1 00:00:51,283 --> 00:00:53,702 *THE GRAND TOUR* Season 03 Episode 08 Title: "International Buffoons’ Vacation" 2 00:00:57,195 --> 00:00:59,720 - Thank you. - Thank you. 3 00:01:00,338 --> 00:01:02,190 Thank you. 4 00:01:02,275 --> 00:01:03,916 Thank you very much, everyone. 5 00:01:04,002 --> 00:01:09,002 Now, welcome to what is a Grand Tour special, 6 00:01:09,088 --> 00:01:11,963 in which we go on vacation. 7 00:01:12,062 --> 00:01:13,619 Yep. Let me explain. 8 00:01:13,705 --> 00:01:15,103 The other day we were wondering 9 00:01:15,189 --> 00:01:19,158 why some people who want to visit the western bit of America, 10 00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:23,189 choose to do so on an RV touring holiday. 11 00:01:23,355 --> 00:01:26,056 It is very popular. I mean, we all have friends who have done it. 12 00:01:26,142 --> 00:01:27,744 And they say they had a good time. 13 00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,728 Sounds like caravanning to us, though. 14 00:01:29,814 --> 00:01:31,697 And you couldn't enjoy that... 15 00:01:31,783 --> 00:01:34,127 unless you were mental. However, 16 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:37,350 Mr Wilman says that since this is a motoring, 17 00:01:37,435 --> 00:01:39,190 and travel and adventure show 18 00:01:39,275 --> 00:01:41,150 he would rent us an RV. 19 00:01:41,236 --> 00:01:43,166 And then we could go over there 20 00:01:43,252 --> 00:01:47,095 to see if we could find out what the appeal is. 21 00:01:53,711 --> 00:01:56,892 This was the location he chose. 22 00:01:59,492 --> 00:02:04,955 And this was the Winnebago Chieftain that he rented for us. 23 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:08,736 And it was very terrible in every way. 24 00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:12,252 Chaps, if you'd like to brace, 25 00:02:12,338 --> 00:02:15,230 I'm gonna put my foot down, see what she'll do. Happy? 26 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:17,260 - Yeah. - Yeah. - Here we go. 27 00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:22,666 40. 28 00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:26,994 43. 29 00:02:27,778 --> 00:02:30,525 That's flat-out. 30 00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:34,950 This slowness put Hammond and me in a bad mood. 31 00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:37,430 You're just helping yourself to cards. I... 32 00:02:37,515 --> 00:02:39,930 I thought that was the idea. Gotta find all the cards... 33 00:02:40,015 --> 00:02:41,970 I have to have a turn as well. 34 00:02:42,055 --> 00:02:43,790 Well, that'll take ages. 35 00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:45,730 Don't make my holiday worse than it already is. 36 00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:48,050 - It is pretty bad in here, isn't it? 37 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,370 It's worse than I thought it would be. 38 00:02:50,455 --> 00:02:53,818 Who decided, "Yes, that wallpaper makes it look like home"? 39 00:02:53,904 --> 00:02:57,319 This material existed... 40 00:02:57,518 --> 00:03:00,670 in the late-1960s in South Yorkshire. 41 00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:03,050 It's called pleblon that we're sitting on. 42 00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:05,701 And this - this is vulgalure. 43 00:03:05,787 --> 00:03:08,490 RV design, as far as I can tell, 44 00:03:08,575 --> 00:03:11,271 stopped in 1972. 45 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,390 Yes. 46 00:03:12,475 --> 00:03:14,010 It's a different design language 47 00:03:14,095 --> 00:03:16,050 and the language is: Shit. 48 00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:19,290 But all of this doesn't trouble me 49 00:03:19,375 --> 00:03:22,615 half as much as that. 50 00:03:22,701 --> 00:03:24,099 We're here for a week. 51 00:03:24,185 --> 00:03:28,045 At no point will we be more than 12 feet 52 00:03:28,285 --> 00:03:30,450 from where the turds are stored. 53 00:03:31,174 --> 00:03:32,600 His turds. 54 00:03:33,533 --> 00:03:35,178 Look at this. 55 00:03:36,355 --> 00:03:38,010 That's the lavatory door. 56 00:03:38,095 --> 00:03:40,646 Look at it. This is unacceptable. 57 00:03:40,732 --> 00:03:42,959 What separates us from the animals 58 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:46,590 is reason and defecating in private. 59 00:03:46,675 --> 00:03:50,910 You go somewhere comfortable, read a newspaper, do your business. 60 00:03:50,995 --> 00:03:52,710 You can't do that in there. 61 00:03:52,795 --> 00:03:55,070 - What is that shocking racket? 62 00:03:55,155 --> 00:03:58,130 - Everything. - Everything rattles because it's full of crap. 63 00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:02,810 I'm not... I can't... I can't do a week in here. 64 00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:08,450 After just five miles we'd had enough. 65 00:04:08,535 --> 00:04:12,030 And pulled over for a cup of American coffee. 66 00:04:12,115 --> 00:04:16,170 Right. Recipe's very simple. Take a coffee bean and razor blade. 67 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:18,930 Chop just the end off. Lovely. 68 00:04:19,015 --> 00:04:20,953 Let's check the... 69 00:04:21,039 --> 00:04:22,514 Lukewarm? Yeah. 70 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,592 Pop it in. 71 00:04:24,678 --> 00:04:26,568 Mix it up till the water is 72 00:04:26,654 --> 00:04:29,334 just slightly coloured. 73 00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:31,428 - Perfect. - So in conclusion, then, 74 00:04:31,514 --> 00:04:33,850 there is no appeal to an RV holiday, is there? 75 00:04:33,936 --> 00:04:38,029 This whole experience wouldn't be so bad 76 00:04:38,115 --> 00:04:41,670 if we somehow could modify it, so it's better to live in. 77 00:04:41,756 --> 00:04:43,730 Well, only if we could have one each. 78 00:04:43,912 --> 00:04:45,701 Well, why don't we do that? 79 00:04:45,795 --> 00:04:48,015 Get one each? Yeah, why don't we just get one each? 80 00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:51,287 And then modify it to suit our particular requirements. 81 00:04:51,388 --> 00:04:53,264 We don't have to have all of this offensive... 82 00:04:53,350 --> 00:04:54,943 We can do what we want. 83 00:04:55,803 --> 00:04:58,592 We therefore abandoned Mr Wilman's RV 84 00:04:58,678 --> 00:05:01,185 and went off to buy our own. 85 00:05:01,555 --> 00:05:06,560 Which we then personalised to suit our individual holiday needs. 86 00:05:10,595 --> 00:05:12,610 This is what I've gone for. 87 00:05:12,695 --> 00:05:15,370 It's the Ford F550 National Tropical. 88 00:05:15,455 --> 00:05:18,270 And... it's 36 feet long. 89 00:05:18,355 --> 00:05:19,990 Why so massive? 90 00:05:20,075 --> 00:05:21,810 I wanted to modify it in such a way 91 00:05:21,895 --> 00:05:24,230 that I brought a small taste of home with me. 92 00:05:24,315 --> 00:05:26,410 - Can you guess what it is? - Er... 93 00:05:26,495 --> 00:05:28,290 - Brown furniture. - A tea cosy. 94 00:05:28,375 --> 00:05:29,930 - A rusty motorcycle. - No. 95 00:05:30,015 --> 00:05:31,640 - Follow me. - What? 96 00:05:32,644 --> 00:05:35,271 Holy moly! 97 00:05:35,357 --> 00:05:36,489 Whoa-ho! 98 00:05:36,575 --> 00:05:38,787 Yes, welcome to the Rack and Pinion. What will it be? 99 00:05:38,873 --> 00:05:41,834 - I'm in a pub. - I'm staggered. 100 00:05:41,954 --> 00:05:44,249 It's got peanuts on the wall, terrible pictures. 101 00:05:44,335 --> 00:05:46,271 - Yes. - This is fabulous. 102 00:05:46,357 --> 00:05:48,271 - I know. - Warm brown beer. 103 00:05:48,357 --> 00:05:50,972 Yep. Would you like a glass of Lady Petrol? 104 00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:55,005 - Is that rosé? Lady Petrol? - Yes. I've equipped it with your favourite drinks. 105 00:05:55,215 --> 00:05:57,514 - What's that? - That's for you. 106 00:05:57,654 --> 00:05:58,896 Brummie's Ruin. 107 00:05:58,982 --> 00:05:59,990 It's gin. \- It's gin. 108 00:06:00,076 --> 00:06:01,741 Have you remembered to ensure there're sufficient 109 00:06:01,826 --> 00:06:03,210 urine traces in the peanuts? 110 00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:05,550 Yes, I urinated on them myself. 111 00:06:05,635 --> 00:06:09,570 Can I just ask: why have you got a drawing of three stroke victims on the wall? 112 00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:11,195 That's us. 113 00:06:12,275 --> 00:06:14,529 - Er... - What? 114 00:06:14,615 --> 00:06:17,615 - Dartboard. - Yes, it's a pub. 115 00:06:17,701 --> 00:06:21,030 Darts is a fine game and helped England win a lot of wars. 116 00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:23,584 Darts is for people who have no conversation. 117 00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:26,110 - Rubbish! - Who wants to go to the pub and do maths? 118 00:06:26,195 --> 00:06:28,590 It's no good telling me what you want your pub to be like. 119 00:06:28,675 --> 00:06:30,851 - I don't want my pub... - This is my pub. This is what it's like. 120 00:06:30,936 --> 00:06:33,060 This is a traditional pub. 121 00:06:33,146 --> 00:06:35,282 - This is what they look like. - This is great. It works. 122 00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:37,222 We're already talking pub bollocks. 123 00:06:37,435 --> 00:06:39,650 James, it's my job to ridicule you, obviously. 124 00:06:39,735 --> 00:06:43,590 But I can't. Because, apart from the dartboard, you've done an incredible job. 125 00:06:43,676 --> 00:06:46,184 - Thank you. - But it isn't quite as incredible 126 00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:48,615 as the job I've done. 127 00:06:50,092 --> 00:06:54,370 Whoa! I've gone, as you can see, for a nautical theme. 128 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,639 - In the desert. - Yes, bear with me. 129 00:06:56,725 --> 00:06:58,420 Two-tone paintwork, obviously. 130 00:06:58,506 --> 00:07:02,217 Jet ski on the back, and then, up on the top, 131 00:07:02,303 --> 00:07:07,006 and this really is the pièce de résistance, the flying bridge. 132 00:07:07,131 --> 00:07:10,130 - What, so you can drive it from outside? - Why would you not do that? 133 00:07:10,215 --> 00:07:12,890 - Because you built it. - I hate jet skis, by the way. 134 00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:17,030 I know, but I... You told me my hatred of darts is irrelevant. 135 00:07:17,115 --> 00:07:19,290 - You kept mentioning it. - It does look nautical. 136 00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,450 - Shoes off. Shoes off. - What? 137 00:07:21,535 --> 00:07:23,150 - Shoes off. - Why? 138 00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,310 - It's a boat. - Oh, I hate that! 139 00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,310 I can afford £2 million on a boat, 140 00:07:27,395 --> 00:07:30,650 but not a new bit of carpet if it gets some dust on it off my shoes. 141 00:07:30,735 --> 00:07:32,690 - It's a bit Surrey. - Off. 142 00:07:32,775 --> 00:07:34,990 - Oh, God. - Right, good. 143 00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:37,410 Right, boots are off. Whoa! 144 00:07:37,495 --> 00:07:40,960 - What? - Is this all bathroom? 145 00:07:41,697 --> 00:07:44,123 Yes, obviously. Or lavatory. 146 00:07:44,232 --> 00:07:46,404 Shower here, tiled, as you can see. 147 00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:47,928 Tasteful. 148 00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:51,329 Sink unit, vanity mirror, restrained. 149 00:07:51,415 --> 00:07:55,373 And... just pop this open like so. 150 00:07:56,115 --> 00:07:57,990 - Wow. - Lower the flap, 151 00:07:58,075 --> 00:08:00,693 which means that in the morning... 152 00:08:00,829 --> 00:08:04,064 I can... sit down 153 00:08:04,196 --> 00:08:06,231 and I can... well, I can see the pub. 154 00:08:06,449 --> 00:08:09,295 As we know, luxury is defined by light and space. 155 00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:11,841 - Hm? - So this is a luxurious bog. 156 00:08:11,927 --> 00:08:13,810 - Correct. - And also, look. 157 00:08:13,896 --> 00:08:17,911 This is not some camping lavatory where you defecate on a piece of plastic. 158 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,412 Observe. 159 00:08:21,274 --> 00:08:23,189 Oh, it's a proper thing. 160 00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:25,650 Well, how, where does... where does that go? 161 00:08:25,736 --> 00:08:28,857 - Underneath the RV. - What, to, like, a tank or something? 