1 00:00:53,023 --> 00:00:54,425 (CHEERING) 2 00:00:58,462 --> 00:01:01,198 - Hello. - Hello, everybody. 3 00:01:01,264 --> 00:01:02,766 Greetings. Hello. 4 00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:05,002 Hello. 5 00:01:07,137 --> 00:01:08,572 JEREMY: Thank you so much. 6 00:01:10,941 --> 00:01:14,144 Thank you. Thank you very much. 7 00:01:14,211 --> 00:01:15,413 Thank you. 8 00:01:15,413 --> 00:01:16,547 Thank you so much, 9 00:01:16,614 --> 00:01:18,616 and welcome to The Grand Tour, 10 00:01:18,682 --> 00:01:20,217 which this week comes to you 11 00:01:20,283 --> 00:01:22,986 from the United Arab Emirates! 12 00:01:23,053 --> 00:01:24,455 (CHEERING) 13 00:01:27,525 --> 00:01:28,692 Specifically... 14 00:01:30,694 --> 00:01:34,432 Specifically, we are in Dubai, 15 00:01:34,498 --> 00:01:36,600 which means, for the first time ever, 16 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:38,969 we are the three poorest people in the tent. 17 00:01:39,036 --> 00:01:40,638 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. - (LAUGHTER) 18 00:01:40,704 --> 00:01:41,805 I mean, look at that. 19 00:01:41,872 --> 00:01:43,206 You think, "How do they do that 20 00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:44,508 with all those fountains?" 21 00:01:44,575 --> 00:01:46,644 Well, I'll let you into a little secret. 22 00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:48,111 It's Perrier water. 23 00:01:48,178 --> 00:01:49,179 (LAUGHTER) 24 00:01:49,246 --> 00:01:51,749 Flinging it up into the air. 25 00:01:51,815 --> 00:01:53,451 I heard another one the other day. 26 00:01:53,484 --> 00:01:55,052 A taxi driver clearing out his cab 27 00:01:55,118 --> 00:01:56,754 after a hard day at work-- 28 00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:59,256 umbrella, mobile phone, usual stuff-- 29 00:01:59,322 --> 00:02:02,292 £800,000 gold bar. 30 00:02:02,359 --> 00:02:03,661 Someone had left it in there 31 00:02:03,727 --> 00:02:07,230 - and not even noticed. - You would. 32 00:02:07,297 --> 00:02:08,832 Mind you, that said, here, 33 00:02:08,899 --> 00:02:11,602 you can just go to an ATM and get gold out. 34 00:02:11,669 --> 00:02:14,037 Look at this! That's an actual ATM. 35 00:02:14,104 --> 00:02:15,739 You know, at two o'clock in the morning, 36 00:02:15,806 --> 00:02:17,708 "I haven't got an ingot with me." 37 00:02:17,775 --> 00:02:19,543 But here you're fine. 38 00:02:19,610 --> 00:02:22,079 You can even buy tyres here, OK? 39 00:02:22,145 --> 00:02:25,148 Which are studded with gold and diamonds. 40 00:02:25,215 --> 00:02:28,919 Look at this. £600,000 a set. 41 00:02:28,986 --> 00:02:31,121 Even the authorities are loaded. 42 00:02:31,188 --> 00:02:34,057 We have here a selection of pictures of local police cars. 43 00:02:34,124 --> 00:02:35,793 They have an Aventador. 44 00:02:35,859 --> 00:02:38,395 - They also have an SLS. - (CHEERING) 45 00:02:38,496 --> 00:02:41,398 Yeah. Wait for it. They even have a Veyron police car. 46 00:02:41,499 --> 00:02:43,667 - (CHEERING) - Oh, yeah. Obviously, 47 00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:45,168 - because you need that. - You actually do. 48 00:02:45,235 --> 00:02:47,204 You need that. It's important. 49 00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:49,507 I've even got a photograph of a local ambulance. 50 00:02:49,507 --> 00:02:52,510 - Look, here it is. It's a Lotus! - (LAUGHTER) 51 00:02:52,510 --> 00:02:54,077 Not quite sure how that works. 52 00:02:54,144 --> 00:02:56,647 Presumably you have to break the patient's other leg 53 00:02:56,714 --> 00:02:59,149 to actually get him in there. 54 00:02:59,216 --> 00:03:00,884 - Yeah. - Then there's public transport. 55 00:03:00,951 --> 00:03:04,387 Now, OK, in the UK, this is a bus, yes? 56 00:03:04,522 --> 00:03:05,656 - Yeah. - Let me show you 57 00:03:05,723 --> 00:03:07,424 a photograph of a local bus here. 58 00:03:07,525 --> 00:03:08,559 - There you go. - Wow! 59 00:03:08,626 --> 00:03:10,293 (LAUGHTER) 60 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,730 Top speed: 155mph. 61 00:03:12,796 --> 00:03:15,699 Costs £7 million. Seats 23 people. 62 00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:18,001 You telephone the owner. He comes and picks you up 63 00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:20,303 and takes you to where you want to go. 64 00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:21,805 Well, that's a taxi. 65 00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:23,974 - No, James. No, no, no. - Isn't it? 66 00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:26,877 A taxi in Dubai looks like this. 67 00:03:26,944 --> 00:03:28,746 RICHARD: Oh, right. Yeah, of course. 68 00:03:28,812 --> 00:03:31,414 You think I'm joking? Look, "Uber". 69 00:03:31,549 --> 00:03:33,651 Seriously, you call Uber up here, 70 00:03:33,717 --> 00:03:36,554 and you're given a choice-- Prius or helicopter. 71 00:03:36,587 --> 00:03:39,022 Wow! Do you get to rate the driver? 72 00:03:39,089 --> 00:03:40,858 Do you think he sticks his telephone on the screen 73 00:03:40,924 --> 00:03:42,760 like in Britain in the Prius? 74 00:03:42,826 --> 00:03:44,261 "I'm not really a pilot. 75 00:03:44,327 --> 00:03:46,429 I'm doing this while training to be a plumber." 76 00:03:46,564 --> 00:03:48,131 "I want to get out!" Just get out. 77 00:03:48,198 --> 00:03:50,333 - Shall we get on with the show? - Good idea. 78 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,036 Because in our car show this week... 79 00:03:54,572 --> 00:03:56,173 James falls over. 80 00:03:56,239 --> 00:03:57,207 Ow! 81 00:03:58,709 --> 00:04:01,311 James fall over again. 82 00:04:01,378 --> 00:04:02,580 (GROANS) 83 00:04:03,413 --> 00:04:05,048 And James falls over. 84 00:04:06,584 --> 00:04:08,719 (GROANS) 85 00:04:08,786 --> 00:04:10,788 But first, there's been a bit of an argument. 86 00:04:10,854 --> 00:04:13,456 You see, James and I both recently bought 87 00:04:13,591 --> 00:04:15,793 five-door German hatchbacks. 88 00:04:15,859 --> 00:04:19,963 His is a BMW i3, which is powered by electricity, 89 00:04:20,030 --> 00:04:24,234 and mine is a conventional Volkswagen Golf GTI. 90 00:04:24,301 --> 00:04:26,937 Yes, meaning my car is from the future 91 00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:28,839 and his is from the past, 92 00:04:28,906 --> 00:04:32,175 making me enlightened and him a dinosaur. 93 00:04:32,242 --> 00:04:35,813 They have been arguing like this for a while now. 94 00:04:35,879 --> 00:04:37,615 The thing is, I don't doubt 95 00:04:37,681 --> 00:04:40,117 that in the future electric cars will work, 96 00:04:40,183 --> 00:04:41,685 but they don't work now. 97 00:04:41,752 --> 00:04:43,420 - Well, they do. - They don't, James! 98 00:04:43,486 --> 00:04:44,922 Well, why did you fit yours 99 00:04:44,988 --> 00:04:47,157 with a petrol-powered range extender? 100 00:04:47,224 --> 00:04:48,992 Well, that's just a little generator 101 00:04:49,059 --> 00:04:51,929 that keeps the battery topped up if I need it. 102 00:04:51,995 --> 00:04:54,397 What you're saying is you can't rely on new technology. 103 00:04:54,464 --> 00:04:55,966 And your seats, they're made 104 00:04:56,033 --> 00:04:57,635 from the contents of a Hoover bag. 105 00:04:57,701 --> 00:04:59,637 - Oh, says the man... - (LAUGHTER) 106 00:04:59,703 --> 00:05:01,705 Says the man whose seats are made 107 00:05:01,772 --> 00:05:03,641 from Jackie Stewart's old trousers, 108 00:05:03,707 --> 00:05:04,775 which they are. 109 00:05:04,842 --> 00:05:06,777 - It's- - - Whatever! 110 00:05:06,844 --> 00:05:08,111 The fact is, in the office, 111 00:05:08,178 --> 00:05:09,947 we decided we'd had enough of them bickering 112 00:05:10,013 --> 00:05:12,650 and told them to go out and do a proper road test. 113 00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:15,452 So we did. 114 00:05:15,518 --> 00:05:17,187 JAMES: We began in London 115 00:05:17,254 --> 00:05:18,555 with a real-world test 116 00:05:18,656 --> 00:05:20,490 that Clarkson had thought of. 117 00:05:20,557 --> 00:05:22,025 Right, James, we must now see 118 00:05:22,092 --> 00:05:24,662 who can open their back door in the shortest time. 119 00:05:24,662 --> 00:05:26,363 - Why? - There could be an emergency. 120 00:05:26,429 --> 00:05:27,931 People will want to know. 121 00:05:27,998 --> 00:05:29,900 Ready, steady, go! Oh, mine's open. 122 00:05:29,967 --> 00:05:31,468 - (JAMES SIGHS) - Oh, dear. 123 00:05:31,534 --> 00:05:33,036 Have you got to open your front door 124 00:05:33,103 --> 00:05:35,906 before you open that-- let's be honest-- a flap? 125 00:05:35,973 --> 00:05:37,808 - It's not a flap. - It is a flap. 126 00:05:37,875 --> 00:05:39,743 Are BMW saying that, in the future, 127 00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:41,812 children will only be three inches wide? 128 00:05:41,879 --> 00:05:43,080 What are you talking about? 129 00:05:43,146 --> 00:05:44,547 For a start, it's hardly a hardship, 130 00:05:44,682 --> 00:05:46,083 and that's an enormous space. 131 00:05:46,149 --> 00:05:47,718 You only wanted to do that test 132 00:05:47,785 --> 00:05:49,687 because you made a mistake. He made a mistake. 133 00:05:49,687 --> 00:05:50,954 I didn't. What mistake? 134 00:05:51,021 --> 00:05:52,790 You did. You wanted a three-door Golf, 135 00:05:52,856 --> 00:05:54,257 and you didn't fill the form in properly. 136 00:05:54,324 --> 00:05:57,027 I know that. You can't tick boxes. 137 00:05:57,094 --> 00:05:58,395 Five doors are better-looking. 138 00:05:58,461 --> 00:05:59,763 No, they're not. 139 00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:01,699 Nobody ever wanted a five-door Golf GTI. 140 00:06:01,699 --> 00:06:03,801 - It's really naff. - We've got to get on and talk about money. 141 00:06:03,867 --> 00:06:05,268 He also wanted a red one. 142 00:06:05,335 --> 00:06:07,170 He didn't fill that bit in properly, either. 143 00:06:15,178 --> 00:06:19,282 This car, with many, many optional extras, 144 00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:21,852 was £36,000. 145 00:06:21,919 --> 00:06:24,988 Whereas James May's BMW i3 was... 146 00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:28,025 Well... let's find out, shall we? 147 00:06:28,091 --> 00:06:30,493 JEREMY OVER RADIO: How much was your i3? 148 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,462 Well, it was £40,000, 149 00:06:32,529 --> 00:06:34,965 but I got £5,000 back from the government, 150 00:06:35,032 --> 00:06:36,633 so actually it's £35,000, 151 00:06:36,734 --> 00:06:38,301 which is less than yours, I think. 152 00:06:38,368 --> 00:06:40,871 You were given, by the government, 153 00:06:40,938 --> 00:06:44,775 £5,000 of taxpayers' money 154 00:06:44,842 --> 00:06:47,044 so you could buy that car? 155 00:06:47,110 --> 00:06:49,612 I didn't make the rules. You can't turn it down. 156 00:06:49,747 --> 00:06:51,414 It's not like the Beatles' OBE. 157 00:06:51,481 --> 00:06:52,983 That is obscene! 