1 00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:38,230 Hello, and welcome to what is very obviously the South of France. 2 00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:40,350 Except this isn't the South of France 3 00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:42,710 where there are carefully designed topless swimsuits 4 00:00:42,790 --> 00:00:46,670 and Russian billionaires turn up on super yachts. 5 00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:50,030 This isn't even in the same hemisphere. 6 00:00:55,310 --> 00:01:00,590 This is 5,700 miles south of the South of France. 7 00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:09,070 It's a tiny volcanic island in the Indian Ocean called Réunion. 8 00:01:13,870 --> 00:01:17,830 It is weird, isn't it? Cos this isn't like a French protectorate. 9 00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,390 It's actually France. 10 00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:22,150 -You know the flight from Paris to here? -Yeah. 11 00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:24,630 The longest internal flight in the world. 12 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,670 Because it is an internal. France to France. 13 00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:28,350 And because of the time difference, 14 00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:32,070 this was the first place in the world where a euro exchange happened. 15 00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,590 -Yes, and wasn't it for, like, a bag of lychees? -It was. 16 00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:36,710 -Ooh, that was a bit good. -Nice one, mate. 17 00:01:36,790 --> 00:01:39,910 Did you just see that shot? 18 00:01:39,990 --> 00:01:44,190 In order to blend with the Côte d'Azur vibe, 19 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:47,910 I've come here with a V8 Bentley Continental. 20 00:01:56,790 --> 00:02:02,990 Now, I'll admit that Bentley forged its reputation many years ago at Le Mans, 21 00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:05,350 which is in the north of France. 22 00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:07,070 But it's changed since then. 23 00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:12,030 Now it's the most South of France brand of them all. 24 00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:16,670 The recipe's still the same, though. 25 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:21,710 It's a big, heavy suet pudding of torque and opulence. 26 00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:27,390 Yeah. 27 00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:31,510 This is the first time ever on our adventures 28 00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:35,390 when I've had a proper, functioning, decent car. 29 00:02:38,230 --> 00:02:43,830 Whatever Mr Wilman has in mind, this'll be... perfect. 30 00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:50,510 Yeah, but this is better. 31 00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:59,310 This is a Ford Focus RS, the latest version. 32 00:03:00,950 --> 00:03:04,710 350 brake horsepower from a four-cylinder turbo-charged engine. 33 00:03:05,910 --> 00:03:08,990 It's light, 1500 kilos, and it's clever. 34 00:03:13,430 --> 00:03:18,830 It has torque vectoring. It can send up to 70% of the total power to the rear axle. 35 00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:21,910 And it can divert 100% of that to one wheel. 36 00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:27,430 I love those crackles and bangs on the overrun. 37 00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:36,430 It's just... Yeah, it brings out the yobbo in me. 38 00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:40,110 Hello, viewers. 39 00:03:40,190 --> 00:03:42,270 And as you would imagine, I've done this properly. 40 00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:43,670 I've come in this. 41 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,630 This is a Caterham. 42 00:03:45,710 --> 00:03:48,870 It is a 310R, to be precise. 43 00:03:48,950 --> 00:03:52,270 It is a bit of a faff getting in, admittedly, but once you are in, 44 00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:54,230 the rewards are enormous 45 00:03:54,310 --> 00:03:57,470 because this car was born in the '50s, 46 00:03:57,550 --> 00:04:03,430 designed by Colin Chapman as a self-assembly weekend racing car. 47 00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:08,830 This is the sort of thing that enthusiasts online go on about. 48 00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:11,710 You even have to put the steering wheel on. 49 00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:18,950 Then you just close the door, clip it in place and we'll be on our way. 50 00:04:21,150 --> 00:04:23,950 -It's nice this, mate, innit? -Bloody fabulous. 51 00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:27,030 -I wonder why they fitted the kill switch on the outside? 52 00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:28,310 Oh... 53 00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:29,990 I'll put it there so you don't lose it. 54 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,470 Right, gotta get on. 55 00:04:31,550 --> 00:04:33,190 -Don't be a cock, Hammond. 56 00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:44,870 Leaving aside the unfortunate position of the kill switch, 57 00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:50,510 I can think of no better car for these fantastic roads. 58 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,190 If you like the sensations of driving, you know, 59 00:04:53,270 --> 00:04:57,030 like turning the wheel and changing the gears and pressing the pedals, 60 00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:59,750 you want one of these. 61 00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:05,310 Doesn't have traction control, doesn't have brake assist, 62 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,750 doesn't have adaptive suspension, 63 00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:08,590 it doesn't have flappy paddles. 64 00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:11,430 It doesn't even have air bags. 65 00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:15,630 It's just a car. 66 00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,510 Absolutely perfect. 67 00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:29,710 Having introduced our cars to this tropical island, we all met up. 68 00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:34,630 It's so nice to be back in the EU, sun shining. 69 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:37,230 Beautiful views, great coffee. 70 00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:38,630 Oh, here comes ASBO boy! 71 00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:44,390 How's your ankle bracelet in this heat? 72 00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:48,190 Yeah, I just grew one as soon as I sat down in it. It just formed on my leg. 73 00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:56,070 Now this is the coast road around the north, sort of northwest of the island. 74 00:05:56,150 --> 00:06:00,830 And there are a lot of rockfalls on it. 75 00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:06,510 They've tried to solve the problem by dangling wire mesh down the side of the cliffs, 76 00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:08,790 but that hasn't really worked. 77 00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:13,790 So the solution they've come up with is... pretty radical. 78 00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:21,950 What the French are building here is a ring road in the sea. 79 00:06:23,430 --> 00:06:27,030 Designed to cope with 30-foot waves and win votes, 80 00:06:27,110 --> 00:06:29,430 this engineering masterpiece 81 00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:34,190 cost £112 million per kilometre 82 00:06:34,270 --> 00:06:36,310 and it's 12 kilometres long. 83 00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:42,510 It is, then, the most expensive piece of Tarmac in the world. 84 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:51,070 I was just thinking this incredibly expensive, 85 00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:53,950 mind-bogglingly complicated stretch of road 86 00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,590 could serve a useful purpose. 87 00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,350 Mm. Mm. 88 00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:59,390 And so... 89 00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:08,390 I don't really know how to call this, to be honest. 90 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,870 I've got the least power but I've got the least weight. 91 00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:15,310 Hammond and I both have turbo-charging and four-wheel drive 92 00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:18,710 and you don't want either of those things in a drag race. 93 00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:21,230 He, however, has got launch control. 94 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,990 Not that he knows how it works, I should imagine. 95 00:07:24,070 --> 00:07:26,030 Trip... I don't want trip. 96 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,110 Settings. 97 00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:31,630 Driver assist. 98 00:07:31,710 --> 00:07:33,590 Launch control. 99 00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:36,230 So it's... Oh, no, it's cut out. Wait. 100 00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:38,470 Jeremy Clarkson's actually got out of the car. 101 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:41,470 Driver assist. 102 00:07:41,550 --> 00:07:42,910 Launch control. 103 00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:45,310 Hammond's launch control is... 104 00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:47,150 -Really? -Yes. 105 00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:49,310 Launch control is troublesome. 106 00:07:49,390 --> 00:07:51,390 That's odd, because he's so useful at... 107 00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:54,270 -What's that do? -Leave it. 108 00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:56,470 -What is it? -It's... You know what it is. 109 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:57,910 -I don't know what it is. -Stop being an arse. 110 00:07:57,990 --> 00:08:00,030 It's turned the engine... Why is the ignition key on the outside? 111 00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:01,670 It's in case you have a crash. 112 00:08:01,750 --> 00:08:04,190 It's really annoying. Mustn't lose that. 113 00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:13,230 When James had reassembled his car 114 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:15,670 and Richard had sorted out his tech, 115 00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:17,710 we were ready to go. 116 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,390 This Frenchman in the yellow vest... 117 00:08:21,470 --> 00:08:24,830 is he going to start the race, do you think, or throw a petrol bomb at me? 118 00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:34,070 Trois, deux, un! 119 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,270 -Bloody hell. 120 00:08:38,590 --> 00:08:40,550 They got a better start. 121 00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:44,230 Second, I'm rowing it through as quickly as I can. I am in front. 122 00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,950 It's only 152 horsepower. 123 00:08:48,990 --> 00:08:52,190 Now time to deploy the speed and power... 124 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,670 Bit late on that shift. 125 00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:55,270 Oh, I'm sorry. 126 00:08:55,350 --> 00:08:57,710 Stay... Oh, goddamn it! 127 00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:03,150 I'm losing. I'm losing. 128 00:09:03,230 --> 00:09:06,190 I'm the first person to lose on this road. 129 00:09:06,270 --> 00:09:08,350 Oooh! 130 00:09:08,430 --> 00:09:12,230 The inaugural Réunion coastal road drag race 131 00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:16,590 was just ripped into by the Bentley. 132 00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:20,470 Is it the face? Is it the face? 133 00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:23,470 Yeah, it's the face. It's the face. 134 00:09:23,590 --> 00:09:28,670 After christening the ring road with our important drag race, 135 00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:33,150 we received a text from Mr Wilman. 136 00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:37,790 And he was telling us to report to a cemetery in the town of Saint-Paul 137 00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:40,990 where we would receive further instructions. 138 00:09:42,270 --> 00:09:43,950 Chaps. -What? 139 00:09:44,030 --> 00:09:45,590 I have in my hand a piece of paper. 140 00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,710 -Is it from Neville? -It is from Neville, actually. 141 00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:52,990 It says, "In 1730 on Réunion, a man called La Buse..." 142 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,990 That's him in there. 143 00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:57,470 "..was hanged for crimes of piracy." 144 00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:59,470 So this is La Buse. He was... 145 00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:01,270 What was he? He had a pirate fleet. 146 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,270 -You know about this man? -Yes. 147 00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:05,230 He was called The Buzzard. Big nose he had as well. 148 00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:07,950 There is more on Neville's piece of paper if you could just keep quiet for a moment. 