1 00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,380 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 2 00:00:14,620 --> 00:00:16,460 (ENGINE DRONING) 3 00:00:56,420 --> 00:00:58,260 (CHEERING) 4 00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:04,780 (CHEERING) 5 00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:08,020 Thank you very much. Thank you so much, everyone. 6 00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:09,540 Hello. 7 00:01:09,580 --> 00:01:11,580 Hello, everyone! 8 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,100 Thank you. 9 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,860 Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. 10 00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:16,940 Thank you. 11 00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:23,620 Thank you so much. Welcome, and Happy Christmas. 12 00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:27,740 And in this show, which has a tree over there, 13 00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:30,740 and nothing else festive at all... 14 00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:35,940 I drive the Bugatti Chiron in Saint-Tropez. 15 00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:38,100 And in the Alps. 16 00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:44,140 And through the streets of Turin. 17 00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:49,020 But we start with James May, who has been driving a Kia hatchback. 18 00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:51,220 (LAUGHTER) 19 00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:54,260 So, he drives around the best bits of Europe in a Bugatti and you get a Kia! 20 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:56,340 You can shut up, Hammond, 21 00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:58,460 because, if you remember rightly, 22 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,820 you were supposed to go and drive the Kia hatchback, 23 00:02:00,860 --> 00:02:03,940 but you couldn't, because you can't drive round corners without crashing. 24 00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:05,060 Oh, yeah. 25 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,300 -Were you his stand-in? -Yes. 26 00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:10,900 -Has he said "thank you"? -No, he hasn't, actually. 27 00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:12,580 That's unbelievably selfish. You should have done, really. 28 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:14,860 -Well, I'd broken my leg! -Well, don't go on about it. 29 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:17,380 That's all we hear: "I broke my leg! I broke my leg!" 30 00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,940 (LAUGHTER) 31 00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:21,020 It doesn't matter, because the Kia hatchback 32 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,060 that Hammond should have been driving, but wasn't, 33 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,180 turns out to be not as boring as you might expect, 34 00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,220 as I shall now explain. 35 00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:32,620 To do my explaining, I've come here, 36 00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:36,460 to the sunny Balearic island of Majorca, 37 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:39,380 where we find this. 38 00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:48,420 Kia's first attempt to make a saloon car that's sporty, rather than sensible. 39 00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:54,700 It even has a cool name. It's called the Stinger. 40 00:02:57,940 --> 00:02:59,740 Check this out. 41 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:02,260 This is the little keyless fob that locks and unlocks it, 42 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:07,220 and you could see that as the button that launches a missile. 43 00:03:07,260 --> 00:03:09,580 -(IMMOBILISER BEEPS) -To the Stinger. 44 00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:12,700 (ENGINE ROARING) 45 00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:15,180 Besides a key from Fighter Command, 46 00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:20,420 the Stinger has other things designed to give you the fizz. 47 00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:25,260 Power, for example. This has a 3.3-litre twin-turbo V6, 48 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,740 developing 365 horsepower. 49 00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:31,940 Now, that's not Vindaloo-hot, like a BMW M3. 50 00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:34,260 It's more Madras-hot, I think. 51 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,300 Say an Audi S4. 52 00:03:38,860 --> 00:03:40,380 And if you're watching in America, 53 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:43,820 I'm using here the car-curry performance index. 54 00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:45,500 Very popular in Britain. 55 00:03:48,540 --> 00:03:53,700 If you prefer numbers, it does 0 to 60 in around five seconds. 56 00:03:53,740 --> 00:03:58,020 And it has a top speed just short of 170 miles an hour. 57 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:03,460 So, again, that's not as fast as a BMW M3, 58 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,660 but it's probably fast enough to outrun 59 00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:09,260 one of Kim Jong-un's wonky northern missiles. 60 00:04:15,580 --> 00:04:18,540 And there's more sporty stuff. 61 00:04:18,580 --> 00:04:22,020 I have an eight-speed, semi-automatic gearbox, 62 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:24,020 which I can control with paddles, 63 00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:28,100 and that most important of sports-saloon requirements: 64 00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:29,700 rear-wheel drive. 65 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:34,980 It's also groaning with equipment. 66 00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:37,020 I'll run you through just a few of the things. 67 00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:40,580 I've got a 15-speaker stereo. I've got a head-up display, 68 00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:42,580 adaptive cruise control, 69 00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:44,580 collision warning system, 70 00:04:44,620 --> 00:04:47,580 driver-drowsiness warning system. 71 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,060 Very useful when I'm on board. 72 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,740 All of this in a car costing around £40,000, 73 00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:58,740 which makes it £5,000 less than the equivalent Jag or Audi. 74 00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:04,820 But never mind the not unreasonable price. 75 00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:10,100 The Stinger's main purpose is to show that Kia can make a sporty saloon. 76 00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:14,540 So, to find out if they've succeeded, we need to do something sporty. 77 00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:19,820 Which brings me here. 78 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:22,420 To this road. 79 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:26,420 A challenging five-kilometre scribble of Tarmac, 80 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:31,860 spearing and snaking up through the Majorcan hills. 81 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:36,780 What I intend to do is start down there and drive as fast as possible 82 00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:40,740 to a finishing point here on this bridge. 83 00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:43,020 And to spice it up, I'm making it a race. 84 00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:49,020 It's me and the Stinger versus some young men on planks. 85 00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:52,020 Here's one of them, and here's the other one. 86 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:55,100 They both dress like bike racers, but their preferred transport 87 00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:58,940 is specially modified skateboards, 88 00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:02,780 which hardly sounds like much of a threat to the car. 89 00:06:06,380 --> 00:06:07,980 OK. Tell us about those skateboards. 90 00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:10,500 What, sort of bicycle speeds? 20, 30? 91 00:06:10,540 --> 00:06:14,020 The fastest we can go is 75 miles an hour. 120K. 92 00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:15,900 75 miles an hour? 93 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,180 On that? 94 00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:22,060 Do you mind if I...? 95 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,740 Yeah. Knock yourself out. Not literally. 96 00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:28,780 75 miles an hour on a piece of wood with some plastic wheels on it? 97 00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:31,020 -You're mad. -(CHUCKLES) 98 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:32,980 Right. Just so we're clear on the rules, 99 00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:35,820 I'm going to start down there at the start line 100 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:38,860 and drive uphill all the way to here, which is the finish line, 101 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:42,220 while you start here on what is my finish line, but is actually your start line, 102 00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:44,460 and you're downhill all the way. 103 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:47,460 So, if you see "finish" upside down, you're at the start, 104 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,860 but "start" the right way up, you're at your start. 105 00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:52,700 And when I see "start" upside down, it's your start, but it's my finish, 106 00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:55,020 cos it says "finish" the right way up. 107 00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:57,500 There's a point where we cross over, obviously, so be careful. 108 00:06:57,540 --> 00:07:00,580 Let's just agree: stay right if we see each other? 109 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,820 Your right or our right? 110 00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:04,820 Well, it's the same thing, cos you're going the other way, downhill, 111 00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:06,580 and I'm going uphill towards this finish. 112 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:08,100 OK. 113 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:11,060 No. Yeah. No, the left. No, just stay... Yeah. 114 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:19,820 Soon we were in position at our respective start/finish lines. 115 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,900 Right. Setup. 116 00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:27,420 We're going to go for the sportiest mode, which is Sport Plus. 117 00:07:27,460 --> 00:07:31,180 Traction & Stability Control disabled. That's all the nannies off. 118 00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:34,660 It is a hill climb. Don't bin it, May. 119 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:37,860 Here we go. Horsepower versus gravity. 