158 00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,085 I mean, James May is a wealthy man, 159 00:06:55,152 --> 00:06:59,389 but that bus driver has bought his car for him. 160 00:06:59,456 --> 00:07:01,291 Where's the justice in that? 161 00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:06,329 You're paying for his car. Do you know that? 162 00:07:06,396 --> 00:07:07,664 You have paid for it. 163 00:07:07,765 --> 00:07:10,300 Just so you know, you've paid for his car. 164 00:07:10,367 --> 00:07:13,636 Has James May thanked you for buying his car for him? 165 00:07:13,771 --> 00:07:15,372 Jeremy will have an opinion on this, 166 00:07:15,438 --> 00:07:18,776 despite having bought a farm on which, for many years, 167 00:07:18,842 --> 00:07:22,813 he was paid to not grow anything. 168 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,147 Congestion charge here. 169 00:07:24,214 --> 00:07:26,383 It's £11.50 to drive into the centre. 170 00:07:26,449 --> 00:07:28,685 - JAMES: Not for me, it isn't. - JEREMY: Of course it isn't. 171 00:07:28,786 --> 00:07:31,454 The taxi driver, is he paying for your congestion charge? 172 00:07:31,521 --> 00:07:34,691 I suppose everybody must pay a little bit. 173 00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:38,295 * James May, James May Stealing from the rich * 174 00:07:38,361 --> 00:07:41,832 * James May, James May Stealing from the poor * 175 00:07:41,899 --> 00:07:45,903 * He steals from the rich He steals from the poor * 176 00:07:45,969 --> 00:07:48,638 * And once more, wants it all * 177 00:07:48,705 --> 00:07:50,974 * That's appalling * 178 00:07:51,842 --> 00:07:53,110 It nearly works. 179 00:07:54,677 --> 00:07:56,179 JAMES: I'd had enough of this, 180 00:07:56,246 --> 00:07:58,081 so I came up with a new way of trying to prove 181 00:07:58,148 --> 00:08:00,350 my car was better than his. 182 00:08:04,487 --> 00:08:07,557 James, can I just ask, why have you brought me to London Airport? 183 00:08:07,624 --> 00:08:12,295 Because I want to prove that my car is faster than yours. 184 00:08:12,362 --> 00:08:14,197 That's funny, because I just heard you say 185 00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:15,732 that your car's faster than mine. 186 00:08:15,833 --> 00:08:17,634 Yeah. Yeah, it is. 187 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:19,569 - 167 horsepower. - Mm-hm. 188 00:08:19,636 --> 00:08:23,874 Mine has the performance pack, so it produces 227. 189 00:08:23,941 --> 00:08:25,042 - Does it? - Yes. 190 00:08:25,108 --> 00:08:26,443 That's the official figure, is it? 191 00:08:26,509 --> 00:08:27,477 Yes, it is. 192 00:08:27,544 --> 00:08:28,645 - From VW? - Yes. 193 00:08:28,711 --> 00:08:31,882 - And you believe them? - Yes. 194 00:08:31,949 --> 00:08:33,884 All right, listen, I know what you mean. 195 00:08:33,951 --> 00:08:36,319 Drag race: 0-150. 196 00:08:36,386 --> 00:08:38,321 No. 197 00:08:38,388 --> 00:08:40,657 JEREMY: Having not agreed on that, 198 00:08:40,723 --> 00:08:42,092 we then failed to agree 199 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:44,594 on where the finishing line should be. 200 00:08:44,661 --> 00:08:47,430 James wanted a short race... 201 00:08:47,497 --> 00:08:48,966 and I didn't. 202 00:08:51,034 --> 00:08:53,336 - Compromise. - It isn't. That's too short. 203 00:08:53,403 --> 00:08:55,372 - It's not. It's exactly right. - It is. 204 00:08:55,438 --> 00:08:58,208 But eventually, we were ready to go. 205 00:09:03,346 --> 00:09:04,948 Now, the thing to remember, viewers, 206 00:09:05,015 --> 00:09:06,316 is that an electric motor 207 00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:08,952 delivers enormous torque from nothing, 208 00:09:09,019 --> 00:09:10,487 from really low down. 209 00:09:10,553 --> 00:09:11,754 So over a short distance, 210 00:09:11,889 --> 00:09:13,957 I should absolutely cream this. 211 00:09:14,024 --> 00:09:15,492 Here we go. 212 00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:17,527 JEREMY: DCC-- normal. 213 00:09:17,594 --> 00:09:19,796 Steering-- normal. 214 00:09:19,897 --> 00:09:22,265 Drive-- eco. 215 00:09:22,332 --> 00:09:25,268 No point in ruining my own car to win this. 216 00:09:26,503 --> 00:09:27,570 (REVVING) 217 00:09:43,386 --> 00:09:44,922 (LAUGHS) 218 00:09:45,788 --> 00:09:47,024 No need to rush. 219 00:09:47,958 --> 00:09:50,593 I'm winning. Oh, yes! 220 00:09:52,996 --> 00:09:55,232 I'm still winning. 221 00:09:55,298 --> 00:09:57,234 Let's go get him. Come on, Golfy! 222 00:09:58,668 --> 00:10:00,037 No. No! 223 00:10:01,004 --> 00:10:02,872 Quite sprightly, but er... 224 00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:05,875 not sprightly enough, methinks. 225 00:10:05,943 --> 00:10:07,110 See you, James. 226 00:10:15,185 --> 00:10:17,620 Bah! I've made the future look rubbish 227 00:10:17,687 --> 00:10:19,556 on the television. 228 00:10:19,622 --> 00:10:22,159 JEREMY: And then, to make it look even worse, 229 00:10:22,225 --> 00:10:23,961 I told the benefit scrounger 230 00:10:24,027 --> 00:10:25,963 that we were setting off for Devon. 231 00:10:27,064 --> 00:10:29,866 Erm... Why are we going to Devon? 232 00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:32,002 Because we have two tickets tonight 233 00:10:32,069 --> 00:10:34,904 to see Roger Daltrey out of the Who 234 00:10:34,972 --> 00:10:38,375 perform at a pub on Dartmoor. 235 00:10:38,441 --> 00:10:39,876 Couldn't we just wait for him 236 00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:41,578 to come and maybe perform in London? 237 00:10:41,644 --> 00:10:43,947 - Because I'm sure he will. - Well, no. 238 00:10:44,014 --> 00:10:46,149 Because it's a 200-mile drive, or thereabouts, 239 00:10:46,216 --> 00:10:47,884 it'll give us an opportunity 240 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,387 to see how our cars work in the real world. 241 00:10:50,453 --> 00:10:52,956 What he means is it's an opportunity for him to claim 242 00:10:53,023 --> 00:10:57,227 that the car of the past is superior. 243 00:10:57,294 --> 00:10:59,362 To prove it wasn't, I needed to top up 244 00:10:59,429 --> 00:11:03,000 the charge I'd lost by doing the drag race. 245 00:11:03,066 --> 00:11:06,003 Right, if I look at settings on my satnav, 246 00:11:06,036 --> 00:11:09,506 I can look at where all the charging and petrol stations are. 247 00:11:09,572 --> 00:11:12,142 I can even tell what sort of charging point 248 00:11:12,209 --> 00:11:14,077 I am being offered, 249 00:11:14,144 --> 00:11:18,315 whether or not I have the right card for it. 250 00:11:18,381 --> 00:11:21,718 And soon, we found exactly what I was looking for. 251 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,028 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 252 00:11:33,396 --> 00:11:35,365 - JEREMY: It's the future. - Another one. 253 00:11:35,432 --> 00:11:38,301 - Oh, that's such a shame. - Oh, shut up! 254 00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:40,703 Because I didn't have enough juice in the batteries 255 00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:42,605 to make the next charge point, 256 00:11:42,672 --> 00:11:45,542 I had to turn on my petrol generator, 257 00:11:45,608 --> 00:11:47,210 which stopped them going even flatter, 258 00:11:47,277 --> 00:11:51,614 and engaged ECO PRO+ driving mode. 259 00:11:51,681 --> 00:11:54,951 It does mean I have to do 56mph. 260 00:11:55,052 --> 00:11:59,289 That's where ECO PRO+ sets the maximum speed, 261 00:11:59,356 --> 00:12:01,291 because that way you get the maximum range. 262 00:12:01,358 --> 00:12:03,826 But it means I'm effectively a lorry driver. 263 00:12:03,893 --> 00:12:06,763 Because I'm in ECO PRO, I don't get any air-conditioning 264 00:12:06,829 --> 00:12:08,331 or climate control at all, 265 00:12:08,398 --> 00:12:10,433 because that wastes electricity, 266 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:13,703 so the car is slowly steaming up. 267 00:12:13,770 --> 00:12:15,072 It's now warning me. It says, 268 00:12:15,138 --> 00:12:17,474 "Find a charge station, you idiot!" 269 00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:21,278 How many screws do you have to have loose before you say 270 00:12:21,344 --> 00:12:23,546 "Yes, I'm gonna buy a car, 271 00:12:23,613 --> 00:12:26,083 which, when it's running low on power, 272 00:12:26,149 --> 00:12:28,551 has to be driven at 8mph, 273 00:12:28,618 --> 00:12:31,121 with the air conditioning off, and the lights off, 274 00:12:31,188 --> 00:12:33,390 and the heater off, and the radio off. 275 00:12:34,724 --> 00:12:37,160 Why would you do that? 276 00:12:37,227 --> 00:12:39,129 After several lifetimes 277 00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:41,198 of driving in convoy with James, 278 00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:42,365 we finally found 279 00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:44,501 a charge point that worked. 280 00:12:47,003 --> 00:12:48,338 JAMES: That's it. 281 00:12:48,405 --> 00:12:49,572 - It's done? - Yes. 282 00:12:49,639 --> 00:12:51,108 You don't have to stand and watch it. 283 00:12:51,141 --> 00:12:52,609 It's not like petrol. We can go off 284 00:12:52,675 --> 00:12:55,345 and have a cup of coffee, a sticky bun. 285 00:12:55,412 --> 00:12:57,747 - How long is it gonna take? - An hour or so. 286 00:12:57,814 --> 00:12:59,316 - An hour? - Yeah. 287 00:12:59,382 --> 00:13:02,585 How much does it cost... to fill it up? 288 00:13:02,652 --> 00:13:03,620 Nothing. 289 00:13:05,388 --> 00:13:07,124 - What? - It's free. 290 00:13:07,157 --> 00:13:09,259 - How could it be free? - It's free. 291 00:13:09,326 --> 00:13:11,161 You have to get the card, but it doesn't cost... 292 00:13:11,228 --> 00:13:13,530 - How much does the card cost? - Nothing. 293 00:13:13,596 --> 00:13:15,132 You fill a form in on the Internet, 294 00:13:15,198 --> 00:13:16,499 and it comes in the post. 295 00:13:16,566 --> 00:13:18,135 So I'm paying for your fuel-- 296 00:13:18,135 --> 00:13:19,869 well, your electricity-- as well? 297 00:13:19,936 --> 00:13:21,204 Probably. 298 00:13:21,271 --> 00:13:22,639 I'm just staggered by this. 299 00:13:22,705 --> 00:13:24,006 This is iniquitous. 300 00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:26,776 JEREMY: After killing time for a few minutes... 301 00:13:26,843 --> 00:13:28,511 I'm just gonna try and win some money 302 00:13:28,578 --> 00:13:31,281 to pay for James May's heating bill this year, 303 00:13:31,348 --> 00:13:34,851 which... will undoubtedly be down to me. 304 00:13:34,917 --> 00:13:37,654 ...I decided I couldn't be bothered to wait any more, 305 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,657 so I recharged the old-fashioned way 306 00:13:40,723 --> 00:13:43,560 and, in moments, was back on the road. 307 00:13:46,263 --> 00:13:48,165 Britain only produces 308 00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:52,169 5% more power than it actually consumes. 309 00:13:52,169 --> 00:13:56,339 That's now. So if everybody starts buying electric cars, 310 00:13:56,406 --> 00:13:58,408 the power stations won't be able to cope. 311 00:13:58,475 --> 00:13:59,809 There'll be power cuts, 312 00:13:59,876 --> 00:14:02,279 and then there will be looting and anarchy. 313 00:14:02,345 --> 00:14:04,080 That's what James is doing. 