:14,311 --> 00:01:19,417 Danke. Danke und willkommen in der Grosse Tour 4 00:01:19,452 --> 00:01:21,317 which this week comes from Germany! 5 00:01:21,318 --> 00:01:26,289 Ja. We're here. We're here. 6 00:01:26,424 --> 00:01:31,429 Specifically... Specifically, we are in the city of Stuttgart. 7 00:01:31,462 --> 00:01:33,731 Except we nearly weren't. 8 00:01:33,797 --> 00:01:36,834 Because one of your local Green politicians 9 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:39,102 tried to ban us from coming here. 10 00:01:39,169 --> 00:01:41,739 I don't want to embarrass the poor man on television. 11 00:01:41,805 --> 00:01:44,107 So I've hidden his identity. 12 00:01:48,045 --> 00:01:49,612 Yeah. 13 00:01:49,613 --> 00:01:51,448 - Yeah. - That's good. 14 00:01:51,449 --> 00:01:54,718 That's appropriate. 15 00:01:54,785 --> 00:01:57,455 I certainly don't want to tell you his name. 16 00:01:57,490 --> 00:02:00,891 Which is... Andreas Kasdorf. 17 00:02:02,092 --> 00:02:04,528 Uh... 18 00:02:04,595 --> 00:02:06,997 Not a popular man. But you elected him. 19 00:02:07,064 --> 00:02:10,468 Anyway, he says that we'd be unwelcome here 20 00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:14,104 because this is a very bicycle-friendly place. 21 00:02:14,171 --> 00:02:18,742 It... It isn't. It's the home of Mercedes and Porsche. 22 00:02:18,809 --> 00:02:21,612 - And Germany- - Exactly. 23 00:02:23,013 --> 00:02:25,013 Germany... 24 00:02:26,083 --> 00:02:28,919 Germany is the cradle of the automobile. 25 00:02:28,986 --> 00:02:31,088 The car was actually invented here. 26 00:02:31,154 --> 00:02:33,824 It's the last place on Earth you can drive a car 27 00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:37,060 as fast as it will go on the motorway. 28 00:02:38,395 --> 00:02:39,862 - It's true. - All true. 29 00:02:39,863 --> 00:02:42,900 This is a true fact. This is a true fact. 30 00:02:42,966 --> 00:02:45,503 The Germans are the only people on Earth 31 00:02:45,538 --> 00:02:48,639 who really know how to make a car. 32 00:02:48,706 --> 00:02:50,507 This is- 33 00:02:50,508 --> 00:02:53,511 - It's a true fact. - It's true. 34 00:02:53,546 --> 00:02:54,777 I'll tell you a story. 35 00:02:54,778 --> 00:02:56,513 There was a Mercedes engineer 36 00:02:56,514 --> 00:02:59,182 and a Jaguar engineer having dinner one night. 37 00:02:59,249 --> 00:03:01,585 The Mercedes engineer said, "Ve haf..." 38 00:03:01,652 --> 00:03:03,052 Forgive the accent. 39 00:03:03,053 --> 00:03:06,223 "Ve haf a quality test at ze Mercedes factory. 40 00:03:06,289 --> 00:03:09,827 Every night, ve take a car off ze line at random. 41 00:03:09,893 --> 00:03:12,996 Ve put a cat in it, close ze doors. 42 00:03:13,063 --> 00:03:15,566 If... When ve come back in ze morning, 43 00:03:15,633 --> 00:03:18,235 ve know the door seals are vorking correctly 44 00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:20,337 if ze cat has suffocated." 45 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,275 Nah. 46 00:03:25,342 --> 00:03:27,109 The Jaguar engineer said, 47 00:03:27,110 --> 00:03:29,913 "We've got something very similar at our factory. 48 00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:31,881 We take a car off the line at random. 49 00:03:31,882 --> 00:03:34,184 We put a cat in it. We close the door. 50 00:03:34,251 --> 00:03:36,218 And we know the car's been built properly 51 00:03:36,219 --> 00:03:39,289 if, when we come back in the morning, the cat hasn't escaped. 52 00:03:39,356 --> 00:03:42,125 That is... 53 00:03:42,192 --> 00:03:45,295 - True story. - Yeah. True story. 54 00:03:45,362 --> 00:03:46,896 The strange thing is, 55 00:03:46,897 --> 00:03:48,999 it isn't just cars that are built well here. 56 00:03:49,066 --> 00:03:52,202 - It's absolutely everything. - Except wine. 57 00:03:52,269 --> 00:03:54,269 Yes, except wine. Sorry. 58 00:03:54,304 --> 00:03:55,672 Well, come on! 59 00:03:55,673 --> 00:03:58,576 - Now come on! - You drink that stuff? 60 00:03:59,810 --> 00:04:01,578 I wouldn't wash my hair in it. 61 00:04:01,579 --> 00:04:03,012 Are you sure? 62 00:04:03,013 --> 00:04:04,446 It is literally everything, though. 63 00:04:04,447 --> 00:04:05,815 German soft toys, 64 00:04:05,816 --> 00:04:07,784 better than anybody else's soft toys. 65 00:04:07,785 --> 00:04:10,153 Cameras, kitchen appliances. 66 00:04:10,220 --> 00:04:12,790 The Queen of England, she's German. 67 00:04:12,856 --> 00:04:14,856 She is. That's why she's still working 68 00:04:14,892 --> 00:04:18,028 even though she's a hundred and forty seventeen years old. 69 00:04:18,095 --> 00:04:20,731 There is no word here for "that'll do". 70 00:04:20,798 --> 00:04:24,201 There is no ambiguity at all in Germany. 71 00:04:24,267 --> 00:04:26,135 You certainly see this with films. 72 00:04:26,136 --> 00:04:28,839 The names you have for American films. 73 00:04:28,906 --> 00:04:31,441 I've got some here. Remember Airplane? 74 00:04:31,508 --> 00:04:33,442 Airplane, yes. 75 00:04:33,443 --> 00:04:35,011 In Germany, it was called 76 00:04:35,012 --> 00:04:38,782 The Unbelievable Journey In The Crazy Airplane. 77 00:04:38,849 --> 00:04:40,984 That is a comprehensive title. 78 00:04:41,051 --> 00:04:42,451 You know where you are with that. 79 00:04:42,452 --> 00:04:44,286 What was Jaws? 80 00:04:44,287 --> 00:04:47,257 The what? The Weisse...? 81 00:04:47,324 --> 00:04:49,091 The White Shark. 82 00:04:49,092 --> 00:04:50,760 It should have been The Massive Shark 83 00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:53,631 That Explodes Eventually. 84 00:04:53,697 --> 00:04:55,766 You know where you're going with that. 85 00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:58,168 What was... What was Basic Instinct? 86 00:04:58,235 --> 00:04:59,936 Just not 87 00:04:59,937 --> 00:05:02,973 A Brief Glimpse Of Sharon Stone's Vagina? 88 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,508 - Shall we get on with the show? - Yes, good idea. 89 00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:07,745 Because in tonight's car programme... 90 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:11,749 Richard walks a dog. 91 00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:15,285 James hangs around a gym. 92 00:05:16,654 --> 00:05:18,287 And I say "Good shot." 93 00:05:18,288 --> 00:05:20,824 Good shot. 94 00:05:20,891 --> 00:05:22,458 But before all that, I'd like to talk 95 00:05:22,459 --> 00:05:25,062 about the original Honda NSX. 96 00:05:25,128 --> 00:05:26,829 We have a picture of it here. 97 00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:28,999 When that car was launched in 1990, 98 00:05:29,066 --> 00:05:30,867 it was considered remarkable 99 00:05:30,868 --> 00:05:33,837 because it was fast and exciting like a Ferrari, 100 00:05:33,904 --> 00:05:35,973 but unlike a Ferrari of the time, 101 00:05:36,039 --> 00:05:38,441 it was also incredibly reliable 102 00:05:38,508 --> 00:05:40,711 and very, very easy to drive. 103 00:05:40,778 --> 00:05:42,946 Honda killed that car off 12 years ago. 104 00:05:43,013 --> 00:05:45,816 But finally, they've come up with a replacement. 105 00:05:45,883 --> 00:05:49,687 So I've been down to our track to see what it's like. 106 00:05:51,689 --> 00:05:53,689 This is it. 107 00:05:54,958 --> 00:05:58,295 It costs ã138.000. 108 00:05:58,361 --> 00:06:02,700 Around the same as a Porsche 911 Turbo S. 109 00:06:02,766 --> 00:06:04,766 And it has the futuristic lines 110 00:06:04,802 --> 00:06:09,072 you would expect of a rare-breed Honda. 111 00:06:09,139 --> 00:06:13,944 Power comes from a 3.5 litre twin-turbo V6. 112 00:06:14,011 --> 00:06:18,048 Backed up by a squadron of electric motors. 113 00:06:18,115 --> 00:06:24,454 Together, they give the NSX 573 horsepower. 114 00:06:24,521 --> 00:06:26,589 So you would assume the performance 115 00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:30,227 is something to shout about. 116 00:06:30,293 --> 00:06:31,828 Now, if you ask Honda 117 00:06:31,829 --> 00:06:33,796 for the technical information on this car, 118 00:06:33,797 --> 00:06:36,734 they will email you a file so enormous 119 00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:38,534 that it actually breaks the internet. 120 00:06:38,535 --> 00:06:42,072 And yet, nowhere in it does it mention the 0-60 time. 121 00:06:42,139 --> 00:06:44,842 They simply refuse to tell us what it is. 122 00:06:44,908 --> 00:06:48,145 I know 0-60 times are irrelevant in the real world 123 00:06:48,211 --> 00:06:50,981 and they're rather childish, but look, this is a supercar. 124 00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:53,283 It's top trumps, isn't it? It's important. 125 00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:56,619 So I'm gonna find out what it is for you using this. 126 00:06:56,754 --> 00:06:59,122 It is a data-o-logger. 127 00:07:02,659 --> 00:07:05,095 Right. Put it in Track mode. 128 00:07:05,162 --> 00:07:06,829 Here we go. Launch control. 129 00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:09,666 Foot on the brake. Mash the pedal. 130 00:07:17,808 --> 00:07:19,808 Phwoarh! 131 00:07:23,013 --> 00:07:24,814 I'm not sure that was quite as neck-snapping 132 00:07:24,815 --> 00:07:26,015 as a Nissan GTR, 133 00:07:26,016 --> 00:07:28,051 but it wasn't far off. 134 00:07:28,118 --> 00:07:30,320 Let's see what I did. 135 00:07:32,355 --> 00:07:35,558 3.2 seconds 0-60. 136 00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:41,799 Which means it isn't quite as fast as a McLaren 570S, 137 00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:44,802 or a 911 Turbo S, 138 00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:47,137 or a Ferrari 488 GTB. 139 00:07:47,204 --> 00:07:49,204 That's why they're not mentioning it. 140 00:07:50,473 --> 00:07:53,076 Honda is happy to quote the top speed. 