1 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,720 (TRAIN WHISTLE) 2 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,920 (ENGINE DRONING) 3 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,240 (CHEERING) 4 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,040 Hello, everyone! 5 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,480 Hello! 6 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,560 Thank you so much. Thank you. 7 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,160 Thanks, everyone. 8 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,800 Hello. 9 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,880 -(CHEERING CONTINUES) -Thank you. 10 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,040 JAMES: Thank you. -Thank you so much, everyone. 11 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,560 Thank you and welcome. Welcome! 12 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,240 And in this show, we have literally everything 13 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,320 the motoring enthusiast could possibly want. 14 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,160 A shopping centre... 15 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,480 an explosion... 16 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,680 and a man banging a pole. 17 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,520 (CHEERING) 18 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,640 Exciting stuff, isn't it? 19 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:48,080 That... That is all to come - but we start with this. 20 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,160 If you're wealthy and you have nothing to do all day long, 21 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,680 you're going to develop a drink problem. 22 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,040 It's inevitable and it always happens. 23 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,440 Paul Gascoigne, Queen Mother... 24 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,280 (LAUGHTER) 25 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,800 -James May. -(LAUGHTER) 26 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,080 But if you're from the United Arab Emirates, 27 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,880 you can't do that. 28 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,520 So instead, they buy toys that run on the stuff 29 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,480 that made them rich in the first place. 30 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,760 What, gold? 31 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,960 No, James. Not gold. Go and have another gin. 32 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,920 That's why this week, 33 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,360 I've taken The Grand Tour to Dubai. 34 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,080 So let's start out here. 35 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,440 And let's start with this. 36 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,000 Ah-ha-ha! 37 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,000 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 38 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,040 This is what's called a Sandrail. 39 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,760 A vehicle built specifically to play in places like this. 40 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,480 Whoo! Ha-ha! 41 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,920 Admittedly, they were invented in the USA. 42 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,840 But here in the UAE, 43 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,880 things are a bit more hardcore. 44 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,960 In America, they turn these out with 300, 400 horsepower. 45 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,200 Over here, they've dialled that up. 46 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,880 To 1500. 47 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,560 Ho-ho! 48 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,800 And they run them on these incredibly aggressive 49 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,160 paddle-style tyres. 50 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,080 Which means it can accelerate from 0-60 51 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,200 in under three seconds. 52 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,360 That's supercar speeds - on sand! 53 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,800 Holy mo... It's... 54 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,560 Roughing hell! 55 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,120 I'm doing (BLEEP) wheelies! 56 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,240 (EXHAUST BOOMS, ENGINE REVS) 57 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,320 Jesus! Ohh-ho! 58 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:56,880 That's insane! 59 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,600 I'm in love! 60 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,200 Keen to see what else the locals are driving, 61 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,280 I headed back into town. 62 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,520 This is called the Ripsaw 63 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,320 and it's built by a small American firm 64 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,800 who specialise in extreme off-road vehicles. 65 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,160 Their customers are mainly the military 66 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,040 and the people who make the Fast & Furious films. 67 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,320 However, if you have the money - 68 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,120 uh...look where we are - 69 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,840 you can have a Ripsaw built just for you, 70 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,000 as your own private run-about. 71 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,960 So, let's see what it's like. 72 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,240 Oh, and straight away we are in thumbs-up territory. 73 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,120 Gull-wing doors. 74 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,400 (ENGINE STARTS) 75 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,000 Safety. 76 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:09,600 It's a tank. I'm in a tank. It's matte black. 77 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,360 Ha-ha-ha! 78 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,560 I'm on the road! 79 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,960 Because each Ripsaw is custom-made, 80 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,560 there is no definitive price list. 81 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:21,960 But I can tell you, 82 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:27,360 this one cost its owner around £300,000. 83 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,760 For that, you get what's billed as a high-end luxury supertank. 84 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,120 And if you're nine, which I am, 85 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,000 it doesn't get much better than that. 86 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,480 On the luxury front, I've got air-con, 87 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,160 electrically adjusted leather seats, stereo. 88 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,480 I mean, it's hardly a Bentley Bentayga in here 89 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,000 but look at all the controls and switches. 90 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,960 I've got winches, work lights, 91 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,040 a light bar. 92 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,360 And who doesn't want 93 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,720 a Thunderbirds-style steering wheel? 94 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,800 Ooh. Roundabout. 95 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,000 Yeah. 96 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,720 Ooh. Yeah, I'll be honest, 97 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,960 visibility is a bit poor out the sides. 98 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,440 It should get marked down for that. 99 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,600 And it turns out 100 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:27,360 visibility isn't the Ripsaw's only drawback as a city car. 101 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,880 So here I am at the shops, looking for a parking space. 102 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,720 As you do. 103 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,960 And... Well, you can see for yourself. 104 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,880 They haven't thought somebody might turn up in one of these. 105 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:43,000 Thankfully, because the Ripsaw weighs nearly four tonnes, 106 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,000 and is a tank, 107 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,480 it can get round this issue. 108 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,440 There we go. 109 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,760 I think at the next management meeting, 110 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,760 they'll be having a serious rethink about the width of their parking spaces. 111 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:11,640 Morning, shoppers. 112 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,840 To be fair, this is a very big shopping centre. 113 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,200 This is easier than walking. It's miles. 114 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,440 Ooh, that reminds me. I need to get cat food. 115 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,920 Unfortunately, I couldn't find the pet shop 116 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,000 so it was time to leave. 117 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:42,680 I'm going to go out the way I came in. I don't want to make too much mess. 118 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,520 And right now, you'll be thinking: 119 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,480 how's he going to do a three-point-turn in that thing? 120 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,720 Ah, this is actually better than that. 121 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:55,200 For in-town manoeuvrability, this is a tremendous feature. 122 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,080 I'm surprised more manufacturers don't fit it. 123 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,080 Although the Ripsaw is, in its own unique way, 124 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,720 a good town run-about, 125 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,520 it's definitely at its happiest... 126 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,600 ...out here. 127 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:30,240 With a huge 6.6 litre diesel V8, 128 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:34,560 the standard Ripsaw is acknowledged as the fastest tracked vehicle ever built. 129 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:42,000 But this particular Ripsaw is not the standard model. 130 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,000 In a normal state of tune it's 400 brake horsepower. 131 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,960 This one's been taken up to 700. 132 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,000 And 975 pounds feet of torque. 133 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,560 Nearly four tonnes of off-road tank 134 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,720 travelling at 60mph perfectly happily. 135 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:03,920 It is mighty. 136 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:09,560 An equally surprising sensation is the ride. 137 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,440 I thought, because it's tracked, it'll just be solid and incredibly brutal. 138 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,360 But it has suspension. 139 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,960 More suspension travel than a Range Rover, 140 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,080 so it's supple. 141 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,680 Suddenly, it's more gazelle than rhino. 142 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,160 This thing rocks. 143 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,280 And when it comes to bashing the dunes, 144 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,840 the Ripsaw is in a league of its own. 145 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:42,200 A Land Rover Discovery can climb a gradient of about 45%. 146 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:43,920 This thing, 75. 147 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,200 That's damn near vertical. 148 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,040 Boom! Ha-ha! 149 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,080 This is the moment when, in desert driving: 150 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,800 "Oh, no! What's beyond? What's beyond?" 