1 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,200 [dramatic music] 2 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,040 [boat siren] 3 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,000 Hello, viewers. You join us on a car ferry on the Baltic Sea, 4 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,320 just off the coast of Poland. 5 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:13,480 The reason we're here is because we're about to embark on a road trip 6 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,880 that no one's ever thought of doing. 7 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:20,640 The reason we're doing a road trip no one has ever thought of doing before is... 8 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,560 in these times, it's very difficult to do a road trip 9 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,000 that someone has thought of doing before. 10 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,840 Yeah, if you think about all the places 11 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,520 we've been to in recent years, 12 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,880 places that were stable when we were there, 13 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,640 that aren't anymore. 14 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:35,960 Mozambique. 15 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,160 Syria. Iraq. Burma. 16 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,240 Ukraine. Russia. 17 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,000 We couldn't go back to any of them. 18 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,360 Or, for different reasons, Argentina. 19 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,080 [James] No. Or Turkey. 20 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,120 - Why can't we go to Turkey? - We're banned. 21 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,240 - Are we? - Yes. 22 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,880 But it's not just the places where we've been before, 23 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,280 that there is a problem. 24 00:01:56,439 --> 00:01:57,600 No, absolutely right. 25 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,320 For this show, we thought we'd drive across the Sahara. 26 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,200 We can't - too much terrorism. 27 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:07,800 Then we said: "Let's follow in the footsteps of Lawrence of Arabia 28 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,560 and go across the Sinai." We can't. 29 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,000 Too much terrorism. 30 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,400 We wanted to go from Bangladesh to Mount Everest. 31 00:02:13,879 --> 00:02:14,760 Can't. 32 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:15,879 Why couldn't we do that? 33 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,480 - You have to go through India. - Is that a problem? 34 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:21,200 - I'm banned from India. - Yes, he is. He is. 35 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,480 And anyway, it's because of all of that, 36 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:27,080 that we find ourselves here, on a ferry, in the Baltic Sea. 37 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,600 Yes, because we are about to undertake 38 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,600 a 1,400-mile drive 39 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,439 from - I've got the map here actually, I'll fish this one out - 40 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,800 from Gdańsk which is right up here on the Baltic, there, 41 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,880 and then we go all the way down here, 42 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,480 to Bled, in Slovenia. 43 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,720 Nobody's done that ever, Gdańsk to Bled. 44 00:02:49,879 --> 00:02:53,520 Having decided to do a road trip nobody's ever done before, 45 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:54,800 Mr Wilman chimed in 46 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,440 and said: "OK, but you've got to do it in cars that nobody 47 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,080 has ever used to do a road trip before." 48 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,000 And on that front, 49 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,760 - I'm the winner. - You're so not. 50 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,000 [powerful music] 51 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,040 [Richard] I was first to disembark from the ferry. 52 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,200 In this. 53 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,400 [jazz music] 54 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,440 A pickup truck. 55 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,640 With a folding roof. 56 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,760 Yeah, I know. 57 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:02,800 A convertible pick-up truck sounds like a bulletproof tea towel. 58 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,200 Why would you put those two things together? 59 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,200 But that's what this game is about. 60 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,040 Unique! Nobody's ever done this. 61 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,160 [dramatic music] 62 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,560 [Richard] At this point, 63 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,960 Cruella de Vil arrived. 64 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,120 [grandiloquent music] 65 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:31,479 What... 66 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:37,440 This is the most inappropriate road trip car ever made. 67 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:41,440 I give you the Mitsuoka Le-Seyde. 68 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,200 [soft music] 69 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:48,440 It's the most 70 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,600 inappropriate thing ever made. - No, you say that, 71 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,000 it's a work of genius. 72 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,200 Because what Mr Mitsuoka did 73 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,720 was he took the engine 74 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,520 from a 1990s Nissan Silvia, an ordinary 2-Door Japanese saloon car 75 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:01,720 and the gearbox 76 00:05:01,919 --> 00:05:03,720 and the interior and all the electrics, 77 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,120 kept them as they were 78 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,040 and then fitted this flamboyant body. 79 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,280 What Mr Mitsuoka did, was he took 80 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,840 acid and this resulted. 81 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,040 - Mate, for one thing... - Yeah? 82 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,600 - Wheels. - Ah, yes. 83 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,200 [Richard] The ones at the back are hiding 84 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,480 and you're steering the car in front of you. 85 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:24,640 - Yes. - Look at it. 86 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,040 That is a mechanical change, I admit. 87 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,600 [Jeremy] These wheels are 3 feet in front of where they should be. 88 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,920 There are other things. Look at the horns. 89 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:35,920 [Jeremy] Check them out. Want to hear them? 90 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:37,760 - [Richard] Do they work? - [Jeremy] Oh, yes. 91 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,040 - I don't think I do. - Ready? 92 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,760 They look like something on top of a train in America. 93 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:41,720 -Ready? - Yes. 94 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:42,720 [quiet horn] 95 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,080 That's it? 96 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:47,600 [quiet horn] 97 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,880 How many of these has he made? 98 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,880 - Several hundred. - Too many. 99 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,320 I think he made about 500 of them. 100 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,200 This was supposed to look like a Mercedes SSK. 101 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,440 And yet it really doesn't. 102 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,720 - This looks more like a Mercedes SSK. - I disagree with you. 103 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,640 That ship looks more like a Mercedes SSK. 104 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,680 - This, look... There was a tremendous... - [Richard] Wrong. 105 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:14,000 - [Jeremy] Can we move on to your car. - [Richard] Utter brilliance, this. 106 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,280 - An SSR, I know what it is. - Yes, it is. 107 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,440 I've never driven one, to be honest. 108 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,760 - I don't think anybody has. - No, nobody did. 109 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:26,200 It was a convertible 2-seater pickup truck. Electric roof. 110 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,480 - The roof goes... - In there. 111 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,640 So it's not really a very good pickup truck. 112 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:35,400 It's not very good as a pickup truck, but it's very bad as a sportscar. 113 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,880 - Heavy? - Yes, about 2 tons. 114 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,360 - It's... - Yeah! 115 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:40,920 ...absolutely hideous, isn't it? 116 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,400 No worries, I love it. 117 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,800 [Richard] We then speculated 118 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,000 on what James might be using. 119 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,800 - He hates being called slow guy. - I know. 120 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,440 I think he's going to be in something a bit snappy. 121 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,800 Something like... 122 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:01,040 a Lamborghini LP550 Balboni special, 2-wheel drive, 123 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,280 but fully race prepped. 124 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:03,360 Exactly. 125 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,000 [Jeremy] It then turned out 126 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,520 that we were absolutely wrong. 127 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,640 [Hawaiian music] 128 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,200 [Jeremy] I have no clue what that is. 129 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,160 - [Richard] How far away is he? - [Jeremy] That's a good question. 130 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,040 [Jeremy] What is it? 131 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,880 [Jeremy] Genuinely, I don't know what that is. 132 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,280 [Richard] I've no idea. 133 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,960 [Richard] Have you just come from the circus? 134 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,800 What is it, James? It says Crosley on it. 135 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,600 Sorry, but it's a very precious car 136 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,120 and it's raining. I've got to put the roof up 137 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,960 but it goes up like an MX5, it takes a couple of seconds. 138 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,120 You can do it on the move. 139 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:46,320 It's a 1947 Crosley CC convertible. 140 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,240 Like me to tell you about the history of the car? It's fascinating. 141 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,000 I've a feeling you're going to. 142 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,200 In the 1930s, there was a man in America 143 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:54,960 - called Powel Crosley Junior. - [Jeremy] Mm-hmm. 144 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,640 He made his fortune out of domestic appliances. 145 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,320 He was the first person to build a fridge with shelves in the door. 146 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,600 Something we all take for granted now. 147 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,240 He looked around and saw that everyone was driving 148 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,240 massive cars and he thought 149 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,800 it was ridiculous, so he decided to use some of his fortune 150 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,800 to make small cars. He famously said: 151 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,120 "If you're crossing a river, you don't need a battleship." 152 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,920 He decided he'd sell his cars in his shops 153 00:08:22,559 --> 00:08:25,400 alongside his domestic appliances. That's why 154 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:26,880 this car 155 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,360 is only 4 feet wide. 156 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,920 It has to go through the door of a shop. 157 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,520 Good thinking on the part of Mr Crosley. 158 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,480 - He was a genius. - However, 159 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,360 I have produced 160 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:42,400 larger and more attractive bogeys than this. 161 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,040 What is the motor? 162 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:49,640 It's a 4-cylinder 724cc engine, developing... 163 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,000 twenty-six and a half horsepower. 164 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:57,200 - Hold on, how old's this? - 1947. 165 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,840 It's 70-something years old, 166 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,600 - we've got to assume, 12... - 14. 167 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,160 - 14. - Max. 168 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,520 By now, a lot of those horses will have died. 169 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:07,840 Did you hear the words 170 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,200 1,400-mile road trip? 171 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:11,520 Yeah. 172 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:15,160 [Jeremy] If you're lucky, you've got 14hp. 173 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,520 What did you pay? 174 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,400 There's a bit of a story about that. 175 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,680 It was on a well-known car auction website 176 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,240 and I looked at it. It finished that evening 177 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,920 and bidding was at 400 pounds, so I bid 450 pounds, 178 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,760 then I went off and got some wine, 179 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,400 and came back later and it went up a bit 180 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,280 - and it was... - [Richard] What did you pay? 181 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,560 - 11,000 pounds. - [Richard laughs] 182 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,040 [Jeremy]11,000 pounds for that? 183 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,280 - I bought it when I was drunk. - You... 184 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:44,920 - [laughter] - I'll grant you that. 185 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,560 - [Richard] Fair point. - [Jeremy] So, hold on, 186 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,360 I got my entire Mitsuoka Le-Seyde 187 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,040 for only 11,500. 