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00:00:47,460 --> 00:00:50,460
Hello and welcome
to The Grand Tour,

2
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,820
which is not coming
to you this time
from the top

3
00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:56,500
of a volcano or the bottom
of the sea.

4
00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:58,740
No. We are in
Berwick-upon-Tweed,

5
00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:00,900
the most northerly town
in England.

6
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:04,660
And our mission is to
set off across the border

7
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:07,860
and then drive all the way
across Scotland

8
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:09,780
to the Outer Hebrides.

9
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,420
Now, this promises to be

10
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:15,420
one of the most
beautiful drives
we have ever done.

11
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:16,980
And on the way,

12
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:21,180
we will be attempting
to answer a very
important question.

13
00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:22,700
Yeah. It's this...

14
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:25,700
In Europe we listen
to American music,

15
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:28,740
we buy American clothes,
we drink American beer,

16
00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,940
we wear American sunglasses.

17
00:01:30,980 --> 00:01:35,300
But American cars
have never caught on.

18
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,300
Why?

19
00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:42,660
To try and find out,
each of us bought
an American car.

20
00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:47,340
And this is what I chose,

21
00:01:47,380 --> 00:01:52,420
a 19-foot-long
Lincoln Continental Mark V.

22
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:02,940
Remember Jock Ewing
out of Dallas?

23
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:04,700
He had one of these.

24
00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:07,060
Fat Frank Cannon,
the TV detective,

25
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,340
he had something very similar,

26
00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:10,580
a Mark IV, basically the same.

27
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:13,820
And what this means is,
is that when I was growing up,

28
00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:16,260
I would see a Lincoln
on TV every week

29
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,660
and then I'd turn
to my dad and say,

30
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:20,220
"Dad, can we have
a Ford Cortina?"

31
00:02:20,260 --> 00:02:21,900
Why didn't I want
one of these?

32
00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:24,380
Why didn't he?

33
00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:26,620
Ooh, hello.

34
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,420
It's a... a Buick Riviera.

35
00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:45,420
Oh, yeah!

36
00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:47,900
With a...
with a self-opening boot.
Shall I shut that?

37
00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:49,020
When did that happen?

38
00:02:49,060 --> 00:02:50,380
-Just now as you pulled up.
-Yeah, okay,

39
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,660
that's a feature of the model.
This is the legendary

40
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:57,020
1971 Buick Riviera,
the boattail.

41
00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:00,140
What?

42
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,300
No, I'm just...
I'm just... I'm stunned.

43
00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:04,380
Well, no, the thing is,
is we said,

44
00:03:04,420 --> 00:03:06,340
"Why did American cars
not catch on in Europe?"

45
00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:07,420
Yeah.

46
00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:08,780
Did this even
catch on in America?

47
00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:10,380
Well, that's the thing.
You see, the Riviera

48
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:12,340
was Buick's answer
to the Ford Thunderbird.

49
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:15,100
So from '63
they were making Rivieras.
And it was doing well.

50
00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:16,420
They were selling quite a few,

51
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:17,980
-not as many as
the Thunderbird.
-Yeah.

52
00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:21,100
So in '71 they said,
"Let's make something
really striking."

53
00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:23,340
Really new,
really out there.

54
00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:25,780
And they made this
and everybody hated it.

55
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,300
Literally!

56
00:03:28,340 --> 00:03:31,380
Their advertising material said,
"It's like nothing else."

57
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,860
And Americans went,
"Good."

58
00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:38,900
But... Jock Ewing,
Fat Frank Cannon,
celebrity all over it.

59
00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:41,700
Clint Eastwood.

60
00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:43,940
-Really?
-Jeff Bridges.

61
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:45,180
-Really?
-Yes.

62
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:46,580
What, they both had this?

63
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:48,340
-Bruce Willis.
-Bruce... Really?

64
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,140
-So, Frank and Jock?
-Yes.

65
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:51,900
Bruce, Clint and Jeff?

66
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:52,980
Yes!

67
00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,980
And we still ran around
in Europe going,

68
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,620
"I don't know,
shall we have
an Allegro or...

69
00:03:57,660 --> 00:04:00,740
We had an Allegro Estate,
when this existed!

70
00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:01,860
What do you
suppose May's got?

71
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,380
No, let me rephrase that.

72
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,500
What sort of Cadillac
do you suppose
May's bought?

73
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,420
Eventually...

74
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:19,820
after 20 feet of waiting,

75
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:28,060
we got the answer.

76
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:33,580
The car now arriving
at platforms four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine and ten...

77
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:36,980
-May?
-Yes, sir?

78
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:38,500
We guessed you'd
have a Cadillac.

79
00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:41,580
Not just a Cadillac.
This is a Cadillac
Coupe DeVille.

80
00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:44,340
- Is it?
- The Cadillac
of Cadillacs.

81
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:47,020
Honestly, driving this,
I feel like Elvis Presley.

82
00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:48,260
What, dead on a lavatory?

83
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,540
Oh my God,
how much burgundy
can you get in one car?

84
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:54,340
It's like an American
motel room.

85
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:58,100
They must have scraped out
all the burgundy mines
in the world.

86
00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,020
"What color
shall we make the seats?"

87
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:01,580
- Burgundy.
- "What about
the dash there?"

88
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:03,380
- Burgundy.
"Ooh, good idea."

89
00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:07,020
But... the switch,
the button on the end
of the cruise control stalk...

90
00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:08,140
- Burgundy
- ...is burgundy.

91
00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:11,380
I was hoping you
wouldn't notice that.

92
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:12,820
Has it fallen off?

93
00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:15,820
Well, I'm gonna
have to admit to
being a bit of a clot.

94
00:05:15,860 --> 00:05:19,500
I was driving here
and I noticed in my mirror

95
00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:22,380
this piece of debris
flying away down the road.

96
00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:24,100
And I actually
thought to myself,
"Do you know what?

97
00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:25,260
That's remarkable.

98
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,340
That piece of debris
is the same burgundy

99
00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:28,460
-as my car."

100
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:29,780
But without
actually thinking,

101
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:31,540
-"I wonder if it
came from it?"
- Oh!

102
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,020
I tell you what
we should do,

103
00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:34,220
have a game
of Top Trumps.

104
00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:35,300
Engine?

105
00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:36,420
-Yes?
- Mm-hmm?

106
00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:38,460
6.6-liter V8.

107
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,700
-Aw, that's cute!
-6.6...

108
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,220
-What? It's not cute--
-What does it use to
drive the car along?

109
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,860
Is that what
starts the engine?

110
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,180
Well, how big's
the engine in yours?

111
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,940
7.5.

112
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,100
- 7.5 liters?
-7.5-liter V8!

113
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,460
Whooph!

114
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:51,500
Go on!

115
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,140
8.2.

116
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:54,260
Eight?

117
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,940
8.2 liters.

118
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:59,100
This is the biggest V8
ever fitted to a production car.
8.2 liters.

119
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:00,340
All right, then.

120
00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:01,820
This is more efficient,
obviously.

121
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:02,900
How many horsepower?

122
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:04,820
-Mine?
-Mm-hmm.

123
00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:06,740
Hundred
and ninety.

124
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,260
I don't think
horsepower matters.

125
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,780
-How many horsepower?
-One hundred and eighty-one.

126
00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:12,260
-That's it?
-Yes.

127
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,540
-From 6.6 liters.

128
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:15,060
I don't know
how they did that.

129
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:19,620
My seven-and-a-half-liter
V8 lump developed
250 horsepower.

130
00:06:19,660 --> 00:06:21,300
-Two hundred and fifty?
- Yeah.

131
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,780
So that's a rocket ship.

132
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:31,140
Eager to begin
our important journey
of discovery,

133
00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:35,140
we fired up
the 10,000-pound Lincoln,

134
00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:37,940
the 17,000-pound Buick

135
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,620
and Mount Burgundy

136
00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:44,100
and set off.

137
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:46,940
This is it.

138
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,980
Scottish border.
We're entering McScotland.

139
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:23,620
This is
a homecoming for this car

140
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,820
because Mr. Buick
of Buick was Scottish.

141
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,020
You're going home!

142
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:47,300
Jeremy Clarkson,
are you aware

143
00:07:47,340 --> 00:07:50,220
that your car appears to be
talking as it goes along?

144
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,700
No, I'm unaware of that.

145
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:58,900
The front bumper is 17 miles
in front of where I'm sitting.

146
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,340
We powered along,
dumbstruck

147
00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:08,180
at what we'd
missed out on
in our childhoods.

148
00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:13,620
I seem to remember
that in 1970,

149
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:17,300
the heater was
an optional extra
in an Austin.

150
00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:18,620
The heater was.

151
00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:22,380
Whereas this has got
electrically adjustable seats,

152
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:24,620
electric windows,
electric quarter light,

153
00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:28,300
cruise control... I mean,
the Starship Enterprise
didn't have cruise control.

154
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:31,660
I mean, look at this,
automatic climate control.

155
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,100
You can set it
on economy settings

156
00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:37,300
or an auto setting,
or bi-level.

157
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:38,500
I mean, bi-level.

158
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:40,700
We wouldn't have even
known what that meant.

159
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,300
I mean, if somebody
had showed me a window

160
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:52,980
that moved about using
electricity in the 1970s,

161
00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:55,020
I'd have fainted.

162
00:08:55,060 --> 00:08:56,580
Check out my lights!

163
00:08:57,980 --> 00:09:01,780
I've got garage doors
for my headlights.

164
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:03,580
What would my childhood
have been like

165
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:06,540
if I'd wafted about
in the back of
one of these

166
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,340
instead of a Ford Anglia
with a hole in the floor?

167
00:09:09,380 --> 00:09:11,820
My dad would have
been my absolute hero.

168
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,260
I'd have had a bright
and sunny outlook.

169
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:16,820
Yeah...

170
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:22,500
As we approached
the outskirts of Edinburgh,

171
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:27,820
we were honored with
the traditional local welcome.

172
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:31,260
McRaining now.
That's predictable.
We've been in Scotland

173
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,380
for, what, 20 minutes?

174
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:37,620
Presumably
the Scottish police can't say
"You're nicked, sunshine"

175
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,580
because nobody would know
what that meant.

176
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:49,100
Not good.
The news is not good.

177
00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:52,100
We then
decided to head
for the city center

178
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,580
to see how our cars
would cope

179
00:09:57,620 --> 00:09:59,820
with the steep
and narrow cobbled streets.

180
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:10,700
Wait a minute.

181
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,300
Oh, my God!

182
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,660
This cannot be done.

183
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:29,820
The issues with
my bovine differential
soon caused another problem.

184
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:33,700
That's me.
That's me boiling over.

185
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,780
Chaps, I am
boiling over.

186
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:51,860
Crikey.
It's like John in Mongolia.

187
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:54,100
After I'd finally
conquered the hill,

188
00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:57,580
Hammond topped up
with some precious
Scottish water.

189
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:04,980
And wondering how
Frank Cannon ever
solved anything,

190
00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:08,100
we resumed our journey
through the city center.

191
00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:16,540
Oh, God above.
You see what's ahead
of us here?

192
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,020
Yep. Right.

193
00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:24,460
Mm, that is a bit
bum-squeaky there, Clarkson.

194
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,620
How close am I
to that wall?

195
00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:33,340
About that.

196
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,660
Um,
right, I'm going to admit,

197
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:40,060
my car's a little bit
too big for Edinburgh.

198
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,540
I think we can
put this down

199
00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:44,220
to Edinburgh's fault
rather than the cars.

200
00:11:44,260 --> 00:11:45,700
No chance.

201
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:50,740
What if...
we temporarily
move this bin?

202
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:58,860
So if I back up now...

203
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,020
-If you back up now...
-Yes.

204
00:12:00,060 --> 00:12:01,220
...you can swing around,
you can just push...

205
00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:03,060
-Mine's boiling!
-Oh, sh... It is.

206
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:04,660
Oh dear, oh dear.

207
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:06,980
Oh, no.

208
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:09,260
It's singing
the song of death.

209
00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:11,740
Oh. Oh.

210
00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:18,460
Stand back.

211
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:25,500
Leaving Hammond
to scour Scotland
for more water,

212
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,940
I squeezed through the gap

213
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:31,420
and went off
to get us all
a zesty drink.

214
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:38,940
Wooph.

215
00:12:48,260 --> 00:12:51,700
Right. All right,
what's happened here,
is my door

216
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:54,620
is stopping
my door opening.

217
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:58,620
How's that happened?
Why is it doing this to me?

218
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,860
How did Frank Cannon get in?
I can't get in.

219
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:15,980
Smooth.

220
00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:18,700
Beautiful.

221
00:13:20,780 --> 00:13:22,180
Yeah, it was because we...
It wasn't blocking the step...

222
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:24,140
Yeah, but that was...
It was further
along that way.

223
00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:25,860
-Was it?
-That was further back
and this was... Yeah...

224
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,420
I think the other one
was in front of this one.

225
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,300
-Oh, just put it
that way and...
-It was.

226
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:31,180
How am I gonna...

227
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:33,500
I can't...

228
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,580
Oh, sh...

229
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,940
The whole end
has come off.

230
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:50,020
Having established
that American cars

231
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:53,300
do have some issues
in city centers,

232
00:13:53,340 --> 00:13:56,100
we headed back
to a three-lane highway.

233
00:13:59,140 --> 00:14:02,380
Whoa!
Cool bridge with mist.
Look at that!

234
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:16,860
And soon we arrived
at the location for
our second test.

235
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,860
Scotland's Nurburgring.

236
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:27,020
It's Brickyard, it's Monza.

237
00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:30,100
The fearsome Knockhill.

238
00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:34,700
The idea is very simple.

239
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:38,980
We shall use a Scottish car
to set a benchmark time
round the track

240
00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:43,740
and then we'll try
and beat it in our two-door
V8 sports coupes.

241
00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:48,060
The only problem we have
is which Scottish car
shall we use?

242
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:51,660
The rear-engine
911-style Imp?

243
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:54,060
The Talbot? The Avenger?

244
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:59,540
The AC three-liter ME?
Or perhaps the little Scamp?

245
00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:03,220
It's a smorgasbord
of excellence, that is.
It really is.

246
00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:11,220
After much head-scratching,
we settled on the hot Hillman.

247
00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:15,260
And strapped an old friend
into the driving seat.

