1 00:00:51,839 --> 00:00:53,887 *THE GRAND TOUR* Season 03 Episode 03 2 00:00:53,972 --> 00:00:55,684 Episode Title : " Columbia Special Part 2" 3 00:01:01,515 --> 00:01:04,035 Look at that. That is a sturdy car, that is. 4 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,115 Isn't that a very popular car with the gay community? 5 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,555 Is it? 6 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,195 - It's Hammond. - That is Hammond. 7 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:14,195 - Is that your car? - Yes, this is my car. 8 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,555 Why is your car there? 9 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,475 Because that's where the boat dropped me off? 10 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,035 They got to here, wrapped it in polythene, 11 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,251 lobbed it over the side, me with it. That's how they do it. 12 00:01:21,336 --> 00:01:23,315 What's it say on that? "Global Auto"? 13 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,492 Yeah, GAK. 14 00:01:24,578 --> 00:01:26,680 That's what they said was the company. 15 00:01:28,078 --> 00:01:29,955 I bought it from an English family 16 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,075 - who had bought a house in Tuscany. - Tony Blair. 17 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,955 - Cherie Blair. - Sting. 18 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,555 Every single lightweight socialist in Britain 19 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,475 has been in this car. 20 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,155 We're now leaving Cartagena 21 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:48,435 in our quest to find many interesting animals to photograph. 22 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,755 Well, shrimping and forest products obviously, er... pays well. 23 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,435 - Look at the boats out there. - I know, that is amazing, isn't it? 24 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,075 You often see that. The most humble of commodities 25 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,955 and it yields just incredible wealth. 26 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,040 Ooh! 27 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,435 - - Argh! - Turn it off! 28 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:11,075 It is one of the most stupid pieces of engineering ever, that truck. 29 00:02:12,477 --> 00:02:15,255 Right, Jaguars, they are very difficult to spot 30 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:18,115 and very, very rare. 31 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,975 This is proper jungle now. 32 00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:22,835 Oh, dear. 33 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,995 I think I've just lost the exhaust pipe. 34 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,295 What are we going to do? 35 00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:32,195 People could come out here for 40 years and not see a jaguar. 36 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,635 Well, we could use my trap cameras. 37 00:02:35,602 --> 00:02:38,115 - He parked his car there. - Yes. 38 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,175 - Turn it round. - Oh, that'll mess with his head. 39 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,375 So he comes down in the morning. Imagine his face. 40 00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:43,655 He'll think he's gone mad. 41 00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:46,735 One, two, three. Move it. 42 00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:48,155 One, two... 43 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,555 Did we get any pictures? 44 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,595 - Right. Ah, look, there! - That's it! 45 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:54,895 There's his head, there's his head. 46 00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,735 That's the ace of spades, the jaguar. 47 00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,835 That's Saddam Hussein. 48 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:03,275 We've now gotta go and get his sons, Uday... and the other one. 49 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,295 What was his other son called? 50 00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:06,560 Edgar. 51 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,815 With the jaguar in the bag, 52 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:13,715 our sights were set on the next target, 53 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,115 another rare and reclusive creature. 54 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,195 The spectacled bear. 55 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,035 We now have to drive 200 miles 56 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,735 to find the sort of terrain 57 00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:28,375 where we're gonna be able to photograph 58 00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:31,695 the king of spades, Edgar Hussein. 59 00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,395 Paddington. 60 00:03:34,688 --> 00:03:38,695 To help pass the time, entertainment was provided by James, 61 00:03:38,828 --> 00:03:42,803 trying to overtake trucks in his one-litre Panda. 62 00:03:43,881 --> 00:03:46,876 Right. No. 63 00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:50,576 He can't see past them cos his steering wheel's on the correct side. 64 00:03:50,661 --> 00:03:53,236 Cor, bloody hellfire. 65 00:03:53,321 --> 00:03:55,056 So he has to lunge out of the... 66 00:03:55,141 --> 00:04:00,296 and then there's this ridiculously roarty noise as he sets off. 67 00:04:02,641 --> 00:04:04,756 Holy crap! Come on, car. 68 00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:11,596 Oh, my God! 69 00:04:11,681 --> 00:04:15,316 Oh-ho, I enjoyed watching that one. 70 00:04:15,401 --> 00:04:18,336 Right, blokes, I can't keep this lorry-overtaking up all day. 71 00:04:18,421 --> 00:04:21,916 My ring piece is gonna be in tatters. 72 00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:25,156 What is wrong with this bloke? 73 00:04:25,241 --> 00:04:29,116 I don't know what he's been taking, but he's all over the shop. 74 00:04:29,201 --> 00:04:31,576 He's had a lot of shrimp. The man's a... an idiot. 75 00:04:35,201 --> 00:04:40,936 As the day wore on, the Trump truck proved to be its usual, reliable self. 76 00:04:42,561 --> 00:04:44,176 Oh, dear. 77 00:04:44,261 --> 00:04:45,516 Oh, dear. 78 00:04:45,601 --> 00:04:47,416 That's not good. 79 00:04:47,501 --> 00:04:49,836 That is bad. 80 00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:52,801 Oh, no. 81 00:04:52,921 --> 00:04:56,636 Oh, God. 82 00:04:56,721 --> 00:05:01,416 Just had a message asking if I'd like to go back and help Mr Hammond, 83 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,916 er, mend his monster truck. 84 00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:07,356 Let me think about that. 85 00:05:08,481 --> 00:05:10,116 No, I wouldn't. 86 00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:13,276 Out you come. 87 00:05:13,361 --> 00:05:15,696 Air-conditioning radiator. 88 00:05:15,781 --> 00:05:17,076 Useless. 89 00:05:17,161 --> 00:05:19,516 Still, could be worse. 90 00:05:19,601 --> 00:05:21,616 Could be him over there. 91 00:05:21,701 --> 00:05:22,796 Yeah. 92 00:05:22,881 --> 00:05:25,796 My guess is his brakes have failed 93 00:05:25,881 --> 00:05:28,996 and he's hooked a wheel over there to stop it rolling back. 94 00:05:31,201 --> 00:05:33,556 Er, is this you? 95 00:05:34,241 --> 00:05:35,316 You? 96 00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:41,356 Er, yeah, that, what he said. 97 00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:47,596 Huh? 98 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,396 OK. 99 00:05:49,481 --> 00:05:51,836 Gracias. 100 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:58,556 Eventually the world's greatest linguist got his truck going... 101 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,316 and caught us up. 102 00:06:07,681 --> 00:06:13,256 And the next morning we all woke in the pretty hill town of Villa de Leyva. 103 00:06:29,241 --> 00:06:31,736 Why have you done this to all my trousers? 104 00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:33,856 You said you were hot. 105 00:06:33,941 --> 00:06:35,396 Well, I am now. 106 00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:50,136 It's a Sunday morning in a Spanish-speaking country. 107 00:06:50,221 --> 00:06:52,436 It's 8:15 am. 108 00:06:52,521 --> 00:06:55,536 Chances of a trouser shop being open...? 109 00:06:55,621 --> 00:06:57,276 Nil. 110 00:06:57,361 --> 00:06:58,476 Jeremy. 111 00:06:58,561 --> 00:07:00,596 - Morning. - How you doing? 112 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,576 Very good. Sorry, that's not... 113 00:07:02,661 --> 00:07:06,036 James and Richard cut my trousers up. 114 00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:09,116 Why do I have to be recognised here, for God's sake? 115 00:07:11,121 --> 00:07:15,836 Once I'd sorted the trouser crisis, we continued onwards. 116 00:07:17,361 --> 00:07:19,716 Me Siento Loco 117 00:07:33,321 --> 00:07:37,916 And eventually we arrived in spectacled bear country. 118 00:07:40,441 --> 00:07:41,916 Right, now, listen. 119 00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:44,344 - Erm... - Hohoho-ho. - There's a lot to do. 120 00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:45,836 - What? - I don't like your trousers. 