1 00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:00,730 Thank you. 2 00:01:02,610 --> 00:01:04,410 Hello, everybody! 3 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:06,690 Thank you so much. 4 00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:09,930 Thank you. 5 00:01:12,050 --> 00:01:14,650 - Hello. - Thank you very much. 6 00:01:14,690 --> 00:01:16,209 Thank you. Welcome. 7 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,930 Now, coming up in today's show... 8 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,890 James wears glasses... 9 00:01:22,930 --> 00:01:25,890 I pretend to be a dog... 10 00:01:25,930 --> 00:01:28,410 ...and a terrorist eats a savoury snack. 11 00:01:30,370 --> 00:01:32,610 Got everything there. 12 00:01:36,290 --> 00:01:38,530 Thank you. Now... 13 00:01:38,570 --> 00:01:40,770 throughout the developing world, 14 00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,290 people have, for many years, 15 00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:45,370 used Japanese-made pick-up trucks. 16 00:01:45,410 --> 00:01:47,410 Yes, but now European car makers 17 00:01:47,450 --> 00:01:49,450 have decided they want a piece of the action. 18 00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:51,850 So they've come up with pick-up trucks of their own. 19 00:01:51,890 --> 00:01:54,010 Yes, they have, and to find out if they're any good, 20 00:01:54,050 --> 00:01:55,930 this week we take The Grand Tour 21 00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:58,090 on a journey through history. 22 00:01:58,130 --> 00:02:00,290 Mm, we begin in the Middle Ages, 23 00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:03,290 which meant going to Richard Hammond's garden. 24 00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:29,330 In parts of the globe where there's no mains water or electricity, 25 00:02:29,370 --> 00:02:31,730 a pick-up truck has to be more than 26 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:35,370 just transport for plague victims and livestock. 27 00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:40,169 That's why James has turned his Mercedes X-Class 28 00:02:40,170 --> 00:02:43,610 into a power station using its rear axle 29 00:02:43,690 --> 00:02:46,690 to make electricity for the village. 30 00:02:48,970 --> 00:02:52,970 Richard, meanwhile, was using his Ford Ranger as a tractor, 31 00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:55,130 pulling a plough. 32 00:02:56,850 --> 00:03:00,290 Yep, I'm actually ploughing with my pick-up. 33 00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:03,330 I don't think I could be any happier. 34 00:03:06,130 --> 00:03:09,450 And I was using this Volkswagen Amarok 35 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,610 as an irrigation system. 36 00:03:13,090 --> 00:03:15,010 I'm using it to drive a pump, 37 00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:17,570 which will deliver nourishment from the well 38 00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:19,410 to the community allotment. 39 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:23,010 In fact... Yep, I can hear the water coming now, 40 00:03:23,050 --> 00:03:27,490 above the smooth turbocharged throb of my V6 diesel. 41 00:03:34,890 --> 00:03:37,370 Ah! Ooh! 42 00:03:39,730 --> 00:03:41,850 Sort it out! 43 00:03:41,890 --> 00:03:43,610 Get it! 44 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:49,250 - Hammond! - What? 45 00:03:49,290 --> 00:03:51,410 We've gotta get... How do you get that back? 46 00:03:51,450 --> 00:03:53,810 I don't know. You set it free. 47 00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:55,290 - Whoa! - Watch out! 48 00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:58,170 You've made it angry! Run away! 49 00:03:59,290 --> 00:04:01,130 Ow! 50 00:04:10,090 --> 00:04:12,090 Oh! You... Aargh! 51 00:04:12,130 --> 00:04:13,730 Clarkson! 52 00:04:16,450 --> 00:04:18,010 Turn the car off! 53 00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:24,730 - What was that? - I cut my... 54 00:04:24,770 --> 00:04:26,809 - Oh, dear. - And there. 55 00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:28,809 And there. And I've done my neck in. 56 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,810 This is supposed to be a demonstration 57 00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:32,730 of the utility of pick-up trucks. 58 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:34,650 We've done it. We've proved all three of them... 59 00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:37,730 Yeah, no, I have. I've sawn three pieces of wood for a fence. 60 00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:41,250 Hammond's ploughed four furrows for growing things in. 61 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:43,490 You have only subtracted from this community. 62 00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:45,010 You've taken away the vegetables. 63 00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:46,249 You've taken away the electricity. 64 00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,010 You've taken away the lighting. 65 00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:50,170 You've taken away the ability to make the new fence posts. 66 00:04:50,210 --> 00:04:51,930 - I have proved... - And you've taken away the food. 67 00:04:52,010 --> 00:04:55,130 But my engine is very powerful. More powerful than in your two. 68 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:57,050 Yeah, but what's the use of that? 69 00:04:57,090 --> 00:04:58,930 - Speed and power. - It's not speed and power. 70 00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,370 Yeah, well it is, look. Look what it did! 71 00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:02,570 Look what it did. 72 00:05:02,610 --> 00:05:04,730 Yours couldn't have delivered that much water that quickly. 73 00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:06,929 Yeah, thankfully, because it wouldn't have done that. 74 00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,369 I think you've slightly missed the point. 75 00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:13,210 Why... Why do you always have to overdo everything? 76 00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:15,170 - You can shut up. - Why? 77 00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:18,170 Because it's supposed to be a test of European pick-up trucks. 78 00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:19,610 It's European. 79 00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:21,570 Well, yes, apart from the fact 80 00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:24,730 that it was designed in Australia and it's built in South Africa. 81 00:05:24,770 --> 00:05:26,250 What about the engine? 82 00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:29,050 - That's made in Turkey. - That's European. 83 00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:30,450 Well, a bit of it is. 84 00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:33,050 Let's not get bogged down with where Turkey is. 85 00:05:33,090 --> 00:05:35,810 What we've done is proved that all three of them 86 00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:38,050 work well when there is peace 87 00:05:38,090 --> 00:05:40,090 in the village in the developing world. 88 00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:43,890 What we must do now is find out how well they work 89 00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:47,050 when the peace comes to an end and there's a revolution. 90 00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:01,330 When the revolution is over, 91 00:06:01,370 --> 00:06:07,330 it's important that all traces of the vile, hated dictator are eradicated. 92 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:09,170 And that's why I'm attaching my Mercedes 93 00:06:09,210 --> 00:06:12,330 to this giant statue of Kim Jong Clarkson, 94 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,010 to see if I can pull it over. 95 00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:22,570 Right, here are the rules. 96 00:06:22,610 --> 00:06:25,810 I have to do this using the lowest revs possible. 97 00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:30,050 So what I'm gonna do is put it in four-wheel drive low range - 98 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,210 something Jeremy Clarkson can't do - 99 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:36,650 first gear manual and turn the traction control off. 100 00:06:36,690 --> 00:06:39,290 You know that isn't really a Mercedes, don't you? 101 00:06:39,330 --> 00:06:41,730 It's just a Nissan with "Mercedes" written on it. 102 00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:43,850 It's got a Nissan engine. Yeah. 103 00:06:43,890 --> 00:06:48,330 And that's his problem. Cos it's only a 2.3, four-cylinder diesel. 104 00:06:48,370 --> 00:06:52,170 Right. Taking up the slack. 105 00:06:52,210 --> 00:06:55,410 When you have to use power and torque to do a job... 106 00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:57,090 James is the first man you go for. 107 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:59,570 Here we go. 108 00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:04,570 Traction control, diff lock, down you come. 109 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:15,290 Oh, ooh! Oh, hello. 110 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,690 Yeah! 111 00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:28,570 He's gone! 112 00:07:28,610 --> 00:07:31,810 That was just... Oh, right on your... Dunk! 113 00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:34,570 - What a feeling. - Oh, bet that... Did that... That was just... 114 00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:36,810 - That is in the face. - Yes. 115 00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:38,650 By the whole Earth. Boof, in the face. 116 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:40,890 - Did you see what happened to your nose? Look at it. - Yes. 117 00:07:40,930 --> 00:07:44,330 And now, it's your turn. Because... 118 00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:45,890 Yeah, May Tse-tung. 119 00:07:50,530 --> 00:07:53,850 Right, it's time for your reign of terror to end. 120 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,010 He may be the most stubborn man in the world, 121 00:07:56,050 --> 00:08:00,090 but he's no match for the engine in this Ford Ranger. 122 00:08:00,130 --> 00:08:03,770 I have, of course, more power in this than in his Nissan - 123 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:08,170 197 brake to his 188 - and more torque. 124 00:08:08,210 --> 00:08:11,410 This engine is strong. Strong enough to pull a train, literally. 125 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:12,930 Because they are actually using 126 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,490 the five-cylinder diesel out of this 127 00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:18,090 in the new Vivarail 230 commuter class train. 128 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:22,210 You know he's got one more cylinder than you? 129 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:24,810 Yeah, that's cos that engine came from a Turkish bazaar. 