248
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:21,820
Right, here we go.
It's a flying lap.
This is what we're timing.

249
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,340
What we've got here is
a 1.5-liter big-valve engine.

250
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:36,900
Lowered front suspension,
heavy-duty rear suspension,
93 horsepowers.

251
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,620
Top speed?
108 miles an hour.

252
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:47,340
It needs more gears.

253
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,700
-It does!

254
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:49,980
Yeah, I'd say...
I'd say that's what
it's lacking.

255
00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:56,380
That is the cream
of Scottish excellence
in the 1970s.

256
00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,620
Here she comes.

257
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:08,300
Abbie crossed the line
with a time of 1:13.98.

258
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:14,500
And then,
with the stopwatch reset,

259
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:19,780
I unleashed my slab
of Detroit heavy metal.

260
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:22,940
Building up to cross
the start-finish line,

261
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:24,500
I'm hoping,
at about 70 miles an hour.

262
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,700
Didn't make it.
Sixty-eight. That'll do.

263
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:33,900
Turning in now.

264
00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:36,900
Oh, Christ.

265
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:39,980
Oh, I've fallen onto
the passenger seat
slightly there.

266
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:42,100
That's one of the...
Oh, heavens!

267
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,540
I'm now...

268
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,820
I'm now rolling through there.

269
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:52,380
Oh, no, I may have
just slightly gone off.
But I'm back on again.

270
00:16:57,980 --> 00:17:00,140
Oh, no, my seat
has collapsed.

271
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,100
Whoa!

272
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:10,620
A lot of...
A lot of lock.

273
00:17:14,340 --> 00:17:18,300
Come on. Speed!
Now and power.

274
00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:22,300
75! That was nearly 80!

275
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:27,500
After this festival
of roll and understeer,

276
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:32,340
we figured James'
8.2-liter Cadillac
would be faster.

277
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:34,860
However...

278
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:43,060
Come on!

279
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:47,100
I can't believe
an engine this big
can bog down.

280
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:51,500
This issue,
coupled with James'
leisurely cornering style...

281
00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:54,140
It says "brake."
I will follow that advice.

282
00:17:56,940 --> 00:18:00,580
...and his legendary
memory for track layout...

283
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:03,540
What happens here?
I can't quite remember.

284
00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:07,060
...didn't result
in the hottest of laps.

285
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,140
Nice.

286
00:18:09,180 --> 00:18:12,060
So,
with Carroll Shelby's
work done,

287
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:17,860
it was up to the Buick
to make America great again.

288
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,900
Pulling a mighty
70 miles an hour.

289
00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:22,340
And across
the line to start.

290
00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:28,860
Let's just roll it in.

291
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,060
Ooh, quite a lot
of understeer.

292
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:42,820
It looks like
an American car in the movies,
which is exactly what I wanted.

293
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,220
Ooh, I've... Yeah.

294
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,980
With our laps complete,

295
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:59,300
it was time to see whether
American firepower

296
00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:01,140
had beaten
the Scottish Hillman.

297
00:19:02,780 --> 00:19:04,380
The time
we have to beat...

298
00:19:04,420 --> 00:19:06,540
-Yes?
- 1:13.98.

299
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:07,620
Mm-hmm.

300
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,340
-James May...
-Yes?

301
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:11,860
1:31.99.

302
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:15,780
Seventeen,18 seconds slower
than a Hillman Avenger.

303
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,420
And you had...

304
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,780
-nearly seven liters more?
-Yes.

305
00:19:19,820 --> 00:19:22,740
I did it in 1:21.47.

306
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:24,340
-Oh, dear.
-Richard Hammond...

307
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:25,460
Yes?

308
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:26,980
1...

309
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,060
-18...
-Oh!

310
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,340
...point 77.

311
00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:33,020
What does that prove?

312
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:35,740
Well, it's interesting.
I thought mine would be
faster than that.

313
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:37,420
I didn't think mine
would be faster.

314
00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:38,980
Well, you weren't
driving very quickly.

315
00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:40,260
Well, it's as quickly
as it would go.

316
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:41,700
And it's a comfortable...
It's just comfortable.

317
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:44,580
You've got one dial in your car
which is a speedometer.

318
00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:46,620
-Yes.
-Which is the one thing
you don't need.

319
00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:47,740
-Yes.

320
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:49,580
Well, so the car
doesn't need it.

321
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:50,940
Not interested
in that one!

322
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:52,340
But what I find funny,

323
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:56,020
it is the first track I think
you've ever driven around

324
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:57,660
extensively
and not hit anything.

325
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,260
- Yes!
-God, I didn't.

326
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,780
And your car is
the correct way up.
I think we can all...

327
00:20:01,820 --> 00:20:03,220
-Thank you.
-We can all applaud that.

328
00:20:03,260 --> 00:20:04,580
Ladies and gentlemen,
Richard Hammond.

329
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,820
Many years we've done this
and... I'm delighted to...

330
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:10,100
Normally, a paramedic
would now be cutting off
his trousers...

331
00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:12,340
- Yeah.
-...and he'd be going
to the hospital--

332
00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:14,620
-I'd be on the phone
to his wife,

333
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,380
-"Hi, Mindy.
Yeah, I know, I..."
-Again.

334
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,620
-"He's done it again."

335
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,100
Oh.

336
00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:23,620
A text from Mr. Wilman.

337
00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:27,020
Um... "Apparently
there's some kind of
virus going round."

338
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,620
-Oh, no, so...
-Well, where's he been?

339
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,220
Somebody's let him
see a newspaper again,
haven't they?

340
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:33,820
It is dangerous
when he reads the news.

341
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:34,860
Oh...

342
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:38,420
"You are not able to
stay in a hotel this evening.

343
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:42,860
I have therefore found you
alternative accommodation
at the track."

344
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:44,740
Where?

345
00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:55,860
Oh, dear...

346
00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:58,700
It might be fun,
a bit of caravanning.

347
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,020
Once we'd settled in,

348
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:12,540
we sat down to
a traditional Scottish dinner
prepared by our resident chef.

349
00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:17,740
- What is it?
- Pork chop. That's...

350
00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:19,420
-What's that there?
-That's peas.

351
00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:20,500
What's this?

352
00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,140
That's a carrot...
I think.

353
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:24,340
-Well, thank you very much...
-What, a deep-fried carrot?

354
00:21:24,380 --> 00:21:25,580
-Yes.
-This isn't a carrot!

355
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:26,820
It's a sausage!

356
00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:28,460
Oh, it's... Oh,
maybe it is a sausage.

357
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:29,940
There was a sausage
in there somewhere.

358
00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:33,220
Mm.
All right, isn't it?

359
00:21:33,260 --> 00:21:35,420
I can feel myself
getting healthier.

360
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:36,820
-Mm.
-Yeah

361
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:38,540
-My heart is saying "thank you."
-What are the peas like?

362
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:39,980
-The peas?
-Well, the...

363
00:21:40,020 --> 00:21:41,380
It's a...
It's a unit of peas.

364
00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:42,540
Oh, yeah.

365
00:21:42,580 --> 00:21:44,140
Well, it makes it
a lot easier to eat.

366
00:21:44,180 --> 00:21:45,860
-It does. Peas
are so difficult to eat...
-Peas fall off, yeah.

367
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:48,020
...but when you
deep-fry them like this...

368
00:21:48,060 --> 00:21:51,660
It brings out
the sweetness of the peas.

369
00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:54,380
After dinner was over
and we'd been sick,

370
00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:58,740
we decided to
watch some motorsport
on Mr. Wilman's laptop.

371
00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:03,940
How many has he ordered?
Ooh, that's never gonna fit.

372
00:22:03,980 --> 00:22:07,100
Then... Have you noticed?
This is his keyboard,
Mr. Wilman's.

373
00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:10,940
Look at the A,
worn down, the N

374
00:22:10,980 --> 00:22:12,740
and the L.

375
00:22:12,780 --> 00:22:15,380
Maybe he's been emailing
his friend Alan a lot.

376
00:22:18,940 --> 00:22:20,420
Right!

377
00:22:20,460 --> 00:22:23,220
Anyway,
I know a lot of people
watching will think

378
00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:26,100
that it was stupid to put
our big Yank tanks,

379
00:22:26,140 --> 00:22:29,500
um, on a European circuit
against a European car.

380
00:22:29,540 --> 00:22:31,500
Obviously the European car
was gonna be faster.

381
00:22:31,540 --> 00:22:33,340
-Not so...
-There is history with this.

382
00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:35,860
There is. And actually,
the marvelous thing is,

383
00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:40,460
at Goodwood race track,
they still run races
using the cars...

384
00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:43,100
-Yeah. And look at it...
- ...from the '60s.
And here we go.

385
00:22:43,140 --> 00:22:45,300
There's every different
type of car here.

386
00:22:45,340 --> 00:22:46,900
You've got the big
Studebaker there.

387
00:22:46,940 --> 00:22:48,900
That's a heavy thing.

388
00:22:48,940 --> 00:22:51,420
That's a Ford Galaxy.

389
00:22:51,460 --> 00:22:52,980
And then you've got
a Lotus Cortina.

390
00:22:53,020 --> 00:22:55,620
Two Lotus Cortinas.
You've got Minis.

391
00:22:55,660 --> 00:22:58,300
And the racing
is just breathtaking.

392
00:22:59,980 --> 00:23:03,260
Look at it!

393
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:07,540
Look at
that four-wheel drift
in the Lotus Cortina.

394
00:23:07,580 --> 00:23:10,980
So those Lotus Cortinas,
they had 130 horsepower?

395
00:23:11,020 --> 00:23:12,660
- Yeah.
- What did
the Galaxy have?

396
00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:14,460
Four hundred
and twenty-five!

397
00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:17,380
Four hundred
and twenty-five?
And you can see plain as day.

398
00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:19,180
There we go. Ready.

399
00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:21,060
He's just
coming up against
this great slab of Galaxy.

400
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:22,780
-"Can I get through?"
- And it is...
"No, I can't."

401
00:23:22,820 --> 00:23:24,180
Look at it go!
He's gone!

402
00:23:24,220 --> 00:23:25,940
He's just gone
'cause he's got more power.

403
00:23:25,980 --> 00:23:27,620
And then
he closes up again
'cause there's another corner.

404
00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:29,820
"Right,
I'm gonna have another go.
I'm gonna keep scrapping."

405
00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:32,260
And then as soon as
it opens out, he's gone.

406
00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:36,100
- And then now--
- Just solid gone.

407
00:23:36,140 --> 00:23:38,260
Look, American cars,
is what I'm trying to say,

408
00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:39,500
American cars
like ours aren't

409
00:23:39,540 --> 00:23:40,980
-necessarily slower...
-No.

410
00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:43,500
...round a track
than European cars,

411
00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:44,780
'cause they're faster
on the straight.

412
00:23:44,820 --> 00:23:46,380
Oh!

413
00:23:46,420 --> 00:23:47,700
There's a Mini!
There's a Mini!

414
00:23:47,740 --> 00:23:50,900
That's about 130 horsepower,
that's all he's got!

415
00:23:52,380 --> 00:23:57,860
That is a Terrier at a Doberman.
425 horsepower versus 130!

416
00:23:57,900 --> 00:23:59,180
Look, there he goes again.
Yeah, and a wave, yeah!

417
00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:00,540
-He's actually waving to him.

418
00:24:05,940 --> 00:24:07,500
The next morning
we were told

419
00:24:07,540 --> 00:24:10,460
that due to the COVID issues,

420
00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:14,460
we'd have to take
our caravans with us.

421
00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:18,220
So, while a man
fitted the towbars,

422
00:24:20,140 --> 00:24:24,340
we set about making them
as stylish as our cars.

423
00:24:29,660 --> 00:24:32,100
What I've done to
bring out and enhance

424
00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:37,500
the Americanness of my rig
is turn my caravan into...

425
00:24:37,540 --> 00:24:42,020
well, the most American
and the only cool
caravan ever built.

426
00:24:42,060 --> 00:24:43,100
It's an Airstream.

427
00:24:46,020 --> 00:24:48,020
Look at that! Yeah!

428
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:55,860
I've gone for
the low-rider look.

429
00:24:59,260 --> 00:25:02,380
This is a sleek rig.
It is big, though.

430
00:25:02,420 --> 00:25:06,860
One foot longer
than a London bus.
But less sporty.

431
00:25:09,460 --> 00:25:12,020
You got to admit,
it's pretty retro-brilliant.

432
00:25:12,060 --> 00:25:16,580
No, it looks like a caravan
covered in tin foil
for no obvious reason.

433
00:25:18,540 --> 00:25:21,100
He really is
a deluded little man,
isn't he?

434
00:25:21,140 --> 00:25:23,060
Now, I've had
the best idea here, viewers,

435
00:25:23,100 --> 00:25:26,700
because the problem
with caravans is that
they are unsightly.

436
00:25:26,740 --> 00:25:28,340
They all park
together in a field.

437
00:25:28,380 --> 00:25:30,100
They're all a load
of white boxes.

438
00:25:30,140 --> 00:25:31,700
It looks like
a load of Tupperware.

439
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:36,580
So, I've painted mine
black and white
and given it an udder.

440
00:25:43,180 --> 00:25:44,980
It does indeed
have "a" udder!

441
00:25:47,580 --> 00:25:50,500
With our massive crew convoy
bringing up the rear,

442
00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:05,620
we soldiered on
through the constant
Caledonian downpour.

443
00:26:11,740 --> 00:26:15,660
Uh, can we stop for fuel soon?
I'm getting a bit low.

444
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:18,220
Um, I don't know how
you used it up on the track,

445
00:26:18,260 --> 00:26:21,300
but yes, we shall find
"an" petrol station.

446
00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:31,260
Oh, this has got
very Scottish!

447
00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:34,660
Oh, it's...
it's really cold,
really cold now.

448
00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:35,860
Yeah.

449
00:26:35,900 --> 00:26:37,740
Having established
he'd been doing

450
00:26:37,780 --> 00:26:41,180
a polar-bear-friendly
eight miles to the gallon,

451
00:26:41,220 --> 00:26:44,260
James announced it was time
for his morning ablutions,

452
00:26:44,300 --> 00:26:48,660
which meant he had to
put his car in the car park.

453
00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:51,820
I need to go
that way with that arm.

454
00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:54,140
That one goes that way,
or something like that.

455
00:27:02,260 --> 00:27:03,580
What is he doing?