121 00:07:45,921 --> 00:07:47,896 Well, no, at least he's trying. He's making an effort. 122 00:07:47,981 --> 00:07:49,336 You should have gone the whole hog. 123 00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:50,816 Maybe some nice... Hey, we're out... 124 00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:52,696 We're in the outdoors, some nice chaps. 125 00:07:52,781 --> 00:07:54,956 Suede, but ventilated at the back. 126 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,296 And that shirt. You've picked up that colour. 127 00:07:57,381 --> 00:07:58,996 Have you been getting advice? 128 00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:01,456 May we turn our attention to the bears now, to Paddington? 129 00:08:01,541 --> 00:08:02,956 Your skin's flaking. 130 00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:05,076 - You should moisturise. - It's... What? 131 00:08:05,161 --> 00:08:06,936 - You should moisturise. - You should moisturise a little bit. 132 00:08:07,021 --> 00:08:08,816 - Why should I moisturise? - Because your skin's flaking off. 133 00:08:08,901 --> 00:08:12,176 Because you're dry. You look like something found in a pyramid. 134 00:08:12,261 --> 00:08:14,836 Anyway, listen, we must turn our attention... 135 00:08:14,921 --> 00:08:17,636 - We must turn our attention... 136 00:08:17,721 --> 00:08:19,056 "Let's have a look at the sarcophagus. 137 00:08:19,141 --> 00:08:20,796 Argh!" 138 00:08:20,881 --> 00:08:24,616 "I'm not putting that in the British Museum." - 139 00:08:24,701 --> 00:08:27,896 Rather than put up with any more of this persecution, 140 00:08:27,981 --> 00:08:32,916 I insisted we saddle up and set off to look for Paddington. 141 00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:36,936 I don't actually know... I've seen a picture of these bears 142 00:08:37,021 --> 00:08:40,656 but I don't actually know how big they are. Are they two feet or ten feet? 143 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:43,676 I just don't know. 144 00:08:43,761 --> 00:08:47,076 Keep it diagonal, obviously, while crossing these things. 145 00:08:47,841 --> 00:08:49,576 Oh, shite! 146 00:08:49,661 --> 00:08:51,276 Oh-ho! 147 00:08:51,361 --> 00:08:53,876 Oh-ho! Look at you with a wheel in the air! 148 00:08:53,961 --> 00:08:56,376 Can we please try not to make this look like it's a problem 149 00:08:56,461 --> 00:08:58,956 cos the ladies and gentlemen will think we're hopeless. 150 00:09:00,401 --> 00:09:03,256 I tried to drive myself out. 151 00:09:03,341 --> 00:09:05,276 Which went well. 152 00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:08,376 Speed and power. - He's just dug himself a hole! 153 00:09:08,461 --> 00:09:10,536 So I asked Hammond for help. 154 00:09:10,621 --> 00:09:13,136 But, predictably, his pickup truck 155 00:09:13,221 --> 00:09:17,076 chose that moment to go into one-wheel drive. 156 00:09:19,441 --> 00:09:21,396 Oh... 157 00:09:21,481 --> 00:09:23,516 Oh, dear. 158 00:09:23,601 --> 00:09:26,796 There was only one solution. 159 00:09:26,881 --> 00:09:28,336 - Could you give me a tow cos... - No. 160 00:09:28,421 --> 00:09:30,036 No, I'm very close to coming out. 161 00:09:30,121 --> 00:09:32,336 - Well, we know that. You've bought a Jeep. - Yes, no, that's... 162 00:09:32,421 --> 00:09:34,756 Oh, I see. 163 00:09:37,521 --> 00:09:41,536 Every single time I open my mouth now, you've got some reference... 164 00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,816 No, it's great. It's good. 165 00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:45,876 We're all friends. 166 00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:49,436 With the rope hitched up, we were ready to go. 167 00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:51,516 So I'll give you a small tug. 168 00:09:51,601 --> 00:09:53,956 - Was that a gentle tug? - There we go. 169 00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:57,696 And then it's down to you because I haven't got the weight to pull you, OK? 170 00:09:57,781 --> 00:10:00,116 Here we go, three, two, one. 171 00:10:02,641 --> 00:10:04,996 - Whoa! - Exciting. 172 00:10:06,641 --> 00:10:08,796 Yes, go on! 173 00:10:08,881 --> 00:10:12,116 - A Fiat Panda! - Yesssss! - Yes! 174 00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:15,216 Jeremy Corbyn just pulled Freddy Mercury out. 175 00:10:15,301 --> 00:10:17,656 It's a meeting of minds. 176 00:10:21,201 --> 00:10:23,556 I'm not sure we're very good at fist-bumping. 177 00:10:26,641 --> 00:10:28,816 With that calamity sorted, 178 00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:33,356 Hammond got four-wheel drive back and we resumed our mission. 179 00:10:34,641 --> 00:10:36,876 Right. 180 00:10:36,961 --> 00:10:39,756 Go on a bear hunt. 181 00:10:39,841 --> 00:10:41,536 Soon, however... 182 00:10:46,241 --> 00:10:48,316 Oh, dear. 183 00:10:50,521 --> 00:10:53,116 What's up, Hammond? 184 00:10:53,201 --> 00:10:57,676 I think something's broken somewhere in the drive line. 185 00:10:57,761 --> 00:11:00,616 Am I now having to pull Hammond... Oh, God. 186 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:03,996 Right, and pull Hammond out. 187 00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:08,696 Once my pickup had been pulled out... 188 00:11:08,781 --> 00:11:11,516 I quickly found the fault. 189 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:13,456 Broken the half shaft. 190 00:11:13,541 --> 00:11:15,636 Ohhh! 191 00:11:15,721 --> 00:11:18,236 I think this is now a two-wheel drive. 192 00:11:20,361 --> 00:11:23,376 Still, while there had been a few mishaps, 193 00:11:23,461 --> 00:11:29,036 our cars were able to take us comfortably to a suitable bear-spotting point. 194 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:39,036 I've got a cool-box in the back of the Jeep full of zesty, refreshing drinks. 195 00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:42,556 The temperature's perfect. 196 00:11:42,641 --> 00:11:45,196 I'm not out of breath. I didn't have to walk here. 197 00:11:46,201 --> 00:11:48,216 However, because the trap cameras 198 00:11:48,301 --> 00:11:50,176 had been ruined by the jaguar, 199 00:11:50,261 --> 00:11:54,356 this time we would need to deploy our immense patience. 200 00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:04,456 Soon, however... 201 00:12:04,541 --> 00:12:06,196 I'm bored! 202 00:12:06,281 --> 00:12:08,456 - I'm bored! - Bored. 203 00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:11,676 Booooooored! 204 00:12:14,521 --> 00:12:18,796 So, to make life more interesting, we kept on driving. 205 00:12:22,761 --> 00:12:25,436 Right, we go higher up the mountain. 206 00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:40,556 This is the absolute worst terrain for the Jeep's suspension. 207 00:12:40,641 --> 00:12:44,456 God, I'd like to meet the man who put these big tyres on this thing. 208 00:12:44,541 --> 00:12:47,136 And I'd like to strangle him. 209 00:12:47,221 --> 00:12:49,996 Still, could be worse. 210 00:12:50,081 --> 00:12:51,716 Hole. 211 00:12:53,601 --> 00:12:56,276 Oh, dear. 212 00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:58,576 Looks like Jeremy Corbyn's struggling a bit there. 213 00:13:02,761 --> 00:13:06,196 No, somehow he's managed to get it back on its wheels. 214 00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:15,996 And still it goes! 215 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,216 But then... 216 00:13:19,301 --> 00:13:21,516 Oh, God. 217 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,956 Oh, hold on. 218 00:13:24,601 --> 00:13:26,956 Big hole there, chaps. 219 00:13:29,161 --> 00:13:30,856 - Yeah, you see that... - Oh-ho-ho. 220 00:13:32,641 --> 00:13:34,416 That's not... What are you on about? 221 00:13:34,501 --> 00:13:36,176 - It's massive! - That's quite a big hole. 222 00:13:36,261 --> 00:13:39,156 - It just isn't, though, is it? - Other than that it is. 223 00:13:39,241 --> 00:13:41,456 - Look at the size of it. - Although... look. 224 00:13:41,541 --> 00:13:44,536 - No, that's... - No, stop and listen to the expert. 225 00:13:44,621 --> 00:13:46,956 Cut it this way. 226 00:13:47,041 --> 00:13:51,376 Gravity gets you down there and then you simply drive up the other side. 227 00:13:51,461 --> 00:13:54,636 Oh, Professor, how do you work these things out? 228 00:13:54,721 --> 00:13:56,396 - You drive out. - Look at your tyres. 229 00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:59,256 - Yeah, Hammond, that's a monster truck. - Only two are driven. 230 00:13:59,341 --> 00:14:01,256 - It's a monster truck! - It runs over cars. 231 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,956 I've seen them do it on the telly. 232 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:05,136 - And they're two-wheel drive. - They are, actually. Yes. 233 00:14:05,221 --> 00:14:09,896 They are two-wheel drive and they... Monster trucks could easily do that. 234 00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:14,776 With Hammond refusing point blank to help, James and I did manual labour, 235 00:14:14,861 --> 00:14:18,076 and cut away the edge of the bank. 236 00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:20,276 Keep going, chaps, you'll fill the hole in eventually. 237 00:14:20,361 --> 00:14:22,976 What about that then, Hammond? That's softened it up a bit. Fancy that? 238 00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:25,976 It's easy now. I'll do it in a Lamborghini. 239 00:14:26,061 --> 00:14:28,556 That's got rid of that big stony bit. 240 00:14:28,641 --> 00:14:30,856 That's roughly where your wheel's gonna go. 241 00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:32,896 Yeah, just before the massive drop. 242 00:14:32,981 --> 00:14:36,236 Ever since your last accident, you've lost your bottle. 