314 00:14:04,181 --> 00:14:07,350 He is bringing Britain to its knees. 315 00:14:14,924 --> 00:14:16,193 Oh. 316 00:14:16,226 --> 00:14:17,494 Yes. 317 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,996 Here's something for Jeremy. 318 00:14:20,062 --> 00:14:21,531 Assuming he's got a CD player. 319 00:14:21,598 --> 00:14:23,566 He's probably got a cassette player 320 00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:25,034 in his Golf GTI. 321 00:14:25,101 --> 00:14:26,336 JEREMY: Actually, 322 00:14:26,403 --> 00:14:29,506 May couldn't have been more wrong. 323 00:14:29,572 --> 00:14:32,609 This car may be from the past, but check this out. 324 00:14:32,675 --> 00:14:34,844 It's accelerating now, you can probably hear that, 325 00:14:34,911 --> 00:14:36,213 but I'm not doing it. 326 00:14:36,213 --> 00:14:37,880 The radar in front of me 327 00:14:37,947 --> 00:14:39,882 is maintaining a safe distance 328 00:14:39,949 --> 00:14:42,519 behind the car in front. 329 00:14:42,585 --> 00:14:44,454 He goes faster, I go faster. 330 00:14:44,521 --> 00:14:45,755 He slows down, I slow down. 331 00:14:45,822 --> 00:14:47,224 Car pulling out now into the middle lane. 332 00:14:47,224 --> 00:14:48,525 The car will sense that. 333 00:14:48,591 --> 00:14:50,293 Yeah. It's now dropping me 334 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:51,561 back from that. 335 00:14:51,628 --> 00:14:53,596 I don't even have to steer, 336 00:14:53,663 --> 00:14:56,032 because it'll keep itself between the white lines. 337 00:14:56,098 --> 00:14:57,234 Look. 338 00:14:57,234 --> 00:14:58,935 Google is making a big fuss. 339 00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:00,303 "Ooh, aren't we clever? 340 00:15:00,370 --> 00:15:01,904 We're making a self-driving car." 341 00:15:01,971 --> 00:15:04,374 It's already here! I'm driving it. 342 00:15:04,441 --> 00:15:06,743 And it's from 1978. 343 00:15:09,746 --> 00:15:11,381 JAMES: After an hour's charging, 344 00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:14,150 I was back on the move. 345 00:15:14,251 --> 00:15:16,519 I actually think the service station on the motorway 346 00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:18,988 should have an electric-car driver section, 347 00:15:19,055 --> 00:15:20,557 where there are, you know, 348 00:15:20,623 --> 00:15:22,859 very complicated jigsaw puzzles and a Monopoly set, 349 00:15:22,925 --> 00:15:25,728 or maybe some painting-by-numbers. 350 00:15:27,397 --> 00:15:30,267 It is 170 miles to go. 351 00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:33,570 God, look at it. It's all the way down there. 352 00:15:33,636 --> 00:15:35,272 JEREMY: Many miles ahead, 353 00:15:35,272 --> 00:15:36,706 I was busy firing up 354 00:15:36,773 --> 00:15:40,109 the GTI's Apple CarPlay system. 355 00:15:40,176 --> 00:15:43,380 Right, I'm gonna send James May a text message now, 356 00:15:43,446 --> 00:15:45,382 which would be illegal in most cars, 357 00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:47,049 but not in this one. 358 00:15:47,116 --> 00:15:49,786 AUTOMATED VOICE: To whom should I send your message? 359 00:15:49,852 --> 00:15:51,454 May. 360 00:15:51,521 --> 00:15:54,156 What was that again? Uh-oh, something's wrong. 361 00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:56,025 Can you try again? 362 00:15:56,092 --> 00:15:57,093 Edit that out. 363 00:15:57,159 --> 00:15:58,828 To whom shall I send it? 364 00:15:59,996 --> 00:16:00,897 May. 365 00:16:02,732 --> 00:16:04,667 I don't know what you mean by "Barry". 366 00:16:04,734 --> 00:16:07,304 - To whom shall I send it? - I didn't say "Barry". 367 00:16:07,337 --> 00:16:09,306 May. 368 00:16:09,372 --> 00:16:12,809 This is not doing well, Volkswagen. Come on. 369 00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:16,145 OK. What do you want to say to May? 370 00:16:16,212 --> 00:16:17,980 "May, you're a blithering idiot, 371 00:16:18,047 --> 00:16:21,784 and your stupid car is ruining my day." 372 00:16:22,752 --> 00:16:24,354 Your message to May says, 373 00:16:24,421 --> 00:16:27,590 "Your brother is idiot and your stupid car is ready." 374 00:16:27,657 --> 00:16:28,991 Ready to send it? 375 00:16:29,058 --> 00:16:31,328 (LAUGHS) 376 00:16:33,496 --> 00:16:34,731 JAMES: "Your brother is idiot"? 377 00:16:34,797 --> 00:16:37,133 What? He's never met my brother. 378 00:16:37,199 --> 00:16:39,902 How does he know he's an idiot? 379 00:16:39,969 --> 00:16:41,904 JEREMY: Because I'd turned off the motorway 380 00:16:41,971 --> 00:16:44,173 to take the more direct route to Dartmoor, 381 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,510 I thought I'd better let James know that as well. 382 00:16:49,979 --> 00:16:54,351 Erm... I'm going on the A34 and the A303. 383 00:16:54,417 --> 00:16:55,918 I'll see you there. 384 00:16:58,254 --> 00:17:00,089 Your message to May says, 385 00:17:00,156 --> 00:17:03,159 "I'm going on the first floor of the three RC." 386 00:17:03,225 --> 00:17:04,527 Ready to send it? 387 00:17:08,998 --> 00:17:12,201 JAMES: I, meanwhile, was using the longer motorway route 388 00:17:12,268 --> 00:17:14,904 because there'd be more charging points. 389 00:17:14,971 --> 00:17:16,473 But I had my foot down. 390 00:17:19,942 --> 00:17:23,380 And now... the electric car of the future 391 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:28,050 is overtaking a Porsche 911 Turbo S. 392 00:17:28,117 --> 00:17:29,952 There we go. 393 00:17:30,019 --> 00:17:34,056 I'm driving along in a car on the motorway 394 00:17:34,123 --> 00:17:36,092 at motorway speeds, 395 00:17:36,158 --> 00:17:37,860 overtaking everybody. 396 00:17:39,796 --> 00:17:41,564 Oh, no. Since I filled up, 397 00:17:41,631 --> 00:17:45,134 I've used... an eighth of a tank. 398 00:17:45,201 --> 00:17:46,803 (GROANS) Oh, no! 399 00:17:48,805 --> 00:17:52,108 And soon I was deep in the Devon countryside, 400 00:17:52,174 --> 00:17:55,412 where my excellent motorway cruising machine 401 00:17:55,478 --> 00:17:57,480 had become a GTI. 402 00:18:03,853 --> 00:18:05,855 We're in full sport mode now. 403 00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:12,629 It's got an astonishing front differential, 404 00:18:12,695 --> 00:18:15,498 so you can hurl the car into any corner 405 00:18:15,565 --> 00:18:17,900 at any speed that takes your fancy, 406 00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:21,571 knowing you're gonna come out on the other side OK. 407 00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:25,775 I'm not kidding. On a road like this 408 00:18:25,842 --> 00:18:28,545 with wet leaves and mud everywhere, 409 00:18:28,611 --> 00:18:33,249 this car is as fast as any Ferrari. 410 00:18:33,315 --> 00:18:34,484 It just is. 411 00:18:39,255 --> 00:18:40,757 Many hours from now, 412 00:18:40,823 --> 00:18:42,925 James May's going to be coming along here saying, 413 00:18:42,992 --> 00:18:46,062 "Right, I've got 13% battery and 2% fuel, 414 00:18:46,128 --> 00:18:49,966 so if I do 13.8 miles to the gallon, I should..." 415 00:18:50,032 --> 00:18:51,133 Who wants to do maths 416 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,570 when they could do lift-off oversteer? 417 00:18:56,238 --> 00:18:59,776 JAMES: In the i3, thanks to my exuberant driving, 418 00:18:59,842 --> 00:19:02,912 I was indeed having to do some maths. 419 00:19:03,813 --> 00:19:05,782 Energy management update: 420 00:19:05,848 --> 00:19:09,652 I have 36 miles of electric power remaining, 421 00:19:09,719 --> 00:19:11,521 if I'm driving like this, 422 00:19:11,588 --> 00:19:14,957 and 34 miles of petrol range left. 423 00:19:15,024 --> 00:19:16,959 So I'm going to stop at these services 424 00:19:17,026 --> 00:19:20,029 and I'm going to fill up the little fuel tank. 425 00:19:20,096 --> 00:19:21,498 (PUMP WHIRRING) 426 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,502 Nine quid. That is absolutely... 427 00:19:25,535 --> 00:19:27,036 I've overfilled it, in fact. 428 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,341 If you drive a GTI, 429 00:19:32,408 --> 00:19:35,845 you're going to get to where you're going more quickly, 430 00:19:35,912 --> 00:19:38,648 which means you're going to meet more people, 431 00:19:38,715 --> 00:19:42,284 have more experiences, learn more stuff. 432 00:19:42,351 --> 00:19:44,521 Speed makes you cleverer. 433 00:19:50,927 --> 00:19:53,029 Whereas, if you drive a BMW i3, 434 00:19:53,095 --> 00:19:54,564 you're gonna get everywhere late. 435 00:19:54,631 --> 00:19:56,599 You're gonna miss out on things. 436 00:19:56,666 --> 00:20:01,270 You'll miss out on theatre, culture, poetry. 437 00:20:01,337 --> 00:20:02,905 Love. 438 00:20:02,972 --> 00:20:05,975 You'll be a hollowed-out husk of a man. 439 00:20:09,011 --> 00:20:11,614 "Connect your vehicle and validate." 440 00:20:14,183 --> 00:20:17,153 What do they mean, "validate"? I've already validated. 441 00:20:18,921 --> 00:20:21,758 And here we are. My quest is at an end. 442 00:20:21,824 --> 00:20:24,260 I'm in good time. All is well. 443 00:20:24,326 --> 00:20:26,028 And I was in for a treat, 444 00:20:26,095 --> 00:20:28,097 because joining Roger Daltrey on stage 445 00:20:28,164 --> 00:20:31,801 was legendary guitarist Wilko Johnson. 446 00:20:31,868 --> 00:20:33,369 The fabulous Wilko Johnson! 447 00:20:33,435 --> 00:20:34,837 (CHEERING) 448 00:20:37,339 --> 00:20:41,644 "Station waiting for a charge request from the vehicle. 449 00:20:41,711 --> 00:20:44,146 Initialisation. Charging." 450 00:20:45,247 --> 00:20:47,116 It's not charging. 451 00:20:47,183 --> 00:20:48,585 (BAND PLAYS) 452 00:20:51,588 --> 00:20:54,557 * Well, wait a minute, baby * 453 00:20:54,624 --> 00:20:56,525 * Well, whatcha gonna do? * 454 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,631 OK, viewers, here is where we're at. 455 00:21:01,698 --> 00:21:04,934 That last charging station wasn't working. 456 00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:07,770 We have about 60 miles to go. 457 00:21:07,837 --> 00:21:10,607 So the answer is... 458 00:21:10,673 --> 00:21:12,074 eco driving. 459 00:21:12,141 --> 00:21:14,811 * Then I float on Down the street * 460 00:21:15,945 --> 00:21:17,647 * Smiling at the faces 461 00:21:17,714 --> 00:21:19,115 * That I meet * 462 00:21:25,021 --> 00:21:26,723 I'm not switching it into fast mode. 463 00:21:26,789 --> 00:21:28,290 It's too wasteful. 464 00:21:29,926 --> 00:21:33,696 * Then I'm going back home * 465 00:21:38,267 --> 00:21:41,904 It is 18 miles to the pub. 466 00:21:41,971 --> 00:21:45,307 I have 16 miles of electric left. 467 00:21:46,743 --> 00:21:48,811 Is there anything else I can turn off? 468 00:21:53,983 --> 00:21:57,453 Finally, after much range anxiety... 469 00:21:57,519 --> 00:21:59,756 Roger Daltrey, here I come! 470 00:21:59,822 --> 00:22:01,023 ...I made it. 471 00:22:01,090 --> 00:22:02,291 (BAND PLAYING) 472 00:22:06,696 --> 00:22:08,130 (SONG ENDS) 473 00:22:08,197 --> 00:22:10,299 ROGER DALTREY: Thanks for coming, and good night! 