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Hello, and welcome
to a Grand Tour special,

2
00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:20,790
which comes to you from

3
00:00:20,830 --> 00:00:26,030
the emptiest, most sparsely
populated country on Earth.

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00:00:27,630 --> 00:00:29,310
Mongolia.

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Now, ordinarily when we
go on these adventures,

6
00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:50,550
we have a vague idea about the sort
of things that we might be doing.

7
00:00:50,590 --> 00:00:52,670
But this time, we don't.

8
00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:54,190
No, not a clue.

9
00:00:54,230 --> 00:00:56,870
The situation is,
we took off from

10
00:00:56,910 --> 00:00:59,950
the capital city of
Mongolia, Ulaanbaatar,

11
00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:01,710
and flew for two,
two-and-a-half hours,

12
00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:04,030
over terrain
that was much like this.

13
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Actually, quite familiar.

14
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Unthreatening.

15
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But it was completely empty.

16
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It was like flying over the
whole of the British Isles

17
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and not seeing a town,
a village, a road,

18
00:01:18,430 --> 00:01:20,670
a powerline, a quarry,
not even a farm.

19
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There wasn't a shred of evidence, from
what we saw out of the aeroplane window,

20
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that man has ever existed.

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Yeah, this is what the world
would have looked like,

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pretty much, on about page three
of the Book of Genesis, I reckon.

23
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And then
we were dropped off here...

24
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...and we don't know why.

25
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:40,710
We don't know anything.

26
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:45,110
An hour or so later, though...

27
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That's a chopper.

28
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- There, look.
- Yeah.

29
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Why isn't he landing?

30
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What's he doing?

31
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- Whoa, look at this.
- Look!

32
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Hang on a minute.

33
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- Whoa.
- Look at that.

34
00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:34,710
What's he dropping?

35
00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:45,070
It's got to be
supplies. Firewood...

36
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- Food.
- Shelter.

37
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Hats.

38
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- Hats?
- Well, you need a hat. It's sunny.

39
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They're not gonna
fly out hats to us.

40
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So that... He's...
That's him gone, then.

41
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:58,470
- He's not landing.
- Oh.

42
00:02:58,510 --> 00:03:00,390
Does that mean
we're not going home, then?

43
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:04,350
James, the
helicopter has buggered off.

44
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:07,630
And we're alone with three boxes
full of quiche or something.

45
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Well, let's go
and have a look, then.

46
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I mean, what
we really need is transport.

47
00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:16,550
Yeah. That would be useful.

48
00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:18,310
They haven't
got cars in them.

49
00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:20,390
- Could you get a car in that?
- No, look, it's thin.

50
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:21,670
It's only about that wide.

51
00:03:24,510 --> 00:03:28,150
- So this is the webbing that...
- Well, that comes off.

52
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Oh, hello, there's a crowbar
there. So that's...

53
00:03:30,430 --> 00:03:31,510
Good.

54
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Right, lifting it here.

55
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,710
- That's it.
- Stand clear.

56
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Oh!

57
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- Well...
- Water.

58
00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:48,190
- What's in...
- The hell...

59
00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:51,030
Oh, shit. Is that an engine?

60
00:03:51,070 --> 00:03:52,790
That's an engine.

61
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A TDi of some sort.

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Vehicle lights?

63
00:04:02,670 --> 00:04:04,590
- That is a rear axle.
- It is.

64
00:04:05,790 --> 00:04:07,070
That's a master cylinder.

65
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:10,830
Guys, I don't need to look
in the other one.

66
00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:14,550
We've an engine, we've
headlights, we've a rear axle.

67
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There's enough spare parts
to build a car.

68
00:04:19,470 --> 00:04:21,030
- Yeah.
- Oh, come on.

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00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:23,510
What, here?

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00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:26,789
As the other two
opened the third crate,

71
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I found a mysterious bag.

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OK, well, straight away,
that's a windscreen.

73
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,510
Which confirms it.

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00:04:40,550 --> 00:04:41,870
- Yep.
- Guys...

75
00:04:41,910 --> 00:04:43,230
What is it, a Land Rover?

76
00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:46,630
- What's that?
- I have a letter.

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The nearest civilisation
is a town called Moron.

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- Is it?
- There's a surprise.

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"It's hundreds of miles away."

80
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In order to reach it, you must
build the contents of these boxes.

81
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:03,430
"You have enough food
and water for seven days."

82
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What's that?

83
00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:13,630
- That's the town.
- Moron.

84
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:15,910
- And that's the start.
- We're here.

85
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It says "Map not to scale."

86
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,630
There's a surprise.

87
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This has been drawn
by EH Shepard.

88
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Look, "Rather Boggy and Sad."

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"Deep River of Despair."

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- "Floody Place."
- "Lots of Trees."

91
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"Wibbly Wobbly Bridge",
"Very Big Crack".

92
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Well, that's not very useful,
is it?

93
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Well, we've got to go
northeast, haven't we?

94
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But how far is that?

95
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,670
Well, we don't know.
He said "hundreds of miles".

96
00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,590
Yes, but first...

97
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:44,390
- What?
- All we need to do is assemble this lot into a car.

98
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:48,110
As there was
no instruction manual,

99
00:05:48,150 --> 00:05:51,030
May and I began to
go through the components.

100
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:53,390
This is chassis, isn't it?
But it's in two halves.

101
00:05:53,430 --> 00:05:57,230
While our mechanically inept
colleague made himself useful

102
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by moaning about
the camping equipment.

103
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That's not a bed!

104
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,070
- It's a mattress.
- In...

105
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:06,190
- It's not a mattress!
- It is.

106
00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:07,590
If you go to
Peter Jones and say,

107
00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:09,230
"Can I have a mattress?"
they don't give you this.

108
00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:11,270
- The heaviest bit is the engine...
- Yes.

109
00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:13,830
...which is over there, so we need
to take the other bits over there.

110
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- Yes, that's a very good idea.
- Let's do that.

111
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- Jeremy's pretending to be a ghost.
- I'll pretend to be scared.

112
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To be a ghost,
you first have to be dead.

113
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Nice work.

114
00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:28,350
So what we should do
is lay everything out.

115
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Why not put the parachute out as a dust
sheet, put it all on the parachute?

116
00:06:31,150 --> 00:06:33,150
Good idea.

117
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If we lay it out, it can be
the floor of our workshop.

118
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- If either of you have any emergencies...
- No!

119
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- Hey, Hammond.
- Yeah?

120
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- It's a Land Rover engine, you'll be pleased to know.
- Is it?

121
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"Hey, Hammond.
Hey, Hammond."

122
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- Why don't you do something useful? Unwrap something.
- "Hey, Hammond."

123
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Hammond."

124
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As my colleagues
fiddled about

125
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with stuff
I didn't understand...

126
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That says
"Chassis mid-section."

127
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...I found something
that I did.

128
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Hello!

129
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I wasn't expecting that.

130
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However, there was a problem.

131
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- Just pop that down for a second.
- Yes.

132
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- This is a box of rations, OK?
- Yes.

133
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Now, forgive me
but I could swear...

134
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Oh, God.

135
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- Why would Wilman do that?
- Because he's evil.

136
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Why would he send us a car
in bits that isn't a car?

137
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I don't care about
the car in bits.

138
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He and both of you, actually,
are quite capable of doing that.

139
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This, on the other hand,
is a catastrophe.

140
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- How many of those have you found?
- One.

141
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Why don't you trouble yourself
with matters food-related?

142
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- That's a good idea.
- Gather it together in one place, see what we've got.

143
00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:47,830
So, I see. So I become food and
beverage manager of the project?

144
00:07:47,870 --> 00:07:49,710
- If you want to call it that.
- If you like.

145
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A bit like Robert De Niro
in Casino.

146
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In every conceivable way.

147
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He was the food and beverage
manager of the casino.

148
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And I shall be the food and beverage
manager of our little project.

149
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OK, from now on
we'll call you Robert.

150
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,070
- Why don't you gather all the food-related things...
- Thank you.

151
00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:03,630
- Off you go, Robert.
- It's my middle name.

152
00:08:03,670 --> 00:08:07,030
- Mr De Niro.
- Mr De Niro, yes. That'll be great.

153
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:11,110
Whilst the raging baboon went
off to sort the food and beverages,

154
00:08:12,870 --> 00:08:17,030
James and I continued to
unpack the components.

155
00:08:17,070 --> 00:08:19,710
Oh, wait a minute,
that's got pedals attached to it.

156
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:22,070
- Oh, yeah.
- So that's the bulkhead essentially.

157
00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:30,430
And eventually the giant
Airfix kit was laid out.

158
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That's where we will build it.

159
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This is our workshop.

160
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I would say we've got
hundreds of components,

161
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not including fasteners
and things.

162
00:08:41,470 --> 00:08:44,070
Meanwhile,
in the lee of a nearby hill,

163
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I had been very busy as well.

164
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:49,190
Right,
I've got the campsite built.

165
00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:51,510
Two tents here for the snorers.

166
00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:54,590
One over there for me,
so I can't hear them.

167
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:57,390
There's the lavatory.
And now...

168
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,190
I'm gonna start work on lunch.

169
00:08:59,230 --> 00:09:01,710
Which meant making fire.

170
00:09:04,590 --> 00:09:07,430
- Yes.
- Yes!

171
00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:09,230
Please!

172
00:09:09,270 --> 00:09:11,230
So, gearbox on.

173
00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:13,110
- Yeah.
- Yep.

174
00:09:13,150 --> 00:09:15,869
Back at base,
we were doing well...

175
00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:18,270
There, that's it, whoa.

176
00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:21,830
...even though James
was being very annoying.

177
00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:23,470
Hang on, let's just think
about where all...

178
00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:25,150
We haven't got the nuts and
bloody fasteners ready.

179
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:28,070
Let's just get on with it.
Get it lined up.

180
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:30,150
OK.

181
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,749
- That's quite good.
- Offer it up.

182
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:33,830
Push forwards. Yes.

183
00:09:33,870 --> 00:09:35,430
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Well done.

184
00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:40,190
- Hey, James.
- 21.

185
00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:42,870
I've got a metal willy.

186
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,030
Captain OCD, however,

187
00:09:45,070 --> 00:09:47,390
was not in the mood
for willy gags.

188
00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:50,470
Where the chuffing hell
has it gone?

189
00:09:50,510 --> 00:09:52,630
This is why you put 'em back
in the same place.

190
00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:55,150
Where did you put it
last time you had the 19?

191
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:56,869
- Oh, for God's sake...
- Ratchet.

192
00:09:56,870 --> 00:09:59,030
...just find any
spanner?

193
00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:02,270
With absolutely
no help at all

194
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,390
from the cameraman's lighter,

195
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,350
I had struck gold.

196
00:10:06,390 --> 00:10:08,310
I have made fire!

197
00:10:11,870 --> 00:10:13,110
Right.

198
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:19,190
Right, what have we got?

199
00:10:19,230 --> 00:10:23,390
These are British Army
rations. Oh, God!

200
00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:25,870
I'm... I've stuck my knife
through that one.

201
00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:29,590
So the water's gonna get
in there and spoil it a bit.

202
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,990
Tropical fruit and nut mix.
Mm, I like that.

203
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:35,110
I might just deny
this was ever in it.

204
00:10:38,630 --> 00:10:39,749
Mm.

205
00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:42,310
Lift.

206
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,830
So that goes up,
axle goes underneath.

207
00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:48,750
Lower it down on that,
Bob will be our uncle.

208
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,750
- Straighten up.
- Yeah.

209
00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:55,430
- There you go.
- Bump stop on.

210
00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:59,350
After many hours
of hard work,

211
00:10:59,390 --> 00:11:01,990
we had made cracking progress.

212
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,870
- It is on its own wheels.
- Rolling chassis!

213
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,550
Look at that!

214
00:11:06,590 --> 00:11:08,030
Which meant we were famished

215
00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:10,830
when Mr De Niro
finally got back.

216
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:11,990
- Chaps.
- Hello.

217
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:14,150
- I've got your lunch.
- Oh, about bloody time.

218
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,790
- Oh, sorry it's a bit late.
- Yeah, it's tea really, isn't it?

219
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:19,590
That's yours and mine.
They were the same. But, no, it's...

220
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:22,350
What's this?

221
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,070
It looks like cat sick.

222
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:26,150
It should look like that.
That's how it is.

223
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,590
But the bag
may have got a bit snicked.

224
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:32,390
Unfortunately, I licked that,
so this is mine.

225
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:33,750
It's stone cold, man.

226
00:11:33,790 --> 00:11:35,310
What have you been doing
all this time?

227
00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:38,150
Well, I might ask you
the same question.

228
00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:41,750
I have built a town, a sewage
system and a restaurant.

229
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:44,590
I have cooked in the restaurant
and I have brought you your food.

230
00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:47,390
- Which is cold.
- You meanwhile have bolted some wheels.

231
00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:49,830
You've done literally nothing.

232
00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:52,270
Are you kidding? We've got a rolling
chassis. We've got the engine in.

233
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:54,790
How do you think we did that
and got those axles on?

234
00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:57,430
- All right, start it up.
- It doesn't go yet.

235
00:11:57,470 --> 00:11:59,070
We would have
got a bit further on

236
00:11:59,110 --> 00:12:01,110
if we hadn't insisted on
lining up the damn...

237
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:03,350
- I haven't been lining up the tools.
- You did. You did.

238
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,270
- I've been saying...
- We would have spent more time...

239
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:06,790
...keep the fasteners
in the right place,

240
00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:09,110
otherwise Hammond
puts the wrong ones in.

241
00:12:09,150 --> 00:12:11,750
You're talking over each other.
Can you do it one at a time?

242
00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:14,110
The one that you wanted
was over here in the dust.

243
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,830
I am making
an executive decision here.

244
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,270
- Hammond is in charge of the build of this car.
- What?

245
00:12:19,310 --> 00:12:22,190
You can't make Hammond in charge of
the build. You're not in a position to.

246
00:12:22,230 --> 00:12:24,350
- We have to have a vote on it.
- Listen.

247
00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:27,470
I don't know how to build
a car, so that's me out, OK?

248
00:12:27,510 --> 00:12:29,870
You, May, you do know
how to build a car

249
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:32,070
but it'll take you six
months, so you're out.

250
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:35,510
Hammond, he sort of knows how to
build a car but he'll do it quickly.

251
00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:36,950
So he has to be in charge.

252
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,910
He has to get you speeded up.

253
00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:41,950
- OK, I'm only doing what Hammond tells me to do.
- Right, good.

254
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:43,670
Sir, not wishing to
speak out of turn

255
00:12:43,710 --> 00:12:45,550
but is there any reason
why I shouldn't do that

256
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:47,230
with an extension
on a socket wrench, sir?

257
00:12:47,270 --> 00:12:49,950
- Stop calling me "sir" and just...
- Just... James...

258
00:12:49,990 --> 00:12:51,790
He doesn't know what he's doing.

259
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,830
Would either of you two like a beer?
Would that calm you down?

260
00:12:54,870 --> 00:12:56,110
- Oh, yes.
- Yes, it would.

261
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,350
Right, as food
and beverages manager,

262
00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:58,430
I shall go and get you one.

263
00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:01,230
I'll have a beer, please,
Robert.

264
00:13:01,270 --> 00:13:04,430
With the promise of
beer, harmony was restored.

265
00:13:04,470 --> 00:13:06,230
So this should line up.

266
00:13:06,270 --> 00:13:08,550
It does.

267
00:13:08,590 --> 00:13:13,270
So we've got two different
lengths, three different lengths...

268
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:15,590
Let's move it
and then go forwards.

269
00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:18,710
Wait. Move forwards.

270
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:20,350
Hang on. There's
a cable or something.

271
00:13:20,390 --> 00:13:22,310
That's the axle breather.

272
00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:25,710
Just move it
and then go forwards.

273
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:32,830
Er...

274
00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:34,790
- What are you looking for?
- What are you doing?

275
00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:38,870
I've searched everywhere.
They haven't sent any beer.

276
00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:43,190
Or gin or wine
or alcohol of any sort.

277
00:13:43,230 --> 00:13:45,310
Is that serious
or is that a joke?

278
00:13:45,350 --> 00:13:46,910
No, it's serious.

279
00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:53,310
- Seriously there isn't any?
- No beer.

280
00:13:53,350 --> 00:13:55,550
No alcohol, nothing.

281
00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:57,950
And it's seven days away?

282
00:13:57,990 --> 00:14:01,910
- We've got... It takes seven...
- And it's six o'clock.

283
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:04,550
How long is it gonna
take you to build this?

284
00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:06,710
It's now five past six.

285
00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:08,710
Well, we're not going to be
finished tonight, are we?

286
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:10,230
We're not gonna
finish it tonight.

287
00:14:12,670 --> 00:14:16,790
Spurred on by the
catastrophic alcohol situation...

288
00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:18,950
Bulkhead support.
Bulkhead support!

289
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:22,430
...Hammond and I
put in a big shift.

290
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:25,430
And then, tired and hungry,
we went to the camp

291
00:14:25,470 --> 00:14:29,110
for some more of Mr De Niro's
gourmet catering.

292
00:14:29,150 --> 00:14:31,110
Right, now, what do you
want for supper?

293
00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:35,590
- What have you got?
- You can have hot chocolate drink, regular flavour.

294
00:14:35,630 --> 00:14:39,110
- For dinner?
- Well, biscuits, fruit?

295
00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:40,870
Again, for dinner?

296
00:14:40,910 --> 00:14:42,310
I didn't provide this.

297
00:14:42,350 --> 00:14:44,430
Well, there's some sort of
curry-based things here.

298
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,790
- Do you want those?
- I don't like curry.

299
00:14:46,830 --> 00:14:48,470
- You do like curry.
- Not really.

300
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:49,830
You're just being obtuse,
Hammond.