141 00:07:53,143 --> 00:07:57,848 Which is 191 miles an hour. 142 00:07:57,915 --> 00:07:59,481 But that too is slower than its rivals 143 00:07:59,482 --> 00:08:02,419 from Ferrari, Porsche, and McLaren. 144 00:08:07,157 --> 00:08:09,226 So has the new NSX got anything 145 00:08:09,292 --> 00:08:11,060 in the performance department 146 00:08:11,061 --> 00:08:14,331 that makes it rise above its supercar peers? 147 00:08:16,599 --> 00:08:18,334 Well, yes, actually. 148 00:08:18,335 --> 00:08:21,071 Firstly, there are the brakes, which are fly-by-wire. 149 00:08:21,138 --> 00:08:23,273 There is no physical connection to the pedal. 150 00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:25,340 That's because they have to harvest energy 151 00:08:25,375 --> 00:08:27,744 to recharge the battery system. 152 00:08:27,845 --> 00:08:29,311 It's a much cleverer version of that 153 00:08:29,312 --> 00:08:31,247 than you get on the Porsche 918, 154 00:08:31,248 --> 00:08:33,851 a car that costs five times as much. 155 00:08:33,884 --> 00:08:35,351 Then there's the hybrid system. 156 00:08:35,352 --> 00:08:37,086 It uses not one electric motor, 157 00:08:37,087 --> 00:08:39,189 as you might expect, but three. 158 00:08:39,256 --> 00:08:43,126 And the way it uses them is well good. 159 00:08:47,197 --> 00:08:48,497 The one at the back 160 00:08:48,498 --> 00:08:50,332 is the wingman for the petrol engine, 161 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:53,871 filling the power gaps when the turbos lag. 162 00:08:53,937 --> 00:08:58,876 This gives the NSX ballistic pick-up at any speed. 163 00:09:01,578 --> 00:09:04,581 Look, instant shove. It's lovely. 164 00:09:11,889 --> 00:09:14,892 But it's the two at the front that are the real party-piece 165 00:09:14,925 --> 00:09:16,925 because they drive a wheel 166 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,496 each totally independently of each other. 167 00:09:19,562 --> 00:09:21,562 Which means this car has 168 00:09:21,598 --> 00:09:25,368 a sort of space-age four-wheel drive. 169 00:09:25,435 --> 00:09:28,405 And that means extraordinary things happen 170 00:09:28,471 --> 00:09:30,607 when you throw it into a corner. 171 00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:39,416 So, as you approach a corner like this one, 172 00:09:39,482 --> 00:09:41,417 computers are measuring the speed, 173 00:09:41,418 --> 00:09:44,922 they're measuring G-force, steering input, and so forth. 174 00:09:44,988 --> 00:09:46,588 They're adding power to the wheel 175 00:09:46,589 --> 00:09:49,159 or taking power away from the wheel as it's needed. 176 00:09:50,693 --> 00:09:53,931 Then you get perfectly flat, perfectly controlled corners. 177 00:09:55,165 --> 00:09:58,101 It is a bit like driving a Honda Civic! 178 00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:01,270 There are people who would say 179 00:10:01,271 --> 00:10:03,540 that technology like this in a car, 180 00:10:03,606 --> 00:10:06,276 helping it feel secure, will make it dull. 181 00:10:06,343 --> 00:10:07,977 But it doesn't feel dull to me. 182 00:10:07,978 --> 00:10:09,978 It feels tremendous. 183 00:10:11,014 --> 00:10:14,151 I'm going fast and I'm relaxing. 184 00:10:14,217 --> 00:10:16,217 What's wrong with that? 185 00:10:18,455 --> 00:10:20,890 But the futuristic four-wheel drive 186 00:10:20,958 --> 00:10:23,860 isn't the only piece of 23rd-century engineering 187 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,627 on the NSX. 188 00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:29,099 The aerodynamics, for example, are so clever, 189 00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:30,899 they can cool all the motors 190 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:34,404 while providing vast amounts of grip-enhancing downforce 191 00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:39,176 to the front and rear wheels. 192 00:10:39,242 --> 00:10:41,344 And it does all this without anything 193 00:10:41,411 --> 00:10:45,282 as old-fashioned as huge wings and spoilers. 194 00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,263 It's not just the technology, which is brilliant, 195 00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:03,066 it's that that technology is on this car. 196 00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:05,101 Yes, we have hybrid supercars. 197 00:11:05,102 --> 00:11:07,404 We have the LaFerrari, the McLaren P1, 198 00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:09,005 the Porsche 918. 199 00:11:09,006 --> 00:11:10,739 But they're in the million-pound bracket. 200 00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:14,611 This is only an eighth of the price of the LaFerrari, 201 00:11:14,677 --> 00:11:16,679 and it's actually cleverer. 202 00:11:17,914 --> 00:11:19,648 I love this. 203 00:11:19,649 --> 00:11:22,385 I love the way it looks. I love the sounds it makes. 204 00:11:22,452 --> 00:11:25,188 I like the sophistication of the hybrid drive. 205 00:11:25,255 --> 00:11:26,755 I like the performance. 206 00:11:26,756 --> 00:11:29,592 I like the steering. I like the interior. 207 00:11:29,659 --> 00:11:31,160 I really, really like it. 208 00:11:31,161 --> 00:11:33,630 And I find myself wanting one quite badly. 209 00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:40,270 The original NSX made owning a supercar 210 00:11:40,337 --> 00:11:42,839 less painful and less expensive. 211 00:11:42,905 --> 00:11:48,511 This has done the same for the hybrid supercar. 212 00:11:48,578 --> 00:11:51,681 It really is a worthy successor. 213 00:12:04,794 --> 00:12:06,728 James, Honda... 214 00:12:06,729 --> 00:12:11,567 Honda took ten years to develop that car. - And? 215 00:12:11,568 --> 00:12:14,870 Ten years is an enormous amount of time to do a car. 216 00:12:14,871 --> 00:12:16,338 You can't criticise something 217 00:12:16,339 --> 00:12:18,375 because people spent too long on it. 218 00:12:18,441 --> 00:12:21,344 People aren't gonna say "I'm not gonna look round Cologne cathedral. 219 00:12:21,411 --> 00:12:23,713 They took 600 years to build it!" 220 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,547 Ooh. 221 00:12:25,548 --> 00:12:27,684 Anyway, I love it. I love that car. 222 00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,251 Anyway, look, we've heard 223 00:12:29,252 --> 00:12:31,087 what you've got to say about the NSX. 224 00:12:31,088 --> 00:12:32,821 Now it's time to hand it over 225 00:12:32,822 --> 00:12:34,490 to a man who thinks that... 226 00:12:34,491 --> 00:12:37,327 Well, potted plants are a Communist plot. 227 00:12:37,394 --> 00:12:40,197 Yep. Here he comes. It's the American! 228 00:12:43,666 --> 00:12:48,771 Come to England. Shit weather. Shit beer. 229 00:12:48,838 --> 00:12:50,840 And he's off! 230 00:12:50,907 --> 00:12:53,243 Clearly in a tremendous mood. 231 00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:55,878 But it is very wet out there. 232 00:12:55,945 --> 00:12:57,646 Wipers flapping away 233 00:12:57,647 --> 00:13:00,583 as he powers onto the Isn't Straight. 234 00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:02,017 Looking good. 235 00:13:02,018 --> 00:13:03,319 Where I come from, 236 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,388 this thing's badge is inaccurate. 237 00:13:05,455 --> 00:13:07,490 Kind of like a loser's Cadillac. 238 00:13:07,557 --> 00:13:09,525 And yet, strangely, we're still waiting 239 00:13:09,526 --> 00:13:12,229 for Cadillac's hybrid supercar. 240 00:13:12,295 --> 00:13:14,731 Right, now, flying into Your Name Here, 241 00:13:14,797 --> 00:13:17,634 this really is a good day to have four-wheel drive. 242 00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:19,769 I'm sure even the American can appreciate 243 00:13:19,836 --> 00:13:22,472 the Honda's hi-tech features. 244 00:13:22,539 --> 00:13:25,142 What is this Space Invaders shit? 245 00:13:25,177 --> 00:13:26,775 Clearly not. 246 00:13:26,776 --> 00:13:30,012 Right, full power for the Isn't again. 247 00:13:30,147 --> 00:13:33,583 Electric ain't for engines. It's for lights and chairs. 248 00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:36,453 He is not a modern man, is he? 249 00:13:36,519 --> 00:13:38,888 Right, carving through the standing water. 250 00:13:38,955 --> 00:13:40,922 Into Old Lady's House. 251 00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:42,691 Slithering about a bit. 252 00:13:42,692 --> 00:13:46,163 Now he's leaning on it for the Unsettled section. 253 00:13:46,196 --> 00:13:49,065 Past the hangars and up to Sub Station. 254 00:13:49,166 --> 00:13:51,234 Hard on those wi-fi brakes 255 00:13:51,301 --> 00:13:53,269 for the second-to-last corner. 256 00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:55,372 How's he gonna manage through here? 257 00:13:55,438 --> 00:13:57,406 Yes, stepping out a bit under power. 258 00:13:57,407 --> 00:13:59,074 Through Field Of Sheep, 259 00:13:59,075 --> 00:14:01,578 keeping it tidy through there, and across the line! 260 00:14:11,087 --> 00:14:13,087 Right, 261 00:14:13,190 --> 00:14:17,794 let's see now where the NSX goes on our lap board. 262 00:14:17,860 --> 00:14:19,860 Let's have a look. 263 00:14:21,998 --> 00:14:24,267 - Oh. - Oh, dear, James. 264 00:14:29,239 --> 00:14:31,239 James. 265 00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:34,643 Why didn't you tell us it was very slow? 266 00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:38,548 - It's streaming wet! - So hang on a minute. 267 00:14:38,615 --> 00:14:41,551 We've had a review from a tortoise and a wet lap. 268 00:14:41,618 --> 00:14:44,387 Which means we've learnt precisely nothing. 