130 00:08:24,850 --> 00:08:27,010 "Just for you, my friend, special price. 131 00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:29,370 One extra cylinder, today only." 132 00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:30,970 Minimal revs, 133 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,130 one and half thousand, maybe, upping it a bit. 134 00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:38,770 Ooh, hang on. 135 00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:43,850 Come on, May. 136 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:49,650 He's failing. He's failing to topple me. 137 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:52,410 Come on, you can pull an old spaniel off a pillar. 138 00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,490 Oh, no. 139 00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:05,529 All right. 140 00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:08,050 He's dragging you. He's taking you for a scrape. 141 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:14,650 That's not on, really. 142 00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:20,970 Nice one, Hammond! 143 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:27,770 The scores so far, then, looked like this. 144 00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:31,889 James had used 2,100 rpm to topple me... 145 00:09:33,610 --> 00:09:36,210 ...whereas Hammond - despite his bigger engine - 146 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:40,970 had had to use 3,600 rpm to bring down May. 147 00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:44,769 Now it's time for me to win as I get rid 148 00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:50,410 of the last of the country's hated dictators... Dick Pot. 149 00:10:01,090 --> 00:10:02,770 And there we are. 150 00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:05,050 Oh, now, come on! 151 00:10:05,090 --> 00:10:07,770 Well, you shouldn't have built a life-size one. 152 00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,850 - You are a man of modest statue. - Yeah, fine. 153 00:10:09,890 --> 00:10:12,490 It reflects my ego compared to yours. 154 00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:15,250 Well, it's, you know, proportional to the size of the tyranny. 155 00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:18,170 I don't think I'm gonna need low range. 156 00:10:18,210 --> 00:10:21,050 - You haven't got it. - Well, I know, exactly, I don't need it. 157 00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:23,370 Lock the rear diff. There you go. 158 00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:25,250 - You'll need that. - Right, here we go. Ready? 159 00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,370 - Mm-hm. - Yes. 160 00:10:26,410 --> 00:10:28,890 Taking up the slack. 161 00:10:28,970 --> 00:10:31,770 There might be a really bad jolt, so be careful. 162 00:10:34,770 --> 00:10:37,769 I've won another test! 163 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:39,370 I've won both of them. 164 00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:42,649 - How have you worked that out? - Well, 600 rpm, OK? 165 00:10:42,650 --> 00:10:44,850 And I did the best in the village. 166 00:10:44,890 --> 00:10:46,650 You destroyed the village! 167 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,490 Listen, let's not get bogged down with that. 168 00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:51,250 We must now move on to what typically happens 169 00:10:51,290 --> 00:10:54,410 in a country after the dictator is gone. 170 00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:05,250 With the government in disarray, 171 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,450 we had to load all our worldly goods 172 00:11:07,490 --> 00:11:12,330 into our pick-up trucks and prepare to run for our lives. 173 00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:16,370 It's no time to be alphabet-i-sising your record collection. 174 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:19,930 I'm not, I'm just making sure that The Yes Album, my most prized possession, is... 175 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,690 - Yeah, well, get on with it. - We're fleeing! 176 00:11:21,730 --> 00:11:23,690 - OK, flee. - I'd leave those. 177 00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:25,410 What? 178 00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:36,890 Everybody else in the world has an iPod. 179 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,970 Look, I don't think you've got... 180 00:11:39,010 --> 00:11:40,810 What have you got a gramophone for? 181 00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:42,850 It was my grandmother's. We're fleeing from rebel forces. 182 00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:45,250 Don't stand here doing a commentary. Get in your truck. 183 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:47,970 - I'm ready to flee. - Right. 184 00:11:48,010 --> 00:11:50,050 Perfectly straightforward. 185 00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:53,130 Whichever one is the fastest from here to the flags there, 186 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,890 yes, best at fleeing. 187 00:11:55,930 --> 00:11:57,530 Is there c... Yes, yes, exactly right. 188 00:11:57,570 --> 00:11:59,330 - So it's a drag race. - It's a flee race. 189 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,810 - It's a fleeing race. - Let's flee, then. 190 00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,370 Come on, let's go! 191 00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:07,050 If you need to flee from government forces, 192 00:12:07,090 --> 00:12:10,170 you need an Amarok. 0 to 60, eight seconds. 193 00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,530 That's hot hatchback territory. 194 00:12:12,570 --> 00:12:14,970 It's the fastest of the trio, 195 00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:17,170 the most powerful of the trio, 196 00:12:17,210 --> 00:12:19,090 and the lightest of the trio. 197 00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:22,490 Probably not now, but it was. 198 00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:26,370 I have the biggest engine - 3.2 litres, five cylinders, 199 00:12:26,410 --> 00:12:28,330 and not only is it strong enough to pull a train, 200 00:12:28,370 --> 00:12:32,410 literally, it's also the engine they use in the Transit van. 201 00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:36,210 And those, as anyone who's ever been on a motorway knows, 202 00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:39,290 have a top speed of more than what you're in. 203 00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:42,650 Now we're alone, viewers, I will admit 204 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:45,010 I'm not feeling entirely confident about this. 205 00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:48,570 The 2.3 litre engine in my Mercedes is very robust. 206 00:12:48,610 --> 00:12:50,650 It will last for a thousand years. 207 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:52,330 But it's not what you'd call powerful. 208 00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:55,130 I think there might be a few aerodynamic issues as well. 209 00:12:55,170 --> 00:12:57,170 But, anyway, I'm gonna go in D 210 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,810 on the basis that Mercedes knows better than me. 211 00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:05,090 Here we go. Here we go. 212 00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:14,890 Bit of a slow start for fleeing. 213 00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:23,450 Whoa, I may have lost a couple of things. 214 00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,650 Oh, I've lost my bike! 215 00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:33,290 I was so hoping to have my bike available once I'd fled. 216 00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:38,090 Bit of buffeting and I'm losing. 217 00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:41,330 Oh, and Jeremy's getting away! 218 00:13:44,010 --> 00:13:46,610 Storming ahead. I mean, storming. 219 00:13:49,650 --> 00:13:52,490 - Ooh, a lot of glass! - There's glass everywhere. 220 00:13:56,730 --> 00:13:58,610 That is not a lot of braking area. 221 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,090 My Lego! 222 00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:32,810 Bicycle. 223 00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:38,450 - This is our new life, chaps. - This is... 224 00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:40,890 Lego, cream, and a shit record. 225 00:14:40,930 --> 00:14:43,170 - Well, you can say that... - I'm gonna start again. 226 00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,250 - Oh, no, we've got a chair. - You say that... 227 00:14:45,290 --> 00:14:48,010 - We're gonna be all right. - I literally think we're OK. 228 00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:50,770 - Yes. - So, let's just get this crystal clear. 229 00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,570 OK, we haven't escaped with much, 230 00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:56,730 but the Volkswagen has now won all three tests. 231 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,450 - Who decided that? - Me. 232 00:14:58,490 --> 00:15:00,250 Yeah, but this isn't a dictatorship any more. 233 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,210 - We toppled the dictator. - Yeah. It's a democracy. 234 00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:05,050 It was the fastest by a mile. 235 00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:06,650 Yeah, it is the fastest. 236 00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:08,810 It was easily the best at pulling over statues 237 00:15:08,850 --> 00:15:11,130 and the best at water irrigation. 238 00:15:11,170 --> 00:15:13,570 No. And... you may have got there first, 239 00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:16,050 guaranteeing your survival, but you have no life. 240 00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:19,250 You have half a table and a mattress and the worst album in history. 241 00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:20,490 You really have nothing left! 242 00:15:20,530 --> 00:15:22,090 I have got the contents of a home. 243 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:23,770 You call this the worst album... 244 00:15:23,810 --> 00:15:25,490 The merits of The Yes Album aside, 245 00:15:25,530 --> 00:15:28,450 the fact remained that with the country now in chaos, 246 00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:31,050 help is urgently needed. 247 00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:42,250 So, how would our commandeered trucks 248 00:15:42,290 --> 00:15:44,290 cope with their requirements? 249 00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:53,690 Quite well, actually. 