151 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,240 But I'm not worried, cos I'll be fine. 152 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:12,480 Ha-ha. 153 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,760 Yeah! 154 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,760 I've driven in deserts a lot, 155 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,360 never in something that just feels this capable. 156 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,240 I mean, camels are good in the desert, yeah. 157 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,680 But this is better. 158 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:46,800 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 159 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,560 What a device. 160 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,440 I love this thing. 161 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,080 (CHEERING) 162 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,680 I want one, I want one. Yep! 163 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,880 -I really, really want one. -I do. 164 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,600 Very nice. 165 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,800 Not bothered about that 1400 horsepower thing, but "that". 166 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,000 Yeah. 167 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:16,120 I must ask, though, can you drive a tracked vehicle on the road in the UK? 168 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,600 -Well, the Army can. -Apart from the Army. 169 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,600 You're not allowed to drive a tracked vehicle that's going to damage the road, 170 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,320 but the Ripsaw's OK because the tracks are rubber. 171 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,840 And of course, because they're rubber, if you're a complete nincompoop 172 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,760 and you crash into somebody's treasured BMW, 173 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,040 it does less damage... Did you see that? 174 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,680 Did you know you had even done that? 175 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,000 No. 176 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,960 It's a tank. Which is why I love it. 177 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:41,000 And now it is time for us to pop into the post office of chat 178 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,120 on Conversation Street. 179 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,000 (MELLOW JAZZ) 180 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,600 Now... 181 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,160 ...as this is the start of a new year, 182 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,520 we thought we'd have a look at some of the cars we... 183 00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,560 we're looking forward to coming along in 2018. 184 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,960 It's actually quite a car-ry Conversation Street. 185 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,040 And I want to start with the Bentley Continental GT, 186 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,080 cos that's been around for what, 15 years now? 187 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:07,840 -Yeah, it is. -15 years. 188 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,280 Anyway, they've restyled it, given it an all-new look. 189 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,000 Here it is. 190 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,520 RICHARD: Wow, that is radical, isn't it? 191 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,720 (LAUGHS) Yes, all they've changed... What? 192 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,880 Well, it's a good question. 193 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:22,040 Anyway, on the inside, they say it has "driver-orientated instruments". 194 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,720 As opposed to what? 195 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,400 Yeah, no idea. 196 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:29,080 They say the central command screen is "retina quality". 197 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,480 I hope it's not my retina quality. 198 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,640 (LAUGHTER) 199 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,880 It'll be sort of slightly blurry and a bit bloodshot round the edges. 200 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,560 Actually, if you defocus my camera 201 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,520 you can see what it would look like. 202 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:39,800 -(LAUGHTER) -Like that. 203 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,160 Actually, that's better. 204 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,800 Yeah, to be honest, I wish I had your retina, 205 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,840 -sitting here looking at you - it's better. -I do. 206 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,600 So anyway, in short, this car looks the same as it did before. 207 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,600 It has a speedometer you can see 208 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,760 and a satnav screen that's in focus, 209 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,720 all for £150,000. 210 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,400 No, but actually, to be fair, for a W12 twin-turbo car like that, 211 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,120 150 grand these days isn't bad. 212 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,720 And...And I bet that's a bloody good car. 213 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,960 -I think it probably will be. -I bet you it is. 214 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,720 I bet that's going to be bloody good as well. 215 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,880 The only thing I don't like about Bentley, 216 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,760 I wish they'd stop going on about all that Bentley boys at Mulsanne, 217 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,120 and men in aprons making things. 218 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,560 I've got a bit from their... from their blurb here. 219 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,160 With your blurry eyes, here he goes. 220 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,760 Retina quality reading coming up. 221 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,000 It's really not working, is it? 222 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,920 Oh, so depressing! 223 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,400 It says, "Designed, engineered and handcrafted in Britain". 224 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,880 But the truth is, that's a Porsche Panamera underneath 225 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,400 and it has a VW engine, 226 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,280 and a Porsche gearbox, in fact. 227 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:38,000 No, that's true but the chief executive of Bentley is called 228 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,640 -Bunter Potherington-Smythe. -Is he? 229 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,040 No, he's called Wolfgang Durheimer. 230 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,040 -Is he? -Yeah. A bit of a giveaway. 231 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,240 But that's exactly the sort of thing they should celebrate. 232 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:50,120 They should say, "Bentley. Don't worry, it's reassuringly German". 233 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,240 Precisely. That's what you want to hear, actually. 234 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,160 -There's a chance it might work. -Anyway, have you seen this? 235 00:13:56,200 --> 00:14:01,280 This is the AMG Project One developed by Lewis Hamilton, 236 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,480 so presumably it will have pierced door mirrors. 237 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,040 -Yeah. -(LAUGHTER) 238 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,080 -And tattooed bodywork. -Yeah. 239 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,160 And when it gets to where it's going, the satnav says, 240 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,520 "Hashtag blessed". 241 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,560 (LAUGHTER) 242 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,040 Going to cost two million pounds. 243 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,080 Doesn't say whether that includes tax. 244 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,920 (LAUGHTER AND GROANING) 245 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,800 (APPLAUSE) 246 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,960 Cheeky, that is. 247 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,240 -Cruel but fair. -Ha-ha-ha! 248 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,520 A car I'm looking forward to driving this year is this. 249 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,880 That is the new BMW 8 Series. 250 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,840 And if it actually looks like that, 251 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,760 that admittedly is the styling thing that they show the public. 252 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,160 But if it looks like that, I think it will be fantastic. 253 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:45,920 And I've heard that it will be available with a 6.6-litre V12. 254 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,000 -That's a waste of time. -What? 255 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,880 Well, V12s actually don't make much sense, if you think about it. 256 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,960 Well, that's a bit of a sweeping statement, isn't it? 257 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,920 No, seriously, cos you get all the complexity 258 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,000 and all the thirst and where's the upside? 259 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,280 Well, for a given capacity you get a greater number of smaller pistons 260 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,120 which have a lower reciprocating rate, 261 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,800 which means you can have a higher rev line on the engine, 262 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,320 -and that gets you more power. -(LAUGHTER) 263 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,640 Has a point. 264 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:07,960 Yeah, the thing is, though, the power, 265 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,240 the extra power you talk about, 266 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,320 as a result of whatever it was you just said, 267 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:13,640 is offset by the weight. 268 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,360 And they sound dreary, 269 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,840 and all V12s depreciate like pianos falling off tower blocks. 270 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,360 No, they do. Friend of mine, OK? 271 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,840 He had a Ferrari GTC4Lusso, the V12 one. 272 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,040 Kept it four months and sold it, 273 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,400 after four months - 274 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,760 and lost £55,000. 275 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,160 -Ouch. -In four months. 276 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,040 Four... Yes! I mean, if he'd have had the V8, 277 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,360 it wouldn't have depreciated that much. 278 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,080 Well, mainly because he wouldn't have wanted to sell it in the first place. 279 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:43,440 That is really good buyers' advice for everyman! We all now know... 280 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:47,120 This from a man who's just reviewed a £300,000 tank! 281 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,760 (LAUGHTER) 282 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,920 -Has anyone got an expensive car? MAN: Yes. 283 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,520 -What? MAN: Range Rover. 284 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,120 That's not expensive. 285 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,760 (LAUGHTER) 286 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,960 A Range Rover. We use those as vans. 287 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,120 (MAN CALLS OUT) 288 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,960 What's the most... A what? 289 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,120 SVR. 290 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,440 Oh, an SVR is quite expensive. 291 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,720 -Is that with the V8 in it? -Yes. 292 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,120 -Do you not feel an idiot when you overtake? -No, Hammond, it's got a 1.3! 