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Hello and welcome to the enormous
catapult machine that we built
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to keep ourselves amused
during the COVID lockdown.
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I've no idea what we're gonna
use it for, but who knows,
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00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,200
maybe something will come to mind
as we set out in this show
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to answer an important question:
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what is the matter with the French?
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Now, I wanna make it plain
at the outset that I like France.
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So does Hammond.
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May thinks it's only there
so we can drive to Italy more easily.
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But we are all in agreement
on one thing.
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The French can be a bit weird.
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The fact is that we live in
a homogenized world these days.
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We all eat the same food
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and wear the same clothes
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and do the same things.
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But not in France.
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France is different.
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They take most of their medicines anally.
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And at work, you're not allowed, by law,
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to eat your lunch at your desk.
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You must go and do it somewhere properly.
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In schools, tomato ketchup is banned,
but until the 1980s,
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kids could be served alcohol
with their school dinners.
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French bakers are not allowed
to close when they want
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because there must always be a supply
of croissant and baguette.
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And French footballers
are unusual as well.
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When the seagulls...
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follow the trawler,
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it's because they think
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sardines will be thrown into the sea.
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And if you wanna say
"I feel lucky" in French,
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you say "Avoir le cul bordé de nouilles,"
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which means
"My bottom is full of noodles."
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Surprised there's room with
all the pills up there.
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00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,720
But it's on the road where this oddness
is at its most evident.
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French cars have always been weird.
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They've always flown
in the face of convention.
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And from their pantheon of strangeness,
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I've bought this...
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A Citroen CX Safari.
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It wasn't easy to find one, as most
have been turned into motorhomes,
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but it was worth the effort because...
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this is perhaps the most French,
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French car of them all.
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Take the indicators. You operate them
using this rocker switch here.
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00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,280
But because that's nowhere
near the steering column,
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the indicating doesn't self-cancel
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00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,560
after you've made the turn.
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00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:13,400
And then there's the stereo, which is
mounted vertically between the seats.
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00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,920
And that's fine, but...
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00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,000
If you're enjoying
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00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,320
a cheeky pain au chocolat
as you drive along, and a bit of pastry,
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falls off, which it will,
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it'll end up in the cassette player,
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where it will
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spoil your enjoyment of
the Vanessa Paradis song
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you were listening to.
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00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,160
It's as though Citroen's engineers
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looked at what everyone else
was doing in the 1970s
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and then did something else.
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Even the brake pedal's weird because
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it's effectively a switch,
the brakes are on,
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or they're off. It's just about impossible
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to use it properly.
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Probably easier when you get to
your destination to just...
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Do a George Michael.
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This is what I've chosen.
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A Matra Murena.
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It's from the '80s. A mid-engine,
two-seater sports car.
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Except it's got three seats.
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I suppose maybe
if my wife and my mistress
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want to go out for a drive
at the same time, I've got that covered.
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00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,120
And it's not a sports car either
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00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,080
because the engine is a tiny 1.6
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which produces just 88 horsepower.
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It doesn't make any sense.
Matra built the Exocet missile.
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That is a fast thing.
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This is really not.
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Then, there's its name.
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Everywhere else in the world
they name cars after
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00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:06,120
exciting animals, like Jaguar,
Mustang, or exotic winds,
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Khamsin, Scirocco.
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00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,480
Matra, no, they chose Murena,
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which is a Latin word
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meaning "son of a plebeian family
who likes eels."
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"Been through
the dictionaries of all the languages
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"and we have found the word.
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"That is... Nobody will get that,
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"that is weirder than any other name
we could give it. We will have it."
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Mind you, this car is nothing
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compared to what May has bought.
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00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,880
Bonjour, viewers.
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00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,880
Now, back in 1998,
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00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,960
Renault told its designers that
they wanted a large, luxury coupé,
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you know, something a bit
like a BMW 6 Series.
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So, this is what they came up with.
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00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,040
The Avantime.
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00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,480
It's made almost entirely of plastic,
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it appears to have been
drawn by an eight-year-old
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who liked high-speed trains,
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and there are no conventional instruments.
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There are just some digital things
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floating around over in the middle there.
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Look at all that dashboard
that's there. It's just...
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There's just acres of it.
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If you wanted to wipe the windscreen
because it had fogged up,
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you couldn't do it.
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00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,840
You do get the impression that if
Renault's designers were asked
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to design, say, a new dog,
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they'd put the head on the other end
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and it would have two tails at the front.
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They wouldn't be able to do
a conventional dog.
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Even the doors on this car are odd.
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Mainly because, and I have checked this,
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each one weighs more than Kylie Minogue.
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That is very heavy.
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They claim to be
the heaviest car doors in the world.
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Not much of a boast.
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And they don't really open.
That is as far as it goes. It's more ajar.
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See that. On any sort of a slope,
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it can actually be
quite difficult to do it.
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Bloody Nora.
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Renault has a long history
of automotive oddness.
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In the 1950s, for example,
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they built this.
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It appears to be ordinary,
but look closely
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and you'll see
it's all the wrong way round.
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Mind you, that's
positively straightforward
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compared with this,
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the Leyat Hélica.
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Who thought, "I know,
we won't drive the wheels,
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- "no, everybody's doing that."
- No, no, no, no.
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"We'll be propelled along by a propeller?"
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00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,600
If you're driving through
a town center, for example,
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what would happen...
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00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,200
If you knock someone over in a car,
it's bad.
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But if you knock someone over in that...
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No kidneys, liver, offal,
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00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,640
- "No, there's another one..."
- No. They've thought about this
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00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,440
because it's got the propeller,
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00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,120
but they've put bits of wire
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00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,640
so nobody could
put their hand or head through
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00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,400
or anything like that.
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00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,000
It's perfectly...
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Has it got a rear seat?
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This is a two-seater,
Hammond, unlike your Matra.
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Would you get in there
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00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,720
knowing you have absolutely
no control over any of that?
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00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,440
A car with just pedals.
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00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,640
It's not like an airplane
where you've got dual controls.
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- It would be mad...
- You just sit there.
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I think it's brilliant.
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- It is brilliant.
- I mean, look,
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I admire it, but...
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Did they take it on the Dragon's Den?
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00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,456
"Here is my thought for
a way of traveling."
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- But hang on a minute...
- Do you think it works?
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Well, I'm sure it does.
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00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,240
Hang on, look, there's...
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You don't start it with a key.
There'll be some fiddling.
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"Advance" and "Retard." I'll retard it.
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Are you gonna prime it?