250 00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:01,770 I think we got away with that. 251 00:16:01,810 --> 00:16:04,210 - No one from Oxfam here. - No. 252 00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:08,410 OK, um... we'll pick that up later on. 253 00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:12,610 Yes, but first it is time to brim the tank of chat 254 00:16:12,650 --> 00:16:15,450 from the petrol station of debate, 255 00:16:15,490 --> 00:16:18,690 on the corner of Conversation Street. 256 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,210 Now... 257 00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:32,610 There's been a lot of talk recently about electric cars, 258 00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:35,290 obviously, so we thought we ought to have some conversation about that. 259 00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:37,490 - Yeah. - And we're gonna kick it off, if I may, 260 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,490 with the new Audi e-tron. Got a picture of it here. 261 00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:42,410 Sure, it's very nice. 262 00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:46,650 The only problem is e-tron is the French word... for turd. 263 00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:48,050 Is it? 264 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,570 Mmm, yes. 265 00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:51,930 They're not gonna sell many of those in France, I'm guessing. 266 00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,770 No, they probably won't. In the same way that Hyundai 267 00:16:54,810 --> 00:16:57,090 has just introduced a new car called the Kona. 268 00:16:57,130 --> 00:17:00,250 They're not gonna be selling too many of those in Portugal. 269 00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:02,570 Why? Is "Kona" Portuguese for "turd"? 270 00:17:02,610 --> 00:17:05,250 - No. - What, then? 271 00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,050 It's the one word we can't say. 272 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,089 Mourinho. 273 00:17:10,090 --> 00:17:12,770 Yes. That's exactly what it is. 274 00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:14,330 - Moving on. - Yes. 275 00:17:14,410 --> 00:17:16,330 Have you seen those stories around 276 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:19,730 about Jaguar possibly going over to making only electric cars? 277 00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:22,770 - I have read that, yeah. - All Jaguars would be electric, which is a worry. 278 00:17:22,810 --> 00:17:25,010 Because, potentially, it'll make it a lot more difficult 279 00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:27,250 to hear your Jaguar-driving guest 280 00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:29,170 leave your house early in the morning 281 00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:31,290 - with all of your silverware in the boot. - Good point. 282 00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:32,810 - Very good point. - That's a risk. 283 00:17:32,890 --> 00:17:34,250 "Oh, no, I've just taken all..." 284 00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:35,809 Or they'll be turning up all hours 285 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:37,410 of the day and night just standing there. 286 00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:40,089 "I'm sorry, could I charge my car up at your house? 287 00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,650 Spot of bother with the electricity company over at mine." 288 00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:45,210 - "Just pop that in the wall." - "Yes, if you don't mind." 289 00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:48,050 Yeah, no, but if we may be serious for a moment, 290 00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:49,569 the biggest problem is 291 00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:52,890 the electrical charging infrastructure in this country 292 00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:55,570 simply isn't good enough to... 293 00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:58,690 sustain a great deal of demand. It just isn't. 294 00:17:58,730 --> 00:18:01,010 Yeah, but it'll get better and the vast majority of people 295 00:18:01,050 --> 00:18:02,450 simply recharge at night. 296 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:04,330 - That's what I do, with mine. - Yes, I know. 297 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,089 But if you go on a long journey, you can't take your house. 298 00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:08,730 You've gotta charge up somewhere else. 299 00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:10,170 Yes, but electric charging points 300 00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,809 are springing up everywhere at the moment 301 00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:12,970 - at quite a rate. - I agree. 302 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:15,010 - They are. - They are. They are. 303 00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:19,330 But look at it this way. OK, the second most boring thing a man can do 304 00:18:19,410 --> 00:18:22,090 is filling up with petrol - second most after... 305 00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:23,570 Trying on trousers. 306 00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:25,569 - We all agree that's the worst. - It's just a fact. 307 00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:27,170 The second most boring thing you can do 308 00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:29,090 is fill up with petrol, which takes what, three minutes? 309 00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:30,570 - Yes. - Charging a car up 310 00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:34,210 is like 40 minutes, and I haven't got time for that. 311 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:36,089 No, but it's, it's... 40 minutes is getting... 312 00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:37,890 You can do it in less than that now 313 00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:39,690 and it's getting shorter and shorter all the time. 314 00:18:39,730 --> 00:18:41,490 Charging times are plummeting. They're dropping. 315 00:18:41,530 --> 00:18:43,809 But you've gotta go into a service station, surrounded by people 316 00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:46,330 with smelly bottoms, all playing on those slot machines. 317 00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:48,050 And 40 minutes, you just think, 318 00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:50,570 "I've got so much more I'd rather be doing than this." 319 00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:52,810 I only have, if I'm lucky, 320 00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:56,770 175,000 hours before I do dying. 321 00:18:56,810 --> 00:18:59,250 And I'm not gonna waste any of them charging an electric car up. 322 00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:01,330 I'm just not. 323 00:19:01,410 --> 00:19:05,290 Sticking with electric cars, the iconic London black taxi has gone electric. 324 00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:07,410 We've got a picture of it here. There it is. 325 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:10,450 I've ridden it. I've driven it as well, actually, and it's excellent. 326 00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:12,170 Very, very smooth, very comfortable, 327 00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:13,690 and obviously it's very quiet. 328 00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:15,450 Which means you can hear the driver's views 329 00:19:15,490 --> 00:19:16,930 on immigration more clearly. 330 00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:19,250 Everybody always says... 331 00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:21,530 I like black cabs. I use them all the time. 332 00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:23,250 Yeah, you really are a dinosaur. 333 00:19:23,290 --> 00:19:25,930 - No, I just hate Uber. - You don't hate Uber. 334 00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:27,569 - I do hate Uber. - They just work. 335 00:19:27,570 --> 00:19:29,090 Have you seen how they drive? 336 00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:31,930 They're appalling! Dithering about in the middle of junctions 337 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,570 and they don't know where they're going. 338 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:36,410 And it's always a Prius. And I hate those commercials 339 00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:39,530 where they say, "Not all of our drivers are rapists." 340 00:19:39,570 --> 00:19:41,970 That's not really a slogan, is it? 341 00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:44,329 I'm sorry, I just... I will not get in with... 342 00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:49,010 And, listen, I've only got 175,000 hours left... 343 00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:50,690 If you... If you don't stop saying 344 00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:53,890 how many hours you've got left, I shall make it less. 345 00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:55,690 - Look, I... - A lot less. 346 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:57,530 Yeah, I'm with him. And I like Uber. 347 00:19:57,570 --> 00:19:59,410 I like the fact that you get the alert 348 00:19:59,450 --> 00:20:01,250 that tells you who's coming to pick you up 349 00:20:01,290 --> 00:20:02,650 and what sort of car he's driving. 350 00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:04,089 - Yeah, that's... - What's the point? 351 00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:05,770 It's a Prius. It's always a Prius. 352 00:20:05,810 --> 00:20:06,970 No, it isn't always a Prius. 353 00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:08,650 I've got a friend and she had one come - 354 00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:10,330 this was just before Christmas, as it happened. 355 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,809 The driver was from South America. 356 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,809 And she got an alert and it said, 357 00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:16,410 "Jesus is arriving soon in a Honda Accord." 358 00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:19,010 Which is not what it says in the New Testament. 359 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,290 - No, it doesn't. - It's not, is it? Who knew? 360 00:20:21,330 --> 00:20:23,490 Anyway, there is a new version of the Bugatti Chiron. 361 00:20:23,530 --> 00:20:26,890 We've got a picture of it here. It's called the Chiron Sport. 362 00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:31,650 But that does make me wonder, what bit of the regular Chiron wasn't sporty? 363 00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:33,329 No, it was a sporty car, anyway. 364 00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,650 It was quite sporty, I noticed that. Is that more powerful? 365 00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:39,290 No, but it is 18 kilograms lighter 366 00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:42,450 because it has carbon fibre windscreen wipers. 