301
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:51,950
You're in a bad temper
because you're not drunk.

302
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,310
I'm not sure this is how
you're supposed to cook it.

303
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:04,150
It isn't. You put them in boiling
water but I couldn't be bothered.

304
00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:06,990
Well, why didn't you rig up a way
of putting that pan over the fire?

305
00:15:07,030 --> 00:15:08,670
- Well, you...
- With some water in it, then...

306
00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:10,790
Who built the wigwam fire?
You did.

307
00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:14,430
Well, why didn't you make
a hangy thing for the pan?

308
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:16,150
Out of what, mountains?

309
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,990
Just...

310
00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:22,950
Eugh, God.

311
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:26,270
- It's still freezing.
- I know.

312
00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:29,030
Not only
was dinner cold and terrible,

313
00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:30,990
it was also rather boring.

314
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:37,550
What do people talk about
when they don't drink?

315
00:15:37,590 --> 00:15:39,190
I don't know actually.

316
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,790
It's a good point.

317
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:43,030
Brexit?

318
00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:45,790
We've worked together
now for many years.

319
00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:48,830
And we've never struggled to
think of anything to say before.

320
00:15:48,870 --> 00:15:51,670
But I think that's partly because we can
never remember what we said last time.

321
00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:54,470
- So we just do it again.
- Yeah, that's a fact, that.

322
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:57,550
What, you're saying we've just been repeating
ourselves every night for the last...

323
00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,150
Yes, that's possible.

324
00:16:08,270 --> 00:16:10,070
Because
we hadn't had any booze,

325
00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:13,630
we woke the next morning
looking ten years younger.

326
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:24,390
Ready? Oh, down a bit.

327
00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:28,190
Hammond and May
then went off to work.

328
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:31,430
- This is the canopy fixing kit.
- That's the one.

329
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:34,630
And later, I turned up
with a hearty breakfast.

330
00:16:34,670 --> 00:16:36,310
Of water.

331
00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:44,110
Can I just say, what you've built here
appears to have a central driving position.

332
00:16:44,150 --> 00:16:45,350
- It does.
- Yes.

333
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:47,550
- It's mid-engined.
- Yes.

334
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,150
- It's a McLaren F1.
- It's a McLaren...

335
00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:50,310
Except it's four-wheel-drive.

336
00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:52,470
So it has a sort of
Lamborghini quality.

337
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:55,110
I mean, when we get
the bodywork on it...

338
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:57,310
- Ah.
- Yeah, that's a good point.

339
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,270
There isn't any bodywork
as such.

340
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:02,510
No. The plan is for us
to improvise bodywork

341
00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:05,190
out of the wood that
came in the crates.

342
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:06,790
That's the only thing
there is to use.

343
00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:09,150
- What, turn the crates into a body?
- That's all we've got.

344
00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:12,069
- Yeah.
- Red, white and blue?

345
00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:15,270
Don't say red and white
because they remind me of wine.

346
00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:17,789
No, red, white...
Pink is wine.

347
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:20,070
Drink is clear. It's gin.

348
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:22,510
It's good for you.
It's healthy.

349
00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:24,510
- Yeah, it's done you a lot of good.
- A natural product.

350
00:17:26,950 --> 00:17:29,990
James and Richard then cracked
on with the oily stuff.

351
00:17:31,070 --> 00:17:33,070
Yes.

352
00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:35,950
And, since it didn't require
any actual skill,

353
00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:38,190
I was allowed to
help make the body.

354
00:17:43,070 --> 00:17:47,030
- I have made a door! RICHARD: You have.
- That is a door. Brilliant.

355
00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:49,630
I am a manufacturer of doors!

356
00:17:51,390 --> 00:17:53,270
As he set about
making another one...

357
00:17:53,310 --> 00:17:56,390
Give it four or five pumps
and then hold your foot on.

358
00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:57,990
No bubbles. Good.

359
00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,910
...Richard and I
were working on the brakes,

360
00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:02,270
the lights and the roof.

361
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:07,430
Oh, yeah. We just need to gather it up
and tie it off in corners and things.

362
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:09,309
That'll keep the sun off.

363
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:10,750
Our plan was to get finished

364
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,550
and get moving
by early afternoon.

365
00:18:15,990 --> 00:18:20,870
But at the end of the day,
the situation was not good.

366
00:18:20,910 --> 00:18:24,430
- So all that wiring has got to
be connected up? - Yeah.

367
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,150
I haven't even got
the back lights on yet.

368
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,990
There's loads of wires.

369
00:18:28,030 --> 00:18:29,990
Well, there's no way we're
gonna get that done tonight.

370
00:18:30,030 --> 00:18:31,230
- No.
- No.

371
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:33,069
Again.

372
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:37,070
Phil, it said in that letter
from Mr Wilman

373
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,910
that it was hundreds of miles
to this town called Moron.

374
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:42,270
How many hundreds? Seriously.

375
00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:44,070
To be honest with you,
I haven't got a clue.

376
00:18:44,150 --> 00:18:45,550
So it could be 500?

377
00:18:45,630 --> 00:18:47,070
It... I'd say more than that.

378
00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:48,870
- More?
- What?

379
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:52,630
How much of it is on, like,
paved roads where we can make progress?

380
00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:55,309
- None. None of it.
- None?

381
00:18:55,310 --> 00:18:56,910
- There's no roads?
- No.

382
00:18:56,950 --> 00:18:58,630
But you've got
an off-road vehicle.

383
00:18:58,670 --> 00:19:00,030
Yes, I know.
But we've only got...

384
00:19:00,070 --> 00:19:02,310
What is it? ...five
days of provisions left.

385
00:19:02,390 --> 00:19:04,710
- Yeah.
- And that's if we can get it going tomorrow.

386
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:08,870
- We'll have to do... at least 100 miles a day...
- Yeah.

387
00:19:08,910 --> 00:19:10,950
- ...off road in that...
- Yeah.

388
00:19:10,990 --> 00:19:13,070
...or we'll starve to death.

389
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,270
Well, that's if it's 500 miles.
What if it's 600 miles?

390
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:19,069
- We'll have to do more.
- We don't know.

391
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:23,990
All we did know was that we'd have
yet another night in Mr De Niro's hotel,

392
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,750
using up yet more
valuable rations.

393
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:41,070
So that's the main fuse.
That comes off the battery, doesn't it?

394
00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:44,510
The next morning we rose
at five to finish the job.

395
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,550
There's technical stuff
in there.

396
00:19:46,630 --> 00:19:49,950
And then, having built two
boots for all our provisions...

397
00:19:49,990 --> 00:19:52,030
Nothing is to be wasted.

398
00:19:52,070 --> 00:19:53,710
Everything is to be taken.

399
00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:56,870
...our car
was finally finished.

400
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:14,310
And since our lives
depended on not crashing,

401
00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:19,990
Jeremy and I secretly agreed that Hammond
should never be allowed to drive it.

402
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:25,630
- Right, this is it.
- Here we go.

403
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,789
Yes!

404
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:31,430
Oh, my God, it works!

405
00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:34,549
- Good, OK, right...
- Oh, James, important thing.

406
00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:38,870
In Mongolia, when you start on a
journey, you have to turn right.

407
00:20:38,910 --> 00:20:40,550
- What?
- Is that true? -Yes, that is true.

408
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,190
- Is that a thing?
- It is genuinely a thing.

409
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:44,789
- What, every time?
- Every time that you begin a journey

410
00:20:44,790 --> 00:20:46,790
- you go right.
- Right, here we go.

411
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,430
This is it.

412
00:20:49,470 --> 00:20:52,309
- Right, James!
- Right, right, right!

413
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:54,270
- Right.
- That's a rut or something.

414
00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:58,789
James, you're going left.

415
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,789
Hang on, the wheels are...

416
00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:02,670
- Hey?
- Just turn it... OK, go left.

417
00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:04,510
And now set off.

418
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:07,710
The steering's back to front, Hammond.
How have we done that?

419
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:09,750
- What do you mean it's back to front?
- Look, I'm turning left.

420
00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:11,990
No, you're not,
you're just going straight.

421
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:14,950
- Turn it the other way, then.
- If I turn it the other way, that's straight.

422
00:21:14,990 --> 00:21:18,190
And now I'm turning right and it's
going left. So I need to keep...

423
00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:20,789
What have you two been
doing for the last two days?

424
00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:23,549
We put the hydraulic pipes on the
wrong way round for the steering.

425
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:24,550
Yes.

426
00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:30,030
Having fixed this
minor issue, we set off.

427
00:21:30,070 --> 00:21:31,150
Again.

428
00:21:34,990 --> 00:21:37,310
Ha-ha! It works!
We're going along!

429
00:21:41,310 --> 00:21:43,270
Our car is great.

430
00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:46,789
The ride is good.

431
00:21:46,790 --> 00:21:48,750
- It's not bad, is it?
- It's genuinely brilliant.

432
00:21:51,390 --> 00:21:55,270
- Can we have a mild brake test?
- Yeah, OK, here we go.

433
00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:58,350
- Whoa! Come on!
- Like it? They're pretty good, actually.

434
00:21:58,390 --> 00:22:01,630
Well, whoever bled those,
well done. Good job.

435
00:22:01,670 --> 00:22:03,350
- That was you, wasn't it?
- No.

436
00:22:03,390 --> 00:22:06,390
But the doors I can claim.

437
00:22:06,430 --> 00:22:08,630
And the number plates.

438
00:22:12,110 --> 00:22:15,350
We had no idea
how far it was to Moron

439
00:22:15,390 --> 00:22:17,750
and no real idea
of how to get there.

440
00:22:18,830 --> 00:22:21,590
But Mr Wilman's stupid map

441
00:22:21,630 --> 00:22:24,110
said we should head first of all

442
00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:25,830
to the Sandy Pit.

443
00:22:29,030 --> 00:22:32,350
- Right, you see between those two... mountain valley?
- Yeah.

444
00:22:32,390 --> 00:22:33,830
Stick to the valley floor.

445
00:22:37,030 --> 00:22:39,550
As we trundled along,
it soon became obvious

446
00:22:39,590 --> 00:22:42,550
that if Jeremy had been asked
questions about Mongolia

447
00:22:42,590 --> 00:22:45,230
on Who Wants To Be
A Millionaire?

448
00:22:45,270 --> 00:22:47,030
He might have got
some of them right.

449
00:22:47,070 --> 00:22:48,790
- Sheeps.
- Sheepses.

450
00:22:48,830 --> 00:22:52,270
Oh, do you know how they
kill sheep in Mongolia?

451
00:22:52,310 --> 00:22:53,590
- No.
- Would you like to know?

452
00:22:53,630 --> 00:22:55,350
- Your door's come open.
- Yes.

453
00:22:55,390 --> 00:22:58,750
- So they make a snick in its neck, yes...
- Yes.

454
00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:01,670
...put their hand
in through the snick,

455
00:23:01,710 --> 00:23:06,030
grab the aorta on the heart and
squeeze it till the animal dies.

456
00:23:06,070 --> 00:23:08,550
Apparently it makes
the sheep feel quite sleepy.

457
00:23:08,590 --> 00:23:11,110
- Sleepy?
- I'm not sure,

458
00:23:11,150 --> 00:23:14,950
if somebody made a hole in my neck and
put their hand in and squeezed my heart

459
00:23:14,990 --> 00:23:17,470
- I'd say I'm feeling sleepy.
- No.

460
00:23:23,070 --> 00:23:24,710
Wow, look! Cows.

461
00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:26,950
Or yakky things.

462
00:23:26,990 --> 00:23:31,590
Did you know, Hammond, that you can
make vodka from the milk of a yak?

463
00:23:31,630 --> 00:23:33,070
How do I milk a yak?

464
00:23:38,630 --> 00:23:42,190
Eventually, we started
to climb off the valley floor.

465
00:23:45,230 --> 00:23:47,470
How fast do you
suppose we're going?

466
00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:49,870
- No idea.
- 20mph?

467
00:23:49,910 --> 00:23:52,190
This old engine was the one where
it would get bogged down off-road

468
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,950
because of the turbo, wasn't it?

469
00:23:53,990 --> 00:23:55,110
This is the one that
people complained about

470
00:23:55,150 --> 00:23:57,030
when they put it in
the Defender.

471
00:23:57,070 --> 00:23:59,590
So we're not talking about a
blitz of power, then, from it?

472
00:23:59,630 --> 00:24:02,670
No, but they're bloody long-lived...
They're really tough engines.

473
00:24:05,470 --> 00:24:07,590
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Wait a minute.

474
00:24:07,630 --> 00:24:09,430
- Wow!
- Oh, my God!

475
00:24:11,430 --> 00:24:13,350
Oh, look at that!

476
00:24:14,790 --> 00:24:16,470
That's the sandy bit.

477
00:24:16,510 --> 00:24:20,150
That's massive.

478
00:24:20,190 --> 00:24:24,670
In fact, it was just a small
detached bit of the Gobi Desert.

479
00:24:26,670 --> 00:24:29,390
But even so, it would
be the first real test

480
00:24:29,430 --> 00:24:33,070
for our hastily built
homemade car.

481
00:24:35,430 --> 00:24:37,710
Oh, right, there is a river.

482
00:24:37,750 --> 00:24:39,390
I see it.

483
00:24:39,430 --> 00:24:41,750
I think we want to
get out where that horse is.

484
00:24:41,790 --> 00:24:43,950
- The horse is...
- Literally having a piss.

485
00:24:43,990 --> 00:24:46,310
That's milk, though,
coming out of it. How's that happened?

486
00:24:46,350 --> 00:24:47,790
No, it's wee.

487
00:24:47,830 --> 00:24:50,030
Yeah, you're good.

488
00:24:50,070 --> 00:24:52,230
Right, up you go.

489
00:24:52,270 --> 00:24:54,430
There it is.

490
00:24:54,470 --> 00:24:56,390
Having reached
the edge of the sand...

491
00:24:59,230 --> 00:25:01,990
...it was time
to prepare for entry.

492
00:25:02,030 --> 00:25:03,870
Right, hang on,
let me just get my compass.

493
00:25:03,910 --> 00:25:05,870
This is where we are
gonna need it.

494
00:25:07,230 --> 00:25:09,070
So I put the N on the N,
don't I?

495
00:25:09,110 --> 00:25:10,910
And then you're looking
for Northeast.

496
00:25:12,390 --> 00:25:15,470
- So that way.
- Yeah.

497
00:25:15,510 --> 00:25:18,150
The car had
a low-range gearbox.

498
00:25:18,190 --> 00:25:20,590
But as its engine
was a bit gutless,

499
00:25:20,630 --> 00:25:22,950
Hammond and I got out
to reduce weight

500
00:25:22,990 --> 00:25:26,870
and set off to climb
the first dune on foot.

501
00:25:26,910 --> 00:25:30,030
Oh, Hammond. Beer.

502
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:31,990
Agh!

503
00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:34,590
But, boy,
was it worth the effort!

504
00:25:39,630 --> 00:25:42,150
Oh, ho-ho-ho.

505
00:25:42,190 --> 00:25:44,870
Oh, holy mother of...

506
00:25:44,910 --> 00:25:48,470
That's beautiful.
I didn't expect this.

507
00:25:48,510 --> 00:25:50,870
Well,
it's a lost world, look.

508
00:25:53,070 --> 00:25:54,590
As we admired the view,

509
00:25:54,630 --> 00:25:56,790
the world's best off-road driver

510
00:25:56,830 --> 00:25:58,790
was beginning his ascent.

511
00:26:01,310 --> 00:26:03,670
Bollocks!

512
00:26:03,710 --> 00:26:06,790
Be a shame if he misses this
view because of his incompetence.

513
00:26:06,830 --> 00:26:08,470
- Yeah.
- Because we've already proved the car works.

514
00:26:08,510 --> 00:26:10,590
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the car.
He's just messing about.

515
00:26:16,110 --> 00:26:17,150
Ohh!

516
00:26:19,750 --> 00:26:23,110
Hammond then went off
to find a route James could use,

517
00:26:23,150 --> 00:26:27,750
leaving me to contemplate the
majesty of my surroundings.

518
00:26:29,710 --> 00:26:33,910
They say this is
the dark heart of Asia.

519
00:26:33,950 --> 00:26:36,470
Perhaps that's why no-one comes.

520
00:26:36,510 --> 00:26:38,430
But, I mean, look.

521
00:26:40,910 --> 00:26:43,070
And the other thing is,
Genghis Khan

522
00:26:43,110 --> 00:26:47,950
created in just 20 years the biggest
empire the world has ever seen.

523
00:26:47,990 --> 00:26:50,150
Why? It's not like
he was cramped here.

524
00:26:54,270 --> 00:26:56,550
I don't really
want to go to a town.

525
00:26:56,590 --> 00:26:59,310
- Oh, oh!
- me!

526
00:26:59,350 --> 00:27:00,910
Said the cameraman.

527
00:27:00,950 --> 00:27:02,990
We really are good at wildlife
photography, aren't we?

528
00:27:03,030 --> 00:27:06,870
"Ooh, (BLEEP) me!"

529
00:27:06,910 --> 00:27:08,830
Right, here we come!

530
00:27:08,870 --> 00:27:13,390
With Hammond's help,
James finally got up the dune.

531
00:27:13,430 --> 00:27:15,710
Yes, come on!
Come on, come on, come on.

532
00:27:15,750 --> 00:27:18,070
Keep going, keep moving.
Mind that dip.

533
00:27:18,110 --> 00:27:21,270
Oh, yes!

534
00:27:21,310 --> 00:27:25,310
But from then on the going
got tougher and tougher.

535
00:27:27,190 --> 00:27:29,110
Come on.

536
00:27:31,230 --> 00:27:33,190
- Yeah, OK.
- That's what I meant, that's what I meant.

537
00:27:33,230 --> 00:27:35,310
Right, digging.