456
00:27:03,620 --> 00:27:05,860
How has he managed
to get it so far...

457
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:10,540
In his defense,
it is quite a tight car park.

458
00:27:12,420 --> 00:27:14,580
Having decided
that was good enough,

459
00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:17,180
James went off
to do his business.

460
00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:20,220
And we settled down
to our customary wait.

461
00:27:22,860 --> 00:27:26,780
I lose about an hour a day
waiting for him to have his...

462
00:27:26,820 --> 00:27:28,300
Got time for
a roast dinner, mate.

463
00:27:28,340 --> 00:27:29,940
By the time
he's read The Telegraph,
done the crossword.

464
00:27:29,980 --> 00:27:31,780
And if he does
the crossword.

465
00:27:31,820 --> 00:27:33,420
Yeah, I'd say
you've got an hour.

466
00:27:40,580 --> 00:27:41,620
What?

467
00:27:48,260 --> 00:27:49,940
This is brilliant.

468
00:27:53,140 --> 00:27:56,020
Why do they use
such long hoses
in fire engines?

469
00:27:56,060 --> 00:27:58,580
Well, in case the fire's
a long way away.

470
00:28:00,780 --> 00:28:02,380
Right.

471
00:28:02,420 --> 00:28:05,860
Oh, this is...

472
00:28:05,900 --> 00:28:07,660
We could always tell him
that the roof seal

473
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:08,740
-was leaking.
- Yes.

474
00:28:10,700 --> 00:28:11,900
Yes.

475
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,380
If you've just
joined us,

476
00:28:14,420 --> 00:28:17,220
it's a difficult story
to unpack.

477
00:28:17,260 --> 00:28:19,900
Right now he's
probably on three-down.

478
00:28:19,940 --> 00:28:21,980
You know when
they used to shout "Scramble!"
in the war?

479
00:28:22,020 --> 00:28:23,060
-Yes.
-No.

480
00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:24,420
Oh, can you
imagine if he was

481
00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:25,580
-a Hurricane pilot?
-No.

482
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:30,620
I reckon
you're about there, Hammond.

483
00:28:33,700 --> 00:28:38,980
We assumed James wouldn't
discover our mischief
until he drove off.

484
00:28:39,020 --> 00:28:42,780
However, we didn't
have to wait that long.

485
00:28:57,260 --> 00:28:59,500
He's got
to be cross!

486
00:29:00,820 --> 00:29:02,060
Jesus!

487
00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:04,300
The roof light
was open on your caravan.

488
00:29:04,340 --> 00:29:06,700
- Yeah.
- You're so funny.

489
00:29:14,140 --> 00:29:17,620
Well, while I admire your
ingenuity and your application,

490
00:29:17,660 --> 00:29:20,980
that was a low blow
on a day like this.

491
00:29:21,020 --> 00:29:24,420
I was already wet.
And you could have taken
my personal effects out.

492
00:29:24,460 --> 00:29:28,740
Isn't it funny how three people
can have very different views
of the same thing?

493
00:29:28,780 --> 00:29:31,540
I thought it was
a really good idea.

494
00:29:31,580 --> 00:29:33,780
Mm. Same here.

495
00:29:33,820 --> 00:29:36,540
And most of
your personal effects
were rubber anyway.

496
00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:44,180
Oh, God, it's dripping water.
How can my windscreen
be leaking?

497
00:29:44,860 --> 00:29:47,140
Like I give a toss.

498
00:29:47,180 --> 00:29:50,060
Ooh!

499
00:29:54,740 --> 00:29:58,060
A few miles later,
we turned off the main road,

500
00:29:58,100 --> 00:30:01,100
heading for the remote
center of Scotland

501
00:30:01,140 --> 00:30:03,860
to do some scientific research.

502
00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:07,660
Now, yes, we do like our cars.

503
00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:09,860
They're charismatic
and they're interesting.

504
00:30:09,900 --> 00:30:12,100
And James and Richard
currently own American cars.

505
00:30:12,140 --> 00:30:13,420
They've both got Teslas.

506
00:30:13,460 --> 00:30:15,300
But we are not
suggesting for a minute

507
00:30:15,340 --> 00:30:19,180
that all American cars are good
because they're not.

508
00:30:19,220 --> 00:30:21,940
Some of them are terrible.

509
00:30:21,980 --> 00:30:26,260
And what we're doing now
is plunging deep into
the Scottish countryside

510
00:30:26,300 --> 00:30:29,380
to conduct
an important experiment,
which is this...

511
00:30:29,420 --> 00:30:31,900
Who made the worst cars,

512
00:30:31,940 --> 00:30:35,900
the Soviet Union
or the Americans?

513
00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:51,420
Representing the Soviet Union,
we have the FSO Polonez 1.6,

514
00:30:51,460 --> 00:30:57,100
the Lada Riva 1200
and the Zastava GTL 55.

515
00:30:57,140 --> 00:31:00,180
And representing
the United States in America,

516
00:31:00,220 --> 00:31:04,660
we have the Chrysler Voyager,
the Chrysler PT Cruiser,

517
00:31:04,700 --> 00:31:10,060
which is making me feel sick,
and the Pontiac Aztek.

518
00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:13,060
What we're gonna do
is have a race
around this field,

519
00:31:13,100 --> 00:31:15,180
us three
in the American cars

520
00:31:15,220 --> 00:31:20,220
and three of our most junior,
and therefore expendable,
researchers in the Soviet cars.

521
00:31:20,260 --> 00:31:21,620
Rules are simple,

522
00:31:21,660 --> 00:31:24,220
the first one out
is the winner.

523
00:31:24,260 --> 00:31:25,380
Hang on,
you got that wrong.

524
00:31:25,420 --> 00:31:26,900
What?

525
00:31:26,940 --> 00:31:28,300
It's not the first...
"The first one out
is the winner"?

526
00:31:28,340 --> 00:31:30,180
-That doesn't make sense.
-Yes, it does.

527
00:31:30,220 --> 00:31:32,380
No,
there's no motor race in history
where the first one out won it.

528
00:31:32,420 --> 00:31:33,900
No, we're trying
to find the worst car.

529
00:31:33,940 --> 00:31:37,340
The worst car will be
the first one to conk out.

530
00:31:37,380 --> 00:31:38,540
-Oh.
-Oh, no, actually...

531
00:31:38,580 --> 00:31:39,820
- Yeah.
-He's got a point, hasn't he?

532
00:31:39,860 --> 00:31:41,700
Then the loser
is the winner.

533
00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:43,940
-Yes.
- Got it.

534
00:31:43,980 --> 00:31:45,020
- Right.
-Good.

535
00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:54,380
And so,
under a blanket
of light drizzle,

536
00:31:55,700 --> 00:31:57,740
the Cold War shootout began.

537
00:32:11,620 --> 00:32:14,940
This, viewers,
is the world's first
minivan, in fact.

538
00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:18,340
But the most important thing
you need to know about it

539
00:32:18,380 --> 00:32:22,340
is that in the Euro NCAP
Frontal Collision Test,

540
00:32:22,380 --> 00:32:26,340
it scored... Where's
the gear stick? Zero.

541
00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:33,100
The only people
who bought these Cruisers
were those people

542
00:32:33,140 --> 00:32:35,580
that you find in offices
with a sign
on their desk saying,

543
00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:38,980
"You don't have to be mad
to work here, but it helps."

544
00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:47,700
I've got a 3.4-liter V6,
185 brake horsepower.

545
00:32:48,940 --> 00:32:50,820
And that's the end
of the good news.

546
00:32:50,860 --> 00:32:53,820
Everything else about
this car is disgusting.

547
00:32:58,300 --> 00:33:02,300
At its launch in 2000,
they unveiled the first car

548
00:33:02,340 --> 00:33:05,540
and the audience
gasped and then laughed!

549
00:33:08,220 --> 00:33:11,900
When Walter White
in Breaking Badwas given
one of these to drive,

550
00:33:11,940 --> 00:33:14,580
the car was as carefully cast
as the actor.

551
00:33:14,620 --> 00:33:17,140
They wanted to
show him as a loser.

552
00:33:17,180 --> 00:33:20,940
And nothing says "loser"
better than a Pontiac Aztek.

553
00:33:20,980 --> 00:33:22,420
Ha-ha! Lada!

554
00:33:26,140 --> 00:33:28,900
I then decided
that to win this race

555
00:33:28,940 --> 00:33:33,780
I'd have to hit other cars,
and hope I came off worst.

556
00:33:35,820 --> 00:33:37,140
Here I go.

557
00:33:39,460 --> 00:33:41,940
Oh, shit!
Didn't quite do it.

558
00:33:44,140 --> 00:33:48,100
And soon, my colleagues
had the same idea.

559
00:33:48,140 --> 00:33:49,300
Have some of this.

560
00:33:51,580 --> 00:33:54,860
Hammond trying to
smash the Aztek up.

561
00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:58,780
It's impossible to tell,
such is the styling.

562
00:33:58,820 --> 00:34:00,860
I must somehow ram
into the Aztek

563
00:34:00,900 --> 00:34:04,900
in such a way,
I break my own car.

564
00:34:04,940 --> 00:34:09,100
Here it comes!
It's an accident! Here it is!

565
00:34:12,060 --> 00:34:15,140
Oh, no,
the PT Cruiser is alive!

566
00:34:17,580 --> 00:34:20,660
I continued
throwing myself
at the heavy Aztek

567
00:34:25,620 --> 00:34:30,540
until I achieved
the exact opposite
of what I wanted.

568
00:34:30,580 --> 00:34:34,500
Oh! Oh!
It died. Uh-oh.

569
00:34:34,540 --> 00:34:37,940
It is, I believe,
quite definitely
on fire now.

570
00:34:37,980 --> 00:34:39,580
Gentlemen, we may have
a winner.

571
00:34:40,460 --> 00:34:42,380
Oh, no. No!

572
00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:43,860
Yes!

573
00:34:45,060 --> 00:34:46,260
Yes!

574
00:34:49,660 --> 00:34:53,180
It then became
a fight to the death
for second place.

575
00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:56,980
Little commie bastard!

576
00:34:59,260 --> 00:35:01,220
Target acquired.

577
00:35:02,540 --> 00:35:04,340
Accident!

578
00:35:04,380 --> 00:35:07,420
And soon, I got
the wrong result again.

579
00:35:10,420 --> 00:35:11,540
No!

580
00:35:14,300 --> 00:35:16,060
No!

581
00:35:16,100 --> 00:35:18,220
He's broken.

582
00:35:22,060 --> 00:35:25,500
That was a bad one.

583
00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:27,740
Why is
my car still working?

584
00:35:27,780 --> 00:35:31,020
We all know this is
the worst thing
ever made by man.

585
00:35:34,860 --> 00:35:37,180
Come on, take me.
Take me out.

586
00:35:37,860 --> 00:35:40,100
That FSO is solid.

587
00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:42,740
Yes! That's more like it.

588
00:35:42,780 --> 00:35:44,900
Ooh. That's a big hit.

589
00:35:46,620 --> 00:35:48,220
But yet again...

590
00:35:49,980 --> 00:35:53,980
Is that the FSO down?
The FSO down and out?

591
00:35:54,020 --> 00:35:55,820
This is a disaster!

592
00:35:55,860 --> 00:35:58,380
And to make things worse...

593
00:36:01,940 --> 00:36:03,900
No, May cocks it up.

594
00:36:06,340 --> 00:36:09,180
Now just James
and I were left.

595
00:36:09,220 --> 00:36:15,260
The two Chryslers
fighting it out for
the honor of last place.

596
00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:18,980
Both cars were now too damaged
to catch one another.

597
00:36:19,020 --> 00:36:21,260
So it was a case
of waiting to see...

598
00:36:22,660 --> 00:36:24,860
who would die first.

599
00:36:25,660 --> 00:36:29,340
Break! Break!

600
00:36:29,380 --> 00:36:33,220
Catch fire! Roll over!
I don't care! Just break!

601
00:36:33,260 --> 00:36:36,580
That bonger
is the temperature.
I'm down on power.

602
00:36:36,620 --> 00:36:38,220
Yes, I'm boiling.

603
00:36:38,260 --> 00:36:41,700
I think I'm boiling over.
Any minute now,
the engine will seize.

604
00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:44,980
I seem
to have lost third gear,

605
00:36:45,020 --> 00:36:46,700
which was the most
useful one round here.

606
00:36:47,940 --> 00:36:51,900
Now the gear changes.
No, I think I've had it.

607
00:36:53,820 --> 00:36:58,220
No! But my... Look at my
temperature gauge! No!

608
00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:03,540
No, it can't be.
No, I won't have this.

609
00:37:05,060 --> 00:37:06,620
Are you out or are you
just making it up?

610
00:37:06,660 --> 00:37:08,100
No, I'm out.

611
00:37:08,140 --> 00:37:10,700
No, it's...
I wanted this to be
the worst car.

612
00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:11,820
-Yes.
-And it says

613
00:37:11,860 --> 00:37:14,580
that this has
actually come last.

614
00:37:14,620 --> 00:37:16,740
It's the sixth
worst car ever made.

615
00:37:16,780 --> 00:37:18,340
Hang on, is that the...
I forgot the rules.

616
00:37:18,380 --> 00:37:20,220
-Yes, that's the way it is.
-Yes, you've won,
so you've lost.

617
00:37:20,260 --> 00:37:22,980
I know. I'm still running,
therefore I've lost.
But look at that...

618
00:37:23,020 --> 00:37:27,180
Rather than
spend an hour re-explaining
the rules to James,

619
00:37:27,220 --> 00:37:30,980
we declared the Aztek
the winner,

620
00:37:31,020 --> 00:37:36,780
and with Hammond navigating,
set off back to the A9.

621
00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:40,860
Right, we're looking
for a bloody big road.

622
00:37:40,900 --> 00:37:44,340
However,
before we even
realized we were lost,

623
00:37:44,380 --> 00:37:49,060
my Lincoln started to do
what the PT Cruiser wouldn't.

624
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,180
Why is my engine...

625
00:37:51,220 --> 00:37:54,620
I'm misfiring badly now
going up this hill.

626
00:37:54,980 --> 00:37:56,020
Come on.

627
00:37:57,780 --> 00:38:01,460
Come on, car, please.

628
00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:03,500
We therefore
pulled into a farmyard

629
00:38:03,540 --> 00:38:05,700
so I could make
some repairs.