162 00:08:29,168 --> 00:08:31,263 No, underneath the RV. 163 00:08:31,349 --> 00:08:33,727 What, you're going to drive off in your bathroom 164 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:36,908 - leaving behind a mound of turds? - Yes. 165 00:08:37,009 --> 00:08:39,052 - Where are you gonna sleep? - Here. 166 00:08:39,138 --> 00:08:41,974 This is the exact same width as my forearm. 167 00:08:42,060 --> 00:08:43,302 Oh, yes. 168 00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:46,803 It's more of a cupboard, really, isn't it? 169 00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:50,644 The roof, however, was a different story. 170 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,905 - Whoa! - Oh, I say. 171 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,906 Well, this is wasted space normally, isn't it? 172 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:57,560 - Exactly. - It's pretty good this, Hammond. 173 00:08:57,684 --> 00:08:59,216 - But hang on a minute. - What? 174 00:08:59,302 --> 00:09:00,703 This is... This is very impressive. 175 00:09:00,788 --> 00:09:03,382 - It's very... - Aargh! Ha-ha, ha ha-ha! 176 00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:06,132 Oh, yes! 177 00:09:06,218 --> 00:09:07,897 - Ha, ha-ha! - Oh, ho. 178 00:09:07,983 --> 00:09:10,130 - So that's something to look forward to. - Aargh! 179 00:09:10,215 --> 00:09:13,110 Yeah, don't let skin touch anything. 180 00:09:13,195 --> 00:09:16,930 Right, so assuming you were able to sit in the scaldingly hot seat. 181 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,950 - Yes. - Under the blazing sun. 182 00:09:19,035 --> 00:09:20,630 - Yes. - How does it work? 183 00:09:20,715 --> 00:09:22,810 Have you got brakes and accelerator and... 184 00:09:23,046 --> 00:09:25,030 Accelerating. 185 00:09:25,124 --> 00:09:26,624 - Braking. - Right. 186 00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:28,885 - Gears. - Oh, so it really is a boat. 187 00:09:28,971 --> 00:09:32,046 Yeah. Look, the way I see it is this, gentlemen. 188 00:09:32,257 --> 00:09:36,070 Almost no one would want to go on holiday in a 36-foot caravan, 189 00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:38,085 but everybody would bite your arm off 190 00:09:38,171 --> 00:09:40,671 to go on holiday in a 36-foot gin palace. 191 00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:43,090 - They're not really that different. - No, they're not. 192 00:09:43,175 --> 00:09:45,930 It's just one floats on water and one goes on land. 193 00:09:46,015 --> 00:09:47,866 - Right, Hammond. - Yes. 194 00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:50,343 - Where's yours? - Over there. 195 00:09:50,761 --> 00:09:53,640 - What, behind the lorry? - No, it is the lorry. That's it. 196 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,430 That's not an RV. 197 00:09:55,515 --> 00:09:58,796 It is. Look, it's big, I can sleep on it and it's got a bike on the back. 198 00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:00,264 That's a recreational vehicle right there. 199 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,397 This we have got to see. 200 00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:10,230 It's big and it needs to move along, so a truck is the obvious answer. 201 00:10:10,315 --> 00:10:12,550 - What sort of truck is it? - I don't know. Truck. 202 00:10:12,635 --> 00:10:15,130 These are the ones that used to be the U-Haul lorry. Ooh! 203 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,835 You've still got the sign of the previous owner on it. 204 00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:18,930 It doesn't matter. 205 00:10:19,015 --> 00:10:20,950 Come aboard, leave your shoes on, 206 00:10:21,035 --> 00:10:22,810 cos this wood is very splintery. 207 00:10:22,895 --> 00:10:25,550 Um... 208 00:10:25,635 --> 00:10:27,819 Here's the living accommodation. 209 00:10:28,035 --> 00:10:30,546 - What living accommodation? - There's a bed. 210 00:10:30,639 --> 00:10:34,077 There, bed. Telescope in case I get bored in the evening. 211 00:10:34,319 --> 00:10:38,210 And then rocking chair in case of visitors and a motorcycle on the back. 212 00:10:38,295 --> 00:10:40,288 So, just two secs. 213 00:10:40,494 --> 00:10:42,289 - Stacks. - Yeah. 214 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,990 - Engine? - It's got a V8. 215 00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:47,272 - Whose? - Mine now, I bought the truck. 216 00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:49,550 You have made no effort whatsoever. 217 00:10:49,635 --> 00:10:51,983 Oh, no, now I have, but I've distilled it down. 218 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:56,163 I haven't wasted time and effort on complicated stuff I don't need. 219 00:10:56,249 --> 00:10:58,413 - This is honest. - So when you come to my... 220 00:10:58,499 --> 00:11:00,836 and say, "Please, Jeremy, can I borrow your lavatory?" in the morning, 221 00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:03,529 I'm gonna say no, cos you accused me of wasting time. 222 00:11:03,615 --> 00:11:06,110 And if you want to come to my pub for a drink of your gin, 223 00:11:06,195 --> 00:11:07,730 which I've put on tap for you, I'll say, 224 00:11:07,815 --> 00:11:09,156 "No, it's just a waste of time, Hammond." 225 00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:12,440 I didn't realise we were setting up a sort of stock exchange of resources 226 00:11:12,526 --> 00:11:14,936 - needed by the roaming camper. - Hammond? 227 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:15,887 Yes? 228 00:11:15,973 --> 00:11:18,483 Your lorry, I'm not gonna call it an RV... 229 00:11:18,569 --> 00:11:20,577 - It isn't an RV. - Is dismal. 230 00:11:20,663 --> 00:11:22,561 God strewth. 231 00:11:22,647 --> 00:11:25,499 On that note, we set off... 232 00:11:26,681 --> 00:11:29,409 to see what our RVs and Hammond's lorry, 233 00:11:29,495 --> 00:11:31,288 were like on the road. 234 00:11:37,315 --> 00:11:40,249 So, let's have a look at what we've got on the dash here. 235 00:11:40,390 --> 00:11:43,788 Left-hand panel: don't know what any of that does. 236 00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:46,449 Central panel, four warning lights. 237 00:11:46,535 --> 00:11:47,890 Don't know what they're for. 238 00:11:47,976 --> 00:11:49,311 They've got handwritten notices 239 00:11:49,402 --> 00:11:51,249 but that's all rubbed off. 240 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:55,561 Everything on the right-hand panel: CB radio, stereo tape player etcetera - 241 00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:58,030 all broken. Switch here? 242 00:11:58,764 --> 00:12:00,429 Nothing. 243 00:12:00,772 --> 00:12:04,647 Air con is good, though, and that, frankly, is all that matters. 244 00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,913 It's 100 degrees out there. 245 00:12:11,515 --> 00:12:14,772 Hello, viewers. You join me driving my pub. 246 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,250 And given that the two things I do most in life 247 00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:19,650 are driving and going to the pub, 248 00:12:19,735 --> 00:12:22,616 this is a perfect arrangement, isn't it? 249 00:12:22,705 --> 00:12:24,680 Go on, change up, you bastard. 250 00:12:25,257 --> 00:12:27,442 Thank you. 251 00:12:31,595 --> 00:12:33,702 Nice view, that. 252 00:12:33,788 --> 00:12:36,061 Better than the view from my pub back home. 253 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:39,600 That's a view of a wall and some bins. 254 00:12:41,831 --> 00:12:44,876 Hello, America. I'm here to explore. 255 00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:48,045 I'm not gonna push it hard up this hill, 256 00:12:48,131 --> 00:12:50,476 cos I've noticed it's running quite hot. 257 00:12:51,519 --> 00:12:54,241 Yeah, doing er... 15 miles an hour, 258 00:12:54,327 --> 00:12:57,218 but... I'm really not in a race. 259 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,712 Yeah, I'm down to 13 miles an hour. 260 00:13:04,355 --> 00:13:06,265 Which is plenty. 261 00:13:09,995 --> 00:13:12,250 That's... That's my engine. 262 00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,850 My engine is backfiring. 263 00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:17,480 Yeah. 264 00:13:19,395 --> 00:13:21,600 You don't wanna break down round here. 265 00:13:21,686 --> 00:13:24,272 This is where all the madmen live... 266 00:13:24,491 --> 00:13:29,480 that follow you in pick-up trucks and black lorries. 267 00:13:30,741 --> 00:13:32,350 What is...? 268 00:13:33,494 --> 00:13:35,739 What's that? 269 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,338 What the hell? 270 00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,850 Did you see that guy? 271 00:13:54,075 --> 00:13:56,132 I didn't see anybody. Where? 272 00:13:56,507 --> 00:13:57,866 What guy? 273 00:13:57,952 --> 00:14:01,187 The guy at the side of the road. Did you see him? 274 00:14:01,429 --> 00:14:02,844 No, I didn't see anybody. 275 00:14:03,015 --> 00:14:04,970 No, there was nobody in the road. 276 00:14:05,055 --> 00:14:06,616 Jeremy. 277 00:14:06,702 --> 00:14:08,530 Why aren't you driving yours on the roof? 278 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,270 Well, it's annoying. 279 00:14:10,355 --> 00:14:12,570 It turns out off-road I can drive it on the roof, 280 00:14:12,655 --> 00:14:14,210 but when I'm on the road, 281 00:14:14,295 --> 00:14:16,870 there's a law that says I can't. 282 00:14:16,955 --> 00:14:19,330 What, that you can't drive your RV from the roof? 283 00:14:19,415 --> 00:14:22,810 - Yeah, I know. - It's health and safety gone mad. 284 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,390 It's ridiculous. 285 00:14:24,475 --> 00:14:28,370 My only real issue, and it is - it's significant - 286 00:14:28,455 --> 00:14:32,750 is that my idle speed is 5,000rpm, 287 00:14:32,835 --> 00:14:35,850 which means my foot is now not on the accelerator 288 00:14:35,935 --> 00:14:38,710 and I'm now doing 48. 289 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,040 Oh, Christ... Hang on, wait, stand by. 290 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:48,397 You have to jab the throttle like that, 291 00:14:48,483 --> 00:14:50,498 to get it to stop accelerating, 292 00:14:50,584 --> 00:14:53,459 which, of course, causes you to accelerate more. 293 00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:54,890 So if there's an emergency, 294 00:14:54,975 --> 00:14:57,850 I must accelerate like that... 295 00:14:57,936 --> 00:15:01,616 to then be able to slow down. 296 00:15:04,515 --> 00:15:05,910 Look at that. 297 00:15:05,995 --> 00:15:07,270 If he had a purple jacket on 298 00:15:07,355 --> 00:15:08,936 he'd look like one of those men 299 00:15:09,054 --> 00:15:11,910 who takes old ladies on tours of North Wales. 300 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:15,480 I'm going to pull in in front of you, so tell me when I can. 301 00:15:16,114 --> 00:15:19,257 Not yet. Not yet. 302 00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:23,733 Not yet. Not yet. 303 00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:27,390 Not yet. Not yet. 304 00:15:27,896 --> 00:15:29,451 Now. 305 00:15:29,630 --> 00:15:32,209 Can you speed up a bit, Hammond? We're all bunching up. 306 00:15:32,295 --> 00:15:33,750 Urrrrh! 307 00:15:33,835 --> 00:15:36,210 I can't go much faster than this. 308 00:15:36,554 --> 00:15:40,390 It starts to overheat quite badly and suddenly. 309 00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:44,225 I'm not sure I'd trust us three doing... 310 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,960 doing this. 311 00:15:48,275 --> 00:15:51,975 Soon we arrived in a typical American town. 312 00:15:54,439 --> 00:15:58,530 Which, of course, had a typical RV campsite. 313 00:16:00,395 --> 00:16:03,397 This'll do. We're home. 314 00:16:03,483 --> 00:16:06,515 So, we decided to check in for the night. 315 00:16:09,919 --> 00:16:11,314 Ow. 316 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,520 33 I'm looking for. 317 00:16:15,955 --> 00:16:17,235 That's me. 318 00:16:26,303 --> 00:16:27,978 Stop, stop. 319 00:16:28,064 --> 00:16:30,119 Stop. Stop. 320 00:16:33,155 --> 00:16:36,960 Idle speed has gone completely berserk. 