538
00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:39,830
Yes!

539
00:27:41,270 --> 00:27:42,750
Try it up that way.

540
00:27:44,350 --> 00:27:47,110
- James, back it up.
- Agh.

541
00:27:58,030 --> 00:27:59,590
Whoa, not again!

542
00:28:06,510 --> 00:28:08,830
- It's gonna go.
- Yes!

543
00:28:08,870 --> 00:28:13,150
That worked!

544
00:28:13,190 --> 00:28:17,110
Eventually, after a lot of
digging and zigging and zagging,

545
00:28:17,150 --> 00:28:20,510
we reached some firmer sand.

546
00:28:20,550 --> 00:28:23,630
Oh, we are making progress now.

547
00:28:23,670 --> 00:28:25,230
- Oh, yes.
- Straight on a bit.

548
00:28:25,270 --> 00:28:27,270
- Greenery!
- Yes, there it is!

549
00:28:27,310 --> 00:28:29,190
Salvation!

550
00:28:30,270 --> 00:28:32,910
- Ohh!
- Bumpy.

551
00:28:32,950 --> 00:28:34,310
Hold on, stop, stop, stop.

552
00:28:34,350 --> 00:28:36,390
Stop. I see a problem.

553
00:28:38,310 --> 00:28:42,230
Right, so between us
and our quest is...

554
00:28:42,270 --> 00:28:43,710
- A big drop.
- A cliff.

555
00:28:47,150 --> 00:28:48,830
No, it's fine actually, James.

556
00:28:48,870 --> 00:28:50,150
Is it?
Yeah, it's fine. It's...

557
00:28:50,190 --> 00:28:51,470
Yeah, you're good.
It's like that.

558
00:28:51,510 --> 00:28:54,470
- Good.
- It's pretty much level-ish.

559
00:28:54,510 --> 00:28:56,430
Yeah, you'll be fine.
Off you go.

560
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,390
Oh, you're funny men!

561
00:29:00,430 --> 00:29:03,070
Oh, you're very funny!

562
00:29:03,110 --> 00:29:06,110
Having crossed
the sandy bit,

563
00:29:06,150 --> 00:29:09,070
we paused for
a moment of celebration.

564
00:29:12,270 --> 00:29:15,110
So, there we are.
The first successful crossing

565
00:29:15,150 --> 00:29:17,110
of the mighty Gobi Desert,

566
00:29:17,150 --> 00:29:19,670
or some of it, in that car.

567
00:29:19,710 --> 00:29:21,150
No, hang on a minute.

568
00:29:22,350 --> 00:29:23,990
What?

569
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:26,910
What's troubling me is you see
that little bit of river there?

570
00:29:26,950 --> 00:29:30,870
- Yes.
- That's the river we crossed to get into the Gobi Desert.

571
00:29:30,910 --> 00:29:34,430
And we've emerged
300 metres away

572
00:29:34,470 --> 00:29:37,630
from the stream where
we went into the desert.

573
00:29:37,670 --> 00:29:40,070
James, I've got some bad news.

574
00:29:40,110 --> 00:29:42,430
We are still south
of the Gobi Desert.

575
00:29:45,750 --> 00:29:46,790
Oh...

576
00:29:49,390 --> 00:29:52,070
Rather than try
to drive through it again,

577
00:29:52,110 --> 00:29:56,750
we decided to bravely
drive round it instead.

578
00:29:56,790 --> 00:30:01,390
Right, now, let's just gloss over the
fact that we made a catastrophic error,

579
00:30:01,430 --> 00:30:04,470
and ended up
back where we started from...

580
00:30:04,510 --> 00:30:06,470
Just go round to...
We're going round the east, Hammond.

581
00:30:06,510 --> 00:30:07,510
Yes.

582
00:30:11,230 --> 00:30:14,470
Do you think this
passes for a road in Mongolia?

583
00:30:14,510 --> 00:30:15,990
I suspect this is a road, yes.

584
00:30:16,030 --> 00:30:17,310
I should think... Yeah.

585
00:30:17,350 --> 00:30:19,070
Cos do you know
how many paved roads

586
00:30:19,110 --> 00:30:20,270
there are in the whole country?

587
00:30:20,310 --> 00:30:22,950
- Go on.
- Two.

588
00:30:22,990 --> 00:30:25,750
- There's not two paved roads.
- Outside of the cities,

589
00:30:25,790 --> 00:30:27,710
there are only two paved roads.

590
00:30:28,830 --> 00:30:30,630
Whoa, bumpy.

591
00:30:32,590 --> 00:30:34,470
- James!
- Bumps!

592
00:30:36,830 --> 00:30:39,110
One of the things
I'm worried about is

593
00:30:39,150 --> 00:30:41,030
haemorrhoids from these seats.

594
00:30:41,070 --> 00:30:42,750
It's a very real possibility.

595
00:30:42,790 --> 00:30:44,550
You can get haemorrhoids
from hard seats?

596
00:30:44,590 --> 00:30:46,390
Yeah. Bounc... Jiggling.

597
00:30:46,430 --> 00:30:48,750
However, there is
a Mongolian cure for them.

598
00:30:50,630 --> 00:30:52,630
Kill a wolf,

599
00:30:52,670 --> 00:30:54,470
remove its anus

600
00:30:54,510 --> 00:30:56,550
and then grate it
onto your food.

601
00:30:58,190 --> 00:30:59,270
I don't fanc...

602
00:30:59,310 --> 00:31:00,910
- Really?
- No, seriously.

603
00:31:00,950 --> 00:31:03,830
Because they reckon that
wolves never get piles.

604
00:31:03,870 --> 00:31:05,390
So they reckon...

605
00:31:05,430 --> 00:31:08,110
What, on the basis that no wolf
has ever said, "Ooh, my piles"?

606
00:31:08,150 --> 00:31:10,070
"Ooh, my Chalfonts."

607
00:31:12,030 --> 00:31:14,430
Bump! Ooh.

608
00:31:14,470 --> 00:31:16,430
As Jeremy
continued to amaze us

609
00:31:16,470 --> 00:31:19,390
with his interesting facts
about Mongolia...

610
00:31:19,430 --> 00:31:23,230
I do know that one of
Genghis Khan's cavalrymen

611
00:31:23,270 --> 00:31:25,790
could shoot an arrow
through a marmot's head

612
00:31:25,830 --> 00:31:29,870
from 250 feet away
while galloping.

613
00:31:29,910 --> 00:31:32,350
...it started to go dark.

614
00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:36,830
But because we'd covered so few
miles, we had to plough on.

615
00:31:36,870 --> 00:31:39,590
What the temperature is doing
is plummeting.

616
00:31:39,630 --> 00:31:41,270
Where's the heater?

617
00:31:41,310 --> 00:31:43,510
- Ah. There isn't one.
- Yes.

618
00:31:43,550 --> 00:31:46,750
- Look, come on.
- You can thank Mr Wilman for that one.

619
00:31:46,790 --> 00:31:48,670
Bump!

620
00:31:48,710 --> 00:31:50,150
Oh-ha!

621
00:31:50,190 --> 00:31:53,470
Soon we couldn't
see where we were going.

622
00:31:53,510 --> 00:31:56,950
- Ready for some lights?
- Yeah, does this thing... Might be that.

623
00:31:56,990 --> 00:32:00,030
Lights! There they are!

624
00:32:00,070 --> 00:32:02,310
- Hello. We've died.
- We have died.

625
00:32:02,350 --> 00:32:04,150
- Problem.
- Don't panic.

626
00:32:04,190 --> 00:32:06,710
Don't panic. Handbrake,
please, Mr Hammond.

627
00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:08,630
No, we've completely
lost the electrics.

628
00:32:08,670 --> 00:32:10,310
So we turned the lights on
and...

629
00:32:10,350 --> 00:32:13,070
That's what's...
It's fried a fuse, maybe.

630
00:32:13,110 --> 00:32:15,150
The main fuse
had indeed blown.

631
00:32:15,190 --> 00:32:16,430
So we replaced it

632
00:32:16,470 --> 00:32:19,110
and with the roof lights
turned off,

633
00:32:19,150 --> 00:32:23,870
resumed our headlong plunge
into the cold unknown.

634
00:32:37,350 --> 00:32:39,270
- Let's sing a song!
- No.

635
00:32:40,950 --> 00:32:42,750
Desperate
to cover more ground,

636
00:32:42,790 --> 00:32:45,750
we didn't pitch the tents
till 1am.

637
00:32:49,750 --> 00:32:54,230
And then after another cold
night of frost-hardened misery,

638
00:32:54,270 --> 00:32:57,710
we wondered how we could make
our car more comfortable.

639
00:32:57,750 --> 00:33:00,030
- Are you stiff?
- Oh, God, yeah.

640
00:33:00,070 --> 00:33:03,750
My neck and back,
like, legs, everything.

641
00:33:03,790 --> 00:33:07,310
Yeah, well, we're gonna... I think
we're gonnna make extra lumber support

642
00:33:07,350 --> 00:33:09,990
with our rolled up
air mattress things.

643
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,550
And I would suggest from
my experiences yesterday

644
00:33:11,590 --> 00:33:13,310
we use a bit of
the spare leftover foam

645
00:33:13,350 --> 00:33:16,070
and double the thickness
of the arse portion.

646
00:33:16,110 --> 00:33:18,790
I tell you what
I thought of in the night.

647
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:22,070
- Yes?
- We should give our vehicle a name.

648
00:33:22,110 --> 00:33:26,110
I thought about that. I came
up with Genghis Car.

649
00:33:26,150 --> 00:33:27,630
That's really good!

650
00:33:27,670 --> 00:33:30,470
- It's not bad, is it?
- The only slight problem with it is

651
00:33:30,510 --> 00:33:33,310
Genghis was
quite a big murderer.

652
00:33:33,350 --> 00:33:34,990
- He was quite murdery.
- I suppose he was murdery.

653
00:33:35,030 --> 00:33:36,710
He did 34 million.

654
00:33:36,750 --> 00:33:38,390
Let's not name it
after him, then.

655
00:33:38,430 --> 00:33:40,670
There's another problem as well.

656
00:33:40,710 --> 00:33:43,230
- He was quite rapey.
- He was very rapey.

657
00:33:43,270 --> 00:33:45,150
- The rapiest man ever to have lived.
- Yeah, he was.

658
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:47,350
Do you know,
and this is not made up,

659
00:33:47,390 --> 00:33:51,550
one in every 200 people
alive today

660
00:33:51,590 --> 00:33:55,150
can trace their ancestry
back to Genghis Khan

661
00:33:55,190 --> 00:33:56,870
or the seed of Genghis Khan.

662
00:33:56,910 --> 00:33:59,270
So how did he have time
to do any warring?

663
00:33:59,310 --> 00:34:04,830
Well, he must have just been
a skin full of sperm.

664
00:34:04,870 --> 00:34:07,750
As work on
the modifications progressed,

665
00:34:07,790 --> 00:34:10,030
I came up with a name we liked.

666
00:34:10,070 --> 00:34:14,070
- John.
- John's a good solid name. I like it.

667
00:34:14,110 --> 00:34:15,629
It's honest.
It's unpretentious.

668
00:34:15,630 --> 00:34:17,870
- Dependable people are called John.
- Yes.

669
00:34:17,910 --> 00:34:21,110
- John Lewis.
- That is a dependable shop.

670
00:34:21,150 --> 00:34:23,150
- Isn't it?
- Yeah, exactly, because it's called John.

671
00:34:24,430 --> 00:34:26,149
With the comfort mods complete

672
00:34:26,150 --> 00:34:28,190
and John duly christened...

673
00:34:30,190 --> 00:34:33,150
...we set off in search of
our next waypoint:

674
00:34:34,750 --> 00:34:36,630
the Watery Part.

675
00:34:38,190 --> 00:34:40,870
However, Hammond was not happy.

676
00:34:42,670 --> 00:34:45,510
Why are you driving?

677
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:46,870
Well, you drove yesterday.

678
00:34:46,910 --> 00:34:48,750
No, I didn't.

679
00:34:48,790 --> 00:34:51,790
- You did drive yesterday.
- I didn't.

680
00:34:51,830 --> 00:34:53,310
He can't remember anything,
can he?

681
00:34:53,350 --> 00:34:54,990
His memory...
Your memory, Hammond,

682
00:34:55,030 --> 00:34:56,670
is just getting appalling.

683
00:34:56,750 --> 00:34:59,510
I didn't drive.
I still haven't driven it.

684
00:35:00,750 --> 00:35:02,510
To try and distract Hammond,

685
00:35:02,550 --> 00:35:06,270
I came up with some more of
my special Mongol trivia.

686
00:35:06,310 --> 00:35:08,629
Back in the 13th Century,

687
00:35:08,630 --> 00:35:10,630
Khan, Genghis,

688
00:35:10,670 --> 00:35:12,510
could get messages, OK,

689
00:35:12,550 --> 00:35:16,550
from one side of his empire
to the other in four days.

690
00:35:16,590 --> 00:35:20,430
They could do 250 miles
a day. One rider.

691
00:35:20,470 --> 00:35:21,990
- What, relay horses?
- One rider. Yeah.

692
00:35:22,030 --> 00:35:25,310
You'd ride, galloping,
flat out, 25 miles.

693
00:35:25,350 --> 00:35:26,550
When you were a mile out

694
00:35:26,590 --> 00:35:28,190
from the horse station
you were approaching,

695
00:35:28,270 --> 00:35:29,870
you sounded your horn.

696
00:35:29,910 --> 00:35:31,310
They had a horse ready.

697
00:35:31,350 --> 00:35:32,870
You leapt onto it
without getting...

698
00:35:32,910 --> 00:35:34,590
just from one horse
to the other,

699
00:35:34,630 --> 00:35:36,030
and then carried on

700
00:35:36,070 --> 00:35:39,149
and he could do 250 miles a day.

701
00:35:39,150 --> 00:35:42,790
- So how many horses did he have?
- Across the empire?

702
00:35:42,830 --> 00:35:44,750
- Yeah.
- 30 million.

703
00:35:47,070 --> 00:35:50,629
To keep Hammond's tiny
mind from thinking about driving,

704
00:35:50,630 --> 00:35:52,990
we put him in charge
of navigation.

705
00:35:53,030 --> 00:35:55,790
And weirdly,
he was rather good at it.

706
00:35:57,550 --> 00:36:00,790
So we've got these two
mountain ranges...

707
00:36:00,830 --> 00:36:03,830
and we go left and the watery
bit will be over there.

708
00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:06,430
And guess what?
He was right.

709
00:36:08,990 --> 00:36:12,950
It turned out to be a river,
which we'd have to cross.

710
00:36:14,510 --> 00:36:16,830
Er... can't really
get out there.

711
00:36:16,870 --> 00:36:18,910
Over there we can get out.

712
00:36:18,950 --> 00:36:21,990
Oh, yes.
Picking my route carefully.

713
00:36:22,030 --> 00:36:25,790
You don't need low-range. You just
need somebody with skill and precision.

714
00:36:25,830 --> 00:36:26,870
Whoa!

715
00:36:29,910 --> 00:36:31,550
Agh!

716
00:36:31,590 --> 00:36:33,790
- That went wrong!
- Jeez!

717
00:36:33,830 --> 00:36:35,870
Why would you do that to us?

718
00:36:35,910 --> 00:36:41,550
Oh, the rest of the day's gonna
be bloody miserable! You muppet!

719
00:36:41,590 --> 00:36:44,030
To make sure
it wasn't, we built a fire,

720
00:36:45,150 --> 00:36:48,150
dried our shirts,

721
00:36:48,190 --> 00:36:52,150
and then set off once more
into the big nothing.

722
00:37:15,950 --> 00:37:20,830
And after a while,
I felt another Mongolia fact coming on.

723
00:37:20,870 --> 00:37:24,790
It's about the same size as Spain, France,
Germany, the Czech Republic, Italy...

724
00:37:24,830 --> 00:37:27,470
- All rolled in?
- ...Britain, Ireland, all rolled in.

725
00:37:27,510 --> 00:37:29,510
And it's empty.

726
00:37:29,550 --> 00:37:33,629
Three million people living in an
area the size of Western Europe.

727
00:37:33,630 --> 00:37:35,590
- Yeah. Staggering.
- Yeah.

728
00:37:37,470 --> 00:37:39,590
With the sun gently warming us,

729
00:37:39,630 --> 00:37:44,030
we continued onwards in
search of the Twin Lakes.

730
00:37:47,430 --> 00:37:51,350
Until navigator Hammond
suggested we climb a small hill

731
00:37:51,390 --> 00:37:53,310
to get our bearings.

732
00:37:55,110 --> 00:37:58,629
That looks a lot steeper
from here

733
00:37:58,630 --> 00:38:00,750
than it did from back there.

734
00:38:00,790 --> 00:38:02,510
It's a little hill.

735
00:38:03,630 --> 00:38:05,550
Soon, though...

736
00:38:08,270 --> 00:38:10,149
Axle tramping.

737
00:38:10,150 --> 00:38:13,070
- Quite a lot of axle tramping.
- Quite bad.

738
00:38:13,110 --> 00:38:15,310
- Right, stop.
- Yeah.

739
00:38:15,350 --> 00:38:17,629
- I have.
- Right, I think we should get out.

740
00:38:17,630 --> 00:38:20,390
- Why should you get out?
- I'm the only one who's driven John up hills

741
00:38:20,430 --> 00:38:22,070
and I'm telling you,
that's too steep.

742
00:38:23,150 --> 00:38:24,350
OK.

743
00:38:28,590 --> 00:38:30,190
- You got it. You got it.
- That's better.

744
00:38:30,270 --> 00:38:32,070
- Yeah!
- Come on, John.

745
00:38:32,110 --> 00:38:33,430
- Wow!
- Come on!

746
00:38:33,470 --> 00:38:36,870
He's hopping up
this hill like a rabbit.