630
00:38:07,980 --> 00:38:10,100
I'm gonna have a look
at my carb-u-rettor.

631
00:38:11,140 --> 00:38:14,380
As I broke out
my extensive tool kit,

632
00:38:14,420 --> 00:38:16,980
James went off
to put the kettle on.

633
00:38:18,220 --> 00:38:19,580
-A cup of tea?
-Thank you.

634
00:38:19,620 --> 00:38:20,780
Would you like
a... What?

635
00:38:20,820 --> 00:38:22,180
-That's very nice.
-I've gotta say...

636
00:38:22,220 --> 00:38:23,740
Would you like
a soft biscuit?

637
00:38:23,780 --> 00:38:25,300
-...that works.
-It does.

638
00:38:25,340 --> 00:38:26,580
What works?

639
00:38:26,620 --> 00:38:28,020
Well, exactly.

640
00:38:28,060 --> 00:38:30,140
Oh!
That's my caravan.

641
00:38:30,180 --> 00:38:31,820
That's so much better.

642
00:38:34,180 --> 00:38:36,900
Eventually,
my repairs were complete.

643
00:38:38,580 --> 00:38:40,140
Broken.

644
00:38:40,180 --> 00:38:43,220
Oh, that could
keep you occupied
for hours.

645
00:38:43,260 --> 00:38:45,740
Why won't it go on?
That's ridiculous.

646
00:38:45,780 --> 00:38:47,980
The last thing I knew
was I was in my 30s.

647
00:38:48,020 --> 00:38:49,580
-Yeah.
-Late 30s, admittedly.

648
00:38:49,620 --> 00:38:51,980
And then suddenly,
I'm standing in a field
still watching...

649
00:38:52,020 --> 00:38:53,580
How's this possible?

650
00:38:56,020 --> 00:38:57,620
Ah, this is brilliant.

651
00:38:58,980 --> 00:39:00,460
-Yeah!
- Ah! Wow!

652
00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:02,140
What a sense
of achievement.

653
00:39:02,180 --> 00:39:04,460
Now, the next thing is...
- Where do we go.

654
00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:06,540
- No mobile
phone signal.
-No.

655
00:39:06,580 --> 00:39:08,220
We've gotta find the A9.

656
00:39:09,660 --> 00:39:11,500
-Mm. Mm.
-It...

657
00:39:13,580 --> 00:39:16,620
One thing you
can't do in Scotland
is navigate using the sun.

658
00:39:16,660 --> 00:39:17,940
-No.
-No.

659
00:39:17,980 --> 00:39:19,740
You can't
navigate by clouds, they move.

660
00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:23,460
How about getting...

661
00:39:25,580 --> 00:39:27,820
Having decided
to go for that option,

662
00:39:27,860 --> 00:39:30,220
I had a couple
of small accidents.

663
00:39:35,020 --> 00:39:36,220
Oh, God.

664
00:39:37,900 --> 00:39:39,980
But soon,
we were back on the move,

665
00:39:40,020 --> 00:39:44,220
with Pathfinder Hammond
once again on point.

666
00:39:44,260 --> 00:39:46,340
Any minute now,
there'll be a T-junction,

667
00:39:46,380 --> 00:39:50,620
and then a...
a small road
rather than a track,

668
00:39:50,660 --> 00:39:51,940
and then a big road.

669
00:39:52,940 --> 00:39:55,860
Then, all of that
didn't happen.

670
00:40:01,180 --> 00:40:02,700
There's a hole.

671
00:40:05,060 --> 00:40:08,980
Hammond's just brought us
on a rally special stage
by the looks of it.

672
00:40:13,860 --> 00:40:15,100
Ow! Ow! Ow!

673
00:40:19,060 --> 00:40:20,900
Is this the A9?

674
00:40:20,940 --> 00:40:22,780
No.

675
00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:26,860
No speed cameras on it.
That's how you know
it's not the A9.

676
00:40:26,900 --> 00:40:29,620
Oh! No! Shit.

677
00:40:31,980 --> 00:40:33,340
What?

678
00:40:37,380 --> 00:40:40,180
I'm sorry! That was hilarious!

679
00:40:40,220 --> 00:40:44,300
So, ladies and
gentlemen, what is missing from
this picture?

680
00:40:44,340 --> 00:40:45,540
It was just epic!

681
00:40:45,580 --> 00:40:47,020
I've never seen
anything like it!

682
00:40:47,060 --> 00:40:48,500
-What, the towbar's
come off?
-Yeah.

683
00:40:48,540 --> 00:40:50,300
The towbar
has come off.

684
00:40:50,340 --> 00:40:52,140
Oh, dear. That's...

685
00:40:52,180 --> 00:40:54,500
If you put that
in a Tom and Jerrycartoon,
it would be absurd.

686
00:40:54,540 --> 00:40:56,700
-What if that had
happened on the A9?

687
00:40:56,740 --> 00:40:58,820
Well, that, you'd have
there'd have been shouting.

688
00:40:58,860 --> 00:41:00,900
But where am I
gonna sleep tonight?

689
00:41:00,940 --> 00:41:04,140
There. That's where
your caravan is.

690
00:41:04,180 --> 00:41:06,700
We decided
to abandon my caravan

691
00:41:06,740 --> 00:41:11,900
and resumed our journey,
behind Richard Blomquist.

692
00:41:17,780 --> 00:41:20,260
So he's driving up a mountain
and he thinks

693
00:41:20,300 --> 00:41:22,860
he's going to find
the A9 at the top
of it, does he?

694
00:41:22,900 --> 00:41:24,460
Oh. Oh.

695
00:41:27,620 --> 00:41:30,340
Good slapper, Hammond.

696
00:41:30,380 --> 00:41:32,420
The tail's wagging
the dog a little bit here.

697
00:41:32,460 --> 00:41:34,820
Ooh. Yeah.

698
00:41:34,860 --> 00:41:38,180
Oh! Oh, dear, oh, dear,
something's gone wrong.

699
00:41:41,300 --> 00:41:42,340
Um...

700
00:41:43,820 --> 00:41:44,900
Ooh.

701
00:41:47,460 --> 00:41:49,700
- Were you driving
too quickly on a gravel track?
- Yes.

702
00:41:50,860 --> 00:41:52,700
I can't help it.
Gravel track...

703
00:41:52,740 --> 00:41:54,740
Well, if you
undo yourself...

704
00:41:54,780 --> 00:41:56,020
Yeah, he's done that.

705
00:41:56,060 --> 00:41:58,060
-Are you...
Are you undone?
-Yeah.

706
00:42:00,140 --> 00:42:01,580
So that... Yeah.

707
00:42:02,580 --> 00:42:04,620
If you get yourself
out, Hammond...

708
00:42:04,660 --> 00:42:06,100
- Yeah? Ooh. No!
- There you go.

709
00:42:06,140 --> 00:42:07,220
No!

710
00:42:07,260 --> 00:42:08,700
Oh, that's worked.

711
00:42:18,540 --> 00:42:20,380
Well,
I've unhitched it.

712
00:42:20,420 --> 00:42:23,580
You're... you're free...
Your car will get out now.

713
00:42:24,740 --> 00:42:26,860
It's stuck.

714
00:42:26,900 --> 00:42:30,580
It's sitting on
the fuel tank! Look!

715
00:42:30,620 --> 00:42:33,660
So here's the situation,
we've got one caravan
left and it's soggy.

716
00:42:33,700 --> 00:42:35,620
Damp, yes, very.

717
00:42:37,300 --> 00:42:40,420
We aren't allowed
to stay in a hotel,
even if we could find one.

718
00:42:40,460 --> 00:42:41,700
Which we won't.

719
00:42:42,460 --> 00:42:43,500
Mm.

720
00:42:47,820 --> 00:42:51,300
What if...
we stay in a castle?

721
00:42:51,340 --> 00:42:54,100
There isn't a rule that says
you can't stay in a castle,
is there?

722
00:42:54,140 --> 00:42:55,700
But there isn't a castle.

723
00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:58,220
Well, we're in Scotland.
There'll be one in 300 meters.

724
00:42:58,260 --> 00:43:00,060
It doesn't require...
There are...

725
00:43:00,100 --> 00:43:02,260
And they're all empty
'cause nobody's allowed
to use their second homes.

726
00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:04,220
And castles
are always second homes.

727
00:43:04,260 --> 00:43:05,980
Unless you're part
of the Royal Family.

728
00:43:06,020 --> 00:43:07,540
The fact is,
you could be
onto something.

729
00:43:07,580 --> 00:43:09,100
All we've gotta do
is find a castle.

730
00:43:09,140 --> 00:43:11,140
Find a castle.

731
00:43:11,180 --> 00:43:12,620
With that decided,

732
00:43:12,660 --> 00:43:14,580
we got Hammond
out of the ditch...

733
00:43:19,220 --> 00:43:21,660
...and went in search
of a castle.

734
00:43:28,660 --> 00:43:31,700
James May,
I never thought
I'd say this to you,

735
00:43:31,740 --> 00:43:34,340
but your udder
has come off.

736
00:43:34,380 --> 00:43:36,460
Don't ever
say that to me again.

737
00:43:37,900 --> 00:43:40,500
The terrain
was very rough.

738
00:43:41,300 --> 00:43:42,860
Bollocks.

739
00:43:42,900 --> 00:43:44,580
What the hell?

740
00:43:50,900 --> 00:43:52,660
Oh, brilliant.

741
00:43:56,740 --> 00:43:58,980
I've done some
damage underneath.

742
00:44:04,260 --> 00:44:07,660
But mercifully,
after just two miles...

743
00:44:15,900 --> 00:44:18,500
we did find what
we were looking for.

744
00:44:33,220 --> 00:44:35,340
Yeah. This is ideal.

745
00:44:39,020 --> 00:44:42,740
We settled
down for the night
in someone else's castle,

746
00:44:45,940 --> 00:44:49,220
and the next morning,
having admired their view,

747
00:44:51,660 --> 00:44:56,620
James scuttled off
to the kitchen to deploy
his cooking skills again.

748
00:44:59,580 --> 00:45:03,380
It's a deconstructed
and deep-fried kedgeree,
in effect.

749
00:45:03,420 --> 00:45:07,180
So you have a kipper,
a rice ball and an egg.

750
00:45:07,940 --> 00:45:09,020
All deep-fried?

751
00:45:09,060 --> 00:45:10,580
All deep-fried. Enjoy.

752
00:45:10,620 --> 00:45:11,700
I am intrigued.

753
00:45:11,740 --> 00:45:13,860
Um... marvelous.
Well done, you.

754
00:45:15,060 --> 00:45:17,980
Now, our job
on this mission,
as you know,

755
00:45:18,820 --> 00:45:20,940
was... Mm.

756
00:45:21,860 --> 00:45:22,980
Mm-hmm.

757
00:45:23,020 --> 00:45:25,220
-Mm.
-What?

758
00:45:25,260 --> 00:45:27,020
Well, it's...
interesting flavors.

759
00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:28,340
That's challenging.

760
00:45:28,380 --> 00:45:29,860
The kipper's
good, though, isn't it?

761
00:45:31,380 --> 00:45:33,180
I like kippers
and I like batter.

762
00:45:33,220 --> 00:45:34,620
Yeah, I love kippers.
I love batter.

763
00:45:34,660 --> 00:45:36,980
I also like marshmallow
and a nice pencil.

764
00:45:37,020 --> 00:45:38,300
- Yeah.

765
00:45:38,340 --> 00:45:40,380
But I don't want them all
in one big congealed lump.

766
00:45:40,420 --> 00:45:41,820
Now,
I've been thinking.

767
00:45:41,860 --> 00:45:44,380
Our job on this was not
to steal somebody's house...

768
00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:46,900
and deep-fry
everything we could find.

769
00:45:46,940 --> 00:45:48,420
Um...

770
00:45:48,460 --> 00:45:51,420
it was to work out
why American cars

771
00:45:51,460 --> 00:45:53,580
-haven't... or never
caught on.
-Yes.

772
00:45:53,620 --> 00:45:57,140
This scale
of not catching on...
in the 1970s,

773
00:45:57,180 --> 00:46:01,100
we in the UK bought
nine-and-a-few
thousand...

774
00:46:01,140 --> 00:46:04,060
US-built cars, nine-and-a-bit
thousand, okay?

775
00:46:04,100 --> 00:46:08,940
We bought 2,47,000
Soviet-made cars.

776
00:46:08,980 --> 00:46:12,020
A big contributor
to the success of
Soviet cars in Britain

777
00:46:12,060 --> 00:46:13,740
was the, uh,
People's Republic
of South Yorkshire.

778
00:46:13,780 --> 00:46:16,340
Well, it was. It was mainly
where people bought Ladas.

779
00:46:16,380 --> 00:46:17,540
Yeah.

780
00:46:17,580 --> 00:46:19,260
And what have
we established so far?

781
00:46:19,940 --> 00:46:21,460
That we like our cars...

782
00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:22,780
I love my car.

783
00:46:22,820 --> 00:46:24,540
Love them,
but they are flawed.

784
00:46:24,580 --> 00:46:26,820
-Quite big.
-Very, very, very big.

785
00:46:26,860 --> 00:46:29,420
Yeah, quite difficult
to maneuver in
many parts of Britain.

786
00:46:29,460 --> 00:46:31,860
Yes. And yours
is very unreliable.

787
00:46:31,900 --> 00:46:33,020
It's flamboyant.

788
00:46:33,060 --> 00:46:35,100
But that's our cars.
We've also established

789
00:46:35,140 --> 00:46:38,740
that slightly smaller cars,
such as the PT Cruiser...

790
00:46:38,780 --> 00:46:40,300
and the Aztek and so on,

791
00:46:40,340 --> 00:46:43,540
the worst cars, amongst
the worst cars ever made.

792
00:46:43,580 --> 00:46:45,060
Hateful garbage.

793
00:46:45,100 --> 00:46:48,460
But here's the thing,
we must never forget

794
00:46:48,500 --> 00:46:52,300
America also made
some absolute corkers.

795
00:47:55,100 --> 00:47:57,860
Inspired by
this back catalogue,

796
00:47:57,900 --> 00:48:00,100
we chose our favorite
muscle cars,

797
00:48:02,620 --> 00:48:05,580
and then used them
to go for something else

798
00:48:05,620 --> 00:48:07,580
that America populized.