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Compression point is there. Ready?
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I don't know what's gonna happen!
How can I be ready?
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- Got your feet on the brakes?
- Am I ready?
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00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,640
- Yes.
- The thing's not moving.
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00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,360
- I've got everything. Yeah, go.
- That's the concern. And...
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- Oh, wow.
- It didn't go.
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00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,400
Try again.
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- Contact?
- Yes.
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00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,000
- Mags on?
- Yes.
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00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,320
- Feet on brakes?
- Yes.
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I'm gonna do it.
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00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,640
- It won't start.
- Are you ready?
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I really thought that was it.
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It's the definition
of anti-climax, isn't it?
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This would be a great ambulance.
Or fire engine.
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00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:28,840
- Brilliant.
- Yeah.
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00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,440
- Throttle set?
- Yes.
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- Here we go.
- Yes.
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00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,760
Don't worry,
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00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,880
Monsieur Hélica is on his way
as the emergency vehicle.
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00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,640
"Don't worry. How big is the fire?"
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Hang on.
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"These pains in your chest,
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are they getting worse or better?"
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Right, mag on.
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00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,760
I'll tell you what, a stall at the lights
would be a bugger, wouldn't it?
189
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,320
"I'll just... Excuse me..."
190
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,160
'Cause it's a two-man job.
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00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,816
That's a good position.
Here we go.
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00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,120
All right, here we go.
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00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,200
Go!
194
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,400
I think I'll take it for a drive!
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00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,640
- What?
- I'm gonna take it for a drive!
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00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,200
What, you? Run! Run for your life!
197
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:41,880
When it was unveiled to the world,
600 people put their name down for one.
198
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,200
Six hundred sentient human beings,
199
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:50,120
who could tie their own shoe laces
and use a lavatory, said,
200
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,920
"Yes, I want one of those."
201
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,440
It's very hard to see why
it didn't catch on.
202
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,880
It is quite loud in here,
surprisingly so.
203
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,360
That could be a factor.
204
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,760
Apparently it's good for
a 106 miles an hour.
205
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,680
I reckon it can do more.
206
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,560
Come on! Come on, come on!
207
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,760
Ha-ha!
208
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,120
I think people are bored
209
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,360
of watching these crashes now,
so let's move on, because...
210
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,240
even when French cars seem to be normal,
211
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:35,600
you don't have to look too far below
the surface to find that, actually,
212
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,400
they're usually not.
213
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,720
Now, let's take this one,
the Renault 4.
214
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,760
A reasonably straightforward car
for the time, but...
215
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:50,560
The distance between the wheels
on this side is 94 inches.
216
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,640
Whereas on this side, the distance
between the wheels is 92 inches.
217
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,760
Why?
218
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,640
I've got no idea.
219
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,400
Then there's the Renault 21.
220
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,280
Looks boring, but it isn't,
221
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:09,240
because in this 1.7-liter model,
the engine is sideways,
222
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,720
whereas in this 2-liter model,
223
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,640
it's lengthwise.
224
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,280
That meant this needed,
longer wings and a different bonnet
225
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,480
and a different subframe...
226
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,440
- Hammond's just crashed, hasn't he?
- Yep.
227
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,480
Anyway, this was an extremely complicated
228
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,200
and expensive solution
229
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,960
to a problem that didn't exist.
230
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,000
And they're still at it today.
231
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,560
This is a brand-new Peugeot 208.
232
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,480
And for some reason,
they've mounted the steering wheel
233
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,160
under the dashboard,
234
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,640
which means it has to be
the size of a shirt button
235
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,920
if you're to get your legs under it.
236
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,680
Why?
237
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,240
Then there's
the Citroen 2CV, which I hate.
238
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,880
This car is the harbinger of everything
that's gone wrong in the world.
239
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,520
Veganism, cycling,
240
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,360
liberal democrats, people who talk
about having "my truth."
241
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,800
There's no such thing.
The truth is that it's awful.
242
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,640
It's not awful.
243
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,680
It's a very practical, sensible car
244
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,120
that stood the test of time for decades.
245
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:23,360
It survived a war, it liberated
the French peasantry, it's fantastic.
246
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,000
And it's totemic.
That's the most French thing.
247
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,360
If you have a themed restaurant,
or you're doing a film, or painting,
248
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,360
you think,
"How do I make this look French?"
249
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:32,880
Put a 2CV in it.
250
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,960
It doesn't have wind-down windows.
Look, it's stupid.
251
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,280
Airplanes have these windows.
252
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,000
- It's a...
- What airplane?
253
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,880
- I've never been on one...
- My airplane's got one exactly like that.
254
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:47,400
This is a fantastic car. Everything in it
is fit for purpose and no more.
255
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,600
I hate the expression "fit for purpose."
256
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,440
- But it is.
- Hello.
257
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,240
- Where's the Hélica?
- It's evidence.
258
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,240
- Let's not get bogged down with that.
- I'm not.
259
00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,360
We won't.
260
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,960
Because even I will admit the 2CV
does have very clever suspension.
261
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,440
In fact, it's claimed
262
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,960
that you can drop one from under
a helicopter at a height of 500 feet
263
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,640
and the springs will absorb the impact.
264
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,440
Really?
265
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:15,920
Well, let's find out.
266
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:35,720
Okay, and...
267
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:38,520
Let it go.
268
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,320
There it is.
269
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,200
Yeah, what's happened is,
270
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,720
I've misread the handbook.
271
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,000
It says that "the suspension
is so compliant,
272
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,080
"you can drive across a ploughed field
273
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,560
"with half-a-dozen eggs on the seat
and they won't break."
274
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,360
And how did you misread that?
275
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,160
Well, in my mind, "oeuf" is
the French word for "helicopter."
276
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:26,760
But...
277
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,760
At this point, I figured
it was best to move on
278
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,800
and examine the relationship
the French have with their cars.
279
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:42,200
Because it's nothing like the relationship
we have with ours.
280
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,520
Now, if I were in
281
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,040
my car, I'd look at that space and go,
282
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,200
"That's too small,"
and then I'd go find another.
283
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,640
But that's not what
a French person would do.
284
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,000
There's nothing extreme about
this maneuver in France.
285
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,480
This is how you park.
286
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,280
You would see this any day of the week
287
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,280
on any street in Paris.
288
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,640
It's actually for precisely this reason
289
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,920
that the Renault 5 was
the first production car
290
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,160
in the world with deformable bumpers.
291
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,000
There's more, too.
I've just bought this dishwasher.