149 00:10:08,030 --> 00:10:11,430 It says, "On his way to the scaffold he threw a coded message into the crowd 150 00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:14,150 that explained where he had buried his treasure. 151 00:10:15,470 --> 00:10:17,550 A copy of that message is included in your pack." 152 00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:18,710 Is that it? 153 00:10:18,830 --> 00:10:20,350 That's it, yes. 154 00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:22,830 -Well, it's just garbage. -No, but here's the good bit. 155 00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:27,430 "It's reckoned that his treasure included the Fiery Cross of Goa, 156 00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:32,190 a 220-pound, seven-foot high golden crucifix studded with rubies 157 00:10:32,270 --> 00:10:35,950 and that today the haul would be worth £100 million." 158 00:10:36,030 --> 00:10:37,390 -Wow. -So? 159 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,950 "So it's your job to crack the code and find the loot. 160 00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:42,430 Your sincerely, Neville Wilman." 161 00:10:42,470 --> 00:10:44,430 Oh, we are hunting for pirate treasure? 162 00:10:44,470 --> 00:10:46,830 -Yes, we are. -Oh, come on. 163 00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,230 Do you believe in all this pirate nonsense? 164 00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:50,590 What do you mean, "believe"? 165 00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:53,190 Yes. Pirates were pirates. 166 00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:54,590 Pirates knock on your door and say, 167 00:10:54,670 --> 00:10:56,950 "I've got this knocked-off copy of the Avengers: Endgame. 168 00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:59,310 Do you wanna buy it? It's only five quid." That's a pirate. 169 00:10:59,390 --> 00:11:03,030 Yeah, pirate now. Pirates then, they had style. This one... 170 00:11:03,110 --> 00:11:04,430 -So we've gotta crack that... -Yes. 171 00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:08,550 ...and that'll tell us where this, The Buzzard... -Yes. 172 00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:10,350 ...buried his treasure? 173 00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:11,750 Yes. 174 00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:13,630 Well, how are you gonna crack that? 175 00:11:15,870 --> 00:11:17,670 This is so up his street. 176 00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:19,430 What's happened here is very straightforward. 177 00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:22,750 He loves pirates, you... what do you like doing? 178 00:11:22,830 --> 00:11:25,870 -Cracking codes. Doing Sudoku. -Crosswords. 179 00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:27,590 What do I do? 180 00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:29,790 Well, you can have your... We'll be pirates, we'll split the treasure. 181 00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:31,110 I'm not going to be a pirate. 182 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,670 Oh, so we won't split the treasure? 183 00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:35,790 If you want to share in the £100 million, and I suggest you do, 184 00:11:35,870 --> 00:11:37,670 you could maybe muck in a bit. 185 00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:39,350 You can help digging. 186 00:11:39,430 --> 00:11:40,790 I can't be doing with pirates. It's all... 187 00:11:40,870 --> 00:11:43,070 All right, so you don't want any? 188 00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:44,670 Well, I mean, I'll have it if it's there. 189 00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:47,830 Oh, will you? 190 00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:51,590 Back at the hotel, I started on the code... 191 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:55,430 while Nick and Margaret sat in the background, being annoying. 192 00:11:58,310 --> 00:12:03,750 Would it help if I built you a machine made of brass and copper and transistors? 193 00:12:03,830 --> 00:12:07,710 I heard if you drink a glass of water like that whilst looking at it... 194 00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:10,670 -Have you thought about, A is one... -That's clever. 195 00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:12,510 -B is two... -Oh, that's clever. 196 00:12:12,590 --> 00:12:14,230 -No, wait, wait. -What? 197 00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:16,390 -I've already had a breakthrough. -What? 198 00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:20,270 Why don't you two go away and leave me alone to work on it by myself? 199 00:12:21,910 --> 00:12:24,110 It is a bit boring, this. 200 00:12:24,190 --> 00:12:25,350 Not very piratey thus far. 201 00:12:27,550 --> 00:12:31,590 So Richard and I left James Turing to get on with it. 202 00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:34,870 So La Buse... 203 00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:46,310 It's a shame we can't go swimming. 204 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,630 Why can't we? 205 00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,030 It's against the law. 206 00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:50,310 What, swimming's illegal? 207 00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:51,550 No, it really is. 208 00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:55,710 Because between 2011 and 2016, 209 00:12:55,790 --> 00:13:00,070 there were 43 fatal shark attacks around the world. 210 00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:03,470 19 were in the waters off Réunion. 211 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,150 -Out there? -Yeah. 212 00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:07,630 Well, look, it's only shallow. 213 00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:09,590 If a shark comes, we can jump it. 214 00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:14,070 I think we did that in 2013. 215 00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,910 Do you only read pirate books? 216 00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:49,670 If it's got a pirate ship on it, you're gonna read it, aren't you? 217 00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:52,470 It's exciting. There was derring-do and adventuring. 218 00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:55,070 The Lioness of Brittany, 1330 thereabouts. 219 00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:58,910 She had a fleet of five or six black ships called the Black Fleet. 220 00:13:58,990 --> 00:14:02,110 She had them all painted black with red flags. How cool is that? 221 00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:29,310 On the third day, we were running out of activities, 222 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:32,670 so we went to see how Alan was getting on. 223 00:14:36,350 --> 00:14:38,070 -Have you got anywhere? -Yes. 224 00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:39,310 Where? 225 00:14:39,390 --> 00:14:42,710 After a two-headed dog... 226 00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:44,190 you take some honey. 227 00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:47,910 Three days and that's it? 228 00:14:47,990 --> 00:14:49,790 "After a two-headed dog you take honey"? 229 00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:52,750 Yeah, but I'm starting with nothing. 230 00:14:55,270 --> 00:15:00,870 -Um, you do know that they hung La Buse here in Réunion? -Yeah. 231 00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:03,590 But they arrested him in Madagascar. 232 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,150 And he's hardly likely to have said, 233 00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:07,270 "Mind if I bring this seven-foot gold cross and all my treasure 234 00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:09,630 on your police boat to the gallows" is he? 235 00:15:09,710 --> 00:15:13,790 So it makes sense that the treasure is buried in Madagascar. 236 00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:18,750 How long have you known that? 237 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,390 Since I was ten. 238 00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:22,910 Did you not think it might have made sense to say that? 239 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:26,150 I had a thought and I've done this before and made a fool of myself 240 00:15:26,230 --> 00:15:27,990 by rushing in with it before it's ready, 241 00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:31,510 so I had to let it mature and develop before I thought, 242 00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:34,030 "Yes, I'll present this thought to them." 243 00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:37,190 I mean, there might be a place called Two Headed Dog in Madagascar for all I know, 244 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,590 but I wasn't looking. I've been looking at Réunion. 245 00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:43,470 -Well, we've got to go to Madagascar, then. -Yeah. 246 00:15:43,550 --> 00:15:45,550 -It's not far away. -Is it not? 247 00:15:45,630 --> 00:15:48,270 Yeah, but we can't take those cars to Madagascar. 248 00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:49,590 -Why? -Might be fun. 249 00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:51,790 Well, no, the roads are terrible in Madagascar. 250 00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:53,150 How do you know? 251 00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:55,590 Cos I had a friend when I was much younger called Mary 252 00:15:55,670 --> 00:15:58,070 who went there doing wildlife conservation 253 00:15:58,150 --> 00:16:02,190 and she told me Madagascar was the worst place she'd ever tried to drive a car. 254 00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:04,070 We've been all over the world. 255 00:16:04,150 --> 00:16:05,910 -We've seen a lot of potholes, mate. -We have. 256 00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:09,110 Yeah, but she went all over the world as well, all over Africa, South America. 257 00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:10,910 She says Madagascar's got the worst roads. 258 00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:13,750 All she ever talked to me about was how bad the roads were in Madagascar 259 00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:15,430 -and how often she was stuck. -Right. 260 00:16:15,510 --> 00:16:17,990 For days. 261 00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:21,190 -Better modify our cars, then. -I've got a Caterham. 262 00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:22,630 We can modify that very easily. 263 00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,070 -What, into an airship? -I don't know. 264 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,110 Use your imagination. 265 00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:32,670 So we found a workshop. 266 00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:36,710 And as James began... 267 00:16:36,790 --> 00:16:38,750 Right, to work... 268 00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:42,950 ...Richard and I went to a shop to buy kit. 269 00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:46,710 -Bonjour. -Bonjour. 270 00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:47,950 Bonjour. 271 00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:50,710 Avez-vous... 272 00:16:50,790 --> 00:16:53,030 ...jump leads, um... 273 00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:55,670 You see? 274 00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,670 Monsieur, avez-vous batterie connecteur? 275 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,750 -Ah, no. -Oh, merci. 276 00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:13,030 What, jump leads are called battery...? 277 00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:14,910 They're battery connector... Yes, that's what it is. 278 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,750 -Not... -You don't have any? -You mimed it in English. 279 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,950 Well, I just thought jump leads, brilliant acting. 280 00:17:20,030 --> 00:17:22,830 If you know the English for jump leads. 281 00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:26,030 With the kit bought and the modifications finished, 282 00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:30,670 we set sail for Madagascar, 283 00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:39,190 arriving two days later in the port of Tamatave. 284 00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:56,430 Hello again, viewers. 285 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:59,390 What I've done is this. 286 00:17:59,470 --> 00:18:02,630 My car is already very light, which is ideal for off-roading, 287 00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:04,270 so I've put some bigger wheels on it. 288 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,910 That's good for ground clearance and grip. 289 00:18:08,230 --> 00:18:10,190 That's it. 290 00:18:11,630 --> 00:18:15,270 Clearly, Jeremy had done rather more than that. 291 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:21,670 Let me talk you through what I've done. There's a fair bit. 292 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:25,230 Got a winch here mounted on a steel platform 293 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:31,030 and I have amour-plated steel running from the front to the back on the underside. 294 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,030 Headlamps, they're now from a motorcycle. 