1 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,719 Hello, and welcome to the top of Norway, 2 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,999 and specifically, the third most northerly football pitch 3 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,440 in the entire world. 4 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,080 How far north are we? 5 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:53,319 Really far. We're 127 miles north of the Arctic Circle. 6 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,679 And we're further north than anywhere in Iceland. 7 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,679 And this isn't just a football pitch as in just a field. 8 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:01,895 This is quite proper, isn't it? 9 00:01:01,919 --> 00:01:04,080 - No, it is. - Who do they play? 10 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,440 The North Sea Oil Eleven, The Oil Rig Eleven. 11 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,416 - I don't know. The Trawlermen Eleven. - Probably whoever passes! 12 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:10,479 There's no other villages. 13 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,000 - Anyway... - See you tomorrow. 14 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,136 - You go and get the ball. - I'll go get the ball. 15 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,136 Because I'll explain to the ladies and gentlemen why we're here. 16 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,520 You see, the thing is, we are here... 17 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:20,520 We are here because... 18 00:01:20,599 --> 00:01:22,679 You nearly took my leg off! 19 00:01:22,759 --> 00:01:25,800 Because throughout the 2000s, 20 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,919 the world of rallying produced some 21 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,599 of the most exciting four-wheel-drive, 22 00:01:31,679 --> 00:01:34,880 four-door, family saloon cars anyone had ever seen. 23 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:39,319 And what we want to know is, which is the best? 24 00:02:15,759 --> 00:02:17,680 This is my choice. 25 00:02:21,039 --> 00:02:23,319 And before we've even begun, 26 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,479 here it is. The Subaru Impreza is the best. 27 00:02:26,599 --> 00:02:27,599 And that's that. 28 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:31,959 It just is. 29 00:02:36,039 --> 00:02:37,919 At this point, James arrived 30 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,319 with one of his favourite things, 31 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,959 a contrary opinion. 32 00:02:43,959 --> 00:02:46,440 That is a fantastic car, Hammond. 33 00:02:46,519 --> 00:02:47,840 The Subaru is superb. 34 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:49,959 It's not quite as fantastic as what I've brought, 35 00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:53,359 which is a Mitsubishi Evo. 36 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,919 Yes, and if you're on an actual rally special stage 37 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,319 or a racetrack, the Evo is brilliant. 38 00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,816 But the fact remains, to get home again, 39 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,000 you will take the Subaru 40 00:03:01,079 --> 00:03:03,919 because it's just more suited to the real world, somehow. 41 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,599 It's more calm. 42 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,000 - Calm? - Yes. 43 00:03:07,079 --> 00:03:08,840 Who wants a calm rally car? 44 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,199 This twat. 45 00:03:13,799 --> 00:03:16,039 At this point, Jeremy demonstrated 46 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,199 that he hadn't been listening to himself. 47 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,199 Hello! 48 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:25,800 Didn't you say that you had to bring the best rally car? 49 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,880 It is. It's an Audi Quattro. 50 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,240 That's not an Audi Quattro. 51 00:03:30,319 --> 00:03:33,160 - It is! - Where does it say "Quattro" on that? 52 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,400 - It doesn't. - Because it isn't one! 53 00:03:42,479 --> 00:03:43,519 - There you go! - Listen, 54 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:46,079 it doesn't say "The Duke of Marlborough" 55 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,599 on the Duke of Marlborough. 56 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,319 But we know he is the Duke of Marlborough 57 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,120 because his ancestor won a battle. 58 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,759 And that car's ancestor won a battle. Twice. 59 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,000 - It won two battles. - You've brought the wrong thing. 60 00:03:57,079 --> 00:03:58,919 It's an RS 4. 61 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,855 - These are rally cars! - It's an executive car! 62 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,880 Listen, I am older than you two... 63 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,000 And old. And older. 64 00:04:04,079 --> 00:04:06,919 - And with age has come wisdom. - Weight. 65 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,560 Greyness. 66 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:09,639 And weight. 67 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,039 Yeah, it is a bit heavy, I admit. 68 00:04:11,079 --> 00:04:13,039 Is it? They are a heavy car! 69 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,519 He said, dodging that one. 70 00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:17,319 Very good. 71 00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:18,959 - Oh, sorry. - What? 72 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,880 My phone is buzzing. 73 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,800 Inevitable, go on. 74 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,319 There is no escape, is there? There you go. 75 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,120 - Yes. - You knew. Yes? 76 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,240 Mr Wilman. 77 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:30,759 Right, hang on. 78 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,680 In order to find out which of your cars is the best, 79 00:04:33,759 --> 00:04:35,800 you will drive across what both the BBC 80 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:40,480 and The Guardian call 'Europe's last great wilderness'. 81 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,759 You will drive all the way across Norway, 82 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,519 Sweden and Finland, 83 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,480 never once dropping below the Arctic Circle, 84 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,000 and you must get to Ivalo Airport near the Russian border 85 00:04:54,079 --> 00:04:56,639 by 5:00 p.m. on Saturday 86 00:04:56,680 --> 00:05:00,240 'cause that's when your plane back to the UK leaves. 87 00:05:00,319 --> 00:05:01,375 - So we've gotta... - How far is that? 88 00:05:01,399 --> 00:05:04,399 Hold on. We've gotta get to the finish line in six days. 89 00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:06,800 What is it? Five, six hundred miles? 90 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,120 - Ooh, over a hundred. - A hundred miles a day? 91 00:05:09,199 --> 00:05:11,079 In the Subaru Impreza! Ah! 92 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,639 It doesn't sound very tricky this time. 93 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,120 I mean, if we were in convertibles... 94 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,096 - or in four-wheel-drive... - Or roller skates. 95 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,199 Yes, four-wheel-drive saloons, near enough. 96 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,440 This isn't a clearing-up shower, is it? 97 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:28,920 Should we get going? 98 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,120 - Yes. - Yes. 99 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,199 Holy cow. 100 00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:51,120 We set off, heading east 101 00:05:51,199 --> 00:05:53,959 through the monochromatic Lofoten Islands. 102 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,880 And at this point, it's probably a good idea 103 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,120 to warn our non-petrolhead viewers 104 00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:04,519 that you're about to land on Planet Nerd. 105 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:10,800 Now, I should explain that there have been 212 different versions 106 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,800 of the Subaru Impreza over the years. 107 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,360 There'd be a new model every year, 108 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,680 and then there'd be a hot new variant of that model, 109 00:06:17,759 --> 00:06:20,240 and then there'd be special limited editions 110 00:06:20,319 --> 00:06:22,360 of the hot new variants of the new model. 111 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,839 And every member of the very active 112 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,880 and committed Subaru community has their own 113 00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:32,720 very strong opinions on which one is best. 114 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,279 I'm gonna say it's this one. 115 00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:41,839 2003 WRX STi V-Limited edition and... 116 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,920 that's the sound of my Twitter inbox exploding 117 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,800 with all the Subaru owner community people 118 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,600 telling me I'm wrong. 119 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,800 I know exactly where Hammond is coming from, 120 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,240 because over the years, 121 00:07:02,319 --> 00:07:06,680 there have been ten iterations of the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo. 122 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:10,920 And every one has been available in various states of tune 123 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,159 and there have been various accessories and extras 124 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,279 and so on and so on. 125 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:19,040 But I think peak Evo arrived with this one. 126 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,519 The Evo VIII GSR. 127 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,920 And that is the sound of everybody on every Evo forum 128 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,240 on the internet ringing up to tell me I'm wrong. 129 00:07:33,159 --> 00:07:39,159 This Subaru and James' Evo have exactly 276 brake horsepower. 130 00:07:42,519 --> 00:07:45,680 And there was also a rule in the World Rally Championship 131 00:07:45,759 --> 00:07:48,800 which stated the engine could have a maximum capacity 132 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,399 of two litres, it could be turbo-charged. 133 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,800 So this has a four-cylinder, two-litre, turbo-charged engine. 134 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,399 It's a thoroughbred, it's special. 135 00:07:58,480 --> 00:07:59,959 It's rugged, it's purpose-built, 136 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,759 it was developed for rallying. 137 00:08:01,839 --> 00:08:03,560 It's just the business. 138 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,319 I'll be the first to admit 139 00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:17,399 that most fast Audis are a bit hopeless. 140 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:22,159 But just occasionally, they come up with a gem. 141 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:30,600 There was the original 20-valve Quattro, the R8, obviously, 142 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,399 the TT RS, and this. 143 00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:38,240 The 2007 RS 4. 144 00:08:42,639 --> 00:08:45,279 The three best engines ever made, in my book, 145 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:51,080 are the Lexus V10, Alfa Romeo's V6, and this, 146 00:08:51,159 --> 00:08:55,759 Audi's 4.2-litre naturally-aspirated 147 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,880 414-horsepower V8. 148 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,639 God, I love V8s. 149 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,759 James, how many World Rally Championship wins 150 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,639 does your Evo have? 151 00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:21,056 Oh, well, I'm glad you asked me that, Hammond, 152 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,120 because actually I do know. It's 26. 153 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,320 That's impressive. That's a big number. 154 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:30,960 Here's a bigger number. Mine has 46, which is many more. 155 00:09:31,039 --> 00:09:33,480 Jeremy, how many World Rally Championship wins 156 00:09:33,519 --> 00:09:35,200 does your Audi have? 157 00:09:35,279 --> 00:09:36,279 Er... 158 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,639 Let me think. It's none. 159 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,120 Yes, none. None at all. 160 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,200 What you have done by turning up at this challenge 161 00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:47,399 in your Audi not-a-Quattro is exactly the same 162 00:09:47,519 --> 00:09:51,880 as you turning up at your farm with a Lamborghini Aventador. 163 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,880 Yes, Lamborghini made a tractor, but that isn't one. 164 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,600 You could take a massive piss in a Royal Doulton tea cup. 165 00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:02,759 Yes, they did make urinals, but that isn't one. 166 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,880 It's a damn sight faster than your cars. 167 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,759 Well, it's not. 168 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,960 This is the fastest car in all environments. 169 00:10:10,039 --> 00:10:11,759 Well, we don't know about rallies 170 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,159 because it hasn't been in one. 171 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,000 Can I just say, 172 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,200 it's not the most wildernessy place I've ever been to. 173 00:10:20,279 --> 00:10:22,240 I mean, some of the scenery's pretty spectacular, 174 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,600 but roads, Armcos, telegraph poles. 175 00:10:25,639 --> 00:10:28,159 There's a great many non-wildernessy things around 176 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:29,600 for a wilderness, yes. 177 00:10:29,639 --> 00:10:32,240 Not for the first time, I'm baffled by the views 178 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:33,919 of the BBC and The Guardian. 179 00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:38,919 Convinced, however, that we soon would enter the wilderness, 180 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,759 we pulled up at a car accessories shop 181 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,000 to stock up on important supplies. 