243 00:14:36,321 --> 00:14:38,296 No, it doesn't require bottle to do that. 244 00:14:38,381 --> 00:14:41,276 It can't be done. It's not the same. 245 00:14:41,361 --> 00:14:42,876 Well, you're gonna do it. 246 00:14:42,961 --> 00:14:44,336 - No, I'm not. - You are. 247 00:14:44,421 --> 00:14:46,516 No, I'm not. 248 00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:48,956 Right, here we go. 249 00:14:50,601 --> 00:14:51,896 Gravity will get you in a minute. 250 00:14:51,981 --> 00:14:54,796 Yes, I know gravity works. I'm familiar with it. 251 00:14:54,881 --> 00:14:56,976 Just do it and then drive up the other side. 252 00:14:57,061 --> 00:14:59,396 Hurry up, quicker. 253 00:15:01,321 --> 00:15:02,916 Oh, God! 254 00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:05,536 - There you go. - Exactly as I said. 255 00:15:05,621 --> 00:15:07,896 Now drive up the other side. 256 00:15:07,981 --> 00:15:09,961 Hold on. 257 00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:51,896 I told you this wouldn't work. 258 00:15:54,441 --> 00:15:56,368 - I've had an idea. - What? 259 00:15:56,454 --> 00:15:58,314 You know that sort of roll bar thing 260 00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,442 - he's got there. - Yeah. 261 00:15:59,548 --> 00:16:01,432 If we get the sand ladders from the support truck 262 00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:04,596 and lay them on that, we could drive across him. 263 00:16:06,601 --> 00:16:10,316 - Couldn't we? - Isambard Kingdom May. 264 00:16:10,401 --> 00:16:12,756 Hammond, we've had a brilliant idea. 265 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,616 I don't know what they're gonna do. 266 00:16:16,701 --> 00:16:19,036 I just know it's not gonna work. 267 00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:26,996 This weighs a tonne. 268 00:16:29,881 --> 00:16:32,796 Oh, mind my roof! 269 00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:37,236 It won't reach. 270 00:16:37,321 --> 00:16:39,896 Oh... No... Don't... Come on... 271 00:16:39,981 --> 00:16:41,961 Ohh... 272 00:16:49,721 --> 00:16:52,376 Eventually our magnificent bridge 273 00:16:52,461 --> 00:16:54,436 was complete. 274 00:16:59,281 --> 00:17:02,436 And James volunteered to cross it first. 275 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,256 Come on, Hammond, you must be pleased. 276 00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:07,316 No, I'm not pleased! 277 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,016 First heroic thing it's done. 278 00:17:09,101 --> 00:17:10,956 First time it's not holding us up. 279 00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:13,176 Is that looking good? 280 00:17:13,261 --> 00:17:15,616 - Looking good. - No, it's looking ridiculous. 281 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,496 - It worked. - Yes! 282 00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:31,836 - How about that? - Yes! 283 00:17:31,921 --> 00:17:33,496 - Piece of cake. - Oh, no fist bumping. 284 00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:35,816 - Oh, no, we don't do that, do we, yeah. - That hurt. 285 00:17:35,901 --> 00:17:38,016 Now, though, it was my turn, 286 00:17:38,101 --> 00:17:42,316 in a car that was more than twice the weight of the Panda. 287 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,456 Hold on, I can't even see the sand ra... 288 00:17:48,541 --> 00:17:51,356 I can't see the rail on this side. 289 00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:56,016 Tiny, tiny bit your left. That's it. Right, straight. 290 00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:59,576 Tiny, tiny bit to your left, but really tiny. 291 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,996 That's good. 292 00:18:05,761 --> 00:18:08,356 Right on the edge. 293 00:18:08,441 --> 00:18:09,736 Now very slowly. 294 00:18:09,821 --> 00:18:11,716 Tiny bit of left. 295 00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:14,016 - That's right, you blithering idiot. - Right. 296 00:18:14,101 --> 00:18:16,196 Now that is... Oh. 297 00:18:16,281 --> 00:18:17,616 Stop. Stop, stop, stop. 298 00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,836 Stop there, stop there. 299 00:18:19,921 --> 00:18:21,316 It's gonna break. 300 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:22,796 It's not gonna work. 301 00:18:22,881 --> 00:18:24,616 - What? - It's not gonna work. - 302 00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:26,456 Yes, but the thing is you've stopped me 303 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,416 and there's no other way of describing it, 304 00:18:28,501 --> 00:18:30,736 - on top of... - - top of Hammond's car. 305 00:18:30,821 --> 00:18:32,636 Yeah, I know. Don't jig about too much. 306 00:18:32,721 --> 00:18:34,336 Don't worry about my truck sitting there. 307 00:18:34,421 --> 00:18:37,556 We're not worried about your truck! 308 00:18:37,641 --> 00:18:41,616 Since Hammond wouldn't lift a finger, even though he'd got us into this mess, 309 00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:45,756 I had to get the camera crew to help beef up the sand rails. 310 00:18:47,801 --> 00:18:51,136 We're supposed to be making wildlife photography look easy and comfortable. 311 00:18:51,221 --> 00:18:54,476 This isn't working. 312 00:18:54,561 --> 00:18:57,916 With the strengthening in place, it was time to continue. 313 00:19:02,561 --> 00:19:04,616 Keep it on that. 314 00:19:04,701 --> 00:19:07,036 Exactly that line. 315 00:19:11,561 --> 00:19:13,316 Yes! 316 00:19:13,401 --> 00:19:14,476 Yeah. 317 00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:17,316 - Right, let's move on. - Right. 318 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,916 Well, they're across. 319 00:19:32,161 --> 00:19:34,836 - Oh, God. - Why have you stopped? 320 00:19:34,921 --> 00:19:37,136 You're not gonna believe this. 321 00:19:37,221 --> 00:19:38,676 What? 322 00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,116 There's a river. 323 00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:43,736 Can we go through it? 324 00:19:43,821 --> 00:19:46,156 Not in a million years. 325 00:19:57,921 --> 00:19:59,196 What are you doing? 326 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,456 It's... Just round that corner there's a river. 327 00:20:01,541 --> 00:20:02,636 - Yeah. - Blocked. 328 00:20:02,721 --> 00:20:03,956 But you've been gone... 329 00:20:04,041 --> 00:20:05,596 So what was the point in that? 330 00:20:05,681 --> 00:20:07,476 Well, at least it meant your car was useful twice. 331 00:20:07,561 --> 00:20:09,016 - It was. - Well, you ended up where you... 332 00:20:09,101 --> 00:20:10,716 We've achieved nothing, 333 00:20:10,801 --> 00:20:12,496 apart from ruining my truck and turning it into a bridge. 334 00:20:12,581 --> 00:20:14,696 Yeah, but we needed to do that to get back again. 335 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,236 - Exactly. - But if you hadn't gone... 336 00:20:17,321 --> 00:20:20,436 If you hadn't gone there, you wouldn't need a bridge to get back, would you? 337 00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:22,976 We didn't know there was a river there until we'd gone there. 338 00:20:23,061 --> 00:20:24,826 - And there are no bears. - As this debate 339 00:20:24,912 --> 00:20:26,896 was getting us nowhere, 340 00:20:26,981 --> 00:20:31,116 we pulled an ungrateful Hammond out of his hole, 341 00:20:31,201 --> 00:20:34,236 and found another route up the mountain. 342 00:20:38,761 --> 00:20:41,896 I'm actually looking forward to seeing a bear, I really am. 343 00:20:41,981 --> 00:20:45,716 I like all bears, except polar bears, which I hate. 344 00:20:45,801 --> 00:20:48,516 They're vicious and they eat schoolchildren. 345 00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:52,976 Joyously, we soon found another suitable spot, 346 00:20:53,061 --> 00:20:56,156 where I discovered I had a small problem. 347 00:20:57,481 --> 00:21:00,300 I'm still not high enough up to see over the shrubs. 348 00:21:00,386 --> 00:21:02,386 Well, nothing we can do about it now. 349 00:21:02,472 --> 00:21:04,136 - What? - Shut up, nothing you can do about it. 350 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:06,416 - I wish I was a bit higher. - That's how high you are. 351 00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,756 We settled down to wait. 352 00:21:11,441 --> 00:21:13,476 But shortly... 353 00:21:13,561 --> 00:21:15,916 And inevitably... 354 00:21:17,241 --> 00:21:19,596 - Bored. - Me too. 355 00:21:21,761 --> 00:21:23,576 It does get boring, this. 356 00:21:23,661 --> 00:21:25,016 It's 20 minutes. 357 00:21:28,001 --> 00:21:30,376 - What was... what was that? - That's bear noise. 358 00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:32,556 Ssh. 359 00:21:32,641 --> 00:21:34,856 - I'm not bored now. - That is a bear. 360 00:21:37,321 --> 00:21:39,336 - It's a bear, it's a bear! - I can't see it. 361 00:21:39,421 --> 00:21:41,676 - It's fantastic. - It's a bear. 362 00:21:44,161 --> 00:21:46,076 - Yes, it is, it moved. - Ssh. 363 00:21:46,161 --> 00:21:48,156 - I can see its face. - Oh, yes. 364 00:21:52,801 --> 00:21:54,876 - I took a picture of a bear! - Ssh. 365 00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:01,776 Why won't it come over here? 366 00:22:01,861 --> 00:22:03,996 Probably because you're talking. 367 00:22:04,081 --> 00:22:05,656 I think we're a bit too conspicuous. 368 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,816 - We're scaring them off. - You are. 369 00:22:07,901 --> 00:22:12,336 Your car and his car, they're too... bright. 370 00:22:12,421 --> 00:22:14,756 I know. 371 00:22:18,041 --> 00:22:22,636 Hammond and May agreed that my car was the quietest and most subtle. 372 00:22:24,241 --> 00:22:26,856 So they suggested I should creep towards 373 00:22:26,941 --> 00:22:31,036 the largest flesh-eating mammal in all of South America. 374 00:22:35,801 --> 00:22:39,796 He is coming close range. Weapon too close for my big gun. 375 00:22:40,561 --> 00:22:42,656 He is coming! 376 00:22:42,741 --> 00:22:45,076 He is coming. 