1 00:00:05,110 --> 00:00:07,350 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:07,390 --> 00:00:09,390 (TRAIN HORN BLASTS) 3 00:00:53,190 --> 00:00:55,190 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 4 00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:00,470 -Hello. -Hello, everybody! 5 00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:02,510 Thank you so much. 6 00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:06,790 -Thank you! -Thank you. 7 00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:08,190 JEREMY: Greetings! 8 00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:10,590 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 9 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:15,110 Thank you, everybody. Thank you. 10 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,470 And welcome, and thank you all 11 00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:22,190 for braving these treacherous conditions to get here. 12 00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:25,190 -It took me nearly nine minutes this morning. -(LAUGHTER) 13 00:01:25,230 --> 00:01:27,350 His slippers got all soggy on the way. 14 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:29,190 I nearly fell over once, but I made it. 15 00:01:29,230 --> 00:01:30,310 Don't worry, 16 00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:32,630 because we have an incredible reward for you all. 17 00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:35,830 Because, in this action-packed show... 18 00:01:37,190 --> 00:01:40,830 ..James wears a red anorak... 19 00:01:40,870 --> 00:01:43,550 ..Richard looks at a pipe of some sort... 20 00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:47,750 ..and I make a cup of tea. 21 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,590 (CHEERING) 22 00:01:51,630 --> 00:01:54,670 It is non-stop action. 23 00:01:54,710 --> 00:01:59,150 Non-stop. But... but we begin with mankind. 24 00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:01,550 -Wow! Big start! -It is a big start. 25 00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:03,390 You see, the thing is, as a species, 26 00:02:03,430 --> 00:02:05,190 we are very pleased with ourselves, 27 00:02:05,230 --> 00:02:07,790 because we have the Porsche 918 28 00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:09,070 and the Ferrari TheFerrari: 29 00:02:09,110 --> 00:02:13,310 cars that can travel at 212mph, an incredible speed. 30 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,910 Whereas cows and ants and... 31 00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:19,310 -What are you going on about? -Well, think about it, OK. 32 00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:21,350 A cow is exactly the same now 33 00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:22,950 as it was a million years ago. 34 00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:24,830 Well, maybe a bit more delicious now, 35 00:02:24,870 --> 00:02:26,030 but basically the same. 36 00:02:26,070 --> 00:02:28,590 It still stands around all day long 37 00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:30,030 in a field eating grass. 38 00:02:30,070 --> 00:02:32,550 Whereas we think that we've improved. 39 00:02:32,590 --> 00:02:34,470 But have we? 40 00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:35,590 -Yes. -Yeah, we have. 41 00:02:35,630 --> 00:02:36,990 Well, now, you say that, 42 00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:40,430 but we were travelling at way more than 212mph 43 00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:43,670 in our cars 25 years ago. 44 00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:57,430 JEREMY: This is the Jaguar XJ220. 45 00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:06,230 And with a top speed of 217mph, 46 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,510 it was the fastest car in the world. 47 00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:12,790 For about five minutes. 48 00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:14,670 And then this came along. 49 00:03:18,190 --> 00:03:23,830 The 218mph Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport. 50 00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:35,070 Both these cars were conceived in the '80s, 51 00:03:35,110 --> 00:03:37,030 when Gordon Gekko was running amok, 52 00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:39,870 and the world was awash with money. 53 00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:44,510 But by the time they went on sale in the early '90s... 54 00:03:44,550 --> 00:03:46,510 An incredible day on Wall Street. 55 00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:48,550 The market has fallen over 400 points. 56 00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:50,990 JEREMY: ...the stock market had crashed. 57 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,990 There's only one word to describe what's happening, 58 00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:54,550 and that is "panic". 59 00:03:54,590 --> 00:03:57,990 JEREMY: So, the only people who might have bought them 60 00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,910 were too busy hurling themselves out of their office windows 61 00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,190 on Wall Street. 62 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:08,070 So, these cars, they came, they conquered, 63 00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:09,950 and no-one noticed. 64 00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:14,630 Today, though, 25 years later, 65 00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:18,070 there are only three cars in current production 66 00:04:18,110 --> 00:04:19,990 that are faster than this. 67 00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:23,950 However, while there is a lot of performance, 68 00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:26,990 the way it's delivered is... quite old-fashioned. 69 00:04:27,030 --> 00:04:29,150 You put your foot down, and then you wait 70 00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:31,190 while the turbo-chargers spool up. 71 00:04:32,870 --> 00:04:35,230 It takes quite a while, cos there are four of them. 72 00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:37,270 (WHIRRING) 73 00:04:41,310 --> 00:04:42,870 Talk among yourselves. 74 00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:46,750 However, when the 3.5l V12 75 00:04:46,790 --> 00:04:49,190 is finally getting all the food it needs... 76 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:52,270 Oh, God! 77 00:04:52,310 --> 00:04:54,030 ..all hell breaks loose. 78 00:04:54,070 --> 00:04:56,350 (ENGINE ROARS) 79 00:04:58,350 --> 00:04:59,430 Oh! 80 00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:04,550 Through the corner. 81 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:07,950 Mild terror. 82 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,030 The speed is hilarious! 83 00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:17,070 And terrifying. 84 00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:20,830 That's probably why they fitted it 85 00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:24,110 with this plastic sheeting rather than carpets, 86 00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:27,710 because they knew that one day you would soil yourself. 87 00:05:30,670 --> 00:05:32,350 You did have to be good 88 00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:34,070 to get the best out of this thing. 89 00:05:35,190 --> 00:05:37,510 Which brings me on to Michael Schumacher. 90 00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:41,790 He could have had any car he wanted back in the day, 91 00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:43,390 but he had one of these. 92 00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:45,590 Weirdly, however, 93 00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:48,030 and mainly because I think it looks better, 94 00:05:48,070 --> 00:05:50,350 I'd have chosen the Jag. 95 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:06,110 It was supposed to have been a four-wheel drive V12, 96 00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:09,150 like the Bugatti, 97 00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:11,310 but Jaguar found that much too complicated. 98 00:06:11,350 --> 00:06:13,990 So, they gave it the turbo-charged V6 99 00:06:14,030 --> 00:06:15,550 from a Metro rally car, 100 00:06:15,590 --> 00:06:19,990 rear-wheel drive, the rear lights from a Rover 200, 101 00:06:20,030 --> 00:06:22,790 and then they said, "That'll do," 102 00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:24,990 and went to the pub. 103 00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:33,110 So, does that mean the Jag is embarrassed by the Bugatti 104 00:06:33,150 --> 00:06:34,910 in a drag race? 105 00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:40,750 Right, before we do this, 106 00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:44,350 I have to tape the cassette player in place, 107 00:06:44,390 --> 00:06:48,190 because the last time I did a full-bore standing start 108 00:06:48,230 --> 00:06:50,070 in an XJ220, 109 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,310 the acceleration was so vivid, 110 00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:55,630 the stereo shot out of its slot in the dashboard, 111 00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:58,870 ricocheted off the gear lever, 112 00:06:58,910 --> 00:07:01,590 and then speared into my left plum. 113 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,630 It was very uncomfortable. 114 00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:06,990 Oh, the end's come off. 115 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,870 That's good. Right, window up. 116 00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:14,470 (WHIRRING) 117 00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:16,110 (SQUEAKING) 118 00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:23,630 (SQUEAKING CONTINUES) 119 00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:28,950 Right, let's do this! 120 00:07:31,430 --> 00:07:33,870 (ENGINES REV) 121 00:07:44,950 --> 00:07:46,030 (TYRES SCREECH) 122 00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:47,550 (ENGINES ROAR) 123 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:51,910 Don't know when to change gear, 124 00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:53,790 because the rev counter's broken. 125 00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:00,470 This is close. 126 00:08:03,390 --> 00:08:05,230 Oh, my word! Ha! 127 00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:12,150 Score one for the Jag! 128 00:08:13,150 --> 00:08:16,230 Whoa! That was some speed! 129 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,350 After a quarter of a mile, 130 00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:24,390 the badly-made Jag was doing 135mph, 131 00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:28,430 and a modern day Lamborghini Huracan couldn't do that. 132 00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:33,190 Which proves that in the last 25 years, we've come nowhere. 133 00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:35,470 Except, we have. 134 00:08:37,070 --> 00:08:39,510 You see, back in '92 and '93, 135 00:08:39,550 --> 00:08:42,270 there was no Wi-Fi, there was no PlayStation, 136 00:08:42,310 --> 00:08:44,750 DVD hadn't been invented, 137 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,630 Justin Bieber hadn't been born. 138 00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:50,030 There was no Google, Amazon was a river. 139 00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,950 There was no internet pornography. 140 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,470 Well, that's probably a good thing, 141 00:08:53,510 --> 00:08:54,990 cos there was no Viagra, either. 142 00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:57,750 The early '90s were the dark ages, 143 00:08:57,790 --> 00:09:01,470 and when you drive these cars, it shows. 144 00:09:11,070 --> 00:09:13,830 In here, there's no power-steering. 145 00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:16,110 No air conditioning. 146 00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:18,710 No anti-lock brakes. 147 00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:24,190 And obviously, no driver aids of any kind. 148 00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:34,470 Got a 525bhp engine back there. 149 00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:39,710 Ooh, shi... 150 00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:45,430 Being fed by a turbo-charger the size of a wheelie bin. 151 00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:52,990 And all there is in here to tame it is me! 152 00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:01,670 Ah! 153 00:10:03,110 --> 00:10:04,230 Oh! 154 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,790 After a couple of laps in this thing, 155 00:10:11,830 --> 00:10:13,670 you really are aching. 156 00:10:13,710 --> 00:10:15,150 And sweating. 