120 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:41,940 Isaac Newton and dudes versus South Korea and me. 121 00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:46,060 MAN: Three, two, one. 122 00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,020 (ENGINE ROARING) 123 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,860 Keep the foot in. Yes. 124 00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:04,140 Throttle response a bit more chippy when you've got it on Sport Plus. 125 00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:09,180 (TYRES SQUEALING) 126 00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:11,300 Yes. Little bit of sideways action. 127 00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:13,220 I've got a limited-slip diff. That's going to look after me. 128 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,100 Brake. Turn it. 129 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,180 On the exit. There it is. 130 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,540 (TYRES SQUEALING) 131 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:37,500 Oh, those rocks don't look nice! Aaaarghh! 132 00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:45,820 Easy right, then a bit of a left. 133 00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:47,100 (TYRES SQUEALING) 134 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,820 Here they come. Keep right! 135 00:08:57,100 --> 00:09:00,140 Jeez, those guys are going! 136 00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:03,740 And for them, the remaining course was full of fast straights, 137 00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:10,260 whereas, for me, the road was now becoming twistier. 138 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,340 (TYRES SQUEALING) 139 00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,820 Stay out, stay out, stay out. Mind the rocks. 140 00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:28,460 Apex. See the exit. Squares it. That's lovely! 141 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:35,100 Yes, there's the bridge. 142 00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:45,460 Here I come! Here I come! Don't bin it now. 143 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,180 Aaaarghh! 144 00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:52,500 Yes! Yes. 145 00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:55,100 Right. Let's have it. 146 00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:57,620 -Yeah, buddy. -Yeah, buddy. 147 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:06,580 MAN: OK, James. The boarders did it in five minutes and 16 seconds. 148 00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:10,300 You did it in five minutes and ten seconds. 149 00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:13,580 Yes! Yes! Yes! 150 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,140 (BELLOWING) Losers! 151 00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:21,860 Losers! Losers! 152 00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:23,740 Whatever. (BLEEP) ...that guy. 153 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,060 -(CHEERING) -Bad winner. 154 00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:30,820 -He's a bad winner. -Yeah, exactly. 155 00:10:30,860 --> 00:10:32,100 Appalling. 156 00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:33,420 Yep. 157 00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:37,460 Standard reaction from James May. 158 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,940 James, I am very curious. 159 00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:44,300 How did you manage to go to Majorca in all that beautiful sunshine 160 00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:46,060 and not catch pneumonia? 161 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:48,860 -(LAUGHTER) -Well, I mean, it's a danger. 162 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,620 No, it's funny you should ask, but actually, I did go 163 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,740 past a lot of places that sold pneumonia. 164 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:54,580 (LAUGHTER) 165 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,060 But I didn't go in because I had to get up 166 00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,740 the next day early and go to work. 167 00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:00,420 Let's move on, because it is now time 168 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:05,700 for us to peer down a manhole of chat on Conversation Street. 169 00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:09,220 (MODERN JAZZ) 170 00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,060 (CHEERING) 171 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:17,580 That's festive. The tree and that. 172 00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:21,940 And I think we should do more festive stuff now. 173 00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,980 -Yes. -And turn on the lights 174 00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,580 on our motoring-flavoured tree. 175 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:29,260 Yes, and I'd like to go first, if I turn on the lights I've made 176 00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,460 using the back lights from various cars. 177 00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:34,860 Look. That's Christmassy, isn't it? Ahh! 178 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:38,060 I'd like to add my lights to the festive tree, which I've made out of indicators. 179 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:41,100 So, they're orange and they flash, and they're warm. Are you ready? 180 00:11:41,140 --> 00:11:43,740 -Oh, Christmassy! -How about that, then? 181 00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,300 -Right... -No! 182 00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:46,620 Why not? 183 00:11:46,660 --> 00:11:48,100 Do not switch on whatever you've made. 184 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:50,780 -Why? -Because you'll blind everybody in the tent. 185 00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:52,780 Why do you always think I'll have overdone it? 186 00:11:52,820 --> 00:11:54,820 Because you always overdo it. 187 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:58,500 -Ready? -Oh, dear God! 188 00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:00,140 What do you think of that? Why are you grimacing? 189 00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:01,820 -(APPLAUSE) -Don't encourage him. 190 00:12:04,660 --> 00:12:07,060 What? It's brilliant. 191 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,980 It's a bit bright, I admit, but... 192 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,140 It is bright. You've burnt people's eyes out. 193 00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:13,380 -Why is it a cross? -It's the baby Jesus. 194 00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:15,540 (LAUGHTER) 195 00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:17,060 It's the baby Jesus, not the dead Jesus. 196 00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:20,420 What? 197 00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,820 The cross is what he was crucified on. That's Easter. 198 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:23,940 Oh. 199 00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:25,220 (LAUGHTER) 200 00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:26,940 So, what should it be at Christmas? 201 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,460 A star. 202 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,820 -That's Jewish. -No. 203 00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:33,020 It is. Jews don't do Christmas. 204 00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:35,180 It's a different sort of star. 205 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,740 You've used the wrong religious symbol. 206 00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:39,820 What that is is a big spoiler alert. 207 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,180 -(LAUGHTER) -Yes. 208 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,260 It is, yeah! 209 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,380 -I've given away the ending? -Yeah. 210 00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:50,580 If you don't want to know what happens to the baby Jesus later, look away now. 211 00:12:50,620 --> 00:12:53,420 Last year we looked at all the motoring-related Christmas presents 212 00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:55,140 you could buy, and they were all terrible. 213 00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:57,300 In fact, they always are terrible. 214 00:12:57,340 --> 00:13:00,140 Actually, the most terrible of them all I've got in here. It's Scalextric. 215 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,540 -Oh, come on. -What do you mean? 216 00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:04,540 -Well, I like Scalextric. -Ah, you're wrong. 217 00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:06,340 -No, you are wrong. -How could I be wrong about what I'm like? 218 00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:08,180 -You don't like it. -You think you like it. 219 00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,340 -I do. -It's like classical music. 220 00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:13,380 People think they like classical music, but they don't. Nobody does, really. 221 00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:14,980 I do. 222 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,940 Anyway, back to Scalextric, which nobody likes, OK? 223 00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:22,140 The Professor of Sweeping Statements! 224 00:13:22,180 --> 00:13:24,300 Let me explain the problem, okay? This is how Scalextric works. 225 00:13:24,340 --> 00:13:26,020 You take out the car. "Wow!" you think. 226 00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,980 "Look at that. It's like a Dodge Viper." 227 00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:29,980 And then throw it under some furniture. 228 00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:31,900 And you have just played Scalextric. 229 00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:35,220 Cos that's what happens immediately with Scalextric. 230 00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:37,420 No, you get your little sister to pick it up. 231 00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:39,940 Scalextric should come with a little sister. Mine did. 232 00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:43,780 No, no. No, it shouldn't come with a little sister. 233 00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:45,740 It did. 234 00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:48,940 -Did you say that out loud? -Yeah, he did. 235 00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:50,780 I was hoping to just carry on. 236 00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:52,700 My sister's 12 years younger. The year I got my Scalextric, 237 00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,300 I also got a little sister. 238 00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,660 Don't disillusion him of it! 239 00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,340 He thinks that's where they come from. 240 00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:04,300 -It came from Hornby Hobbies. -It shouldn't arrive at all! 241 00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:06,380 Two things are going to happen. 