474 00:22:10,366 --> 00:22:11,668 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 475 00:22:11,701 --> 00:22:13,002 Oh, cock! 476 00:22:15,504 --> 00:22:17,206 - (CHEERING) - So... Hang on. 477 00:22:19,676 --> 00:22:21,811 - Your car of the future... - Yes? 478 00:22:21,878 --> 00:22:23,379 Two of the charging points 479 00:22:23,445 --> 00:22:26,082 you went to on that simple journey, two were broken? 480 00:22:26,148 --> 00:22:28,017 Yes, that is very unusual. But the point is, 481 00:22:28,084 --> 00:22:30,019 if I'd been allowed to set off 482 00:22:30,086 --> 00:22:32,855 with a full electric charge and a full little fuel tank, 483 00:22:32,922 --> 00:22:35,191 I could have got there-- admittedly a lot at 56mph-- 484 00:22:35,257 --> 00:22:37,326 but I would have done it with one stop. 485 00:22:37,393 --> 00:22:39,962 56mph. The future does sound boring, James. 486 00:22:40,029 --> 00:22:42,531 And you still would have missed the gig. 487 00:22:42,598 --> 00:22:44,200 That film is out of date. 488 00:22:44,266 --> 00:22:46,836 You don't get £5,000 from the government any more. 489 00:22:46,903 --> 00:22:51,708 - You only get £4,500. - How will people cope? 490 00:22:51,774 --> 00:22:53,309 I think what we've done there is prove 491 00:22:53,375 --> 00:22:55,778 his car is not really worth buying just yet. 492 00:22:55,845 --> 00:22:58,715 - Don't argue. It isn't. It's not quite finished. - Don't start again. 493 00:22:58,781 --> 00:23:00,983 Before we move on, I want to tell you a little bit more 494 00:23:01,050 --> 00:23:03,019 about that Volkswagen system of texting. 495 00:23:03,085 --> 00:23:05,888 Cos I was using that to send a text from my car 496 00:23:05,955 --> 00:23:07,857 the other day to my youngest daughter, 497 00:23:07,924 --> 00:23:10,860 and I put four kisses at the end, which is normal. 498 00:23:10,927 --> 00:23:14,764 And I said "X-X-X-X", OK? This is what she got. 499 00:23:14,831 --> 00:23:16,966 - RICHARD: Oh, no! - (LAUGHTER) 500 00:23:17,033 --> 00:23:18,801 Oh, that is awkward! 501 00:23:20,102 --> 00:23:21,738 Oh! 502 00:23:21,804 --> 00:23:23,239 What did she say? 503 00:23:25,141 --> 00:23:28,544 - Oh, that is awkward. - Say it, "X-X-X-X". 504 00:23:28,610 --> 00:23:29,746 That's what comes out. 505 00:23:29,779 --> 00:23:31,547 What sort of face did she pull 506 00:23:31,613 --> 00:23:33,582 when she got that from her dad? 507 00:23:33,649 --> 00:23:34,817 Vomitous. Vomitous. 508 00:23:34,884 --> 00:23:36,152 We haven't spoken since. 509 00:23:36,218 --> 00:23:37,920 Katya, I'm sorry. It was the car! 510 00:23:37,987 --> 00:23:39,922 - Move on! - Yes, let's move on. 511 00:23:39,989 --> 00:23:44,226 It is now time for us to visit the headquarters of Chat & Co, 512 00:23:44,293 --> 00:23:47,463 who are, of course, based on Conversation Street. 513 00:23:47,529 --> 00:23:48,931 (MELLOW JAZZ) 514 00:23:51,533 --> 00:23:52,935 (LAUGHTER) 515 00:23:56,105 --> 00:23:58,540 Best one yet. Anyway, we begin... 516 00:23:58,607 --> 00:24:00,877 We begin with Dubai, in fact. 517 00:24:00,943 --> 00:24:03,880 Cos the first time I came here, which was... 518 00:24:03,946 --> 00:24:07,516 was only 20 years ago, it was like a small village. 519 00:24:07,583 --> 00:24:09,451 I was the tallest thing in it. 520 00:24:09,518 --> 00:24:10,652 - Were you? - (LAUGHTER) 521 00:24:10,787 --> 00:24:12,488 Now look at it. It's unbelievable! 522 00:24:12,554 --> 00:24:15,792 - It's not that now, is it? - It is unbelievable, that. 523 00:24:15,858 --> 00:24:17,493 Do you know, this shirt is older 524 00:24:17,559 --> 00:24:19,796 than everything you can see out of that window. 525 00:24:19,796 --> 00:24:22,431 James, that shirt is older than Carthage, mate. Look at it. 526 00:24:22,498 --> 00:24:23,800 It is getting on a bit. 527 00:24:23,833 --> 00:24:25,167 Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, 528 00:24:25,234 --> 00:24:27,837 a few years ago, when I first came here, 529 00:24:27,904 --> 00:24:31,140 there were virtually no motoring laws at all. 530 00:24:31,207 --> 00:24:33,275 I woke up one morning in my hotel-- 531 00:24:33,342 --> 00:24:35,277 the hotel, there was only one-- 532 00:24:35,344 --> 00:24:36,378 in the hotel, thinking, 533 00:24:36,445 --> 00:24:39,181 "How did I get back here last night?" 534 00:24:39,248 --> 00:24:41,350 Looked out of the window, two wheel marks 535 00:24:41,417 --> 00:24:44,386 right over the ornamental roundabout. 536 00:24:44,453 --> 00:24:47,623 And in the flowerbed, my Range Rover. 537 00:24:47,689 --> 00:24:51,693 Jeremy, were you very tired when you parked it? 538 00:24:51,828 --> 00:24:54,230 - I was off my face with tiredness. - OK. OK. 539 00:24:55,832 --> 00:24:58,067 - OK. - Barely able to concentrate. 540 00:24:58,134 --> 00:24:59,601 But it was an extraordinary free-for-all, 541 00:24:59,668 --> 00:25:01,303 which I bet it isn't now. 542 00:25:01,370 --> 00:25:02,538 It really isn't now. 543 00:25:02,604 --> 00:25:04,240 There are now very many rules 544 00:25:04,306 --> 00:25:06,342 and many stiff punishments. I've got some of them here. 545 00:25:06,408 --> 00:25:08,845 Getting behind on the repayments on your car loan, 546 00:25:08,911 --> 00:25:10,512 you go to prison. 547 00:25:10,579 --> 00:25:14,083 Making rude gestures at other motorists, you go to prison. 548 00:25:14,150 --> 00:25:16,018 They're all just the things I did 549 00:25:16,085 --> 00:25:17,453 when I was 17 every day. 550 00:25:17,519 --> 00:25:18,754 I quite approve of that. 551 00:25:18,855 --> 00:25:20,289 I'm just thinking of all the things 552 00:25:20,356 --> 00:25:22,758 that you could be sent to prison for in Britain 553 00:25:22,859 --> 00:25:24,560 if we ran it properly. 554 00:25:24,626 --> 00:25:26,528 A very good conversation, isn't it? Here's one. 555 00:25:26,595 --> 00:25:28,865 Anyone who takes more than five seconds 556 00:25:28,898 --> 00:25:31,233 between getting in their car after filling up with petrol 557 00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:32,334 and driving off. 558 00:25:32,401 --> 00:25:33,870 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - (LAUGHTER) 559 00:25:33,936 --> 00:25:34,904 Definitely. 560 00:25:34,971 --> 00:25:36,105 Do you know what I mean by-- 561 00:25:36,172 --> 00:25:38,040 - Definitely. - What do they do? 562 00:25:39,041 --> 00:25:40,076 - I know. - What? 563 00:25:40,142 --> 00:25:41,677 Restaurant owners who serve food 564 00:25:41,743 --> 00:25:42,979 on a piece of wood. 565 00:25:43,045 --> 00:25:44,380 Erm, It's not very car-related, 566 00:25:44,446 --> 00:25:46,748 - is it, really? - No, it's not, but-- 567 00:25:46,883 --> 00:25:48,750 Heston Blumenthal does that. 568 00:25:48,885 --> 00:25:50,186 Yes, he does. Exactly. 569 00:25:50,252 --> 00:25:52,254 Heston, if you're watching... prison. 570 00:25:52,321 --> 00:25:53,890 - (LAUGHTER) - You, prison. 571 00:25:53,890 --> 00:25:55,624 I hate that-- food on a piece of wood. 572 00:25:55,691 --> 00:25:57,159 I tell you what I hate. 573 00:25:57,226 --> 00:25:59,128 I may have mentioned this a couple of times before. 574 00:25:59,195 --> 00:26:00,930 And I think it should be imprisonable. 575 00:26:00,997 --> 00:26:04,033 Any pilot who allows the cabin of the plane 576 00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:05,902 to be more than 68°F. 577 00:26:05,968 --> 00:26:07,904 - Oh, God. Here we go. - I'm with you on that. 578 00:26:07,937 --> 00:26:10,907 - All planes are too hot these days. - They are. 579 00:26:10,907 --> 00:26:13,675 It's just a standard moan of yours. 580 00:26:13,742 --> 00:26:16,412 - I know. I know. - Oh, God. 581 00:26:16,478 --> 00:26:18,480 We do have to fly together, but I make every effort 582 00:26:18,547 --> 00:26:20,749 not to sit near Jeremy Clarkson for a long flight. 583 00:26:20,816 --> 00:26:22,084 But eventually, you know, 584 00:26:22,151 --> 00:26:23,920 they turn the lights off and it goes all dark, 585 00:26:23,986 --> 00:26:26,522 and after ten minutes this voice over in the blackness goes, 586 00:26:26,588 --> 00:26:29,926 "It's literally the hottest place in the world!" 587 00:26:29,992 --> 00:26:33,229 - It is. - "Are we flying into the sun? 588 00:26:33,295 --> 00:26:36,065 If it gets any hotter, I shall open a window!" 589 00:26:36,132 --> 00:26:38,935 I've heard all of this so many times. 590 00:26:38,968 --> 00:26:40,836 Honestly, why do they do it? 591 00:26:40,937 --> 00:26:42,404 Why? Are there any pilots here? 592 00:26:42,471 --> 00:26:44,740 - MAN: Yeah. - You are a pilot? 593 00:26:44,806 --> 00:26:46,943 - Why do you do it? - (LAUGHTER) 594 00:26:46,976 --> 00:26:50,246 Why do you boil us all? Who do you fly with? 595 00:26:50,312 --> 00:26:51,948 - Etihad. - Etihad. 596 00:26:51,948 --> 00:26:53,582 - How hot are the planes? - Very warm. 597 00:26:53,649 --> 00:26:54,783 Well, there's a new rule. 598 00:26:54,850 --> 00:26:56,352 I'm telling you. I'm warning you. 599 00:26:56,418 --> 00:26:58,720 - (LAUGHTER) - I'm seriously warning you on this one. 600 00:26:58,787 --> 00:27:01,523 You land. If it's gone over 68 in the cabin, 601 00:27:01,590 --> 00:27:04,626 straight to prison for 50 years. 602 00:27:04,693 --> 00:27:07,363 Can I also say, since you're in here-- 603 00:27:07,429 --> 00:27:09,465 - We've gone off topic. - It's worth pointing this out. 604 00:27:09,531 --> 00:27:11,333 Since you're in here, when we're trying to sleep, 605 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,002 don't tell us the outside temperature 606 00:27:13,069 --> 00:27:14,636 is 57 below zero, 607 00:27:14,703 --> 00:27:16,005 cos we don't give a toss. 608 00:27:16,072 --> 00:27:17,606 Cos you can't open the window anyway. 609 00:27:17,673 --> 00:27:19,641 We care about the temperature in the plane. 610 00:27:21,110 --> 00:27:22,811 Just a few rules. 611 00:27:22,878 --> 00:27:24,080 Anyway, let's move it on. 612 00:27:24,146 --> 00:27:25,614 Shall we get back on to some cars? 613 00:27:25,681 --> 00:27:26,983 Yeah, travel-- 614 00:27:27,049 --> 00:27:29,018 Well, sort of travel-related stuff. OK. 615 00:27:29,986 --> 00:27:31,020 I've got a photograph here 616 00:27:31,087 --> 00:27:32,288 of Britain's idea 617 00:27:32,354 --> 00:27:34,256 of infrastructure investment, OK? 618 00:27:34,323 --> 00:27:36,892 This is in Cambridge. It's erm... 619 00:27:36,993 --> 00:27:38,394 (LAUGHTER) 620 00:27:38,460 --> 00:27:40,629 It's a T-junction that they've designed, 621 00:27:40,696 --> 00:27:43,032 for reasons known only to themselves, 622 00:27:43,099 --> 00:27:44,233 to look like a roundabout. 623 00:27:44,300 --> 00:27:45,734 Yeah, and let me guess. 624 00:27:45,801 --> 00:27:47,669 It cost 100 grand to do it? 625 00:27:47,736 --> 00:27:49,571 No, it was £500,000. 626 00:27:49,638 --> 00:27:51,573 - Of course it was, yeah. - Half a million pounds 627 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,309 they charged the taxpayer for that. 628 00:27:53,375 --> 00:27:55,177 - For some paving slabs. - Exactly. 629 00:27:55,244 --> 00:27:58,680 Anyway, Dubai's idea of infrastructure investment 630 00:27:58,747 --> 00:28:00,016 is a little bit different, 631 00:28:00,049 --> 00:28:01,783 cos what they're planning is this. 632 00:28:01,850 --> 00:28:03,819 It's called the Hyper Loop. 633 00:28:03,885 --> 00:28:05,221 It's like a tube train. 