157 00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:17,430 And you're frightened. You really are. 158 00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:21,030 Cos this is not a car that's just gonna forgive you. 159 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:24,550 If you overdo it, you're gonna hit a tree, 160 00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,350 and that's just an end of it. 161 00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,870 So, there we are. 162 00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,270 A modern supercar may be no faster 163 00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:47,830 than these monsters from the past, 164 00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:51,750 but a modern supercar makes the speed fun and easy, 165 00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:57,350 not terrifying and bathed in an unholy mix of sweat and faeces. 166 00:11:02,670 --> 00:11:05,030 (CHEERING) 167 00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:06,430 Well done. 168 00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:08,510 Covered it all there. 169 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:10,790 No, seriously, well done, 170 00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:12,710 because nobody's ever finished a road test 171 00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:14,590 with the word "faeces" before. 172 00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:15,830 No, that was a first. 173 00:11:15,870 --> 00:11:16,990 But I'm just thinking, 174 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:19,430 it isn't just supercars that are getting slower, 175 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,430 because you remember the Lotus Sunbeam? 176 00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:24,270 -When was that, 1979, '78? -Yeah. 177 00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:27,030 That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds, 178 00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:28,350 and there aren't many hot hatches 179 00:11:28,390 --> 00:11:30,030 that would keep up with that, even today. 180 00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:32,310 And then you've got trains. The Mallard, the steam train, 181 00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:33,750 is quicker than most electric trains. 182 00:11:33,790 --> 00:11:37,670 SR-71 Blackbird, nothing in the skies as fast as that. 183 00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:38,990 I suppose, if you think about it, we used to be able 184 00:11:39,030 --> 00:11:41,110 to get across the Atlantic in three hours, 185 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,910 -and now it takes us seven. -Exactly. 186 00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:45,870 And now we must put some numbers on our argument 187 00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:49,590 by sending the Bugatti round the Eboladrome. 188 00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:51,470 (ENGINE REVS) 189 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,150 Come on, old-timer! 190 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,190 JEREMY: And she's off. 191 00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:58,310 A smooth start. 192 00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:00,710 Four-wheel drive system maintaining traction 193 00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:03,630 in these wet conditions. 194 00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:06,310 It really is soaking out there today! 195 00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:09,870 Right, a measured line through the first curve, 196 00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:12,350 and then carefully working the throttle 197 00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:14,110 to keep things in check. 198 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,710 Approaching the sweep down to Your Name Here, 199 00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,350 and smoothly done. 200 00:12:18,390 --> 00:12:19,750 (TYRES SQUEAL) 201 00:12:19,790 --> 00:12:22,670 Crikey! Managing to get the tyres squealing, 202 00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:24,870 even on this damp section. 203 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,030 And then winding up the little V12 204 00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:30,310 to fire it back onto the Isn't. 205 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,990 Single wiper batting away the drizzle, 206 00:12:33,030 --> 00:12:35,150 as she hustles it towards the braking zone 207 00:12:35,190 --> 00:12:38,150 for the tricky Old Lady's House complex. 208 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,190 How will it get on here? 209 00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:41,910 Very neat. 210 00:12:41,950 --> 00:12:44,270 Very controlled. 211 00:12:44,310 --> 00:12:47,870 And now back on the gas for the run to Substation. 212 00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:49,750 And you can hear the fizz 213 00:12:49,790 --> 00:12:52,790 from those four furiously spinning turbos. 214 00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:55,110 Keeping it together there nicely. 215 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,310 Field Of Sheep to go. 216 00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:58,630 Glides through there, and across the line. 217 00:12:59,790 --> 00:13:01,790 (CHEERING) 218 00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:07,790 So, let's see where it goes on the board. 219 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,470 I'm imagining pretty high up. 220 00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:10,670 Oh. 221 00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:13,830 -That's not very fast. -No, it isn't very fast. 222 00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:16,110 But we put the Jag round, as well, 223 00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:17,590 and that did it in... 224 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,910 Hang on, I've got the time here. Just bear with me. 225 00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,950 ..one thirty-five one. 226 00:13:21,990 --> 00:13:25,030 JAMES: So... slower than the Bugatti? 227 00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,910 Yes. 228 00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,350 Slower, in fact, than everything 229 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,910 except a small, cheap Volkswagen hatchback, 230 00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:33,230 which also went round in the soaking wet. 231 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:35,710 Yes. 232 00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,550 So, contrary to what you were saying earlier on, 233 00:13:37,590 --> 00:13:39,790 supercars have got much faster 234 00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:41,710 over the last 25 years. 235 00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:45,390 Yes. 236 00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:46,870 Right! Moving on! 237 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,390 Because now it's time 238 00:13:48,430 --> 00:13:50,710 to order some doughnuts of debate 239 00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:55,750 from the Chat Café, on Conversation Street. 240 00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,790 (SMOOTH JAZZ) 241 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:04,590 -I was terrified. -Yeah. 242 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:05,950 Right, good. Now... 243 00:14:07,070 --> 00:14:09,190 -..you know the BMW Z4? -Yes. 244 00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:10,310 The only car, incidentally, 245 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,270 designed on the interior and the exterior by women. 246 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,390 -OK? -It was. 247 00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:17,350 Well, they're dropping it, and replacing it with this. 248 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:20,190 This has been designed by a man, so... 249 00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:23,350 Mm-hm. And where are you going with this one, Jeremy? 250 00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:27,630 So, it won't be able to take its jumper off 251 00:14:27,670 --> 00:14:29,470 by folding its arms. 252 00:14:29,510 --> 00:14:31,830 -What? -What are you on about? 253 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:34,870 Men can't take their jumpers off like women do, 254 00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:37,470 -crossing their arms. -I can do that! 255 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,430 -You're not a man. -Oh, right. 256 00:14:40,470 --> 00:14:41,670 I take my jumper... 257 00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,590 That's how you take a jumper off, like that. 258 00:14:43,630 --> 00:14:45,110 How do you know? 259 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,390 You just wait for the paramedics to come along, 260 00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:49,270 cut it off after your accident. 261 00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:51,590 Yes, but that's how you take a jumper off. 262 00:14:51,630 --> 00:14:53,990 -I don't know what you're talking about. -Take your jumper off. 263 00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:57,030 Just take your jumper off. Watch this. How does he take it off? 264 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,470 Er, like this. 265 00:14:58,510 --> 00:14:59,910 JEREMY: There, you see? Like a man. 266 00:14:59,950 --> 00:15:01,430 Are there any women wanna take... 267 00:15:01,470 --> 00:15:03,950 Oh, no, we can't do that. 268 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,310 Seriously, women, do you know what I'm on about? 269 00:15:06,350 --> 00:15:07,550 WOMEN: Yes. 270 00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:08,670 Women cross... 271 00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:11,310 If I tried to do that, I'd dislocate my shoulder! 272 00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:13,550 Thank you for that nonsense, Jeremy. 273 00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:16,590 Can we maybe get back to the BMW now, which is a car? 274 00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:17,910 Yes, it is. Now, I have to say, 275 00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,070 the old one was never as good to drive 276 00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:21,750 -as it was to look at. -I know what you mean. 277 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,470 It wasn't. It was sort of baggy, wasn't it? 278 00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,110 Yeah, and there was never an M version. 279 00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:27,310 You know, it was all just unexciting. 280 00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:29,030 But I'm hoping this new one 281 00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:30,750 is as good to drive as it looks, 282 00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:32,230 and it does look very good, 283 00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:34,750 -even though it will struggle with its jumper. -Yeah, whatever. 284 00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:37,390 Anyway, if I was looking for a new BMW Z4, 285 00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:40,310 actually, I'd have one of these, 286 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:41,990 because this is the new Toyota Supra. 287 00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:43,510 I know, it looks phenomenal! 288 00:15:43,550 --> 00:15:46,110 And that underneath is basically a Z4. 289 00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:48,070 -Same engine and everything. -Same chassis. 290 00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:49,750 It is a Z4, but with that body. 291 00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:51,670 And that body, I have to say, looks amazing. 292 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,350 And do you know the most amazing thing is, 293 00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:55,630 they're talking about a price between 40,000 and 60,000, 294 00:15:55,670 --> 00:15:57,670 which is much less than it looks like. 295 00:15:57,710 --> 00:16:00,310 RICHARD: See, I think that is actually filling a gap in the market. 296 00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:03,310 There is a need right now for a mid-price sportscar, 297 00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:05,630 because there really aren't many, if any. 298 00:16:05,670 --> 00:16:07,270 There's the Audi TT RS. 299 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:10,070 Well, that'll definitely take its jumper off like that, won't it? 300 00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:11,830 And then stow it in the overhead lockers, 301 00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,830 tell you where the doors are. 302 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:15,870 Now, Volkswagen's US Head of Regulation - 303 00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,910 that was his job title - a guy called Oliver Schmidt. 