292
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,880
And as you can see, it doesn't
quite fit in the boot of this Peugeot.
293
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,040
I'm British,
294
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,240
so what I'd do is go and buy
a smaller dishwasher,
295
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,480
or I'd borrow a slightly bigger car,
296
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,560
or I'd probably have it delivered.
297
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,000
What the French would do is this,
298
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,320
"Oh, merde."
299
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,560
Has my car stopped moving?
300
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,520
Yes. Am I close to where I wanna be?
301
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,000
Yes.
302
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,560
Well, then I'm parked.
303
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,320
The fact is, that in France, unlike almost
304
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,720
anywhere else, the car is simply
305
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,960
not seen as a status symbol.
306
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,520
If you buy an expensive car,
it's considered bourgeois.
307
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,680
And if you look after it,
308
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,200
that's disgusting.
309
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,920
And the world of Premier League football
backs this up, because what I have here
310
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,480
is a photograph of Willian,
who's Brazilian,
311
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,800
driving his Bentley.
312
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:53,640
And then there's Ibrahimovic,
who's Swedish, he has a Lamborghini.
313
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,040
Ozil, who's German, has a Porsche.
314
00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:00,800
Marcus Rashford, who's British,
has some kind of trixied-up Range Rover.
315
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,080
And then I've got a photograph here
of Kante, who's French,
316
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,080
driving his MINI.
317
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,320
That he's crashed slightly,
probably while parking.
318
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,320
And you might say,
"What about the President?"
319
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,560
"No way is he going to drive around
320
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,320
"in a small hatchback."
321
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,320
Wrong! Because what I've got here
322
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,800
is a photograph of President Mitterrand
323
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,080
in a Renault 5!
324
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,560
Look at that!
325
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,200
"No, I don't have a chauffeur
326
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,800
"and I don't want a big car.
327
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,320
"It's bourgeois. It is revolting.
328
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:34,720
"How you say,
329
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:36,680
"the sick."
330
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,280
This is why no French car maker
331
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,880
has ever made a large off-roader.
332
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,400
The Americans have. The Japanese have.
333
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,080
The Swedes have.
334
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,520
The Germans have. We have.
335
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,080
Even the Italians have.
336
00:19:58,640 --> 00:19:59,960
But not the French.
337
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,080
Their view is that
338
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,560
if you want to go to the top
of that hill over there,
339
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,320
you'd just use your normal family car.
340
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,080
Was talking to a girl
in our office
341
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,320
the other day, who's French.
342
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,800
And she was saying that her parents
have never sold a car.
343
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,440
Buy a Renault 5, run it until it breaks,
344
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,440
scrap it, and then buy a Renault Clio
and run it until it breaks
345
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,320
and scrap it,
and so on and so forth.
346
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,080
If you're not worried about
the second-hand value of your car,
347
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,640
it's so liberating.
348
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,320
In France,
just four percent of people
349
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,920
wash their cars by hand.
350
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,920
Four percent. That's it.
351
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,000
On a Sunday morning,
what you would not do in France
352
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,920
is get up early
to wash your car on the drive
353
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,400
because your neighbors will hate you.
354
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,920
All those Sunday mornings
I've got up early to wash...
355
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:11,960
Oh.
356
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,000
I'll just give him
a hand through here.
357
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:21,880
Lovely.
358
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,560
Merci, monsieur.
359
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,080
I'm looking at Hammond's car.
360
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,480
It's all stoved in from Jeremy's push.
361
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,320
And I'm wincing.
Because I'm British, but...
362
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,160
If you're French,
that's just what a car looks like.
363
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,280
Look, now we are going into the woods.
364
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,760
Can I clear that tree?
365
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,480
Driving along in my car,
366
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,720
going where I need to go.
367
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:06,000
If I was coming down here in
a 100-thousand-pound Mercedes G-Wagon
368
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,680
I'd be worried about scratching the paint.
369
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,320
But I'm not in a G-Wagon, I'm in my van.
370
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,760
I mean, paint is, to the French,
371
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,280
the wrapper that the car
comes in when it's new.
372
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,440
When I was 17,
373
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,560
on a French exchange trip,
374
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,920
I was staying with a French family.
They had a son my age.
375
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,520
And they bought him
a brand-new Fiat Panda.
376
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,400
I mean, a new car.
377
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,640
And as we sat outside in the sun,
me and them,
378
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,880
his kid brother, five years old,
was throwing stones
379
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,960
at the Panda...
380
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,440
And a chip of paint would come off.
381
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,520
Well, if that had been me
382
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,760
at 17 with a brand-new car,
I would have beaten him to death
383
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,800
with anything that came to hand.
384
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,880
This 17-year-old lad didn't care.
385
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,976
"He's flicking stones at the car."
386
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,120
"It makes a nice noise
as the paint comes off."
387
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,240
What?
388
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,440
Soon, we reached
the halfway point,
389
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,320
where I demonstrated
the Citroen Berlingo's party trick.
390
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:10,760
It's John!
391
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:14,080
And then,
after I'd ruined the handbrake...
392
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,600
We joined a sort of rally track.
393
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,520
What we're proving here, I think,
is that a car's ability to get places
394
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,080
and do things is governed entirely
395
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,440
by the driver's willingness
not to care about it.
396
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,520
Please don't be alarmed by those noises.
397
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,440
They don't really mean anything.
398
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,600
This is only what
a typical French person would do
399
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,840
on a rally in Africa
400
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,360
in their mum's Renault 4.
401
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,640
It was, let us not forget,
402
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,800
the French who invented endurance rallies.
403
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,120
Such as the Paris-Peking.
404
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,120
The Paris-Dakar,
405
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,800
and all the other Trans-Africa races.
406
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:17,640
And, most importantly,
407
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,600
they usually used what was
parked in the drive.
408
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,520
Well, this is bumpy enough
to dislodge your "Gaulois."
409
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,920
Ah!
410
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:52,600
Merde.
411
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,440
Merci.
412
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,600
Ooh, la, la!
413
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:12,920
Au revoir, monsieur.
414
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,200
Merci, monsieur!
415
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,600
Well, this is une pièce de gâteau so far.
416
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,360
Oh, that's a...
417
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:28,560
Monsieur May!
418
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:33,920
Go on.
419
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,040
Oh, dear. Oh, merde.
420
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,160
Bonjour, monsieur.
421
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,880
As we got closer to the summit,
422
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,240
the going got even tougher.
423
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,200
Now this is an inconvenience.
424
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:00,480
The windscreen.