188 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,880 - [James sniggers] - That is a proper car. 189 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,400 [Richard] Who pays 11,500 grand for an old Nissan 190 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,840 - in a bad frock? - How much was this? 191 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,480 Yes, absolutely. Exactly my point. 192 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,040 [Jeremy] How much? 193 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,880 [quietly] It was 18,500 pounds. 194 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,240 What? 195 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,160 I've always wanted one. 196 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,480 - It's a convertible pickup truck. - I know. 197 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:14,440 It's like a speed hump on a runway. It's completely useless. 198 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,520 - [Richard] That's... - [Jeremy] Come on, let's get going. 199 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:17,720 Ooh! 200 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,720 [suspenseful music] 201 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,480 You don't suppose... 202 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,560 - [Richard] I do suppose, yes. - [James] Mr Wilman 203 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,000 is being funny. - I've got to be honest, 204 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,920 that's more inappropriate than any of our cars. 205 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,600 That's designed to do a quarter of a mile. 206 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,800 [James] That's a designer hot rod, isn't it? 207 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,160 - [Richard] Look what it says. - [Jeremy] Look. 208 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,560 That... 209 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,920 That is doom, isn't it? That is the end. 210 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,840 Would you want to drive a car that says "Titties 'n' beer" 211 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,040 on the side? - [James] I really wouldn't. 212 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,160 [upbeat music] 213 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,160 [Jeremy] Now praying to God 214 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,880 that our own cars wouldn't let us down, we headed 215 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,280 for the port exit and the start of our mammoth journey. 216 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:09,480 Right. A 1,400-mile journey beginning now 217 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,920 from Gdańsk to Bled. 218 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:12,880 [crash] 219 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:17,760 [James] I've had a crash. 220 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,440 [Jeremy] We've only done 20 feet. 221 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,840 [he laughs] 222 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,000 When we were in Scandinavia, 223 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,160 you did at least a day before you had 224 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,400 - an accident. - [James] Hang on. 225 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,840 [Richard] Is this a bit of your car? 226 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,120 No, that's not from the car. 227 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,160 [man speaks in Polish] 228 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,760 - What is this? - You've broken his barrier. 229 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,840 - You smashed his barrier. - You've broken his barrier. 230 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,560 [man speaks in Polish] 231 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,240 - [Jeremy] "Polizei"? - [Richard] Call the police? 232 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:50,520 [Jeremy] Naturally, we thought it best to scarper before the 5-0 arrived. 233 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,960 - [James] It's hot. - [Jeremy] But before we could do that, 234 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,120 James insisted on starting his windscreen wipers. 235 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:58,840 Are you ready? 236 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,000 [Jeremy laughs] 237 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,720 What about that one? 238 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,080 [laughter] 239 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,040 [James] It's like a face covered with a snare drum. 240 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,440 [upbeat music] 241 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,400 [Jeremy] With James now able to see where he was going, 242 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,280 we left the second biggest Baltic port 243 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,720 and headed for Gdańsk itself, 244 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,200 famous throughout the world 245 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,120 as the birthplace of Lech Walesa's Solidarity movement, 246 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,320 a movement that helped bring down communism 247 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,800 and end the Cold War. 248 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:43,480 Here, events happened which reverberated throughout the communist world 249 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:44,960 and particularly 250 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:46,280 in Eastern Europe. 251 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,680 [Jeremy] Having seen the news footage from that period, 252 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:54,120 we assumed the city centre would be all in black and white. 253 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,200 And a bit like Hull. 254 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,880 But by the time we got there, the sun had come out 255 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,720 and it wasn't like that at all. 256 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,520 [soft music] 257 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,000 That is amazing. 258 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,040 That is a very pretty town. 259 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,560 [kids cheering] 260 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,560 [Jeremy] Morning, everybody. Look at this. 261 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,040 If I'd done this in a Nissan Silvia, nobody would be paying any attention. 262 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,160 But because it's got bits of Lliberace's bathroom 263 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,000 stuck on it, everyone's taking its picture 264 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,680 and is very happy. 265 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,400 [Richard] People are smiling, 266 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,320 they're looking. 267 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,120 There is no doubt we are bringing joy. 268 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:51,200 You know when the fairground comes to your town, 269 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,640 you don't moan, do you? All your bikes get stolen, 270 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,800 but other than that it's good news. It's bright, it's fun. 271 00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:58,840 [Richard] Having helped 272 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,080 our colleague through an extremely narrow gap... 273 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,400 [Richard] I reckon you're OK. You're alright. To me. 274 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,480 [Richard] You're alright. Don't get carried away. 275 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,240 [James] Very funny. Keep it up. 276 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,000 Go on. You're going to do it. 277 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,400 He did it! Well done! 278 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,080 [Richard] We headed out of town... 279 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,640 and on to the motorway. 280 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,400 [upbeat music] 281 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,000 [engine roaring] 282 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,480 That is the determined sound of a Nissan 4 Pot. 283 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:40,160 [Jeremy] And this was the even more determined sound 284 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,400 of the 75-year-old Crosley. 285 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,320 [high-pitched revving] 286 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,880 Holy shit, that's terrible. 287 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,880 [Richard] James May, are you flat out? 288 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,760 [James] Yes. 38 mph. 289 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:02,680 Oh! 290 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,520 Oh my God! 291 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,200 Errrr... 292 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,560 39... 293 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,760 Errrr... 294 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:12,720 39. 295 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,000 Oh, God, massive lorry up my chuff. 296 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,520 - No! - [lorry honks] 297 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,040 [James] Argh! 298 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,760 Holy shit! 299 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,200 [Jeremy] God, strewth, 300 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,640 that nearly rolled over. 301 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,000 [Jeremy] Seeing that our colleague was clearly in peril, 302 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,560 we decided to leave him behind. 303 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,400 [Jeremy] Bye, James. 304 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,160 ["The Final Countdown" by Europe playing] 305 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:51,160 Right, 1,400 miles to go, across 4 countries. 306 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,200 [music continues] 307 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,000 [Jeremy] We're going to be behind what used to be 308 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,040 the Iron Curtain... 309 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:09,560 and what might still be the Iron Curtain by the time we finish. 310 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,520 [music continues] 311 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:20,360 [Jeremy] Our first stop-off was at a racetrack a couple of hundred miles away 312 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,800 near the city of Poznan, 313 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,920 which meant we had plenty of time 314 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,520 to discuss our cars. 315 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,800 Jeremy, a question whilst we cruise. 316 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:33,800 [Jeremy] Mm-hmm? 317 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,160 [Richard] That thing's supposed to mimic the Mercedes SSK, yeah? 318 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:38,800 [Jeremy] Yeah. 319 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,280 [Richard] Wasn't a Mr A. Hitler a fan of a Mercedes SSK? 320 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,720 No, because the SSK was from the early 30s when Hitler was a corporal 321 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,360 and corporals couldn't have afforded an SSK. 322 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,600 [Richard] It doesn't mean he wasn't a fan of it. 323 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:58,280 So you're driving a plastic, unconvincing replica 324 00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,920 of a car Hitler loved. 325 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,560 No. 326 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,160 I'm just not. 327 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,160 [Jeremy] Can you imagine what it's like in the Crosley? 328 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,080 Do you know, I don't think I actually can. 329 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,080 [lorry hoots] 330 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,800 Brace for slipstream. 331 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,280 - [lorry hoots] - [James] Arghh! 332 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,760 This is madness. 333 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:31,000 724cc. Where did he come up with that idea? 334 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,280 What was wrong with - I don't know - 1 litre? 335 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,360 [James] Oh Jeez! 336 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,040 [upbeat music] 337 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,479 [Jeremy] Many miles ahead, we'd left the motorway 338 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:51,479 and were driving through what the tour guides say 339 00:17:51,719 --> 00:17:53,840 is Poland's second biggest wood. 340 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,680 [Jeremy] Think about it, Hammond, in one day, 341 00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,080 we've seen 342 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,600 Gdańsk, the second busiest port in the Baltic and now 343 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,040 we're in Poland's second biggest wood. 344 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,480 [Richard] I know. It's amazing. I love second biggest or best. 345 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,800 Because first is easy, just make it bigger or better, 346 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,320 but second, 347 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,400 you can't be bigger than first, you've got to be better than third. 348 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:17,360 It requires precision. 349 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,680 It's best. 350 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,360 [Richard] Having eventually emerged from the trees, 351 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,320 we arrived at the Poznan racetrack. 352 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:37,200 Mr Wilman has booked us in to take part in some local racing, which is great 353 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,560 because we're like ambassadors. This is a cultural exchange. 354 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,880 Without the culture or anything to exchange. 355 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,480 [Richard] It was an impressive circuit. 356 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,360 With all mod cons. 357 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,040 But the real treat 358 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,680 was waiting for us in the pits. 359 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,680 [solemn music] 360 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,720 - I know what these are. - Race cars? 361 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,440 They're Formula Easter. 362 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,840 - [Richard] Just behind the Iron Curtain. - [Jeremy] Exactly. 363 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:20,800 This is basically the Soviet Union's answer to Formula 1. 