304 00:16:18,950 --> 00:16:21,630 He's just been done for his part in Dieselgate. 305 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:24,590 And they've given him seven years in jail. 306 00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:26,790 Or, as he would put it, 4.2 years. 307 00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:33,870 And a fine of £400,000, 308 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,030 or whatever that translates into VW money. 309 00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:38,750 Two hundred and seventy thousand. 310 00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:42,190 The fascinating thing is, there was a warrant out for his arrest in America, 311 00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:43,510 but he was in Germany. 312 00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:45,110 And then, for some reason, 313 00:16:45,150 --> 00:16:48,430 he decided to take his annual holiday in Florida, 314 00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:49,910 and got arrested at the airport. 315 00:16:49,950 --> 00:16:52,230 "Oh, nein!" 316 00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:54,310 -Why did he do that? -Because he's a moron? 317 00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:55,630 -Oh, yeah. -Well, he must be! 318 00:16:55,670 --> 00:16:57,630 He must be! The only thing I can think of 319 00:16:57,670 --> 00:17:01,030 is that Volkswagen needed someone to do some jail time 320 00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:03,310 -for what had happened. -And he volunteered to do it? 321 00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:04,710 No, I reckon they probably said, 322 00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:06,710 "You are ze employee of ze month, Mr Schmidt, 323 00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:08,910 and you have won a fortnight's holiday 324 00:17:08,950 --> 00:17:10,390 in Disney World!" 325 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,790 -"Ah, danke!" -And off he toddled. 326 00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:15,150 "Oh, no, they have arrested me!" 327 00:17:15,190 --> 00:17:18,630 That's actually a seven-year holiday, Mr Schmidt, 328 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:20,990 and the catering is terrible. 329 00:17:21,030 --> 00:17:22,870 Now, do you remember the Rimac we had 330 00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:24,310 in programme one of this season? 331 00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:25,550 -There it is. JEREMY: Yeah. 332 00:17:25,590 --> 00:17:28,430 RICHARD: Well, they've announced there is a new one coming out. 333 00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:31,190 Well, what happened to that one? 334 00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:33,790 No, that was called the Concept One. 335 00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:36,070 JEREMY: Mm-hm. -And they only made eight of those, actually. 336 00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:38,470 -How many are left? -Seven. Shut up! 337 00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:39,790 What happened to the other one, Hammond? 338 00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:41,510 Just stop saying things! 339 00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:43,470 The new one is gonna be called the Concept Two, 340 00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:46,310 and amazingly they're saying it's gonna be even faster, 341 00:17:46,350 --> 00:17:47,790 and that was blindingly fast. 342 00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:49,870 I actually don't believe that you can make a car go... 343 00:17:49,910 --> 00:17:51,270 Well, they say it's gonna be faster, 344 00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:52,470 and it's a bit bigger inside. 345 00:17:52,510 --> 00:17:54,070 Which you did need, cos that one was quite cramped. 346 00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:56,070 -You can fit in this one. -I could fit in the last one. 347 00:17:56,110 --> 00:17:57,470 You'd be less like Spam, though, 348 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,190 if you rolled it over and over and over. 349 00:17:59,230 --> 00:18:00,910 It should be more dangerous, you're right. 350 00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:02,590 We've actually got a picture of the new Concept Two. 351 00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:04,510 Here it is, Hammond. You'll like this. 352 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:07,030 RICHARD: Oh, God. (LAUGHS) -(LAUGHTER) 353 00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:10,110 Ooh, now, there's a new McLaren, OK? 354 00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:11,630 I've got a picture of it here. 355 00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:14,510 This is staggering. OK? I've got some of the details. 356 00:18:14,550 --> 00:18:17,470 It's their new flagship, kinda replaces the P1. 357 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:22,350 Super hard-core. 789 horsepower mentalist that thing. 358 00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:24,990 And they've called it... And this is a tremendous name, I think. 359 00:18:25,030 --> 00:18:27,030 -They've called it the Senna. RICHARD: Ooh, cool. 360 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:29,110 JEREMY: I mean, that is a really cool name for a car like that. 361 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,230 I'm glad they didn't call it the Mansell. 362 00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:33,750 -No, less cool. -With its droning engine note. 363 00:18:33,790 --> 00:18:36,590 And it would have a stupid moustache above its number place. 364 00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:39,670 (DRONES) And if it were a convertible, a tweed roof. 365 00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:43,390 McLaren Hunt could work, cos he was quite cool. 366 00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:45,030 A terrible thirst, though, it would have. 367 00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:46,350 Yeah, a lot of smoke coming out. 368 00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:49,790 Every now and again it would try and mount another car. But it'd be cool. 369 00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,950 On balance, I think Senna's probably the best name 370 00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:53,310 they could have come up with. 371 00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:55,190 Right. Now, what else? What more conversation have we got? 372 00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:57,390 -I have some conversation. -You have some conversation? 373 00:18:57,430 --> 00:18:59,070 You know last week, you were talking about 374 00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:00,550 how you ended up following a pigeon? 375 00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:03,590 -How fast did you reckon it was going? -Thirty-five? 376 00:19:03,630 --> 00:19:04,830 Thirty-five, I think you said. 377 00:19:04,870 --> 00:19:06,590 The other day, I was going down a country lane 378 00:19:06,630 --> 00:19:08,070 and I ended up following a blackbird, 379 00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:11,030 and that only does 28. 380 00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:14,030 And that's interesting, cos that means a blackbird, in level flight, 381 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,350 is slower than a pigeon. 382 00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:17,670 What is wrong with you two? 383 00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:18,990 Why are you following birds? 384 00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,030 Why not follow Russian spies or straying husbands? 385 00:19:21,070 --> 00:19:23,030 No, listen, Hammond. Pay attention. 386 00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:24,870 RICHARD: Oh, God. -I did some research on this. 387 00:19:24,910 --> 00:19:26,870 You know the top speed of a pigeon, 388 00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:28,710 if it really puts its foot down, is 90, 389 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:29,990 in level flight. 390 00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:32,510 -Ninety miles an hour! -Ninety? That is amazing, 391 00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:34,990 cos you wouldn't think a pigeon's wings could shift enough air. 392 00:19:35,030 --> 00:19:37,590 -No, I wouldn't think about it! -No, no, stop! 393 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:41,070 You say that: a hummingbird can fly faster than a goose. 394 00:19:41,110 --> 00:19:42,990 JAMES: Can it? -Even though it's like that. 395 00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:44,430 -Nobody cares! -They do! 396 00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:46,750 Stop ranking birds! 397 00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:47,910 What? 398 00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:50,390 -R-r-r-ranking. -(LAUGHTER) 399 00:19:50,430 --> 00:19:54,470 Anyway, I think that the top speed of birds is a new hit show. 400 00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:55,710 And you and I can host it, 401 00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:59,390 and you'll end up as Buttons in panto in Swindon. 402 00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:00,750 And then you'll shoot yourself 403 00:20:00,790 --> 00:20:02,590 in a room in a Premier Inn one night. 404 00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:04,790 -Yeah. -There'll only be one police car outside, 405 00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:06,270 and it'll be a Vauxhall Astra. 406 00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:08,470 That's your future! 407 00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:11,190 Anyway, that is enough Conversation Street this week, so let's move it on. 408 00:20:11,230 --> 00:20:12,950 Thank you very much. 409 00:20:12,990 --> 00:20:14,670 (CHEERING) 410 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,190 Now... Now, as I'm sure you know, 411 00:20:19,230 --> 00:20:23,110 trying to set a speed record is very, very dangerous, 412 00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:25,630 and especially if you try to do it on water. 413 00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:28,750 In fact, over the years, and this is a true fact, 414 00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:30,630 85% of everyone 415 00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:33,870 who's tried to break a speed record on water 416 00:20:33,910 --> 00:20:35,750 has been killed in the process. 417 00:20:35,790 --> 00:20:37,950 -Eighty-five percent! -Yeah. 418 00:20:37,990 --> 00:20:40,430 But that's not the sort of figure that puts us off! 419 00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:44,670 Exactly. Because there was a 15% chance of surviving it, 420 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:48,670 we decided to try and break the UK speed record 421 00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:50,710 for amphibious vehicles. 422 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,870 Yeah, first, though, we had to build a car 423 00:20:52,910 --> 00:20:55,710 that could be driven legally on the road, 424 00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:58,350 but that would also go very quickly on the water. 425 00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,270 Mm. And how hard can that be? 426 00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:03,710 JEREMY: Since we were trying to break 427 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:05,870 an amphibious speed record, 428 00:21:05,910 --> 00:21:08,230 the obvious starting point...was here. 429 00:21:10,030 --> 00:21:12,790 At Huddersfield International Airport. 430 00:21:15,790 --> 00:21:18,710 Why are we at Huddersfield International Airport? 431 00:21:18,750 --> 00:21:20,110 Yeah, why aren't we at a lake? 432 00:21:20,150 --> 00:21:22,070 Because I'm project leader, 433 00:21:22,110 --> 00:21:24,710 and one of the many, many things that I know 434 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,230 is that to go fast on water, 435 00:21:27,270 --> 00:21:30,390 you have to have a lot of power. 436 00:21:31,630 --> 00:21:34,190 To demonstrate what I was on about, 437 00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:35,350 I'd set up a test, 438 00:21:35,390 --> 00:21:38,910 using the jet engine from an RAF Nimrod. 439 00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:45,190 -Did you build all this? -Yes. 440 00:21:45,230 --> 00:21:46,870 JAMES: Can I just ask... JEREMY: What? 441 00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:50,590 ...what is the current speed record for amphibious vehicles? 