269 00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:46,856 Um... Yeah, you're right. Nothing at all. 270 00:14:46,891 --> 00:14:49,259 - Nothing at all. - So let's move on. 271 00:14:49,326 --> 00:14:53,530 Yes, let's do that by popping some loose change in the ticket machine 272 00:14:53,596 --> 00:14:56,999 so we can park awhile on Conversation Street. 273 00:15:04,874 --> 00:15:07,209 OK, now... 274 00:15:07,244 --> 00:15:09,211 - I've got some conversation. - Good. 275 00:15:09,246 --> 00:15:13,250 Last night at midnight, there was alarm in Stuttgart. 276 00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:15,785 The Green Party that runs the city 277 00:15:15,852 --> 00:15:20,457 asked everyone here not to use wood-burning stoves 278 00:15:20,523 --> 00:15:23,175 and not to drive their car today. 279 00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:25,828 - Why? - Because of the smog. 280 00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,635 Am I making this up? 281 00:15:32,702 --> 00:15:34,702 There it is. 282 00:15:39,041 --> 00:15:40,842 I can't... 283 00:15:40,843 --> 00:15:43,179 I can't imagine anything clearer. 284 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,280 That is... That is gin-clear, 285 00:15:45,282 --> 00:15:46,582 but according to the Green Party... 286 00:15:46,583 --> 00:15:48,183 I'm not making this up. 287 00:15:48,184 --> 00:15:49,385 You're all from Stuttgart, yes? 288 00:15:49,386 --> 00:15:50,819 There is an alarm today 289 00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:53,590 - because of the smog. - Yes. 290 00:15:53,656 --> 00:15:55,424 Where is it? 291 00:15:55,425 --> 00:15:59,429 How clear is it on a good day? 292 00:15:59,496 --> 00:16:03,032 - We've got a photograph here of Beijing on now. 293 00:16:03,099 --> 00:16:04,900 Let us compare and contrast 294 00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:08,405 Beijing on a smoggy day with Stuttgart on a... 295 00:16:08,471 --> 00:16:10,205 - Not the same. - ...a smoggy day. 296 00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:12,675 Can I just ask, what would you have done 297 00:16:12,742 --> 00:16:15,312 if they'd have actually ordered you not to drive cars? 298 00:16:15,347 --> 00:16:16,878 At the moment, it's an advisory. 299 00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:18,647 If they said you are banned from driving cars, 300 00:16:18,648 --> 00:16:20,783 what would you have done? 301 00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:23,420 Come on the train? That's unbelievable. 302 00:16:23,486 --> 00:16:24,986 But this is the thing 303 00:16:24,987 --> 00:16:26,755 that we don't really understand about Germany. 304 00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:29,326 Once something becomes a rule, it is a rule. 305 00:16:29,392 --> 00:16:31,159 I once had a very interesting conversation 306 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,528 with two friends of mine. 307 00:16:32,529 --> 00:16:35,097 One is from California and one is from Germany. 308 00:16:35,164 --> 00:16:37,800 We were talking about losing your driving licence. 309 00:16:37,867 --> 00:16:40,937 The Californian said, "In Germany, what would happen 310 00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:43,806 if you lost your licence and then you drove your car?" 311 00:16:43,873 --> 00:16:46,008 The German said, "No, you cannot do this." 312 00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:49,912 He says, "I know you're not supposed to, 313 00:16:49,979 --> 00:16:51,580 but what if you did?" 314 00:16:51,581 --> 00:16:54,351 He said, "No. You cannot drive. You have no licence." 315 00:16:55,752 --> 00:16:57,486 The Californian went, "Yeah, man, 316 00:16:57,487 --> 00:16:59,054 "but late one night, you just... 317 00:16:59,055 --> 00:17:00,556 hell, you go for a drive." 318 00:17:00,557 --> 00:17:02,190 The German went, "It is impossible 319 00:17:02,191 --> 00:17:03,925 to drive without a licence!" 320 00:17:03,926 --> 00:17:06,363 - Impossible! - Impossible. 321 00:17:11,601 --> 00:17:13,836 There's an interesting thing I discovered here. 322 00:17:13,903 --> 00:17:17,574 On a motorway, obviously you can drive as fast as you like. 323 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,375 You get people sometimes, not often, 324 00:17:19,376 --> 00:17:21,142 cos your lane discipline is unbelievable, 325 00:17:21,143 --> 00:17:24,747 but sometimes they sit in the outside lane just dawdling. 326 00:17:24,814 --> 00:17:28,518 If you tailgate them... OK? I've got the fines here. 327 00:17:28,585 --> 00:17:32,389 You get a 400 euro fine, two penalty points, 328 00:17:32,422 --> 00:17:35,191 and a three-month ban for tailgating. 329 00:17:35,257 --> 00:17:37,259 - That is extreme. Ouch! - Yes. 330 00:17:37,394 --> 00:17:38,860 But if you overtake them on the inside, 331 00:17:38,861 --> 00:17:40,696 just go past them on the inside, 332 00:17:40,697 --> 00:17:43,400 that's a 150 euro fine, and one point. 333 00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:44,800 Well, there you go. 334 00:17:44,801 --> 00:17:47,369 No. This is where it gets really good. 335 00:17:47,404 --> 00:17:51,508 If you go on the hard shoulder to overtake, the emergency lane, 336 00:17:51,574 --> 00:17:55,878 that's also one point but only a 90 euro fine. 337 00:17:55,945 --> 00:17:58,415 There's your answer. That's what you do! 338 00:17:59,248 --> 00:18:01,248 No, no. 339 00:18:03,019 --> 00:18:06,789 No, because... Aha. You may think that. 340 00:18:06,856 --> 00:18:09,258 But if you fit your car with blue lights, 341 00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:10,959 flashing blue lights, basically, 342 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,928 you turn you car into a police car, 343 00:18:12,929 --> 00:18:15,832 you get... I've got the point fines here. 344 00:18:15,898 --> 00:18:18,835 20 euro fine and no points at all! 345 00:18:18,901 --> 00:18:22,772 What? You're joking! 346 00:18:22,839 --> 00:18:26,909 - No, you don't understand. - That is true. 347 00:18:26,976 --> 00:18:29,446 That is very strange to our ears. 348 00:18:29,512 --> 00:18:32,248 Cos if you tried that at home in the UK, 349 00:18:32,314 --> 00:18:34,884 you would be charged with impersonating a police officer, 350 00:18:34,951 --> 00:18:37,787 and you would never get out of prison, ever. 351 00:18:37,822 --> 00:18:40,623 People say Germans have no sense of humour. 352 00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:42,792 If you want to know what no sense of humour is, 353 00:18:42,859 --> 00:18:44,894 impersonate a policeman in Britain. 354 00:18:44,961 --> 00:18:47,063 Then you'll know what no sense of humour is. 355 00:18:47,129 --> 00:18:51,167 Right, that is the end of Conversation Strasse. 356 00:18:54,136 --> 00:18:58,040 We all like the idea of a sports utility vehicle. 357 00:18:58,107 --> 00:19:00,977 A car that can handle the Australian outback at the weekend 358 00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:05,281 and then set a new lap record at Hockenheim on a Monday morning. 359 00:19:05,347 --> 00:19:07,484 But even the German car-makers 360 00:19:07,517 --> 00:19:10,119 can't seem to make the concept work. 361 00:19:10,186 --> 00:19:12,221 We've got this from Audi. The RS Q3. 362 00:19:12,288 --> 00:19:13,755 Which is a dismal car. 363 00:19:13,756 --> 00:19:16,659 BMW have the X4, I think that's called. 364 00:19:16,726 --> 00:19:18,159 Don't want one of those, either. 365 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,230 Mercedes have this horrible monster. 366 00:19:21,297 --> 00:19:22,964 They're all just rubbish. 367 00:19:22,965 --> 00:19:25,502 And let me guess. You have a solution. 368 00:19:25,537 --> 00:19:27,035 - Yes, I do. - Oh, God. 369 00:19:27,036 --> 00:19:28,704 Yes, I do. A car 370 00:19:28,705 --> 00:19:32,074 that is both sporty and utilitarian. 371 00:19:32,141 --> 00:19:33,575 This will be good. 372 00:19:33,576 --> 00:19:36,012 Ye of little faith. Watch this. 373 00:19:39,516 --> 00:19:41,884 This is a Land Rover Discovery 374 00:19:41,951 --> 00:19:43,951 doing utilitarian things 375 00:19:43,986 --> 00:19:46,523 in Britain's muddy underbelly. 376 00:19:49,091 --> 00:19:51,761 And obviously a machine like this 377 00:19:51,828 --> 00:19:56,533 cannot possibly be converted into a sports car. 378 00:19:58,668 --> 00:20:00,703 Or can it? 379 00:20:02,939 --> 00:20:06,776 First of all, we have to remove this rather ungainly body. 380 00:20:06,843 --> 00:20:08,878 You can't do that with a modern car 381 00:20:08,945 --> 00:20:12,181 because the body is the chassis. It's the skeleton. 382 00:20:12,248 --> 00:20:14,751 If you take it away, you're left with nothing more 383 00:20:14,817 --> 00:20:16,853 than a collection of unjoined-up parts. 384 00:20:16,919 --> 00:20:19,321 However, you can remove the body 385 00:20:19,388 --> 00:20:20,722 on an old Discovery like this, 386 00:20:20,723 --> 00:20:24,060 using nothing more than one of these. 387 00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:32,733 After just 40 minutes 388 00:20:32,735 --> 00:20:34,771 with no help from anyone else, 389 00:20:34,837 --> 00:20:37,607 I ended up with this. 390 00:20:43,112 --> 00:20:46,583 Obviously it's still utilitarian. 391 00:20:46,649 --> 00:20:48,718 It will still wade through rivers 392 00:20:48,785 --> 00:20:51,688 and crawl its way up muddy banks. 393 00:20:51,754 --> 00:20:53,754 But now there's a... 394 00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:55,858 a sporty flavour as well. 395 00:20:57,426 --> 00:21:02,832 Without the heavy body, it feels nimble, agile, light. 