377 00:22:55,801 --> 00:22:58,916 And then, to top it all... 378 00:22:59,001 --> 00:23:00,456 Bears are shitting in the woods. 379 00:23:00,541 --> 00:23:02,876 The bear is shitting in the woods. 380 00:23:04,081 --> 00:23:07,296 I have now seen everything. 381 00:23:07,381 --> 00:23:10,416 Edgar Hussain is done. 382 00:23:13,641 --> 00:23:15,996 King of spades, tick. 383 00:23:19,401 --> 00:23:23,396 Smog 384 00:23:23,481 --> 00:23:27,476 We therefore got back on the road and continued onwards. 385 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:47,956 Finally arriving late that night in the capital city of Bogota. 386 00:23:57,081 --> 00:23:59,436 ♪ Smog! ♪ 387 00:24:04,561 --> 00:24:09,956 Having had a decent night's sleep, we convened to plan our next move. 388 00:24:10,881 --> 00:24:12,196 - Morning. - Hello. 389 00:24:12,281 --> 00:24:14,016 What's the matter with your face? 390 00:24:14,101 --> 00:24:15,636 - Is it not good? - No. 391 00:24:15,721 --> 00:24:17,496 It's like being in The Singing Detective. 392 00:24:17,581 --> 00:24:19,156 It is. 393 00:24:19,241 --> 00:24:20,816 That's bloody rude. Anyway, listen... 394 00:24:20,901 --> 00:24:22,516 Sorry, I'm briefly mesmerised. 395 00:24:22,601 --> 00:24:23,676 - Listen. - I'm back. 396 00:24:23,761 --> 00:24:24,936 While you were out this morning 397 00:24:25,021 --> 00:24:26,416 buying new action trousers, I see, 398 00:24:26,501 --> 00:24:29,116 I have got a book... 399 00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:32,016 All of Colombia's wildlife is in this book, yeah? 400 00:24:32,101 --> 00:24:33,556 All of it. 401 00:24:33,641 --> 00:24:35,636 I've been through it. 402 00:24:35,721 --> 00:24:38,556 - Guess what there isn't? - A hippopotamus. 403 00:24:38,641 --> 00:24:41,216 Well, so far we've got pigeon, dog, horse... 404 00:24:41,301 --> 00:24:43,196 Donkey. 405 00:24:43,281 --> 00:24:44,736 Don't bring those up, please. 406 00:24:44,821 --> 00:24:46,516 - Um, jaguar. - Jaguar. 407 00:24:46,601 --> 00:24:48,249 - Bear. - Bear. - Yes. 408 00:24:48,335 --> 00:24:51,436 Condor is next. Condor is next. 409 00:24:51,521 --> 00:24:54,316 Is there a case... I think there is. 410 00:24:54,401 --> 00:24:56,316 For a little light car modification? 411 00:24:56,401 --> 00:24:57,976 I agree, there is, there is. 412 00:24:58,061 --> 00:24:59,956 I think I might be scaring them off a bit. 413 00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:02,016 - I could make some changes. - I'm just thinking... 414 00:25:02,101 --> 00:25:03,616 Tell you what I could give my car... 415 00:25:03,701 --> 00:25:06,516 - A roof. - Yeah, that's a good idea. 416 00:25:06,601 --> 00:25:08,416 There is evidence to suggest in your flaking visage... 417 00:25:08,501 --> 00:25:11,576 Then you wouldn't look like Michael Gambon in the '80s. 418 00:25:11,661 --> 00:25:13,836 I am Michael Gambon in the '80s. 419 00:25:13,921 --> 00:25:16,276 Llegaron Los Peluqueros 420 00:25:18,561 --> 00:25:22,576 We then went shopping in Bogota's massive auto district. 421 00:25:22,661 --> 00:25:27,756 20 city blocks of nothing but shops selling car parts. 422 00:25:33,721 --> 00:25:37,536 All I really need, if I'm honest, to make my car better, 423 00:25:37,621 --> 00:25:39,756 is some kind of ladder, 424 00:25:39,841 --> 00:25:43,696 so I get some elevation for the photography, 425 00:25:43,781 --> 00:25:47,116 and a chair to sit on, and a roof. 426 00:25:48,801 --> 00:25:50,736 Oh, gold dust. 427 00:25:50,821 --> 00:25:52,456 Look at that. 428 00:25:52,541 --> 00:25:54,536 That is perfect. 429 00:25:54,621 --> 00:25:59,336 So, um, can I have 20 metres? 430 00:25:59,421 --> 00:26:01,756 Vingt me...? 431 00:26:03,241 --> 00:26:05,216 That's not a good sign, is it? 432 00:26:09,041 --> 00:26:14,396 As we went about our shopping, I received a rather intriguing phone call. 433 00:26:15,841 --> 00:26:17,816 This afternoon? 434 00:26:17,901 --> 00:26:19,956 Sure. OK. 435 00:26:20,041 --> 00:26:21,436 All right, bye. 436 00:26:21,521 --> 00:26:23,156 Er, that was our Colombian fixers. 437 00:26:23,241 --> 00:26:25,856 They say, um, this afternoon they want us to try something 438 00:26:25,941 --> 00:26:30,836 which is, they say... the thing that Colombia is most famous for. 439 00:26:34,161 --> 00:26:35,996 Yep. 440 00:26:36,081 --> 00:26:37,876 Football. 441 00:26:37,961 --> 00:26:42,816 Specifically a match between The Grand Tour team... 442 00:26:42,901 --> 00:26:45,316 and our Colombian fixers. 443 00:26:45,401 --> 00:26:50,296 Hammond, with his gammy knee, couldn't play, so made himself our manager. 444 00:26:50,381 --> 00:26:56,156 So, we're gonna play a five-four-four? 445 00:26:56,241 --> 00:26:57,876 - I doubt it. - Five-four-three? 446 00:26:57,961 --> 00:26:59,316 - Eight, nine? - Five... Two? 447 00:26:59,401 --> 00:27:01,216 - How many on our team? - It's eight a side. 448 00:27:01,301 --> 00:27:02,896 Three. Right, well, we're gonna play... 449 00:27:02,981 --> 00:27:07,376 - Drop the five, then. - Three... four. 450 00:27:07,461 --> 00:27:09,436 Three. 451 00:27:09,521 --> 00:27:11,176 With the crowd of onlookers 452 00:27:11,261 --> 00:27:15,336 at fever pitch, the game began. 453 00:27:17,961 --> 00:27:23,856 And since I was our biggest player, from any angle, I was put in goal. 454 00:27:23,941 --> 00:27:26,276 Which went well. 455 00:27:35,001 --> 00:27:38,056 Also, the ref was pretty harsh. 456 00:27:38,141 --> 00:27:40,276 What? 457 00:27:40,361 --> 00:27:41,816 How can it be handball? 458 00:27:41,901 --> 00:27:44,716 He hasn't got a hand! 459 00:27:44,801 --> 00:27:46,416 The match continued 460 00:27:46,501 --> 00:27:49,436 with some good clean tackles from us. 461 00:27:52,841 --> 00:27:55,636 And eventually an actual goal. 462 00:27:58,781 --> 00:28:02,976 But my goalkeeping continued to let the side down. 463 00:28:03,061 --> 00:28:05,396 Oh, come on! 464 00:28:08,761 --> 00:28:11,336 And even though I'd given my all... 465 00:28:11,421 --> 00:28:14,276 I've just coughed my lungs up. 466 00:28:14,361 --> 00:28:18,616 I was eventually substituted for our special forces security guy, 467 00:28:18,701 --> 00:28:23,376 who did well, despite his pixelated face. 468 00:28:27,161 --> 00:28:29,637 We may as well modify our cars now. We're not playing. 469 00:28:29,723 --> 00:28:30,776 Yeah. 470 00:28:30,861 --> 00:28:33,836 The only problem is, nobody'll be able to film us. 471 00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:36,656 Cos they're playing football. And they are not stopping. 472 00:28:36,741 --> 00:28:38,816 Why don't we just quietly leave them to it? 473 00:28:38,901 --> 00:28:40,801 We'll get on with it. 474 00:28:40,949 --> 00:28:43,299 It's not as if anyone's gonna miss us. 475 00:28:47,041 --> 00:28:49,396 Go on, Nick! 476 00:28:56,321 --> 00:28:58,096 The next morning, happily, 477 00:28:58,181 --> 00:29:02,316 the uninjured members of our film crew were back at work. 478 00:29:03,321 --> 00:29:06,696 - Was it really six-two? - Yeah. 479 00:29:06,781 --> 00:29:08,636 - It was. - Yeah. 480 00:29:08,721 --> 00:29:11,296 I think the problem was they substituted me and you too early. 481 00:29:11,381 --> 00:29:13,516 - I think so. - Anyway, listen... 482 00:29:13,601 --> 00:29:15,436 We've now got the film crews back, 483 00:29:15,521 --> 00:29:17,776 so let's set them to work doing what they can do, 484 00:29:17,861 --> 00:29:19,636 and have a look at our cars. 485 00:29:19,721 --> 00:29:21,836 - OK, you have to find mine. - Where is it? 486 00:29:21,921 --> 00:29:24,336 Yours is the one disguised as a bush in an industrial car park. 487 00:29:24,421 --> 00:29:26,796 - I've camouflaged it. - Well, yes, you've painted it. 488 00:29:26,881 --> 00:29:30,056 It's got roll-down netting that goes over the windows when I'm using it as a hide 489 00:29:30,141 --> 00:29:33,096 and it has an inbuilt... Well, it's got a raise on it as well, 490 00:29:33,181 --> 00:29:35,776 cos the one problem I've had is ground clearance. 491 00:29:35,861 --> 00:29:37,236 - Yeah. - What? 492 00:29:37,321 --> 00:29:39,136 You've spent two days laughing at Hammond and me 493 00:29:39,221 --> 00:29:41,076 cos we've got cars that have been raised, 494 00:29:41,161 --> 00:29:43,896 and how awful they are, and then you've done exactly the same. 495 00:29:43,981 --> 00:29:47,616 As an alternative expression, rather than "I'm going to raise my car," 496 00:29:47,701 --> 00:29:50,556 - why not, "I'm going to ruin my car"? - Yes. 497 00:29:50,641 --> 00:29:52,136 - What you've done is ruined it. - Let's see. 498 00:29:52,221 --> 00:29:53,836 I've done it very subtly. 499 00:29:53,921 --> 00:29:56,736 How do you think Tony Blair and Gordon Sting are going to feel 500 00:29:56,821 --> 00:30:00,456 when they see that you've turned their Panda into a monster Panda? 501 00:30:00,541 --> 00:30:03,356 Very happy, actually. That's communist camouflage. 502 00:30:03,441 --> 00:30:05,656 I got it from a picture of a Russian tank. 503 00:30:05,741 --> 00:30:08,196 This is my idea. PA system. I always do this. 504 00:30:08,281 --> 00:30:09,736 - It's not a PA system. - Well, it is. 505 00:30:09,821 --> 00:30:12,916 It's a bird call and animal call system. 506 00:30:13,001 --> 00:30:15,196 I have an iPad, other tablets are available, in the car 507 00:30:15,281 --> 00:30:17,136 in which I can select a number of animal noises 508 00:30:17,221 --> 00:30:19,556 and they play out of those speakers. It's a lure. 509 00:30:19,641 --> 00:30:21,976 Well, can we move on to Hammond, who's obviously gone... 510 00:30:22,061 --> 00:30:23,956 - If you can find it. - Completely mad. 511 00:30:24,041 --> 00:30:26,376 I too have gone the camouflage route 512 00:30:26,461 --> 00:30:28,756 because it's green, as you can see. 513 00:30:28,841 --> 00:30:30,556 I've mended the half shaft up here. 514 00:30:30,641 --> 00:30:32,336 That's the only mechanical work I've had to do 515 00:30:32,421 --> 00:30:34,656 because other than that it's been perfect. 