293 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,280 (LAUGHTER) 294 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,040 With that supercharged V8 you feel like such an idiot when you overtake 295 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,160 cos of the noise it makes. It's genuinely embarrassing. 296 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,880 I'll admit... OK, let's not talk about supercars anymore. 297 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,400 Try and think of something that isn't about Lamborghinis. 298 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:22,920 -Well... -(LAUGHS) 299 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,800 It is, as well! 300 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,240 The car I most like the look of is this: 301 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,160 it's the Lamborghini concept for... 302 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,240 (LAUGHTER) 303 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,840 Actually made me do it. 304 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,000 It's called the Terzo Millennio. 305 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,960 I don't know if that's how you pronounce that: Terzo Millennio. 306 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,280 But thing about that car, interesting, 307 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,360 it has super capacitors instead of batteries, 308 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,600 which are apparently better, and a motor in each wheel. 309 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,560 You can see them, and they glow when it's running, which is cool. 310 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,600 But best of all, they say it has self-healing bodywork. 311 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,480 It's got nanotubes in it, which can detect damage, 312 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,120 and then repair it. 313 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,960 -How does that work? -I don't know. 314 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000 (LAUGHTER) 315 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:04,040 No, they said they've been thinking outside the box to do it. 316 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,440 I think they've been thinking inside the pub, haven't they? 317 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,200 With its self-healing... 318 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,440 No, but when that isn't a drawing any more and is a real car, 319 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,760 and you went on a motor show stand and ran a key down the side of it, 320 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,200 I bet they wouldn't say, "Well, that's good, now we can watch it mend itself." 321 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,440 No, they might charge after you, bellowing, 322 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,200 "I hope you've got nanotubes, chum. You're going to get a kicking." 323 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,040 (LAUGHTER) 324 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,760 Things I'm excited about, it's actually out about now. 325 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,720 Renault have a pickup truck. 326 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:27,920 -Look at that! -What? 327 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,640 -Yeah. -Why? 328 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,280 Because the whole world wants one. Je suis un rouge neck. 329 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,200 -(LAUGHTER) -Je suis un nerd-kicker. 330 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,560 (LAUGHTER) 331 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,360 I'm sorry to say that won't work, 332 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,120 cos the Americans don't want a Renault and the French don't want a pickup truck. 333 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,120 ISIS like a pickup truck, don't they? 334 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,000 -ISIS would... -(LAUGHTER) 335 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,920 -I'm just looking for a market. -It's a good idea. 336 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,000 This is business, that's what you do. 337 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,880 -No, if Renault ship them all out to Syria... -Yeah? 338 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,280 "Oh, these crappy old Toyotas". 339 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,640 Shiny new Renault - it won't start. 340 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,440 It would solve ISIS in a heartbeat. 341 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,040 Global peace. 342 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,760 (MIMICS ENGINE SPUTTERING) "The drone's coming!" 343 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,360 (MIMICS ENGINE SPUTTERING) They'll be blown to pieces. 344 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,280 Thank you, Renault. Well done, saved the world. 345 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,440 Renault has saved the world. 346 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,680 -Who knew? -Yeah. 347 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,280 I tell you what I thought you'd like most of all for this year, is this. 348 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,960 I do like the look of that. 349 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,440 That is the new... It's the Dodge Challenger Demon. 350 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,680 It's basically an even more powerful version of the Hellcat 351 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,040 I drove in the last series. 840 horsepower. 352 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,840 And it's got those little wheels at the front 353 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,200 because it's set up there for drag racing. 354 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,960 -But it looks like a T-Rex. -What? 355 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,920 It's ridic... It's like that. It's just stupid. 356 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,640 That's why T-Rexs died out, they couldn't reach anything. 357 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,280 Well, they were good at drag racing though, weren't they? 358 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,040 But they...they couldn't even pleasure themselves. 359 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,520 -Sorry? -(LAUGHTER) 360 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,440 Well, how would a T-Rex pleasure himself? 361 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,680 How has your mind even gone there? 362 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,480 I'm telling you-- 363 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,120 -Is that why they were always in such a bad mood? -Yes. 364 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,480 And that is the end of Conversation Street. 365 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,200 (CHEERING) 366 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,080 Thank you very much. 367 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,520 Excellent, excellent. Now... 368 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,880 Moving on, I would like to talk a little about hot hatchbacks, 369 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,280 because I think they might be getting a bit silly. 370 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:13,640 The AMG Mercedes A Class develops 375 horsepower. 371 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,080 The Focus RS has 345 horsepower. 372 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:20,200 Why do you need that much power in a hatchback? 373 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,200 -Well, James-- -Well, nothing. 374 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:26,280 Because I think it's time we all just calmed down a bit. 375 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,920 This is the Golf GTI, 376 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,640 and it's a perfect illustration of what I'm on about. 377 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,640 Yes, it is quick. And it should be quick. 378 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,760 It's got more power than a 1980s Ferrari. 379 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,480 But then again, it needs a lot of power because it's so big and so heavy. 380 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:56,840 The hot hatch wasn't always like this. 381 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,920 To show you what I mean, 382 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:03,920 here's the original Golf GTI from 42 years ago. 383 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,400 And it's a very different animal indeed. 384 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:11,000 Now that car wasn't about massive rear leg room 385 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,280 or a big bulky body, 386 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,080 or a huge duvet of sound deadening, 387 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,920 or all this equipment, or any of that stuff. 388 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,560 It was just about having a bit of a laugh, 389 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,320 darting around in a biscuit-tin body of a car. 390 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,160 Sadly they don't make 'em like that any more. 391 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,640 Well, except when they do. 392 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:37,600 This is the Volkswagen up! - the smallest car VW sells. 393 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,000 And now they've made a GTI version. 394 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,760 A car that's been created 395 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,600 to resurrect the spirit of that original Mark I Golf. 396 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,320 In fact, the similarities are uncanny. 397 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,920 Let's start with horsepower. 398 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,520 The original had just 108, 399 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:06,160 and the up! GTI has a similarly modest 113, 400 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,840 giving both cars a 0-60 time 401 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,160 of around nine seconds. 402 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,520 It's also a little bit '80s retro in here. 403 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,720 For a start, you start it by turning a key. 404 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,680 There's no button to press for people who want to pretend to be fighter pilots. 405 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,920 You change gear using a stick 406 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,200 and an old-fashioned clutch pedal. 407 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,760 I haven't looked in the boot 408 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,200 but I expect there's a miners' strike in there, 409 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,080 or the speeches of Margaret Thatcher. 410 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:41,320 However, one of the reasons the Mark I GTI was so much fun to drive 411 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,160 was because it was so light. 412 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,280 But the up!, being a modern car, 413 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,240 weighs a portly 200kg more. 414 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,960 So, with all that extra weight to lug around, 415 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,240 is the new boy actually any fun on the move? 416 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:08,240 Well, its modernity does pay under the bonnet. 417 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,120 This has just a one-litre engine 418 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,800 with only three cylinders, 419 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,360 but it does have a turbo-charger 420 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,920 for a bit of extra oomph. 421 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,200 And it makes a fantastic growly noise. 422 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,320 Listen to this. 423 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,640 (ENGINE GROWLS) 424 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,480 You don't get that in a modern Golf GTI. 425 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:25,680 It's all smooth and asinine. 426 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,120 Now, that noise... There it is, there. 427 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,000 It's a bit of a cheat because there's something called a sound actuator 428 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,600 under the bonnet, 429 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,640 and it artificially pumps that growl into the cabin. 430 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,960 But so what? 431 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,040 It's very satisfying. 