747
00:38:36,910 --> 00:38:39,150
That is a remarkable sight.

748
00:38:43,190 --> 00:38:45,150
What a machine you are, John!

749
00:38:48,310 --> 00:38:50,430
Good.

750
00:38:54,910 --> 00:38:57,270
- Yeah!
- That's amazing.

751
00:38:57,310 --> 00:39:01,070
John, the mountaineer
of many places,

752
00:39:01,110 --> 00:39:03,870
has shaken his own
brake pedal off

753
00:39:03,910 --> 00:39:05,470
but has made it.

754
00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:10,310
That's the first car
ever to pogo up a hill!

755
00:39:10,350 --> 00:39:13,030
Thanks to John's
incredible achievement,

756
00:39:13,070 --> 00:39:16,430
we could now see what was what.

757
00:39:16,470 --> 00:39:18,790
Nice one, Hammond.

758
00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:21,590
- No lakes.
- Well, we can now rule it out.

759
00:39:21,630 --> 00:39:23,950
We know it's not there.
It must be somewhere else.

760
00:39:25,390 --> 00:39:26,830
- Yeah, it is.
- Exactly.

761
00:39:26,870 --> 00:39:28,950
No, no, I mean, it is.

762
00:39:28,990 --> 00:39:31,629
Exactly. It's there.

763
00:39:31,630 --> 00:39:35,270
And so now we know where
we are in relation to it.

764
00:39:37,510 --> 00:39:38,910
With the Twin Lakes found,

765
00:39:38,950 --> 00:39:43,070
we could plot the next leg
of our journey.

766
00:39:43,110 --> 00:39:44,830
Some Trees are northeast, look.

767
00:39:44,870 --> 00:39:47,110
And there's
a Bumpy Meadow beyond.

768
00:39:47,150 --> 00:39:48,750
It's definitely northeast.

769
00:39:50,590 --> 00:39:52,830
After a pleasant drive
round the lakes

770
00:39:52,870 --> 00:39:54,830
and past Some Trees,

771
00:39:54,870 --> 00:39:58,550
we eventually arrived
at the Bumpy Meadow.

772
00:39:58,590 --> 00:40:00,430
Which didn't sound too bad.

773
00:40:00,470 --> 00:40:03,070
- However...
- Ow!

774
00:40:03,110 --> 00:40:05,030
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

775
00:40:07,070 --> 00:40:09,149
- Ah!
- Bloody hell!

776
00:40:09,150 --> 00:40:11,350
- Oh!
- That's proper bumpy.

777
00:40:11,390 --> 00:40:13,390
Ow!

778
00:40:15,390 --> 00:40:16,950
hell!

779
00:40:16,990 --> 00:40:18,470
I can't tell from the map
how long this goes on for

780
00:40:18,510 --> 00:40:20,470
but it looks to be forever.

781
00:40:27,870 --> 00:40:30,190
Smooth bit. Smooth.

782
00:40:30,270 --> 00:40:33,310
Gentlemen, enjoy this moment.

783
00:40:33,350 --> 00:40:34,950
I'm afraid it's over.

784
00:40:36,030 --> 00:40:37,670
- Ohh!
- Ugh!

785
00:40:37,750 --> 00:40:40,510
- Agh!
- Oh!

786
00:40:40,550 --> 00:40:42,190
- Agh!
- Oh, that was huge.

787
00:40:42,270 --> 00:40:43,750
Ow!

788
00:40:50,070 --> 00:40:51,910
Bloody hell!

789
00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:54,670
Oh! Ooh!

790
00:40:56,470 --> 00:40:58,950
That is 35 minutes
of solid this.

791
00:40:58,990 --> 00:41:01,990
- Yeah. Ugh!
- Let it end!

792
00:41:04,390 --> 00:41:05,910
There's the end, look, there.

793
00:41:05,950 --> 00:41:07,870
I know, but it's 300 yards away.

794
00:41:10,150 --> 00:41:12,310
- Ooh!
- Ooh!

795
00:41:12,350 --> 00:41:14,430
I just dislocated
my pelvis if that's possible.

796
00:41:15,990 --> 00:41:17,910
It's just
snapped back into place.

797
00:41:20,110 --> 00:41:21,470
Oh, God.

798
00:41:30,430 --> 00:41:33,950
This is 500 miles. Let's say we've
done... even if we've done 100...

799
00:41:33,990 --> 00:41:35,149
Yeah.

800
00:41:35,150 --> 00:41:36,750
Which is probably about right.

801
00:41:36,790 --> 00:41:38,670
Don't think about it.

802
00:41:42,070 --> 00:41:45,150
Oh, 400 more miles of
not sleeping, not drinking

803
00:41:45,190 --> 00:41:48,070
and driving over
that sort of stuff.

804
00:41:48,110 --> 00:41:50,350
God, bloody hell!

805
00:41:50,390 --> 00:41:53,070
I wouldn't even call that a
meadow. It's not a meadow.

806
00:41:53,110 --> 00:41:56,629
I bet it was invented by Genghis
Khan for people he hated.

807
00:41:56,630 --> 00:41:59,470
"You can either have my solider"

808
00:41:59,510 --> 00:42:02,550
put his hand up your anus
and pull your heart out of it

809
00:42:02,590 --> 00:42:04,550
"or you can
drive across there."

810
00:42:04,590 --> 00:42:07,150
- Bring on the solider.
- Yeah. It is bring on the solider.

811
00:42:10,390 --> 00:42:15,150
As evening fell, we exchanged
one sort of discomfort for another.

812
00:42:16,630 --> 00:42:18,550
Um... I'm frozen.

813
00:42:18,590 --> 00:42:20,550
- What?
- I'm really cold.

814
00:42:20,590 --> 00:42:22,390
And the wind's coming this way.

815
00:42:22,430 --> 00:42:25,030
I drive a lot faster
than you did yesterday.

816
00:42:25,070 --> 00:42:27,430
I didn't drive yesterday!

817
00:42:27,470 --> 00:42:29,350
What is the matter with him?

818
00:42:31,270 --> 00:42:33,510
God knows
how many miles later,

819
00:42:33,550 --> 00:42:36,150
we came across
our next landmark.

820
00:42:38,670 --> 00:42:41,390
Oh, and there it is.
That is the Creepy Teepee.

821
00:42:48,790 --> 00:42:50,270
What is it?

822
00:42:50,310 --> 00:42:52,630
It must be for something.

823
00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:55,550
Well, it must mean
something, mustn't it?

824
00:42:55,590 --> 00:42:58,310
The annoying thing is,
normally we'd look it up on Google

825
00:42:58,350 --> 00:43:01,030
and then we'd say,
with learned faces,

826
00:43:01,070 --> 00:43:04,149
we know what this is
and we'd tell the viewer.

827
00:43:04,150 --> 00:43:06,350
Well, what we've
actually got to say now is,

828
00:43:06,390 --> 00:43:09,070
"We haven't got any phone service.
You have. You look it up.

829
00:43:09,110 --> 00:43:10,510
Teepee, Mongolia."

830
00:43:10,550 --> 00:43:12,990
If you wouldn't mind
looking it up, what it is,

831
00:43:13,030 --> 00:43:15,350
and then imagine we're imparting
that information to you

832
00:43:15,390 --> 00:43:17,270
- in a very learned fashion.
- I'll do it.

833
00:43:19,950 --> 00:43:21,190
James, that's fascinating.

834
00:43:21,270 --> 00:43:23,950
Thank you for telling me
all about this thing.

835
00:43:23,990 --> 00:43:25,830
- Ooh.
- What?

836
00:43:25,870 --> 00:43:27,310
Look at this.

837
00:43:27,350 --> 00:43:29,030
That looks like bone and string.

838
00:43:29,070 --> 00:43:31,310
- That's a proper piece of kit.
- I know.

839
00:43:31,350 --> 00:43:33,590
That's a Mongolian bow.

840
00:43:33,630 --> 00:43:35,270
Ooh.

841
00:43:35,310 --> 00:43:38,550
- Is it finders, keepers, or can I have it?
- It's finders, keepers.

842
00:43:38,590 --> 00:43:39,910
I'm just checking.

843
00:43:39,950 --> 00:43:41,870
Look, we don't know
what this is, do we?

844
00:43:41,910 --> 00:43:45,030
No. Are we going to camp here?
Because it's still light.

845
00:43:45,070 --> 00:43:46,470
Should we press on
a bit further?

846
00:43:46,510 --> 00:43:48,550
We can go a bit more.
It's only half seven.

847
00:43:48,590 --> 00:43:50,350
If we camp here,
what are we gonna do?

848
00:43:50,390 --> 00:43:53,870
We'll have the tent up by
eight, fire lit by ten past.

849
00:43:53,910 --> 00:43:56,710
- What do we then think at ten past eight?
- Well, what we'd normally do

850
00:43:56,750 --> 00:43:59,430
- is drink heavily and set fire to that.
- Yeah.

851
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:00,790
- But that can't happen.
- No, I know.

852
00:44:00,830 --> 00:44:03,070
But I'm not gonna
be able to resist...

853
00:44:03,110 --> 00:44:05,750
- - So I'm just not...
- Let's go far away from here.

854
00:44:05,790 --> 00:44:08,230
Let's move on
from the Creepy Teepee.

855
00:44:12,790 --> 00:44:16,430
And so, on a glorious
evening, we did that.

856
00:44:16,470 --> 00:44:20,110
Until eventually...

857
00:44:20,150 --> 00:44:24,150
- Jeremy, you've been driving for 12 hours straight.
- Yeah.

858
00:44:24,190 --> 00:44:26,750
- You've done really well and you must be exhausted.
- Here we go.

859
00:44:26,790 --> 00:44:29,510
- Well, no, I tell you what, why don't I...
- Yes, yeah, go on.

860
00:44:29,550 --> 00:44:31,030
- Really?
- Yes.

861
00:44:31,070 --> 00:44:33,790
I can't sit listening to this
twittering on any more.

862
00:44:33,830 --> 00:44:35,910
- Quickly.
- Really? I'll gladly... Brilliant.

863
00:44:35,950 --> 00:44:37,470
- Thank you.
- Really?

864
00:44:37,510 --> 00:44:40,270
Well, he just won't shut up.
"Can I drive? Can I drive?"

865
00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:43,390
- Well, I mean, it's fair enough.
- "Can I drive? Can I drive?"

866
00:44:43,430 --> 00:44:46,550
- "I built it. I want to drive."
- Thank you very much.

867
00:44:46,590 --> 00:44:48,830
- First is over towards James.
- Oh-ho!

868
00:44:48,870 --> 00:44:51,110
- Oh, yeah.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.

869
00:44:51,150 --> 00:44:53,190
What? What?

870
00:44:53,230 --> 00:44:54,470
Well, I'm just thinking,
hang on...

871
00:44:54,510 --> 00:44:58,190
This is literally
the most perfect spot.

872
00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:02,150
- He's right, actually.
- Why don't we pitch camp here?

873
00:45:02,190 --> 00:45:03,550
- What?
- That is a top camping site.

874
00:45:03,590 --> 00:45:05,750
- Look at the view.
- I mean, look at the view there.

875
00:45:05,790 --> 00:45:08,470
No, seriously, that is a... Even you've
got to admit that's a perfect camp site.

876
00:45:08,510 --> 00:45:10,590
Yeah, shut it down, Hammond.
We'll pitch camp here.

877
00:45:15,950 --> 00:45:18,750
With that decided,
Hammond and I got the fire going

878
00:45:18,790 --> 00:45:23,310
and then waited for the food and
beverage manager to work his magic.

879
00:45:23,350 --> 00:45:25,430
- I didn't stop you driving.
- You did.

880
00:45:25,470 --> 00:45:28,030
- How?
- Suddenly deciding to camp here.

881
00:45:28,070 --> 00:45:30,150
Well, come on, you must admit
this is the perfect...

882
00:45:30,190 --> 00:45:33,030
Even you can't find anything
to criticise about this

883
00:45:33,070 --> 00:45:34,670
and you're a camping enthusiast.

884
00:45:34,710 --> 00:45:36,070
- It's very nice, yeah.
- It's perfect.

885
00:45:36,110 --> 00:45:37,390
But there's plenty of nice...

886
00:45:37,430 --> 00:45:39,950
- Guys?
- What?

887
00:45:39,990 --> 00:45:43,710
Have you seen the ration boxes
for tonight and tomorrow?

888
00:45:43,750 --> 00:45:45,390
No, that's your department.

889
00:45:45,430 --> 00:45:48,190
I know, but I put them in that
box this morning and they've gone.

890
00:45:48,230 --> 00:45:50,510
All we've got is night six.

891
00:45:52,230 --> 00:45:53,830
We've got night six

892
00:45:53,870 --> 00:45:56,590
and we've got bread-making
kit, which is flour and rice.

893
00:45:56,630 --> 00:45:59,430
Oh, no, hang on a minute.
Where were the ration boxes?

894
00:45:59,470 --> 00:46:01,150
Well, I thought they were
in that back box.

895
00:46:01,190 --> 00:46:02,910
That's where I've been
keeping them the whole time.

896
00:46:02,950 --> 00:46:04,750
- You know, the one on the right.
- Yes.

897
00:46:04,790 --> 00:46:07,230
The lid of that was bouncing up and
down when you did the Pac-Man thing.

898
00:46:07,270 --> 00:46:09,190
I bet they fell out.

899
00:46:10,670 --> 00:46:12,350
Well, that's actually
really bad.

900
00:46:12,390 --> 00:46:14,270
Well, we've got ration six,

901
00:46:14,310 --> 00:46:16,230
which is for the night
after tomorrow,

902
00:46:16,270 --> 00:46:19,390
which gives us
tomato and pasta salad,

903
00:46:19,430 --> 00:46:23,190
Thai-style chicken soup,
tomato and pasta salad.

904
00:46:23,230 --> 00:46:25,070
Oh, no. I do apologise.

905
00:46:25,110 --> 00:46:26,950
No, it's all right. Relax.

906
00:46:26,990 --> 00:46:30,270
We've got two sachets
of instant coffee

907
00:46:30,310 --> 00:46:33,030
and one sachet of creamer.

908
00:46:33,070 --> 00:46:34,910
Well, you can't... No,
I'm sorry, I don't buy that.

909
00:46:34,950 --> 00:46:36,870
I have done
high and low searching.

910
00:46:36,910 --> 00:46:40,110
- Were they boxes like that?
- Yeah, they're boxes exactly like that.

911
00:46:40,150 --> 00:46:41,870
Did you strap them
to the back, on there?

912
00:46:41,910 --> 00:46:43,950
Because I've taken
that sand ladder off today.

913
00:46:43,990 --> 00:46:47,230
Were any of them on top of here
because all of this has come off?

914
00:46:47,270 --> 00:46:48,870
- All of that.
- I didn't put it in there.

915
00:46:48,910 --> 00:46:51,030
Bloody hell. Are you sur...

916
00:46:51,070 --> 00:46:52,790
I'm 100% sure.

917
00:46:52,830 --> 00:46:54,630
Honestly,
I've looked everywhere.

918
00:46:55,790 --> 00:46:58,070
Well, if we were sensible,

919
00:46:58,110 --> 00:46:59,870
we'd have how many nights is it?

920
00:46:59,910 --> 00:47:01,990
He reckons
we need three more nights.

921
00:47:02,030 --> 00:47:03,990
And there's three sachets.

922
00:47:04,030 --> 00:47:07,150
- So we'd be down to a third of a sachet each.
- Yeah.

923
00:47:07,190 --> 00:47:10,030
And each sachet contains, what is
it, 6,000 calories or something?

924
00:47:10,070 --> 00:47:12,990
Well, there's a lot of food value
in them cos they're for soldiers.

925
00:47:13,030 --> 00:47:14,390
So what if we share one?

926
00:47:14,430 --> 00:47:16,150
I... Something'll turn up.

927
00:47:16,190 --> 00:47:18,990
Let's just pretend this hasn't
happened and eat the lot.

928
00:47:19,030 --> 00:47:20,750
It's always my philosophy.

929
00:47:29,630 --> 00:47:33,790
The next morning,
after another sober and sleepless night,

930
00:47:33,830 --> 00:47:36,270
it became obvious
that the lack of drink

931
00:47:36,310 --> 00:47:39,830
was having a strange effect
on one of my colleagues.

932
00:47:43,670 --> 00:47:45,150
What are you doing?

933
00:47:45,190 --> 00:47:47,870
I've had an idea.
It's raining, yeah?

934
00:47:47,910 --> 00:47:50,190
We need windscreen wipers.
We don't have one on there.

935
00:47:50,230 --> 00:47:53,070
So I thought of how to build one.
Got all this rubber.

936
00:47:53,110 --> 00:47:54,790
Sandwich that.
Two pieces of wood.

937
00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:56,670
Big piece of wood
over the back of it.

938
00:47:56,710 --> 00:47:59,470
Bit of string round it. We can
operate it as a windscreen wiper.

939
00:48:00,790 --> 00:48:02,430
What's all that racket?

940
00:48:02,470 --> 00:48:04,750
Well, somebody's
kidnapped Richard Hammond

941
00:48:04,790 --> 00:48:07,350
and replaced him with this
Richard Hammond lookalike,

942
00:48:07,390 --> 00:48:10,030
who got up early,
had an idea by himself,

943
00:48:10,070 --> 00:48:14,470
is executing it by himself
and it's a windscreen wiper.

944
00:48:14,510 --> 00:48:17,670
And you borrowed my book last
night on the history of Mongolia.

945
00:48:17,710 --> 00:48:21,310
It's very, very good as well. I've
just got to the visit from those monks

946
00:48:21,350 --> 00:48:23,910
when they're first over there and
first encounter Mongolian culture,

947
00:48:23,950 --> 00:48:26,310
which until then simply
hadn't been known about.