182 00:10:46,519 --> 00:10:47,735 I'd like to buy a windscreen wiper 183 00:10:47,759 --> 00:10:51,039 for a Subaru Impreza WRX STi V-Limited edition. 184 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,919 Well, I'm gonna see if I can buy some SD cards to play music. 185 00:10:55,439 --> 00:10:56,679 Shit! 186 00:10:56,759 --> 00:11:00,679 Oh! Good God! There's absolutely no grip! 187 00:11:00,759 --> 00:11:01,919 Right. 188 00:11:03,279 --> 00:11:05,880 Holy crap! 189 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,216 You don't need to move your legs! 190 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,639 I thought in the wilderness... 191 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,000 Oh. Director down. 192 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,320 - Director down. - Wow. 193 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:15,799 We'd run over and help you, but we can't. 194 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,679 - You all right? - Oh, yes. Sorry, carry on. 195 00:11:19,799 --> 00:11:22,159 Slowly and with dignity, 196 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,720 we all worked our way to the entrance. 197 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,559 Hell. 198 00:11:30,159 --> 00:11:32,240 No, that hasn't worked at all. 199 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,799 -Oh, God, -No, that's not worked. 200 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,039 Where, mercifully, we found some friction. 201 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,720 This, I quite enjoy going across. Look at this. 202 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,200 This is a wilderness, isn't it? 203 00:11:43,279 --> 00:11:45,279 - This is a... - It's about survival now. 204 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,559 I can see what the BBC 205 00:11:47,639 --> 00:11:49,720 - and The Guardian meant. - Well, yeah. 206 00:11:49,799 --> 00:11:51,399 What do you need? Subaru? 207 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,480 - Yeah. - Well, what sort is it? 208 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:54,919 Impreza, which one? 209 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,200 - Outback, Impreza... - WRX. 210 00:11:56,279 --> 00:12:00,200 It's a 2003 WRX STi V-Limited edition, 211 00:12:00,279 --> 00:12:03,360 one of 555 made in Japan 212 00:12:03,439 --> 00:12:05,799 to celebrate the 2003 Drivers Championship victory. 213 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:06,880 Yeah, all right. 214 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:12,600 - In the World Rally Championship. - Yes. Is it a G12, G22, G13, G23? 215 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:13,880 I don't know. 216 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,279 - You don't know? - Well, I... 217 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,120 - WRX. Here it is. - Yes? 218 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,639 Got it. V10. Right, SD cards. 219 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:24,039 Erm, how do you say... 'SD card' in Norwegian? 220 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,240 Erm... 'I'm a twat'. 221 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,320 Hello. 222 00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:29,000 SD card. 223 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,480 SD card? 224 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:35,080 Have you got them? Because my car is quite old. 225 00:12:35,159 --> 00:12:37,159 Jeremy? 226 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,799 - What is it? - Snow grip. 227 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,799 Well, it's all in Norwegian. 228 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:41,936 Well, I mean, it doesn't come out in Norwegian. 229 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,399 Well, but we don't know what it does. 230 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,679 Well, it's, I dunno. Let's think, snow grip. 231 00:12:45,759 --> 00:12:46,816 Yes, I think you spray it on your tyres. 232 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:47,895 It makes tarmac really slippery. 233 00:12:47,919 --> 00:12:49,816 - Yeah, well spray it on your feet. - It's turtle wax. 234 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,015 Why would you put turtle wax on something? 235 00:12:51,039 --> 00:12:52,039 No, it's made by them. 236 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,416 - Spray it on your feet! - Spray it on your feet. 237 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,159 - Like that. - The bottoms of your shoes. 238 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,519 - Yeah. - These two? 239 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,799 Purchases made, we headed back to the cars. 240 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,480 Yeah. 241 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:07,559 With me using my inbuilt warm fluid dispensing system to melt a path. 242 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,000 Shuffle forwards. 243 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,559 Genius. 244 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,559 Back on the road, 245 00:13:23,639 --> 00:13:28,320 the black-and-white scenery became even more spectacular. 246 00:13:28,399 --> 00:13:29,600 Holy shit. Look at that. 247 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,439 But there was one blot in it. 248 00:13:46,519 --> 00:13:49,480 Have you noticed this red Volvo that's been following us 249 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:51,200 since we left the football pitch? 250 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,919 I see, yes, I saw it then as we came down there. 251 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,639 Is that definitely the same Volvo? 252 00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:00,159 With the four rectangular rally lights on the front of it? 253 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,559 Yeah, it's the same one. 254 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,960 Soon, we were getting low on fuel. 255 00:14:12,039 --> 00:14:15,759 How shall we buy petrol in the wilderness? 256 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,439 Perhaps we shall have to make some 257 00:14:17,519 --> 00:14:20,439 out of tree bark and shale. 258 00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,559 Oh, no, it's all right. Look, there's a petrol station. 259 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,840 And, while we were loading up with fuel and snacks, 260 00:14:31,919 --> 00:14:33,240 I noticed something. 261 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:34,840 - James? - Yes? 262 00:14:37,039 --> 00:14:39,399 Now, we have made some left and right turns. 263 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,919 - Yes. - And that, 264 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,519 you know what I'm thinking? 265 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,600 Yes. 266 00:14:43,679 --> 00:14:46,000 - Mr Wilman? Yes. - Mr Wilman has provided us 267 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,840 with a backup car because he assumes that after... 268 00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:52,919 How long have we not been filming? 269 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,416 Three years? We'll have forgotten how to drive. 270 00:14:54,439 --> 00:14:56,799 And we'll crash into a tree, which Hammond probably will. 271 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,720 Hammond, we've worked something out. 272 00:14:58,799 --> 00:15:00,000 Look. 273 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,639 - That's gotta be a backup car. - It's a backup car. 274 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:06,639 It's a Volvo three, four, five, it's the five-door. 275 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,240 My sister had one, and I'm going to have to say, 276 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:14,320 it's possibly the worst car made by Western Europe. 277 00:15:14,399 --> 00:15:16,039 And it's been with us the whole time. 278 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,559 - Yes. - It is then, yep. It is. 279 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,559 As we headed further north, 280 00:15:24,639 --> 00:15:27,519 the weather finally turned wilderness-ish. 281 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:33,480 Yeah, snowing. Snowing. That's what it's doing. 282 00:15:34,279 --> 00:15:38,080 Which put the kibosh on me demonstrating the superior speed 283 00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:39,679 of my Quattro. 284 00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:42,799 Yeah, we probably can't do a nought-to-sixty run here. 285 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,240 Can we? 'Cause it's a bit squirrelly. 286 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,456 This is infuriating, actually, 287 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,600 'cause I genuinely do need to put you two in your place. 288 00:15:49,679 --> 00:15:52,880 I've had a lot of abuse, I've taken it well, I think, 289 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,399 but now I just need to quietly 290 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,880 and silently put you in your boxes. 291 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,679 Good luck with that. 292 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,120 Happily, however, after a few, 293 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:08,439 let's be honest, wrong turns, we ended up here. 294 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,960 Ooh. 295 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:14,519 What have we come to? 296 00:16:18,919 --> 00:16:20,720 This is interesting. 297 00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:22,759 That's rock. 298 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,080 - It's a proper tunnel look. - It's been concreted over. 299 00:16:25,159 --> 00:16:26,480 It's like a grotto. 300 00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:27,615 That's spray concrete, isn't it? 301 00:16:27,639 --> 00:16:28,840 - Just onto the... - Yeah. 302 00:16:28,919 --> 00:16:30,279 - Ooh. - Ooh. 303 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,799 Ooh. 304 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,759 So, do these lights now come on like you see in those horror films? 305 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,679 - You're just... - Ooh. 306 00:16:40,279 --> 00:16:42,519 Ha. You know what I'm thinking? 307 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:48,360 - Er, this? - Well, it's dry. It's not skiddy. 308 00:16:48,439 --> 00:16:50,159 - It's straight. - And it's straight. 309 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,840 So, do you want, are you proposing timed run 310 00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:55,360 or who can achieve the highest speed? 311 00:16:55,439 --> 00:16:57,375 Well, it would have to be the highest speed, wouldn't it? 312 00:16:57,399 --> 00:16:58,480 What if... 313 00:16:58,919 --> 00:17:01,519 - Whoa. - Is that the end? 314 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,399 Jesus. This is astonishing. 315 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,439 Somebody's got a sense of drama here. 316 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,679 Wow, this is, you do, it is quite important, 317 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,320 I would say, for comfort's sake, you stop before this. 318 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,639 No, you'll be fine, though, 319 00:17:14,679 --> 00:17:16,999 'cause there's a gravel trap to stop you before you hit it. 320 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,815 So we're doing this individually, 'cause you can't do it at the same time. 321 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:21,959 - What? Oh, no. - Obviously. 322 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,679 So, we do it one at a time. 323 00:17:24,199 --> 00:17:26,800 How would you actually record what speed you've done? 324 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:31,520 We put a GoPro camera on the dash. 325 00:17:32,439 --> 00:17:34,760 - Yes. - And then that will reveal the speed. 326 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,439 Somebody else goes in the car with you to verify 327 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,735 - how fast you're seeing. - No, we're not going 328 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,535 - in a car with you. - We're not getting in a car with you 329 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,936 - driving towards a wall. - We're not! 330 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:43,760 We know you don't know when to stop. 331 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,439 - Yes, it's gotta be GoPros. - Right. So I'll go first. 332 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,600 - Yes. - Actually, you better go second, 333 00:17:48,679 --> 00:17:50,416 'cause it'll be difficult driving over the rubble 334 00:17:50,439 --> 00:17:51,439 after he's done it. 335 00:17:56,919 --> 00:17:58,919 With all the lights extinguished, 336 00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:01,679 I lined up at the entrance of the tunnel. 337 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:02,959 Are you feeling brave? 338 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,280 I mean, I'm looking... That's a scary thing. 339 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,760 You can't even see where the wall is at the end. 340 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:09,959 You will when you get there. 341 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,760 That's the trouble. 342 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,040 Moments before you arrive, those... 343 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,959 As the car spins down the tunnel, 344 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,959 it'll get shorter as you knock each end off. 345 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,360 - Mm-hmm. - Until there's just your cabin going... 346 00:18:24,159 --> 00:18:25,880 Right. I think he's doing it. 347 00:18:28,919 --> 00:18:30,880 Come on, Jeremy. Be brave. 348 00:18:37,439 --> 00:18:41,040 Oh, there's wheel-spin there. No, I'm not getting any grip. 349 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,040 Oh, my God, the lights aren't coming on. Oh! 350 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,840 Oh, sh... 351 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,399 Jesus Christ Al-bloody-mighty! 352 00:19:05,959 --> 00:19:06,959 Bloody hell. 353 00:19:09,959 --> 00:19:11,080 How was it? 354 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,800 You're not going to enjoy it. 355 00:19:16,959 --> 00:19:19,399 While I parked my car in a side tunnel... 356 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,760 James took his place at the start. 357 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:24,840 Okay, you ready? 358 00:19:24,919 --> 00:19:25,919 - Yes. - Right. 359 00:19:25,959 --> 00:19:27,055 - Can I just go? - James May is ready 360 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,600 and will be setting off very shortly. 361 00:19:28,679 --> 00:19:30,880 Brace. Brace. Brace. 362 00:19:30,959 --> 00:19:33,760 Right. I've got the deck chair out and a good book. 363 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,520 In your own time, begin. 364 00:19:41,679 --> 00:19:44,439 That was a brisk start for a James May. 365 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:13,880 Big one. Big one. Big one. 366 00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,959 Let's get the medics. 367 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,120 All right, are you okay to stand up? 368 00:20:21,199 --> 00:20:22,280 Okay, hello. 