367 00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:45,569 - What? That's all? - What were the old ones made of? 368 00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:47,809 Cast iron. 369 00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:49,930 - So it's 18 kilograms lighter? - Mm-hm. 370 00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:52,530 - And how much is it? - Uh... it's £2.3 million. 371 00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:54,569 That's a lot, isn't it? 372 00:20:54,570 --> 00:20:57,050 Well, hold on. The standard one's, what, two million quid, isn't it? 373 00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,410 - I've just had a thought. - What? 374 00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:00,050 If you're prone to going through life 375 00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:01,490 with quite a heavy briefcase... 376 00:21:01,530 --> 00:21:03,690 - Yes? - If you bought the ordinary Chiron, 377 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,530 left your briefcase at home, 378 00:21:05,570 --> 00:21:08,089 you've automatically created the Sport, haven't you? 379 00:21:08,090 --> 00:21:10,530 - Yeah. - And saved yourself £300,000. 380 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,810 That... That is good advice. 381 00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:16,410 Yeah. A lot of people here will be taking that away with them and using it. 382 00:21:16,450 --> 00:21:18,450 - That's consumer advice. - Exactly. I like to do that. 383 00:21:18,490 --> 00:21:20,329 All part of the service. We're here for you. 384 00:21:20,330 --> 00:21:23,010 Can I move it on? I have some interesting conversation. 385 00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:24,930 - Oh, good. - There is a man in Canada 386 00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:28,090 who has successfully lowered his car insurance premium 387 00:21:28,170 --> 00:21:30,490 by declaring himself to be a woman. 388 00:21:30,530 --> 00:21:32,569 Now, he hasn't had the operation, 389 00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:35,970 he hasn't swapped his beef torpedo for the silken purse. 390 00:21:36,010 --> 00:21:37,569 He has merely... 391 00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:40,690 Thank you, Doctor. 392 00:21:40,730 --> 00:21:42,010 He has merely taken advantage... 393 00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:44,450 He just said "beef torpedo", didn't he? 394 00:21:44,490 --> 00:21:48,410 ...of a loophole in the law that allows you to change your gender. 395 00:21:48,450 --> 00:21:51,290 Torpedo? You actually claim you've got a torpedo? 396 00:21:51,330 --> 00:21:53,210 Everybody calls it that. 397 00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:55,050 A Spearfish he rides into... 398 00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:57,410 Listen, listen. There's a lot of this about. 399 00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:01,010 There was a chap the other day sentenced to some considerable jail time, 400 00:22:01,050 --> 00:22:03,970 and as he was sentenced, he went, "Oh, I've just remembered, I'm a woman." 401 00:22:04,010 --> 00:22:07,690 Can I go to a lady prison? Preferably one of those like you see on the internet." 402 00:22:07,730 --> 00:22:09,370 Yeah, and it worked. It worked. 403 00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:10,810 They sent him to a lady prison. 404 00:22:10,850 --> 00:22:12,890 Where, sure enough, he's been quite badly behaved. 405 00:22:12,930 --> 00:22:15,650 Yeah, chaps, I wouldn't advise trying it down your local swimming baths, 406 00:22:15,690 --> 00:22:17,050 swaggering into the changing rooms. 407 00:22:17,090 --> 00:22:18,650 "Morning. Morning, ladies." 408 00:22:18,690 --> 00:22:20,690 I'm a lady as well, just like you and you. 409 00:22:20,730 --> 00:22:22,850 I'll just hang up my suit and my tie there 410 00:22:22,890 --> 00:22:24,450 and take a shower with the rest... 411 00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:27,130 "Oh, my Lord, my vagina's gone all stiff. Look at that." 412 00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:28,690 "I do apologise." 413 00:22:28,730 --> 00:22:31,170 It's a tricky and obviously sensitive area, 414 00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:34,290 but my advice is if you want to lower your car insurance premium, 415 00:22:34,330 --> 00:22:36,610 don't walk into this minefield of whether or not 416 00:22:36,650 --> 00:22:38,330 you can declare yourself to be a woman. 417 00:22:38,370 --> 00:22:40,570 Simply declare yourself to be a vicar. 418 00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:43,250 That's a good idea, because they do have cheap insurance, don't they? 419 00:22:43,290 --> 00:22:44,810 They do have very cheap car insurance. 420 00:22:44,850 --> 00:22:47,250 And if you're a vicar... you can still wear a dress. 421 00:22:47,290 --> 00:22:48,890 - There you go. - Yeah, so everybody wins. 422 00:22:48,930 --> 00:22:50,930 - Everybody wins. - More consumer advice. 423 00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:53,730 Ooh, now, you know Morgan? 424 00:22:53,770 --> 00:22:56,970 - I do. - OK, they've got a serious problem. 425 00:22:57,010 --> 00:22:59,650 Because they make the frames of their cars out of ash. 426 00:22:59,690 --> 00:23:03,770 Now, all the ash trees in Britain have either died or are dying. 427 00:23:03,810 --> 00:23:07,330 So Morgan is going to have to import its ash from... 428 00:23:07,370 --> 00:23:09,130 - abroad. - What? 429 00:23:09,170 --> 00:23:11,170 - Foreign wood. - Foreign wood in a Morgan? 430 00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:14,530 I know! Can you imagine? And it may be German. 431 00:23:14,570 --> 00:23:16,410 Oh, good God! German wood in a Morgan! 432 00:23:16,450 --> 00:23:17,970 - No, that's not possible! - Imagine having German wood. 433 00:23:18,010 --> 00:23:19,410 Can't be done. 434 00:23:19,450 --> 00:23:22,330 That's probably why, because of this immense problem, 435 00:23:22,370 --> 00:23:24,250 they've decided to branch out. 436 00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:27,410 - What are they doing? - Well, they're gonna start making bicycles. 437 00:23:27,450 --> 00:23:30,170 - Are they made of wood? - Well, yes, we've got a picture. They are, actually. 438 00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:32,650 The mud guard and the chain guard are both made of wood. 439 00:23:32,690 --> 00:23:34,090 - Really? - Yeah. 440 00:23:34,130 --> 00:23:36,330 Oh, they're really roaring into the future, Morgan. 441 00:23:36,370 --> 00:23:38,330 What are they doing next? Is it a dugout canoe? 442 00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:41,050 Well, it's interesting you should say that. It's not a dugout canoe. 443 00:23:41,090 --> 00:23:43,770 It is - and this is a big surprise for Morgan - 444 00:23:43,810 --> 00:23:45,330 they're making hair care products. 445 00:23:45,370 --> 00:23:46,650 - What? - What? 446 00:23:46,690 --> 00:23:48,970 They absolutely are making hair care products. 447 00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:51,170 Um... I've actually got the blurb about it. 448 00:23:51,210 --> 00:23:53,810 Here, this is actually from Morgan's website, yeah? 449 00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,530 - Well, as they call it. - They have... 450 00:23:55,570 --> 00:23:57,370 They call it the electric computer. 451 00:23:57,410 --> 00:23:59,330 I was gonna say. They have a website? 452 00:23:59,370 --> 00:24:01,690 OK, this is describing their new hair products, 453 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:04,370 quintessentially British. 454 00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:07,290 "The lotion was originally created to enable a gentleman" 455 00:24:07,330 --> 00:24:09,130 to hold not only the racing line, 456 00:24:09,170 --> 00:24:11,090 - "but also his hair style." - Lovely. 457 00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:14,930 "So Morgan's most stylish owners..." 458 00:24:14,970 --> 00:24:18,290 There's no such thing as a stylish Morgan owner. 459 00:24:18,330 --> 00:24:20,410 "...can once again take to the roads with confidence 460 00:24:20,450 --> 00:24:23,850 that their dapper coiffeur will hold throughout the journey." 461 00:24:25,370 --> 00:24:27,130 Can I ask something, while we're on the subject? 462 00:24:27,170 --> 00:24:29,770 Why is it that everything in the world has a name? 463 00:24:29,810 --> 00:24:32,650 Like cups, spectacles, Jeremy Clarkson's cardigan. 464 00:24:32,690 --> 00:24:35,130 But anything you put in your hair is just called product? 465 00:24:35,170 --> 00:24:38,090 I don't get that. The barber says, "Would you like product?" 466 00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:40,490 You think, "No, cos it might be HP Sauce." 467 00:24:40,530 --> 00:24:42,170 - That's a product. - It's a bit vague. 468 00:24:42,210 --> 00:24:44,570 They could Tarmac your hair. "It's product." 469 00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:46,370 - Exactly. - Molten aluminium is a product. 470 00:24:46,410 --> 00:24:49,330 - It is. - Swarfega is a product. 471 00:24:49,370 --> 00:24:52,090 I'm not sure that Morgan actually understands 472 00:24:52,130 --> 00:24:54,690 its customers very well, with this plan. 473 00:24:54,730 --> 00:24:56,810 What, you're saying that the typical Morgan customer 474 00:24:56,850 --> 00:24:58,290 - wouldn't traditionally... - Yeah, look at th... 475 00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:00,090 They're not hair care product kind of people. 476 00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:03,330 Let's just work this out. Hammond, you have a Morgan. 477 00:25:03,370 --> 00:25:05,370 And... 478 00:25:05,410 --> 00:25:07,410 - Um... - Actually... 479 00:25:07,450 --> 00:25:09,370 - I'm... I'm... - Actually, on the subject of that... 480 00:25:09,410 --> 00:25:11,930 Just talk amongst yourselves. No, seriously, James May, 481 00:25:11,970 --> 00:25:14,050 I want to check something out with you. 482 00:25:14,090 --> 00:25:16,850 If I may. Just hang on a minute. 483 00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:18,370 What are you doing? 484 00:25:18,410 --> 00:25:22,850 Well, thing is, OK, you say... you say that you don't wear... 485 00:25:22,890 --> 00:25:25,010 Oh, I'm uncomfortable with whatever's happening now. 486 00:25:25,050 --> 00:25:26,330 You will be. 487 00:25:26,370 --> 00:25:28,130 I took this photograph just last week. 488 00:25:28,170 --> 00:25:30,650 I put an arrow on it to show what I'm on about. 489 00:25:30,690 --> 00:25:32,530 That's Richard Hammond sporting... I'll zoom in. 490 00:25:32,570 --> 00:25:35,090 - Some grey hairs there, yeah. - ...a couple of grey hairs. 491 00:25:35,130 --> 00:25:37,970 - Ohh. - Can you see those? Yes? 492 00:25:38,010 --> 00:25:39,810 Now, when I came to work this morning... 493 00:25:39,850 --> 00:25:41,490 They're still there. 494 00:25:41,530 --> 00:25:43,650 My wife has cut my hair. They are still there. 495 00:25:43,690 --> 00:25:45,450 They're not. James May? They're not there. 496 00:25:45,490 --> 00:25:48,090 - I don't dye my hair! - They're not there. 497 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:50,090 Come in really close. They're still there. 