1 00:00:04,870 --> 00:00:07,110 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:09,070 (TRAIN HORN BLASTS) 3 00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:56,230 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 4 00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:58,030 Welcome. 5 00:00:58,070 --> 00:01:00,310 Now, a couple of months ago, 6 00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:02,910 we were sitting around, wondering what we should do 7 00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:05,870 for this, the last programme in the series. 8 00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:10,070 Yeah. I said we should build a car that's also an aircraft carrier. 9 00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:14,150 Yeah, I wanted to fire a car into space. 10 00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:16,070 But then we decided that what we should actually do, 11 00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,710 because neither of those things were ambitious enough, 12 00:01:18,750 --> 00:01:21,270 -was end world hunger. -(LAUGHTER) 13 00:01:21,310 --> 00:01:23,190 Yeah. It's a big job. 14 00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:25,750 Yeah, it's not the sort of thing that we could achieve in 20 minutes 15 00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:28,910 with a couple of guests and a bit of idle chit-chat in-between. 16 00:01:28,950 --> 00:01:32,230 No. We were going to need the whole show. 17 00:01:32,270 --> 00:01:35,990 So settle back now as we take The Grand Tour on a mini special 18 00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:39,950 to the poverty-stricken but beautiful country 19 00:01:39,990 --> 00:01:41,310 of Mozambique. 20 00:01:55,430 --> 00:02:00,230 This is the village of Bingo in the west of the country. 21 00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:02,470 The people here are not starving, 22 00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:04,590 but they are very poor. 23 00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:12,230 Jesus here has to exist on a diet of miserable gruel, 24 00:02:12,270 --> 00:02:16,070 which is fine for silly rich women in London and New York. 25 00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:21,310 But food like this makes the average red-blooded African man very sad. 26 00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:28,150 And that's odd, because just 200 miles away 27 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,710 things are very different. 28 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,630 (HUBBUB OF MARKET) 29 00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:39,310 This is Mozambique's capital city, Maputo. 30 00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:44,710 And the people here are well-nourished and happy 31 00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,510 because they live by the ocean... 32 00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:50,310 ...which is full of fish. 33 00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:52,350 (MARKET CHATTER) 34 00:02:54,190 --> 00:02:56,070 And that got us wondering. 35 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:59,030 How hard can it be... 36 00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:02,550 ...to get the fish from here to that village we were looking at earlier? 37 00:03:02,590 --> 00:03:05,070 Yeah. Now, this isn't a very wealthy country. 38 00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:07,150 -In fact, it's a poor country. -Desperately poor. 39 00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:10,950 Desperately poor. So they don't have refrigerated trucks, all that kind of stuff. 40 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:15,230 No, but we're talking about 200 miles. That's London to Leeds, isn't it? 41 00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:17,150 It's nothing to get this there. 42 00:03:17,190 --> 00:03:19,110 I'm telling you, when we get this sorted out, 43 00:03:19,150 --> 00:03:22,710 when we move these fish to Bingo, 44 00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:25,310 there'll be Nobel Prizes in it for us. 45 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:27,550 -And I'd be Boutros Boutros-May. -Yes. 46 00:03:27,590 --> 00:03:28,950 And I'd be Ban Ki-Hammond. 47 00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:31,390 -What? Oh, Ban Ki. -Yeah. 48 00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:34,030 -I'm gonna go for a knighthood... -Do it. Why not? 49 00:03:34,070 --> 00:03:36,150 -...beat David Beckham to it. -That'd go down well. 50 00:03:39,230 --> 00:03:42,630 JAMES: Unfortunately, having agreed that we would end world hunger 51 00:03:42,670 --> 00:03:44,790 by moving fish across Mozambique, 52 00:03:44,830 --> 00:03:47,790 we couldn't agree on how this might be achieved. 53 00:03:47,830 --> 00:03:50,990 So we ended up with different solutions. 54 00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:59,470 This is what I came up with - a 1984 Mercedes wagon, 55 00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:03,630 a car famous throughout Africa for its rugged dependability. 56 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:08,030 However, I have modified it extensively. 57 00:04:08,070 --> 00:04:12,550 In the back, filling up all of the back, is a Perspex tank. 58 00:04:12,590 --> 00:04:15,510 What I'm going to do is fill that with sea water 59 00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:17,510 and then put the fishes in there 60 00:04:17,550 --> 00:04:19,230 and they will stay alive 61 00:04:19,270 --> 00:04:21,030 as I make my way inland. 62 00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:25,310 Now, you can't get fish fresher than fishes that are still swimming around in the sea. 63 00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,750 I have been clever. 64 00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,030 Very clever. 65 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,230 Not as clever as me. 66 00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:35,390 Because for the first time in my entire life, 67 00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:39,150 I've made a sensible decision. I've gone for this. 68 00:04:39,190 --> 00:04:42,550 It's a pick-up truck that Nissan named after me. 69 00:04:42,590 --> 00:04:45,470 It's called the Hardbody. 70 00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:52,830 It's got tons of space in the back for cod and bream and sticklebacks. 71 00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:56,670 And it has four-wheel drive, which I reckon is going to be essential, 72 00:04:56,710 --> 00:04:59,310 because - and James hasn't realised this - 73 00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:01,150 it's the rainy season in Mozambique, 74 00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:08,390 so I reckon the roads are gonna be... hell. 75 00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:11,670 JEREMY: Hammond, meanwhile, hadn't been clever at all. 76 00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:13,590 What do you think of that? 77 00:05:14,910 --> 00:05:20,710 -Well, I think it's a... motorcycle. -Yes, it is. 78 00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:23,670 Specifically, it's a TVS Star HLX E5 79 00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:26,790 and I've just bought this brand new from a supermarket 80 00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:28,350 for 800 quid. 81 00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:29,990 Brand spankers. 82 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,190 Hammond, this is not a quality item. 83 00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:34,790 It's built down to a budget, isn't it? You can feel that. 84 00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:36,470 Is it a 1,000cc? 85 00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,150 -No, 100. -What? 86 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:40,550 -100cc. -How many cylinders? Four? 87 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,710 -One. -One? 88 00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:45,110 -That one. -So how much horsepower has it got? 89 00:05:45,150 --> 00:05:47,270 -Seven. Seven. -Seven? 90 00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:48,990 But it's light, it's agile. 91 00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,470 These things are actually built in India 92 00:05:50,510 --> 00:05:53,190 specifically to be used in Africa. 93 00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:54,510 -(CHUCKLES) -They are! 94 00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:57,110 They're built in India specifically for use in Africa... 95 00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:59,190 It's too poor to be used in India. 96 00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:00,790 I can see why the Indians don't want it. 97 00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:03,670 It's rugged, it's tough, it can go off-road if we need to. 98 00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:06,710 -It can do anything. -But what it can't do, Hammond, 99 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,990 is transport a large amount of fish. 100 00:06:09,030 --> 00:06:11,350 Exactly what I was thinking. If I wanted a pizza delivery, 101 00:06:11,390 --> 00:06:12,750 this is the sort of thing... 