369 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:23,360 Come with me. 370 00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:26,439 I'm gonna get an ambulance in, and we're gonna check you out, okay? 371 00:20:29,199 --> 00:20:30,639 Oh. 372 00:20:31,679 --> 00:20:32,760 Where is he? 373 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:37,320 I saw his head clobber the side of the B pillar. 374 00:20:37,399 --> 00:20:38,840 I mean, he went flying. 375 00:20:38,919 --> 00:20:41,679 You know, that was, he went in sideways into this wall. 376 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:43,919 The other ambulance is here, 377 00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:46,360 so they're gonna take you in so we can... 378 00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:51,320 It hurts on the back of my back. 379 00:20:51,399 --> 00:20:53,679 Like where? Down the centre or middle? 380 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,959 Yeah, um... Yeah, exactly where your hand is. 381 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,840 How are you feeling? 382 00:20:58,919 --> 00:20:59,959 A bit shit. 383 00:21:00,679 --> 00:21:03,159 Erm, the car's, isn't it? 384 00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:04,679 It's not... It's not well. 385 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,800 You won't drive it out of here. 386 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,199 Okay. 387 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,439 I'm in the Volvo. 388 00:21:09,959 --> 00:21:12,560 - So nothing's broken? - Doesn't seem to be. 389 00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:13,919 Head's not hurt? 390 00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:15,800 No, my neck hurts. I got a big... 391 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:16,880 - Whiplash? - Mm. 392 00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:19,320 Well, well done for not dying. 393 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,439 After James was carted off to hospital, 394 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,880 there was only one thing we could do. 395 00:21:29,439 --> 00:21:31,600 Stand by. Here I come. 396 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,120 I'm putting it in gear. Right. 397 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,120 Here he comes. Here he comes. 398 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:09,320 Braking, braking. Yeah. 399 00:22:10,399 --> 00:22:12,040 Yeah! 400 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,120 There has been a disturbance in the force. 401 00:22:15,199 --> 00:22:16,919 You've arrived on all four wheels 402 00:22:16,999 --> 00:22:18,335 - with your trousers still on. - I know. 403 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:19,735 Yeah, they haven't had to cut them off. 404 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,120 He's in a hospital. 405 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:26,080 With Hammond's run done, it was time to reveal the results. 406 00:22:26,159 --> 00:22:30,719 Right, I've got mine here. I'm going about 78 there. 407 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:31,856 Yeah, just off the 80 mark. 408 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,639 Just shy of 80, which I think 409 00:22:34,719 --> 00:22:35,999 - is pretty good. - It's not bad. 410 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,999 But I'm going to surprise you now. 411 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:40,199 James May's. 412 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,399 It's exactly the bloody same. 413 00:22:43,479 --> 00:22:44,880 - I know. - That's uncanny. 414 00:22:44,959 --> 00:22:45,959 It is uncanny. 415 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:47,376 - Actually... - And he's driving a car 416 00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:49,800 which we know is massively slower 417 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:50,880 -than mine, -Yeah. 418 00:22:50,959 --> 00:22:54,479 Which means he did what you usually do 419 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,520 and accelerated for far too long. 420 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,159 He's stolen my thing. 421 00:22:59,239 --> 00:23:02,040 Actually, this is difficult because you can't put him down as a DNF 422 00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:03,656 - 'cause he did finish. - Oh, he finished. 423 00:23:03,679 --> 00:23:04,679 It's there. 424 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,295 But I think he, we'll have to say he lost, 425 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,399 because I finished and can drive home in my car. 426 00:23:10,479 --> 00:23:12,320 But let's, but first of all, come on, you. 427 00:23:12,399 --> 00:23:14,159 We're both 78. 428 00:23:15,399 --> 00:23:16,880 And that's 32. 429 00:23:16,959 --> 00:23:19,479 - Yeah. - And that's KPH. 430 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:20,600 A bit, yeah. 431 00:23:20,679 --> 00:23:25,840 I saw what James did, and I just thought, 'No, this time'. 432 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,679 Well, I think that was a good experiment. 433 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,159 - Well done us. - It's not quite what I had in mind. 434 00:23:31,239 --> 00:23:32,239 No, it's... 435 00:23:35,999 --> 00:23:37,639 With our important work done, 436 00:23:37,719 --> 00:23:40,919 we could have gone to see James in the hospital, 437 00:23:40,999 --> 00:23:43,280 but we decided it would be more interesting 438 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,840 to explore these spooky tunnels. 439 00:23:46,919 --> 00:23:48,120 What the hell? 440 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,959 Ooh. A cavern. 441 00:23:54,159 --> 00:23:56,399 There's one down there! 442 00:23:59,199 --> 00:24:01,199 Wait a minute. 443 00:24:02,479 --> 00:24:03,760 Holy cow. 444 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,880 It's a Cold War submarine base. 445 00:24:12,199 --> 00:24:14,679 No, it's not. It is, it's a sub base. 446 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,719 And it's full of... 447 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,080 Marine, with gun, Marine. 448 00:24:24,399 --> 00:24:27,120 What, where, what are they doing? 449 00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:28,199 They're Special Forces. 450 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,639 Right. These are landing craft. 451 00:24:40,639 --> 00:24:41,999 He doesn't look very happy. 452 00:24:46,239 --> 00:24:47,880 I think we're in the way. 453 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:52,959 I'm very sorry! 454 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:55,880 Oh, what's round here? 455 00:24:59,439 --> 00:25:02,360 Hammond, we may have driven into an office. 456 00:25:02,439 --> 00:25:03,679 What? 457 00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:08,199 The Special Forces are looking at us. 458 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,760 Can I just ask, are you Norwegian? 459 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:14,239 - Sorry? - Are you Norwegian? 460 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,679 I'm not Norwegian, no, no. 461 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,159 Where are you from? 462 00:25:17,239 --> 00:25:19,040 - The Netherlands. - You're Dutch? 463 00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:21,520 Dutch. All Dutch. 464 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,479 Dutch? Everyone's Dutch? 465 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,919 - Everyone is Dutch. - Of course. 466 00:25:27,479 --> 00:25:30,999 Sit rep, the Dutch and the Norwegians are at war. 467 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,880 The day's just got weirder. 468 00:25:33,959 --> 00:25:35,999 Oh, heavens! 469 00:25:36,479 --> 00:25:37,479 Hello? 470 00:25:38,679 --> 00:25:39,800 Jeremy, you're pulling 471 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,880 a top-secret submarine's hosepipe with you. 472 00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:43,959 Ah. 473 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,479 Yeah. Sorry. 474 00:25:51,999 --> 00:25:53,919 - They're Dutch. - What? 475 00:25:53,999 --> 00:25:54,999 They're Dutch. 476 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,639 What's staggering me is not one of them has said, 477 00:26:02,719 --> 00:26:03,815 - 'What on earth... - 'What are you doing here?' 478 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,959 are you doing here?' 479 00:26:08,679 --> 00:26:09,760 My apologies. 480 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,280 Sorry. Sorry. 481 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,320 - Sorry. - Thank you. 482 00:26:13,399 --> 00:26:16,600 - You're welcome. - Good luck. Carry on. 483 00:26:16,679 --> 00:26:17,896 I don't know who's side we're on. 484 00:26:17,919 --> 00:26:21,120 When we come out, are we on the Norwegian side or the Dutch side? 485 00:26:21,199 --> 00:26:23,840 I'm gonna bear the flag of whoever's holding the gun. 486 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,800 The next morning, James was still in hospital. 487 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,760 So Jeremy and I got back on the road, 488 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,760 our thoughts very much on the tragic events of the day before. 489 00:26:43,399 --> 00:26:45,255 It's funny how these things affect you afterwards. 490 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,800 I mean, that was traumatic, 491 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,800 running down that tunnel and seeing at the end of it 492 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,679 that fabulous car wounded. 493 00:26:57,919 --> 00:26:59,199 I'm just thinking, Hammond. 494 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,255 You know, you've crashed countless cars over the years 495 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,495 and it doesn't really matter 'cause they're just 496 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,800 metal and plastic and glass, 497 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,080 but the Evo's more than that, isn't it? 498 00:27:08,159 --> 00:27:10,439 Yeah, it's not a car that you crash 499 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:11,919 or ding in the usual way. 500 00:27:11,999 --> 00:27:13,760 It's a car that gets injured 501 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,800 'cause there's so much passion 502 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,080 wrapped up in it from a lot of people. 503 00:27:18,159 --> 00:27:21,919 And what's worse for me is I've lost my playmate. 504 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,800 Er... 505 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,159 Yeah, I've lost my car's natural sparring partner, 506 00:27:28,239 --> 00:27:31,159 the one car that could keep up with it, live with it. 507 00:27:31,239 --> 00:27:32,679 I'm in an Audi Quattro! 508 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,360 It's not an Audi Quattro. 509 00:27:34,439 --> 00:27:36,080 It's not a rally car! 510 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,120 Stunned by Hammond's criticism, 511 00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:40,999 I made a proposal. 512 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:46,840 What if I could find a rudimentary wilderness workshop 513 00:27:46,919 --> 00:27:48,919 and turn it into a rally car? 514 00:27:50,719 --> 00:27:52,880 All right, well, if you can find one and do that, 515 00:27:52,959 --> 00:27:55,199 I'll do the one thing I can do to improve my car 516 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,719 and give it more power, then we're on. 517 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:02,600 So if I yobbify my car and you up the power of yours, 518 00:28:02,679 --> 00:28:05,399 then they become natural rivals. 519 00:28:05,479 --> 00:28:06,560 Then we are talking. 520 00:28:06,639 --> 00:28:09,239 Right. Set sat nav. 521 00:28:10,639 --> 00:28:13,120 With our modding plan agreed on, 522 00:28:13,199 --> 00:28:16,999 we hunkered down and headed for the Swedish border. 523 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:26,800 Socket or spanner? 524 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:28,159 - Socket. - This one? 525 00:28:29,439 --> 00:28:31,080 Back where we'd stayed the night, 526 00:28:31,159 --> 00:28:35,080 I was now out of hospital, nursing a broken rib 527 00:28:35,159 --> 00:28:38,959 and trying to save the really badly wounded patient. 528 00:28:42,999 --> 00:28:45,679 Starting from the front, underneath there, 529 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,120 the radiator is broken and is leaking. 530 00:28:48,199 --> 00:28:50,280 The oil cooler is mangled. 531 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,560 This is the intercooler pipe. 532 00:28:53,639 --> 00:28:56,760 As you can see, the air flow through that is not going to be 533 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,679 as the manufacturer intended. 534 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,239 This brake calliper actually cracked in the impact 535 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:03,760 and now leaks. 536 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:08,120 This is the drive shaft, which is... 537 00:29:08,199 --> 00:29:10,199 Ah, God. 538 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,600 That is very broken. 539 00:29:12,679 --> 00:29:14,159 Body work is mangled. 540 00:29:14,239 --> 00:29:15,760 This wheel is in the wrong position. 541 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,560 It's not pointing the right way. 542 00:29:17,639 --> 00:29:23,439 The exhaust, it's all now several inches further that way. 543 00:29:24,439 --> 00:29:29,080 This car is extremely badly wounded, but it isn't dead. 544 00:29:29,159 --> 00:29:30,239 Let's hope... 545 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,199 Ow. I shouldn't have done that. 546 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:34,639 We can push it back into shape. 547 00:29:42,239 --> 00:29:43,999 Many miles ahead, 548 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,320 we were in yet another winter wonderland. 549 00:29:48,399 --> 00:29:51,280 That is pretty impressive. 550 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:01,040 But there were issues, chief among which was 551 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,679 the Quattro's satellite navigation system. 552 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,840 You are not on a digitized road. 553 00:30:06,919 --> 00:30:10,439 Oh, I am. I am on a digitized road. 554 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:11,520 Don't be stupid. 555 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,199 Unable to provide recommended route from here. 556 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,199 You are not on a digitized road. 557 00:30:17,239 --> 00:30:20,399 Yeah, my sat nav is saying I'm six kilometres 558 00:30:20,479 --> 00:30:22,880 into the wood on our left. 559 00:30:22,959 --> 00:30:26,600 Well, we're in the wilderness, 'Europe's great last wilderness'. 560 00:30:28,399 --> 00:30:30,520 I suspected that, this far north, 561 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,560 sat nav struggled to see any satellites. 562 00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:37,159 But there was no time to check that out 563 00:30:37,239 --> 00:30:39,080 because of another problem. 564 00:30:41,399 --> 00:30:42,880 Terror. 565 00:30:43,999 --> 00:30:47,120 The speed of the oncoming snowploughs. 566 00:30:47,199 --> 00:30:48,479 No. Oh, no. 567 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,280 Oh. 568 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,719 That is doing 170. 569 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,840 They are properly committed, aren't they? Here he comes. 