516 00:30:34,741 --> 00:30:38,076 Yes, this structure here is a hide. 517 00:30:38,161 --> 00:30:41,876 I know it is. It's a hide on a monster truck. 518 00:30:41,961 --> 00:30:45,476 It's people that they're scared of and they won't see any people. 519 00:30:45,561 --> 00:30:47,916 Those all drop down and in there I've got everything I need 520 00:30:48,001 --> 00:30:50,536 because often you're sitting and waiting a long time to take pictures. 521 00:30:50,621 --> 00:30:53,536 We've learnt that. I can cook, eat, entertain myself 522 00:30:53,621 --> 00:30:57,416 whilst waiting to capture an award-winning photograph of an animal. 523 00:30:57,501 --> 00:31:00,116 And this rotates through 360 degrees. 524 00:31:00,201 --> 00:31:02,016 - I see. - And you, because it's you, 525 00:31:02,101 --> 00:31:05,056 you put two cameras in there to film yourself. 526 00:31:05,141 --> 00:31:07,516 Yes, that's the most important thing. 527 00:31:07,601 --> 00:31:11,156 I love the idea that you two, I'm afraid there's no other word, morons, 528 00:31:11,241 --> 00:31:13,776 have decided that somehow you can camouflage your car 529 00:31:13,861 --> 00:31:15,996 so they won't be seen by animals. 530 00:31:16,081 --> 00:31:20,756 I have already proved that mine can drive right up to a bear, he's interested. 531 00:31:20,841 --> 00:31:22,876 Speaking of yours, what have you done? 532 00:31:24,041 --> 00:31:26,436 Whoa, what's all that on the back? 533 00:31:26,521 --> 00:31:28,396 That, gentlemen, is a scissor lift. 534 00:31:28,481 --> 00:31:30,056 - What? - It's a scissor lift. 535 00:31:30,141 --> 00:31:33,316 Simply get in that and rise up, so then I have a... 536 00:31:33,401 --> 00:31:36,096 Oh, so you're going to be a window cleaner. - 537 00:31:36,181 --> 00:31:40,796 The only thing this didn't really have was proper elevation. Now I have it. 538 00:31:40,881 --> 00:31:43,416 How high does it go? -38 feet. 539 00:31:43,501 --> 00:31:45,436 - Really? - Yes. -It'll just fall over. 540 00:31:45,521 --> 00:31:47,416 A-ha, that's why I fitted it with outriggers. 541 00:31:47,501 --> 00:31:48,936 They're not far enough apart. 542 00:31:49,021 --> 00:31:50,596 - Or big enough. - They slide... 543 00:31:50,681 --> 00:31:51,976 How much does it weigh, that? 544 00:31:52,061 --> 00:31:54,656 I've added half a tonne. 545 00:31:54,741 --> 00:31:57,136 And there's something else I've done. 546 00:31:57,221 --> 00:31:59,956 Oxygen is fitted for my engine. 547 00:32:00,041 --> 00:32:02,256 - Why do you need oxygen? - Because we're going very high. 548 00:32:02,341 --> 00:32:04,456 - Well, 38 feet. - No, 15,000 feet. 549 00:32:04,541 --> 00:32:06,856 More, actually. Nearly 16,000 feet. 550 00:32:06,941 --> 00:32:08,476 - Really? - Why? 551 00:32:08,561 --> 00:32:10,516 Condors. They're in the sky. 552 00:32:10,601 --> 00:32:11,936 Yes, but they fly above the ground. 553 00:32:12,021 --> 00:32:14,676 Yes, I know, but in order to catch up to them, we must go high. 554 00:32:14,761 --> 00:32:17,656 You can't catch up with them and just, just photograph them in the face. 555 00:32:17,741 --> 00:32:20,896 I'm telling you, you want a condor, we've gotta go high. 556 00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:22,676 Oh, my God. 557 00:32:22,761 --> 00:32:24,656 - What? - I've seen it as well. 558 00:32:24,741 --> 00:32:25,996 What, my roof? 559 00:32:26,081 --> 00:32:28,136 That the only piece of fabric you could find to make a roof? 560 00:32:28,221 --> 00:32:30,396 - What is that? - It's wild life. 561 00:32:30,481 --> 00:32:32,336 That's for a nursery or something, isn't it? 562 00:32:32,421 --> 00:32:33,556 - I mean... - Mate! 563 00:32:33,641 --> 00:32:35,176 It'll keep the sun and rain off my head. 564 00:32:35,261 --> 00:32:37,076 - The rain? - Well, it'll keep the sun off. 565 00:32:37,161 --> 00:32:39,576 It's a really nice installation. That is a quality job as well. 566 00:32:39,661 --> 00:32:41,456 You've really... that is crap. 567 00:32:41,541 --> 00:32:43,836 So I've got oxygen for the altitude 568 00:32:43,921 --> 00:32:45,716 - which we're going to. - Yeah. 569 00:32:45,801 --> 00:32:48,176 - That'll stop my face disintegrating. - It won't. 570 00:32:48,261 --> 00:32:52,476 - And that means I can photograph birds. - It won't. 571 00:32:52,561 --> 00:32:56,976 As it was another 200-mile drive to reach condor country, 572 00:32:57,061 --> 00:33:00,676 we decided to get cracking immediately. 573 00:33:02,681 --> 00:33:04,296 It's Raining Men 574 00:33:04,381 --> 00:33:08,096 ♪ Hallelujah, it's raining men ♪ 575 00:33:08,181 --> 00:33:09,876 ♪ Amen ♪ 576 00:33:09,961 --> 00:33:11,256 ♪ I'm going to go out... ♪ 577 00:33:14,361 --> 00:33:17,216 ♪ I'm gonna let myself get ♪ 578 00:33:17,301 --> 00:33:19,376 ♪ Absolutely soaking wet ♪ 579 00:33:19,461 --> 00:33:22,636 - Have you two done this? - Yeah. 580 00:33:22,721 --> 00:33:24,456 Think of it as advertising. 581 00:33:24,541 --> 00:33:26,156 Advertising what? 582 00:33:26,241 --> 00:33:27,436 Well, yourself, mate. 583 00:33:27,521 --> 00:33:29,936 We... I... You need to work on your presentation. 584 00:33:30,021 --> 00:33:31,256 You look like crap. 585 00:33:31,341 --> 00:33:33,076 How do I turn it off? 586 00:33:33,161 --> 00:33:34,896 The instructions are all on the screen. 587 00:33:37,361 --> 00:33:39,936 Mate, it's a brilliant icebreaker. 588 00:33:40,021 --> 00:33:42,236 ♪ Mother Nature ♪ 589 00:33:42,321 --> 00:33:45,676 ♪ She's a single woman too ♪ 590 00:33:45,761 --> 00:33:51,556 ♪ She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do ♪ 591 00:33:51,641 --> 00:33:53,776 I can't... I can't hear myself think! 592 00:33:53,861 --> 00:33:55,956 ♪ ...every angel ♪ 593 00:33:56,041 --> 00:33:58,876 ♪ And she rearranged the sky ♪ 594 00:33:58,961 --> 00:34:00,636 ♪ So that each and every... ♪ 595 00:34:00,721 --> 00:34:02,416 The fact is, Jeremy, people who wouldn't give you 596 00:34:02,501 --> 00:34:04,676 a second look are looking. 597 00:34:06,481 --> 00:34:09,756 Yeah, sorry. 598 00:34:09,841 --> 00:34:11,696 Where are the speakers in this bloody thing? 599 00:34:11,781 --> 00:34:13,696 Oh, God, they're moulded! 600 00:34:13,781 --> 00:34:16,556 ♪ The temperature's rising ♪ 601 00:34:16,641 --> 00:34:19,556 No, I can put up with this no more. 602 00:34:19,641 --> 00:34:22,416 I don't know much about engineering, as you know, 603 00:34:22,501 --> 00:34:27,676 but I do know that if you rip enough wires out, you can mend anything. 604 00:34:27,761 --> 00:34:31,076 ♪ Tonight for the first time... 605 00:34:31,161 --> 00:34:33,576 ♪ At just about half-past ten ♪ 606 00:34:33,661 --> 00:34:36,916 That's better. 607 00:34:37,001 --> 00:34:38,576 Ah, now the music's stopped, 608 00:34:38,661 --> 00:34:42,996 I have uncovered a small problem with my modification. 609 00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:46,496 - What's that? - Quite a lot of rattling. 610 00:34:53,161 --> 00:34:56,416 I don't wanna speak too soon, but I think my big wheels are working. 611 00:34:56,501 --> 00:35:00,216 The car is going along, they're not rubbing on anything. 612 00:35:00,301 --> 00:35:02,276 The ride's still reasonable. 613 00:35:02,361 --> 00:35:04,716 Llegaron Los Peluqueros 614 00:35:07,201 --> 00:35:12,956 As we left Bogota, and picked up speed, my mods became even more annoying. 615 00:35:14,641 --> 00:35:16,956 Sit-rep, and it's not good. 616 00:35:17,041 --> 00:35:21,096 I mean, yes, I can't hear the rattling from the scissor lift any more, 617 00:35:21,181 --> 00:35:24,776 but only because the roof is flapping like a bastard. 618 00:35:24,861 --> 00:35:28,556 And, steering's worryingly light, 619 00:35:28,641 --> 00:35:30,336 cos all the weight's at the back. 620 00:35:30,421 --> 00:35:34,436 Also, the rear tyres now never catch on the arches. 621 00:35:34,521 --> 00:35:36,536 Apart from then. 622 00:35:36,621 --> 00:35:38,816 And then. 623 00:35:41,321 --> 00:35:44,516 And in the Panda, things weren't that great either. 624 00:35:47,121 --> 00:35:49,576 I'm starting to hear some alarming noises from my car, 625 00:35:49,661 --> 00:35:52,776 so I thought I'd share them with you. 626 00:35:52,861 --> 00:35:56,236 There's one of them. 627 00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:58,356 It's almost as if the wheels have moved on the hubs 628 00:35:58,441 --> 00:36:00,496 and are starting to touch little bits of the arches. - 629 00:36:00,581 --> 00:36:03,116 Can you hear that? 630 00:36:03,201 --> 00:36:08,216 To try and stop the roof flapping, I've put my monopod here, to keep it all taut. 631 00:36:08,301 --> 00:36:11,236 And that hasn't worked. 632 00:36:11,321 --> 00:36:12,976 Rattling, tyre noise. 633 00:36:13,061 --> 00:36:14,696 Flapping. 634 00:36:14,781 --> 00:36:16,376 Yeah. Yeah. 635 00:36:16,461 --> 00:36:18,556 Bad. 636 00:36:18,641 --> 00:36:20,996 Still, could be worse. 637 00:36:23,321 --> 00:36:25,476 Oh, cock. 638 00:36:25,561 --> 00:36:26,796 Right, this is quite bad. 639 00:36:26,881 --> 00:36:28,616 What's happened on all those windy bits, 640 00:36:28,701 --> 00:36:30,576 as the car leans to one side and the other, 641 00:36:30,661 --> 00:36:33,996 is that the bigger tyre has rubbed against the filler pipe, 642 00:36:34,081 --> 00:36:35,916 from the cap here down to the tank, 643 00:36:36,001 --> 00:36:39,116 and it's made a little hole in it and the fuel is gushing out, 644 00:36:39,201 --> 00:36:41,776 which is why I was getting a bit stoned as I was driving along. 645 00:36:41,861 --> 00:36:44,896 I thought it was just altitude, but it was actually petrol fumes. 646 00:36:44,981 --> 00:36:49,436 So what I'm gonna do is, er, drain the tank down by about half, 647 00:36:49,521 --> 00:36:51,536 so the level is below that bit of the pipe. 648 00:36:51,621 --> 00:36:55,356 I will patch up that hole, put the fuel back in 649 00:36:55,441 --> 00:36:57,956 and then I'll put the proper wheels back on. 650 00:37:01,521 --> 00:37:04,256 While May did... what he just said, 651 00:37:04,341 --> 00:37:08,116 Hammond and I hoovered up some animal pictures... 