425
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,040
Right, this way.
426
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,320
Oh, no, my dishwasher.
427
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:17,680
Hello.
428
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,160
My family car can go down here
no problem at all.
429
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,240
I don't see... Why do I need a G-Wagon?
430
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,040
Oh.
431
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:37,440
Merde.
432
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,040
Allez!
433
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,760
Jesus! Fuck! Bloody hellfire!
434
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,920
I've lost the electrically-powered
435
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,520
door mirror on the left-hand side,
436
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,960
but the manual one is still there.
437
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,840
I can't open the window
to adjust my mirror,
438
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,000
but that's okay because it's gone.
439
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,080
Eventually,
with the glorious Welsh hills
440
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,840
bathed in warm afternoon light,
441
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,640
we reached the end of our leisurely drive.
442
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,240
Hammond.
443
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,520
- Wow. Look at the view over there.
- That is... -
444
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,400
- That is just something else.
- Look... It's even got a house
445
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,640
like it's been designed for a train set.
446
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,160
- It's just perfect.
- Absolutely gorgeous.
447
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,080
Oh, hello.
448
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,400
- Bonjour, monsieur.
- I mean, look at that.
449
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,600
Unbelievable, isn't it?
450
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:06,280
And I tell you what's interesting.
451
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,800
The crew, using all those four-by-fours,
they've made it.
452
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,000
- Yeah.
- But, so have we.
453
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:13,080
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
454
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,600
Some damage was done.
455
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,720
- Wear and tear.
- It's patina.
456
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,480
It's what happens.
The French might be right.
457
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,920
I think they are.
458
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,040
- I just had a thought.
- What?
459
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:24,440
Your dishwasher.
460
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,920
Oh, God.
Because Hammond drove into me.
461
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,680
I'm sorry about that.
462
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,360
Where's your boot release?
463
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,280
- Is it in the door?
- Yes.
464
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,560
- Right.
- That's a design flaw.
465
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,640
The next day,
we set off in our own cars
466
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,600
to the next destination.
467
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,320
And on the way, we began to
realize their strangeness
468
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,760
was actually making them more endearing.
469
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,400
Obviously, you don't need
two windscreen wipers, just the one.
470
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,920
And you put the washer in
the wiper blade itself,
471
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,000
because why would you not do that?
472
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,720
It's different. It's interesting.
473
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,400
Then there's the door mirrors.
474
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,200
So good and so futuristic-looking,
475
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,440
that they were used on
the Aston Martin Vantage,
476
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,240
the Venturi Atlantique,
the Renault Sport Spider,
477
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,000
the Lotus Esprit,
478
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,640
the Jaguar XJ-220 and most TVRs.
479
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,560
On the one hand, this steering wheel
is typically French.
480
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,480
It's weird. It's got one spoke
481
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,920
and it's sort of deep-dish
and a flat bottom.
482
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,080
On the other hand,
483
00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:01,640
it's brilliant. It's the perfect size,
perfect thickness, perfect diameter,
484
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:06,200
and I can see the dials
'cause there isn't a spoke in the way.
485
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,920
I mean, in many ways,
the weirdness makes them more likeable.
486
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,840
What we see as bloody-mindedness
is actually innovation,
487
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,760
because the French have been
pioneers in motoring.
488
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,160
It wasn't gonna be us.
489
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,200
We were making the Morris Marina.
490
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,760
And don't think it's just
the cars that are odd.
491
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,720
Some of their rules of the road
are quite strange as well.
492
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,720
For example, the French believed,
unlike everyone else,
493
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,800
that white headlights were wrong
494
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,960
and that they should be yellow.
495
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,880
And if you like driving along to music,
496
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:46,560
there's a rule which says that
35 percent of pop songs
497
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,360
played on French radio
498
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,400
must be French.
499
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,400
Is that how it's supposed to be
500
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,760
or has un morceau
de pain au chocolat tombéed
501
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,360
into my stereo again?
502
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:30,320
There you go, that was from the country
that gave you Debussy and Messiaen.
503
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:37,240
One of my favorite French things
is their slovenly attitude
504
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,000
to road signs.
I mean, take this one as an example.
505
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:41,640
You see this all over France.
506
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,640
What it says is that
the town hall is that way
507
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,880
and everything else, "Toutes Directions,"
508
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,600
everything else is over there.
India, Paris,
509
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,440
Kamchatka Peninsula,
510
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:55,400
whatever it is you want,
just there, go away.
511
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,600
And then there's the issue of
how to use a roundabout.
512
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,480
Everywhere else in the world,
513
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:11,080
countries decided that cars
should give way to those already on it.
514
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:13,120
But not the French.
515
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,600
They decided to do it the other way round.
516
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,520
So, cars on the roundabout would stop
for those wanting to get on.
517
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,360
Like this.
518
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,360
Carry on.
519
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,320
Carry on.
520
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,360
Why would they think
this was the right way to do it?
521
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,120
The point of a roundabout
is to avoid this.
522
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,400
Did you know that half the world's
roundabouts are in France?
523
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:52,056
Is that really true?
524
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,280
Is it half of all the world's roundabouts
525
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,880
are in a country
that doesn't know what it is?
526
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:58,440
Yeah. It's a fact.
527
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,360
I mean, it doesn't work.
528
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,800
I'm trying to get out of here.
529
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,040
This is what happens.
530
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:08,040
I'm doing the roundabout
the French way to see if it works...
531
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,360
I don't care.
Look, you're queued up here.
532
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:11,840
This is what happens.
533
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,680
Move the vehicle.
534
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,120
That's exactly what's gonna happen.
535
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,200
Hammond's being beaten up by the locals.
I don't blame them.
536
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,760
Move it.
537
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,320
Eventually, we did move it
538
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:28,800
because it was time to find somewhere for
that most French of things...
539
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,680
Lunch.
540
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:34,600
Where we discussed another aspect
of French car culture.
541
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,120
Can I just show you
something, Hammond?
542
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,240
This is, as you can see here,
543
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:47,360
a list of French philosophers,
okay, on Wikipedia.
544
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,080
Oh, my God!
545
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,600
- Well, it doesn't really...
- I'm only at "G."
546
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,160
That's basically everybody in France.
547
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:57,440
- That's incredible.
- On and on.
548
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,480
I bet the Australian list
is a bit shorter.
549
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,040
I'm staggered.
550
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,400
'Cause you know
in French secondary schools,
551
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,800
it's compulsory to study philosophy.
552
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:08,720
- For everyone?
- Yeah.
