1 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,520 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 2 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,720 (ENGINE DRONING) 3 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,960 (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) 4 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,760 (CHEERING) 5 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,640 Thank you! 6 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,440 Hello! Hello! 7 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,560 -Thank you. -Hello! 8 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,240 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 9 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,000 Thanks, everybody, and welcome! 10 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,400 And in today's show... 11 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,320 Richard chooses his favourite waterfall. 12 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,200 I like that big one. 13 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:30,160 ...James waters a stranger's barbecue... 14 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,000 ...and I put some dust on a girl. 15 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,080 (APPLAUSE) 16 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,880 All that is to come, but we start with McLaren. 17 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,080 They have replaced the 650 with a new car 18 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:47,360 which is fast around the corners and faster in a straight line. 19 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,880 Plainly, then, the only one of us three qualified to drive such a thing 20 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,680 is Richard "Whoops, I've Done It Again" Hammond. 21 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,560 (LAUGHTER) 22 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,680 RICHARD: While the outgoing car may have been great to drive, 23 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:10,400 it was never what you'd call beautiful, or even very exciting to look at, 24 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,120 but its replacement, well that's a different matter. 25 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,240 It's called the 720S, and from any angle 26 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,840 and in every detail, it's simply sensational. 27 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,360 Right down to the engine bay that glows red when you unlock the doors. 28 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,800 (ENGINE ROARING) 29 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,800 Yup, on the head-turn-o-meter 30 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,480 this thing definitely matches the Ferrari 488 31 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,440 and the Lamborghini Huracán. 32 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,000 And then when we move onto the business of speed and power, 33 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,960 it actually beats them. 34 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,600 (ENGINE ROARING) 35 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,920 Nought to 60 takes just 2.8 seconds. 36 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,280 Top speed is 212 miles an hour. 37 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:12,280 Both those numbers walloping the efforts of the Italians. 38 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,040 Everything is bigger in this car. 39 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,800 Even the price, £208,000. 40 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:23,000 Oh, wait, that's not a good point, is it? No, that's a... Never mind. Whatever. 41 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,520 The horsepower is... Well, it's ridiculous is what it is. 42 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:33,200 This four-litre V8 with its twin-turbos produces 710 of them. 43 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,840 To put that into context, the actual mechanical engine in a McLaren P1 44 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,280 without all the hybrid battery boost 45 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,560 produces just 17 horsepower more. 46 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,880 The net result of that is... 47 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,960 (ENGINE REVVING) 48 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,960 ...staggering! 49 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,440 Ooh, that is fast. 50 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:03,880 However, although they've gone nuts with the styling and the engine, 51 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,160 the 720 is still very much a McLaren. 52 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,600 By that, I mean it's been made 53 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,800 by the ultimate tech nerds from the Kingdom of Geeks. 54 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,280 Let me put it this way. 55 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,320 This is, like I say, the replacement 56 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,360 for the McLaren 650S. 57 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,080 If you ask a McLaren technician, so how much of this car is new then, 58 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,360 they will tell you 91%. 59 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,400 Not, "nearly all of it, mate," 60 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,440 or "about 90%". 61 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,120 91%. 62 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,960 James May applied for a job at McLaren 63 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,080 but they turned him down for being too slapdash. 64 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,480 And this incredible geekery has paid dividends. 65 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,800 For example, one of the reasons the 720 looks so pretty 66 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:52,400 is because it's the only mid-engine super car 67 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,680 without massive gaping intakes behind the doors. 68 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,960 Instead, McLaren created subtle channels 69 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:05,600 along the bodywork to feed air into the engine bay. 70 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:11,160 More nerd stuff. The old car, the 650, had a carbon fibre tub that came up to here. 71 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:16,640 On the 720, all of this, all of that down the centre, everything, is carbon fibre. 72 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,840 That means these carbon windscreen pillars can be very thin, 73 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,960 which makes it easier to see out, and it's light. 74 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,320 Overall, they've lost about 18 kilograms up here. 75 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,640 That means the centre of gravity is lower, which is good. 76 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,320 Then there's the computer-controlled suspension, 77 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:39,240 which is even more advanced than the system on the P1. 78 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:43,560 It makes the ride on this 700-horsepower hardcore supercar 79 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,680 as comfortable as a nice sit down. 80 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,960 The question is, what does all that comfortableness mean for the handling? 81 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,280 Here we go. Track mode... active. 82 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:04,120 Haw! I like that. I do like that. 83 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,680 Right! Um, well, carry on! 84 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,640 (ENGINE ROARS) 85 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,920 (TYRES SCREECHING) 86 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,960 Oh, my God! 87 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,280 This is breath-taking! 88 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,520 The new chassis control system on this, 89 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:29,200 based on the work of proper pointy-heads in Cambridge, 90 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,680 it's all about maintaining the biggest possible contact patch 91 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,640 between the tyres and the tarmac. 92 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,520 God! It's the grip! It's staggering! 93 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,760 It feels like a four-wheel drive. 94 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,760 But if you do want things to get a little more lairy, 95 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,320 simply dive into the computers and activate 96 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:58,520 Variable Drift Control. It lets you select the angle of dangle through your drift 97 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,680 by varying the amount of traction control. 98 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,920 I think we'll go for all of it, lots of drift available. 99 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,920 (TYRES SCREECHING) 100 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,840 Yeah, maybe less than that, I think. 101 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,960 I think I'm gonna have 38%. 102 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,200 38.5. This is a McLaren. Accuracy. 103 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,160 And that seemed to do the trick. 104 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,160 Yes! 105 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,400 Yes! Working! That's it! 106 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,560 I know my setting on a McLaren's Variable Drift Control. 107 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,120 Unleash the beast! 108 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,880 And when you've finished your slide fest... 109 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,160 ...you can switch back to comfort mode, 110 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:01,840 and settle down for a relaxing cruise. 111 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,280 That's the thing that stands out about this car, 112 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,760 it's everything in one. You want speed, you get speed. 113 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,480 You want comfort, you get comfort. 114 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,960 You wanna lose tyre rubber, help yourself. 115 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,840 You want boot space, there's plenty. 116 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,320 But the thing I keep coming back to is those looks. 117 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,880 Because at last, McLaren's technical perfection 118 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,520 has been clothed in a way that does justice 119 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,400 to the fizzing brilliance underneath. 120 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:33,520 God, I'm falling in love a bit here. 121 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,200 Actually, no, I'll go further, I'm in love. This is utterly brilliant. 122 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,000 (CHEERING) 123 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,040 No, you're wrong. Well, no, I drove that car, 124 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:57,840 not that one, but I drove a 720 a couple of weeks ago and I didn't love it. 125 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,400 Are you just being obtuse because I did? 126 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,560 No, no, honestly. I didn't like the brake pedal. 127 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,720 -Oh, was it the wrong shape? -The wrong colour? 128 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,360 -No. -Was it in the glove box? Was it the handbrake? 129 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,480 -No. -Was it round and in front of you? 130 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,480 No! Listen! The problem was - imagine a volume knob on a stereo 131 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,240 where the volume doesn't start till you get to six. 132 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,240 So you push and then it all happens. 133 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,240 You wouldn't have noticed it on the track, 134 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,560 but on the road it was almost impossible to drive smoothly. 135 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,440 It drove me mad. Nearly as mad as the seat controls. 136 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,320 What was wrong with those, then? 137 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,160 They were really complicated. 138 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,840 I should explain, by the way, that this is a man 139 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,080 who a couple of days ago summoned a woman from the other side of London 140 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,920 to help him send a tweet. 