570 00:30:57,639 --> 00:31:00,560 Yeah. It's Kimi Raikkonen's winter job. 571 00:31:00,639 --> 00:31:04,280 Eventually, though, we managed to find the Swedish border, 572 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:08,880 cross it, and reach the town I'd been aiming for. 573 00:31:08,959 --> 00:31:10,999 This is the town, Hammond. This is the town. 574 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:12,280 There will be a workshop here. 575 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:14,880 I'd say there's a good chance there will be. 576 00:31:14,959 --> 00:31:17,199 They'll have snow machines and ploughs and things 577 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:18,959 that need mending all the time. 578 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,320 Sure enough, we found a friendly local 579 00:31:23,399 --> 00:31:24,999 who lent us his workshop. 580 00:31:26,199 --> 00:31:29,760 And, after buying some parts at a wilderness accessories store... 581 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,120 Tape... 582 00:31:31,199 --> 00:31:32,999 We both got down to work. 583 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:38,120 Me with some engine-mapping software, and Jeremy not. 584 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,679 How's your mapping coming along? 585 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,639 I'm done. I'm onto physical stuff now. 586 00:31:52,719 --> 00:31:53,919 I'm not doing a lot. 587 00:31:53,999 --> 00:31:55,719 You can really change the map that quickly? 588 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:56,999 Yeah. 589 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,320 So you've just entirely changed this car's brain? 590 00:31:59,399 --> 00:32:00,815 The main thing is we're in the Arctic now. 591 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,520 The air is cold and dense, 592 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,159 much colder and denser than where this is set up for. 593 00:32:05,239 --> 00:32:07,520 So that means it's got more oxygen in it. 594 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:08,656 - So there's more... - The air has? 595 00:32:08,679 --> 00:32:10,055 Yes, the cold air is heavier, denser, 596 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:11,479 sits there with more oxygen in it. 597 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,295 So that's what you need to mix with the petrol vapor 598 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,239 to make lovely, big, rich, juicy explosions in there. 599 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,600 - That's amazing. - Yeah. Right. 600 00:32:18,679 --> 00:32:19,815 - I'm going to... - James is going 601 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,439 to be horrified when he gets here to discover that my jack... 602 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:24,639 Where's my jack gone? 603 00:32:24,719 --> 00:32:25,919 Nowhere. 604 00:32:25,999 --> 00:32:27,120 Look at that. 605 00:32:27,199 --> 00:32:28,199 Moth. 606 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,239 Meanwhile, back in Norway, 607 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,800 progress in my workshop wasn't so good. 608 00:32:36,919 --> 00:32:41,639 That bit should be there. 609 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,560 That should be rectangular. 610 00:32:50,959 --> 00:32:51,959 Wow. 611 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,439 Okay, what next? 612 00:33:11,159 --> 00:33:15,120 The next morning, there was still no sign of James. 613 00:33:15,199 --> 00:33:18,199 But Hammond and I had had a productive night. 614 00:33:35,199 --> 00:33:38,399 The yobbification program is complete. 615 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:41,760 We have the Audi rallying livery. 616 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:45,800 We have the full Pink Floyd lighting rig. 617 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,399 And there's no denying that it's a Quattro now 618 00:33:48,479 --> 00:33:51,320 because look, it says 'Quattro' everywhere on it. 619 00:33:51,399 --> 00:33:53,360 Where are my keys? 620 00:33:54,919 --> 00:33:58,840 I put them in that bath tub, so you won't lose them. There. 621 00:34:03,199 --> 00:34:05,199 Oh. Oh, brilliant. 622 00:34:06,679 --> 00:34:09,280 Utter, utter... 623 00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:10,360 Has it frozen? 624 00:34:12,119 --> 00:34:14,760 Yes, Jeremy, the bath full of water has frozen 625 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:15,880 with my keys in. 626 00:34:15,959 --> 00:34:19,399 I tried to stop it freezing by weeing in it. 627 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,999 Yeah, that would explain the yellow ice. 628 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,680 You're sick in the head. 629 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:30,800 But it's funny, it's very funny. 630 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,919 - Well done, really. - It is? Cause there they are. 631 00:34:32,999 --> 00:34:34,175 - Yeah, there they are. - It's extra, I didn't... 632 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:35,519 And yet they're not. 633 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,800 It's just, it was cold last night, wasn't it? 634 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:39,720 - Wasn't it just? - Isn't it? 635 00:34:52,479 --> 00:34:54,680 Having eventually freed my key, 636 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:59,079 I was able to savour the fruits of my labours. 637 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,680 Right, my laptop wizardry has taken the power up 638 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:11,880 to 356 horsepower. 639 00:35:13,959 --> 00:35:15,640 I've upgraded the exhaust, as you can hear. 640 00:35:19,039 --> 00:35:23,999 Induction air filter kit. Launch control. Anti-lag on the turbo. 641 00:35:25,399 --> 00:35:27,039 And the best livery of all... 642 00:35:31,959 --> 00:35:34,399 This isn't just the best car here, 643 00:35:34,479 --> 00:35:37,039 this is now the best car ever. 644 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,959 I am like a dog with two dicks and a super yacht. 645 00:35:47,919 --> 00:35:50,079 Meanwhile, a few miles away, 646 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,360 I'd come across something rather special. 647 00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:59,320 A frozen lake with a race track carved onto it. 648 00:36:04,039 --> 00:36:06,760 And it was completely deserted. 649 00:36:09,479 --> 00:36:12,640 Until it suddenly wasn't anymore. 650 00:36:16,079 --> 00:36:18,680 Yeah, looks like Hammond has got his keys back. 651 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,999 Oh, my word. Come on! 652 00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:45,399 What a machine! 653 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,880 Obviously, I haven't touched the engine. 654 00:36:48,959 --> 00:36:51,999 There was no need. It's already a masterpiece. 655 00:36:52,039 --> 00:36:55,640 But I have fitted a magnificent new exhaust system. 656 00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,240 Listen to that V8 now! 657 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,479 Oh, it's howling. 658 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,439 I could crash when I like. 659 00:37:15,519 --> 00:37:16,959 This is my idea of heaven! 660 00:37:18,559 --> 00:37:20,800 Opposite lock. Scandi-flick it in. 661 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:21,880 Holding it... 662 00:37:24,039 --> 00:37:26,559 This just flatters the incompetent. 663 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,320 I am now fully Swedish. 664 00:37:32,919 --> 00:37:34,439 Getting close. 665 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,999 Right. Hammond, you think you wanna come past, do you? 666 00:37:38,039 --> 00:37:41,320 Now I'm going to unleash my secret weapon. 667 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:44,880 Ready? 668 00:37:44,959 --> 00:37:46,760 Come on, Clarkson. 669 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:51,999 What the hell? 670 00:37:52,039 --> 00:37:53,720 Whoa. 671 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:54,959 You weren't ready for that! 672 00:37:55,039 --> 00:37:57,240 Businessman's car, my ass. 673 00:37:59,919 --> 00:38:03,479 It's my new handmade exhaust system. 674 00:38:03,519 --> 00:38:06,240 And it's designed to prevent you from overtaking. 675 00:38:07,399 --> 00:38:09,079 We're on a frozen lake. 676 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,079 If you melt it, it's just a lake. 677 00:38:13,079 --> 00:38:14,360 Whoa! 678 00:38:14,439 --> 00:38:16,640 Once I'd finished barbecuing my colleague, 679 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:19,720 we pulled over to inspect the damage he'd done 680 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,959 when he'd headbutted a snow bank. 681 00:38:22,039 --> 00:38:23,559 I've lost half the front of it! 682 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,760 It looks now like it's been in a pub brawl. 683 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,919 - Anyway... - More work to be done. 684 00:38:28,999 --> 00:38:31,479 Hammond then went off to find the tools he'd need 685 00:38:31,519 --> 00:38:34,680 to mend his car and while he was gone, 686 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,559 I modified one of his modifications. 687 00:38:48,999 --> 00:38:51,039 Before Hammond noticed my handiwork, 688 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:55,519 we received news that Captain Slow was about to arrive. 689 00:38:55,559 --> 00:38:59,479 And this caused us to wonder, in what? 690 00:39:00,039 --> 00:39:01,680 I'm strangely conflicted 691 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:05,519 because I desperately want him to be in the Volvo 692 00:39:05,559 --> 00:39:07,640 and I desperately want him to be in the Evo. 693 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:08,776 Yeah, I know what you mean. 694 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,615 I want him to be in the Volvo because he deserves 695 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:11,695 - to be in the Volvo. - Yeah. 696 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:13,959 - Just for hurting the Evo. - Yeah. 697 00:39:22,039 --> 00:39:23,880 - No way. - Oh, wow. 698 00:39:23,959 --> 00:39:24,959 No way. 699 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,519 I am elated! 700 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:34,880 Hello. 701 00:39:34,959 --> 00:39:38,760 We are pleased and angry simultaneously. 702 00:39:39,999 --> 00:39:41,079 It's not pretty. 703 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,919 No. It's like Frankenstein's Evo. 704 00:39:42,999 --> 00:39:44,800 And it lives as well. 705 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,559 What was broken on it? 706 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,840 Well, the intercooler, radiator, oil cooler, 707 00:39:49,919 --> 00:39:52,919 wheel wishbone, top wishbone, drive shaft, 708 00:39:52,999 --> 00:39:55,559 chassis rail, door, 709 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,519 exhaust, engine out of alignment. 710 00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,800 - You really did hurt. - It's worse than that. 711 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,880 Half the people in the world hate you 712 00:40:02,959 --> 00:40:04,175 - because you destroyed an Evo. - Mm-hmm. 713 00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,015 And people, it divides into people who like Subarus 714 00:40:06,039 --> 00:40:07,160 and like Evos. 715 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:09,800 But the other half of the world also hates you 716 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,655 because you took away the Subaru's competitor. 717 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,039 - So, everybody hates you. - Erm, It's still here. 718 00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:16,079 - Yes. - But you have missed a lot of testing. 719 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,399 We've established that the Audi is faster than the Subaru, in the tunnel. 720 00:40:20,479 --> 00:40:22,479 And we've established that it's much more fun 721 00:40:22,519 --> 00:40:24,160 - on a frozen lake and faster. - Well, no. 722 00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:25,655 - We haven't established that. - We have. 723 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:26,695 - Well, we haven't. - We have. 724 00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:28,800 - We haven't. - Other things you need to know, James. 725 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,320 - Yes? - Norway is at war with Holland. 726 00:40:31,399 --> 00:40:32,919 - Oh, God, yeah. Watch out. - Is it? 727 00:40:32,999 --> 00:40:34,479 Real surprise. 728 00:40:34,519 --> 00:40:36,039 So, where are your cars? 729 00:40:36,079 --> 00:40:37,079 Well... 730 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:39,479 Oh, that's actually it? 731 00:40:39,519 --> 00:40:40,615 - Yes! - Oh, yeah. We've been busy. 732 00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:41,695 - Good on you. - We've done. 733 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,919 I'm telling you, we have been really hard at work. 734 00:40:43,999 --> 00:40:47,079 We've done important testing and this. 735 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,039 Anyway, what are we doing next? 736 00:40:50,919 --> 00:40:53,519 Mr Wilman gave us the answer to that. 737 00:40:53,559 --> 00:40:56,079 We were going to see which of our cars was the best 738 00:40:56,200 --> 00:41:01,240 at skijoring, a sport in which you race round a frozen lake 739 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,840 while towing a skier. 740 00:41:04,039 --> 00:41:07,760 Mad? You don't even know the half of it. 741 00:41:09,559 --> 00:41:11,760 One of them has only got one leg. 742 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:12,880 What? 743 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,360 But did he lose the other one doing this? 744 00:41:19,439 --> 00:41:20,720 Good afternoon, gentlemen. 745 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:21,880 - Hello. - Good afternoon. 746 00:41:21,959 --> 00:41:23,479 Hi. Good afternoon. 747 00:41:23,519 --> 00:41:28,800 There then followed a typically verbose Scandinavian conversation. 748 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,880 Do you do it here because there aren't very many mountains to ski on? 749 00:41:31,959 --> 00:41:33,439 Yeah. 750 00:41:33,519 --> 00:41:34,880 How do you win? 751 00:41:34,959 --> 00:41:36,399 The fastest wins. 752 00:41:40,959 --> 00:41:43,039 Soon, though, the chat started to flow. 753 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,479 You see that snow that, what's that snowmobile towing? 754 00:41:46,519 --> 00:41:48,720 It's taking a shed out for a drive. 755 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:49,880 For fishing. 756 00:41:49,959 --> 00:41:51,680 - What? - For fishing, ice fishing. 757 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:52,880 Oh, it's like a fishing hut. 758 00:41:52,919 --> 00:41:54,919 - Ice-fishing hut. - Oh, is it on skis? 759 00:41:54,999 --> 00:41:55,999 Yes. 760 00:41:56,039 --> 00:41:57,336 - So it's a caravan? - So, that's like a caravan. 761 00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:58,495 - It's a caravan. - Yeah, but on skis! 762 00:41:58,519 --> 00:41:59,999 That's quite good. 763 00:42:00,039 --> 00:42:03,439 Distraction over, we got back to the job in hand. 764 00:42:03,519 --> 00:42:04,880 How fast do normally go? 765 00:42:04,959 --> 00:42:06,399 120. 766 00:42:06,479 --> 00:42:07,519 - What? - What? 767 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:09,720 - 120. - I wouldn't do that without a skier. 768 00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,336 - That's kilometres an hour, yes? - Kilometres per hour, yeah. 769 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,320 - But it's still... - That's still 70. 770 00:42:13,399 --> 00:42:14,399 Yes, I wouldn't... 771 00:42:14,479 --> 00:42:15,880 - 70 miles an hour? - Yeah. 772 00:42:15,959 --> 00:42:16,959 Closer to 80. 