242 00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:09,660 Either you go too fast, in which case the car goes under furniture, 243 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:13,140 or you get the speed right and it just goes round and round 244 00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:15,340 and round and round, for ever. 245 00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:18,740 Yes, you find the speed at which the cars don't come off and then just watch them. 246 00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:22,300 What you're doing at that point is watching electricity happen. 247 00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:23,980 -Yes. -(LAUGHTER) 248 00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:26,060 I can see why you were disappointed, Hammond. 249 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:27,300 You put an electric car on a race track 250 00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:28,380 and, next thing you know, you've crashed. 251 00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:30,300 (LAUGHTER) 252 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:33,140 (APPLAUSE) 253 00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:34,820 Sorry. That was a bit... 254 00:14:34,860 --> 00:14:38,380 That was... (GROANS) 255 00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,260 That wasn't even in the back. That was in the face! 256 00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:48,180 I have got some Bentley... espresso cups and saucers. 257 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,100 (LAUGHTER) 258 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,660 -What do you think of that? -No, no, I quite like those. 259 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:54,580 -The colours... -They're horrible. 260 00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,660 -They're too thick. -Ah, they're not, 261 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:58,620 cos espresso cups have to be thick. 262 00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:01,660 They have to weigh 147.8 grams. 263 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:04,300 -Says who? -Italian coffee scientists. 264 00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:07,220 -That's a fact. -That is pretentious twaddle. 265 00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,420 -It isn't. -Just try it in a restaurant. 266 00:15:09,460 --> 00:15:11,820 Call the waiter over. "Come here, my man. Ahem. 267 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:16,180 I think you know what I'm going to tell you about this cup. 268 00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:17,700 It's too heavy." 269 00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:21,100 -But it isn't too heavy. -It is. It's too thick. 270 00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:22,940 It could be hit with a hammer and survive. 271 00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:24,500 What, and that's a bad thing? 272 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,980 Oh, don't hit it with a hammer. 273 00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:29,460 -(LAUGHTER) -I was wrong. 274 00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:33,380 I was actually going to take those home. 275 00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:35,420 Ah, you can. You can, actually. There you go. 276 00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:39,220 There's your set of three Bentley espresso cups and saucers. 277 00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,660 And you get a spare saucer, in case you break one. 278 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:44,140 It's nice. Spare. It's a good present, that. 279 00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,100 I have actually got you a present, Hammond. 280 00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:48,620 -Have you? -It's in a presentation box. Here it is. 281 00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:53,180 The box is broken, and I apologise for that, but there it is. Check it out. 282 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:55,860 It's a ruined watch. 283 00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,580 Not just any ruined watch. It's your ruined watch. 284 00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,740 -Is it? -That has been retrieved 285 00:16:00,780 --> 00:16:03,580 from the wreckage of the car that you destroyed, with your incompetence, 286 00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:05,740 and that survived the fire. 287 00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:08,020 It's actually still... It doesn't look pretty, but it's still working. 288 00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:11,300 Well, that's actually quite a nice present, in a way, isn't it? 289 00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:13,420 Exactly, and they've written a little thing on the box. 290 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,420 "Made in Switzerland," 291 00:16:15,460 --> 00:16:19,620 and then, "Carefully perfected on 10th June 2017 292 00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:21,060 by the British." 293 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:22,980 (LAUGHTER) 294 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:24,940 They don't mean "perfected", do they? 295 00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:26,620 No, and by "British" they mean you. 296 00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:29,820 Yeah. It's actually quite a mean present, after all. 297 00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:31,660 Well, look, Hammond. I've got you something. 298 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,300 I have got you a pair of running shoes, 299 00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:37,700 and I've added to them the logo of your favourite local car maker, 300 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,500 and you can't say you don't like that. 301 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,580 You love running. You go running every morning. 302 00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:43,020 I've seen you go running in the evening, as well. 303 00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:47,580 -I cannot wear those. -(LAUGHTER) 304 00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,780 Why not? 305 00:16:50,820 --> 00:16:54,180 Because I'm not allowed to run any more. I broke my leg. 306 00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:56,140 Oh, stop going on about it! 307 00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:59,740 It's all he talks about: "I broke my leg! I broke my leg!" 308 00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:03,660 We brought you those presents. Two of them. 309 00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,540 I've got you another present here. 310 00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:08,140 Look at that. An alarm clock. 311 00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:10,820 Made it myself. It's beautifully styled. 312 00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:12,940 Oh, funny. It's crashed. I see. Ha-ha. 313 00:17:12,980 --> 00:17:14,860 Yeah, it's a crashed car on top. That's why it's yours. 314 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,500 Right, I'm just setting it now. Now, pretend to be asleep. 315 00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:20,420 -What? Oh, all right. -Just pretend to be asleep. 316 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:22,020 This is on your bedside table. 317 00:17:22,060 --> 00:17:23,940 Yes, OK. I'm asleep. 318 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:28,060 -(BEEPING) -There it is. 319 00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,340 Christ! 320 00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:32,940 -It's going off. -(APPLAUSE) 321 00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:34,780 -That's my alarm? -Yes. 322 00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:38,300 -Well, that's-- -Come on! 323 00:17:38,340 --> 00:17:44,100 I can't have that. That'll... That'll just set fire... 324 00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:47,060 -Haven't got my glasses. -That'll just set fire to everything on my-- 325 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,980 -Sorry. -Oh, God! 326 00:17:50,020 --> 00:17:53,140 It's not me that's on fire this time! 327 00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:55,420 I missed. I haven't got my glasses. 328 00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:57,100 I can't wake up to that every morning. 329 00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:58,820 When you're driving along and your car catches fire, 330 00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:00,740 which it will, cos you'll have crashed it... 331 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,580 -(LAUGHTER) -...you'll be used to it, 332 00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:04,940 cos you'll have to put a fire out every morning. 333 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:08,460 Yes, I won't have slept for a year, waiting for an explosion next to my bed... 334 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,660 Stop moaning about all the presents we've given you! 335 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,340 It's traumatising! 336 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:15,940 Look. I have bought you a pair of trousers. 337 00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:18,700 -There you go. -What? Oh, thank you, James. Very nice. 338 00:18:18,740 --> 00:18:20,660 Not just any old trousers. 339 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,500 No, they've got Velcro on them. What's that about? 340 00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:26,060 Well, it means the paramedics won't have to cut your clothes off you. 341 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,940 (LAUGHTER) 342 00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,060 And you'll save a fortune over the coming year, you see? 343 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:31,060 (APPLAUSE) 344 00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:44,540 -Have you got us anything? -No. 345 00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,260 -(LAUGHTER) -Not a thing? 346 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,580 Well, I didn't know we were doing this. 347 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:51,340 What do you mean? You didn't know it was Christmas? It's in your diary. 348 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,540 It's in everybody's diary. 349 00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,260 It's not like Easter, moving around. It's the same day every year. 350 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,020 Every single year. 351 00:18:57,060 --> 00:18:58,620 You could have sent a memo, saying we're doing presents. 352 00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:01,340 -Unbelievable. -(LAUGHTER) 353 00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:03,700 Anyway, Jeremy Clarkson... 354 00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:06,300 Not everybody is as thoughtless as Richard Hammond. 355 00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:09,060 I'm certainly not, and I have bought you a present. 