141 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,960 -Yeah, he did! -No. 142 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,320 -It was a complicated tweet. -No, it wasn't complicated. 143 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,160 -Did you try the seat control? -Can I say, actually, yes. 144 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,800 And I agree with you, there's no sense to it. 145 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,080 There's no sense to all this. You can't recline. 146 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,080 You can't make them do what you want. 147 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,960 Anyway, let's forget the seat controls and let's forget the brake pedal 148 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:59,840 and let's find out how fast the 720 goes round the Eboladrome. 149 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,240 -With someone who can adjust the seat. -Yes. 150 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,600 Right, let's do this. 151 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:10,880 JEREMY: And she's off. Short-shifting away from the line to manage the traction 152 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,960 and immediately onto the Isn't. 153 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,320 Total focus there. 154 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:20,040 A deliberately wide line round the first corner, 155 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:24,680 working the tyres hard on this cold, tricky track. 156 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,840 Flying down to Your Name Here. 157 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,560 -(ENGINE ROARS) -God, that thing sounds good. 158 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:33,240 -(TYRES SQUEAL) -Ooh, getting a bit of tyre squeal there. 159 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,400 And then hammer down up the hill and back onto the Isn't. 160 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,000 This is so quick. 161 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,360 A dab of brakes. Down the box to keep the fire lit. 162 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,720 Now up to the slow and technical Old Lady's House. 163 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,400 Avoiding any understeer there. 164 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:54,640 Interesting, she's got the car in track mode but the dash is in full screen. 165 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:58,840 Clearly that's what proper drivers prefer. 166 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,560 Even with the air brake up, clearly needs some managing under braking. 167 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,320 Just the last corner to go now. 168 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,640 Slices through there and across the line! 169 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:11,560 (CHEERING) 170 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,240 It looked good. It looks fast. 171 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,680 Right, let's see where it goes on the leader board. 172 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,000 Here we go, up it goes. Quicker than the GTR. 173 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,240 Ooh! Now, that's quite interesting, isn't it, 174 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,120 because what we've deduced from that is the car you loved 175 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,240 is no faster than the car it has replaced. 176 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,440 Yeah, yeah. That is a bit weird. The only thing I can think of 177 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,600 is the 650 was on Super Trofeo tyres which are super sticky, wasn't it? 178 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:42,360 And that 720 was on normal road tyres. It makes a difference. 179 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,200 -That is actually quite a good explanation. -Thank you. 180 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:46,640 Well it's either that or it's no better. 181 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,040 Anyway, shut up, because now it's time for us 182 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:55,360 to plant a sapling of chat on Conversation Street. 183 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,160 (LIVELY JAZZ) 184 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,240 And it is an unusual Conversation Street this week. 185 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:10,600 Because it's the end of the year we're doing our awards, OK, 186 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,400 or as we call them, the Nigels. 187 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,640 We start actually with, well, we're calling it 188 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:22,120 the Nissan Juke Award for the Worst Car of the Year. 189 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:26,040 Nominations are, the Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV. 190 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,080 Why is that on the list? 191 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,520 Well, many, many reasons, actually, chief among which 192 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,240 is the way it beeps as you're driving along for no reason. 193 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,920 You just go along and it goes "beep". 194 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,640 -Ah. -Nothing's happened, it's just beeping. 195 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:41,040 -Maybe it's just bored. -I'd be bored if I was a PHEV, but anyway. 196 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,560 Other nominations include the Mini Countryman 197 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,360 and the Renault Kadjar. 198 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,240 (MURMURING) 199 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,800 And the winner is... 200 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,560 It's the Nissan Juke! 201 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,360 There you go! 202 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,920 -A deserved award. -Oh, yeah, it is. 203 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:06,920 The judges were particularly impressed with its consistent awfulness. 204 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,440 It was awful when it was first launched seven years ago 205 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,640 and it continues to be awful to this day. Well done, the Nissan Juke. 206 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,640 Do you know what that car is? It's a wacky vicar. 207 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,080 It's more like the sort of vicar that will go, 208 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:23,600 "I've just been on My Face, and do you know who else was there? Jesus!" 209 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,520 -Yeah. -That's what it is. 210 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,440 Next it is the Hard Ass To Follow Nigel. 211 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:33,600 This is given to the car with the worst-looking rear end. 212 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,520 The nominations are the Honda Civic Type R. 213 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,560 -Oh, I like that. -No, you're wrong. 214 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,720 That is well wrong. It's just a car they wouldn't stop designing. 215 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,400 Look how many spoilers they put there. 216 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,760 "We'll have one here and one here and one there and there, 217 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,760 and we'll have the one exhaust, two exhausts, three..." 218 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:52,000 It's a bit like your jacket. They just didn't know when to stop adding bits, 219 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,800 unnecessary, pointless, stupid things to it. 220 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,640 I might be in with a shout. 221 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,960 The next nomination is the Toyota C-HR. 222 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:06,200 A car styled by nine people who'd fallen out at a wedding. 223 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:10,640 But the winner of the Hard Ass To Follow Nigel is... 224 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,840 Ooh! It's the Land Rover Discovery! 225 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,880 Look at that! 226 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,920 (APPLAUSE) 227 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,920 I think the problem is the designer Gerry McGovern... 228 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,720 Can we get a picture of him here? 229 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,720 And this is his dog. 230 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,920 -This is where he lives. -It all makes sense. 231 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,960 So it's only natural his car should look like that. 232 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,800 It's just all hunched up. Now we have a special award. 233 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:40,960 It goes to a car that you like but you know you shouldn't 234 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,280 cos it would be a bit embarrassing. 235 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:47,120 We're calling it the "You Would But You Know You Shouldn't" Award. 236 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,960 Sarah Palin. 237 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,840 Oh, yeah! 238 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,960 It is the new - next year's one, actually - Corvette ZR1. 239 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,760 RICHARD: That is... 240 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,480 That fits the bill perfectly. 241 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,600 That is exactly right, because you would buy one cos, "Wow!" 242 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:13,000 And then the next morning you'd wake up and think, "What have I done?" 243 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,880 We're moving on now to the Lack of Continuity Award. 244 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,920 Nobody's gonna beat me on that. 245 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,160 You were nominated for your mid-season haircut, that's true, 246 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,560 but you were beaten by Richard Hammond! 247 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,720 Hold on. Why was he beaten by me? 248 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,760 Well... (CLEARS THROAT) 249 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,520 I would invite you all now to pay careful attention to... 250 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:34,840 well, actually a clip from the McLaren film that you saw earlier. 251 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,400 This was an early edit, OK. See if you can spot something wrong here. 252 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:42,000 On the head-turn-o-meter this thing definitely matches 253 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,240 the Ferrari 488 and the Lamborghini Huracán. 254 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:50,960 And then when we move onto the subject of power and speed it actually beats them. 255 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,040 -A deserving winner. -You switched to a completely different car. 256 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,200 Yeah. 257 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,840 Which brings us on to the next award... 258 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,160 -Oh, no. -Yes, you'll like this. 259 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:09,520 It's for Accidentally Filling Up the Petrol Tank of a Supercar With Water Award. 260 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,560 Oh, God. 261 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:17,720 How in the name of all that's holy did you do that? 262 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,080 -Well, it's interesting... -Is it? 263 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,280 It was running low on fuel at the track, 264 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,400 and rather than take it off to a petrol station which is miles away, 265 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,560 I filled it from one of the jerry cans. 266 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,400 -Which was full of water? -Yes. 267 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,280 -And you didn't notice? -No. 268 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,600 -When did you notice? -When the tea started tasting funny, I suppose? 269 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:39,920 It's, it's... 270 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,760 It was when the engine sort of let go. 271 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:46,040 How many supercars have you destroyed this year, Hammond? 272 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,640 Two. 273 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,200 Two? How many have you driven? 274 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,240 Two. 275 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:58,520 Well, anyway, I'd like to present you with your Nigel for Appalling Continuity. 