102 00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:15,790 I've thought about this. Let me explain my idea. 103 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:19,670 This is my genius. What they do here is dry the fish in the wind 104 00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:20,990 cos it lasts longer. 105 00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,910 -Is that fish? -That's fish, drying in the wind. 106 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,350 -It looks like cats. -No, it's fish! 107 00:06:25,390 --> 00:06:27,950 I'm gonna build a rack like that, fit it to the back, 108 00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:30,670 and then I'll dry the fish as I go along. 109 00:06:30,710 --> 00:06:31,790 It's brilliant! 110 00:06:31,830 --> 00:06:34,790 That is literally the stupidest idea I've ever heard of. 111 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:37,910 What are you gonna do, sling your fish in your pick-up and watch them rot? 112 00:06:37,950 --> 00:06:41,430 Ah! No. Actually, I have a plan on that. 113 00:06:41,470 --> 00:06:43,190 But I do need your help. 114 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:52,590 RICHARD: Jeremy's plan was to break into a hotel 115 00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:55,270 in the dead of night and do a burglary. 116 00:06:58,150 --> 00:06:59,430 (BUMPING AND CLANGING) 117 00:06:59,470 --> 00:07:01,150 RICHARD: You're not gonna... You're gonna have to tilt it! 118 00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:02,670 You're gonna have to tilt it! 119 00:07:04,230 --> 00:07:06,150 Ow! Ow! 120 00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:08,950 -(RUMBLING) -Right, back! 121 00:07:08,990 --> 00:07:11,510 (THUDDING AND GROANING) 122 00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:15,270 RICHARD: There! 123 00:07:16,990 --> 00:07:19,430 JEREMY: Why is it so heavy? RICHARD: Ssh! 124 00:07:19,470 --> 00:07:21,430 There's a lot of gubbins in it. 125 00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:30,230 JEREMY: The next morning, we all met up on the beach 126 00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:35,510 and I set about fitting the hotel's ice machine to my Hardbody. 127 00:07:35,550 --> 00:07:42,070 Right, so I need a bucket of water above the height of the stolen ice machine 128 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:46,910 from which the Solenoid ice machine can get the supply that it can convert into ice. 129 00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:51,310 Oh, yeah. 130 00:07:58,510 --> 00:08:00,510 Generator in place. 131 00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:03,310 Water tank in place. 132 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,390 Meanwhile, Hammond was building his fish rack... 133 00:08:07,950 --> 00:08:11,950 ...and May was filling his Macquarium with sea water. 134 00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:17,430 How much is your car going to weigh when it's full? 135 00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:19,310 An extra 700. 136 00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:21,830 -Tons? -No, kilograms. 137 00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:24,910 -So it's at 0.7 of a ton... -Yeah, extra. 138 00:08:24,950 --> 00:08:29,430 -Extra. And he's parked it... -On sand. Wet sand. 139 00:08:29,470 --> 00:08:32,270 -Wet sand. -But the fish aren't heavy. 140 00:08:33,950 --> 00:08:35,830 Tyre. Look at the tyre. 141 00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:39,630 RICHARD: The tide is definitely coming in. 142 00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:44,270 JEREMY: With the Indian Ocean nibbling at his back end, 143 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:47,830 James's tank was eventually full. 144 00:08:47,870 --> 00:08:50,990 I need to get this going as quick as possible. You lot out of the way! 145 00:08:52,350 --> 00:08:53,990 (ENGINE REVS) 146 00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,430 He's not gonna do it. 147 00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:00,270 (REVS ENGINE) 148 00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:02,470 (HEAVY CLUNK) 149 00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:04,430 Bollocks! 150 00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:06,830 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) 151 00:09:14,910 --> 00:09:16,830 I need a tow! Tow! 152 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:17,990 Try! 153 00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:22,870 It won't do it. It's only got 104 horsepower. 154 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,470 Get the truck! 155 00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:27,190 Get your four-by-four, please, 156 00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:29,390 and tow me the first 20 yards. 157 00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,550 That's what you've got it for! Get it in front! 158 00:09:31,590 --> 00:09:33,710 He's really shouting at me. 159 00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:36,670 I don't respond well to shouting. I like calmness. 160 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,910 -Can you help? -Yep. 161 00:09:38,950 --> 00:09:41,030 JEREMY: What's the matter? -I want a tow! 162 00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:44,110 You've got a four-by-four. Put it there. Just tow me a bit. 163 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,550 I helped you nick the ice-making machine. 164 00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:50,590 Do something in return. You're still not doing it! 165 00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:51,910 I am. 166 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:53,510 (REVVING) 167 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:57,630 This is me saving James May. 168 00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:00,510 It's not ideal, but... 169 00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:03,670 -(HORN BEEPS) RICHARD: Jeremy, he's ready! 170 00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:08,910 Keep going! 171 00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:15,030 -(METALLIC GRINDING) -What is that noise? 172 00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,110 (CLUNK) 173 00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,750 That's my gearbox. 174 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:23,190 No, no! Stop! 175 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:24,470 Oh, you pillock! 176 00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:36,590 Hammond, there's a really bad noise... 177 00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:38,310 I dropped him right where the sewage is. 178 00:10:38,350 --> 00:10:40,150 RICHARD: OK. -There's a terrible noise. 179 00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:42,390 coming from the bottom of my gear lever 180 00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:44,510 when it's underload, pulling him. 181 00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:47,750 -What is that? -That clicking metallic-- 182 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:49,470 -Could you hear it? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 183 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,070 Dunno. Honestly don't know. 184 00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:54,670 Thank you. But you were supposed to do it gently. 185 00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:57,070 -That's what I was shouting. -My car is broken. 186 00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:59,030 -Well... -Mine's not, fortunately. 187 00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,870 -How did that happen? -You did it. 188 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,830 You might have holed his radiator. We haven't had a look yet. 189 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,590 -When I said "Stop", you accelerated. -Yeah, that did happen. 190 00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:08,590 The noise of my disintegrating gearbox 191 00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:10,430 was drowning you out. 192 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,030 I didn't know your gearbox was disintegrating. 193 00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:14,510 -It is now. -Radiator and fan are OK. 194 00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:18,310 -I knew they were. I judged it to perfection. -Course you did. 195 00:11:18,350 --> 00:11:22,510 JEREMY: Once we'd replaced the water James was now wearing, 196 00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:25,150 we were ready to go and catch some fish, 197 00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:29,310 using local methods that we didn't really understand. 198 00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:34,990 So far as we could tell, we had to put James in the sea 199 00:11:35,030 --> 00:11:36,630 with one end of the rope, 200 00:11:36,670 --> 00:11:39,470 and then Hammond and I had to row about, 201 00:11:39,510 --> 00:11:41,870 dropping off a net as we went. 202 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,030 And pull! 203 00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:45,910 Arg! 204 00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:47,910 Jesus Christ! 