634 00:28:05,287 --> 00:28:07,289 And it'll go from Dubai to Abu Dhabi, 635 00:28:07,356 --> 00:28:10,026 which is about 100 miles away, 636 00:28:10,092 --> 00:28:12,261 - in 12 minutes. - 12 minutes! 637 00:28:12,328 --> 00:28:14,196 12 minutes. That's how long that will take. 638 00:28:14,263 --> 00:28:15,897 So how fast does it go? 639 00:28:16,032 --> 00:28:17,933 500 miles an hour. 640 00:28:18,034 --> 00:28:19,401 (AUDIENCE GASPS) 641 00:28:19,468 --> 00:28:21,303 I mean, that is just breath-taking. It really is. 642 00:28:21,370 --> 00:28:23,605 - Did you say it was 100 miles? - Yeah. 643 00:28:23,672 --> 00:28:26,242 It's going 100 miles at 500mph in 12 minutes. 644 00:28:26,308 --> 00:28:29,545 That means it accelerates to 500mph instantly. 645 00:28:29,611 --> 00:28:31,180 - Mm. - You're gonna have trouble 646 00:28:31,247 --> 00:28:32,948 holding on to the drinks trolley in that. 647 00:28:33,049 --> 00:28:34,383 Ah! Ah! 648 00:28:34,450 --> 00:28:36,952 When it sets off, you'll poo yourself. 649 00:28:37,053 --> 00:28:38,254 Then, when it stops, 650 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,456 you'll wee yourself at the end. 651 00:28:40,522 --> 00:28:42,224 It's a... Are there any doctors here? 652 00:28:42,291 --> 00:28:44,126 I'm just saying. It's not a medical argument. 653 00:28:44,193 --> 00:28:45,961 - I'm just saying. - I'm not sure you're right. 654 00:28:46,062 --> 00:28:47,729 Well, think about Newton. 655 00:28:47,796 --> 00:28:49,598 If you set off, you'll poo yourself, yes, 656 00:28:49,665 --> 00:28:51,567 but when it slows down, you'll un-poo yourself, 657 00:28:51,633 --> 00:28:55,537 because everything has an equal and opposite reaction. 658 00:28:55,604 --> 00:28:58,540 I'm roughly right, aren't I? Any physicists here? 659 00:28:58,607 --> 00:29:00,476 - I think we should move on. - Yeah. 660 00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:02,144 (LAUGHTER) 661 00:29:02,211 --> 00:29:03,779 Right at the beginning of the series, 662 00:29:03,845 --> 00:29:05,414 Richard Hammond and I came up 663 00:29:05,481 --> 00:29:07,083 with a rather brilliant idea called... 664 00:29:07,116 --> 00:29:08,684 (CLEARS THROAT) 665 00:29:08,750 --> 00:29:10,286 ...Making James May 666 00:29:10,352 --> 00:29:12,554 Do Things He Doesn't Want To Do. 667 00:29:12,621 --> 00:29:15,757 Yep. A brilliant idea for an occasional feature. 668 00:29:15,824 --> 00:29:18,927 We made him go to a doughnuting festival in South Africa. 669 00:29:18,994 --> 00:29:20,629 - Yeah. - He hated it. 670 00:29:20,696 --> 00:29:23,699 Then he thought we'd forgotten about it. 671 00:29:23,765 --> 00:29:25,267 But we hadn't. 672 00:29:26,802 --> 00:29:28,504 JAMES: This is the sort of countryside 673 00:29:28,570 --> 00:29:30,739 where people can do nice things, 674 00:29:30,806 --> 00:29:33,675 like go for a walk or a picnic. 675 00:29:34,876 --> 00:29:36,578 This, however, is the sort of countryside 676 00:29:36,645 --> 00:29:39,548 that will be my home for the day-- mud. 677 00:29:39,615 --> 00:29:41,450 Yes, I love mud. 678 00:29:41,517 --> 00:29:45,621 When I say I love mud, I mean I hate mud. 679 00:29:45,687 --> 00:29:49,358 But the people with me here today really do love it. 680 00:29:49,425 --> 00:29:51,760 They dream of the stuff. 681 00:29:51,827 --> 00:29:54,863 These people behind me are called winchers, 682 00:29:54,930 --> 00:29:56,998 and what they like doing is winching. 683 00:29:57,133 --> 00:29:59,868 They will drive, deliberately, 684 00:29:59,935 --> 00:30:02,271 into something like that puddle over there... 685 00:30:03,872 --> 00:30:07,576 ..until they get stuck, and then winch themselves out. 686 00:30:07,643 --> 00:30:10,112 When they've done that, they'll find another one... 687 00:30:11,813 --> 00:30:13,382 and do it again, and again, 688 00:30:13,449 --> 00:30:15,717 and again, and again, all day long. 689 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:19,955 Winchers seem to be obsessed 690 00:30:20,021 --> 00:30:23,259 with making life as difficult as possible. 691 00:30:23,325 --> 00:30:25,161 They put orienteering punches 692 00:30:25,227 --> 00:30:27,896 in almost unreachable locations... 693 00:30:27,963 --> 00:30:31,933 and then try to get their 4x4s right up to them, 694 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:37,105 as Seamus Doyle, my winch buddy for the day, explained. 695 00:30:37,173 --> 00:30:38,540 There are 50 punches 696 00:30:38,607 --> 00:30:40,442 dotted around in different parts of the site. 697 00:30:40,509 --> 00:30:42,744 We have a punch card on the side of the vehicle. 698 00:30:42,811 --> 00:30:45,547 You've got to get this punchcard to the punch. 699 00:30:45,614 --> 00:30:47,115 The punch will be on a string 700 00:30:47,183 --> 00:30:49,017 maybe 2ft long from the tree, or maybe 1ft. 701 00:30:49,084 --> 00:30:50,419 So you've got to punch the number. 702 00:30:50,486 --> 00:30:51,787 - Like a hole puncher? - Yes. 703 00:30:51,853 --> 00:30:53,289 When you get stuck, 704 00:30:53,355 --> 00:30:55,157 because you're gonna get stuck... 705 00:30:55,224 --> 00:30:56,658 - Yes. Yeah, yeah. - I have to get out 706 00:30:56,725 --> 00:30:58,260 and attach the winch to a tree? 707 00:30:58,327 --> 00:30:59,595 Yes, you'll get out, 708 00:30:59,661 --> 00:31:01,297 and you'll get your strap with you. 709 00:31:01,363 --> 00:31:03,232 The strap goes round the tree to protect the tree. 710 00:31:03,299 --> 00:31:05,066 Then you bring your wincher up to the tree, 711 00:31:05,201 --> 00:31:07,068 or whatever obstacle we attach it to, 712 00:31:07,203 --> 00:31:08,904 and I'll operate the buttons. 713 00:31:08,970 --> 00:31:10,506 - Your English is excellent. - Thank you. 714 00:31:10,572 --> 00:31:12,107 I've been practising for a long time now. 715 00:31:12,208 --> 00:31:13,842 A lot of practice has gone into that. 716 00:31:16,578 --> 00:31:18,514 As soon as the contest began, 717 00:31:18,580 --> 00:31:21,217 Seamus made it plain that my new role in life 718 00:31:21,217 --> 00:31:23,685 was to be his winch bitch. 719 00:31:28,257 --> 00:31:29,558 SEAMUS: OK, got to go, go, go. 720 00:31:29,625 --> 00:31:31,227 - What, I've got to get out? - Yeah. 721 00:31:31,227 --> 00:31:33,128 Where the hell do you think I'm gonna go? 722 00:31:33,229 --> 00:31:35,231 Go with the winch rope to that tree over there. 723 00:31:35,231 --> 00:31:37,333 (GROANS) Oh, man! 724 00:31:37,399 --> 00:31:38,700 This is like being a... 725 00:31:39,568 --> 00:31:41,603 (BLEEP) hippopotamus. 726 00:31:41,670 --> 00:31:43,639 (GRUNTS) 727 00:31:43,705 --> 00:31:44,940 (CRIES OUT) 728 00:31:45,006 --> 00:31:46,942 OK, the clock is ticking. 729 00:31:47,008 --> 00:31:48,577 Having got our first punch, 730 00:31:48,644 --> 00:31:52,080 I was hoping the day might get a bit less terrible. 731 00:31:52,147 --> 00:31:53,415 But it didn't. 732 00:31:56,785 --> 00:31:59,421 - Oh, man! - James, come on, will you? 733 00:32:00,622 --> 00:32:01,823 Ow! 734 00:32:01,890 --> 00:32:02,891 (GRUNTS) 735 00:32:02,958 --> 00:32:04,059 (CRIES OUT) 736 00:32:04,125 --> 00:32:05,494 I'm winching myself. 737 00:32:05,561 --> 00:32:06,628 Oh, that's much better. 738 00:32:06,695 --> 00:32:08,063 Well, I say it's "much better", 739 00:32:08,129 --> 00:32:09,331 it's less shit. 740 00:32:11,433 --> 00:32:13,068 SEAMUS: Go! We've got to make up time. 741 00:32:13,134 --> 00:32:14,936 - I've got a great idea. - Yes? 742 00:32:15,003 --> 00:32:18,073 - Why don't you get out and get the punch? - No. 743 00:32:18,139 --> 00:32:19,608 Why do I have to keep doing it? 744 00:32:19,675 --> 00:32:21,977 Me being the driver, it doesn't work that way. 745 00:32:24,780 --> 00:32:26,882 Right, where next on our lovely Sunday drive? 746 00:32:28,584 --> 00:32:31,753 - We're going down here. - Don't be stupid. 747 00:32:31,820 --> 00:32:33,722 (CRIES OUT) Ow! 748 00:32:33,789 --> 00:32:36,292 - We're stuck again. - (REVVING) 749 00:32:36,325 --> 00:32:37,826 Get the winch out here, buddy. 750 00:32:39,895 --> 00:32:40,896 See the tree over there? 751 00:32:40,962 --> 00:32:42,964 The place is full of (BLEEP) trees. 752 00:32:43,031 --> 00:32:44,466 This is terrible. 753 00:32:44,533 --> 00:32:46,802 (CRIES OUT) Christ! 754 00:32:48,804 --> 00:32:50,539 On the odd occasion when I did manage 755 00:32:50,606 --> 00:32:52,308 a sit-down in the car, 756 00:32:52,341 --> 00:32:54,843 Seamus even managed to ruin that. 757 00:32:57,979 --> 00:32:59,180 (CRIES OUT) 758 00:32:59,315 --> 00:33:00,516 That wasn't even necessary. 759 00:33:00,582 --> 00:33:02,818 You just did that to piss me off. 760 00:33:02,884 --> 00:33:04,320 No, no, no. 761 00:33:09,325 --> 00:33:10,759 We nearly made it, James. 762 00:33:10,826 --> 00:33:13,228 Yeah, but you didn't. Now can I go home? 763 00:33:13,329 --> 00:33:15,631 Ground anchor over the hill. 764 00:33:15,697 --> 00:33:16,798 (GRUMBLES) 765 00:33:18,967 --> 00:33:21,437 - You just sit there, OK? - I'll be here, OK, yeah. 766 00:33:21,503 --> 00:33:23,372 It's four hours we've been in here now, 767 00:33:23,439 --> 00:33:25,006 and we've travelled, in reality... 768 00:33:26,174 --> 00:33:27,175 (EXHALES) 769 00:33:27,242 --> 00:33:28,777 ...150 metres. 770 00:33:28,844 --> 00:33:31,347 All the things I could be doing today 771 00:33:31,380 --> 00:33:33,382 that I would rather do, 772 00:33:33,449 --> 00:33:35,817 which include self-harm. 773 00:33:39,721 --> 00:33:43,024 Mercifully, the contest eventually came to an end, 774 00:33:43,091 --> 00:33:47,028 and we were finally on our way back to prize-giving. 775 00:33:47,095 --> 00:33:50,098 - The good news is we're not gonna come last. - How do you know? 776 00:33:50,165 --> 00:33:52,868 Because one of the boys broke down since ten o'clock. 777 00:33:52,934 --> 00:33:53,935 Lucky bastard. 778 00:33:54,002 --> 00:33:55,236 Oh, geez! 779 00:33:55,371 --> 00:33:56,738 I'm on it. I'm on it. 780 00:33:56,805 --> 00:33:58,440 No, you're gonna overdo it! 781 00:33:58,507 --> 00:34:01,443 - No, it's OK. You're OK. - (CRIES OUT) 782 00:34:01,510 --> 00:34:03,445 - JAMES: You idiot! - SEAMUS: Your fault! 783 00:34:03,512 --> 00:34:06,147 JAMES: It was you driving, you fool! 784 00:34:06,214 --> 00:34:08,149 It stinks down here. 785 00:34:08,216 --> 00:34:10,251 God! What is this stuff? 786 00:34:10,386 --> 00:34:12,287 SEAMUS: England. 787 00:34:12,388 --> 00:34:15,591 At last, we made it back for the prize-giving. 788 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,462 So, here's a quick sum-up. 789 00:34:20,529 --> 00:34:22,664 Er... At the end of a seven-hour day, 790 00:34:22,731 --> 00:34:26,935 I've... been stuck 50-something times. 791 00:34:27,002 --> 00:34:28,770 Erm... I've fallen over, 792 00:34:28,837 --> 00:34:31,940 I haven't actually been counting, something like 25 times. 793 00:34:32,007 --> 00:34:34,410 I've nearly drowned in three puddles. 794 00:34:34,476 --> 00:34:36,445 And that wouldn't be so bad 795 00:34:36,512 --> 00:34:38,414 if I was gonna win a winch or a winch cover 796 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,416 or a new piece of rope or something like that, 797 00:34:40,416 --> 00:34:41,883 but, in fact, in the rollover, 798 00:34:41,950 --> 00:34:44,686 we tore the punchcard off, which means, technically, 799 00:34:44,753 --> 00:34:47,823 we've got to start again from the beginning. 