276 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,560 -There you are. -Thank you. 277 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,560 -Richard Hammond. -Thank you very much. 278 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:10,720 That concludes the awards and that concludes Conversation Street for this week. 279 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:15,360 Moving on. After every single film we ever show on The Grand Tour 280 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,120 we always get a load of messages from people on social media... 281 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,960 I say "people", I mean teenagers, 282 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,240 saying that they didn't like the film 283 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,800 cos it was too scripted, too faked and too set-up. 284 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,680 Yeah. I've got one of them here. 285 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,000 It's from Monaro Boy 4541 286 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:34,520 who says, "I hated that thing you did in Morocco 287 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,880 because it was too scripted. Why can't you do stuff like you did in Portugal? 288 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,320 Which I also hated because it was too set-up." 289 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,920 Yes, so we decided to make a completely unplanned film. 290 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,040 No scouts going ahead to find locations, 291 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,480 no pre-scripted exchanges between us, 292 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,880 no set-up explosions. 293 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:58,480 No. All we agreed on was that we should do whatever it was we were going to do... 294 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,280 in Croatia. 295 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,440 We chose to meet in the town of Zadar, 296 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,880 next to its famous sea organ. 297 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,920 (SEA ORGAN PLAYING) 298 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,160 Not realising that this wave-powered machine 299 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,520 makes a terribly annoying noise. 300 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,120 But I ploughed on regardless. 301 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,160 This is an Audi TT RS. 302 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,640 Four-wheel drive, five-cylinder, turbo-charged, 303 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,280 two-and-a-half-litre engine, 304 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,720 nought to 60, three and a half seconds. 305 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,800 Really you can think of it as a Nissan GTR 306 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,400 in a Bauhaus baby-gro suit... 307 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,680 No, that doesn't work, hang on. 308 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,760 Sorry, I normally think... 309 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,640 I normally think of this before I get here. Hang on. It's a... 310 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,400 It's a GTR... 311 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,320 with a well-groomed scrotum? No, that's... 312 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:56,040 (SEA ORGAN PLAYING) 313 00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:00,240 Before I'd had chance to come up with the right words... 314 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:04,200 ...Richard Hammond arrived in an Ariel Nomad. 315 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,040 This is an Ariel Nomad. 316 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,840 I know, I've already said that in voice-over. 317 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,680 Why didn't you bring a Porsche? 318 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,400 You could have brought that Porsche... 319 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,440 What is it? The new one? 320 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,160 No, the one that was the Cockster that is now the 97 one? 321 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,640 -Uh, the 718? -Yes, that. Why didn't you bring that? 322 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,680 Because I brought this. 323 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,360 Nobody's gonna say, "Shall I buy an Audi or some scaffolding?" 324 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,080 I grant you, it's... No, because they're both... 325 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,120 -What? -Cars? 326 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,160 Are they the same price? No. Do they have the same performance? No. 327 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,200 Are they for the same thing? No. 328 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:39,480 As we argued about our mismatched cars, James arrived... 329 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:43,080 ...in an even more mismatched Lada Riva. 330 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,800 Well, that's not gonna work, is it? I mean... 331 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,960 This is...a Lada Riva. 332 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,000 We know. We've already said. 333 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,000 -I'm talking to the viewers. -Yeah, but they already know, don't they? 334 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,640 -I said it in voice-over. -You haven't said voice-over yet. 335 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,320 Yeah, he's done voice-over. He said mine in voice-over as well. 336 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:04,600 This is whatever Jeremy said it was. And I paid just £800, 337 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:08,200 which leaves me £1,200 for the all-important modifications. 338 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,240 -And that is plenty. -Hey? 339 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,440 What modifications? 340 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,800 The modifications to turn them into fire engines. 341 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,200 We're gonna turn them into fire engines. 342 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,440 Who said anything about turning... 343 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,240 Turn your car into a fire engine using the money you haven't spent 344 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,720 out of the budget on the car. I've spent £800. 345 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,760 Well, I just borrowed that from Audi. 346 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,640 I made a phone call. "Can I borrow a Nomad?" 347 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,120 If you don't turn it into a fire engine, you won't win the competition. 348 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,080 -I'm not in the competition. -You are in the competition! 349 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,720 James, we have tried time and again to think of a way 350 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,320 to turn something into an amusing fire engine. It can't be done. 351 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,360 The fire engine already exists. It's brilliant. 352 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,880 It's already more compact than you'd expect, 353 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,440 faster than you'd expect, you can fit the firemen in it, and the water. 354 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,920 -And they work very well. -Exactly. That's the challenge. 355 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,160 You're only saying you're not gonna turn that into a fire engine 356 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,720 -because it's an air hostess car. -It is not. 357 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:52,760 Have you checked the boot to make sure the luggage 358 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,280 hasn't moved during the journey? 359 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,680 JEREMY: Then our unscripted film got even more unscripted. 360 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,400 MAN: Can I have a selfie? 361 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,440 -Um, well... -OK. 362 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,920 That's really up to you if it's a selfie! I mean... 363 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:08,080 If I do it, I'll get us all in. I'm better at this. 364 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,120 -I can get everybody in. -Could it maybe wait? 365 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,080 -There you go. -Brill. 366 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:17,200 Come on, let's do whatever we're doing. Doors to manual. 367 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,000 -Cross check. -OK. 368 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,920 No air hostess jokes. 369 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,880 -Is that seat back upright? -Where are we going? 370 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:27,680 Well, let's just go. This is the point at which we set off. 371 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,640 We always do that. Chat, chat... 372 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,840 There'll be a line of voice-over. I'll put some voice-over in that says... 373 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,560 Hang on. It'll say, 374 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,560 "Since we weren't able to decide what we were doing, 375 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,680 -we all went in different directions." -OK. 376 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,400 Since we weren't able to decide what we were doing, 377 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,200 we all went in different directions. 378 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,960 If he'd thought about it in advance, 379 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:57,760 Richard would have found a quarry in which he could test his action-lifestyle Nomad. 380 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,400 But he hadn't. So... 381 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,160 (HORNS BLARING) 382 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,880 Yeah, we've... 383 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,040 I don't feel I'm exploring the outer reaches of this car's potential 384 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,080 in this traffic. 385 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,520 JEREMY: Because I had satnav, I fared better. 386 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,960 And found the perfect road 387 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,400 to open the taps in this brilliant little TT. 388 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,200 (REVVING) 389 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,000 Oh! 390 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:42,440 The engine in this car is an absolute masterpiece. 391 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,960 You've got as near as makes no difference 392 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,840 400 horsepower. 393 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:03,160 And then there's that sort of deep bass drum of torque all the time. 394 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,960 And listen to the noise it makes. It sounds like... 395 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,840 (ENGINE ROARING) 396 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,280 It sounds like... 397 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:19,320 um...what does it sound... It sounds like... 398 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:23,720 It's like... It sounds like a bear that's trodden on a plug? 399 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,280 No, a bear would go "ow", wouldn't it? 400 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,640 Soon I'd got it worked out. 401 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,200 Oh! Listen to that. 402 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,320 It sounds like a happy hippopotamus. 403 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:42,120 (GRUNTS) 404 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,800 Now you would imagine that putting 405 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,600 this much power and this much torque in an Audi... 406 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,320 RICHARD: Hey, Jeremy, do you have to put your phone in flight mode 407 00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:56,360 when you drive one of those? 408 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,760 Bob the Builder appears to be here in his scaffolding. Anyway, as I was... 409 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:04,480 Would you mind checking round your feet to make sure there's nothing on the floor? 410 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,840 As I was saying, you would imagine... 411 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,760 Have you folded your tray table away ready for when you stop? 412 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:15,160 You would imagine that putting this much power and this much torque in a TT 413 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,720 would make it wayward and out of control, but no... 414 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,280 Have you pointed out the lavatories? 