773 00:42:17,039 --> 00:42:18,039 - What? - Yeah. 774 00:42:18,079 --> 00:42:19,959 But what? We've never done this. 775 00:42:20,039 --> 00:42:21,320 Yeah, so we won't go that fast, 776 00:42:21,399 --> 00:42:22,479 but you can still enjoy it. 777 00:42:22,519 --> 00:42:25,320 - That's sort of up to us, really. - That's the problem, it's up to us! 778 00:42:25,919 --> 00:42:27,615 We have done a little bit of driving around this track. 779 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:28,640 Well, I haven't. 780 00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:30,360 And when you're following the other one, 781 00:42:30,439 --> 00:42:32,800 he doesn't know what he's gonna do in the corner, 782 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:34,760 how he's gonna do it, is he gonna turn early... 783 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:36,055 Well, I don't know what the car's going to do. 784 00:42:36,079 --> 00:42:38,559 Yeah, but your cars are intact. 785 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:39,880 - I mean, not... - My Evo. 786 00:42:39,959 --> 00:42:41,760 - No, his isn't, yeah. - But your cars. 787 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,640 Yeah, he just looked at the middle pedal and thought, 788 00:42:44,720 --> 00:42:45,720 'No, I don't need that'. 789 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,800 Still not convinced this was a good idea, 790 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,559 we lined up for the start. 791 00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,559 It's the second stupid thing we've done on this trip. 792 00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,720 How cold do you think it's going to be on skis 793 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:01,999 at 80 miles an hour? 794 00:43:03,439 --> 00:43:04,999 Unimaginably cold. 795 00:43:05,999 --> 00:43:08,399 Will there be a dribble of warmth from my exhaust 796 00:43:08,479 --> 00:43:09,880 to keep him warm, do you think? 797 00:43:09,959 --> 00:43:11,776 Yes, but you don't want to cross the finish line 798 00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,360 with some bacon on the end of a string. 799 00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:20,280 Here we go. 800 00:43:26,559 --> 00:43:28,160 There's a man in the rear-view mirror 801 00:43:28,240 --> 00:43:29,800 and he's keeping up with me. 802 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,280 That's alarming. 803 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:35,760 Where does it go? 804 00:43:40,999 --> 00:43:42,840 I'm cutting off Hammond. 805 00:43:44,519 --> 00:43:45,640 Oh, I've bollocks'ed that. 806 00:43:47,399 --> 00:43:50,079 Oh, sorry. 807 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,760 65 miles per hour, and he's still there. 808 00:44:02,599 --> 00:44:05,999 This is terrifying. I'd rather drive in that tunnel again. 809 00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,959 And that's 80 miles an hour we've just achieved. 810 00:44:16,039 --> 00:44:17,840 I want to catch Jeremy more than anything else 811 00:44:17,919 --> 00:44:20,599 in the world, but I don't wanna kill someone else doing it. 812 00:44:24,599 --> 00:44:26,919 Hammond's gaining, he is gaining. 813 00:44:27,479 --> 00:44:29,640 He wants me to go faster. He's bloody nuts. 814 00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:33,760 I went wide! 815 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,079 No! 816 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,559 No! 817 00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,959 I have the lead! 818 00:44:44,959 --> 00:44:48,119 That was a mistake. 819 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,280 Shit, I've lost him. 820 00:44:55,399 --> 00:44:57,439 Right, last lap. 821 00:44:57,519 --> 00:44:59,280 Through the chicaney bit. 822 00:45:01,959 --> 00:45:02,959 Come on! 823 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,680 Mapping's good, but it doesn't beat cubes. 824 00:45:08,439 --> 00:45:10,519 And I have a lot of cubes. 825 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,039 Come on! 826 00:45:19,119 --> 00:45:21,760 The power of the V8 is mighty! 827 00:45:23,240 --> 00:45:24,439 Yes! 828 00:45:24,519 --> 00:45:26,439 I got him back! 829 00:45:26,519 --> 00:45:28,999 Did he, oh, I forget to check. He's still there. 830 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:37,919 Where is he? 831 00:45:41,919 --> 00:45:43,200 Oh, thank God. 832 00:45:44,479 --> 00:45:47,680 Having bid a fond farewell to these foolish men... 833 00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:49,200 - Well, thank you. - Guys, yeah. 834 00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:50,535 - Yes, really. - It was a pleasure. 835 00:45:50,559 --> 00:45:51,615 - Thank you very much. - Thank you. Thank you. 836 00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:52,695 It was a terrifying experience. 837 00:45:52,720 --> 00:45:53,816 I don't know what the Swedish for 'thank you' is, 838 00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,896 - but thank you. - A great spectacle and incredibly brave. 839 00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:58,999 We continued on our way. 840 00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:14,519 And an hour later, something dawned on me. 841 00:46:15,559 --> 00:46:18,999 This is the first time since we set off 842 00:46:19,079 --> 00:46:22,079 that I've genuinely felt like I'm in a wilderness. 843 00:46:23,919 --> 00:46:25,599 I mean, there's just no evidence anywhere 844 00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:27,200 of man's existence. 845 00:46:28,079 --> 00:46:30,840 There's no town. There's no village. 846 00:46:30,919 --> 00:46:34,320 There's no... hotel? 847 00:46:37,919 --> 00:46:42,320 Chaps, I'm loving the wilderness, but where are we going to spend the night? 848 00:46:42,399 --> 00:46:43,519 I've been thinking the same. 849 00:46:43,599 --> 00:46:47,399 It's very nice to feel we're finally out there, 850 00:46:47,479 --> 00:46:49,559 but there's no hotels. 851 00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,840 It is getting quite dark as well. 852 00:46:52,439 --> 00:46:54,999 Yeah. Well, why don't you turn your light on? 853 00:46:55,079 --> 00:46:56,160 I say 'light'. 854 00:46:57,399 --> 00:46:58,959 I have got my light on. 855 00:46:59,999 --> 00:47:02,280 Would you like to see my lights, James? 856 00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,840 Well, I'm gonna say no, but, yes, there you go, well done. 857 00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:10,999 We drove for hours 858 00:47:11,079 --> 00:47:13,119 and there was still no sign of life. 859 00:47:18,439 --> 00:47:20,919 It's minus six-and-a-half degrees out there. 860 00:47:22,240 --> 00:47:24,039 Seriously, what are we going to do? 861 00:47:27,919 --> 00:47:28,919 Come on. 862 00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,720 Eventually, though, as we approached a wood, 863 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,320 we saw in my headlights the outline of a building. 864 00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:42,959 - I wonder what it is? - I don't know. 865 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:52,240 This is like a survival hut. 866 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,519 This is left so that, if you're stuck in the wilderness, 867 00:47:55,599 --> 00:47:56,655 you come in and help yourself. 868 00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:58,039 It's got all the basics. 869 00:47:58,119 --> 00:47:59,680 So this is like a Sami hut? 870 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:01,039 A pile of wood. 871 00:48:01,119 --> 00:48:02,519 Meat! 872 00:48:02,599 --> 00:48:03,655 Well, it'll all be frozen, wouldn't it? 873 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:05,760 Yeah, the meat'll be fine. We can light a fire. 874 00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:07,959 Yeah, we need to get the fire lit. 875 00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:20,760 Are you still going on about your ribs? 876 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:22,599 Hello! Look at this. 877 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,519 - Oh, bollocks. - You massive tit. 878 00:48:25,599 --> 00:48:26,599 What, did he dropped it? 879 00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:28,320 Yeah, but it doesn't matter. 880 00:48:28,399 --> 00:48:30,919 Yeah! Meaty treat! 881 00:48:30,999 --> 00:48:32,296 Oh, bloody hell, that's fabulous. 882 00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:35,439 - Isn't it? - Yeah. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 883 00:48:35,519 --> 00:48:37,336 We've had a little adventure out in the wilderness. 884 00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,760 It's true, we are living a wilderness lifestyle. 885 00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,320 But we could be eating Rudolph. And who are the other ones? 886 00:48:43,399 --> 00:48:46,360 Donner and Blitz, who were the other reindeers? 887 00:48:46,439 --> 00:48:48,240 Flatulence, Ball Bag and Stingray. 888 00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:49,880 Steve. Robert. 889 00:48:50,919 --> 00:48:52,599 - Rudolph. - Yeah. 890 00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:54,959 - Donner and Kebab. - Alimony. 891 00:48:55,039 --> 00:48:56,880 There wasn't one called Alimony! 892 00:48:56,959 --> 00:48:57,959 Bob. 893 00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:39,840 Guys? 894 00:49:48,559 --> 00:49:49,800 What the hell is that? 895 00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,959 This turf hut is the central part of the camp. 896 00:49:54,039 --> 00:49:56,919 One of these was all, it's a, we've slept in a museum exhibit. 897 00:49:58,439 --> 00:49:59,439 There's a gift shop. 898 00:50:00,999 --> 00:50:02,240 Jesus. 899 00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:03,399 They've got little... 900 00:50:03,479 --> 00:50:05,640 There's a petting... They're petting reindeers. 901 00:50:05,720 --> 00:50:06,999 Now, wait, they don't know... 902 00:50:07,079 --> 00:50:09,376 - No, they think... - that we've been in there all night. 903 00:50:09,399 --> 00:50:10,919 I haven't got any trousers on. 904 00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,519 Might I suggest you go and put some trousers on. 905 00:50:15,599 --> 00:50:16,800 - Yeah. - We can pack up. 906 00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,800 'Cause what I'm going to do is sidle back to the cars. 907 00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:21,840 Oh, I enjoyed looking at the hut. 908 00:50:21,919 --> 00:50:22,959 - Yeah. - Did you? 909 00:50:23,039 --> 00:50:25,959 - That was interesting, I think, Hammond. - Yeah, a really good look. 910 00:50:26,039 --> 00:50:27,936 Well worth 10 or 15 minutes of your time, isn't it? 911 00:50:27,959 --> 00:50:31,880 Again, we thought we were in the wilderness. 912 00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:39,360 Hammond! 913 00:50:56,439 --> 00:50:59,360 Oh, I can only imagine 914 00:50:59,439 --> 00:51:01,919 it's some sort of freak weather event, 915 00:51:01,999 --> 00:51:03,519 like a shaft of cold that... 916 00:51:03,599 --> 00:51:06,240 I mean, it could have hit any of us. 917 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,360 But it's hit you. 918 00:51:07,439 --> 00:51:10,599 Now, if you get hit by one of those blasts of ice 919 00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:12,720 - round these parts, it's a lucky... - You did this! 920 00:51:13,959 --> 00:51:15,256 - Well... - Because I put your keys 921 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:16,800 in ice, you put my entire car... 922 00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,399 How did you do that? 923 00:51:18,479 --> 00:51:21,399 Slowly and whilst grinning. Sorry. 924 00:51:21,479 --> 00:51:23,559 It's pretty, though, isn't it? Look! 925 00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:25,919 It's undrivable, is what it is. 926 00:51:25,999 --> 00:51:28,280 - For now. - It's an incredible effect. 927 00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:29,479 But by June... 928 00:51:29,559 --> 00:51:34,680 You are gonna help me get the ice off that car. 929 00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,599 I am. And also, I'm not. 930 00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:47,680 What do you think Jeremy will do 931 00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:50,079 to solve the little conundrum I may have given him? 932 00:51:50,519 --> 00:51:53,479 How long will it be, do you think, before he says, 933 00:51:53,559 --> 00:51:55,840 'Right, I'll set fire to it'? 934 00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:57,959 Half a minute? 935 00:52:03,039 --> 00:52:05,840 Yes! This is good. 936 00:52:10,079 --> 00:52:12,840 Morning. 937 00:52:12,919 --> 00:52:14,640 This is gonna take forever. 938 00:52:24,479 --> 00:52:25,880 I've overdone it. 939 00:52:26,559 --> 00:52:28,919 Well, he could just talk about it a lot 940 00:52:28,999 --> 00:52:31,280 'cause all that hot air would eventually melt the ice 941 00:52:31,360 --> 00:52:32,919 on the car, wouldn't it? 942 00:52:35,399 --> 00:52:36,800 Traditional Sami fire extinguisher. 943 00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:49,079 Hammond and I headed further east 944 00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,880 through the empty landscape, 945 00:52:51,959 --> 00:52:53,840 with me still a bit dumbstruck 946 00:52:53,919 --> 00:52:58,079 about how the Evo had come back from the dead. 947 00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:59,816 Think what happened to the front of this car. 948 00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:03,800 The front wishbone was bent back on itself, but here we are, 949 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:08,360 temperature absolutely stable, steering rock steady. 950 00:53:10,439 --> 00:53:11,999 I wouldn't have believed it. 951 00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:18,160 If we were in an old black-and-white British newsreel, 952 00:53:18,240 --> 00:53:20,720 it would be described as a plucky chap. 953 00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:22,800 But it's more than a plucky chap. 954 00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:24,119 I mean, it's just incredible. 955 00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:30,800 Soon, Richard and I were nearing the mining town of Kiruna. 956 00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:32,720 I don't know much about it apart from the fact 957 00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:38,079 that it hosts the world's largest underground iron ore mine. 958 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:43,160 Which suggests it's not pretty? 959 00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:45,280 I'm not expecting Bourton-on-the-Water. 960 00:53:46,119 --> 00:53:47,800 No. Agreed. 961 00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,039 Then again, iron ore is very important 962 00:53:50,119 --> 00:53:52,119 and Swedish iron ore was very significant 963 00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:55,160 to Britain's success in the Industrial Revolution. 964 00:53:55,240 --> 00:53:56,240 History lecture. 965 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:58,399 And once the Darbys had worked out how 966 00:53:58,479 --> 00:54:00,280 to smelt iron with coke rather than having 967 00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,599 to burn charcoal made from wood, we were away. 968 00:54:04,399 --> 00:54:05,695 There's actually a bit more to it than that. 969 00:54:05,720 --> 00:54:08,559 That was an over-simplification. 970 00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:10,919 And yet, still, somehow more than enough. 971 00:54:14,559 --> 00:54:17,680 Eventually, we arrived in the town itself. 972 00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:21,680 That must be it. That must be the actual mine. 973 00:54:37,959 --> 00:54:41,240 Well, one good thing, as this is a town, 974 00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,880 and it's a sort of practical town, 975 00:54:42,959 --> 00:54:45,119 we can stock up on all the stuff we might need 976 00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:47,599 to continue our journey through the wilderness. 