442 00:21:50,630 --> 00:21:53,670 Thirty-nine point one miles an hour. 443 00:21:53,710 --> 00:21:57,070 Well, isn't this rather overkill? 444 00:21:57,110 --> 00:22:01,590 Listen, Usain Bolt can run at 27mph on land, OK? 445 00:22:01,630 --> 00:22:03,430 If he were waist-deep in water, 446 00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:05,230 he'd have a top speed of about one. 447 00:22:05,270 --> 00:22:08,190 Water's really sticky, you need loads of power. 448 00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:11,470 I've got a word in my head for all this, and it's "impractical". 449 00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:12,870 I've got a word, it's "shut up". 450 00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:13,990 -All right. -We're going. 451 00:22:14,030 --> 00:22:16,230 (ENGINE POWERS UP) 452 00:22:16,270 --> 00:22:17,870 -Is it loud? -Very. 453 00:22:17,910 --> 00:22:20,830 -(BANG) -That's fired up. 454 00:22:20,870 --> 00:22:22,830 That's gonna drive air into the big engine. 455 00:22:22,870 --> 00:22:25,590 -(ENGINE WHINES) -We've gotta get those in the green. 456 00:22:25,630 --> 00:22:27,590 I hate it when you've got buttons. 457 00:22:27,630 --> 00:22:29,550 I can't hear anything. 458 00:22:29,590 --> 00:22:31,510 Ignitors on. 459 00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:32,950 (WHIRRING) 460 00:22:32,990 --> 00:22:35,350 I'm gonna give it some thrust now. 461 00:22:37,870 --> 00:22:39,230 (ENGINE WHINES) 462 00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:49,230 Gonna go up to 100% power. 463 00:22:51,230 --> 00:22:53,830 (ENGINE SCREAMS) 464 00:23:01,390 --> 00:23:03,390 (ENGINE DROWNS OUT DIALOGUE) 465 00:23:19,150 --> 00:23:21,310 (ENGINE DROWNS OUT DIALOGUE) 466 00:23:23,350 --> 00:23:26,390 (ENGINE POWERS DOWN) 467 00:23:33,190 --> 00:23:35,430 JAMES: You are a witless dodo! 468 00:23:35,470 --> 00:23:37,190 RICHARD: Look at it! 469 00:23:41,150 --> 00:23:42,230 JEREMY: Ah! 470 00:23:42,270 --> 00:23:45,710 On the upside - there is an upside here - 471 00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:48,630 if it's capable of doing that, 472 00:23:48,670 --> 00:23:51,670 imagine how fast we're gonna go on the lake. 473 00:23:51,710 --> 00:23:53,270 -You're a cretin. -Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 474 00:23:53,310 --> 00:23:55,830 None of this is based on any scientific reasoning whatsoever. 475 00:23:55,870 --> 00:23:57,350 You say, "It's got a lot of power." 476 00:23:57,390 --> 00:23:58,830 "How much thrust has it got?" "A lot!" 477 00:23:58,870 --> 00:24:00,670 Look what it's done, it's blown two aeroplanes over 478 00:24:00,710 --> 00:24:02,150 and given us a massive bill... 479 00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:04,870 JEREMY: Having proved to my sceptical colleagues 480 00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:06,750 that jet power was the way forward, 481 00:24:06,790 --> 00:24:11,230 we moved to our technology centre. 482 00:24:11,270 --> 00:24:14,790 Here, we would fuse together this Russian jet... 483 00:24:16,150 --> 00:24:17,270 ..this speedboat... 484 00:24:18,430 --> 00:24:20,110 ..and this Suzuki Jimny, 485 00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:23,510 and we'd end up with the fastest amphibious vehicle 486 00:24:23,550 --> 00:24:25,310 Britain had ever seen. 487 00:24:26,750 --> 00:24:29,390 -We have an old Suzuki car. JEREMY: Yes. 488 00:24:29,430 --> 00:24:32,310 A small, old, plastic boat and a jet engine. 489 00:24:32,350 --> 00:24:34,630 And you're suggesting that somehow we unite them all 490 00:24:34,670 --> 00:24:37,070 into some sort of symphony of success and glory? 491 00:24:37,110 --> 00:24:38,310 Yes. 492 00:24:38,350 --> 00:24:41,310 This is the stupidest thing I've ever been involved with. 493 00:24:41,350 --> 00:24:43,670 JAMES: It's idiotic. 494 00:24:43,710 --> 00:24:46,630 JEREMY: Having convinced my sceptical colleagues once more 495 00:24:46,670 --> 00:24:50,270 that my plan was a good one, we set to work. 496 00:24:56,390 --> 00:25:00,230 And soon, our amazing creation was ready. 497 00:25:22,310 --> 00:25:23,990 Right, as you can see, everyone, 498 00:25:24,030 --> 00:25:25,870 this is fully road legal. 499 00:25:25,910 --> 00:25:28,710 Lights, indicators, number plate. 500 00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:30,670 And a massive jet engine just behind us. 501 00:25:30,710 --> 00:25:31,830 JEREMY: Yes. 502 00:25:31,870 --> 00:25:33,910 RICHARD: More of an issue, though, 503 00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,350 was the passenger's seat layout. 504 00:25:36,390 --> 00:25:37,470 I've gotta change gear, 505 00:25:37,510 --> 00:25:39,510 and it's right where your penis is. 506 00:25:39,550 --> 00:25:42,590 I never want your hand that near my gentleman's sausage! 507 00:25:45,910 --> 00:25:47,750 RICHARD: What are these things above our heads exactly? 508 00:25:47,790 --> 00:25:49,510 These are the stabilisation tanks, yeah? 509 00:25:49,550 --> 00:25:52,270 When we go in the water, you lower them down and they keep us afloat. 510 00:25:52,310 --> 00:25:54,470 I've got that. I've got that when we fitted them, 511 00:25:54,510 --> 00:25:55,910 but what we're now discovering 512 00:25:55,950 --> 00:25:57,950 is they make us more stable on water, 513 00:25:57,990 --> 00:25:59,870 but a lot less on land! 514 00:25:59,910 --> 00:26:01,670 JEREMY: James, why are you being so quiet? 515 00:26:01,710 --> 00:26:03,310 JAMES: I'm waiting for it to fall over. 516 00:26:03,350 --> 00:26:05,430 JAMES AND RICHARD: Whoa! 517 00:26:05,470 --> 00:26:09,510 Will you stop making stupid, childish noises! 518 00:26:09,550 --> 00:26:12,390 I think we've done an incredible job, 519 00:26:12,430 --> 00:26:15,710 and I think I've been a remarkable project leader. 520 00:26:15,750 --> 00:26:18,710 Why has no-one thought to do this before? 521 00:26:18,750 --> 00:26:20,590 It's so logical when you look at it. 522 00:26:22,230 --> 00:26:24,510 The car bit of it's working, but it was already a car. 523 00:26:24,550 --> 00:26:26,190 That's not much of an achievement. 524 00:26:27,670 --> 00:26:29,390 I'm gonna do a brake test. 525 00:26:29,430 --> 00:26:31,230 Ah! Oh! Oh. 526 00:26:31,270 --> 00:26:32,470 -What? -Wait. 527 00:26:32,510 --> 00:26:33,590 (GASPS) Is that that... 528 00:26:33,630 --> 00:26:34,790 -Ooh! -Oh! 529 00:26:34,830 --> 00:26:35,950 Yeah. 530 00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:40,790 JEREMY: Eventually, we arrived at the lake. 531 00:26:43,550 --> 00:26:46,510 For our first high-speed test run. 532 00:26:47,950 --> 00:26:51,350 And immediately, Hammond chickened out. 533 00:26:53,470 --> 00:26:55,150 Why aren't you wearing a fire suit? 534 00:26:55,190 --> 00:26:58,430 Um, jet engines just aren't my thing. 535 00:26:58,470 --> 00:27:00,350 I'm gonna watch this from the bank. 536 00:27:00,390 --> 00:27:01,830 Are you really not coming in it? 537 00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:04,390 No, I'm gonna watch-- I'm gonna be the observer. 538 00:27:04,430 --> 00:27:05,910 Oof! 539 00:27:13,150 --> 00:27:14,790 JEREMY: Oh. She's ready. 540 00:27:15,790 --> 00:27:18,190 My big fear is, let's be modest 541 00:27:18,230 --> 00:27:20,670 and let's say we reached 80. 542 00:27:20,710 --> 00:27:24,470 So from here, we've got to just use drag to slow us down 543 00:27:24,510 --> 00:27:25,710 before we hit the far bank. 544 00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:28,350 Well, we have to think ahead, yes. 545 00:27:28,390 --> 00:27:31,110 Start decelerating when you pass that mid-point, 546 00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:33,190 -you should be all right. JAMES: I think he's right. 547 00:27:33,230 --> 00:27:34,590 The middle is the critical point. 548 00:27:34,630 --> 00:27:36,270 RICHARD: Then just back off the throttles. 549 00:27:36,310 --> 00:27:39,070 -And then we'll use the drag of the pontoons to slow us down? -Yeah. 550 00:27:39,110 --> 00:27:40,670 OK. 551 00:27:40,710 --> 00:27:43,030 Right. 552 00:27:43,070 --> 00:27:46,270 JEREMY: Soon, James and I were ready for the test, 553 00:27:46,310 --> 00:27:48,110 and not at all nervous. 554 00:27:49,750 --> 00:27:53,990 When we fire up the jet, this Perspex that I put in here, 555 00:27:54,030 --> 00:27:55,790 I put it in. 556 00:27:55,830 --> 00:27:58,110 So what if that just goes? 557 00:27:58,150 --> 00:27:59,590 You shouldn't have said that. 558 00:27:59,630 --> 00:28:01,430 You know in Die Hard 2 , 559 00:28:01,470 --> 00:28:04,470 when the enormous soldier is sucked into the engine? 560 00:28:04,510 --> 00:28:06,230 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's like that. 561 00:28:06,270 --> 00:28:07,590 It will be like that, won't it? 562 00:28:07,630 --> 00:28:08,790 (ENGINE STARTS) 563 00:28:08,830 --> 00:28:10,670 JEREMY: Ready? 564 00:28:13,550 --> 00:28:14,630 We are going in. 565 00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:19,670 Oh, I feel buoyancy. 566 00:28:21,470 --> 00:28:23,430 I am proud of my two colleagues. 567 00:28:23,470 --> 00:28:26,470 This is...this is historic. 568 00:28:26,510 --> 00:28:28,750 JEREMY: We are now gonna fire up the jet engine. 569 00:28:28,790 --> 00:28:30,870 Right. Put your thing on, it's gonna be bloody loud. 570 00:28:30,910 --> 00:28:31,990 -What thing? -These things. 571 00:28:32,030 --> 00:28:33,350 That's a good point. 572 00:28:33,390 --> 00:28:35,950 -Right. -Comms check, comms check. 573 00:28:35,990 --> 00:28:38,070 Dials are engaged. 574 00:28:38,110 --> 00:28:39,230 This is the speedometer. 575 00:28:39,270 --> 00:28:41,190 OK, we've got ignitor on, bilge pump off, 576 00:28:41,230 --> 00:28:42,310 throttle set at idle. 577 00:28:42,350 --> 00:28:44,590 -Go. -Starting jet. 578 00:28:45,790 --> 00:28:47,070 (ENGINE POWERS UP) 579 00:28:47,110 --> 00:28:48,350 Holy shit! 580 00:28:48,390 --> 00:28:49,510 (WHIRRING) 581 00:28:49,550 --> 00:28:51,590 It's going... Don't look at it! 582 00:28:51,630 --> 00:28:53,430 JEREMY: Don't look in the rear-view mirror. 583 00:28:54,870 --> 00:28:57,150 (BOOM) 584 00:28:57,190 --> 00:29:01,110 (ENGINE WHINES) 585 00:29:04,750 --> 00:29:06,390 Oh, this is phenomenal! 586 00:29:08,070 --> 00:29:10,190 Taking up the power now. Fifty percent. 587 00:29:10,230 --> 00:29:11,750 Is that 50%? 588 00:29:11,790 --> 00:29:14,750 Yeah, that's about 50, but 70 is 100. 589 00:29:14,790 --> 00:29:16,590 What do you mean, "70 is 100"? 590 00:29:16,630 --> 00:29:19,670 I couldn't find a dial that exactly matched the revs, 591 00:29:19,710 --> 00:29:23,310 so 70 on here is 100% thrust. 592 00:29:24,710 --> 00:29:26,590 JEREMY: I'm going full power. Here we go. 593 00:29:28,550 --> 00:29:30,830 Hold tight. You wanna hold on to something, seriously. 594 00:29:30,870 --> 00:29:32,190 Right, go. 595 00:29:32,230 --> 00:29:34,790 (ENGINE ROARS) 596 00:29:36,190 --> 00:29:37,950 JEREMY: That's 100% thrust. 597 00:29:47,910 --> 00:29:50,750 (ENGINE SCREAMS) 598 00:29:56,350 --> 00:29:58,070 Right, well, we're doing 2mph. 599 00:29:58,110 --> 00:30:00,550 JEREMY: Come on! 600 00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,750 We're doing three! 601 00:30:02,790 --> 00:30:04,830 Why is it so slow? 602 00:30:04,870 --> 00:30:07,630 I mean, that jet is from a Russian fighter! 603 00:30:07,670 --> 00:30:10,590 That is capable of keeping a Russian fighter in the air. 604 00:30:10,630 --> 00:30:13,230 Why won't it make us go more than three? 605 00:30:13,270 --> 00:30:17,270 In the air, that's the point - the air! 606 00:30:19,110 --> 00:30:21,270 Hammond is keeping up with us. 607 00:30:22,950 --> 00:30:24,070 That's it? 608 00:30:24,110 --> 00:30:27,030 Come on! 609 00:30:27,070 --> 00:30:29,470 -Can I just say something? -We're sinking. 610 00:30:29,510 --> 00:30:31,390 No, my half is sinking. 611 00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:34,790 Oh, God! We really do need... I'm gonna go in to shore. 612 00:30:37,950 --> 00:30:40,670 I don't think they needed the neck braces in the end. 613 00:30:46,110 --> 00:30:48,070 JAMES: And throttle back. 614 00:30:48,110 --> 00:30:51,110 (ENGINE POWERS DOWN) 615 00:30:53,630 --> 00:30:55,030 -Speed? -Three. 616 00:30:55,070 --> 00:30:57,550 RICHARD: Three? -Yeah, it does three. 617 00:30:57,590 --> 00:30:59,190 That's your top speed, it's three? 618 00:31:00,190 --> 00:31:02,830 You could row at 3mph. 619 00:31:03,990 --> 00:31:05,990 JEREMY: On the upside, and there is one, 620 00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:08,390 neither of us were killed. 621 00:31:08,430 --> 00:31:09,790 And that's an upside? 622 00:31:09,830 --> 00:31:11,910 No, the issue at hand is... 623 00:31:11,950 --> 00:31:13,470 RICHARD: It doesn't work. -Yes. 624 00:31:13,510 --> 00:31:15,190 Why doesn't it work? 625 00:31:15,230 --> 00:31:18,430 Well, it's mainly to do with the shape of the car, 626 00:31:18,470 --> 00:31:20,910 the shape of the sawn-up bits of tatty old boat 627 00:31:20,950 --> 00:31:22,470 that you've Blu-Tacked to it. 628 00:31:22,510 --> 00:31:24,070 The drag of the pontoons, 629 00:31:24,110 --> 00:31:26,510 the size and power and position of the engine, 630 00:31:26,550 --> 00:31:27,990 the amount of fuel it will run, 631 00:31:28,030 --> 00:31:29,350 the basic physics. 632 00:31:29,390 --> 00:31:32,350 The fact that water is 750 times as dense as air... 633 00:31:34,590 --> 00:31:38,510 JAMES: It was time to go back to the drawing board. 