415 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:26,320 There's nothing for it, I'm gonna have to lose him, get out of radio range. 416 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:31,400 Right, Hammond, goodbye, I'm losing you now. 417 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,360 He probably thinks this is just a dune buggy with a number plate 418 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,280 that's no good on the road. 419 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,400 I shall now prove that he's wrong. 420 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,720 Charge! 421 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,080 Well, it looks like we've got ourselves an unscripted race here. 422 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,080 Ha-ha-ha. Oh. Oh. 423 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,880 Hang on a minute, wait. 424 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,760 Oh... 425 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,000 What? 426 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,800 Where's the road gone? 427 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:10,080 (WIND WHISTLING) 428 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,400 If we'd sent scouts out last week to check it out like we usually do, 429 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,640 we'd have known about this and we wouldn't have done it. 430 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,480 -But we didn't. -No. 431 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,520 -So we didn't. -No. 432 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:23,440 But the fact is, I really want to show you how fast this is. 433 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,320 I-I'd like to see it in my mirror, 434 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:28,000 but there's just one other thing before we do that. 435 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,680 -What? -I'd really like a jumper. 436 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,040 So, the situation is, we're gonna have a race 437 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,120 after we've bought him a jumper. 438 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,000 -Yeah. Ideally... -And while we're doing that, 439 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,640 I should imagine in the edit they'll cut back to James in his stupid Lada. 440 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,000 Yeah. 441 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,840 JAMES: While those two were bumbling about, I'd found a workshop... 442 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,440 Good. 443 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,760 ...and some health and safety-obsessed locals... 444 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:06,160 ...so I could convert my Lada into a fire engine. Oh, yes! 445 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,560 JEREMY: Meanwhile, back in the 21st century, 446 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,120 Hammond had bought his jumper 447 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,720 and we were looking for somewhere to have our drag race. 448 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,760 It's a dual carriageway. 449 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,840 No, it's got buses on it. 450 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,360 We can't race where there's buses. 451 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,840 And there was another problem as well. 452 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,200 It was obviously a slow news week in Croatia, 453 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:33,000 so we were being followed everywhere by the paparazzi, and TV crews. 454 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:39,040 JEREMY: We can't do it here. Everybody is filming us. 455 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:43,600 RICHARD: This is impossible. How are you supposed to have a bloody race? 456 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,400 Hammond, just pull over here. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 457 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,520 Three, two, one, go. 458 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,400 (ENGINES ROARING) 459 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:57,160 Stop, stop. Abort, abort. He's paparazzi. 460 00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,640 We can't do it here. It will be in the Daily Mail. 461 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:05,160 Luckily though, Hammond then had a sudden burst of intelligence. 462 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,200 RICHARD: Look, there's an airport sign. 463 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,520 Oh, yes. Well spotted, Mr Hammond. 464 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,000 Well, that's where we always have drag races, isn't it? 465 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,320 Business as usual. 466 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:17,080 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 467 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,520 However... 468 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,880 RICHARD: There's a man with a... This is like a news crew here. 469 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,000 -You're joking? -Hello. 470 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,160 -We're just having a drive. -Don't tell them we're doing a drag race. 471 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,560 You just said that on the radio! 472 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,240 -Hello. -Hello. Are you having a nice time? 473 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,160 Very nice, thank you. Look. So you can't be cross with me. 474 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,800 -You love Croatia? -Absolutely, yes. 475 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,840 So, we're...we're just having a drive around. 476 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,880 Thanks. 477 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,680 Yeah. 478 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,480 Right, runway's there. Jeremy's gone in to ask permission. 479 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,760 Drag race, humiliation, end of, move on. 480 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000 RICHARD: Ah, nobody in? 481 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,920 JEREMY: No. He says it's a commercial airport, 482 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,880 they're not gonna suspend flight operations for us to do a drag race. 483 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,800 -I mean he has got a point. -Yeah, I suppose so, but... 484 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,440 Well... 485 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,960 He also said if we had rung a couple of weeks ago, 486 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,960 he might have been able to sort something out. 487 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,000 -There's a reason why we do that. -Exactly! 488 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,920 Here's how I'd sum up unscripted television. 489 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:23,320 You could sit and film a waste disposal unit all day long and every day long 490 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:27,000 and transmit the pictures, hoping that one day a cat will fall into it, 491 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,240 or you could actually push a cat into it and get it over with. 492 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:40,880 Whilst James continued with his stupid fire engine conversion, 493 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,480 Richard and I drove about until eventually... 494 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,400 ...we found an abandoned runway. 495 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,120 -Right, ready! -Do the tension thing before the race. 496 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:52,840 Oh, OK. 497 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,640 Rev the engine. 498 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,000 (REVVING) 499 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,640 RICHARD: Yeah, he's got 400 brake horsepower but his car is heavy. 500 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,480 This only has 290 brake horsepower 501 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,520 but it only weighs 670 kilos. 502 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:10,800 So in actual fact this has 400 brake horsepower per ton. 503 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:12,600 That doesn't. 504 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,520 Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, Hammond? 505 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,600 How are we going to start it? 506 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,880 Normally we have a production member with a chequered flag. We haven't got that. 507 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,760 We'll start it on the radio. That's what we'll do, we'll start it on the radio. 508 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:32,520 I'll do it, OK? No, wait a minute, hang on. 509 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,320 No, I can't do it, I've got launch control, I need both hands. 510 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,960 I can't do it, I have to put the radio away 511 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,240 before I set off. I've got nowhere to put it. 512 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,480 Shall we...why don't we just get a local person? 513 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,200 Yeah, that's not difficult, for somebody just to wave a flag. Yes. 514 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,000 Right, we'll cut back to James 515 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,720 and then when we get back we'll have a local person. 516 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,640 JAMES: With Hammond and Clarkson's camera crew 517 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,720 looking for a local person to start their pointless race, 518 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,480 I was finally in business. 519 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:04,120 (WARNING BEEPS) 520 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:09,560 So, here we are. Just a few hours and exactly £1,200 later, my fire engine. 521 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,320 My colleagues have been very quick to point out 522 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,280 that the fire engine as a concept is very well established, 523 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,800 but this is something different. You don't call the fire brigade. 524 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:25,560 I patrol in your area and you summon me if you need a fire putting out. 525 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,720 Like an ice-cream van. And to that end I have a siren. 526 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,760 (TINKLY MUSIC) ♪ Pop Goes The Weasel 527 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,240 There is a large range of fire-fighting accoutrements on board. 528 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:41,000 There are various hoses. We've got CO2 for electrical fires, fire blankets, sand. 529 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:45,000 There's a water cannon here. See, if I just turn on that pump, 530 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:49,920 steer with my knees, and put on the windscreen wipers, 531 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,600 and extinguish the fire. There you go. 532 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:56,120 And a lot of it comes through the window and it... Jeez. 533 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:57,960 Yeah, it's quite... I may have made it 534 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,960 a bit more complicated than it needs to be. 535 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,040 All I needed now was a fire to put out. 536 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,960 And since this was an unscripted film, it had to be a real one. 537 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:12,600 I'm going to put my light on, and my siren, just in case anybody needs me. 538 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,480 ♪ Pop Goes The Weasel 539 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,760 JEREMY: As Mr Softee continued to drive round 540 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,720 looking for an unscripted fire, 541 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:26,720 our camera crew had found a typical Croatian to start our race. 542 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,760 (COUNTS DOWN IN CROATIAN) 543 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,680 It didn't work, we didn't go anywhere. 544 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,920 Um, oh, yeah. 545 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,800 I-I dunno where I was. My mind was elsewhere. 546 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:56,000 I've had another idea. Why don't we use her as the finish line 547 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,720 and then get, I don't know, a sound recordist to do the start? 548 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,040 RICHARD: Yeah. That works. 549 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,320 OK, problem sorted. We have our starter. 