948
00:48:26,350 --> 00:48:29,590
Anyway, I've got to get on with this.
I've nearly done it.

949
00:48:29,630 --> 00:48:31,750
The only slight problem
I can see

950
00:48:31,790 --> 00:48:34,390
- with the new dynamic Richard Hammond...
- Mm.

951
00:48:34,430 --> 00:48:37,270
...is that he might
get his memory back.

952
00:48:37,310 --> 00:48:40,430
- A sober Richard Hammond.
- I see what you mean, yeah.

953
00:48:40,470 --> 00:48:43,190
Um... let's get this straight.
When did he drive?

954
00:48:43,230 --> 00:48:44,870
- The day before yesterday.
- The day before yesterday.

955
00:48:44,910 --> 00:48:48,190
- And he drove last night.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, OK, yeah.

956
00:48:48,230 --> 00:48:51,870
- So it's my turn, isn't it?
- It's your turn, yeah.

957
00:48:51,910 --> 00:48:54,470
- Did he... Has he really made a windscreen wiper?
- Yeah.

958
00:48:54,510 --> 00:48:56,230
And it sounds like it'll work.

959
00:48:56,270 --> 00:48:58,830
We'll bring him along again.

960
00:49:02,830 --> 00:49:04,510
We then set off.

961
00:49:04,550 --> 00:49:07,190
And exactly 17 seconds later,

962
00:49:07,230 --> 00:49:11,670
conversation reverted to
the principal issue at hand.

963
00:49:11,710 --> 00:49:16,390
Last night, I had a dream
about a glass of wine.

964
00:49:16,430 --> 00:49:17,750
You're dreaming about wine now.

965
00:49:17,790 --> 00:49:20,230
And I can tell you
it was a Sancerre.

966
00:49:20,270 --> 00:49:22,350
It had that fantastic
acidic hit at the beginning

967
00:49:22,390 --> 00:49:27,110
and then a couple of seconds later that
slight warmth in the roof of my mouth.

968
00:49:27,150 --> 00:49:29,830
It was fantastic.
And then I woke up and it wasn't true.

969
00:49:29,870 --> 00:49:31,430
And I nearly wept.

970
00:49:31,470 --> 00:49:34,470
You know what we should call this
car, really, instead of John?

971
00:49:34,510 --> 00:49:35,910
- What, Gin?
- Rehab!

972
00:49:40,350 --> 00:49:42,790
Soon the rain
became torrential.

973
00:49:43,710 --> 00:49:45,070
Which meant it was time

974
00:49:45,110 --> 00:49:48,310
to unleash Professor
Hammond's invention.

975
00:49:50,510 --> 00:49:52,430
- What the hell is that?
- That is a windscreen wiper.

976
00:49:52,470 --> 00:49:54,710
Now, to me.

977
00:49:54,750 --> 00:49:56,190
To you.

978
00:49:56,230 --> 00:49:59,110
To me... to you.

979
00:50:00,630 --> 00:50:02,110
To me.

980
00:50:02,150 --> 00:50:04,150
Hammond, we're gonna
have to face facts.

981
00:50:04,190 --> 00:50:05,990
- To me.
- It doesn't work.

982
00:50:06,030 --> 00:50:08,110
To you.

983
00:50:08,150 --> 00:50:09,550
To me.

984
00:50:09,590 --> 00:50:11,070
It doesn't work, does it?

985
00:50:13,270 --> 00:50:15,030
This is raining
quite heavily now.

986
00:50:16,430 --> 00:50:19,910
What is all...
What's happening above me here, look?

987
00:50:19,950 --> 00:50:21,230
Above you?

988
00:50:26,470 --> 00:50:28,830
- Oh, dear.
- James, I'm afraid, ladies and gentlemen,

989
00:50:28,870 --> 00:50:31,150
has wet himself.

990
00:50:32,550 --> 00:50:34,470
- We need to work on that.
- We do.

991
00:50:36,350 --> 00:50:38,550
- It can't rain all day, can it?
- Yes.

992
00:50:38,590 --> 00:50:41,750
- Oh, it's...
- Rain before seven, fine by 11.

993
00:50:41,790 --> 00:50:43,790
I don't think
that works in Mongolia.

994
00:50:43,830 --> 00:50:47,470
That's only in Cotswolds.

995
00:50:47,510 --> 00:50:48,950
Oh, hello, what's this?

996
00:50:48,990 --> 00:50:50,790
Look at that ridge.

997
00:50:52,710 --> 00:50:55,670
Look at that funny ridge.

998
00:50:55,710 --> 00:51:00,390
What we'd stumbled on
here was a huge geological scar...

999
00:51:03,790 --> 00:51:06,870
...that seemingly
ran on for ever.

1000
00:51:10,830 --> 00:51:15,230
I read about this in a book,
actually, before I came out here.

1001
00:51:15,270 --> 00:51:17,830
There used to be a lake as
big as that one over there,

1002
00:51:17,870 --> 00:51:20,310
the one we camped by
last night, here,

1003
00:51:20,350 --> 00:51:22,990
and then in 1905
there was an earthquake,

1004
00:51:23,030 --> 00:51:25,870
a truly cataclysmic earthquake.

1005
00:51:25,910 --> 00:51:28,510
The lake was consumed.
It simply disappeared

1006
00:51:28,550 --> 00:51:34,630
and a crack 400 kilometres
long was formed in the earth.

1007
00:51:34,670 --> 00:51:37,750
But luckily, this enormous
earthquake happened in Mongolia.

1008
00:51:37,790 --> 00:51:40,830
So the death toll... was 15.

1009
00:51:42,830 --> 00:51:45,670
As I marvelled
at the power of the planet,

1010
00:51:45,710 --> 00:51:49,910
the Professor was busy mending
and extending our roof.

1011
00:51:49,950 --> 00:51:52,230
Right, so if we put
these two bars across...

1012
00:51:52,270 --> 00:51:54,190
If you pull that
over to your side...

1013
00:51:57,230 --> 00:52:00,030
That's better.

1014
00:52:00,070 --> 00:52:02,830
With that done,
we resumed our journey.

1015
00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:04,790
And since the Very Big Crack

1016
00:52:04,830 --> 00:52:08,270
was one of the features on
our Winnie-the-Pooh map,

1017
00:52:08,310 --> 00:52:11,910
we knew that next up
was the wooden house.

1018
00:52:15,150 --> 00:52:16,590
It doesn't say
what the house is.

1019
00:52:16,630 --> 00:52:19,070
- Could it be a pub?
- Well...

1020
00:52:19,110 --> 00:52:21,350
- Well, it could be.
- Exactly right.

1021
00:52:21,390 --> 00:52:22,870
Or just an off-licence.

1022
00:52:22,910 --> 00:52:24,750
If it is a pub, on that map

1023
00:52:24,790 --> 00:52:26,990
it's about 100 miles high,
so we won't miss it.

1024
00:52:27,030 --> 00:52:29,430
Oh, no, this pub is
bigger than the Gobi Desert.

1025
00:52:29,470 --> 00:52:31,630
Yeah, we should spot it, then.

1026
00:52:31,670 --> 00:52:34,750
It should also have plenty of
stock, which it's going to need.

1027
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,230
Since we couldn't
only talk about drink,

1028
00:52:40,270 --> 00:52:43,150
we tried to come up with some
other topics of conversation.

1029
00:52:45,030 --> 00:52:47,710
I did a turd yesterday, OK?

1030
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,150
I looked down at it

1031
00:52:49,190 --> 00:52:52,150
and it was two storeys
with a little bit sticking up

1032
00:52:52,190 --> 00:52:55,070
and, as I looked down,
this fly landed on it.

1033
00:52:55,110 --> 00:52:59,110
You could see it. It looked at me
like, "This is now my palace."

1034
00:52:59,150 --> 00:53:03,470
Then later on that same fly
was in your tent.

1035
00:53:03,510 --> 00:53:08,390
With that subject exhausted,
we fell back on my new favourite topic.

1036
00:53:08,430 --> 00:53:10,070
There's no getting away
from the fact, though,

1037
00:53:10,110 --> 00:53:13,590
that Genghis Khan was
the greatest military mind

1038
00:53:13,630 --> 00:53:15,710
- the world has ever seen.
- But an utter bastard.

1039
00:53:15,750 --> 00:53:16,990
Oh, an utter bastard.

1040
00:53:17,030 --> 00:53:19,910
I mean,
Genghis once did one town

1041
00:53:19,950 --> 00:53:23,310
and then he cut all the women
and children and cats' heads off

1042
00:53:23,350 --> 00:53:24,990
and made a pyramid out of them.

1043
00:53:25,030 --> 00:53:26,710
- Cats is a nice touch.
- Yeah.

1044
00:53:26,750 --> 00:53:29,230
He hadn't got enough.
He needed some filler for his pyramid,

1045
00:53:29,270 --> 00:53:31,430
so he cut
all the cats' heads off.

1046
00:53:31,470 --> 00:53:33,470
See, that's a warning
to the next town, isn't it?

1047
00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:35,550
The next town is
gonna say, "We give in."

1048
00:53:35,590 --> 00:53:40,510
"Ah, Mr Khan, we've had a look at your
CV and, yes, you can have the city."

1049
00:53:40,550 --> 00:53:42,830
- "And everything in it."
- "Help yourself!"

1050
00:53:42,870 --> 00:53:45,750
But there has never been
a greater military mind.

1051
00:53:45,790 --> 00:53:47,790
I mean, the Roman Empire

1052
00:53:47,830 --> 00:53:49,510
compared to the Mongol Empire

1053
00:53:49,550 --> 00:53:52,430
was literally a speck of dust.

1054
00:53:52,470 --> 00:53:55,950
His went from the Yellow Sea
to the Danube.

1055
00:53:55,990 --> 00:54:01,390
At this point, our conversation was
interrupted by something hilarious.

1056
00:54:01,430 --> 00:54:03,670
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, ho-ho!

1057
00:54:03,710 --> 00:54:06,070
- Oh, dear.
- Can we just see that on that camera?

1058
00:54:06,110 --> 00:54:07,950
I don't know if we can
turn it round a bit.

1059
00:54:07,990 --> 00:54:09,430
That's our camera tracking car.

1060
00:54:09,470 --> 00:54:11,510
- It's stuck.
- Stuck.

1061
00:54:11,550 --> 00:54:14,150
- John isn't. John is not stuck.
- Are we stuck? No.

1062
00:54:14,190 --> 00:54:18,430
As we needed the camera crew to
make this miserable trip worthwhile,

1063
00:54:18,470 --> 00:54:21,030
we had to rescue them.

1064
00:54:21,070 --> 00:54:22,750
Are you feeling a bit smug?

1065
00:54:22,790 --> 00:54:25,070
- I am actually full of smug.
- Yeah.

1066
00:54:25,110 --> 00:54:26,670
- OK, here we go.
- Ready to go?

1067
00:54:26,710 --> 00:54:28,350
In three, two, one.

1068
00:54:28,390 --> 00:54:30,230
Dump that clutch. Dump it.

1069
00:54:33,150 --> 00:54:35,950
- And we're free!
- John has done it!

1070
00:54:35,990 --> 00:54:37,830
John has succeeded!

1071
00:54:37,870 --> 00:54:42,630
John has pulled the
mass-produced Toyota Land Cruiser

1072
00:54:42,670 --> 00:54:44,430
out of the mire!

1073
00:54:44,470 --> 00:54:46,870
Here's the message
we're giving you all.

1074
00:54:46,910 --> 00:54:48,510
Buy Mongolian.

1075
00:54:53,350 --> 00:54:57,270
Riding on a cushion of
smugness, we resumed our search

1076
00:54:57,310 --> 00:54:59,550
for the wooden pub.

1077
00:54:59,590 --> 00:55:02,990
But soon it became
a cushion of misery.

1078
00:55:08,630 --> 00:55:10,710
Oh, that is cold now.

1079
00:55:10,750 --> 00:55:12,950
Brrr-brrr-brrr.

1080
00:55:12,990 --> 00:55:17,470
How can the
temperature vary this much this quickly?

1081
00:55:17,510 --> 00:55:18,910
It's incredible.

1082
00:55:18,950 --> 00:55:21,630
It's because
it's land-locked, isn't it?

1083
00:55:21,670 --> 00:55:25,190
- There's no sea to moderate it.
- Exactly.

1084
00:55:25,230 --> 00:55:29,550
Moments later, though,
our spirits were lifted.

1085
00:55:29,590 --> 00:55:32,750
- What's that?
- Pub. That's the pub.

1086
00:55:32,790 --> 00:55:36,270
This is the first time in two-and-a-half
days that I have hope in my heart.

1087
00:55:36,310 --> 00:55:38,190
- Well, what do you want?
- Scotch.

1088
00:55:38,230 --> 00:55:41,030
- I'd have mulled wine.
- No, brandy. I think brandy.

1089
00:55:41,070 --> 00:55:42,310
What about some King's Ginger?

1090
00:55:42,350 --> 00:55:45,630
Ooh, God! Yes.

1091
00:55:45,670 --> 00:55:48,150
- There's the door. Right.
- The door. The door.

1092
00:55:48,190 --> 00:55:50,950
Three pints of your finest,
please, landlord.

1093
00:55:52,870 --> 00:55:54,310
Locked?

1094
00:55:54,350 --> 00:55:56,070
Shut, maybe.

1095
00:55:56,110 --> 00:55:59,470
- It's not open.
- Well, they might just not be up.

1096
00:55:59,510 --> 00:56:02,310
- Hello... in Mongolian.
- Hello.

1097
00:56:02,350 --> 00:56:03,790
- Oh, wait.
- Hello.

1098
00:56:03,830 --> 00:56:06,430
- Oh, no, hang on.
- It's empty.

1099
00:56:06,470 --> 00:56:08,110
- It is, isn't it?
- It's disused.

1100
00:56:29,310 --> 00:56:32,110
- Hungry. Hungry now.
- Yeah.

1101
00:56:32,150 --> 00:56:34,070
- And damp.
- And damp. Very damp.

1102
00:56:36,390 --> 00:56:39,630
You know on other TV shows where
you've got, like, explorers and stuff?

1103
00:56:39,670 --> 00:56:40,910
You mean Bear Grylls?

1104
00:56:40,950 --> 00:56:42,350
Yeah, they don't moan, do they?

1105
00:56:42,390 --> 00:56:43,830
- No, they don't moan...
- He doesn't moan.

1106
00:56:43,870 --> 00:56:45,390
- ...because they go back to a hotel.
- Yeah.

1107
00:56:45,430 --> 00:56:47,350
"Oh, I'm being chased
by a bear,"

1108
00:56:47,390 --> 00:56:51,510
which is a man in a (BLEEP) bear
costume, and then he goes to a hotel.

1109
00:56:51,550 --> 00:56:56,790
We, on the other hand, are stupid
enough to sit in a homemade car

1110
00:56:56,830 --> 00:57:00,790
when it's minus 40,
with no drink, no food,

1111
00:57:00,830 --> 00:57:03,030
and no end in sight
to this journey.

1112
00:57:05,390 --> 00:57:08,750
I'm actually getting fed up.

1113
00:57:08,790 --> 00:57:11,070
Several
horrible hours later, though,

1114
00:57:11,110 --> 00:57:13,870
our spirits were
lifted once more.

1115
00:57:13,910 --> 00:57:15,510
Wait a second. Is that...

1116
00:57:17,270 --> 00:57:19,070
That's a road.

1117
00:57:19,110 --> 00:57:22,070
That's the first made road
we've seen.

1118
00:57:22,110 --> 00:57:23,710
The only place it can go
is Moron.

1119
00:57:23,750 --> 00:57:25,870
- It's the only place.
- There isn't any other.

1120
00:57:25,910 --> 00:57:29,550
Why go to the trouble of making a
road unless it goes to the only town?

1121
00:57:29,590 --> 00:57:31,950
- It's a road!
- This goes to Moron!

1122
00:57:31,990 --> 00:57:33,430
We're on a road!

1123
00:57:33,470 --> 00:57:35,310
Oh, let's get some speed up.

1124
00:57:35,350 --> 00:57:36,990
We'll be at the pub tonight!

1125
00:57:37,030 --> 00:57:39,430
Pub tonight,
we'll be straight there.

1126
00:57:39,470 --> 00:57:40,870
Oh, my God!

1127
00:57:40,910 --> 00:57:43,350
I've never been so happy
in my entire life.

1128
00:57:43,390 --> 00:57:45,270
- There's a bridge...
- Smell it.

1129
00:57:45,310 --> 00:57:48,910
We haven't even got to clamber down.
There's an actual bridge!

1130
00:57:48,950 --> 00:57:52,350
The bridge, as it turned
out, was the Wibbly Wobbly Bridge.

1131
00:57:52,390 --> 00:57:55,550
But Wibbly Wobbly was
a bit of an understatement.

1132
00:57:59,470 --> 00:58:04,150
This was no problem for John, though,
who simply hopped through the river.

1133
00:58:07,030 --> 00:58:08,870
It's a signature characteristic.

1134
00:58:08,910 --> 00:58:10,390
- And back onto the road.
- It works.

1135
00:58:10,430 --> 00:58:12,150
- Here we go.
- Moron, here we come!

1136
00:58:12,190 --> 00:58:13,350
- Bunny hopping.
- Yes!

1137
00:58:13,390 --> 00:58:15,230
Yes! Yes!

1138
00:58:15,270 --> 00:58:17,350
What?

1139
00:58:17,390 --> 00:58:18,750
Well, that was
a bit short-lived.

1140
00:58:18,790 --> 00:58:20,710
Oh, why has it just ended?

1141
00:58:22,190 --> 00:58:23,790
The reason it had ended

1142
00:58:23,830 --> 00:58:26,470
was because of the
next feature on our map...

1143
00:58:28,390 --> 00:58:30,190
...which up close
appeared to be...