498 00:25:50,130 --> 00:25:52,610 Let me arbitrate independently. 499 00:25:52,650 --> 00:25:54,330 - They're not there! - They're not there! 500 00:25:54,370 --> 00:25:57,930 - They are! I never... - You've been using Morgan product. 501 00:25:57,970 --> 00:26:01,210 I've never dyed my ha... Oh, God! 502 00:26:01,250 --> 00:26:04,210 Would you like to stop doing Conversation Street now? 503 00:26:04,250 --> 00:26:05,970 I'd so like to do a... 504 00:26:06,010 --> 00:26:09,170 If you want to feed me into a giant blender, I'd prefer that. 505 00:26:09,210 --> 00:26:11,450 Right, that is the end of Conversation Street. 506 00:26:11,490 --> 00:26:14,690 And now, if I may, I'd like to talk about the Jaguar XE. 507 00:26:14,730 --> 00:26:16,570 Not your hair. 508 00:26:16,610 --> 00:26:20,130 Um... it is a really very nice little car, if I'm honest. 509 00:26:20,170 --> 00:26:23,370 It's very good looking. It's not particularly expensive. 510 00:26:23,410 --> 00:26:26,770 Uh... it rides beautifully - very beautifully, in fact. 511 00:26:26,810 --> 00:26:28,290 And, as a result of all that, 512 00:26:28,330 --> 00:26:31,490 people ignore it and buy a BMW instead. 513 00:26:31,530 --> 00:26:34,330 So Jaguar went to its skunkworks, 514 00:26:34,370 --> 00:26:35,930 which is based in a shed, 515 00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:38,290 and they said, "Could you make a fast version?" 516 00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:40,930 One that will get everybody talking." 517 00:26:49,970 --> 00:26:52,290 The standard low cost procedure 518 00:26:52,330 --> 00:26:55,650 for turning a normal saloon into a sports saloon 519 00:26:55,690 --> 00:27:01,290 is to give it some fat tyres, a nice V6 engine... 520 00:27:02,730 --> 00:27:04,890 ...and maybe some bucket seats. 521 00:27:07,170 --> 00:27:09,650 But the boffins at Jag decided to go... 522 00:27:10,690 --> 00:27:12,410 ...a bit further than that. 523 00:27:23,090 --> 00:27:25,450 Welcome, everyone, to what's called... 524 00:27:26,650 --> 00:27:28,810 ...the Project 8. 525 00:27:40,570 --> 00:27:42,370 The first thing you need to know 526 00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:46,210 is that the only bits that these two cars have in common 527 00:27:46,250 --> 00:27:49,050 are the roof and the front doors. 528 00:27:50,130 --> 00:27:52,770 Everything else is changed. 529 00:27:52,810 --> 00:27:54,970 For some very good reasons. 530 00:27:57,450 --> 00:28:00,490 First of all, they decided they needed carbon ceramic brakes 531 00:28:00,530 --> 00:28:03,610 that were much bigger than the brakes on the standard car. 532 00:28:03,650 --> 00:28:05,250 Now, that meant they needed 533 00:28:05,290 --> 00:28:07,690 bigger wheels to go round the brakes. 534 00:28:07,730 --> 00:28:11,730 And bigger wheels wouldn't fit in these arches. 535 00:28:11,770 --> 00:28:14,890 So they had to redesign the whole front of the car. 536 00:28:14,930 --> 00:28:17,130 The headlamps, everything. 537 00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:21,250 Then there was the track - 538 00:28:21,290 --> 00:28:23,730 the gap between the wheels, front and back. 539 00:28:23,770 --> 00:28:26,730 They decided they'd like that to be wider. 540 00:28:26,770 --> 00:28:28,770 That meant fitting flared wheel arches. 541 00:28:28,810 --> 00:28:31,410 So that meant a new panel here... and here, 542 00:28:31,450 --> 00:28:33,290 and a new back door, 543 00:28:33,330 --> 00:28:36,090 and a new panel here and here. 544 00:28:39,530 --> 00:28:42,050 Then came the engine. 545 00:28:42,090 --> 00:28:44,730 They decided they didn't want to mess about 546 00:28:44,770 --> 00:28:48,610 and that they'd use a five-litre supercharged V8. 547 00:28:48,650 --> 00:28:50,170 But that wouldn't fit. 548 00:28:50,210 --> 00:28:53,410 So, to get it in, they had to cut away at the bulkhead. 549 00:28:53,450 --> 00:28:55,130 And when it was in place, they thought, 550 00:28:55,170 --> 00:28:57,610 "Wait a minute. That's all a bit heavy. 551 00:28:57,650 --> 00:29:00,010 We need to save some weight at the front of the car." 552 00:29:00,050 --> 00:29:03,050 So, the bonnet, as you can see here, is carbon fibre. 553 00:29:03,090 --> 00:29:05,010 And so are the front wings. 554 00:29:05,050 --> 00:29:07,050 And so is all this. 555 00:29:14,730 --> 00:29:17,410 Suspension? Oh, yes, that was changed as well. 556 00:29:17,450 --> 00:29:21,970 It now has Bilstein dampers that cost £1,000 each. 557 00:29:23,010 --> 00:29:27,330 And rose joints. And ceramic wheel bearings. 558 00:29:27,370 --> 00:29:30,210 Like you get on a race car. 559 00:29:32,610 --> 00:29:37,410 On top of all that, the eight-speed gearbox also needed beefing up. 560 00:29:37,450 --> 00:29:40,130 And so did the four-wheel drive system. 561 00:29:40,170 --> 00:29:43,330 And then they had to get rid of the spare wheel 562 00:29:43,370 --> 00:29:45,610 and the well in which it sits 563 00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:49,810 to fit some under-floor aerodynamics. 564 00:29:49,850 --> 00:29:53,770 And when they added up the cost of all the work they'd done, there was a problem. 565 00:29:54,810 --> 00:29:56,690 In order to make any money at all, 566 00:29:56,730 --> 00:30:03,170 the Project 8 would have to cost £150,000. 567 00:30:03,210 --> 00:30:06,730 That's four times more than the standard car. 568 00:30:06,770 --> 00:30:08,330 Four! 569 00:30:13,090 --> 00:30:15,370 So, here's the question. 570 00:30:15,410 --> 00:30:21,610 How mad would you have to be to spend £150,000... 571 00:30:21,650 --> 00:30:26,090 ...on a car that was designed and built in a glorified shed 572 00:30:26,130 --> 00:30:29,090 in the Midlands... in about 18 months? 573 00:30:31,770 --> 00:30:34,410 And the simple answer is... 574 00:30:34,450 --> 00:30:37,450 ...not mad at all, because this car... 575 00:30:37,490 --> 00:30:40,490 is fan-bleeding-tastic! 576 00:30:45,890 --> 00:30:48,010 The engine may be ten years old, 577 00:30:48,050 --> 00:30:51,130 but it has a huge amount of character. 578 00:30:53,050 --> 00:30:56,530 And nigh on 600 horsepower! 579 00:30:57,850 --> 00:31:01,650 That means 0 to 60 in 3.3 seconds... 580 00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:06,050 ...and a top speed of 200. 581 00:31:08,530 --> 00:31:10,370 Even more impressive, 582 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:15,330 ten minutes before the Nurburgring shut its doors for the winter... 583 00:31:16,370 --> 00:31:18,290 ...Jag's Project 8 engineers 584 00:31:18,330 --> 00:31:22,250 asked if they could have one last go round it... 585 00:31:22,290 --> 00:31:26,170 and they shattered the record for four-door saloons 586 00:31:26,210 --> 00:31:30,810 with a time of seven minutes, 21 seconds. 587 00:31:31,850 --> 00:31:34,370 That's blisteringly quick. 588 00:31:41,330 --> 00:31:45,770 I will say that if you've got the car manually hunkered down and it's in track mode, 589 00:31:45,810 --> 00:31:49,130 and the traction control is turned off, 590 00:31:49,170 --> 00:31:52,690 things can go a bit violent and bitey... 591 00:31:53,730 --> 00:31:56,810 ...if you go beyond the limit. 592 00:32:05,130 --> 00:32:06,490 Ugh. 593 00:32:09,050 --> 00:32:11,770 The answer is to stay within the limits 594 00:32:11,810 --> 00:32:14,850 and in this car... that's no hardship. 595 00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:21,210 The grip from the four-wheel drive system 596 00:32:21,250 --> 00:32:24,970 and the wider track and the Michelin Cup tyres 597 00:32:25,010 --> 00:32:27,730 absolutely wobbles your eyes. 598 00:32:27,770 --> 00:32:29,530 It's phenomenal. 599 00:32:33,090 --> 00:32:34,570 You can corner at speeds 600 00:32:34,610 --> 00:32:37,810 that you simply can't quite believe. 601 00:32:37,850 --> 00:32:39,610 I mean, that is... 602 00:32:39,650 --> 00:32:42,570 That was 140 kilometres through there. 603 00:32:46,930 --> 00:32:50,210 Look at that! That's just sheer grip. 604 00:32:50,250 --> 00:32:53,570 Actually peeled my skin, that did! 605 00:32:54,570 --> 00:32:56,650 Oh. 606 00:33:03,650 --> 00:33:09,090 I am a sucker for small, front-engined sports saloons. 607 00:33:09,130 --> 00:33:12,890 I had a Mercedes CLK Black. 608 00:33:12,930 --> 00:33:15,730 And this is better than that. 609 00:33:15,770 --> 00:33:19,930 This is better than even the hottest BMW M3. 610 00:33:22,290 --> 00:33:25,090 You can whisper this, but I reckon it's even better 611 00:33:25,130 --> 00:33:27,490 than Alfa's Quadrifoglio. 612 00:33:37,450 --> 00:33:39,370 This is very good. 613 00:33:41,130 --> 00:33:43,290 Really, really good. 614 00:33:45,010 --> 00:33:47,530 But... is it a Jag? 615 00:33:49,770 --> 00:33:52,450 Well, you can have it with scaffolding in the back, 616 00:33:52,490 --> 00:33:55,570 but this one has two proper seats. 617 00:33:55,610 --> 00:33:58,170 And in here, it has enough space 618 00:33:58,210 --> 00:34:00,570 for a "borrowed" oil painting 619 00:34:00,610 --> 00:34:05,290 and all the kit that you need to go out at night... 620 00:34:05,330 --> 00:34:06,890 and "borrow" another one. 621 00:34:06,930 --> 00:34:09,730 So, yes, it is a Jag. 622 00:34:09,770 --> 00:34:11,690 It even says "prototype vehicle" on it, 623 00:34:11,730 --> 00:34:13,570 which means you don't have to pay any tax. 624 00:34:13,610 --> 00:34:15,810 Like my prototype watch and trousers. 625 00:34:15,850 --> 00:34:18,010 And this prototype camera we're using today. 626 00:34:19,810 --> 00:34:23,169 And there's more. 627 00:34:23,170 --> 00:34:28,370 At normal road speeds with the car in Comfort or even Dynamic mode, 628 00:34:28,410 --> 00:34:33,490 it's as quiet and as civilised as a Jag should be. 629 00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:37,450 It even has little springs sitting on top of the bigger springs 630 00:34:37,490 --> 00:34:40,370 to give you a more comfortable ride. 631 00:34:40,410 --> 00:34:42,290 But everything's relative, really. 632 00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:44,650 I mean, it's not as comfortable, say, 633 00:34:44,690 --> 00:34:49,170 as lying in a hammock on a summer's day, listening to wood pigeons. 634 00:34:49,210 --> 00:34:52,050 But it does have air conditioning 635 00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:53,890 and a head-up display and electric seats, 636 00:34:53,930 --> 00:34:58,010 so it is more comfortable than you'd expect. 637 00:35:01,530 --> 00:35:05,650 In fact, it's better than you'd expect in every way. 638 00:35:07,090 --> 00:35:09,410 And maybe we shouldn't be surprised by that, 639 00:35:09,450 --> 00:35:12,490 because the last time something was designed and built quickly, 640 00:35:12,530 --> 00:35:15,650 in a glorified shed, in the Midlands, 641 00:35:15,690 --> 00:35:18,169 it was called the Spitfire. 642 00:35:18,170 --> 00:35:20,890 And it won the Battle of Britain. 643 00:35:28,130 --> 00:35:30,610 The Battle of Britain... 644 00:35:30,650 --> 00:35:35,850 And three, two, one, cue James May. 645 00:35:35,890 --> 00:35:38,570 - Ready? - Hang on. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. 646 00:35:38,610 --> 00:35:41,210 - Hang on. The Spitfire? - Yes. 647 00:35:41,290 --> 00:35:43,650 It was the Hurricane that won the Battle of Britain. 