205 00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:49,750 There's been an accident! 206 00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,590 Row the boat, you idle sods! 207 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:53,670 Hold on, James, we'll be... 208 00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:55,590 This is how they do it here. 209 00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:57,590 No, that's the wrong way. Gotta go the other way. 210 00:11:57,630 --> 00:11:59,470 Oh, shit, I'm on the wrong side! 211 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:02,550 Turn it. Oh (BLEEP) hell! 212 00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:05,710 As Hammond and I were struggling to get into a rhythm... 213 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,990 Hang on, hang on. The oar's come out. 214 00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:12,550 ...and, as it turned out, the Indian Ocean wasn't that deep... 215 00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:15,990 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 216 00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:18,470 JEREMY: Where has all the sea gone? 217 00:12:18,510 --> 00:12:21,590 ...we decided to push the boat instead. 218 00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:24,670 Any minute now we're going to start fishing. 219 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:27,270 I think this might actually be working. 220 00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:29,190 If they can just get themselves back to here, 221 00:12:29,230 --> 00:12:31,150 we've got two ends of a net, 222 00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:33,110 pull it in full of fish. 223 00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:36,990 Arg! Shit! 224 00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:39,430 I've caught myself in the net! 225 00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:40,710 Oh, shit! 226 00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,550 After this calamity... 227 00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:45,110 -Hammond, get it! -I can't get it! 228 00:12:45,150 --> 00:12:47,430 ...we decided that we'd be better off 229 00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:48,990 in the boat after all. 230 00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:54,310 And soon we'd worked our way back to James. 231 00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:56,990 -God! JAMES: Come on! 232 00:12:57,030 --> 00:12:59,030 We're coming. Right, anchor. 233 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,590 Right. Dropping anchor. 234 00:13:01,630 --> 00:13:03,950 What we do is, we pull it in, 235 00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:05,750 and then, as the net comes towards us... 236 00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:07,550 ...it fills up with fish. 237 00:13:07,590 --> 00:13:08,950 So is that the other end of it? 238 00:13:08,990 --> 00:13:10,630 This is my end, the beginning end. 239 00:13:10,670 --> 00:13:12,630 -Where's the other end? -At the back of your boat. 240 00:13:12,670 --> 00:13:14,910 This is the other end, isn't it? 241 00:13:14,950 --> 00:13:17,230 Hold on. No, wait. This is the other end. 242 00:13:17,270 --> 00:13:19,270 But that's also the other end. 243 00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:20,590 RICHARD: This is the other end! 244 00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:23,710 JEREMY: Once we'd established that somehow 245 00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:27,510 our rope had three ends, we began hauling in the net. 246 00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:29,950 (STRAINING AND GROANING) 247 00:13:29,990 --> 00:13:33,430 Behold the sparkling treasure of the seas! 248 00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:36,670 What we've achieved - not only solving world hunger 249 00:13:36,710 --> 00:13:39,670 but mastering fishing in a single day. 250 00:13:41,870 --> 00:13:43,710 Have you ever seen Bono do this? 251 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,390 -Angelina Jolie? -No. 252 00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:49,510 Both of them well respected for their charitable work. 253 00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:52,270 I haven't seen them in the sea hauling nets. 254 00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:53,950 Or David Beckham. 255 00:13:55,390 --> 00:13:58,470 Eventually our catch was on board. 256 00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:03,470 We've got eight plus one that got out in the boat. 257 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:06,310 And, to make matters worse... 258 00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:08,190 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 259 00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:10,150 There's a big squall coming. 260 00:14:10,190 --> 00:14:11,950 Yep, I can see it. That'll be it. 261 00:14:11,990 --> 00:14:13,390 (WIND HOWLS) 262 00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:15,910 Urgh! It's getting quite hairy out here now. 263 00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:22,350 (THUNDERCLAPS) 264 00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:27,590 We're all on board. 265 00:14:28,710 --> 00:14:30,110 You can't row in this. 266 00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:33,950 If we lift up the anchor, 267 00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:36,390 the wind will blow us onto the shore. 268 00:14:36,430 --> 00:14:37,550 That's good. 269 00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:41,550 Or we might just miss it and end up in Madagascar. 270 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:42,870 Or Somalia. 271 00:14:42,910 --> 00:14:45,470 -Yeah. -What's Madagascar like? 272 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,790 -Better than Somalia. -Yeah. 273 00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:53,190 Faced with the prospect of being kidnapped by pirates... 274 00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:56,310 ...we bravely decided to abandon the boat we'd borrowed 275 00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:59,830 and the fish we'd caught, and hitch a ride back to the harbour 276 00:14:59,870 --> 00:15:01,390 with the film crew. 277 00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:04,070 Oh, bollocks! 278 00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:13,310 The next day, though, things started to look up. 279 00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:14,830 We went off fishing this morning, 280 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,990 before the camera crews were up, 281 00:15:17,030 --> 00:15:19,710 and we've had a much more successful morning, much more. 282 00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,670 This is the result. 283 00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,710 I caught the dorado by hand, in fact. 284 00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:25,630 That was quite a wrestling match. I remember watching that. 285 00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:28,430 I was hauling these in at the time, all of them. 286 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:32,030 Anyway, we've got a lot of fish that we caught ourselves, 287 00:15:32,070 --> 00:15:35,110 without the crew, early this morning. 288 00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:39,550 RICHARD: And now it was time to load them into our fish transportation vehicles. 289 00:15:42,070 --> 00:15:44,110 JEREMY: That is an octopus, look. 290 00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:46,030 You can see its face, 291 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:50,470 the surprise from when James wrestled it. Look at that. 292 00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:53,190 With a cheese sauce, got a thermidor going on right there. 293 00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:56,230 They will be kept succulent and fresh 294 00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:58,590 for the journey to Bingo. 295 00:15:58,630 --> 00:16:00,870 Right, come on, matey. In the big tank. 296 00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:02,630 You'll like it with your mates. 297 00:16:04,350 --> 00:16:06,830 Hey, hey, hey! Look at that! 298 00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:09,190 (BLEEP) 299 00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:10,310 Sorry, mate. Sorry. 300 00:16:12,150 --> 00:16:14,070 Sorry. Oh, he's sandy. 301 00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:16,270 Oh, bollocks. 