634 00:31:38,550 --> 00:31:42,390 And this time, we gave Jeremy a job he could actually do. 635 00:31:45,390 --> 00:31:47,870 Now, this is the car that currently holds the record 636 00:31:47,910 --> 00:31:49,670 for amphibious vehicles. 637 00:31:49,710 --> 00:31:51,630 It's the Gibbs Humdinga, 638 00:31:51,670 --> 00:31:54,190 and, as you can see, it is not an ancient Suzuki 639 00:31:54,230 --> 00:31:56,310 with an old Russian jet engine on the back. 640 00:31:56,350 --> 00:31:59,190 No, it's a light, plastic car with a hull, 641 00:31:59,230 --> 00:32:02,350 and, as you can see, retractable wheels. 642 00:32:02,390 --> 00:32:04,950 Exactly. And that's why we have chosen, 643 00:32:04,990 --> 00:32:08,470 as the basis for our project, this. 644 00:32:14,710 --> 00:32:19,590 Which is a Reliant Robin in a 1970s leisure suit. 645 00:32:19,630 --> 00:32:21,710 No, it is a Bond Bug: 646 00:32:21,750 --> 00:32:24,590 one of the coolest cars from the '70s. 647 00:32:24,630 --> 00:32:28,190 And I can see why you chose this particular one, Hammond. 648 00:32:28,230 --> 00:32:30,670 It's got your name on it. 649 00:32:30,710 --> 00:32:33,630 Shut up. The only reason these things never really caught on 650 00:32:33,670 --> 00:32:36,750 was because nobody thought of making them amphibious. 651 00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:38,110 Yes, but we have, you see. 652 00:32:38,150 --> 00:32:41,670 So we're gonna fit it with retractable wheels, same as the Gibbs, 653 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:43,790 and we're gonna use the engine from one of these. 654 00:32:43,830 --> 00:32:46,190 JEREMY: A jet engine. -Yes. Sort of, but different. 655 00:32:46,230 --> 00:32:47,310 JEREMY: It's my idea. 656 00:32:47,350 --> 00:32:49,110 The jet engine was not your idea. 657 00:32:49,150 --> 00:32:50,830 No, the jet engine isn't my idea, 658 00:32:50,870 --> 00:32:52,550 but the idea of making an amphibious car 659 00:32:52,590 --> 00:32:54,510 using a jet engine was my idea. 660 00:32:54,550 --> 00:32:56,990 This is a water jet, it's different. 661 00:32:57,030 --> 00:32:58,710 And anyway, this is genius, 662 00:32:58,750 --> 00:33:00,670 because you can rent one of these 663 00:33:00,710 --> 00:33:02,150 from pretty much any beach in the world, 664 00:33:02,190 --> 00:33:04,070 that will do 50mph out of the box. 665 00:33:04,110 --> 00:33:06,110 -This one will do 67. -It will. Exactly. 666 00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:07,270 Well, that's plenty. 667 00:33:07,310 --> 00:33:08,950 So, all we've gotta do is incorporate this 668 00:33:08,990 --> 00:33:11,230 into the roadworthy shell of the Bond Bug, 669 00:33:11,270 --> 00:33:15,710 and we've got a very fast car and a very fast boat in the same thing. 670 00:33:15,750 --> 00:33:18,590 Which is exactly what I was doing. 671 00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:20,550 JAMES: At this point, we sent Jeremy home 672 00:33:20,590 --> 00:33:24,150 and set to work on building our masterpiece. 673 00:33:29,150 --> 00:33:31,270 (CHEERING) 674 00:33:36,350 --> 00:33:38,510 I don't know why you're applauding. 675 00:33:38,550 --> 00:33:40,590 They know nothing about boats. 676 00:33:40,630 --> 00:33:42,030 Absolutely nothing. 677 00:33:42,070 --> 00:33:44,310 Old planes? Yes. Helicopters? Yes. 678 00:33:44,350 --> 00:33:47,350 Old motorcycles? A lot. But boats? Nothing! 679 00:33:47,390 --> 00:33:50,750 But, we shall see what they came up with later on. 680 00:33:50,790 --> 00:33:54,550 Now, though, it is time for Celebrity Face-Off. 681 00:34:03,390 --> 00:34:05,590 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 682 00:34:05,630 --> 00:34:08,110 It's a simple question this week. 683 00:34:08,150 --> 00:34:11,070 Who is the world's fastest magician? 684 00:34:11,110 --> 00:34:13,190 To find out, would you please welcome Dynamo, 685 00:34:13,230 --> 00:34:15,910 and Penn and his silent partner, Teller. 686 00:34:15,950 --> 00:34:17,950 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 687 00:34:20,950 --> 00:34:22,430 Amazing! 688 00:34:22,470 --> 00:34:24,230 I'm already amazed! 689 00:34:24,270 --> 00:34:27,990 I've gotta be honest, magic is my favourite thing in the entire world. 690 00:34:28,030 --> 00:34:30,150 Apart from boating in the south of France. 691 00:34:30,190 --> 00:34:32,750 But we must begin with cars, obviously. 692 00:34:32,790 --> 00:34:34,830 This being a car show, occasionally. 693 00:34:34,870 --> 00:34:37,190 You both started with 4x4s, as far as I can work out, 694 00:34:37,230 --> 00:34:38,670 or they have featured in your life. 695 00:34:38,710 --> 00:34:41,430 You are a G-Wagen man, yeah? 696 00:34:41,470 --> 00:34:42,590 Yeah, yeah. 697 00:34:42,630 --> 00:34:45,150 So, at the beginning, when my TV show got a bit of success, 698 00:34:45,190 --> 00:34:47,830 Mercedes came and they would give me cars to drive. 699 00:34:47,870 --> 00:34:50,110 But then, I did a commercial with Fiat, 700 00:34:50,150 --> 00:34:52,830 and Mercedes weren't too happy about that. 701 00:34:52,870 --> 00:34:54,710 (LAUGHTER) 702 00:34:54,750 --> 00:34:56,630 I used some of the money from Fiat to... 703 00:34:56,670 --> 00:34:58,590 I still love the G-Wagen, so I bought one. 704 00:34:58,630 --> 00:35:01,550 So, you used Fiat money to buy a Mercedes? 705 00:35:01,590 --> 00:35:04,870 -Yeah. -That is quite good. But you had a Ford Bronco. 706 00:35:04,910 --> 00:35:08,350 But only because I watched OJ do the... 707 00:35:08,390 --> 00:35:11,310 -(LAUGHTER) -And I said, "He's kind of a big guy. 708 00:35:11,350 --> 00:35:12,590 Maybe I'd fit in that car." 709 00:35:12,630 --> 00:35:16,270 And I got the whole thing, and it was all too masculine, 710 00:35:16,310 --> 00:35:19,550 so I painted it stripper pink for Vegas. 711 00:35:19,590 --> 00:35:21,830 When you're driving to work, do they think you're a stripper? 712 00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:22,990 I hope so. 713 00:35:24,270 --> 00:35:26,150 Didn't you have a Ford Falcon at some stage? 714 00:35:26,190 --> 00:35:28,990 Well, when I was in high school... 715 00:35:29,030 --> 00:35:31,790 I'm from a rural area. 716 00:35:31,830 --> 00:35:34,390 ..my mother gave me her car, which was a Ford Falcon. 717 00:35:34,430 --> 00:35:38,470 But for me, that was just a place to have sex in high school. 718 00:35:38,510 --> 00:35:40,710 And then you started touring together. 719 00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,750 -Mm-hm. -So you presumably needed some kind of tour... 720 00:35:43,790 --> 00:35:44,990 You know, we're carny trash. 721 00:35:45,030 --> 00:35:47,390 We did carnivals and outdoor shows and all of that. 722 00:35:47,430 --> 00:35:49,190 We're the worst kind of people. 723 00:35:49,230 --> 00:35:51,990 And we had to drive all over the United States of America. 724 00:35:52,030 --> 00:35:53,470 So, we went to an auction place 725 00:35:53,510 --> 00:35:56,270 and bought a Datsun 210 station wagon, 726 00:35:56,310 --> 00:36:00,070 with the back seat down, and then our trunks in there with all our stuff. 727 00:36:00,110 --> 00:36:04,070 We were so terrified of having our props stolen, 728 00:36:04,110 --> 00:36:06,630 that we had a magnetic sign we put on the side 729 00:36:06,670 --> 00:36:09,990 that said, "Atlanta Centre for Disease Control 730 00:36:10,030 --> 00:36:11,950 Specimen Transfer Unit." 731 00:36:11,990 --> 00:36:14,830 We put that on the side, with the big boxes in the back, 732 00:36:14,870 --> 00:36:16,310 and that worked really well, 733 00:36:16,350 --> 00:36:18,310 until the sign was stolen. 734 00:36:19,950 --> 00:36:21,190 I wanna talk about cars, 735 00:36:21,230 --> 00:36:23,350 but who would rather here see some magic? 736 00:36:23,390 --> 00:36:24,990 AUDIENCE: Yes! 737 00:36:25,030 --> 00:36:26,550 I know we're supposed to do cars. 738 00:36:26,590 --> 00:36:28,950 Would you mind awfully if you now do some? 739 00:36:28,990 --> 00:36:30,990 Have you actually-- You've brought something with you? 740 00:36:31,030 --> 00:36:32,350 I'm gonna try something with you. 741 00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:35,150 Just hold your hands out for me. 742 00:36:35,190 --> 00:36:36,510 -What, both? -Both, like this. 743 00:36:36,550 --> 00:36:37,990 -Like that? -A little bit wider. 744 00:36:38,030 --> 00:36:39,590 Are you left or right-handed? 745 00:36:39,630 --> 00:36:41,950 Right-handed. Unless we're talking about shooting. 746 00:36:41,990 --> 00:36:43,750 -Close it in a fist. -Like that? That one? 747 00:36:43,790 --> 00:36:45,550 Yeah, then turn this left one over. 748 00:36:46,710 --> 00:36:49,070 I'm gonna put a little cross right there. 749 00:36:49,110 --> 00:36:50,550 Can you show that to everyone? 750 00:36:50,590 --> 00:36:52,750 -Show the cross to everybody. -I've got a cross there. 751 00:36:52,790 --> 00:36:54,070 Let's have a look. 752 00:36:54,110 --> 00:36:55,870 So, make sure it's dry. 753 00:36:55,910 --> 00:36:57,470 It's Sharpie, so it shouldn't come off. 754 00:36:57,510 --> 00:36:58,630 Yeah, it's still there. 755 00:36:58,670 --> 00:36:59,870 The idea... 756 00:37:00,870 --> 00:37:01,950 ..is to make it... 757 00:37:03,190 --> 00:37:04,910 ..disappear from there... 758 00:37:08,430 --> 00:37:10,670 If it's in this hand now, I'm going to be... 759 00:37:10,710 --> 00:37:12,710 (BLEEP) sake! 760 00:37:14,670 --> 00:37:15,750 How is that? 761 00:37:24,470 --> 00:37:26,430 Go on, do another one. Who'd like to see another one? 762 00:37:26,470 --> 00:37:27,750 AUDIENCE: Yes! 763 00:37:27,790 --> 00:37:30,430 -Come on, what have you got? -Have you got a piece of paper there? 764 00:37:30,470 --> 00:37:32,110 Er, yes. 765 00:37:32,150 --> 00:37:33,830 I've got a pen here. 766 00:37:33,870 --> 00:37:37,310 I'm just gonna just do some markings for you. 767 00:37:37,350 --> 00:37:38,430 We'll start here. 768 00:37:38,470 --> 00:37:39,590 Take the pen. 769 00:37:39,630 --> 00:37:41,030 -Take the pen. -Yeah. 770 00:37:41,070 --> 00:37:43,990 Give me a number from, say, one to ten. 771 00:37:44,030 --> 00:37:45,230 Nine. 772 00:37:45,270 --> 00:37:46,670 Nine. Write it down. 773 00:37:46,710 --> 00:37:47,950 JEREMY: Nine. DYNAMO: Great. 774 00:37:47,990 --> 00:37:49,710 We'll go for, let's see, 775 00:37:49,750 --> 00:37:52,470 the lady right there with the glasses. 776 00:37:52,510 --> 00:37:56,270 Yeah. I need another number, from 9 to 19. 777 00:37:56,310 --> 00:37:57,990 Er, 11. 778 00:37:58,030 --> 00:37:59,350 -Eleven. -I think it was a man. 779 00:37:59,390 --> 00:38:01,070 That's a bit embarrassing. 780 00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:05,910 We may be in a world of trouble here. 781 00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:07,830 (APPLAUSE) 782 00:38:11,830 --> 00:38:13,190 Let's move it on, quickly! 783 00:38:13,230 --> 00:38:14,310 Yes. 784 00:38:14,350 --> 00:38:15,990 -Richard! -Yes? 785 00:38:16,030 --> 00:38:18,470 A number from 11 to 21. 786 00:38:18,510 --> 00:38:19,950 Nineteen. 787 00:38:19,990 --> 00:38:21,990 -Are you sure? -Yes. 788 00:38:22,030 --> 00:38:23,670 -Nineteen, write it down. -There, yeah? 789 00:38:23,710 --> 00:38:24,910 Perfect. Yes 790 00:38:24,950 --> 00:38:28,230 Uh, we'll go for this guy here in the blue jacket. 791 00:38:28,270 --> 00:38:30,030 -How you doing? -Actually, that's a woman. 792 00:38:34,430 --> 00:38:37,630 -(APPLAUSE) -It's so hard to tell. 793 00:38:39,470 --> 00:38:41,950 A number from 19 to 29, please. 794 00:38:41,990 --> 00:38:43,630 27. 795 00:38:43,670 --> 00:38:45,070 Twenty-seven, write that down. 796 00:38:46,230 --> 00:38:47,710 Gilles Villeneuve's old number. 797 00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:51,190 We'll go for this gentleman right here with a white t-shirt. 798 00:38:51,230 --> 00:38:53,870 -The gender-fluid gentleman. -Yes. Yes! 799 00:38:53,910 --> 00:38:56,590 DYNAMO: A number from 27 to 37. 800 00:38:56,630 --> 00:38:57,790 Thirty-three. 801 00:38:57,830 --> 00:38:59,110 Thirty-three, write that down. 802 00:38:59,150 --> 00:39:01,590 Finally, the lady at the end with the long hair. 803 00:39:01,630 --> 00:39:04,790 Can we have a number between 33 and 49? 804 00:39:04,830 --> 00:39:06,950 -Forty-two. DYNAMO: Forty-two. 805 00:39:06,990 --> 00:39:10,830 So, nine, 11, 19, 27, 33 and 42. 806 00:39:10,870 --> 00:39:13,750 These are the numbers we randomly generated today. 807 00:39:13,790 --> 00:39:15,310 A couple of years ago, 808 00:39:15,350 --> 00:39:17,430 I picked six numbers myself. 809 00:39:17,470 --> 00:39:18,790 They're like my lucky numbers, 810 00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:21,310 and I went to a shop and I bought a lottery ticket. 811 00:39:21,350 --> 00:39:22,630 And I won. 812 00:39:22,670 --> 00:39:25,710 Only a tenner, but, you know, I won something. 813 00:39:25,750 --> 00:39:28,190 And I actually keep that ticket in my wallet. 814 00:39:29,310 --> 00:39:31,630 -There we go. -No, no, no. No! 815 00:39:31,670 --> 00:39:34,030 Keep it in my wallet for good luck. 816 00:39:34,070 --> 00:39:35,310 Where's the camera? 817 00:39:35,350 --> 00:39:36,750 Can you see that? 818 00:39:36,790 --> 00:39:39,030 There's one ticket there. 819 00:39:39,070 --> 00:39:41,790 -This is a lottery ticket? -I think you'll find the numbers quite interesting, 820 00:39:41,830 --> 00:39:43,350 if you wanna read them out loud. 821 00:39:43,390 --> 00:39:45,790 So, you... 822 00:39:45,830 --> 00:39:47,750 I'll need my glasses on a lottery ticket. 