648 00:35:43,690 --> 00:35:45,530 - Well, it just wasn't. - No, it just was. 649 00:35:45,570 --> 00:35:47,930 There were far more of them, it was easier to build, 650 00:35:47,970 --> 00:35:50,290 it was easier to repair, it was easier to fly. 651 00:35:50,330 --> 00:35:52,810 - It was. - But that's like saying that a Nissan Juke 652 00:35:52,850 --> 00:35:54,650 is better than a Lamborghini Aventador 653 00:35:54,690 --> 00:35:57,130 because it's easier to build and there are more of them. 654 00:35:57,170 --> 00:35:58,530 - No, it's not like that. - It is. 655 00:35:58,570 --> 00:35:59,850 The Hurricane was a much more stable 656 00:35:59,890 --> 00:36:01,450 gun platform in the hands of a novice. 657 00:36:01,490 --> 00:36:03,450 The Hurricane accounted for more enemy aircraft 658 00:36:03,490 --> 00:36:05,850 than all of our other air defences combined. 659 00:36:05,890 --> 00:36:06,850 It won. 660 00:36:06,890 --> 00:36:08,370 Yes, but the Spitfire, OK, 661 00:36:08,410 --> 00:36:10,330 the Spitfire looked glamorous. 662 00:36:10,370 --> 00:36:13,570 So you'd look up in the sky and then that improved morale on the ground, 663 00:36:13,610 --> 00:36:16,290 cos people were going, "Wow, look at that! We can't possibly lose this." 664 00:36:16,330 --> 00:36:18,610 Yes, but morale didn't shoot down enemy aircraft. 665 00:36:18,650 --> 00:36:20,130 Hurricanes did. That's simply a fact. 666 00:36:20,170 --> 00:36:22,090 But if a small boy's looking out the window, 667 00:36:22,130 --> 00:36:24,370 "Wow! Look, there's a Spitfire up there 668 00:36:24,410 --> 00:36:27,050 and I'm gonna join the RAF!" And that's what we needed. 669 00:36:27,090 --> 00:36:29,810 He didn't wanna fly a Hurricane cos it looked like a sad Basset Hound. 670 00:36:29,850 --> 00:36:31,649 No, it didn't. And anyway, the best... 671 00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:33,490 The best fighter aircraft of World War II 672 00:36:33,530 --> 00:36:35,290 was the Messerschmitt 109. Everybody knows that. 673 00:36:35,330 --> 00:36:37,169 - That didn't win the Battle of Britain! - Well, it... 674 00:36:37,170 --> 00:36:39,770 To be honest, nobody won the Battle of Britain. It was a draw. 675 00:36:39,810 --> 00:36:41,410 What? Where have you got that from? 676 00:36:41,450 --> 00:36:45,090 - It was a draw. - Chaps! Chaps! Chaps! 677 00:36:45,130 --> 00:36:48,090 Hate to make this whole thing sound like, I don't know... 678 00:36:48,130 --> 00:36:51,649 a car show, but can we get it back to the Jag a bit, please? 679 00:36:51,650 --> 00:36:53,890 Yes. I don't want to talk to him about aeroplanes. 680 00:36:53,930 --> 00:36:56,450 - Cos he's wrong. - OK, OK. Remember the Jag. 681 00:36:56,490 --> 00:36:58,290 - Yes. - Is it a mainstream car? 682 00:36:58,330 --> 00:37:00,370 No. No, if I'm honest, it isn't. 683 00:37:00,410 --> 00:37:01,770 They've only made 300 of them 684 00:37:01,810 --> 00:37:03,290 and they're all left-hand drive. 685 00:37:03,330 --> 00:37:05,649 So they went to all that time and trouble to develop it... 686 00:37:05,650 --> 00:37:07,610 And expense. -...and now they're only building a handful 687 00:37:07,650 --> 00:37:09,650 and they've put the steering wheel on the wrong side? 688 00:37:09,690 --> 00:37:12,930 No, it is... it is very odd, but since I don't want to listen to him 689 00:37:12,970 --> 00:37:14,850 talking about Hurricanes any more, I do think 690 00:37:14,890 --> 00:37:18,410 we should find out how fast it goes round the Eboladrome. 691 00:37:18,450 --> 00:37:20,650 And she's off, 692 00:37:20,690 --> 00:37:23,450 in a cloud of V8 crackle and fury, 693 00:37:23,490 --> 00:37:25,890 and immediately onto the Isn't Straight. 694 00:37:27,450 --> 00:37:28,930 Twitchy with a change of line, 695 00:37:28,970 --> 00:37:30,690 but she's got it under control 696 00:37:30,770 --> 00:37:34,930 using every one of the 592 horsepowers. 697 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:40,930 Bit of tyre squeal 698 00:37:40,970 --> 00:37:43,770 as she swings down into Your Name Here. 699 00:37:43,810 --> 00:37:47,530 Right, hard on the brakes down the eight-speed box. 700 00:37:47,570 --> 00:37:50,690 More tyre squeal from those super-sticky Michelins. 701 00:37:50,770 --> 00:37:53,570 And clearly they are working well. 702 00:37:53,610 --> 00:37:56,330 Right, back on the power now for the full-chat sprint. 703 00:37:56,370 --> 00:37:58,010 Down the Isn't. 704 00:38:01,170 --> 00:38:05,050 OK, more hard braking soon... 705 00:38:05,090 --> 00:38:09,090 ...for the flick into the tricky complex at Old Lady's House. 706 00:38:09,130 --> 00:38:11,810 Four-wheel drive keeping it clinging on. 707 00:38:11,850 --> 00:38:15,970 Now, spearing down the bumpy bit towards Substation. 708 00:38:17,650 --> 00:38:19,770 Good noise, that. 709 00:38:19,810 --> 00:38:21,770 Oh, a lot of tyre squeal through there, 710 00:38:21,810 --> 00:38:24,570 but just Field Of Sheep to go. 711 00:38:24,610 --> 00:38:26,169 Pitches it into a drift. 712 00:38:26,170 --> 00:38:28,450 Nicely done. And across the line. 713 00:38:28,490 --> 00:38:31,450 - It looks good, that. - It's got that dartyness. 714 00:38:31,490 --> 00:38:34,090 Looks like a race car. It rides like one. You can see it. 715 00:38:34,130 --> 00:38:36,370 It's extraordinary how well it drives on the road. 716 00:38:36,410 --> 00:38:38,010 Cos it's all a... Anyway... 717 00:38:38,050 --> 00:38:40,330 Uh... that's the top ten of our leader board. 718 00:38:40,370 --> 00:38:41,690 And there's the Jag 719 00:38:41,770 --> 00:38:43,330 waiting to see where it goes. 720 00:38:43,370 --> 00:38:45,970 Or does it indeed get onto that list at all? 721 00:38:46,010 --> 00:38:47,570 Let's find out. Let's move it up. 722 00:38:47,610 --> 00:38:48,770 Does it? 723 00:38:48,810 --> 00:38:50,050 Oh. RICHARD: Bloody hell. 724 00:38:50,090 --> 00:38:53,050 Hang on a minute. It's faster than a GT3 RS? 725 00:38:53,090 --> 00:38:54,649 Good God! 726 00:38:54,650 --> 00:38:57,090 That is a really properly good car, that. 727 00:38:57,130 --> 00:38:59,090 - Mm. - It is the Spitfire of cars. 728 00:38:59,130 --> 00:39:00,770 - Hurricane. - Don't... Leave it. 729 00:39:00,810 --> 00:39:03,169 Hold, hold. Leave it. Hold. Hold. 730 00:39:03,170 --> 00:39:04,810 Hold steady. 731 00:39:04,850 --> 00:39:06,330 And relax. 732 00:39:06,370 --> 00:39:07,649 And carry on. 733 00:39:07,650 --> 00:39:09,930 Tonight, we are finding out... Is this right? 734 00:39:09,970 --> 00:39:13,170 Tonight... we are finding out 735 00:39:13,210 --> 00:39:15,650 how the new breed of European pick-up trucks 736 00:39:15,690 --> 00:39:17,930 would fare in the developing world. 737 00:39:17,970 --> 00:39:21,650 And we've learned that the Volkswagen is the best of the lot. 738 00:39:21,690 --> 00:39:24,210 - No, we didn't learn that. - Well, we did. 739 00:39:24,290 --> 00:39:26,410 It was the fastest and it was the most powerful. 740 00:39:26,450 --> 00:39:28,649 Yeah, but that's not actually terribly relevant 741 00:39:28,650 --> 00:39:31,370 if you're in a country where there are more AK-47s than ambulances, is it? 742 00:39:31,410 --> 00:39:34,130 Yes, but whatever. OK? Whatever. 743 00:39:34,170 --> 00:39:37,169 So far, we've seen what happens when the peace ends 744 00:39:37,170 --> 00:39:40,170 and the dictator is toppled and chaos ensues. 745 00:39:40,210 --> 00:39:41,930 And now we pick up the story 746 00:39:41,970 --> 00:39:45,290 with what typically happens after that. 747 00:39:54,530 --> 00:39:56,649 OK, here's the situation. 748 00:39:56,650 --> 00:39:58,170 There's a power vacuum now, 749 00:39:58,210 --> 00:40:00,450 foreign armies are pouring in and it's our job 750 00:40:00,490 --> 00:40:05,290 to get this fuel... to the nation's helicopter. 751 00:40:05,330 --> 00:40:07,530 And then the villagers can be strafed. 752 00:40:08,690 --> 00:40:10,770 - Really? - That's what happens. 753 00:40:10,810 --> 00:40:14,570 To that end, we have got to go from here 754 00:40:14,610 --> 00:40:16,690 to this forward operating base. 755 00:40:20,370 --> 00:40:22,850 And the first one there is the winner. 756 00:40:22,890 --> 00:40:25,170 That'll be me, then. 757 00:40:25,210 --> 00:40:26,690 Having saddled up, 758 00:40:26,770 --> 00:40:30,010 we waited for the sound to charge... 759 00:40:32,170 --> 00:40:33,810 ...and then, naturally, 760 00:40:33,850 --> 00:40:36,530 all set off in different directions. 761 00:40:39,010 --> 00:40:41,050 Yeah. Yeah. 762 00:40:41,090 --> 00:40:43,130 If I go through here... 763 00:40:43,170 --> 00:40:44,490 Oh, yeah! 764 00:40:44,530 --> 00:40:48,010 I am racing a pick-up truck off-road in Wales 765 00:40:48,050 --> 00:40:50,050 to refuel a helicopter. 766 00:40:50,090 --> 00:40:52,410 Oh, I am erect! 767 00:40:55,130 --> 00:40:57,090 Turn in and right. 768 00:40:57,130 --> 00:40:59,570 This test, if you think about it, 769 00:40:59,610 --> 00:41:02,570 it is rather pertinent that we are filming this in the UK, 770 00:41:02,610 --> 00:41:04,090 because in a couple of years 771 00:41:04,130 --> 00:41:06,530 when Brexit has really caught up with us, 772 00:41:06,570 --> 00:41:08,090 there will be a civil war 773 00:41:08,130 --> 00:41:11,930 and you will need pick-up trucks to survive. 774 00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:15,050 I think, if I can get through this gap in the wall, 775 00:41:15,090 --> 00:41:17,810 I save having to drive all the way round the end of it. 776 00:41:17,850 --> 00:41:19,890 Here I come. 777 00:41:22,410 --> 00:41:25,090 Oh-hoo! I have a compass. 778 00:41:25,130 --> 00:41:27,410 This is a piece of cake. 779 00:41:29,170 --> 00:41:31,530 Agh! Ohh! 780 00:41:31,570 --> 00:41:33,450 It can take some punishment, this thing. 781 00:41:34,650 --> 00:41:36,690 That's what you want. Utility. 782 00:41:36,770 --> 00:41:39,530 It's like Jack Reacher's trousers. 783 00:41:39,570 --> 00:41:44,770 They're just some trousers. This is just some pick-up. 784 00:41:44,810 --> 00:41:49,890 Sadly for me, the Amarok wasn't wearing Jack Reacher's trousers. 785 00:41:52,050 --> 00:41:54,410 Come on! Climb! 786 00:41:57,650 --> 00:42:00,170 Climb, you stupid car! 787 00:42:01,210 --> 00:42:03,610 Right, I reckon, past here... 788 00:42:04,850 --> 00:42:08,330 - Ooh, hello! - Ah, Mr Hammond! 789 00:42:08,370 --> 00:42:10,410 Oh, we've ended up in the same place! 790 00:42:10,450 --> 00:42:12,130 Right, let's see what you got. Uphill. 791 00:42:12,170 --> 00:42:15,690 Come on. No! 792 00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:18,010 Why is his car doing this and I'm not? 793 00:42:18,050 --> 00:42:23,290 Why is that possible? 794 00:42:24,970 --> 00:42:26,490 Come on! 795 00:42:26,530 --> 00:42:29,850 It's not getting up that hill! Not in a million years! 796 00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:33,650 He's got better tyres. 797 00:42:33,690 --> 00:42:35,770 That's what that is all about. 798 00:42:37,330 --> 00:42:41,050 Whatever the issue, I had to find a flatter route. 799 00:42:41,090 --> 00:42:43,170 Come on, come on. 800 00:42:43,210 --> 00:42:46,210 I must win this. Must win. 801 00:42:46,290 --> 00:42:49,050 I don't think that this Amarok 802 00:42:49,090 --> 00:42:51,970 is really designed for freedom fighters 803 00:42:52,010 --> 00:42:54,130 in Africa and the Middle East. 804 00:42:54,170 --> 00:42:57,130 I think it's aimed more at surveyors in England. 805 00:42:57,170 --> 00:43:00,170 I mean, it's got a laptop charging point here 806 00:43:00,210 --> 00:43:01,649 and a leather steering wheel. 807 00:43:01,650 --> 00:43:04,970 I'm not sure you need that kind of thing in Mogadishu. 