302 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,950 I'll rinse him off. There you go. 303 00:16:18,990 --> 00:16:21,630 He's OK. 304 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:24,510 So it goes in its mouth and out of its anus? 305 00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,150 No. It'll go in its mouth 306 00:16:26,190 --> 00:16:28,830 and then I imagine out of its gill. 307 00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:32,070 No, it needs to go through its anus, then it goes through its whole body. 308 00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:34,790 It goes through the gill, not threaded all the way through the fish! 309 00:16:34,830 --> 00:16:37,390 -If I were to dry you... -Can somebody come and open the lid? 310 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,990 -No, I'm busy with him. -Open the lid! 311 00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,270 (BLEEP) 312 00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:43,390 -(SPLASH) -Oh, yeah. 313 00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:47,470 -Admire. -Now what do you do? 314 00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:50,670 Hang it on here. 315 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:54,790 JEREMY: Eventually the loading and the hanging were complete 316 00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:57,070 and we were ready. 317 00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,630 OK, it's time now... 318 00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:03,470 Nobody's ever said this on a car show before. 319 00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:05,310 ...to save the world. 320 00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:07,910 (IGNITION, ENGINE CHOKES) 321 00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:11,990 (ENGINE JUDDERING) 322 00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:17,790 -(ENGINE FIRES UP) -There you go. 323 00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:21,110 Right, forward into saving the world. This is it. 324 00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:25,030 Oh, my God! Oh. Oh. 325 00:17:27,030 --> 00:17:29,190 Stupid... What the hell is...? 326 00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:30,990 Oh, Lord above! 327 00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:33,950 What manner of thing is happening here? 328 00:17:34,950 --> 00:17:36,430 Still, could be worse. 329 00:17:36,470 --> 00:17:39,390 Oh, it's steering me, I'm not steering it. 330 00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:41,830 It is steering me! Oh! 331 00:17:41,870 --> 00:17:46,550 -Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great... -(SPLOSH) 332 00:17:46,590 --> 00:17:48,830 Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great... 333 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:54,190 It is with great pride and humility 334 00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:57,350 that I accept this award for... Urgh! 335 00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:02,550 Ah, Tarmac! 336 00:18:02,590 --> 00:18:03,910 That's better! 337 00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:13,790 JEREMY: Our mercy mission would take us through the city of Maputo 338 00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:18,310 and then 200 miles north, to the tiny village of Bingo. 339 00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:23,190 The great thing about this particular vehicle 340 00:18:23,230 --> 00:18:27,110 is that it has a 3.2-litre four-cylinder diesel engine. 341 00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:30,590 That's a great deal of power, it'll get me there quickly. 342 00:18:30,630 --> 00:18:36,550 This is what Angelina and Bob Geldof and Bono don't realise. 343 00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:40,550 It's all very well singing songs and adopting children. 344 00:18:40,590 --> 00:18:43,510 What you actually need is a big, powerful engine, 345 00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:45,390 and that's what I've got in my Hardbody. 346 00:18:49,510 --> 00:18:52,310 Everybody I pass, you can see the light dawning in their eyes. 347 00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:54,550 "Why didn't we think of that?" 348 00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:57,710 Every morning in future there'll be a fleet of fishing boats 349 00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,190 coming in to shore here 350 00:18:59,230 --> 00:19:01,030 and a fleet of these bikes 351 00:19:01,070 --> 00:19:02,830 waiting to collect the fish 352 00:19:02,870 --> 00:19:04,470 and transport it inland, 353 00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:07,510 And it's what, 200 miles? 354 00:19:07,550 --> 00:19:11,950 I reckon on a bike, a good rider could get in 355 00:19:11,990 --> 00:19:15,190 two or even three fish trips a day. 356 00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:19,390 See, it's brilliant, isn't it? 357 00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:21,470 Yeah. It's a brilliant idea! 358 00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:24,550 You're gonna want to do it! It's a great business! 359 00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,190 Yeah, you see! This is like Lions' Den, 360 00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:29,150 Dragons' Den, whatever. The Den. 361 00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:32,230 That show with Alan Sugar on. 362 00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,590 Temperatures and pressures are OK. 363 00:19:35,630 --> 00:19:37,230 Tank is full of water. 364 00:19:37,270 --> 00:19:39,190 Quick look at my fish. Yes, there's one. 365 00:19:39,230 --> 00:19:42,550 He's looking pretty happy. Why wouldn't he be? He's in the sea. 366 00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,550 He doesn't know he's in a car. 367 00:19:44,590 --> 00:19:46,350 Fish are not, you know... 368 00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:47,990 They don't have a big intellect. 369 00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,630 Overtaking the Leaning Bus of Pisa! 370 00:19:57,550 --> 00:20:00,390 So here we are. We've done 40 miles already. 371 00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:04,830 We're on a velvet-smooth, almost Austrian road, 372 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,110 heading towards Bingo. 373 00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:08,310 We should be there in a couple of hours. 374 00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:10,830 Easiest thing I've ever done. Easiest. 375 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:15,070 In fact, since things were going so smoothly, 376 00:20:15,110 --> 00:20:17,790 I decided to amuse myself. 377 00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:20,470 Ready, steady and brake-testing James May. 378 00:20:25,630 --> 00:20:29,790 -Git! -(CHORTLES) 379 00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:32,070 You're not helping with the transport of my fish. 380 00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:33,990 This is supposed to be a group effort. 381 00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:36,550 Don't be such a petulant child. 382 00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:39,110 Oh, someone's fallen over in the road. Nothing I can do. 383 00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:42,270 (JAMES CACKLES) 384 00:20:49,270 --> 00:20:51,350 A few miles further on, though, 385 00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:54,230 the smooth Tarmac ran out. 386 00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:57,630 And because Hammond had rejected my anus suggestion 387 00:20:57,670 --> 00:20:59,470 and used gills instead, 388 00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:01,550 it caused him some problems. 389 00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:07,630 JEREMY: Hammond, you just lost 90% of your fish. 390 00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:09,830 Oh, no, did I? 391 00:21:11,990 --> 00:21:14,590 Oh, he's lost another one! 392 00:21:14,630 --> 00:21:17,190 JAMES: I've just run over a fish. Should I worry? 393 00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:19,430 Oh, mate, you're gonna be running over more than one. 394 00:21:19,470 --> 00:21:22,270 Hammond is losing them at a rate of knots. 395 00:21:24,270 --> 00:21:25,750 Two more just went there, Hammond. 396 00:21:25,790 --> 00:21:28,470 Oh, God! 397 00:21:28,510 --> 00:21:30,150 And another one. 398 00:21:30,190 --> 00:21:32,150 He's gonna have... And another one. 399 00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:34,670 ...no fish at all. And another. 400 00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:37,630 JAMES: This fish delivery was supposed to be targeted. 401 00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:41,470 What you're doing is carpet-bombing Mozambique with bream. 402 00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:43,510 RICHARD: It's the principle I'm proving. 403 00:21:43,550 --> 00:21:45,150 I'm not trying to feed them all. 404 00:21:45,190 --> 00:21:47,870 I'm trying to show them how to feed themselves. 405 00:21:47,910 --> 00:21:49,870 What a blithering idiot. 406 00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:54,950 The inside of the windscreen's filthy 407 00:21:54,990 --> 00:21:58,630 because of... dollops of sea water hitting it. 408 00:22:15,550 --> 00:22:18,510 I'm delighted to say it's now spitting with rain, 409 00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:21,910 which of course is filling up my water bucket. 410 00:22:21,950 --> 00:22:26,590 That's the sort of recycling that will leave Prince Charles breathless. 411 00:22:26,630 --> 00:22:30,390 When I go for my knighthood, he'll probably bring it up, I should imagine. 412 00:22:32,230 --> 00:22:35,910 (MIMICS CHARLES) What gave you the idea of recycling? 