977 00:54:48,999 --> 00:54:51,079 Meanwhile, back at Ice Station Zebra, 978 00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,800 I was finally making progress. 979 00:54:54,959 --> 00:54:56,999 Fire, no use at all. 980 00:54:57,559 --> 00:54:59,999 Hammer, only thing that works. 981 00:55:03,119 --> 00:55:04,959 Ooh! Movement! 982 00:55:11,519 --> 00:55:13,495 See, my mother would look at that hole there in the window 983 00:55:13,519 --> 00:55:14,800 and go, 'Yes, that's clear. 984 00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:16,720 We can go to school now, Jeremy'. 985 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:21,800 Yes. We are away. 986 00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:24,999 Over in Kiruna, 987 00:55:25,079 --> 00:55:29,439 we had found the most manly shop in the world. 988 00:55:29,519 --> 00:55:32,200 - Oh, right, this... - Oh, hang on. 989 00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:33,760 Whoa! 990 00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:35,039 No! 991 00:55:35,119 --> 00:55:37,360 That says mining town! 992 00:55:37,439 --> 00:55:39,280 'What do you mine?' 'Iron-ore'. 993 00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,999 - That must... - I'm going to put my car back together. 994 00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:44,160 That is... 995 00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,320 Have we shrunk or is everybody bigger than us here? 996 00:55:46,399 --> 00:55:48,160 - I dunno. - Yeah. 997 00:55:50,959 --> 00:55:52,280 I haven't got my glasses. 998 00:55:54,439 --> 00:55:55,479 It's an ax. 999 00:55:55,559 --> 00:55:57,079 Yeah. 1000 00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:58,760 Oh, hang on, these are like strops. 1001 00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,816 This is if we get stuck, which we could 'cause we're gonna be in the wilderness. 1002 00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:02,919 - Easy. - These are strops 1003 00:56:02,999 --> 00:56:05,680 and winches and things. A ratchet strap. 1004 00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:07,200 And we are prepared. 1005 00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:10,760 With our survival shopping done, 1006 00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:12,999 we went for a well-earned bite to eat. 1007 00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:16,399 It's funny, I don't generally go for pizzas, 1008 00:56:16,479 --> 00:56:17,479 but sometimes... 1009 00:56:17,559 --> 00:56:19,439 Oh, hello. 1010 00:56:19,519 --> 00:56:21,119 You made it. 1011 00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:23,360 Oh. 1012 00:56:32,959 --> 00:56:33,959 What? 1013 00:56:36,119 --> 00:56:38,320 - Would you like some pizza? - Yes. 1014 00:56:38,399 --> 00:56:40,800 - Did you get the ice off? - Yeah, mostly. 1015 00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:43,079 I bet it was fun. That was a proper challenge. 1016 00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:44,240 What did you do? 1017 00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:46,959 - Flame thrower, chisel. - We guessed fire. 1018 00:56:47,039 --> 00:56:49,519 I hope you enjoy your pizza. 1019 00:56:49,599 --> 00:56:53,559 Shall we call a truce on silly ice-related pranks? 1020 00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:56,160 - No. - Okay. 1021 00:56:56,240 --> 00:56:57,840 You can have a small piece. 1022 00:56:57,919 --> 00:57:00,999 - Don't let him have any! - Small piece, small piece. 1023 00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:04,840 - Have you seen this? - What? 1024 00:57:06,399 --> 00:57:07,999 It's a mobile home. 1025 00:57:08,559 --> 00:57:09,919 I'll tell you exactly what this is. 1026 00:57:09,999 --> 00:57:12,439 The iron ore mine, which you may have noticed on the way in... 1027 00:57:12,519 --> 00:57:13,999 It's hard to miss. - Mmm. 1028 00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:18,720 The seam is going under the town that they're mining, 1029 00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:20,399 and the houses are starting to... 1030 00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:23,376 - They just disappear in the... - Yeah, they're just falling into the hole. 1031 00:57:23,399 --> 00:57:24,800 So they're moving the town. 1032 00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:26,615 But there was a whole house on a truck thing. 1033 00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:27,816 - They just move the house. - Yeah, pick up the house. 1034 00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:29,680 They are moving house, literally. 1035 00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:31,015 They pick them up, put them on a lorry, 1036 00:57:31,039 --> 00:57:32,840 and move them to an area where the mine isn't. 1037 00:57:32,919 --> 00:57:35,360 - Wow! - There, look, you can see. 1038 00:57:35,439 --> 00:57:36,439 Yeah. 1039 00:57:36,519 --> 00:57:38,919 There is the seam and the town is falling down. 1040 00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:40,840 It gives me an idea, though. 1041 00:57:40,919 --> 00:57:42,880 - What? - You know those houses 1042 00:57:42,959 --> 00:57:45,880 we saw on skis at the lake, was it yesterday? 1043 00:57:45,959 --> 00:57:47,119 - Hmm. - Mm. 1044 00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,119 Well, I know that once we go... 1045 00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:50,280 Where are we going? 1046 00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:52,079 - East of here. - Yeah? 1047 00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:53,999 Towards Finland and into Finland, 1048 00:57:54,079 --> 00:57:57,200 it does get more wildernessy than it has been. 1049 00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:02,999 Why don't we get, like, houses and tow them behind our cars? 1050 00:58:03,079 --> 00:58:04,079 What? 1051 00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:05,416 - That's just a caravan. - Actual houses? 1052 00:58:05,439 --> 00:58:06,720 No, no, no, on skis. 1053 00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:09,640 Well, but we can't possibly tow a whole house behind us. 1054 00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,399 Well, I'm not suggesting we have a six-bedroom mansion. 1055 00:58:12,479 --> 00:58:13,840 So, what are you thinking of? 1056 00:58:13,919 --> 00:58:17,919 Something in between a dog kennel and that. 1057 00:58:17,999 --> 00:58:19,320 On skis? 1058 00:58:19,399 --> 00:58:20,896 - It's the skis that... - Yes, it's not some awful... 1059 00:58:20,919 --> 00:58:22,055 You can make whatever house you like. 1060 00:58:22,079 --> 00:58:23,519 That is a smart idea. 1061 00:58:23,599 --> 00:58:26,200 So with that and the provisions we've bought, 1062 00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:27,336 - we are good. - Have you been shopping? 1063 00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:28,360 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah, 1064 00:58:28,439 --> 00:58:29,680 we've got some fantastic stuff. 1065 00:58:32,439 --> 00:58:34,959 With that settled, we found a workshop. 1066 00:58:37,959 --> 00:58:42,119 And the next afternoon, the houses were ready. 1067 00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:48,800 Let me talk you through my genius, if I may, Hammond. 1068 00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:52,240 - A simple bed, fur blanket. - Synthetic? 1069 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,800 Yeah, and then we've got a wood-burning stove, 1070 00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:58,439 antler lighting here, 1071 00:58:58,519 --> 00:59:01,720 and then, external lighting on my porch. 1072 00:59:02,599 --> 00:59:04,079 It's a bit big, isn't it? 1073 00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:05,599 It's not big! 1074 00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:07,399 Well, it is compared to mine. 1075 00:59:08,559 --> 00:59:10,439 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah! 1076 00:59:10,519 --> 00:59:14,519 Traditional Swedish hut. Perfect in every way, this. 1077 00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:16,760 This is what they use. 1078 00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:18,280 Look, compact living. 1079 00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:19,919 In the middle, this is for cooking. 1080 00:59:19,999 --> 00:59:22,599 So, air comes in underneath, goes out that chimney at the top. 1081 00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:24,280 - Yeah? - Keeps the whole thing warm. 1082 00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,800 This seat converts into a bed. 1083 00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:28,095 - I've got lighting. - Hold on. What? 1084 00:59:28,119 --> 00:59:29,880 You have to sleep in a C shape? 1085 00:59:29,959 --> 00:59:32,175 No, no, no, that bit goes in there and then that comes over there. 1086 00:59:32,200 --> 00:59:34,519 This all converts into a bed when you're in sleeping mode, 1087 00:59:34,599 --> 00:59:38,160 but this is sociable, keep warm, cook food. 1088 00:59:39,599 --> 00:59:41,599 Pretty lights, honestly... 1089 00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:43,320 Why didn't you make it square, though? 1090 00:59:43,399 --> 00:59:44,640 You'd have had more space. 1091 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,360 Because they are traditionally this shape. 1092 00:59:46,399 --> 00:59:48,416 You sit around. I actually have one of these at home. 1093 00:59:48,439 --> 00:59:50,959 - Of course you do. - For real, and it's brilliant. 1094 00:59:51,039 --> 00:59:53,599 You have a barbecue in it with your friends and, you know... 1095 00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:59,280 Have you just stolen a bus shelter? 1096 00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:01,880 Well, my thinking was that, when I'm in bed, 1097 01:00:01,959 --> 01:00:04,840 I can just look at the Northern Lights without having to go outside. 1098 01:00:04,919 --> 01:00:06,399 I wish I'd thought of that. 1099 01:00:06,479 --> 01:00:09,119 This is a bit like those people who go foraging for food. 1100 01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:10,880 Isn't it? You've gone foraging for shelter. 1101 01:00:10,959 --> 01:00:13,640 Instead of some mushrooms, you've come back with a bus stop. 1102 01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:14,720 It's a clever thing. 1103 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:18,599 It's just, I don't particularly want to look out of my window 1104 01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:22,640 and see you doing man things. 1105 01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:24,240 I'm not gonna park near you. 1106 01:00:27,959 --> 01:00:30,919 Unveilings over, it was time to hit the road. 1107 01:00:30,999 --> 01:00:32,160 Here we go. 1108 01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:35,999 Ooh, it's going. I have begun. 1109 01:00:38,559 --> 01:00:40,240 We're moving. 1110 01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:43,959 Well, thus far, everything works. It's perfect. 1111 01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:57,039 Chaps? I seem to have frozen to the ground. 1112 01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:02,519 Richard and I, therefore, got out to give him a push. 1113 01:01:02,599 --> 01:01:04,119 You ready? 1114 01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:08,720 - What are you doing? - Three, two, one, go! 1115 01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:15,280 - Yes! - Yes. 1116 01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:17,479 Keep going, James. 1117 01:01:17,559 --> 01:01:20,800 Thank you! 1118 01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:22,519 I'm off. 1119 01:01:25,919 --> 01:01:28,999 It works! It works! 1120 01:01:29,079 --> 01:01:31,439 Oh, no. No. 1121 01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:34,840 Oh, my word... 1122 01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:39,280 Panic. Panic. 1123 01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:47,880 It's difficult to describe the handling of the Audi now. 1124 01:01:47,959 --> 01:01:49,959 Worse is one way of saying it. 1125 01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:54,640 On the plus side, however, 1126 01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:57,840 our grand designs had solved our housing problems. 1127 01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:03,680 And we were now heading smoothly towards the Finnish border. 1128 01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:08,439 I'm a proper nomad in the snowy wilderness. 1129 01:02:08,519 --> 01:02:09,519 I've got my home with me. 1130 01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:13,959 Fabulous, it's a roaming village. 1131 01:02:14,959 --> 01:02:17,439 Hello, lovely Swedish people. 1132 01:02:18,479 --> 01:02:20,959 Now, the sat nav is saying to go left here. 1133 01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,919 No! 1134 01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:33,599 I nearly rolled my shed there! 1135 01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:36,119 Buffeting. 1136 01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:37,840 Buffeting. 1137 01:02:39,360 --> 01:02:41,360 Oh. Steady. 1138 01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:47,800 Jeremy, are you sure about this turnoff? 1139 01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:49,760 Yes. I'm not. 1140 01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:52,280 To be honest, I'm not, 'cause my sat nav won't admit, 1141 01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:53,360 'cause it's German, 1142 01:02:53,439 --> 01:02:56,559 that it can only see one or maybe two satellites. 1143 01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:58,919 So, it doesn't really know where it is. 1144 01:03:03,599 --> 01:03:06,720 Thanks to the Quattro's superior power, 1145 01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:09,840 I was soon far ahead of the two-litre boys. 1146 01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:17,240 But my heavy shed did make my V8 a bit thirsty. 1147 01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:21,280 God, I'm gonna need some fuel first. 1148 01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:23,959 Oh no, wait, a petrol station. 1149 01:03:25,959 --> 01:03:28,160 Whoa. Ooh, deary me. 1150 01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:32,599 Oh! Hell! 1151 01:03:33,599 --> 01:03:35,360 Shit! 1152 01:03:35,439 --> 01:03:38,680 I've crashed into a petrol station is what I've done here. 1153 01:03:41,519 --> 01:03:42,720 Oh, shit. 1154 01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:44,640 Morning. 1155 01:03:47,559 --> 01:03:49,880 At that moment, my colleague arrived. 1156 01:03:52,999 --> 01:03:54,320 Right. 1157 01:03:54,919 --> 01:03:58,039 And kindly volunteered to help me out of my pickle. 1158 01:03:58,119 --> 01:04:00,240 Shall I go? I'll stand on it. 1159 01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:02,240 Full-right in reverse, It might just do it. 1160 01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:03,680 You reckon? 1161 01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:05,880 Ah. You see? 1162 01:04:07,119 --> 01:04:08,215 - Yes? - Yeah, you're all right. 1163 01:04:08,240 --> 01:04:10,160 Keep your hard, hard right in. 1164 01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:12,919 Okay. 1165 01:04:12,999 --> 01:04:14,599 And then go forwards. 1166 01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:19,840 All right, with hindsight, I've made a mistake. 