295 00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:38,150 I needed the space ordinarily taken up by the lights for these snorkels, 296 00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:43,270 which I've fitted so the car can now wade through about six feet of water. 297 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,190 Moving further back, 298 00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:51,510 big chunky tyres but the wheels are actually smaller. 299 00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:54,270 Now, that meant the original brakes wouldn't fit, had to remove those, 300 00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:56,750 replace them with the brakes from a Golf GTI. 301 00:18:56,830 --> 00:19:02,030 Then I moved the brake and fuel lines inboard to give them extra protection 302 00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:03,630 and removed the air suspension, 303 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:06,710 replaced it, in fact, with long travel shocks and steel coils. 304 00:19:06,750 --> 00:19:09,470 -You did all that in two days? -Well, it was that workshop. 305 00:19:09,510 --> 00:19:12,030 -I don't know, it was just so well-equipped. -It was well-equipped. 306 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,590 So I was able to do, I think, a pretty thorough job. 307 00:19:14,670 --> 00:19:17,750 I am genuinely impressed. 308 00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:19,830 -I'll tell you what. -What? 309 00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:25,270 This is what life is like... outside the EU. 310 00:19:25,350 --> 00:19:27,990 We were in the EU on Réunion, smooth roads. 311 00:19:28,030 --> 00:19:31,270 BMWs. "Would you like a glass of Chablis?" 312 00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:32,830 -Here... -Yeah! Oh, sorry. 313 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:35,270 Would you like some food poisoning? 314 00:19:35,390 --> 00:19:39,630 As we discussed post-Brexit life, our colleague arrived. 315 00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:47,870 O-K. 316 00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:57,150 Ha-ha! 317 00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:00,270 Yep, the flag and...? 318 00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:02,230 And a number of other changes. 319 00:20:02,270 --> 00:20:04,750 OK, I'll talk you through it. I've painted it black, skull and crossbones. 320 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,270 There is a flag, yes. 321 00:20:06,350 --> 00:20:09,230 Full external roll cage and if this isn't strong enough, 322 00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:12,350 I've replaced the front and rear crumple zones with girders. 323 00:20:12,430 --> 00:20:17,750 I've raised the suspension by 19 inches to give it 23 and a half inches ground clearance. 324 00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:23,350 And then if you look closely...here, the corners. 325 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:26,270 -Oh, yes. -You know what he's done? 326 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,390 It's genius is what I've done. Look at it. 327 00:20:28,470 --> 00:20:33,110 -He's uninvented the wheel. -You have, you've put triangles on. 328 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:36,950 Having sorted all that out, we got back to the main problem. 329 00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:39,270 The code. 330 00:20:39,350 --> 00:20:42,230 I'm presuming, May, because you haven't done very much with your car, 331 00:20:42,270 --> 00:20:43,750 you've devoted quite a lot of time 332 00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:45,870 to working out where in Madagascar this treasure is. 333 00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:48,430 -This non-existent treasure is buried. -Indeed. 334 00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:50,270 -Yes? And where is it? -No idea. 335 00:20:50,390 --> 00:20:52,110 -You still don't know? -Not a clue. 336 00:20:52,190 --> 00:20:55,390 It's still two-headed dogs and lemons and parrots and things. 337 00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,990 You do know they actually arrested La Buse on Madagascar 338 00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:02,670 in an area called Libertalia, 339 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:05,030 which is like a pirate commune where they lived 340 00:21:05,110 --> 00:21:07,270 and they had rules of society and everything. 341 00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:09,430 So it stands to reason that's probably where he buried his treasure 342 00:21:09,510 --> 00:21:10,750 when they arrested him. 343 00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:13,510 Have you known that since you were ten as well? 344 00:21:13,630 --> 00:21:15,270 Er, yeah, yeah, I have. 345 00:21:15,390 --> 00:21:18,150 Is there anything else you've known since you were ten 346 00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:20,990 which would be relevant to us now that you ought to tell us? 347 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,270 No, that's it. 348 00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:24,950 -So this Libertalia? -Yeah. 349 00:21:25,030 --> 00:21:26,830 -Where is it? -North of here. 350 00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:29,390 -How far north of here? -100 miles. 351 00:21:29,470 --> 00:21:30,710 You actually know where it is? 352 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,030 Yeah, north of here. 353 00:21:32,150 --> 00:21:33,630 100 miles north of here. 354 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,830 But you didn't say that three days ago. 355 00:21:35,910 --> 00:21:39,110 Again, you have to take your time with a thought, 356 00:21:39,190 --> 00:21:42,190 make sure it's ready, turn it around, look at it. 357 00:21:42,270 --> 00:21:44,990 Don't wanna make a fool of myself, rush in. 358 00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:50,990 And so, armed with Captain Jack Hammond's new information, we set off. 359 00:22:00,750 --> 00:22:05,670 I've taken one of the finest performance cars of its time, 360 00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:09,510 a scalpel, and turned it into a chainsaw. 361 00:22:12,670 --> 00:22:14,990 "Oh-arr, oh-arr, Jim lad." 362 00:22:15,070 --> 00:22:18,310 I just don't get pirates. 363 00:22:18,390 --> 00:22:21,550 You tell Tom Hanks that pirates are romantic and interesting... 364 00:22:21,630 --> 00:22:25,110 They're not. They're just... floating burglars. 365 00:22:28,030 --> 00:22:31,430 Got a light here telling me that there's a fault with my air suspension. 366 00:22:31,510 --> 00:22:33,790 I know, I've removed it. 367 00:22:36,550 --> 00:22:39,350 But why had I removed it? 368 00:22:39,430 --> 00:22:44,270 Because contrary to what James had said, the roads were fine. 369 00:22:44,350 --> 00:22:45,870 Yeah. 370 00:22:45,950 --> 00:22:51,070 Not sure I needed to raise my car much for this very smooth Tarmac. 371 00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:53,390 Er, James? 372 00:22:53,470 --> 00:22:54,830 Yes, what's your point? 373 00:22:54,910 --> 00:22:56,790 Because of you, I've prepared my car for Armageddon 374 00:22:56,870 --> 00:22:59,590 and you've brought me to a tea party. 375 00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:01,430 All right, look at this. 376 00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:03,190 Big test for the Bentley. 377 00:23:03,270 --> 00:23:05,110 There it is. 378 00:23:05,190 --> 00:23:07,990 Jeez, I feel like Ranulph Fiennes here. 379 00:23:10,710 --> 00:23:12,150 Look at me! 380 00:23:12,230 --> 00:23:13,950 Look at what I've done. 381 00:23:14,030 --> 00:23:18,790 Just because he befriended some girl in a floaty skirt, I've ruined my whole hatch. 382 00:23:18,870 --> 00:23:23,350 We should have known that a friend of James' wasn't going to be an explorer. 383 00:23:23,430 --> 00:23:27,230 The worst thing that happened is a daffodil fell out of her bicycle basket and she pan... 384 00:23:27,310 --> 00:23:30,070 "Oh, this is terribly rough. It's absolutely awful." 385 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:36,150 As we headed out into the countryside, 386 00:23:36,230 --> 00:23:38,630 we hoped the roads would get worse... 387 00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:40,710 But no. 388 00:23:42,670 --> 00:23:44,350 Hello. Bonjour. 389 00:23:44,430 --> 00:23:47,510 They're all looking at me and thinking, "What, is he mad?" 390 00:23:47,590 --> 00:23:49,870 Look at that lovely road. 391 00:23:49,950 --> 00:23:51,310 What were we thinking? 392 00:23:51,390 --> 00:23:54,070 We took off-roading advice from Jane Austen. 393 00:23:54,150 --> 00:23:56,350 "Oh, James, I went to Madagascar 394 00:23:56,430 --> 00:23:58,790 and the roads were nothing like they are in Devon." 395 00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:03,430 Bonjour. Please, stop building roads! 396 00:24:05,150 --> 00:24:06,990 -No more road surface. 397 00:24:08,350 --> 00:24:09,710 Oh, God. 398 00:24:09,790 --> 00:24:11,470 We've completely overdone our cars. 399 00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:12,830 They look good. 400 00:24:12,910 --> 00:24:15,830 But they're not necessary and nor is the journey. 401 00:24:15,910 --> 00:24:19,670 70% of the Madagascan population 402 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:24,030 exists on less than a dollar a day. 403 00:24:24,110 --> 00:24:29,870 So if there were a seven-foot golden cross studded with rubies buried somewhere, 404 00:24:29,950 --> 00:24:35,950 I'm fairly confident someone would have found it by now. 405 00:24:36,030 --> 00:24:40,030 Oh, and another thing: buried treasure... in all of human history, 406 00:24:40,110 --> 00:24:44,470 not a single ounce of buried treasure has ever been found, ever. 407 00:24:47,310 --> 00:24:51,990 As I complained about our mission, the road did suddenly get rougher. 408 00:24:55,310 --> 00:24:57,430 Oh, yeah, that is a pothole. 409 00:24:57,510 --> 00:25:00,230 That is a definitely a pothole and that's another one...Ooh. 410 00:25:01,510 --> 00:25:03,470 O-K. 411 00:25:05,310 --> 00:25:07,270 In the Ford tech... 412 00:25:09,870 --> 00:25:13,750 I thought my mods would shine in this new rough terrain. 413 00:25:14,950 --> 00:25:17,670 Sadly, however... 414 00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,510 Ow. 415 00:25:19,590 --> 00:25:21,310 Slight hitch here. 416 00:25:21,390 --> 00:25:24,310 I put my car on tracks, 417 00:25:24,390 --> 00:25:28,830 but what I'm having trouble with is the little wheels inside the tracks 418 00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:30,950 that keep... Well, they're coming off 419 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,790 because we're driving on a hard road 420 00:25:33,870 --> 00:25:38,510 and these hard edges of the potholes smash them off. 421 00:25:38,590 --> 00:25:41,750 The simple fact is, these tracks, brilliant as they are, 422 00:25:41,830 --> 00:25:45,510 are made for use on mud and snow. 423 00:25:45,590 --> 00:25:47,750 Off road. Not Tarmac. 424 00:25:51,030 --> 00:25:52,510 Hammo, you've lost another one. 425 00:25:52,590 --> 00:25:54,310 Oh, God. 426 00:25:54,390 --> 00:25:58,270 In the Caterham, it wasn't just the potholes that were annoying... 427 00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,590 -Oh! Oh! 428 00:26:00,670 --> 00:26:06,630 It was so dusty, it felt like I was driving in a hot Hoover bag. 429 00:26:06,710 --> 00:26:10,910 Ugh, dust and stuff getting in my eyes is appalling. 430 00:26:10,990 --> 00:26:13,390 I'm gonna have to find some goggles. 431 00:26:13,470 --> 00:26:16,230 Life in the Bentley, however, was fine. 432 00:26:19,030 --> 00:26:21,390 I'm starting to really like this car. 433 00:26:22,830 --> 00:26:24,470 Now it's got a bit of mud on it, 434 00:26:24,550 --> 00:26:29,150 it's starting to look like an MFB and in case you don't know what MFB is, 435 00:26:29,230 --> 00:26:32,790 it's what Samuel L Jackson would call his Bentley if he had one. 436 00:26:36,710 --> 00:26:39,350 Properly pretty villages. 437 00:26:39,430 --> 00:26:41,150 Melon shop. 438 00:26:41,230 --> 00:26:44,150 Melons, melons, melons. 439 00:26:44,230 --> 00:26:45,550 Numberplate shop. 440 00:26:45,630 --> 00:26:48,950 That is a shop where you can get numberplates made up. 441 00:26:49,030 --> 00:26:51,030 Wasn't expecting that. 442 00:26:52,630 --> 00:26:57,550 I also wasn't expecting to find an agreeable seaside hotel, 443 00:26:57,630 --> 00:27:03,390 where, a bit later, a dusty and grimy May chose not to join me for lunch. 444 00:27:09,790 --> 00:27:10,870 Great. 445 00:27:10,950 --> 00:27:13,070 Now the pool's got a muddy dog in it. 446 00:27:17,510 --> 00:27:22,070 I, meanwhile, was starting to worry that in this heat on Tarmac, 447 00:27:22,150 --> 00:27:25,350 my little plastic wheels would be starting to warp. 448 00:27:27,950 --> 00:27:32,990 So when I got to the hotel, I also didn't join Jeremy for lunch. 449 00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:37,510 I need to find a way of cooling them. 450 00:27:37,590 --> 00:27:41,230 Build a cooling system out here with nothing. 451 00:27:41,310 --> 00:27:48,190 And what I do in situations like this is think to myself, "What would Bear Grylls do?" 452 00:27:52,150 --> 00:27:57,790 Having scoured the shoreline for nature's raw materials, I set to work. 453 00:28:02,190 --> 00:28:04,230 Well, fingers crossed. 454 00:28:04,310 --> 00:28:05,830 Here's what I've done. 455 00:28:05,910 --> 00:28:08,670 Luckily I've found these completely full office water cooler bottles 456 00:28:08,750 --> 00:28:10,390 that had been washed up. 457 00:28:10,470 --> 00:28:13,950 Along with this nylon rope that had also been washed up. 458 00:28:14,030 --> 00:28:16,350 And along with them I found these lengths of clear hose. 459 00:28:16,430 --> 00:28:17,950 I've attached them to the car, 460 00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:20,150 some cable ties had washed up. 461 00:28:20,230 --> 00:28:24,590 And down here at the bottom it can deliver a life-saving trickle of cooling water. 