550 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,440 We've lost the distraction, in quite a big way, actually. 551 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,200 (ENGINE IDLING) 552 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:15,880 (REVVING) 553 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,880 Three, two, one, go! 554 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,680 (CLANKING) 555 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,520 (REVVING) 556 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,160 I just cooked my clutch. 557 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:29,880 Ah. 558 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,560 (ENGINE ROARING) 559 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,880 That is one hell of a finishing line. 560 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:40,200 Back at the start line, the news was bleak. 561 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,240 I think I've broken that drive shaft end. 562 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,800 As spare parts had to be sourced, 563 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:50,360 I decided to take the finishing line for a spin, in my functioning Audi. 564 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,520 -Woo-hoo! -Hammond? 565 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,280 I need to go to feed my pet. 566 00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,320 She's got to go and feed her cat. 567 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,800 Right. You go off with the old man, I'll fix the car. 568 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,720 (SIREN WHOOPING) 569 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:09,120 JAMES: (BROADCASTING) Fire service is now available in your area. 570 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,200 JEREMY: Back in town, Fireman May 571 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,960 still hadn't found anything to put out. 572 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,000 A kiosk, not on fire. 573 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:20,560 Ice-cream shop, not on fire. People with shopping, not on fire. 574 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:21,880 (SIREN) 575 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,280 Are you having a fire? Your last chance to summon 576 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,640 the local fire brigade if your mobile phone is ablaze. 577 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:33,080 JEREMY: James eventually realised that in an unscripted world 578 00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:37,680 he wasn't going to find a fire. So he deployed his acting. 579 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:43,320 Wait! Smoke! It looks as if somebody's bin's caught fire. 580 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,120 Not to worry, I can deal with that. 581 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,440 (WHIRRING) 582 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,680 RICHARD: Several hours later, with my car fixed, 583 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,680 we were finally ready for our showdown. 584 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,000 -Let's do it, then. -OK, let's do this. 585 00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,800 Let's sort this out. 586 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,280 (REVVING) 587 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,880 Three, two, one! 588 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,760 (TYRES SQUEALING) 589 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,320 Come on, baby, come on! 590 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,280 Oh-ho-ho! 591 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,360 No! Where's he come from? Oh, no! 592 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,720 (EXCLAIMS IN CROATIAN) 593 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,720 What's that? 594 00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,440 Since when did a finishing line have an opinion on a result? 595 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,640 I'm better than him. 596 00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:10,200 I don't know why you're applauding, I really don't, 597 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:13,800 because there you are, Monaro Boy, 598 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:17,000 that is what unscripted television looks like. 599 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,040 You've got 17 minutes of film there. 600 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:22,240 All we did was buy a jumper - which was actually a sweatshirt - 601 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:26,280 -It was. -and have a ten-second drag race. That's all we did. 602 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,480 Hang on a minute. I built a fire engine. 603 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,320 Yeah, but it wasn't a very good fire engine. 604 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,560 -Yes, it was. -I'm sorry, James, 605 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,840 but your water cannon would only be any use 606 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,640 at putting out a fire if the fire were on your windscreen wipers. 607 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,800 Anything further away than that would be hopeless. 608 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,960 -I put out that bin fire. -Yeah, the bin fire that you started. 609 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,640 I did not start it. 610 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,200 -Yes, you did. -I might have done a bit. 611 00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:51,840 You did a lot. Anyway, listen, we'll pick that up later on. 612 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,360 Now, though, it's time for Celebrity Face Off. 613 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,560 (CHEERING) 614 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:09,640 And once again we're asking an important question. 615 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,440 Who is the fastest classical singer in the world 616 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,920 who has an interesting connection to the British motor industry? 617 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,880 Many, many people we could have gone to for this one, 618 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,080 but in the end we selected two. 619 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,520 And they are, and would you please welcome them now, 620 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,600 Michael Ball and Alfie Boe! 621 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,400 (CHEERING) 622 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,720 Gentry men. 623 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,760 Thank you very much. 624 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:39,080 How are you? Have a seat. You can go in either way. 625 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,920 Both British this week. 626 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,040 Welcome gentlemen, welcome, welcome. 627 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,040 Now, I've just described you as classical singers 628 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,400 but actually that's not strictly true, is it? You're not... 629 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,960 -Well, it is for me. He's... -I'm not. 630 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,920 But classical music, how was it described in that movie In The Loop? 631 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,280 It was all vowels? Which it is, "aa-ee-aa-uu-uu". Nobody likes classical music. 632 00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,240 -Do that again? -(WAILS TUNELESSLY) 633 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,600 Do you wanna come on tour? 634 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,680 Whatever your music is, however, it is unbelievably popular. 635 00:37:05,720 --> 00:37:08,600 Last Christmas you were number one, with your joint album, 636 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:13,800 and that kept The Stones and Little Mix, whoever the hell they are, 637 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,760 off the number one, and then this year, 638 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,400 your album's keeping, who is it, the Stereophonics? 639 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,440 Yeah, we went to number one again. 640 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,000 And it's still... it's doing all right. 641 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,040 Cos I was looking... I was thinking, so what sort of music is it? 642 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,600 And I was looking on YouTube, at clips of you two singing. 643 00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:32,320 The audience is quite...old. 644 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,400 Those are Michael's fans. 645 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,760 Are they Michael's fans? They're the ones that... Do they smell of urine? 646 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,120 -No! -No? 647 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,000 OK, we were just waiting, they were... 648 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,880 One of your audience said that 649 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,760 they'd bought our album, so there is someone here who has our album. 650 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,640 -Who is it? -Where is she? 651 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,160 Well, "she", there's a surprise. 652 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,520 -Come on, where are you? -She's now denying it. 653 00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:01,000 Yeah, she's denying it. She's surrounded by a load of bikers, that's why! 654 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,840 We've got to get onto these connections with the motor industry 655 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,480 cos that's what people are interested in here, 656 00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,440 which is a genuinely fascinating thing that we've managed to find with you two. 657 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,960 -We'll start with you if we may. -Sure. 658 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,080 Michael, your dad was world sales chief for British Leyland. 659 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:17,360 That's where he ended. He started off as an Austin apprentice back in the '50s 660 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,760 and eventually ended up as world sales chief at BL 661 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,480 under Michael Edwardes and the whole Red Robbo scenario, 662 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,360 and when they actually went bust. So... 663 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,560 So you grew up in a British Leyland household? 664 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,680 -Totally, yeah. -So how did you ever get to school? 665 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,600 We did have some dogs. We even had some... 666 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,600 Well, did they make anything that wasn't a dog? 667 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:41,800 No. 668 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,560 My favourite one had to be the Allegro Equipe. 669 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:50,080 The ugliest car, with the "Go Faster" stripe. 670 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,720 Yellow and brown "Go Faster' stripe". 671 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:54,400 And matching nylon interior. 672 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,320 Didn't your dad progress up to things like E-Types and what have you? 673 00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:00,360 Yeah, yeah. I remember him crashing the E-Type. 674 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,640 Taking me to school, funnily enough. Third day he had it 675 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,520 and someone into the back of him, 676 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,240 he went into the back of, well, underneath a lorry. 677 00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,640 There's a lot of nose to go under a lorry, let's be honest, with an E. 678 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,640 The fascinating thing is he launched the Mini. 679 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:16,000 He was the guy, he was given a 500-quid budget. 680 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,600 He was taken in by Issigonis and all of them, they said, 681 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:22,240 "This is the car, we want to make some headlines. Do a thing with it." 682 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,920 And he came up with this concept of "It's Magic" 683 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,360 and put on one of the first-ever car launches. 684 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,880 didn't he do the thing about how many things can you get in a Mini? 685 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,960 That's right. That's absolutely right. 686 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,600 Which became a huge thing, for those of us old enough to remember, 687 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,320 they were always seeing what they could get in a Mini. 688 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:39,840 800 Boy Scouts. 