396 00:21:06,302 --> 00:21:10,907 If it weren't for the fact that the windscreen is now very close to my face, 397 00:21:10,973 --> 00:21:14,043 it would feel like a Lamborghini Gallardo. 398 00:21:17,213 --> 00:21:19,014 The only real problem with this 399 00:21:19,015 --> 00:21:21,117 is that Britain is a police state, 400 00:21:21,183 --> 00:21:23,720 and if I took this on a public road, 401 00:21:23,786 --> 00:21:25,955 I'd be stopped immediately 402 00:21:26,022 --> 00:21:28,090 by the constabulary who would point out 403 00:21:28,157 --> 00:21:30,159 that I was contravening about... 404 00:21:30,226 --> 00:21:33,796 4.870 different laws. 405 00:21:37,366 --> 00:21:39,636 It's not warm, either. 406 00:21:40,870 --> 00:21:43,172 Oh, no, that's stupid! 407 00:21:43,239 --> 00:21:45,241 Happily, both these problems would be solved 408 00:21:45,307 --> 00:21:49,078 when I fitted it with the body from a sports car. 409 00:21:51,513 --> 00:21:56,352 And this is the sports car I've gone for. 410 00:21:56,418 --> 00:22:00,122 A 1978 MGB. 411 00:22:03,893 --> 00:22:06,528 Highly-trained men are now removing its skin 412 00:22:06,663 --> 00:22:08,731 which will then be mated 413 00:22:08,798 --> 00:22:11,167 in a delicate two-hour operation... 414 00:22:13,069 --> 00:22:15,237 ...to the internal organs 415 00:22:15,304 --> 00:22:17,306 of the mud-plugging V8. 416 00:22:18,741 --> 00:22:20,810 The following morning 417 00:22:20,877 --> 00:22:23,245 my incredible car was ready. 418 00:22:34,691 --> 00:22:36,457 It is incredible 419 00:22:36,458 --> 00:22:40,229 that in a shed I have created something which has... 420 00:22:40,296 --> 00:22:45,167 eluded the combined might of the motor industry. 421 00:22:45,234 --> 00:22:49,706 It is a proper sports utility vehicle. 422 00:22:49,739 --> 00:22:51,472 I call it the MGD, 423 00:22:51,473 --> 00:22:53,710 and now I'm going to find out 424 00:22:53,776 --> 00:22:56,112 how well it works on a road. 425 00:23:06,488 --> 00:23:09,992 This is... magnificent. 426 00:23:12,128 --> 00:23:15,064 And it is quick. Oh, yeah. 427 00:23:17,967 --> 00:23:19,969 To demonstrate just how quick, 428 00:23:20,036 --> 00:23:21,770 I'm going to do a drag race 429 00:23:21,771 --> 00:23:23,771 against the motor industry's idea 430 00:23:23,773 --> 00:23:25,773 of an SUV. 431 00:23:32,381 --> 00:23:34,450 Little bit of play there. 432 00:23:38,420 --> 00:23:40,422 Let's do this. 433 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,128 Come on! Yes, look at this. 434 00:23:48,297 --> 00:23:50,833 The 1.5-litre diesel... 435 00:23:52,168 --> 00:23:57,406 ...is no match for the 3.9-litre V8 MGD. 436 00:23:58,775 --> 00:24:01,043 Come on, Pride of Britain! 437 00:24:02,879 --> 00:24:05,147 Yes! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. 438 00:24:05,214 --> 00:24:08,184 Ah... ah... ah. 439 00:24:08,250 --> 00:24:10,085 Oh, God. 440 00:24:10,086 --> 00:24:12,288 The brakes don't work. 441 00:24:16,392 --> 00:24:18,995 With the performance box ticked, 442 00:24:19,061 --> 00:24:21,297 I continued my testing. 443 00:24:21,363 --> 00:24:25,301 In many ways, the MGD puts me in mind 444 00:24:25,367 --> 00:24:28,304 of an Audi R8 Spyder. 445 00:24:28,370 --> 00:24:31,908 I mean, OK, in the Audi, the dials would work. 446 00:24:31,974 --> 00:24:34,676 And the switches. And the brakes. 447 00:24:34,811 --> 00:24:36,811 And the steering. 448 00:24:36,813 --> 00:24:39,315 And it's a bit less bouncy, but... 449 00:24:39,381 --> 00:24:41,216 both of them 450 00:24:41,217 --> 00:24:43,585 are four-wheel-drive, two-seater, 451 00:24:43,652 --> 00:24:46,688 drop-head V8s. 452 00:24:46,823 --> 00:24:48,823 There is, however, one very big difference 453 00:24:48,825 --> 00:24:50,792 between the two cars. 454 00:24:50,827 --> 00:24:53,029 You can't do this in an Audi. 455 00:24:59,735 --> 00:25:03,105 Oh, yes. Yes. 456 00:25:03,172 --> 00:25:07,409 Moments ago I was haring round a handling track, 457 00:25:07,476 --> 00:25:09,476 and now look. 458 00:25:09,611 --> 00:25:12,281 It's brilliant. 459 00:25:15,651 --> 00:25:19,455 - Oh, no! Not now, you bastard. 460 00:25:19,521 --> 00:25:22,391 I mean, you wonderful thing. 461 00:25:22,458 --> 00:25:24,458 Choke. Oh. 462 00:25:24,460 --> 00:25:26,460 Yeah, that... 463 00:25:28,097 --> 00:25:30,165 It's on its shutdown thing. 464 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,233 It's just to save fuel, 465 00:25:32,234 --> 00:25:34,234 it goes on two cylinders sometimes. 466 00:25:36,605 --> 00:25:39,708 Once the engine management thingy had run its... 467 00:25:39,775 --> 00:25:41,775 diagnostic program, 468 00:25:41,878 --> 00:25:43,644 I was back on the move. 469 00:25:43,645 --> 00:25:45,645 Here we go. 470 00:25:48,317 --> 00:25:50,352 Yes. 471 00:25:50,419 --> 00:25:54,523 Mighty four-wheel-drive system hauling me up that. 472 00:25:54,590 --> 00:25:56,959 What the hell? 473 00:25:57,026 --> 00:25:59,728 Argh! Aargh! 474 00:25:59,795 --> 00:26:02,564 I'm stopping. Stopping. 475 00:26:05,301 --> 00:26:08,270 Oh, Lord, that is not right, is it? 476 00:26:16,445 --> 00:26:18,445 As I got going for the second time, 477 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,250 I realised I'd been a bit of a chump. 478 00:26:21,317 --> 00:26:23,184 The mistake I've made, of course, 479 00:26:23,185 --> 00:26:25,721 is that I've introduced you to this car 480 00:26:25,787 --> 00:26:27,255 before I've really tested it. 481 00:26:27,256 --> 00:26:29,325 That's not what car-makers do. 482 00:26:29,391 --> 00:26:31,527 They test a car and then show it 483 00:26:31,593 --> 00:26:34,830 to the press and the public. 484 00:26:34,931 --> 00:26:36,331 I'm doing that the other way round. 485 00:26:36,332 --> 00:26:38,400 I'm introducing this to you 486 00:26:38,467 --> 00:26:40,467 before I've done the testing and... 487 00:26:44,606 --> 00:26:47,409 Oh, for Christ's sake. 488 00:26:50,679 --> 00:26:52,679 You little beauty. 489 00:26:58,020 --> 00:27:00,990 Er, now, yes, what was I saying? 490 00:27:02,959 --> 00:27:08,264 I think the issue is really you're watching my workings-out here. 491 00:27:08,330 --> 00:27:10,366 What you really want to see is the finished product. 492 00:27:10,432 --> 00:27:12,468 That's what I should have done. 493 00:27:12,534 --> 00:27:15,304 Oh, Christ's sake. 494 00:27:17,306 --> 00:27:20,509 Right. 495 00:27:20,576 --> 00:27:23,612 At this point, I decided, for no particular reason, 496 00:27:23,679 --> 00:27:25,982 to scrap the MG idea 497 00:27:26,048 --> 00:27:28,250 and go for something else instead. 498 00:27:31,653 --> 00:27:33,722 This is what I chose. 499 00:27:33,789 --> 00:27:36,525 A 1980s Mercedes SL. 500 00:27:36,592 --> 00:27:39,095 Partly because it's the very essence 501 00:27:39,161 --> 00:27:41,062 of quiet, urban restraint, 502 00:27:41,063 --> 00:27:42,897 taste and elegance. 503 00:27:42,898 --> 00:27:47,469 It's a car that was driven by Bobby Ewing in Dallas. 504 00:27:47,536 --> 00:27:49,638 Mostly, though, I chose it because 505 00:27:49,705 --> 00:27:53,142 it would fit more snugly on the Discovery chassis. 506 00:27:56,278 --> 00:27:58,747 This time, the men worked tirelessly 507 00:27:58,814 --> 00:28:00,315 for nearly a whole day 508 00:28:00,316 --> 00:28:01,716 to marry the two cars 509 00:28:01,717 --> 00:28:04,553 and the result was spectacular. 510 00:28:09,158 --> 00:28:11,727 It's a car I have justifiably called... 511 00:28:11,793 --> 00:28:14,363 The Excellent. 512 00:28:14,430 --> 00:28:17,566 The internal organs from a Landrover Discovery 513 00:28:17,633 --> 00:28:23,072 mated to the beautiful skin of a glamorous Mercedes SL. 514 00:28:23,139 --> 00:28:25,307 To create a vision of pure... 515 00:28:26,208 --> 00:28:27,608 What's the word? 516 00:28:27,609 --> 00:28:29,878 - Rubbish. - It's not rubbish. 517 00:28:29,945 --> 00:28:33,014 Did you paint it with a brush or a bucket? 518 00:28:33,049 --> 00:28:36,118 It's got those headlights that swivel when you go round a bend. 519 00:28:36,185 --> 00:28:38,053 So they point at the road. 520 00:28:38,054 --> 00:28:39,720 OK, let me ask you this. 521 00:28:39,721 --> 00:28:41,156 Which would you rather have? 522 00:28:41,157 --> 00:28:43,091 The Excellent or that Porsche? 523 00:28:43,092 --> 00:28:45,161 - That Porsche. - Why? 524 00:28:45,227 --> 00:28:48,264 Because it's better in every single way. 525 00:28:48,330 --> 00:28:50,399 To prove my cynical colleagues wrong, 526 00:28:50,466 --> 00:28:53,302 I invited them to go for a drive. 527 00:28:54,736 --> 00:28:56,404 Oh, kind. 528 00:28:56,405 --> 00:28:59,875 See? It's an optional extra for the shorter gentleman. 529 00:28:59,941 --> 00:29:02,544 - Are you comfy, Hammond? - No. 530 00:29:02,611 --> 00:29:05,081 - Is this as in as I can get? - Yep. 531 00:29:06,482 --> 00:29:10,119 Right, listen to this. 532 00:29:11,087 --> 00:29:13,087 Oh, no, it moves! 533 00:29:16,892 --> 00:29:19,995 We'd only gone a few miles before Richard and James 534 00:29:20,096 --> 00:29:21,896 completely changed their minds 535 00:29:21,897 --> 00:29:24,866 and realised that The Excellent was the best car 536 00:29:24,933 --> 00:29:26,567 they'd ever been in. 537 00:29:26,568 --> 00:29:28,269 No, we haven't. Stop saying things 538 00:29:28,270 --> 00:29:29,770 in voiceover that aren't true. 539 00:29:29,771 --> 00:29:31,572 I thought you'd changed your mind. 540 00:29:31,573 --> 00:29:33,573 No! Maybe a bit. It's worse than I thought. 541 00:29:33,609 --> 00:29:36,978 - Can I put the heater on? - That's not connected. 542 00:29:37,113 --> 00:29:38,446 - Is it not? - No. 543 00:29:38,447 --> 00:29:40,482 - What's that dial down there? - Speedometer. 544 00:29:40,549 --> 00:29:42,483 Why have you got that one, not that one? 545 00:29:42,484 --> 00:29:44,753 - That doesn't work. - Has it got a fuel gauge? 546 00:29:44,820 --> 00:29:46,888 - Not as such. - Has it got a temperature gauge? 