364 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,480 [Jeremy] Running throughout the 70s and 80s, 365 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,680 when the Iron Curtain was very firmly drawn, 366 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:34,080 Formula Easter saw teams from Soviet bloc countries 367 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,840 race against each other. 368 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,800 With a lot of passion and bravery, 369 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,960 but very few resources. 370 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,600 Power came from tuned up 1.3 litre Lada engines. 371 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,280 The suspension from East German minivans. 372 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,800 The steering rack started life in Trabants. 373 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,360 The set of tyres had to last a whole season. 374 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,040 [engine revving] 375 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,720 The Polish team was so hard up 376 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,920 that motor sport fan and fellow Pole 377 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:15,440 Pope John Paul II had to buy their helmets. 378 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,840 But despite this make-do and mend handicap, 379 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,720 Formula Easter provided an exciting distraction for people 380 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,640 who'd spent all week queueing for a loaf of bread. 381 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,880 [action music] 382 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,120 [Jeremy] I've always wanted to see these cars. 383 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,800 I've heard about them, you read about them. 384 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,200 All they had was a fuzzy photograph 385 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:50,880 taken in 1968, 386 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,320 at a European racetrack, 387 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,320 of a European racing car. A bit like that. 388 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,480 - [Richard] "I want one of those." - [Jeremy]Yeah, "I want one of those, 389 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,320 but I've only got a Lada engine." 390 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,640 [Richard] It's great what human ingenuity can achieve, isn't it? 391 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,080 Determination. 392 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,200 I know what they did for shoes. 393 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,720 - You know boxing shoes? - Yeah. 394 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:08,800 They wore those. 395 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,200 They're a bit like racing shoes. 396 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,880 - [Richard] They're really pretty cars. - [Jeremy] They are so pretty. 397 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,200 That is fantastic. 398 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,320 - And safe. - [Richard laughs] 399 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,920 [Jeremy] look how the windscreen's held on this one. 400 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,080 - [Jeremy] That is authentic. - [Richard] Taped in place. 401 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,640 [Richard] That's not coming off, unless it rains and then it's coming off. 402 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,200 [high-pitched] 403 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,160 [James] Meanwhile... 404 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:39,080 many miles back, I too was in Poland's second biggest wood, 405 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,640 having left behind 406 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,360 the horror of the motorway. 407 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,720 Oh... This is so much nicer. 408 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,600 I've got to admit, there were a few times on the motorway 409 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,880 when I looked at "Titties 'n' Beer" in the mirror 410 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,720 and I thought: "Mmm." 411 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,080 Anyway, now we're on this road, a pleasant road, 412 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,960 I'm going to forget "Titties 'n' Beer", concentrate on the Crosley. 413 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,280 The ugly puppy, the runt of the litter that you should take home, remember. 414 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,920 [James] However, just a mile later... 415 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,640 There's a man in a BMW trying to get past. 416 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,640 I'll try and make him some space. Jesus! 417 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,040 Get off. 418 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,600 Go on. 419 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,080 Go past. 420 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:31,280 Oh no, I'm going to cut out. I have. It's died. 421 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,440 [honking] 422 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,920 Right. 423 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,880 [the engine sputters] 424 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,000 [the engine dies] 425 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:48,640 Ah. 426 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:51,360 [Jeremy] Back at the circuit, 427 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,000 Hammond and I had now chosen 428 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,520 which cars we'd be driving in the race. 429 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,120 Oh, yes. 430 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:01,840 Ah! 431 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,800 [Richard laughs] 432 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,040 [Jeremy] That is it. 433 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,880 My arse is that far out of the seat. 434 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,480 Oh dear. 435 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:11,720 - Is there a bigger one? - [man] No. 436 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,080 This is the... So this is the biggest? 437 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,400 I won't be able to do it. 438 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,960 - You'll miss out on our day out. - What do you want me to do? 439 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,960 Be less fat. 440 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,400 [Richard] It's quite easy. 441 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:30,080 - [Jeremy] Obesity is an illness. - It's a big fat illness. 442 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,920 - [Richard] A big fat heavy illness. - [Jeremy laughs] 443 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:37,160 It's frustrating, you're ready to do things. You're primed. 444 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:39,000 You can't do them because you're so fat. 445 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,920 [he laughs] 446 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,440 I'm sorry. You're quite sad. 447 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,120 - I am. - [Richard] You're going to miss out. 448 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,240 You are being quite funny, but... 449 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,200 Oh God! 450 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,680 [Jeremy groans] 451 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:00,200 I can't get out. 452 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:01,520 Ah. 453 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,080 [Richard] Oh dear. 454 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,400 [man] ...the bodywork from you. 455 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,080 [Jeremy] Can you help me get out? 456 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,640 [Richard] They'll have to dismantle the car around him! 457 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,320 They're going to have to dismantle the car around you 458 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,480 to get you out. [he laughs] 459 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:22,000 They're peeling it off him like a diving suit. 460 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,800 [they laugh] 461 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,200 [Richard] It would have been easier to paint a racecar on him 462 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,880 and then wipe it off. 463 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:34,520 Thank you. 464 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,640 They've popped your dignity in the workshop, you can go and pick it up. 465 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,840 [Jeremy] While Hammond and his competitors 466 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,120 got ready for qualifying, 467 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:53,040 I realised there was something useful I could do. 468 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,240 I've decided to appoint myself as team manager. 469 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,080 - Have you? - Yeah, I'm Toto Wolff. 470 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,160 [Jeremy] The only thing 471 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,200 - that is slightly worrying me... - [Richard] What? 472 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,200 James May. Qualifying is in 2 minutes. Is it 2 minutes? 473 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,080 - [man speaking] - 2 minutes. 474 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,040 James May is still not here. 475 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,920 He needs to get a wriggle on or he won't be here for qualifying. 476 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:13,920 That's the rules, mate. 477 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,440 Be here on time and don't be too fat. 478 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,800 [laughs] 479 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,240 [James] As it happened, the Crosley was now 480 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:23,480 up and running. 481 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,040 And I was not far 482 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:26,960 from the circuit. 483 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,920 Perfect gear change. 484 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:33,720 [creaking] 485 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,840 Oh, no. No, no, don't do it. 486 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,120 [the engine won't start] 487 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:48,720 [racing car engine] 488 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,520 [Jeremy] Back at the track, 489 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,520 qualifying had now begun. 490 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,200 [suspenseful music] 491 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,280 Hey, hey! 492 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,000 He's on the outside. 493 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,160 [Jeremy] As team manager, it was my job 494 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:05,920 to record my driver's lap times. 495 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,520 Here he comes. 496 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,040 2.22. Oh, shit! 497 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,840 Wait. How do I... 498 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,520 How do I make the stopwatch? 499 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,480 How do... if you stop it, 500 00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:27,080 How do... I needed another stopwatch. 501 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,200 [Jeremy] Before I got the chance to tell Hammond 502 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:32,920 that I had no meaningful lap times, 503 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:34,760 James arrived. 504 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:39,760 Too late for qualifying, but still keen to have some kind of role. 505 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,800 So, as team boss, I gave him one. 506 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:43,960 They haven't got a medical car. 507 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,960 So if you can turn your car into an ambulance... 508 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,880 Wouldn't it make more sense to turn yours into the medical car? 509 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,040 Thought about that. Mine's only got 2 seats, 510 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,720 couldn't get a stretcher in it. Could get it in yours. 511 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,360 - Alright. - If you do that, it'd be brilliant. 512 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:00,320 Alright. 513 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,400 [suspenseful music] 514 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:07,920 [Richard] Happily, someone who wasn't an ape 515 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,880 had been keeping lap times 516 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,160 and it turned out that I'd qualified 517 00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:14,120 in sixth place. 518 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:19,680 This is an amazing treat on our road trip that no one's ever thought of doing. 519 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,560 - Look who's here. - [Richard] Hello, mate. 520 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,200 Have you done the car? 521 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,840 - You missed qualifying. - [James] I know. 522 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:27,880 [Richard] It's a shame, it's brilliant fun. 523 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:29,200 I was looking forward to a race. 524 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:30,640 Have fun. 525 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,320 - I will. - Could have been me. 526 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:33,920 Yeah, I know. You're missing it. 527 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,680 Because you're too fat. 528 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,520 He said he was too tall. 529 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,400 [suspenseful music] 530 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:45,520 [Jeremy] As the drivers prepared for the off, 531 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,400 I gave Hammond some final advice on strategy. 532 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,480 Thank you so much. 533 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,640 [motors revving] 534 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,560 There he is! 535 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:11,440 He overtook someone. 536 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:12,680 [he laughs] 537 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,480 [upbeat music] 538 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,640 Concentrate, Hammond. Don't crash. 539 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,680 Just have your own race. 540 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,560 I'll see if I can keep hold of fourth place. 541 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:53,600 Oh! 542 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,680 Oh no. Oh no. 543 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,400 [James] What if he's in third or fifth next time he comes round? 544 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,960 - That's a good point. - Do I put a question mark then? 545 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:05,920 [they laugh] 546 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:07,720 [music continues] 547 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:10,880 Come on. Keep going. 548 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,800 [he laughs] I'm a proper racing driver. 