689 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,600 I'm gonna move it on, if I may, to, not your dad, but you... 690 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,960 actually worked on the shop floor at TVR? 691 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,200 I did. I started off... I was there for about two or three years. 692 00:39:52,240 --> 00:39:54,640 There are some questions I've got about TVR, because I... 693 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,320 As I understand it, people who worked on the shop floor 694 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,480 would often, before the cars were painted, 695 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:02,720 or underneath the carpets on the boot floor, leave rude messages. 696 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,200 -Yeah. -Is that true? 697 00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:07,640 Absolutely! There's a guy driving around in a TVR Griffith 698 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,200 with, on the bonnet, with a big penis shape on it. 699 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,600 -Underneath. -Before it was painted? 700 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,000 Yeah. And there's a car door somewhere with "Alfie is a twat". 701 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,200 I think I've got that one! 702 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:23,440 They basically got some things right about TVR, so... 703 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:26,280 You always think, they couldn't possibly have done this? 704 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,080 If you've got a TVR and you lift up the carpet in the boot... 705 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,240 There'll be a message somewhere, yeah. 706 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,560 Wasn't it a way of passing messages onto one another down... 707 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,360 Well, there wasn't really a production line, but... 708 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:38,440 Yeah, that was the, you know, the flatting shop would pass 709 00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:43,960 a message down to the paint shop, and, yeah, usually rude and annoying, but, yeah. 710 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:46,040 Didn't they used to spray the backs of your heads? 711 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,000 Yeah, they'd come up to you and just straight across the back of your neck. 712 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,520 With the paint? Which was cyanide? Yeah, it was. 713 00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,480 Cyanide-based paint, yeah! Yes! 714 00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:58,240 I came out in a bit of a rash, but I'm all right now! 715 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,360 Why did they use cyanide paint? 716 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,720 Just cos it was the metallic feel that they'd get from it. That real... 717 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,760 -Like a metal flake thing? -Yeah. 718 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,440 So that must have hurt? Well, being sprayed in cyanide? 719 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:12,000 It did a little bit. It stung for a while. 720 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:15,600 The worst thing was being shoved through the powder coating room. That was... 721 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,880 (LAUGHTER) 722 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:19,920 That really...that really got under your skin. 723 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,160 That itched like crazy, that did. That was rough. 724 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,280 It's a wonder TVR went out of business, isn't it? 725 00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,000 It makes you wonder, "How did that happen?" 726 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,680 Cos they had the engine, presumably your dad's engines, weren't they? 727 00:41:29,720 --> 00:41:32,280 Cos they were using the V8s from...Rover V8s? 728 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:36,160 Yeah. They built this engine bay and they mounted this engine on a plinth 729 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,880 and then stuck the exhaust into this metal box, 730 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:43,680 bricked around the metal box, fired it up on the first test of one of the engines, 731 00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:48,080 and they didn't turn the extractor fan on. 732 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,800 Oh, God! 733 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,880 So this metal box was turning into this huge bomb, basically. 734 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:57,320 It backfired, lit up everything, bricks flying everywhere. 735 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,000 All the paintwork, cars were smashed to pieces with bricks, 736 00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,400 and the metalworking, the foreman came up and said, "What the (BLEEP) wrong?" 737 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:08,160 He said, "Just get on with it. Come on, clean up, we're all right." And that was it. 738 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,200 Was anyone ever killed there? 739 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,400 Not as I... Oh, there was a guy, yeah. 740 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,280 (LAUGHTER) 741 00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:20,240 Yeah, he... 742 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,360 I think... 743 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,400 -We're laughing. -Yeah, I know, it was crazy. 744 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,680 Yeah. He did, he went in the spray booth without his mask on 745 00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:31,200 and just started spraying and keeled over and that was it. 746 00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:33,240 So he disposed of himself with cyanide? 747 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,720 Yeah. It was crazy. Well, the paint job was good. 748 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,120 He said, "Ooh, I've done it." 749 00:42:39,720 --> 00:42:41,520 So how did you get from there to singing? 750 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,280 Well, I was working in the factory and working on a Griffith 751 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:48,200 and I was polishing it away 752 00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:52,000 and this guy was overhearing me singing along to the radio, 753 00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,000 and he said, you know, 754 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,320 "You've got a good voice, you should try out for this company in London." 755 00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:01,760 And I took the day off work, went down to London and... 756 00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:03,800 sang for this company and got taken on. 757 00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:08,480 Came back to TVR, handed in my notice, and my foreman went crazy. 758 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,640 He said, "What do you wanna go and do that for? Singing?" 759 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:15,440 He said, "Why do you wanna leave this job? You're on 60 quid a week." 760 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,400 Well, there we are, then. 761 00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:21,280 Didn't you try to get Michael to give you a leg up in the music business? 762 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,480 When I was at college, I stayed in the same area of London 763 00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:27,440 that he was living at the time, I was renting a room, 764 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:32,040 and I posted a note through his door to see if he'd give us a bit of advice and... 765 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,880 never heard a (BLEEP) thing. 766 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,640 (LAUGHTER) 767 00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:39,240 -See, you look nice. -Oh, I know. 768 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,400 You have that nice-looking face, but actually there beats a cold heart. 769 00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,280 Oh, I'm a cold bastard. 770 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,960 Absolutely. I mean, no, I still haven't given him any. 771 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,480 Could you remember it? You don't remember the postcard? 772 00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:51,640 -No! -But your house burnt down? 773 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,120 -Yeah, it did. -Did you do that? 774 00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:58,560 Probably! When I didn't hear anything from him, you know. It's the only way forward. 775 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:02,160 So, anyway, you're here, in the depths of the English countryside, 776 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:04,840 and how did it go on the track? 777 00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:06,680 I'm dreading this. I'm so nervous. 778 00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:08,200 Are you? I loved every second. 779 00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:11,320 I was told there is quite a bit of needle between who is the fastest today? 780 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,720 BOTH: Yeah. 781 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,960 And there's a big dinner riding on this. 782 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,200 -A really major dinner. -Who shall we go with first? 783 00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:20,360 Let's have a look at... 784 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,600 -Michael's lap. -OK. 785 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:27,400 JEREMY: Here we are. And it's a smooth start. Up into second. 786 00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,600 -Pedal to the metal. -Well, pedal to the carpet. 787 00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:33,640 Now, I like to brake half way through this one. 788 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,440 And you do as well. 789 00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,760 I think it makes sense cos then you've got more speed going onto the tricky bit, 790 00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:40,480 which is coming up now, 791 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:43,320 cos we've run out of money and there it is, the gravel. 792 00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:47,680 Really, keeping it quite tidy through there, 793 00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:49,360 and tidy through there as well. 794 00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:52,880 Who the hell puts gravel on a race track? 795 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:54,920 I told you, we haven't got the money. 796 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,560 Right, now, this is the... I can't remember what it's called. 797 00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,560 Gravelsel, that's what it is, 798 00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,880 Named after the Carousel of the Nürburgring. Onto difficult bit two. 799 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,680 Is that any good? 800 00:45:04,720 --> 00:45:06,080 -That's pretty good -It's quite slow. 801 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,800 Cos sometimes if you keep it tidy 802 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,120 and it looks slow, it's actually fast. 803 00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,160 That's a hard corner. Cos it always is more slippery than you think. 804 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,680 Right, now, smoothly onto the main stra... 805 00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:19,720 Well, not smoothly, virtually stopping. 806 00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,680 (LAUGHS) I'm loving this! 807 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:24,560 Good. Now this is supposed to be flat but it's quite greasy today, 808 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:29,120 so you probably wouldn't be. You definitely aren't. 809 00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:31,800 Right, final corner coming up now... 810 00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:36,840 Ooh, more understeer, not as bad as last week. But there we are, across the line! 811 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,040 (CHEERING) 812 00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,080 -I mean... -Well, who knows? 813 00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:45,400 -I didn't crash. -You definitely didn't crash. 814 00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:47,480 Slow and steady wins the race. 815 00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:49,520 Or gets around. What's that? 816 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:53,680 These are the times. But we're not gonna reveal them until we've had a look at 817 00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:57,600 Alfino, as we liked to call you all week, when you were coming off. 818 00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,080 Right, let's have a look at Alfie's lap. 819 00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,560 -Oh, fog's come down. MICHAEL: He gets special effects. 