652 00:37:12,601 --> 00:37:14,996 Oh, yeah. 653 00:37:16,521 --> 00:37:18,356 I got it. 654 00:37:18,441 --> 00:37:23,796 In terrain that was becoming absolutely spectacular. 655 00:37:34,521 --> 00:37:38,396 It's the variety of Colombia that staggers me most of all. 656 00:37:38,481 --> 00:37:40,836 One minute you're in what looks like Japan. 657 00:37:41,921 --> 00:37:44,276 Then it's the Yorkshire Dales. 658 00:37:45,001 --> 00:37:47,396 Then it's Austria. 659 00:37:47,481 --> 00:37:49,956 Then it's California. 660 00:37:50,041 --> 00:37:54,256 It's like the greatest hits of the world all in one place. 661 00:37:54,341 --> 00:37:57,236 I mean, Jesus, look at that now. 662 00:38:09,641 --> 00:38:12,096 Eventually we were all reunited, 663 00:38:12,181 --> 00:38:17,916 and, at my insistence, we began the long climb to 16,000 feet, 664 00:38:18,001 --> 00:38:20,276 where I knew the condors would be. 665 00:38:24,041 --> 00:38:25,936 I cannot wait to see a condor 666 00:38:26,021 --> 00:38:31,296 because they are one of the most superb creations on Earth. 667 00:38:31,381 --> 00:38:34,756 They just are magnificent. 668 00:38:34,841 --> 00:38:39,936 They can stay at 18,000 feet all day, maybe flap their arms once. 669 00:38:40,021 --> 00:38:41,681 Once. 670 00:38:41,801 --> 00:38:44,936 Right, gentlemen, we're passing 10,000 feet now. 671 00:38:45,021 --> 00:38:48,316 Er, how's your temperature gauges? 672 00:38:48,401 --> 00:38:50,756 Mine's getting hot, really hot. 673 00:38:52,081 --> 00:38:55,076 Er, weirdly, my car isn't overheating, 674 00:38:55,161 --> 00:38:57,076 but it is producing some steam 675 00:38:57,161 --> 00:39:00,016 because I think maybe the cap isn't perfectly sealed 676 00:39:00,101 --> 00:39:02,936 and the ambient pressure is going down. 677 00:39:03,021 --> 00:39:04,036 Yeah. 678 00:39:04,121 --> 00:39:06,096 Why does he say ambient pressure? 679 00:39:06,181 --> 00:39:08,436 Why not just pressure? 680 00:39:13,761 --> 00:39:15,456 Soon we entered the clouds, 681 00:39:15,541 --> 00:39:17,416 and pulled over to photograph 682 00:39:17,501 --> 00:39:20,476 something else we thought Amazon might like. 683 00:39:22,961 --> 00:39:25,316 The humming bird. 684 00:39:27,801 --> 00:39:30,776 Sadly, though, to attract these wonderful little things, 685 00:39:30,861 --> 00:39:33,256 we had to take drastic measures. 686 00:39:40,681 --> 00:39:43,036 You know when wildlife photographers tell you 687 00:39:43,121 --> 00:39:44,776 - how they got the shots? - Yeah. 688 00:39:44,861 --> 00:39:48,496 I bet they never ever say, "And then we wore scarlet lipstick." 689 00:39:48,581 --> 00:39:51,876 No. I've never seen it mentioned. 690 00:39:51,961 --> 00:39:55,496 They also wouldn't say that if you want the birds to come up really close, 691 00:39:55,581 --> 00:39:59,036 you need to put a plastic flower in your mouth. 692 00:40:10,801 --> 00:40:13,796 Oh, that one's lovely. Look at that, look at that. 693 00:40:22,881 --> 00:40:26,016 They are absolutely beautiful, aren't they? 694 00:40:26,101 --> 00:40:27,316 Shit! 695 00:40:27,401 --> 00:40:29,756 I've gotta get further away. 696 00:40:32,801 --> 00:40:35,156 You got it? 697 00:40:36,321 --> 00:40:38,196 Epic. 698 00:40:38,281 --> 00:40:41,436 I've gotta say, of all the things we've ever done, 699 00:40:41,521 --> 00:40:43,076 that's kind of up there, really. 700 00:40:43,161 --> 00:40:45,096 - Yeah, it's beautiful. - I think that might be my favourite. 701 00:40:45,181 --> 00:40:47,936 And now we've done one of the world's smallest birds, 702 00:40:48,021 --> 00:40:52,676 it's time to carry on going up, and one of the biggest. 703 00:40:52,761 --> 00:40:54,776 - What? - We've got to get the condor, haven't we? 704 00:40:54,861 --> 00:40:57,836 They weren't condors? 705 00:41:02,761 --> 00:41:08,236 We continued on Jeremy's journey up into the heavens. 706 00:41:08,321 --> 00:41:12,856 Right, we're at something like 11 and a half thousand feet. We're still climbing. 707 00:41:12,941 --> 00:41:15,556 Car is definitely struggling now. 708 00:41:15,641 --> 00:41:20,556 The engine burns a mixture of oxygen and petrol, mainly oxygen. 709 00:41:20,641 --> 00:41:23,576 The oxygen is going down, so you can't burn as much petrol, 710 00:41:23,661 --> 00:41:25,836 so the engine develops less power. 711 00:41:27,441 --> 00:41:30,216 I'll have to go for second. 712 00:41:30,301 --> 00:41:32,636 Climb, Pepe! 713 00:41:33,481 --> 00:41:35,776 Keeping an eye on temperature. 714 00:41:35,861 --> 00:41:38,036 It is working extra hard. 715 00:41:38,121 --> 00:41:39,896 It might just pass a critical level 716 00:41:39,981 --> 00:41:42,416 at which this car can't suck in enough oxygen 717 00:41:42,501 --> 00:41:45,096 to mix with fuel to burn. 718 00:41:45,181 --> 00:41:48,996 And then I'll run out of steam. 719 00:41:49,081 --> 00:41:54,216 The good thing is that while my colleagues were painting their cars, 720 00:41:54,301 --> 00:41:57,716 I was fitting mine with oxygen tanks. 721 00:41:57,801 --> 00:41:59,496 So when I start to really struggle, 722 00:41:59,581 --> 00:42:04,196 I shall simply feed pure O2 to the engine, and me. 723 00:42:07,161 --> 00:42:09,496 Oh, my God. 724 00:42:09,581 --> 00:42:11,956 Come on. 725 00:42:12,041 --> 00:42:14,936 Hammond, how are things in your monster truck? 726 00:42:15,021 --> 00:42:19,136 Not brilliant. It's gone very wheezy and it's getting very hot. 727 00:42:19,221 --> 00:42:22,476 We've just passed 14,000 feet now. 728 00:42:22,561 --> 00:42:24,916 Really running out of power. 729 00:42:26,161 --> 00:42:28,496 Switching to oxygen for the engine. 730 00:42:28,581 --> 00:42:32,336 There we are, two clicks. 731 00:42:32,421 --> 00:42:34,696 Right, watch this. 732 00:42:37,081 --> 00:42:39,876 Kick-down is restored. 733 00:42:39,961 --> 00:42:41,856 That's profound, the difference. 734 00:42:44,641 --> 00:42:48,996 Leading my breathless colleagues, we continued to climb... 735 00:42:51,201 --> 00:42:55,356 and soon found ourselves on a volcano. 736 00:43:02,201 --> 00:43:05,516 Last erupted in the 1980s 737 00:43:05,601 --> 00:43:08,436 and killed 25,000 people. 738 00:43:09,841 --> 00:43:13,876 I've never seen anywhere with fewer animals in it. 739 00:43:13,961 --> 00:43:16,216 Condors live here, I'm telling you. 740 00:43:16,301 --> 00:43:18,796 They come and get volcano mice. 741 00:43:18,881 --> 00:43:23,216 You're destroying our cars, you've got oxygen for you and your car only, 742 00:43:23,301 --> 00:43:27,316 and we can see nothing! 743 00:43:27,401 --> 00:43:31,956 Hammond did seem to have a point, as no condors appeared. 744 00:43:33,601 --> 00:43:37,016 Nothing for it, we've gotta go higher 745 00:43:37,101 --> 00:43:39,436 to find Colin Condor. 746 00:43:40,161 --> 00:43:42,516 Come on, hurry up, follow me. 747 00:43:45,761 --> 00:43:48,536 This is it, this is all I've got. 748 00:43:48,621 --> 00:43:54,276 Foot is flat to the floor, the temperature is flying up. 749 00:43:54,361 --> 00:43:57,476 I've just been told we're at 15,500 feet. 750 00:43:59,721 --> 00:44:02,076 Oh, God, not another steep one. 751 00:44:08,721 --> 00:44:10,596 Yes! 752 00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:14,356 My plucky little Panda, however, was coping rather well. 753 00:44:15,481 --> 00:44:18,436 Oh, ho-ho-ho. 754 00:44:18,521 --> 00:44:20,916 Until it broke down. 755 00:44:22,261 --> 00:44:24,556 Bollocks! 756 00:44:24,641 --> 00:44:27,436 Um, I've got a completely dead battery. 757 00:44:30,041 --> 00:44:33,296 Right, James, I'm gonna try and push-start you with this. 758 00:44:33,381 --> 00:44:34,916 I'll be gentle. 759 00:44:35,001 --> 00:44:38,136 OK, please push me with the bumper, not the wheels. 760 00:44:38,221 --> 00:44:40,556 I'm sure you realise that. 761 00:44:42,481 --> 00:44:43,716 Whoa! 762 00:44:43,801 --> 00:44:46,176 Hammond, you've put my window through. 763 00:44:46,261 --> 00:44:47,796 Oh, there is a God! 764 00:44:47,881 --> 00:44:51,016 I'm gonna back up to amuse myself looking at this. 765 00:44:51,101 --> 00:44:52,476 Reverse! 766 00:44:52,561 --> 00:44:53,856 Yeah, but you've become disconnected 767 00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:55,876 on your back bumper on one side. 768 00:44:58,161 --> 00:45:00,936 Oh, God, now mine's died and it's boiling. 769 00:45:01,021 --> 00:45:03,316 Whoa, that's proper boiling. 770 00:45:03,401 --> 00:45:07,856 My only option was to try and keep some air flowing through the radiator. 771 00:45:07,941 --> 00:45:10,276 So I set off once more. 772 00:45:15,521 --> 00:45:17,521 Errr... 773 00:45:21,641 --> 00:45:24,916 It's swimming through ash, that's the problem. 774 00:45:26,281 --> 00:45:29,516 It's now getting hotter than ever and I don't like this edge. 775 00:45:33,481 --> 00:45:36,196 That shat me up a bit. 776 00:45:43,561 --> 00:45:47,456 Clarkson, how much further is it to this "No picture opportunity"? 777 00:45:47,541 --> 00:45:52,516 Not much further now. Only a couple of... Oh, a bit. 778 00:45:53,321 --> 00:45:55,116 He doesn't know. 779 00:45:55,201 --> 00:45:58,856 But then I saw exactly the sort of ridge 780 00:45:58,941 --> 00:46:02,636 condors use to keep aloft. 781 00:46:02,721 --> 00:46:06,516 To reach it, though, we'd have to turn off the track. 782 00:46:07,481 --> 00:46:10,836 Now let's show those two what the Jeep can do. 783 00:46:13,081 --> 00:46:15,436 There you go, there you go. 784 00:46:20,361 --> 00:46:23,376 No, I can't get up there. 785 00:46:23,461 --> 00:46:26,156 That simply doesn't work. 786 00:46:26,241 --> 00:46:28,596 It's like talcum powder. 787 00:46:36,201 --> 00:46:39,076 No. Stuck again. 788 00:46:40,881 --> 00:46:43,236 Come on. Come on, Jeep. 789 00:46:44,121 --> 00:46:46,476 Yes, you little beauty. 790 00:46:55,521 --> 00:46:57,876 Uhh. 791 00:47:02,641 --> 00:47:06,996 Um, I may have overreached myself a little bit. 792 00:47:07,081 --> 00:47:08,456 Oh, look at all the condors. 793 00:47:08,541 --> 00:47:11,176 I can see they're everywhere. 