432 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,560 So, the engine's a bit of a hoot. 433 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,000 And, despite the extra weight, 434 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,600 the up!'s pretty nimble through corners too. 435 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:00,720 Yeah, you see, small... 436 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,840 ...chuckable... 437 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,160 ...enjoyable. 438 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:09,800 It is proper fun. 439 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,640 Feels like I'm doing hundreds of miles an hour. 440 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,240 You know what this is like? It's a bit like an '80s action movie 441 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,600 where the same thing blows up ten times. 442 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,040 (EXPLOSIONS BOOM) 443 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,240 And it's that compared with say, a CGI blockbuster 444 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,400 full of amazing effects. 445 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,280 One is a simple laugh, 446 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,320 the other is a bit too bloated 447 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:43,080 and, frankly, up its own arse. 448 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:46,440 But even though the up! harks back to simpler times, 449 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,760 it still comes with climate control, 450 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,240 heated seats, 451 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,800 Bluetooth, a reversing camera 452 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,520 and, for when your 17-year-old borrows it, 453 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,360 traction control that you can't turn off. 454 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,760 So it's quicker than it sounds. 455 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,840 It scampers around like a spaniel, 456 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,520 and it's got just enough kick to make it comfortable. 457 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,880 But no more than that. 458 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:17,480 And it gives you all this for about £14,000. 459 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,200 Or, to put it another way, 460 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,360 it's half the price of a new Golf GTI, 461 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,320 and, I honestly believe, twice the fun. 462 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:28,560 I might actually want one. 463 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:34,320 (CHEERING) 464 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,640 Nice little car. Nice little car. 465 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,880 -It is. -So... 466 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,760 (APPLAUSE CONTINUES) 467 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,000 So that is... that is interesting. 468 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,560 What you're saying is 469 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,360 the up! GTI is half the price of a modern Golf GTI 470 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,720 and more fun. 471 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,920 Yeah, and cheaper to run. And actually, to be honest, it's more characterful. 472 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,560 So really the conclusion is 473 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,920 that to own a Golf GTI, you'd have to be a moron. 474 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,080 To be honest, you'd have to be demented. 475 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:06,080 Shall we see how fast the up! goes round the Eboladrome? 476 00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,960 Oh, wait. You own a Golf GTI, don't you? 477 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,320 Yes, I do. 478 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,560 I knew somebody had one. 479 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,200 It's when you said a moron, that's when it all clicked into place. 480 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,400 Anyway, the lap. 481 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,840 Right, let's see what you've got. 482 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,680 JEREMY: And she's off. 483 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,360 A murky day out there, 484 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,920 and I'm sure she'd rather be in a Golf. 485 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:29,800 Onto the Isn't Straight. 486 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,480 Actual standing water out there, 487 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,320 but she's showing no fear at all. 488 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:35,880 Smooth line through there. 489 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,040 Now trundling down towards Your Name Here. 490 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,720 A Golf, of course, would have arrived hours ago. 491 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,080 She still isn't there! Come on! 492 00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:49,760 The little up-exclamation-mark GTI dawdling through there. 493 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,200 Golf GTI has a clever diff, of course. This doesn't. 494 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,120 And now back onto the Isn't. 495 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:57,760 Perfect line along there... 496 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,640 And down the gears now for Old Lady's House. 497 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,080 Well, not yet but in a minute she will be. Hang on. 498 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,320 Any minute now... 499 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:05,680 There she is, down through the gears. 500 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,960 Will it understeer through here? 501 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,720 No, cos of course you can't turn off the traction control 502 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,400 whereas you can in a Golf GTI 503 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,440 cos it's a car for brave and brilliant people. 504 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,320 Right, down the Bumpy Back Straight to Substation. 505 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:22,160 It really is awful weather out there. 506 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,680 If she was in a Golf, it'd be sunny. 507 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,560 Uh...right, just the last corner to crawl round. 508 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,960 There it is, and across the line. 509 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,840 (CHEERING) 510 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,480 Right, let's find out 511 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,880 where it goes on the board, shall we? 512 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,880 Let's have a look. 513 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,240 -Ha! -(LAUGHTER) 514 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,280 Literally the slowest car in the world. 515 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,720 Yeah, but it was chucking it down. Come on. 516 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,400 So you're saying if it had been dry 517 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,040 it would have challenged the Aston Martin Vulcan? 518 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,320 -Yes, it would. -Anyway, we must move it on 519 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:58,560 because it is time to play Celebrity Face Off. 520 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,360 (CHEERING) 521 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,160 Thank you. 522 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,360 And once again we are asking an important question, 523 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,680 and it's this. 524 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,280 Who is the fastest person in the world 525 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:21,400 who has a failed former career in a band? 526 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,040 Well, to help us find out, please welcome... 527 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,000 Dominic Cooper and Bill Bailey! 528 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,880 (CHEERING) 529 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,560 Thank you very much. 530 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,160 Twins! 531 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,920 They're literally twins. 532 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:36,160 -Hello. -Welcome. 533 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,120 -Cheers, thank you. -Have a seat. 534 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,520 -Welcome, gentlemen. -Thank you. 535 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,840 Welcome, welcome. I have to tell you, 536 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,440 I had a great one last night, Dominic. 537 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,920 I actually met you in a restaurant just last night. 538 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,360 No, no. 539 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,920 Exactly, that was the problem. 540 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,240 I was with a couple of theatrical and film people. 541 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,000 I said you were coming on the show, and they went, "He's on the next table." 542 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,160 So I went over and actually said to this person, 543 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,560 "I hear you're coming on the show." 544 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,040 He went, "What are you talking about?" 545 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,560 (LAUGHTER) 546 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,240 You went over to someone that wasn't me, 547 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,600 persuaded by the people you were with that it was me. 548 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,560 -Yes but it was incredible-- -Who was it? 549 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,960 He was a complete stranger. He thinks Jeremy Clarkson-- 550 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,840 Perhaps it was Danny Dyer. 551 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,000 -No. -(LAUGHTER) 552 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,360 No, no, no, no, no. 553 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,000 That is not fair. 554 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:20,880 So I made a bit of a fool of myself. Anyway, right... 555 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,840 Well, thank goodness you hadn't done that before. 556 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,400 (LAUGHTER) 557 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:25,800 It's a new experience. 558 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,120 -(APPLAUSE) -Phew. 559 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,520 That was a lucky escape. 560 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,480 Oh, dear. 561 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,400 Anyway, the link, of course, between you two 562 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,000 is that you both had failed careers in bands early on. 563 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,240 -Yes. -I wouldn't say failed. 564 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,080 I don't... Fail, really? 565 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,200 -Well... -Interesting, uh... 566 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:44,680 What's success, in terms of a band? 567 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,840 Well, OK, I think, were you not once, 568 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,120 the band outnumbered the audience? 569 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,760 -Every time we played. -That's a failure. 570 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:52,320 -(LAUGHTER) -Is it? 571 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:53,840 It is, I'd call that a failure. 572 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,720 Well, there was one particular gig in Greenwich 573 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,320 where, yeah, there was one audience member. 574 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:58,920 -One? -Five band members, 575 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,640 -one audience member, yeah. -Oh, that's tricky. 576 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,960 You... before you start with the... 577 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:05,400 What was your band called? 