356 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:12,740 -Oh, thank you, James. -It's the season of goodwill to all men. 357 00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,780 Even if you hate them. 358 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,660 (LAUGHTER) 359 00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:22,980 I have got you, for Christmas, a T-shirt. 360 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,540 -Are they my lungs? -Yes, they are. 361 00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:28,260 (LAUGHTER) 362 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,540 That was when I... It is. 363 00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:36,140 A lot of work went into this, cos I had to ring up the hospital in Majorca, 364 00:19:36,180 --> 00:19:40,380 and I asked the barman... Sorry, the doctor. 365 00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:43,540 ...for a copy of the scan of your lungs, and I printed it on the T-shirt. 366 00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:46,380 -And this bit, this is the... -That was the pneumonia? 367 00:19:46,420 --> 00:19:48,940 Yeah, that's the bit where your lungs were infected. 368 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:52,340 I've coloured that in pink, you know, to show your favourite type of pneumonia. 369 00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:54,060 (LAUGHTER) 370 00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:57,580 -Is that... Are they bubbles? -Yes. 371 00:19:57,620 --> 00:20:00,180 James, I don't drink Prosecco. I'm not a girl. 372 00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:03,860 Oh, no, of course. You're the Viking Jeremy Clarkson, 373 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:07,740 with his still pink wine, which you drink out of a hollow horn. 374 00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:11,060 All real men drink rosé. 375 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,900 Thank you, James. That is a thoughtful gift and I shall treasure it. 376 00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:16,780 -No, it's OK, Jeremy. -(LAUGHTER) 377 00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:19,060 There is as much pleasure in giving as in receiving. 378 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:21,220 -(LAUGHTER) -I suspect more... 379 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:23,540 Leave it! Leave it. 380 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:27,980 -Leave that where it is. -Yeah. 381 00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:32,620 I've got you a properly brilliant present. 382 00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:34,500 -I can't wait. -No, seriously. 383 00:20:34,540 --> 00:20:36,780 You know the problem with trying to open a fridge door? 384 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:39,580 -No, that's not a problem. -Yes, it is. No, it is. 385 00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:41,340 No, you pull the thing and, with my fridge, 386 00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:43,420 the seal is stronger than the weight of the fridge, 387 00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:46,220 so you just end up pulling the fridge across the kitchen floor. 388 00:20:46,260 --> 00:20:47,820 No, that's because you're an ape. 389 00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:50,860 The only way of opening my fridge is to surprise it. 390 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:52,620 -Surprise your fridge? -You walk up to it backwards 391 00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:54,260 and then snatch it like that, 392 00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,420 because you have to yank it really quickly. 393 00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:59,140 But I'm not joking. The other day, I did that and the fridge fell... 394 00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:01,180 Actually the whole thing on top of me. 395 00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:02,900 Are you sure your fridge doesn't have a push door? 396 00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:09,060 Anyway, I've got you, James May... It's a big present, this one. 397 00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:12,860 Right. Ready? I've got you a fridge with a motoring flavour, 398 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:15,460 cos I put a steering wheel on the door. 399 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,700 So... OK, it's now shut, yes? 400 00:21:18,740 --> 00:21:20,300 RICHARD: Oh, thank you very much. 401 00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:22,220 -(LAUGHTER) -Relax. OK? 402 00:21:22,260 --> 00:21:24,860 -So, it won't open. Yes? -Right. 403 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:27,300 But then, if you turn this... It's modelled on a submarine door, 404 00:21:27,340 --> 00:21:30,260 cos it's important, with a submarine, you know when a door's open or shut. 405 00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:33,260 All the way over, and then it opens. Can you see? 406 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:35,700 -Yeah, I can see. -Well, how brilliant's that? 407 00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:37,980 You've bought me a solution to a problem only you have. 408 00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:39,700 (LAUGHTER) 409 00:21:39,740 --> 00:21:41,660 That is the worst Christmas present I've ever had. 410 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,900 It isn't. How can it be? Why is it? 411 00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:46,100 -You've bought something for yourself. -No, you did that last year. 412 00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:49,700 You bought your girlfriend a Ferrari that only you were insured to drive. 413 00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:51,380 -(LAUGHTER) -You did. 414 00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:54,980 "Oh, I bought you this," and no-one else could drive it. 415 00:21:55,020 --> 00:21:57,020 -That's chivalry. -Is it? 416 00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:59,940 Well, I think that's just been a total disaster, Conversation Street. 417 00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:01,820 -It was awful. -He bought us nothing. 418 00:22:01,860 --> 00:22:03,900 -I bought you a present... RICHARD: I'm sorry. 419 00:22:03,940 --> 00:22:06,940 Shut up. I made you presents you don't like. 420 00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:09,540 No. All right. Let's move on. 421 00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:14,140 Now, have you ever wondered if office lunch time could be more interesting? 422 00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:17,380 -No, nobody's wondered that. RICHARD: Well, we have... 423 00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:19,340 -(LAUGHTER) -...which is why 424 00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:23,620 James and I decided to take the Grand Tour to Dunstable. 425 00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:25,500 (LAUGHTER) 426 00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:29,140 RICHARD: This is what we're on about. 427 00:22:29,180 --> 00:22:31,740 People in offices all over the world 428 00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:33,820 just frittering away their valuable lunch hours 429 00:22:33,860 --> 00:22:39,140 doing pointless things on their phones and eating plastic food. 430 00:22:39,180 --> 00:22:40,980 But not any more, 431 00:22:41,020 --> 00:22:43,740 because we're here to literally save lunch times 432 00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:46,380 through the crucible of motorsport. 433 00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:49,260 And you may be watching this and thinking, "Well, that's a great idea, 434 00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:50,980 but how do you get all these people 435 00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:53,460 to a race track during their lunch hour?" 436 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,700 Well, the answer is, we don't need to. 437 00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:59,660 The race track is already here. 438 00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:02,380 JAMES: Yes, go to any business park anywhere, 439 00:23:02,420 --> 00:23:06,020 and you'll find long straights, flowing roundabouts, 440 00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:08,300 sharp bends, the lot. 441 00:23:08,340 --> 00:23:11,780 There's a circuit to rival Silverstone or Laguna Seca 442 00:23:11,820 --> 00:23:15,500 right outside your office window. 443 00:23:15,540 --> 00:23:19,460 Today we've chosen Houghton Hall Business Park near Dunstable. 444 00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:24,020 So, let's see what kind of track it can provide. 445 00:23:24,060 --> 00:23:26,620 This is the Kia Picanto GT line, 446 00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:28,700 the hottest ship in the Picanto range. 447 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:30,300 -Is it? -80 horsepower from 1.25 litres. 448 00:23:30,340 --> 00:23:32,220 Yes, just get in the bloody thing. 449 00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:35,420 -I'm saying a lot, cos it takes him so long to get in. -Shut up! 450 00:23:36,860 --> 00:23:39,500 So, what are we doing? 451 00:23:39,540 --> 00:23:43,100 We're going down the straight towards the first roundabout, which is Froughton's Haulage. 452 00:23:43,140 --> 00:23:46,420 I like the braking-distance markers. That's a nice touch. Very professional. 453 00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:52,580 This is the Whitbread, extremely tight left-hander, and into Car Park A. 454 00:23:52,620 --> 00:23:55,500 Now, there's a speed hump, and then the soon-to-be immortalised 455 00:23:55,540 --> 00:23:57,340 Smokers' Shelter complex. 456 00:23:57,380 --> 00:23:59,260 -Nice. -Which is what we're in now. 457 00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:04,780 Dab of brakes. Apex it there, and we're into Car Park B. 458 00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:06,780 This is Office Chair Bend. This is the chicane... 459 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,620 -Very nice. -...before we go 460 00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:10,620 back onto the beginning and ending straight 461 00:24:10,660 --> 00:24:13,140 and head towards Mannington Plastics Roundabout. 462 00:24:13,180 --> 00:24:15,340 Leaders in injection-moulding technology solutions. 463 00:24:15,380 --> 00:24:17,220 Excellent. Quite the landmark. 464 00:24:17,260 --> 00:24:19,300 Keep it wide. Half-throttle. 465 00:24:19,340 --> 00:24:23,900 Look for the exit, and there we are... across the line. 466 00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:26,140 Once you're across the line, you can slow down. 467 00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:29,340 No point in continuing to go fast, cos you could have an accident doing that. 468 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:30,300 Funny. 469 00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:35,500 RICHARD: With the track signed off, we selected two firms 470 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,740 to go head-to-head during their lunch hours. 471 00:24:39,380 --> 00:24:42,940 Today, the competitors are Storage King, 472 00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:45,060 "Self-storage made simple", 473 00:24:45,100 --> 00:24:49,660 and Cura Technical, "Leading providers of IT support solutions". 