799
00:48:08,300 --> 00:48:09,780
A pizza.

800
00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:13,340
But you... I still say
you can have pineapple on it.

801
00:48:13,380 --> 00:48:14,460
-You can't.
-With ham.

802
00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:15,740
-No, you can't have.
-A Sloppy Giuseppe,

803
00:48:15,780 --> 00:48:16,780
-that's what you
have to have...
-No, with ham.

804
00:48:16,820 --> 00:48:17,940
-Ooh, God!
-No, no pineapple...

805
00:48:17,980 --> 00:48:19,340
I've just remembered
something.

806
00:48:19,380 --> 00:48:20,900
You know my mate, John?

807
00:48:20,940 --> 00:48:22,940
Everyone calls him Tramp.

808
00:48:22,980 --> 00:48:24,460
He's invited us

809
00:48:24,500 --> 00:48:26,540
for a perfectly
straightforward
shooting weekend.

810
00:48:26,580 --> 00:48:27,660
When?

811
00:48:27,700 --> 00:48:31,460
Well, we've gotta
be there in 37 minutes.

812
00:48:31,500 --> 00:48:36,900
What? Pizza Express
to Tramp's in 37 minutes?
That's not possible.

813
00:48:37,860 --> 00:48:39,060
Or is it?

814
00:48:58,420 --> 00:49:02,820
There have been a great many
fabulous muscle cars
over the years,

815
00:49:02,860 --> 00:49:04,780
but this is my favorite,
the Mustang.

816
00:49:11,060 --> 00:49:16,540
The Mustang was
the fastest-selling car
of all time.

817
00:49:16,580 --> 00:49:18,740
A record that's
never been beaten.

818
00:49:18,780 --> 00:49:23,460
They sold 22,000
on the first day!

819
00:49:23,500 --> 00:49:26,620
This particular example,
the GT500,

820
00:49:26,660 --> 00:49:28,740
built in 1967,

821
00:49:28,780 --> 00:49:32,620
and I cannot think of
any car that suits the mood

822
00:49:32,660 --> 00:49:35,060
of the moment more perfectly.

823
00:49:39,900 --> 00:49:42,060
Color television
has just arrived.

824
00:49:42,100 --> 00:49:45,860
The Apollo space program
was just beginning.

825
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:51,180
We were all listening to
Sgt. Pepper and Fleetwood Mac
and Jimi Hendrix.

826
00:49:51,220 --> 00:49:55,900
But in America, the family man
could buy a seven-liter Mustang!

827
00:50:03,180 --> 00:50:07,740
This, viewers, is a 1969
Chevrolet Camaro Z/28.

828
00:50:11,220 --> 00:50:13,180
It was Chevrolet's
response to the Mustang,

829
00:50:13,220 --> 00:50:15,740
which they thought
was a bit slabby.

830
00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:19,580
So they came up with
something more curvaceous.

831
00:50:19,620 --> 00:50:22,900
This muscle car feels
particularly agricultural.

832
00:50:22,940 --> 00:50:25,300
We imagine that
the Americans didn't
realize that.

833
00:50:25,340 --> 00:50:27,060
But I think they did.

834
00:50:27,100 --> 00:50:30,460
I think they knew
and they just thought,
"Well, sod it. It's a laugh."

835
00:50:31,820 --> 00:50:34,700
That's what was great
about America in those days.

836
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:39,500
Optimism, hope,
unashamed consumption.

837
00:50:43,500 --> 00:50:45,540
Britain, of course,
saw the Mustang

838
00:50:45,580 --> 00:50:48,420
and all the cars it inspired,
such as this one, and thought,

839
00:50:48,460 --> 00:50:49,660
"Yeah, we'll have
a go at that,"

840
00:50:49,700 --> 00:50:52,980
and gave us the Capri,

841
00:50:53,020 --> 00:50:57,260
which was available
with a 1.3-liter engine.

842
00:50:57,300 --> 00:50:59,460
Why were we so meek?

843
00:51:07,300 --> 00:51:08,900
The Dodge Charger,

844
00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:12,820
one of my
all-time favorite cars
and one of the greats.

845
00:51:12,860 --> 00:51:16,300
Specifically this 1968
second-generation version

846
00:51:16,340 --> 00:51:19,100
ofBullitt
andDukes of Hazzard fame.

847
00:51:19,140 --> 00:51:21,980
I mean, just look at it,
it screams "legend."

848
00:51:22,020 --> 00:51:25,620
The Charger was aimed
at young people specifically,

849
00:51:25,660 --> 00:51:28,620
which today would mean
"make it so small and bland

850
00:51:28,660 --> 00:51:32,060
as to be invisible
and give it the engine
from a pencil sharpener."

851
00:51:32,100 --> 00:51:34,260
Back then it meant
"give it a huge V8,

852
00:51:34,300 --> 00:51:36,740
bonnet scoops
and flared haunches."

853
00:51:36,780 --> 00:51:38,180
They were fun!

854
00:51:43,380 --> 00:51:46,900
Uh, what is
a perfectly straightforward
shooting weekend anyway?

855
00:51:46,940 --> 00:51:48,780
I've no idea.

856
00:51:48,820 --> 00:51:50,780
I don't think anyone
in the world knows

857
00:51:50,820 --> 00:51:53,500
what a perfectly
straightforward
shooting weekend is.

858
00:51:53,540 --> 00:51:54,940
They're all different.

859
00:51:55,420 --> 00:51:57,380
Uh-oh. Chaps?

860
00:51:58,780 --> 00:51:59,860
Yes?

861
00:52:02,020 --> 00:52:03,340
-Died.

862
00:52:03,380 --> 00:52:05,620
-Oh!

863
00:52:05,660 --> 00:52:08,980
Hammond,
do you mind not doing that?
I've had a heart attack.

864
00:52:10,300 --> 00:52:12,620
It turned out that
a detached brake caliper

865
00:52:12,660 --> 00:52:16,500
had broken the wheel,
which had jammed the gearbox,

866
00:52:16,540 --> 00:52:19,260
and that caused
the engine to explode.

867
00:52:19,300 --> 00:52:21,140
But since the clock
was running,

868
00:52:21,180 --> 00:52:26,180
Jeremy and I had to leave
Britain's unluckiest driver
and press on.

869
00:52:32,700 --> 00:52:34,300
This is ridiculous.

870
00:52:34,340 --> 00:52:37,460
It's like driving
to Barnard Castle to see
if your eyesight works.

871
00:52:58,100 --> 00:53:00,260
But despite this,
we did make it

872
00:53:00,300 --> 00:53:04,860
from Pizza Express
to Tramp's in 37 minutes.

873
00:53:06,780 --> 00:53:09,340
We've made it.
We have made it.

874
00:53:10,660 --> 00:53:12,060
Oh, yes.

875
00:53:13,820 --> 00:53:16,420
But while we'd
made it on time,

876
00:53:17,740 --> 00:53:20,460
there was a problem.

877
00:53:20,500 --> 00:53:22,620
I'm not sure
we're blending in terribly well

878
00:53:22,660 --> 00:53:25,700
on this perfectly
straightforward
shooting weekend.

879
00:53:25,740 --> 00:53:29,060
Well...
It could be worse.

880
00:53:35,100 --> 00:53:36,860
- Oh.

881
00:53:41,820 --> 00:53:43,660
What are you wearing?

882
00:53:43,700 --> 00:53:46,500
Yeah, I know, I...
I've overdone this.

883
00:53:46,540 --> 00:53:48,940
I am sweating
with embarrassment.

884
00:53:48,980 --> 00:53:52,780
Well, you're lucky.
After what happened
in Argentina, I can't sweat.

885
00:53:52,820 --> 00:53:54,020
-Really?
-No.

886
00:53:54,060 --> 00:53:55,540
-You can't sweat?
-No, not a thing.

887
00:53:55,580 --> 00:53:58,100
This was inspired
by my car.
It's misled me.

888
00:54:01,220 --> 00:54:02,740
A text from Mr. Wilman.

889
00:54:03,740 --> 00:54:06,180
A long one.

890
00:54:06,220 --> 00:54:08,900
"You have
finally uncovered
the main problem

891
00:54:08,940 --> 00:54:12,660
with owning an American car
in Europe, it's embarrassing."

892
00:54:13,300 --> 00:54:15,260
Mm.

893
00:54:15,300 --> 00:54:16,380
We don't blend.

894
00:54:16,420 --> 00:54:17,620
It is a bit.

895
00:54:17,660 --> 00:54:19,140
It doesn't fit.

896
00:54:19,180 --> 00:54:22,700
"But if there was a community
where American car enthusiasts

897
00:54:22,740 --> 00:54:26,420
could live side by side
with people who shared
their passion,

898
00:54:26,460 --> 00:54:28,820
it wouldn't
be embarrassing.

899
00:54:28,860 --> 00:54:31,500
So I've created a small town
in the Outer Hebrides

900
00:54:31,540 --> 00:54:33,620
where people can do just that.

901
00:54:33,660 --> 00:54:35,660
And that's where
you're headed now."

902
00:54:35,700 --> 00:54:38,100
-So, yes, no,
what he's...
-You can actually...

903
00:54:38,140 --> 00:54:41,220
he's thinking a bit like
a sort of a drug-dependency
support group.

904
00:54:41,260 --> 00:54:43,980
You go there knowing that
everybody else is like you.

905
00:54:44,020 --> 00:54:46,100
Exactly, every...
'Cause you obviously
turn up here,

906
00:54:46,140 --> 00:54:48,100
cars like this,
as we've just done.

907
00:54:48,140 --> 00:54:49,500
Bollocks, isn't it?

908
00:54:49,540 --> 00:54:53,860
People go, "God above, Darren,
Gary and Kevin are here."

909
00:54:55,300 --> 00:54:57,980
But if there was
a community...

910
00:54:59,220 --> 00:55:01,340
We'll be amongst
our own kind.

911
00:55:01,380 --> 00:55:03,660
You could say,
"Can I get a burger?"

912
00:55:03,700 --> 00:55:06,580
Yeah. You can have
cheese on everything.

913
00:55:06,620 --> 00:55:09,140
-And a strawberry
on your laundry...
-Yes, strawberry.

914
00:55:09,180 --> 00:55:10,740
A strawberry.
-You could actually say...

915
00:55:10,780 --> 00:55:12,780
And nobody will look at you
because they're all doing it.

916
00:55:12,820 --> 00:55:14,140
-Everyone is
in the same boat.
-It's brilliant.

917
00:55:14,180 --> 00:55:15,540
Well done, Mr. Wilman.

918
00:55:15,580 --> 00:55:17,140
That's not
a bad idea, actually.

919
00:55:17,180 --> 00:55:18,660
That's... hmm, yes,
that's inspired...

920
00:55:18,700 --> 00:55:21,580
And I've just...
I've just thought...

921
00:55:21,620 --> 00:55:24,380
If we're going to this island
where everything's American

922
00:55:24,420 --> 00:55:27,580
and everybody drives
an American car,

923
00:55:27,620 --> 00:55:31,260
why don't we make
our cars more American?

924
00:55:31,300 --> 00:55:35,260
I know your Cadillac
is as American as
an eagle made of cheese,

925
00:55:35,300 --> 00:55:37,300
but make it more American.

926
00:55:37,340 --> 00:55:41,020
We'll modify them,
and then we'll arrive
on the island

927
00:55:41,060 --> 00:55:43,220
in very American cars.

928
00:55:43,260 --> 00:55:45,620
He will be so happy.

929
00:55:45,660 --> 00:55:47,900
I can only think
of an eagle
made of cheese now.

930
00:55:51,820 --> 00:55:53,460
Two days later,

931
00:55:55,420 --> 00:55:58,940
we set off on
a 200-mile journey

932
00:55:58,980 --> 00:56:05,140
to Mr. Wilman's Hebridean island
in our newly modified cars.

933
00:56:10,980 --> 00:56:12,460
Let me talk you
through what I've done.

934
00:56:12,500 --> 00:56:14,820
I focused initially
on repairing things.

935
00:56:14,860 --> 00:56:16,540
I've repaired the windscreen
wiper as best I can.

936
00:56:16,580 --> 00:56:19,940
I've used waterless coolant
to try and solve
the overheating problems.

937
00:56:19,980 --> 00:56:23,260
And then... Well, if you
look closely at the front here,

938
00:56:23,300 --> 00:56:25,020
I fitted the massive
supercharger

939
00:56:25,060 --> 00:56:26,500
you can see sticking
out of the bonnet.

940
00:56:28,500 --> 00:56:30,100
Gains about 100
horsepower from that.

941
00:56:36,660 --> 00:56:39,860
And having done
the supercharger
at that end,

942
00:56:39,900 --> 00:56:42,540
I needed something
visually to balance it

943
00:56:42,580 --> 00:56:44,380
to make it a cohesive whole.

944
00:56:44,420 --> 00:56:48,540
So I fitted the Plymouth
Road Runner-style
wing at the back.

945
00:56:56,780 --> 00:57:00,700
Hello, viewers.
I've turned my
Cadillac Coupe DeVille

946
00:57:00,740 --> 00:57:03,700
into a low-ri-der.

947
00:57:07,340 --> 00:57:09,180
Three inches
lower at the front.

948
00:57:09,220 --> 00:57:10,660
It's two inches
lower at the back,

949
00:57:10,700 --> 00:57:14,220
courtesy of heavy-duty
Land Rover Defender springs.

950
00:57:14,260 --> 00:57:18,860
A two-and-a-half-inch
straight-through
side-mounted exhaust.

951
00:57:20,580 --> 00:57:24,780
Now, this was already
a very cool, very relaxed car.

952
00:57:24,820 --> 00:57:28,460
It's now even cooler
and relaxeder.

953
00:57:31,100 --> 00:57:32,740
-Uh-oh.

954
00:57:34,740 --> 00:57:37,340
I may have overdone
the lowering a bit.

955
00:57:40,580 --> 00:57:45,260
This thing is now wearing
white-letter heavy-duty boots
and it's worked well.

956
00:57:48,620 --> 00:57:53,540
I've also addressed
my power issues
by fitting nitrous injection.

957
00:57:57,660 --> 00:57:59,580
It's perfectly straightforward.

958
00:57:59,620 --> 00:58:02,300
Instead of mixing the petrol
with ordinary air before it
goes into the engine,

959
00:58:02,340 --> 00:58:05,820
it's mixed with a blend
of nitrogen and oxygen.