547 00:29:46,955 --> 00:29:48,323 Not really. 548 00:29:48,324 --> 00:29:50,225 There's a lot of wires hanging out of the dash 549 00:29:50,226 --> 00:29:52,226 that aren't connected to things. 550 00:29:52,261 --> 00:29:54,263 You haven't given it an interior. 551 00:29:57,666 --> 00:29:59,801 - I can see the road. - I can as well. 552 00:29:59,868 --> 00:30:03,372 No, there's a hole in the floor. 553 00:30:03,439 --> 00:30:06,575 While Hammond and May had one or two minor issues, 554 00:30:06,642 --> 00:30:10,045 they both agreed that if I were to put my car into production, 555 00:30:10,112 --> 00:30:12,514 it would make me a fortune. 556 00:30:12,581 --> 00:30:14,783 No, we didn't agree to that, either. 557 00:30:14,850 --> 00:30:17,018 Look, I've done the maths. Honestly. 558 00:30:17,085 --> 00:30:18,919 The Discovery was ã2.500. 559 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:22,090 Mercedes ã4.500. ã7.000 for the work. 560 00:30:22,158 --> 00:30:26,462 That's 14.000 quid. I could sell this for ã120.000. 561 00:30:26,528 --> 00:30:28,263 - No, you couldn't. - Yes, I could. 562 00:30:28,264 --> 00:30:30,097 A Cayenne Turbo is 120. 563 00:30:30,098 --> 00:30:33,735 A Cayenne Turbo is a proper car built by Porsche. 564 00:30:33,802 --> 00:30:38,073 This is two scrap cars glued together by a Muppet. 565 00:30:38,140 --> 00:30:40,140 It isn't designed for people like you. 566 00:30:40,176 --> 00:30:42,042 What, people with eyes? 567 00:30:42,043 --> 00:30:44,043 People who can dress themselves in the morning? 568 00:30:44,079 --> 00:30:47,283 I'll tell you exactly who will buy this car. 569 00:30:47,349 --> 00:30:49,885 People who use roundy-ended scissors. 570 00:30:49,951 --> 00:30:51,486 Footballers. 571 00:30:51,487 --> 00:30:53,689 - No, they won't. - Footballers like Ferraris. 572 00:30:53,755 --> 00:30:55,755 Yeah, and Bentleys and Range Rovers. 573 00:30:55,757 --> 00:30:58,327 - And Aston Martins. - Not this thing. 574 00:31:03,499 --> 00:31:05,499 To prove them wrong again, 575 00:31:05,501 --> 00:31:10,739 I decided to head for the nearby Chelsea training ground. 576 00:31:10,806 --> 00:31:13,642 These are people who understand cars, not like you two. 577 00:31:13,709 --> 00:31:16,278 Yeah, they understand cars, that's why they buy 578 00:31:16,345 --> 00:31:18,614 Range Rovers and Aston Martins. 579 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,248 They buy those things 580 00:31:20,249 --> 00:31:22,217 cos they didn't know that you could do this. 581 00:31:22,218 --> 00:31:24,720 - I like my car. - It's shit. 582 00:31:30,025 --> 00:31:32,394 They're flocking to it, aren't they? 583 00:31:32,461 --> 00:31:34,229 - You just watch. - Do you mind 584 00:31:34,230 --> 00:31:37,633 if I go and stand next to something else? 585 00:31:37,699 --> 00:31:39,634 Soon some players arrived, 586 00:31:39,635 --> 00:31:41,903 which gave Richard and James a chance 587 00:31:41,970 --> 00:31:44,640 to show off their footballing knowledge. 588 00:31:44,706 --> 00:31:46,274 You're really tall. You should play in goal. 589 00:31:46,275 --> 00:31:47,642 Yeah, I do, I play in goal. 590 00:31:47,643 --> 00:31:49,344 - I'm the goalkeeper. - I know that. 591 00:31:49,345 --> 00:31:50,745 What part of Chelsea are you from? 592 00:31:50,746 --> 00:31:54,350 - I'm from Belgium. - Oh. 593 00:31:54,416 --> 00:31:56,618 How do you know they're footballers? 594 00:31:56,685 --> 00:31:58,253 Well, do you not recognise them? 595 00:31:58,254 --> 00:31:59,387 They're in football outfits. 596 00:31:59,388 --> 00:32:01,256 He doesn't recognise you. 597 00:32:01,257 --> 00:32:03,257 Where's... Where's Alex Ferguson? 598 00:32:03,259 --> 00:32:05,661 Why don't we ask him? 599 00:32:05,727 --> 00:32:08,830 At this point I dismissed my ignorant colleagues 600 00:32:08,897 --> 00:32:11,933 so that I could operate the subtitle machine. 601 00:32:23,545 --> 00:32:25,847 - Can you do keepy-uppy? - Yeah. 602 00:32:27,983 --> 00:32:29,817 Take a shot at me. 603 00:32:29,818 --> 00:32:32,087 Well, that's ridiculous. What can I do with that? 604 00:32:32,153 --> 00:32:34,153 You're supposed to jump. 605 00:32:36,458 --> 00:32:38,326 ...flipping horrific. 606 00:32:38,327 --> 00:32:41,096 So you've butchered a classic car? 607 00:32:41,162 --> 00:32:44,300 Right, watch this. Little toss... 608 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,367 No. 609 00:32:46,368 --> 00:32:48,770 You need to think of... 610 00:33:04,386 --> 00:33:06,386 - Ow. - Saved. 611 00:33:13,028 --> 00:33:14,695 Having established 612 00:33:14,696 --> 00:33:17,333 that all top professional footballers loved my car, 613 00:33:17,366 --> 00:33:19,468 we got back on the road. 614 00:33:22,170 --> 00:33:23,504 Did you get any orders? 615 00:33:23,505 --> 00:33:24,839 I noticed that the car park 616 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,774 was still full of Mercedes G-Class. 617 00:33:26,775 --> 00:33:28,643 - I saw that. - Listen. 618 00:33:28,644 --> 00:33:31,480 I could put this into an auction, 619 00:33:31,547 --> 00:33:33,682 one of those posh, up-market ones, 620 00:33:33,749 --> 00:33:35,951 and it would sell for ã120.000. 621 00:33:36,017 --> 00:33:37,818 It would not! 622 00:33:37,819 --> 00:33:40,556 To prove them wrong again... 623 00:33:54,403 --> 00:33:57,706 Gentlemen, people are examining... 624 00:33:57,773 --> 00:33:59,773 Yeah, they are the organisers. 625 00:33:59,775 --> 00:34:01,977 They're wondering about their carpet. 626 00:34:03,579 --> 00:34:06,548 "Handcrafted by a renowned British atelier... 627 00:34:06,615 --> 00:34:08,817 sympathetically marries the chassis with..." 628 00:34:10,652 --> 00:34:13,855 - Did you write this? - Course I wrote it. 629 00:34:13,922 --> 00:34:16,825 "The interior would benefit from some minor attention." 630 00:34:16,892 --> 00:34:18,960 - Well, it would. - With a hand grenade. 631 00:34:19,027 --> 00:34:20,595 Lot number 132. 632 00:34:20,596 --> 00:34:22,798 Soon the auction was under way. 633 00:34:22,864 --> 00:34:27,836 Ferrari 308 GTB, at ã118.000. 634 00:34:27,903 --> 00:34:31,873 Lot number 127, start me with this at 300.000. 635 00:34:31,940 --> 00:34:33,940 And many of the punters were happy 636 00:34:33,975 --> 00:34:38,179 to pay six-figure sums for the cars on offer. 637 00:34:38,246 --> 00:34:40,214 At 270.000. 638 00:34:40,215 --> 00:34:43,384 285 for the Countach. 639 00:34:43,419 --> 00:34:47,022 The Countach just went for ã285.000. 640 00:34:47,088 --> 00:34:48,723 I think I'm gonna sell The Excellent 641 00:34:48,724 --> 00:34:50,458 for more than that. 642 00:34:50,459 --> 00:34:52,561 And then it was time. 643 00:34:52,628 --> 00:34:56,297 Moving on to lot number 138A. 644 00:34:56,432 --> 00:34:58,298 The Excellent. 645 00:34:58,299 --> 00:34:59,767 It's a fantastic handcrafted, 646 00:34:59,768 --> 00:35:02,037 very unusual machine, as you can see. 647 00:35:02,103 --> 00:35:03,438 I don't want you... 648 00:35:03,439 --> 00:35:07,275 Beautiful, stylish Mercedes Benz coachwork. 649 00:35:07,342 --> 00:35:10,111 - Very unusual, unique... - Unusual? 650 00:35:10,178 --> 00:35:12,347 Here for sale this afternoon. 651 00:35:12,448 --> 00:35:15,216 Start me if you will on this at... 652 00:35:15,283 --> 00:35:17,283 ã425. 653 00:35:17,318 --> 00:35:19,521 At ã425... 654 00:35:19,588 --> 00:35:21,355 Any advance at 400? 655 00:35:21,356 --> 00:35:23,592 ã500. 550 anywhere? 656 00:35:23,659 --> 00:35:25,659 - Somebody's bid? - 600 here. 657 00:35:25,694 --> 00:35:27,662 650. 650. 700 now. 658 00:35:27,663 --> 00:35:29,798 We're rattling up. 659 00:35:29,865 --> 00:35:33,168 700 here. 700. 800 now. 660 00:35:33,234 --> 00:35:35,234 Let's go for 1.000. 661 00:35:40,676 --> 00:35:42,944 Let's get going. Come on, let's sell this car. 662 00:35:44,980 --> 00:35:46,980 - ã1.000 here on my right. - Are you bidding? 663 00:35:47,015 --> 00:35:49,284 - No. - Jeremy, are you bidding? 664 00:35:49,350 --> 00:35:50,851 2.000 if you wish. 665 00:35:50,852 --> 00:35:53,121 It's 2.000 and five. Two, five. 666 00:35:53,188 --> 00:35:56,357 3.000 now. It's 3.000 here. Three, five anywhere? 667 00:35:56,492 --> 00:35:58,492 Three, one. 668 00:35:58,494 --> 00:36:00,896 At 3.100. 669 00:36:00,962 --> 00:36:02,964 ã3.200. 670 00:36:03,031 --> 00:36:04,532 At ã3.500. 671 00:36:04,533 --> 00:36:07,503 - It cost me 14.000. - 4.000. 672 00:36:07,536 --> 00:36:09,671 At ã4.000... 673 00:36:09,738 --> 00:36:11,807 At ã4.000. any more? 674 00:36:16,411 --> 00:36:18,178 At ã4.000. 675 00:36:18,179 --> 00:36:19,780 Come and see us after. 676 00:36:19,781 --> 00:36:21,682 You just lost ten grand. 677 00:36:21,683 --> 00:36:24,185 He could have just thrown it down the lavatory. 678 00:36:35,263 --> 00:36:37,263 It was rubbish. 679 00:36:38,433 --> 00:36:40,936 Hold on. 680 00:36:41,002 --> 00:36:43,939 - You were bidding on your own car. 681 00:36:44,005 --> 00:36:46,675 Well, a bit. I just wanted to get the ball rolling. 682 00:36:46,742 --> 00:36:48,142 But even then it didn't work 683 00:36:48,143 --> 00:36:50,245 because you only sold it for four grand. 684 00:36:50,311 --> 00:36:52,112 It cost you 14.000 to make 685 00:36:52,113 --> 00:36:54,983 so you cost our production company ã10.000. 686 00:36:55,050 --> 00:36:56,884 No, no, not true. 687 00:36:56,885 --> 00:36:59,555 - I put a reserve on it. - What reserve? 688 00:36:59,590 --> 00:37:01,557 ã100.000. 689 00:37:01,590 --> 00:37:03,590 - ã100.000? - So it didn't sell at all, 690 00:37:03,625 --> 00:37:06,695 which means you cost us ã14.000? 691 00:37:06,762 --> 00:37:10,766 Well, yes, but we've ended up with The Excellent. 692 00:37:10,832 --> 00:37:14,636 No, we're stuck with The Excellent. 