413 00:22:35,950 --> 00:22:40,150 I think this is so inventive, it really is. 414 00:22:41,510 --> 00:22:43,790 -Urgh! -Sorry. 415 00:22:43,830 --> 00:22:46,350 -No point drying them if you're gonna soak them! -Sorry. 416 00:22:48,310 --> 00:22:49,830 Argh! 417 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,710 Sorry, Hammond. Did some of that go on you ? 418 00:22:51,750 --> 00:22:55,670 RICHARD: What's the point of me drying fish if you then get them wet in a puddle? 419 00:22:57,950 --> 00:23:02,910 JEREMY: It was still another 150 miles to Bingo. 420 00:23:02,950 --> 00:23:06,230 But we were confident that even on these roads, 421 00:23:06,270 --> 00:23:08,470 we'd get there by nightfall. 422 00:23:11,150 --> 00:23:14,470 Soon, though, the going started to get much worse. 423 00:23:16,150 --> 00:23:17,790 JAMES: Not so good. 424 00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:19,470 Steady, steady. 425 00:23:22,270 --> 00:23:23,510 Shit! 426 00:23:23,550 --> 00:23:25,150 That's a massive rut. Oh, no! 427 00:23:31,630 --> 00:23:33,270 Argh! (BLEEP) 428 00:23:37,910 --> 00:23:39,870 Come on! 429 00:23:41,950 --> 00:23:44,350 Hammond cannot possibly make this. 430 00:23:45,430 --> 00:23:47,350 Oh, no! Not again! 431 00:23:47,390 --> 00:23:50,190 It's getting quite struggly now for him. 432 00:23:52,150 --> 00:23:55,470 But actually it was the ruggedly dependable Mercedes 433 00:23:55,510 --> 00:23:57,590 that was the first to crack. 434 00:23:57,630 --> 00:23:58,950 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 435 00:24:01,150 --> 00:24:03,510 JAMES: That was going well. 436 00:24:03,550 --> 00:24:05,390 JEREMY: What's the matter, May? 437 00:24:05,430 --> 00:24:07,710 It cut out when I went through the puddle. 438 00:24:07,750 --> 00:24:11,710 Getting water on something or in something. 439 00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:14,070 I'm trying to work out what I can do about that. 440 00:24:15,070 --> 00:24:16,350 Nothing. 441 00:24:17,990 --> 00:24:21,070 However, because we were all working as a team, 442 00:24:21,110 --> 00:24:23,910 we had to wait until his engine dried out. 443 00:24:23,950 --> 00:24:26,590 (ENGINE STARTS) 444 00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:28,430 Right, let's go. 445 00:24:28,470 --> 00:24:31,310 Sadly, though, this wasn't a one-off. 446 00:24:32,630 --> 00:24:35,390 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 447 00:24:35,430 --> 00:24:38,910 JAMES: Hang on a minute. It's killed it. Give it a minute, it'll go. 448 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:44,270 -(ENGINE CUTS OUT) -Bugger! 449 00:24:44,310 --> 00:24:46,310 (ENGINE FAILS TO START) 450 00:24:46,350 --> 00:24:49,150 JEREMY: What's the news? Is your car working or not? 451 00:24:49,190 --> 00:24:52,550 JAMES: I've got to wait for a minute and a half. 452 00:24:54,990 --> 00:24:58,030 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 453 00:24:58,070 --> 00:25:02,350 JEREMY: Why did you have to break down there, you clodhoppy old imbecile? 454 00:25:02,390 --> 00:25:05,870 There's nothing I can do. Sorry, I have to wait for a minute and a half. 455 00:25:08,430 --> 00:25:10,870 How have I put up with him for so long? 456 00:25:12,670 --> 00:25:14,590 The slow progress of the Mercedes 457 00:25:14,630 --> 00:25:16,710 was now causing me problems, 458 00:25:16,750 --> 00:25:21,190 because the skies were dry and my water bucket was nearly empty. 459 00:25:24,070 --> 00:25:26,270 He keeps breaking down in front of me and then going, 460 00:25:26,310 --> 00:25:28,230 "It's a minute and a half. You have to wait." 461 00:25:28,270 --> 00:25:30,670 And it isn't a minute and a half, it's about 15 minutes. 462 00:25:30,710 --> 00:25:34,390 I must get ice. We can't afford to wait for him bumbling around. 463 00:25:34,430 --> 00:25:37,230 No, you do need more ice. You need more water. 464 00:25:37,270 --> 00:25:41,150 JEREMY: I know we said we'd work as a team and we are working as a team. 465 00:25:41,190 --> 00:25:45,070 -And the teamwork is, leaving him behind. -Yeah, as a team. 466 00:25:47,430 --> 00:25:50,910 With that decision made, we set off. 467 00:25:50,950 --> 00:25:53,990 Come on, little bike. Keep going, baby. Keep going. 468 00:25:55,750 --> 00:25:58,230 Mostly the progress was good. 469 00:25:59,510 --> 00:26:01,430 (GROANS WITH FRUSTRATION) 470 00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:06,070 Sorry. 471 00:26:06,110 --> 00:26:07,790 That was not on purpose. 472 00:26:11,310 --> 00:26:13,430 Let's find out what lies in here for you. 473 00:26:13,470 --> 00:26:15,390 Come on! 474 00:26:17,990 --> 00:26:19,790 (JEREMY LAUGHS) 475 00:26:21,430 --> 00:26:22,790 Oh, deary me. 476 00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:26,150 I think you've drowned your hog. 477 00:26:26,190 --> 00:26:28,310 Hammond insisted I get out and help. 478 00:26:28,350 --> 00:26:32,550 But it was all muddy, so I came up with a better idea. 479 00:26:36,430 --> 00:26:38,030 Urgh... 480 00:26:38,070 --> 00:26:40,590 It's working! 481 00:26:40,630 --> 00:26:44,830 This is impressive delicacy from Clarkson here. I'm staggered. 482 00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:46,990 How gentle was that? 483 00:26:47,030 --> 00:26:49,950 You were extraordinarily gentle. 484 00:26:49,990 --> 00:26:51,430 You know that'll never work again? 485 00:26:51,470 --> 00:26:54,990 -It will. -It was £800 from a supermarket. 486 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,030 The handlebars have come off. 487 00:26:57,070 --> 00:26:59,790 (STARTS ENGINE) 488 00:27:03,070 --> 00:27:05,350 You're blowing water out of your exhaust pipe. 489 00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:08,230 -(REVS) -No way! 490 00:27:08,270 --> 00:27:10,710 RICHARD: Oh, come on! -(REVS ENGINE) 491 00:27:10,750 --> 00:27:13,750 Why did Ewan McGregor use a BMW GS? 492 00:27:13,790 --> 00:27:15,910 I don't know. They're very expensive and... 493 00:27:15,950 --> 00:27:17,430 He wasted his money. 494 00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,710 -(REVS HEARTILY) -I'm staggered! 495 00:27:21,150 --> 00:27:23,990 RICHARD: Meanwhile, much further back, 496 00:27:24,030 --> 00:27:27,270 the soggy dog was not being so lucky. 497 00:27:27,310 --> 00:27:29,670 (ENGINE SPLUTTERS) 498 00:27:32,270 --> 00:27:34,190 (ENGINE OFF) 499 00:27:35,510 --> 00:27:37,110 One and a half minutes. 500 00:27:40,270 --> 00:27:43,470 JEREMY: As the afternoon wore on, 501 00:27:43,510 --> 00:27:45,870 the roads became even worse... 502 00:27:49,150 --> 00:27:50,670 Come on! 503 00:27:50,710 --> 00:27:54,870 ...and the human terrapin was really starting to slow me down. 504 00:27:58,270 --> 00:28:00,910 Right, my bucket is now officially dry. 505 00:28:00,950 --> 00:28:05,110 I have got to get to a source of fresh, clean water 506 00:28:05,150 --> 00:28:07,830 before that ice melts. 507 00:28:07,870 --> 00:28:09,910 RICHARD: Come on! 508 00:28:09,950 --> 00:28:13,310 Holy shit, I am now in the sea! 509 00:28:13,350 --> 00:28:17,070 Hammond, we've got to get to the next town. Can we stop messing about? 510 00:28:17,110 --> 00:28:19,150 -I'm not messing about. -You are. 511 00:28:19,190 --> 00:28:21,590 I'm not messing about! There are no words! 512 00:28:23,950 --> 00:28:25,670 (ENGINE REVS) 513 00:28:27,070 --> 00:28:29,110 It's come out of gear. Come on. 514 00:28:29,150 --> 00:28:31,390 Come on, Hammond, we're running out of ice. 515 00:28:32,630 --> 00:28:34,150 -(THUD) -Ooh, bollocks! 516 00:28:37,830 --> 00:28:40,430 Oh, that's a tragic spectacle, it really is. 517 00:28:43,270 --> 00:28:44,350 This is... 518 00:28:46,350 --> 00:28:49,430 I don't even like fish! 519 00:28:49,470 --> 00:28:53,990 JEREMY: Eventually I had no choice but to abandon my remaining colleague. 520 00:28:55,510 --> 00:28:59,390 I don't even know how far away the next town is. 521 00:28:59,430 --> 00:29:03,390 But I have got to get there before the last of the ice melts. 522 00:29:04,870 --> 00:29:06,590 I've got to get some water, 523 00:29:06,630 --> 00:29:08,550 and it's going dark. 524 00:29:09,630 --> 00:29:11,470 Anyone can sing Feed The World. 525 00:29:11,510 --> 00:29:15,430 It's actually quite difficult, though, as it's turning out, to do it, 526 00:29:15,470 --> 00:29:17,510 especially if you have a motorcycle or a Mercedes 527 00:29:17,550 --> 00:29:20,230 that you've converted into an aquarium. 528 00:29:20,270 --> 00:29:21,790 (ENGINE SPLUTTERING) 529 00:29:24,510 --> 00:29:26,470 Come on, keep going. 530 00:29:26,510 --> 00:29:28,030 Keep going, German. 531 00:29:28,070 --> 00:29:29,790 That's marvellous. 532 00:29:31,190 --> 00:29:32,670 (ENGINE DIES) 533 00:29:32,710 --> 00:29:35,030 Bugger! Bollocks and arse! 534 00:29:37,470 --> 00:29:40,070 JEREMY: However, after total darkness fell... 535 00:29:42,750 --> 00:29:46,750 ...solid teamwork meant I was in good shape. 536 00:29:49,510 --> 00:29:51,630 Right, on the upside, I found a town, 537 00:29:51,670 --> 00:29:53,950 well, some kind of settlement, 538 00:29:53,990 --> 00:29:55,710 where I've got water and I've got ice, 539 00:29:55,750 --> 00:29:56,870 so the fish are fine. 540 00:29:56,910 --> 00:29:59,190 On the downside, 541 00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:02,590 we've just found out I'm not even halfway to Bingo. 542 00:30:02,630 --> 00:30:05,750 It's the middle of the night and Hammond and May are hours, 543 00:30:05,790 --> 00:30:09,230 three, four hours, behind me. 544 00:30:09,270 --> 00:30:11,190 So do I wait for them? 545 00:30:12,750 --> 00:30:15,670 (ENGINE CHOKES AND SPUTTERS) 546 00:30:19,310 --> 00:30:22,550 Oh, dear. Right. Calm. 547 00:30:27,190 --> 00:30:29,550 (ENGINE CUTS OUT) 548 00:30:29,590 --> 00:30:31,030 RICHARD: Bollocks! 