800 00:34:47,889 --> 00:34:50,426 But I've decided to go and drown myself instead. 801 00:34:53,194 --> 00:34:54,430 (CHEERING) 802 00:34:54,430 --> 00:34:56,432 - I like Seamus a lot. - Yeah, I like him. 803 00:34:56,432 --> 00:34:59,000 - Seamus is my new best friend. - Yeah, definitely. 804 00:34:59,067 --> 00:35:01,302 - Ruined James May. - We need to do a lot more of those. 805 00:35:01,437 --> 00:35:03,839 - Yeah, a lot more. A lot more. - Many more. 806 00:35:03,905 --> 00:35:07,876 So, James, was there any aspect of that that you liked? 807 00:35:07,943 --> 00:35:09,144 - No. - Good. 808 00:35:09,210 --> 00:35:11,112 So, moving on, it's time now 809 00:35:11,179 --> 00:35:13,982 to play Celebrity Brain Crash. 810 00:35:14,049 --> 00:35:16,017 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 811 00:35:21,022 --> 00:35:22,958 - That doesn't get any better. - It doesn't! 812 00:35:23,024 --> 00:35:25,794 Anyway, our guest today 813 00:35:25,861 --> 00:35:30,265 is a shining star from the world of Formula One. 814 00:35:30,331 --> 00:35:31,800 He's also a very brave young man, 815 00:35:31,867 --> 00:35:34,302 because, even though he is fully aware 816 00:35:34,369 --> 00:35:35,737 of all of the calamities 817 00:35:35,804 --> 00:35:37,573 that have befallen all the other celebrities 818 00:35:37,639 --> 00:35:39,808 that have tried to come to our tent, 819 00:35:39,875 --> 00:35:43,945 he's elected to arrive in a hovercraft. 820 00:35:44,012 --> 00:35:46,147 Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Ricciardo! 821 00:35:46,214 --> 00:35:48,684 (CHEERING) 822 00:35:48,750 --> 00:35:50,786 - JEREMY: And there he is. - RICHARD: There he is. 823 00:35:50,852 --> 00:35:52,488 JEREMY: Putting his helmet on. 824 00:35:52,521 --> 00:35:54,823 That's a wise move, I think. A wise move. 825 00:35:54,890 --> 00:35:58,627 JAMES: I genuinely, genuinely like Daniel Ricciardo, 826 00:35:58,694 --> 00:36:01,296 because he is a truly nice man. 827 00:36:01,362 --> 00:36:02,698 He's a truly nice man, 828 00:36:02,764 --> 00:36:04,766 and he's also extremely happy and cheerful. 829 00:36:04,833 --> 00:36:07,035 JEREMY: I just... Well, I know from personal experience, 830 00:36:07,102 --> 00:36:09,037 hovercrafts are tricky to control. 831 00:36:09,104 --> 00:36:11,607 RICHARD: Yeah, Jeremy, he's a Formula One driver. 832 00:36:11,673 --> 00:36:13,909 - He's got this covered. - No, but it's windy. 833 00:36:13,975 --> 00:36:16,277 Oh, here he comes. Here he is, arriving now. 834 00:36:16,344 --> 00:36:19,347 - He's fine with that. - Wrestling with the controls and doing well. 835 00:36:19,414 --> 00:36:20,749 - Yeah. - Oh, he's overshot. 836 00:36:20,816 --> 00:36:23,852 He's overshot a bit there. Oh, dear. 837 00:36:23,919 --> 00:36:25,020 (AUDIENCE GASPS) 838 00:36:25,086 --> 00:36:26,588 RICHARD: Oh, no! 839 00:36:26,655 --> 00:36:28,557 Oh, there's been... No, there's been a... No. 840 00:36:28,624 --> 00:36:31,693 Oh, God! He's going in the fan! He's going in the fan! 841 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,228 - Oh, no! - (AUDIENCE GASPS) 842 00:36:35,664 --> 00:36:36,865 Oh, that... 843 00:36:36,932 --> 00:36:38,033 (APPLAUSE) 844 00:36:44,573 --> 00:36:46,842 The helmet... 845 00:36:46,908 --> 00:36:50,245 The helmet has now thankfully jammed the motor with his head. 846 00:36:50,311 --> 00:36:51,613 Yeah, it's too late. 847 00:36:53,448 --> 00:36:55,551 Erm... 848 00:36:55,551 --> 00:36:58,153 - Does that mean he's not coming on, then? - (LAUGHTER) 849 00:36:58,219 --> 00:37:01,289 Well, James, he's been liquidised and now he's all over the window, 850 00:37:01,356 --> 00:37:02,891 so, no, he's not. 851 00:37:02,958 --> 00:37:04,793 Yeah, he's not in the tent so much as on it. 852 00:37:04,860 --> 00:37:06,995 Yeah. Uh... (MUMBLES) 853 00:37:07,062 --> 00:37:09,765 - What do we do next? - We've got to do something. 854 00:37:09,831 --> 00:37:12,100 Well, I'm gonna clean that off, if you don't mind. 855 00:37:12,167 --> 00:37:14,069 It is distracting and off-putting. 856 00:37:14,135 --> 00:37:15,571 How do we fill the time? 857 00:37:15,604 --> 00:37:16,872 It's all right, because I thought 858 00:37:16,938 --> 00:37:18,607 something like this might happen. 859 00:37:18,674 --> 00:37:19,908 So when we arrived last night, 860 00:37:19,975 --> 00:37:21,810 I went out and I made a little film. 861 00:37:21,877 --> 00:37:23,579 Thank God for that. What was it? 862 00:37:23,645 --> 00:37:25,180 - Well, let's just... - We'll cover this up. 863 00:37:25,246 --> 00:37:27,883 - (LAUGHTER) - I'd like to talk to you now-- 864 00:37:27,949 --> 00:37:30,018 - No, we need to tighten the shot. - Good idea. 865 00:37:30,085 --> 00:37:33,021 Tighten it on him. Just our faces. 866 00:37:33,088 --> 00:37:35,356 Concentrate on me and what I'm saying, 867 00:37:35,423 --> 00:37:36,658 and not on anything else 868 00:37:36,725 --> 00:37:38,493 that you might be tempted to look at. 869 00:37:38,594 --> 00:37:40,495 Erm... Now, the Porsche 918, 870 00:37:40,596 --> 00:37:43,865 earlier in this series of programmes we saw it in action 871 00:37:43,932 --> 00:37:45,601 and proved that it is the ultimate 872 00:37:45,667 --> 00:37:48,069 of the hypercar Holy Trinity 873 00:37:48,136 --> 00:37:50,305 when we put it against the Ferrari and the McLaren. 874 00:37:50,371 --> 00:37:51,607 But I've always wondered, 875 00:37:51,673 --> 00:37:53,274 "How would it fare in a straight race 876 00:37:53,341 --> 00:37:54,710 against a Bugatti Veyron?" 877 00:37:54,776 --> 00:37:57,613 And as we are in the home of the hypercar, 878 00:37:57,613 --> 00:37:59,114 this is the place to find out. 879 00:37:59,180 --> 00:38:01,817 Yeah. Now, tight on me. Are we tight? Good. Erm... 880 00:38:01,883 --> 00:38:03,151 This is, then... (CLEARS THROAT) 881 00:38:03,218 --> 00:38:04,720 This is a... It's a race 882 00:38:04,786 --> 00:38:06,855 between the future and the past. 883 00:38:06,922 --> 00:38:08,389 Second time this evening. 884 00:38:08,456 --> 00:38:09,691 Yeah, much like your film, 885 00:38:09,758 --> 00:38:11,226 only this one is exciting. 886 00:38:11,292 --> 00:38:12,628 (LAUGHTER) 887 00:38:32,681 --> 00:38:33,815 So, here we are. 888 00:38:33,882 --> 00:38:35,250 The grand old man of performance 889 00:38:35,316 --> 00:38:37,719 coming out one more time to defend his title 890 00:38:37,786 --> 00:38:39,655 against one of the young upstarts. 891 00:38:39,721 --> 00:38:41,522 Here's how it all pans out on paper. 892 00:38:41,657 --> 00:38:44,893 Bugatti Veyron: 0-60, 2.5 seconds. 893 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:46,427 Power-to-weight ratio: 894 00:38:46,494 --> 00:38:49,397 523 brake horsepower per tonne. 895 00:38:49,464 --> 00:38:52,901 The 918: 0-60, 2.6 seconds, 896 00:38:52,968 --> 00:38:54,135 but a power-to-weight ratio 897 00:38:54,202 --> 00:38:57,739 of 535 brake horsepower per tonne. 898 00:38:57,806 --> 00:39:00,508 However, as we learned when we raced the 918 899 00:39:00,575 --> 00:39:03,411 against the LaFerrari and the P1 in our first show, 900 00:39:03,478 --> 00:39:06,748 hard facts like that count for nothing. 901 00:39:06,815 --> 00:39:08,950 In the end, it's all down to this. 902 00:39:13,588 --> 00:39:14,990 And I'm ready to race. 903 00:39:17,292 --> 00:39:18,259 Actually... 904 00:39:20,428 --> 00:39:21,396 Yeah. 905 00:39:29,004 --> 00:39:30,405 Last bit of dead skin. 906 00:39:32,140 --> 00:39:33,241 (REVVING) 907 00:39:36,111 --> 00:39:38,947 OK. Launch control: race mode. 908 00:39:41,582 --> 00:39:43,752 Representing the future here. 909 00:39:43,819 --> 00:39:45,120 (REVVING) 910 00:39:51,159 --> 00:39:52,193 (LIGHTS BEEP) 911 00:40:02,804 --> 00:40:06,041 I think... if I can just stay ahead... 912 00:40:10,511 --> 00:40:12,413 This is going to be so close! 913 00:40:14,015 --> 00:40:16,084 The future is gonna take it! 914 00:40:18,754 --> 00:40:22,090 So sorry, Veyron, but your crown is gone. 915 00:40:22,157 --> 00:40:23,124 Wow! 916 00:40:24,726 --> 00:40:26,361 What a device this is. 917 00:40:29,564 --> 00:40:31,933 I was gonna call it a day at that, obviously, 918 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,303 but there's a bloke here wants to race his Nissan. 919 00:40:37,672 --> 00:40:39,007 It's a bit embarrassing, really, 920 00:40:39,074 --> 00:40:40,776 but you don't want to upset the locals. 921 00:40:40,842 --> 00:40:43,979 So, OK, race is on. Here we go. 922 00:40:47,849 --> 00:40:49,084 Let's get this over with. 923 00:40:49,150 --> 00:40:51,820 Do race, apologise, move on. 924 00:40:53,688 --> 00:40:54,990 (REVVING) 925 00:41:01,830 --> 00:41:02,998 What? 926 00:41:04,432 --> 00:41:07,435 He's pulling away in a Nissan Patrol! 927 00:41:18,446 --> 00:41:21,316 What... just... happened? 928 00:41:24,485 --> 00:41:25,821 (CHEERING) 929 00:41:29,925 --> 00:41:31,226 So, hang on a minute. 930 00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:33,995 At the beginning of this series, 931 00:41:34,062 --> 00:41:37,532 we bigged up the hypercar Holy Trinity 932 00:41:37,598 --> 00:41:39,034 as the three greatest cars 933 00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:41,636 ever to have been conceived and invented. 934 00:41:41,702 --> 00:41:44,005 - Yeah. - And the fastest of all of them... 935 00:41:44,072 --> 00:41:47,675 - Yes. - ...was beaten by a Datsun van. 936 00:41:47,742 --> 00:41:48,743 (LAUGHTER) 937 00:41:48,844 --> 00:41:50,378 Yes. Yes. 938 00:41:50,445 --> 00:41:52,113 What the hell engine did it have? 939 00:41:52,180 --> 00:41:56,251 Well, it turns out it's got 1,900 horsepower. 940 00:41:56,317 --> 00:41:58,719 - What were Porsche thinking of? - I know. 941 00:41:58,854 --> 00:42:00,221 Back to the drawing boards, lads, 942 00:42:00,288 --> 00:42:02,290 - and we'll gloss over that. - Exactly right. 943 00:42:02,357 --> 00:42:05,293 Your embarrassing mistake, Porsche. 944 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,896 Now, I'd like to make a confession, actually, and it's this. 945 00:42:07,963 --> 00:42:12,333 - I've never been able to drift properly. - (LAUGHTER) 946 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,602 It's just... I know, just ignore him. 947 00:42:14,669 --> 00:42:16,404 Nothing to see. Nothing to see. 948 00:42:16,471 --> 00:42:17,705 Nothing to see here. 949 00:42:17,772 --> 00:42:19,274 It's just a man doing his job. 950 00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:20,308 (LAUGHTER) 951 00:42:20,375 --> 00:42:22,743 I've never been able to drift properly. 952 00:42:22,878 --> 00:42:25,013 I can provoke a car, you know, into a slide, 953 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,347 but I couldn't hold it there. 954 00:42:26,414 --> 00:42:27,916 It would always just spin off and crash. 955 00:42:27,983 --> 00:42:29,584 No, exactly. I mean, 956 00:42:29,650 --> 00:42:31,486 everything you've ever seen in the past of him drifting 957 00:42:31,552 --> 00:42:34,322 has been done with smoke, mirrors, clever editing 958 00:42:34,389 --> 00:42:36,524 and, let's be honest, stunt drivers. 