553
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:12,400
I bring this up because
I've been reading this book by
554
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,760
Roland... Is it "Barth" or "Barthes"?
555
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,280
Waterland boy, which one is it?
556
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:18,680
That.
557
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:19,920
And he says,
558
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:24,920
"I think cars today are almost the exact
equivalent of the great Gothic cathedrals.
559
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,680
"I mean, the supreme creation of an era,
560
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,520
"conceived with passion by artists
561
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,640
"and consumed in image if not in usage
562
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,760
"by a population which appropriates them
563
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,880
"as a purely magical object."
564
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,320
They don't review cars like we do, then.
565
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,160
No. What we tend to do
is mention the top speed.
566
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,960
- Naught to sixty, the price.
- Stick the tail out.
567
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,680
A couple of silly metaphors.
568
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,560
- Back to the studio.
- Job done.
569
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,400
No. I'll give you another bit here
from him.
570
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,640
"They are in the Citroen the beginnings
of a new phenomenology
571
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,920
"of assembling, as if one progressed from
a world where elements were welded
572
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,880
"to a world where they are juxtaposed."
573
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:04,400
What's the naught to sixty?
574
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:05,840
He doesn't mention it.
575
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,840
Could you imagine what a review of that
Mégane would look like on French TV?
576
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,360
It'd be completely incomprehensible.
577
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,680
It is truth
578
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:13,040
So, I think what we're able to deduce
from that French road test
579
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,600
is that the Megane
580
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,000
is wistful and cynical,
581
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,640
but with a hint of levity,
582
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,560
as suggested by that balloon.
583
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,120
Now, though, it's time to examine
584
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,920
a more down-to-earth aspect
of French cars,
585
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,800
namely their famed ride quality.
586
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:42,080
The elasticity of the air
and the flexibility of water
587
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:46,360
are combined for your comfort
in the Citroen hydro-pneumatic suspension.
588
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,480
The fact is that because
the roads were so poor
589
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,080
in post-war France,
590
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,440
the French car makers
591
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,920
were forced to develop suspension systems
that could cope.
592
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,160
As I clearly stated earlier,
593
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,480
the Citroen 2CV was
capable of transporting
594
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,360
a basket of eggs across a plowed field
595
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,000
without breaking them.
596
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,440
And as for my CX,
597
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,880
well, it's literally the best-riding car
598
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:19,520
ever made.
599
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,200
Okay, picture the scene.
600
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,320
You're lying on a day bed
on a tropical beach.
601
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:30,400
It's warm, and all you can hear are
the wavelets caressing the white sand.
602
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,680
You had half a bottle of wine
603
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:43,200
at lunch time and there's
nothing to do all afternoon
604
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:44,960
but snooze.
605
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,280
That is what it's like
to drive a Citroen CX.
606
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:57,800
It is incredibly comfortable.
607
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:00,960
In fact, it's said
608
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,360
that the hydro-pneumatic system
in my Citroen is so good
609
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,960
that two people can sit in the boot
and defuse a bomb
610
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,440
while the car is being driven at speed
down a cobbled street.
611
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:14,960
Are you sure it said that?
612
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:16,480
Yes, absolutely.
613
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,680
The suspension system in this was so good
614
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,160
Citroen sold it to Rolls-Royce,
who used it in the Shadow.
615
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:23,640
So, are you ready?
616
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,280
Because we are about to hit
the cobbles, now.
617
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:37,000
Okay, this needs
absolute delicacy and precision.
618
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:38,680
Yep.
619
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,400
God,
this is like doing eye surgery.
620
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:46,960
- One wrong move...
- Steady.
621
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,000
Okay, very carefully,
622
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,920
if I just separate these wires,
623
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:53,960
just a millimeter at a time.
624
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,960
We have to work out...
At least one of them is just a fake.
625
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,080
No sudden jolts.
626
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,160
Eight seconds to go.
I'm gonna have to make a decision.
627
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,880
That's not the car shaking,
that's me.
628
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,160
I should do it now.
629
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:20,760
I'm gonna do it.
630
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,080
- Have you done it?
- Oh, well done. Yes.
631
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,040
- Excellent. So, there we are.
- Were we moving?
632
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:31,680
Exactly.
633
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,160
Exactly my point.
634
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,480
And to hammer
the point home still further,
635
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:40,840
we put the same sort of bomb
636
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,520
in the back of a BMW
637
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,760
and asked two office juniors
to see if they could defuse it.
638
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,680
- Just snip it!
- I can't snip it!
639
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:01,400
I can't get on the wire!
640
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:02,880
Hell!
641
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,160
So, there we are.
642
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,160
If you want a job on The Grand Tour,
write to us at
643
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,400
"I'd die for a job on that show."
644
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,320
It's sad, 'cause they were good kids.
645
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,960
I thought they were
gonna go places.
646
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,640
I never wanted to inhale them.
647
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,640
Well, they have...
648
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,920
After writing some tricky letters
to the boys' parents...
649
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,840
We headed to Kent for our next
important experiment.
650
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,680
And on the way, we examined
a French characteristic
651
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,480
we very much admire,
652
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,320
their willful refusal to be governed.
653
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:58,560
De Gaulle once famously asked,
654
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:04,920
"How can you rule a country
that has 246 different types of cheese?"
655
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,600
Well, the truth, it seems is...
656
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:11,400
You can't.
657
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,680
When we introduced
the points system on driving licenses
658
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,440
in Britain in 1988,
659
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,800
everyone just went, "Okay."
660
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,680
But when they introduced
a similar system in France
661
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:26,880
in the 1990s,
662
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:31,920
everyone immediately got into their cars
and blockaded the motorways.
663
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,280
That wasn't organized by social media
664
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,760
'cause that didn't exist back then.
It was just instinctive.
665
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:45,080
When the head of Renault, Georges Besse,
666
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,640
laid off 21,000 staff in 1986,
667
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,120
they didn't go outside
and fire up the brazier.
668
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,440
They shot him.
669
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,360
Back in 2019,
670
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,280
the French government decided to
reduce the speed limit
671
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,640
on all their major A roads
to 50 miles an hour.
672
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,960
The French people responded
by putting their yellow vests on...
673
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,080
And then going out and destroying
674
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,560
60 percent of the speed cameras
in the whole country.
675
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,040
Sixty percent!
676
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,320
And when they put cameras on porticos
over the autoroute
677
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,960
to catch truckers breaking
some new eco law,
678
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,360
they didn't destroy 60 percent of them,
679
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:44,320
they destroyed the lot.