549 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:33,360 [dramatic music] 550 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,160 This is a fast one. 551 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,480 - [Jeremy] Here he comes. - Is that him? 552 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,160 [Jeremy] Oh shit! 553 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,200 I reckon I could do that one in 4. 554 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,920 [tyres screeching] 555 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,920 [James] Hammond continued on his merry way, 556 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,120 completely unaware that his leaking car 557 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,520 had turned the track into a skating rink. 558 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:08,680 Oh! Somebody's gone off. 559 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,320 Somebody else has gone off. 560 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:20,400 [James] Sadly, his team boss was making a bit of a meal of warning him. 561 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,280 - Why "some kind of"? - We don't know what it is. 562 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,360 Just put "fluid". 563 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,000 [tyres screeching] 564 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:31,040 Oh, bollocks. 565 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:34,680 - [James] Is that him? - [Jeremy] No. 566 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,120 Is that a red light? 567 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,440 [man] Hammond's off. Hammond's off. 568 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:44,080 [Jeremy] What? 569 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,120 - [James] Hammond's off. - Shit. 570 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,240 [Richard] Oh God. 571 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:53,920 Ahhh! 572 00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,000 I'm alright. I hurt my leg, 573 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,920 I do need someone to come and get me. 574 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:03,880 [man] James is on his way. 575 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:06,640 Who? 576 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,960 [man] James. James is on his way. 577 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,600 [ambulance siren] 578 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,440 [ambulance siren] 579 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,120 [engine won't start] 580 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:36,720 [Jeremy] Oh, come on. 581 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,400 [engine revving] 582 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,640 [engine won't start] 583 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:09,720 Hang on. 584 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,680 Doesn't like hot starting. 585 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:22,960 [Jeremy] There we go. 586 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,400 - Hang in there, Hammond. - [Richard] Yes, I'm hanging in. 587 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,440 You're not dead. 588 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,920 No. In fact, I've got better. 589 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:38,080 [Jeremy] Sadly, Hammond's spillage had caused so much carnage 590 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,880 that the rest of the racing was cancelled. 591 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,880 So, for the second time 592 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,240 since we arrived in Poland, we scarpered. 593 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:47,720 [upbeat music] 594 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,040 But not before I modified my car slightly. 595 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,320 I've painted my wheels green 596 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,400 to make them more racy, a bit more flamboyant. 597 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,840 [Richard] Did it need increased flamboyance, your car? 598 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,520 I'm just enjoying my reflection in your chrome wheels. 599 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,040 [Richard] You're enjoying looking at that? 600 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,560 It looks like a disaster with a Lego set. 601 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,440 Something I'd leave on the sitting room carpet when I was 8. 602 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:16,320 [upbeat music] 603 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,520 [Jeremy] It was now late in the day. 604 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:27,320 We wanted to stop off and see Jesus before going to our hotel, 605 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:28,640 90 miles away. 606 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:30,960 That wasn't going to be 607 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,560 much of a problem for Richard 608 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,720 with his 6-litre V8, 609 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:38,440 or me. 610 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:40,320 James though... 611 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,720 It's June 21, the longest day, 612 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,920 and for James May, it's going 613 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,160 - to feel like it. - [laughter] 614 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,640 [high-pitched revving] 615 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:52,520 [James] Situation report. 616 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,360 The engine cooling temperature is rising. 617 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:59,720 It's not in the danger zone yet, but it's getting there. 618 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,240 - Oh God, it's truck time. No! - [truck honking] 619 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,200 Arghhh! 620 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,760 Holy shit! 621 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,280 [Jeremy] Untroubled by any issues at all, 622 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,920 we were now arriving in Jesus' garden. 623 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,240 God, it's enormous. 624 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,080 [organ playing] 625 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,160 Jesus! 626 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:30,000 [religious music] 627 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,680 [Richard] Does it do anything if you put 50p in? 628 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:39,800 [Jeremy] I'll tell you what's funny. 629 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,480 I was just googling him. 630 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,160 He's the second tallest Jesus in the world. 631 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,720 - Brilliant. - One in Indonesia is taller. 632 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,360 That must be depressing. Did this one go up first? 633 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,559 It must have done. You wouldn't build the second biggest one. 634 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,599 You wouldn't say... I don't know, we're in Poland. 635 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,920 We've been in the second biggest wood, the second busiest port. 636 00:34:59,079 --> 00:35:01,200 - [Richard] Yep. - [Jeremy] I tell you what else I found. 637 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,280 Until very recently, he had a cell tower on top of his head. 638 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,720 - And then there were some complaints. - Why? 639 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:13,360 Because people were watching strong pornography beamed to their phones 640 00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:14,800 from Jesus' head. 641 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:16,559 [Richard] Yeah. 642 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,160 [Jeremy] That was a mistake, putting the internet on Jesus' head. 643 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,920 [Richard] It's not dignified. 644 00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:25,520 Also, there's a door in Jesus. Who knew that? 645 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,400 - Look. - Is that Jesus' back door? 646 00:35:28,559 --> 00:35:29,760 [Jeremy laughs] 647 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,680 [Richard] The next time somebody surprises me 648 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,360 and I say: "Christ back door!" 649 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:36,559 [Jeremy laughs] 650 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:38,320 - That's what you're talking... - That's what I'm talking about. 651 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,000 [Richard] This is proper road trip stuff. This is what you do on a road trip. 652 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,480 It's exactly what you do on a road trip. 653 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:45,800 [James sighs] 654 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,560 [Jeremy] Unless, that is, you're in a 75-year-old Crosley. 655 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,360 With an overheating engine. 656 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,680 This is Richard Hammond's territory. He likes all this old stuff 657 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,440 from before the war and just after 658 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:01,880 and says: "It's one of only three." I'm not [beep] surprised! 659 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,920 I suspect the radiator's blocked. 660 00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:08,240 Wow! 661 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,760 There's quite a lot of brownness coming out if you look underneath. 662 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,520 I was looking forward to seeing that big Jesus. 663 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,800 [James] But all I could do now was concentrate 664 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:26,760 on getting to the hotel before I needed to use my antique headlamps. 665 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,920 Another 62 miles to go. 666 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,680 I'm getting appalling cramp in this leg, all the way up here. 667 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,360 My arse is completely numb. 668 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,040 God, let it end! 669 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,920 [James] When I finally reached the overnight halt, 670 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:52,040 I was so shattered, I went straight to bed. 671 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,200 - He's gone to bed. - Yes. 672 00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,000 [Richard] Us two, however, having enjoyed 673 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:08,880 a much less stressful afternoon, 674 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,560 still had the energy to borrow some locals 675 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,440 and engage in a bit of booze-fueled japery. 676 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:17,240 [Richard] Everybody get what you can get to lift. 677 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,960 - Grab and lift it. - Anything you can. 678 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,040 [Richard] Three, two... Bloody hell, that wasn't difficult. 679 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,840 - [Richard] That way. - [Jeremy] Other way. 680 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,400 [Richard] Back to there. 681 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,000 [Jeremy] My back! Jesus! 682 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,960 - Ow, my back. And my fingers. - [Richard] We should... 683 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,840 [Jeremy] This could sound like a porn film if we weren't careful. 684 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,240 [Jeremy] The next morning, James was displeased 685 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:49,480 to find his car was tucked hard against the wall in the hotel's restaurant. 686 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,240 [James] Very funny, bell ends. 687 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,080 OK. 688 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,080 [groans] 689 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:01,280 Ow! 690 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:02,600 Jesus. 691 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,600 [upbeat music] 692 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,840 [Jeremy] This delay meant he was miles behind Richard and me. 693 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:12,880 Here's the plan for today. 694 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,840 Stop off at Stalag Luft III, where The Great Escape happened. 695 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:22,200 A spot of lunch and then a long drive to Krakow. 696 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,800 [Jeremy] Ever since we decided to do this trip, 697 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,560 months ago, James May has been beside himself 698 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,840 with excitement about visiting Stalag Luft III. 699 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,800 He's even wearing a Great Escape T-shirt. 700 00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,480 [Jeremy] But now, at least he was on his way. 701 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:44,480 [James] Sorry. 702 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,000 Bollocks. 703 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,920 [Jeremy] ...and feeling very miserable. 704 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:02,040 It wasn't a terrible dream, I really am driving 705 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,440 a Crosley across Eastern Europe. 706 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:10,840 I'm already in top gear, this is it for an hour. 707 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:19,320 [James] On the plus side, I wasn't on the terrifying motorway. 708 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:21,720 On the minus side, 709 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,040 everyone else wished I was. 710 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:25,680 [car horn] 711 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:27,960 [James] I'm doing my best. 712 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:32,760 [James] He's going for it. You must be mad. 713 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,600 No! Ah! 714 00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:41,080 He's going. 715 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,360 - There he goes. - [lorry horn] 716 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,560 There's another one. 717 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:50,240 They're both going. Oh, my God! 718 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:52,440 Jeez! 719 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,000 I'm now responsible. 720 00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,800 [Jeremy] Far ahead, I too was having a bit of a drama. 721 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,440 [buzzing] 722 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:05,360 Oh, Christ, that's not a wasp. What the [beep] hell is that? 723 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:08,840 It's absolutely gigantic. 724 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,480 - Get out! Get out! - [Richard laughs] 725 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,240 I can see it from here. It's enormous! 726 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,480 It's incredibly big. 727 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:18,200 Get out. 728 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,360 [soft music] 729 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,040 [Jeremy] After ejecting the poisonous hand glider, 730 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,080 I noticed that my car had a comfort feature 731 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,400 I somehow missed. 