693 00:37:14,703 --> 00:37:16,703 It's really difficult to know, working with you, 694 00:37:16,738 --> 00:37:19,274 things like this, is it ambition 695 00:37:19,340 --> 00:37:22,043 or are you a lunatic? 696 00:37:22,110 --> 00:37:24,680 Sadly there isn't time to answer that question, 697 00:37:24,746 --> 00:37:28,617 because it's time to play Celebrity Brain Crash. 698 00:37:36,157 --> 00:37:38,459 Our guest this week is a local girl 699 00:37:38,594 --> 00:37:43,398 who is responsible for one of my all - time favourite pop songs, 700 00:37:43,464 --> 00:37:45,464 99 Red Balloons. 701 00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:47,669 She is a singer, 702 00:37:47,736 --> 00:37:49,736 she's an armpit hair enthusiast 703 00:37:49,771 --> 00:37:51,973 and she's an all- round good sport. 704 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,610 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Nena! 705 00:38:14,963 --> 00:38:18,033 - Where is she? - I've got no idea. Um... 706 00:38:19,635 --> 00:38:21,703 Oh. Oh, no... 707 00:38:21,770 --> 00:38:23,770 It's hard to see through the smog, 708 00:38:23,805 --> 00:38:25,706 but yes, that is... 709 00:38:25,707 --> 00:38:28,910 - Oh, no. - What's happened here is... 710 00:38:28,977 --> 00:38:30,711 Nena... 711 00:38:30,712 --> 00:38:33,314 yes, she's been carried away by 99... 712 00:38:34,750 --> 00:38:37,518 - ...red balloons. - Oh, no. 713 00:38:37,653 --> 00:38:39,653 Bad. 714 00:38:44,192 --> 00:38:46,527 Does that mean she's not coming on, then? 715 00:38:46,662 --> 00:38:49,030 Well, James, she's floated up into the stratosphere, 716 00:38:49,097 --> 00:38:52,233 her eyelids have frozen over and her lungs are inside out. 717 00:38:52,300 --> 00:38:54,268 So that is a no. 718 00:38:54,269 --> 00:38:55,970 It's OK, though. 719 00:38:55,971 --> 00:38:58,506 We anticipated that Nena may float away. 720 00:38:58,573 --> 00:39:01,309 We have a back-up plan. We'll activate it. You sit down. 721 00:39:01,376 --> 00:39:05,280 You see, the thing is... that more and more stuff, 722 00:39:05,346 --> 00:39:08,449 these days, is being powered by rechargeable batteries. 723 00:39:08,516 --> 00:39:10,518 You know, phones, laptops. That sort of thing. 724 00:39:10,585 --> 00:39:13,154 And this is giving the world a bit of a problem. 725 00:39:13,221 --> 00:39:16,992 Because in Britain, our power companies only produce 726 00:39:17,058 --> 00:39:20,696 five per cent more power than we need. 727 00:39:20,729 --> 00:39:22,729 We're only just coping. 728 00:39:22,764 --> 00:39:25,166 It's actually worse in the United States 729 00:39:25,233 --> 00:39:28,770 cos they produce 16% less than they actually need, 730 00:39:28,837 --> 00:39:31,423 which means they have to import electricity. 731 00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:34,009 So what is gonna happen as more and more people 732 00:39:34,075 --> 00:39:36,344 are buying and using electric cars? 733 00:39:36,411 --> 00:39:39,347 We're gonna need more power. We may not be able to cope. 734 00:39:39,414 --> 00:39:40,948 The solution, you may think, 735 00:39:40,949 --> 00:39:42,616 is to build more power stations. 736 00:39:42,617 --> 00:39:44,251 But if you even suggest that, 737 00:39:44,252 --> 00:39:45,886 weird-beard environmentalists run around 738 00:39:45,887 --> 00:39:47,487 waving their arms in the air, going, 739 00:39:47,488 --> 00:39:49,557 "What about the polar bear and the bats and the newt?" 740 00:39:49,624 --> 00:39:52,728 Anyway, the point is we are going to need more and more power 741 00:39:52,761 --> 00:39:55,630 to charge the batteries in our phones, laptops and cars. 742 00:39:55,731 --> 00:39:58,734 - Where are we gonna get it from? - This got us thinking. 743 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,635 How much electricity could we possibly generate every day 744 00:40:02,738 --> 00:40:04,304 just during our normal lives? 745 00:40:04,305 --> 00:40:08,209 And what if we could harness it in some way? 746 00:40:10,478 --> 00:40:13,348 This is an office block in the centre of London. 747 00:40:13,414 --> 00:40:17,485 Like many office blocks, it has a revolving door, 748 00:40:17,552 --> 00:40:22,590 which spins constantly as people come and go. 749 00:40:22,657 --> 00:40:26,227 So, why not simply connect that door to a generator 750 00:40:26,294 --> 00:40:31,266 and turn all that spinning into electricity? 751 00:40:31,332 --> 00:40:34,035 And it's not just revolving doors, either. 752 00:40:36,471 --> 00:40:37,972 Many of us have dogs 753 00:40:37,973 --> 00:40:41,209 and every day we take those dogs for a walk. 754 00:40:43,044 --> 00:40:45,781 A dog scampers hither and thither, running ahead 755 00:40:45,847 --> 00:40:47,247 and snouting under hedgerows. 756 00:40:47,248 --> 00:40:51,753 So why not attach it to a trailer like this? 757 00:40:51,820 --> 00:40:53,287 Dog pulls the trailer along. 758 00:40:53,288 --> 00:40:55,891 Inside this wheel is a dynamo. 759 00:40:55,957 --> 00:40:58,293 It makes electricity, goes along these wires 760 00:40:58,359 --> 00:40:59,359 and into this capacitor, 761 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,360 and when that dial reads 100%, 762 00:41:01,362 --> 00:41:03,531 I'm charging my phone, 763 00:41:03,598 --> 00:41:04,965 So, dog's harnessed. 764 00:41:04,966 --> 00:41:07,202 That was easy. Attached to the trailer. 765 00:41:07,268 --> 00:41:09,637 All I've got to do is set her going. 766 00:41:09,704 --> 00:41:12,473 And I've even planned for that. So, here we go. 767 00:41:12,540 --> 00:41:14,540 Fetch! 768 00:41:16,845 --> 00:41:18,478 Ah-haa! 769 00:41:18,479 --> 00:41:20,479 Yeah! Your favourite! 770 00:41:22,683 --> 00:41:24,886 Chase! 771 00:41:26,721 --> 00:41:28,222 Maybe this dog's broken? 772 00:41:28,223 --> 00:41:31,592 Meanwhile, back in London, 773 00:41:31,659 --> 00:41:33,427 James was charging his phone 774 00:41:33,428 --> 00:41:36,364 from a contraption he'd fitted to the revolving door. 775 00:41:47,542 --> 00:41:50,478 And even Jeremy had decided to get in on the action. 776 00:41:52,213 --> 00:41:54,682 This school sports day, 777 00:41:54,749 --> 00:41:57,418 in my mind, is a power station. 778 00:41:57,485 --> 00:42:00,455 All we have to do is fit the children with harnesses 779 00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:04,159 and I could have this charged up in no time at all. 780 00:42:05,126 --> 00:42:08,329 Here we go! 781 00:42:08,396 --> 00:42:09,729 Straightaway we can see 782 00:42:09,730 --> 00:42:12,567 that charge is being produced. 783 00:42:12,633 --> 00:42:14,134 Not much, but some. 784 00:42:14,135 --> 00:42:17,105 Come on, all of you! Come on! 785 00:42:17,172 --> 00:42:20,575 Put your back into it! Catch him! Chop-chop! 786 00:42:22,043 --> 00:42:25,013 This is the work of a genius. 787 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,613 Back in the countryside, 788 00:42:26,614 --> 00:42:28,182 I'd mended my dog 789 00:42:28,183 --> 00:42:30,685 and things were going well here too. 790 00:42:30,751 --> 00:42:33,654 As you can see, the dog is now running, 791 00:42:33,721 --> 00:42:35,022 the wheels are turning, 792 00:42:35,023 --> 00:42:36,891 electricity is being generated. 793 00:42:36,892 --> 00:42:40,295 He's basically a four-legged Sellafield! 794 00:42:40,361 --> 00:42:44,065 Sadly, however, in London, it was the middle of the day 795 00:42:44,132 --> 00:42:46,968 and no one had been using James's door. 796 00:42:49,304 --> 00:42:51,907 As a result, his phone was dying. 797 00:42:51,942 --> 00:42:53,907 So he had to get radical. 798 00:43:08,489 --> 00:43:10,257 15%. 799 00:43:10,258 --> 00:43:12,258 Nice. 800 00:43:13,361 --> 00:43:15,430 Apart from a couple of hiccups... 801 00:43:15,496 --> 00:43:17,496 Go! 802 00:43:21,336 --> 00:43:23,838 You'll have to put a little bit more effort in than that. 803 00:43:23,939 --> 00:43:26,174 ...everything was going well. 804 00:43:26,241 --> 00:43:28,343 The power was flooding in. 805 00:43:28,409 --> 00:43:29,843 Oh, yes! 806 00:43:29,844 --> 00:43:31,980 25%. 807 00:43:32,047 --> 00:43:33,847 And we were forced to conclude 808 00:43:33,848 --> 00:43:36,952 that it had been a successful day for all of us. 809 00:43:36,985 --> 00:43:39,955 Well, when I say all of us... 810 00:43:40,956 --> 00:43:42,256 No. Look, listen. 811 00:43:42,257 --> 00:43:46,161 I can see why you're here. Um... 812 00:43:46,227 --> 00:43:49,064 Obviously, fitting children with harnesses 813 00:43:49,130 --> 00:43:51,065 and then videoing them, 814 00:43:51,066 --> 00:43:53,066 and they're not my children... 815 00:44:02,143 --> 00:44:06,481 I got... I got 45% charge in my phone. 816 00:44:06,547 --> 00:44:08,048 I got 41% charge. 817 00:44:08,049 --> 00:44:12,187 I got a different sort of charge. 818 00:44:12,253 --> 00:44:13,487 Anyway, since we had proved- 819 00:44:13,488 --> 00:44:15,122 well, Hammond and I had proved- 820 00:44:15,123 --> 00:44:17,458 that it was possible to charge up a telephone- 821 00:44:17,525 --> 00:44:21,296 I began to wonder if we could charge up a car 822 00:44:21,362 --> 00:44:24,399 using nothing more than vanity. 823 00:44:26,534 --> 00:44:30,471 In London alone, there are over 750 gyms, 824 00:44:30,538 --> 00:44:32,740 and every day they are full of people 825 00:44:32,807 --> 00:44:35,410 picking things up and putting them down again 826 00:44:35,476 --> 00:44:38,079 so they can be more attractive. 827 00:44:39,614 --> 00:44:42,083 So why not use all this colossal effort? 