321 00:16:37,835 --> 00:16:39,230 I do apologise, everybody. 322 00:16:39,315 --> 00:16:41,090 There's literally nothing I can do. 323 00:16:41,175 --> 00:16:44,350 That is my idle speed. 324 00:16:44,884 --> 00:16:47,762 Aargh! Ha-ha, ha-ha! 325 00:16:47,895 --> 00:16:53,385 My ignition key is at 3,000 degrees centigrade. 326 00:16:53,635 --> 00:16:57,270 Sorry, everyone. Sorry about the noise. 327 00:16:57,355 --> 00:16:59,070 I know, we'll use the director. 328 00:16:59,164 --> 00:17:00,412 Sorry, mate, if you could just 329 00:17:00,498 --> 00:17:02,585 turn the engine off that would be great. 330 00:17:05,204 --> 00:17:09,009 Call 911. He's going to need some fingers in a minute. 331 00:17:10,075 --> 00:17:11,710 Ow! 332 00:17:17,435 --> 00:17:19,190 Yeah, it does that. 333 00:17:19,275 --> 00:17:21,090 How hot are those ignition keys? 334 00:17:21,175 --> 00:17:23,790 Hot! 335 00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:26,070 Not as hot as the cameraman's right leg. 336 00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:27,708 Yeah, that nearly took my... 337 00:17:27,802 --> 00:17:31,120 That was flame enveloped your right leg. 338 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,161 Oh, sh... Oh, guys. 339 00:17:33,247 --> 00:17:35,552 We have an emergency. 340 00:17:38,485 --> 00:17:40,045 Yeah. 341 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:46,349 On the other, more peaceful side of the park, 342 00:17:46,435 --> 00:17:49,660 I'd settled down to soak up life in my row. 343 00:17:50,995 --> 00:17:53,240 Hello, neighbour. 344 00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:02,400 I'll come over later, maybe play cards or something. 345 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:11,514 That dog's taking a wee. 346 00:18:11,795 --> 00:18:16,010 Meanwhile, at the Rack and Pinion, it was opening time. 347 00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:40,320 Drop by for a beer later if you like. 348 00:18:45,841 --> 00:18:48,810 As James got acquainted with his neighbours, 349 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:53,070 Hammond was showing me the view from his veranda. 350 00:18:53,155 --> 00:18:55,685 There is a compound there where you take your dog for a crap. 351 00:18:55,771 --> 00:18:58,161 Is that... is that a dog lavatory? Yes. 352 00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:01,422 My... My porch overlooks it. 353 00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:04,122 Can I tell you what a member of our crew, 354 00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:06,230 who I won't name because it'd be embarrassing, but it was... 355 00:19:06,315 --> 00:19:09,010 - What does it begin with? - It was Ellis the photographer it begins with. 356 00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:11,794 He said to me, is when people come round these places, 357 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,835 - what you do is... - Yeah? 358 00:19:14,055 --> 00:19:16,710 It's not for camera. 359 00:19:16,795 --> 00:19:20,841 You put the word "anal" in front of all of the names of the caravans. 360 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,172 - So you've got Anal Wanderer... 361 00:19:24,235 --> 00:19:26,380 Anal Gearbox... 362 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,497 - Anal Desire. - Anal Hemisphere. 363 00:19:29,679 --> 00:19:32,874 Anal Open Range. Anal Cougar. 364 00:19:33,217 --> 00:19:35,724 Anal Sprinter. 365 00:19:35,833 --> 00:19:38,490 That's what you do! 366 00:19:38,575 --> 00:19:44,013 Over at the pub, James was dispensing drinks to the locals. 367 00:19:44,161 --> 00:19:47,635 It's a bit lively, sir. I'm sorry, but the pub has been on the move 368 00:19:47,721 --> 00:19:49,550 - and rattled around quite a bit. - Oh, I bet. 369 00:19:49,635 --> 00:19:52,490 If you leave that just to settle for a few minutes. 370 00:19:52,575 --> 00:19:54,643 I'll try a warm brown, please. 371 00:19:57,395 --> 00:19:59,550 - More foamy? - A little bit foamy. 372 00:19:59,635 --> 00:20:02,210 If you'd like to just let that settle for a bit, sir. 373 00:20:02,463 --> 00:20:05,651 I think I'll go with a Jack Daniels. 374 00:20:06,090 --> 00:20:10,489 Having run out of bottom jokes, Hammond and I had gone for a walk 375 00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:15,120 in what's billed as the great American wilderness. 376 00:20:22,315 --> 00:20:24,560 - Is that a scrapyard? - Yes. 377 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:31,096 I do prefer the Lake District. 378 00:20:31,542 --> 00:20:35,129 Back at the pub, James was entertaining his guests 379 00:20:35,215 --> 00:20:37,338 with his conversation. 380 00:20:37,557 --> 00:20:40,970 What you call warm British beer to us is cellar temperature, 381 00:20:41,055 --> 00:20:45,487 which is not as cold as a refrigerator but colder than room temperature. 382 00:20:45,858 --> 00:20:48,083 Right, right, right. 383 00:20:50,344 --> 00:20:52,119 Erm... anybody mind if I have one? 384 00:20:52,205 --> 00:20:54,823 - No. Help yourself. - No. Help yourself. 385 00:20:58,435 --> 00:21:00,990 I mean, there must be more to it than this. 386 00:21:01,075 --> 00:21:02,950 You do wonder what people do. 387 00:21:03,035 --> 00:21:05,198 I don't wonder. I know what they do. 388 00:21:05,393 --> 00:21:07,280 They wife-swap. 389 00:21:08,075 --> 00:21:10,596 - Sunset? - It's lovely. 390 00:21:16,915 --> 00:21:18,090 - Hammond. - What? 391 00:21:18,175 --> 00:21:20,198 - Hammond. Do you...? - What? 392 00:21:20,284 --> 00:21:22,529 - Did you see that? - See what? 393 00:21:26,977 --> 00:21:30,002 - What? - No, nothing. 394 00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:32,637 - I'm going to turn in. - Yeah, you're right. Sleep. 395 00:21:33,035 --> 00:21:35,502 Well, this year, because we've had a record summer, 396 00:21:35,588 --> 00:21:36,948 it's actually very warm and sunny 397 00:21:37,034 --> 00:21:38,713 but usually... September's all right 398 00:21:38,814 --> 00:21:42,205 but by the time you get to November, certainly, it's getting cold. 399 00:21:42,298 --> 00:21:44,663 The worst bit in England is sort of January... 400 00:21:46,715 --> 00:21:49,930 After James had run out of his conversation, 401 00:21:50,015 --> 00:21:51,850 he shut his pub for the night 402 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:56,032 and came round to my place with a plan. 403 00:21:57,184 --> 00:21:58,477 Clarkson. 404 00:22:00,155 --> 00:22:01,350 Clarkson. 405 00:22:01,435 --> 00:22:03,410 - What? - I've got an idea. 406 00:22:03,495 --> 00:22:06,870 - What? - To go and burgle Hammond's tent. 407 00:22:06,955 --> 00:22:10,440 You know how he's been burgled before and he just doesn't notice? 408 00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:16,590 - Oh, my God, yes. - Exactly. 409 00:22:16,675 --> 00:22:20,370 Hammond claimed after he was burgled on holiday last year, 410 00:22:20,455 --> 00:22:24,970 he hadn't woken up because the burglars had gassed him. 411 00:22:25,055 --> 00:22:26,950 Yeah, right. 412 00:22:27,035 --> 00:22:30,520 - Where's his lorry tent? - The far side. 413 00:22:53,595 --> 00:22:55,840 Where's all my stuff? 414 00:22:57,795 --> 00:23:00,040 The bastards! 415 00:23:11,675 --> 00:23:14,560 - Good morning. - Hm. Dubious. 416 00:23:15,473 --> 00:23:17,313 Ow. 417 00:23:19,867 --> 00:23:21,872 Clarkson! 418 00:23:23,233 --> 00:23:25,588 - What? - Have you stolen my bag? 419 00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:28,057 - What? - Have you stolen my bag? 420 00:23:28,189 --> 00:23:29,564 - No. - Yes, you have. 421 00:23:29,650 --> 00:23:31,070 I haven't. 422 00:23:32,470 --> 00:23:34,425 Took everything. 423 00:23:34,995 --> 00:23:36,350 That's all I have. 424 00:23:36,435 --> 00:23:37,970 - You've been burgled? - Yes. 425 00:23:38,055 --> 00:23:40,110 They must have gassed you. 426 00:23:40,195 --> 00:23:41,730 That's all I can think of, Hammond. 427 00:23:41,815 --> 00:23:44,969 I know that you're saying that to be funny. Ha-ha! 428 00:23:45,055 --> 00:23:46,690 Well, that's what you said when you got burgled in France. 429 00:23:46,775 --> 00:23:49,510 - Because it probably was. - But you probably were again last night. 430 00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:51,790 - How are you feeling? - You haven't got it? Seriously? 431 00:23:51,876 --> 00:23:53,581 I haven't got your bag. 432 00:23:57,229 --> 00:23:58,544 James. 433 00:23:58,630 --> 00:24:00,265 - James... - Hang on. 434 00:24:00,351 --> 00:24:02,926 - Have you stolen my bag? - You what? 435 00:24:03,012 --> 00:24:05,305 - Have you stolen my bag? - No. 436 00:24:10,755 --> 00:24:14,250 He's just this lonely little figure. 437 00:24:16,626 --> 00:24:19,571 Shall we let him have breakfast before we admit that we've got his bag? 438 00:24:19,657 --> 00:24:20,954 Well... 439 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,665 I don't really want to sit eating breakfast 440 00:24:22,750 --> 00:24:24,641 with him naked, that's the thing. 441 00:24:25,167 --> 00:24:29,016 Hammond, I think we've solved your crime. 442 00:24:29,102 --> 00:24:30,993 We've solved it. 443 00:24:31,079 --> 00:24:34,254 We have found the gas canisters, look, here. 444 00:24:34,340 --> 00:24:36,480 It's a lot of gas. 445 00:24:36,954 --> 00:24:39,189 If you've had this much gas... 446 00:24:39,275 --> 00:24:41,130 It looks like a litre and a half of gas. 447 00:24:41,391 --> 00:24:44,190 It's interesting they've spelt gas wrong, look. 448 00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:46,290 Well, they got the first letter right. 449 00:24:46,375 --> 00:24:47,665 Look, here. 450 00:24:47,751 --> 00:24:49,166 You're saying I gassed myself? 451 00:24:49,375 --> 00:24:51,670 They weren't both full when I started. 452 00:24:51,755 --> 00:24:54,210 - That's because you'd already started them. 453 00:25:00,955 --> 00:25:03,370 Having given Hammond his clothes back, 454 00:25:03,455 --> 00:25:06,630 we met for breakfast at the pub. 455 00:25:06,715 --> 00:25:10,250 I was kept awake for some time last night by the man in the neighbouring RV 456 00:25:10,335 --> 00:25:12,630 - scratching his eczema. - Ooh. 457 00:25:12,715 --> 00:25:14,490 Or might have been sanding a table. 458 00:25:14,575 --> 00:25:17,090 No, I had a couple in the one next to me. 459 00:25:17,175 --> 00:25:20,870 - And when I say next to me, I mean here. - Yes. 460 00:25:20,955 --> 00:25:23,130 - Why do they do that? - I don't know. 461 00:25:23,215 --> 00:25:24,950 Nevada's massive. 462 00:25:25,035 --> 00:25:27,378 Why would you park your... "Right, we're going to Nevada" 463 00:25:27,464 --> 00:25:30,090 because it's massive and empty and I'm going to park there, 464 00:25:30,175 --> 00:25:34,360 so that they can hear the precise moment when my wife and I... 465 00:25:35,155 --> 00:25:37,790 "do grown-up things." 466 00:25:37,875 --> 00:25:43,090 We then discussed what holiday activity we'd do to fill the day. 467 00:25:43,175 --> 00:25:45,670 - Balloon rides. - I hate balloons! 468 00:25:45,755 --> 00:25:47,990 - The world's largest gift shop. - No. 469 00:25:48,075 --> 00:25:50,190 How do they know it's the world's largest? 470 00:25:50,275 --> 00:25:52,683 Is it a shop containing the world's largest gift? 471 00:25:52,769 --> 00:25:53,759 No. 472 00:25:53,845 --> 00:25:54,990 Yes. 473 00:25:55,075 --> 00:25:58,681 Is there anything a bit more cultural, like Indian art? 474 00:25:58,798 --> 00:26:00,250 Or Native American, as we should say. 475 00:26:00,335 --> 00:26:01,923 You just said Indian, you racist. 476 00:26:02,009 --> 00:26:03,080 That's not actually racist. 477 00:26:03,165 --> 00:26:05,569 James, we're not going to look at Native American art. 478 00:26:05,655 --> 00:26:07,079 - Why not? - It's rubbish. 479 00:26:07,165 --> 00:26:08,550 How do you know it's rubbish? 480 00:26:08,635 --> 00:26:10,530 - Because I've seen it. It's rubbish. - You haven't seen all of it. 481 00:26:10,615 --> 00:26:13,910 Well, I've seen some. I've seen enough of it to know it's dreary. 482 00:26:13,995 --> 00:26:16,550 - Sunrise meditation. - Oh, that'll be good. 483 00:26:16,635 --> 00:26:18,590 It isn't good. What would be good about that? 484 00:26:18,675 --> 00:26:21,210 I don't know because I haven't seen it but I'm prepared to have a look. 485 00:26:21,295 --> 00:26:24,250 Why don't we... You know those big Baja 486 00:26:24,335 --> 00:26:27,750 off-road 28-inch suspension travel things? 