732 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,280 I've got an overdrive button! 733 00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:35,480 [Jeremy] Amazing news from the Le-Seyde, Hammond. 734 00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,560 I've got overdrive. 735 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:39,560 Oh yeah! 736 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:42,760 [Richard] Welcome to overdrive. 737 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:44,600 Overdrive! 738 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,320 [Jeremy] In case you're wondering, overdrive 739 00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,400 reduces the noise effectively when you're on a motorway. 740 00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,160 It's kind of like another gear. 741 00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,000 So I'm driving along now 742 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:56,480 at 60 mph 743 00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:58,880 3 and a bit thousand rpm. 744 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:03,480 I engage overdrive and we drop to 2,400 rpm. 745 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,520 It just makes it more economical and quieter. 746 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,360 That's Stalag Luft III. 747 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:13,600 One kilometre. 748 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:20,400 James is going to be genuinely heartbroken if he misses this. 749 00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:27,920 [James] Oh, God, you... 750 00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:35,160 [James] It's completely died. 751 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,480 What a piece of old crap. 752 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:40,200 [groans] 753 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,000 [James] To get out of everyone's way, I had to push 754 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,600 the Crosley into the roadworks up ahead. 755 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:53,080 Even though I was speaking to them in Italian for some reason... 756 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:55,440 - Kaput? - Si. 757 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,800 ...they lent me a multi-metre 758 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,480 so that I could take a battery reading. 759 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:02,400 Right. 760 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,080 Battery's obviously completely dead. 761 00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,760 I don't know about the alternator output. 762 00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,320 [in polish] What a pile of shit. 763 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:15,000 [music theme from The Great Escape] 764 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,160 [Jeremy] As James struggled 765 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,800 with his drunken late-night purchase, 766 00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:26,800 we were wandering around the actual site 767 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,560 where, in World War II, 80 prisoners 768 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:34,280 dug a 110-metre escape tunnel 769 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:37,560 from under the stove 770 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:39,200 in one of the huts. 771 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,880 It's a story that was immortalised 772 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,160 in one of the greatest films ever made. 773 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,240 The Great Escape. 774 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:50,240 [dramatic music] 775 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:56,800 - See you in Piccadilly. - Scott's bar. 776 00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:58,480 Right. 777 00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:07,880 Oh! 778 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:09,680 That's not the one is it? 779 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,160 - [Richard] That stove there? - [Jeremy] It probably is. 780 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,680 Yes, look, look, look. 781 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,840 That's where the tunnel went down 782 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,320 and then over to the trees. 783 00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:23,040 And actual people actually dug a tunnel out of here. 784 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,320 - [Jeremy] Charles Bronson. - [Richard] No, I mean... 785 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,000 - Gordon Jackson. - No, real... they're actors, Jeremy. 786 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,200 [Richard] Oh! Look at this. 787 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,760 These are the trollies for moving stuff along. 788 00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:37,040 Look, that's the actual thing that Charles Bronson got stuck on. 789 00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:39,800 That wasn't... That was... OK. 790 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,520 [Jeremy] Here we go, look. 791 00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:44,480 There's some pictures of the actual people. 792 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,600 James Garner, Steve McQueen, 793 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:51,800 - Donald Pleasance. - [Richard] No, again, this is from... 794 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:56,440 [Jeremy] Look, that's a real photograph taken with Dickie Attenborough. 795 00:43:56,600 --> 00:44:00,880 We're going to have to sort out the blurring of fact and fiction there. 796 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:04,040 A lot of what was told in the movie happened 797 00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,280 - but that wasn't it happening. - Look! 798 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:09,960 - Gordon Jackson and Dickie Attenborough. - They didn't film it on the day. 799 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,720 [Richard] I thought it best to take Jeremy outside, 800 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,320 where we found the monument that marked the route of Harry, 801 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,560 the codename given to the escape tunnel. 802 00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,280 - [Jeremy] Bloody hell, it's miles! - [Richard] Yeah. 803 00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,080 Imagine crawling under here in a homemade tunnel. And this is sand. 804 00:44:29,240 --> 00:44:30,200 [Richard] Mmh. 805 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:31,160 [Jeremy] At any moment... 806 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,240 [Richard] Death. In one form or another. 807 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,040 [Jeremy] Incredible. 808 00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,600 [Jeremy] We were then joined by a guide. 809 00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,880 How deep was Harry? 810 00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:43,160 It was actually between 8 and 9 metres, 811 00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,280 - which is 30 feet. - Metres? 812 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,520 9 metres, which is actually roughly the size of the tree. 813 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:49,560 [Richard] Yeah! 814 00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:52,120 - [Jeremy] That's 30 feet. - Why that deep? 815 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:53,800 There was a reason. 816 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,240 The camp was called an escape-proof camp, 817 00:44:56,400 --> 00:45:00,560 which means the Germans put underground microphones around the camp 818 00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:02,000 to detect any kind of tunnel. 819 00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:04,880 - So they had to go deeper than those. - Deeper than the microphones. 820 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,960 I'm staggered. I cannot believe 821 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:10,480 how long it is and I can't believe how deep it was. 822 00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,480 [Jeremy] We then started wondering 823 00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,640 why they dug it because the prison camp 824 00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:19,520 was actually more like a holiday camp. 825 00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:23,120 - [Jeremy] A swimming pool? - [guide] Yep. That's the one. 826 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,480 - [Jeremy] No way I'd escape! - [Richard] No, me neither. 827 00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:29,120 - There was a proper hockey ring here. - What? 828 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:30,080 [Richard] What? 829 00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,800 There was a huge sports field right behind those trees. 830 00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:37,400 And during the winter, they built a huge hockey ring. 831 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,240 They had a sports pitch, a swimming pool... 832 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:41,040 - A library. - A library. 833 00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:42,360 - A theatre. - What? 834 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:43,320 A theatre. 835 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,520 Are you sure it wasn't people trying to tunnel in? 836 00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,160 - Yeah. - [laughter] 837 00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:53,320 [Jeremy] The guide showed us what he meant by a theatre. 838 00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:54,960 - [Richard] Oh my God! - [Jeremy] No! 839 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,960 [guide] 350 seats, orchestra, pits, stage, backstage... 840 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,880 - Was it built as a theatre? - Built as a theatre. 841 00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,560 I thought you meant it would be a shed that they used as a theatre. 842 00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:09,080 [Jeremy] Like It Ain't Half Hot, Mum. God all bloody mighty! 843 00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,280 [Jeremy] If I'd been made to fight in the war, 844 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,360 I'd have got myself captured. 845 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,400 [guide] You know what they say, "We don't care how comfortable 846 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,560 camp will be, we'll still escape." 847 00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:22,440 - It was their duty, they had to escape. - They did. 848 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:24,400 [Richard] Having said our goodbyes... 849 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:27,120 [Richard] Absolutely fascinating. Thank you for filling in the gaps. 850 00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,000 - [guide] My pleasure. - [Richard] It was really good. 851 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:30,880 [Richard] ...we got back on the move. 852 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:32,200 [Richard] That was incredible. 853 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:36,600 That was genuinely top 10 most interesting things I've ever seen, 854 00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,520 places I've ever been. 855 00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:40,800 It turns out road trips no one has ever thought of doing before 856 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,760 are worth having a go at, once you've thought of them. 857 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,640 And chosen the right car - which I have. 858 00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:49,640 [James] Ahhh! 859 00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:52,680 [James] Having missed the prisoner of war camp, 860 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,800 I had at least got the Crosley going again. 861 00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,440 I was beginning to wonder why I bothered. 862 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,480 I did 300 miles yesterday. 863 00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:07,160 The schedule for today calls for another 300 miles. 864 00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,920 There's 1,100 miles still to go. 865 00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,920 4 times as far nearly as I've gone already, 866 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,880 with this noise. I don't think I can do it. 867 00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:21,200 - [horns tooting] - Oh, God! 868 00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:25,880 [classical music on piano] 869 00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:27,160 [Richard] Up ahead, 870 00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,520 over a simple Polish lunch, 871 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:31,800 Jeremy and I discussed 872 00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:35,400 just how much James was messing up the trip. 873 00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,720 You missed the Jesus, you missed the prison camp, 874 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:42,800 you missed breakfast. He's missed lunch. 875 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,080 [Richard] He's going to miss all the good bits. 876 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,840 We haven't got somebody to talk to about because he wasn't part of it. 877 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:51,720 He can't join in with our conversation. That's no fun. 878 00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:56,240 [groovy music] 879 00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:03,480 [Richard] With Krakow more than 200 miles away, 880 00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:05,200 we couldn't wait for James. 881 00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:06,880 So we pressed on. 882 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:11,240 ["A Girl Like You" by Edwyn Collins playing] 883 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:15,920 [Richard] Resuming once more our new favorite topic of conversation. 884 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,640 Which Jag had an overdrive? 885 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:22,160 You could probably get one in a MK2 I think. 886 00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:25,360 I know Triumph did because the Dolly Sprint had an overdrive. 887 00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:26,760 [James] Good afternoon. 888 00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:28,560 What? 889 00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:29,680 What? 890 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,880 [music continues] 891 00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:43,560 [Jeremy] James May, that's just cheating. 892 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,800 You can't just get in the backup car and tow your own car on a trailer. 893 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,400 Well, if you have a racehorse, say, 894 00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,680 you don't ride it to Aintree, you put it in a horsebox. 895 00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:56,400 If you have a valuable classic racing car, you take it 896 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,120 to the racetrack on a trailer. 897 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,720 That's what I'm doing. I'm taking my valuable car to the next event. 898 00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,120 I don't want to be rude, old chap, 899 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,920 but you're making a complete hash of this. 900 00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:08,240 [he laughs] 901 00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,640 [Jeremy] The thing I'm most interested in is 902 00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:15,160 how bad must the Crosley have been for you to get into a car 903 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:18,200 with "Titties 'n' Beer" written on the side of it? 904 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:22,800 [James] Well, it's a very good point and I did give it a great deal of thought. 