828 00:44:43,018 --> 00:44:45,018 Let's harness it! 829 00:44:46,187 --> 00:44:48,656 And that's exactly what we have done. 830 00:44:48,723 --> 00:44:50,324 Ten of the machines in this gym 831 00:44:50,325 --> 00:44:51,791 have been connected to a device 832 00:44:51,792 --> 00:44:54,495 which produces a smooth flow of electricity 833 00:44:54,562 --> 00:44:58,499 that's sent outside to this G- Wiz in the car park. 834 00:45:00,601 --> 00:45:03,138 Right now the battery is flat. 835 00:45:03,204 --> 00:45:04,904 So I'm going to plug it in 836 00:45:04,905 --> 00:45:07,575 and then after eight hours, we'll see how far I can drive 837 00:45:07,642 --> 00:45:11,279 on electricity that's been generated in there. 838 00:45:25,226 --> 00:45:27,226 Come on, you're slacking. 839 00:45:42,310 --> 00:45:45,313 Right. Unplug from the gym. 840 00:45:47,082 --> 00:45:49,084 Let's see how far we go. 841 00:45:55,656 --> 00:45:59,194 Look at this. This is epic because I'm driving along 842 00:45:59,260 --> 00:46:02,097 in a car, sort of. 843 00:46:02,163 --> 00:46:03,830 No fossil fuel has been burned, 844 00:46:03,831 --> 00:46:05,399 and no atoms have been split. 845 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,400 Nothing's been fracked up. 846 00:46:15,110 --> 00:46:18,113 Look, there's a man pushing that pushchair. 847 00:46:18,179 --> 00:46:20,315 Stick a little dynamo on that, 848 00:46:20,381 --> 00:46:23,218 kid gets some fresh air, I get more battery charge. 849 00:46:28,689 --> 00:46:31,359 It's difficult to see who loses from this arrangement. 850 00:46:31,426 --> 00:46:33,894 I get a trip home, effectively for nothing, 851 00:46:33,961 --> 00:46:37,132 the people going to the gym feel good, look good, 852 00:46:37,165 --> 00:46:39,900 they become healthier, the NHS saves money, 853 00:46:39,967 --> 00:46:41,235 cos people are less likely 854 00:46:41,236 --> 00:46:42,969 to have strokes and what have you. 855 00:46:42,970 --> 00:46:45,406 If one person in a hundred gets a free gy... 856 00:46:49,844 --> 00:46:51,844 Hang on. 857 00:46:56,050 --> 00:46:58,153 I was enjoying driving on pedal 858 00:46:58,186 --> 00:47:00,621 and cross-trainer power! 859 00:47:03,558 --> 00:47:07,228 And with that, I think it's back to the tent. 860 00:47:12,967 --> 00:47:15,170 James... James May, 861 00:47:15,203 --> 00:47:18,173 how far did you get 862 00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:20,441 after eight hours of charging? 863 00:47:20,508 --> 00:47:23,178 Actually, it was better than I expected. 864 00:47:23,213 --> 00:47:25,078 I did 21 miles. 865 00:47:25,079 --> 00:47:28,183 Hang on, though. To get from our office in London 866 00:47:28,216 --> 00:47:30,184 to my home in nearly Wales, 867 00:47:30,185 --> 00:47:33,288 that's 130 miles, 21 miles at... 868 00:47:33,354 --> 00:47:35,390 So six stops at gyms, eight hours a time, 869 00:47:35,456 --> 00:47:36,856 and the actual driving, 870 00:47:36,857 --> 00:47:38,658 it would take me three days 871 00:47:38,659 --> 00:47:39,859 to get home! 872 00:47:39,860 --> 00:47:42,397 Or, Hammond, just an idea, 873 00:47:42,463 --> 00:47:45,266 you could maybe get a petrol-powered car, 874 00:47:45,333 --> 00:47:47,201 put some petrol in it, 875 00:47:47,202 --> 00:47:48,802 and be home in two hours. 876 00:47:48,803 --> 00:47:50,803 That's a better... I'm gonna do that. 877 00:47:50,805 --> 00:47:52,239 Yes. So there we are. 878 00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:54,342 That's the future, and it's made of petrol. 879 00:47:54,409 --> 00:47:56,477 So we've addressed that nicely. 880 00:47:59,314 --> 00:48:01,349 Moving on... 881 00:48:03,651 --> 00:48:06,053 Now... 882 00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:07,854 There are people all over the world 883 00:48:07,855 --> 00:48:11,726 who believe we are permanently on the verge of nuclear war, 884 00:48:11,792 --> 00:48:14,895 alien invasion or zombie attack. 885 00:48:14,962 --> 00:48:16,330 It isn't a niche thing. 886 00:48:16,331 --> 00:48:18,766 There's 120.000 of these people at least. 887 00:48:18,833 --> 00:48:21,035 They call themselves preppers. 888 00:48:21,101 --> 00:48:22,769 - Morons. - Shut up. 889 00:48:22,770 --> 00:48:24,571 - Idiots. - And these preppers, 890 00:48:24,572 --> 00:48:27,642 in order to prepare for an extinction-level event, 891 00:48:27,708 --> 00:48:29,409 stock their homes with essential supplies, 892 00:48:29,410 --> 00:48:31,512 they go out into the woods and practise tactics, 893 00:48:31,579 --> 00:48:35,283 and they create what they call bug-out cars. 894 00:48:35,350 --> 00:48:36,716 They're brilliant. Here is one. Look. 895 00:48:36,717 --> 00:48:38,853 - Look at that! - Yeah! I know! 896 00:48:38,919 --> 00:48:41,789 - No, Hammond, that is not brilliant. - It is. 897 00:48:41,856 --> 00:48:44,925 Are you saying we can prepare for a nuclear attack 898 00:48:44,992 --> 00:48:49,497 by putting some spikes on the wheels of a Hyundai? 899 00:48:49,564 --> 00:48:51,265 What if the nuclear attack 900 00:48:51,266 --> 00:48:53,301 comes from the back of the Hyundai? 901 00:48:53,368 --> 00:48:55,068 All you're gonna do with that car 902 00:48:55,069 --> 00:48:57,838 - is snag your jumper on it. - Oh, don't be so negative. 903 00:48:57,905 --> 00:49:01,276 In this show you have wasted 14.000 of our pounds 904 00:49:01,309 --> 00:49:03,109 on your stupid Mercedes car. 905 00:49:03,110 --> 00:49:04,778 You have wasted all of our time 906 00:49:04,779 --> 00:49:06,446 with your sweat-powered electric car. 907 00:49:06,447 --> 00:49:09,317 This is my thing. Let me do it. 908 00:49:09,384 --> 00:49:11,752 You do realise there's no such thing 909 00:49:11,819 --> 00:49:12,852 as a zombie, don't you? 910 00:49:12,853 --> 00:49:15,390 Don't spoil it for him. 911 00:49:15,456 --> 00:49:17,958 I like the idea of being a prepper, 912 00:49:18,025 --> 00:49:21,629 so I thought I'd have a go at making my own bug-out car. 913 00:49:28,569 --> 00:49:31,372 This is what I came up with. 914 00:49:34,309 --> 00:49:38,879 It started life as a VW campervan, high-top version. 915 00:49:38,946 --> 00:49:42,116 But I've stripped it of its hippie heritage 916 00:49:42,182 --> 00:49:44,852 to turn it into a vehicle that can bare its teeth 917 00:49:44,919 --> 00:49:47,422 in a dangerous, post-apocalyptic world. 918 00:49:51,859 --> 00:49:53,859 And I love it! 919 00:49:55,596 --> 00:49:57,898 I'm so unbelievably pleased with this thing. 920 00:49:57,965 --> 00:50:03,971 I feel invincible, ready, prepared. 921 00:50:04,038 --> 00:50:05,872 Which is hardly surprising, 922 00:50:05,873 --> 00:50:08,376 given the modifications I've made. 923 00:50:09,544 --> 00:50:11,478 At the front, a battering ram. 924 00:50:11,479 --> 00:50:13,814 You can be pretty sure the roads won't be clear. 925 00:50:13,881 --> 00:50:16,216 The ram itself is fitted with spikes 926 00:50:16,283 --> 00:50:18,283 for fending off zombies at close quarters. 927 00:50:18,319 --> 00:50:19,486 Then, up top, 928 00:50:19,487 --> 00:50:21,254 a bank of powerful rally lights 929 00:50:21,255 --> 00:50:24,925 to cut through the murky soup of a nuclear winter. 930 00:50:24,992 --> 00:50:28,028 Of course, not everyone I meet will be friendly. 931 00:50:28,095 --> 00:50:30,297 So, up here... 932 00:50:36,203 --> 00:50:37,471 ...weapons rack. 933 00:50:37,472 --> 00:50:38,772 Everything I need 934 00:50:38,773 --> 00:50:42,109 to defend myself against cannibals and zombies. 935 00:50:42,176 --> 00:50:45,045 Round here, water. Essential. 936 00:50:45,112 --> 00:50:47,748 Subtle stuff too. I don't want to stand out, 937 00:50:47,815 --> 00:50:49,549 hence the camouflage paint. 938 00:50:49,550 --> 00:50:51,050 But perhaps most importantly, 939 00:50:51,051 --> 00:50:53,051 the whole of my bug-out campervan 940 00:50:53,087 --> 00:50:55,087 has been armour-plated. 941 00:50:55,456 --> 00:50:57,825 I really have thought of everything! 942 00:50:57,892 --> 00:50:59,359 No, you haven't! 943 00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:01,629 All you've done is ruined a perfectly good campervan. 944 00:51:01,696 --> 00:51:03,696 No, I haven't! It's brilliant. 945 00:51:03,731 --> 00:51:05,599 It's bullet-proof all over! 946 00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:07,600 - Bullet-proof? Is it? - Yes. 947 00:51:07,602 --> 00:51:09,202 - Is it? - Yes, it is. 948 00:51:09,203 --> 00:51:11,639 - Oh, yeah, sounds like it. - Tanks feel like that. 949 00:51:11,706 --> 00:51:14,875 OK, then, these are guns. Use them. 950 00:51:14,942 --> 00:51:17,812 - What, on you? - No, on the van. Shoot it. 951 00:51:17,878 --> 00:51:19,878 - Are we ready, gentlemen? - Yes. 952 00:51:21,181 --> 00:51:23,484 Ha! Didn't go through! 953 00:51:23,551 --> 00:51:24,684 Just chipped the paint. That's all you've done. 954 00:51:24,685 --> 00:51:26,821 - Yes. Hammond? - Yeah? 955 00:51:26,887 --> 00:51:28,488 What you're suggesting is these aliens, 956 00:51:28,489 --> 00:51:31,291 they're going to travel trillions of miles 957 00:51:31,426 --> 00:51:34,595 using a propulsion system that we can't even conceive 958 00:51:34,662 --> 00:51:37,432 and then they're going to try and take over the world 959 00:51:37,465 --> 00:51:39,634 using .177 air rifles? 960 00:51:39,700 --> 00:51:42,102 Well, if they do, I shall be ready for them. 961 00:51:44,505 --> 00:51:47,875 Especially given what I've done in here. 962 00:51:47,942 --> 00:51:50,978 Inside, I've turned this once- humble campervan 963 00:51:51,045 --> 00:51:54,782 into literally the highest-tech command centre imaginable. 964 00:51:54,849 --> 00:51:57,284 Up front, carbon dioxide scrubbers, 965 00:51:57,351 --> 00:51:58,952 just like the ones on Apollo 13. 966 00:51:58,953 --> 00:52:02,690 They will purify the air, even in case of radiation. 967 00:52:02,757 --> 00:52:07,094 And you can measure that radiation on these systems up here. 968 00:52:07,161 --> 00:52:09,564 Water. You may not be able to find it. 969 00:52:09,630 --> 00:52:11,666 Need to make it. It's essential. 970 00:52:11,732 --> 00:52:14,835 I've fitted a system that recycles urine. 