959 00:42:36,591 --> 00:42:39,227 So I decided when we started making Grand Tour 960 00:42:39,294 --> 00:42:40,996 that I had to go out and change that, 961 00:42:41,062 --> 00:42:43,531 and learn how to do it properly. 962 00:42:49,270 --> 00:42:50,771 One option would be to go 963 00:42:50,906 --> 00:42:53,909 to a supermarket car park on a Saturday night, 964 00:42:53,942 --> 00:42:57,012 but instead I came here to France. 965 00:43:02,417 --> 00:43:04,452 Specifically, to the top-secret 966 00:43:04,519 --> 00:43:06,087 Ladoux test centre, 967 00:43:06,154 --> 00:43:08,356 where Michelin develops its tyres. 968 00:43:11,026 --> 00:43:14,029 There are several reasons why I'm here. 969 00:43:14,095 --> 00:43:15,931 First, they have the space. 970 00:43:18,133 --> 00:43:22,037 Twenty-seven miles of test tracks and skid pans. 971 00:43:24,372 --> 00:43:27,842 Second, if you want to understand drifting, 972 00:43:27,943 --> 00:43:29,945 you have to understand tyres, 973 00:43:29,945 --> 00:43:32,313 and this place is a tyre temple. 974 00:43:41,189 --> 00:43:43,158 Third, and most important, 975 00:43:43,224 --> 00:43:45,626 if you want to know about tyres, 976 00:43:45,693 --> 00:43:47,428 you have to know how to drift, 977 00:43:47,495 --> 00:43:50,298 and that is where this chap comes in. 978 00:43:55,170 --> 00:43:57,538 His name is Jérôme Haslin, 979 00:43:57,605 --> 00:44:00,241 and he is Michelin's chief tyre tester 980 00:44:00,308 --> 00:44:03,644 for BMW, Porsche, Ferrari and Bugatti. 981 00:44:05,146 --> 00:44:07,282 Rubber compound runs through his veins. 982 00:44:07,348 --> 00:44:09,584 He is a Zen master of grip, 983 00:44:09,650 --> 00:44:11,752 a Kung Fu Panda of drifting, 984 00:44:11,819 --> 00:44:14,255 and I am to be his new pupil. 985 00:44:37,378 --> 00:44:40,548 This is what he means by "over the limit". 986 00:44:40,615 --> 00:44:44,019 He uses power to kick the back of the car out of line... 987 00:44:44,052 --> 00:44:47,555 and then a delicate balance of throttle and steering 988 00:44:47,622 --> 00:44:49,090 to keep it there. 989 00:44:51,292 --> 00:44:53,828 Your steering-wheel technique is amazing. 990 00:44:53,894 --> 00:44:56,331 JÉRÔME: I play a lot with the gas pedal. 991 00:44:59,567 --> 00:45:02,303 And if you work a lot with the gas, 992 00:45:02,370 --> 00:45:04,272 you have nothing to do with the steering. 993 00:45:04,339 --> 00:45:06,674 You can do all with one hand, like this. 994 00:45:06,741 --> 00:45:10,045 - So you're steering the car with your right foot? - Yes. 995 00:45:13,381 --> 00:45:15,416 Jérôme, this is brilliant that I learn how to do this 996 00:45:15,483 --> 00:45:17,785 because you read those lists on the Internet 997 00:45:17,852 --> 00:45:20,588 of things that women appreciate in a man, don't you? 998 00:45:20,655 --> 00:45:23,391 And there's always honesty, integrity, 999 00:45:23,458 --> 00:45:25,760 loyalty, fidelity, drifting. 1000 00:45:25,826 --> 00:45:27,762 It's always there. 1001 00:45:27,828 --> 00:45:32,333 On that note, it was time for me to begin my lesson. 1002 00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,969 You can pull up the seat more. 1003 00:45:35,070 --> 00:45:37,205 - More what? - More close to the steering wheel. 1004 00:45:37,272 --> 00:45:38,639 What are you trying to say? 1005 00:45:41,876 --> 00:45:43,644 OK. So, here we go. 1006 00:45:43,711 --> 00:45:47,148 Provoking oversteer, coming off, and then feeding... 1007 00:45:47,215 --> 00:45:49,184 No, and then going round in a small circle. 1008 00:45:51,752 --> 00:45:55,723 My challenge was to drift the car for one complete lap. 1009 00:45:56,824 --> 00:45:58,559 Gas, oversteer. 1010 00:45:58,626 --> 00:46:01,662 - Release gas, counter-steer. - Release gas, counter-steer. 1011 00:46:01,729 --> 00:46:03,131 - Oh, I've spun! - OK. 1012 00:46:04,965 --> 00:46:06,701 JÉRÔME: Gas, gas, gas, gas! 1013 00:46:06,767 --> 00:46:08,103 RICHARD: Oh, bugger! 1014 00:46:11,106 --> 00:46:12,807 Soon, the constant spinning 1015 00:46:12,873 --> 00:46:15,643 started to have an effect on my teacher. 1016 00:46:16,811 --> 00:46:19,214 A little bit more power. No. 1017 00:46:20,981 --> 00:46:22,217 Yeah, off the gas. 1018 00:46:25,686 --> 00:46:28,689 This is weird. I thought this would be so easy. 1019 00:46:31,392 --> 00:46:35,130 - OK, is it possible to take air? Fresh air? - Yeah. 1020 00:46:35,163 --> 00:46:37,598 Because I will be ill in two minutes. 1021 00:46:39,033 --> 00:46:40,435 RICHARD: Is this going badly? 1022 00:46:44,139 --> 00:46:47,575 While Jérôme went off to say hello to his breakfast... 1023 00:46:50,044 --> 00:46:53,681 I continued plugging away. 1024 00:46:53,748 --> 00:46:55,816 Begin power and begin counter-steer immediately. 1025 00:46:55,883 --> 00:46:57,218 Now hold it. 1026 00:46:59,620 --> 00:47:02,223 And soon, it started to click. 1027 00:47:04,625 --> 00:47:08,363 What I am doing is drifting. There's no denying that. 1028 00:47:09,230 --> 00:47:11,832 Oh, yes! Yes! 1029 00:47:11,899 --> 00:47:14,635 I've connected the steering wheel to my feet. 1030 00:47:15,503 --> 00:47:17,071 This is a whole new feeling. 1031 00:47:17,172 --> 00:47:19,174 This is not reacting to a slide, 1032 00:47:19,174 --> 00:47:21,609 this is deliberately provoking it 1033 00:47:21,676 --> 00:47:23,678 and keeping it right on the point. 1034 00:47:27,982 --> 00:47:30,518 (IN FRENCH ACCENT) Ha-ha, Jérôme, you French... 1035 00:47:30,585 --> 00:47:33,087 drift-and-ski-instructing dude, you. 1036 00:47:33,188 --> 00:47:34,522 He'll be impressed with this. 1037 00:47:35,923 --> 00:47:37,057 And he was, 1038 00:47:37,192 --> 00:47:38,959 so we immediately progressed 1039 00:47:39,026 --> 00:47:41,529 to the next level. 1040 00:47:41,596 --> 00:47:43,198 Just before we start, Jérôme, 1041 00:47:43,198 --> 00:47:46,201 are you going to make this look really annoyingly easy? 1042 00:47:46,234 --> 00:47:47,568 Yeah, you are. OK. 1043 00:47:48,969 --> 00:47:50,205 He did. 1044 00:47:51,272 --> 00:47:53,508 This is called transitioning-- 1045 00:47:53,574 --> 00:47:56,977 drifting the car one way and then the other. 1046 00:47:57,044 --> 00:48:00,281 Get it right and it's almost balletic. 1047 00:48:06,821 --> 00:48:08,689 That is beautiful. 1048 00:48:08,756 --> 00:48:11,926 From that to that, seamlessly. 1049 00:48:14,229 --> 00:48:17,632 Which, sadly, couldn't be said of what followed. 1050 00:48:17,698 --> 00:48:19,567 - (TYRES SCREECHING) - Brake! 1051 00:48:27,442 --> 00:48:28,609 Brake, brake, brake. 1052 00:48:30,445 --> 00:48:31,746 RICHARD: Oh, bollocks. 1053 00:48:35,350 --> 00:48:37,518 Does BMW know we're using their car? 1054 00:48:37,585 --> 00:48:39,554 - I don't think so. - OK. 1055 00:48:41,256 --> 00:48:42,590 Eventually, though... 1056 00:48:46,261 --> 00:48:47,395 Yeah! 1057 00:48:55,303 --> 00:48:56,937 Yes, that was a transition. 1058 00:48:57,004 --> 00:48:58,473 Your first. 1059 00:49:01,909 --> 00:49:05,913 By the end of the day, I really had got it mastered. 1060 00:49:07,382 --> 00:49:10,017 I'd become, for the first time, 1061 00:49:10,084 --> 00:49:11,619 a driving god. 1062 00:49:16,924 --> 00:49:18,125 (CHEERING) 1063 00:49:18,192 --> 00:49:19,727 It really is... 1064 00:49:19,794 --> 00:49:22,463 It really is the most amazing feeling 1065 00:49:22,530 --> 00:49:24,198 when you get just the right amount of power 1066 00:49:24,299 --> 00:49:25,766 to spin the back wheels, 1067 00:49:25,833 --> 00:49:27,968 but not so much that you don't spin the whole car, 1068 00:49:28,035 --> 00:49:29,804 and you hold it on the edge. 1069 00:49:29,870 --> 00:49:32,307 No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He came back from France, 1070 00:49:32,307 --> 00:49:34,409 where he'd spent one day 1071 00:49:34,475 --> 00:49:35,810 saying, "Well, I'm brilliant now." 1072 00:49:35,876 --> 00:49:36,977 Yeah, well, I am. 1073 00:49:37,044 --> 00:49:38,145 Well, now, I'm sorry. 1074 00:49:38,212 --> 00:49:40,481 Hammond, it took me ten years 1075 00:49:40,548 --> 00:49:42,317 to learn how to drift a car. 1076 00:49:42,317 --> 00:49:43,551 - Mm-hm. Mm-hm. - Ten-- 1077 00:49:43,618 --> 00:49:45,019 But because I'm not an ape, 1078 00:49:45,085 --> 00:49:47,555 I did it in one day. 1079 00:49:47,622 --> 00:49:48,889 - You didn't! - Well, I did. 1080 00:49:48,956 --> 00:49:50,391 Look, anyway, it doesn't matter. 1081 00:49:50,458 --> 00:49:53,428 To find out if he was a driving god, 1082 00:49:53,494 --> 00:49:55,563 Clarkson and I arranged for Richard Hammond 1083 00:49:55,630 --> 00:49:58,733 to take part in a drifting contest. 1084 00:49:58,799 --> 00:50:00,668 Yeah, we did. We fixed up the car for him. 1085 00:50:00,735 --> 00:50:02,437 We fixed up the competitors. 1086 00:50:02,503 --> 00:50:04,004 We did everything. 1087 00:50:10,578 --> 00:50:12,347 RICHARD: This is the car. 1088 00:50:12,413 --> 00:50:15,249 It started out as a Nissan 200SX, 1089 00:50:15,316 --> 00:50:20,588 but it's been fitted with a 700-horsepower 6.2L V8 1090 00:50:20,655 --> 00:50:22,990 and a modified steering rack, 1091 00:50:23,057 --> 00:50:24,925 so it can do this. 1092 00:50:47,948 --> 00:50:51,786 Its owner, a chap called Steve "Baggsy" Biagioni, 1093 00:50:51,852 --> 00:50:54,088 said that, to prepare for my competition, 1094 00:50:54,154 --> 00:50:58,393 I needed to put some melons on a row of traffic cones. 1095 00:50:58,459 --> 00:50:59,894 What are we doing with these? 1096 00:50:59,960 --> 00:51:01,862 Can I put mine down? They're really heavy. 1097 00:51:01,929 --> 00:51:03,464 Well, in a drifting competition, 1098 00:51:03,531 --> 00:51:04,699 you have what's called clipping points. 1099 00:51:04,765 --> 00:51:06,567 - Yes. - So these would be 1100 00:51:06,634 --> 00:51:08,403 determined points on the track 1101 00:51:08,403 --> 00:51:11,071 made by the judges as to where they want to see the car. 1102 00:51:11,138 --> 00:51:14,975 - Our clipping points are melons? - Melons, yes. 1103 00:51:15,042 --> 00:51:16,511 My orders were to get 1104 00:51:16,577 --> 00:51:18,479 as close to the melons as possible 1105 00:51:18,546 --> 00:51:21,649 without hitting them. 1106 00:51:21,716 --> 00:51:23,217 We're just gonna concentrate 1107 00:51:23,283 --> 00:51:25,920 on looking for the middle of the track, yeah, 1108 00:51:25,986 --> 00:51:28,856 and aim the back of the car near them melons. 1109 00:51:28,923 --> 00:51:29,890 OK. 1110 00:51:31,526 --> 00:51:33,494 Right, when you're ready, go for it. 1111 00:51:40,501 --> 00:51:41,802 Bollocks! 1112 00:51:44,639 --> 00:51:47,508 Having not really mastered this at all... 1113 00:51:48,509 --> 00:51:51,446 Oh, shit! 1114 00:51:51,512 --> 00:51:53,013 ...it was time for the event 1115 00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:57,652 organised by Clarkson and May to begin. 1116 00:51:57,718 --> 00:52:00,521 What they've done is told me to report here, 1117 00:52:00,588 --> 00:52:01,756 Rockingham Raceway, 1118 00:52:01,822 --> 00:52:03,290 where they've arranged for me 1119 00:52:03,458 --> 00:52:04,725 to take on two drifters 1120 00:52:04,792 --> 00:52:06,994 in some competitive drifting. 