1144
00:58:32,150 --> 00:58:35,030
...completely impassable.

1145
00:58:35,070 --> 00:58:40,430
However, Eeyore likes
boggy and sad places, so...

1146
00:58:40,470 --> 00:58:43,390
- James, don't just... James, don't drive in...
- As the bloody crow flies!

1147
00:58:43,430 --> 00:58:45,510
Well, pick a route!

1148
00:58:45,550 --> 00:58:47,950
It's the same as the
stuff we were doing yesterday.

1149
00:58:47,990 --> 00:58:50,190
- Slow down!
- Not so fast!

1150
00:58:50,230 --> 00:58:52,310
- Slow down!
- Calm down. It's fine.

1151
00:58:52,350 --> 00:58:54,630
This is an off-roader. It's perfectly
capable of this sort of thing.

1152
00:58:54,670 --> 00:58:58,510
- Well, it's not, is it? It's...
- Just stop, stop, stop.

1153
00:58:58,550 --> 00:59:00,830
It is idiotic to drive in here.

1154
00:59:00,870 --> 00:59:03,670
It's poured with rain all
last night and all morning.

1155
00:59:03,710 --> 00:59:05,790
It's gonna be
an absolute quagmire.

1156
00:59:05,830 --> 00:59:07,470
We've got to get
to those mountains.

1157
00:59:07,510 --> 00:59:08,990
- Well, look...
- Let's find a...

1158
00:59:09,030 --> 00:59:10,950
We'll find a way round it.
We need higher ground.

1159
00:59:10,990 --> 00:59:13,150
If we drive around...
Look, if we drive around it,

1160
00:59:13,190 --> 00:59:15,550
that could be an extra
100 miles for all we know.

1161
00:59:15,590 --> 00:59:18,110
The road leads here. This is
obviously the way you go.

1162
00:59:18,150 --> 00:59:20,870
They wouldn't build a road to
something you couldn't drive through.

1163
00:59:20,910 --> 00:59:22,590
Where are you going now?

1164
00:59:22,630 --> 00:59:24,310
- Well, I'm aiming for the mountains.
- Water here.

1165
00:59:24,350 --> 00:59:25,590
Oh, we've...

1166
00:59:25,630 --> 00:59:27,550
That's some mud. Don't worry.

1167
00:59:29,710 --> 00:59:31,550
Oh, James!

1168
00:59:31,590 --> 00:59:33,070
Agh! Agh!

1169
00:59:34,590 --> 00:59:36,190
No, that's not gonna work.

1170
00:59:36,230 --> 00:59:39,510
I'm going to kill him.

1171
00:59:39,550 --> 00:59:43,390
Oh, bloody hell!
You've buried it!

1172
00:59:43,430 --> 00:59:46,470
With two fewer passengers,
and the diffs locked...

1173
00:59:46,510 --> 00:59:49,310
Go on, James, go on.
Power, power, power!

1174
00:59:51,390 --> 00:59:53,390
- ...John boinged free.
- Yay!

1175
00:59:53,430 --> 00:59:54,630
Excellent effort.

1176
00:59:54,670 --> 00:59:56,390
Right, you're out.

1177
00:59:56,430 --> 00:59:59,470
Only another 300 miles of this
bog you've driven into to go.

1178
01:00:02,550 --> 01:00:04,470
Thanks to
May's stubbornness,

1179
01:00:04,510 --> 01:00:05,790
it looked like we'd be spending

1180
01:00:05,830 --> 01:00:08,270
the rest of the day on foot.

1181
01:00:10,670 --> 01:00:12,310
It could be
like this all the way.

1182
01:00:14,710 --> 01:00:15,870
Oh, shitty death,
that's a bit...

1183
01:00:19,910 --> 01:00:22,190
The bank collapsed.

1184
01:00:22,230 --> 01:00:26,270
Luckily, the new improved
Richard Hammond came up with a plan.

1185
01:00:27,430 --> 01:00:28,670
Right, this'll do.

1186
01:00:28,710 --> 01:00:30,430
Oh, for (BEEP) sake.

1187
01:00:30,470 --> 01:00:31,750
I can't get my shoe...

1188
01:00:31,790 --> 01:00:34,710
Oh, May! I've lost my shoes!

1189
01:00:34,750 --> 01:00:36,350
Ha!

1190
01:00:36,390 --> 01:00:40,670
What do you want me to do
before I die of hypothermia?

1191
01:00:40,710 --> 01:00:44,270
Because my shoes are four
feet under the bog over there.

1192
01:00:44,310 --> 01:00:47,630
I'm going to shackle the high-lift
jack to the eye on there.

1193
01:00:47,670 --> 01:00:49,990
I'm then going to shackle this
tow rope to the high-lift jack.

1194
01:00:50,030 --> 01:00:53,950
I'm going to set 10 or 12 ground pins
into the solid ground over there,

1195
01:00:53,990 --> 01:00:56,630
use the parachute harness as an
anchor, shackle this to that,

1196
01:00:56,670 --> 01:00:58,910
and use the jack
as a winch to wind it out.

1197
01:00:58,950 --> 01:01:03,790
I live in Holland Park,
I don't read off-roading magazines.

1198
01:01:05,350 --> 01:01:08,110
He's being very sort
of authoritative, for him.

1199
01:01:08,150 --> 01:01:10,670
Well, he's sober,
and he's in his element.

1200
01:01:12,710 --> 01:01:14,030
Right.

1201
01:01:15,790 --> 01:01:17,710
Give it a go.

1202
01:01:19,590 --> 01:01:21,030
Come on, come on!

1203
01:01:22,910 --> 01:01:24,350
Yay!

1204
01:01:30,230 --> 01:01:33,990
Yeah, those mountains are
only now 70 kilometres away!

1205
01:01:35,070 --> 01:01:36,990
Oh, dear God!

1206
01:01:46,590 --> 01:01:48,510
We could have found
a path round.

1207
01:01:57,750 --> 01:02:03,070
Several miles later,
James became his stuckest yet.

1208
01:02:03,110 --> 01:02:04,590
Oh, my God.

1209
01:02:04,630 --> 01:02:06,710
- Ah-h-h...
- It'll be all right, go on.

1210
01:02:06,750 --> 01:02:08,990
- Agh, agh, agh!
- You're all right, you'll be all right.

1211
01:02:09,030 --> 01:02:10,830
That's very perilous.

1212
01:02:10,870 --> 01:02:15,430
And then, alarmingly,
he asked Hammond to take the wheel.

1213
01:02:15,470 --> 01:02:18,750
You're going... Wait a minute,
you're actually letting him drive John?

1214
01:02:18,790 --> 01:02:20,430
Well, he's...
Well, he's from the country.

1215
01:02:20,470 --> 01:02:21,710
You've to remember,
that's only like

1216
01:02:21,750 --> 01:02:23,390
getting out of the
garage at Hammond's house.

1217
01:02:25,790 --> 01:02:28,430
You're in third gear.
Try first.

1218
01:02:28,470 --> 01:02:31,430
Honestly, mate, anyone would think
you'd never driven this before.

1219
01:02:33,110 --> 01:02:35,710
Come on!
Come on, come... come out.

1220
01:02:37,670 --> 01:02:40,510
- Ah!
- He's ruined everything in there.

1221
01:02:40,550 --> 01:02:41,870
The map, ruined.

1222
01:02:41,910 --> 01:02:44,310
Compass, ruined.
Cameras are ruined.

1223
01:02:44,350 --> 01:02:45,550
It will go, it will...

1224
01:02:45,590 --> 01:02:47,510
Oh, that's not supposed...
I can save this.

1225
01:02:48,950 --> 01:02:51,270
And he's rolled it.
How far has he covered?

1226
01:02:51,310 --> 01:02:53,310
Less than its own length.

1227
01:02:53,350 --> 01:02:55,270
It's all right,
I'm used to this!

1228
01:02:57,270 --> 01:02:58,830
What are we going to do?

1229
01:02:58,870 --> 01:03:03,550
I know, why don't you, with your
vast bulk, just stand up on there?

1230
01:03:03,590 --> 01:03:07,990
That could be enough to just tip it back again.
Jump off, we're back where we started.

1231
01:03:08,030 --> 01:03:09,270
What?

1232
01:03:09,310 --> 01:03:11,510
- You want me to get on it?
- Well, just on there.

1233
01:03:11,550 --> 01:03:12,990
- That's a brilliant idea.
- You're the heaviest.

1234
01:03:13,030 --> 01:03:14,990
That's why they call
you Fatty Car Righter.

1235
01:03:15,030 --> 01:03:17,390
Right, I'm on.

1236
01:03:20,070 --> 01:03:21,470
This was entirely predictable...

1237
01:03:21,510 --> 01:03:23,150
- There you go.
- It's working!

1238
01:03:23,190 --> 01:03:25,910
- Yay!
- Thank you.

1239
01:03:25,950 --> 01:03:28,070
- Right, the trouble is now, James...
- Yeah?

1240
01:03:28,110 --> 01:03:30,790
- ...he's stuck where he is.
- And you're stuck where you are.

1241
01:03:30,830 --> 01:03:33,990
But if I climb over you into that
seat, that should be enough.

1242
01:03:34,030 --> 01:03:36,110
This is like the end
of The Italian Job.

1243
01:03:36,150 --> 01:03:37,790
- Right, I'll stand on the tyre.
- Yeah.

1244
01:03:37,830 --> 01:03:40,070
Right, so Hammond gets out.

1245
01:03:40,110 --> 01:03:43,070
- As I slide into the middle, you get in at the same time.
- That's actually clever.

1246
01:03:43,110 --> 01:03:45,190
And then he can get back in
and we're all in.

1247
01:03:45,230 --> 01:03:47,590
- I'm out of there.
- And I'm going to get in now.

1248
01:03:47,630 --> 01:03:50,590
- Right.
- Right, I'm firing up.

1249
01:03:54,110 --> 01:03:55,150
Coming...

1250
01:03:56,910 --> 01:03:59,110
- Agh!
- Jesus!

1251
01:03:59,150 --> 01:04:01,590
- Christ on a...
- That was close.

1252
01:04:01,630 --> 01:04:03,990
- Right, we're out.
- There you go.

1253
01:04:04,030 --> 01:04:05,470
Stop, I want to get out.

1254
01:04:05,510 --> 01:04:08,070
I never want to drive another
inch with you, or him.

1255
01:04:10,910 --> 01:04:13,710
After such a fraught afternoon,

1256
01:04:13,750 --> 01:04:16,270
we all needed a bit of me-time.

1257
01:04:40,710 --> 01:04:43,310
After several silent hours,

1258
01:04:43,350 --> 01:04:47,470
we stopped for the night at what
looked like a promising spot.

1259
01:04:52,070 --> 01:04:55,230
- But it just isn't, is it?
- Not really.

1260
01:04:57,310 --> 01:04:58,910
But no matter.

1261
01:04:58,950 --> 01:05:01,670
The food and beverage manager
soon swung into action.

1262
01:05:04,310 --> 01:05:07,550
Using traditional methods
to get this fire going.

1263
01:05:07,590 --> 01:05:09,590
And soon we shall have
some delicious rice.

1264
01:05:09,630 --> 01:05:11,870
- How would you like it, boiled?
- Yeah.

1265
01:05:11,910 --> 01:05:15,110
- There's nothing we can put with it.
- Ow! How's...

1266
01:05:15,150 --> 01:05:17,350
What manner of thing
has happened?

1267
01:05:17,390 --> 01:05:20,190
Shit! What's gone...

1268
01:05:20,230 --> 01:05:22,030
Incoming.

1269
01:05:23,510 --> 01:05:25,430
Holy-moly!

1270
01:05:25,470 --> 01:05:28,430
It was a hand grenade.
It was literally a hand grenade.

1271
01:05:28,470 --> 01:05:30,790
You set fire to the
plastic housing at the top.

1272
01:05:33,870 --> 01:05:38,710
As supper cooked, I
decided to string my new bow.

1273
01:05:38,750 --> 01:05:41,070
Where's my parachute cord?
Here.

1274
01:05:41,110 --> 01:05:43,670
This bow, it goes that way,
doesn't it, yeah?

1275
01:05:43,710 --> 01:05:45,110
No. Goes the other way.

1276
01:05:45,150 --> 01:05:47,470
- Goes that way?
- Yeah.

1277
01:05:47,510 --> 01:05:48,870
- That way?
- Yeah.

1278
01:05:48,910 --> 01:05:51,750
- But surely you'd pull it...
- No, that will break it.

1279
01:05:51,790 --> 01:05:55,630
Because the material on the outside
works better when it's stretched.

1280
01:05:55,670 --> 01:05:57,550
Its tendon, sinew.

1281
01:05:57,590 --> 01:05:59,270
The material
on the inside, bone,

1282
01:05:59,310 --> 01:06:01,030
works better under compression
when it's squashed.

1283
01:06:01,070 --> 01:06:04,310
It's the world's first example
of composite materials.

1284
01:06:04,350 --> 01:06:06,830
Some Mongolian warriors were
the first to ever do that.

1285
01:06:06,870 --> 01:06:08,790
So they put the two materials
sandwiched together,

1286
01:06:08,830 --> 01:06:11,110
so the bone is squashed
on the inside...

1287
01:06:11,150 --> 01:06:12,550
The tendon is stretched
on the outside,

1288
01:06:12,590 --> 01:06:14,710
and then it goes "Pa-twang!"
And as a result,

1289
01:06:14,750 --> 01:06:16,950
their bows could be half
the length of a long bow,

1290
01:06:16,990 --> 01:06:18,270
and still as powerful.

1291
01:06:18,310 --> 01:06:20,590
So they could fire from
horseback over the neck,

1292
01:06:20,630 --> 01:06:23,230
and you fire to the right,
to the left, or behind.

1293
01:06:23,270 --> 01:06:25,470
Those are the three positions
they could fire.

1294
01:06:25,510 --> 01:06:28,310
I used to know this guy called Richard
Hammond who was daft as a brush.

1295
01:06:28,350 --> 01:06:31,270
How do you know all that
stuff about bows and arrows?

1296
01:06:31,310 --> 01:06:32,590
It's just... I...

1297
01:06:32,630 --> 01:06:35,030
Because I'm remembering things.

1298
01:06:35,070 --> 01:06:36,870
Don't like it!

1299
01:06:44,150 --> 01:06:47,590
The next morning,
after eating the last of our food,

1300
01:06:47,630 --> 01:06:50,110
we resumed our journey to Moron.

1301
01:06:50,150 --> 01:06:54,510
We reckoned
we'd covered 350 miles.

1302
01:06:54,550 --> 01:06:56,830
But as our map was not to scale,

1303
01:06:56,870 --> 01:07:00,710
we had no idea
how much was left to go.

1304
01:07:00,750 --> 01:07:05,470
All we did know is that we
were hungry and worn out.

1305
01:07:05,510 --> 01:07:08,270
I've got incredible aches and
pains across my shoulders.

1306
01:07:08,310 --> 01:07:13,070
Well, there is no bit of me
that doesn't ache.

1307
01:07:13,110 --> 01:07:16,990
There's no bit of me that's
warm, comfortable, dry,

1308
01:07:17,030 --> 01:07:22,270
and I defecated for the sixth,
fifth, sixth day on the trot

1309
01:07:22,310 --> 01:07:24,550
in a field like an animal.

1310
01:07:24,590 --> 01:07:26,670
Oh!

1311
01:07:26,710 --> 01:07:28,910
- Oh, bloody...
- My back!

1312
01:07:28,950 --> 01:07:30,310
I think we got some air there.

1313
01:07:30,350 --> 01:07:32,710
Oh, shit.

1314
01:07:34,510 --> 01:07:38,470
Oh, God, that was not good.

1315
01:07:38,510 --> 01:07:41,710
Still, at least things
soon got worse.

1316
01:07:47,390 --> 01:07:49,270
Oh, brilliant.

1317
01:07:49,310 --> 01:07:51,710
Just getting
a golden shower now.

1318
01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:57,670
Oh, jeez,
that's the worst it's been.

1319
01:07:57,710 --> 01:08:00,830
If there's a cliff at
the top of this, I'm going over.

1320
01:08:00,870 --> 01:08:02,790
I'm just going to end it now.

1321
01:08:04,590 --> 01:08:06,510
I want a glass of wine!

1322
01:08:10,310 --> 01:08:12,630
We were aiming for
the next target on our map,

1323
01:08:13,710 --> 01:08:15,710
which was Lots of Trees.

1324
01:08:17,430 --> 01:08:19,950
And soon, we found them.

1325
01:08:25,750 --> 01:08:27,990
- Oh, look at that.
- Wow!

1326
01:08:28,030 --> 01:08:30,870
Wowee!

1327
01:08:30,910 --> 01:08:35,070
Holy mother of God, what
an amazing place we're in.

1328
01:08:37,310 --> 01:08:39,870
Next, we were looking
for the Big River,

1329
01:08:39,910 --> 01:08:44,510
and to get a better view we
made once more for high ground.

1330
01:08:49,310 --> 01:08:51,270
Come on, John.

1331
01:08:52,830 --> 01:08:54,750
Yes, you can do it.

1332
01:08:58,510 --> 01:09:00,430
I'm sorry,
I find that quite funny.

1333
01:09:00,510 --> 01:09:03,070
I think it's when he's happy.

1334
01:09:03,110 --> 01:09:06,110
At the top,
there was no river in sight.

1335
01:09:06,150 --> 01:09:08,110
Just more Mongolia.

1336
01:09:10,030 --> 01:09:12,990
So we broke out the map.

1337
01:09:13,030 --> 01:09:15,230
Right, we've got
a decision to make.

1338
01:09:15,270 --> 01:09:16,790
I reckon we're here, OK?