474 00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:53,140 And once their contenders had been selected, 475 00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:54,940 it was time for the driver briefing. 476 00:24:57,100 --> 00:25:00,100 "Each entrant from each firm does one timed lap. 477 00:25:00,140 --> 00:25:02,620 Using those lap times, we'll whittle down our entrants, 478 00:25:02,660 --> 00:25:06,300 until we have the best driver from each of the two firms." 479 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:08,140 Hammond, everybody in the room can read. 480 00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:11,180 Shut up. "They'll then go head-to-head in the grand final, 481 00:25:11,220 --> 00:25:14,340 to decide the ultimate winner of today's round." 482 00:25:17,020 --> 00:25:19,180 JAMES: With Hammond's presentation over, 483 00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:22,620 it was time to begin the qualifying laps that would decide 484 00:25:22,660 --> 00:25:27,380 which employees would represent their firms in the shoot-out grand finale. 485 00:25:27,420 --> 00:25:29,420 What we have first is Pete from Cura Technical. 486 00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:32,700 He is the regional manager for Bedfordshire and the Midlands, 487 00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:35,180 in his Vauxhall SRI Astra. 488 00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:38,700 In three, two, one... go! 489 00:25:40,420 --> 00:25:43,980 RICHARD: As the regional manager scorched away, 490 00:25:44,020 --> 00:25:46,060 I commandeered the security hut, 491 00:25:46,100 --> 00:25:50,620 so that I could use its CCTV feed to commentate on the action. 492 00:25:50,660 --> 00:25:53,500 There's a complex of turns through here, really more than just one, 493 00:25:53,540 --> 00:25:56,420 and that speed hump to deal with, as well. He's done that. He is through. 494 00:25:56,460 --> 00:25:58,980 (TYRES SQUEALING) 495 00:25:59,020 --> 00:26:04,860 He's on his way through the Office Chair complex. I can't see him on that camera. 496 00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:06,980 Here he is. He's coming back up the straight. 497 00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:09,180 200 brake horsepower. Useful now. 498 00:26:09,220 --> 00:26:10,980 Going to make his way towards Froughton Haulage, 499 00:26:11,020 --> 00:26:14,140 which is soon to become the ending line. 500 00:26:14,180 --> 00:26:16,700 Huge amount of noise! And across the line. 501 00:26:16,740 --> 00:26:18,900 (CHEERING) 502 00:26:18,940 --> 00:26:20,980 After a cracking qualifying performance 503 00:26:21,020 --> 00:26:23,140 from Pete of Cura Technical... 504 00:26:23,180 --> 00:26:26,220 1:06.16. 505 00:26:26,260 --> 00:26:29,580 ...Storage King sent out their first driver, 506 00:26:29,620 --> 00:26:33,100 hot-hatch enthusiast Darren from logistics. 507 00:26:33,140 --> 00:26:34,900 Two, one... go! 508 00:26:36,740 --> 00:26:38,580 I do like a Clio. 509 00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:41,300 Oh, some sideways action. 510 00:26:41,340 --> 00:26:43,220 (TYRES SQUEALING) 511 00:26:43,260 --> 00:26:45,100 Oh, lovely work! 512 00:26:45,140 --> 00:26:48,740 By ragging his Clio for all it was worth... 513 00:26:48,780 --> 00:26:50,660 (LAUGHING) 514 00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:54,220 ...Storage King's Darren banged in a scorcher of a qualifier. 515 00:26:54,260 --> 00:26:56,340 Oh! 516 00:26:56,380 --> 00:26:59,700 -1:05.97. -Oh, ho-ho! 517 00:26:59,740 --> 00:27:03,340 And now, ladies and gentlemen, from Cura Technical, 518 00:27:03,380 --> 00:27:05,060 it's Nick from Accounts, 519 00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:07,140 who will be looking to... balance the books. 520 00:27:07,180 --> 00:27:09,540 Oh, God. He's making puns. 521 00:27:09,580 --> 00:27:11,780 In three, two, one! And he's off! 522 00:27:14,260 --> 00:27:17,500 RICHARD: Despite being at the wheel of a motorway cruiser, 523 00:27:17,540 --> 00:27:21,260 Nick seemed determined to top the timing charts. 524 00:27:21,300 --> 00:27:24,180 Oh, this looks fast to me, towards Smokers' Corner. 525 00:27:24,220 --> 00:27:25,540 However... 526 00:27:25,580 --> 00:27:27,620 And he's... Yeah, that's looking... 527 00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:30,660 No, that's not under control, because he's binned it! 528 00:27:30,700 --> 00:27:32,420 And he's binned it. 529 00:27:32,460 --> 00:27:35,700 He's binned it at Bin Corner, appropriately enough. 530 00:27:35,740 --> 00:27:38,780 It is a DNF for Nick from Accounts. 531 00:27:38,820 --> 00:27:41,020 The fleet manager is not going to be pleased. 532 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,980 There are going to be words when he gets back after lunch, I suspect. 533 00:27:47,740 --> 00:27:50,620 JAMES: With the lunch-hour clock ticking away, 534 00:27:50,660 --> 00:27:53,420 there followed a final flurry of qualifying laps. 535 00:27:54,940 --> 00:27:57,500 Three, two, one... go! 536 00:27:57,540 --> 00:28:00,860 Oh, it's a fizzy start from the little Abarth. 537 00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:05,220 This is a tight little car, for a small circuit. 538 00:28:05,260 --> 00:28:07,860 It's built for business-park racing. Look at that! 539 00:28:07,900 --> 00:28:11,940 JAMES: It's Chris from Marketing in the Toyota GT86. 540 00:28:17,660 --> 00:28:19,140 1:03.24. 541 00:28:22,220 --> 00:28:24,100 And then, with the results in, 542 00:28:24,140 --> 00:28:27,900 it was time for the grand-finale showdown shoot-out. 543 00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:30,100 Now, representing Storage King, 544 00:28:30,140 --> 00:28:32,060 in the Seat Leon Cupra R, 545 00:28:32,100 --> 00:28:34,620 -from Purchasing, it's Gav. -(CHEERING) 546 00:28:37,860 --> 00:28:40,420 And representing Cura Technical, 547 00:28:40,460 --> 00:28:44,060 in the BMW E90 M3, from Sales, 548 00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:47,380 -give it up for Steve! -(CHEERING) 549 00:28:47,420 --> 00:28:49,820 And since we are dealing with the best 550 00:28:49,860 --> 00:28:51,820 that South Bedfordshire has to offer: 551 00:28:51,860 --> 00:28:54,580 the crème de menthe of business-park driving talent, 552 00:28:54,620 --> 00:28:59,580 this final will be decided with a straight head-to-head race. 553 00:28:59,620 --> 00:29:06,380 OK. Here we go. Ready. Ready. In three, two, 554 00:29:06,420 --> 00:29:07,820 one... Go! 555 00:29:07,860 --> 00:29:10,620 (TYRES SQUEALING) 556 00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:13,380 And there they go. Steve against Gav, 557 00:29:13,420 --> 00:29:17,540 Sales against Purchasing, battling down the main straight. 558 00:29:17,580 --> 00:29:20,460 Froughton comes up first. They're both through. 559 00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:23,620 They're both already in Car Park A, heading for Smokers' Corner. 560 00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:28,100 Oh, he's gone very wide there. 561 00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:32,340 And the Seat is through. 562 00:29:32,380 --> 00:29:35,980 JAMES: The Seat is in front, but not by much. 563 00:29:36,020 --> 00:29:37,980 RICHARD: I daren't watch. This is tight. 564 00:29:38,020 --> 00:29:42,940 I would hate to have been having a fag in that booth when they came past. 565 00:29:42,980 --> 00:29:46,820 Car Park B coming up. Look at this! Tailing one another through there. 566 00:29:52,180 --> 00:29:55,140 I don't know how these two companies get on. Is there rivalry there? 567 00:29:55,180 --> 00:29:56,660 Are they getting something out of their system? 568 00:29:59,460 --> 00:30:02,260 Already coming back up. Through Froughton's for the second time. 569 00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:04,860 These guys do mean business! 570 00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:07,500 -Half a car's length in it. -Look at the speed they're carrying! 571 00:30:10,140 --> 00:30:12,100 Oh! Close! 572 00:30:14,700 --> 00:30:18,620 Both of them now up to Mannington's Plastics, and it's really tight there. 573 00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:28,140 And across the line! The BMW takes the flag. 574 00:30:28,180 --> 00:30:29,460 Yaaarghh! 575 00:30:31,380 --> 00:30:33,380 (LAUGHS) 576 00:30:33,420 --> 00:30:35,700 How about that? 577 00:30:41,780 --> 00:30:43,620 (CHEERING) 578 00:30:43,660 --> 00:30:47,860 Well, there we are. That's... That's that all sorted out. 579 00:30:47,900 --> 00:30:51,340 And now it's time to sort something else out, as well, 580 00:30:51,380 --> 00:30:54,860 as we play Celebrity Face Off! 581 00:31:04,020 --> 00:31:05,900 (CHEERING) 582 00:31:08,060 --> 00:31:10,020 Once again... 583 00:31:10,060 --> 00:31:13,100 Once again, it is an international event, 584 00:31:13,140 --> 00:31:15,500 Britain versus America. 585 00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:17,500 And the question is, and it's a big one: 586 00:31:17,540 --> 00:31:20,460 who is the fastest person in the world 587 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,500 who lives with a bear? 588 00:31:22,540 --> 00:31:26,660 To find out, please welcome Casey Anderson and Hugh Bonneville! 589 00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:28,540 (CHEERING) 590 00:31:31,620 --> 00:31:32,940 Gentlemen. 591 00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:34,700 -Hugh, have a seat. -Thank you. 592 00:31:34,740 --> 00:31:36,900 Casey, have a seat. 593 00:31:36,940 --> 00:31:39,980 You go here - that one. Yeah, you're that one. 594 00:31:43,940 --> 00:31:48,020 Thank you for coming. First of all, I know you live with a bear, obviously. 595 00:31:48,060 --> 00:31:50,060 -Obviously. -But it's not a real bear. 596 00:31:50,100 --> 00:31:52,940 No, Paddington's like a CGI bear. 597 00:31:52,980 --> 00:31:55,540 -(LAUGHTER) -You may say that! 598 00:31:55,580 --> 00:31:58,660 And, Casey, you do live with an actual bear. 599 00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:02,060 That's right, yeah. Big bear. Like, 800 pounds. 600 00:32:02,100 --> 00:32:03,740 800 pounds? 601 00:32:03,780 --> 00:32:05,740 Yeah, 800 or 900 pounds, depending on what he had for dinner. 602 00:32:05,780 --> 00:32:07,780 (LAUGHTER) 603 00:32:07,820 --> 00:32:11,020 The thing is, you rescued this bear when it was little, in Montana. 604 00:32:11,060 --> 00:32:14,460 Yeah, he was literally that big when I rescued him, only a couple of months old, 605 00:32:14,500 --> 00:32:17,780 and now he's 15 years old, stands about eight feet tall. 606 00:32:17,820 --> 00:32:20,660 But did you know that was going to happen, or were you surprised? 607 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:22,780 "Jesus Christ! Look at the size of it." 608 00:32:22,820 --> 00:32:25,100 Well, you have this cute little bear for a little while, 609 00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:28,020 and then all of a sudden, he's ripping the couch up and eating the cushions, 610 00:32:28,060 --> 00:32:29,940 trying to get in the refrigerator for the beer. 611 00:32:29,980 --> 00:32:33,020 -You say he drinks beer? -Bears love beer. 612 00:32:33,060 --> 00:32:36,340 Who'd have thought? I mean, I remember one time just cracking that open, 613 00:32:36,380 --> 00:32:38,180 and they have an incredible sense of smell. 