462 00:28:24,670 --> 00:28:27,750 It may not look pretty but it'll work. 463 00:28:27,830 --> 00:28:29,990 And as Bear Grylls himself says, 464 00:28:30,070 --> 00:28:33,270 "Improvise, adapt, survive." 465 00:28:34,710 --> 00:28:38,470 Sadly, Hammond's modifications had taken so long, 466 00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:41,590 it was too late in the day to move on. 467 00:28:41,670 --> 00:28:46,910 And anyway, May was busy carpet-bombing the code with his OCD. 468 00:28:48,750 --> 00:28:50,550 Here's something very interesting I learned today. 469 00:28:50,630 --> 00:28:53,510 I was next to a shop watching a man count his water melons 470 00:28:53,590 --> 00:28:55,270 and we would count one, two, 471 00:28:55,350 --> 00:28:56,830 three, four, five like that. 472 00:28:56,910 --> 00:29:02,710 But he was going one, two, three, four, five, 473 00:29:02,790 --> 00:29:04,350 which is exactly what appears on there. 474 00:29:04,430 --> 00:29:07,430 So that might be a letter but it might be two. 475 00:29:07,510 --> 00:29:12,070 Some of those symbols might be numbers, they might be compass bearings, 476 00:29:12,150 --> 00:29:14,950 they might be numbers of paces from a tree, something like that. 477 00:29:15,030 --> 00:29:17,150 Some of the bits that appear to be gibberish... 478 00:29:20,110 --> 00:29:24,310 The next day, as the sun rose on this little-known paradise, 479 00:29:25,870 --> 00:29:27,310 we were back on the move. 480 00:29:30,070 --> 00:29:31,710 So, May, have you cracked the code? 481 00:29:33,470 --> 00:29:34,870 Nope. 482 00:29:34,950 --> 00:29:36,470 Predictable. 483 00:29:36,550 --> 00:29:39,390 Still, at least my cooling system was working. 484 00:29:39,470 --> 00:29:42,870 Water delivered, life saved. 485 00:29:42,950 --> 00:29:44,950 Thank you, Bear Grylls. 486 00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:55,950 My car is amusing. 487 00:29:56,030 --> 00:30:00,550 Clearly, though, it was the MFB that was causing more of a stir. 488 00:30:07,270 --> 00:30:10,350 Then we came across something that wasn't so cheerful. 489 00:30:14,910 --> 00:30:17,310 That woman is in the stocks. 490 00:30:17,390 --> 00:30:20,150 She's actually got wooden handcuffs on. 491 00:30:29,230 --> 00:30:32,750 Chaps, this Tarmac road has finally run out. 492 00:30:32,830 --> 00:30:34,910 But it's kind of run out completely. 493 00:30:35,990 --> 00:30:38,350 -What do you mean? -There's no road at all. 494 00:30:38,430 --> 00:30:40,270 This looks like a ferry. 495 00:30:42,990 --> 00:30:47,110 Once on board, I noticed Jeremy had got himself a new number plate. 496 00:30:49,870 --> 00:30:51,750 I just can't work it out, "MFB". 497 00:30:51,830 --> 00:30:54,750 Must Fondle Buttocks? 498 00:30:54,830 --> 00:30:56,830 Middle Aged... Hm. 499 00:30:58,310 --> 00:30:59,870 Hang on. 500 00:31:03,750 --> 00:31:06,590 When the ferry docked on the other bank... 501 00:31:09,110 --> 00:31:12,270 ...it was like we'd gone back 200 years. 502 00:31:18,790 --> 00:31:20,790 I'm going full goggles. 503 00:31:27,990 --> 00:31:29,190 Bloody hell! 504 00:31:30,270 --> 00:31:31,990 Yeah, this is quite bad now, I'll admit. 505 00:31:38,750 --> 00:31:41,350 Swim, swim, swim. 506 00:31:41,430 --> 00:31:44,270 Finally, the modifications we'd made to our cars 507 00:31:44,350 --> 00:31:46,310 were coming into their own. 508 00:31:53,670 --> 00:31:55,350 The MFB is through! 509 00:31:57,590 --> 00:32:00,470 Four-wheel drive rugging me out of that one. 510 00:32:02,150 --> 00:32:04,190 Now, this is more like it. 511 00:32:04,270 --> 00:32:06,110 This is what I built my car for. 512 00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:09,830 Tracks won't be getting too hot. I'm cooling them in the water. 513 00:32:13,550 --> 00:32:15,710 How's it going in the Sherman? 514 00:32:17,190 --> 00:32:19,950 Honestly, it's a walk in the park. What about you? 515 00:32:20,030 --> 00:32:24,310 It's a bit squeaky. But it keeps going. 516 00:32:24,390 --> 00:32:27,670 But what I'd love to know is what's happening in the Caterham. 517 00:32:30,030 --> 00:32:31,590 Oh, Jesus! 518 00:32:31,670 --> 00:32:33,150 Urgh! 519 00:32:33,230 --> 00:32:35,790 That is turds! Jesus! 520 00:32:38,110 --> 00:32:42,870 Ohh, the water's like a bath that someone's had diarrhoea in. 521 00:32:43,990 --> 00:32:45,750 Oh, Jesus! 522 00:32:47,190 --> 00:32:49,430 Bollocks! 523 00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:51,230 Aargh! 524 00:32:52,230 --> 00:32:53,550 Argh! 525 00:32:57,110 --> 00:32:58,910 Oh, shitty death. 526 00:32:58,990 --> 00:33:01,390 I'll just adjust the temperature down to... 527 00:33:01,470 --> 00:33:04,750 22 degrees, I think, would be better. 528 00:33:04,830 --> 00:33:07,630 Adjust the lumbar support using this button down here. 529 00:33:08,710 --> 00:33:10,550 Meanwhile, in the Ford... 530 00:33:11,550 --> 00:33:13,230 Motor's OK, temperature's good. 531 00:33:14,510 --> 00:33:17,070 I can't tell you how easy this is on my car. 532 00:33:18,110 --> 00:33:20,070 -Ooh! 533 00:33:20,150 --> 00:33:24,190 Ohh, that's a big rock at the bottom of that puddle. 534 00:33:26,470 --> 00:33:29,470 Luckily for Hammond, we were running alongside a beach. 535 00:33:29,550 --> 00:33:32,550 So I suggested we use that instead. 536 00:33:38,270 --> 00:33:41,110 Have we finally found a terrain where those tracks work? 537 00:33:42,550 --> 00:33:44,590 Yeah, we're looking good here. 538 00:33:46,550 --> 00:33:48,630 It's gonna be brilliant, this car. 539 00:33:48,710 --> 00:33:52,070 These are teething problems. I'm doing something new here. 540 00:33:52,150 --> 00:33:55,390 I'm literally reinventing the wheel, and, you know... 541 00:33:58,910 --> 00:34:00,270 Oh. 542 00:34:03,350 --> 00:34:05,030 Ohh. 543 00:34:10,190 --> 00:34:12,150 Argh! 544 00:34:15,110 --> 00:34:17,910 Oh, good. Here comes a gloating orangutan. 545 00:34:18,910 --> 00:34:20,510 What's happened? 546 00:34:22,150 --> 00:34:23,990 Oh, I know! 547 00:34:24,070 --> 00:34:27,110 Even I, with my limited knowledge, is able to work out 548 00:34:27,230 --> 00:34:29,230 that's not right. 549 00:34:29,310 --> 00:34:30,870 It's not, is it? 550 00:34:30,950 --> 00:34:32,590 To cheer Hammond up, 551 00:34:32,630 --> 00:34:34,750 I decided to give him a small present. 552 00:34:34,830 --> 00:34:36,790 You've got a number plate as well. 553 00:34:36,870 --> 00:34:39,550 -"Fury" as in Fury? -As in the tank. 554 00:34:39,590 --> 00:34:41,590 -For my car? That is-- -Yes. 555 00:34:41,630 --> 00:34:44,750 -So you can put "Fury" on it. -Oh, I say! 556 00:34:44,830 --> 00:34:48,550 -It doesn't actually mean that here, exactly. -What's it mean here? 557 00:34:48,590 --> 00:34:51,790 Well, the Ygrec, the Y, means "lady parts". 558 00:34:51,870 --> 00:34:54,390 So what that actually says is "Furry lady parts." 559 00:34:55,430 --> 00:34:57,390 But, for you, it means "fury". 560 00:34:57,470 --> 00:34:59,710 You're Brad Pitt in a tank - pirate tank. 561 00:35:02,950 --> 00:35:05,710 At that moment, Giorgio Armani arrived. 562 00:35:08,390 --> 00:35:11,230 Look at the state of you. Have you had a trouser accident? 563 00:35:11,310 --> 00:35:13,350 I was actually underwater at one point. 564 00:35:13,430 --> 00:35:16,310 Oh, that's a disgusting place to sit. 565 00:35:16,390 --> 00:35:18,590 Is that... Can you not drive like that? 566 00:35:18,630 --> 00:35:20,470 No. 567 00:35:20,550 --> 00:35:22,710 How did you do that? 568 00:35:22,790 --> 00:35:25,590 It took me a lot of attempts cos I wanted to do that. 569 00:35:28,030 --> 00:35:32,430 Having wasted an eternity watching Brad Pitt do his repairs, 570 00:35:32,510 --> 00:35:34,510 we finally got back on the move. 571 00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,390 I wonder why Formula 1 teams don't use tracks, Hammond, 572 00:35:43,470 --> 00:35:45,870 if you can change them in just three hours? 573 00:35:48,350 --> 00:35:50,630 For James, the misery continued. 574 00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:52,750 How much more of this is there? 575 00:35:54,150 --> 00:35:55,590 Oh, Jesus! 576 00:35:57,630 --> 00:36:00,590 Things were so bad, that at the next ferry crossing, 577 00:36:00,710 --> 00:36:05,310 it looked like he was going to try and make the far bank without a boat. 578 00:36:09,150 --> 00:36:11,150 -Wouldn't you? -Yeah, I would. 579 00:36:11,270 --> 00:36:14,510 If somebody said to me, "Yes, there are sharks in there," 580 00:36:14,590 --> 00:36:17,270 I'd still say, "I don't care." 581 00:36:21,430 --> 00:36:22,510 It's on! 582 00:36:27,030 --> 00:36:30,710 As we left the ferry, James was much happier and cleaner. 583 00:36:32,310 --> 00:36:34,110 I'm feeling pretty good now. 584 00:36:40,590 --> 00:36:43,150 -Give me strength! 585 00:36:46,630 --> 00:36:49,270 Look at him! 586 00:36:50,830 --> 00:36:53,870 Oh, it's the little things in life that I treasure. 587 00:36:55,590 --> 00:36:59,270 We thought at this point the road couldn't get any worse. 588 00:36:59,350 --> 00:37:01,590 And then...it did. 589 00:37:09,790 --> 00:37:13,590 Right, so this terrain now is soft sand. 590 00:37:13,630 --> 00:37:15,110 And puddles. 591 00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:17,150 I haven't tried this yet. 592 00:37:17,270 --> 00:37:19,950 Maybe this is where I will shine. 593 00:37:22,110 --> 00:37:23,790 Hammond was optimistic. 594 00:37:23,870 --> 00:37:26,870 But in the three-ton Bentley, I wasn't. 595 00:37:28,870 --> 00:37:30,830 Jesus, I'm gonna get stuck here. 596 00:37:32,150 --> 00:37:33,590 Come on. 597 00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:42,070 Right, I'm completely beached. 598 00:37:42,110 --> 00:37:45,110 Your car not up to the job, is that what you're saying? 599 00:37:45,230 --> 00:37:47,390 Luckily I could winch myself out, 600 00:37:47,470 --> 00:37:51,150 using Brad and his pirate tank as a ground anchor. 601 00:37:52,230 --> 00:37:55,390 Why am I feeding out his winch cable? 602 00:37:55,470 --> 00:37:56,590 Why didn't... 603 00:37:57,590 --> 00:37:59,590 -I'll just do your winch. -Ready. 604 00:38:04,710 --> 00:38:06,710 Have you ever seen the like? 605 00:38:07,990 --> 00:38:09,070 Yeah. 606 00:38:11,550 --> 00:38:15,030 What's happening here is, I'm moving to you. 607 00:38:15,110 --> 00:38:16,830 That's not supposed to happen, is it? 608 00:38:16,910 --> 00:38:19,950 You need to put it in drive. -Oh, sorry. 609 00:38:25,950 --> 00:38:27,430 MFB... 610 00:38:27,510 --> 00:38:29,630 Massive Fat... 611 00:38:31,830 --> 00:38:33,790 Can I just say... my friend Mary... 612 00:38:33,870 --> 00:38:35,830 -Yes? -...was right. 613 00:38:35,910 --> 00:38:38,590 Well, this isn't technically a road, we're on a beach. 614 00:38:38,630 --> 00:38:40,110 The roads were fine. 615 00:38:40,150 --> 00:38:42,030 You said the worst roads she'd ever seen. 616 00:38:42,110 --> 00:38:43,390 I thought the roads were fine. 617 00:38:43,470 --> 00:38:46,030 What's happened is, the roads have finished. 618 00:38:46,110 --> 00:38:48,550 Chaps, are you interested in treasure or not? 619 00:38:48,590 --> 00:38:50,910 £100 million worth, available this way. 620 00:38:50,990 --> 00:38:53,270 How far is this place? 621 00:38:53,350 --> 00:38:56,110 We don't know. Libertalia - it doesn't exist, anyway. 622 00:38:56,150 --> 00:38:58,110 -It does exist. -It doesn't exist! 623 00:38:58,230 --> 00:39:00,150 Well, it did. They wrote about it. 624 00:39:00,270 --> 00:39:03,510 Well, they wrote about Narnia. Doesn't mean it existed. 625 00:39:06,070 --> 00:39:08,590 We continued our journey on what is genuinely 626 00:39:08,710 --> 00:39:11,750 Madagascar's equivalent of the M1. 627 00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:20,550 Oh, Christ! 628 00:39:20,590 --> 00:39:22,590 Can't see a thing. 629 00:39:24,230 --> 00:39:27,590 May can't be doing this with only two-wheel drive, it's not possible. 630 00:39:28,590 --> 00:39:30,310 But thanks to its lightness, 631 00:39:30,390 --> 00:39:33,310 the plucky little Caterham was ploughing on. 632 00:39:36,550 --> 00:39:38,510 Mind the grit. There it is. 633 00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:42,270 Bonjour. 634 00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:46,030 It was Hammond, though, who had the most reason to celebrate. 635 00:39:46,110 --> 00:39:48,110 Finally, we've found what it's good at. 636 00:39:53,030 --> 00:39:54,990 This thing is unstoppable! 637 00:40:06,350 --> 00:40:07,910 Oh, my giddy aunt. 638 00:40:07,990 --> 00:40:11,390 It looks like a wheelchair that's fallen down a flight of stairs. 639 00:40:11,470 --> 00:40:13,950 Yeah, it's bad. 640 00:40:14,030 --> 00:40:15,590 OK. 641 00:40:15,710 --> 00:40:18,350 What would you like me to do about that? 642 00:40:20,750 --> 00:40:23,110 What are you in a position to do about that? 643 00:40:28,710 --> 00:40:31,790 Having thought about it for a long time, 644 00:40:31,870 --> 00:40:34,590 I decided the answer was nothing. 645 00:40:35,590 --> 00:40:36,990 So I left him to it... 646 00:40:37,070 --> 00:40:42,270 This is the tensioner assembly that sits at the back of the track. 647 00:40:42,350 --> 00:40:45,070 ...and set off with James into the night. 648 00:40:46,870 --> 00:40:48,590 Oh, it's getting worse. 649 00:40:50,310 --> 00:40:53,550 Ohh, me, that was uncomfortable! 650 00:40:54,630 --> 00:40:57,470 We were only 40 miles from Libertalia, 651 00:40:57,550 --> 00:41:01,830 this place that only exists in Richard Hammond's colouring-in books. 652 00:41:01,910 --> 00:41:05,590 So we figured we'd just keep on taking the punishment. 653 00:41:13,750 --> 00:41:17,030 If you've just joined us, James May is covered in human excrement. 654 00:41:18,110 --> 00:41:20,070 From behind, your hair looks... 655 00:41:20,110 --> 00:41:23,030 It's like Trevor McDonald's hair. 656 00:41:23,110 --> 00:41:27,870 It is actually a single entity. It's a new type of molecule. 657 00:41:29,990 --> 00:41:32,390 Would you like me to give you a little push? 658 00:41:32,470 --> 00:41:34,510 Yeah, try it, a little nudge. 659 00:41:35,990 --> 00:41:38,110 Here I come. I shall try to be gentle, James May. 660 00:41:42,310 --> 00:41:44,310 -Oh, thanks! 661 00:41:49,230 --> 00:41:53,870 Jeremy and I battled on for another two brutal hours... 