487 00:26:27,835 --> 00:26:29,770 - Dune racer type things. - Dune racers. 488 00:26:29,855 --> 00:26:33,090 Why don't we get three of those and belt around in the desert? 489 00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:35,190 - Yes. - Cos that would be bovine. 490 00:26:35,275 --> 00:26:36,450 I wouldn't learn anything from that. 491 00:26:36,535 --> 00:26:38,190 I'd rather go and do something cultural. 492 00:26:38,275 --> 00:26:39,850 Blasting around a dune sounds like fun. 493 00:26:39,935 --> 00:26:41,630 Come on. I tell you what, 494 00:26:41,715 --> 00:26:44,306 you want to go and do Native American art. 495 00:26:44,392 --> 00:26:45,170 Mm-hm. 496 00:26:45,255 --> 00:26:48,050 - We want to go dune racing. Yes? - Right. 497 00:26:48,135 --> 00:26:50,410 Let's have a vote. 498 00:26:52,555 --> 00:26:54,800 I would be driving this. 499 00:26:55,675 --> 00:26:58,840 A Jakes Fabworks JF5U. 500 00:27:00,755 --> 00:27:03,290 James would be driving this. 501 00:27:03,375 --> 00:27:06,160 An Alumi Craft Class 10. 502 00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:10,120 And Hammond would have this. 503 00:27:11,115 --> 00:27:13,360 A plastic green pick-up truck. 504 00:27:17,795 --> 00:27:21,670 OK. Now, this is supposed to be... 505 00:27:21,755 --> 00:27:23,757 Ow! ..a Volkswagen Beetle. 506 00:27:23,953 --> 00:27:26,148 Because that is where this sport began - 507 00:27:26,234 --> 00:27:29,273 people racing Bugs round the desert. 508 00:27:30,513 --> 00:27:35,062 But it's got a 2.4 litre Chevrolet engine... 509 00:27:36,713 --> 00:27:39,668 and a sequential gearbox. 510 00:27:39,753 --> 00:27:43,718 The only thing it really has in common with a Beetle is nothing. 511 00:27:46,233 --> 00:27:48,153 Jumping! 512 00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:50,942 Ha-ha! 513 00:27:51,113 --> 00:27:55,632 Over we go, 16 inches of suspension travel at the front. 514 00:27:59,673 --> 00:28:03,992 18 at the back means landing is really very comfortable. 515 00:28:11,057 --> 00:28:13,211 Oh, yes! 516 00:28:16,833 --> 00:28:20,708 My 2013 Currie underneath this plastic pick-up body 517 00:28:20,793 --> 00:28:24,108 has the same tubular space range chassis as the other two. 518 00:28:24,193 --> 00:28:25,768 But I've only got a two-litre engine. 519 00:28:25,853 --> 00:28:30,388 However, it's a Ford Eco Boost, so it's turbo-charged. 520 00:28:30,473 --> 00:28:33,648 And they've tuned it so it's putting out just shy... 521 00:28:33,733 --> 00:28:35,108 Landing! 522 00:28:35,193 --> 00:28:38,427 Of 300 brake horsepower. 523 00:28:39,913 --> 00:28:42,583 And now I'm gonna fly again. 524 00:28:42,814 --> 00:28:45,539 Aagh! Ha-ha-ha! 525 00:28:46,309 --> 00:28:48,384 This is bliss. 526 00:28:48,633 --> 00:28:53,028 Meanwhile, in the Alumi Craft Class 10... 527 00:28:53,113 --> 00:28:55,948 I've got dust in my face. 528 00:28:56,033 --> 00:28:57,368 It doesn't have a windscreen. 529 00:28:57,453 --> 00:29:00,628 I don't like cars with no windscreen. 530 00:29:00,935 --> 00:29:02,608 Why do I let the others talk me into this? 531 00:29:02,693 --> 00:29:05,232 Why don't I just tell them to bugger off? 532 00:29:08,394 --> 00:29:10,667 Ahhh-ha-ha! 533 00:29:10,753 --> 00:29:13,925 Last time I did that it ended very badly! 534 00:29:15,633 --> 00:29:18,488 The races they do in these things are enormous. 535 00:29:18,573 --> 00:29:21,288 Hundreds, sometimes 1,000 miles or more. 536 00:29:21,373 --> 00:29:25,893 Sometimes they'll spend nine hours a day in the driving seat. 537 00:29:26,993 --> 00:29:29,597 Oh! I so want one of these. 538 00:29:31,233 --> 00:29:33,854 Come on, let's have some air here! 539 00:29:34,765 --> 00:29:36,860 Yeah! Ha-ha-ha! 540 00:29:36,946 --> 00:29:39,057 What a riot! 541 00:29:40,446 --> 00:29:44,151 How can James May not enjoy this? 542 00:29:44,753 --> 00:29:48,214 As it happened, he was starting to enjoy it. 543 00:29:48,755 --> 00:29:51,526 And weeeee! 544 00:29:54,265 --> 00:29:56,920 Getting sideways a bit. 545 00:29:57,013 --> 00:29:58,362 Whoa. 546 00:30:00,793 --> 00:30:03,542 Watch me fly! Here I go. 547 00:30:05,873 --> 00:30:09,042 Ha-ha! I'm gonna do one more. 548 00:30:10,673 --> 00:30:12,968 After Billy Bob May had had his fun... 549 00:30:13,053 --> 00:30:15,323 Weeeee! 550 00:30:15,473 --> 00:30:18,721 - We all stopped for a breather. - Yes. 551 00:30:18,807 --> 00:30:21,746 I don't like admitting you're right, but I can be magnanimous. It's brilliant. 552 00:30:21,831 --> 00:30:23,968 You've wasted your life with Chopin and plywood. 553 00:30:24,053 --> 00:30:25,708 You're a dune racer. 554 00:30:25,793 --> 00:30:28,548 You've always been a dune racer, you just didn't know you were. 555 00:30:28,633 --> 00:30:30,536 It was just fantastic, and it's comfortable. 556 00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:33,310 That's the thing. It's comfortable motorsport because of the suspension. 557 00:30:33,395 --> 00:30:34,448 It's just... It's brilliant. 558 00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:36,676 - It's cheapskate motorsport. - Is it? 559 00:30:36,762 --> 00:30:39,957 It's cheapskate motorsport for people with dicky backs, that's what it is. 560 00:30:40,043 --> 00:30:41,628 Because landing is so soft. 561 00:30:41,713 --> 00:30:43,423 Oh, sometimes I'm thinking, have I landed? 562 00:30:43,509 --> 00:30:44,400 Yes. 563 00:30:44,486 --> 00:30:47,223 I've got a brilliant idea. What are you looking at? 564 00:30:49,713 --> 00:30:50,988 What? 565 00:30:51,073 --> 00:30:53,318 There's something glinting up there. 566 00:30:56,126 --> 00:30:57,765 - There isn't. - Yeah, whatever. 567 00:30:57,851 --> 00:30:59,066 It's just... 568 00:30:59,152 --> 00:31:00,468 Anyway, what's your brilliant idea? 569 00:31:00,553 --> 00:31:01,848 - Anyway, I've got a brilliant idea. - What? 570 00:31:01,933 --> 00:31:03,497 Time trial, flying lap, 571 00:31:03,583 --> 00:31:04,928 one at a time against the clock. 572 00:31:05,013 --> 00:31:07,231 I'll go first. 573 00:31:07,553 --> 00:31:09,648 You really... You must put that right. 574 00:31:09,733 --> 00:31:11,408 Where's me car? 575 00:31:11,493 --> 00:31:15,048 - He really has taken to it, hasn't he? - He really has. 576 00:31:15,133 --> 00:31:19,998 Having jumped back in, Billy Bob embarked on his flying lap. 577 00:31:20,993 --> 00:31:22,648 Here he comes. 578 00:31:22,733 --> 00:31:24,633 Go! 579 00:31:26,913 --> 00:31:29,158 Here we go. 580 00:31:30,473 --> 00:31:32,108 Wayyyy! 581 00:31:32,193 --> 00:31:34,708 That's James May! 582 00:31:34,793 --> 00:31:37,038 It's just not right, is it? 583 00:31:38,692 --> 00:31:40,568 What's next? He's gonna take up cage fighting? 584 00:31:43,513 --> 00:31:45,758 I'm flying! 585 00:31:47,313 --> 00:31:49,558 Oh, my God! 586 00:31:51,273 --> 00:31:53,598 Look at this. He's actually kicking the arse out. 587 00:31:59,981 --> 00:32:00,942 - 57 seconds. - Well, we don't know 588 00:32:01,028 --> 00:32:03,468 whether that's fast or not but it is less than a minute. 589 00:32:03,553 --> 00:32:06,301 Is that the first time he's done anything in less than a minute? 590 00:32:06,387 --> 00:32:07,539 He can't open a car door 591 00:32:07,625 --> 00:32:09,298 - in less than a minute. - No. Or sign his name. 592 00:32:09,383 --> 00:32:12,020 No, that's two minutes, definitely. 593 00:32:12,555 --> 00:32:14,117 Biggles is back. 594 00:32:14,203 --> 00:32:15,942 I can do a slightly better one than that. 595 00:32:16,028 --> 00:32:18,768 - Can I have another go? - Oh, for God's sake! 596 00:32:18,853 --> 00:32:21,228 Next it was my turn. 597 00:32:21,313 --> 00:32:23,128 I just wanna say, Hammond. 598 00:32:23,213 --> 00:32:26,908 - What? - You have twice as much horsepower as me, 599 00:32:26,993 --> 00:32:30,028 and, May, you have 50 horsepower more than I've got. 600 00:32:30,113 --> 00:32:34,108 So it's only my immense skill that's going to put me in contention here. 601 00:32:34,193 --> 00:32:35,908 - Is it? - Well, what else is there? 602 00:32:35,993 --> 00:32:38,648 He won't have any excuses ready for the end at this rate. 603 00:32:38,733 --> 00:32:43,477 Yours weighs less. It's 200 kilograms lighter than this. 604 00:32:43,594 --> 00:32:45,219 - Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. - Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. 605 00:32:45,305 --> 00:32:48,562 I'm just saying, in case I'm not as quick. 606 00:32:48,754 --> 00:32:52,929 Eventually, Mr Racing Excuses was underway. 607 00:32:53,193 --> 00:32:55,408 Here he comes, into his flying lap. 608 00:33:00,433 --> 00:33:02,678 Right, here we go. 609 00:33:09,673 --> 00:33:11,638 - Did I make that much noise? - Yes. 610 00:33:15,273 --> 00:33:17,518 Concentrating very hard. 611 00:33:22,113 --> 00:33:23,758 He's not very good through there. 612 00:33:26,633 --> 00:33:28,878 Getting a bit squirrely now. 613 00:33:31,433 --> 00:33:33,678 No, he's rubbish through there. 614 00:33:34,473 --> 00:33:36,717 No! I was airborne there 615 00:33:36,803 --> 00:33:39,952 long enough for them to serve me their snacks. 616 00:33:42,873 --> 00:33:45,118 Get it straight. 617 00:33:56,428 --> 00:33:58,183 And there we are. 618 00:33:58,269 --> 00:34:02,460 I don't know how I've done, but it felt pretty good to me. 619 00:34:06,393 --> 00:34:08,853 There are few things in life I enjoy more 620 00:34:08,939 --> 00:34:11,488 than delivering bad news to Jeremy Clarkson. 621 00:34:11,702 --> 00:34:13,937 It's possibly my favourite thing. 622 00:34:15,313 --> 00:34:18,140 Forcing myself not to do a little dance. 623 00:34:18,753 --> 00:34:20,710 How much faster was I? 624 00:34:20,873 --> 00:34:23,968 Well, unless your seconds were smaller, 625 00:34:24,053 --> 00:34:27,288 you were slower, because you were 58.5. 626 00:34:27,373 --> 00:34:30,507 - What was he? - 57.81. 627 00:34:31,993 --> 00:34:34,742 What that means is he beat you. 628 00:34:36,433 --> 00:34:38,678 I cannot believe that. 629 00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:42,718 Has anybody got a gun? 630 00:34:44,313 --> 00:34:48,268 Finally, it was the turn of Ricky Redneck. 631 00:34:48,353 --> 00:34:51,023 - Right, ready with the stop watch. - Here we go. 632 00:34:56,273 --> 00:34:58,827 This is how you do this. 633 00:35:01,473 --> 00:35:04,908 Oh, yeah. 634 00:35:04,993 --> 00:35:08,332 He's in a pick-up truck, on a loose surface. 635 00:35:08,418 --> 00:35:09,977 Yeah, he's at home. 636 00:35:13,062 --> 00:35:15,077 You know at the moment you're winning? 637 00:35:15,163 --> 00:35:17,937 - Yeah. - In a minute, you won't be. 638 00:35:20,433 --> 00:35:23,278 - What are you looking at? - That glint. 639 00:35:25,913 --> 00:35:27,820 - You see it? - No. 640 00:35:28,473 --> 00:35:30,478 Thrashing air! 641 00:35:31,216 --> 00:35:33,882 Ah-ha-ha! 642 00:35:35,073 --> 00:35:36,388 Into the left-hander. 643 00:35:36,473 --> 00:35:37,768 Keep it tight. 644 00:35:37,853 --> 00:35:39,328 Oh, what was that? 645 00:35:39,413 --> 00:35:41,638 What the hell was that? 646 00:35:43,553 --> 00:35:46,358 - That was... - What's the matter with him? 647 00:35:47,393 --> 00:35:49,948 Has he bust the gear box? 648 00:35:50,033 --> 00:35:51,748 What... Not very quick. 649 00:35:51,833 --> 00:35:53,308 What was the matter? 650 00:35:53,393 --> 00:35:55,128 That was the weirdest thing. 651 00:35:55,213 --> 00:35:57,640 - What? - It's like a ricochet. 652 00:35:59,344 --> 00:36:03,304 As I wasn't interested in Hammond's excuses... 653 00:36:03,411 --> 00:36:06,429 we got back into our RVs and hit the road. 654 00:36:08,633 --> 00:36:12,757 Ping, it was like a rico... like it came off something. 655 00:36:13,513 --> 00:36:16,007 I suppose it could have been a stone. 656 00:36:18,622 --> 00:36:20,497 Hold on a minute. 657 00:36:20,605 --> 00:36:22,620 May, are you behind me? 658 00:36:22,706 --> 00:36:26,288 Is my RV drooping slightly? 659 00:36:26,393 --> 00:36:28,448 Well, funnily enough I was just looking at that. 660 00:36:28,533 --> 00:36:31,062 I would say it's very down on the left. 661 00:36:35,388 --> 00:36:37,063 That's broken, isn't it? 662 00:36:37,273 --> 00:36:38,808 Yeah, it's leaning a lot. 663 00:36:38,893 --> 00:36:41,515 Mate, it really is leaning. That's collapsed. 664 00:36:41,753 --> 00:36:43,460 That's how it's supposed to be. 665 00:36:43,546 --> 00:36:45,305 Yeah, some distance between the body and the ground. 666 00:36:45,390 --> 00:36:49,421 Yeah, you can see more wheel on this side than the other side. 667 00:36:52,838 --> 00:36:57,413 However, as I wasn't interested in Clarkson's mechanical issues either, 668 00:36:57,773 --> 00:36:59,867 we got back on the road again. 