614 00:32:38,220 --> 00:32:40,620 Have we got a picture of him drinking beer? 615 00:32:40,660 --> 00:32:42,900 (LAUGHTER) 616 00:32:42,940 --> 00:32:46,100 That's not Stella, I hope, cos you don't want a bear on Stella, 617 00:32:46,140 --> 00:32:48,740 or Wife-Beater, as we call it over here. 618 00:32:50,340 --> 00:32:51,820 He doesn't live in a cage? 619 00:32:51,860 --> 00:32:54,420 No, he lives in the sanctuary part of the time. 620 00:32:54,460 --> 00:32:56,940 He's at the house part of the time, depending on what... 621 00:32:56,980 --> 00:33:00,420 He loves to be around people. That's all he knows. He can't be out in the wild. 622 00:33:00,460 --> 00:33:03,460 OK, I get that... but you had him as your best man? 623 00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:06,460 -(LAUGHTER) -He was best man at one of... Yeah, he was. 624 00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:09,100 We actually have a photograph of the wedding here. 625 00:33:10,300 --> 00:33:11,980 (LAUGHTER) 626 00:33:12,020 --> 00:33:14,940 That's the sloppiest kiss I had that night. 627 00:33:14,980 --> 00:33:16,700 And then he came for Thanksgiving dinners? 628 00:33:16,740 --> 00:33:18,380 I think we've got a picture of that. 629 00:33:18,420 --> 00:33:20,100 There - look. 630 00:33:20,140 --> 00:33:23,620 -That is a big bear. -That's huge. 631 00:33:23,660 --> 00:33:25,700 -Does he like turkey? -He loves turkey. 632 00:33:25,740 --> 00:33:29,180 Ate the whole thing. Mashed potatoes. Everything. 633 00:33:29,220 --> 00:33:31,620 Can I just ask...? You have a sanctuary, a bear sanctuary. 634 00:33:31,660 --> 00:33:33,340 -Correct. -And how's the dynamic, 635 00:33:33,380 --> 00:33:36,140 like, compared to his dynamic with you and the other bears? 636 00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:38,820 Does he go, "Hey, I get on with humans and you don't"? 637 00:33:38,860 --> 00:33:41,500 A little bit. I mean, he's the one that gets to come home 638 00:33:41,540 --> 00:33:44,100 and do things that the other bears can't really do. 639 00:33:44,140 --> 00:33:45,900 But it's like a soap opera. 640 00:33:45,940 --> 00:33:47,900 He has different relationships with different bears. 641 00:33:47,940 --> 00:33:50,580 He's got a girlfriend named Bella who's younger than him, 642 00:33:50,620 --> 00:33:53,540 -and they wrestle around all the time. -(LAUGHTER) 643 00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:56,820 So, that's your bear, OK? Now, yours is rather different. 644 00:33:56,860 --> 00:33:59,420 Yes, thankfully! (LAUGHS) 645 00:33:59,460 --> 00:34:02,140 Although yours is probably more mischievous. Paddington is. 646 00:34:02,180 --> 00:34:06,020 Yes, he gets stuck in the fridge, in the film... 647 00:34:06,060 --> 00:34:08,940 -Impossible. -Have you come across Paddington Bear in America? 648 00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:11,820 -Yeah, definitely. -Because it very much has been a British 649 00:34:11,860 --> 00:34:14,100 character for decades, really. 650 00:34:14,140 --> 00:34:17,900 But he gets up to all sorts of mischief, and his favourite thing is marmalade. 651 00:34:17,940 --> 00:34:21,620 And so, apart from getting stuck in the fridge... 652 00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:23,980 This time round, in the second film, 653 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,980 he tries to become a barber, he tries to be a window cleaner. 654 00:34:27,020 --> 00:34:29,220 None of these things go particularly well. 655 00:34:29,260 --> 00:34:32,020 We do have a clip. I'd like to show that for you now, if I may. 656 00:34:32,060 --> 00:34:34,020 I'm sorry. This is a private conversation. 657 00:34:34,060 --> 00:34:36,340 Oh, it's all right, Mr Brown. This is my friend, Knuckles. 658 00:34:36,380 --> 00:34:37,740 -How are you? -And this is Phibs. 659 00:34:37,780 --> 00:34:38,860 -G'day. -Spoon. 660 00:34:38,900 --> 00:34:40,220 -Hello. -Jimmy the Snitch. 661 00:34:40,260 --> 00:34:43,100 T-Bone. The Professor. Squeaky Pete. 662 00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:47,260 Double Bass Bob. Farmer Jack. Mad Dog. Johnny Cashpoint. 663 00:34:47,300 --> 00:34:49,500 -Sir Geoffrey Wilcott. -I hope I can rely on your vote. 664 00:34:49,540 --> 00:34:52,260 -And Charley Rumble. -(GROWLS) 665 00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:54,380 Oh, it's so wonderful to meet you all. 666 00:34:55,540 --> 00:34:57,140 It's a great relief to know 667 00:34:57,180 --> 00:35:00,260 that Paddington's already made such sweet friends. 668 00:35:00,300 --> 00:35:01,860 Would you excuse us a moment? 669 00:35:04,020 --> 00:35:06,860 -What are you doing? -Talking to the nice men. 670 00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:10,140 Nice men? Mary, we can't trust these people. 671 00:35:10,180 --> 00:35:11,820 I mean, look at them. 672 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:14,460 Talk about a rogues' gallery! Hideous. 673 00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:16,300 And as for that bearded baboon in the middle, 674 00:35:16,340 --> 00:35:18,540 he's hardly got two brain cells to rub together. 675 00:35:18,580 --> 00:35:20,180 We can still hear you, Mr Brown. 676 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:22,940 (MURMURS OF AGREEMENT) 677 00:35:22,980 --> 00:35:25,220 That was the light you turned off. 678 00:35:25,260 --> 00:35:27,340 (LAUGHTER) 679 00:35:27,380 --> 00:35:29,700 JEREMY: It does look good. 680 00:35:31,460 --> 00:35:35,220 I should just set up, or sort of back-set-up that clip, 681 00:35:35,260 --> 00:35:37,860 which is that Paddington gets put into prison 682 00:35:37,900 --> 00:35:39,620 for a crime we don't think he committed. 683 00:35:39,660 --> 00:35:41,140 -I'm sure he didn't commit it. -No. 684 00:35:41,180 --> 00:35:43,180 Somebody was pointing out to me the other day - 685 00:35:43,220 --> 00:35:46,380 if Paddington really did arrive, and I won't get bogged down in immigration, 686 00:35:46,420 --> 00:35:50,580 but he would be in contravention of Section 24 of the Immigration Act. 687 00:35:50,620 --> 00:35:53,020 Cos he's deliberately avoided the immigration authorities. 688 00:35:53,060 --> 00:35:55,940 -And you, as Mr Brown... -Yeah? 689 00:35:55,980 --> 00:35:59,340 You would potentially face prosecution under Section 25, 690 00:35:59,380 --> 00:36:02,380 for assisting unlawful immigration to a member state. 691 00:36:02,420 --> 00:36:04,540 14 years in prison, that would get you. 692 00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:06,620 Right. Well, there's the plot of Paddington 3 for you! 693 00:36:06,660 --> 00:36:08,660 (LAUGHTER) 694 00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:13,220 Anyway, we must get on to cars, cos this is... largely a car show. 695 00:36:13,260 --> 00:36:15,900 Now, Casey, the thing about Montana is, 696 00:36:15,940 --> 00:36:19,180 you could pretty much do anything you liked on the road there, until recently. 697 00:36:19,220 --> 00:36:21,980 Yeah, not long ago, you could drive 100 miles an hour down the road, 698 00:36:22,020 --> 00:36:24,220 drinking a beer, and have a loaded shotgun in your lap, 699 00:36:24,260 --> 00:36:25,900 and you weren't breaking the law. 700 00:36:25,940 --> 00:36:27,500 (LAUGHTER) 701 00:36:27,540 --> 00:36:29,700 -What went wrong? -Yeah, I know! 702 00:36:29,740 --> 00:36:32,540 Now you can only drive 85. 703 00:36:32,580 --> 00:36:34,060 Cos the rule is, basically: don't crash. 704 00:36:34,100 --> 00:36:35,860 "Just keep it between the fences", I think... 705 00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:38,180 Yeah, between the fences, between the ditches. 706 00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:41,060 As long as you don't go off the road, or maybe a little bit, you're cool. 707 00:36:41,100 --> 00:36:42,420 (LAUGHTER) 708 00:36:42,460 --> 00:36:43,780 It's largely gravel roads, as well. 709 00:36:43,820 --> 00:36:45,900 Gravel roads, or icy roads. 710 00:36:45,940 --> 00:36:49,380 I mean, I grew up with Land Cruisers, Willys Jeeps, big pick-up trucks. 711 00:36:49,420 --> 00:36:52,340 When I haul Brutus around, I have a big Dodge 3500. 712 00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:54,580 -Can he drive a car? -(LAUGHS) 713 00:36:54,620 --> 00:36:56,700 No, but he likes to tear them apart. 714 00:36:56,740 --> 00:36:59,260 There's been times when we're driving down the road to the vet, 715 00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:01,660 and he's like, "What's this knob? What's this lever?" 716 00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:04,100 And so the windshield wipers are going, radio's blaring, 717 00:37:04,140 --> 00:37:07,340 and I'm screaming, "Get back, Brutus! Get back, Brutus!" 718 00:37:07,380 --> 00:37:09,100 And he's tearing your face off. 719 00:37:09,140 --> 00:37:11,540 (LAUGHS) You imagine the drivers driving by, saying... 720 00:37:13,540 --> 00:37:17,420 Now, you're not particularly, I don't think, a helmsman. 721 00:37:17,460 --> 00:37:21,180 No, I'm not. I'm not a petrol-head of any, you know, type. 722 00:37:21,220 --> 00:37:24,340 Cars, for me, get me from A to B, I'm afraid. 723 00:37:24,380 --> 00:37:28,980 In recent months I had my proper, full-blown midlife crisis 724 00:37:29,020 --> 00:37:30,380 and decided to buy a convertible. 725 00:37:30,420 --> 00:37:32,260 My wife said, "Don't be ridiculous. 726 00:37:32,300 --> 00:37:35,340 It is only sunny in England about two days a year." 727 00:37:35,380 --> 00:37:37,180 Exactly, yeah. "Don't be so stupid." 728 00:37:37,220 --> 00:37:39,620 So, I went and bought a convertible, and then I thought, 729 00:37:39,660 --> 00:37:42,300 "Actually, what I really want is an electric car." 730 00:37:42,340 --> 00:37:45,540 -So, I said to my wife at the end of the summer... -(LAUGHTER) 731 00:37:45,580 --> 00:37:48,100 "I'm getting rid of the convertible and getting an electric car." 732 00:37:48,140 --> 00:37:51,420 She said, "Don't be ridiculous! We've had a great summer in that convertible. 733 00:37:51,460 --> 00:37:53,300 You're not getting rid of it." 734 00:37:53,340 --> 00:37:57,100 But meanwhile, I'd already placed an order for a second-hand Tesla. 735 00:37:57,140 --> 00:38:00,580 So, I am now a Tesla owner, and I love it, Jeremy! 736 00:38:00,620 --> 00:38:02,460 (LAUGHTER) 737 00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:04,020 -Which is yours? The S? -Yes. 738 00:38:04,060 --> 00:38:06,540 And my friend down the road has the top-of-the-range, 739 00:38:06,580 --> 00:38:10,140 and we actually have a Tesla coffee group. 740 00:38:10,180 --> 00:38:13,020 -Oh, Christ. -(LAUGHTER) 741 00:38:13,060 --> 00:38:14,980 -There are three-- -How evangelical! 742 00:38:15,020 --> 00:38:17,260 There are three... four of us, actually, now. 743 00:38:17,300 --> 00:38:20,180 Another mate's just got one. So, in about a five-mile radius, 744 00:38:20,220 --> 00:38:23,180 and we literally go and stare at each other's cars. 745 00:38:23,220 --> 00:38:25,620 I've never had an interest in cars at all, 746 00:38:25,660 --> 00:38:27,220 and I love my Tesla. 747 00:38:27,260 --> 00:38:30,260 (LAUGHTER) 748 00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:33,460 I can't imagine the electric car has caught on much in Montana. 749 00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:36,020 -I'm part of a Tesla coffee group, too. -Oh, Christ. 750 00:38:36,060 --> 00:38:39,460 How have we ended up with this? 751 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:43,020 Right. Now, obviously, you came here to do your laps. How did it go? 752 00:38:43,060 --> 00:38:46,020 Ah, look, I'm not a driver, and I would say 753 00:38:46,060 --> 00:38:50,340 that I'm probably about a minute slower than him. That's my prediction. 754 00:38:50,380 --> 00:38:52,220 A minute would be something quite spectacular! 755 00:38:52,260 --> 00:38:54,700 (LAUGHS) I'm like an old granny. 756 00:38:54,740 --> 00:38:56,420 Well, that's cos you're from Downton. 