662 00:41:55,230 --> 00:41:57,110 Please make it stop. 663 00:41:58,350 --> 00:41:59,550 Just stop. 664 00:42:01,350 --> 00:42:04,470 ...until we arrived at another ferry crossing. 665 00:42:06,030 --> 00:42:07,990 Sadly, however... 666 00:42:08,070 --> 00:42:10,550 Everything was as bad as it could possibly be 667 00:42:10,590 --> 00:42:12,110 and now it's worse. 668 00:42:12,150 --> 00:42:15,110 The ferry's engine's broken. 669 00:42:15,230 --> 00:42:18,150 But they have said that James and I can pull it across. 670 00:42:18,270 --> 00:42:19,910 I mean... 671 00:42:19,990 --> 00:42:23,870 They obviously looked at us and thought, "Yeah, they're athletes." 672 00:42:27,150 --> 00:42:29,590 -Oh, this is a nice rope. - Isn't it? 673 00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:30,830 God, heave! 674 00:42:31,910 --> 00:42:34,470 Agh. Oh, my back! 675 00:42:38,350 --> 00:42:42,390 As we pulled ourselves along, I suddenly had a thought about Hammond. 676 00:42:43,510 --> 00:42:45,870 -If we go over there and get off... -Yeah? 677 00:42:45,950 --> 00:42:48,870 ...it's not gonna be on the right side when he arrives. 678 00:42:48,950 --> 00:42:50,790 Yeah, but that's not our problem. 679 00:42:50,870 --> 00:42:52,630 You're absolutely right it isn't. 680 00:42:54,870 --> 00:42:57,910 Several miles back, having bodged a repair, 681 00:42:57,990 --> 00:42:59,950 I was now back in the game. 682 00:43:01,590 --> 00:43:03,510 Gingerly does not cover... 683 00:43:04,510 --> 00:43:06,870 ...how carefully I'm driving this thing. 684 00:43:07,910 --> 00:43:09,990 -Ohh. Rock in there. 685 00:43:13,590 --> 00:43:16,110 It feels like it's tearing itself to pieces. 686 00:43:19,710 --> 00:43:21,630 After 16 hours on the move, 687 00:43:21,750 --> 00:43:25,230 James and I still had a steely determination 688 00:43:25,310 --> 00:43:27,830 to keep going to journey's end. 689 00:43:27,910 --> 00:43:30,510 Our willpower was bulletproof. 690 00:43:30,590 --> 00:43:33,830 We would not be distracted from the job in hand. 691 00:43:35,350 --> 00:43:37,310 Oh, a hotel. Hotel, look. 692 00:43:37,390 --> 00:43:39,350 Does it say "bar"? 693 00:43:39,430 --> 00:43:40,950 "Hotel restaurant open." 694 00:43:41,030 --> 00:43:42,430 That'll do. 695 00:43:44,070 --> 00:43:45,510 Oh, my God. 696 00:43:48,350 --> 00:43:50,310 That is deep. 697 00:43:51,790 --> 00:43:54,750 Back in my world, things were getting worse. 698 00:43:54,830 --> 00:43:58,310 One of the crew cars had provided a stark reminder 699 00:43:58,390 --> 00:44:02,430 of what could happen if you strayed even slightly off the track. 700 00:44:03,470 --> 00:44:06,070 -Oh! That's grim. 701 00:44:06,150 --> 00:44:07,590 Oh. 702 00:44:07,670 --> 00:44:12,590 And on top of that, my car felt like it was disintegrating. 703 00:44:12,670 --> 00:44:15,070 -That rattling noise. 704 00:44:15,150 --> 00:44:17,150 Is that the bearing on that side? 705 00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:22,190 Oh! Oh, Lord. 706 00:44:22,270 --> 00:44:26,590 Consequently, my nerves were shot when, at three in the morning... 707 00:44:26,670 --> 00:44:28,630 I arrived at the river crossing... 708 00:44:31,870 --> 00:44:34,670 ...to find the ferry was on the other bank. 709 00:44:36,350 --> 00:44:38,310 Oh, the bastards! 710 00:44:40,790 --> 00:44:42,750 -Oh! 711 00:44:44,710 --> 00:44:48,390 I would therefore have to row over to get it back. 712 00:44:50,430 --> 00:44:52,070 This is shit! 713 00:44:52,150 --> 00:44:54,110 Everything's shit! 714 00:44:54,190 --> 00:44:57,310 And this canoe doesn't work! 715 00:45:03,710 --> 00:45:07,350 The next morning, Richard Hammond was in a bit of a mood. 716 00:45:09,870 --> 00:45:11,270 Was it difficult? 717 00:45:14,510 --> 00:45:16,510 I, on the other hand, was very happy. 718 00:45:17,590 --> 00:45:19,390 Because, after a refreshing shave, 719 00:45:19,470 --> 00:45:24,470 I noticed there was a marked difference between my living conditions in the Bentley... 720 00:45:26,070 --> 00:45:27,630 Showroom fresh. 721 00:45:27,710 --> 00:45:29,710 ...and May's in the Caterham. 722 00:45:33,190 --> 00:45:36,630 Your car looks like Teddy Kennedy's car after Chappaquiddick. 723 00:45:39,750 --> 00:45:43,910 As I went back to my grooming, the sulky Brummie finally spoke. 724 00:45:43,990 --> 00:45:46,830 I don't particularly want to talk to either of you. 725 00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:50,710 But here's to explain why there may be another opportunity to abandon me. 726 00:45:50,790 --> 00:45:53,310 -You know I've got problems at the front end? -Yes. 727 00:45:53,390 --> 00:45:55,710 I have significant problems at the back. 728 00:45:55,790 --> 00:45:58,670 Both of the rear trailing arms are snapped. 729 00:45:58,750 --> 00:45:59,990 Snapped? 730 00:46:00,070 --> 00:46:01,350 Gone, broken. 731 00:46:01,430 --> 00:46:03,310 It's well thought out, this. 732 00:46:03,390 --> 00:46:05,030 Which means at any point, 733 00:46:05,110 --> 00:46:07,990 the whole back end of my car could collapse inward, 734 00:46:08,070 --> 00:46:11,030 possibly firing one of these under the car and throwing it on its roof. 735 00:46:11,110 --> 00:46:14,190 In fairness, we won't see that cos we'll be at least 20 miles ahead. 736 00:46:16,830 --> 00:46:18,630 I'd love to offer you a lift. 737 00:46:18,710 --> 00:46:22,310 I only give lifts to people who haven't pulled my battery isolator switch out. 738 00:46:22,390 --> 00:46:26,070 I'm very tempted to pull your battery isolator switch off your car and swallow it. 739 00:46:26,150 --> 00:46:29,390 And then give it back to you probably in ten minutes' time. 740 00:46:29,470 --> 00:46:31,470 You think I'd notice on that car? 741 00:46:35,670 --> 00:46:39,230 Mercifully, the road that morning was much smoother. 742 00:46:42,550 --> 00:46:45,270 And we were surrounded by Madagascar 743 00:46:45,350 --> 00:46:48,990 at its absolute vibrant best. 744 00:46:54,510 --> 00:46:57,390 I'm not really looking where I'm going cos of that view. 745 00:46:57,470 --> 00:46:58,830 That's green. 746 00:46:58,910 --> 00:47:01,870 We don't have anything that green in Europe. Look at it. 747 00:47:21,230 --> 00:47:23,750 Soon we arrived at a much bigger ferry 748 00:47:23,830 --> 00:47:26,910 that would take us on a short hop up the coast. 749 00:47:28,390 --> 00:47:30,790 Slightly more impressive boat than last night. 750 00:47:30,870 --> 00:47:32,870 This one appears to have an engine. 751 00:47:33,990 --> 00:47:36,510 -And be here. -Ooh! 752 00:47:53,990 --> 00:47:57,670 When we reached our destination, however, there was a problem. 753 00:47:59,750 --> 00:48:02,550 Argh. 754 00:48:02,630 --> 00:48:06,110 There was no way of driving off the beach where we landed 755 00:48:06,190 --> 00:48:08,190 until low tide. 756 00:48:08,270 --> 00:48:12,190 So to kill the time, James went back to codebreaking. 757 00:48:15,550 --> 00:48:20,110 Hammond and I, meanwhile, realised that in conditions as harsh as these... 758 00:48:23,430 --> 00:48:25,190 ...survival would be tough. 759 00:48:25,270 --> 00:48:26,550 We'd need food. 760 00:48:26,630 --> 00:48:30,950 So he began with a Bear Grylls hostile environment classic - 761 00:48:31,030 --> 00:48:33,390 the improvised beach oven. 762 00:48:33,470 --> 00:48:35,750 When you've finished digging your pit, 763 00:48:35,830 --> 00:48:38,550 line it with some of the rocks, about half. 764 00:48:40,550 --> 00:48:43,190 And I'm gonna light a fire on top of these rocks. 765 00:48:43,270 --> 00:48:46,030 I could light a fire in any one of a number of ways - 766 00:48:46,110 --> 00:48:50,390 a piece of broken glass from the sea, focused light from the sun onto a leaf... 767 00:48:50,470 --> 00:48:52,270 I'm gonna ask the crew for a lighter. 768 00:48:55,590 --> 00:48:57,310 There. It's working. 769 00:48:57,390 --> 00:49:00,110 As Bear Grylls says, three words in survival. 770 00:49:00,190 --> 00:49:03,670 First-class travel and five-star accommodation or I won't do it. 771 00:49:03,750 --> 00:49:07,470 The second basic principle of survival is hydration. 772 00:49:07,550 --> 00:49:09,990 So I set about finding fluids. 773 00:49:11,870 --> 00:49:13,830 A lot of survivalists will tell you... 774 00:49:13,910 --> 00:49:16,670 that when you're thirsty, you should drink your own piss. 775 00:49:16,750 --> 00:49:18,710 But I say no to that. I say... 776 00:49:18,790 --> 00:49:20,750 Go into the jungle and find fruit. 777 00:49:20,830 --> 00:49:22,590 And drink that instead. 778 00:49:22,670 --> 00:49:24,990 It tastes nicer and it does you more good. 779 00:49:26,430 --> 00:49:27,670 Look. 780 00:49:27,750 --> 00:49:29,350 Coconuts. 781 00:49:30,430 --> 00:49:32,390 This is a rotten one that's fallen down. 782 00:49:32,470 --> 00:49:36,110 I'm gonna try and get a fresh one by throwing this at it. 783 00:49:41,550 --> 00:49:43,950 Right, my rocks are hot. 784 00:49:44,990 --> 00:49:46,830 Which means we're ready to get cooking. 785 00:49:46,910 --> 00:49:48,710 So, take your fish that you caught earlier - 786 00:49:48,790 --> 00:49:50,910 that bit's not difficult, that's the sea. 787 00:49:50,990 --> 00:49:53,870 You wrap the fish in leaves. 788 00:49:53,950 --> 00:49:57,630 Tie it off and now transfer the fish to your beach oven. 789 00:49:58,750 --> 00:50:00,710 Hot, hot! 790 00:50:00,790 --> 00:50:02,750 Bury the fish, 791 00:50:02,830 --> 00:50:06,750 to contain all that heat in our oven that we built earlier. 792 00:50:08,110 --> 00:50:10,270 Two hours from now, that is gonna be... 793 00:50:12,870 --> 00:50:14,630 ...a cooked fish. 794 00:50:16,030 --> 00:50:18,310 Having finally hit a coconut... 795 00:50:18,390 --> 00:50:20,750 Yes! Ho-ho-ho! Yes! 796 00:50:20,830 --> 00:50:22,830 ...I went in search of bananas. 797 00:50:23,870 --> 00:50:25,550 Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. 798 00:50:30,910 --> 00:50:32,350 Shit! 799 00:50:32,430 --> 00:50:33,590 OK. 800 00:50:35,070 --> 00:50:38,470 And eventually, our survival rations came together. 801 00:50:40,070 --> 00:50:42,030 -Banana daiquiri. -Really? 802 00:50:42,110 --> 00:50:45,350 Yeah, banana, coconut milk and rum. 803 00:50:45,430 --> 00:50:47,870 Fantastic! Where did you get the rum from? 804 00:50:47,950 --> 00:50:50,430 -Back of the Bentley. -Oh, clever! 805 00:50:50,510 --> 00:50:52,030 Mm. 806 00:50:52,110 --> 00:50:54,950 You can survive surprisingly well with a Bentley. 807 00:50:56,190 --> 00:50:58,230 -This is very good, by the way. -Thank you. 808 00:50:58,310 --> 00:51:01,230 I've said it before. Just because it's a survival situation, 809 00:51:01,310 --> 00:51:03,230 doesn't mean we have to eat like animals. 810 00:51:03,310 --> 00:51:04,830 Standards. 811 00:51:04,910 --> 00:51:06,350 That's not bad. 812 00:51:06,430 --> 00:51:10,310 It's very good, well done. That is survival. 813 00:51:10,390 --> 00:51:12,470 Back on the boat, there was more joy. 814 00:51:12,550 --> 00:51:15,270 James was actually getting somewhere. 815 00:51:16,750 --> 00:51:18,150 Where are we? 816 00:51:21,150 --> 00:51:22,430 Yes! 817 00:51:23,510 --> 00:51:25,110 Yes, yes, yes! 818 00:51:25,190 --> 00:51:27,510 Ohh. 819 00:51:27,590 --> 00:51:32,350 What I've found is the name of the place where the treasure must be buried. 820 00:51:32,430 --> 00:51:34,950 And it's on the map. Let me tell you how I did it. 821 00:51:35,030 --> 00:51:36,070 It's incredible. 822 00:51:37,150 --> 00:51:39,110 La Buse was a pirate. Two things: 823 00:51:39,190 --> 00:51:43,470 he wouldn't write this and tell you where the treasure was in the first line. 824 00:51:43,550 --> 00:51:46,590 He's gonna play with your mind and tell you down here somewhere. 825 00:51:46,670 --> 00:51:48,950 So I started down in the last four lines, 826 00:51:49,030 --> 00:51:51,110 I thought, "That's where it's gonna be." 827 00:51:51,190 --> 00:51:54,270 And then I discovered a name that was as clear as day. 828 00:51:54,350 --> 00:51:57,350 And I thought, "That sounds like the name of a place." 829 00:51:57,430 --> 00:52:00,150 Seranambe - and there it is. 830 00:52:00,230 --> 00:52:02,790 Look, it's very small. 831 00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:06,350 Can you see it? I've scribbled on it in my excitement. Seranambe. 832 00:52:06,430 --> 00:52:08,230 That's where it is. 833 00:52:08,310 --> 00:52:12,790 All we have to do now is work out where in Seranambe to dig. 834 00:52:14,430 --> 00:52:16,630 That's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 835 00:52:18,190 --> 00:52:20,270 So James had cracked the code 836 00:52:20,350 --> 00:52:23,110 and Hammond and I had learned an important lesson 837 00:52:23,190 --> 00:52:28,510 about surviving on nothing but poached fish and several banana daiquiris. 838 00:52:30,550 --> 00:52:32,110 Remember... 839 00:52:32,190 --> 00:52:33,550 adapt. 840 00:52:34,590 --> 00:52:36,350 -You've forgotten. -Improvise, yes. 841 00:52:36,430 --> 00:52:38,630 -Improvise. I've remembered. 842 00:52:40,630 --> 00:52:42,590 -Adopt. -No. 843 00:52:42,670 --> 00:52:44,270 Adapt. 844 00:52:44,350 --> 00:52:46,350 -Improvise. -Survive. 845 00:52:46,430 --> 00:52:48,390 That's what we're gonna do. 846 00:52:52,070 --> 00:52:55,430 The next day, with the daiquiris out of our system, 847 00:52:55,510 --> 00:52:59,510 we drove off the beach to find we were in Libertalia. 848 00:52:59,590 --> 00:53:03,830 And tantalisingly close to the village James had identified. 849 00:53:03,910 --> 00:53:05,870 We know where we're going. 850 00:53:05,950 --> 00:53:09,030 And it's 15 miles away. 851 00:53:09,110 --> 00:53:13,390 In 45 minutes, we will be deep in pirate country, digging for treasure. 852 00:53:13,470 --> 00:53:18,070 We'll get there. You two go and establish there's no golden crucifix with rubies 853 00:53:18,150 --> 00:53:20,950 and I'll find a dribble of wi-fi and book some flights home. 854 00:53:21,030 --> 00:53:23,950 If you want to rule yourself out of mind-blowing wealth, fine. 855 00:53:24,030 --> 00:53:26,030 There won't be any wealth. 856 00:53:27,230 --> 00:53:29,590 You're in for a terrible disappointment. 857 00:53:29,670 --> 00:53:32,030 I'm in pirate country, that's what I'm in. 858 00:53:47,070 --> 00:53:49,030 You're all right. 859 00:53:49,110 --> 00:53:51,110 James, you're not even looking! 860 00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:58,950 I had to admit one thing about this so-called Libertalia. 861 00:53:59,030 --> 00:54:00,990 It wasn't bad-looking. 