680
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,080
I'm just thinking, I quite admire
681
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,120
the French bloody-mindedness, you know.
682
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,680
I absolutely love it.
683
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,920
Is it true that when they tried to
introduce wheel clamps,
684
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,360
people just filled the locks with glue
685
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:07,160
so they had to be cut away
and were useless?
686
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,800
If I was French now,
I'd be a doing 120 miles an hour.
687
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:15,800
I wish my car could do
120 miles an hour.
688
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:23,080
Soon, we arrived at
the rally cross circuit
689
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:24,880
known as Lydden Hill.
690
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,440
The laboratory for our next experiment.
691
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:40,360
Oh.
692
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,000
We all know that
when it comes to hot hatches,
693
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,840
the French are the kings.
694
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,800
But which one is the best?
695
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:11,760
Well, that's what we're here to find out,
using the crucible of motorsport.
696
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:17,280
That seems fitting as the French
pretty much invented motorsport.
697
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,440
The first ever race was held there.
698
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,880
Grand Prix are French words.
Le Mans is in France.
699
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:27,000
The governing body of all world motorsport
is based in Paris.
700
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:31,040
And certainly today,
we shall be adhering to French rules.
701
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,520
The plan is simple. A 20-lap race.
702
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:38,440
I shall be driving
a Peugeot 205 GTi 1.6.
703
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,520
Jeremy, a Peugeot 306, GTi 6.
704
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:53,840
And James will be driving
a Renault Sport Clio 172 Cup.
705
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:00,880
We will be up against a Saxo VTS,
706
00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,520
a 206 GTi,
707
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,840
and a Renault Sport Mégane
708
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:13,120
which will be driven by
three people from the office.
709
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,680
Our script editor,
because he wrote this bit,
710
00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:20,520
our production assistant,
because she's French,
711
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:24,280
and finally, Abbie,
our in-house racing driver.
712
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:34,880
With all of us in our cars...
713
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,560
The important experiment
could finally begin.
714
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,080
We are away.
715
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:09,360
Lunch, I think.
716
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:26,280
Over in the paddock,
some simple track-side food was available.
717
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:39,440
James, do you want
a Châteauneuf-du-Pape or a Petrus '62?
718
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:42,520
In the middle of a race?
719
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,120
Well, no, you say that,
720
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:49,120
but in France, alcohol is banned
in the workplace, you're right,
721
00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:52,040
but you are allowed to drink wine,
722
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,920
beer or brandy.
723
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:57,280
So, they said, "You cannot drink alcohol
apart from beer,
724
00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,720
- "wine and brandy."
- "Which is what we make."
725
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,840
- You can't drink gin or vodka.
- Yeah. Foreign alcohol.
726
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:04,640
Yes.
727
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:07,520
My favorite law in France is the one
728
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,560
that prevents you from sending
work emails at a weekend.
729
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:13,800
- You're not allowed to?
- By law.
730
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,600
So you can enjoy le weekend?
731
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,600
Yeah. Exactly that.
732
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:21,200
Can I just say, I'm currently
in second place in this race.
733
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,760
I'm last. I messed up the start...
734
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:27,280
I've told you before,
a 205 GTi, great car,
735
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,920
but not as great as the 306 GTi.
736
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,520
Yeah, because the world agrees
with that theory.
737
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:37,640
Oh, no, wait, everybody agrees
the 205 is the definitive hot hatch.
738
00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:42,040
- I agree, it is a definitive hot hatch.
- It can't be a definitive hot hatch.
739
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,200
- It's the...
- But very few people realize
740
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,320
the 306 GTi, the one I'm driving,
741
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,680
is actually the best French hot hatch
of them all.
742
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,040
Word about that
somehow didn't get out?
743
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:52,960
- Nobody realizes.
- Therefore...
744
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,120
It's like the Sex Pistols
and the New York Dolls.
745
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,200
After lunch was over
and we'd had a little nap,
746
00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:04,960
the race resumed.
747
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:06,080
We are away.
748
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:14,800
This is tight.
749
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,080
Now I'm eating proper French dust.
750
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:27,000
Come on, come on.
Oh, deary me.
751
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:31,320
Marguerite,
a French intern, in the 206 GTi.
752
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:34,600
But just as
things were hotting up,
753
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:36,200
there was a problem.
754
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:40,360
Wait a minute. What's going on here?
755
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:47,080
What's happenin'?
756
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,800
Well, it looks like
the marshals have gone on strike.
757
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:56,040
In the confusion, James took
the opportunity to make up three places.
758
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:05,600
Liberté!
Liberté! Liberté! Liberté!
759
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:07,880
Oh, dear, there's a lot of bother
going on, look.
760
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,240
What could they have gone on strike about?
761
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,160
It's always difficult to know
with the French.
762
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,000
Fishing quotas, land,
763
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:25,800
speed cameras.
764
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,120
This just feels like home.
765
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:37,600
Eventually, though,
after the race director had been murdered,
766
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:42,280
they went back to their posts
so the race could begin again.
767
00:49:50,720 --> 00:49:54,280
Right, just to be absolutely clear,
all the cars here are excellent
768
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:57,840
because they're all French hot hatchbacks.
769
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,320
But mine is the best.
770
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,400
It's got no ABS, it's got
no traction control, and I've spun!
771
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:13,400
Seven thousand RPM.
772
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:17,160
Hundred and sixty seven
horsepowers unleashed!
773
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:24,440
Richard Hammond will now be moaning
about a lack of horsepower.
774
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:31,280
Now, I am down on power.
I only have 104 brake horsepower.
775
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,840
Porter completely killed me.
776
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:39,120
That was a very French move
from the scriptwriter there.
777
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:44,640
Out of the way!
Out of the way!
778
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,960
Oh, it's her! The French woman.
779
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:55,600
I ought to point out that Marguerite's
never really done this before,
780
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,200
so she is a natural French lunatic.
781
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,880
Although she did make a slight error there
and I'll hammer her.
782
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:06,440
Bonjour, madame!
783
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,360
Whoa!
784
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,040
As Hammond and May
battled with the office staff,
785
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,640
Abbie and I were up front
fighting for the lead.
786
00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:22,360
Determined face.
787
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:25,720
Speed!
788
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:32,120
You may be a racing driver, but I've got
40 more horsepower than you.
789
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,000
Oh, no. Hang on.
790
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,160
Ah. Think my dash appears
to be coming off,
791
00:51:52,240 --> 00:51:54,720
but I'd say that wasn't necessary.