757 00:38:56,460 --> 00:38:59,140 The car had barely been invented - that's what it is. 758 00:38:59,180 --> 00:39:00,980 The gravel must have been second nature for you. 759 00:39:01,020 --> 00:39:03,580 Oh, when I heard that there was gravel, and I saw it, 760 00:39:03,620 --> 00:39:05,820 I'm like, "Oh, I might have a chance here." 761 00:39:05,860 --> 00:39:07,980 -That was my edge. -Damn! 762 00:39:08,020 --> 00:39:11,140 Well, now, whose lap shall we see first? Hmmm... 763 00:39:11,180 --> 00:39:12,660 We'll go with you first of all. 764 00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:14,660 Who'd like to see Hugh's lap? 765 00:39:14,700 --> 00:39:16,740 -(CHEERING) -Let's have a look. 766 00:39:18,540 --> 00:39:20,060 (ENGINE ROARING) 767 00:39:20,100 --> 00:39:22,460 There it is. Two-litre engine crackling away. 768 00:39:22,500 --> 00:39:25,140 What do you mean, you need the toilet? 769 00:39:25,180 --> 00:39:28,620 You've taken Paddington with you in the car. And is that a crash helmet he's got on? 770 00:39:28,660 --> 00:39:31,660 HUGH: Oh, yes. -Brilliant. 771 00:39:31,700 --> 00:39:34,820 You're frightened to death. Actually, that's not too bad. And onto the difficult bit. 772 00:39:34,860 --> 00:39:36,780 -Oh, here we go. -Yeah, there we are. 773 00:39:36,820 --> 00:39:38,980 Are we going to get some sideways action? 774 00:39:40,180 --> 00:39:41,620 Oh, yes, we are. 775 00:39:42,820 --> 00:39:44,660 Nearly stopped. 776 00:39:46,820 --> 00:39:49,300 Virtually in reverse. 777 00:39:49,340 --> 00:39:52,980 I think what they're doing is playing the film in slow motion. Let's be kind. 778 00:39:53,020 --> 00:39:54,780 They did say you were very slow, 779 00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:57,820 but no, that's not very slow. 780 00:39:57,860 --> 00:40:01,500 Hang on. Let's have a look through here. Tail out again. That's good. 781 00:40:01,540 --> 00:40:04,180 Coming back onto... Oh, no, you've got a bit of a tank-slapper! 782 00:40:04,220 --> 00:40:07,620 And back on the Tarmac, where it's very slippery, but you've held that nicely. 783 00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:10,980 Right. Now for the tricky bit. 784 00:40:11,020 --> 00:40:13,180 -Oh, this bit was-- -It's OK. You're making it look tricky. 785 00:40:13,220 --> 00:40:15,740 -(LAUGHS) -And there we are, onto the straight. 786 00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:19,540 ♪ Here we go round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush, the... ♪ 787 00:40:19,580 --> 00:40:23,260 Keeping Paddington happy. Were you flat through there? 788 00:40:23,300 --> 00:40:24,940 Yeah... 789 00:40:24,980 --> 00:40:27,820 That was leaning on it. You are good on the Tarmac. 790 00:40:27,860 --> 00:40:30,420 Final corner, and tail out again. 791 00:40:30,460 --> 00:40:33,340 Nicely done, Hugh, and across the line! There we are, everybody. 792 00:40:33,380 --> 00:40:35,100 -Well, done. -Pretty good. 793 00:40:35,140 --> 00:40:36,580 JEREMY: That's not bad! 794 00:40:36,620 --> 00:40:43,020 Honestly...a couple of slow bits, but not bad. 795 00:40:43,060 --> 00:40:47,140 Who'd like to see Casey's lap? Done without a bear in his car. Here we go. 796 00:40:49,660 --> 00:40:52,300 Vigorous, little two-litre engine. 797 00:40:52,340 --> 00:40:54,660 OK, this thing has got some power. 798 00:40:54,700 --> 00:40:56,820 JEREMY: Yeah, but it is only two-litre. 799 00:40:56,860 --> 00:41:00,140 I'm amazed that was big enough for you, with your big pick-ups. 800 00:41:00,180 --> 00:41:02,620 Nicely, tidily done through there. 801 00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:05,260 Very tidy indeed. Keeping it smooth. 802 00:41:05,300 --> 00:41:09,260 And onto the gravel. Now, this is where he's at home. 803 00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:12,340 Except for the beer and the shotgun. 804 00:41:12,380 --> 00:41:14,180 (CASEY LAUGHS) 805 00:41:14,220 --> 00:41:16,260 Oh, nicely held through there, flicking it back the other way. 806 00:41:16,300 --> 00:41:17,700 Sideways on that one. 807 00:41:17,740 --> 00:41:20,780 Big smile. It is funny how a fully grown man 808 00:41:20,820 --> 00:41:24,420 can be made to smile by sliding a car on gravel. 809 00:41:24,460 --> 00:41:26,940 That does look good in the afternoon sun there, 810 00:41:26,980 --> 00:41:30,740 as the F-Type comes up now, back towards the Tarmac. 811 00:41:30,780 --> 00:41:32,900 No tank-slapper going on there. This is always tricky. 812 00:41:32,940 --> 00:41:36,220 (TYRES SQUEALING) 813 00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:39,220 You are the master of understeer. 814 00:41:39,260 --> 00:41:40,980 Yep, that looks good. Bit of dust. 815 00:41:41,020 --> 00:41:43,100 Nearly stopped, but we're going again. 816 00:41:43,140 --> 00:41:46,300 It's my nemesis coming up right here. 817 00:41:46,340 --> 00:41:48,180 Yeah. Understeer again? 818 00:41:48,220 --> 00:41:51,420 No, that was really... Oh, what are you doing? 819 00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:54,420 That's a Scandi Flick, or something near a Scandi Flick. 820 00:41:54,460 --> 00:41:57,580 And more understeer, and there we are, ladies and gentlemen. 821 00:41:57,620 --> 00:42:00,300 -Across the line, as well! -(APPLAUSE) 822 00:42:00,340 --> 00:42:02,940 CASEY: A little crazy. -(LAUGHTER) 823 00:42:05,860 --> 00:42:08,820 So far, the Brits have won every single week. 824 00:42:08,860 --> 00:42:11,740 -OK. -We're hoping to keep that up. 825 00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:14,020 I've got the times here. 826 00:42:15,220 --> 00:42:17,500 Hugh Bonneville, you did it... 827 00:42:17,540 --> 00:42:19,660 And just to give you some idea... 828 00:42:19,700 --> 00:42:21,820 The fastest so far is a 1:17. 829 00:42:21,860 --> 00:42:25,060 The slowest is David Hasselhoff. 1:24. 830 00:42:26,220 --> 00:42:29,260 You did it in one 831 00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:32,060 22 832 00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:34,020 .2. 833 00:42:34,060 --> 00:42:36,260 -So, you're faster than David Hasselhoff. -Beat the Hoff! 834 00:42:36,300 --> 00:42:38,700 -Beat the Hoff. -Beat the Hoff. 835 00:42:40,660 --> 00:42:42,180 Well done. 836 00:42:42,220 --> 00:42:43,300 But... 837 00:42:45,540 --> 00:42:48,740 Did you beat our American guest, who's come very far for this? 838 00:42:48,780 --> 00:42:51,020 Casey Anderson. 839 00:42:51,060 --> 00:42:55,060 1:18.6. 840 00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:57,500 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 841 00:42:57,540 --> 00:42:59,180 Congratulations. 842 00:42:59,220 --> 00:43:01,260 So, there we are - our first American winner. 843 00:43:02,620 --> 00:43:05,780 First one. Sorry, Hugh. 844 00:43:05,820 --> 00:43:07,140 There we are, ladies and gentlemen. 845 00:43:07,180 --> 00:43:09,980 A very big thanks to Hugh Bonneville 846 00:43:10,020 --> 00:43:13,020 and the fastest man who lives with a bear, Casey Anderson! 847 00:43:13,060 --> 00:43:14,860 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 848 00:43:20,500 --> 00:43:22,420 Now, in olden times, 849 00:43:22,460 --> 00:43:25,100 the furthest you could ever travel in one day 850 00:43:25,140 --> 00:43:28,380 was as far as your horse could go before it died. 851 00:43:28,420 --> 00:43:32,460 Yeah, and then, in the late '50s, the invention of jets and helicopters meant, 852 00:43:32,500 --> 00:43:36,540 if you had the money, you could have breakfast in the South of France on a boat, 853 00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:38,300 go skiing in the Alps at lunch time, 854 00:43:38,340 --> 00:43:41,940 and get to Turin in time for dinner with a Contessa. 855 00:43:41,980 --> 00:43:44,140 Yeah. Now, this created the jet-set, 856 00:43:44,180 --> 00:43:48,140 which is all very "Where do you go to, my lovely, when you're alone in your bed?" 857 00:43:48,180 --> 00:43:51,820 But I was wondering, now that cars are so fast 858 00:43:51,860 --> 00:43:54,700 and roads, by and large, are good - we have motorways, for example - 859 00:43:54,740 --> 00:43:57,460 do you need the jets and helicopters any more? 860 00:43:57,500 --> 00:43:59,180 Yeah, you do. 861 00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:02,660 Well, to find out, I took the Grand Tour to Saint-Tropez. 862 00:44:09,060 --> 00:44:10,900 (EASY-LISTENING MUSIC) 863 00:44:26,180 --> 00:44:28,580 (BELLOWS) Giovanni! 864 00:44:31,820 --> 00:44:34,580 Ah, morning. 865 00:44:34,620 --> 00:44:38,140 I've got dinner tonight in Turin with the Contessa, 866 00:44:38,180 --> 00:44:40,180 but I fancy a bit of skiing. 867 00:44:40,220 --> 00:44:42,580 So, could you bring the car round? 868 00:44:42,620 --> 00:44:46,980 And can you make sure there are no ordinary people near it? I don't want a disease. 869 00:44:48,180 --> 00:44:49,420 Good. 870 00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:05,020 (ENGINE ROARING) 871 00:45:07,900 --> 00:45:10,980 Soon, Giovanni arrived at the boat with my car. 872 00:45:13,060 --> 00:45:15,460 And after he'd loaded the boot 873 00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:18,380 with half of what I'd need for the day, 874 00:45:18,420 --> 00:45:20,940 I climbed aboard and set off. 875 00:45:28,820 --> 00:45:31,620 Right. What all these people are looking at 876 00:45:31,660 --> 00:45:38,340 is Bugatti's answer to the Agusta 109 and Gulfstream G6. 877 00:45:38,380 --> 00:45:41,540 It's called the Chiron, and there's no other way of saying this. 878 00:45:41,580 --> 00:45:43,380 It's the fastest car in the world. 879 00:45:48,220 --> 00:45:53,180 Obviously, it isn't the fastest car in the world right now, 880 00:45:53,220 --> 00:45:57,100 because I'm sort of going round the port in Saint-Tropez, 881 00:45:57,140 --> 00:46:01,220 but this, in fact, is the Bugatti's party piece. 882 00:46:07,380 --> 00:46:09,540 But think about it. 883 00:46:09,580 --> 00:46:13,460 This is a 1,479-horsepower, 884 00:46:13,500 --> 00:46:18,460 261-mile-an-hour rocket ship. 885 00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,780 It is engineering taken to the max, and then some. 886 00:46:22,820 --> 00:46:28,020 And yet I'm doing 20 miles an hour and it feels like a Golf. 887 00:46:29,580 --> 00:46:30,860 It's like Concorde. 888 00:46:30,900 --> 00:46:33,020 Anyone in the sky in the 1960s 889 00:46:33,060 --> 00:46:36,820 who was doing twice the speed of sound was wearing a G-suit. 890 00:46:36,860 --> 00:46:39,740 But on Concorde they were doing twice the speed of sound 891 00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:41,500 while wearing a lounge suit, 892 00:46:41,540 --> 00:46:46,300 sipping from a glass of Château Margaux. 893 00:46:46,340 --> 00:46:48,580 That was the brilliance of Concorde. 894 00:46:48,620 --> 00:46:54,980 It was right at the edge of what was technically possible, but it felt normal. 895 00:46:55,020 --> 00:46:56,620 That's what the Bugatti's doing here. 896 00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:01,220 Eventually, though, I emerged 897 00:47:01,260 --> 00:47:04,100 from the summer-long Saint-Tropez traffic jam 898 00:47:04,140 --> 00:47:06,020 and joined the motorway, 899 00:47:06,060 --> 00:47:09,380 home turf for the Chiron and the monster that powers it. 900 00:47:10,740 --> 00:47:12,660 It's an eight-litre monster, 901 00:47:12,700 --> 00:47:14,340 with 16 cylinders 902 00:47:14,380 --> 00:47:20,380 and enough grunt to make kilometres feel like inches. 903 00:47:20,420 --> 00:47:23,460 (ENGINE ROARING) 904 00:47:36,100 --> 00:47:39,020 We all thought the Veyron was fairly amazing, 905 00:47:39,060 --> 00:47:42,900 but this has... out-amazinged it. 906 00:47:42,940 --> 00:47:46,260 Let me give you a few of the headline statistics. 907 00:47:48,620 --> 00:47:53,540 The Chiron accelerates from 0 to 186 miles an hour 908 00:47:53,580 --> 00:47:57,700 faster than a Toyota hatchback accelerates from 0 to 60. 909 00:47:59,580 --> 00:48:03,460 Flat out, this will drain its fuel tank... 910 00:48:03,500 --> 00:48:07,500 Ready? ...in nine minutes. 911 00:48:07,540 --> 00:48:10,220 And to put that in a language the youth can understand, 912 00:48:10,260 --> 00:48:15,460 it's like drinking seven shot glasses full of petrol every second. 