823 00:39:48,750 --> 00:39:49,910 So, let's just... 824 00:39:49,950 --> 00:39:51,710 -What was the first number? -Nine. 825 00:39:51,750 --> 00:39:52,870 Nine, right there. 826 00:39:52,910 --> 00:39:54,030 -Eleven. -Eleven. 827 00:39:54,070 --> 00:39:55,670 -Nineteen. -Nineteen for Richard. 828 00:39:55,710 --> 00:39:57,470 JEREMY: Twenty-seven. DYNAMO: Twenty-seven. 829 00:39:57,510 --> 00:39:59,270 JEREMY: Thirty-three. DYNAMO: Thirty-three. 830 00:39:59,310 --> 00:40:00,910 DYNAMO: The last one? JEREMY: Forty-two. 831 00:40:00,950 --> 00:40:03,590 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 832 00:40:10,310 --> 00:40:13,190 That's actually a lottery ticket. It is a lott... 833 00:40:13,230 --> 00:40:15,430 I'm... Well, I'm staggered. 834 00:40:15,470 --> 00:40:17,710 But anyway, look, we haven't finished yet. 835 00:40:17,750 --> 00:40:20,230 Shall we see what the Americans can do? 836 00:40:20,270 --> 00:40:23,030 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Come on, you two, let's have a look. What have you got? 837 00:40:23,070 --> 00:40:25,750 Well, you know, I was asking Dynamo, 838 00:40:25,790 --> 00:40:27,470 you're a member of the Magic Circle, right? 839 00:40:27,510 --> 00:40:28,710 -Yeah. PENN: We are not. 840 00:40:28,750 --> 00:40:30,390 Teller and I have a reputation, 841 00:40:30,430 --> 00:40:33,670 not ill-deserved, for giving away magic secrets. 842 00:40:33,710 --> 00:40:35,310 You do. You always say how your tricks work. 843 00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,630 We have done that, so they will not let us be members. 844 00:40:37,670 --> 00:40:38,790 So that got us thinking. 845 00:40:38,830 --> 00:40:42,390 Could we do a trick that would fool the Magic Circle, 846 00:40:42,430 --> 00:40:44,030 while giving away... 847 00:40:45,230 --> 00:40:47,030 ..all the very principles we've given away? 848 00:40:47,070 --> 00:40:49,950 And the first thing we gave away, in 1985, way back then, 849 00:40:49,990 --> 00:40:51,710 we're on the David Letterman programme, 850 00:40:51,750 --> 00:40:54,550 and gave away the idea of fake blindfolds 851 00:40:54,590 --> 00:40:56,030 that are used by magicians. 852 00:40:56,070 --> 00:41:00,590 We said, "Every blindfold used by a magician is fake," which we've stood by. 853 00:41:00,630 --> 00:41:03,990 We're gonna have a blindfold that can't be faked, which is-- Dynamo. 854 00:41:04,030 --> 00:41:05,270 Teller's gonna stand up here, 855 00:41:05,310 --> 00:41:08,390 and, Dynamo, just make sure that Teller can't see. 856 00:41:08,430 --> 00:41:11,590 Come over there and just make sure that Teller... 857 00:41:11,630 --> 00:41:14,670 -Not permanently, but just for now. -(LAUGHTER) 858 00:41:14,710 --> 00:41:17,950 Just put your hands right over his eyes there so he can't see. 859 00:41:17,990 --> 00:41:19,590 No need to be gentle, it's not me. 860 00:41:19,630 --> 00:41:22,390 -Cool, cool. -All you've gotta do is make sure he can't see. 861 00:41:22,430 --> 00:41:23,750 How many fingers am I holding up? 862 00:41:25,630 --> 00:41:27,190 Now, we've been accused 863 00:41:27,230 --> 00:41:29,990 of giving away the idea of marked cards. 864 00:41:30,030 --> 00:41:31,590 Marked cards are very hard to... 865 00:41:31,630 --> 00:41:33,270 Even professional gamblers 866 00:41:33,310 --> 00:41:34,710 sometimes can't determine if they're marked. 867 00:41:34,750 --> 00:41:36,470 But Dynamo's gonna make sure they're not marked. 868 00:41:36,510 --> 00:41:39,110 The cards will be dealt face-down in Teller's right hand. 869 00:41:39,150 --> 00:41:41,150 If the cards were marked, which they're not, 870 00:41:41,190 --> 00:41:42,270 Teller would have to see, 871 00:41:42,310 --> 00:41:44,030 and Dynamo's making sure he can't see. 872 00:41:44,070 --> 00:41:45,870 -He can't see. -The other thing we gave away 873 00:41:45,910 --> 00:41:48,110 was on the Johnny Carson programme. 874 00:41:48,150 --> 00:41:50,630 We gave away the idea of a card force: 875 00:41:50,670 --> 00:41:52,470 that it's easy to do a trick 876 00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:54,510 if you know in advance what card's gonna be picked. 877 00:41:54,550 --> 00:41:57,470 And one of the ways you can do a force like that, Jeremy, 878 00:41:57,510 --> 00:42:00,790 is to have all the cards be the same. 879 00:42:00,830 --> 00:42:02,150 -JEREMY: Yeah. -Then just have a card selected, 880 00:42:02,190 --> 00:42:03,910 where you know what's it's gonna be. 881 00:42:03,950 --> 00:42:06,310 -Stand up for a second, Jeremy. -Yeah, I can become vertical. 882 00:42:06,350 --> 00:42:08,390 I want you to make sure you look over these, 883 00:42:08,430 --> 00:42:11,310 and make sure they are not all the same. 884 00:42:11,350 --> 00:42:13,470 -I'll try to fan them all out. -No, that's a pack of cards. 885 00:42:13,510 --> 00:42:14,630 Yeah, it's a pack of cards. 886 00:42:14,670 --> 00:42:17,470 Now, another way you can do a card force 887 00:42:17,510 --> 00:42:18,910 is you can use sleight of hand 888 00:42:18,950 --> 00:42:20,790 to force the bottom card or the top card, 889 00:42:20,830 --> 00:42:22,190 or even a card in the middle. 890 00:42:22,230 --> 00:42:25,230 I'm gonna eliminate sleight of hand by using your hands. 891 00:42:25,270 --> 00:42:26,350 OK? 892 00:42:26,390 --> 00:42:29,390 So, I'm gonna give you most of the deck right there. 893 00:42:29,430 --> 00:42:30,590 And I'm gonna... 894 00:42:30,630 --> 00:42:32,270 Just fan them out like this. Fan them out. 895 00:42:32,310 --> 00:42:34,470 Don't let me see, but just think of one. 896 00:42:34,510 --> 00:42:36,670 Don't even point to it, don't cut to it. 897 00:42:36,710 --> 00:42:38,750 Just look over all the cards. You have most of the deck. 898 00:42:38,790 --> 00:42:40,670 And then just think of one card. 899 00:42:40,710 --> 00:42:41,990 Don't look at it, just think of it. 900 00:42:42,030 --> 00:42:43,830 Then close them up so I can't see what you're doing. 901 00:42:43,870 --> 00:42:45,750 And then give those cards a good shuffle. 902 00:42:45,790 --> 00:42:47,390 Or give them that kind of shuffle. 903 00:42:47,430 --> 00:42:48,670 Good. That's good. 904 00:42:48,710 --> 00:42:51,030 But face-down so I can't tell what you're shuffling. 905 00:42:51,070 --> 00:42:52,790 -So you've thought of one card? -Mm-hm. 906 00:42:52,830 --> 00:42:56,150 -You have no idea where it is in the deck? Is that right? -No. No. 907 00:42:56,190 --> 00:42:59,430 Now, magicians often want you to misremember 908 00:42:59,470 --> 00:43:00,790 the sequence of events. 909 00:43:00,830 --> 00:43:02,910 We want you to very much remember the sequence. 910 00:43:02,950 --> 00:43:05,030 The card is only in your head, is that right? 911 00:43:05,070 --> 00:43:06,430 -Yeah. -It's nowhere else? 912 00:43:06,470 --> 00:43:09,310 -Nowhere else. -The cards are all mixed up, you have no idea where it is. 913 00:43:09,350 --> 00:43:11,030 Now, I'm gonna put these in your hand. 914 00:43:11,070 --> 00:43:13,310 Now, the order of these will not change. It will not change. 915 00:43:13,350 --> 00:43:14,510 I'm not gonna touch them again. 916 00:43:14,550 --> 00:43:15,790 I will no touch them again, OK? 917 00:43:15,830 --> 00:43:18,230 Now that my hands are off, and I won't touch them again, 918 00:43:18,270 --> 00:43:19,430 what was the name of the card? 919 00:43:19,470 --> 00:43:20,550 -King of Hearts. -OK. 920 00:43:20,590 --> 00:43:23,630 Now, you're gonna go over there and you're gonna deal the cards, one at a time, 921 00:43:23,670 --> 00:43:26,110 from the top, face-down, to Teller's right hand, OK? 922 00:43:26,150 --> 00:43:27,870 -Into his hand? -Into his right hand. 923 00:43:27,910 --> 00:43:29,230 JEREMY: Face-down? PENN: Yeah. 924 00:43:29,270 --> 00:43:30,710 PENN: Dynamo, make sure he can't see. 925 00:43:30,750 --> 00:43:31,870 He can't see nothing. 926 00:43:34,710 --> 00:43:36,990 See, we are just being whipping boys again, Dynamo, 927 00:43:37,030 --> 00:43:38,830 us English. 928 00:43:48,190 --> 00:43:50,910 -OK, Dynamo, was he able to see, even for a moment? -Nothing. 929 00:43:50,950 --> 00:43:53,070 -Jeremy, what was the name of your card? -King of Hearts. 930 00:43:53,110 --> 00:43:55,350 Look at the next card. 931 00:43:55,390 --> 00:43:58,710 -Oh, for Christ's sake. -Thought of card out of a shuffled deck. 932 00:43:58,750 --> 00:44:01,270 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 933 00:44:03,510 --> 00:44:04,710 JEREMY: Well... 934 00:44:10,430 --> 00:44:12,310 You came here, of course, to do your laps. 935 00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:15,670 And, as we can see, in the rapidly fading light, 936 00:44:15,710 --> 00:44:17,390 the weather has not been clement. 937 00:44:17,430 --> 00:44:19,750 In fact, when we arrived at the track this morning, 938 00:44:19,790 --> 00:44:21,110 it looked like this. 939 00:44:21,150 --> 00:44:23,110 And then... You can see the problem. 940 00:44:23,150 --> 00:44:25,390 That bit, you can sort of see where the track goes. 941 00:44:25,430 --> 00:44:27,550 But if we've got another shot-- I think we've got a moving shot. 942 00:44:27,590 --> 00:44:30,270 Now, somewhere in there is a racetrack. 943 00:44:30,310 --> 00:44:31,470 (LAUGHTER) 944 00:44:31,510 --> 00:44:33,670 Which makes it quite tricky, I should imagine, 945 00:44:33,710 --> 00:44:34,790 to see where you were going. 946 00:44:34,830 --> 00:44:36,070 -You did it first, didn't you? -Yeah. 947 00:44:36,110 --> 00:44:39,870 And there was a particularly fine moment, I have to say, on the... 948 00:44:39,910 --> 00:44:42,830 It's supposed to be a flat-out corner when it's dry, 949 00:44:42,870 --> 00:44:44,350 but it really wasn't. 950 00:44:44,390 --> 00:44:46,310 The weather was improving, it was thawing. 951 00:44:47,390 --> 00:44:49,110 And it all went, really, brilliantly wrong. 952 00:44:49,150 --> 00:44:52,630 Who'd like to see Dynamo going round in a few circles? 953 00:44:52,670 --> 00:44:54,230 -Yeah, we all wanna see that? AUDIENCE: Yes! 954 00:44:54,270 --> 00:44:55,430 Let's have a look at this. 955 00:44:55,470 --> 00:44:56,790 This is a flat-out corner, 956 00:44:56,830 --> 00:44:58,830 and then you just can see it's going, 957 00:44:58,870 --> 00:45:00,030 and then... 958 00:45:00,070 --> 00:45:03,150 That's a properly big slide-off, that one is. 959 00:45:03,190 --> 00:45:05,510 Round of applause for that, though. 960 00:45:05,550 --> 00:45:07,070 We like that. 961 00:45:08,350 --> 00:45:11,070 -Was that scary? -No, it was well fun! 962 00:45:11,110 --> 00:45:12,950 I was like, "I could have done this all day, 963 00:45:12,990 --> 00:45:14,110 it's so much fun." 964 00:45:14,150 --> 00:45:16,590 Who'd like to see the lap that eventually resulted? 965 00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:18,630 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Let's have a look. 966 00:45:18,670 --> 00:45:20,110 Dynamo's lap, here it comes. 967 00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:21,630 Thawed out. 968 00:45:21,670 --> 00:45:24,430 A nice, smooth, quiet start. And he's away. 969 00:45:24,470 --> 00:45:26,390 Right, let's do this! 970 00:45:26,430 --> 00:45:27,790 JEREMY: OK, that's... 971 00:45:27,830 --> 00:45:29,190 Ooh, that's quick through... 972 00:45:29,230 --> 00:45:32,270 Oh! Yes, that's cutting that corner, but nicely done. 973 00:45:32,310 --> 00:45:33,670 Nicely held. 974 00:45:33,710 --> 00:45:38,390 And now we go on to what is normally gravel, but... 975 00:45:38,430 --> 00:45:41,150 What does it look like now? It's just mud and slush. 976 00:45:41,190 --> 00:45:42,430 God, that looks tricky! 977 00:45:42,470 --> 00:45:43,750 But you're keeping it... 978 00:45:43,790 --> 00:45:46,550 Ooh, a bit wide through there, but not bad at all. 979 00:45:48,750 --> 00:45:49,830 Again, not bad. 980 00:45:49,870 --> 00:45:52,590 Not fast, but... 981 00:45:52,630 --> 00:45:54,910 I don't think I'm on the track any more, guys. 982 00:45:55,950 --> 00:45:57,310 JEREMY: No, it's still brown... 983 00:45:57,350 --> 00:46:00,790 No, that is a James May cornering speed through that one. 984 00:46:00,830 --> 00:46:02,590 Is the car putting traction down all right? 985 00:46:02,630 --> 00:46:05,670 DYNAMO: No, it was all over the place! 986 00:46:05,710 --> 00:46:07,030 JEREMY: No, that's nice. 987 00:46:07,070 --> 00:46:09,030 Yeah, splashing through the last bit. 988 00:46:09,070 --> 00:46:10,550 Difficult Bit 2 as we call it. 989 00:46:10,590 --> 00:46:11,870 It's driving on water, this is. 990 00:46:11,910 --> 00:46:14,190 JEREMY: It is, yeah. It's almost Jesus-esque. 991 00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:16,910 And then now we get back onto the tarmac. 992 00:46:16,950 --> 00:46:19,590 Ooh, I say, that was tonnes of front-end grip there 993 00:46:19,630 --> 00:46:21,270 all of a sudden. 994 00:46:21,310 --> 00:46:22,870 And look at the way the front's turning in. 995 00:46:22,910 --> 00:46:24,190 That's unbelievable! 996 00:46:24,230 --> 00:46:27,710 Now, we go onto the really fast bit, ordinarily. 997 00:46:27,750 --> 00:46:30,150 Come on, then. Here we go. 998 00:46:30,190 --> 00:46:33,310 JEREMY: This is where you lost it in the practice. 999 00:46:33,350 --> 00:46:34,790 But you haven't lost it this time. 1000 00:46:34,830 --> 00:46:37,590 That front is suddenly sticking really well! 1001 00:46:37,630 --> 00:46:39,870 Coming up to the last corner. 1002 00:46:39,910 --> 00:46:43,230 And a little bit of understeer through there, but nicely tamed. 