960
00:58:05,860 --> 00:58:09,100
Let's try it out.
Engage system
with toggle switch.

961
00:58:09,140 --> 00:58:10,340
Prime the tank.

962
00:58:11,260 --> 00:58:12,420
Firing...

963
00:58:19,100 --> 00:58:23,220
That makes no diff...
Why does that not make
any difference at all?

964
00:58:26,660 --> 00:58:29,820
Did you
make other modifications
to the fuel system

965
00:58:29,860 --> 00:58:31,980
apart from putting
the nitrous bottle in?

966
00:58:32,020 --> 00:58:33,620
Yes, I did.

967
00:58:33,660 --> 00:58:35,260
What did you do?

968
00:58:35,300 --> 00:58:36,700
Many things.

969
00:58:37,660 --> 00:58:39,180
He hasn't done it, has he?

970
00:58:39,220 --> 00:58:41,900
Did you alter the timing?

971
00:58:41,940 --> 00:58:43,260
I advanced it.

972
00:58:45,460 --> 00:58:48,220
What would happen
if I hadn't done anything
to the timing

973
00:58:48,260 --> 00:58:51,020
-or anything like that?

974
00:58:51,060 --> 00:58:52,220
I think...

975
00:58:52,260 --> 00:58:53,940
Yeah, you'd have
made the mixture lean

976
00:58:53,980 --> 00:58:55,940
and you'd probably
melt the pistons.

977
00:58:55,980 --> 00:58:58,780
Well, I'll get a grandstand view
of the explosion from back here

978
00:58:58,820 --> 00:59:01,900
if I can see it round
my supercharger.

979
00:59:01,940 --> 00:59:07,060
See around it?
Is your supercharger
actually in the way, then?

980
00:59:07,100 --> 00:59:10,300
Um, only in...
in certain directions.

981
00:59:10,340 --> 00:59:13,740
Um, if I look forwards,
for instance, yes, it...

982
00:59:13,780 --> 00:59:15,260
it blocks the view.

983
00:59:16,300 --> 00:59:19,100
He can't see!

984
00:59:22,660 --> 00:59:28,100
Later, I discovered
another issue that had been
caused by the modifications.

985
00:59:31,700 --> 00:59:33,380
That's my tire.

986
00:59:38,940 --> 00:59:43,620
The sound of my tires
catching on the bodywork.

987
00:59:46,620 --> 00:59:49,700
I've really cocked
this up, haven't I?

988
00:59:55,340 --> 00:59:57,380
We continued our journey north,

989
00:59:57,420 --> 01:00:01,980
against the ever-familiar
backdrop of Scotland's weather.

990
01:00:03,460 --> 01:00:06,580
God really did mess up
with Scotland, didn't he,

991
01:00:06,620 --> 01:00:08,980
'cause, "Oh, look at that.
It's my best work.

992
01:00:09,020 --> 01:00:11,860
And now it's gonna
rain constantly."

993
01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:13,660
Yeah,
he made something
really rather beautiful

994
01:00:13,700 --> 01:00:17,020
and then covered it
with a tatty old sheet
in the form of the weather.

995
01:00:17,060 --> 01:00:19,580
It's interesting that
in the Islamic world,

996
01:00:19,620 --> 01:00:23,900
artifacts can't be perfect
because only God
is capable of perfection.

997
01:00:23,940 --> 01:00:26,860
But in Christian society,
we like to think that God

998
01:00:26,900 --> 01:00:28,900
introduces some imperfection
and flaws into the world

999
01:00:28,940 --> 01:00:32,980
lest we should be blinded
and driven mad by its beauty.

1000
01:00:33,020 --> 01:00:36,660
James, are your side pipes
putting fumes into the cabin?

1001
01:00:36,700 --> 01:00:39,500
He began that by saying,
"It's interesting, isn't it,"

1002
01:00:39,540 --> 01:00:43,900
and then proceeded
to not be interesting
for the next ten minutes.

1003
01:00:48,900 --> 01:00:52,100
Eventually, though,
the rain eased,

1004
01:00:52,140 --> 01:00:54,980
which meant we could
enjoy a lovely view

1005
01:00:56,980 --> 01:00:59,140
while Hammond mended his car.

1006
01:01:01,860 --> 01:01:04,540
- What up?
- That's
a split fuel tank.

1007
01:01:04,580 --> 01:01:06,700
I don't think there's
any denying that.

1008
01:01:06,740 --> 01:01:09,140
Could you make it to
that village down there?

1009
01:01:09,180 --> 01:01:11,620
-Probably.
-'Cause they'll have
a petrol tank welding center,

1010
01:01:11,660 --> 01:01:12,780
-I'm sure of it.
-Mm.

1011
01:01:12,820 --> 01:01:14,060
It's quite difficult
to weld a petrol tank.

1012
01:01:14,100 --> 01:01:15,620
You've gotta be
very careful with that.

1013
01:01:15,660 --> 01:01:18,620
I need to find
something that I can
gum it up with.

1014
01:01:18,660 --> 01:01:20,340
Sticky tape? Duct tape?

1015
01:01:20,380 --> 01:01:21,580
Well, it's an interesting
proposition

1016
01:01:21,620 --> 01:01:23,620
'cause petrol dissolves
most adhesives. So...

1017
01:01:23,660 --> 01:01:25,740
Yes, James, it's
an interesting proposition.

1018
01:01:25,780 --> 01:01:28,220
Meanwhile, my car's
life blood is draining away.

1019
01:01:30,980 --> 01:01:34,460
Having solved
the problem with some of
my nicotine gum,

1020
01:01:36,380 --> 01:01:40,220
we stopped
looking at the view
and drove into it.

1021
01:02:29,860 --> 01:02:33,180
I really do like this car.
I like the way it looks now.

1022
01:02:33,220 --> 01:02:37,500
I always like the way it looks.
Now I like the way
it looks even more.

1023
01:02:37,540 --> 01:02:41,300
It's supremely comfortable
and it's got a Cartier clock,

1024
01:02:41,340 --> 01:02:43,900
which is absolutely beautiful.

1025
01:02:43,940 --> 01:02:48,620
It moves me, that clock,
moves me with its beauty.

1026
01:02:48,660 --> 01:02:53,620
How many cars
have we ever kept
from our television shows?

1027
01:02:53,660 --> 01:02:57,620
Uh... Well I...
well, I kept Oliver,
the Opel Kadett.

1028
01:02:57,660 --> 01:03:01,380
I've kept the Alfa,
the Bentley
and the Excellent.

1029
01:03:01,420 --> 01:03:04,020
I've only kept
my beach buggy.

1030
01:03:04,060 --> 01:03:06,100
Not many, then,
out of all the hundreds.

1031
01:03:06,140 --> 01:03:09,060
I think I know what you're
thinking now.

1032
01:03:09,100 --> 01:03:11,540
I really want this
Lincoln in my life.

1033
01:03:11,580 --> 01:03:14,420
I do not want
to give up my Riviera.
I love it.

1034
01:03:14,460 --> 01:03:16,180
What about the Cadillac?

1035
01:03:16,220 --> 01:03:18,980
Well, I will admit
it may have, yes,

1036
01:03:19,020 --> 01:03:22,100
got under my skin a bit
and I may actually love it,

1037
01:03:22,140 --> 01:03:23,980
especially now
it's a low-rider.

1038
01:03:27,020 --> 01:03:32,260
As the light faded,
we found the nearest
castle to stay in.

1039
01:03:33,660 --> 01:03:35,900
And that night,
Hammond and I

1040
01:03:35,940 --> 01:03:39,620
decided to replace
James' missing wheel spat.

1041
01:03:43,780 --> 01:03:48,100
And the next morning,
he was very grateful.

1042
01:03:48,140 --> 01:03:51,260
Clarkson!

1043
01:03:51,300 --> 01:03:53,940
That's a particularly
shoddy piece of work.

1044
01:03:53,980 --> 01:03:55,660
Whoa, whoa,
wait a minute!

1045
01:03:55,700 --> 01:03:58,020
Two American stars
on your American car...

1046
01:03:58,060 --> 01:03:59,940
-Exactly.
-...that is
an enhanced spat.

1047
01:03:59,980 --> 01:04:01,780
But you could have
made an effort to make it fit.

1048
01:04:01,820 --> 01:04:02,860
I mean, what are these...

1049
01:04:02,900 --> 01:04:04,740
Just... You've just driven

1050
01:04:04,780 --> 01:04:07,860
ugly cross-headed
self-tapping screws
into my Cadillac.

1051
01:04:07,900 --> 01:04:09,460
It's fixed, though.

1052
01:04:24,460 --> 01:04:29,100
As we continued
to head for Mr. Wilman's
American island,

1053
01:04:29,140 --> 01:04:32,060
we came across
an important piece of road

1054
01:04:32,100 --> 01:04:34,820
for the nation's
car enthusiasts.

1055
01:04:41,620 --> 01:04:44,660
Right, this is Britain's
Stelvio Pass,

1056
01:04:47,340 --> 01:04:48,380
the Applecross.

1057
01:04:49,540 --> 01:04:50,820
That's what it's called.

1058
01:04:57,020 --> 01:04:58,780
This is an opportunity
to find out

1059
01:04:58,820 --> 01:05:03,660
how our cars will manage
on an alpine road.

1060
01:05:03,700 --> 01:05:06,740
Science is about to happen.

1061
01:05:06,780 --> 01:05:10,420
I'm with you.
A scientific experiment, yes.

1062
01:05:10,460 --> 01:05:12,020
Right, here we go.

1063
01:05:19,340 --> 01:05:22,140
Gawd streuth. Oh.

1064
01:05:25,180 --> 01:05:28,700
Yeah, that... that...
that is a problem.

1065
01:05:28,740 --> 01:05:33,700
Um... I can't see
through the windscreen
because it mists up.

1066
01:05:33,740 --> 01:05:35,460
And on the other side,
the windscreen wiper
isn't working.

1067
01:05:35,500 --> 01:05:37,340
But even if I could see
through the windscreen,

1068
01:05:37,380 --> 01:05:42,060
on the other side of it
is the supercharger,
which is dominating the view.

1069
01:05:47,060 --> 01:05:48,220
Impossible to see...

1070
01:05:52,460 --> 01:05:53,820
Yeah...

1071
01:05:56,820 --> 01:06:00,620
This specific American car
is struggling a little bit

1072
01:06:00,660 --> 01:06:04,380
with this specific
bit of the UK.

1073
01:06:05,980 --> 01:06:08,460
All right, coming up
to this hairpin bend.

1074
01:06:08,500 --> 01:06:11,780
Preparing myself mentally
for the challenge.

1075
01:06:11,820 --> 01:06:13,020
And here we go.

1076
01:06:13,700 --> 01:06:16,420
And... braking nicely.

1077
01:06:26,300 --> 01:06:27,540
She's round!

1078
01:06:28,940 --> 01:06:30,620
Quite a lot of mist.

1079
01:06:34,500 --> 01:06:35,900
Oh, dear.

1080
01:06:37,100 --> 01:06:38,180
What?

1081
01:06:40,540 --> 01:06:43,620
How have we ended up driving
on the other side of the road?

1082
01:06:59,580 --> 01:07:02,100
We're about to
drive into a cloud.

1083
01:07:05,060 --> 01:07:08,340
Eventually,
we reached the top of the pass,

1084
01:07:08,380 --> 01:07:10,700
got out to look
at the famous view...

1085
01:07:17,500 --> 01:07:19,380
...and then set off
back down again.

1086
01:07:24,620 --> 01:07:27,540
It... Oh, sh...
I've gone off the road.

1087
01:07:29,300 --> 01:07:32,460
Oh, there we go.
Now...

1088
01:07:32,500 --> 01:07:35,340
Yeah. When I
thought this morning,

1089
01:07:35,380 --> 01:07:40,620
"Let's go up that
switchback mountain road
in our two-door V8 coupes,"

1090
01:07:40,660 --> 01:07:43,740
it didn't look like this
in my head.

1091
01:07:43,780 --> 01:07:46,460
I should have known
when I put a duffel coat on.

1092
01:07:46,500 --> 01:07:48,940
You don't see
a Formula 1 driver
getting into his car

1093
01:07:48,980 --> 01:07:50,660
in a duffel coat, do you?

1094
01:07:55,260 --> 01:07:58,460
Later that day,
we reached
the Isle of Skye.

1095
01:08:03,220 --> 01:08:10,060
And having crossed that,
we boarded a ferry to
the island of North Uist.

1096
01:08:12,300 --> 01:08:18,260
And once we were underway,
we engaged in some
light automotive philosophy.

1097
01:08:20,060 --> 01:08:23,020
You know,
the funny thing is...

1098
01:08:23,060 --> 01:08:26,300
when you see someone
driving an American car
in Britain,

1099
01:08:26,340 --> 01:08:28,300
you know everything
about them.

1100
01:08:28,340 --> 01:08:31,020
You know that Trump
makes them plump,

1101
01:08:31,060 --> 01:08:33,140
they've got
a Confederate flag
in the garage...

1102
01:08:33,180 --> 01:08:34,860
-Yeah.
-...they only drink Bud.

1103
01:08:34,900 --> 01:08:36,700
When you see someone
driving a Fiat,

1104
01:08:36,740 --> 01:08:39,220
you don't think,
"Well, I bet he waves
his arms around

1105
01:08:39,260 --> 01:08:41,020
and has a weird relationship
with his mother."

1106
01:08:41,060 --> 01:08:42,420
Or someone in a Volvo,
you don't think,

1107
01:08:42,460 --> 01:08:43,900
"Oh, I bet he gets naked
and then rolls around

1108
01:08:43,940 --> 01:08:45,020
in the snow
with his neighbors."

1109
01:08:45,060 --> 01:08:46,700
-Exactly.
-But that's what I mean,

1110
01:08:46,740 --> 01:08:48,380
you don't make assumptions
based on the car's
nationality at all.

1111
01:08:48,420 --> 01:08:50,420
No, you don't, you don't.
But with an American car...

1112
01:08:50,460 --> 01:08:52,460
- You do.
-...you absolutely do.

1113
01:08:52,500 --> 01:08:54,020
You're absolutely right
because if, for example...