862 00:54:03,070 --> 00:54:05,510 If pirates were here, and it's possible... 863 00:54:05,590 --> 00:54:07,550 They were here. 864 00:54:07,630 --> 00:54:10,150 -I can see why they'd choose it. -It's gorgeous. 865 00:54:10,230 --> 00:54:13,070 If you sail the world, pulling in at places like... 866 00:54:13,150 --> 00:54:15,190 Southampton. 867 00:54:15,270 --> 00:54:17,270 -Bristol. -Southampton... 868 00:54:17,350 --> 00:54:18,710 and then you go to Calais, 869 00:54:18,790 --> 00:54:20,790 you'd go, "Do you know..." 870 00:54:20,870 --> 00:54:22,630 Yeah, it's all right, isn't it? 871 00:54:22,710 --> 00:54:24,270 "I'll do some pirating here." 872 00:54:27,030 --> 00:54:30,950 Everything is just ridiculously perfect. 873 00:54:35,790 --> 00:54:37,910 That was a blissful interlude, that. 874 00:54:37,990 --> 00:54:39,990 Travelling silently across... 875 00:54:40,070 --> 00:54:42,030 No Ford key. Oh, no. 876 00:54:42,110 --> 00:54:43,470 No, he hasn't? 877 00:54:43,550 --> 00:54:46,350 He bloody has. 878 00:54:46,430 --> 00:54:49,190 James May, have you done what I think you've done? 879 00:54:49,270 --> 00:54:51,230 He's taken the key. 880 00:54:51,310 --> 00:54:53,030 James! 881 00:54:53,110 --> 00:54:54,830 Damn it! 882 00:54:54,910 --> 00:54:57,390 James! Give me my key fob. 883 00:54:57,470 --> 00:55:00,470 It's like a little magic trick. You've got to find it in the shop. 884 00:55:00,550 --> 00:55:02,510 -You utter-- -It's in the shop. 885 00:55:02,590 --> 00:55:03,950 Come on! Not another... 886 00:55:06,590 --> 00:55:08,870 Leaving Hammond to look for his keys... 887 00:55:08,950 --> 00:55:11,070 Why are we playing parlour games now? 888 00:55:11,150 --> 00:55:15,990 ...James and I set off on the short drive to the imaginary treasure village. 889 00:55:24,990 --> 00:55:27,070 Again, it's the funniest car in the world. 890 00:55:27,150 --> 00:55:29,150 The road is smooth. 891 00:55:29,230 --> 00:55:31,190 Gonna be there by 11:00. 892 00:55:32,390 --> 00:55:35,590 Sadly, however, the road had other ideas. 893 00:55:50,550 --> 00:55:53,870 The Madagascans call this the RN5. 894 00:55:53,950 --> 00:55:56,310 Christ, this is proper rock crawl. 895 00:55:57,590 --> 00:55:59,550 But there's a better name. 896 00:56:00,630 --> 00:56:01,870 Hell. 897 00:56:03,870 --> 00:56:05,790 Right, what do I do? 898 00:56:05,870 --> 00:56:08,390 I can't decide. I can't decide. I'm gonna go that way. 899 00:56:08,470 --> 00:56:10,030 -Oww! 900 00:56:10,110 --> 00:56:11,950 Oww! Oww! Oww! 901 00:56:16,190 --> 00:56:19,150 The problem is, I can't see the road ahead. 902 00:56:19,230 --> 00:56:21,470 The bonnet is just like a football pitch. 903 00:56:21,550 --> 00:56:23,950 It's like a fat man trying to look at his penis. 904 00:56:25,510 --> 00:56:28,190 Ohh! Crike all bloody mighty! 905 00:56:31,670 --> 00:56:34,950 Having found my keys, I was now wishing I hadn't. 906 00:56:36,310 --> 00:56:37,390 Oh, my God. 907 00:56:39,910 --> 00:56:43,270 What I'm gonna try and do is get it up and out of these ruts. 908 00:56:45,590 --> 00:56:48,070 It might mean some unusual angles at times. 909 00:56:48,150 --> 00:56:51,190 Come on, little pirate. Keep pushing. 910 00:56:54,070 --> 00:56:55,230 Urgh! 911 00:56:56,510 --> 00:56:58,070 Oh, shit. 912 00:57:01,030 --> 00:57:02,710 I daren't look. 913 00:57:05,830 --> 00:57:07,270 Aargh! 914 00:57:11,150 --> 00:57:13,590 The track was completely mangled. 915 00:57:13,670 --> 00:57:14,910 And as a result... 916 00:57:16,110 --> 00:57:18,670 Votre voiture, c'est...là-bas, oui? 917 00:57:18,750 --> 00:57:21,350 ...I was now blocking the road. 918 00:57:23,790 --> 00:57:27,430 I think what's happening here is people are getting a bit cross. 919 00:57:27,510 --> 00:57:31,390 I'm holding them all up, there's obviously a traffic jam building. 920 00:57:31,470 --> 00:57:33,870 This is the Route Nationale, it's the main road. 921 00:57:33,950 --> 00:57:36,190 The mainest of main roads. 922 00:57:36,270 --> 00:57:40,510 On the plus side, silver lining and all that, I met an actual pirate. 923 00:57:40,590 --> 00:57:43,030 However, having chatted to him for a bit... 924 00:57:43,110 --> 00:57:46,190 Un petit plus lentement, s'il vous plaît. Français... 925 00:57:46,270 --> 00:57:50,110 ...I realised I couldn't have been more wrong. 926 00:57:51,190 --> 00:57:52,550 I've discovered something. 927 00:57:53,670 --> 00:57:55,630 This guy's getting married today. 928 00:57:55,710 --> 00:57:58,070 It's his wedding. That's what all this is. 929 00:57:58,150 --> 00:58:00,110 He's not dressed as a pirate. 930 00:58:00,190 --> 00:58:03,150 He's a groom. 931 00:58:03,230 --> 00:58:07,750 And I was holding up him and his entire wedding party. 932 00:58:16,150 --> 00:58:18,150 Oh, God! 933 00:58:18,230 --> 00:58:21,150 Meanwhile, up ahead... 934 00:58:21,230 --> 00:58:23,950 OK, I admit it. This is the worst road in the world ever. 935 00:58:24,030 --> 00:58:26,430 Mary was correct. 936 00:58:26,510 --> 00:58:28,550 Mary will probably turn out to be a prop forward 937 00:58:28,630 --> 00:58:31,270 who drives a JCB for fun at weekends. 938 00:58:35,510 --> 00:58:37,950 Gaargh, that is a horrible noise! 939 00:58:44,310 --> 00:58:46,350 I think this is impossible. 940 00:58:46,430 --> 00:58:49,870 I mean, we need some blasting equipment to get through here. 941 00:58:49,950 --> 00:58:53,870 If you come round this way, you can see from down here, 942 00:58:53,950 --> 00:58:56,790 there's no way in hell you can get a Bentley up that. 943 00:58:56,870 --> 00:59:00,550 Sadly, James and I didn't have any blasting equipment. 944 00:59:00,630 --> 00:59:03,070 So we had to do something radical. 945 00:59:04,110 --> 00:59:06,670 Work together. 946 00:59:06,750 --> 00:59:09,670 Tiny bit of left-hand down. Now you'll have to go for it. 947 00:59:14,150 --> 00:59:15,910 Please! 948 00:59:17,510 --> 00:59:19,470 Gently. There you go. 949 00:59:22,150 --> 00:59:24,430 As we were struggling with the terrain, 950 00:59:24,510 --> 00:59:29,310 our colleague was having to deal, in bad French, with his held-up wedding party. 951 00:59:30,390 --> 00:59:31,950 Je m'excuse. 952 00:59:32,030 --> 00:59:34,550 Maintenant, je...aller... 953 00:59:34,630 --> 00:59:37,270 Je vais... And you can do the same. Sorry. 954 00:59:44,110 --> 00:59:48,110 To speed things up, I decided to ditch the tracks 955 00:59:48,190 --> 00:59:50,510 and put the focus back on wheels. 956 00:59:53,150 --> 00:59:56,270 And because they wanted to get to the church on time, 957 00:59:56,350 --> 00:59:59,270 the groom and his mates were more than happy to help. 958 01:00:02,910 --> 01:00:04,870 More wedding people. 959 01:00:08,430 --> 01:00:12,310 Up ahead, our cars were still taking the punishment. 960 01:00:18,550 --> 01:00:20,910 How in the bloody hell is it doing this? 961 01:00:22,430 --> 01:00:26,270 You are watching a Bentley Continental coming up here. 962 01:00:26,350 --> 01:00:28,830 Woo-hoo! 963 01:00:28,910 --> 01:00:31,550 However, the big surprise of the day 964 01:00:31,630 --> 01:00:34,110 was the two-wheel-drive Caterham. 965 01:00:35,710 --> 01:00:37,510 Get up there, car. Come on. Go on. 966 01:00:39,310 --> 01:00:41,390 Is that wheel up in the air? 967 01:00:47,550 --> 01:00:49,190 Jesus, it did it. 968 01:00:49,270 --> 01:00:51,110 Did you see that? It did it. 969 01:00:54,910 --> 01:00:57,990 This is a track car. It's a racing car. 970 01:00:58,070 --> 01:01:02,470 -Can I just remind you of that? 971 01:01:02,550 --> 01:01:07,190 At this point, I'd held up the wedding party for two hours. 972 01:01:07,270 --> 01:01:09,910 But, by using calmness and patience... 973 01:01:14,070 --> 01:01:16,070 ...I'd been able to get the wheels on... 974 01:01:17,270 --> 01:01:18,670 Merci. 975 01:01:18,750 --> 01:01:20,030 Sorry. 976 01:01:20,110 --> 01:01:22,070 ...get out of everyone's way... 977 01:01:23,430 --> 01:01:25,350 ...and then get back on the move. 978 01:01:27,670 --> 01:01:29,750 Oh! 979 01:01:31,550 --> 01:01:33,870 My big problem now, ground clearance. I haven't got any. 980 01:01:37,110 --> 01:01:39,070 It's basically a standard Focus RS. 981 01:01:42,350 --> 01:01:44,190 Oh! 982 01:01:47,790 --> 01:01:50,950 Up ahead, the road's surface hadn't changed, 983 01:01:51,030 --> 01:01:53,030 but it had got narrower. 984 01:01:53,110 --> 01:01:57,310 So I had to use an ingenious traffic management solution 985 01:01:57,390 --> 01:01:59,030 developed by the locals. 986 01:01:59,110 --> 01:02:02,990 So your job, you run ahead to stop the cars? 987 01:02:03,070 --> 01:02:05,470 -Yes. Stop the cars. Yes, that's my job. -And that's your job. 988 01:02:05,550 --> 01:02:07,830 I've just met a young guy 989 01:02:07,910 --> 01:02:09,470 who's going to run ahead of us 990 01:02:09,550 --> 01:02:12,150 to stop cars coming the other way. 991 01:02:12,230 --> 01:02:14,750 What does he do if there are cars coming the other way? 992 01:02:14,830 --> 01:02:17,150 He stops them in a place where we can get past, you mean? 993 01:02:17,230 --> 01:02:18,350 Exactly. 994 01:02:18,430 --> 01:02:22,310 He organises cars to meet at the right place. 995 01:02:22,390 --> 01:02:25,270 It worked. Running Boy, as he called himself, 996 01:02:25,350 --> 01:02:28,790 did a brilliant job of managing the traffic. 997 01:02:28,870 --> 01:02:32,790 Yes, what... This is a service I like. 998 01:02:32,870 --> 01:02:38,470 I'm going to give him a lot of money because he's bloody earned it. 999 01:02:38,550 --> 01:02:40,950 My tight-fisted colleague, however, 1000 01:02:41,030 --> 01:02:43,870 hadn't bothered to do a deal with my new friend. 1001 01:02:43,950 --> 01:02:47,150 So he was encountering oncoming traffic... 1002 01:02:47,230 --> 01:02:48,510 Jeez. 1003 01:02:48,590 --> 01:02:50,430 ...in all the wrong places. 1004 01:02:52,310 --> 01:02:54,230 I can't go backwards. 1005 01:02:56,830 --> 01:02:59,030 I can't ba... I can't reverse. 1006 01:02:59,110 --> 01:03:02,590 I'd have to reverse for about four miles. 1007 01:03:02,670 --> 01:03:04,590 James is a stubborn man 1008 01:03:04,670 --> 01:03:07,030 but in the face of this much opposition, 1009 01:03:07,110 --> 01:03:11,150 he had to resort to bad English and his winch. 1010 01:03:11,230 --> 01:03:15,030 Strap on the tree. 1011 01:03:15,110 --> 01:03:17,150 This... 1012 01:03:17,230 --> 01:03:19,270 You drive. 1013 01:03:19,350 --> 01:03:20,990 Get out and help me. 1014 01:03:22,430 --> 01:03:25,230 Higher. Round the branch. 1015 01:03:28,590 --> 01:03:31,430 With the strap attached, I winched away. 1016 01:03:33,910 --> 01:03:35,630 Whoop! 1017 01:03:36,950 --> 01:03:38,430 Good? 1018 01:03:38,510 --> 01:03:40,710 -Good? 1019 01:03:42,470 --> 01:03:44,430 Can you get through? 1020 01:03:47,510 --> 01:03:49,270 Well done! 1021 01:03:53,350 --> 01:03:54,750 Oi! 1022 01:03:56,950 --> 01:03:58,750 Several miles back, 1023 01:03:58,830 --> 01:04:02,030 the Ford, incredibly, was still going. 1024 01:04:02,110 --> 01:04:03,630 Come on. 1025 01:04:06,750 --> 01:04:08,510 Gee! Bloody... 1026 01:04:11,950 --> 01:04:14,870 There we go. Good car. 1027 01:04:15,990 --> 01:04:17,790 But I was struggling. 1028 01:04:17,870 --> 01:04:20,110 I'd been on the go for ten hours 1029 01:04:20,190 --> 01:04:23,830 and as I was heading for another late night, 1030 01:04:23,910 --> 01:04:27,910 I decided to stop and grab something to eat. 1031 01:04:27,990 --> 01:04:31,270 We've been given these emergency ration packs. 1032 01:04:32,550 --> 01:04:34,910 So, what I do is, take the top off there 1033 01:04:34,990 --> 01:04:39,230 and that's the food which is, I don't know, beans and sausages. 1034 01:04:39,310 --> 01:04:40,710 That goes in there. 1035 01:04:40,790 --> 01:04:44,430 And then I add a little drop of water. 1036 01:04:46,070 --> 01:04:48,990 I presume this triggers some sort of chemical reaction 1037 01:04:49,070 --> 01:04:52,670 with whatever it is in the little bag of stuff. 1038 01:04:54,990 --> 01:04:56,710 I don't think that's working. 1039 01:04:56,790 --> 01:04:59,750 There's no heat. I'd get more out of a hand warmer. 1040 01:04:59,830 --> 01:05:01,390 Oh, wait a minute, it's inflating. 1041 01:05:01,470 --> 01:05:03,590 Oh! Oh, no! Oh, my God. 1042 01:05:03,670 --> 01:05:05,310 -Oh! No, there's... 1043 01:05:05,390 --> 01:05:07,110 Ahh! Ah! 1044 01:05:07,190 --> 01:05:08,790 Argh! 1045 01:05:08,870 --> 01:05:10,710 It's O... Oh! Oh, that's so hot! 1046 01:05:10,790 --> 01:05:13,390 Ah! Burning my balls! Ow! 1047 01:05:15,310 --> 01:05:17,710 As Hammond cooked his testicles, 1048 01:05:17,790 --> 01:05:20,270 we were still on the move. 1049 01:05:20,350 --> 01:05:21,910 Just. 1050 01:05:24,390 --> 01:05:27,910 We still have about nine miles to go. 1051 01:05:27,990 --> 01:05:32,390 I could crawl it faster than we're going. 1052 01:05:34,550 --> 01:05:37,910 Yeah. Go... 1053 01:05:37,990 --> 01:05:40,990 Clarkson, stop. There's a man here with parts of your car. 1054 01:05:42,510 --> 01:05:45,350 -Whoa. 1055 01:05:45,430 --> 01:05:48,350 Move. Come on, Bentley. Come on, Bentley! 1056 01:05:53,310 --> 01:05:56,430 It's getting dark. It's gonna go dark. 1057 01:05:58,310 --> 01:06:02,390 I can't believe it. We're not going to make this bloody town tonight. 1058 01:06:02,470 --> 01:06:05,870 How can we fail to do 15 miles in a day? 1059 01:06:05,950 --> 01:06:08,310 I can't drive like this. 1060 01:06:08,390 --> 01:06:11,910 There aren't enough lights in the world to illuminate this horror. 1061 01:06:12,990 --> 01:06:15,470 So, we stop to make camp, 1062 01:06:15,550 --> 01:06:19,150 leaving Hammond out there with nothing but four wheels 1063 01:06:19,230 --> 01:06:21,310 and his scalded balls. 1064 01:06:25,350 --> 01:06:27,550 Go on, keep pushing. Go on. 1065 01:06:29,870 --> 01:06:32,790 Thanks to the toughness of the Focus, 1066 01:06:32,870 --> 01:06:35,150 and a little help from the locals, 1067 01:06:35,230 --> 01:06:38,310 I was amazingly still in the game. 1068 01:06:39,750 --> 01:06:41,630 Oh, that was quite rugged. 1069 01:06:43,590 --> 01:06:46,790 The going was getting tougher and tougher. 1070 01:06:46,870 --> 01:06:51,110 But I was determined that the little Ford and I would make it. 1071 01:06:51,190 --> 01:06:53,310 -Oh, you . 