1167 01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:23,280 Oh... 1168 01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,240 Shit! 1169 01:04:35,119 --> 01:04:36,160 What did I hit? 1170 01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:38,640 All those big metal bins. 1171 01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:40,119 Have I hit the recycling bin? 1172 01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:42,119 Yes, a number of them, in fact. 1173 01:04:43,479 --> 01:04:47,599 Oh. no. Look what we've done. 1174 01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:50,439 - We? - It is a village notice board. 1175 01:04:50,519 --> 01:04:52,760 Music lessons, they do recorder lessons. 1176 01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:55,055 - There's a kid's choir. - Well, they, they won't notice. 1177 01:04:55,079 --> 01:04:56,959 Well, they will, it's on its side. 1178 01:04:57,039 --> 01:04:59,039 Oh, it's bloody heavy. 1179 01:04:59,119 --> 01:05:01,680 No, we're not gonna, we're never gonna get that back up. 1180 01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:06,760 It's the one thing they've got! Snow and a notice board. 1181 01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:10,119 Given the situation, 1182 01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:13,840 it seemed churlish to complain about my own damage. 1183 01:05:13,919 --> 01:05:16,160 Ooh, that's gonna be breezy in there now. 1184 01:05:16,240 --> 01:05:19,760 So, after Mr Slowly turned up, we left the scene, 1185 01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:23,479 trying to draw as little attention to ourselves as possible. 1186 01:05:25,039 --> 01:05:26,599 Chaps, we're going the other way. 1187 01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:28,320 Stop. We're going the other way. 1188 01:05:28,399 --> 01:05:30,399 Well, why didn't you tell me that before I set off? 1189 01:05:30,439 --> 01:05:33,439 No. No. Over-jackknifed. 1190 01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:37,439 Are we having a barn dance now? 1191 01:05:41,079 --> 01:05:43,680 Back on the road, traffic was light. 1192 01:05:44,919 --> 01:05:48,479 So, after a few miles, we got a big giddy. 1193 01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:53,800 Are you overtaking me, you maniac? 1194 01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:56,800 Ski-shed racing! New thing! 1195 01:06:01,479 --> 01:06:02,599 Oh, my God. 1196 01:06:04,399 --> 01:06:06,479 Yeah, with hindsight, that was a mistake. 1197 01:06:07,399 --> 01:06:08,840 I've made it angry! 1198 01:06:13,519 --> 01:06:14,599 Ooh! Bank! 1199 01:06:18,999 --> 01:06:21,640 Oh no, there's a bus shelter coming up on my inside. 1200 01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:27,880 Even James May's bus... 1201 01:06:29,919 --> 01:06:31,399 I'm gonna take him... 1202 01:06:38,039 --> 01:06:39,760 Oh, my word. 1203 01:06:39,840 --> 01:06:41,119 Oh. 1204 01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:43,240 I was a little over-exuberant. I, yeah... 1205 01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:45,800 Well, I haven't done anything funnier than this 1206 01:06:45,880 --> 01:06:48,959 in a car for a really, really, really long time. 1207 01:06:50,519 --> 01:06:51,736 I just hope it isn't that sort of funny 1208 01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:56,439 that ends in blood and court cases and burst arteries. 1209 01:06:56,519 --> 01:06:59,280 - Turn left. - Left turn. Ooh, sudden! 1210 01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:01,840 Shit! 1211 01:07:02,959 --> 01:07:04,039 Oh, hell! 1212 01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:09,640 There's a left turn, and I've had a accident. 1213 01:07:14,360 --> 01:07:16,439 You're a dick. 1214 01:07:16,519 --> 01:07:18,840 Nevertheless, for the second time in two hours, 1215 01:07:18,919 --> 01:07:21,399 my colleague did organize a rescue. 1216 01:07:21,479 --> 01:07:25,919 So if we get this strop and another strop and take it to that tree... 1217 01:07:28,919 --> 01:07:30,479 Stand clear. 1218 01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:41,840 Ooh, a little, a little tug might do it. 1219 01:07:41,919 --> 01:07:43,079 Yeah, there you go. 1220 01:07:45,599 --> 01:07:46,880 - Very good! - Hoorah! 1221 01:07:46,959 --> 01:07:48,800 Something we did worked! 1222 01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:51,880 Something, like, we did it and it... 1223 01:07:51,959 --> 01:07:53,039 I didn't do it. 1224 01:07:53,119 --> 01:07:55,360 - We were there. - We were there when it did it. 1225 01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:06,360 There it is, the mighty shed is once again on the move. 1226 01:08:11,959 --> 01:08:14,680 A few miles later, my Amstrad sat nav 1227 01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:17,560 finally delivered us to the Finnish border. 1228 01:08:20,039 --> 01:08:24,480 Now, that is Finland over there, on the other bank of this frozen river. 1229 01:08:25,720 --> 01:08:27,800 This is an international border? 1230 01:08:27,880 --> 01:08:28,880 Yes. 1231 01:08:28,959 --> 01:08:32,199 So how do people cross between Sweden and Finland if, 1232 01:08:32,239 --> 01:08:34,119 say, it's the summer? 1233 01:08:34,199 --> 01:08:36,800 Yes, you raise a good point there, James. 1234 01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:39,600 This sat nav's taken leave of its senses. 1235 01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:41,079 Anyway, here we go. 1236 01:08:51,480 --> 01:08:53,560 Hello, Finland. 1237 01:08:58,520 --> 01:09:00,800 Yeah, this is a bit more like the real deal now. 1238 01:09:00,880 --> 01:09:02,480 This is the wilderness. 1239 01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:09,999 If we get into trouble out here, we are a long way from anyone and anything. 1240 01:09:10,079 --> 01:09:11,119 But it's okay. 1241 01:09:11,199 --> 01:09:12,800 We've got our houses with us. 1242 01:09:12,880 --> 01:09:16,840 We find a clearing in the woods and we camp, in the wild. 1243 01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:23,840 As we climbed, dusk gave way to darkness. 1244 01:09:23,919 --> 01:09:26,680 And then there was a storm. 1245 01:09:37,959 --> 01:09:41,440 Now, this has got a bit perilous now. 1246 01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:45,959 A, it's gone dark and B, it's a blizzard. 1247 01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:48,199 I mean a proper blizzard. 1248 01:09:52,999 --> 01:09:56,880 This is far from good now. 1249 01:09:59,959 --> 01:10:02,600 The inside of my windscreen has iced up. 1250 01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:04,999 I'm having to... 1251 01:10:13,039 --> 01:10:16,159 No, this is just hopeless. 1252 01:10:17,239 --> 01:10:19,039 I think we should stop here. 1253 01:10:19,119 --> 01:10:21,880 I don't think we should carry on. 1254 01:10:23,520 --> 01:10:26,760 I'm going in. I'm gonna get my fire working. 1255 01:10:26,840 --> 01:10:27,880 Shall I come and help you? 1256 01:10:27,919 --> 01:10:29,760 By all means. 1257 01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:30,840 Jesus. 1258 01:10:33,039 --> 01:10:34,039 Oh, God. 1259 01:10:41,199 --> 01:10:42,199 Come on. 1260 01:10:47,199 --> 01:10:48,840 I might have put some lighter fluid on it. 1261 01:10:48,919 --> 01:10:49,919 Thanks for telling me. 1262 01:10:57,079 --> 01:10:58,480 These are so cold. 1263 01:11:07,279 --> 01:11:09,480 Thankfully, the next morning, 1264 01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:11,760 the storm had passed. 1265 01:11:14,640 --> 01:11:15,760 Oh, I'm cold. 1266 01:11:20,319 --> 01:11:21,319 Ooh. 1267 01:11:22,560 --> 01:11:24,319 Jesus Christ. 1268 01:11:45,680 --> 01:11:47,400 Right, what we've done... 1269 01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:54,039 is camped on the ski run. 1270 01:11:57,840 --> 01:12:00,159 And a red run, by the looks of things. 1271 01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:50,680 What the... 1272 01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:51,760 What the... 1273 01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:01,480 That's what you get for encasing my car in ice, I guess. 1274 01:13:07,760 --> 01:13:08,760 What? 1275 01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:36,079 Good. 1276 01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:44,560 Time to get up. 1277 01:13:47,319 --> 01:13:48,800 Where are we? 1278 01:13:48,880 --> 01:13:50,800 Now, that's interesting. 1279 01:13:50,880 --> 01:13:52,880 It turns out we're in a ski resort. 1280 01:13:53,999 --> 01:13:56,520 - What? - I know. 1281 01:14:03,199 --> 01:14:04,319 Jeez. 1282 01:14:04,440 --> 01:14:06,800 Oh, God, it's a good job we stopped when we did. 1283 01:14:06,880 --> 01:14:07,959 I know. 1284 01:14:08,039 --> 01:14:09,760 Hammond's already at the bottom. 1285 01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:11,880 What? How? 1286 01:14:11,959 --> 01:14:13,199 On his skis? 1287 01:14:13,239 --> 01:14:14,480 Yeah, and his shed. 1288 01:14:15,480 --> 01:14:17,039 His shed went down the bottom? 1289 01:14:17,119 --> 01:14:19,999 Yeah, I might have given a little bit of a push. 1290 01:14:20,079 --> 01:14:22,119 - A tiny push. - You pushed his shed down the hill? 1291 01:14:22,199 --> 01:14:26,199 Well, I thought he, 'cause he always said he wanted to go skiing. 1292 01:14:26,239 --> 01:14:29,199 Well, ignore him, we've got the big problem, 1293 01:14:29,279 --> 01:14:33,760 'cause we've somehow got to tow these down there. 1294 01:14:33,840 --> 01:14:35,319 And that's a red run. 1295 01:14:40,840 --> 01:14:42,760 Actually, I had the big problem, 1296 01:14:42,840 --> 01:14:47,880 because my house was now ruined and I needed to get up to my car. 1297 01:14:49,079 --> 01:14:52,279 This meant using the pulling thing that skiers use. 1298 01:14:52,400 --> 01:14:55,680 And the problem there was, I can't ski. 1299 01:14:58,720 --> 01:15:01,560 Skis? No. 1300 01:15:01,640 --> 01:15:03,440 More skis. 1301 01:15:03,520 --> 01:15:04,720 Snowboards. 1302 01:15:05,999 --> 01:15:06,999 No. 1303 01:15:08,039 --> 01:15:09,039 Oh, hang on. 1304 01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:11,840 Yes. 1305 01:16:20,999 --> 01:16:23,760 Meanwhile, back at the top, 1306 01:16:23,840 --> 01:16:27,199 I was trying to hitch my car up to my bus shelter. 1307 01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:38,840 Bugger! 1308 01:16:39,840 --> 01:16:43,319 Right, my plan, to try and stop 1309 01:16:43,440 --> 01:16:47,159 my very long sledge slewing round 1310 01:16:47,199 --> 01:16:51,720 is to attach cables to the corner here and the corner there 1311 01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:54,119 and the corner there and the corner there 1312 01:16:54,199 --> 01:16:55,959 to keep it straight. 1313 01:17:09,959 --> 01:17:11,119 Sorry. 1314 01:17:12,319 --> 01:17:13,319 Sorry. 1315 01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:16,880 Sorry. 1316 01:17:37,959 --> 01:17:43,199 Right. Hang on. Right hand down, back, a bit of left, a bit of right, line up. 1317 01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:53,119 Oh, shit! 1318 01:17:54,119 --> 01:17:55,199 Shit! 1319 01:18:01,919 --> 01:18:03,919 Jesus! 1320 01:18:15,079 --> 01:18:16,560 Ah! No! 1321 01:18:22,319 --> 01:18:23,440 Oh. 1322 01:18:27,159 --> 01:18:30,440 This left just me and two sheds. 1323 01:18:53,279 --> 01:18:55,079 Oh, for God's sake. 1324 01:19:07,999 --> 01:19:09,919 Right. Oh, it's Hammond. 1325 01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:15,319 Hammond? Could you give us a hand? 1326 01:19:15,440 --> 01:19:16,560 No. 1327 01:19:38,959 --> 01:19:41,760 Having finally got my shed hitched, 1328 01:19:41,840 --> 01:19:43,119 I was ready to go. 1329 01:19:45,119 --> 01:19:48,199 Right. Is everything in order? 1330 01:19:48,239 --> 01:19:50,279 Traction control is off. Good. 1331 01:19:50,400 --> 01:19:52,919 Jeremy, are you actually coming down here today at all? 1332 01:19:52,999 --> 01:19:54,440 I'm coming. It's very difficult. 1333 01:19:54,520 --> 01:19:59,119 Because I've got a shed on the back of my car. 1334 01:20:00,159 --> 01:20:01,480 Lights? Yeah. 1335 01:20:02,400 --> 01:20:04,560 Straps are on. Oh, shit! 1336 01:20:06,919 --> 01:20:08,840 Traction control is off. 1337 01:20:10,400 --> 01:20:11,400 Here we go. 1338 01:20:12,760 --> 01:20:14,400 Take this steadily. 1339 01:20:16,119 --> 01:20:18,119 That's what I've gotta do, steady. 1340 01:20:18,199 --> 01:20:20,680 Keep it straight, Jeremy. Keep it straight. 1341 01:20:24,239 --> 01:20:25,520 Er, your shed's on fire. 1342 01:20:29,400 --> 01:20:31,760 How have I done this? 1343 01:20:31,840 --> 01:20:34,159 No, stopping not possible. 1344 01:20:35,199 --> 01:20:36,600 I'm speeding up. 1345 01:20:36,680 --> 01:20:38,056 Trying to put the flames out that way, 1346 01:20:38,079 --> 01:20:40,199 like they did in 'Memphis Belle'. 1347 01:20:46,520 --> 01:20:49,079 All right, I'm gonna try and understeer my way to a halt. 1348 01:20:53,480 --> 01:20:54,520 Oh, God. 1349 01:20:56,959 --> 01:20:58,096 I think it might have something 1350 01:20:58,119 --> 01:21:00,760 - to do with your flaming exhaust. - Shit! 1351 01:21:07,079 --> 01:21:09,400 Once the fire had been put out... 1352 01:21:11,279 --> 01:21:13,199 I inspected the damage. 1353 01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:16,119 Oh, Christ. Burned. 1354 01:21:17,279 --> 01:21:19,880 - Well, at least it's warm now. - The straps worked. 1355 01:21:19,959 --> 01:21:21,880 - Yeah, but... - But, no, no, stop and just, 1356 01:21:21,959 --> 01:21:23,800 before you get onto your negativity... 1357 01:21:23,880 --> 01:21:24,880 Okay? 1358 01:21:24,959 --> 01:21:27,880 These straps stopped it. 1359 01:21:27,959 --> 01:21:31,199 You know, all the way here, it was slewing round all the time? 1360 01:21:31,239 --> 01:21:33,440 - That solved the problem. - Good thinking. 1361 01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:34,999 - Exactly. - But as a result of that, 1362 01:21:35,079 --> 01:21:36,999 it's survived for you to sleep in another night. 1363 01:21:37,079 --> 01:21:38,840 Oh, well, this has gone well. 1364 01:21:38,919 --> 01:21:41,560 We were all now homeless. 1365 01:21:44,400 --> 01:21:45,999 And we had another problem. 1366 01:21:47,800 --> 01:21:50,600 The airport may have only been a hundred miles away, 1367 01:21:50,680 --> 01:21:52,800 but making it on time in Finland, 1368 01:21:52,880 --> 01:21:57,119 which has the toughest speeding laws in the world, 1369 01:21:57,199 --> 01:21:58,239 would be tricky. 1370 01:21:59,520 --> 01:22:01,840 It did give me an idea, though. 1371 01:22:01,919 --> 01:22:06,039 Listen. What we've established is the Audi is the only car 1372 01:22:06,119 --> 01:22:09,199 that can pull a sledge down a red run. 1373 01:22:09,239 --> 01:22:11,560 And set it on fire and destroy it. 1374 01:22:12,239 --> 01:22:14,056 Yes, yes, yes, but it's the only one that did it. 1375 01:22:14,079 --> 01:22:15,600 Yours didn't. 1376 01:22:15,680 --> 01:22:18,039 I'm doing a thorough test on this car. 1377 01:22:18,119 --> 01:22:19,760 And actually, to be honest, early on, 1378 01:22:19,840 --> 01:22:23,039 May was doing a very thorough test on the Evo. 1379 01:22:23,119 --> 01:22:24,239 So come on, Hammond. 1380 01:22:24,319 --> 01:22:26,119 Show us how fast the Subaru goes. 1381 01:22:26,680 --> 01:22:28,480 I'm not doing that here. 1382 01:22:30,039 --> 01:22:31,199 Why not? 1383 01:22:31,880 --> 01:22:36,199 Because they are properly next-level strict on speeding. 1384 01:22:36,239 --> 01:22:38,039 They don't just access your records 1385 01:22:38,119 --> 01:22:39,199 to see if your car's taxed, 1386 01:22:39,279 --> 01:22:41,800 they look at your tax returns to see how much you earn 1387 01:22:41,880 --> 01:22:43,600 and then fine you accordingly. 1388 01:22:43,680 --> 01:22:45,520 He's right. They do. 1389 01:22:46,159 --> 01:22:50,999 It's true. A Finnish sausage magnate was fined 116,000 pounds 1390 01:22:51,079 --> 01:22:53,840 for doing 80 kilometres in a 40-kilometre zone. 1391 01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:56,680 They are serious about it. 1392 01:22:56,760 --> 01:22:58,680 Come on, Hammond. You can afford it. 1393 01:22:58,760 --> 01:23:00,880 Put your foot down. See how fast you can make it go. 1394 01:23:00,959 --> 01:23:02,239 I am not, 1395 01:23:02,319 --> 01:23:04,959 even I am not falling for that. No. 1396 01:23:07,159 --> 01:23:08,640 Because of the speed limits, 1397 01:23:08,720 --> 01:23:10,840 I was worried we'd miss our flight. 1398 01:23:12,319 --> 01:23:15,959 But then I had a brainwave. 