578 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,240 Well, the band was called the Famous Five 579 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,480 and there was actually four people in it. 580 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,760 -(LAUGHTER) -And nobody had heard of us, 581 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,200 so it sort of didn't make any sense. 582 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,880 We... We did have a photo shoot 583 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:20,920 and the drummer was quite a vain man, 584 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,280 and he decided what a great idea it would be to... 585 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:28,400 if we all painted our little fingers with black nail varnish, 586 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,400 because that looked cool, right? 587 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,160 Then we saw the photo shoot 588 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,200 and it looks like we've all trapped our hand in a door. 589 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,160 -(LAUGHTER) -Just looks really stupid. 590 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,040 Now, I've got a question from Richard Hammond... cos I was in a band. 591 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:40,840 We were talking about this the other day. 592 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:42,760 James May was in a band, He was in a band. 593 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,760 He still wears socks down the front of his underpants to do the show. 594 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,840 RICHARD: Whoa! What? 595 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,120 He was wondering, did you ever put anything down the front of your-- 596 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,080 I did not ask that! 597 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,000 You did! You said, "Can you ask them what they put..." 598 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,440 You've written that down yourself! 599 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,280 Well, I may have made it up a bit. 600 00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:58,880 But you never went down that route? 601 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,200 -Yeah. -No. 602 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,920 -You did? -No. No, no, no, never. Did you? 603 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,800 Well, very recently, cos I had to wear a lot of spandex 604 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:06,560 in the thing I'm filming at the moment, 605 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,000 all-in-one spandex... sort of... 606 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,320 -This is Mamma Mia 2. -'70s ABBA suit, yeah. 607 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,400 So we were all discussing, it was quite a logistical and quite problematic thing. 608 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,320 It makes you look like you have absolutely 609 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,600 very little going on in that department. 610 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,080 So we had to decide whether, and what we would use to... 611 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,640 -Right. -Do you know what I mean? 612 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,440 What did you put down the front of your trousers? 613 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:26,960 This is what Hammond was asking. 614 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,960 RICHARD: I wasn't asking, just to be clear. 615 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,840 I tried two make-up sponges at first. 616 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,400 -Two make-up... -(LAUGHTER) 617 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,560 Anyway, listen, we've got to get on to cars. 618 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,680 -You're united, I think, by a love of French cars. -Yes. 619 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,320 -Cos you have a Citroen DS. -I do. 620 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,320 -Beautiful. -Which is beautiful. 621 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,520 -Stunning car. -It's the most beautiful car ever made. 622 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:47,880 -There... -I agree. 623 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:49,520 And...it's a piece of work. 624 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:51,400 And why did you buy such a thing? 625 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:52,680 Why? 626 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,480 Well, because of the Icelandic volcano 627 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,840 with the unpronounceable name, 628 00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,880 -Eyjally-jolly-joffakabl... -(LAUGHTER) 629 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,640 ...when it erupted and there was the big ash cloud, we were trapped. 630 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,360 We were in southern Spain, couldn't get home. 631 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,600 All the flights were cancelled. 632 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:08,240 The ferries were full. 633 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,400 We thought we'd get the train back through France 634 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,880 but, of course, perfectly, 635 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:14,760 the French decided to have a rail strike 636 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:19,880 during the time of the greatest travel upheaval in recent memory. 637 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:21,800 "Non, I don't care. I don't care about you." 638 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:23,000 (LAUGHTER) 639 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,680 But there's no flights. "Non...uh." 640 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,000 So we... 641 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,240 (LAUGHTER) 642 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,160 I just... Just checking my blood pressure. 643 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:34,480 -(LAUGHTER) -So... So what happened was we thought: 644 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,760 let's just buy a car and drive home in it. 645 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:41,040 And then I thought: well, let's not just buy any car, 646 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,240 let's buy the car I've always wanted to own. 647 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,880 So we found a little garage just outside Marseille 648 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,200 and it was wrecks of every kind of French car you could imagine, 649 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,920 but amongst them was this old black DS 650 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,200 and it was a bit of a wreck, but it went. 651 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,320 -And it got you home. -It got us home. 652 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,760 And then, over the last few years, 653 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,200 I've refurbed it into its former glory. 654 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,720 -Do you still drive it around today? -I still drive it around today. 655 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:05,120 Now, you started on this Citroen thing. 656 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,840 Did you learn to drive in a 2CV? 657 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:09,920 Yes, I did, in a field. 658 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,480 The thing about the 2CV is if you learn in one of those, 659 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,320 and I've often wondered that, when you get into an actual proper car... 660 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,280 (LAUGHTER) 661 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,640 don't you think: well, I don't know what anything does. 662 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,240 Cos the gear lever's all in a different place and everything feels different. 663 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,520 Yeah, the gear's all backwards isn't it? 664 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,920 And it didn't help that my stepdad at the time put the engine in backwards 665 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,080 so it had four reverse gears and one forward. 666 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:29,800 That's what he did at that particular point. 667 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:31,040 But they're so simple. 668 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,160 And the fan. They had those fan... 669 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,920 They... just had a fan, you just opened... just a hole into the... 670 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,040 I loved the basic nature of it, you know? 671 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,560 You could open it with just a screwdriver, a coin. 672 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,640 I had a... I had a Citroen Dyane, 673 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:47,000 which, if you can believe it, is the more basic version of the 2CV. 674 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,880 And I left it parked up somewhere and I forgot my key. 675 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:53,280 And I thought: nah, don't worry, I can break in. 676 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,080 So I broke into my own car and I got into the back seat 677 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:57,640 and there was a child seat there, 678 00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,880 and I thought: I don't have a child. Oh, no. 679 00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:02,480 -(LAUGHTER) -Oh, dear. 680 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,760 And uh... 681 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,560 But it's very easy to put back together again, you know. 682 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,440 -For when the real owner comes back. -Yes. 683 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,920 Cos your first car, not French, was that... 684 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:13,080 -No. -It was a Healey? 685 00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,040 Austin Healey Sprite, yeah. 686 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,080 Oh, a Sprite, right, not a big Healey. 687 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,720 Not a 3000. It's tiny. I don't know how I dared drive it. 688 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,200 Actually, it was my brother's, 689 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,640 and I needed to get to Stratford to do a play 690 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,400 and I don't know why or how I had the nerve. I wasn't insured. 691 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,280 The car had a hole about that high above the petrol tank 692 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,320 so you could put 55p's worth of petrol in it, which would get you there. 693 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,200 -Had no wipers - wipers on strings. -Like an Uber driver. 694 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:37,960 And one headlight. 695 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,280 (LAUGHTER) 696 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,160 So what are you running now? 697 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,280 The Healey: the Healey around London and an Audi RS7. 698 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,840 Hang on, so you still have the Healey, and... 699 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,280 Yeah, I got another one. 700 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,720 From eBay. It works quite well. 701 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,920 -Really? -Yeah. 702 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:53,960 It's the only thing that's ever turned up, that I bought on eBay. 703 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,600 -(LAUGHTER) -And yeah, it's quite good. 704 00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,240 Because it's interesting, you both drive old cars, and why would you? 705 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,160 Because you are quite a speedy driver. 706 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:03,640 Oh, well, I like the speed. 707 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,360 I like to go fast. 708 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,040 How many points did you get on your licence at one point? 709 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,880 Uh... Well, all of them. 710 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,120 You know, I had 12 points 711 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,200 and then I went over the 12 points 712 00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:16,280 and I had to go on a speed awareness course, 713 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,200 and I've done that three times now. 714 00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:21,000 So I'm quite used to that. 715 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:22,520 -So you do get pulled a lot? -Yes. 716 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,880 I was driving down to Devon 717 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:26,600 and I forgot to put my seatbelt. 