905 00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:27,080 I've decided I can deal with it. 906 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:35,000 [Jeremy] After a long drive, we eventually arrived in Krakow. 907 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:40,880 Which it turns out is one of Europe's absolute gems. 908 00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:43,200 [romantic music] 909 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,600 [Jeremy] One of the most cultured places probably in the world. 910 00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:00,640 [Richard] Yeah. 911 00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:04,400 I wouldn't want to arrive here in a car that says "Titties 'n' Beer". 912 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:05,440 That's for sure. 913 00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,880 [Richard] Art, music, architecture, titties and beer. 914 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:10,840 [James] I'm aware of all this, thank you. 915 00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:12,360 [he laughs] 916 00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:17,440 Please don't let that woman look round. 917 00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:29,320 I'll pretend I'm scratching my face because I'm in deep thought. 918 00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,400 [James] We've always had quite a few fans 919 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:34,880 in Poland. 920 00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:38,080 I was hoping that our popularity had faded. 921 00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:40,360 Sadly however... 922 00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:41,680 [conversations overlapping] 923 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:42,640 Hello. 924 00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:51,000 [James] Mercifully, we were soon able 925 00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:53,240 to leave the cars because Jeremy was keen 926 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:56,480 to visit what he said was the best thing 927 00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,520 in the world. 928 00:50:59,960 --> 00:51:02,280 - [Jeremy] Hello. Can we have 3 tickets? - [man] Yes. 929 00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:03,960 [Jeremy] There we are. Lovely. 930 00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,280 I've never been to a waxworks museum. 931 00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:13,960 [Jeremy] And what a way it was for Hammond to pop his waxwork cherry. 932 00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:15,400 [Richard] Oh, there's a... 933 00:51:16,720 --> 00:51:17,720 [they laugh] 934 00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,440 James, that's really cruel. Stop it. 935 00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:37,000 The people who run the place will be bloody hurt. 936 00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,720 [James laughs] 937 00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:42,280 - [Jeremy] OK, it's not funny. - [James] No, it's not. 938 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,000 [they laugh] 939 00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:51,000 He is pushing out a whopper. 940 00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:54,440 [Richard] He is definitely shifting 941 00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:57,240 a big sturdy breakfast. 942 00:51:58,200 --> 00:51:59,080 [Richard] Good lord! 943 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,400 [they laugh] 944 00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,200 I didn't know you could stand... 945 00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:07,320 [James] "I'd like ein Volk... Oh, I'm sorry, I've fallen over backwards." 946 00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,120 [Richard] Why is he leaning... 947 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:11,080 I've never seen him with his tie like that. 948 00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:15,040 He was very smartly dressed as a general rule. 949 00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:18,760 I think this has been willfully treated poorly. 950 00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:21,880 [Richard] I'm seeing brilliant things in Poland. 951 00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,160 [they laugh] 952 00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,480 - [James] What the bloody hell is that? - [Richard] Good Lord! 953 00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:31,560 We know what it is because we've got the helpful symbol on the wall. 954 00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,000 [Jeremy] Having seen all the pop icons, 955 00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,960 we moved into what we assumed was a motoring area. 956 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:44,080 Is it you? 957 00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:45,960 [Richard] No, it's not. 958 00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:47,000 It is, it's you. 959 00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:50,360 - It's Sylvester Stallone. - [Jeremy] I thought it was you. 960 00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:52,920 Guess who it is. 961 00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:54,840 [Jeremy] Erm... 962 00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:56,760 [Jeremy] George Lazen... I don't know. 963 00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,200 - [James] Is it, bollocks! - [they laugh] 964 00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:04,920 Who the hell's that? 965 00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:07,520 - Is that Keira Knightley? - [Richard] I think it is. 966 00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:09,800 That's not even an approximation of Keira. 967 00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:14,040 I would love to see Keira Knightley standing next to that. 968 00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:16,160 I'd like to see the real Keira Knightley walking around Krakow. 969 00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:19,880 Nobody would ask for her autograph. They'd say: "That's not Keira Knightley. 970 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:21,400 It looks nothing like her." 971 00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:28,160 [Jeremy] After what may or not may have been the Doctor Who zone, 972 00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:33,280 we entered an area of great mystery. 973 00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:34,440 [Richard] Spooky woods. 974 00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,480 [Jeremy] Some of the decoration is tremendous. 975 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:40,040 [James] Everything is good, apart from the waxworks. 976 00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:41,320 [Richard] James May! 977 00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:44,480 [Jeremy] Ryan Reynolds? 978 00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,600 - [Richard] That's Paul Walker. - [Jeremy] Oh. 979 00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:47,560 [Jeremy] In a room 980 00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:50,680 containing what was probably Elvis Presley... 981 00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,920 Oh, for heaven's sake! 982 00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,800 [Jeremy] Nigel Mansell. It isn't though, is it? 983 00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:00,800 [Richard] His mustache matches his eyebrows. It is. 984 00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:04,840 Why have Nigel Mansell? 985 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:05,840 [Jeremy] Why not Lewis Hamilton? 986 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,320 [Richard] The reference is a bit out of date. 987 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:11,040 - Bless him, but... - Lando Norris. 988 00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,160 George Russell. 989 00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,600 [Jeremy] I'm really annoyed about this. 990 00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:19,160 It isn't that it's not very good, it's the wrong subject. 991 00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:20,320 [James laughs] 992 00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,520 [Jeremy] I then had a brainwave. 993 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,040 [Jeremy] I'm going to steal it. 994 00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,440 [Jeremy] If we take him away, they'll be forced to replace it. 995 00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:32,240 With Lewis Hamilton. 996 00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:34,880 Let me put it this way. 997 00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:38,840 We've got many miles to get to Slovenia and you're driving a terrible car. 998 00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:42,280 - If we had this with us... - Yeah? 999 00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:43,320 It'd cheer us up. 1000 00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:46,000 - [Richard] It would cheer us up. - [Jeremy] Every time you're feeling low, 1001 00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:49,640 sometimes Titties 'n' Beer was being a bit badly behaved, 1002 00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:52,280 you'd just have to look in your rear wing mirror 1003 00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:54,080 and there in my passenger seat... 1004 00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:56,600 Is someone who looks a bit like Nigel Mansell. 1005 00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:02,280 Right. 1006 00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:03,680 - We're off to... - No, wait. 1007 00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,840 - If we all... - He's doing the talk. 1008 00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:09,240 Do the Birmingham accent. You're from Birmingham. 1009 00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:12,240 [in Birmingham accent] "I've had enough of this. Let's have a drive outside." 1010 00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:14,160 Alright, Nigel, we'll take you out. 1011 00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:15,480 [accent] "Thanks for bringing me with you, lads. 1012 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:17,800 I really enjoyed the look around the museum. 1013 00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:19,920 Just what I wanted to see. 1014 00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,560 That one in London, it's not as good as this, is it? 1015 00:55:22,720 --> 00:55:26,200 I'm doing some racing this afternoon. I'm dressed and ready. 1016 00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:29,400 Mind my 'ead on this beam. Oh, bugger, I knocked it. 1017 00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,040 I'll see you later, Paul Walker, mate." 1018 00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:34,680 - [they laugh] - [Richard] Keep going! 1019 00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:36,840 [accent] "Oh, I hate Harry Potter. 1020 00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:39,000 Absolute bollocks. 1021 00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:41,920 Oh, look, lads, wait for us, I'm coming." 1022 00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:47,000 - [Richard] Guys. - [Jeremy] We can get out this way. 1023 00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:48,880 Come, come. 1024 00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:53,520 [accent] "That, lads, was an amazing visit. Thanks for bringing us with yer." 1025 00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:56,440 - [James] Oh. [Jeremy] Oh. 1026 00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:58,560 [James] This is probably somebody's house. 1027 00:55:58,720 --> 00:56:00,440 [Richard] It's possible. They may be a bit surprised 1028 00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:03,280 to find us three and Nigel Mansell in it. 1029 00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:06,160 [soothing music] 1030 00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:08,880 [James] That night, we stayed in Krakow, 1031 00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,600 which meant I had time to exact some revenge 1032 00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:13,520 on my colleagues 1033 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:16,440 for putting my car in a restaurant. 1034 00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,400 [drilling] 1035 00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:23,960 [he hums a song] 1036 00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,280 [Richard] Ready? OK. 1037 00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:30,600 - [Jeremy] Lovely. - [Richard] Where are we going? 1038 00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:33,640 Across the road. Across the road. 1039 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,160 Lovely. Well done. Thank you. 1040 00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:36,720 [Jeremy] Perfect. 1041 00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:38,680 Through the garden. 1042 00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,400 [James] The next morning, I retrieved the Crosley 1043 00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:48,680 from where Hammond and Clarkson had left it this time... 1044 00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,280 [classical music playing] 1045 00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:52,840 [engine revving] 1046 00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:02,640 ...and then waited for their reaction to what I'd done. 1047 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:10,120 [beep] 1048 00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:14,120 How am I going to drive like this? 1049 00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,680 [romantic music] 1050 00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:36,400 [clanging noise] 1051 00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:39,120 What's? Oh! 1052 00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,280 You think you've got problems? 1053 00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:47,480 [Jeremy] Morning. 1054 00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:50,360 I know, yes. Morning. Morning. 1055 00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:54,000 [bell ringing] 1056 00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:55,800 Is that coming from your car? 1057 00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:58,240 I think it's when I brake. 1058 00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:00,640 Yes, it's the brake bell. 1059 00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:02,680 [James] A good safety feature. 1060 00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,280 [Richard] James May! 1061 00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:09,520 - [horn] - You wired my horn into my indicator, 1062 00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:10,560 you bastard! 1063 00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:12,720 [he laughs] 1064 00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:15,520 [horn] 1065 00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:17,320 Oh, brilliant! 1066 00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,440 [bagpipes] 1067 00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:25,120 When I put my foot down, I hear bagpipes. 1068 00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:26,600 [he laughs] 1069 00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:28,560 [he laughs] 1070 00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:31,960 Like my candelabras, Nigel? 1071 00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:36,520 [accent] "I like them, I've a couple in me bathroom." 1072 00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:38,520 [upbeat music] 1073 00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:44,560 [Jeremy] Soon, we were on the motorway, 1074 00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:46,520 heading for our next country, 1075 00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:48,520 Slovakia. 1076 00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:54,520 Straight away, I noticed two things. 