1399 01:23:16,039 --> 01:23:17,760 Well, we can't go quickly on the roads, 1400 01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:20,760 but we can go quickly on this lake, 1401 01:23:20,840 --> 01:23:25,440 which actually stretches a long way towards the airport. 1402 01:23:26,119 --> 01:23:28,079 Okey doke. Here we go. 1403 01:23:31,400 --> 01:23:34,840 Speed and power. 1404 01:23:39,959 --> 01:23:42,199 You see? No speed limits here. 1405 01:23:44,840 --> 01:23:49,480 The swine! He cut me off like a maniac and a yobbo. 1406 01:23:49,560 --> 01:23:51,600 You can't get me. 1407 01:23:53,720 --> 01:23:56,680 You should try driving over here. It's all flat. 1408 01:23:57,319 --> 01:23:59,560 Oh, shit! 1409 01:24:02,480 --> 01:24:03,919 James has gone through, everyone. 1410 01:24:03,999 --> 01:24:06,119 - Shit! - James has gone through. 1411 01:24:06,199 --> 01:24:07,400 Don't move. 1412 01:24:14,640 --> 01:24:15,959 Shit. 1413 01:24:19,720 --> 01:24:24,560 Can you get out? 1414 01:24:24,640 --> 01:24:26,279 Are you on the bottom? 1415 01:24:29,319 --> 01:24:31,096 I mean, is he just, is it the ice underneath him? 1416 01:24:31,119 --> 01:24:32,840 It could just be on a rock. 1417 01:24:37,319 --> 01:24:38,919 Ow! 1418 01:24:38,999 --> 01:24:42,159 James, what's happened is your front spoiler 1419 01:24:42,199 --> 01:24:45,119 is wedged in what looks like still-intact ice. 1420 01:24:49,199 --> 01:24:51,119 That's against a rock or the ice. 1421 01:24:53,840 --> 01:24:55,520 Oh, my ribs. 1422 01:24:56,680 --> 01:24:58,039 Right, you're pretty much out, 1423 01:24:58,119 --> 01:25:00,079 if you can get on the boot lid. 1424 01:25:01,800 --> 01:25:04,279 I mean, do you think the car is just sitting on a plate of ice? 1425 01:25:04,400 --> 01:25:06,840 No, I think it's just wedged in some ice. 1426 01:25:07,520 --> 01:25:10,039 If it goes down, I'll swim for it, but we've gotta save the car. 1427 01:25:10,959 --> 01:25:13,400 Find a way of dragging the car out. 1428 01:25:13,480 --> 01:25:15,760 If you drag the car out, I'll come with it. 1429 01:25:15,840 --> 01:25:17,239 Have you, we got, you've got a tow. 1430 01:25:17,319 --> 01:25:19,016 - Something I've... - Yeah, but we can't get 1431 01:25:19,039 --> 01:25:21,600 close enough to pull it out with your, with our cars, can we? 1432 01:25:21,680 --> 01:25:23,199 No, I'm not driving any nearer. 1433 01:25:23,239 --> 01:25:25,400 No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna go near, but... 1434 01:25:25,480 --> 01:25:27,199 Don't drive any closer than there. 1435 01:25:27,239 --> 01:25:29,800 We're not going to. So the tow rope is out. 1436 01:25:29,880 --> 01:25:31,560 But I have got tools. 1437 01:25:31,640 --> 01:25:32,975 Right, let's go and think what we've got. 1438 01:25:32,999 --> 01:25:35,840 - That's halfway up the lights there. - Yeah, okay, let's look at tools. 1439 01:25:38,919 --> 01:25:41,959 Mate, I saw a video, don't laugh. 1440 01:25:42,039 --> 01:25:44,416 But you know I like sort of, you know, recovery and off-roading and stuff? 1441 01:25:44,440 --> 01:25:45,440 Yes. 1442 01:25:45,520 --> 01:25:47,279 I was watching them do an ice recovery. 1443 01:25:49,720 --> 01:25:51,840 There's a way of doing this. 1444 01:25:51,919 --> 01:25:54,440 You can use a tree as a winch. 1445 01:25:54,520 --> 01:25:56,800 Don't go away, James. We'll be right back. 1446 01:25:56,880 --> 01:25:59,640 Oh, no, I was gonna go for a coffee. 1447 01:26:05,800 --> 01:26:07,119 This is a rescue mission. 1448 01:26:23,480 --> 01:26:27,480 I reckon there's just a chance this could still go again, 1449 01:26:27,560 --> 01:26:29,720 if it didn't hydraulic the engine. 1450 01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:34,880 But we've gotta get it out. It's... Oh, God. 1451 01:26:34,959 --> 01:26:37,159 I don't believe it's ready to go. 1452 01:26:38,680 --> 01:26:39,999 It's a survivor. 1453 01:26:49,560 --> 01:26:52,600 - So, what's the plan? - Oh, he's got one. 1454 01:26:52,680 --> 01:26:54,720 I don't understand it, I'm gonna be honest with you. 1455 01:26:54,760 --> 01:26:56,279 Saw this on the internet. 1456 01:27:04,319 --> 01:27:05,319 I've gone through. 1457 01:27:07,400 --> 01:27:09,319 - Ready? - Yeah. 1458 01:27:09,440 --> 01:27:11,840 Right, you have a bridge to escape. 1459 01:27:13,279 --> 01:27:15,159 When are you gonna say 'thank you'? 1460 01:27:15,199 --> 01:27:16,760 Well, it hasn't worked yet. 1461 01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:20,800 Is there a way we can get the car out but leave him there? 1462 01:27:26,680 --> 01:27:29,159 - I reckon that's good. - Right. May? 1463 01:27:29,239 --> 01:27:32,999 Give this a really good knot and attach it to the tow bar, yeah? 1464 01:27:33,079 --> 01:27:35,319 Yeah, okay. 1465 01:27:39,079 --> 01:27:40,079 Ow! 1466 01:27:41,199 --> 01:27:45,400 - You're on. - Yes? 1467 01:27:45,480 --> 01:27:46,919 Is that it, Hammond? 1468 01:27:46,999 --> 01:27:49,600 Yeah. It's built. 1469 01:27:49,680 --> 01:27:51,959 What? So it's just a log in a hole? 1470 01:27:52,039 --> 01:27:54,319 - Yep. - Tied to another log? 1471 01:27:54,400 --> 01:27:55,760 Yep. 1472 01:27:55,840 --> 01:27:57,680 And you reckon that's gonna be enough 1473 01:27:57,760 --> 01:28:00,560 to pull a ton and a half of car that's... 1474 01:28:00,640 --> 01:28:01,640 Oh, yeah. 1475 01:28:02,640 --> 01:28:04,176 I think that log in the middle's turning. 1476 01:28:04,199 --> 01:28:05,199 Yeah, it's supposed to. 1477 01:28:05,279 --> 01:28:06,680 - Oh, is it? - That's the winch. 1478 01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:10,079 The log in the middle turns and winds in the rope. 1479 01:28:11,640 --> 01:28:12,895 Actually, Hammond, you know what? 1480 01:28:12,919 --> 01:28:14,056 - It's working. - It's working! 1481 01:28:14,079 --> 01:28:16,999 I mean, I'm genuinely staggered, 1482 01:28:17,079 --> 01:28:19,079 'cause that is ice, but, yeah, look at that. 1483 01:28:19,159 --> 01:28:20,720 Right, we've gotta get him off. 1484 01:28:20,800 --> 01:28:22,760 Can you put the log between there 1485 01:28:22,840 --> 01:28:24,640 and the driver's seat? 1486 01:28:24,720 --> 01:28:27,760 And then I can climb across the door to the nice bit, onto the land. 1487 01:28:38,359 --> 01:28:39,800 He is rescued. 1488 01:28:39,880 --> 01:28:40,999 Right, thank you. 1489 01:28:41,079 --> 01:28:43,760 Did the engine, as far as you know, go under water? 1490 01:28:43,840 --> 01:28:45,079 I don't think it did. 1491 01:28:45,159 --> 01:28:48,560 So we've got to try and keep the engine above water. 1492 01:28:49,440 --> 01:28:50,535 - Let's do it. - Let's just do it. 1493 01:28:50,560 --> 01:28:52,279 We have got to just get cracking, seriously. 1494 01:28:56,279 --> 01:28:57,919 We started winching, 1495 01:28:57,999 --> 01:29:00,199 praying that whatever was holding the car up 1496 01:29:00,279 --> 01:29:03,159 would keep the engine out of the water. 1497 01:29:06,959 --> 01:29:08,520 What's the breaking strain of the rope? 1498 01:29:08,600 --> 01:29:10,319 I don't know. It's just rope. 1499 01:29:13,319 --> 01:29:15,480 Oh, shit, it's gone in! 1500 01:29:15,560 --> 01:29:17,880 The car's gone in at the front. 1501 01:29:17,959 --> 01:29:19,600 Okay. 1502 01:29:19,680 --> 01:29:21,039 It's dropped off the edge? 1503 01:29:21,119 --> 01:29:22,119 Yeah. 1504 01:29:22,199 --> 01:29:24,279 Right, we really have got a bit of a rush on now 1505 01:29:24,359 --> 01:29:25,760 'cause the engine's in the water. 1506 01:29:25,840 --> 01:29:26,959 Okay. 1507 01:29:31,640 --> 01:29:34,319 - It's moving! Look! - It is! 1508 01:29:38,359 --> 01:29:41,319 Once the back of the car was far enough out, 1509 01:29:41,400 --> 01:29:43,720 it was time for the next part of my plan. 1510 01:29:46,119 --> 01:29:47,400 Like this? 1511 01:29:47,480 --> 01:29:49,640 - Hammond? - Yeah, that's correct. 1512 01:29:52,919 --> 01:29:54,039 Jeremy, are you ready? 1513 01:29:54,560 --> 01:29:55,959 Two secs. 1514 01:29:58,079 --> 01:29:59,159 The car's moving! 1515 01:29:59,239 --> 01:30:01,560 - It is under tension now. - The car's moving. 1516 01:30:05,560 --> 01:30:08,560 Ooh, brake lights. Why have the brake lights just come on? 1517 01:30:08,640 --> 01:30:10,400 Electrics. Fusing. 1518 01:30:14,959 --> 01:30:16,239 Right. James? 1519 01:30:16,319 --> 01:30:18,640 - Yeah? - Your engine is out. 1520 01:30:18,720 --> 01:30:22,079 The biggest problem is, it's stuck on the frame. 1521 01:30:23,760 --> 01:30:26,359 But, as it was now out of the hole, 1522 01:30:26,440 --> 01:30:29,319 I could get close enough to use my V8. 1523 01:30:29,400 --> 01:30:30,919 Stop. Stop. 1524 01:30:32,720 --> 01:30:33,959 Right, you're on. There you go. 1525 01:30:37,959 --> 01:30:40,079 Another one. 1526 01:30:44,999 --> 01:30:46,800 - That'll do it. That'll do it. - That is out! 1527 01:30:47,760 --> 01:30:49,239 What a car this is. 1528 01:30:49,319 --> 01:30:50,919 It's yanked the Evo out. 1529 01:30:50,999 --> 01:30:54,039 It's saved the Evo's life. You beauty. 1530 01:30:55,079 --> 01:30:57,600 But the question was, had it? 1531 01:31:00,159 --> 01:31:01,520 - Oh. - Oh, shit. 1532 01:31:04,159 --> 01:31:06,760 - Look at the off headlamp. - Oh, God. 1533 01:31:06,840 --> 01:31:09,159 Right, well, what you've got, James, 1534 01:31:09,239 --> 01:31:10,880 plainly, is some work to do. 1535 01:31:10,959 --> 01:31:13,919 - Yep. - Hammond, what you and I have got to do 1536 01:31:13,999 --> 01:31:15,239 is catch this plane home. 1537 01:31:15,319 --> 01:31:17,039 Yes. Team comes first. 1538 01:31:17,119 --> 01:31:20,279 The team comes first. We have been a team. 1539 01:31:20,359 --> 01:31:21,999 Thank you for that. 1540 01:31:22,079 --> 01:31:23,600 We'll see you in something. 1541 01:31:24,880 --> 01:31:28,520 Volvo. 1542 01:31:37,239 --> 01:31:39,159 I can't see him fixing that this time. 1543 01:31:39,239 --> 01:31:40,880 It's a tough little car, that Evo, 1544 01:31:40,959 --> 01:31:42,680 and I love it, but I think it's dead. 1545 01:31:43,999 --> 01:31:47,279 We are running late for this plane! 1546 01:31:47,359 --> 01:31:49,880 Come on, come on. 1547 01:31:52,840 --> 01:31:56,959 The lake gave way to fast forest tracks. 1548 01:31:59,159 --> 01:32:03,119 Which were the perfect environment to sum up our cars. 1549 01:32:04,959 --> 01:32:07,760 If I can liken them to dogs, and I think I can, 1550 01:32:07,840 --> 01:32:09,840 the Evo is like a rescue dog. 1551 01:32:09,919 --> 01:32:14,560 It's been appallingly mistreated by its irresponsible owner, 1552 01:32:14,640 --> 01:32:16,880 and you sort of love it for that. 1553 01:32:19,239 --> 01:32:22,039 Then there's the Subaru, which is like an endearing 1554 01:32:22,119 --> 01:32:26,480 but ultimately quite annoying terrier. 1555 01:32:30,199 --> 01:32:34,840 And then there's the Audi Quattro, which is like a Labrador, 1556 01:32:34,919 --> 01:32:39,600 brilliant at absolutely everything. 1557 01:32:41,039 --> 01:32:43,239 A Quattro is not just for Christmas. 1558 01:32:46,279 --> 01:32:48,039 A Quattro is for life. 1559 01:32:55,119 --> 01:32:57,999 I'm not saying the Subaru can do everything, 1560 01:32:58,079 --> 01:33:02,880 adapt to fit the captain of industry and the bar-brawler within you. 1561 01:33:02,959 --> 01:33:07,079 It doesn't. You have to change to fit it, and that's the point. 1562 01:33:08,800 --> 01:33:10,440 The most mild-mannered vicar in the world 1563 01:33:10,480 --> 01:33:12,959 could leave the pulpit with kind words for his flock, 1564 01:33:13,039 --> 01:33:14,520 hop into a Subaru Impreza, 1565 01:33:14,600 --> 01:33:16,760 and he would drive, well, like this. 1566 01:33:21,560 --> 01:33:24,760 Ooh, 'cause that's what it does! 1567 01:33:37,440 --> 01:33:40,119 We then got on with our charge to the plane. 1568 01:33:43,440 --> 01:33:46,279 Right, that is the perimeter fence for the airport. 1569 01:33:46,359 --> 01:33:48,119 Somewhere in there is our plane. 1570 01:33:52,999 --> 01:33:54,720 I'm now in Where Eagles Dare. 1571 01:33:57,800 --> 01:33:59,560 Oh, my word. A machine! 1572 01:34:07,720 --> 01:34:09,119 What an arrival. 1573 01:34:15,640 --> 01:34:17,640 That's gotta be it. 1574 01:34:34,880 --> 01:34:37,279 - Fancy plane! - Yeah. Nice finish line. 1575 01:34:37,359 --> 01:34:38,999 Isn't it? 1576 01:34:39,079 --> 01:34:41,760 We'd actually got here faster than expected, 1577 01:34:41,840 --> 01:34:44,760 which meant we now had a bit of time to kill 1578 01:34:44,840 --> 01:34:47,039 while waiting for James. 1579 01:34:47,119 --> 01:34:48,880 I was just thinking, driving along, 1580 01:34:48,959 --> 01:34:54,600 if your car was originally designed to do rallying, 1581 01:34:54,680 --> 01:34:56,880 it's going to be pretty good, whatever it is. 1582 01:34:56,959 --> 01:34:58,800 How would you know? 1583 01:34:58,880 --> 01:35:00,999 Well, it wasn't designed to do rallying, 1584 01:35:01,079 --> 01:35:02,079 - was it? - It was! 1585 01:35:02,159 --> 01:35:04,239 Did you look in your rear-view mirror 1586 01:35:04,319 --> 01:35:06,999 at any point in the last 40 minutes? 1587 01:35:07,079 --> 01:35:09,480 Yes, there was an enormous Audi in it, 1588 01:35:09,560 --> 01:35:10,919 but not a rally car. 1589 01:35:10,999 --> 01:35:13,999 Your problem is you're not very observant. 1590 01:35:14,079 --> 01:35:15,359 What? 1591 01:35:16,640 --> 01:35:17,720 What? 1592 01:35:18,279 --> 01:35:19,959 - Did you do that? - Yes. 1593 01:35:20,039 --> 01:35:21,176 Have you done the doors as well? 1594 01:35:21,199 --> 01:35:22,279 - Yes. - Oh, bloody hell. 1595 01:35:22,359 --> 01:35:23,359 And your windscreen. 1596 01:35:23,440 --> 01:35:26,079 Oh, come on, I thought I looked cool. 1597 01:35:26,159 --> 01:35:27,440 - You did. - No, it didn't! 1598 01:35:27,520 --> 01:35:29,216 Everyone was going, 'There's a Martin Clunes fan'. 1599 01:35:29,239 --> 01:35:31,800 Or Martin Bashir. 1600 01:35:31,880 --> 01:35:33,199 Revelations dealt with, 1601 01:35:33,279 --> 01:35:36,640 we then waited to see what James would arrive in. 1602 01:35:40,239 --> 01:35:41,480 And a short while later... 1603 01:35:45,079 --> 01:35:46,279 Is that him? 1604 01:35:46,359 --> 01:35:47,999 - And if it is... - What's he in? 1605 01:35:48,079 --> 01:35:53,239 Is it the Mitsubishi? Or is it the Volvo? 1606 01:35:54,520 --> 01:35:55,800 Is that the Volvo? 1607 01:35:56,600 --> 01:35:58,079 It was the Volvo. 1608 01:36:00,039 --> 01:36:02,239 And I wasn't in it. 1609 01:36:04,319 --> 01:36:06,560 What? Oh, my God! 1610 01:36:07,520 --> 01:36:10,440 Yes, what a car! 1611 01:36:11,359 --> 01:36:13,239 That is extraordinary! 1612 01:36:13,319 --> 01:36:16,760 How the bloody hell is that possible? 1613 01:36:16,840 --> 01:36:19,640 It's totally wounded, but it's here! 1614 01:36:26,680 --> 01:36:28,880 We worried when we began this journey 1615 01:36:28,959 --> 01:36:31,079 that it'd be a bit nerdy. 1616 01:36:32,159 --> 01:36:33,359 But it wasn't. 1617 01:36:33,440 --> 01:36:34,880 And we sincerely hope 1618 01:36:34,959 --> 01:36:38,640 that all of you have found these rally-bred titans 1619 01:36:38,720 --> 01:36:40,640 as amazing as we have. 1620 01:36:45,079 --> 01:36:46,279 You beauty. 1621 01:36:47,720 --> 01:36:51,560 They're cars that put up with all of our nonsense, 1622 01:36:51,640 --> 01:36:54,239 never once losing their majesty. 1623 01:36:58,600 --> 01:37:00,959 But there's absolutely no doubt 1624 01:37:01,039 --> 01:37:04,039 about the real hero of this adventure. 1625 01:37:09,440 --> 01:37:12,800 The Evo died, not once but twice. 1626 01:37:17,480 --> 01:37:18,480 No way. 1627 01:37:18,560 --> 01:37:21,600 And both times, it rose from the dead... 1628 01:37:21,680 --> 01:37:23,640 and soldiered on. 1629 01:37:23,720 --> 01:37:24,880 Oh! 1630 01:37:26,199 --> 01:37:28,840 That's why the Evo and its traveling companions 1631 01:37:28,919 --> 01:37:34,999 are exactly the sort of cars a show like this is honoured to honour. 1632 01:37:47,919 --> 01:37:48,919 Hi, there. 1633 01:38:00,279 --> 01:38:02,999 Shore to Jeremy, Richard, James. 1634 01:38:03,079 --> 01:38:04,695 - They're here. - Why have they gone down there? 1635 01:38:04,720 --> 01:38:06,079 They're getting further away. 1636 01:38:06,159 --> 01:38:07,239 - I'm losing them. - What? 1637 01:38:11,039 --> 01:38:13,079 Guys, you're supposed just to taxi round. 1638 01:38:15,840 --> 01:38:17,440 What the... 1639 01:38:17,520 --> 01:38:19,560 They're not supposed to be on that. That's a prop. 1640 01:38:20,640 --> 01:38:22,720 They're not supposed to take off. 1641 01:38:22,800 --> 01:38:26,959 They're supposed to be on that one.