669 00:37:00,233 --> 00:37:02,328 Right, so here's the situation. 670 00:37:02,413 --> 00:37:06,913 I'm driving my RV with an overheating, over-revving engine, 671 00:37:06,999 --> 00:37:10,281 and collapsed suspension, on an interstate. 672 00:37:11,038 --> 00:37:13,283 Feels safe, that. 673 00:37:17,783 --> 00:37:21,098 Soon it was time to find a campsite, 674 00:37:21,433 --> 00:37:25,908 and since we didn't fancy another night in a horrible RV park, 675 00:37:25,993 --> 00:37:28,608 and we had all the comforts we needed, 676 00:37:28,693 --> 00:37:32,238 we decided to freestyle it in the wilderness. 677 00:37:34,433 --> 00:37:35,808 I think it's an excellent idea. 678 00:37:35,893 --> 00:37:39,619 I mean, dune buggy racing is fantastic, and I won, 679 00:37:39,713 --> 00:37:42,025 but it is quite hot and sweaty and dusty 680 00:37:42,157 --> 00:37:47,127 and we can balance that with peace and quiet and a starry sky. 681 00:37:47,213 --> 00:37:49,666 I mean, that's gonna be fantastic out here. 682 00:37:50,673 --> 00:37:53,330 I might write a few lines of verse. 683 00:37:55,553 --> 00:38:00,358 So, we turned off the interstate to find a nice spot to park up. 684 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:07,080 Oh, yeah, now we are getting into the great outdoors. 685 00:38:09,513 --> 00:38:11,848 James, how's my jet ski? 686 00:38:11,933 --> 00:38:15,468 Yep, you're fine. 687 00:38:15,713 --> 00:38:20,238 Eventually we found the perfect spot at the side of a lake. 688 00:38:20,973 --> 00:38:23,368 - However... - I can't stop. 689 00:38:23,454 --> 00:38:25,487 I've lost braking! I've lost braking! 690 00:38:25,573 --> 00:38:27,963 I have no control! 691 00:38:32,073 --> 00:38:34,808 Using nothing but blind panic... 692 00:38:34,893 --> 00:38:37,208 Stop, stop! 693 00:38:37,293 --> 00:38:39,580 Stop! 694 00:38:39,737 --> 00:38:43,846 I eventually brought my stupid RV to heel. 695 00:38:45,673 --> 00:38:48,385 Oh, for Christ's sake. 696 00:38:50,033 --> 00:38:51,788 Right. 697 00:38:51,873 --> 00:38:55,958 With no help from the crew, I removed the jet ski... 698 00:38:56,821 --> 00:38:59,216 Excellent. 699 00:38:59,340 --> 00:39:03,175 And then tried to move the RV onto level ground. 700 00:39:03,393 --> 00:39:07,468 Come on. Fire, baby. 701 00:39:07,553 --> 00:39:09,638 Come on, you know you wanna be an engine. 702 00:39:14,913 --> 00:39:18,228 Hah! His jet ski's fallen off. 703 00:39:18,313 --> 00:39:21,862 OK, bit of jiggery pokery, we'll get round there. Ohhh. 704 00:39:24,433 --> 00:39:26,791 Jeremy. Stop! 705 00:39:32,153 --> 00:39:33,368 Has... 706 00:39:33,453 --> 00:39:34,553 Jesus! 707 00:39:36,193 --> 00:39:38,628 Give me strength. 708 00:39:38,713 --> 00:39:42,068 Oh, what's happened to my... I'm really sorry. 709 00:39:42,153 --> 00:39:43,848 Oh, shit, have I hit your axle? 710 00:39:43,933 --> 00:39:46,088 - I mean your prop shaft? - Er... yeah. 711 00:39:46,173 --> 00:39:48,288 - And I... - And that's a wrap. 712 00:39:48,373 --> 00:39:50,748 With that, back to the tent. 713 00:39:50,833 --> 00:39:53,328 They are actually tied in a knot. 714 00:39:57,673 --> 00:39:59,968 Once the ape had untangled himself, 715 00:40:00,053 --> 00:40:01,988 and we were all parked, 716 00:40:02,073 --> 00:40:07,253 I settled down to write some poetry in the evening stillness. 717 00:40:41,954 --> 00:40:45,128 Hello, mate. Ooh-hoo! 718 00:40:45,214 --> 00:40:47,277 Bartender, can I have a beer? 719 00:40:47,363 --> 00:40:49,191 I can't hear you over that appalling racket. 720 00:40:49,277 --> 00:40:50,301 What? 721 00:40:50,387 --> 00:40:53,175 I can't hear you over that appalling racket. 722 00:40:53,261 --> 00:40:54,598 - Can I have a beer? - I can't hear you 723 00:40:54,683 --> 00:40:55,871 over that racket. No, you can't. 724 00:40:55,956 --> 00:40:57,229 - Oh, come on. - It's run out. 725 00:40:57,473 --> 00:40:58,848 It's hasn't run out. It's a pub! 726 00:40:58,933 --> 00:41:00,368 It's run out of beer for you. 727 00:41:00,453 --> 00:41:03,428 I'm a tired and thirsty traveller from out in the desert. 728 00:41:03,513 --> 00:41:05,948 If you put the appalling two-stroke motorcycle away, 729 00:41:06,033 --> 00:41:07,848 and come in the pub, you can have a beer. 730 00:41:07,933 --> 00:41:10,568 - Otherwise you can go... - Oh, look at that! -Oh no. 731 00:41:10,653 --> 00:41:12,958 Power! Come on! 732 00:41:14,033 --> 00:41:15,668 May! 733 00:41:15,753 --> 00:41:17,513 Yee-ha! 734 00:41:21,913 --> 00:41:24,748 Oh, ha! May! 735 00:41:24,833 --> 00:41:27,008 Hey, hey! Well, I'm not not missing out. 736 00:41:38,393 --> 00:41:41,468 Jet ski, jet ski, sounding shite, 737 00:41:41,553 --> 00:41:44,168 on Lake Vegas, left and right. 738 00:41:44,253 --> 00:41:47,248 Rotax engine, rin bin bin. 739 00:41:47,333 --> 00:41:51,148 I hope the owner's arse caves in. 740 00:41:54,053 --> 00:41:56,148 Oh, ha-ha! 741 00:41:56,233 --> 00:41:59,188 As darkness fell, we put the toys away 742 00:41:59,273 --> 00:42:01,968 and James turned in for a good night's sleep. 743 00:42:09,633 --> 00:42:11,788 Sadly for him, though, 744 00:42:11,873 --> 00:42:15,667 Hammond and I had decided to do a bit of stargazing. 745 00:42:27,273 --> 00:42:29,208 Hammond, what are you doing? 746 00:42:29,293 --> 00:42:30,968 Setting my lights up. 747 00:42:31,053 --> 00:42:32,788 What for? 748 00:42:32,873 --> 00:42:35,228 Well, you've seen Close Encounters. 749 00:42:35,314 --> 00:42:36,101 Yes. 750 00:42:36,187 --> 00:42:38,415 Well, I've got the full setup here, mate. 751 00:42:39,393 --> 00:42:41,368 This desert that we're in 752 00:42:41,453 --> 00:42:44,068 lies between Area 51 and Roswell. 753 00:42:44,153 --> 00:42:48,888 One of the primary and main alien hotspots on this whole planet, mate. 754 00:42:52,273 --> 00:42:54,268 Oh, shut up. 755 00:42:54,353 --> 00:42:55,888 What's that for? 756 00:42:55,973 --> 00:42:58,748 To power the lights. And the keyboard. 757 00:42:58,833 --> 00:43:01,034 - What? A keyboard? - You've seen the film. 758 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,608 I am not gonna miss an opportunity to do this here. 759 00:43:03,693 --> 00:43:06,068 Do you actually believe in this stuff? 760 00:43:06,153 --> 00:43:09,208 Yes, there's enough evidence, enough people who've seen them. 761 00:43:09,293 --> 00:43:11,568 The American Government, came out and said. 762 00:43:11,653 --> 00:43:14,268 Area 51 was real. It's a thing. 763 00:43:14,353 --> 00:43:17,987 It's a thing cos it's... It's an aviation testing place. 764 00:43:18,073 --> 00:43:19,588 It's Edwards Air Force base. 765 00:43:19,673 --> 00:43:22,604 Yeah, they say that. They'll never tell you exactly what it is. 62%. 766 00:43:22,690 --> 00:43:25,526 Roswell was a nuclear experiment, 767 00:43:25,612 --> 00:43:27,003 I think, called Mogul. 768 00:43:27,089 --> 00:43:30,768 62% of Americans believe in intelligent alien life. 62%. 769 00:43:30,854 --> 00:43:33,175 80% of Americans don't have passports. 770 00:43:33,261 --> 00:43:34,428 - Hammond. - What? 771 00:43:34,513 --> 00:43:37,815 You're an alien, you've come a very great distance to earth. 772 00:43:37,909 --> 00:43:40,182 - Yes. - Why do they always land 773 00:43:40,268 --> 00:43:41,792 in Southwest America? 774 00:43:41,878 --> 00:43:43,229 It's big and open and quiet. 775 00:43:43,315 --> 00:43:45,428 Why do they want to land on a planet where it's quiet? 776 00:43:45,513 --> 00:43:47,011 To have a mooch about in secret, 777 00:43:47,097 --> 00:43:49,050 - not be interfered with. - Why don't they talk to us? 778 00:43:49,135 --> 00:43:50,706 Why don't they land in London? 779 00:43:50,792 --> 00:43:51,902 They might wanna talk to us. 780 00:43:51,987 --> 00:43:53,690 They could land in Hyde Park. 781 00:43:53,870 --> 00:43:55,648 Listen, I can talk to them. 782 00:44:01,073 --> 00:44:02,868 Oh, sorry. Wait a minute. 783 00:44:06,373 --> 00:44:07,788 Oh, no. 784 00:44:10,113 --> 00:44:13,328 - Wait a minute. - Oh, for God's sake, get it right. 785 00:44:13,413 --> 00:44:15,848 Oh. No, wait. 786 00:44:19,433 --> 00:44:20,948 No. 787 00:44:23,773 --> 00:44:25,628 No. 788 00:44:25,713 --> 00:44:26,928 - Hammond. - What? 789 00:44:27,013 --> 00:44:29,838 - You see that guy? - Where? 790 00:44:31,433 --> 00:44:32,628 He's gone. 791 00:44:32,713 --> 00:44:35,048 It's pitch... There's nobody out there. 792 00:44:35,133 --> 00:44:36,548 It's just a desert. 793 00:44:36,633 --> 00:44:38,288 That's why the aliens come here. 794 00:44:41,213 --> 00:44:42,668 Weird. 795 00:44:45,253 --> 00:44:47,868 No. 796 00:44:47,953 --> 00:44:50,148 For God's sake, shut up! 797 00:44:50,233 --> 00:44:52,398 No. 798 00:44:58,613 --> 00:45:03,798 The next morning, the vista from my RV was terrible. 799 00:45:07,273 --> 00:45:09,108 - Are you? - Am I what? 800 00:45:09,193 --> 00:45:10,248 Having a dump? 801 00:45:10,333 --> 00:45:13,308 - Yes. - Oh, for... 802 00:45:13,393 --> 00:45:16,968 The whole point of sitting here is to enjoy this magnificent view. 803 00:45:17,053 --> 00:45:19,848 I was here first. You're spoiling my view. 804 00:45:19,933 --> 00:45:22,128 - I'm spoiling your view? - Yes. 805 00:45:22,213 --> 00:45:25,068 I'm not crapping in it. 806 00:45:25,153 --> 00:45:28,008 We then headed over to the pub for breakfast. 807 00:45:28,093 --> 00:45:29,153 However... 808 00:45:35,193 --> 00:45:36,808 Why haven't you made us breakfast? 809 00:45:36,893 --> 00:45:40,408 Because breakfast is reserved exclusively for my friends, 810 00:45:40,493 --> 00:45:42,518 and none of them are here. 811 00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:47,088 Have you seriously not made us anything? 812 00:45:47,173 --> 00:45:49,968 Yes, seriously, I have not made you anything. 813 00:45:50,053 --> 00:45:51,508 I'm hungry. 814 00:45:51,593 --> 00:45:52,968 Well let's not get bogged down 815 00:45:53,053 --> 00:45:55,308 with his unbelievable selfishness. 816 00:45:55,393 --> 00:45:56,748 It really is, though. 817 00:45:56,833 --> 00:45:59,488 Let's work out what we're going to do today. 818 00:45:59,573 --> 00:46:01,108 Dune buggy racing. 819 00:46:01,193 --> 00:46:04,368 You've already done that. We've all done that. 820 00:46:04,453 --> 00:46:07,508 I thought we could go to a race track. 821 00:46:07,593 --> 00:46:09,588 - No, not a race track. - Why not a race track? 822 00:46:09,673 --> 00:46:11,888 - I don't like race tracks. - You like dune buggies. 823 00:46:11,973 --> 00:46:14,528 That's dune buggies. Normal race tracks are just boring. 824 00:46:14,613 --> 00:46:17,248 - Oh, come on, it'll be great fun. - OK, we'll settle it. 825 00:46:17,333 --> 00:46:19,038 Let's have a vote. 826 00:46:20,993 --> 00:46:23,288 This was the track we chose. 827 00:46:23,373 --> 00:46:26,278 The Spring Mountain race complex. 828 00:46:27,193 --> 00:46:29,478 And the cars? 829 00:46:31,553 --> 00:46:33,728 Well, I went for the latest, 830 00:46:33,813 --> 00:46:36,678 and last ever, front-engined Corvette. 831 00:46:39,113 --> 00:46:43,398 Hammond went for the Jeep Grand Cherokee Terrahawk. 832 00:46:46,113 --> 00:46:49,168 And May, still craving a bit of peace and quiet, 833 00:46:49,253 --> 00:46:52,318 went for the Cadillac CTS-V. 834 00:46:54,233 --> 00:46:56,228 And this was all tremendous. 835 00:46:56,313 --> 00:46:58,328 But before we got down to business, 836 00:46:58,413 --> 00:47:00,628 I made a terrible mistake, 837 00:47:00,713 --> 00:47:04,398 and asked my colleagues a technical question. 838 00:47:05,860 --> 00:47:09,468 All three of these cars have 6.2 litre supercharged V8s. 839 00:47:09,553 --> 00:47:11,128 - Yes? Yes. - Yes, they do, yes. 840 00:47:11,213 --> 00:47:12,808 What I want to know is, right, 841 00:47:12,893 --> 00:47:15,148 - they're all pushrod engines. - Mm-hm. 842 00:47:15,233 --> 00:47:17,568 Now, whenever I'm presented with a pushrod engine, 843 00:47:17,653 --> 00:47:21,038 I know I have to go, "..pushrod?" 844 00:47:21,913 --> 00:47:23,688 But I don't know why. 845 00:47:23,773 --> 00:47:26,268 What is a pushrod engine? 846 00:47:26,353 --> 00:47:29,028 It's an engine where pushrods activate the valve train. 847 00:47:29,113 --> 00:47:30,668 The valves on top of the cylinders 848 00:47:30,753 --> 00:47:32,928 have to open and close to let the mixture get out. 849 00:47:33,013 --> 00:47:36,368 Rather than having camshafts over the top doing that, opening them, 850 00:47:36,453 --> 00:47:38,528 they have a single camshaft at the bottom 851 00:47:38,613 --> 00:47:41,188 that operates rods that push the valves. 