820 00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:05,560 Right, and he's disappeared. 821 00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,640 All right, Bally, I'm coming after you. 822 00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,360 God, that really is a pea souper. Could you see all right? 823 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,400 -No, it was... -Ooh, there's an excuse, Alfie. 824 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,640 -You should say, "Yes, easily". -It was easy. I was fine. 825 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:21,120 That's nice and smooth through there. Now, are you exuberant on the gravel? 826 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,680 Let's have a look, as we come up here. 827 00:46:23,720 --> 00:46:26,000 Ooh, that's wide! 828 00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:32,920 This gravel turn is as wide as Michael's vibrato. 829 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,640 (LAUGHTER) 830 00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,880 JEREMY: That traction control is really letting you have some angle there 831 00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,120 as we come now to Difficult Bit Two. 832 00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,880 Cutting that corner nicely, sliding wide on that one. 833 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:49,000 Very different styles you two have got here. 834 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:53,960 God, that really is fishtailing down there. Onto the tarmac once again. 835 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,120 We'll ignore that. 836 00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,160 MICHAEL: That's illegal! 837 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,360 You almost stopped as well. Now, here we go. 838 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,360 (BLEEP) Yay! 839 00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:07,280 JEREMY: I never would have had you as a swearist. Right, now... 840 00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,320 That seems fast but wide. 841 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,760 Ooh, he's off, he's off! 842 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:15,400 No, he's back on. And stopping. Why? No, not... 843 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,560 Virtually stopping. 844 00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,280 And then across the line. 845 00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:22,880 (APPLAUSE) 846 00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:24,720 I actually don't like this bit, 847 00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,360 having to reveal the times to two people when it really matters. 848 00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,680 -Really matters. -It does. 849 00:47:29,720 --> 00:47:31,320 Anyway, I've got the times here. 850 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,360 Are you nervous? I'm really nervous. 851 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,600 I've shat myself. 852 00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,080 It smells like one of your audiences. 853 00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:42,360 (LAUGHTER) 854 00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:46,800 -I've gone again! -Right. 855 00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:51,800 -Michael Ball. -Yes. 856 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:56,120 You did it in one minute... 23.3. 857 00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,360 My heart is pounding. 858 00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,680 Alfie Boe. One minute... 859 00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:04,320 twenty... 860 00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:07,760 ...four point four. 861 00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:10,280 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 862 00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,840 (APPLAUSE) 863 00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,040 Too exuberant. 864 00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:24,080 I think, too exu... 865 00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,120 -You probably had more fun. -Yeah. 866 00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:30,200 But you were faster. By actually 1.1 seconds. 867 00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,960 1.1 seconds? 868 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,800 -Yeah. Do you want me to say it again? -Would you mind? 869 00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,440 It's not the winning, it's the taking part! 870 00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,640 (LAUGHTER) 871 00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:43,640 So there we are, ladies and gentlemen, 872 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,600 Alfie Boe and the fastest classical singer 873 00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,960 with a connection to the British motor industry, 874 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,560 -Michael Ball! -Thank you! 875 00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,360 (APPLAUSE) 876 00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:03,040 Now, this week we are in Croatia, 877 00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,160 making a totally unplanned and unscripted film 878 00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,080 in which we attempt to turn cars into fire engines. 879 00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,120 No, James, we are not. 880 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:14,000 Well, I am. Yes, but to be quite clear, 881 00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:17,200 Jeremy and I are doing something completely different. 882 00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:27,920 JEREMY: Having proved that my Audi 883 00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:32,000 was faster in a straight line than Richard's Honda-powered Nomad, 884 00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:37,240 I was now determined to show him it was also faster at rallying. 885 00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,880 I'm confident for several reasons. 886 00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:43,760 It's got four-wheel drive, it's got a differential that moves the power 887 00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:47,800 to whichever wheel is best able to handle it at any given moment, 888 00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:49,960 and it has a fabulous gearbox. 889 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:54,560 But most of all I'm confident because this is the first Audi I've ever driven 890 00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,480 that has a front on it. 891 00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:01,880 What I mean by that is it has a front end that goes where you point it. 892 00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:05,080 You flick the wheel and it goes in the direction you selected. 893 00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,520 There's no understeer. You then have to sort out the back end, obviously, 894 00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:13,520 but that's OK, that's what all top drivers, such as myself, want. 895 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:21,240 Does that mad old ape really believe his air hostess chariot 896 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:29,200 will stand a chance off-road against this custom-built off-road racer? 897 00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:36,040 Has he got £3,000 worth of Fox off-road long-travel coil-over suspension? 898 00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,080 No, he hasn't. 899 00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:42,200 Can he glance out the side and see exactly how his wheels are positioned? 900 00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:45,640 No, he can't. Does he have a hydraulic handbrake? 901 00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,280 No. Does it weigh just 670 kilograms? 902 00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:52,200 No, he weighs more than that. 903 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:59,360 JEREMY: All we needed to sort this out was a loose-surface gravel track of some kind. 904 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:05,560 Obviously nothing planned, we just drive round until we find somewhere. 905 00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:10,000 Can't do it there, too many trees. That's just a little bit of gravel. 906 00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,120 Can't go there, that's an orchard. 907 00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:16,560 Somebody will be cross. There must be somewhere! 908 00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:20,240 Meanwhile, after his success with the staged bin fire, 909 00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:23,200 James was now getting carried away. 910 00:51:23,240 --> 00:51:25,000 Ah, looks like a job for me. 911 00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:38,600 -My pleasure. -Ah... 912 00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:45,960 JEREMY: Back out in the countryside, 913 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:50,480 Richard and I had stopped by some nice lakes. 914 00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:55,560 But, because this was an unscripted film, we didn't have much to say about them. 915 00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,440 I like the waterfalls. 916 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:04,240 Yeah, the waterfalls are nice. 917 00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:08,960 What's your favourite of the waterfalls? 918 00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:12,920 -I like that one. -I like that big one. 919 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,800 -Yep. -Oh. 920 00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:18,840 Hold that a minute. 921 00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:23,560 Right, I've done a quick chart of how we're performing so far. 922 00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,640 We aren't...? 923 00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:28,000 RICHARD: I'm not performing. -Right, Economy. 924 00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,040 Three points for me, most economical obviously, 925 00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,480 followed by Hammond, two, you, one. 926 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:34,920 Top Speed. It's the other way round. You're the fastest, three points, 927 00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:38,040 two for you and one for me, the slowest. Now, Value. 928 00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:42,880 You get a point for every pound you save under the £2,000 budget, 929 00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:46,040 but you lose a point for every pound you go over it, OK? 930 00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,280 So I am winning that. My car car was £800. 931 00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:52,920 I score 1,200. You... 932 00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:57,040 Minus 65,000... 933 00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:59,080 -James? -I think there's something wrong with him. 934 00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:00,880 645. 935 00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:02,920 I can't write on a vertical surface. 936 00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:06,000 Let's have a writing competition. You lose! 937 00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:08,360 Hang on, your car, you lose... 938 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:10,080 Minus 48,000. 939 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:13,000 -I can't be minus anything. -Hang on, hang on, 940 00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,040 have you included his optional windscreen? 941 00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,080 -Don't encourage him! -Was that optional? 942 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,120 -It's an optional windscreen. -How much is it? 943 00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:20,760 1,500 quid. 944 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,560 Minus 1,500. That's interesting. 945 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,760 Minus minus is a plus, which is a minus. 946 00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,000 James, this is very riveting, but it's irrelevant. 947 00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:30,080 It's not irrelevant. 948 00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,440 It's like saying, "Jeremy, you lost to Manchester United yesterday." 949 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:35,640 I wasn't there, and I wasn't taking part. 950 00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:37,680 -You are taking part in this. -I'm not. 951 00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:41,720 Yes, you are. Just because you can't be bothered and you've done it wrong. 952 00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:45,360 You're losing. Catch up here. You've got Fires Extinguished, 953 00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:48,800 Water Capacity. You can still claw it back for the total. 954 00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,760 But at the moment, mate, you're losing. 955 00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:54,840 Fires Extinguished. So far I've done two... 956 00:53:56,480 --> 00:54:00,280 Having thrown James's chart in the lake, 957 00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:04,280 Hammond and I resumed our search for a rally stage. 