549 00:30:32,750 --> 00:30:35,310 (ENGINE JUDDERS AND CUTS OUT) 550 00:30:47,430 --> 00:30:52,390 RICHARD: Amazingly, the morning revealed that Jeremy had waited for us, 551 00:30:52,430 --> 00:30:54,710 so our convoy was reunited. 552 00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:59,110 But before we could set off, I had to repair my bike 553 00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:03,310 and James had to refill his depleted water tank. 554 00:31:03,350 --> 00:31:04,990 So, water is just-- 555 00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:07,870 -No, don't do... -Oh, God. 556 00:31:07,910 --> 00:31:11,150 I don't particularly want to see you, just to be absolutely clear. 557 00:31:11,190 --> 00:31:14,230 -Why? -Well, I got here at 4am, 558 00:31:14,270 --> 00:31:17,270 wet, with consumption, smelling like a damp dog. 559 00:31:17,310 --> 00:31:20,230 Tried to sleep in the car, and what did I hear? 560 00:31:20,270 --> 00:31:22,510 -No idea. -Snoring. 561 00:31:22,550 --> 00:31:24,110 Your car snoring. 562 00:31:24,150 --> 00:31:26,190 That bloody generator is like someone snoring, 563 00:31:26,230 --> 00:31:28,150 but without the pauses in the breaths. 564 00:31:28,190 --> 00:31:30,070 The generator is necessary to keep my fish fresh. 565 00:31:30,110 --> 00:31:32,550 -Where's your water gone? -On my head. 566 00:31:32,590 --> 00:31:34,110 Anyway, we've got to make more water. 567 00:31:34,150 --> 00:31:35,870 This is water. I was just about to explain 568 00:31:35,910 --> 00:31:38,470 that that is normal water which we're all familiar with. You drink it. 569 00:31:38,510 --> 00:31:40,470 Sea water is salty. We all know that as well. 570 00:31:40,510 --> 00:31:43,270 -I know, I brought you some salt. -It's not that sort of salt. 571 00:31:43,310 --> 00:31:45,110 -It's salt. -That's table salt. 572 00:31:45,150 --> 00:31:47,630 Exactly. Sea salt has extra minerals in. 573 00:31:47,670 --> 00:31:49,310 That doesn't. That's been refined. 574 00:31:49,350 --> 00:31:52,710 This is sea salt. So we have to work out... 575 00:31:52,750 --> 00:31:56,390 I'll show you. Normal water. Needle at the bottom. 576 00:31:56,430 --> 00:31:59,470 We have to mix enough salt to put the needle on there, 577 00:31:59,510 --> 00:32:01,150 right at the top of the scale. 578 00:32:01,190 --> 00:32:02,870 I know that's 25 litres, because-- 579 00:32:02,910 --> 00:32:05,590 Hold on. No. If you're doing 25 litres at a time... 580 00:32:05,630 --> 00:32:08,790 I'm doing 25 litres to work out how much salt to put in. 581 00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:11,190 -We're going to be here all morning... -No, we're not. 582 00:32:11,230 --> 00:32:14,230 -...because you have to fill your entire tank up! -So what should I do? 583 00:32:14,270 --> 00:32:16,110 Why are you so angry with me? I've come to help. 584 00:32:16,150 --> 00:32:18,270 You haven't come to help. I could have almost done it by now. 585 00:32:18,310 --> 00:32:19,990 You're just standing there being fatuous 586 00:32:20,030 --> 00:32:24,310 and bringing a thing of salt from a seaside café from the 1950s in Morecambe. 587 00:32:24,350 --> 00:32:26,430 Bugger off. Please. 588 00:32:26,470 --> 00:32:28,910 -Well, get on with it. -Go away. 589 00:32:32,870 --> 00:32:36,110 -Right, so, we know that's-- -Don't talk. Just get on with it. 590 00:32:37,430 --> 00:32:39,670 JAMES: Having refilled my tank... 591 00:32:39,710 --> 00:32:43,230 That should be close enough for my fishy friends. 592 00:32:45,030 --> 00:32:49,150 ...our convoy continued on its mercy mission to Bingo. 593 00:32:52,790 --> 00:32:54,710 I've rigged up a really rudimentary tarpaulin 594 00:32:54,750 --> 00:32:55,950 to try and reduce the splashing 595 00:32:55,990 --> 00:32:57,790 and give the fish a better chance. 596 00:32:59,270 --> 00:33:01,390 It does smell so rank in here 597 00:33:01,430 --> 00:33:04,230 and I haven't even got the excuse of dead fish. 598 00:33:04,270 --> 00:33:07,590 I think I've got crotch rot from sitting in my own wet underpants 599 00:33:07,630 --> 00:33:09,710 for 16 hours yesterday. 600 00:33:13,790 --> 00:33:16,830 JEREMY: Is that an octopus on the back of your bike now? 601 00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:19,110 Yes. 602 00:33:19,150 --> 00:33:22,510 -Where did you get that from? -Found it in a pond. 603 00:33:22,550 --> 00:33:25,790 Hammond, have you emptied out the back of my pick-up truck 604 00:33:25,830 --> 00:33:29,190 to reload your ridiculous drying system? 605 00:33:29,230 --> 00:33:31,110 No. I went fishing. 606 00:33:31,150 --> 00:33:33,590 -Did you? -It's a freshwater octopus. 607 00:33:33,630 --> 00:33:38,110 Mozambique freshwater octopus. They're quite famous but very rare. 608 00:33:39,750 --> 00:33:41,230 I hate him. 609 00:33:45,070 --> 00:33:48,110 Right, yesterday we covered 100 miles. 610 00:33:48,150 --> 00:33:52,150 Today... Well, we've still got 100 miles to go 611 00:33:53,590 --> 00:33:58,390 ...and none of it from what I hear is on Tarmac. 612 00:33:58,430 --> 00:34:02,630 RICHARD: For me, that was a particularly terrifying prospect. 613 00:34:02,670 --> 00:34:04,590 Oh, no. Red dust. 614 00:34:04,630 --> 00:34:06,710 Oh, God, here we go. 615 00:34:09,550 --> 00:34:12,670 It doesn't look like anything much, but this soft red sand 616 00:34:12,710 --> 00:34:14,910 sits on a very hard subsurface 617 00:34:14,950 --> 00:34:19,110 and it is simply impossible to ride a bike over. 618 00:34:19,150 --> 00:34:20,910 It just has no grip. 619 00:34:23,430 --> 00:34:25,950 Shit! 620 00:34:25,990 --> 00:34:27,870 (LAUGHTER) 621 00:34:27,910 --> 00:34:30,950 Front end gone away from me. 622 00:34:36,350 --> 00:34:38,830 JEREMY: There's only another 100 miles of this, Hammond. 623 00:34:40,070 --> 00:34:41,590 (BLEEP) 624 00:34:42,670 --> 00:34:44,670 RICHARD: I can't do it. 625 00:34:44,710 --> 00:34:48,590 You heard it, ladies and gentlemen. "I can't do it." 626 00:34:48,630 --> 00:34:52,230 He's not bothered about world hunger, world poverty. 627 00:34:52,270 --> 00:34:53,910 Just himself. 628 00:34:57,870 --> 00:35:01,070 Oh! Ooh! Argh! 629 00:35:01,110 --> 00:35:04,110 After a while, though, Hammond decided to be brave, 630 00:35:04,150 --> 00:35:06,790 with hilarious consequences. 631 00:35:06,830 --> 00:35:09,070 Come on, stop it. (BLEEP) 632 00:35:11,030 --> 00:35:13,270 (BLEEP) Shit! 633 00:35:15,110 --> 00:35:19,230 Oh! Here we go again. Yep. No. Yep. 634 00:35:19,270 --> 00:35:23,230 Do you know, James? It's actually possible to get bored 635 00:35:23,270 --> 00:35:25,670 with watching Hammond fall off a motorcycle. 636 00:35:27,870 --> 00:35:31,390 (BLEEP) Bollocks! 637 00:35:31,430 --> 00:35:36,590 So let's just add up the amount of times I've fallen off my Datsun Hardbody. 638 00:35:39,870 --> 00:35:41,870 Yep. None. 639 00:35:41,910 --> 00:35:43,390 Because it's got four wheels. 640 00:35:43,430 --> 00:35:49,590 JAMES: Meanwhile, the drier roads meant my Mercedes was working well too. 641 00:35:49,630 --> 00:35:51,510 Temperature stays spot-on. 642 00:35:51,550 --> 00:35:54,150 Oil pressure goes up and down a bit, but there is some. 643 00:35:55,350 --> 00:35:58,310 Clock is still right. 25 past one. 644 00:35:58,350 --> 00:36:01,830 This car is running as sweet as a nut. 645 00:36:03,470 --> 00:36:05,230 (SNIFFS) 646 00:36:05,270 --> 00:36:07,190 Electrical fire. 647 00:36:11,510 --> 00:36:15,550 Something's badly on fire on the right-hand side of this car. 648 00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:17,430 JEREMY: I can't understand how in a car 649 00:36:17,470 --> 00:36:20,270 made almost entirely from water, he's on fire. 650 00:36:20,310 --> 00:36:23,830 JAMES: That's the weird thing. Water with electrics causes fires. 651 00:36:23,870 --> 00:36:28,150 That's why we have a different type of fire extinguisher for electrical fires. 652 00:36:28,190 --> 00:36:30,950 He's even managing to make a car fire boring. 653 00:36:33,590 --> 00:36:35,270 It's electric. I can smell it. 654 00:36:37,470 --> 00:36:40,030 Keen to do my bit for health and safety, 655 00:36:40,070 --> 00:36:43,670 I asked one of our camera team to modify James's fish tank 656 00:36:43,710 --> 00:36:45,590 so that if another fire broke out, 657 00:36:45,630 --> 00:36:48,590 there'd be plenty of water available to put it out. 658 00:36:51,790 --> 00:36:54,470 Please don't move out. Oh (BLEEP), here we go. 659 00:36:54,510 --> 00:36:55,990 No. Held it. 660 00:36:56,030 --> 00:37:00,750 RICHARD: Several miles back, my life was as miserable as ever. 661 00:37:00,790 --> 00:37:02,590 Oh, God. It's the waiting that kills you. 662 00:37:02,630 --> 00:37:05,110 I'm just waiting for it to let go. 663 00:37:07,750 --> 00:37:10,230 This is like being told you're gonna get the electric chair. 664 00:37:10,270 --> 00:37:13,270 "We'll put you in it and just leave you in it. 665 00:37:13,310 --> 00:37:15,910 Sometime, probably in the next hour, 666 00:37:15,950 --> 00:37:18,990 or the next week, we'll flick the switch." 667 00:37:21,190 --> 00:37:23,190 Oh! Bollocks! 668 00:37:48,510 --> 00:37:50,550 Sod 'em! 669 00:37:52,510 --> 00:37:55,750 JAMES: Fire taken care of, I was now back on the move. 670 00:37:57,670 --> 00:37:59,510 All right, fellas? 671 00:37:59,550 --> 00:38:01,470 I'm sort of assuming the fish are boys. 672 00:38:01,510 --> 00:38:06,110 But some of them must be girls. Do you get girl and boy fishies? You must do. 673 00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:07,870 (HORN BEEPS) 674 00:38:07,910 --> 00:38:10,550 He needs to watch where he's going, that boy. 675 00:38:21,870 --> 00:38:24,190 JEREMY: Meanwhile, up ahead in the Hardbody... 