1072 01:06:57,390 --> 01:06:59,390 Come on, clear that, go on. 1073 01:06:59,470 --> 01:07:00,590 Yeah. 1074 01:07:00,670 --> 01:07:02,670 But then... 1075 01:07:06,270 --> 01:07:08,910 -Oh, shit. Hold on. Hold on. 1076 01:07:11,830 --> 01:07:13,750 Oh, shit. 1077 01:07:13,830 --> 01:07:15,750 My clutch has just gone. 1078 01:07:15,830 --> 01:07:18,830 Yep. I don't have a clutch. 1079 01:07:19,990 --> 01:07:21,830 Pedal's stuck down. 1080 01:07:25,830 --> 01:07:27,790 Fuck. 1081 01:07:33,390 --> 01:07:35,910 I'm done. 1082 01:07:35,990 --> 01:07:40,710 That's it. It's a clutch. I can't mend the clutch. 1083 01:07:40,790 --> 01:07:43,710 The clutch is a clutch and I haven't got a spare one. 1084 01:07:43,790 --> 01:07:46,150 It is finished. It ends. 1085 01:07:47,230 --> 01:07:48,950 It's dead. 1086 01:07:56,870 --> 01:07:59,350 This was the first time ever 1087 01:07:59,430 --> 01:08:02,350 we'd lost a car on one of our adventures. 1088 01:08:06,630 --> 01:08:09,310 But, there was no time to mourn 1089 01:08:09,390 --> 01:08:11,590 because as the sun rose the next morning, 1090 01:08:11,670 --> 01:08:13,670 we were on the road early, 1091 01:08:13,750 --> 01:08:18,110 eager to cover the last few miles to James's village. 1092 01:08:23,270 --> 01:08:25,270 I like walking, but in the Lake District. 1093 01:08:26,310 --> 01:08:28,270 There's proper weather there. 1094 01:08:29,550 --> 01:08:31,390 All right, mate. 1095 01:08:32,950 --> 01:08:35,550 Have you seen how well my car does this stuff? 1096 01:08:37,870 --> 01:08:41,990 Once again, Running Boy was out doing his thing. 1097 01:08:42,070 --> 01:08:44,110 -Oh, look at this. 1098 01:08:44,190 --> 01:08:45,990 Thank you so much. Thank you. 1099 01:08:46,070 --> 01:08:47,830 Merci bien. Merci. 1100 01:08:49,270 --> 01:08:52,790 And, once again, Captain Stubborn hadn't paid him. 1101 01:08:56,670 --> 01:08:58,270 Can you back up a bit? 1102 01:08:58,310 --> 01:09:00,870 No, no, no, no. If you just back up a bit. 1103 01:09:00,950 --> 01:09:02,990 Oi! 1104 01:09:04,110 --> 01:09:05,510 Oi! 1105 01:09:06,590 --> 01:09:07,950 -Oh! 1106 01:09:14,310 --> 01:09:16,950 Then, as we inched our way along, 1107 01:09:18,590 --> 01:09:21,470 the big bruiser finally stumbled. 1108 01:09:22,830 --> 01:09:26,470 Uh, temperature gauge is climbing, climbing. 1109 01:09:28,270 --> 01:09:30,590 It's now in the red. I'm gonna have to stop. 1110 01:09:34,910 --> 01:09:37,830 The trouble is, there are eight radiators in this thing. 1111 01:09:39,550 --> 01:09:41,870 I can't even see. I can't get at anything. 1112 01:09:44,030 --> 01:09:47,910 While my colleague tried to fix his engine by staring at it, 1113 01:09:49,270 --> 01:09:52,030 I was arriving at our destination, 1114 01:09:52,110 --> 01:09:54,270 the village of Seranambe... 1115 01:09:59,110 --> 01:10:00,950 Hello. 1116 01:10:01,030 --> 01:10:03,990 ...where I'd crack the last part of the code 1117 01:10:04,070 --> 01:10:06,030 and find the treasure. 1118 01:10:07,070 --> 01:10:10,510 In the cryptogram, there is an X. 1119 01:10:10,590 --> 01:10:12,270 It's obviously not "X marks the spot". 1120 01:10:12,310 --> 01:10:13,910 That would be too obvious. 1121 01:10:13,990 --> 01:10:16,790 And, after it, there are distances, which I'm gonna assume are paces, 1122 01:10:16,870 --> 01:10:18,910 not miles or kilometres or anything like that. 1123 01:10:18,990 --> 01:10:20,870 But I don't know what the... 1124 01:10:20,950 --> 01:10:22,630 I don't know what the X means. 1125 01:10:22,710 --> 01:10:25,550 I mean, if he's talking about buildings, they'll have all gone. 1126 01:10:25,630 --> 01:10:27,030 The trees will all be different. 1127 01:10:27,110 --> 01:10:29,390 Only geographical features will be the same 1128 01:10:29,510 --> 01:10:32,630 and this is just flat. 1129 01:10:32,710 --> 01:10:36,950 Back at the Bentley, the news was not good. 1130 01:10:37,030 --> 01:10:41,070 I removed the entire front of the car and I found this. 1131 01:10:41,150 --> 01:10:42,790 It's a part of the cooling system 1132 01:10:42,870 --> 01:10:45,310 and the end's come off. 1133 01:10:47,470 --> 01:10:49,190 The fact of the matter is this. 1134 01:10:49,270 --> 01:10:51,870 If I can't get that hose repaired, 1135 01:10:53,150 --> 01:10:54,990 it's game over for the MFB. 1136 01:10:56,670 --> 01:10:59,830 By contrast, in the village, things were looking up. 1137 01:11:00,910 --> 01:11:02,150 Wait a minute. 1138 01:11:04,110 --> 01:11:05,750 No, wait a minute. 1139 01:11:05,830 --> 01:11:08,510 It's the church. 1140 01:11:08,590 --> 01:11:11,470 Churches are always built on the same spot, aren't they? 1141 01:11:11,550 --> 01:11:17,030 So the "X" is actually a badly-drawn cross. 1142 01:11:17,110 --> 01:11:21,750 So from X, the crucifix, it turns out, that's there, 1143 01:11:21,830 --> 01:11:26,150 north, that'll be magnetic north, 120 paces, 1144 01:11:26,230 --> 01:11:27,790 that's where the treasure is. 1145 01:11:28,950 --> 01:11:30,670 After I'd found the spot... 1146 01:11:30,750 --> 01:11:34,950 117, 118, 119, 120. There. 1147 01:11:35,030 --> 01:11:37,670 ...Hammond arrived. 1148 01:11:37,750 --> 01:11:41,150 So we broke out the shovels and he started to dig. 1149 01:11:42,630 --> 01:11:44,510 -So where do you think he is? -Who? 1150 01:11:44,590 --> 01:11:46,350 Jeremy. 1151 01:11:46,470 --> 01:11:49,150 Well, he was behind me about two kilometres up the hill 1152 01:11:49,230 --> 01:11:50,870 -outside the town. -Yeah. 1153 01:11:50,950 --> 01:11:53,510 And then I sort of lost radio contact with him. 1154 01:11:53,590 --> 01:11:56,310 And I haven't heard from him since. 1155 01:11:56,390 --> 01:11:58,670 -This isn't... 1156 01:11:58,750 --> 01:12:01,550 Oh, this is never gonna work. 1157 01:12:01,630 --> 01:12:04,310 No, the end's come off. The end's come off that now. 1158 01:12:06,270 --> 01:12:08,990 Why doesn't it...? Why is everything breaking? 1159 01:12:11,310 --> 01:12:13,630 Oh, God-all-bloody-mighty. 1160 01:12:15,270 --> 01:12:17,550 there are two reasons why we don't need him. -Yeah? 1161 01:12:17,630 --> 01:12:19,670 -One is, he doesn't believe in buried treasure. -Yeah. 1162 01:12:19,750 --> 01:12:22,070 And the other is, he's not gonna do any digging, is he? 1163 01:12:22,150 --> 01:12:25,110 And the other is, treasure goes a lot further split two ways. 1164 01:12:25,190 --> 01:12:27,350 -Exactly. -It's 50 million each. 1165 01:12:27,470 --> 01:12:31,150 It's 49 and a half million. We'll have to leave a bit for the crew. 1166 01:12:32,870 --> 01:12:34,910 Sadly for James and Richard, 1167 01:12:34,990 --> 01:12:39,270 two hours later, they were back to a three-way split. 1168 01:12:54,350 --> 01:13:00,070 What in the name of all that's holy is going on here? 1169 01:13:02,070 --> 01:13:03,910 -It's not here, is it? How do you know? 1170 01:13:03,990 --> 01:13:06,630 -Because it isn't here. -It's not here yet. 1171 01:13:06,710 --> 01:13:09,310 We'd have found it by now. They didn't build the Channel Tunnel, did they? 1172 01:13:09,390 --> 01:13:11,510 -Ahem. Oh, hello. 1173 01:13:11,590 --> 01:13:13,710 Where the bloody hell have you been? 1174 01:13:13,790 --> 01:13:16,390 I have been giving myself dirty fingernails. 1175 01:13:16,510 --> 01:13:18,270 -Oh, dear. -Why? 1176 01:13:18,310 --> 01:13:22,670 Well, I've been fitting my bonnet with the Madagascar pack, but never mind that. 1177 01:13:22,750 --> 01:13:25,630 Why have you two dug a hole 1178 01:13:25,710 --> 01:13:28,110 in the middle of this pretty little town's football pitch? 1179 01:13:29,150 --> 01:13:30,870 Because this is where the treasure is. 1180 01:13:30,950 --> 01:13:33,030 -Is the treasure buried here? -No. 1181 01:13:33,110 --> 01:13:35,230 Right, well, on that terrible, 1182 01:13:35,270 --> 01:13:38,230 but entirely predictable disappointment, it's time to... 1183 01:13:38,270 --> 01:13:41,910 -Um, actually... -It's not time to end, apparently. Why? What? 1184 01:13:41,990 --> 01:13:44,670 You know that island down there? We passed it yesterday. 1185 01:13:44,750 --> 01:13:46,150 Yeah? 1186 01:13:46,230 --> 01:13:48,870 Did you know it's actually called Pirate Island? 1187 01:13:50,230 --> 01:13:52,990 And it makes sense, if you think about it, 1188 01:13:53,070 --> 01:13:56,710 that he wouldn't have hid the treasure on Madagascar, where it could be found. 1189 01:13:56,790 --> 01:13:59,270 He'd have hidden it in secret on Pirate Island. 1190 01:13:59,310 --> 01:14:02,070 So, that's probably where it is, innit? Think about it. 1191 01:14:04,070 --> 01:14:05,830 How long have you known 1192 01:14:05,910 --> 01:14:08,710 that that island was called Pirate Island? 1193 01:14:09,870 --> 01:14:11,830 Always. 1194 01:14:21,110 --> 01:14:25,230 Fearing that the village football team might be a bit annoyed, 1195 01:14:25,270 --> 01:14:29,230 we decided to get out of town, fast. 1196 01:14:33,390 --> 01:14:35,350 Go on, get that up! 1197 01:14:36,990 --> 01:14:38,230 Come on! 1198 01:14:43,510 --> 01:14:45,590 Come on! Run it up! 1199 01:14:48,510 --> 01:14:52,950 TM-19032, this is James. Your man is taking beer off the boat. 1200 01:14:53,030 --> 01:14:55,350 The beer is supposed to go on the boat. 1201 01:14:55,470 --> 01:15:00,350 Whilst Roger the Cabin Boy and Seaman Staines got ready to sail, 1202 01:15:01,510 --> 01:15:05,230 I paid Running Boy, gave him some new shoes... 1203 01:15:05,270 --> 01:15:06,910 Yes? Bon? 1204 01:15:09,270 --> 01:15:12,030 ...and then rushed to the boat myself. 1205 01:15:13,150 --> 01:15:14,870 Finally. 1206 01:15:14,950 --> 01:15:18,230 Oh, good, they've ruined the football pitch and now they've ruined the beach. 1207 01:15:19,550 --> 01:15:21,990 Is this the same boat we used the other day? 1208 01:15:22,070 --> 01:15:24,150 Yes, I've chartered it, it's ours. 1209 01:15:24,230 --> 01:15:28,590 With the entire crew loaded on board, and May's booze lorries, 1210 01:15:28,670 --> 01:15:30,350 I decided to give him a present 1211 01:15:30,470 --> 01:15:35,790 appropriate for someone who'd just ruined the town's only sports venue. 1212 01:15:37,270 --> 01:15:39,670 It's a number plate and it's magic, OK? 1213 01:15:39,750 --> 01:15:41,750 Is it? -No, it is, it's magic. 1214 01:15:41,830 --> 01:15:44,510 To the ladies and gentlemen at home, it's pixilated. 1215 01:15:44,590 --> 01:15:46,230 It's only visible to the naked eye. 1216 01:15:46,270 --> 01:15:48,110 Ooh, that's quite a strong message. 1217 01:15:48,190 --> 01:15:50,870 I mean, obviously you can't read it, because as I say, it's magic. 1218 01:15:50,950 --> 01:15:52,950 We can see exactly what it says and it... 1219 01:15:53,030 --> 01:15:55,710 That's when it's stationary. Does it still work if it moves? 1220 01:15:55,790 --> 01:15:57,990 Let's test how good it is as magic. 1221 01:16:00,470 --> 01:16:02,710 But the editor of the programme 1222 01:16:02,790 --> 01:16:04,590 says, "Please don't put it on your car," 1223 01:16:04,670 --> 01:16:06,150 cos he can't pixelate... 1224 01:16:06,230 --> 01:16:08,270 Because we can't afford to pixilate the rest of the film. 1225 01:16:08,350 --> 01:16:11,190 -Yes, OK. Understood. -But you can put it on your office desk. 1226 01:16:11,270 --> 01:16:13,510 -Yes. -Can we get this ramp up, and get... Guys. 1227 01:16:13,590 --> 01:16:15,190 -Can we get the ramp up and go? -Yes. 1228 01:16:15,270 --> 01:16:16,910 -OK, ramp up, please. 1229 01:16:30,350 --> 01:16:32,630 As we'd be out at sea for a while, 1230 01:16:32,710 --> 01:16:35,670 Richard broke out his research books. 1231 01:16:35,750 --> 01:16:38,070 And here we are. 1232 01:16:38,150 --> 01:16:41,510 Olivier Levasseur, La Buse. 1233 01:16:41,590 --> 01:16:44,070 There's the cross. There it actually is. 1234 01:16:44,150 --> 01:16:46,910 A picture of the cross on his ship. 1235 01:16:49,030 --> 01:16:51,190 Meanwhile, May and I sat down 1236 01:16:51,270 --> 01:16:54,070 for a look back at what we'd achieved. 1237 01:16:55,990 --> 01:16:58,030 Have you gone fully Bear Grylls? 1238 01:16:58,110 --> 01:17:00,230 Is that your own urine? 1239 01:17:00,270 --> 01:17:02,470 No, no, no, no. It's Chablis. 1240 01:17:02,550 --> 01:17:04,030 Anyway... 1241 01:17:04,110 --> 01:17:05,590 In less than a week, 1242 01:17:05,670 --> 01:17:11,270 we have managed to cover a staggering 139 miles. 1243 01:17:11,310 --> 01:17:12,910 And our cars... 1244 01:17:12,990 --> 01:17:16,470 Well, two of our cars are still running. 1245 01:17:16,550 --> 01:17:18,030 Phenomenal achievement, really. 1246 01:17:18,110 --> 01:17:21,710 That isn't even a car, really. 1247 01:17:21,790 --> 01:17:23,390 That is a track-day toy. 1248 01:17:23,510 --> 01:17:25,230 -That's a racing car. -It is. 1249 01:17:25,270 --> 01:17:28,550 And all I've done is put some big tyres on it. 1250 01:17:28,630 --> 01:17:30,550 I'll tell you what driving the Bentley's like off road. 1251 01:17:30,630 --> 01:17:33,310 It's just this sense of immenseness. 1252 01:17:33,390 --> 01:17:37,350 It's like being at the birth of a world in there. 1253 01:17:37,470 --> 01:17:40,230 There's a sense of enormous power going on. 1254 01:17:40,270 --> 01:17:42,030 Of biblical happenings. 1255 01:17:42,110 --> 01:17:45,630 Whereas yours is just this little insect hopping about. Or a goat. 1256 01:17:45,710 --> 01:17:47,310 No, I'll tell you what mine is like. 1257 01:17:47,390 --> 01:17:48,910 What it's like being in the Caterham. 1258 01:17:48,990 --> 01:17:53,590 It's like being invited to the football World Cup final 1259 01:17:53,670 --> 01:17:55,910 and they've given you a special seat 1260 01:17:55,990 --> 01:17:58,150 and it's inside the ball. 1261 01:18:00,710 --> 01:18:02,950 I'd rather be at the birth of a world. 1262 01:18:03,030 --> 01:18:05,190 In control of the birth of a world. 1263 01:18:05,270 --> 01:18:08,590 You are not in control, you're just inside a football being kicked about. 1264 01:18:08,670 --> 01:18:10,910 Whereas I am in control. 1265 01:18:10,990 --> 01:18:12,550 Right, we're gonna have a continent here 1266 01:18:12,630 --> 01:18:14,350 and we'll have some tides on the moon. 1267 01:18:14,470 --> 01:18:16,670 You know, we'll get that going around, it'll be fantastic. 1268 01:18:16,750 --> 01:18:18,230 And then we'll have some tectonic plates. 1269 01:18:18,270 --> 01:18:20,390 That's not really what happens at the birth of a world. 1270 01:18:20,510 --> 01:18:21,830 -Yes, it is. -No, it isn't. 1271 01:18:21,910 --> 01:18:23,230 Somebody doesn't sit there planning it. 1272 01:18:23,270 --> 01:18:28,270 But the fact is, your car, it is disgusting, James. 