958 00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:07,080 And soon, we found one. 959 00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:13,760 This would be perfect for our timed shoot-out. 960 00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:19,400 Hammond elected to go first. 961 00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,760 Right, this bush is the start/finish line, OK? 962 00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:24,800 -OK. Yes. -Good. 963 00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:26,840 No, hang on. I don't trust you to time me. 964 00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:28,880 I'm not. Sylvia is. 965 00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:30,720 Oh, great, the human finish line. 966 00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:31,800 Yes! 967 00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:34,520 SYLVIA: Tri... 968 00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:37,880 (SPEAKS CROATIAN) Go! 969 00:54:40,720 --> 00:54:42,480 This is it. 970 00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:47,280 A little touch of the brakes. 971 00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,520 Don't wanna drift too wide. 972 00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:53,960 Two-wheel drive means I've gotta take advantage of every bit of grip I can find. 973 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,560 A lot of rocks! A lot of rocks! 974 00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:12,120 Come on. Get your concentration on, Richard! 975 00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:28,800 Now, floor it! Everything we got! 976 00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:46,800 -Sylvia, what was the time? -Two minutes, five point seven. 977 00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:49,440 Well, that's... that's probably brilliant. 978 00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,480 Two minutes, five point seven. Right, 979 00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,880 -My turn. -OK. 980 00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:55,320 Watch and learn. 981 00:55:57,080 --> 00:56:01,240 (COUNTS DOWN IN CROATIAN) 982 00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:03,240 Go! 983 00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:10,640 Right, I have the whole car set up in its dynamic mode. 984 00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:14,160 So, the throttle response, the gearbox, the suspension, 985 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,000 they're all now sharper than an architect's pencil. 986 00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:22,240 Jesus! God's truth. 987 00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:30,080 I am not the world's best loose-surfaces expert. 988 00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,160 I'm not even in the top 20 million. 989 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:37,000 But, in a car like this, you feel like you have all the control you need. 990 00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,200 Absolutely unbelievable. And flick it in. 991 00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:52,960 That front end on this is just phenomenal. 992 00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,920 (ENGINE ROARING) 993 00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:00,720 Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo! 994 00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,600 Yes! Go, go! Go, Jeremy! 995 00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:21,760 Oh, yeah, totally unbiased. 996 00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:28,160 -The finish line looks happy. -Sylvia, what was the time? 997 00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:32,040 SYLVIA: Perfect time. Two minutes, three point seven. 998 00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:34,520 Oh, come on! 999 00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:36,560 That's just because... 1000 00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:38,280 She can't mess with time. 1001 00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:41,880 Time is just an entity on its own. You can't mess around with it. 1002 00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,080 -Jeremy! -(PHONE RINGS) 1003 00:57:44,120 --> 00:57:46,120 -Hammond, Hammond? -No. 1004 00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,160 Hammond. 1005 00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:51,800 May. What, now? Where? 1006 00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:53,840 OK. No, yes. 1007 00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:56,640 Yes, yes, yes, I've got satnav. I'll find it. All right, bye. 1008 00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:58,560 He says he's organised a demonstration 1009 00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:01,000 and he wants us two to come and watch it. 1010 00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:02,720 -Watch it? -Yeah. 1011 00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,160 I'd personally prefer to do another race of some sort. 1012 00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,200 -No, there's no point. -In a swimming pool, perhaps? 1013 00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:10,480 -The finish line is biased. -On a beach? Why don't we... 1014 00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:12,360 No. Let's go. I'd rather go and see James 1015 00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:14,400 than be humiliated by another biased... 1016 00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:16,160 -Why don't we have a race in a sauna? -No. 1017 00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:26,120 As James was a fair few miles away, we had time to sum up 1018 00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:27,920 what we'd learned about our cars. 1019 00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:32,800 I know the Audi TT has an image problem. 1020 00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,680 I know people think it's an air hostess's car. 1021 00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:40,600 But the RS genuinely is different. 1022 00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:42,720 The RS is like... 1023 00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:44,680 Oh, not again. Um... 1024 00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:50,360 It's like... 1025 00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:54,960 It's difficult to think of anyone who really needs a supercharged Ariel Nomad. 1026 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:58,480 Even an emergency off-road vet would have nowhere 1027 00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:03,080 to put their tools to do anything when they got there, so it's useless. 1028 00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:06,400 It's also draughty, expensive, noisy... 1029 00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:10,040 ...and brilliant! 1030 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:12,520 I adore it! 1031 00:59:12,560 --> 00:59:19,560 It's the best toy in the world, and what finer praise could you have for any car? 1032 00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:26,400 Eventually we met up with our colleague, who was eager to explain what he had in mind. 1033 00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:29,640 I'm making a simulated bush fire, 1034 00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:31,640 the start of a bush fire to demonstrate 1035 00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:33,880 how quickly my roving fire engine could just put it out 1036 00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:36,640 before it develops into something like a massive conflagration. 1037 00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:41,440 This bush fire, OK, is going to start right next to a road. 1038 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:44,160 Which happens to be next to where you've parked your fire engine? 1039 00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:46,400 I'm not... I'm gonna drive in and put it out. 1040 00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:49,120 But you know where it is! You've just started it. 1041 00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:50,960 I know! It's a demonstration, you morons! 1042 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,160 It's two and a half feet from a road! 1043 00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:55,160 Bush fires happen miles out in the middle of... 1044 00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:58,320 All right, go and build one out there. It doesn't make any difference. 1045 00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:00,560 Why don't we go and start a fire for him? 1046 01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:02,400 That's more realistic. You travel to the fire, 1047 01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:04,200 wherever we've started it, and put it out. 1048 01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:07,720 Off you go. 1049 01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,240 RICHARD: Having travelled a realistic distance from the road, 1050 01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:13,240 we soon had a bush fire on the go. 1051 01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,560 JEREMY: Ooh, hello. Hello! Hello! 1052 01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,760 Yes! 1053 01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:20,800 That is speeding things up, isn't it? 1054 01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:22,840 Isn't it? There you go. 1055 01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:27,080 What it's doing is catching on. The wind moves it along and it gets bigger. 1056 01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:30,400 It's quite good. Another bit there, look. 1057 01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:33,480 Then we told James to come and do his stuff. 1058 01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:35,880 (TINKLY MUSIC) 1059 01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:40,360 (JAMES HUMS ALONG) 1060 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:47,520 Relax, I am coming to put out the fire. 1061 01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:50,440 RICHARD: However, because of his leisurely pace, 1062 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:53,960 the fire had grown a bit by the time he got there. 1063 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,520 Jeez. 1064 01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:02,000 Pressure. 1065 01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:07,720 It's too big! 1066 01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:09,520 I've run out of water! 1067 01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,000 This isn't gonna work. 1068 01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,040 I think what we've established here 1069 01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:25,080 is that he's only capable of putting out fires that he's started himself. 1070 01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:28,120 Yeah, that are nearby and contained. 1071 01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:32,080 I haven't got anything left! 1072 01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:36,440 JEREMY: Luckily, at this point, the real fire brigade arrive. 1073 01:02:02,880 --> 01:02:04,640 (METALLIC CRUMPLING) 1074 01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:12,200 Thank you. 1075 01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:19,040 (CHEERING) 1076 01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:23,800 It's a six-tonne lump of water... 1077 01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:25,840 Hold on. Hold on, hold on. 1078 01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:29,600 Let's have a look at the final scores on my water-damaged scoreboard. 1079 01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:31,000 No, James. No, there's no point. 1080 01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,200 You get minus a million cos that was the cost 1081 01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,200 of the real fire brigade that had to come, 1082 01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:37,400 and I get plus a million for winning everything. 1083 01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:40,720 No, hang on, the only reason your doors-to-manual Audi 1084 01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:45,360 beat the magnificent Nomad is that you fed the finishing line's cat. 1085 01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:47,800 And because it was faster. And better in every way. 1086 01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:51,640 It is a superb car, that TT, but you can't have one. 1087 01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:53,400 Because of the air hostess thing? 1088 01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:54,920 No, because I've driven three examples 1089 01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:56,560 and every single one has had squeaky brakes. 1090 01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:58,920 You can hear it in the film, and it drives you mad. 1091 01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:01,240 Yeah, that's unforgivable. 1092 01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,800 And on that terrible disappointment, and that total waste of time, 1093 01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:06,240 it's time to end. Thank you very much for watching. 1094 01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:08,000 Have a very happy New Year. 1095 01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:10,160 Unless you're watching this in April, in which case, whatever. Goodbye.