1339
01:09:16,830 --> 01:09:18,150
Cos we've done Lots of Trees,

1340
01:09:18,190 --> 01:09:20,030
we're about just
sort the end of that bit.

1341
01:09:20,070 --> 01:09:21,910
And we've got to cross this
river, whatever happens.

1342
01:09:21,950 --> 01:09:26,309
We could go either this way
up north and around.

1343
01:09:26,310 --> 01:09:28,110
That probably is a bit further.

1344
01:09:28,150 --> 01:09:29,910
Or we could go south.

1345
01:09:29,950 --> 01:09:34,710
- That is a lot further than that.
- Yes.

1346
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:36,750
But it ends in
the Deep River of Despair

1347
01:09:36,790 --> 01:09:38,190
with crashing water over rocks.

1348
01:09:38,230 --> 01:09:39,790
They've...
It's illustrated on the map.

1349
01:09:39,830 --> 01:09:42,030
- That does not...
- They made a point of drawing it like that.

1350
01:09:42,070 --> 01:09:45,190
If we can't cross there, we'll have to
come all the way back up and round anyway.

1351
01:09:45,230 --> 01:09:47,110
If we go this way,
we'll find a track.

1352
01:09:47,150 --> 01:09:50,070
There'll be a way along the
side, the flanks of that lot.

1353
01:09:50,110 --> 01:09:52,309
- That valley there.
- Yes, round...

1354
01:09:52,310 --> 01:09:53,950
- That's a long way round.
- I know, but...

1355
01:09:53,990 --> 01:09:57,390
It's further but it
doesn't have that in it.

1356
01:09:57,430 --> 01:09:58,790
We are agreed, then, gentlemen.

1357
01:09:58,830 --> 01:10:00,510
- We are heading north.
- Yes.

1358
01:10:00,550 --> 01:10:03,150
We're not interested in pretty,
we're not interested in despair.

1359
01:10:03,190 --> 01:10:04,950
We're interested in wine.

1360
01:10:04,990 --> 01:10:07,630
- And the easiest route is that one.
- There you go. JEREMY: North.

1361
01:10:07,670 --> 01:10:10,670
Saddle up.

1362
01:10:10,710 --> 01:10:14,350
Our decision had added
yet more miles to the journey.

1363
01:10:14,390 --> 01:10:17,150
But there was an upside to that.

1364
01:10:17,190 --> 01:10:21,750
We would get to see more of
this achingly beautiful country.

1365
01:10:30,710 --> 01:10:32,510
Mongolia just changed again.

1366
01:10:41,150 --> 01:10:43,590
- What was I not expecting to see?
- Camels.

1367
01:10:43,630 --> 01:10:45,230
Yep. What am I seeing?

1368
01:10:48,750 --> 01:10:51,750
Ooh. Pine. Smell. Ohh!

1369
01:10:53,350 --> 01:10:55,670
And that's real pine,
not pine out of a tin.

1370
01:10:55,710 --> 01:10:58,230
- I tell you what I'll be able to do in here.
- What?

1371
01:10:58,270 --> 01:11:00,309
Go off with my bow and arrow
and catch things.

1372
01:11:00,310 --> 01:11:02,270
- Ha-ha-ha!
- What do you mean, "Ha-ha-ha!"?

1373
01:11:05,150 --> 01:11:09,030
- Look at that down there now.
- Look at the size of that eagle on that rock!

1374
01:11:09,070 --> 01:11:12,190
- Holy crap!
- Oh, God, yes.

1375
01:11:12,230 --> 01:11:14,150
It's massive!

1376
01:11:23,710 --> 01:11:25,510
It's gonna be weird
going home

1377
01:11:25,550 --> 01:11:28,790
when you can't just set off
in the direction you wanna go.

1378
01:11:28,830 --> 01:11:30,790
- I wanna go over there.
- Go over there, then.

1379
01:11:30,830 --> 01:11:32,550
It's gonna be really strange.

1380
01:11:35,790 --> 01:11:39,270
Many hours later,
we still hadn't spotted the river.

1381
01:11:40,790 --> 01:11:42,870
Could you hear
my stomach rumbling?

1382
01:11:42,910 --> 01:11:44,870
Not over my own, no.

1383
01:11:44,910 --> 01:11:47,550
But then...

1384
01:11:47,590 --> 01:11:49,590
- That's the river.
- What?

1385
01:11:49,630 --> 01:11:52,630
That's the river. I just saw
it at the foot of those hills.

1386
01:11:52,670 --> 01:11:54,950
You didn't, Hammond.
Can you see a river, James?

1387
01:11:54,990 --> 01:11:56,630
- No.
- Neither can I.

1388
01:11:56,670 --> 01:11:59,390
- It's the river of gin in his imagination.
- He's gone mental.

1389
01:11:59,430 --> 01:12:02,390
- You'll see it in a minute. At the foot of that cliff.
- Oh, my...

1390
01:12:02,430 --> 01:12:05,990
- Oh, he's right.
- Thank you.

1391
01:12:06,030 --> 01:12:09,990
All we had to do now
was get down to it.

1392
01:12:10,030 --> 01:12:13,150
And I had a simple plan.

1393
01:12:13,190 --> 01:12:15,950
- Why don't we go down here?
- You don't know what's over this edge.

1394
01:12:15,990 --> 01:12:18,230
- It might be really steep and horrible.
- It might be sheer.

1395
01:12:18,270 --> 01:12:23,510
- Relax!
- No, it's not relaxing.

1396
01:12:23,550 --> 01:12:25,790
- James, will you hold it in low ratio?
- Yes, I am.

1397
01:12:25,830 --> 01:12:27,230
Because if it pops out now...

1398
01:12:27,270 --> 01:12:28,910
Then we would be in
a world of pain.

1399
01:12:28,950 --> 01:12:30,870
We'd be doing a million
miles per hour by the time...

1400
01:12:30,910 --> 01:12:32,430
Literally a million.

1401
01:12:39,230 --> 01:12:41,070
- It's steep, isn't it?
- It is steep!

1402
01:12:41,110 --> 01:12:44,070
It's steeper than I thought.

1403
01:12:44,110 --> 01:12:47,310
Soon, though, thanks to my
brilliant plan and driving,

1404
01:12:47,350 --> 01:12:48,750
we made it!

1405
01:12:51,630 --> 01:12:55,030
Oh,
a smooth run to the river.

1406
01:12:55,070 --> 01:12:59,309
Pop across it. Quick
evening drive into Moron.

1407
01:12:59,310 --> 01:13:03,270
Yeah, we can
still get there tonight now.

1408
01:13:03,310 --> 01:13:05,510
But then
when we arrived at the river,

1409
01:13:05,550 --> 01:13:08,750
our hearts sank
into our empty stomachs.

1410
01:13:11,550 --> 01:13:13,830
Look at what's on
the other side. I mean, look.

1411
01:13:13,870 --> 01:13:16,110
- Yeah, that's...
- Observe to your left, gentlemen.

1412
01:13:16,150 --> 01:13:18,830
That is a huge problem.
Well, we can't get out.

1413
01:13:18,870 --> 01:13:21,950
- We'll not even get up there,
to be honest. - What do we do?

1414
01:13:21,990 --> 01:13:23,830
We have to do cross it.

1415
01:13:23,870 --> 01:13:27,030
- The thing is, it'll take us hours...
- Yeah.

1416
01:13:27,070 --> 01:13:30,150
Yeah.
- ..to find somewhere to cross.

1417
01:13:30,190 --> 01:13:31,950
- Hours.
- And then it'll be dark.

1418
01:13:31,990 --> 01:13:33,550
- Yes.
- So... say it.

1419
01:13:33,590 --> 01:13:35,710
We're going to... Yes,
we're going to have to camp here.

1420
01:13:35,750 --> 01:13:38,110
But we've got no food.

1421
01:13:41,310 --> 01:13:43,790
That wasn't quite true.

1422
01:13:43,830 --> 01:13:46,590
We had some flour,
and a packet of creamer.

1423
01:13:46,630 --> 01:13:50,030
Which we mixed with
some ice-sharp river water,

1424
01:13:50,070 --> 01:13:52,510
and fresh herbs to create a soup

1425
01:13:52,550 --> 01:13:55,750
that was
surprisingly disgusting.

1426
01:13:59,110 --> 01:14:01,950
And the next morning,
we began our search

1427
01:14:01,990 --> 01:14:03,910
for a crossing point.

1428
01:14:05,390 --> 01:14:07,790
But hang on, is that a gap
coming up there?

1429
01:14:07,830 --> 01:14:11,070
Even if we could
do 30 yards, look behind it.

1430
01:14:11,110 --> 01:14:14,310
Look, we've got to turn
around and try the other way.

1431
01:14:17,910 --> 01:14:21,270
Hang on, hang on.
What about there?

1432
01:14:21,310 --> 01:14:23,309
Actually,
that looks quite good.

1433
01:14:23,310 --> 01:14:26,670
- There's basically a lawn on the other side.
- The other side is fantastic.

1434
01:14:26,710 --> 01:14:29,790
- And there's a gap in the mountain.
- But look how deep it is.

1435
01:14:29,830 --> 01:14:32,310
- Yeah, that's ten feet deep.
- Going to drown the car getting across.

1436
01:14:36,310 --> 01:14:40,590
Eventually though,
after several more miles of searching...

1437
01:14:40,630 --> 01:14:43,630
Wait a minute.
That looks extremely good.

1438
01:14:43,670 --> 01:14:45,030
That's the way out.

1439
01:14:45,070 --> 01:14:47,110
And the river's
shallow there. Can you see?

1440
01:14:47,150 --> 01:14:49,150
- Where it's...
- That looks like a bit of a gift.

1441
01:14:53,750 --> 01:14:56,670
How deep do we think it is?

1442
01:14:56,710 --> 01:15:00,830
It's broad here so it won't
have carved a deep groove, will it?

1443
01:15:00,870 --> 01:15:03,270
- Is that how it works?
- Let's go with that thought, shall we?

1444
01:15:03,310 --> 01:15:06,430
- Yeah, let's go with that.
- Or we could drive up and down here until we die.

1445
01:15:06,510 --> 01:15:09,830
I'm sick of driving up and down.
We can get out, so let's get in.

1446
01:15:09,870 --> 01:15:11,430
We can definitely go on.

1447
01:15:11,510 --> 01:15:14,070
We've got a snorkel breather
on the engine.

1448
01:15:14,110 --> 01:15:16,230
We cross the drink
and get a drink.

1449
01:15:16,270 --> 01:15:18,270
- Let's do it.
- Right.

1450
01:15:20,870 --> 01:15:23,110
OK, and we're...

1451
01:15:23,150 --> 01:15:24,750
Oh, John is wading.

1452
01:15:24,790 --> 01:15:27,830
Oh-ho! Whoa! That's...
that's glacial run-off,

1453
01:15:27,870 --> 01:15:29,190
and it's unbelievably cold!

1454
01:15:29,230 --> 01:15:31,230
- Whoa, that's... Oh, no!
- Oh!

1455
01:15:31,270 --> 01:15:33,990
- OK, James, I now have a
freezing starfish. - Oh!

1456
01:15:34,030 --> 01:15:35,830
- It's all the way up to my arse.
- Argh!

1457
01:15:43,150 --> 01:15:46,590
It's too deep,
it's deep. Stop, stop, James.

1458
01:15:46,630 --> 01:15:48,950
Back up, James.
Please, I beg of you.

1459
01:15:52,310 --> 01:15:55,030
- I think the wheels are spinning.
- They are spinning.

1460
01:15:55,070 --> 01:15:56,630
Yeah, that's not working.

1461
01:15:56,670 --> 01:15:58,430
I did feel us run over
a boulder or something.

1462
01:15:58,510 --> 01:16:00,550
- Did you feel that?
- Yes.

1463
01:16:00,590 --> 01:16:02,190
I think we're wedged
against that backwards.

1464
01:16:05,150 --> 01:16:06,550
- Did I just feel the whole car move?
- Yes, you did.

1465
01:16:06,590 --> 01:16:08,870
- That's the current.
- Forwards.

1466
01:16:08,910 --> 01:16:12,510
We can't go forwards. If that gets any
deep... and we've got inches in here,

1467
01:16:12,550 --> 01:16:14,670
the engine will be
completely submerged,

1468
01:16:14,710 --> 01:16:17,190
all the electrics
underwater - end of.

1469
01:16:17,230 --> 01:16:19,870
The only solution
was to reverse.

1470
01:16:19,910 --> 01:16:23,309
Which meant we had
to free the rear wheels.

1471
01:16:23,310 --> 01:16:25,750
- Holy shit!
- What?

1472
01:16:25,790 --> 01:16:28,309
I've just had
a transgender operation.

1473
01:16:28,310 --> 01:16:30,150
Aargh!

1474
01:16:30,190 --> 01:16:32,630
- Ohh!
- Are you all right, Hammond, in there?

1475
01:16:32,670 --> 01:16:33,910
I'm not getting out.

1476
01:16:33,950 --> 01:16:35,710
I'm from Birmingham.
I'm not good with water.

1477
01:16:35,750 --> 01:16:37,750
- Uhh!
- Ahh!

1478
01:16:37,790 --> 01:16:39,590
The current's really
strong.

1479
01:16:39,630 --> 01:16:42,670
- It's very deep.
- Guys, I just felt the car move again in the current.

1480
01:16:42,710 --> 01:16:44,910
- Cut the doors off.
- Why?

1481
01:16:44,950 --> 01:16:46,750
- Cut the doors off!
- Why cut the doors off?

1482
01:16:46,790 --> 01:16:49,990
- They're what's moving it.
- They're the only bit I put on!

1483
01:16:50,030 --> 01:16:51,990
Well, I don't care,
it's gonna kill the whole car.

1484
01:16:52,030 --> 01:16:53,350
James, cut the other ones off.

1485
01:16:59,430 --> 01:17:00,910
Doors are off.

1486
01:17:00,950 --> 01:17:03,750
Oh, brilliant! So the only
contribution I made to John

1487
01:17:03,790 --> 01:17:06,950
are now on their way
to Shanghai.

1488
01:17:06,990 --> 01:17:08,750
Now, though,
we could concentrate

1489
01:17:08,790 --> 01:17:12,309
on finding out
what was blocking us.

1490
01:17:12,310 --> 01:17:15,190
We're both going simultaneously?

1491
01:17:15,230 --> 01:17:17,150
Three, two, one...

1492
01:17:20,710 --> 01:17:23,630
Both rear wheels
were jammed by big rocks.

1493
01:17:26,870 --> 01:17:29,030
- Can you move the rocks?
- Oh, yes, Hammond.

1494
01:17:29,070 --> 01:17:31,350
When there's an emergency in
the world people always say,

1495
01:17:31,390 --> 01:17:33,790
"I know who we'll call: James
May and Jeremy Clarkson.

1496
01:17:33,830 --> 01:17:36,190
- "They're the men for the job."
- That's who we're relying on.

1497
01:17:36,230 --> 01:17:37,990
You're gonna
have to be like Titans.

1498
01:17:38,030 --> 01:17:40,630
You say you're a horse of a man.
Be a horse, move the big rock.

1499
01:17:40,670 --> 01:17:42,870
Are you in neutral?
Cos I'm about to dive down.

1500
01:17:42,910 --> 01:17:45,190
- In neutral, I'm not going anywhere.
- Right.

1501
01:17:45,230 --> 01:17:48,550
- Come on, let's go, the quicker we get this done.
- OK, counting down.

1502
01:17:48,590 --> 01:17:50,990
Three, two, one...

1503
01:18:01,630 --> 01:18:02,910
Current's got me.

1504
01:18:02,950 --> 01:18:04,950
hell.

1505
01:18:04,990 --> 01:18:07,070
- The current...
- I moved it a bit.

1506
01:18:07,110 --> 01:18:09,710
The current just got a hold.
I dived down and the current got me.

1507
01:18:09,750 --> 01:18:13,190
- Don't worry, Hammond, everything's fine back here.
- Good.

1508
01:18:16,910 --> 01:18:19,030
- Oh, I've done it. Oh, yes!
- Have you done it?

1509
01:18:19,070 --> 01:18:21,390
- Yes.
- Right, let's clear this one. Hang on.

1510
01:18:29,150 --> 01:18:31,230
- I got it. I think I got it.
- Got it?

1511
01:18:35,430 --> 01:18:37,830
- It's moving, we've done it!
- We have... JAMES: Oh, yes!

1512
01:18:44,310 --> 01:18:46,230
- Thanks for the lift, Hammond.
- Yeah.

1513
01:18:47,670 --> 01:18:49,030
Right. Two things.

1514
01:18:49,070 --> 01:18:52,750
The river's really cold,
and that bit's too deep.

1515
01:18:52,790 --> 01:18:56,070
- Right. I think we need to try another route.
- Yeah, we do.

1516
01:18:56,110 --> 01:18:57,630
- Definitely.
- OK, get on board.

1517
01:19:01,190 --> 01:19:04,310
We re-entered where the
river seemed to be shallower.

1518
01:19:05,630 --> 01:19:07,270
Turn right. Now.

1519
01:19:11,030 --> 01:19:13,070
Yeah, well done, top work.

1520
01:19:13,110 --> 01:19:16,670
- Bit leany.
- Right, keep going, keep going, keep going.

1521
01:19:19,510 --> 01:19:22,070
Yep. Right, now,
hang a diagonal.

1522
01:19:22,110 --> 01:19:24,510
Aim for those - the gap
in the trees, do you see?

1523
01:19:28,150 --> 01:19:29,670
Really good.
This is good, this is good.

1524
01:19:29,710 --> 01:19:31,190
If it doesn't go suddenly deep.

1525
01:19:35,590 --> 01:19:37,870
Oh, Christ,
we've gone deep again.

1526
01:19:37,910 --> 01:19:39,590
Right, keep going,
keep going, keep going.