971 00:52:14,902 --> 00:52:17,972 Basically you do your number ones up there. 972 00:52:19,474 --> 00:52:20,574 Operate the pumps. 973 00:52:20,575 --> 00:52:22,008 They send the results up, 974 00:52:22,009 --> 00:52:25,045 across, and into the water purification system. 975 00:52:25,112 --> 00:52:29,550 It emerges from that as purest drinking water. 976 00:52:34,021 --> 00:52:36,824 Food. I'm gonna need it. I've got a chicken. 977 00:52:36,891 --> 00:52:39,126 It lays eggs. They go in there. 978 00:52:39,193 --> 00:52:42,329 And perhaps best of all, the pâté de foie gras 979 00:52:42,396 --> 00:52:43,930 of the bug-out community- 980 00:52:43,931 --> 00:52:45,966 chicken soup. 981 00:52:46,033 --> 00:52:48,569 I love all this. Setting out into the wilderness 982 00:52:48,636 --> 00:52:50,905 in my little house on wheels, 983 00:52:50,971 --> 00:52:55,409 knowing I've got everything I need, whatever happens. 984 00:52:55,510 --> 00:52:57,912 What the...? 985 00:53:00,515 --> 00:53:03,317 Am I penetrating his bulletproof armour? 986 00:53:03,518 --> 00:53:06,153 Yes. And his food. 987 00:53:06,220 --> 00:53:09,524 Oh! That's my own urine! 988 00:53:11,592 --> 00:53:14,428 - Are you two doing this? - Yes, he is! 989 00:53:14,529 --> 00:53:17,832 I'd get out of the way if I were you. 990 00:53:17,898 --> 00:53:19,967 The trouble with the chicken is, it moves around, 991 00:53:20,034 --> 00:53:22,034 making this a... 992 00:53:23,538 --> 00:53:26,140 - Oh, good idea! - Isn't it! 993 00:53:29,343 --> 00:53:30,877 Right, reloading, James. Reloading. 994 00:53:30,878 --> 00:53:32,878 Oh, yes! 995 00:53:44,424 --> 00:53:46,561 - Good shot. - Not bad, was it? 996 00:53:47,895 --> 00:53:50,130 Sort of game over now, really. 997 00:53:50,197 --> 00:53:52,197 Hm. 998 00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:54,600 Right... 999 00:53:56,904 --> 00:53:58,772 It wasn't game over, though, 1000 00:53:58,773 --> 00:54:00,707 because I went back to the drawing board 1001 00:54:00,708 --> 00:54:02,708 and started again. 1002 00:54:05,379 --> 00:54:07,682 Three months' work. 1003 00:54:07,748 --> 00:54:09,950 I've used the same basic interior set-up, 1004 00:54:10,017 --> 00:54:12,653 but I've completely re-thought the armour plating, 1005 00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:14,955 so that whatever those two have... 1006 00:54:22,930 --> 00:54:26,166 Now, this is a Scimitar light reconnaissance tank. 1007 00:54:26,233 --> 00:54:31,071 It's small, it's quite fast, and it's quite manoeuvrable. 1008 00:54:31,138 --> 00:54:33,608 Its job is to skip around the battlefield like a goat 1009 00:54:33,674 --> 00:54:35,674 and find stuff. 1010 00:54:39,814 --> 00:54:42,617 Now, look at Hammond, running around in a mad panic. 1011 00:54:42,652 --> 00:54:45,152 He thinks I'm gonna shoot him, but I'm not. 1012 00:54:45,219 --> 00:54:48,789 I'm just here to mark him with a laser. 1013 00:54:48,856 --> 00:54:50,856 He's gonna shoot him. 1014 00:54:57,765 --> 00:55:01,769 Yes, this is a Challenger 2 main battle tank. 1015 00:55:03,103 --> 00:55:05,239 And this really is a bug-out vehicle. 1016 00:55:05,305 --> 00:55:07,541 It's certainly a lot better than, I don't know, 1017 00:55:07,642 --> 00:55:10,778 a Hyundai with spikes on the wheels. 1018 00:55:10,845 --> 00:55:14,649 It'll totally protect its occupants from radiation, 1019 00:55:14,682 --> 00:55:16,984 nuclear fallout, gas, 1020 00:55:17,051 --> 00:55:20,655 even a direct hit, thanks to its incredible armour, 1021 00:55:20,690 --> 00:55:22,990 from any known battlefield weapon. 1022 00:55:25,225 --> 00:55:26,926 Then there's this gun, which is- 1023 00:55:26,927 --> 00:55:29,964 there's no other word- enormous! 1024 00:55:30,030 --> 00:55:31,397 120mm. 1025 00:55:31,398 --> 00:55:33,066 And it could hit a target- 1026 00:55:33,067 --> 00:55:36,403 let's say Richard Hammond's van- 1027 00:55:36,470 --> 00:55:40,775 while the tank itself is doing 30mph over rough ground. 1028 00:55:42,242 --> 00:55:45,680 I think, though, today I shall fire while stationary 1029 00:55:45,713 --> 00:55:48,215 because I want to savour the moment. 1030 00:55:48,282 --> 00:55:51,151 OK, thank you, chaps. If we could stop there... 1031 00:55:51,218 --> 00:55:52,518 Right, going down. 1032 00:55:52,519 --> 00:55:54,519 Roger. Going down. 1033 00:55:57,524 --> 00:55:59,524 Oh, dear! 1034 00:56:01,061 --> 00:56:04,732 I've loaded the gun with a high- explosive shell. 1035 00:56:04,799 --> 00:56:06,432 It's a tracer shell, so we'll be able 1036 00:56:06,433 --> 00:56:07,934 to monitor its progress 1037 00:56:07,935 --> 00:56:10,838 as it arcs toward the target. 1038 00:56:10,905 --> 00:56:13,040 Oh, Commander Clarkson, this is fantastic! 1039 00:56:13,107 --> 00:56:15,409 I can see him right there. Have you got him? 1040 00:56:15,475 --> 00:56:17,475 Yeah. 1041 00:56:18,545 --> 00:56:19,846 You bastards! 1042 00:56:19,847 --> 00:56:22,216 Oh, just put him out of his misery, will you? 1043 00:56:22,282 --> 00:56:24,282 Fire! 1044 00:56:38,265 --> 00:56:43,037 I'm not sure his bug-out vehicle was quite as strong 1045 00:56:43,103 --> 00:56:45,103 as he may have led you to believe. 1046 00:56:49,744 --> 00:56:51,744 Right... 1047 00:57:00,955 --> 00:57:02,455 Many months later, 1048 00:57:02,456 --> 00:57:05,325 I was ready to unveil my third attempt... 1049 00:57:07,527 --> 00:57:09,527 ...an impregnable fortress. 1050 00:57:12,132 --> 00:57:14,132 Oh, yeah! 1051 00:57:15,335 --> 00:57:17,335 This is bug-out heaven! 1052 00:57:18,438 --> 00:57:20,908 I've used as my inspiration 1053 00:57:20,975 --> 00:57:23,243 the armoured personnel carrier from Aliens, 1054 00:57:23,310 --> 00:57:27,081 on the basis that if it can protect Sigourney Weaver 1055 00:57:27,147 --> 00:57:30,350 from that metal bitey thing with teeth, 1056 00:57:30,417 --> 00:57:34,388 it can keep me safe from Jeremy Clarkson and James May. 1057 00:57:34,454 --> 00:57:38,192 Underneath this beast are the basic elements of an Alvis Stalwart. 1058 00:57:38,258 --> 00:57:41,628 So it was already armour-plated, amphibious, 1059 00:57:41,695 --> 00:57:43,129 massively powerful, 1060 00:57:43,130 --> 00:57:45,232 six-wheel drive and four-wheel steering. 1061 00:57:51,471 --> 00:57:54,875 And what I've gone and done is improve it. 1062 00:58:03,083 --> 00:58:06,553 It's got a honeycombed lattice work 1063 00:58:06,620 --> 00:58:08,722 of ceramic-steel armour plating. 1064 00:58:08,823 --> 00:58:11,058 It's three times thicker than the armour you'll find 1065 00:58:11,125 --> 00:58:14,829 on the turret of an Abrams A1M1 tank. 1066 00:58:18,365 --> 00:58:23,237 In testing, I fired a 7.62 round at that hull, 1067 00:58:23,303 --> 00:58:26,140 and all it left was a mark like that one. 1068 00:58:27,641 --> 00:58:29,641 This thing is incredible. 1069 00:58:34,281 --> 00:58:37,351 Whatever those two are planning this time, 1070 00:58:37,417 --> 00:58:39,018 it won't work. 1071 00:58:39,019 --> 00:58:42,957 They won't be able to damage my soup now. 1072 00:58:47,761 --> 00:58:49,162 Drone feed stabilised. 1073 00:58:49,163 --> 00:58:50,930 Vehicle spotted in the open. 1074 00:58:50,931 --> 00:58:53,733 45 stand by to engage target. 1075 00:58:53,868 --> 00:58:55,870 45 stood to engage target. 1076 00:59:05,079 --> 00:59:08,115 This shell... is twice as powerful 1077 00:59:08,182 --> 00:59:12,652 as the shell we fired from the tank. 1078 00:59:12,719 --> 00:59:16,323 And it can hit a target 13 miles away. 1079 00:59:21,028 --> 00:59:23,028 Loading weapon. 1080 00:59:30,070 --> 00:59:31,704 Hot room, gun loaded. Gun ready. 1081 00:59:31,705 --> 00:59:33,039 Fire mission, 1082 00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:37,912 target number Uniform Tango 1805. 1083 00:59:37,945 --> 00:59:40,014 Altitude 35. 1084 00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,117 Direction 4600. 1085 00:59:43,183 --> 00:59:48,022 Gun target line 130. Ready 68. 1086 00:59:48,088 --> 00:59:49,822 Command approve. 1087 00:59:49,823 --> 00:59:51,724 45. Engage. 1088 00:59:51,725 --> 00:59:54,929 Command approve. 45. Fire. 1089 01:00:01,168 --> 01:00:04,438 They're bored. They've realised I'm unhurtable... 1090 01:00:05,805 --> 01:00:07,805 ...and given up. 1091 01:00:08,642 --> 01:00:10,243 Five seconds to impact. 1092 01:00:10,244 --> 01:00:12,045 They probably think it's really funny. 1093 01:00:12,046 --> 01:00:14,248 They probably think I'm out here all... 1094 01:00:23,958 --> 01:00:26,126 45. Target destroyed. 1095 01:00:36,803 --> 01:00:38,939 Yeah. 1096 01:00:40,607 --> 01:00:42,408 Now, 1097 01:00:42,409 --> 01:00:45,045 we went through the wreckage afterwards 1098 01:00:45,112 --> 01:00:48,648 and this is all that remains of Richard Hammond. 1099 01:00:48,715 --> 01:00:50,649 He's just dust, and we know it is Hammond 1100 01:00:50,650 --> 01:00:54,054 because we found this suspiciously white tooth... 1101 01:00:54,121 --> 01:00:56,823 ...in it. That's... 1102 01:00:58,192 --> 01:01:01,328 - That's him. - That's him. 1103 01:01:02,296 --> 01:01:04,564 So, there you are, preppers. 1104 01:01:04,631 --> 01:01:08,002 The tragic remains of Richard Hammond are proof positive 1105 01:01:08,068 --> 01:01:11,071 that your hobby is utterly pointless. 1106 01:01:11,138 --> 01:01:14,208 - You spilled him! - Spilt him on the floor. 1107 01:01:14,274 --> 01:01:16,042 Now you've got him all over your shoes. 1108 01:01:16,043 --> 01:01:18,078 I know. Even when he's dust, he's annoying. 1109 01:01:18,145 --> 01:01:19,778 Anyway... 1110 01:01:19,779 --> 01:01:21,114 On that terrible disappointment, 1111 01:01:21,115 --> 01:01:23,115 it is time to end. 1112 01:01:23,150 --> 01:01:24,483 He's pretty much gone now. 1113 01:01:24,484 --> 01:01:25,851 Thank you very much for watching. 1114 01:01:25,852 --> 01:01:27,852 See you next time. Goodbye!