794 00:47:11,261 --> 00:47:14,476 It doesn't work. Let's face it. 795 00:47:15,161 --> 00:47:18,076 I've had a brilliant idea. 796 00:47:18,161 --> 00:47:22,496 Let's just get off this dusty bit and set our hides up there. 797 00:47:22,581 --> 00:47:24,281 Yes. 798 00:47:28,721 --> 00:47:31,076 So, we drove off the dust... 799 00:47:33,841 --> 00:47:37,196 found a new likely-looking spot, 800 00:47:37,281 --> 00:47:39,336 and when the clouds had lifted, 801 00:47:39,421 --> 00:47:43,476 we set about getting ready to do photography. 802 00:47:47,801 --> 00:47:52,696 The idea of the netting is it stops the shine on the windows. 803 00:47:52,781 --> 00:47:54,976 Very visible to animals. 804 00:47:55,061 --> 00:47:57,041 Oh. 805 00:47:58,321 --> 00:48:00,676 There was some on this side as well. 806 00:48:03,441 --> 00:48:06,496 - Right, it's ready. - You're going up in it? 807 00:48:06,581 --> 00:48:08,256 Well, why would you not? 808 00:48:08,341 --> 00:48:10,236 Well, I can see one reason. 809 00:48:10,321 --> 00:48:11,576 You see the maximum weight? 810 00:48:11,661 --> 00:48:13,596 159kg. 811 00:48:13,681 --> 00:48:15,856 - What's...? - Well, you're not going anywhere, are you? 812 00:48:15,941 --> 00:48:19,396 - Well, the camera is quite heavy. - No... OK, it's the camera. 813 00:48:24,161 --> 00:48:26,161 Bye! 814 00:48:30,281 --> 00:48:33,296 This is a lot higher than it looked in the brochure. 815 00:48:33,381 --> 00:48:34,976 I wouldn't like that. 816 00:48:35,061 --> 00:48:37,396 That's really horrible. 817 00:48:39,481 --> 00:48:42,396 Keep going till the end bit drops out. 818 00:48:42,481 --> 00:48:44,096 - Why don't you two... - Yes? 819 00:48:44,181 --> 00:48:45,536 Get in your cars. 820 00:48:45,621 --> 00:48:46,716 - Yes? - OK. 821 00:48:46,801 --> 00:48:49,576 And can I just reinforce one thing? 822 00:48:49,661 --> 00:48:52,256 - What? - Silence is key. 823 00:48:52,341 --> 00:48:54,676 Agreed. 824 00:49:05,161 --> 00:49:07,296 That ridge up there looks promising. 825 00:49:07,381 --> 00:49:08,756 Right. 826 00:49:11,021 --> 00:49:13,036 Where is it? 827 00:49:13,121 --> 00:49:15,636 No, no, no, back a bit, back. 828 00:49:15,721 --> 00:49:19,056 I can't go back. I'll have to go all the way round. 829 00:49:19,141 --> 00:49:21,356 I can hear it from up here. 830 00:49:25,081 --> 00:49:27,136 Right, that one there, stop. 831 00:49:27,221 --> 00:49:29,201 Got it. 832 00:49:33,961 --> 00:49:36,316 Think I'll make a coffee. 833 00:49:37,561 --> 00:49:39,236 Sorry. 834 00:49:39,321 --> 00:49:42,816 Then it was May's turn to disturb the peace. 835 00:49:46,561 --> 00:49:47,856 What is that? 836 00:49:47,941 --> 00:49:49,536 It's a bird call. 837 00:49:49,621 --> 00:49:53,036 It's a duck! 838 00:49:53,121 --> 00:49:57,076 Moments later, though, there was an even worse noise. 839 00:49:57,841 --> 00:49:59,376 Oh, God. 840 00:49:59,461 --> 00:50:00,916 Jesus! 841 00:50:01,001 --> 00:50:02,616 If only there was something tall and metal 842 00:50:02,701 --> 00:50:04,636 that would attract the lightning. 843 00:50:06,161 --> 00:50:10,556 Not wishing to be fried, I quickly descended. 844 00:50:10,641 --> 00:50:13,956 And then we all tried to outrun the storm... 845 00:50:16,241 --> 00:50:18,216 which didn't work. 846 00:50:24,401 --> 00:50:27,236 Jesus Christ! 847 00:50:27,321 --> 00:50:30,476 We're 250 miles from the equator, 848 00:50:30,561 --> 00:50:33,476 we're on a volcano in a severe hailstorm. 849 00:50:38,121 --> 00:50:41,076 How much hail is there in the sky? 850 00:50:41,161 --> 00:50:43,516 There's hail coming in now. 851 00:50:45,801 --> 00:50:48,876 It's bouncing in through the back. 852 00:50:48,961 --> 00:50:51,396 Still, we got some great condor photographs. 853 00:50:52,761 --> 00:50:55,356 Oh... look at this now. 854 00:50:55,441 --> 00:50:58,056 Life in the Jeep was hideous. 855 00:50:58,141 --> 00:51:00,121 Oh, God. 856 00:51:01,241 --> 00:51:04,316 Ah, ah... 857 00:51:04,401 --> 00:51:07,576 Ice right down the back of my neck. 858 00:51:07,661 --> 00:51:09,596 Oh... 859 00:51:09,681 --> 00:51:11,856 I've just put all the ice down the back of my seat. 860 00:51:11,941 --> 00:51:13,436 Oh, bollocks! 861 00:51:13,521 --> 00:51:15,856 Richard was very sympathetic. 862 00:51:15,941 --> 00:51:18,076 Oh, dear. 863 00:51:18,161 --> 00:51:20,516 Oh, that is a lot of snow. 864 00:51:23,481 --> 00:51:27,836 Oh, joy. Joyous moment. 865 00:51:29,921 --> 00:51:32,416 Mercifully, though, the storm passed, 866 00:51:32,501 --> 00:51:38,756 so we drove down the rough and icy mountain track, long into the night. 867 00:51:43,721 --> 00:51:46,096 And the next morning woke for a rethink 868 00:51:46,181 --> 00:51:49,996 in a makeshift camp on the edge of a town. 869 00:52:07,881 --> 00:52:09,236 What are you doing? 870 00:52:09,321 --> 00:52:11,436 I told you condors live down here. 871 00:52:11,521 --> 00:52:14,896 Living? It was living up there and it's had engine failure, 872 00:52:14,981 --> 00:52:16,356 and it's crashed here. 873 00:52:16,441 --> 00:52:18,176 Doesn't matter how it got here. Fact is, it is 874 00:52:18,261 --> 00:52:20,756 and I've got the pictures of it. That means we're done. 875 00:52:20,841 --> 00:52:22,656 You can't put that... 876 00:52:22,741 --> 00:52:25,376 on an Amazon screen saver. 877 00:52:25,461 --> 00:52:26,716 Why not? 878 00:52:26,801 --> 00:52:30,036 Well... 879 00:52:30,121 --> 00:52:32,196 It's lost quite a lot of its majesty. 880 00:52:32,281 --> 00:52:35,496 But it's a condor, and that means we're finished, that's it. We're done. 881 00:52:35,581 --> 00:52:37,636 James, I've got a condor shot. 882 00:52:37,721 --> 00:52:39,056 Have you? Have you done it? 883 00:52:39,141 --> 00:52:41,536 That is the final one. It's a condor, in camera, 884 00:52:41,621 --> 00:52:44,196 finished, out of here. 885 00:52:45,841 --> 00:52:47,256 Hammond was wrong, though. 886 00:52:47,341 --> 00:52:50,196 We still had one more animal to find. 887 00:52:50,281 --> 00:52:52,636 The one that didn't make any sense. 888 00:52:53,321 --> 00:52:55,556 The hippopotamus. 889 00:52:55,641 --> 00:53:00,116 Right, listen, this is obviously some kind of town. 890 00:53:00,201 --> 00:53:03,396 I am a journalist, and a bloody good one. 891 00:53:04,361 --> 00:53:06,196 So why don't I pop into town 892 00:53:06,281 --> 00:53:09,916 and see if I can find out anything about this hippopotamus story? 893 00:53:21,721 --> 00:53:25,516 My hide did not do well on that drive last night. 894 00:53:29,521 --> 00:53:32,296 No, I can see that, and neither did my camera. 895 00:53:32,381 --> 00:53:36,676 No, it's, um, fogged up, I think, is the technical term. 896 00:53:36,761 --> 00:53:39,976 My car actually fell over in the night. 897 00:53:40,061 --> 00:53:42,196 I know nothing about it. 898 00:53:42,281 --> 00:53:45,696 Once we'd parked, I set about doing journalism. 899 00:53:47,721 --> 00:53:49,856 This is like being back on the Rotherham Advertiser. 900 00:53:49,941 --> 00:53:52,276 Except this is nothing like Rotherham. 901 00:53:54,001 --> 00:53:56,256 - Buenos dias. - Buenos dias. 902 00:53:56,341 --> 00:53:58,676 Hippopotamus. 903 00:54:00,321 --> 00:54:01,656 Hippopotami? 904 00:54:01,741 --> 00:54:03,756 Gracias. 905 00:54:03,841 --> 00:54:06,316 Nobody knows, nobody knows. 906 00:54:06,401 --> 00:54:08,496 Having drawn a journalistic blank... 907 00:54:08,581 --> 00:54:09,796 Excuse me. 908 00:54:09,881 --> 00:54:12,636 I decided to do art instead. 909 00:54:17,281 --> 00:54:18,656 Hippopotamus. 910 00:54:18,741 --> 00:54:21,296 - What? - Hippopotamus. 911 00:54:21,381 --> 00:54:25,076 Yes. Where? 912 00:54:27,401 --> 00:54:29,896 What's that? Got a Spanish-speaking cameraman, where is he? 913 00:54:29,981 --> 00:54:31,296 What's that mean? 914 00:54:36,121 --> 00:54:37,656 They are here. 915 00:54:37,741 --> 00:54:40,076 They are here? 916 00:54:40,161 --> 00:54:42,416 Where are they? 917 00:54:46,881 --> 00:54:51,956 Having got the information, I went back to my colleagues. 918 00:54:52,601 --> 00:54:54,036 Any joy? 919 00:54:54,121 --> 00:54:55,556 More than. 920 00:54:55,641 --> 00:55:00,036 I have heard the most astonishing story. 921 00:55:00,121 --> 00:55:02,996 Apparently there was this guy in Colombia 922 00:55:03,081 --> 00:55:07,116 who had a business exporting forest products all around the world, OK? 923 00:55:07,201 --> 00:55:09,456 Really, really successful. So successful, 924 00:55:09,541 --> 00:55:12,556 he bought himself some pet hippopotamuses. 925 00:55:12,641 --> 00:55:15,276 - Who was he? - Pablo someone or other. 926 00:55:15,361 --> 00:55:17,176 Anyway, the police shot him. 927 00:55:17,261 --> 00:55:19,876 - Why? - I don't know. 928 00:55:19,961 --> 00:55:23,216 They shot him and after he was dead, his hippopotamuses escaped. 929 00:55:23,301 --> 00:55:26,676 Yeah? And they've been living in the wild and breeding. 930 00:55:26,761 --> 00:55:29,736 So there are hippopotamuses here and they are wild 931 00:55:29,821 --> 00:55:31,616 and I know where they are 932 00:55:31,701 --> 00:55:34,596 and they're only 120km away. 933 00:55:34,681 --> 00:55:36,876 - Well, we're in. - Let's do it. 934 00:55:36,961 --> 00:55:38,576 - Finish your coffees. - That's excellent. 935 00:55:38,661 --> 00:55:40,096 That is staggering news. 936 00:55:40,181 --> 00:55:41,856 The only thing is, for this 120km, 937 00:55:41,941 --> 00:55:44,576 would either of you mind if I modified my car? 938 00:55:44,661 --> 00:55:46,836 By unmodifying it. 939 00:55:52,321 --> 00:55:54,616 Having all unmodified our cars, 940 00:55:54,701 --> 00:55:56,896 I decided that before moving out, 941 00:55:56,981 --> 00:55:59,876 there was a small job to do. 942 00:55:59,961 --> 00:56:05,076 Right, I've borrowed something from Hammond to annoy May. 943 00:56:14,761 --> 00:56:17,116 Soy Un Hombre 944 00:56:27,201 --> 00:56:31,536 Seeing that little New Labour Fiat Panda with its Brexit sticker on. 945 00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:39,776 That is like putting an I-heart-Mexico sticker on the back of Donald Trump's Beast. 