1003 00:46:43,270 --> 00:46:45,470 And there we are, across the line, everybody! 1004 00:46:45,510 --> 00:46:48,110 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1005 00:46:48,150 --> 00:46:50,630 Nicely done. Not easy. 1006 00:46:50,670 --> 00:46:53,470 Not easy. 1007 00:46:53,510 --> 00:46:57,350 Now then, after you'd had a go, it was your turn. 1008 00:46:57,390 --> 00:46:59,110 -Yes. -Did you enjoy yourself? 1009 00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:02,270 I had a very good time, yeah. And I had Teller as a passenger, which was helpful. 1010 00:47:02,310 --> 00:47:04,830 Oh, that would help! Balance it out nicely. 1011 00:47:04,870 --> 00:47:06,190 PENN: Sure. 1012 00:47:06,230 --> 00:47:07,790 You also had a moment, shall we say. 1013 00:47:07,830 --> 00:47:09,470 I did. I did, yeah. 1014 00:47:09,510 --> 00:47:10,950 Would anybody like to see this moment? 1015 00:47:10,990 --> 00:47:12,750 AUDIENCE: Yes! -Let's have a look. 1016 00:47:12,790 --> 00:47:14,710 This is quick coming into the last corner. 1017 00:47:14,750 --> 00:47:15,910 That's understeer. 1018 00:47:15,950 --> 00:47:17,750 Oh, somebody's been off there already, 1019 00:47:17,790 --> 00:47:20,430 you can see the tyre marks, but not as far you went. 1020 00:47:20,470 --> 00:47:21,790 That is impressive. 1021 00:47:21,830 --> 00:47:25,150 That's the furthest anybody's been off that track, 1022 00:47:25,190 --> 00:47:26,590 by a long way. 1023 00:47:26,630 --> 00:47:29,470 You're definitely winning that, so far. Definitely. 1024 00:47:29,510 --> 00:47:31,830 Furthest off the track, I got that. 1025 00:47:31,870 --> 00:47:34,310 -But then you got a lap together, both of you. -I did. 1026 00:47:34,350 --> 00:47:36,470 Let's have a look at this lap. 1027 00:47:36,510 --> 00:47:39,710 Yeah, another nice, tidy start. 1028 00:47:39,750 --> 00:47:41,510 Roaring off down to the first corner. 1029 00:47:41,550 --> 00:47:44,030 So, we're going, Teller. Can you feel that? 1030 00:47:45,350 --> 00:47:47,070 JEREMY: It's not at all scary in there. 1031 00:47:48,190 --> 00:47:49,830 Right, that's tidily done through there, 1032 00:47:49,870 --> 00:47:51,230 keeping it really on the island, 1033 00:47:51,270 --> 00:47:53,470 unlike Dynamo, who was a bit mad. 1034 00:47:53,510 --> 00:47:55,110 And onto the gravel. 1035 00:47:55,150 --> 00:47:56,510 Well, the mud. Well, the slush. 1036 00:47:56,550 --> 00:47:57,870 Whatever you wanna call it. 1037 00:47:57,910 --> 00:47:59,310 (RATTLING) 1038 00:47:59,350 --> 00:48:00,670 Ahhh! 1039 00:48:01,950 --> 00:48:03,270 PENN: I'm going quickly there. 1040 00:48:03,310 --> 00:48:04,630 JEREMY: Oh-hoo-hoo! 1041 00:48:04,670 --> 00:48:06,750 -That was well held there. PENN: Thank you. 1042 00:48:06,790 --> 00:48:08,390 JEREMY: That's nice driving. 1043 00:48:08,430 --> 00:48:11,310 I'm under control. Shut up, Teller! I got it! 1044 00:48:12,470 --> 00:48:13,790 JEREMY: Is he putting you off? 1045 00:48:13,830 --> 00:48:14,910 Now, this is... 1046 00:48:14,950 --> 00:48:17,270 Sometimes, when it appears to be slow, it's fast, 1047 00:48:17,310 --> 00:48:20,670 and sometimes, when it looks fast, it's slow. 1048 00:48:20,710 --> 00:48:23,390 This is looking fast, I'm gonna be honest, 1049 00:48:23,430 --> 00:48:24,950 but there's a lot of sideways action, 1050 00:48:24,990 --> 00:48:27,390 which, of course, isn't forward motion, 1051 00:48:27,430 --> 00:48:30,190 -which is a problem. -But it looks really good. 1052 00:48:30,230 --> 00:48:32,590 JEREMY: It looks tremendous. This is great television. 1053 00:48:36,470 --> 00:48:38,590 And you can hear the bark of the two-litre there 1054 00:48:38,630 --> 00:48:39,830 as you hit the straight. 1055 00:48:39,870 --> 00:48:41,230 -We're going! -Ahh! 1056 00:48:41,270 --> 00:48:43,390 -Now! Boom! -Oh! 1057 00:48:43,430 --> 00:48:45,590 JEREMY: And coming up to the... 1058 00:48:45,630 --> 00:48:47,990 This is the corner - not this one, but the next one, 1059 00:48:48,030 --> 00:48:50,030 that caught you out practising. 1060 00:48:50,070 --> 00:48:52,270 Ooh, you're trying to get a Scandi flick going there, 1061 00:48:52,310 --> 00:48:53,630 but a bit too soon. 1062 00:48:53,670 --> 00:48:54,750 Understeer again, 1063 00:48:54,790 --> 00:48:56,350 but you've held it this time. 1064 00:48:56,390 --> 00:48:58,430 And there we are, yeah, across the line, everybody! 1065 00:48:58,470 --> 00:49:00,990 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1066 00:49:09,110 --> 00:49:10,790 Right, I have the times here. 1067 00:49:10,830 --> 00:49:11,910 OK. 1068 00:49:13,590 --> 00:49:15,670 We'll start with you, Dynamo. 1069 00:49:15,710 --> 00:49:18,670 One thirty-nine point three. 1070 00:49:18,710 --> 00:49:21,110 -That's all right -That's really slow. 1071 00:49:21,150 --> 00:49:23,990 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1072 00:49:25,190 --> 00:49:27,590 But you've got the snow symbol. 1073 00:49:27,630 --> 00:49:30,750 So far, you're the fastest person ever 1074 00:49:30,790 --> 00:49:33,790 to go round our track in the snow. 1075 00:49:33,830 --> 00:49:36,710 But are you faster than Penn and Teller? 1076 00:49:36,750 --> 00:49:38,990 There's actually excitement here, isn't there? 1077 00:49:39,030 --> 00:49:40,710 DYNAMO: Yeah. PENN: There's nervousness. 1078 00:49:40,750 --> 00:49:42,230 You did it in one... 1079 00:49:43,630 --> 00:49:44,750 ..thirty... 1080 00:49:46,990 --> 00:49:48,470 ..three point eight. 1081 00:49:48,510 --> 00:49:49,590 (APPLAUSE) 1082 00:49:49,630 --> 00:49:51,750 (CHEERING) 1083 00:49:52,750 --> 00:49:53,990 DYNAMO: Bad boy. 1084 00:49:54,030 --> 00:49:58,350 Commiserations. Commiserations. 1085 00:49:58,390 --> 00:50:00,470 Congratulations, gentlemen. Congratulations. 1086 00:50:00,510 --> 00:50:02,910 That was fantastic! 1087 00:50:02,950 --> 00:50:04,550 And thank you so much, all of you, 1088 00:50:04,590 --> 00:50:06,550 for coming along and doing all this magic. 1089 00:50:06,590 --> 00:50:08,630 But we must now say goodbye to Dynamo 1090 00:50:08,670 --> 00:50:12,190 and the world's fastest magicians, Penn and Teller! 1091 00:50:12,230 --> 00:50:14,910 -World's fastest magicians! -(CHEERING) 1092 00:50:20,110 --> 00:50:23,910 Now, tonight, we are attempting to break 1093 00:50:23,950 --> 00:50:27,270 the British water speed record for amphibious cars. 1094 00:50:27,310 --> 00:50:29,870 Now, earlier on, Jeremy had a go at making something, 1095 00:50:29,910 --> 00:50:32,510 and his effort was, frankly, terrible. 1096 00:50:32,550 --> 00:50:33,830 JEREMY: No, it wasn't. -It was. 1097 00:50:33,870 --> 00:50:36,510 Yeah, so, Hammond and I took control of the project, 1098 00:50:36,550 --> 00:50:40,150 and what we decided to do was take a 1970s three-wheeler 1099 00:50:40,190 --> 00:50:42,190 with a removable roof, called a Bond Bug... 1100 00:50:42,230 --> 00:50:43,310 Here's a picture of it. 1101 00:50:43,350 --> 00:50:45,710 ..and mate that with a jet ski, 1102 00:50:45,750 --> 00:50:49,310 to create something that we had christened the Pond Bug. 1103 00:50:49,350 --> 00:50:51,190 And then, when it was finished, 1104 00:50:51,230 --> 00:50:52,670 take it to the Lake District, 1105 00:50:52,710 --> 00:50:56,790 and something called Coniston Speed Week. 1106 00:50:58,350 --> 00:51:00,990 JAMES: Over the decades, many fearless daredevils 1107 00:51:01,030 --> 00:51:04,350 have powered across this five-mile stretch of water, 1108 00:51:04,390 --> 00:51:07,030 in the pursuit of new records. 1109 00:51:12,190 --> 00:51:15,350 One was the legendary Donald Campbell. 1110 00:51:16,430 --> 00:51:18,830 Who was killed here in 1967, 1111 00:51:18,870 --> 00:51:22,910 whilst trying to break the 300mph barrier. 1112 00:51:30,990 --> 00:51:34,670 Today, in Speed Week, that spirit of adventure lives on, 1113 00:51:34,710 --> 00:51:36,630 as people from all over the world 1114 00:51:36,670 --> 00:51:39,190 come to push their boats, their engines, 1115 00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:42,190 and themselves to the absolute limit. 1116 00:51:43,510 --> 00:51:45,350 This was speed heaven, 1117 00:51:45,390 --> 00:51:48,990 and I felt sure our fully road legal Pond Bug 1118 00:51:49,030 --> 00:51:51,150 would blend in perfectly. 1119 00:52:13,590 --> 00:52:14,670 Morning! 1120 00:52:21,070 --> 00:52:22,670 Look at all this! 1121 00:52:25,790 --> 00:52:29,870 Having parked up, I went off to find Hammond and Clarkson, 1122 00:52:29,910 --> 00:52:33,110 who reckoned he'd come up with something better. 1123 00:52:37,350 --> 00:52:38,670 JEREMY: Are you ready? -(SIGHS) 1124 00:52:38,710 --> 00:52:40,710 You're gonna not believe this. 1125 00:52:40,750 --> 00:52:41,910 RICHARD: OK. 1126 00:52:41,950 --> 00:52:44,630 JEREMY: Behold my genius! 1127 00:52:46,150 --> 00:52:47,270 JAMES: Oh, hello! 1128 00:52:50,310 --> 00:52:51,390 JEREMY: Oh, yeah! 1129 00:52:51,430 --> 00:52:55,030 RICHARD: That is actually quite surprising. 1130 00:52:55,070 --> 00:52:57,870 JEREMY: So, the tracks drop down when you're near land. 1131 00:52:57,910 --> 00:53:00,070 JAMES: Oh, very clever! 1132 00:53:01,430 --> 00:53:02,670 I mean, I'm sorry... 1133 00:53:02,710 --> 00:53:04,350 I'm gonna stand back a little bit. 1134 00:53:04,390 --> 00:53:08,390 ..have I, or have I not created something brilliant? 1135 00:53:08,430 --> 00:53:10,390 JAMES: No. RICHARD: You didn't build it. 1136 00:53:10,430 --> 00:53:12,230 And it's very cool, but you can't use it. 1137 00:53:12,270 --> 00:53:14,310 -Why not? -Because it's not road legal! 1138 00:53:14,350 --> 00:53:15,630 Well, put a number plate on it. 1139 00:53:15,670 --> 00:53:17,910 It's not an amphibious car, it's a boat. 1140 00:53:17,950 --> 00:53:19,590 That's a boat with legs on it. 1141 00:53:19,630 --> 00:53:21,870 It's not eligible for what we're doing. 1142 00:53:21,910 --> 00:53:24,110 -Well, where's your car? BOTH: Ah! 1143 00:53:31,070 --> 00:53:32,390 -What do you think? -Oh, yeah! 1144 00:53:33,590 --> 00:53:34,990 Look at it! 1145 00:53:35,030 --> 00:53:37,150 That is a quality job. 1146 00:53:37,190 --> 00:53:38,950 Why are you pulling that face? 1147 00:53:38,990 --> 00:53:41,150 It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life. 1148 00:53:41,190 --> 00:53:43,310 It's the coolest thing that has ever been! 1149 00:53:43,350 --> 00:53:45,350 -Look at it! -What are they? 1150 00:53:45,390 --> 00:53:47,510 -RICHARD: These are the doors. -JAMES: Yes, undercarriage doors. 1151 00:53:47,550 --> 00:53:48,630 What doors? 1152 00:53:48,670 --> 00:53:49,910 RICHARD: You retract the undercarriage. 1153 00:53:49,950 --> 00:53:51,950 The front wheel goes up, then these doors shut, 1154 00:53:51,990 --> 00:53:54,110 you've got a smooth hull. 1155 00:53:54,150 --> 00:53:55,870 So those... What do the back wheels do? 1156 00:53:55,910 --> 00:53:57,590 (WHISTLES) 1157 00:53:57,630 --> 00:53:58,790 What about the chine? 1158 00:53:58,830 --> 00:54:00,590 What do you mean, "What about the chine"? 1159 00:54:00,630 --> 00:54:02,110 Look at the chine at the back. 1160 00:54:02,150 --> 00:54:04,910 This is to attempt a water speed record. 1161 00:54:04,950 --> 00:54:08,670 RICARD: I know! JEREMY: This is what you need for a high-speed run, 1162 00:54:08,710 --> 00:54:10,910 a smooth, rounded chine. 1163 00:54:10,950 --> 00:54:14,230 When this is up here, it's sharp. 1164 00:54:14,270 --> 00:54:16,870 So, as you're going along, you catch that, 1165 00:54:16,910 --> 00:54:18,590 and it's gonna go. 1166 00:54:18,630 --> 00:54:21,750 JAMES: We had to make it fit round the wheel, otherwise it wouldn't work on the road. 1167 00:54:21,790 --> 00:54:23,030 You could have made it round! 1168 00:54:23,070 --> 00:54:25,990 That was a difficult fabrication job. It was much easier to do it like that. 1169 00:54:26,030 --> 00:54:28,110 I'm sure it's easier, but you've created a death trap! 1170 00:54:29,710 --> 00:54:31,750 Weight. Keep the nose down. 1171 00:54:31,790 --> 00:54:33,750 -JEREMY: I know what it's for. -RICHARD: Well, there you go then. 1172 00:54:33,790 --> 00:54:36,470 Isn't this thing just gonna porpoise? 1173 00:54:36,510 --> 00:54:38,510 -We don't know. -No. Probably. 1174 00:54:38,550 --> 00:54:40,030 JEREMY: Anyone who gets in that 1175 00:54:40,070 --> 00:54:42,550 -is effectively committing suicide. JAMES: No, they're not! 1176 00:54:42,590 --> 00:54:46,270 Anyone who gets in that is gonna look the coolest person here, that's fact one. 1177 00:54:46,310 --> 00:54:48,550 Which one of you two's driving it? 1178 00:54:48,590 --> 00:54:49,910 Now, that's interesting, because... 1179 00:54:49,950 --> 00:54:52,150 We've had a think about that. It's gotta be somebody 1180 00:54:52,190 --> 00:54:53,950 with a speedboat, powerboat racing licence. 1181 00:54:53,990 --> 00:54:55,990 -JAMES: Yes. Have you got one of those? -I haven't got one. 1182 00:54:56,030 --> 00:54:59,750 I haven't got one. Do I know anybody who does have one? 1183 00:54:59,790 --> 00:55:01,070 Yes, I do have a racing licence. 1184 00:55:01,110 --> 00:55:03,550 -Well, there you go, then. -And here is your racing boat. 1185 00:55:03,590 --> 00:55:06,470 Look what we've built for you. 1186 00:55:06,510 --> 00:55:09,150 -I am not getting in that. -Yes, you are. 1187 00:55:09,190 --> 00:55:10,550 No, I'm not doing... 1188 00:55:10,590 --> 00:55:12,750 -No! JAMES: Well, you have to. 1189 00:55:12,790 --> 00:55:15,910 -You have to. -I am not. 1190 00:55:15,950 --> 00:55:18,270 And with that, back to the tent. 1191 00:55:20,910 --> 00:55:23,030 -This is broken. -No, line it up with the... 1192 00:55:23,070 --> 00:55:24,630 It is broken, otherwise it would... 