792
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:59,520
French cars tend to shed
the stuff you can lose.
793
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:03,520
Bumpers, electric windows,
all that sort of stuff.
794
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:07,920
What you're left with is, actually,
an incredibly tough drivetrain, engine.
795
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:12,680
Whoa. Monsieur Le Porter.
796
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,360
Right, this is my chance.
797
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:30,560
Ooh, ! Not my chance.
798
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:33,560
Yep, she gave me the finger.
She is definitely a French woman.
799
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:35,400
That's the real deal there.
800
00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:45,200
God, this thing's so good.
801
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,040
Oh, she's cocked it up!
802
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,320
You son of a female dog!
803
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:57,520
Go away in a reproductive manner.
804
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:09,920
Whoa!
805
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:12,360
As we entered the closing laps,
806
00:53:13,240 --> 00:53:17,320
I finally overtook James'
much more powerful Renault.
807
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:22,640
Stealing a line from James then.
"Come on, little Pug."
808
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:25,640
But then...
809
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:28,640
Oh!
810
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:29,880
I've died.
811
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:32,120
What's happened here?
812
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:35,840
Oh, dear.
813
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,320
It's gone on strike.
814
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:45,880
As the race entered
the final two laps,
815
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:48,600
James was still being humiliated
816
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,560
by the brilliantly-entertaining
French novice.
817
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:56,480
And I was still fighting
Abbie for the win.
818
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,200
AND BEFORE YOU JUMP ON TWITTER,
819
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:09,960
YES, WE KNOW HE'S BELGIAN.
820
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:13,320
Damn it!
821
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:22,000
Oh, balls!
822
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:24,280
Whoa!
823
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:35,200
Yes. The mighty Peugeot is in the lead!
824
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,840
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
825
00:54:41,720 --> 00:54:42,800
No!
826
00:54:58,040 --> 00:54:59,600
So, the Saxo won.
827
00:55:02,720 --> 00:55:04,120
But it doesn't matter
828
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:09,080
because all of us
had had so much fun.
829
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:11,720
And...
830
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:14,160
we'd made an important point.
831
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:20,440
The French can make spectacular cars
when they're not being bonkers.
832
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,160
But here's the thing.
833
00:55:22,240 --> 00:55:25,720
Sometimes they can make spectacular cars
834
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:27,240
when they are.
835
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:43,160
CITROЁN SM
836
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:56,000
Welcome, everyone, to the most
magnificent French car of them all.
837
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,680
The SM.
838
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,520
A Citroen coupé with a 2.7 liter
839
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:08,960
Maserati V-6 under the bonnet.
840
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:16,880
This, in essence, really,
is Franco-Italian.
841
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:18,640
And that can work.
842
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,680
Jean Alesi, he's Franco-Italian,
843
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:25,680
so is Olivier Giroud, Eric Cantona,
David Ginola.
844
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:26,840
That worked well.
845
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,160
Yeah.
So what you got in one of these
846
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:32,080
was French complexity
and Italian fragility.
847
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:33,200
Yeah. Yeah.
848
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:38,440
To give you an example of the complexity,
it doesn't have a throttle linkage,
849
00:56:39,240 --> 00:56:41,040
as such. Well, it does,
850
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,360
but you get a rod, then a bit of cable,
851
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,160
then another rod, then it goes through
the exhaust.
852
00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:47,560
It does.
853
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:49,880
- And then it comes out.
- It's basically engine-out.
854
00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:53,920
And here's another good one,
all the wiring under the bonnet is black,
855
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,080
so you've no idea where it's going
or where it came from.
856
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,480
It's just all black. I don't know.
857
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,440
They don't really work.
858
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,880
I love the "stop" light there.
859
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:05,640
The biggest stop sign.
860
00:57:05,720 --> 00:57:08,760
- Yeah, it doesn't even...
- "Just stop!"
861
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,640
"One of a number of things
has gone wrong again."
862
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:13,640
That's what it says.
863
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:17,200
"This is a really big light to
tell you, inevitably, stop."
864
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:19,720
"What did you expect?
865
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,440
"Here is the moment you knew was coming.
866
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:25,760
"And you must stop instantly or die."
867
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:32,480
But... can we just mention the looks?
868
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,160
It's one of the best-looking
cars ever made.
869
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:41,200
Some angles, there's
a sort of gawkiness to it,
870
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:45,440
which is, I know we've said it before,
but real, true beauty isn't just
871
00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:47,720
- that sort of Internet, fake...
- No.
872
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:51,400
perfectly-symmetrical.
This has an angularity to it.
873
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:52,560
Oh, it's stunning.
874
00:57:55,400 --> 00:58:00,000
I'll tell you what I love,
is the list of people who owned an SM.
875
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:02,400
- Is it good?
- Oh, eclectic.
876
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,480
You've got Graham Greene, Brezhnev,
877
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:07,800
Haile Selassie,
878
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:11,000
Lee Majors, The Six Million Dollar Man,
John Barry,
879
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:12,840
the guy who wrote the Bond stuff.
880
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,320
Idi Amin had seven of them.
881
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:17,280
Seven SMs.
882
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:19,640
Just on the off-chance
one of them worked.
883
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:21,800
But this is
the really interesting one.
884
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:23,600
Bill Wyman from The Stones,
885
00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:25,800
okay, Adam Clayton from U2
886
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:27,880
and Guy Berryman from Coldplay.
887
00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:30,800
They're all bassists and they all had SMs.
888
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:34,720
That's because nobody ever
looks at the bassists.
889
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,760
They're always standing at the back.
890
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,760
"Stop looking at the lead singer.
891
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,040
- "I've got a sodding SM."
- "Look at me!"
892
00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:42,240
Yes!
893
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:51,640
- I love this car.
- I really want one.
894
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:57,800
I can feel the vibe of a man
wanting something coming from over there.
895
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,400
And I think you should have one
so I can look at it.
896
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:03,840
It's so special.
897
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:07,240
And I wanna be the kind of
person that would,
898
00:59:07,320 --> 00:59:08,920
well, set out
899
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,680
- to turn up in one.
- Yeah, you'd never get there.
900
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:13,520
- No.
- But you'd be an optimist.
901
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:14,760
People would see you
902
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,320
and assume you were just
an optimistic idiot.
903
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:19,080
- Yes.
- Which I kind of am.
904
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,440
You know,
we started out by asking,
905
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,800
"What is the matter with the French?"
906
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:36,760
And the answer is,
907
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:39,080
not much, not really.