852 00:47:41,273 --> 00:47:43,988 American cars have pushrod engines and can't rev quickly. 853 00:47:44,073 --> 00:47:46,968 They have bigger capacities with long stroke, which makes the engine bigger. 854 00:47:47,053 --> 00:47:50,868 The problem is, for an equal capacity engine, with overhead cams, 855 00:47:50,953 --> 00:47:54,088 the engine would be bigger but you wouldn't need the extra capacity 856 00:47:54,173 --> 00:47:57,388 because it would rev higher and deliver more power at a higher RPM. 857 00:47:57,473 --> 00:48:00,388 But, on the other hand, if you had a high-revving sports car engine, 858 00:48:00,473 --> 00:48:03,408 such as an Italian one, you would have a very over square piston dimension, 859 00:48:03,493 --> 00:48:05,308 which would make the engine squatter, 860 00:48:05,393 --> 00:48:07,999 and a dry sump, which would allow you to mount it lower... 861 00:48:09,073 --> 00:48:10,768 After a couple of hours, 862 00:48:10,853 --> 00:48:13,788 I invited Hammond to stop talking 863 00:48:13,873 --> 00:48:18,808 and try out what is America's answer to the Lamborghini Urus... 864 00:48:18,893 --> 00:48:20,468 the Terrahawk. 865 00:48:23,543 --> 00:48:28,348 Pulling this 700-horsepower, 6.2-litre supercharged V8 866 00:48:28,676 --> 00:48:30,731 out of a Dodge Challenger Hellcat 867 00:48:30,817 --> 00:48:32,712 into a Jeep off-roader, 868 00:48:32,992 --> 00:48:34,613 might sound like it makes as much sense 869 00:48:34,699 --> 00:48:36,987 as fitting me with Usain Bolt's legs. 870 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:41,205 I mean, the power's there but nothing else about the machine can handle it. 871 00:48:42,353 --> 00:48:44,402 But it's more than just a cartoon. 872 00:48:44,488 --> 00:48:46,763 They've really thought about this thing. 873 00:48:46,849 --> 00:48:49,647 They've upgraded every component in the drivetrain 874 00:48:49,733 --> 00:48:52,118 between the engine and the wheel. 875 00:48:53,753 --> 00:48:56,176 Sometimes the metals they were using in the car industry 876 00:48:56,262 --> 00:48:59,087 weren't strong enough to take the forces involved, 877 00:48:59,173 --> 00:49:02,012 so they went to the aeronautical industry. 878 00:49:02,833 --> 00:49:05,949 0-60, less than 3.5 seconds. 879 00:49:09,096 --> 00:49:12,520 Top speed, 180 miles an hour. 880 00:49:15,573 --> 00:49:17,387 It's... 881 00:49:17,613 --> 00:49:20,715 This is a 2.5-ton off-roader! 882 00:49:22,753 --> 00:49:24,668 And because it's four-wheel-drive, 883 00:49:24,754 --> 00:49:27,168 it can apply those 700 horsepower 884 00:49:27,324 --> 00:49:29,388 much, much more effectively 885 00:49:29,474 --> 00:49:32,199 than the two-wheel-drive Challenger and Demon cars. 886 00:49:39,713 --> 00:49:41,886 The world, in no way, needs this. 887 00:49:42,035 --> 00:49:44,652 But that's kind of why the world needs it. 888 00:49:50,873 --> 00:49:54,558 I've chosen this Cadillac because it's comfortable. 889 00:49:57,833 --> 00:50:01,488 I mean, it will do 200 miles an hour and it has 640 horsepower, 890 00:50:01,573 --> 00:50:05,428 but mainly it's comfortable. 891 00:50:05,513 --> 00:50:07,448 Oh, there's a dip in the road. 892 00:50:07,533 --> 00:50:09,968 But the Cadillac just soaks it up. 893 00:50:10,053 --> 00:50:11,793 Mmm. 894 00:50:14,913 --> 00:50:18,398 Things were rather different, however, in my car. 895 00:50:19,153 --> 00:50:22,188 The swan song Corvette. 896 00:50:24,473 --> 00:50:26,198 Bloody hellfire! 897 00:50:28,193 --> 00:50:33,048 It's called the ZR1 and it's the loudest, fastest, 898 00:50:33,133 --> 00:50:36,168 most powerful Corvette ever. 899 00:50:39,073 --> 00:50:40,673 Ah. 900 00:50:41,913 --> 00:50:43,678 Oh, ho-ho-ho! 901 00:50:47,313 --> 00:50:50,598 You get 755 horsepower. 902 00:50:51,553 --> 00:50:54,388 715 torques. 903 00:50:54,473 --> 00:50:58,358 Does 0-60 in 2.8 seconds. 904 00:51:00,353 --> 00:51:05,788 Now, that's all down to what GM calls the BAS. 905 00:51:05,873 --> 00:51:08,458 The Big Ass Supercharger. 906 00:51:10,833 --> 00:51:14,428 It takes 110 horsepower just to run it, 907 00:51:14,513 --> 00:51:17,368 but you get 290 horsepower back, 908 00:51:17,454 --> 00:51:20,231 so it's a good deal. 909 00:51:21,340 --> 00:51:26,520 This engine runs on a type of fuel you can't even buy in California any more, 910 00:51:26,606 --> 00:51:30,448 and needs 13 radiators to keep it cool, 911 00:51:30,684 --> 00:51:32,468 especially here. 912 00:51:32,553 --> 00:51:36,075 Where are we? What, ten miles from Death Valley? 913 00:51:38,051 --> 00:51:40,708 It is, I'm afraid, though... 914 00:51:40,793 --> 00:51:43,328 Ooh, shit! 915 00:51:43,413 --> 00:51:46,908 a tricky little bastard. 916 00:51:46,993 --> 00:51:53,551 It's got a huge amount of mechanical and invisible aerodynamic grip, 917 00:51:53,684 --> 00:51:56,899 which is fine if you want to set a lap record. 918 00:51:57,753 --> 00:52:00,782 The trouble is, if you go beyond the limit, 919 00:52:00,868 --> 00:52:04,009 it becomes almost unbelievably difficult... 920 00:52:05,733 --> 00:52:07,688 to control. 921 00:52:07,773 --> 00:52:09,704 Look at it. 922 00:52:11,876 --> 00:52:15,876 Last year, an executive vice president 923 00:52:15,962 --> 00:52:17,962 of something or other at General Motors... 924 00:52:18,071 --> 00:52:21,328 I won't say his name, just that it begins with M 925 00:52:21,727 --> 00:52:23,628 and ends in ark Reuss... 926 00:52:23,829 --> 00:52:25,168 he was driving one of these 927 00:52:25,253 --> 00:52:28,509 as the pace car at the Indy race in Detroit, 928 00:52:28,595 --> 00:52:30,090 and he got to the second corner 929 00:52:30,176 --> 00:52:33,491 before he lost control and put it in a wall. 930 00:52:36,913 --> 00:52:40,462 Everybody laughed at him and everybody's looked at his crash on YouTube, 931 00:52:40,548 --> 00:52:44,416 but the fact is, I feel your pain, Mark. 932 00:52:44,833 --> 00:52:47,604 Jesus. 933 00:52:48,473 --> 00:52:50,628 Oooh. 934 00:52:50,713 --> 00:52:53,168 Rather worryingly, Hammond then announced 935 00:52:53,253 --> 00:52:55,758 that we should have a drifting competition. 936 00:52:59,113 --> 00:53:01,968 OK, this is gonna be something else, isn't it? 937 00:53:02,053 --> 00:53:05,488 But, because he's a moron, he hadn't factored in 938 00:53:05,573 --> 00:53:09,358 that he was driving a boxy and wobbly 4X4. 939 00:53:11,913 --> 00:53:14,848 And a little touch on the brake, throw it in, 940 00:53:14,933 --> 00:53:18,598 instigating an absolutely beautiful drift. 941 00:53:22,113 --> 00:53:24,008 - Oh, I don't know. - Look. 942 00:53:24,093 --> 00:53:25,798 What's he trying to do? 943 00:53:28,673 --> 00:53:30,648 That was a bit violent. 944 00:53:35,593 --> 00:53:38,508 It lacks the predictability 945 00:53:38,593 --> 00:53:41,668 of a lower, rear-wheel drive car. 946 00:53:41,753 --> 00:53:44,968 I'm not blaming the car, because the car's wonderful. 947 00:53:45,053 --> 00:53:48,548 But it's the car. 948 00:53:48,633 --> 00:53:51,328 With Hammond having scored nought, 949 00:53:51,413 --> 00:53:54,588 it was my turn, in the mental mobile. 950 00:53:56,013 --> 00:53:58,768 And then flick it round. 951 00:54:01,633 --> 00:54:04,088 No drifting at all. That's just driving around. 952 00:54:04,173 --> 00:54:07,135 Right, now come on, Jeremy, turn it in. 953 00:54:11,153 --> 00:54:13,628 Oh, hello! Oh, no! 954 00:54:13,713 --> 00:54:15,948 That's spinning. 955 00:54:16,033 --> 00:54:18,048 So he needs to find a sort of happy medium 956 00:54:18,133 --> 00:54:20,128 between spinning and simply driving along. 957 00:54:20,213 --> 00:54:22,104 That's pretty much what drifting is, isn't it? 958 00:54:22,190 --> 00:54:23,348 Yeah. 959 00:54:23,433 --> 00:54:25,688 Would you like to get a cup of coffee or something? 960 00:54:25,773 --> 00:54:28,108 I'm sure I'll get it worked out in a minute. 961 00:54:28,193 --> 00:54:30,208 This is the problem. He doesn't bore easily. 962 00:54:30,293 --> 00:54:32,815 Right, now come on, Jeremy, come on! 963 00:54:34,633 --> 00:54:36,798 I kept trying. 964 00:54:38,793 --> 00:54:40,028 No. 965 00:54:40,113 --> 00:54:42,057 No, I'm gonna go back. I'm... 966 00:54:45,353 --> 00:54:47,478 What is he doing? 967 00:54:48,393 --> 00:54:50,438 Oh, hell! 968 00:54:51,793 --> 00:54:53,958 Oh, yes, that's not gone brilliantly. 969 00:54:56,353 --> 00:55:00,299 How do you score this, apart from not very highly? 970 00:55:02,648 --> 00:55:04,293 No, I've gone again. 971 00:55:05,533 --> 00:55:07,510 Until eventually... 972 00:55:07,596 --> 00:55:09,748 Fire. Fire. 973 00:55:09,833 --> 00:55:11,377 Small fire. 974 00:55:15,353 --> 00:55:18,508 That clutch? I think it's clutch. 975 00:55:19,041 --> 00:55:21,135 Nothing... Nothing to see. 976 00:55:21,975 --> 00:55:24,682 After my car was put out, 977 00:55:24,833 --> 00:55:27,308 it was the turn of William Wordsworth. 978 00:55:27,393 --> 00:55:29,568 What we've got here is a drifting competition 979 00:55:29,653 --> 00:55:31,608 featuring two cars that can't drift 980 00:55:31,693 --> 00:55:33,108 and a third which can, 981 00:55:33,193 --> 00:55:36,127 but which is being driven by a man who can't. 982 00:55:36,299 --> 00:55:38,968 The only good thing is he'll do it once, very badly, 983 00:55:39,053 --> 00:55:40,788 there'll be a chirp of tyres, 984 00:55:40,947 --> 00:55:42,328 he'll think that was a drift 985 00:55:42,413 --> 00:55:44,108 and then we can move on. 986 00:55:44,193 --> 00:55:45,648 Did you see me drift? 987 00:55:53,431 --> 00:55:57,182 - Un-James May start there. - Very exuberant start. 988 00:56:02,393 --> 00:56:05,065 Hang on a minute! 989 00:56:14,993 --> 00:56:17,135 - Impossible. - Unexpected. 990 00:56:17,221 --> 00:56:18,448 - Impossible. - Unlikely. 991 00:56:18,533 --> 00:56:22,361 Impossible. Hold on, where's he going? 992 00:56:22,447 --> 00:56:25,542 That's the pit lane. He's going the wrong way down the pit lane. 993 00:56:26,182 --> 00:56:28,437 Is that... Is that James down there... 994 00:56:28,565 --> 00:56:29,968 What's he... 995 00:56:30,276 --> 00:56:33,028 - He's left the track. - Hello! 996 00:56:33,113 --> 00:56:36,388 The only tall building for miles around and he's... 997 00:56:36,473 --> 00:56:38,510 - That's not even... - Where's he going? 998 00:56:38,604 --> 00:56:40,315 I don't know. 999 00:56:40,913 --> 00:56:43,468 - Why are you not in that? - I cheated. 1000 00:56:43,893 --> 00:56:45,705 - How did you cheat? - I was at the pits 1001 00:56:45,791 --> 00:56:48,128 and I met a bloke hanging around, who said he was a drifter, 1002 00:56:48,213 --> 00:56:50,038 so I sent him out in the car. 1003 00:56:52,116 --> 00:56:54,697 You do know "drifter", in America, 1004 00:56:54,783 --> 00:56:57,604 means something entirely different to the UK? 1005 00:56:57,690 --> 00:56:59,048 - Yeah. - You've just given your car away. 1006 00:56:59,133 --> 00:57:00,838 - To a tramp. - Yeah. 1007 00:57:02,084 --> 00:57:05,259 - There he goes. - What good work. 1008 00:57:05,492 --> 00:57:07,619 Well thought out. 1009 00:57:09,153 --> 00:57:12,248 Leaving May to deal with the insurance issues, 1010 00:57:12,333 --> 00:57:15,588 Hammond and I headed back to the campsite, 1011 00:57:15,673 --> 00:57:18,598 which meant passing through a local town. 1012 00:57:29,993 --> 00:57:33,604 I'll tell you what, Hammond, do you fancy a beer? 1013 00:57:33,908 --> 00:57:35,815 Yeah, they'll have a bar here. 1014 00:57:35,932 --> 00:57:37,548 Yeah, they must do. 1015 00:57:37,633 --> 00:57:40,854 Just the one, though, eh? Let's not go mad. 1016 00:58:13,353 --> 00:58:16,638 I am a golden god! 1017 00:58:17,473 --> 00:58:20,038 Turn that **** music off! 1018 00:58:24,553 --> 00:58:26,848 I'm gonna go left! I'm gonna go right! 1019 00:58:51,033 --> 00:58:53,408 Have you made breakfast for yourself again? 1020 00:58:53,493 --> 00:58:57,988 Yes, I have. And I've decided what we're doing today. 1021 00:58:58,073 --> 00:59:00,168 - What? - We're going to Red Lake. 1022 00:59:00,324 --> 00:59:01,688 Oh, good, I can get my jet ski out. 1023 00:59:01,773 --> 00:59:05,324 No, you can't. It's a dried-up lake. Beautiful. 1024 00:59:07,033 --> 00:59:09,588 - Is it off-road to get there? - All the way. 1025 00:59:09,673 --> 00:59:11,448 That means I can drive from the roof. 1026 00:59:11,533 --> 00:59:14,574 But I have got to go and attach all the... 1027 00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:17,559 um... you know, the stuff upstairs. 1028 00:59:17,645 --> 00:59:19,268 Right. While you do that, 1029 00:59:19,353 --> 00:59:22,528 Adam Ant can clean himself up and I'll enjoy my breakfast. 