676 00:38:26,590 --> 00:38:28,630 ...I'd run into a spot of bother. 677 00:38:36,790 --> 00:38:41,030 -What's up? -Ice machine's broken. 678 00:38:41,070 --> 00:38:43,430 How does sawing your bonnet up mend your ice machine? 679 00:38:43,470 --> 00:38:47,510 I've had a brilliant idea and I'm glad you're here, actually, cos you can give me a hand. 680 00:38:47,550 --> 00:38:50,870 No, seriously, James. Most of our fish are in... 681 00:38:53,470 --> 00:38:55,110 The good fish are in here. 682 00:38:56,110 --> 00:38:59,110 (TOOTS HORN) 683 00:38:59,150 --> 00:39:02,990 90% of our fish are in the back of my pick-up truck 684 00:39:03,030 --> 00:39:04,790 and he's just driven off. 685 00:39:08,630 --> 00:39:09,990 (Hammering) 686 00:39:11,150 --> 00:39:12,590 -(MOTORBIKE APPROACHES) -There's Hammond. 687 00:39:12,630 --> 00:39:14,910 -Hello. -Hello. 688 00:39:14,950 --> 00:39:16,870 -Behold, my gen-- -Yeah, fascinating. 689 00:39:21,750 --> 00:39:25,630 Well, there we are. He's just done 100 yards without falling off. 690 00:39:27,990 --> 00:39:31,270 Eventually, my new fish preservation solution 691 00:39:31,310 --> 00:39:32,630 was up and running. 692 00:39:38,270 --> 00:39:41,830 What I've done is I've rerouted the exhaust through the bonnet, over the cabbie 693 00:39:41,870 --> 00:39:43,990 into the load area where the fish are, 694 00:39:44,030 --> 00:39:46,230 which is now covered with a tonneau cover. 695 00:39:48,310 --> 00:39:50,030 Then I've adjusted the fuelling on the engine, 696 00:39:50,070 --> 00:39:54,590 so now it's producing thick, lumpy black smoke 697 00:39:54,630 --> 00:39:57,070 which of course is smoking the fish. 698 00:39:57,110 --> 00:39:58,670 And that's good for the environment. 699 00:40:00,510 --> 00:40:04,030 Because normally you'd have to have a smokery, a factory, 700 00:40:04,070 --> 00:40:08,190 and then you have to transport the fish to wherever it is they're going. 701 00:40:08,230 --> 00:40:13,190 But what I'm doing here is I'm making kippers as I drive along. 702 00:40:13,230 --> 00:40:14,990 Coal-rolled kippers. 703 00:40:15,030 --> 00:40:17,270 (ACCELERATES) 704 00:40:17,310 --> 00:40:21,230 You'd buy those. I know I would. 705 00:40:21,270 --> 00:40:26,310 Further ahead, Bono and Angelina were discussing the distance left to cover. 706 00:40:26,350 --> 00:40:28,670 By my very rough reckoning, 707 00:40:28,710 --> 00:40:31,310 because my speedo and my mileometer aren't working, 708 00:40:31,350 --> 00:40:36,270 I think we've got about somewhere between 70 and 80 kilometres to go to Bingo. 709 00:40:36,310 --> 00:40:39,230 Why do they have to live so bloody far away? 710 00:40:39,270 --> 00:40:40,830 Any fish left? 711 00:40:40,870 --> 00:40:43,550 Yes. I have two. 712 00:40:43,590 --> 00:40:46,230 But I think it's better to arrive with two fish 713 00:40:46,270 --> 00:40:48,430 than not to arrive with ten. 714 00:40:48,470 --> 00:40:49,870 That's a parable. 715 00:40:49,910 --> 00:40:52,670 Yes, it sounds positively Biblical, I think. 716 00:40:52,710 --> 00:40:54,710 I don't like the look of this. 717 00:40:58,270 --> 00:41:00,190 RICHARD: Oh, bollocks! 718 00:41:02,910 --> 00:41:04,910 Geez, that's a big one. 719 00:41:15,110 --> 00:41:16,870 What is this stuff? 720 00:41:16,910 --> 00:41:19,230 JEREMY: Ooh, hello! 721 00:41:19,270 --> 00:41:21,750 My colleagues. 722 00:41:21,790 --> 00:41:23,870 JAMES: Is that you, Clarkson? -Sure is. 723 00:41:29,430 --> 00:41:32,030 Move your bloody car, May! 724 00:41:32,070 --> 00:41:35,270 What a muppet. He's got a four-wheel-drive pick-up truck! 725 00:41:36,990 --> 00:41:40,510 What are those bits of scaffolding coming out of your bonnet for? 726 00:41:40,550 --> 00:41:44,190 JEREMY: I'm making kippers, or I would be if you hadn't have blocked the way. 727 00:41:44,230 --> 00:41:45,950 Did he say "making kippers"? 728 00:41:45,990 --> 00:41:47,590 RICHARD: They look like the handrails out of a disabled shower 729 00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:49,750 from back here. What are they? 730 00:41:49,790 --> 00:41:52,670 -They're exhaust pipes. -What? 731 00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:55,910 Ice machine broke. I'm now turning them into smoked fish. 732 00:41:55,950 --> 00:41:57,790 This is a kipper factory. 733 00:41:57,830 --> 00:42:00,390 Hang on. You're smoking them in diesel smoke? 734 00:42:00,430 --> 00:42:03,590 -Yes. -Eh? 735 00:42:03,630 --> 00:42:06,190 -It's just smoke. -Why do you think that's never been done before? 736 00:42:06,230 --> 00:42:09,230 -Nobody's thought of it. -No. Because it's vile! 737 00:42:09,270 --> 00:42:13,110 Well, you eat wood smoke. That's disgusting. A bonfire! 738 00:42:13,150 --> 00:42:16,590 Do you think oak-smoked fish is the same as diesel-smoked fish? 739 00:42:16,630 --> 00:42:18,470 It's coal-rolled kippers! 740 00:42:18,510 --> 00:42:21,070 -It's under there smoking? -No. I've turned the engine off. 741 00:42:21,110 --> 00:42:24,830 JEREMY: This interesting discussion was not helping the people of Bingo. 742 00:42:24,870 --> 00:42:28,630 So we knuckled down to the business of getting through the mud. 743 00:42:30,470 --> 00:42:33,270 I'm gonna go behind the trees, cos I'm narrow, so I can. 744 00:42:34,830 --> 00:42:37,590 Oh! That's a thorn tree! No! 745 00:42:38,950 --> 00:42:39,990 Oh, Christ! 746 00:42:41,470 --> 00:42:43,030 Get off! 747 00:42:43,070 --> 00:42:45,950 Meanwhile, May made me give him a tow. 748 00:42:47,470 --> 00:42:49,510 Right, James May, are you ready? 749 00:42:49,550 --> 00:42:51,310 Go! 750 00:42:57,150 --> 00:42:58,830 Yes! 751 00:43:01,550 --> 00:43:03,350 Come on, keep going, keep going. 752 00:43:05,430 --> 00:43:07,550 Hang on, I'm stuck here. I've bottomed out. 753 00:43:07,590 --> 00:43:12,070 And that's pretty much all I did for the rest of the day. 754 00:43:15,190 --> 00:43:17,070 JAMES: So close! 755 00:43:18,470 --> 00:43:21,070 Here we go again to tow him out. 756 00:43:24,190 --> 00:43:25,550 (RATTLING) 757 00:43:25,590 --> 00:43:27,390 Listen to that CV joint. 758 00:43:29,830 --> 00:43:34,830 Damn him and his stupid aquarium which weighs 1800 tons! 759 00:43:43,710 --> 00:43:45,310 JAMES: That's the most stuck it's ever been. 760 00:43:45,350 --> 00:43:48,670 Oh, for Christ's sake! 761 00:43:48,710 --> 00:43:54,510 Luckily Ewan McHammond was always on hand to provide some comic relief. 762 00:43:54,550 --> 00:43:57,150 A-ha! I can go up the middle! You see! 763 00:44:00,190 --> 00:44:01,950 (SNIGGERS) 764 00:44:05,790 --> 00:44:09,950 You do realise it's entirely possible that we won't end up 765 00:44:09,990 --> 00:44:12,030 in Bingo even today? 766 00:44:13,190 --> 00:44:15,430 Ah... 767 00:44:15,470 --> 00:44:16,870 Half past three. 768 00:44:16,910 --> 00:44:20,150 And we have done since we set off at seven o'clock this morning... 769 00:44:21,750 --> 00:44:23,910 ...52 miles. 770 00:44:25,750 --> 00:44:29,390 That meant there was another 50 miles to go. 771 00:44:29,430 --> 00:44:33,230 Fortunately, however, there was no more mud. 772 00:44:33,270 --> 00:44:37,310 Unfortunately, it was replaced by this. 773 00:44:39,790 --> 00:44:42,870 The wettest road I'd ever seen. 774 00:44:46,470 --> 00:44:48,550 Oh, my word, this is a deep one. 775 00:44:51,550 --> 00:44:53,470 Discs locked, low range. 776 00:45:00,110 --> 00:45:01,190 Oh, wow! 777 00:45:06,030 --> 00:45:08,790 There's water! A lot of water has come in! 778 00:45:10,870 --> 00:45:14,230 I am up to my anus now in water. 779 00:45:17,670 --> 00:45:21,190 RICHARD: As Jeremy waded through the lake, 780 00:45:21,230 --> 00:45:24,070 I found a narrow path round the edge. 781 00:45:24,110 --> 00:45:25,750 Aha-ha! 782 00:45:25,790 --> 00:45:27,230 Look what clever Hammond's done. 783 00:45:30,350 --> 00:45:33,070 What an incredible machine this is. 784 00:45:35,710 --> 00:45:37,070 Look at this, Hammond. 785 00:45:39,630 --> 00:45:42,230 Oh! Oh! 786 00:45:42,270 --> 00:45:44,510 -You've got all water in it, mate. -Yes, exactly. 787 00:45:44,550 --> 00:45:46,590 It's come up above the level of my doors. 788 00:45:46,630 --> 00:45:49,190 Have you checked for fish? 789 00:45:49,230 --> 00:45:51,390 Look, don't be stupid. 790 00:45:51,430 --> 00:45:53,350 Given what we're doing... 791 00:45:53,390 --> 00:45:55,550 JEREMY: With two of us safely across, 792 00:45:55,590 --> 00:45:58,990 all eyes were now on the hopeless Macquarium. 793 00:45:59,030 --> 00:46:02,710 James, it is extremely deep. 794 00:46:02,750 --> 00:46:05,230 JAMES: Yeah, that's OK. I'll do just a gentle bow wave 795 00:46:05,270 --> 00:46:07,910 like they do at off-road school. 796 00:46:09,910 --> 00:46:11,350 JEREMY: Here he comes. 797 00:46:13,990 --> 00:46:15,350 There you go. 798 00:46:15,390 --> 00:46:17,310 (GURGLING) 799 00:46:19,270 --> 00:46:20,630 Oh, shit! 800 00:46:22,870 --> 00:46:24,070 Shit. 801 00:46:26,270 --> 00:46:27,670 Help! 802 00:46:27,710 --> 00:46:29,310 RICHARD: All your fish are gonna escape! 803 00:46:29,350 --> 00:46:33,350 -Oh, bollocks. JEREMY: Don't let the fresh water get in your salt water. 804 00:46:33,390 --> 00:46:35,870 I don't give a toss about that. Come and get me! 805 00:46:35,910 --> 00:46:37,990 I have rescued you one million times 806 00:46:38,030 --> 00:46:40,910 and I'm not towing that damn thing any more. 807 00:46:40,950 --> 00:46:44,150 You are breaking the CV joints in my Hardbody. 