1121 00:52:08,963 --> 00:52:14,368 The course was a series of classic transitional bends... 1122 00:52:14,469 --> 00:52:15,870 strategically peppered 1123 00:52:15,936 --> 00:52:17,605 with the dreaded clipping points. 1124 00:52:20,107 --> 00:52:24,244 Baggsy was on hand to explain how the scoring worked. 1125 00:52:24,311 --> 00:52:27,247 The main thing about drifting is that it's a judged sport, 1126 00:52:27,314 --> 00:52:31,018 and the judges have placed the clipping points where they want to see the car. 1127 00:52:31,085 --> 00:52:34,689 So that'll either be the rear or the front of the car. 1128 00:52:34,755 --> 00:52:36,223 The closer you get to the clipping points, 1129 00:52:36,290 --> 00:52:38,659 the more points you're gonna get awarded. 1130 00:52:38,726 --> 00:52:40,495 But the key is to not hit them. 1131 00:52:40,528 --> 00:52:41,762 If you can brush them, 1132 00:52:41,829 --> 00:52:43,163 you're gonna get maximum points. 1133 00:52:43,230 --> 00:52:44,331 When I say "brush", 1134 00:52:44,398 --> 00:52:45,500 I mean don't knock them over. 1135 00:52:45,566 --> 00:52:46,567 If you can be 1136 00:52:46,634 --> 00:52:47,635 within half a metre, 1137 00:52:47,702 --> 00:52:50,204 you're gonna score high. 1138 00:52:50,270 --> 00:52:52,973 I'd also score points for holding the car 1139 00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:55,576 in as impressive a drift as possible. 1140 00:52:57,044 --> 00:52:58,646 You've got to keep the throttle in 1141 00:52:58,713 --> 00:53:01,115 so that you maintain the drift with good angle, 1142 00:53:01,181 --> 00:53:03,651 and that's only up to you about how much steering input 1143 00:53:03,718 --> 00:53:05,520 and how much accelerator you put in. 1144 00:53:06,921 --> 00:53:09,690 The cars are designed to run at almost 90°. 1145 00:53:09,757 --> 00:53:11,859 They've got massive amounts of steering angle, 1146 00:53:11,926 --> 00:53:13,928 so you can drive on the end of your rack. 1147 00:53:13,994 --> 00:53:16,430 OK. So I don't get awarded points 1148 00:53:16,531 --> 00:53:17,932 for how quickly I do the whole thing? 1149 00:53:17,998 --> 00:53:19,366 No, that doesn't come into it. 1150 00:53:19,433 --> 00:53:22,637 It's all about angle, line, 1151 00:53:22,703 --> 00:53:24,639 and how much you excite everybody. 1152 00:53:24,705 --> 00:53:26,941 It's judged showing off, isn't it? 1153 00:53:27,007 --> 00:53:29,143 - Basically, yeah. - Yeah, OK. 1154 00:53:31,278 --> 00:53:33,981 As my car was prepped for the big event, 1155 00:53:34,048 --> 00:53:36,684 the competitors, organised by my colleagues, 1156 00:53:36,751 --> 00:53:39,253 finally arrived. 1157 00:53:39,319 --> 00:53:43,591 And they weren't what I was expecting. 1158 00:53:43,658 --> 00:53:45,159 It seems James and Jeremy 1159 00:53:45,225 --> 00:53:48,295 want their old mate to do well after all, 1160 00:53:48,362 --> 00:53:50,931 because, unless I'm mistaken, 1161 00:53:50,998 --> 00:53:54,569 it would appear that I'm up against a child 1162 00:53:54,569 --> 00:53:56,604 and a man with no arms. 1163 00:53:59,306 --> 00:54:00,274 OK. 1164 00:54:01,576 --> 00:54:02,810 That's my competition. 1165 00:54:07,381 --> 00:54:09,083 With the judges in position, 1166 00:54:09,149 --> 00:54:12,653 it was time for the contest to begin. 1167 00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:15,489 First up was the disabled gentleman, 1168 00:54:15,590 --> 00:54:17,958 Bartek OstaBowski from Poland. 1169 00:54:19,326 --> 00:54:20,861 The fact is, Bartek... 1170 00:54:22,997 --> 00:54:26,000 is deficient in the arms department to the tune of two. 1171 00:54:26,066 --> 00:54:28,302 When I say "deficient", I don't mean deficient. 1172 00:54:28,368 --> 00:54:29,369 He... He has... 1173 00:54:29,436 --> 00:54:31,338 He has no arms... at all. 1174 00:54:31,405 --> 00:54:33,841 So, I mean, it's brilliant that he's having a go. 1175 00:54:33,908 --> 00:54:35,976 Really, it's tremendous. 1176 00:54:36,043 --> 00:54:39,246 Bartek, who lost his arms in a motorcycling accident, 1177 00:54:39,313 --> 00:54:42,883 overcomes his disability by steering with his foot 1178 00:54:42,950 --> 00:54:45,620 and changing gear with his shoulder. 1179 00:54:47,154 --> 00:54:51,191 And unfortunately for me, he's rather good at it. 1180 00:55:09,443 --> 00:55:10,745 How is he...? 1181 00:55:35,502 --> 00:55:36,704 Good for you! 1182 00:55:36,771 --> 00:55:38,205 Really good for you! 1183 00:55:38,272 --> 00:55:41,075 Yeah! Good! 1184 00:55:41,141 --> 00:55:43,143 This was nice. 1185 00:55:43,210 --> 00:55:45,512 Out of a maximum of 30 points, 1186 00:55:45,579 --> 00:55:49,083 the judges awarded Bartek a score of 22. 1187 00:55:50,851 --> 00:55:53,821 And then it was the turn of the child, 1188 00:55:53,888 --> 00:55:57,057 Conor Shanahan, who's just 13 years old. 1189 00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:02,797 Here we go. Primary-school drifting with Conor. 1190 00:56:02,863 --> 00:56:04,398 He'll go ten yards, get bored, 1191 00:56:04,464 --> 00:56:05,900 and start crying for his mummy. 1192 00:56:07,902 --> 00:56:09,069 However... 1193 00:56:18,178 --> 00:56:19,146 Whoo! 1194 00:56:24,218 --> 00:56:28,022 He's 13! I mean, he's five years off voting! 1195 00:56:58,152 --> 00:57:00,821 The judges awarded the cocky little sh... 1196 00:57:00,888 --> 00:57:03,791 talented young man a score of 27. 1197 00:57:05,525 --> 00:57:07,762 And then it was my turn. 1198 00:57:08,628 --> 00:57:10,630 Right, this is it. 1199 00:57:10,765 --> 00:57:12,032 My shot at glory. 1200 00:57:13,801 --> 00:57:15,169 Everything I'd learned 1201 00:57:15,235 --> 00:57:17,772 would be brought into sharp focus. 1202 00:57:17,772 --> 00:57:19,039 Gas, gas, gas, gas, gas! 1203 00:57:20,507 --> 00:57:23,310 BAGGSY: The key is to not hit them. 1204 00:57:23,377 --> 00:57:26,413 RICHARD: Here, in the moment of truth... 1205 00:57:29,216 --> 00:57:31,285 I'm waiting for amber. There it is. 1206 00:57:31,351 --> 00:57:32,319 Amber and... 1207 00:57:39,626 --> 00:57:42,196 Forward to glory for Grand Tour! 1208 00:57:43,597 --> 00:57:44,799 Clutch kick! 1209 00:58:09,890 --> 00:58:11,058 Oh, shit! 1210 00:58:11,926 --> 00:58:14,594 Oh! And across the line! 1211 00:58:14,661 --> 00:58:15,830 Yeah! 1212 00:58:15,830 --> 00:58:17,197 Yeah, I clipped the flag. 1213 00:58:17,264 --> 00:58:19,399 That's probably an extra point, I imagine. 1214 00:58:19,466 --> 00:58:20,835 Erm... I'll just restart, 1215 00:58:20,835 --> 00:58:23,670 because I wanted to stop there for a minute. 1216 00:58:23,737 --> 00:58:25,439 Yep. Oh, I've stalled again. 1217 00:58:26,506 --> 00:58:27,842 (CHEERING) 1218 00:58:29,276 --> 00:58:31,846 Yep. Yep. 1219 00:58:32,746 --> 00:58:33,848 Thank you. 1220 00:58:33,881 --> 00:58:36,250 (CLEARS THROAT) So... 1221 00:58:36,316 --> 00:58:39,854 Hold on. What was your final score? 1222 00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,322 - Two. - (LAUGHTER) 1223 00:58:42,389 --> 00:58:43,390 - Two? - Yes. 1224 00:58:43,457 --> 00:58:44,391 You were useless! 1225 00:58:44,458 --> 00:58:46,526 No, listen, gentlemen. Gentlemen. 1226 00:58:46,593 --> 00:58:48,295 I have to say, I'm delighted 1227 00:58:48,362 --> 00:58:51,131 that you now have, albeit limited, drifting skills, 1228 00:58:51,198 --> 00:58:53,267 cos it means I have a playmate, 1229 00:58:53,333 --> 00:58:58,538 as this short montage from the last 12 weeks shows. 1230 00:59:18,758 --> 00:59:19,894 - (CHEERING) - Yeah, you see? 1231 00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:24,131 Yeah. Yeah. On the edge. 1232 00:59:24,198 --> 00:59:26,766 Now, I admit... I admit it's not... 1233 00:59:26,901 --> 00:59:28,335 It's not important work, really. 1234 00:59:28,402 --> 00:59:30,104 No, we haven't actually cured anything. 1235 00:59:30,170 --> 00:59:31,538 No, we haven't brought peace 1236 00:59:31,605 --> 00:59:33,440 to troubled parts of the world or any of that. 1237 00:59:33,507 --> 00:59:34,909 No, but it is a job. 1238 00:59:34,909 --> 00:59:37,111 It is a job, and we're very good at it. 1239 00:59:37,177 --> 00:59:38,979 - No, you're not very good at it. - We are. 1240 00:59:39,046 --> 00:59:41,015 No, well, I've got some items 1241 00:59:41,081 --> 00:59:43,117 from the unseen footage bin 1242 00:59:43,183 --> 00:59:45,019 that would suggest otherwise. 1243 00:59:45,085 --> 00:59:46,921 Unfortunately, we don't have time for that. 1244 00:59:46,954 --> 00:59:48,322 Sadly. Cor, that's a pity! 1245 00:59:48,388 --> 00:59:49,924 No, no. You're wrong. We do have time. 1246 00:59:49,957 --> 00:59:51,458 Who wants to see that? Nobody. 1247 00:59:51,525 --> 00:59:52,993 (CHEERING) 1248 00:59:54,061 --> 00:59:56,296 OK. Let's roll it. 1249 00:59:56,363 --> 00:59:58,032 Here is Richard Hammond. 1250 00:59:58,098 --> 01:00:00,567 Can he contain 170 horsepower? 1251 01:00:00,634 --> 01:00:03,203 - No, it would appear not. - (LAUGHTER) 1252 01:00:03,270 --> 01:00:05,205 Jeremy Clarkson, Porsche 911 GT3. 1253 01:00:05,272 --> 01:00:08,108 Oh, there we go. You see, I have actually made a mess of that. 1254 01:00:08,175 --> 01:00:10,377 Yes, you have, and we saw it. 1255 01:00:10,444 --> 01:00:12,312 Richard Hammond negotiating Your Name Here. 1256 01:00:12,379 --> 01:00:13,914 Your name, in this instance, 1257 01:00:13,981 --> 01:00:15,415 is Total Bell End, it would appear. 1258 01:00:15,482 --> 01:00:16,450 (LAUGHTER) 1259 01:00:16,516 --> 01:00:18,885 Clarkson, has he tamed the GT3? 1260 01:00:18,953 --> 01:00:19,954 No! 1261 01:00:20,020 --> 01:00:21,989 I've had an idea. Hold on. 1262 01:00:22,056 --> 01:00:23,457 I bet it wasn't this. 1263 01:00:26,793 --> 01:00:28,362 Watch this. Ready? 1264 01:00:28,428 --> 01:00:29,763 Never say that. 1265 01:00:29,829 --> 01:00:32,499 Even if you're just in a four-door family saloon, 1266 01:00:32,566 --> 01:00:34,101 it's disastrous. 1267 01:00:34,168 --> 01:00:36,536 Right, Richard Hammond, has he got it yet? 1268 01:00:36,603 --> 01:00:39,806 Yes, I think he has. Yes! Yes! 1269 01:00:39,873 --> 01:00:42,609 - No. No, he hasn't got it. - (LAUGHTER) 1270 01:00:42,676 --> 01:00:44,979 - I tell you what-- - Nobody's perfect! 1271 01:00:45,045 --> 01:00:49,549 - A couple of moments. - Yeah, just two or three, four, five. 1272 01:00:49,616 --> 01:00:51,251 Don't worry. Don't worry. 1273 01:00:51,318 --> 01:00:52,719 In the future, we'll just get 1274 01:00:52,786 --> 01:00:54,788 an armless man and small boy to do those bits. 1275 01:00:54,854 --> 01:00:56,456 Shut up! Shut up! 1276 01:00:56,523 --> 01:00:58,525 As opposed to a fat man and a small boy. 1277 01:00:58,592 --> 01:01:00,360 Anyway... 1278 01:01:00,427 --> 01:01:02,129 Listen, on that terrible disappointment, 1279 01:01:02,196 --> 01:01:04,531 it is time to end not just the show 1280 01:01:04,598 --> 01:01:05,799 but the entire series. 1281 01:01:05,865 --> 01:01:07,101 Thank you so much for watching. 1282 01:01:07,167 --> 01:01:08,868 Thank you all for coming. 1283 01:01:09,003 --> 01:01:10,904 And we'll see you later in the year 1284 01:01:11,005 --> 01:01:12,739 for more of this. 1285 01:01:12,806 --> 01:01:14,008 Take care. Goodbye. 1286 01:01:14,074 --> 01:01:15,475 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)