913 00:48:17,660 --> 00:48:20,900 The Chiron has ten radiators. 914 00:48:20,940 --> 00:48:23,100 That's more than I've got in my apartment. 915 00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:24,860 And then there's the water pump, 916 00:48:24,900 --> 00:48:29,380 which sends 200 gallons of water a minute round the engine. 917 00:48:29,420 --> 00:48:32,100 That could brim a bath in 12 seconds. 918 00:48:33,660 --> 00:48:36,660 Firemen use less powerful pumps than that. 919 00:48:38,420 --> 00:48:39,900 It's not a cheap car to buy. 920 00:48:39,940 --> 00:48:43,900 In fact, it costs £2.5 million. 921 00:48:43,940 --> 00:48:46,100 And it's not cheap to run, either. 922 00:48:46,140 --> 00:48:50,180 The tyres, for instance, cost £13,000. 923 00:48:51,980 --> 00:48:55,100 The stats just go on and on and on, 924 00:48:55,140 --> 00:48:56,900 but all you can ever think is, 925 00:48:56,940 --> 00:48:58,780 "Bloody hell, this thing's quick!" 926 00:49:06,900 --> 00:49:08,420 (ENGINE ROARING) 927 00:49:08,460 --> 00:49:11,860 Obviously, I can't show you how fast on a motorway, 928 00:49:11,900 --> 00:49:13,780 because the French police 929 00:49:13,820 --> 00:49:16,980 have completely lost their sense of humour about speeding. 930 00:49:18,140 --> 00:49:20,220 So I had to make a call. 931 00:49:21,420 --> 00:49:24,060 (BELLOWS) Giovanni! 932 00:49:24,100 --> 00:49:25,620 Sir? 933 00:49:25,660 --> 00:49:29,780 Yeah, could you lay on a deserted air field and... 934 00:49:29,820 --> 00:49:35,180 What shall I get? ...a BMW M4 in about 20 seconds? 935 00:49:35,220 --> 00:49:37,700 -Certainly, sir. -Thanks. 936 00:49:45,100 --> 00:49:48,500 OK. I don't really have time to do this on my busy day, 937 00:49:48,540 --> 00:49:51,060 but what I'm going to do is demonstrate to you 938 00:49:51,100 --> 00:49:54,980 the difference between a really fast car 939 00:49:55,020 --> 00:49:56,820 and a Bugatti Chiron. 940 00:50:03,180 --> 00:50:05,300 (ENGINE STARTS) 941 00:50:07,820 --> 00:50:09,660 (ENGINES REVVING) 942 00:50:12,380 --> 00:50:14,860 (TYRES SQUEALING) 943 00:50:14,900 --> 00:50:19,620 (CHUCKLES) 80, 96, 105, 130, 154, 944 00:50:19,660 --> 00:50:22,500 163, 200, 207, 223... 945 00:50:22,540 --> 00:50:24,900 (SOUND DIPPED) ...hell. 946 00:50:27,100 --> 00:50:30,500 Drag-race over, I got back on the road. 947 00:50:35,980 --> 00:50:38,860 There is no doubt in my mind 948 00:50:38,900 --> 00:50:41,980 that this is faster than flying. It just is. 949 00:50:42,020 --> 00:50:46,580 I mean, if I were to be racing Hammond today in his silly helicopter, 950 00:50:46,620 --> 00:50:49,900 he'd still be sitting at the heliport in Saint-Tropez, saying, 951 00:50:49,940 --> 00:50:56,140 "Requesting ILS Vector, Golf Tango Donkey Norway Shirley." 952 00:50:56,180 --> 00:50:59,860 All completely unnecessary gibberish, just so everyone goes, 953 00:50:59,900 --> 00:51:03,020 "Oh, aren't you clever, being able to fly a helicopter?" 954 00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:06,020 Not really. 955 00:51:06,060 --> 00:51:10,100 I, on the other hand, having got no clearance at all from anyone, 956 00:51:10,140 --> 00:51:13,940 had turned off the motorway and into the foothills of the Alps. 957 00:51:23,940 --> 00:51:26,700 And you might imagine that, on roads like this, 958 00:51:26,740 --> 00:51:30,620 a mid-engine supercar would be divine. 959 00:51:30,660 --> 00:51:34,340 But this is no ordinary mid-engine supercar. 960 00:51:36,300 --> 00:51:41,740 A McLaren 720, or a Ford GT, they would be brilliant here. 961 00:51:41,780 --> 00:51:46,900 But this... I'm gonna be honest with you. It feels heavy. 962 00:51:46,940 --> 00:51:50,500 Because it is. I'm not saying it's cumbersome. 963 00:51:50,540 --> 00:51:52,340 I'm not saying getting it up this mountain road 964 00:51:52,380 --> 00:51:55,180 is like getting a cow up a step-ladder. 965 00:51:55,220 --> 00:51:59,500 But it's not delicate or deft or dainty. 966 00:52:02,100 --> 00:52:05,580 No, the Chiron, it tackles mountain roads 967 00:52:05,620 --> 00:52:08,420 in a way I've never experienced before. 968 00:52:10,540 --> 00:52:14,060 Imagine the tear of a newly born child. 969 00:52:14,100 --> 00:52:15,980 Well, this isn't like that. This is more like... 970 00:52:19,020 --> 00:52:21,020 (LAUGHS) Mount Vesuvius! 971 00:52:21,060 --> 00:52:22,620 (ENGINE ROARING) 972 00:52:22,660 --> 00:52:26,380 There are no straights in a Chiron. 973 00:52:26,420 --> 00:52:29,380 You come out of a corner and then you're in the next one. 974 00:52:30,660 --> 00:52:31,740 Pretty much immediately. 975 00:52:33,860 --> 00:52:36,180 Come out of a corner... Wham! 976 00:52:36,220 --> 00:52:41,660 Slow down... Blam! Oh, my God! Wham! 977 00:52:43,540 --> 00:52:46,700 Most supercars would flow up a hill like this, 978 00:52:46,740 --> 00:52:49,380 but this is more staccato. 979 00:52:51,660 --> 00:52:55,660 Weirdly, then, the best way to enjoy this car on a mountain road 980 00:52:55,700 --> 00:53:00,380 is to drive it much more slowly than it can actually go. 981 00:53:12,460 --> 00:53:14,580 Is this a bad thing? 982 00:53:14,620 --> 00:53:17,180 Well, not when you remember who it's been made for. 983 00:53:22,300 --> 00:53:24,900 If you tell the Bugatti customer 984 00:53:24,940 --> 00:53:28,940 that this can generate 2G in the corners, he won't care less. 985 00:53:28,980 --> 00:53:33,300 Tell him it's got 3K diamonds in the speakers, and he'll say, "Really?" 986 00:53:33,340 --> 00:53:35,260 Only, in a Russian accent. 987 00:53:38,620 --> 00:53:41,140 I think they've judged this to perfection. 988 00:53:45,900 --> 00:53:48,460 Soon I arrived at Les Deux Alpes, 989 00:53:48,500 --> 00:53:52,420 where I removed my ski boot from the boot, 990 00:53:52,460 --> 00:53:54,300 bought another from the shop... 991 00:53:54,340 --> 00:53:57,020 Merci. Oui, à plus tard. 992 00:53:57,060 --> 00:53:59,420 ...and went off to find a glacier. 993 00:54:27,140 --> 00:54:28,140 Let's do this. 994 00:54:34,860 --> 00:54:39,220 It is remarkable that, in this day and age, 995 00:54:39,260 --> 00:54:41,220 I've been able to do this. 996 00:54:41,260 --> 00:54:45,060 Just a few hours ago, I was in the South of France, 997 00:54:45,100 --> 00:54:48,460 surrounded by people in their carefully designed, 998 00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:50,780 topless swimsuits. 999 00:54:50,820 --> 00:54:54,100 And now I'm on an Alp, doing skiing, 1000 00:54:54,140 --> 00:54:56,380 with the others of the jet-set. 1001 00:54:59,300 --> 00:55:01,380 It took rather longer to get down the glacier 1002 00:55:01,420 --> 00:55:02,900 than I'd expected. 1003 00:55:02,940 --> 00:55:05,460 So, when I got back to the town, 1004 00:55:05,500 --> 00:55:09,060 I had to get my skis off and my skates on. 1005 00:55:12,460 --> 00:55:15,620 Not that you could actually hear that I had my skates on. 1006 00:55:18,500 --> 00:55:21,300 The only really odd noise you get in a Chiron 1007 00:55:21,340 --> 00:55:24,020 is the whoosh of the turbo-charging system. 1008 00:55:24,060 --> 00:55:26,900 -Ready? (SIGHS) -(RHYTHMICAL WHIRRING) 1009 00:55:31,220 --> 00:55:33,060 It's actually relaxing. 1010 00:55:34,380 --> 00:55:36,340 It sounds like small wavelets 1011 00:55:36,380 --> 00:55:39,020 breaking on a tropical beach. Here we go. 1012 00:55:39,060 --> 00:55:42,060 (WHIRRING) 1013 00:55:42,100 --> 00:55:45,700 What this car is is just a really nice, 1014 00:55:45,740 --> 00:55:47,700 comfortable place to sit, 1015 00:55:47,740 --> 00:55:54,060 while it gets on with the business of smashing continents. 1016 00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:57,020 And that's exactly what it'd have to do, 1017 00:55:57,060 --> 00:55:59,300 if I were to be on time for my dinner date 1018 00:55:59,340 --> 00:56:01,580 with the Contessa in Turin. 1019 00:56:03,140 --> 00:56:05,220 Happily, I soon left France, 1020 00:56:05,260 --> 00:56:08,500 where they rip your fingernails out if you break the speed limit, 1021 00:56:08,540 --> 00:56:12,620 and entered Italy, where, so far as I can tell, 1022 00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:16,860 speeding isn't really seen as a crime at all. 1023 00:56:16,900 --> 00:56:18,900 I was once pulled over by the police in Italy, 1024 00:56:18,940 --> 00:56:21,100 when I was driving a Lamborghini, 1025 00:56:21,140 --> 00:56:23,980 and they told me I wasn't driving quickly enough. 1026 00:56:24,020 --> 00:56:26,060 (ITALIAN ACCENT) "It's a Lamborghini. When you leave here, 1027 00:56:26,100 --> 00:56:28,220 you drive like the wind." 1028 00:56:28,260 --> 00:56:32,180 This is my instruction from the police. (CHUCKLES) 1029 00:56:32,220 --> 00:56:33,940 (ENGINE ROARING) 1030 00:56:35,620 --> 00:56:38,740 Right. It's 47 miles to Turin. 1031 00:56:38,780 --> 00:56:42,100 I've got 45 minutes to get there, and I'm never late. 1032 00:56:42,140 --> 00:56:44,300 I'm pathologically punctual. 1033 00:56:46,900 --> 00:56:50,460 By taking the police advice and driving like the wind, 1034 00:56:50,500 --> 00:56:54,460 I made it to the outskirts of Turin with 11 minutes to go. 1035 00:56:56,660 --> 00:56:59,740 And I had to spend one of those minutes getting changed 1036 00:56:59,780 --> 00:57:02,820 in the bogs at a motorway service station. 1037 00:57:05,740 --> 00:57:07,260 (SQUELCHING) 1038 00:57:12,500 --> 00:57:14,340 Right. 1039 00:57:14,380 --> 00:57:19,340 I have got nine minutes to make this rendezvous. 1040 00:57:19,380 --> 00:57:21,180 (ENGINE STARTS) 1041 00:57:21,220 --> 00:57:23,060 (CLEARS THROAT) This should be interesting. 1042 00:57:30,260 --> 00:57:33,420 There was a film called Rendezvous, made in the 1960s, 1043 00:57:33,460 --> 00:57:37,060 when someone tried to cross Paris in nine minutes. 1044 00:57:37,100 --> 00:57:38,940 (ENGINE ROARING) 1045 00:57:38,980 --> 00:57:43,220 Well, now it was time to put that 16-cylinder engine in Race mode 1046 00:57:44,780 --> 00:57:46,820 and make an hommage to that. 1047 00:57:49,060 --> 00:57:51,580 (ENGINE ROARING) 1048 00:57:56,420 --> 00:57:58,260 (TYRES SQUEALING) 1049 00:58:01,500 --> 00:58:03,340 (HORNS HONKING) 1050 00:58:11,100 --> 00:58:12,940 (ENGINE ROARING) 1051 00:58:31,380 --> 00:58:33,820 (TYRES SQUEALING) 1052 00:58:47,260 --> 00:58:48,500 (TRAM BELL JINGLES) 1053 00:58:56,700 --> 00:58:58,540 -20 seconds. -(ENGINE ROARING) 1054 00:59:14,540 --> 00:59:15,980 Made it. 1055 00:59:17,460 --> 00:59:20,460 (CAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) 1056 00:59:20,500 --> 00:59:22,140 (BELL TOLLING) 1057 00:59:39,940 --> 00:59:42,260 (CHEERING) 1058 00:59:42,300 --> 00:59:44,220 -Amazing. -Rumble. 1059 00:59:44,260 --> 00:59:46,220 You can feel it more than you can hear it. 1060 00:59:46,260 --> 00:59:48,340 Yeah, in the chest. But hang on. 1061 00:59:48,380 --> 00:59:50,100 Are you seriously saying 1062 00:59:50,140 --> 00:59:53,300 that, point to point, a car is faster than a helicopter? 1063 00:59:53,340 --> 00:59:56,140 Well, it's faster than your helicopter. You start yours with a cord. 1064 00:59:56,180 --> 00:59:59,540 Duh-duh-duh-duh! You do. 1065 00:59:59,580 --> 01:00:01,780 But a car is not faster than a helicopter. 1066 01:00:02,980 --> 01:00:04,820 OK, then, a race. OK? 1067 01:00:04,860 --> 01:00:09,060 You in your Moulinex Magimix versus me in that Chiron. 1068 01:00:09,100 --> 01:00:10,580 No, I can't. I'm not allowed to fly it at the moment. 1069 01:00:10,620 --> 01:00:12,940 -Why not? -I broke my leg. 1070 01:00:12,980 --> 01:00:15,300 Oh, here we go again! God! 1071 01:00:15,340 --> 01:00:18,540 So, there we are. Because of his astonishing selfishness, 1072 01:00:18,580 --> 01:00:22,780 there will be no race between his kitchen appliance and the Chiron. 1073 01:00:22,820 --> 01:00:25,420 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1074 01:00:25,460 --> 01:00:27,820 Thank you very much for watching. Goodbye. 1075 01:00:27,860 --> 01:00:29,700 (CHEERING)