808 00:43:07,610 --> 00:43:10,970 I need to go west, west-southwest for a bit, 809 00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:13,170 but avoiding that clump of trees. 810 00:43:15,170 --> 00:43:17,410 What is this? 811 00:43:22,810 --> 00:43:24,330 Shrugs it off! 812 00:43:25,690 --> 00:43:28,770 It's Hammond! He's going completely the wrong way. 813 00:43:28,810 --> 00:43:30,330 Wrong way! 814 00:43:30,370 --> 00:43:32,770 James going the other way is a very comforting sight. 815 00:43:32,810 --> 00:43:35,370 It means you're going the right way. 816 00:43:38,290 --> 00:43:42,490 In the Amarok, I was still searching for another route. 817 00:43:42,530 --> 00:43:43,930 Right... Oh, hang on. 818 00:43:45,810 --> 00:43:47,610 I think I'm on a golf course. 819 00:43:47,650 --> 00:43:49,210 Which way do I go? 820 00:43:50,850 --> 00:43:54,290 Uh... maybe if I drove round faster I could work it out. 821 00:44:00,090 --> 00:44:02,250 Yeah, it's this way. Here we go. 822 00:44:02,290 --> 00:44:04,610 All cleared up now. 823 00:44:07,050 --> 00:44:09,770 Meanwhile, in the Mercedes, 824 00:44:09,810 --> 00:44:12,410 I was making excellent progress. 825 00:44:12,450 --> 00:44:15,610 I've got this fantastic 360-degree camera system in here, 826 00:44:15,650 --> 00:44:17,410 so when I'm doing a tricky bit like this, 827 00:44:17,450 --> 00:44:19,650 I can turn the knob and look down each side. 828 00:44:19,690 --> 00:44:22,490 I can look down the right wheel, down the left wheel, down the front. 829 00:44:25,730 --> 00:44:28,410 Absolutely no excuse for hitting anything. Easy. 830 00:44:28,450 --> 00:44:31,650 I haven't grounded out once doing this. 831 00:44:36,570 --> 00:44:38,290 Um... 832 00:44:38,330 --> 00:44:41,330 Meanwhile, I'd just realised that for once in his life, 833 00:44:41,370 --> 00:44:44,490 James had actually been going in the right direction. 834 00:44:44,530 --> 00:44:46,770 OK, I am lost. 835 00:44:46,810 --> 00:44:48,850 I think it was that way. 836 00:44:48,890 --> 00:44:50,690 I'm gonna go this way. 837 00:44:50,730 --> 00:44:52,450 Right, let's see what you got. 838 00:44:52,490 --> 00:44:56,130 Come on. I cannot lose this race. 839 00:45:00,010 --> 00:45:03,370 Ooh! 840 00:45:05,010 --> 00:45:07,170 Careful. A bit of a bump. 841 00:45:08,770 --> 00:45:11,170 With the others far behind, 842 00:45:11,210 --> 00:45:15,010 I'd found a rough track that led to the forward operating base. 843 00:45:18,210 --> 00:45:20,050 Buffeting... 844 00:45:21,090 --> 00:45:23,410 Ohh, that's a big hole. Argh. 845 00:45:26,450 --> 00:45:30,610 And Jeremy and I were also heading in the right direction, 846 00:45:30,650 --> 00:45:33,570 on a route that was longer, but faster. 847 00:45:36,090 --> 00:45:37,810 Big one! 848 00:45:40,930 --> 00:45:43,370 This is cracking along, this thing! 849 00:45:51,130 --> 00:45:53,490 Yes! 850 00:45:53,530 --> 00:45:56,890 On the fast track, the Amarok was starting to come good. 851 00:45:58,970 --> 00:46:01,330 This is quick. Very quick. 852 00:46:02,810 --> 00:46:06,810 Even with 100 gallons of Avgas in the back. 853 00:46:09,290 --> 00:46:11,970 Whoa, hang on! 854 00:46:12,010 --> 00:46:15,850 Even though the Merc was the only one with coil springs, 855 00:46:15,890 --> 00:46:18,530 life on the rough track was very uncomfortable. 856 00:46:18,570 --> 00:46:20,170 Aargh! 857 00:46:21,490 --> 00:46:23,370 Bogs! 858 00:46:24,450 --> 00:46:25,770 Whoa! 859 00:46:25,810 --> 00:46:27,770 And then... 860 00:46:29,170 --> 00:46:30,690 Bollocks! 861 00:46:32,890 --> 00:46:35,370 That is a complete dead end. 862 00:46:35,410 --> 00:46:37,610 I've wasted my time. I'm gonna have to go back. 863 00:46:39,890 --> 00:46:41,970 I can't turn round there. Oh, God. 864 00:46:43,170 --> 00:46:44,970 Or there. 865 00:46:45,010 --> 00:46:47,370 This is losing me vital time. 866 00:46:52,530 --> 00:46:54,090 On the faster route, 867 00:46:54,130 --> 00:46:57,610 the powerful Amarok was starting to rein in the Ford. 868 00:46:59,090 --> 00:47:01,250 Right, Hammond, I'm coming to get you! 869 00:47:02,930 --> 00:47:05,810 He's toast! 870 00:47:05,850 --> 00:47:08,690 I don't think so, my friend! No way! 871 00:47:11,690 --> 00:47:14,930 - Come on, Amarok! - Eeeeeeee! 872 00:47:18,850 --> 00:47:20,970 Get in, get in! 873 00:47:21,010 --> 00:47:25,810 Kill him! I want the medal! I want to deliver the fuel! 874 00:47:27,490 --> 00:47:29,850 No way! You're not coming through! 875 00:47:29,890 --> 00:47:33,970 - Oh, no! Wooh-hoo! - Yeah, he's been crossed up! 876 00:47:34,010 --> 00:47:36,330 Come on, Jeremy! Get him, get him, get him! 877 00:47:37,370 --> 00:47:39,370 No! No! 878 00:47:42,130 --> 00:47:44,370 I'm now in the lead! 879 00:47:44,410 --> 00:47:46,210 I'm doing winning! 880 00:47:46,250 --> 00:47:47,970 No! 881 00:47:48,010 --> 00:47:49,170 Disaster! 882 00:47:55,930 --> 00:47:59,210 No! That's the compound! Damn it! 883 00:47:59,250 --> 00:48:04,290 There's the helicopter! And once again, the Amarok is victorious! 884 00:48:18,410 --> 00:48:20,650 Is that barrel gonna... 885 00:48:32,930 --> 00:48:36,290 What on earth? 886 00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:39,610 I'm probably not gonna get my freedom fighter badge now, am I, for that? 887 00:48:40,730 --> 00:48:43,250 - What happened? - Well, him! 888 00:48:43,290 --> 00:48:46,490 And any minute now he's gonna claim he won this one as well. 889 00:48:46,530 --> 00:48:48,770 - I did win it! - Oh, yeah, it looks it. 890 00:48:48,810 --> 00:48:50,290 That looks like success. 891 00:48:50,330 --> 00:48:52,250 We were told to deliver fuel! 892 00:48:52,290 --> 00:48:55,050 We weren't told to detonate the nation's helicopter! 893 00:48:55,090 --> 00:48:56,650 Look at it! 894 00:48:58,090 --> 00:49:00,010 What is the budget for our show? 895 00:49:00,050 --> 00:49:02,890 - Smaller than it was. - Yeah, not... not big enough. 896 00:49:02,930 --> 00:49:04,890 That's quite a... That's an expensive thing. 897 00:49:04,930 --> 00:49:06,370 - Yeah, helico... - Yeah, it's a helicopter. 898 00:49:06,410 --> 00:49:07,930 There are no cheap helicopters. 899 00:49:07,970 --> 00:49:10,530 Apart from that one now. 900 00:49:10,570 --> 00:49:13,450 It's beyond useless, isn't it? It's something else. 901 00:49:13,490 --> 00:49:15,930 - Oh, don't pat it. - It's a good truck! 902 00:49:15,970 --> 00:49:17,970 If you have to have a pick-up truck, 903 00:49:18,010 --> 00:49:19,650 at a time of strife in your country, 904 00:49:19,690 --> 00:49:22,130 this is proving to be the winner at everything. 905 00:49:22,170 --> 00:49:23,850 I may have prevented the war. 906 00:49:23,890 --> 00:49:25,570 How have you prevented the war? 907 00:49:25,610 --> 00:49:27,690 - Well, because... - The helicopter was there to stop the war 908 00:49:27,730 --> 00:49:29,450 by strafing the uprising villagers. 909 00:49:29,490 --> 00:49:31,290 - And now it can't do that. - No. 910 00:49:31,330 --> 00:49:34,690 So now the whole thing is gonna descend into civil war and chaos. 911 00:49:44,770 --> 00:49:47,290 It is inevitable in the developing world 912 00:49:47,330 --> 00:49:49,250 that one day all pick-up trucks 913 00:49:49,290 --> 00:49:51,970 end up being used as gun platforms. 914 00:49:52,010 --> 00:49:54,570 - Yeah. It's their destiny. - To die on the battlefield. 915 00:49:54,610 --> 00:49:56,530 Yeah, every day you turn on the news 916 00:49:56,570 --> 00:49:59,690 and there's somebody standing in the back of a Toyota or a Nissan, 917 00:49:59,730 --> 00:50:03,370 shooting at someone in a Humvee or a Land Rover. 918 00:50:03,410 --> 00:50:08,170 And what we wanna know is how good will our European trucks be at that. 919 00:50:08,210 --> 00:50:11,730 Yeah. And most importantly, which one is best. 920 00:50:11,770 --> 00:50:14,690 To find out, each of our pick-ups would be driven 921 00:50:14,730 --> 00:50:17,850 through a ruined town by a freedom fighter... 922 00:50:20,650 --> 00:50:24,730 ...whilst we stood on the back shooting at various targets. 923 00:50:24,770 --> 00:50:27,290 These included some big barn doors, 924 00:50:27,330 --> 00:50:29,170 a whole bus, 925 00:50:29,210 --> 00:50:31,970 and a selection of cardboard soldiers. 926 00:50:33,010 --> 00:50:34,930 James volunteered to go first, 927 00:50:34,970 --> 00:50:37,650 but there seemed to be a bit of a problem. 928 00:50:39,010 --> 00:50:41,770 Why haven't you s... Wh... Why haven't you set off? 929 00:50:41,810 --> 00:50:44,090 Well, I'm just doing this small repair. 930 00:50:44,130 --> 00:50:45,690 What are you repairing? 931 00:50:45,730 --> 00:50:47,290 Well, when the barrels were in, 932 00:50:47,330 --> 00:50:49,930 it slightly bowed out the sides, 933 00:50:49,970 --> 00:50:53,330 and as a result of that, this won't stay shut... 934 00:50:53,370 --> 00:50:55,170 ...which is a bit hazardous. 935 00:50:55,210 --> 00:50:56,690 That looks shut, but you go over a bump 936 00:50:56,730 --> 00:50:58,770 and that latch... See how that doesn't line up? 937 00:50:58,810 --> 00:51:00,770 So you've misused your pick-up by using it as a pick-up? 938 00:51:00,810 --> 00:51:02,970 No, I'm sorry, I... There's more to it than that. 939 00:51:03,010 --> 00:51:05,730 This is supposed to be a Nissan and a Mercedes, 940 00:51:05,770 --> 00:51:08,690 the world's most durable thing... 941 00:51:08,730 --> 00:51:11,250 Mm-hm? -...and it's got a flexible back end? 942 00:51:11,290 --> 00:51:14,850 That's rubbish! That is actually, genuinely, rubbish. 943 00:51:16,410 --> 00:51:18,330 Whilst I secured the tailgate, 944 00:51:18,370 --> 00:51:21,090 Jeremy loaded up my AK-47... 945 00:51:21,130 --> 00:51:24,810 I'll put it down carefully in case I break your pick-up truck with it. 946 00:51:24,850 --> 00:51:27,450 ...and then I was ready to deploy. 947 00:51:29,330 --> 00:51:32,050 - You can go. - Ride out to glory! 948 00:51:32,090 --> 00:51:34,690 Look at him! The soldier of fortune! 949 00:51:34,730 --> 00:51:36,490 Dogs of war! 950 00:51:36,530 --> 00:51:38,730 The Spaniel of War is what it is! 951 00:51:41,930 --> 00:51:43,850 Oh, this is quite difficult. 952 00:51:43,890 --> 00:51:47,490 Even though I've got the car with the most sophisticated suspension, 953 00:51:47,530 --> 00:51:49,290 I've got a slightly slippery floor. 954 00:51:49,330 --> 00:51:51,650 I'm looking for a barn door. 955 00:51:51,690 --> 00:51:52,930 There it is. 956 00:51:57,690 --> 00:51:59,050 Argh. 957 00:51:59,090 --> 00:52:01,250 They make this look a lot easier in Black Hawk Down. 958 00:52:02,610 --> 00:52:05,570 There's the bus! Oof! 959 00:52:10,290 --> 00:52:11,650 Oh, cock! 960 00:52:11,690 --> 00:52:14,170 Having somehow managed to miss a whole bus, 961 00:52:14,210 --> 00:52:17,130 I started to look for the cardboard soldiers. 962 00:52:18,130 --> 00:52:20,210 Die, cardboard cut-out bast... 963 00:52:25,570 --> 00:52:27,370 More. Argh. 964 00:52:31,530 --> 00:52:33,730 Ow! 965 00:52:35,370 --> 00:52:38,010 Come on, barn door, I'm ready for ya! 966 00:52:40,650 --> 00:52:43,370 Take this, barn door! 967 00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:47,010 Rambo May had missed all the barn doors, 968 00:52:47,050 --> 00:52:50,050 all of the bus and all of the soldiers. 969 00:52:50,090 --> 00:52:52,490 So, with a score of zero to beat, 970 00:52:52,530 --> 00:52:55,810 Arnold Hammondenegger was feeling very confident. 971 00:52:57,050 --> 00:53:00,450 - Stand up. - I am standing up! 972 00:53:00,490 --> 00:53:02,690 Oh, he loves that. 973 00:53:02,730 --> 00:53:05,650 Ha! 974 00:53:05,690 --> 00:53:07,570 Ha-ha! 975 00:53:07,610 --> 00:53:10,770 Welcome to Richard Hammond's usual weekend. 