1077 00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:59,200 One: Nigel Mansell's face was starting to melt. 1078 00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:00,520 Oh, dear. 1079 00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:02,400 And two... 1080 00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,480 James, you've forgotten your Crosley. 1081 00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:11,320 [Jeremy] It's not on the back of your Titties 'n' Beer car. 1082 00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:13,360 Exactly. 1083 00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:16,240 I've attached the trailer to the crew van. 1084 00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:17,720 What? 1085 00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:21,840 [James] The combination of the hot rod and that long trailer 1086 00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:25,480 with the bouncy little car on is absolutely lethal. 1087 00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:27,240 I'm driving the back-up car. 1088 00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:30,640 The back-up car is here for this eventuality. 1089 00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:33,840 [Jeremy] The back-up car is if your original car 1090 00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:36,720 explodes. It's not because you don't like it. 1091 00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:40,400 You can't rewrite the rules as you go along, to suit you. 1092 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:43,440 Well, I have, as it happens. 1093 00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:49,840 [James] To be honest, even without a trailer attached, 1094 00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:52,920 my hot rod experience was not improving. 1095 00:59:55,480 --> 00:59:56,840 Where shall I start? 1096 00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:00,320 The throttle pedal is actually buried in the door, 1097 01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:02,960 so I have to drive it without my right shoe on. 1098 01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:07,280 But the pedal is razor sharp and it's digging into my foot. 1099 01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:08,520 It's now going numb. 1100 01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:11,440 It's got a shirt button for its steering wheel. 1101 01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:14,040 It pulls violently to the right under braking. 1102 01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:17,120 It's baking hot, it's noisy 1103 01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:18,520 and it's not even a proper hot rod. 1104 01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:22,000 It's got a crappy, old straight 6 Jag engine. 1105 01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,320 It's supposed to have a big V8 motor. 1106 01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,200 [James] Still, unlike the Crosley, 1107 01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:30,080 at least it wasn't breaking down all the time. 1108 01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:32,040 [explosion] 1109 01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:33,520 [James] Oh, bollocks. 1110 01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:36,920 We need to stop. 1111 01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:38,560 What? 1112 01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:41,080 [car horn] 1113 01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:44,200 [Richard] It's steam. It's hot, hot, hot. 1114 01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:45,680 [Jeremy] It smells hot. 1115 01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:47,240 [groans] 1116 01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:48,080 There you go. 1117 01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:51,160 - [Jeremy] You know this engine. - [Richard] I know this engine very well. 1118 01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,200 They cook the head. 1119 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:54,440 - James? - Yes? 1120 01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:56,360 You've bollocked the job. 1121 01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:00,040 [James] It's not over. Let's just have a bit of a think about it. 1122 01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:01,040 I've had a bit of a think. 1123 01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:05,080 What I'm thinking is that we've got a good restaurant booked for lunch. 1124 01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:06,040 Yeah. 1125 01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:09,880 We're not going to get there if we stand here looking at this while it cools down. 1126 01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:11,600 [Jeremy] With that decided... 1127 01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:13,400 - Good luck and everything. - Good luck. 1128 01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:16,280 [Jeremy] ...Hammond and I got back on the road. 1129 01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:20,160 [Richard] I honestly don't know what happens now. 1130 01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,760 Nobody's ever broken the back-up car before. 1131 01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,640 I think we should get Nigel Mansell to drive it. 1132 01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:28,720 [he laughs] 1133 01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:30,720 What do you think, Nigel? 1134 01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:31,840 [accent] "I like it actually. 1135 01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:33,880 I think it's quite funny having Titties 'n' Beer 1136 01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:37,880 written on the side of a Ford with a Jag engine in it. 1137 01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:39,040 Oh!" 1138 01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:43,120 ["You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman Turner Overdrive] 1139 01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:46,320 [Jeremy] Disengaging overdrive. 1140 01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:49,320 [car engine throbs] 1141 01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:55,720 Oh God! 1142 01:01:56,320 --> 01:02:00,400 [Jeremy] Richard, Nigel and I waved a fond farewell to Poland 1143 01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:03,440 and crossed over the border into Slovakia. 1144 01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:06,320 Oh! 1145 01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:09,920 [music continues] 1146 01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:15,960 [James] A break for a wee. There it is. 1147 01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:19,480 Jesus! This is a piece of junk. 1148 01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:23,920 [music continues] 1149 01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:30,880 [James] Hello. 1150 01:02:31,080 --> 01:02:32,800 God, it's a woman. 1151 01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:37,280 [James] Thank you so much. I'm sorry about the car. 1152 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:41,840 I'm either in an offensive hot rod with Titties 'n' Beer written on the side 1153 01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:44,200 or I'm holding everybody up in the Crosley. 1154 01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:49,240 I've never screwed up a film shoot like I have this one. 1155 01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:53,600 [music continues] 1156 01:02:58,880 --> 01:02:59,920 [Jeremy] Half a country away, 1157 01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:03,760 Richard and I were starting to feel sorry for James. 1158 01:03:03,920 --> 01:03:05,840 So, like the good friends we are, 1159 01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:09,160 we hatched a plan to cheer him up. 1160 01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:13,800 [tense music] 1161 01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:30,560 Here he comes. 1162 01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:34,920 [Jeremy] He's got no bonnet. That's his cooling solution. 1163 01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:37,600 - He's suffered. - I think he has. 1164 01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:42,760 - May. - Hello. 1165 01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:46,120 Listen, we can see that you're hot 1166 01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:48,720 and bothered and you've missed another lunch... 1167 01:03:48,880 --> 01:03:50,960 - [James] Yeah. - But don't worry, because... 1168 01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:54,120 we've organised a treat for you. 1169 01:03:54,720 --> 01:03:57,560 - [James] Some old aeroplanes to look at. - Yes. 1170 01:03:57,760 --> 01:03:59,280 Look at that. A MIG. 1171 01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:01,200 Sus, Hind helicopters. 1172 01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:04,560 - That's not the treat though. - No, it's better. 1173 01:04:04,720 --> 01:04:06,720 - Much better. - Better than any of these. 1174 01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:10,520 We've arranged a drag race for your Crosley. 1175 01:04:10,960 --> 01:04:12,440 - Sorry, is it a joke? - [Richard] No. 1176 01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:14,880 It will become clear when you meet the competitors. 1177 01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:17,360 - [Jeremy] Follow us. - See who you're up against. 1178 01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:20,320 [car engine] 1179 01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:24,560 James, drag race rival number 1. 1180 01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:26,320 A Tatra tipper truck. 1181 01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:31,560 [Jeremy] Good lorry this. But heavy. 18 and a half tons. 1182 01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:33,680 Rival number 2: a JCB tractor. 1183 01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:35,720 [military music] 1184 01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:39,040 - This is 12 and a half tons. - Power? 1185 01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:40,440 Pfff... 1186 01:04:40,600 --> 01:04:43,960 It's irrelevant, it's the weight and it's not geared for acceleration. 1187 01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:47,680 It's a tractor. Then we have this, a Velorex 3-wheeler. 1188 01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:53,040 Built in the early 60s in what was then the Soviet Union, for disabled people. 1189 01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:55,680 - [James] 400hp. - [Jeremy] No, 12. 1190 01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:56,920 And then, 1191 01:04:57,120 --> 01:04:58,280 your final rival in this drag race. 1192 01:04:58,480 --> 01:05:00,520 You're racing a man. 1193 01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:03,360 [Jeremy] He's called Martin. 1194 01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:07,560 Could you look cheerful about what we've done? 1195 01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:09,360 This'll put a spring back in your step. 1196 01:05:09,560 --> 01:05:13,400 This is a drag race that you can win in your Crosley. 1197 01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:18,680 [tense music] 1198 01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:29,920 [Richard] I'm excited. 1199 01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:32,200 He's lucky to have friends like us. 1200 01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:34,960 [in Polish] Trzy, dwa, jeden! 1201 01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:39,200 [engines revving] 1202 01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:41,040 - They're off. - They're off. 1203 01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:42,520 [suspenseful music] 1204 01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:47,000 [James] Why am I doing this? 1205 01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:51,160 The vehicle for disabled people made in the Soviet Union 1206 01:05:51,360 --> 01:05:53,600 in the early 60s is taking the lead. 1207 01:05:56,960 --> 01:05:57,760 Come on. 1208 01:05:58,360 --> 01:06:00,680 The JCB is getting well away. 1209 01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:02,680 [Jeremy] Look at the man! 1210 01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:05,160 [James] Jesus, come on car, you can do it. 1211 01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:07,440 [Jeremy] Here comes the 3-wheeler. 1212 01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:14,760 Can James beat the man? 1213 01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:16,360 [James] Come on. 1214 01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:23,080 [James] You bastard! 1215 01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,120 - No, he cannot. - [Richard] No, he hasn't. 1216 01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:29,160 [Richard] That's not the confidence boost we wanted it to be. 1217 01:06:29,840 --> 01:06:31,360 Get your face right. 1218 01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:33,680 Mate. 1219 01:06:34,920 --> 01:06:36,400 That's a bit rude. 1220 01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:40,280 He didn't look as happy as we were hoping. 1221 01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:43,720 - It didn't put a spring in his step. - No. 1222 01:06:47,960 --> 01:06:49,240 [soft music] 1223 01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:51,520 [James] That night, to thank them 1224 01:06:51,720 --> 01:06:54,600 for the drag race, I did more things 1225 01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:56,160 to their cars, 1226 01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:01,760 which became apparent first thing the next morning. 1227 01:07:03,360 --> 01:07:05,720 [recording in Slovakian] Som impotentný. 1228 01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:07,760 Som impotentný. 1229 01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:10,280 - What? - Som impotentný. 1230 01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:12,600 - Som impotentný. - Is it coming from me? 1231 01:07:13,720 --> 01:07:15,680 Look at his face. 1232 01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:18,520 - [Richard] James? - What's that saying? 1233 01:07:18,680 --> 01:07:20,400 That's for you to find out. 1234 01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:24,920 Hang on, Hammond. Is anyone Slovakian? 1235 01:07:25,120 --> 01:07:26,160 - [man] Yeah. - [Jeremy] Can we borrow you? 1236 01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:27,120 Sure. 1237 01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:29,640 - [Jeremy] This chap's Slovakian. - Hello? What is this saying? 1238 01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:31,920 [recording] Som impotentný. 1239 01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:34,200 Som impotentný. 1240 01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:36,360 Oh. I'm impotent. 1241 01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:38,880 - Important? - "Impotent." Let me... 1242 01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:40,400 Let me translate it. 1243 01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:41,520 - Impotent! - Yes. 1244 01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:43,800 - What? - [Jeremy] "I'm impotent." 1245 01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:45,600 [he laughs] 1246 01:07:46,400 --> 01:07:49,480 James May, you are sick! 1247 01:07:49,680 --> 01:07:52,080 [upbeat music] 1248 01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:54,240 [Jeremy] Still, it could be worse. 1249 01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:04,240 Got to be honest, 1250 01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:07,520 I'm not going to tell James May, but I quite like his work. 1251 01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:10,400 It gives a good Cruella vibe. 1252 01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:14,320 [Jeremy] We could have pressed on south at this point, 1253 01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:15,560 but we decided 1254 01:08:15,760 --> 01:08:18,360 to hang around in Slovakia for a little while longer, 1255 01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:20,600 for a very good reason. 1256 01:08:20,760 --> 01:08:24,400 Today, the Audi Q7 is made in Slovakia. 1257 01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:26,240 So is the Q8. 