808 00:46:45,710 --> 00:46:47,710 Having finally got fed up with him, 809 00:46:47,750 --> 00:46:50,430 Hammond and I decided to get radical. 810 00:46:54,710 --> 00:46:57,430 So that night, as James slept... 811 00:47:00,230 --> 00:47:02,230 ...we modified his car slightly. 812 00:47:02,270 --> 00:47:04,190 (DRILLING) 813 00:47:22,830 --> 00:47:26,230 This made James very unpleased. 814 00:47:26,270 --> 00:47:28,670 JAMES: You bastards! 815 00:47:28,710 --> 00:47:31,590 I hate you! Both of you! 816 00:47:33,830 --> 00:47:36,190 You utter bastards! 817 00:47:36,230 --> 00:47:40,870 Listen. I am prepared to tow your bootful of water. That's important. 818 00:47:40,910 --> 00:47:42,710 I'm not gonna tow a dead engine 819 00:47:42,750 --> 00:47:45,870 that's full of water, as well. That's just a waste of fuel. 820 00:47:45,910 --> 00:47:49,110 Rubbish. It wasn't dead. I could have mended that once we'd dragged it out. 821 00:47:49,150 --> 00:47:52,110 It's just the ignition. I've done it five times already! 822 00:47:52,150 --> 00:47:54,430 You complete moron! 823 00:47:54,470 --> 00:47:57,390 I hope you get bilharzia of the ball sack! 824 00:47:57,430 --> 00:47:59,550 Right, that's it. He's asked for it. 825 00:47:59,590 --> 00:48:01,750 (ACCELERATES) 826 00:48:04,870 --> 00:48:06,710 Funny. Very funny. 827 00:48:09,670 --> 00:48:11,110 Bloody mad. 828 00:48:13,190 --> 00:48:14,790 I think you're following him too closely. 829 00:48:14,830 --> 00:48:16,830 Why don't you sod off? 830 00:48:16,870 --> 00:48:19,030 Has it affected the handling? 831 00:48:28,110 --> 00:48:29,310 What was that? 832 00:48:31,350 --> 00:48:35,550 Fearful that James was about to catch cancer from my coal-rolling... 833 00:48:39,710 --> 00:48:42,750 ...I invited him to enter my Hardbody. 834 00:48:44,430 --> 00:48:46,590 And was he grateful? No. 835 00:48:47,590 --> 00:48:49,550 (CLATTERING) 836 00:48:49,590 --> 00:48:51,950 The ride in this thing is appalling. 837 00:48:51,990 --> 00:48:53,950 Why is it so bad? 838 00:48:53,990 --> 00:48:56,310 If an ambulance came to rescue you, 839 00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:58,990 would you complain about the quality of the ambulance? 840 00:48:59,030 --> 00:49:00,630 No. 841 00:49:00,670 --> 00:49:02,910 So why are you complaining about everything I've done for you? 842 00:49:02,950 --> 00:49:06,790 Because you're rescuing me from effective injury that you inflicted. 843 00:49:06,830 --> 00:49:08,670 I'd still complain about the man who mugged me 844 00:49:08,710 --> 00:49:10,670 if he then said, "I'll help you out, mate." I'd still complain. 845 00:49:12,230 --> 00:49:14,310 JEREMY: Let's be brutally honest, shall we? 846 00:49:14,350 --> 00:49:17,350 Your car's been a terrible nuisance all the way along. 847 00:49:17,390 --> 00:49:18,790 Not to me. 848 00:49:18,830 --> 00:49:21,350 It has to me cos I've had to wait for it for days. 849 00:49:21,390 --> 00:49:25,430 You're so noble, I won't forget to mention you in my speech. 850 00:49:25,470 --> 00:49:28,310 You're not getting a Nobel Prize. 851 00:49:28,350 --> 00:49:31,630 -Why not? -Because you're ending with three-quarters of a car. 852 00:49:31,670 --> 00:49:33,830 You don't get the prize for how much car you bring. 853 00:49:33,870 --> 00:49:35,630 You get the prize for bringing the fish. 854 00:49:37,670 --> 00:49:39,510 Don't forget, you're towing my fish, 855 00:49:39,550 --> 00:49:41,950 ie, the fish that are still edible. 856 00:49:41,990 --> 00:49:43,510 -Mine are edible. -No, they're not. 857 00:49:43,550 --> 00:49:45,230 -They are! -I can assure you they're not. 858 00:49:46,990 --> 00:49:49,110 JEREMY: It was a shame about James's bad mood 859 00:49:49,150 --> 00:49:52,350 because we were on the verge of success. 860 00:49:53,350 --> 00:49:54,910 Come on! 861 00:49:54,950 --> 00:49:58,550 Sure, our plan to feed the world had been beset on all sides 862 00:49:58,590 --> 00:50:00,910 by much discomfort... 863 00:50:00,950 --> 00:50:02,430 Urgh! Bollocks! 864 00:50:03,510 --> 00:50:05,030 ...and many setbacks. 865 00:50:05,070 --> 00:50:08,070 We've got eight, plus one that got out in the boat. 866 00:50:08,110 --> 00:50:10,950 I am up to my anus now in water. 867 00:50:13,030 --> 00:50:14,230 Oh, God! 868 00:50:14,270 --> 00:50:17,430 There'd been some terrible smells too. 869 00:50:17,470 --> 00:50:19,510 Oh! Argh! 870 00:50:19,550 --> 00:50:21,670 And several accidents. 871 00:50:24,030 --> 00:50:26,150 Some of which were quite funny. 872 00:50:26,190 --> 00:50:28,070 -(HEAVY CLUNK) -Bollocks! 873 00:50:28,110 --> 00:50:31,390 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER) 874 00:50:31,430 --> 00:50:35,750 But despite everything, we were now just a few miles from Bingo. 875 00:50:37,470 --> 00:50:39,950 I think, if we're going to be sensible, 876 00:50:39,990 --> 00:50:43,390 what we should have done is had a pick-up truck 877 00:50:43,430 --> 00:50:45,630 with an aquarium in the back. 878 00:50:45,670 --> 00:50:47,030 You sort of have now. 879 00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:53,070 JEREMY: That motorcycle has been remarkable. 880 00:50:53,110 --> 00:50:56,230 800 quid from a supermarket. 881 00:50:56,270 --> 00:50:58,270 I know Hammond's been obsessing about how 882 00:50:58,310 --> 00:51:01,150 he doesn't look like Ewan McGregor in "The Long Way Down," 883 00:51:01,190 --> 00:51:05,870 but to me he does, cos it's a motorcycle and they're all exactly the same in my mind. 884 00:51:05,910 --> 00:51:10,150 We could make a film of all of his crashes and call it Wrong Way Up. 885 00:51:10,190 --> 00:51:12,110 (LAUGHTER) 886 00:51:13,430 --> 00:51:15,150 I'm going to tell you one thing. 887 00:51:15,190 --> 00:51:19,310 You know normally people from TV or film or whatever 888 00:51:19,350 --> 00:51:22,750 come out to Africa to do charitable work? 889 00:51:22,790 --> 00:51:25,190 They're photographed by Hello! magazine 890 00:51:25,230 --> 00:51:28,070 and then it's back to the hotel, Châteauneuf-du-Pape, 891 00:51:28,110 --> 00:51:30,870 -fly home to get the OBE. -Right. 892 00:51:30,910 --> 00:51:33,630 They don't actually do what we've done, do they? 893 00:51:33,670 --> 00:51:35,150 No, I don't think so. 894 00:51:35,190 --> 00:51:41,030 I've never seen Victoria Beckham trying to pull half a Mercedes 895 00:51:41,070 --> 00:51:42,750 across Mozambique. 896 00:51:50,670 --> 00:51:52,270 Bingo! 897 00:51:53,470 --> 00:51:55,950 There it is! Our quest is at an end! 898 00:51:58,190 --> 00:52:01,870 Sir Jeremy and the Nobel Award-winning James May, 899 00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:03,630 and Richard Hammond, are arriving! 900 00:52:05,470 --> 00:52:08,470 Hello. Have we got good news for you guys! 901 00:52:10,550 --> 00:52:13,710 Aware that our fish may cause a stampede, 902 00:52:13,750 --> 00:52:17,670 we found a spot with enough space to accommodate the crowds. 903 00:52:17,710 --> 00:52:19,670 Are you ready? 904 00:52:19,710 --> 00:52:21,750 This will get them running over here, you watch. 905 00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:27,310 Oh, look at that! 906 00:52:28,670 --> 00:52:31,470 Hundreds and hundreds of delicious fishes. 907 00:52:31,510 --> 00:52:34,590 Diesel-infused kippers. 908 00:52:36,870 --> 00:52:40,990 James, however, was not so happy about the condition of his fish. 909 00:52:42,390 --> 00:52:45,310 And for some reason, he blamed me. 910 00:52:45,350 --> 00:52:48,230 All that messing around and dragging around, you killed them. 911 00:52:48,270 --> 00:52:50,190 Those were all alive this morning! 912 00:52:50,230 --> 00:52:51,830 All of them are dead! 913 00:52:51,870 --> 00:52:53,110 How do you know all are? 914 00:52:53,150 --> 00:52:55,190 Cos they're floating. That's what fish do. 915 00:52:55,230 --> 00:52:57,710 I've kept those alive for three days, you muppet. 916 00:52:57,750 --> 00:52:59,950 JEREMY: How have I killed them? 917 00:52:59,990 --> 00:53:01,630 You did this. You dragged it along, 918 00:53:01,670 --> 00:53:03,910 bouncing it around too much, and not thinking about the fish. 919 00:53:03,950 --> 00:53:06,150 You finished them off! 920 00:53:06,190 --> 00:53:10,470 This, though, was no time to get bogged down with who'd killed James's fish, 921 00:53:10,510 --> 00:53:12,190 because it was him. 922 00:53:12,230 --> 00:53:15,710 So, we got on with the job of setting up our stalls. 923 00:53:15,750 --> 00:53:17,950 -Is that straight? RICHARD: No. 924 00:53:17,990 --> 00:53:21,950 And eventually we were ready for the crowds to descend. 925 00:53:23,950 --> 00:53:25,870 (FLIES BUZZING) 926 00:53:31,430 --> 00:53:33,430 (BUZZING INTENSIFIES) 927 00:53:41,230 --> 00:53:42,790 Customer. Customer. 928 00:53:56,190 --> 00:53:57,670 Nobody's interested. 929 00:53:59,230 --> 00:54:02,190 So, we moved on to the next phase of our plan. 930 00:54:02,230 --> 00:54:05,110 Is the man from Hello! magazine getting these shots? 931 00:54:05,150 --> 00:54:06,270 -He's there. -Oh, yeah. 932 00:54:08,110 --> 00:54:11,190 Look concerned. Let's see your concerned face. 933 00:54:16,390 --> 00:54:19,510 Can you make sure you get plenty of local people in the background 934 00:54:19,550 --> 00:54:21,150 so it's obvious I'm in Africa? 935 00:54:21,190 --> 00:54:22,350 Thank you. 936 00:54:22,390 --> 00:54:24,150 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 937 00:54:24,190 --> 00:54:27,990 And then with not a single fish given away, but the pictures taken, 938 00:54:28,030 --> 00:54:30,830 there was only one thing left to do. 939 00:54:30,870 --> 00:54:32,750 Chaps, let's get the helicopter. 940 00:54:35,910 --> 00:54:38,430 (ENGINE WHIRRING)