1030 00:59:22,613 --> 00:59:26,442 Then... that goes up there. 1031 00:59:26,614 --> 00:59:29,496 And that slots into there. 1032 00:59:30,153 --> 00:59:32,660 Brake linkages. 1033 00:59:32,746 --> 00:59:35,231 Goes in there. Yeah. 1034 00:59:35,473 --> 00:59:38,428 Bit Heath Robinson, but it'll work. 1035 00:59:38,817 --> 00:59:41,841 Oh, mate, you missed a hell of a party. 1036 00:59:41,927 --> 00:59:43,582 I was aware of it. 1037 00:59:43,668 --> 00:59:46,108 Why didn't you come to the party? You would have loved it. 1038 00:59:46,193 --> 00:59:48,408 You like dancing. There was definitely dancing. 1039 00:59:48,493 --> 00:59:49,942 I think there was a live band. 1040 00:59:50,028 --> 00:59:51,463 I was already in bed. 1041 00:59:51,549 --> 00:59:54,627 Good. So, starting engine. 1042 00:59:57,193 --> 00:59:59,868 Engaging drive. Here we go. 1043 00:59:59,953 --> 01:00:03,408 There must have been 30 or 40 people in the room when the police arrived. 1044 01:00:03,493 --> 01:00:05,878 Ohh! 1045 01:00:10,073 --> 01:00:11,873 Clarkson! 1046 01:00:19,393 --> 01:00:23,158 Oh, mate, it landed jam-side down. 1047 01:00:27,353 --> 01:00:30,958 Once the flotsam and jetsam had been cleared away, 1048 01:00:32,633 --> 01:00:35,038 we set off for Red Lake. 1049 01:00:36,793 --> 01:00:40,478 Hammond and May decided to go as the crow flies. 1050 01:00:43,793 --> 01:00:46,208 Whereas I took the longer route... 1051 01:00:47,713 --> 01:00:49,958 on a gentle track. 1052 01:00:50,873 --> 01:00:53,198 Oh, this is just heaven. 1053 01:00:54,593 --> 01:00:57,198 A lavatory with a flying bridge. 1054 01:00:58,353 --> 01:01:01,108 I mean, what I've done here is I have turned 1055 01:01:01,193 --> 01:01:04,488 one of the most dreary driving experiences in the world 1056 01:01:04,573 --> 01:01:06,798 into one of the best. 1057 01:01:08,433 --> 01:01:11,598 I honestly believe that sometimes my genius... 1058 01:01:12,593 --> 01:01:14,878 it generates gravity. 1059 01:01:17,233 --> 01:01:20,288 Meanwhile, on the rougher route... 1060 01:01:20,373 --> 01:01:22,468 Oh... 1061 01:01:22,553 --> 01:01:25,208 James, I'm not sure about this. 1062 01:01:25,293 --> 01:01:28,548 Well, it's the shortest way. 1063 01:01:28,633 --> 01:01:31,808 I know this may look a bit mad but people obviously do this in RVs, 1064 01:01:31,893 --> 01:01:34,568 cos you see them parked out in the middle of nowhere. 1065 01:01:34,653 --> 01:01:37,308 Even if it's only making meth. 1066 01:01:37,393 --> 01:01:41,248 However, soon the terrain started to get much rougher. 1067 01:01:49,033 --> 01:01:50,073 Shit! 1068 01:01:56,273 --> 01:01:57,998 Come on, come on. 1069 01:02:00,793 --> 01:02:03,368 Come on, come on, come on! 1070 01:02:03,453 --> 01:02:05,718 Ahhh, ha-ha! 1071 01:02:13,113 --> 01:02:15,118 Argh! Argh! 1072 01:02:17,533 --> 01:02:19,678 Woah! Shit! 1073 01:02:23,113 --> 01:02:26,348 Hammond, your bike's fallen off. 1074 01:02:26,614 --> 01:02:28,688 Oh, bloody hell, I'll go back and get it. 1075 01:02:28,856 --> 01:02:31,871 Er... I wouldn't bother, to be honest. 1076 01:02:34,193 --> 01:02:37,043 That's the... kick-start. 1077 01:02:37,129 --> 01:02:38,200 The exhaust is wedged under the back wheel. 1078 01:02:38,285 --> 01:02:39,801 The kick-starter's come off. 1079 01:02:39,992 --> 01:02:42,087 The handlebars are bent, the fork's twisted. 1080 01:02:42,173 --> 01:02:43,348 Foot peg. 1081 01:02:43,433 --> 01:02:45,668 It's broken the two-stroke oil... 1082 01:02:45,753 --> 01:02:50,198 I'm really sorry you won't be able to ride it around tonight. That's a shame. 1083 01:02:53,993 --> 01:02:56,108 Going right. 1084 01:02:58,333 --> 01:02:59,988 Going left. 1085 01:03:00,073 --> 01:03:02,768 Everything is working well. 1086 01:03:06,730 --> 01:03:09,215 Quite rattly, I admit. 1087 01:03:13,433 --> 01:03:16,088 Er... nasty, that... 1088 01:03:16,173 --> 01:03:17,788 Uuurrhhh... 1089 01:03:17,873 --> 01:03:20,741 That's the collapsed rear suspension. 1090 01:03:22,273 --> 01:03:24,788 Don't judge me. 1091 01:03:24,873 --> 01:03:26,368 Back on our trail, 1092 01:03:26,453 --> 01:03:28,808 the going wasn't getting any smoother. 1093 01:03:35,961 --> 01:03:37,661 Jesus! 1094 01:03:39,823 --> 01:03:43,542 Hammond, stop! My pub's exploded. 1095 01:03:45,894 --> 01:03:48,276 Oh, no! 1096 01:03:50,393 --> 01:03:52,068 - Oh, jeez. - Ha! 1097 01:03:52,153 --> 01:03:54,568 Your one pleasure has been taken away from you. 1098 01:03:54,653 --> 01:03:57,440 - That's my warm brown beer. - Gone! 1099 01:03:57,709 --> 01:04:00,424 - Oh, God. - Is the gin OK? 1100 01:04:00,533 --> 01:04:02,581 - Yes. - Ha-ha-ha! 1101 01:04:02,667 --> 01:04:06,708 Do you know my pub? You're barred. 1102 01:04:06,793 --> 01:04:10,048 Figuring there was nothing important left to break... 1103 01:04:10,133 --> 01:04:13,078 we soldiered on. 1104 01:04:14,513 --> 01:04:16,928 God, it's hot. The steering wheel's getting... 1105 01:04:19,113 --> 01:04:21,368 Hammond, my windscreen's falling out. 1106 01:04:21,453 --> 01:04:23,408 It's fallen... It's broken. 1107 01:04:28,793 --> 01:04:29,808 Oh! 1108 01:04:29,893 --> 01:04:31,908 Oh, dear. 1109 01:04:31,993 --> 01:04:35,528 You know you're gonna have to take the rest of it out, don't you? 1110 01:04:35,613 --> 01:04:37,848 Well, you are. You can't... 1111 01:04:37,933 --> 01:04:41,358 I mean, that's not... advisable, is it? 1112 01:04:42,153 --> 01:04:45,438 No. Thank you for your input. 1113 01:04:49,593 --> 01:04:51,248 What I've done, is I've taken out 1114 01:04:51,333 --> 01:04:52,928 the good half of the windscreen 1115 01:04:53,013 --> 01:04:55,288 before it falls out and gets broken, 1116 01:04:55,373 --> 01:04:57,348 and I've stowed that in the back 1117 01:04:57,433 --> 01:04:59,888 until I get somewhere where I can do a proper repair. 1118 01:04:59,973 --> 01:05:02,528 And then I've borrowed Hammond's motorcycle goggles, 1119 01:05:02,613 --> 01:05:04,558 cos he doesn't need them any more. 1120 01:05:07,433 --> 01:05:12,118 Eventually, all three of us were reunited at our destination... 1121 01:05:13,313 --> 01:05:15,233 Red Lake. 1122 01:05:18,553 --> 01:05:22,748 Any problems to report, apart from the fact most of your RV's missing, May? 1123 01:05:22,833 --> 01:05:25,958 No, everything's fine. The air conditioning's excellent. 1124 01:05:29,753 --> 01:05:32,318 What an astonishing lake this is. 1125 01:05:34,753 --> 01:05:37,808 There must have been global warming in the olden days 1126 01:05:37,893 --> 01:05:41,398 to have created this astonishing spectacle. 1127 01:05:42,873 --> 01:05:46,358 What caused the global warming back then, I wonder? 1128 01:05:48,433 --> 01:05:51,008 This is like a scene out of Independence Day. 1129 01:05:51,093 --> 01:05:54,518 Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith, that drunk man. 1130 01:05:55,593 --> 01:05:57,788 Yeah, that's pretty much us. 1131 01:05:57,873 --> 01:06:00,688 Hammond, did you do that on the back of May's? 1132 01:06:00,773 --> 01:06:02,428 Yes, I did. 1133 01:06:02,513 --> 01:06:04,428 A pub needs a name and a sign 1134 01:06:04,513 --> 01:06:07,088 and I've combined it with the landlord's name. 1135 01:06:07,173 --> 01:06:09,719 Love your work. 1136 01:06:10,195 --> 01:06:13,633 Bit of a bump there. 1137 01:06:13,719 --> 01:06:16,813 Ha-ha! Jet ski's fallen off! 1138 01:06:20,949 --> 01:06:23,266 I probably should tell him, but... 1139 01:06:23,532 --> 01:06:25,508 my radio's on the seat down there 1140 01:06:25,593 --> 01:06:27,728 and it would be irresponsible to take my hand off the wheel. 1141 01:06:27,813 --> 01:06:31,993 Before I tell him about that, I'll help him along with it a bit. Here we go. 1142 01:06:41,313 --> 01:06:44,488 James must have a problem with his brakes, cos he can't stop 1143 01:06:44,573 --> 01:06:47,758 and keeps hitting the back of the jet ski. 1144 01:06:49,433 --> 01:06:52,588 Oh! Oh, dear, oh, dear. 1145 01:06:52,673 --> 01:06:55,838 Oh. it doesn't work so well on sand. 1146 01:07:00,047 --> 01:07:03,024 Clarkson, your jet ski's fallen off. Just then. 1147 01:07:03,133 --> 01:07:05,571 - What? - Just then... 1148 01:07:05,672 --> 01:07:07,998 Slowing it down. Easing it down. 1149 01:07:09,873 --> 01:07:11,468 - Is it broken? - Oh, yes. 1150 01:07:11,553 --> 01:07:13,788 I had to swerve like mad to avoid it. 1151 01:07:13,873 --> 01:07:15,547 It's a good job I was behind you. 1152 01:07:15,633 --> 01:07:16,728 If there was nobody to see that, 1153 01:07:16,813 --> 01:07:18,618 you could have dragged that for 50 miles. 1154 01:07:18,704 --> 01:07:22,087 - How long have I been dragging it for? - 20, 30 feet. 1155 01:07:22,173 --> 01:07:25,883 James, I can see where it fell off. 1156 01:07:26,673 --> 01:07:29,128 And I'm gonna guess that's three miles ago. 1157 01:07:31,193 --> 01:07:33,358 I couldn't get my radio. 1158 01:07:34,873 --> 01:07:37,838 Having cut the ruined jet ski free, 1159 01:07:41,513 --> 01:07:44,878 we resumed our journey across the lake bed. 1160 01:07:50,273 --> 01:07:52,558 Gotta open the pub in ten minutes. 1161 01:07:55,953 --> 01:07:59,128 Hey, Priscilla, is it nice and breezy up there? 1162 01:08:05,313 --> 01:08:09,828 Oh, going for the relaxed, easy driving style now. There it is. 1163 01:08:09,913 --> 01:08:12,968 First time I've ever driven with my feet up, and I like it. 1164 01:08:13,053 --> 01:08:15,928 Oh, hell! 1165 01:08:16,013 --> 01:08:17,988 Jesus Christ! 1166 01:08:18,073 --> 01:08:20,088 Might ease it down a bit. 1167 01:08:30,393 --> 01:08:31,628 Shit. 1168 01:08:31,713 --> 01:08:36,108 My steering works but I have no gears 1169 01:08:36,193 --> 01:08:39,188 and no throttle and no braking. 1170 01:08:39,273 --> 01:08:41,798 I'm gonna have to retake control. 1171 01:08:44,793 --> 01:08:46,628 Here we go. 1172 01:08:46,713 --> 01:08:48,518 Where's he going? 1173 01:08:49,433 --> 01:08:51,798 He's abandoned his steering! 1174 01:08:58,993 --> 01:09:00,768 It's jammed! 1175 01:09:00,853 --> 01:09:02,988 What? It's... 1176 01:09:03,073 --> 01:09:04,968 It's jammed! I can't open the hatch! 1177 01:09:05,053 --> 01:09:07,238 Well, I can't open it. 1178 01:09:08,953 --> 01:09:10,718 The hatch is jammed. 1179 01:09:15,793 --> 01:09:20,508 Er... guys, could you do like a pincer movement, OK? 1180 01:09:20,593 --> 01:09:22,808 Come alongside me at the same time 1181 01:09:22,893 --> 01:09:25,068 and try and slow me down. 1182 01:09:25,153 --> 01:09:27,768 So, what, we're gonna squeeze you and then slow you? 1183 01:09:27,853 --> 01:09:29,488 - We'll be your brakes? - Yeah. 1184 01:09:29,573 --> 01:09:33,688 So keep steering into me while braking. We'll try and stop it. 1185 01:09:33,773 --> 01:09:35,633 Shit. 1186 01:09:37,193 --> 01:09:39,758 OK, guys, come in! 1187 01:09:40,873 --> 01:09:43,588 Roger. 1188 01:09:43,673 --> 01:09:45,838 If this works, it'll be a miracle. 1189 01:09:48,233 --> 01:09:51,508 OK, steady. Match my speed. Match my speed. 1190 01:09:51,593 --> 01:09:53,358 Matching your speed. 1191 01:09:56,473 --> 01:09:58,918 Steering in. Steering in. 1192 01:10:05,313 --> 01:10:07,488 OK, start to brake. Start to brake. 1193 01:10:07,573 --> 01:10:09,708 Braking, braking. 1194 01:10:09,793 --> 01:10:13,168 OK, this is working. This is working. 1195 01:10:13,253 --> 01:10:15,128 My fuel tank is just down there, so... 1196 01:10:16,393 --> 01:10:18,528 Right. Oh, it's worked a bit. 1197 01:10:19,873 --> 01:10:22,841 OK, that's a small accident there. 1198 01:10:23,825 --> 01:10:26,083 Bloody hell, that worked! It's stopped! 1199 01:10:26,213 --> 01:10:28,294 But now you've gotta get it in neutral! 1200 01:10:28,380 --> 01:10:30,908 - Well, how do I get in? - I don't know. 1201 01:10:30,993 --> 01:10:33,568 There's a ladder at the back. Go down the ladder. 1202 01:10:33,653 --> 01:10:35,448 We have to shut it down! 1203 01:10:35,533 --> 01:10:37,108 It's trying to run away. 1204 01:10:37,466 --> 01:10:39,128 I've got my foot hard on the brake. 1205 01:10:39,213 --> 01:10:41,728 If we let go, it will take off. 1206 01:10:41,813 --> 01:10:43,357 Hurry up! 1207 01:10:46,473 --> 01:10:48,188 Right, down the back, 1208 01:10:48,273 --> 01:10:51,368 the window should be aligned with your... Use a bar stool. 1209 01:10:51,453 --> 01:10:53,518 Go to the back, where the windows are. 1210 01:10:56,953 --> 01:10:58,828 No, I can't. 1211 01:10:58,913 --> 01:11:00,968 - What do you mean, you can't? - I can't do it. 1212 01:11:01,053 --> 01:11:03,168 - Put your feet in first. - Hammond! 