1114
01:08:54,060 --> 01:08:55,540
I mean, let's just
take a hypothetical case,

1115
01:08:55,580 --> 01:08:59,140
if you saw a classic Mustang,
say a dark-green one,

1116
01:08:59,180 --> 01:09:00,940
and it was being driven
by Richard Hammond,

1117
01:09:00,980 --> 01:09:04,020
all you can see is his face
just sticking up above
the steering wheel,

1118
01:09:04,060 --> 01:09:06,500
but you'd still think,
"I bet he's wearing
cowboy boots."

1119
01:09:08,060 --> 01:09:11,020
And he is.
The only thing he doesn't do

1120
01:09:11,060 --> 01:09:13,580
that he should as
an American car enthusiast

1121
01:09:14,620 --> 01:09:16,260
is play golf.

1122
01:09:16,300 --> 01:09:17,860
Yeah. Pfft!

1123
01:09:17,900 --> 01:09:19,260
What do you mean, "Yeeah"?

1124
01:09:19,300 --> 01:09:21,340
Yeah.

1125
01:09:21,380 --> 01:09:24,660
-"Yeeah, yeeah."
-Have you got something
you'd like to share?

1126
01:09:24,700 --> 01:09:28,220
My name's Richard Hammond
and I've taken up golf recently.
I've been having lessons.

1127
01:09:35,900 --> 01:09:37,500
-Seriously?
-Yeah.

1128
01:09:37,540 --> 01:09:40,500
I bought a set of golf clubs
and I've been having lessons,

1129
01:09:40,540 --> 01:09:42,860
twice a week
at my local golf course.

1130
01:09:43,980 --> 01:09:45,900
Why have you taken up golf?

1131
01:09:45,940 --> 01:09:47,420
My mates seemed to be
really enjoying it.

1132
01:09:47,460 --> 01:09:49,140
So I went round
with them and I tried it.

1133
01:09:49,180 --> 01:09:50,860
And it was really,
really h... it's hard.

1134
01:09:50,900 --> 01:09:52,100
-It's, like, honestly,
it's really hard--
-I'm not interested.

1135
01:09:52,140 --> 01:09:53,180
And so then
I've had lessons.

1136
01:09:53,220 --> 01:09:55,620
I was having quite
an interesting...

1137
01:09:55,660 --> 01:09:57,620
thought process there
about American cars

1138
01:09:57,660 --> 01:10:00,500
and now suddenly,
my day's been ruined.

1139
01:10:00,540 --> 01:10:04,220
Somebody I've actually
enjoyed working with
for the last 15 years,

1140
01:10:04,260 --> 01:10:06,780
it turns out, is weird.

1141
01:10:10,100 --> 01:10:14,100
Fortunately,
the conversation was
interrupted at this point

1142
01:10:14,140 --> 01:10:17,460
because we had reached
the extraordinary island

1143
01:10:17,940 --> 01:10:19,700
of North Uist.

1144
01:10:28,940 --> 01:10:31,860
We are on
an Outer Hebrides.

1145
01:10:42,260 --> 01:10:45,380
So the next island along
is where Mr. Wilman

1146
01:10:45,420 --> 01:10:50,900
has built his community
for American car enthusiasts.

1147
01:10:50,940 --> 01:10:52,700
I'm excited
by this idea of a...

1148
01:10:52,740 --> 01:10:57,820
a place where we can go
in our American cars
and not be embarrassed.

1149
01:10:57,860 --> 01:11:00,700
It is like nudists.

1150
01:11:00,740 --> 01:11:02,340
They wanna run around
with no clothes on,

1151
01:11:02,380 --> 01:11:04,940
but you can't do that
where everybody else
is wearing clothes.

1152
01:11:04,980 --> 01:11:06,740
You'd feel silly.

1153
01:11:06,780 --> 01:11:08,820
So they go amongst
like-minded people

1154
01:11:08,860 --> 01:11:10,780
where everyone's
doing the same.

1155
01:11:13,340 --> 01:11:15,660
Eventually, we reached
the shoreline

1156
01:11:15,700 --> 01:11:17,940
on the far side
of the island.

1157
01:11:20,180 --> 01:11:22,820
Ooh, I say,
that's rather beautiful.
Look at that.

1158
01:11:22,860 --> 01:11:25,340
That is
mighty pretty, isn't it?

1159
01:11:31,820 --> 01:11:33,700
What the bloody
hell's that lot?

1160
01:11:38,780 --> 01:11:40,580
What is it?

1161
01:11:40,620 --> 01:11:43,060
I'm wondering
if it's some sort of
temporary stage or seating.

1162
01:11:43,100 --> 01:11:44,820
It's plastic
in the sea, is what it is.

1163
01:11:44,860 --> 01:11:46,180
-It is a lot of plastic.
-I mean, look at it.

1164
01:11:46,220 --> 01:11:48,260
Well, maybe they re-use it
when there's no COVID

1165
01:11:48,300 --> 01:11:49,860
-and they have
folk music on the beach.
-Guys?

1166
01:11:49,900 --> 01:11:51,220
-It's all washed up--
-What?

1167
01:11:51,260 --> 01:11:52,780
I had a text from Wilman.

1168
01:11:52,820 --> 01:11:56,020
Right, so, that

1169
01:11:56,060 --> 01:11:58,820
is the island where
he's built the community.

1170
01:11:58,860 --> 01:12:00,380
And I'm guessing
that spiky thing

1171
01:12:00,420 --> 01:12:02,340
over there is part of it.
Can you see that?

1172
01:12:02,380 --> 01:12:03,500
What, over there?

1173
01:12:03,540 --> 01:12:05,100
- Yeah.
- Wow.

1174
01:12:05,140 --> 01:12:10,460
But to get to the island,
we have to build
a bridge out of that.

1175
01:12:10,500 --> 01:12:13,260
Is it like
a pontoony-type thing,
do you think?

1176
01:12:13,300 --> 01:12:15,420
I'm just thinking
they're full of air,
so they look floaty.

1177
01:12:15,460 --> 01:12:17,220
Well, it's not gonna
hold a car up, is it?

1178
01:12:17,260 --> 01:12:20,260
I don't know,
maybe if you have
enough of them, it would.

1179
01:12:20,300 --> 01:12:21,980
- So those...
- So these ones

1180
01:12:22,020 --> 01:12:23,620
-are already joined
together, look...
- Yeah, look, that's...

1181
01:12:23,660 --> 01:12:25,140
Yeah, that's...
that's what these...
Look, that's one of these.

1182
01:12:25,180 --> 01:12:26,500
Yeah, they're screws.

1183
01:12:26,540 --> 01:12:27,860
They screw together.

1184
01:12:27,900 --> 01:12:29,940
That's my idea of hell.

1185
01:12:29,980 --> 01:12:33,020
Oh, it's
a giant construction set!

1186
01:12:33,060 --> 01:12:36,220
Jeremy, it's like your birthday
and Christmas all at once!

1187
01:12:36,260 --> 01:12:38,100
So is that wider...
I mean, how much wider

1188
01:12:38,140 --> 01:12:39,780
than the car
does it need to be?

1189
01:12:39,820 --> 01:12:41,220
Out of how many
of these we got.

1190
01:12:41,260 --> 01:12:43,820
And out...
we've gotta go
a long bloody way!

1191
01:12:45,820 --> 01:12:47,620
All the cars
are six-foot-seven wide.

1192
01:12:47,660 --> 01:12:53,020
Two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine.

1193
01:12:53,060 --> 01:12:55,020
-Just under ten foot.
-So your feet are foot?

1194
01:12:55,060 --> 01:12:57,180
Uh, I don't know.

1195
01:12:57,220 --> 01:12:59,500
I, meanwhile,
was more interested in

1196
01:12:59,540 --> 01:13:02,100
what this community
would look like.

1197
01:13:02,140 --> 01:13:03,620
I'm guessing that...

1198
01:13:03,660 --> 01:13:04,940
It...

1199
01:13:04,980 --> 01:13:06,260
No, I'm trying
to think what there'll be.

1200
01:13:06,300 --> 01:13:08,100
There'll be a motel,

1201
01:13:08,140 --> 01:13:09,980
and in every room
there'll be two beds

1202
01:13:10,020 --> 01:13:13,460
that are far too big,
burgundy bedspreads.

1203
01:13:13,500 --> 01:13:16,020
There will be a sports bar
with hundreds of screens

1204
01:13:16,060 --> 01:13:18,700
all showing something
slightly different
but not very different.

1205
01:13:18,740 --> 01:13:20,460
Everybody will
talk to you in the lift.

1206
01:13:20,500 --> 01:13:22,260
-Elevator. I like that.
- Yes, they will...

1207
01:13:22,300 --> 01:13:23,540
"Good to know you."

1208
01:13:23,580 --> 01:13:24,620
That's what they say
when you get out of a lift.

1209
01:13:24,660 --> 01:13:26,180
Yeah,
they say good morning...

1210
01:13:26,220 --> 01:13:27,900
You... you... how...
You don't know me,
you've just met me,

1211
01:13:27,940 --> 01:13:30,020
-"Good to meet you"?
-I like that,
you have a conversation.

1212
01:13:30,060 --> 01:13:31,780
But that's
'cause you're American.

1213
01:13:34,460 --> 01:13:37,020
We got stuck
into the work...

1214
01:13:42,260 --> 01:13:43,980
Captain Nurk,
going in.

1215
01:13:45,260 --> 01:13:46,500
That must be
the doer-upperer.

1216
01:13:50,020 --> 01:13:52,900
...pausing only
for James and I
to have an argument.

1217
01:13:54,860 --> 01:13:55,940
That isn't going to work.

1218
01:13:55,980 --> 01:13:58,260
It is. I've done
a calculation, roughly.

1219
01:13:58,300 --> 01:14:01,460
Maths, James,
has no bearing on the sea.

1220
01:14:01,500 --> 01:14:03,460
-Of course it does.
-Do you think it'll work?

1221
01:14:03,500 --> 01:14:05,420
-No. Not really.

1222
01:14:16,340 --> 01:14:17,420
Going down.

1223
01:14:18,060 --> 01:14:19,100
Going down.

1224
01:14:21,420 --> 01:14:24,140
Oh, God.
Right, that is secured.

1225
01:14:24,180 --> 01:14:25,300
Good.

1226
01:14:25,340 --> 01:14:26,540
You pissed
in your own Wellingtons.

1227
01:14:26,580 --> 01:14:27,620
Yes.

1228
01:14:27,660 --> 01:14:29,380
This is very manly,
this, isn't it?

1229
01:14:29,420 --> 01:14:30,500
- This?
- Yeah.

1230
01:14:30,540 --> 01:14:31,780
I know.

1231
01:14:41,620 --> 01:14:44,100
On the third morning
of our endeavors,

1232
01:14:44,140 --> 01:14:48,780
we'd reached the point
where we needed to borrow
a boat from a local.

1233
01:14:51,260 --> 01:14:54,780
Okay, here's the situation.
Um, we've built this bit here.

1234
01:14:54,820 --> 01:14:56,900
Hammond is going to
bring the boat around here.

1235
01:14:56,940 --> 01:15:00,860
And we're now going to
tow it to the end of
what we've already built

1236
01:15:00,900 --> 01:15:03,140
where we can attach
our new section.

1237
01:15:05,620 --> 01:15:08,180
It was a simple plan,
but then it turned out

1238
01:15:08,220 --> 01:15:11,780
that Hammond
had never used
an outboard motor.

1239
01:15:13,460 --> 01:15:15,900
Uh... uh...

1240
01:15:15,940 --> 01:15:17,180
Pull the cord.

1241
01:15:17,220 --> 01:15:18,540
Where's the cord? Oh.

1242
01:15:18,580 --> 01:15:20,260
It's in the top
of the en... There.

1243
01:15:20,300 --> 01:15:21,420
-Pull it...
-I got it.

1244
01:15:25,140 --> 01:15:26,620
It works!

1245
01:15:26,660 --> 01:15:28,260
How do I make it move?

1246
01:15:28,300 --> 01:15:31,380
Twist the thing...
There you go!

1247
01:15:32,300 --> 01:15:35,060
HMS Hammond is underway.

1248
01:15:36,300 --> 01:15:37,340
Argh!

1249
01:15:38,580 --> 01:15:41,420
In your own time.
Quick as you like.

1250
01:15:46,740 --> 01:15:47,980
Are you ready?

1251
01:15:48,740 --> 01:15:50,420
Job one, tie on.

1252
01:15:51,660 --> 01:15:53,380
Right, perfect.

1253
01:15:53,420 --> 01:15:56,140
Now, pull me along.

1254
01:15:56,620 --> 01:15:58,020
Go, go. Power.

1255
01:16:04,780 --> 01:16:06,620
Oh, give me strength.

1256
01:16:06,660 --> 01:16:09,260
You pulled the bloody
fishing-rod holder off...

1257
01:16:09,300 --> 01:16:10,820
I didn't tie it
to the fishing rod.

1258
01:16:10,860 --> 01:16:12,500
Why did you tie it
to the fishing...

1259
01:16:12,540 --> 01:16:15,460
I didn't
tie it to the fishing rod,
you blithering idiot.

1260
01:16:15,500 --> 01:16:18,340
Right, are you ready?
We're setting off.

1261
01:16:28,140 --> 01:16:30,140
Ooh-ho!

1262
01:16:30,180 --> 01:16:32,180
Hammond's gone
upside down again.

1263
01:16:38,100 --> 01:16:41,660
What the f... Oh, jeez.
How has he done--

1264
01:16:53,660 --> 01:16:55,740
I'll pull you in.

1265
01:16:55,780 --> 01:16:57,780
Weirdly, none of
the other locals

1266
01:16:57,820 --> 01:16:59,900
would lend us
a boat after that.

1267
01:17:01,700 --> 01:17:06,580
So, we had to drag
the new section
into place by hand.

1268
01:17:08,460 --> 01:17:11,500
Look at this, I'm moving
100 meters of bridge

1269
01:17:12,300 --> 01:17:14,580
all by myself.

1270
01:17:14,620 --> 01:17:17,060
-Water's really
slippery, isn't it?
-Yeah.

1271
01:17:18,140 --> 01:17:20,500
Ready? Look at that
for docking.

1272
01:17:20,540 --> 01:17:22,260
There you go.

1273
01:17:23,740 --> 01:17:25,820
Work continued
for the rest of the day...

1274
01:17:33,420 --> 01:17:36,260
Ugh. Now, I need to pull
this corner in, don't we?