718 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,520 My bad, terrible thing to do. 719 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:30,840 I'd just pulled out of the service station, I hadn't had it on. 720 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,640 I was in the process of putting it on. 721 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:36,760 And anyway, so I got pulled over and the copper, 722 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,840 he said, (NORTHERN ACCENT) "Right", he goes, "Now." He was from up north. 723 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,680 He goes, "Very dangerous, what you did there." I went, "Oh, yeah." 724 00:34:42,720 --> 00:34:44,480 He said, "You know the band Def Leppard?" 725 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,640 And I said, "Yeah, I know the band Def Leppard". 726 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,560 He goes , "Yeah. You know the drummer? 727 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,920 You know, lost his arm? He wasn't wearing a seatbelt. 728 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,080 He was thrown from the vehicle, lost his arm." 729 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:55,800 And I went, "Oh, right." 730 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,080 And he goes, "His girlfriend, she was wearing a seatbelt. 731 00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:59,640 Killed instantly." 732 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,000 (LAUGHTER) 733 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,080 What was his point? 734 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:09,640 I don't know. It didn't back up his story at all, did it? 735 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,400 (LAUGHTER) 736 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:12,960 Right, so anyway. 737 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,920 You came here, you did all this, and...was it fun? 738 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,600 It was great fun, on the track. 739 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,040 I just loved it, loved every second of it, yeah. 740 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,400 Trying to work out whose lap shall we see first. 741 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,800 -We'll go... You're nearest. -All right. 742 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,400 Shall we have a look at Bill's lap? 743 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,200 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Yeah. 744 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,840 -Let's see it. -I'm very worried about this. 745 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,280 JEREMY: And away we go. It's looking good today, the Jag. 746 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,880 -It is. -Ha-ha. 747 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,080 Lovely lady of acceleration. 748 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,160 JEREMY: Few helmet issues there, if I may be so bold. 749 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,520 -BILL: I know. -JEREMY: Jimmy Carr once-- 750 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,440 BILL: Looks like I've been punched... 751 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,000 JEREMY: A fat kid stuck in a lift. -(Bill laughs) 752 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,240 That's a bit steady through there, but I agree with that, 753 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,280 because otherwise it's a bit tricky when you get onto the gravel. 754 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,240 BILL: Yes. 755 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:55,920 JEREMY: Holding it nicely together... into Difficult Bit One. 756 00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,320 BILL: Tricky bit there, that was pretty good. 757 00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,280 DOMINIC: You're so good at this! 758 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,920 Oh, horrible gravel, horrible gravel. 759 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:04,360 Horrible gravel. 760 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,080 JEREMY: In to the gravel. Holding it nicely through. 761 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,960 -That's very well done, got to be honest, Bill. -BILL: Not too bad. 762 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,680 JEREMY: No, right, now into Difficult Bit Two. 763 00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:13,400 BILL: This is tricky, this is tricky. 764 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,200 JEREMY: Oh, you're in the thick gravel now, that's... 765 00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:17,080 I was in the horrible, nasty thick stuff there. 766 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:18,680 JEREMY: Slow you down. Now, coming back on the track, very slippery here. 767 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:20,000 BILL: That's very slippery. 768 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,080 -BILL: Suddenly the... -JEREMY: Oh! 769 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,040 BILL: Suddenly you just... There's a bit of fishtailing because... 770 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,560 -JEREMY: That's all right. -BILL: ...you're back on the tarmac. 771 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,600 JEREMY: Right, now we're into the very fast bit now. 772 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:30,720 Very exciting. 773 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:31,880 (CHUCKLES MANIACALLY) 774 00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,400 (LAUGHTER) 775 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,240 JEREMY: There's a man who likes a bit of speed. 776 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:39,600 And... Oh, it's a couple of lines chosen for there. 777 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,640 And another one there. 778 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,480 Coming up to the final corner. Little bit of understeer, 779 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,640 but not like Casey the Bear Man had the other day. 780 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,280 And there we are, across the line, everybody. 781 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:52,320 -(APPLAUSE) -Well done. 782 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,360 -Well done. -I'm furious, furious. 783 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:58,320 Looked good. 784 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,440 That did look good. Now, Dominic, um... 785 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,520 You had a bit of a problem with... 786 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:05,720 -What's that? -Well, with one of your practice laps. 787 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,160 Would anybody like to see? 788 00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,880 AUDIENCE: Yes! 789 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,760 -Which bit? -This bit. 790 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,680 Here he comes. 791 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:15,200 And onto the slippery bit. 792 00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:16,840 Oh, oopsy-daisy. 793 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,160 DOMINIC: Yes, yes, yes. Straight back on the track! 794 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:23,520 JEREMY: This is what I love, keeping it going, yes! 795 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:24,880 (CHEERING) 796 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:29,160 That was very good. 797 00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,360 Yeah. It was a bad moment. That was a bad moment. 798 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,440 Eventually, you got a lap put together. 799 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,160 -Would you like to see it? ALL: Yes! 800 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,080 -Here we go. -It's just not going to be as good. 801 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,960 It always seems to take a while getting off the line. 802 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,160 I'm going to have to break quite hard into this corner. 803 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,480 -Aargh! -(LAUGHTER) 804 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,880 OK, now you've got to... Hang on, let's listen. 805 00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,120 Oh, feathering the throttle through there. That's nicely done. 806 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:59,120 Holding it as we head toward the gravel. 807 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:00,960 Yeah, you can see it starting to fishtail. 808 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,640 That is slightly bowel-loosening when it does that. 809 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,880 DOMINIC: Yep. 810 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:08,080 Very wide through there, through the... It looks like it's manure. 811 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,280 Come on, car! 812 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,080 -DOMINIC: Blaming the car. -JEREMY: Cars respond when you shout at them. 813 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:15,640 It's what people don't understand, but they do. 814 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,160 DOMINIC: It's such good fun, that gravel bit. 815 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,520 JEREMY: That's tidy through there. 816 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,560 -JEREMY: Right, Difficult Bit Two. -BILL: Tidy. 817 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,360 JEREMY: Sometimes tidy is fast. 818 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,760 Sometimes it isn't, I admit, but it is... could be. 819 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:29,640 More fishtailing there. You've got to try and get it right for this. 820 00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,320 Can you do it properly this time? Yeah, look at that! 821 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,360 DOMINIC: Now, this is the corner, this is the one. 822 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,120 JEREMY: It's greasy. Was it very slippery? 823 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,080 DOMINIC: It's hard coming out of the gravel onto the tarmac. 824 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,200 Be confident! Keep going, keep going! 825 00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:42,440 JEREMY: It is exciting because you're supposed-- 826 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,000 DOMINIC: As though I'm going to stop. 827 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,080 JEREMY: It's just... Ooh, there's another one... Ooh, shall I turn? Ooh, maybe not. 828 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:49,400 There we go, coming up now to the last corner. 829 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:53,400 You can lose so much time here, but I don't think you are doing there. 830 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,080 And there we are, across the line, everyone. 831 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:56,560 (CHEERING) 832 00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,840 -Well done. -Thank you. 833 00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,080 -That is such fun. -Oh, the best. 834 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:05,560 I've got the times here. (CLEARS THROAT) 835 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,200 Oh-ho-ho... 836 00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:08,800 -Bill Bailey. -Yes. 837 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,320 -It's a 1.25.1 is what it is. -All right, then. 838 00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:12,800 -Now, it's a good time. -(APPLAUSE) 839 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,720 A greasy track out there. 840 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,120 -It was wet. It was wet. -Greasy. 841 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:20,040 Yeah, no question. That's a greasy track out there, and that's pretty good. 842 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,880 -Times we've been having, that's ballpark. -OK. 843 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,000 They've been in the dry so you can be proud. 844 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:26,440 Dominic Cooper. 845 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:27,680 (GASPS) 846 00:39:27,720 --> 00:39:30,160 One... 847 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,200 twenty... 848 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:33,880 -3.6. -(APPLAUSE) 849 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,360 BILL: Well done. 850 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,040 -Congratulations. -I thought I'd failed! 