908
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:43,560
We like their food, their wine,
their bloody-mindedness,
909
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:44,880
and, it turns out,
910
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:48,320
we like a lot of their cars as well.
911
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:05,200
But we don't want you to get
the impression we like all of them.
912
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:08,640
Because we don't.
913
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:13,360
This is the Citroen Pluriel,
which we hate,
914
01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:15,880
partly because it's horrid, but mainly...
915
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:18,720
because of its stupid roof.
916
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,480
Now, you probably think the roof
has folded away cleverly
917
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:28,040
like it does with a normal convertible.
918
01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:29,160
But it hasn't.
919
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:31,040
It's right here.
920
01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,600
You have to take it off entirely.
921
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:37,680
If you get up in the morning and think,
"It's sunny, I'll take the roof off"
922
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,600
and then it starts raining,
what do you do?
923
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:42,640
What if you set off and you think,
924
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:44,920
"The sun's come out,
I'll take the roof off",
925
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,840
where do you put it?
It is genuine French idiocy.
926
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,600
We should send that
miserable thing back to France
927
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,320
and tell them to keep it.
928
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:58,480
It's funny you should say that
'cause France is, what,
929
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:01,360
25 miles away? You can
virtually see it from here.
930
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:02,760
- It's not far, is it?
- No.
931
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:07,640
If only we had something
that could fling it that far.
932
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:10,880
Wait a minute!
933
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:15,040
Oh, yeah!
934
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:31,080
At more than 60 feet tall
and weighing 32 tons,
935
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:34,560
our trebuchet was certainly
big enough for the job.
936
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:39,880
However, it's quite a faff
to load and cock it,
937
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:43,480
which means bringing in some machinery.
938
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:48,240
KATO
939
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:49,600
Oh, yes.
940
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:51,560
I love cranes, me.
941
01:01:55,840 --> 01:01:56,840
Where's James?
942
01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:01,680
Hang on.
943
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:21,360
Having moved faster
than he had done at any point in the show,
944
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:24,640
James then set about
attaching the trebuchet
945
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:27,320
to the hook on Hammond's crane.
946
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:29,680
Thank you.
947
01:02:29,760 --> 01:02:31,920
He is wearing a harness,
isn't he?
948
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,600
Oh, of course.
He's more than six feet up.
949
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:37,320
- Are you hooked?
- Are we on?
950
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:38,760
Yeah.
951
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:42,080
With that done,
we needed someone practical
952
01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:45,960
to explain the engineering
behind our incredible machine.
953
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:49,320
Right, so here's how it works.
954
01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:52,800
Hammond will lift this up, and this...
955
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:55,440
12-ton weight
956
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:57,520
will go...
957
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:02,440
Or will it go that way?
958
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:06,040
No, this way.
959
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:08,760
The arm will come down,
960
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:12,520
and then we attach the cable
to the end of the arm...
961
01:03:14,200 --> 01:03:15,400
to the car?
962
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,440
With all that cleared up,
963
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:20,720
he went off to get the Pluriel.
964
01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:29,000
What are you doing?
965
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:33,040
- It goes at the other end.
- Jeremy, that's the wrong end!
966
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:36,520
- What?
- It's in the wrong place.
967
01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:38,280
It's gotta be at the other end.
968
01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:40,200
No, France is that way.
969
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:42,640
It's pulled underneath
and then goes over.
970
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:44,920
- It starts that side.
- So then it goes...
971
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,720
- Like that.
- It doesn't start here?
972
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:48,320
No. It starts over there.
973
01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:54,960
No!
974
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:57,680
Oh, quality work.
975
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:02,480
That's it. No, it isn't.
976
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:04,120
Genius.
977
01:04:04,800 --> 01:04:07,400
- Hasn't he got one of these at home?
- Yeah.
978
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:09,120
Whoops.
979
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:15,520
Yeah, that's better.
980
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,760
- When a heart surgeon finishes the job...
- Yeah?
981
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:25,400
Attach an artery to an artery
982
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:28,080
and then they stitch it,
it doesn't look like this.
983
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:29,240
What?
984
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:32,920
That's clearly not precision
work been taking place, has it?
985
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:40,400
Yes.
986
01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:43,720
Just pickin' it up!
987
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:53,080
- Stop.
- Stop. Stop. Stop.
988
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:01,400
God, this is complicated!
989
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:08,760
Stop.
990
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:13,400
It turns out we three are pretty manly.
991
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,600
Oh, yeah!
992
01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:20,400
With the, um, heavy bit
993
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:23,480
lifted into position and the car attached
994
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:25,080
to something important,
995
01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:28,400
we were finally ready for launch.
996
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:32,760
So the car, when I pull this,
goes round, loops round
997
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:34,200
- and goes to France?
- Yep.
998
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:35,656
- Exactly.
- And if it works,
999
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:37,560
it'll be the fastest Pluriel ever.
1000
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:39,120
By a long way.
1001
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:40,960
Are we all ready?
1002
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:46,440
Take up the slack.
1003
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:49,800
Here he comes.
1004
01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,160
- That happens.
- Taking up some more slack.
1005
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:56,760
Manly, you know.
1006
01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:58,560
Here he comes again.
1007
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:03,240
- Keep, keep...
- It's elastic.
1008
01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:04,440
Oh.
1009
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:06,520
- We've got the wrong rope.
- I'll go,
1010
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:08,640
"Three, two, one," do it,
we give it a...
1011
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:10,720
Ready? Three, two, one.
1012
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,280
There it goes!
1013
01:06:15,640 --> 01:06:17,480
- Whoa!
- There it goes!
1014
01:06:22,680 --> 01:06:24,480
Yes!
1015
01:06:24,560 --> 01:06:25,840
PluRiel
1016
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:29,560
Oh, good, there it is. I've got it,
I've got it. There it is. Geez.
1017
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:36,920
Hang on.
1018
01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:39,520
Where's it gone? Anyone see it?
1019
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:41,920
There!
1020
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:48,880
Oh, shit.
1021
01:06:57,200 --> 01:07:00,040
Right, well, on that
terrible disappointment...
1022
01:07:00,120 --> 01:07:01,160
For Louis.
1023
01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:02,600
- Who's Louis?
- Him.
1024
01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:05,200
For Louis, it's time to end.
1025
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:07,680
Thank you so much for watching.
1026
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:10,040
We'll see you next time. Take care.
1027
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:13,280
- Won't be in France, though, will we?
- No, no, maybe not for a bit.
1028
01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:14,400
No.
1029
01:07:16,504 --> 01:07:18,504
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