1275
01:17:38,540 --> 01:17:40,220
No, there's...

1276
01:17:40,260 --> 01:17:42,780
...until,
by late afternoon,

1277
01:17:42,820 --> 01:17:46,180
our arrow-straight
bridge was finished.

1278
01:18:02,500 --> 01:18:06,260
And since James was
the only one of us
who thought it would work,

1279
01:18:06,300 --> 01:18:10,020
Hammond and I decided
he should go first.

1280
01:18:14,380 --> 01:18:16,460
Ts and Ps good.

1281
01:18:16,500 --> 01:18:18,060
What is the chance

1282
01:18:18,100 --> 01:18:19,100
-of him making it...
-Minimal, I'd say.

1283
01:18:19,140 --> 01:18:20,780
...across there?
Negligible.

1284
01:18:32,180 --> 01:18:35,380
Oh, my God, the road
is floating in front of me.

1285
01:18:38,180 --> 01:18:39,860
Oh, my God,
look how it moves!

1286
01:18:39,900 --> 01:18:43,220
It's actually sinking
as he drives along.

1287
01:18:46,820 --> 01:18:50,060
Jeez. That is weird.

1288
01:18:53,140 --> 01:18:58,580
All right, chaps,
I'm not gonna lie to you,
this feels a bit perilous.

1289
01:18:58,620 --> 01:19:00,060
That's 30-feet
of water he's driving...

1290
01:19:00,100 --> 01:19:01,180
-In a Cadillac.
-...over.

1291
01:19:04,900 --> 01:19:06,620
I know it's deep.
It was deep enough

1292
01:19:06,660 --> 01:19:07,740
-to swallow my boat.
-It was.

1293
01:19:11,100 --> 01:19:13,020
Shit.

1294
01:19:13,060 --> 01:19:15,660
I think my exhaust
may be dragging
on the floor.

1295
01:19:18,380 --> 01:19:19,380
Agh!

1296
01:19:22,260 --> 01:19:25,380
Now I'm crashing
into my own bridge.

1297
01:19:34,140 --> 01:19:35,420
-Oh, I think his ex...
-Oh.

1298
01:19:35,460 --> 01:19:37,820
I think he's
grounding out
where it dips.

1299
01:19:41,180 --> 01:19:42,620
Oh, this is hilarious.

1300
01:19:51,860 --> 01:19:53,660
I don't think you'll be
able to see this, viewers,

1301
01:19:53,700 --> 01:19:56,300
but on that side of the car,
the wheels have collapsed,

1302
01:19:56,340 --> 01:19:58,940
each of them,
one of these elements.

1303
01:19:58,980 --> 01:20:00,700
So I'm now
against chocks.

1304
01:20:00,740 --> 01:20:02,420
And the...
the other side of that

1305
01:20:02,460 --> 01:20:04,700
is that the exhaust
is now down on the ground

1306
01:20:04,740 --> 01:20:07,060
and the end of the exhaust
is wedged in one of the joins.

1307
01:20:07,100 --> 01:20:09,780
So it's completely stuck.

1308
01:20:09,820 --> 01:20:12,060
There is a solution,
but I don't know you'll be
prepared to do it.

1309
01:20:12,100 --> 01:20:13,140
What is it?

1310
01:20:13,180 --> 01:20:15,700
Well, you go
and help him out.

1311
01:20:15,740 --> 01:20:19,380
That would mean four tons
of American land yacht

1312
01:20:19,420 --> 01:20:21,340
on the same bit
of plastic in the ocean.

1313
01:20:21,380 --> 01:20:22,700
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1314
01:20:24,060 --> 01:20:25,820
But since
James was now

1315
01:20:25,860 --> 01:20:31,460
a huge burgundy
obstacle to our success,
there was nothing for it.

1316
01:20:40,740 --> 01:20:42,020
Power, increase speed.

1317
01:20:45,620 --> 01:20:48,860
Oh, shit. The back
of the car's dipping.

1318
01:20:48,900 --> 01:20:53,020
God, I'm completely...
I'm arse down.
I can hardly see a thing.

1319
01:20:58,220 --> 01:21:00,140
I can see Thunderbird II
approaching.

1320
01:21:02,020 --> 01:21:03,060
Air...

1321
01:21:05,340 --> 01:21:06,380
Working.

1322
01:21:08,380 --> 01:21:10,900
You're gonna have to
give me a fairly hefty shove
and keep going.

1323
01:21:11,740 --> 01:21:14,900
Right, James May,
here I come.

1324
01:21:26,940 --> 01:21:28,980
That didn't work.
Let's try something else.

1325
01:21:29,780 --> 01:21:31,380
I'm gonna back up, yes?

1326
01:21:34,140 --> 01:21:36,020
And then I'll create a wash.

1327
01:21:36,060 --> 01:21:37,100
Yes?

1328
01:21:38,660 --> 01:21:41,980
When the wash lifts
the back of your car up,
hoof it.

1329
01:21:43,260 --> 01:21:45,380
Here it comes,
here it comes.

1330
01:21:55,300 --> 01:21:56,900
- Go, go, go.

1331
01:21:59,380 --> 01:22:01,660
Bollocks and arse.

1332
01:22:01,700 --> 01:22:04,060
Hammond, could you come
and offer some assistance here?

1333
01:22:08,180 --> 01:22:09,900
Right, I think I'm on.

1334
01:22:14,820 --> 01:22:17,980
I'd like to be able
to see a bit more
than I can see now.

1335
01:22:25,180 --> 01:22:28,180
Ah! Oh, God.

1336
01:22:30,180 --> 01:22:32,660
I do not wanna go
in that water again.

1337
01:22:34,180 --> 01:22:37,940
Amazingly, the world's
most accident-prone driver

1338
01:22:37,980 --> 01:22:40,020
made it without incident.

1339
01:22:41,380 --> 01:22:44,540
Jeremy, I'm here now.
Can I help?

1340
01:22:44,580 --> 01:22:47,260
Hammond,
I've had a brilliant idea.

1341
01:22:47,300 --> 01:22:49,060
Go on.

1342
01:22:49,100 --> 01:22:51,660
If we both drove
at him at high speed

1343
01:22:51,700 --> 01:22:54,220
and then braked
to create the wash,

1344
01:22:54,260 --> 01:22:56,820
that might be enough
to lift him up and on.

1345
01:22:56,860 --> 01:22:58,820
Or double the stresses
and break the bridge.

1346
01:22:58,860 --> 01:23:01,100
But it's our
only shot, isn't it?

1347
01:23:01,140 --> 01:23:03,340
Okay, I'm up for it.
You tell me when.

1348
01:23:03,380 --> 01:23:07,420
Okay, this is really...
This requires precision driving.

1349
01:23:08,820 --> 01:23:10,300
I am ready.

1350
01:23:11,260 --> 01:23:12,780
Hammond, are you ready?

1351
01:23:12,820 --> 01:23:14,140
I am ready.

1352
01:23:23,460 --> 01:23:24,980
My car won't start.

1353
01:23:26,620 --> 01:23:28,140
Oh, God.

1354
01:23:30,220 --> 01:23:31,300
What?

1355
01:23:33,580 --> 01:23:38,740
Sit rep, I am the meat
in an incompetent sandwich.

1356
01:23:42,780 --> 01:23:45,060
It's all right, it's started.

1357
01:23:45,100 --> 01:23:49,100
Right, gentlemen,
we are ready back here.

1358
01:23:53,180 --> 01:23:56,500
In three, two, one... now.

1359
01:24:10,700 --> 01:24:13,140
Braking... now!

1360
01:24:14,580 --> 01:24:16,340
Go, go, go.

1361
01:24:19,500 --> 01:24:21,060
Yes!

1362
01:24:21,100 --> 01:24:23,420
It worked.
It bloody worked.

1363
01:24:27,260 --> 01:24:29,340
Very good. Thank you.

1364
01:24:39,700 --> 01:24:44,340
Oh, I say!
My people have recognized me!

1365
01:24:44,380 --> 01:24:45,820
I think Mr. Wilman's done that.

1366
01:24:45,860 --> 01:24:47,180
Yeah, he has.

1367
01:24:48,740 --> 01:24:51,100
I can't wait to see
our commune.

1368
01:24:54,060 --> 01:24:57,620
What we're looking for
is an American-style
town, I imagine.

1369
01:25:01,420 --> 01:25:05,220
That's like Oklahoma.
Look at that.

1370
01:25:05,660 --> 01:25:06,900
Cows.

1371
01:25:08,540 --> 01:25:11,860
That's a remarkable journey,
all the way across Scotland,

1372
01:25:11,900 --> 01:25:15,300
all the way across Skye,
all the way across...

1373
01:25:15,340 --> 01:25:16,580
I'm gonna have to stop.

1374
01:25:16,620 --> 01:25:18,900
I've got
the warning lights on
and everything.

1375
01:25:18,940 --> 01:25:21,460
Something's going wrong.
My car smell...

1376
01:25:22,380 --> 01:25:24,020
James, we're literally--

1377
01:25:24,060 --> 01:25:25,700
No, I know,
but I don't want to fail

1378
01:25:25,740 --> 01:25:28,020
100 yards from our commune.

1379
01:25:28,060 --> 01:25:31,260
I want to arrive in glory.
So just give me a few minutes.

1380
01:25:33,300 --> 01:25:36,660
How's he managed
to break it
on the last 100 yards?

1381
01:25:36,700 --> 01:25:38,980
What a blithering idiot he is.

1382
01:25:39,020 --> 01:25:40,540
I can't open the hood.

1383
01:25:42,940 --> 01:25:44,740
Um, Hammond,
I've had an idea.

1384
01:25:44,780 --> 01:25:46,700
There's literally nothing
we can do to help him

1385
01:25:46,740 --> 01:25:49,620
so let's go and have
a look at that spiky
building over there.

1386
01:25:50,500 --> 01:25:51,460
Glad to.

1387
01:25:52,500 --> 01:25:53,940
Onwards.

1388
01:25:55,820 --> 01:25:59,180
Oh, God, you're joking.
It can't be.

1389
01:25:59,220 --> 01:26:01,140
Uh,
it won't start.

1390
01:26:01,180 --> 01:26:03,020
So both of them
have broken down.

1391
01:26:03,060 --> 01:26:05,380
One hundred yards
from the finish line.

1392
01:26:05,420 --> 01:26:08,060
Right, well, um, let's think.

1393
01:26:08,100 --> 01:26:09,460
Mine will.

1394
01:26:11,460 --> 01:26:13,140
And has. There it is.

1395
01:26:19,460 --> 01:26:21,260
After a short drive,

1396
01:26:23,220 --> 01:26:25,620
I arrived at our commune.

1397
01:26:30,460 --> 01:26:34,820
Crikey. Mr. Wilman's
been busy.

1398
01:26:42,780 --> 01:26:44,140
Look at that!

1399
01:26:46,260 --> 01:26:48,340
Laser Quest. Multiplex.

1400
01:26:53,060 --> 01:26:55,260
Look at this, a sports bar!

1401
01:26:58,940 --> 01:27:01,860
And 5G on my mobile.
How's that possible?

1402
01:27:03,660 --> 01:27:04,980
Weird.

1403
01:27:12,220 --> 01:27:13,820
Is that an MG?

1404
01:27:15,620 --> 01:27:17,140
What's that doing here?

1405
01:27:22,180 --> 01:27:27,620
Evening, barman. I'll have
three pints of Budweiser
with cheese, please.

1406
01:27:30,700 --> 01:27:33,820
Eventually, I was joined
by my colleagues.

1407
01:27:35,180 --> 01:27:37,300
-Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
-Ooh!

1408
01:27:37,340 --> 01:27:40,700
-Your beers await.
-Aah! Ho-ho!
And there it is!

1409
01:27:40,740 --> 01:27:43,020
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Pause.
Just savor the moment.

1410
01:27:43,060 --> 01:27:44,500
Yeah, I know what you mean.

1411
01:27:44,540 --> 01:27:46,940
Budweiser!
There you are!

1412
01:27:46,980 --> 01:27:50,220
Do you know,
they only had Tsingtao?

1413
01:27:50,260 --> 01:27:51,420
-Really?
-Yeah.

1414
01:27:51,460 --> 01:27:52,660
Well, MGD?

1415
01:27:52,700 --> 01:27:55,460
No, only Tsingtao.

1416
01:27:55,500 --> 01:27:57,180
Anyway, look,
let's get something to eat.

1417
01:27:57,220 --> 01:27:58,740
Yes, food.

1418
01:27:58,780 --> 01:28:00,740
Food, in this.
Look, I'm in st...

1419
01:28:00,780 --> 01:28:03,220
I... I can't believe
Mr. Wilman's made this.

1420
01:28:03,260 --> 01:28:04,980
I've totally come...
I've totally come home.

1421
01:28:05,020 --> 01:28:07,260
My Buick Riviera
is parked outside

1422
01:28:07,300 --> 01:28:08,780
-and I'm in here!
-Yeah, I know!

1423
01:28:08,820 --> 01:28:10,980
-Everything is good!
-It's staggering, isn't it?

1424
01:28:11,020 --> 01:28:12,860
And I fancy...

1425
01:28:12,900 --> 01:28:15,940
surf and turf?
No, wait...

1426
01:28:15,980 --> 01:28:19,020
Monterey Jack.
I want some Monterey Jack.

1427
01:28:28,540 --> 01:28:30,620
What?

1428
01:28:30,660 --> 01:28:35,180
Chaps, um, it's not...
It's not just the menu.

1429
01:28:35,220 --> 01:28:37,540
Nothing in here
feels quite right.

1430
01:28:39,660 --> 01:28:41,020
That is weird.

1431
01:28:52,260 --> 01:28:56,180
Do you know, this place
has only been open,
what, a week?

1432
01:28:56,220 --> 01:29:00,300
And already, every
single thing in here

1433
01:29:01,620 --> 01:29:03,020
is Chinese.

1434
01:29:08,740 --> 01:29:12,020
And on that
terrible disappointment
it's time to end.

1435
01:29:12,060 --> 01:29:13,460
We will be back.

1436
01:29:13,500 --> 01:29:16,180
We don't know where,
we don't know when,
but we will.

1437
01:29:16,220 --> 01:29:18,580
And we will see you then.
Thank you so much for watching.

1438
01:29:18,620 --> 01:29:19,620
Goodbye.