976 00:53:10,810 --> 00:53:12,730 Ha-ha! 977 00:53:12,770 --> 00:53:15,130 Ooh, wait! Is that a barn door? 978 00:53:15,170 --> 00:53:17,970 Oh, a bush got in the way. 979 00:53:18,010 --> 00:53:19,530 That's all that happened then. 980 00:53:20,570 --> 00:53:22,730 Bus! Big target! 981 00:53:24,130 --> 00:53:26,170 Oh, shit! I'm out of bullets. 982 00:53:29,210 --> 00:53:31,810 Hold on. Ohh. 983 00:53:35,330 --> 00:53:36,530 Bugger. 984 00:53:36,570 --> 00:53:38,970 Oh, wait, targets! 985 00:53:40,810 --> 00:53:42,290 Oh, I've jammed. 986 00:53:42,330 --> 00:53:45,610 OK, all the baddies, stop. 987 00:53:45,650 --> 00:53:47,530 Hang on. 988 00:53:47,570 --> 00:53:49,130 Oh, shit. 989 00:53:51,370 --> 00:53:56,090 I've gotta try and make up for this now on the last target. Pinpoint shooting. 990 00:53:56,130 --> 00:53:58,850 Barn doors! Target acquired! 991 00:53:58,890 --> 00:54:01,010 Oh, no! No, not now! 992 00:54:01,050 --> 00:54:04,690 I've jammed my gun. Oh, bollocks. 993 00:54:09,490 --> 00:54:11,890 I had a bit of gun trouble, I'll not lie. 994 00:54:11,930 --> 00:54:13,810 - Well, here's some more news. - Yes? 995 00:54:13,850 --> 00:54:16,490 General Stonewall Clarkson has gone off to get ready, 996 00:54:16,530 --> 00:54:18,010 but I suddenly remembered... 997 00:54:18,050 --> 00:54:19,970 - Remember when we were in Jordan? - Yeah? 998 00:54:20,010 --> 00:54:22,330 He can't fire automatic rifles. 999 00:54:22,370 --> 00:54:23,530 - No. - Do you remember? 1000 00:54:23,570 --> 00:54:25,090 - Cos he's... - Because... It's... 1001 00:54:25,130 --> 00:54:26,610 - He's crossed over, isn't he? - Yeah. 1002 00:54:26,650 --> 00:54:28,970 He's right-handed, but left-eyed. 1003 00:54:29,010 --> 00:54:30,970 - Yeah, so he shoots... - He shoots from his left side. 1004 00:54:31,010 --> 00:54:32,370 Exactly. He's diagonal. 1005 00:54:32,410 --> 00:54:35,210 Which means all the spent cartridges burn his arm. 1006 00:54:35,250 --> 00:54:37,530 - Exactly. - Well, he'll be using a pistol, won't he? 1007 00:54:37,570 --> 00:54:40,250 - He always uses a pistol. - Yes. 1008 00:54:40,290 --> 00:54:43,010 Actually, I wasn't using a pistol. 1009 00:54:45,250 --> 00:54:47,010 That's what I've got! 1010 00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:48,570 A .50 cal! 1011 00:54:48,610 --> 00:54:50,570 Lock and load! 1012 00:54:50,610 --> 00:54:51,730 Yes! 1013 00:54:51,770 --> 00:54:55,410 Barn door, barn door, coming into view! 1014 00:55:02,650 --> 00:55:05,210 Oh! Argh! I may have... I've missed... What? 1015 00:55:05,250 --> 00:55:07,970 Yeah, I've missed the door, uh... there, badly. 1016 00:55:08,010 --> 00:55:10,290 Searching for targets. 1017 00:55:10,330 --> 00:55:11,970 There's a bus round here somewhere. 1018 00:55:12,010 --> 00:55:13,770 There it is. 1019 00:55:13,810 --> 00:55:15,970 Ah, I can't get on it. I can't get on it. 1020 00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:18,530 I can't get on the bus! Opening fire! 1021 00:55:20,410 --> 00:55:22,090 Oh! 1022 00:55:22,130 --> 00:55:25,290 Ah, I think I hit that... Ah, I've done that wrong! 1023 00:55:25,330 --> 00:55:28,130 Men on the bridge! Lock and load! I said it again! 1024 00:55:28,170 --> 00:55:30,130 Die! 1025 00:55:48,770 --> 00:55:52,250 I may be... I'm getting a bit... It's the leaf springs. 1026 00:55:52,290 --> 00:55:55,250 Bad mark for Volkswagen there, this jigglyness. 1027 00:55:55,290 --> 00:55:57,570 Right, here we go. Men. 1028 00:55:57,610 --> 00:55:59,570 Die! 1029 00:56:02,010 --> 00:56:03,770 Die! 1030 00:56:03,810 --> 00:56:07,250 Oh, God. 1031 00:56:07,290 --> 00:56:10,010 After this, I got a bit carried away. 1032 00:56:15,250 --> 00:56:16,370 Die! 1033 00:56:23,290 --> 00:56:24,650 Up! Oh, God. 1034 00:56:24,690 --> 00:56:27,370 I'm gonna be in trouble for that one. 1035 00:56:27,410 --> 00:56:30,250 I've done that very wrong there, look. 1036 00:56:30,290 --> 00:56:34,170 I've just noticed something. It's got sights! 1037 00:56:34,210 --> 00:56:36,450 It's not just guesswork. That's useful. 1038 00:56:37,570 --> 00:56:40,770 Right, barn door. Here we go. 1039 00:57:11,290 --> 00:57:12,930 Yes! 1040 00:57:12,970 --> 00:57:14,370 - What? - Another victory! 1041 00:57:14,410 --> 00:57:16,010 How do you work that out? 1042 00:57:16,050 --> 00:57:17,610 I hate to tell you this, 1043 00:57:17,650 --> 00:57:19,130 but you haven't hit the doors, which was the target. 1044 00:57:19,170 --> 00:57:20,930 How do you know I haven't hit the doors? 1045 00:57:20,970 --> 00:57:23,370 Because there's no... 1046 00:57:28,530 --> 00:57:31,450 Well, on that terrible disappointment for him... 1047 00:57:31,490 --> 00:57:33,610 time to go back to the tent. 1048 00:57:37,210 --> 00:57:38,970 No! No, no, no! 1049 00:57:40,050 --> 00:57:42,250 Don't... Don't clap! Don't clap! 1050 00:57:42,290 --> 00:57:43,770 He killed a man! 1051 00:57:43,810 --> 00:57:46,250 You jammed an AK-47! 1052 00:57:46,290 --> 00:57:48,170 - Well... - It's famously un-jammable! 1053 00:57:48,210 --> 00:57:51,010 No one in history has ever jammed one till you came along! 1054 00:57:51,050 --> 00:57:52,610 Yes, it overheated! 1055 00:57:52,650 --> 00:57:55,010 That's cos you were firing it into the air 1056 00:57:55,050 --> 00:57:57,130 pointlessly when you set off! 1057 00:57:57,170 --> 00:57:58,610 That's what they're for! 1058 00:57:58,650 --> 00:58:00,810 Weddings, funerals, exam results - 1059 00:58:00,850 --> 00:58:03,010 you go outside, fire your AK in the air! 1060 00:58:03,050 --> 00:58:04,650 It's a joyous thing! 1061 00:58:04,690 --> 00:58:07,210 They are the party popper of the developing world! 1062 00:58:09,930 --> 00:58:11,890 Never mind all that. 1063 00:58:11,930 --> 00:58:14,370 - I have the scores. The final scores. - This is the important bit. 1064 00:58:14,410 --> 00:58:18,050 Jeremy Clarkson, you fired 2,600 rounds. 1065 00:58:18,090 --> 00:58:19,330 Mm-hm. 1066 00:58:19,370 --> 00:58:22,770 And the number of targets you hit... was one. 1067 00:58:24,450 --> 00:58:26,930 You laugh, but it's one more than him! 1068 00:58:26,970 --> 00:58:29,450 - Uh... it is. - It is one more than you, so I'm winning! 1069 00:58:29,490 --> 00:58:32,530 Wait, so hang on, it all boils down to how many targets I hit. 1070 00:58:32,570 --> 00:58:34,970 - Yes, but you had a roll bar to hang onto. - I did. 1071 00:58:35,010 --> 00:58:36,690 Yeah, he did. And he scored... 1072 00:58:36,730 --> 00:58:38,050 Yes? 1073 00:58:38,090 --> 00:58:39,330 ...nought. 1074 00:58:39,370 --> 00:58:41,050 He really got nothing? 1075 00:58:41,090 --> 00:58:43,130 - Yep. - OK, so after all of that, 1076 00:58:43,170 --> 00:58:45,090 what is our conclusion, gentlemen? 1077 00:58:45,130 --> 00:58:46,970 - Can we do a sensible one? - Yeah. 1078 00:58:47,010 --> 00:58:49,090 See, the thing is, that Mercedes Nissan you had, 1079 00:58:49,130 --> 00:58:50,770 it did have a wobbly back end, 1080 00:58:50,810 --> 00:58:52,650 and I just don't think that's good enough, actually, 1081 00:58:52,690 --> 00:58:54,250 in a pick-up truck, I really don't. 1082 00:58:54,290 --> 00:58:56,370 The Volkswagen is very good, 1083 00:58:56,410 --> 00:58:59,930 but pick-up trucks are working tools, and it's just a bit too posh. 1084 00:58:59,970 --> 00:59:03,170 You wouldn't want to get into it in muddy boots. I don't think that will work. 1085 00:59:03,210 --> 00:59:05,010 So, it's the Ford, then? It's the cheapest. 1086 00:59:05,050 --> 00:59:07,410 It is the cheapest. And it's, I think, the best-looking. 1087 00:59:07,450 --> 00:59:09,290 And it is actually the one I'd have. 1088 00:59:09,330 --> 00:59:10,930 - You'd have the Ford? - Yeah. 1089 00:59:10,970 --> 00:59:12,650 - And you'd have the Ford? - We'd both have the Ford. 1090 00:59:12,690 --> 00:59:14,250 James, what would you have? 1091 00:59:14,290 --> 00:59:16,210 I wouldn't have a pick-up truck. 1092 00:59:16,250 --> 00:59:18,530 Yes, I know, but in this test 1093 00:59:18,570 --> 00:59:20,290 of pick-up trucks, which one would you have? 1094 00:59:20,330 --> 00:59:22,090 None of them. I wouldn't have one. 1095 00:59:22,130 --> 00:59:24,010 Yeah, I know! But we're testing pick-ups, 1096 00:59:24,050 --> 00:59:26,570 so which pick-up truck of the three would you have? 1097 00:59:26,610 --> 00:59:28,930 I wouldn't have a pick-up truck. 1098 00:59:28,970 --> 00:59:31,250 You've just spent 20 minutes reviewing these pick-up trucks. 1099 00:59:31,290 --> 00:59:34,290 The ladies and gentlemen would like to know which is the best? 1100 00:59:34,330 --> 00:59:36,730 I've come to a conclusion, on behalf of the ladies and gentlemen, 1101 00:59:36,770 --> 00:59:38,570 which is don't have a pick-up truck. 1102 00:59:38,610 --> 00:59:41,210 James! You have a powerful imagination! 1103 00:59:41,250 --> 00:59:43,050 Use it! Let's pretend! 1104 00:59:43,090 --> 00:59:44,570 OK, come with me on a journey. 1105 00:59:44,610 --> 00:59:46,730 We'll warm your imagination up. 1106 00:59:46,770 --> 00:59:49,690 - Imagine you're an eagle. - OK. 1107 00:59:49,730 --> 00:59:51,850 Visualise that you're flying over mountains. 1108 00:59:51,890 --> 00:59:54,290 Can you feel it? Can you feel the wind in your feathers? 1109 00:59:54,330 --> 00:59:55,890 - Mmm. - It's beautiful, isn't it? 1110 00:59:55,930 --> 00:59:59,130 - Yeah. - OK, now imagine you've got a pick-up truck. 1111 00:59:59,170 --> 01:00:01,490 - Which one is it? - Why would an eagle have a pick-up truck? 1112 01:00:01,530 --> 01:00:03,610 No! No! 1113 01:00:03,650 --> 01:00:05,530 I mean, imagine... OK, let's try... 1114 01:00:05,570 --> 01:00:09,610 OK, imagine, James May, a pastoral scene. Have you got it? 1115 01:00:09,650 --> 01:00:12,050 There's, like, rolling, grassy hills, 1116 01:00:12,090 --> 01:00:13,730 a few sheep around - you're a farmer. 1117 01:00:13,770 --> 01:00:15,170 You're walking round with your dog 1118 01:00:15,210 --> 01:00:17,050 at your heel there, sheep all around you. 1119 01:00:17,090 --> 01:00:18,410 Can I have Beethoven playing? 1120 01:00:18,450 --> 01:00:20,770 Beethoven is playing, obviously, live. 1121 01:00:20,810 --> 01:00:23,730 There's an old five-bar gate there. 1122 01:00:23,770 --> 01:00:25,930 An old oak tree arches over the gate. 1123 01:00:25,970 --> 01:00:28,530 And under the oak tree is your farmer's pick-up truck. 1124 01:00:28,570 --> 01:00:31,290 - Which one is it? - It's not there. 1125 01:00:31,330 --> 01:00:33,770 I wouldn't have it, because I wouldn't have a pick-up truck. 1126 01:00:33,810 --> 01:00:35,810 Neither should anybody else. You shouldn't have one. 1127 01:00:35,850 --> 01:00:37,330 Even in your imagination... 1128 01:00:37,370 --> 01:00:39,610 My imagination does not admit a pick-up truck. 1129 01:00:39,650 --> 01:00:41,810 - I'm not being stubborn. I know my mind. - Yes. 1130 01:00:41,850 --> 01:00:43,650 And I don't want a pick-up truck. 1131 01:00:43,690 --> 01:00:47,250 What I know is that you've wasted so much time 1132 01:00:47,290 --> 01:00:48,850 not choosing a pick-up truck, 1133 01:00:48,890 --> 01:00:51,210 and claiming that the Battle of Britain was a draw, 1134 01:00:51,250 --> 01:00:54,450 that we don't have time for the big celebrity duel 1135 01:00:54,490 --> 01:00:58,530 between... Adrian Chiles and Howard from the Halifax ads. 1136 01:00:58,570 --> 01:01:00,970 - Oh, no! - Exactly! 1137 01:01:01,010 --> 01:01:03,570 And on that terrible disappointment, we must end. 1138 01:01:03,610 --> 01:01:05,690 Thank you so much for watching. Good night!