1213 01:11:03,253 --> 01:11:06,068 - What? - We need Hammond. He's little. 1214 01:11:06,153 --> 01:11:09,008 You can't get through the window. I can't take my foot off the brake. 1215 01:11:09,093 --> 01:11:11,968 I hope my handbrake holds, cos if it gives out, we've had it. 1216 01:11:12,053 --> 01:11:13,908 I can't get through the window. 1217 01:11:13,993 --> 01:11:16,528 Go in there. Can you put it in... just put it in park? 1218 01:11:16,613 --> 01:11:18,485 Turn it off. 1219 01:11:18,833 --> 01:11:22,048 - What are you doing? - Putting that in to make it easier. Look. 1220 01:11:22,133 --> 01:11:24,648 - Oh, right, that was my problem. - Yeah. Arghh! 1221 01:11:24,733 --> 01:11:26,968 - I did that. - Ow! Argh! 1222 01:11:27,053 --> 01:11:29,358 Ow! Pinched one! 1223 01:11:30,553 --> 01:11:32,128 - Right. I'm... - Quick! 1224 01:11:36,313 --> 01:11:38,257 Neutral! Oh. 1225 01:11:38,343 --> 01:11:39,508 - Oh. - Has he done it? 1226 01:11:39,593 --> 01:11:41,728 - Yes, he has. Jeez. - Neutral. I've shut it down. 1227 01:11:41,813 --> 01:11:43,577 Well done. 1228 01:11:43,953 --> 01:11:45,499 Oh, no! 1229 01:11:46,393 --> 01:11:47,448 - Hammond. - What? 1230 01:11:47,533 --> 01:11:48,808 Do you have any idea 1231 01:11:48,893 --> 01:11:51,968 how close that fuel tank is to my chassis rails? 1232 01:11:52,053 --> 01:11:53,288 Very. 1233 01:11:53,374 --> 01:11:55,716 You could have been blown to pieces, you idiot! 1234 01:11:55,953 --> 01:11:58,490 - Er... who's the idiot? - "Thank you, rescuers." 1235 01:11:58,576 --> 01:11:59,828 - "Who's the idiot?" - You are. 1236 01:11:59,913 --> 01:12:03,108 Why did this happen? There was nothing wrong with mine or his. 1237 01:12:03,193 --> 01:12:04,928 What do you mean there's nothing wrong with yours? 1238 01:12:05,013 --> 01:12:07,328 - You've got no windscreen. - I know, but it was driving OK. 1239 01:12:07,413 --> 01:12:10,348 I was in control of it. I was behind the wheel, I could use the pedals. 1240 01:12:10,433 --> 01:12:12,084 - I was in control of... - No, you weren't. 1241 01:12:12,169 --> 01:12:13,888 - Of the steering I was. - Well, that's brilliant. 1242 01:12:13,973 --> 01:12:16,927 We've saved you from being dashed to death on a distant mountain. 1243 01:12:17,013 --> 01:12:18,848 - I can't get out. - And this is the gratitude we get. 1244 01:12:18,933 --> 01:12:21,982 I was prepared to drive round in circles till it ran out of petrol. 1245 01:12:22,068 --> 01:12:24,648 - What's the matter? - I can't get out. I've got stuck. 1246 01:12:24,911 --> 01:12:27,668 This was a mistake. 1247 01:12:27,753 --> 01:12:31,308 - What's he done? - This... I can't... 1248 01:12:31,393 --> 01:12:34,446 - What were you thinking of? - My legs are on the glass. 1249 01:12:35,473 --> 01:12:37,681 This is a ridiculous day. 1250 01:12:37,810 --> 01:12:41,245 Let's see what can be done to rescue this situation. 1251 01:12:41,392 --> 01:12:42,727 Well, that's an interesting one, isn't it? 1252 01:12:42,813 --> 01:12:44,306 - Well, let's have a sit down and think. - Yeah, 1253 01:12:44,392 --> 01:12:45,470 there's a sofa here. 1254 01:12:45,556 --> 01:12:47,970 My knees are stuck on the window, it's very sore. 1255 01:12:48,253 --> 01:12:50,888 How did you manage that? Why didn't you go through legs first? 1256 01:12:50,973 --> 01:12:52,588 I couldn't because it's higher. 1257 01:12:52,673 --> 01:12:54,064 But didn't you take a bar stool with you? 1258 01:12:54,150 --> 01:12:54,681 Aargh! 1259 01:12:54,767 --> 01:12:56,899 Can I just say this holiday is not working out. 1260 01:12:56,985 --> 01:13:01,280 - No. - Why don't we just face facts? 1261 01:13:01,429 --> 01:13:04,368 - RVs are not good. - They're not good. 1262 01:13:04,454 --> 01:13:06,900 So why don't we just have a demolition derby? 1263 01:13:06,993 --> 01:13:08,588 - Well, no, wait a minute. - What? 1264 01:13:08,673 --> 01:13:10,518 That's not a bad idea, cos half of mine's gone already. 1265 01:13:10,603 --> 01:13:13,087 Yes, mine's pretty much ruined, cos he's broken the window. 1266 01:13:13,173 --> 01:13:15,001 Yes, but mine's intact, it's perfectly intact. 1267 01:13:15,087 --> 01:13:17,068 Nothing has gone wrong with it. I'm not destroying it. 1268 01:13:17,153 --> 01:13:18,928 Well, you'll win, then. You stand more chance of winning. 1269 01:13:19,013 --> 01:13:21,720 I'll tell you what, we'll have a vote. 1270 01:13:32,233 --> 01:13:34,488 Right, we've found three other people 1271 01:13:34,573 --> 01:13:37,708 who are equally disillusioned with their RVs 1272 01:13:37,793 --> 01:13:39,128 and the rules are very simple. 1273 01:13:39,298 --> 01:13:42,988 The last one still running is the winner. 1274 01:13:43,073 --> 01:13:46,488 Once we'd climbed aboard our race-modified RVs, 1275 01:13:46,573 --> 01:13:48,988 we were ready for the off. 1276 01:13:49,073 --> 01:13:51,868 This is a stupid idea. I disapprove. 1277 01:13:51,953 --> 01:13:55,198 It's needlessly destructive and I really like my little truck. 1278 01:13:56,277 --> 01:13:58,372 Here's my start line strategy. 1279 01:13:58,500 --> 01:14:01,668 Light goes green. Hard right! Hit James. 1280 01:14:01,753 --> 01:14:04,114 I want him to be a bonnet emblem 1281 01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:06,567 by the time I get to the first corner. 1282 01:14:06,677 --> 01:14:09,128 He doesn't realise that the window's fallen out of his RV 1283 01:14:09,213 --> 01:14:11,478 and I can hear everything he's saying. 1284 01:14:28,073 --> 01:14:30,145 Let's get this over with, shall we? 1285 01:14:32,073 --> 01:14:34,318 That's one done. 1286 01:14:40,073 --> 01:14:42,808 Obviously I'm not driving on the roof. 1287 01:14:42,893 --> 01:14:45,158 I think that would be unwise. 1288 01:14:46,433 --> 01:14:48,828 Closing up on the lavatory. 1289 01:14:48,913 --> 01:14:51,128 Here he goes. 1290 01:14:51,213 --> 01:14:53,398 Oh, he hit me hard there. 1291 01:14:55,953 --> 01:14:58,048 Turning right. 1292 01:14:58,133 --> 01:15:00,688 Oh, haw, haw, haw! 1293 01:15:13,873 --> 01:15:15,848 - Got him. - I've been hit again! 1294 01:15:15,933 --> 01:15:18,238 Bastard. 1295 01:15:19,873 --> 01:15:21,888 Meanwhile, in Hammond's truck, 1296 01:15:21,973 --> 01:15:24,248 there'd been a bit of a mood swing. 1297 01:15:24,333 --> 01:15:26,608 Ha, ha, ha. 1298 01:15:29,122 --> 01:15:31,217 OK, I change my mind. This is really good fun. 1299 01:15:35,113 --> 01:15:40,228 I have got the toughest vehicle here... I'm sure of that. 1300 01:15:40,633 --> 01:15:42,598 Aargh! Oh, ow, ow. 1301 01:15:44,397 --> 01:15:46,752 Have another go at Jeremy. 1302 01:15:47,088 --> 01:15:50,013 Ooh! Oh, my lights have come off. 1303 01:15:52,873 --> 01:15:55,328 The door was shut on me really badly. 1304 01:15:55,413 --> 01:15:58,168 I can't see over my bonnet. 1305 01:16:01,738 --> 01:16:05,373 Hammond's bonnet is completely off. 1306 01:16:05,747 --> 01:16:07,980 However, the Mad Max make-over 1307 01:16:08,066 --> 01:16:11,360 made his truck even more of a lethal weapon. 1308 01:16:11,453 --> 01:16:14,158 There you go! Hah. 1309 01:16:15,713 --> 01:16:18,008 - Ha ha ha. - Oh, that's brutal. 1310 01:16:18,093 --> 01:16:20,528 Oh, my door! 1311 01:16:20,661 --> 01:16:22,434 Oh! 1312 01:16:27,793 --> 01:16:29,908 I've been hit. 1313 01:16:30,179 --> 01:16:32,064 I've been hit again. 1314 01:16:33,873 --> 01:16:35,768 I'm in a sandwich of Americans. 1315 01:16:37,953 --> 01:16:40,114 It was at this point I noticed something 1316 01:16:40,200 --> 01:16:42,928 about one of those Americans. 1317 01:16:43,270 --> 01:16:45,108 Wait a minute. 1318 01:16:45,286 --> 01:16:47,108 It's that guy. 1319 01:16:47,193 --> 01:16:49,968 He's the one who's been following us. 1320 01:16:50,325 --> 01:16:52,044 What's he doing? 1321 01:16:53,713 --> 01:16:55,048 Oh, no, I'm being pushed. 1322 01:16:59,193 --> 01:17:02,688 We are being annihilated by the two remaining Americans. 1323 01:17:08,793 --> 01:17:10,528 As the contest heated up... 1324 01:17:15,800 --> 01:17:18,835 I decided to pick on the biggest RV. 1325 01:17:19,232 --> 01:17:21,807 You want demolition, have some. 1326 01:17:24,033 --> 01:17:25,153 Ha! Oh! 1327 01:17:34,073 --> 01:17:35,838 Oh, oh. 1328 01:17:37,833 --> 01:17:40,129 - Oh, hello, I'm leaking. - Oh, no! 1329 01:17:40,215 --> 01:17:42,356 Oh, no, I'm leaking fluid. 1330 01:17:46,393 --> 01:17:49,518 Following hit after brutal hit... 1331 01:17:50,873 --> 01:17:54,628 my opponent eventually conked out. 1332 01:17:54,713 --> 01:17:58,188 But the battle had left me badly wounded. 1333 01:17:58,657 --> 01:18:01,196 Oh, this does not bode well for my little truck. 1334 01:18:01,282 --> 01:18:03,547 I think my engine might be suffering. 1335 01:18:04,073 --> 01:18:05,829 Huh! Aargh! 1336 01:18:06,553 --> 01:18:08,079 Oh, whoa! 1337 01:18:09,953 --> 01:18:12,308 - Oh, that's gone badly wrong for me. 1338 01:18:12,393 --> 01:18:14,648 - I think I've lost a wheel now. - Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho. 1339 01:18:14,733 --> 01:18:16,368 I'm in a bad way. 1340 01:18:16,454 --> 01:18:18,349 I've lost steering. 1341 01:18:18,525 --> 01:18:20,900 Aaargh! 1342 01:18:21,313 --> 01:18:23,446 Hammond is history. 1343 01:18:25,153 --> 01:18:27,968 Now only three of us remained. 1344 01:18:28,053 --> 01:18:30,248 Come on. Hit James. 1345 01:18:30,333 --> 01:18:31,968 Ramming speed! 1346 01:18:39,013 --> 01:18:42,028 Ohhh! 1347 01:18:42,113 --> 01:18:44,688 - You bastard! - May's in the wall! 1348 01:18:44,773 --> 01:18:47,088 He's in the wall and toast. 1349 01:18:47,173 --> 01:18:50,369 It's just me and this weird man. 1350 01:18:50,913 --> 01:18:53,008 I'll get you, you bastard. 1351 01:18:53,330 --> 01:18:55,688 Whoa. 1352 01:19:00,233 --> 01:19:02,188 Get him! 1353 01:19:02,273 --> 01:19:04,423 I'm taking him. 1354 01:19:06,193 --> 01:19:08,438 Oh, Lord. 1355 01:19:10,633 --> 01:19:12,578 Going in hard and hot! 1356 01:19:21,633 --> 01:19:23,128 Yeaahhhh! 1357 01:19:23,213 --> 01:19:25,448 Ha-ha, hey! 1358 01:19:25,533 --> 01:19:27,188 Oh, yes! 1359 01:19:27,273 --> 01:19:31,182 The mighty RV boat is victorious. 1360 01:19:31,873 --> 01:19:33,668 Nothing else running. 1361 01:19:33,753 --> 01:19:35,534 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 1362 01:19:35,628 --> 01:19:36,628 Oh, yeah. 1363 01:19:36,713 --> 01:19:39,604 Well done. It's a glorious victory. 1364 01:19:39,690 --> 01:19:41,028 - Really. - It is. 1365 01:19:41,113 --> 01:19:44,401 And I think we've proved that if you must have an RV 1366 01:19:44,487 --> 01:19:47,422 it has to be a Chevrolet Pace Arrow. 1367 01:19:47,673 --> 01:19:48,868 - Yes. Yes. - Yes, it does. 1368 01:19:48,953 --> 01:19:50,682 Good, congratulations. Very well done. 1369 01:19:50,768 --> 01:19:51,828 - Meanwhile... - What? 1370 01:19:51,913 --> 01:19:53,896 We've gotta make camp for tonight 1371 01:19:53,982 --> 01:19:56,588 in these, so I would suggest just over there. 1372 01:19:56,755 --> 01:19:59,008 I think that's an excellent idea. As close as possible. 1373 01:19:59,093 --> 01:20:00,868 - Yes. - We can come to your pub. 1374 01:20:00,953 --> 01:20:02,210 Well, you're not expecting a drink, 1375 01:20:02,296 --> 01:20:03,257 - are you? - Why not? 1376 01:20:03,343 --> 01:20:04,781 - Pub's been demolished. - Has it? 1377 01:20:04,867 --> 01:20:06,487 - Yeah. - Oh, of course, it went into a wall. 1378 01:20:06,573 --> 01:20:08,349 - Happens a lot these days. - Ooh! Ooh! 1379 01:20:08,435 --> 01:20:09,788 - I nearly forgot. - What? 1380 01:20:09,873 --> 01:20:11,108 You know that guy that's been 1381 01:20:11,193 --> 01:20:12,982 following us around since we got here? 1382 01:20:13,130 --> 01:20:15,088 - No. - No. - The one in the race overalls. 1383 01:20:15,173 --> 01:20:17,255 - No. - You've still not seen him? 1384 01:20:17,341 --> 01:20:20,013 - Never seen him. - Well, you have, cos he was driving that. 1385 01:20:20,130 --> 01:20:21,706 - Was he? - Yes, I put him on... he's dead now. 1386 01:20:21,791 --> 01:20:22,861 - Good, good. - And now 1387 01:20:22,947 --> 01:20:24,299 he won't be following us any more 1388 01:20:24,385 --> 01:20:26,620 - because I've rolled him over. - You can tell us all about it 1389 01:20:26,705 --> 01:20:29,455 over a glass of water this evening. 1390 01:20:29,971 --> 01:20:33,166 With our race with the devil over... 1391 01:20:33,513 --> 01:20:35,828 we fell asleep quickly that night, 1392 01:20:35,913 --> 01:20:38,119 happy in the knowledge that the horror 1393 01:20:38,205 --> 01:20:41,744 of our RV holiday was finally over. 1394 01:20:43,584 --> 01:20:46,275 Sync corrections by srjanapala