946 00:56:39,861 --> 00:56:42,196 I mean, his car, not... 947 00:56:45,041 --> 00:56:50,676 We were now on the last 75 miles of our 1300-mile trek 948 00:56:50,761 --> 00:56:56,516 through what had turned out to be one of the world's most incredible countries. 949 00:56:58,401 --> 00:57:03,316 If you were to combine Canada and Russia and Australia, 950 00:57:03,401 --> 00:57:05,696 you still wouldn't have the variety, 951 00:57:05,781 --> 00:57:09,056 in terms of terrain and temperature and wildlife, 952 00:57:09,141 --> 00:57:11,976 that we've seen on this... 953 00:57:12,061 --> 00:57:15,396 absolutely epic journey. 954 00:57:46,161 --> 00:57:50,176 But of course, we wouldn't have been able to see any of that 955 00:57:50,261 --> 00:57:52,076 without our cars. 956 00:57:52,161 --> 00:57:54,516 Felicidad 957 00:58:05,441 --> 00:58:10,016 Let me just remind you that this is a small, 49 horsepower, 958 00:58:10,101 --> 00:58:13,656 one-litre utility hatchback. 959 00:58:13,741 --> 00:58:16,476 It is a humble car. 960 00:58:16,561 --> 00:58:20,036 And yet that humility is actually its strength. 961 00:58:20,121 --> 00:58:23,156 Because it's done everything the other two cars have done. 962 00:58:23,241 --> 00:58:26,936 It's climbed the same mountains, it's driven along the same rutted tracks, 963 00:58:27,021 --> 00:58:29,876 it's forded the same small rivers. 964 00:58:29,961 --> 00:58:32,436 It's absolutely brilliant. I love it. 965 00:58:37,001 --> 00:58:39,376 On this trip, the camera and production teams 966 00:58:39,461 --> 00:58:44,236 have lost six almost new Toyota Land Cruisers. 967 00:58:45,401 --> 00:58:48,516 Hammond has lost a half shaft. 968 00:58:48,601 --> 00:58:52,636 May's lost most of his electrics and a starter motor. 969 00:58:54,041 --> 00:58:56,016 But this... nothing. 970 00:58:56,101 --> 00:58:59,356 Nothing has gone wrong. 971 00:58:59,441 --> 00:59:02,256 It's taken everything that Colombia could throw at it. 972 00:59:02,341 --> 00:59:04,916 Temperature extremes, altitude extremes, 973 00:59:05,001 --> 00:59:06,456 roads like you wouldn't believe 974 00:59:06,541 --> 00:59:09,356 and it's just gone, "Yeah? What?" 975 00:59:10,961 --> 00:59:12,956 Yes, it's desperately uncomfortable 976 00:59:13,041 --> 00:59:14,616 and if you hit a pothole hard enough, 977 00:59:14,701 --> 00:59:18,096 it would put your spine through the top of your skull. 978 00:59:18,181 --> 00:59:20,916 But, and this is more important, 979 00:59:21,001 --> 00:59:25,796 I liked it when we got here and I like it even more now. 980 00:59:28,081 --> 00:59:30,436 It has a sturdy heart. 981 00:59:36,841 --> 00:59:41,156 I do realise that James Bond doesn't drive a monster truck. 982 00:59:41,241 --> 00:59:44,416 Nobody in a suit, in fact, has ever driven a monster truck. 983 00:59:44,501 --> 00:59:47,236 They're not... cool. 984 00:59:47,321 --> 00:59:52,216 You could argue, as the other two have, that they're moronic and stupid. 985 00:59:52,301 --> 00:59:54,996 Or you could argue that they're fun... 986 00:59:55,081 --> 00:59:58,516 Cos that's what they are. They're built to make you smile. 987 00:59:58,601 --> 01:00:01,756 And what amazes me is that even with the modifications done to it, 988 01:00:01,841 --> 01:00:03,216 all of which have made it worse... 989 01:00:03,301 --> 01:00:07,596 It's too tall, too wide, too slow. It overheats. 990 01:00:07,681 --> 01:00:10,296 Still it's done everything the other two cars have done, 991 01:00:10,381 --> 01:00:12,376 which makes it the best, 992 01:00:12,461 --> 01:00:14,796 easily, in my opinion. 993 01:00:15,481 --> 01:00:17,956 Oh, my car's gone again. 994 01:00:18,041 --> 01:00:20,016 My car has just died again. 995 01:00:20,101 --> 01:00:22,916 I'm pulling over. 996 01:00:23,001 --> 01:00:26,736 Had you just done a piece to camera saying what a great truck it was? 997 01:00:26,821 --> 01:00:29,156 I may have done. 998 01:00:31,281 --> 01:00:32,361 Yeah. 999 01:00:34,561 --> 01:00:38,076 Eventually the Trump truck was back in business. 1000 01:00:40,401 --> 01:00:44,436 And soon we were close to our final destination. 1001 01:00:48,601 --> 01:00:52,636 Right, this apparently is the area where the businessman lived. 1002 01:00:52,721 --> 01:00:55,176 And if you go down his escape road here... 1003 01:00:55,261 --> 01:00:56,936 - His what? - Escape road. 1004 01:00:57,021 --> 01:00:59,756 He built it in case the police came. 1005 01:00:59,841 --> 01:01:01,196 And so he could get away. 1006 01:01:01,281 --> 01:01:03,136 - It wasn't very good, then. - No, it wasn't. 1007 01:01:03,221 --> 01:01:08,116 Anyway, if you go down it, there's a pool where the hippos are now living. 1008 01:01:08,761 --> 01:01:10,296 Target acquired. Let's do it. 1009 01:01:10,381 --> 01:01:12,396 - Let's do that. - Hippos! 1010 01:01:17,801 --> 01:01:20,476 So, a quick dash down the escape route... 1011 01:01:21,521 --> 01:01:24,516 to the water, grab a shot of a hippo. 1012 01:01:28,841 --> 01:01:30,896 Yes, viewers, about a kilometre to go 1013 01:01:30,981 --> 01:01:34,096 and I haven't been run over by a monster truck. 1014 01:01:35,681 --> 01:01:38,036 I'm absolutely delighted. 1015 01:01:39,241 --> 01:01:40,816 Hammond, I can only see you behind me. 1016 01:01:40,901 --> 01:01:43,236 Can you see Clarkson behind you? 1017 01:01:44,081 --> 01:01:46,756 No. Just looking for him. 1018 01:01:46,841 --> 01:01:51,996 At that moment, though, we were distracted by what lay in front of us. 1019 01:01:56,681 --> 01:01:58,856 That is a pond! 1020 01:01:58,941 --> 01:02:01,096 That's a pond. 1021 01:02:01,181 --> 01:02:03,516 Yes. 1022 01:02:05,481 --> 01:02:07,156 - We're in with a shout here. - What? 1023 01:02:07,241 --> 01:02:09,216 Well, that looks like a hippo sort of pond, doesn't it? 1024 01:02:09,301 --> 01:02:11,576 Who put that.. Did you put that on my car? 1025 01:02:11,661 --> 01:02:13,676 - What? - That sticker? 1026 01:02:13,761 --> 01:02:15,376 No, I thought you did when you did your mods. 1027 01:02:15,461 --> 01:02:17,556 - Don't be ridiculous. - Well, I was surprised. 1028 01:02:17,641 --> 01:02:19,296 It's a strong statement for you but... 1029 01:02:19,381 --> 01:02:21,316 You did that at that fuel stop, didn't you? 1030 01:02:21,401 --> 01:02:23,816 - No, it's been there since your mods went on, mate. - No, it hasn't. 1031 01:02:23,901 --> 01:02:27,296 You shout it loud and proud. I wouldn't let your friends see it. 1032 01:02:27,381 --> 01:02:29,956 Anyway, important business to be done. 1033 01:02:31,361 --> 01:02:32,816 Rather than wait for Jeremy, 1034 01:02:32,901 --> 01:02:34,256 we decided to be ready 1035 01:02:34,341 --> 01:02:37,236 in case our final target appeared. 1036 01:03:00,001 --> 01:03:02,001 Hammond... 1037 01:03:09,561 --> 01:03:11,561 He-he-he. 1038 01:03:14,041 --> 01:03:17,236 Martha Hussein, you are in my sights. 1039 01:03:24,041 --> 01:03:26,396 Look at his big fat face. 1040 01:03:35,121 --> 01:03:37,476 Yes! 1041 01:03:38,721 --> 01:03:41,536 - Well, that's it. - That's tremendous. 1042 01:03:43,181 --> 01:03:45,636 Hippopotamus! 1043 01:03:45,721 --> 01:03:47,316 Photos of a hippo. 1044 01:03:47,401 --> 01:03:49,876 - Congratulations. - Well done, us. 1045 01:03:49,961 --> 01:03:53,036 I say we've done it. We've done it. Where's... 1046 01:03:53,121 --> 01:03:54,856 I know, I've been worrying about that. 1047 01:03:54,941 --> 01:03:56,436 Well, if it gets here, 1048 01:03:56,521 --> 01:03:58,096 you realise that'll be the first time 1049 01:03:58,181 --> 01:03:59,616 any car on any of these trips 1050 01:03:59,701 --> 01:04:02,036 has ever got to the end without a single fault. 1051 01:04:02,121 --> 01:04:03,556 Nothing's gone wrong with it. 1052 01:04:03,641 --> 01:04:05,276 That's about the only time that's ever happened. 1053 01:04:05,361 --> 01:04:06,549 - The car, get to the end, - You're right. 1054 01:04:06,634 --> 01:04:07,794 It hasn't broken at all. 1055 01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:10,215 That's a record. 1056 01:04:11,521 --> 01:04:13,816 You don't think he fell off that little scary bridgy bit? 1057 01:04:13,901 --> 01:04:15,876 I don't know. 1058 01:04:15,961 --> 01:04:18,696 He overcooked it because it's near the end. And tried to do some... 1059 01:04:18,781 --> 01:04:21,056 - Hang on a minute, is that...? - It is. 1060 01:04:21,141 --> 01:04:26,336 Oh, brief moment of elation followed by plummeting depression. 1061 01:04:29,801 --> 01:04:31,656 - Where have you been? - Welcome. 1062 01:04:31,741 --> 01:04:33,576 I've been mending my camera. 1063 01:04:33,661 --> 01:04:35,516 - You don't need it. - What? 1064 01:04:35,601 --> 01:04:37,896 We've done it, mate. We've got shots of a hippo. It is done. 1065 01:04:37,981 --> 01:04:40,136 - We've finished. We've done it. - Behold the hippo. 1066 01:04:40,221 --> 01:04:41,656 We got shots of a hippo just then. 1067 01:04:41,741 --> 01:04:43,356 Came out a couple of minutes ago. 1068 01:04:43,441 --> 01:04:45,376 - So that's the end? - That is the end. -Job done. 1069 01:04:45,461 --> 01:04:48,616 And we've got through the whole programme without once mentioning cocaine. 1070 01:04:48,701 --> 01:04:50,476 Oh. 1071 01:04:50,561 --> 01:04:53,076 James, we said before we came out here, 1072 01:04:53,161 --> 01:04:54,736 we weren't going to use the c-word. 1073 01:04:54,821 --> 01:04:57,016 We were going to be the first people ever 1074 01:04:57,101 --> 01:04:59,696 to go to Colombia and not talk that. 1075 01:04:59,781 --> 01:05:00,836 Sorry. 1076 01:05:00,921 --> 01:05:03,436 It just slipped out. 1077 01:05:03,521 --> 01:05:05,256 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1078 01:05:05,341 --> 01:05:07,936 We hope you enjoy looking at the photographs we've taken. 1079 01:05:08,021 --> 01:05:10,396 - They won't. - Well, some of them are quite good. 1080 01:05:10,481 --> 01:05:12,376 - Well, one or two of them are good. - No. 1081 01:05:12,461 --> 01:05:14,816 Well, whatever. We'll see you very soon. 1082 01:05:14,901 --> 01:05:16,116 Goodbye. 1083 01:05:16,201 --> 01:05:18,556 Smog 1084 01:06:03,401 --> 01:06:05,756 ♪ Smog ♪