851 00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,560 So there we are, ladies and gentlemen, 852 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:43,480 let's get this right, shall we? 853 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:47,240 It's Bill Bailey and the fastest person with a beard 854 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,680 who went on into either stand-up or acting 855 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,560 with a failed early career in a band, 856 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,400 -Dominic Cooper! -Yay. 857 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:54,840 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 858 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,760 -Thank you, gentlemen. -Very good. 859 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,920 Now, if you go on the Internet, 860 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,680 there's lots of films on there with people skidding around in cars. 861 00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:07,640 I've got an example here of what I'm on about. 862 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,320 (TRAIN HORN) 863 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,200 (APPLAUSE) 864 00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:41,560 Yes, yes. 865 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,360 I know what you're thinking. 866 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,720 You're thinking: Oh, that's very impressive. 867 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:48,960 You're thinking that's very impressive, but is it? 868 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,000 Well, yes, it is. 869 00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,520 That's the thing. I don't think it is. Anyone could do it. 870 00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,880 -Well, no they couldn't. -They could, seriously. 871 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:57,640 Because every time you make a mistake 872 00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:00,120 you cut to a shot of the rev counter, or changing gear. 873 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,560 Yeah? Or your face looking a bit heroic, 874 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,360 and then you get back to the action again. 875 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:05,840 It's just editing. 876 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,520 I think it's a bit more complicated than that. 877 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:10,120 No, it isn't, honestly. And I decided to prove my point 878 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,920 by making a skidding-about film of my own, OK? 879 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,240 -(LAUGHTER) -No, it's really simple, OK? 880 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,640 You just need a pretentious opening with some smoke 881 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,520 and then lots of shots of me looking heroic like that. 882 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,160 (LAUGHTER) 883 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,320 -Why are you doing that? -So I look heroic, like that. 884 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,280 -Well, you don't. -I do, and I will. 885 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:28,640 -This will be good. -It is. 886 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,520 -I bet it isn't. -It is. 887 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:53,720 (CAR DOOR SLAMS) 888 00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:57,280 (ENGINE STARTS, REVS) 889 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:23,800 (BLEATING) 890 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,160 (DRONE OF ENGINE) 891 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,120 (HORN BLARES) 892 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,080 (TYRES SCREECH) 893 00:43:34,240 --> 00:43:35,680 (HORNS BLARE AND BEEP) 894 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,600 (BLEATING) 895 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:56,560 (CHEERING) 896 00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,200 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 897 00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:02,160 Why have you stopped it? Why did you stop it? 898 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,680 Because... Because it's rubbish. 899 00:45:04,720 --> 00:45:07,600 It isn't rubbish. The ladies and gentlemen were enjoying it. Were you enjoying that? 900 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,640 ALL: Yes! -Exactly. Why did you stop it? 901 00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,040 Because the whole thing is fake. 902 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,120 What was faked in that? 903 00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:15,960 All right, take that rev counter shot for a start. 904 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,520 Pull it up, let's have a look. 905 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:22,280 OK, so you are doing 6750rpm and no miles an hour. 906 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:23,680 (LAUGHTER) 907 00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:24,880 Speedometer was broken. 908 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,000 -Was it? -Yes, it was. 909 00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:29,440 What about that bit where your feet were dancing around on the pedals? 910 00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,280 -You know, that bit. -Skilful work. 911 00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:33,320 -Really? -Yeah, it was. 912 00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,560 Would anybody like to see the unedited footage of how he did that? 913 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,640 ALL: Yes! -Yes we would, we would yes. 914 00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,840 -Is there a GoPro in here? -Yeah. 915 00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:43,200 So I can get my feet wiggling around on the pedals and we can cut that in? 916 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,080 -Yeah. -Good. 917 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,960 Heel and toe, heel and toe... 918 00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,200 Shall we wobble the car a bit as well? 919 00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:55,840 Yeah, rock it. 920 00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:58,160 And then drop these in just every so often. 921 00:45:58,200 --> 00:45:59,880 Yeah. 922 00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:02,080 Do the gear change as well. We can paint the windows out. 923 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,320 Do we need to get a rev counter shot, Phil? 924 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:11,280 We'll just... We'll just stick a camera on here. 925 00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:12,600 -Like that, on there. -OK. 926 00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:14,080 We can use that one from the footwell. 927 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:15,040 Yeah. 928 00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:26,120 Got it? 929 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:27,840 Totally convincing. I'm keeping it so that it looks like it's in gear, 930 00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:29,560 you know, not just revving it: 931 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,160 (MIMICS ENGINE REVVING) 932 00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:32,880 JEREMY: No, wait. 933 00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,400 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 934 00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:40,600 And then... Then there was that bit 935 00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,920 where you were doughnuting around in the barn, remember that? 936 00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:44,320 -Can we remember that? -What about it? 937 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,880 Who would like to see the rushes of that one? 938 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:50,440 -(CHEERING) -Let's see what was on the cutting room floor. 939 00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,360 What scene's this, scene four? 940 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,840 Scenes two to seven in-car. 941 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:57,120 So I just look heroic. 942 00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:00,040 Yeah, but you've really got to throw it in and give it a bit of oppo, yeah? 943 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,760 Yeah. I can do that. 944 00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:04,360 20 years of practice. 945 00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,680 Farmkana, the introduction. Take one. 946 00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,240 Handbrake! 947 00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,040 Had an accident. 948 00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:29,840 Damn. 949 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:34,720 -(CLANG) -Oh, shit. 950 00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:46,360 -Got it? -Yeah. 951 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,320 -I look pretty good. -Nice one. 952 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:58,280 It...it didn't, it didn't look good though, did it? 953 00:47:58,320 --> 00:47:59,520 No, and on that terrible disappointment-- 954 00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:01,560 No, no, no. No. 955 00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,160 -No, no, no. -We haven't got time for any more of your nonsense. 956 00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,920 Oh, yes, we have, cos we haven't got to that bit yet 957 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,920 where you slid through the gate, remember? 958 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:10,520 -Oh, for God's sake! -Who wants to see what happened there? 959 00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,080 -Nobody does! -The truth. 960 00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:14,960 Speed. 961 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,120 Farmkana: The Gate. Take one. 962 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,600 Let's do this! 963 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,280 Oh, shit. 964 00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,160 I may have clipped something there. 965 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,360 Damn. Sorry about that, Phil. 966 00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,680 Well, from now on we just... 967 00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:37,560 Why can't we shoot everything from the other side? 968 00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:39,920 I can't do that cos the car's turning around all the time. 969 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,480 I can't just film from one side. It's going to look absolutely terrible. 970 00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,400 But if you... You can barely see that. 971 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,080 Well, you can, look, it's... 972 00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:48,120 Why don't we just mend the fence and have another go at it? 973 00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:52,400 The Gate. Take two. 974 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:56,360 Concentrating, concentrating. 975 00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,640 And turn, and flick! 976 00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,080 Oh, dearie me. 977 00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,800 He's done it again. What a massive twat. 978 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:05,240 -You just can't do it. -I can. 979 00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:06,920 -You can't. -Well, I clipped it once. 980 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,480 I'm getting better. 981 00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:09,960 It's still not going through smoothly, is it? 982 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,680 Could you just rebuild it once more, honestly? 983 00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:18,160 I think I know what the problem is. My angle's too shallow. 984 00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:21,360 So I'm going to come up this side of the bog and swing it round. 985 00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,360 The Gate. Take three. 986 00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:25,720 PHIL: Action when you're ready. 987 00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:28,200 Turn...yank, let go, power. 988 00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:30,200 PHIL: Action when you're ready. 989 00:49:30,240 --> 00:49:32,080 Right, here we go. 990 00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:37,840 And handbrake! Oh, shit, that's the bloody... 991 00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:44,480 What happened was... You won't believe this, 992 00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,760 but I went for the handbrake, 993 00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:49,520 but I changed into second by mistake. 994 00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:52,200 -Properly wedged it in there. -Yeah. 995 00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:54,800 Well, at least we don't have to reset the gatepost again. 996 00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:58,440 Exactly. There, you see. That's the sort of bright thinking I like. 997 00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,440 That's not a good thing, though. 998 00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:01,920 -What? -Cos that's worse. 