1273 01:18:28,310 --> 01:18:31,350 I can see germs coming out of it. 1274 01:18:31,470 --> 01:18:35,670 When you drove through a lake of human effluent, you were covered in it. 1275 01:18:35,750 --> 01:18:38,070 When I drove through the human effluent, 1276 01:18:38,150 --> 01:18:40,470 my front window went a bit brown momentarily 1277 01:18:40,550 --> 01:18:42,510 and then that was the end of that. 1278 01:18:42,590 --> 01:18:44,790 I was back to my air-conditioned splendour. 1279 01:18:44,870 --> 01:18:47,790 -That's why mine's better. -Your car's not better. 1280 01:18:47,870 --> 01:18:49,790 I've got a spotless shirt on. 1281 01:18:49,870 --> 01:18:51,670 -But that's not the objective. -Yes, it is. 1282 01:18:51,750 --> 01:18:53,390 The objective is not to be spotless, 1283 01:18:53,510 --> 01:18:55,950 it is to find treasure in Madagascar. 1284 01:18:56,030 --> 01:18:57,870 -There isn't any treasure. -You don't know that. 1285 01:18:57,950 --> 01:19:00,070 -I do know that. OK. -How do you know that? 1286 01:19:04,030 --> 01:19:07,950 I used to do this as a kid, but that'd be my teacher on the plank. 1287 01:19:08,030 --> 01:19:09,830 Now there's someone even better. 1288 01:19:09,910 --> 01:19:11,830 Arr! 1289 01:19:11,910 --> 01:19:14,310 Arr. 1290 01:19:18,150 --> 01:19:20,990 Soon Pirate Island hoved into view 1291 01:19:21,070 --> 01:19:23,550 and we prepared to disembark. 1292 01:19:25,270 --> 01:19:28,510 Clarkson! 1293 01:19:28,590 --> 01:19:30,310 Where are my shoes? 1294 01:19:40,510 --> 01:19:45,790 Having reached land, James and I experienced a strange sensation. 1295 01:19:45,870 --> 01:19:50,310 Holy mother of God, it's a road! 1296 01:19:50,390 --> 01:19:54,150 Nice, isn't it? It's like coming back inside and standing on the carpet. 1297 01:19:54,230 --> 01:19:58,110 Along with the Tarmac, there was also a mobile phone signal, 1298 01:19:58,190 --> 01:20:02,110 electricity and many shops. 1299 01:20:02,190 --> 01:20:03,910 That is an actual restaurant. 1300 01:20:06,190 --> 01:20:08,150 James and Richard could go and dig a big hole 1301 01:20:08,230 --> 01:20:09,910 in the kitchen of the restaurant, perhaps. 1302 01:20:09,990 --> 01:20:11,950 Put him out of business. 1303 01:20:12,030 --> 01:20:14,270 Why would you not do that? 1304 01:20:16,150 --> 01:20:18,070 Roger the Cabin Boy, meanwhile, 1305 01:20:18,150 --> 01:20:20,110 had found some transport. 1306 01:20:21,310 --> 01:20:22,910 Yep, I've ended up in a tuk tuk 1307 01:20:22,990 --> 01:20:25,790 but it's no ordinary tuk tuk. It's got a pirate on it. 1308 01:20:30,230 --> 01:20:31,590 -Oh, yes. 1309 01:20:31,670 --> 01:20:33,790 It's a great ride as well. 1310 01:20:35,270 --> 01:20:38,550 As Hammond bought stupid souvenirs... 1311 01:20:38,630 --> 01:20:40,790 It's a bit more "Arr", a bit more piratey. 1312 01:20:40,870 --> 01:20:43,470 ...I found a hotel 1313 01:20:43,550 --> 01:20:46,190 so May could get back to code cracking. 1314 01:20:54,470 --> 01:20:58,030 And in the morning, we set off with James still believing 1315 01:20:58,110 --> 01:21:00,870 the locals were laughing at his car... 1316 01:21:00,950 --> 01:21:02,150 not him. 1317 01:21:07,710 --> 01:21:10,110 Now, I had a bit of a breakthrough last night, viewers. 1318 01:21:10,190 --> 01:21:12,350 The cryptograph, La Buse's cryptograph, 1319 01:21:12,470 --> 01:21:14,870 mentions a Turkish dog, 1320 01:21:14,950 --> 01:21:17,270 which doesn't actually mean a dog from Turkey. 1321 01:21:17,350 --> 01:21:19,630 It means a dog with no hair. 1322 01:21:19,710 --> 01:21:22,710 And when I looked at the map of the island, 1323 01:21:22,790 --> 01:21:26,070 I realised it looks like a hairless dog. 1324 01:21:26,150 --> 01:21:29,870 And its ear is a beach. A very distinct beach. 1325 01:21:29,950 --> 01:21:32,990 That's where we're going. That's where I think the crucifix is buried. 1326 01:21:33,070 --> 01:21:34,470 I'm absolutely convinced of it. 1327 01:21:37,310 --> 01:21:40,110 Soon we arrived at the completely deserted beach 1328 01:21:40,190 --> 01:21:43,150 which looked nothing like a dog's ear, 1329 01:21:43,230 --> 01:21:48,230 and immediately my deluded colleagues started to talk gibberish. 1330 01:21:48,270 --> 01:21:50,070 -So, is this it? -Yeah, this is it. 1331 01:21:50,150 --> 01:21:53,110 -This is where it is? -And it makes perfect sense, actually. 1332 01:21:53,190 --> 01:21:54,670 -If you're in a cartoon. -No. 1333 01:21:54,750 --> 01:21:56,750 If you're fleeing from the Royal Navy 1334 01:21:56,830 --> 01:21:59,990 and you unload the treasure and you quickly bury it before they get to you. 1335 01:22:00,070 --> 01:22:02,910 The obvious place to bury it is on the beach, cos it's easy to dig. 1336 01:22:02,990 --> 01:22:05,110 So we could right now be standing on it? 1337 01:22:05,190 --> 01:22:07,230 -You could be. -It could be under our feet. 1338 01:22:07,270 --> 01:22:09,750 But it could be over there. This is quite a big crescent, 1339 01:22:09,830 --> 01:22:12,510 so I would suggest we divide it up into three, 1340 01:22:12,590 --> 01:22:14,150 make sure we don't miss any of it. 1341 01:22:14,230 --> 01:22:16,310 -So, Hammond, you take that third. -Gladly. 1342 01:22:16,390 --> 01:22:18,790 I'll go in the middle. You go down the far end. 1343 01:22:18,870 --> 01:22:22,470 Right. Come on, lads. We've come a long way to do this, let's get to work. 1344 01:22:25,670 --> 01:22:30,310 Since we were looking for a 220-pound gold cross, 1345 01:22:30,390 --> 01:22:34,510 the best tool for the job was clearly a metal detector. 1346 01:22:34,590 --> 01:22:36,950 I should check it works. 1347 01:22:37,030 --> 01:22:39,870 See if it can find my Swiss hill climb knee. 1348 01:22:39,950 --> 01:22:41,910 -Oh, yeah. Yeah. 1349 01:22:42,990 --> 01:22:44,390 Wooh. 1350 01:22:44,510 --> 01:22:47,550 Yep, it definitely works. 1351 01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:50,110 It is possible that when I find it, it'll be grizzly, 1352 01:22:50,190 --> 01:22:52,630 because pirates used to, 1353 01:22:52,710 --> 01:22:54,550 when they buried their treasure, 1354 01:22:54,630 --> 01:22:57,790 bury a prisoner on top of it... 1355 01:22:57,870 --> 01:23:00,590 ...so the ghost would protect the treasure. 1356 01:23:02,150 --> 01:23:04,150 Meanwhile, and as you'd expect, 1357 01:23:04,230 --> 01:23:06,590 I was doing things properly. 1358 01:23:06,670 --> 01:23:08,990 It's gonna take a long time to do this beach, 1359 01:23:09,070 --> 01:23:10,990 so I'm gonna assemble four metal detectors 1360 01:23:11,070 --> 01:23:13,710 on this rudimentary trailer that I've put together, 1361 01:23:13,790 --> 01:23:18,630 and then I can detect four times as much beach in one pass and I can use the car. 1362 01:23:22,070 --> 01:23:26,470 Given that we'd be conducting this fools' errand in the blazing heat, 1363 01:23:26,550 --> 01:23:28,830 I decided my time would be better spent 1364 01:23:28,910 --> 01:23:31,230 building some kind of shelter. 1365 01:23:49,830 --> 01:23:52,590 Excellent, excellent. 1366 01:23:52,670 --> 01:23:57,990 By late morning, my treasure-detecting solution system was finally ready. 1367 01:24:02,990 --> 01:24:04,830 Let's do this in a systematic way. 1368 01:24:04,910 --> 01:24:06,390 The great thing about this, of course, 1369 01:24:06,510 --> 01:24:09,550 is that my wheel tracks will show me which bits I've already done. 1370 01:24:10,670 --> 01:24:12,750 It's a bit like ploughing a field. 1371 01:24:21,030 --> 01:24:23,070 Bugger. 1372 01:24:23,150 --> 01:24:26,630 Having turned my treasure-detecting trailer 1373 01:24:26,710 --> 01:24:31,550 into a treasure-detecting sledge, I set off once more. 1374 01:24:34,990 --> 01:24:36,750 50 mill. 1375 01:24:38,030 --> 01:24:40,070 There's no tax on it, is there? 1376 01:24:42,590 --> 01:24:44,030 By mid-afternoon, 1377 01:24:44,110 --> 01:24:46,670 Roger and Seaman were getting hot and bothered. 1378 01:24:48,270 --> 01:24:51,030 Just a beep. Come on, a beep. 1379 01:24:51,110 --> 01:24:55,270 But, luckily, my simple shelter was now finished. 1380 01:25:04,390 --> 01:25:06,590 Couple of banana daiquiris I've prepared for you. 1381 01:25:07,750 --> 01:25:09,830 What the hell is this? 1382 01:25:09,910 --> 01:25:14,070 I told you I was building some shelter and I-- 1383 01:25:14,150 --> 01:25:15,990 -It's a bar. -Oh, I'm sorry! 1384 01:25:16,070 --> 01:25:18,070 I'm sorry that the bar-shaped shelter 1385 01:25:18,150 --> 01:25:20,270 doesn't meet with your requirements. 1386 01:25:20,310 --> 01:25:23,830 -Thank you for the banana daiquiri, it's excellent. -Thank you. 1387 01:25:23,910 --> 01:25:27,510 But might you make a bit of effort to help us achieve our objective? 1388 01:25:27,590 --> 01:25:29,470 Which is to find the Fiery Cross of Goa, 1389 01:25:29,550 --> 01:25:31,750 a seven-foot high golden crucifix studded with rubies. 1390 01:25:31,830 --> 01:25:34,270 Shall I tell you exactly where that is? 1391 01:25:34,350 --> 01:25:36,470 Same as every other piece of looted treasure. 1392 01:25:36,550 --> 01:25:38,070 It's in the bowels of the Vatican. 1393 01:25:38,150 --> 01:25:39,990 -No, it isn't. -Hey, no, it isn't. 1394 01:25:40,070 --> 01:25:42,030 And, listen, it was real. We know that. 1395 01:25:42,110 --> 01:25:44,950 The French government offered La Buse 1396 01:25:45,030 --> 01:25:46,830 a pardon for his piracy 1397 01:25:46,910 --> 01:25:48,590 if he'd go back to France 1398 01:25:48,670 --> 01:25:50,790 and hand over the fiery cross, and he... 1399 01:25:50,870 --> 01:25:52,230 Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1400 01:25:52,270 --> 01:25:53,870 The French government did what? 1401 01:25:53,950 --> 01:25:57,510 The French government said, "We'll give you, La Buse, an amnesty as a pirate 1402 01:25:57,590 --> 01:26:01,110 if you'll bring specifically the fiery cross back to France." 1403 01:26:01,190 --> 01:26:03,750 And he said, "No," and hid it. Fact. 1404 01:26:03,830 --> 01:26:05,390 These aren't things from Hammond's books. 1405 01:26:05,510 --> 01:26:09,190 These are cross-referenced primary source pieces of academic research. 1406 01:26:09,270 --> 01:26:12,590 We know it existed and the evidence says it's on this beach. 1407 01:26:12,670 --> 01:26:15,310 No pirate treasure... You will agree with this. 1408 01:26:15,390 --> 01:26:18,550 No pirate treasure has ever been found, buried pirate treasure. 1409 01:26:18,630 --> 01:26:20,470 No, that's because it's still lost. 1410 01:26:20,550 --> 01:26:23,270 Tutankhamun hadn't been found for thousands of years. 1411 01:26:23,310 --> 01:26:25,270 -And then it was. -Exactly. 1412 01:26:25,350 --> 01:26:30,550 There's a chance, then, if I go down there, I find this cross? 1413 01:26:30,630 --> 01:26:32,270 -There's a chance? -Yes. 1414 01:26:32,310 --> 01:26:34,870 If I do a quick search, can I come back to my shelter? 1415 01:26:34,950 --> 01:26:36,990 -Not too quick. -You got to thorough search. 1416 01:26:37,070 --> 01:26:38,510 We've divided the beach up. 1417 01:26:38,590 --> 01:26:41,270 -If I do a thorough search, can I come back to my-- -Yes, yes. 1418 01:26:41,350 --> 01:26:43,670 Of course. If you do a thorough search and we find it-- 1419 01:26:43,750 --> 01:26:45,830 We'll celebrate in your bar. 1420 01:26:45,910 --> 01:26:48,070 Fair enough. Your arguments have been persuasive. 1421 01:26:48,150 --> 01:26:50,030 We'll meet you back in your bar. 1422 01:26:50,110 --> 01:26:52,270 Yes, in... 20 minutes. 1423 01:26:52,350 --> 01:26:53,830 -Nn... -No, 20 minutes. 1424 01:26:53,910 --> 01:26:58,190 -It's a big job. -I can cover that in 20 minutes. 1425 01:26:58,270 --> 01:27:02,270 So, whilst Hammond and May got back to finishing off their sections, 1426 01:27:02,310 --> 01:27:04,670 I began on mine. 1427 01:27:17,510 --> 01:27:21,310 You do have to be a little bit careful with this if you're doing this at home, 1428 01:27:21,390 --> 01:27:23,190 trying to find something in your garden. 1429 01:27:30,470 --> 01:27:33,510 Right, this is the fuse wire. 1430 01:27:33,590 --> 01:27:36,910 Put one end in there, like that, 1431 01:27:36,990 --> 01:27:39,590 and I light the other end, and then I have, I'm told, 1432 01:27:39,670 --> 01:27:43,710 three minutes to reach minimum safe distance in the MFB, 1433 01:27:43,790 --> 01:27:45,710 before the explosions begin. 1434 01:27:45,790 --> 01:27:47,630 OK. 1435 01:27:49,110 --> 01:27:51,270 -Lovely. 1436 01:27:52,350 --> 01:27:54,710 That is not three minutes! Shit. 1437 01:27:54,790 --> 01:27:56,870 Shit. Shit! 1438 01:27:59,110 --> 01:28:00,510 Begin! 1439 01:28:00,590 --> 01:28:02,390 Ah, I've turned it off! 1440 01:28:03,910 --> 01:28:06,310 Ah! Traction control. 1441 01:28:07,830 --> 01:28:11,630 -No, no, no! 1442 01:28:25,990 --> 01:28:28,270 Oh, Jesus! 1443 01:28:35,750 --> 01:28:40,150 On the plus side, my work had been extremely thorough. 1444 01:28:41,270 --> 01:28:43,510 On the minus side, however... 1445 01:28:43,590 --> 01:28:45,550 Find anything? 1446 01:28:45,630 --> 01:28:47,230 Not a thing. You? 1447 01:28:48,390 --> 01:28:51,590 Nothing. He's only got that little bit to do. 1448 01:28:51,670 --> 01:28:54,310 So there's nothing there. What about there? 1449 01:28:54,390 --> 01:28:56,870 And that's annoying because, and I'm not making this up, 1450 01:28:56,950 --> 01:28:59,150 I have just had this email... 1451 01:29:02,190 --> 01:29:03,830 Ohh. 1452 01:29:03,910 --> 01:29:05,910 -That's cruel. 1453 01:29:05,990 --> 01:29:08,350 Ah, chaps. -What? 1454 01:29:11,390 --> 01:29:13,310 Chaps, there's... 1455 01:29:13,390 --> 01:29:15,230 It's... Listen, it's there! 1456 01:29:16,350 --> 01:29:18,270 Shovel! Shovel! 1457 01:29:24,230 --> 01:29:26,950 -There's something there. 1458 01:29:27,030 --> 01:29:28,630 There. 1459 01:29:28,710 --> 01:29:30,390 Jesus. What's that? 1460 01:29:33,190 --> 01:29:35,630 What is it? 1461 01:29:43,870 --> 01:29:45,990 I think it's the Holy Grail. 1462 01:29:47,750 --> 01:29:49,430 Oh, cock. 1463 01:29:51,550 --> 01:29:55,230 And on that terrible disappointment, it is time to end. 1464 01:29:56,870 --> 01:29:59,070 No more memories from your childhood? 1465 01:29:59,150 --> 01:30:01,830 -No, I got nothing. -OK, that is it. 1466 01:30:01,910 --> 01:30:03,670 Thank you so much for watching. 1467 01:30:03,750 --> 01:30:05,790 Take care. See you soon.