1527
01:19:46,310 --> 01:19:49,190
You can feel it now,
it's getting shallower.

1528
01:19:49,230 --> 01:19:52,430
- Ah, yes!
- Do you know, I think we might make it.

1529
01:19:52,510 --> 01:19:55,590
Left hand down.
That's it. Left hand down.

1530
01:19:55,630 --> 01:19:57,550
We've nearly done it.

1531
01:20:00,230 --> 01:20:03,550
- John can swim. I'm staggered.
- Wahay, John!

1532
01:20:03,590 --> 01:20:05,230
- I am staggered.
- Ha-ha-ha!

1533
01:20:05,270 --> 01:20:06,950
We're on our way to gin town.

1534
01:20:08,310 --> 01:20:10,430
Before moving on, though,

1535
01:20:10,510 --> 01:20:12,630
we had to make
some modifications.

1536
01:20:15,510 --> 01:20:18,830
We haven't driven John as a
convertible before with the top down.

1537
01:20:18,870 --> 01:20:21,990
No. We should explain,
the reason we're driving with no roof,

1538
01:20:22,030 --> 01:20:26,110
is because James has turned it into
a pair of trousers cos his are wet.

1539
01:20:26,150 --> 01:20:28,870
Hammond and I have turned one of
the tents into a pair of trousers,

1540
01:20:28,910 --> 01:20:31,750
so if we don't make
Moron tonight...

1541
01:20:31,790 --> 01:20:35,790
Two of us are sharing. You two will be
all right in a tent together, won't you?

1542
01:20:35,830 --> 01:20:37,230
- No.
- Wrong.

1543
01:20:39,510 --> 01:20:43,230
Now the river was behind us,
we had to work out what lay ahead.

1544
01:20:44,350 --> 01:20:47,150
Which was impossible.

1545
01:20:47,190 --> 01:20:50,510
Oh, God. There's just
nothing marked on the map.

1546
01:20:50,550 --> 01:20:53,350
It just is cross the river,
and then... nothing.

1547
01:20:53,390 --> 01:20:55,310
No.

1548
01:20:55,350 --> 01:20:58,390
We were therefore
surprised a few miles later

1549
01:20:58,430 --> 01:21:00,950
to find our route
was peppered by something

1550
01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:02,830
we hadn't encountered before.

1551
01:21:05,990 --> 01:21:08,670
About half a billion boulders.

1552
01:21:22,910 --> 01:21:24,590
No, stop, stop, stop.

1553
01:21:24,630 --> 01:21:28,590
He's bouncing, Hammond. That's the
sign for you and I to jump ship.

1554
01:21:28,630 --> 01:21:30,310
Good luck, mate.

1555
01:21:41,910 --> 01:21:43,510
Try reversing.

1556
01:21:43,550 --> 01:21:46,910
I'm just covered in flies,
cos of my orange trousers.

1557
01:21:48,510 --> 01:21:51,310
The orange trouser
was a poor, poor idea.

1558
01:21:53,310 --> 01:21:54,910
Right,
what we're trying to do now,

1559
01:21:54,950 --> 01:21:56,350
is because all the
weight's on the back,

1560
01:21:56,390 --> 01:21:58,510
is actually reverse up.

1561
01:21:58,550 --> 01:22:01,190
Left hand down!

1562
01:22:03,310 --> 01:22:04,910
Right... Agh!

1563
01:22:04,950 --> 01:22:08,990
- OK, keep going. Straight back.
- Have to shout!

1564
01:22:09,030 --> 01:22:11,870
Straighten up.
Over to you, Hammond.

1565
01:22:11,910 --> 01:22:14,310
Bit of right.
Uh... a lot of right.

1566
01:22:16,550 --> 01:22:19,070
Now left hand, hard left.

1567
01:22:20,590 --> 01:22:22,150
Once the slope levelled out,

1568
01:22:22,190 --> 01:22:26,390
John could turn and tackle
the terrain face-on.

1569
01:22:26,430 --> 01:22:28,350
And hard left.

1570
01:22:43,310 --> 01:22:45,790
Honestly, have you ever
seen an off-roader like that?

1571
01:22:46,950 --> 01:22:48,390
What a machine!

1572
01:22:55,190 --> 01:22:57,550
This is his hardest work yet.

1573
01:22:57,590 --> 01:22:59,870
Ultimately, you're
going down there, down the gully,

1574
01:22:59,910 --> 01:23:03,190
up the other side, and into the clear
meadow beyond and we're all saved.

1575
01:23:05,070 --> 01:23:07,310
Jeeps! Are you sure
about this, Hammond?

1576
01:23:07,350 --> 01:23:08,870
Yeah!
Now a bit more right.

1577
01:23:10,670 --> 01:23:13,190
There you go.
Keep the right in.

1578
01:23:13,230 --> 01:23:15,070
- Hammond, Hammond.
- Yes?

1579
01:23:15,110 --> 01:23:16,670
- Have you seen...
- Oh, God!

1580
01:23:16,710 --> 01:23:18,790
Agh! What was that?

1581
01:23:18,830 --> 01:23:21,590
- Sorry, we were a bit distracted by this.
- We were looking at the ants.

1582
01:23:21,630 --> 01:23:24,950
There are more ants there
than there are Mongolians in Mongolia.

1583
01:23:24,990 --> 01:23:27,230
- There probably are.
- Give it the beans!

1584
01:23:29,710 --> 01:23:31,310
Good, you are out.

1585
01:23:38,150 --> 01:23:41,230
I can't believe what it's capable
of off-road. I'm staggered.

1586
01:23:41,270 --> 01:23:42,870
I have genuinely never seen

1587
01:23:42,910 --> 01:23:44,950
- a better off-road car than this.
- No, it's astonishing.

1588
01:23:44,990 --> 01:23:48,870
I think NATO will be ordering
20,000 of these when they see this.

1589
01:23:50,630 --> 01:23:52,670
What are you thinking about,
Hammond?

1590
01:23:52,710 --> 01:23:55,590
- Drink.
- I don't think I'm gonna be allowed through

1591
01:23:55,630 --> 01:23:58,630
- the passport thing when I get home.
- They won't recognise you.

1592
01:23:58,670 --> 01:24:03,030
I'll be two stone lighter,
and I'll look like Jon Bon Jovi.

1593
01:24:05,510 --> 01:24:07,510
We were now more
desperate than ever

1594
01:24:07,550 --> 01:24:10,430
for this trip to end.

1595
01:24:10,510 --> 01:24:13,230
If we can just get... You see
those trees on the crest up there?

1596
01:24:13,270 --> 01:24:16,270
- Yeah.
- Will we be able to see Moron from up there?

1597
01:24:16,310 --> 01:24:19,550
We'll see the sign that says: "Moron,
twinned with Jeremy Clarkson".

1598
01:24:22,590 --> 01:24:24,670
Soon,
with our hearts soaring,

1599
01:24:24,710 --> 01:24:26,630
we were nearing the peak.

1600
01:24:28,590 --> 01:24:30,990
Summit.
Can we see Moron?

1601
01:24:31,030 --> 01:24:33,310
Can we see Moron?

1602
01:24:35,150 --> 01:24:38,190
Where is it?

1603
01:24:38,230 --> 01:24:41,110
- Oh, no. No, no.
- Oh, jeez...

1604
01:24:41,150 --> 01:24:43,830
- Oh, bloody hell!
- Please!

1605
01:24:45,710 --> 01:24:47,710
Oh, my God.

1606
01:24:55,190 --> 01:24:56,670
Kill me.

1607
01:25:01,350 --> 01:25:02,830
We've only got two tents.

1608
01:25:05,310 --> 01:25:06,750
We've no food.

1609
01:25:15,030 --> 01:25:17,630
We were also low on fuel.

1610
01:25:17,670 --> 01:25:20,550
But we had to plough on
with the punishment.

1611
01:25:25,910 --> 01:25:28,710
Until two hours later,
when we came across

1612
01:25:28,750 --> 01:25:33,190
the most wonderful thing
we'd ever seen.

1613
01:25:39,510 --> 01:25:42,510
This was the first reminder
in seven days

1614
01:25:42,550 --> 01:25:44,910
that we were in
the 21st century.

1615
01:25:44,950 --> 01:25:48,590
- Oh, my God!
- Yes! I've never been so happy...

1616
01:25:48,630 --> 01:25:53,270
But we still had to make
a critical decision.

1617
01:25:53,310 --> 01:25:55,230
- On one end of this...
- Is Moron.

1618
01:25:55,270 --> 01:25:57,070
- Yes.
- The question is:

1619
01:25:57,110 --> 01:26:00,630
Do we go left...
or do we go right?

1620
01:26:03,910 --> 01:26:06,350
- Right.
- Well, why right?

1621
01:26:06,390 --> 01:26:07,590
Because I'm very lucky.

1622
01:26:07,630 --> 01:26:10,190
And it's lucky to go right
in Mongolia.

1623
01:26:10,230 --> 01:26:12,630
- That's going to Moron.
- What if that just goes all the way to nothing?

1624
01:26:12,670 --> 01:26:14,710
- It won't go to nowhere.
- It'll go a power station.

1625
01:26:14,750 --> 01:26:18,350
It'll go to Russia. Go to a power
station in Russia is where it'll go.

1626
01:26:18,390 --> 01:26:20,710
One end's got a power station
in Russia on the end of it.

1627
01:26:20,750 --> 01:26:22,990
- The other has a gin and tonic.
- And the other end... yeah.

1628
01:26:23,030 --> 01:26:24,350
Has got a gin and tonic.

1629
01:26:24,390 --> 01:26:26,110
We've decided.

1630
01:26:26,150 --> 01:26:27,870
Let's just stick with it and
have faith in our decision.

1631
01:26:27,910 --> 01:26:29,510
Yeah, just to be
crystal clear, though,

1632
01:26:29,550 --> 01:26:31,110
- if this is wrong...
- I'll kill myself.

1633
01:26:31,150 --> 01:26:33,270
...I will be the one that
says, "I told you it was left."

1634
01:26:33,310 --> 01:26:35,350
Yeah, I know you will.
But I'll have killed myself,

1635
01:26:35,390 --> 01:26:37,310
so it doesn't matter,
I won't hear it.

1636
01:26:40,030 --> 01:26:41,590
We needn't have worried though,

1637
01:26:41,630 --> 01:26:43,790
because just a few miles later,

1638
01:26:43,830 --> 01:26:48,830
we discovered that in Mongolia
it really is lucky to turn right.

1639
01:26:51,950 --> 01:26:54,190
What a heavenly sight.

1640
01:27:03,670 --> 01:27:05,990
How far away
do you reckon it is?

1641
01:27:07,110 --> 01:27:08,590
10K.

1642
01:27:08,630 --> 01:27:10,830
- Come on, then, let's get this thing finished.
- Let's do it.

1643
01:27:10,870 --> 01:27:12,790
Yeah.

1644
01:27:16,110 --> 01:27:18,750
- It hasn't been easy, has it?
- It really hasn't.

1645
01:27:18,790 --> 01:27:20,270
- God, no.
- It really hasn't. I mean...

1646
01:27:20,310 --> 01:27:23,750
I'm just staggered that we
haven't killed ourselves,

1647
01:27:23,790 --> 01:27:26,430
or each other, actually.

1648
01:27:26,510 --> 01:27:29,470
Because while Mongolia
has just been...

1649
01:27:29,510 --> 01:27:31,710
...a constant source
of wonderment,

1650
01:27:31,750 --> 01:27:33,910
the actual business of
getting across it

1651
01:27:33,950 --> 01:27:35,950
has been by far and away

1652
01:27:35,990 --> 01:27:37,950
the most difficult, gruelling,

1653
01:27:37,990 --> 01:27:41,390
arduous journey...
we've ever done.

1654
01:27:47,470 --> 01:27:49,870
Look!

1655
01:27:49,910 --> 01:27:51,990
I would say we've
got hundreds of components.

1656
01:27:52,030 --> 01:27:54,590
They haven't sent any beer,
or gin or wine,

1657
01:27:54,630 --> 01:27:56,110
or alcohol of any sort.

1658
01:27:56,150 --> 01:27:57,790
Oh!

1659
01:27:57,830 --> 01:28:00,030
- God above!
- Let it end!

1660
01:28:01,870 --> 01:28:03,950
That's what I meant.

1661
01:28:08,710 --> 01:28:10,550
Oh, May!

1662
01:28:10,590 --> 01:28:11,790
I've lost my shoes!

1663
01:28:13,630 --> 01:28:15,750
- I can save this.
- He's rolled it.

1664
01:28:22,990 --> 01:28:24,910
Brrr-brrr-brrr.

1665
01:28:24,950 --> 01:28:26,190
Oh.

1666
01:28:28,990 --> 01:28:32,030
Oh-ho, whoa! It's all
the way up to my arse!

1667
01:28:32,070 --> 01:28:33,550
Aargh!
Current's got me.

1668
01:28:33,590 --> 01:28:35,470
hell.

1669
01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:40,910
Aargh!

1670
01:28:43,110 --> 01:28:45,230
Fact is, though,

1671
01:28:45,270 --> 01:28:48,510
we couldn't have done
any of that without John.

1672
01:28:48,550 --> 01:28:50,790
No. He's been incredible.

1673
01:28:50,830 --> 01:28:52,390
There's something else,
you know.

1674
01:28:52,430 --> 01:28:55,270
Even though we built it in the
middle of a field in the dust,

1675
01:28:55,310 --> 01:28:58,190
it has been
unutterably reliable.

1676
01:28:58,230 --> 01:29:00,230
The only thing
we've had to do to this car

1677
01:29:00,270 --> 01:29:02,390
- is change a fuse, which took about 30 seconds.
- Yeah.

1678
01:29:02,430 --> 01:29:05,070
But the moral of that is, if
you're going on an expedition

1679
01:29:05,110 --> 01:29:10,070
and you're absolutely dependent on
your car for your life... get a John.

1680
01:29:10,110 --> 01:29:11,430
Yeah.

1681
01:29:11,470 --> 01:29:12,470
Look.

1682
01:29:14,630 --> 01:29:17,990
It's... I can't...
I'm so excited.

1683
01:29:18,030 --> 01:29:21,110
- And thirsty. Ha-ha!
- Oh, my God.

1684
01:29:21,150 --> 01:29:24,350
I've never wanted to arrive
anywhere more than just there.

1685
01:29:24,390 --> 01:29:27,150
- Here we go. As we go past the sign, we're there.
- Oh, this is it!

1686
01:29:27,190 --> 01:29:29,910
We are arriving,
and we are here!

1687
01:29:32,030 --> 01:29:34,790
We're in Moron!

1688
01:29:34,830 --> 01:29:38,270
- Hello, Moron, we love you!
- Hello, Moron!

1689
01:29:38,310 --> 01:29:40,990
We have travelled far.

1690
01:29:41,030 --> 01:29:46,230
- That was a journey!
- Yes, the smoothness.

1691
01:29:46,270 --> 01:29:49,430
Oh, this is beautiful.
I like this Tarmac lark.

1692
01:29:51,910 --> 01:29:55,430
- Right. We have now completed Mr Wilman's mission.
- Yes.

1693
01:29:55,470 --> 01:29:59,030
- We must get on with completing ours.
- Yes, where's the pub?

1694
01:29:59,070 --> 01:30:00,430
- Exactly!
- Yes.

1695
01:30:00,470 --> 01:30:02,470
Right, and just another thing.

1696
01:30:02,510 --> 01:30:04,550
As we've done Mr Wilman's
mission, this bit's for us.

1697
01:30:04,590 --> 01:30:07,590
- James, can I drive this bit?
- No chance.

1698
01:30:07,630 --> 01:30:09,750
- Oh, come on.
- No, seriously, Hammond.

1699
01:30:09,790 --> 01:30:13,190
No, it's not worth the risk at this late
stage of you putting it on its side.

1700
01:30:13,230 --> 01:30:15,310
- What risk? Well, a bit.
- There might be a bend.

1701
01:30:15,350 --> 01:30:19,150
- It might say "Finish."
- There won't be a bend.

1702
01:30:19,190 --> 01:30:21,270
You've had all the fun,
you've done the exciting bits:

1703
01:30:21,310 --> 01:30:23,350
the dunes and the mountains,
and the gullies

1704
01:30:23,390 --> 01:30:25,590
- and the deserts, and the forests.
- Yeah, and now the town.

1705
01:30:25,630 --> 01:30:27,470
- James.
- What?

1706
01:30:27,510 --> 01:30:29,230
Seriously, just to shut him up,

1707
01:30:29,270 --> 01:30:32,110
why don't you
just let him have... a go?

1708
01:30:32,150 --> 01:30:34,790
- What, really?
- Just let him drive. Pull up here.

1709
01:30:34,830 --> 01:30:36,190
- Seriously?
- Yes, honestly.

1710
01:30:36,230 --> 01:30:38,150
- All right.
- Please pull up here.

1711
01:30:38,190 --> 01:30:40,150
- It's your fault.
- Oh, yes.

1712
01:30:40,190 --> 01:30:42,950
Unbelievable.

1713
01:30:42,990 --> 01:30:46,510
- Right, now you see some driving.
- There we go.

1714
01:30:46,550 --> 01:30:48,550
- Whoa! Pub, pub, pub!
- What?

1715
01:30:48,590 --> 01:30:50,870
- Whoa!
- I've only done two feet!

1716
01:30:55,990 --> 01:30:57,830
- It's shut.
- What?

1717
01:30:57,870 --> 01:30:59,790
It's shut.

1718
01:31:02,270 --> 01:31:04,590
- Do you know, it is, as well.
- It is shut.

1719
01:31:09,910 --> 01:31:11,710
And on that terrible
disappointment,

1720
01:31:11,750 --> 01:31:13,190
it's time to end.

1721
01:31:13,230 --> 01:31:15,430
Thank you so much
for watching. Goodbye.