999 00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:03,960 Phil, let's get the other guy in the car. 1000 00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,840 Can somebody get Mark? 1001 00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:11,520 -Oh, don't show this. -I should explain. 1002 00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:14,520 That is three-times British Rally Champion Mark Higgins. 1003 00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,000 (LAUGHTER) 1004 00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:18,840 If you just drive through there about... 1005 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,240 -I was doing about 85, 90. -Right. 1006 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:22,840 And I wasn't quite getting it. 1007 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:25,600 So if you could just come through there, sideways, 1008 00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,960 power up and power out. 1009 00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,960 Right. 1010 00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:32,520 Thing is, you'll have to wear that. 1011 00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,160 It's me - it's what they use in Hollywood. 1012 00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:35,760 Yeah, but how can I see through them? 1013 00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:37,560 Yes, you do. Just look through the slits. 1014 00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,440 Put it on, seriously, it works. 1015 00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,640 This is what they use. All Hollywood stunt drivers use them 1016 00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:43,240 if they want to look... Then you...and just... 1017 00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:45,240 It's like looking in a mirror. 1018 00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:48,000 -That is... Look. -What? 1019 00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:50,560 Seriously, can you tell that that's not... Look at this. 1020 00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:55,800 Identical. Now, put your helmet on. 1021 00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:57,240 -What, on top of this? -Yeah. 1022 00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,800 (LAUGHTER) 1023 00:50:59,840 --> 00:51:01,280 (APPLAUSE OVER DIALOGUE) 1024 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,160 Shall we see what Mark looked like with the helmet on? 1025 00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:08,360 -Yes. -Shall we? 1026 00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:11,480 (LAUGHTER) 1027 00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,920 It's uncanny, it really is, look at that. 1028 00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,720 What it is is wanton cruelty on your part. 1029 00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,120 But anyway, listen. 1030 00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,920 I did use Mark for that one scene, I admit. 1031 00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,480 Yeah, you did. 1032 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:25,560 It's a shame you didn't use him for the sheep-herding scene though, isn't it? 1033 00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,400 -Don't show that. -(LAUGHTER) 1034 00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:31,480 No, no seriously, do not show that. 1035 00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:33,400 PHIL: Action, Jeremy, when you're ready. 1036 00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,080 So I've got to get these sheep 1037 00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,520 in that pen in the far corner, 1038 00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:43,800 in an exciting and exuberant...YouTubey way. Here we go. 1039 00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:49,920 Speed and power, that's the solution. 1040 00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,080 (THUD) 1041 00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:56,480 Duh...uh, nothing! 1042 00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,360 -Right, just get these stragglers... -(THUD) 1043 00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:00,840 -Don't go... -(THUD) 1044 00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:04,200 -Come on! -(THUD) 1045 00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:05,960 Oh, shit! 1046 00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:07,520 (SHEEP BLEATING) 1047 00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:10,320 I can't believe this. 1048 00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:14,120 Listen, you can either round them up really slowly, 1049 00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:15,440 which is quite boring television, 1050 00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,360 or you can give it some of that. 1051 00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,040 And if you give it some of that, 1052 00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:21,400 which is exciting for the ladies and gentlemen, 1053 00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:23,120 you're inevitably going to hit some sheep. 1054 00:52:26,720 --> 00:52:30,920 You've done one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, 1055 00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:32,440 eight, nine, ten, 11 sheep. 1056 00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:34,600 And broken the windscreen. 1057 00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:37,240 I think the windscreen is the least of our worries, to be honest with you. 1058 00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,720 Well, not really, not for continuity, 1059 00:52:38,760 --> 00:52:41,640 cos it's hard to cover that up. 1060 00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,360 This isn't how they do it on the normal film. 1061 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,640 Well, how do they do it? 1062 00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,280 -Well, he doesn't crash it every five minutes. -I haven't crashed it. 1063 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:50,000 You have crashed it, and you've killed things now. 1064 00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:51,200 Well, a bit... 1065 00:52:51,240 --> 00:52:53,040 (LAUGHTER) 1066 00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:54,800 (APPLAUSE) 1067 00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:58,520 -What? No. -(APPLAUSE CONTINUES) 1068 00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:02,600 Please, don't... Don't clap. He's a murderer. 1069 00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:06,840 They...they would have been jumpers by now, or Sunday lunch. 1070 00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:08,600 It's not the end of the world. 1071 00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:11,680 No, all right, but the next bit nearly was, wasn't it? 1072 00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:17,480 How the (BLEEP)... How am I going to film with that? 1073 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:20,560 JEREMY: Phil? 1074 00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:22,480 -(HORN BEEPS) -Rolled it. 1075 00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:24,200 Just make it go the other way up, 1076 00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:25,760 whenever you've got a moment. 1077 00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,880 Now I know what it's like to be Richard Hammond. 1078 00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,240 Thanks, chaps. 1079 00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,640 -We can edit that out. -No, we can't. Look at it. 1080 00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,280 What? Look at what? The door... 1081 00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:48,680 This, look. I can't do any of the drone shots now. 1082 00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:51,720 This is all smashed to bits. This is wrong. 1083 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,760 -You're such a fusspot. -Oil's come out of it. 1084 00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,520 Honestly. It still works well. 1085 00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:59,040 Pull that towards... 1086 00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:00,840 -Completely... -You haven't asked about me. 1087 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:02,240 You're fine, aren't you? You've got your helmet on. 1088 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:03,680 (LAUGHTER) 1089 00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:09,320 -No. -They didn't care. 1090 00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:11,960 I was risking my life for the ladies and gentlemen. Nobody cares. 1091 00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,040 -What? -Right, all right. 1092 00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,800 Let's move on to the end of your film. 1093 00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:19,920 The big finale? Which was brilliant. 1094 00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:22,400 -Hmm, yeah. Well, it wasn't, was it? -Yes, it was. 1095 00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,400 No, well, this is the bit, ladies and gentlemen, 1096 00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,360 where Jeremy attempted to jump over a river. 1097 00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:29,520 -I did jump over a river. -No, you didn't. 1098 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,960 -I did. -No, you didn't, as we shall now prove. 1099 00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,600 Dyke Jump. Take one. 1100 00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:43,600 PHIL: Action, action. 1101 00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:45,480 JEREMY: Let's do this! 1102 00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:57,840 (ALARM WAILS) 1103 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:02,120 (TOOTS HORN) Sorry! 1104 00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:04,120 PHIL: What a prick. 1105 00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,480 JEREMY: Erm... 1106 00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:09,280 (HORN BEEPS) 1107 00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:10,840 Really (BLEEP) it now. 1108 00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:12,800 Yeah, no, I think that's pretty much had it. 1109 00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:14,840 -Look at it, look at it. -I know! 1110 00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:17,080 -I've... We've... -We haven't got an ending. 1111 00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:19,400 -You're supposed to go over. -We'll just use another car. 1112 00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:22,040 -It's the big stunt. -I've got a backup car. 1113 00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:23,840 We'll use that. 1114 00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,240 Is that it? Is that enough now? 1115 00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:29,640 -Nearly. -No. 1116 00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,200 Right, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1117 00:55:32,240 --> 00:55:34,840 -Let's move on, shall we... -You're not still going on about-- 1118 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,000 No, I am, because I think we would like to see 1119 00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:39,120 the grand finale of Jeremy's film 1120 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:40,960 and his backup car, yes? 1121 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:42,720 ALL: Yes! -Yes, right. 1122 00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,040 Oh, shit. 1123 00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,120 (SMASHING) 1124 00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:39,280 JAMES: No. No, I'm sorry. 1125 00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:44,680 Hold on. 1126 00:56:44,720 --> 00:56:47,880 Your backup car, it was an Audi. 1127 00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:51,600 OK, who here... Who here noticed that was an Audi? 1128 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,600 ALL: Yes! 1129 00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:56,920 Yeah, so everybody noticed that because it was obvious. 1130 00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:58,920 I tell you what, why don't you explain to everyone 1131 00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:01,960 how magicians cut a lady in half in a box? 1132 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,600 -I don't know how that's done. -Exactly, cos it's magic! 1133 00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:07,360 People don't want to know how it's done. 1134 00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:09,520 And nobody wanted to know how I had made my film. 1135 00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:12,080 And you told them, and now you've spoiled everybody's year. 1136 00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,240 -Year? -And on that terrible disappointment, 1137 00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:15,680 it is time to end this time. 1138 00:57:15,720 --> 00:57:17,080 Thank you so much for watching. 1139 00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:18,240 I'm sorry about these two. 1140 00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:19,400 See you next time. Goodbye. 1141 00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,200 (CHEERING)