1193 00:55:24,670 --> 00:55:27,150 You've used a removable steering wheel before. 1194 00:55:27,190 --> 00:55:28,470 JAMES: Line up the... There you go! 1195 00:55:28,510 --> 00:55:30,710 I've mended it. 1196 00:55:30,750 --> 00:55:32,870 JEREMY: Knowing that 85% of people 1197 00:55:32,910 --> 00:55:35,230 who attempt speed records are killed, 1198 00:55:35,270 --> 00:55:37,830 and that the boat had been designed by imbeciles, 1199 00:55:37,870 --> 00:55:42,390 I was fervently hoping that it would, at least, be easy to operate. 1200 00:55:42,430 --> 00:55:45,390 However... 1201 00:55:45,430 --> 00:55:48,750 You have to drive it into the water first. It's still in road mode. 1202 00:55:48,790 --> 00:55:51,470 And you do that using this. That just teases it in. 1203 00:55:51,510 --> 00:55:53,270 A little push, a little push, and it goes in. 1204 00:55:53,310 --> 00:55:56,710 Once you're in the water, you have to retract the wheels, 1205 00:55:56,750 --> 00:56:00,070 and then you disengage the fan and the clutch. 1206 00:56:00,110 --> 00:56:02,030 Then you have to close the nose wheel doors... 1207 00:56:02,070 --> 00:56:04,190 If you push it down once, you're in neutral. 1208 00:56:04,230 --> 00:56:06,710 You'll still rotate round, cos the jet's still running... 1209 00:56:06,750 --> 00:56:09,670 Push it up, you'll see the current will flow on the ammeter. 1210 00:56:09,710 --> 00:56:11,030 When you get a current surge... 1211 00:56:11,070 --> 00:56:12,270 Jet thrust trim is here, 1212 00:56:12,310 --> 00:56:13,910 and it will appear on your screen here... 1213 00:56:13,950 --> 00:56:15,390 Hold that, and that goes... 1214 00:56:15,430 --> 00:56:17,630 This one, you pull it fully back. 1215 00:56:19,030 --> 00:56:22,830 If you knew, and you obviously did know all along, 1216 00:56:22,870 --> 00:56:24,510 that I was gonna be driving this, 1217 00:56:24,550 --> 00:56:26,390 why have you made this thing so complicated? 1218 00:56:26,430 --> 00:56:29,430 -That's not complicated. -We've simplified it. 1219 00:56:29,470 --> 00:56:31,310 These instruments are from the jet ski. 1220 00:56:31,350 --> 00:56:33,110 RICHARD: Comforting. 1221 00:56:33,150 --> 00:56:34,910 Comforting. When you're on holiday, 1222 00:56:34,950 --> 00:56:36,270 you've looked at those and thought, 1223 00:56:36,310 --> 00:56:37,550 "I'm having a lovely time." 1224 00:56:37,590 --> 00:56:39,510 That's what you're doing today. The water will be colder. 1225 00:56:39,550 --> 00:56:42,750 -Why don't you take the checklist with you? -Because it will blow... 1226 00:56:42,790 --> 00:56:45,150 -It tells you the things you've got to do. JAMES: It's so easy! 1227 00:56:45,190 --> 00:56:46,870 We've spent hours on that! 1228 00:56:46,910 --> 00:56:48,670 The thing to remember is that it's... 1229 00:56:48,710 --> 00:56:50,430 Thirty-nine miles an hour is really fast. 1230 00:56:50,470 --> 00:56:52,190 JAMES: It is quite fast. -It is really fast. 1231 00:56:52,230 --> 00:56:54,950 But if you do 40, then you're a world record holder. 1232 00:56:54,990 --> 00:56:57,590 -Step out of here... JEREMY: Not world. It's a British record. 1233 00:56:57,630 --> 00:57:00,710 -What better record to break? -What other sort of record would you want? 1234 00:57:05,190 --> 00:57:06,630 JEREMY: To set a speed record, 1235 00:57:06,670 --> 00:57:09,670 you have to drive past the start line marker buoys. 1236 00:57:12,430 --> 00:57:15,070 You're then timed over a kilometre, 1237 00:57:15,110 --> 00:57:16,750 after which, you turn round... 1238 00:57:18,110 --> 00:57:20,430 ..and do exactly the same thing 1239 00:57:20,470 --> 00:57:22,150 in the opposite direction. 1240 00:57:24,030 --> 00:57:28,230 Your result is an average speed taken from the two runs. 1241 00:57:30,910 --> 00:57:34,070 It all sounded very terrifying. 1242 00:57:38,990 --> 00:57:41,350 Please sink like a stone. Please sink! 1243 00:57:41,390 --> 00:57:44,270 Sink! Sink! 1244 00:57:45,350 --> 00:57:47,270 No, it isn't. Damn it! 1245 00:57:47,310 --> 00:57:50,110 -It looks good. -It looks brilliant! 1246 00:57:50,150 --> 00:57:51,830 RICHARD (OVER RADIO): We have every faith in you. 1247 00:57:51,870 --> 00:57:53,470 -We don't have every faith. -No. 1248 00:57:53,510 --> 00:57:55,710 No faith. 1249 00:57:55,750 --> 00:57:56,870 JAMES: Wheels! 1250 00:57:56,910 --> 00:57:58,230 Wheels coming up. 1251 00:58:01,510 --> 00:58:04,390 JEREMY: It was now time for the checklist. 1252 00:58:04,430 --> 00:58:06,790 What do I do with the clutch? I've forgotten that. 1253 00:58:06,830 --> 00:58:09,950 Doors. Doors. Is that right? 1254 00:58:09,990 --> 00:58:12,510 How do I get it out... Wait a minute. Right, bilge. 1255 00:58:12,550 --> 00:58:13,910 No, that's bilge, that's not right. 1256 00:58:13,950 --> 00:58:15,190 No, it's just... 1257 00:58:15,230 --> 00:58:16,830 Oh, this is terrible! 1258 00:58:16,870 --> 00:58:18,910 Hammond! May! You idiots! 1259 00:58:18,950 --> 00:58:20,830 JAMES: Why is he just going round and round? 1260 00:58:20,870 --> 00:58:22,670 Is there a record for going round and round? 1261 00:58:22,710 --> 00:58:25,950 RICHARD: Don't know, but if there is, it's in the bag. 1262 00:58:25,990 --> 00:58:28,470 Right. I think we need to go to a better viewing position to see his run. 1263 00:58:28,510 --> 00:58:30,310 Let's go over there. 1264 00:58:30,350 --> 00:58:32,630 JEREMY: With the ridiculous checklist completed, 1265 00:58:32,670 --> 00:58:34,350 I had to get some speed up, 1266 00:58:34,390 --> 00:58:37,350 so I could cross the start line at full chat. 1267 00:58:37,390 --> 00:58:39,710 (ENGINE REVS) 1268 00:58:39,750 --> 00:58:41,430 Visor down. 1269 00:58:44,910 --> 00:58:46,990 It's on the plain now. We're on the plain. 1270 00:58:48,390 --> 00:58:49,870 It's very spray-y. 1271 00:58:49,910 --> 00:58:53,750 It's a badly-designed hull. 1272 00:58:53,790 --> 00:58:56,430 JEREMY: But the hull was the least of my problems. 1273 00:58:56,470 --> 00:58:58,430 Jesus Christ! This steering! 1274 00:59:02,870 --> 00:59:04,550 Oh... 1275 00:59:04,590 --> 00:59:05,990 It's a (BLEEP) nightmare! 1276 00:59:07,110 --> 00:59:08,270 I can't steer it! 1277 00:59:08,310 --> 00:59:10,270 I literally cannot steer it! 1278 00:59:11,390 --> 00:59:13,190 I think he's experimenting with it. 1279 00:59:13,230 --> 00:59:15,310 I think he's sort of testing. 1280 00:59:15,350 --> 00:59:16,630 Oh, my God! 1281 00:59:18,150 --> 00:59:20,510 (GROANS) 1282 00:59:20,550 --> 00:59:22,670 JAMES: It looks pretty good. RICHARD: It looks fabulous! 1283 00:59:22,710 --> 00:59:24,150 I bet it handles like a dream! 1284 00:59:24,190 --> 00:59:25,590 Oh, come on! 1285 00:59:25,630 --> 00:59:27,390 I'm gonna crash into the bloody safety boat! 1286 00:59:30,190 --> 00:59:33,870 -Look, he's making turns. Yes! -That looks tremendous! 1287 00:59:33,910 --> 00:59:36,510 JEREMY: Three times I tried to get the Pond Bug 1288 00:59:36,550 --> 00:59:38,510 pointing in the right direction. 1289 00:59:40,310 --> 00:59:42,630 Absolutely impossible! 1290 00:59:42,670 --> 00:59:46,270 And then I thought, "Sod it," put my foot down, 1291 00:59:46,310 --> 00:59:48,030 and went for it. 1292 00:59:51,510 --> 00:59:53,270 Oh, Christ! 1293 00:59:53,310 --> 00:59:57,670 It's only my skill that is keeping this pointing in a straight line. 1294 01:00:00,950 --> 01:00:03,430 And, to make matters worse for a man on a speed run, 1295 01:00:03,470 --> 01:00:07,270 I had no idea how fast I was going. 1296 01:00:07,310 --> 01:00:10,830 I've got a GPS speedo, but I can't read it, 1297 01:00:10,870 --> 01:00:13,230 because there isn't any GPS. 1298 01:00:16,510 --> 01:00:19,590 Why have they given me such shoddy workmanship? 1299 01:00:21,350 --> 01:00:22,470 Oh, heavens! 1300 01:00:26,590 --> 01:00:27,670 Oh, Christ! 1301 01:00:27,710 --> 01:00:30,630 That's the worst thing I've ever done, ever. 1302 01:00:30,670 --> 01:00:33,750 And now, I've gotta turn round and do it again. 1303 01:00:33,790 --> 01:00:36,270 I've gotta wait for my own wash to die down. 1304 01:00:36,310 --> 01:00:39,190 That's what did for Campbell. He went back too quickly. 1305 01:00:43,390 --> 01:00:44,590 Here we go. 1306 01:00:49,590 --> 01:00:51,590 That is my foot pinned to the floor! 1307 01:00:54,790 --> 01:00:58,070 Jesus! It's starting to chain lock! 1308 01:00:59,710 --> 01:01:01,670 It's really bad. 1309 01:01:03,790 --> 01:01:04,870 Ahhh! 1310 01:01:06,030 --> 01:01:07,630 And then... 1311 01:01:07,670 --> 01:01:08,910 Oh, my God! 1312 01:01:08,950 --> 01:01:10,870 Oh, no, we've got a power problem! 1313 01:01:10,910 --> 01:01:12,550 I'm losing power! 1314 01:01:14,430 --> 01:01:17,550 May and Hammond have built a piece of shit here. 1315 01:01:19,230 --> 01:01:22,390 It sounds a little bit inconsistent. 1316 01:01:22,430 --> 01:01:24,510 That's maybe him feathering the throttle. 1317 01:01:24,550 --> 01:01:27,270 He is possibly finessing it to keep it on the plain. 1318 01:01:29,030 --> 01:01:30,630 Oh, no! Come on! 1319 01:01:36,030 --> 01:01:37,470 (SIGHS) 1320 01:01:39,030 --> 01:01:41,230 Jesus! A lot of smoke. 1321 01:01:42,350 --> 01:01:43,910 Well, that was a disaster! 1322 01:01:43,950 --> 01:01:47,230 I've got no GPS, so I don't know how fast that was. 1323 01:01:47,270 --> 01:01:50,230 And the engine is cutting out all the time. 1324 01:01:51,710 --> 01:01:54,470 Basically, it was time for a stern word 1325 01:01:54,510 --> 01:01:56,550 with the engineering department. 1326 01:01:57,830 --> 01:01:59,390 -Right, you two... RICHARD: Yeah? 1327 01:01:59,430 --> 01:02:00,670 Not only have you built something 1328 01:02:00,710 --> 01:02:02,230 -ugly and complicated... -It's not... 1329 01:02:02,270 --> 01:02:04,150 JEREMY: No, it's rubbish and lethal. 1330 01:02:04,190 --> 01:02:06,710 -In what way? JEREMY: The worst thing is the steering. 1331 01:02:06,750 --> 01:02:08,990 You cannot get it going in a straight line. 1332 01:02:09,030 --> 01:02:10,510 The steering is a horrible compromise, 1333 01:02:10,550 --> 01:02:13,710 cos it's gotta work the steering wheel and steer the boat. 1334 01:02:13,750 --> 01:02:15,550 "Horrible compromise" is a way of describing it. 1335 01:02:15,590 --> 01:02:17,510 "Lethal" is another way. 1336 01:02:18,590 --> 01:02:20,150 -It looked great! -Looked great out there. 1337 01:02:20,190 --> 01:02:21,350 -Did it? JAMES: Yeah. 1338 01:02:21,390 --> 01:02:25,150 -I was doing about 4mph. -RICHARD: Well, that's a start. 1339 01:02:25,190 --> 01:02:27,230 JEREMY: Then, an official came on the Tannoy 1340 01:02:27,270 --> 01:02:29,190 to announce my result. 1341 01:02:46,710 --> 01:02:48,830 -There you go! -(LAUGHS) 1342 01:02:48,870 --> 01:02:50,310 We did it! 1343 01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:51,590 What do you mean "we" did it? 1344 01:02:51,630 --> 01:02:52,870 Would you have swam it? 1345 01:02:52,910 --> 01:02:54,990 -I did it! -We did it! 1346 01:02:55,030 --> 01:02:57,230 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1347 01:02:57,270 --> 01:02:58,430 Thank you so much. 1348 01:02:59,910 --> 01:03:01,030 Thank you, thank you. 1349 01:03:03,470 --> 01:03:07,310 Thank you! Thank you all for applauding me! 1350 01:03:07,350 --> 01:03:09,950 No, wait, they're applauding us as a team. 1351 01:03:09,990 --> 01:03:12,190 Listen! I'm sorry to go on about this, 1352 01:03:12,230 --> 01:03:14,430 but Roger Bannister was the first 1353 01:03:14,470 --> 01:03:15,830 to break the four-minute mile. 1354 01:03:15,870 --> 01:03:17,550 Not the man who made his shoes. 1355 01:03:17,590 --> 01:03:20,710 Edmund Hillary was the first to go up Everest. 1356 01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:22,350 Not the man who made his rucksack. 1357 01:03:22,390 --> 01:03:23,670 -So? -So, I was the first... 1358 01:03:23,710 --> 01:03:25,070 I was the first to do that! 1359 01:03:25,110 --> 01:03:27,390 I broke the record, not you two! 1360 01:03:27,430 --> 01:03:30,270 Yeah, the truth is, to be honest, we failed. 1361 01:03:30,310 --> 01:03:31,750 You didn't fail. 1362 01:03:31,790 --> 01:03:33,350 I mean, if you'd spent less time getting your hair cut 1363 01:03:33,390 --> 01:03:37,070 and more time working on the engine so that it ran properly, 1364 01:03:37,110 --> 01:03:40,470 I reckon that thing would probably do 60 or 70. 1365 01:03:40,510 --> 01:03:42,270 On flat water, it definitely would. 1366 01:03:42,310 --> 01:03:45,230 Yeah, but the thing is, we gave it the square chines, 1367 01:03:45,270 --> 01:03:47,750 that really terrible steering, 1368 01:03:47,790 --> 01:03:50,950 the fantastically complicated knobs and buttons and things. 1369 01:03:50,990 --> 01:03:55,230 Basically, we built a death trap, and it didn't work. 1370 01:03:56,750 --> 01:03:58,990 Well, so you're... Let me get this straight. 1371 01:03:59,030 --> 01:04:02,030 You were hoping I would become one of the 85% 1372 01:04:02,070 --> 01:04:03,750 who died trying to break a record? 1373 01:04:03,790 --> 01:04:06,310 BOTH: Yes. 1374 01:04:06,350 --> 01:04:08,590 So we're now actively trying to kill each other? 1375 01:04:08,630 --> 01:04:10,950 Yes, and we can't even do that properly! 1376 01:04:10,990 --> 01:04:13,830 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1377 01:04:13,870 --> 01:04:15,070 Thank you so much for watching. 1378 01:04:15,110 --> 01:04:16,630 -Goodbye! -Bye-bye. 1379 01:04:16,670 --> 01:04:18,670 (CHEERING)