1258 01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:29,400 So is the VW Touareg, the Porsche Cayenne, 1259 01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:31,360 the Porsche Cayenne coupé, 1260 01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:34,560 the Land Rover Defender, the Land Rover Discovery, 1261 01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:37,960 the Peugeot 208 and the VW Up. 1262 01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:41,640 They make more cars per head of population in Slovakia 1263 01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:45,640 than any other country in the world. 1264 01:08:48,280 --> 01:08:51,600 [romantic music] 1265 01:08:52,120 --> 01:08:56,160 [Jeremy] Car-making has always been in the blood in this part of Europe. 1266 01:08:56,640 --> 01:08:58,160 In pre-Soviet times, 1267 01:08:58,320 --> 01:09:01,560 Tatra were engineering demi-gods 1268 01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:05,560 and they were even better at aerodynamics. 1269 01:09:06,719 --> 01:09:09,320 Even under the stranglehold of communism, 1270 01:09:09,480 --> 01:09:12,480 Skoda turned out handsome sportscars 1271 01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:16,280 and rally weapons that could meet and beat 1272 01:09:16,440 --> 01:09:19,120 their well-funded rivals from the west. 1273 01:09:20,839 --> 01:09:23,400 And that was just the stuff we knew about. 1274 01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:29,280 In 1957, when communism in Czechoslovakia 1275 01:09:29,440 --> 01:09:33,560 was at its sootiest and most monochromatic, 1276 01:09:34,040 --> 01:09:36,600 a small band of engineers at Skoda, 1277 01:09:36,719 --> 01:09:38,320 only about half a dozen of them, 1278 01:09:38,480 --> 01:09:41,759 decided to build a car that could race at Le Mans. 1279 01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:44,200 And this is it. 1280 01:09:47,160 --> 01:09:50,200 [Jeremy] Although it was designed as a racing machine, 1281 01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:54,240 it was so tightly packaged that the bonnet had a little dimple 1282 01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:57,040 to accommodate the offset cylinder head. 1283 01:09:58,160 --> 01:10:02,360 It is, nevertheless, a thing of exquisite beauty. 1284 01:10:06,719 --> 01:10:08,360 [engine roars] 1285 01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:10,679 [upbeat music] 1286 01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:16,200 [Jeremy] It may only have 1287 01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:21,160 1100cc, and it may only produce 91hp, 1288 01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:26,799 but the whole car only weighs 580 kilos. 1289 01:10:28,280 --> 01:10:32,719 And at a top speed of 124 mph, 1290 01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:35,800 in a car that's no bigger than my bath. 1291 01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:43,680 It revs to 8,500 rpm. 1292 01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:47,040 [engine revving] 1293 01:10:50,920 --> 01:10:52,760 [suspenseful music] 1294 01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:58,960 It even handles properly. 1295 01:10:59,120 --> 01:11:00,920 The engine is at the front, 1296 01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:04,720 but the gearbox is at the back. 1297 01:11:07,480 --> 01:11:09,800 Perfect weight distribution. 1298 01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:13,840 Well, it did before I got in. That's changed everything a bit. 1299 01:11:18,720 --> 01:11:22,000 I keep thinking the steering wheel is going to snap. 1300 01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:24,240 Look. 1301 01:11:26,200 --> 01:11:30,200 That doesn't fill me with confidence, but we'll gloss over it. 1302 01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:36,920 This is the very definition of a sports car. 1303 01:11:38,280 --> 01:11:40,960 This is what Ferrari should be making today 1304 01:11:41,120 --> 01:11:44,280 and Maserati and Alfa Romeo. Very small, 1305 01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:50,000 very light, very fast. An agile, frantic little car. 1306 01:11:51,480 --> 01:11:54,520 I love it. I absolutely love it. 1307 01:11:59,680 --> 01:12:02,240 [Jeremy] Sadly, by the time the car was finished, 1308 01:12:02,400 --> 01:12:05,080 the Cold War had become so frigid 1309 01:12:05,560 --> 01:12:07,800 that it never went to Le Mans. 1310 01:12:08,920 --> 01:12:11,440 Only 2 were ever built. 1311 01:12:14,400 --> 01:12:18,160 At this point, I was going to let Captain Miserable have a go in it. 1312 01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:20,360 But then I realised that actually 1313 01:12:21,960 --> 01:12:24,640 he was better suited to this. 1314 01:12:26,640 --> 01:12:28,000 [thunder] 1315 01:12:31,040 --> 01:12:34,440 Built by another Czech carmaker, Praga, 1316 01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:37,360 it's called the Bohema. 1317 01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:42,080 It weighs less than a ton, so it's race-car light 1318 01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:44,800 and it's propelled by a Nissan GT-R engine 1319 01:12:45,520 --> 01:12:49,320 uprated to produce 720hp. 1320 01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:54,280 That means it will reach 190 mph 1321 01:12:54,440 --> 01:12:56,000 and go from 0 to 60 1322 01:12:56,680 --> 01:12:59,040 in less than 3 seconds. 1323 01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:05,720 This thing has got James May written all over it. 1324 01:13:08,720 --> 01:13:10,120 Holy crap! 1325 01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:14,720 Ah! 1326 01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:18,920 Oh my God! 1327 01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:30,160 It has incredible steering. It doesn't have a wheel, it has a yoke. 1328 01:13:30,960 --> 01:13:32,040 Even on a fairly tight circuit, 1329 01:13:32,240 --> 01:13:34,000 I never need to move my hand 1330 01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:36,080 to that quarter to 3 position. 1331 01:13:42,440 --> 01:13:45,440 It obviously has enormous acceleration. 1332 01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:48,080 They haven't gone for top speed, 1333 01:13:48,280 --> 01:13:50,680 but low weight and agility. 1334 01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:54,840 [tyres screech] 1335 01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:57,080 It definitely has that. 1336 01:14:00,560 --> 01:14:02,680 It's wonderful. Just wonderful. 1337 01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:09,400 A million quid. A million of your pounds. 1338 01:14:11,560 --> 01:14:13,240 [Jeremy] It does look good though. 1339 01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:17,200 [Richard] It's a difficult path to tread. It's gotta look childish and silly... 1340 01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:18,480 - Yes. - It is. 1341 01:14:19,480 --> 01:14:22,240 [Richard] But it looks accomplished and finished. 1342 01:14:23,040 --> 01:14:25,760 The Czechs were always good at this sort of thing. 1343 01:14:25,960 --> 01:14:28,200 They just had to put up with a slight interruption: 1344 01:14:28,360 --> 01:14:32,680 WW2, getting bombed and then having to live under the Soviets. 1345 01:14:32,840 --> 01:14:35,040 [epic music] 1346 01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:45,920 - What's that? - Is that the door? 1347 01:14:46,120 --> 01:14:47,560 - That is the door. - [Jeremy] It's a hatch. 1348 01:14:47,720 --> 01:14:48,560 You're right. 1349 01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:52,520 I must say this is an impressive piece of engineering from the Czechs, 1350 01:14:52,680 --> 01:14:56,920 but the Slovakians have now gone one better. 1351 01:14:58,240 --> 01:15:01,680 [cosmic music] 1352 01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:29,800 [tense music] 1353 01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:52,720 - [Richard] It's flying. - [James] It is. 1354 01:15:55,360 --> 01:15:58,600 I've never actually seen that. 1355 01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:03,960 [epic music] 1356 01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:08,720 [Jeremy] This is the AirCar. The first flying car ever 1357 01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:12,160 to fly between 2 airports rather than just landing 1358 01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:15,520 immediately back where it started. 1359 01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:22,400 It can whizz through the air 8,000 feet up at 120 mph 1360 01:16:23,520 --> 01:16:25,640 and its maker, Stefan Klein, 1361 01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:29,440 reckons he will be able to put it on sale in a year. 1362 01:16:29,640 --> 01:16:31,280 [music continues] 1363 01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:45,000 [beep] yes! 1364 01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:46,480 Voice of experienced cameraman. 1365 01:16:47,080 --> 01:16:48,080 [Richard] Wow! 1366 01:16:48,240 --> 01:16:50,280 [James] That car has landed. 1367 01:16:50,440 --> 01:16:54,560 Very rarely am I lost for words, but I'm lost for words. 1368 01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:59,520 Honestly, they've always said ever since we were kids: 1369 01:16:59,720 --> 01:17:01,640 "There'll be flying cars one day." No, there won't! 1370 01:17:02,040 --> 01:17:05,560 The important thing to point out is that's not just a flying car, 1371 01:17:05,720 --> 01:17:07,240 it did drive here. 1372 01:17:07,400 --> 01:17:08,560 - It arrived by road. - [Jeremy] Yes! 1373 01:17:08,720 --> 01:17:13,240 - [Jeremy] It drove down the motorway. - [James] And then became an aeroplane. 1374 01:17:13,440 --> 01:17:16,520 - [accent] "I wasn't impressed." - "I don't agree with a flying car." 1375 01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:19,480 - "I don't like it all." - "We don't need both." 1376 01:17:19,640 --> 01:17:20,440 Look at his face. 1377 01:17:21,120 --> 01:17:22,720 [Richard] Oh dear, don't tell him. 1378 01:17:23,720 --> 01:17:25,760 [pop music] 1379 01:17:28,280 --> 01:17:31,000 [Jeremy] We then continued with our road trip 1380 01:17:31,200 --> 01:17:32,720 that no one had thought of doing before... 1381 01:17:32,920 --> 01:17:35,920 [music continues] 1382 01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:40,520 [Jeremy] Heading south towards Hungary... 1383 01:17:42,200 --> 01:17:45,760 [music continues] 1384 01:17:46,920 --> 01:17:48,840 [Jeremy] ...with James moaning away 1385 01:17:49,040 --> 01:17:51,560 like Nigel Mansell in the good old days. 1386 01:17:52,600 --> 01:17:54,240 [James] The steering wheel's still too small. 1387 01:17:54,640 --> 01:17:57,720 The throttle pedal is still in the floor and too high off the ground, 1388 01:17:57,840 --> 01:18:00,000 the brake's still pulling to the right. 1389 01:18:03,280 --> 01:18:05,400 Hammond is: "I've got sunburn." 1390 01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:09,480 And Jeremy's saying: "I'm not sure my A/C is working properly." 1391 01:18:09,640 --> 01:18:11,320 [annoyed mimicking] 1392 01:18:12,560 --> 01:18:13,680 They've no idea. 1393 01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:19,840 [Jeremy] Once inside Hungary, we received word from Mr Wilman 1394 01:18:20,240 --> 01:18:22,640 that we should report here. 1395 01:18:27,480 --> 01:18:30,600 This looks grass-track racing to me. 1396 01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:32,720 God, it's sticky. 1397 01:18:33,160 --> 01:18:36,200 [Richard] It's a country fair. We'll be made to do Morris dancing. 1398 01:18:37,120 --> 01:18:39,640 I got a text from Mr Wilman. 1399 01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:42,080 [Richard] What does he say? 1400 01:18:42,440 --> 01:18:44,560 I need my glasses, hang on. 1401 01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,360 [Richard] We're judging the terrier racing. 1402 01:18:46,560 --> 01:18:51,600 "You are going to race in turn around the track I've set up." 1403 01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:53,320 - That's it. - Yeah. 1404 01:18:57,000 --> 01:19:01,120 "The winner is the one who is shot the least amount of times." 1405 01:19:01,720 --> 01:19:03,000 - What? - [Jeremy] "Shot." 1406 01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:05,960 Shot with what? 1407 01:19:10,400 --> 01:19:13,800 [Jeremy] Hungary is famous for the Rubik's Cube 1408 01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:15,200 and goulash. 1409 01:19:15,360 --> 01:19:17,280 Everyone knows that. 1410 01:19:17,800 --> 01:19:19,760 What everyone doesn't know, 1411 01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:25,240 is that this country also produces the world's best archers. 1412 01:19:25,600 --> 01:19:28,920 And we'd arrived at an archery academy, 1413 01:19:29,120 --> 01:19:30,720 run by this chap. 1414 01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:32,720 [ominous music] 1415 01:19:36,240 --> 01:19:38,200 [talks in Hungarian] 1416 01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:42,200 [they shout] 1417 01:19:55,640 --> 01:19:57,040 [Jeremy] It doesn't feel that sharp. 1418 01:19:57,920 --> 01:19:59,600 Would this go in to the car? 1419 01:20:00,640 --> 01:20:02,240 [James] It might do. 1420 01:20:03,040 --> 01:20:05,640 [Jeremy] There was only one way to find out. 1421 01:20:07,240 --> 01:20:08,480 Find a volunteer 1422 01:20:08,680 --> 01:20:10,640 and do our own test. 1423 01:20:10,760 --> 01:20:12,720 [accent] "I gather you've got a job for us. 1424 01:20:12,920 --> 01:20:14,760 Here I am. Ready for duty." 1425 01:20:15,920 --> 01:20:17,640 [they laugh] 1426 01:20:17,800 --> 01:20:19,800 - Right. - [Jeremy] Move your arm, Nigel. 1427 01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:22,680 "I'll stick it in me lap. No funny business." 1428 01:20:23,800 --> 01:20:25,400 [Jeremy] Right, here we go. 1429 01:20:25,560 --> 01:20:26,480 [Richard] You're going to fire... 1430 01:20:26,640 --> 01:20:30,360 [Jeremy] I'm just saying I don't think an arrow will go through that. 1431 01:20:30,520 --> 01:20:34,160 - But if they miss this... - Exactly. 1432 01:20:34,320 --> 01:20:36,080 - We'll be there. - I know. 1433 01:20:36,400 --> 01:20:37,200 OK. 1434 01:20:37,360 --> 01:20:39,920 [Jeremy] What if it bounces back and gets me in the eye? 1435 01:20:43,760 --> 01:20:45,920 - [Jeremy] Oh! - [Richard] Oh my Lord! 1436 01:20:47,040 --> 01:20:50,000 - And that was you doing it. - That was a bit worrying. 1437 01:20:50,840 --> 01:20:51,960 Oh shit! 1438 01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:55,800 [Richard, with an accent] "Oh, lads, I've got an arrow in me 'ead." 1439 01:20:56,280 --> 01:20:57,360 [Jeremy sighs] 1440 01:20:57,560 --> 01:20:58,480 [Richard] They're pretty good. 1441 01:20:59,280 --> 01:21:00,920 [Jeremy] The point I'm trying to make 1442 01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:05,720 is that James May, at a range of 20 feet, missed the target. Right? 1443 01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:09,320 - And that was a stationary target. - Yes, but... 1444 01:21:09,480 --> 01:21:12,040 We're going to be driving along. 1445 01:21:14,240 --> 01:21:15,720 [Jeremy] To make things worse, 1446 01:21:15,960 --> 01:21:18,760 another text then arrived from Mr Wilman. 1447 01:21:19,480 --> 01:21:22,560 "The archers will be shooting at you 1448 01:21:23,200 --> 01:21:26,240 whilst riding horses." 1449 01:21:26,800 --> 01:21:30,240 We'll be moving as the target, but they'll be moving 1450 01:21:30,440 --> 01:21:31,840 - themselves on horses. - Yes. 1451 01:21:32,040 --> 01:21:38,040 On an animal which is scared by paper bags, wind, rain, sunshine, 1452 01:21:38,200 --> 01:21:39,680 gravel, door knobs, 1453 01:21:40,360 --> 01:21:41,960 - crisp packets... - [James] Dogs. 1454 01:21:42,160 --> 01:21:44,600 You're riding along, "I'm just lined up on the target", 1455 01:21:44,720 --> 01:21:47,200 and the horse sneezes or bucks or does something. 1456 01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:49,240 - Arrow in your face. - Well, look. 1457 01:21:49,400 --> 01:21:50,440 I know. 1458 01:21:50,640 --> 01:21:52,440 [James] I'm well aware of it. 1459 01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:56,280 [Jeremy] Up at Mr Wilman's track, 1460 01:21:56,440 --> 01:21:59,800 things had gone a bit Game of Thrones-ish. 1461 01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:02,040 [dramatic music] 1462 01:22:02,200 --> 01:22:03,040 [horses neigh] 1463 01:22:05,240 --> 01:22:08,720 [war music] 1464 01:22:12,320 --> 01:22:15,760 [Jeremy] After a long discussion between Hammond and I, 1465 01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:19,160 it was decided that James should go first. 1466 01:22:27,320 --> 01:22:30,400 In 3, 2, 1, begin! 1467 01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:34,720 [Jeremy] James' tactic was to go slowly. 1468 01:22:35,160 --> 01:22:37,320 Because he had no choice. 1469 01:22:37,480 --> 01:22:38,760 Here comes a horseman. 1470 01:22:39,960 --> 01:22:40,840 [horses neigh] 1471 01:22:42,360 --> 01:22:43,440 - [clanking] - Ah! 1472 01:22:43,640 --> 01:22:44,480 I heard that. 1473 01:22:44,680 --> 01:22:45,680 - [clanking] - Argh! 1474 01:22:45,840 --> 01:22:47,280 And that. 1475 01:22:48,800 --> 01:22:50,520 - [clanking] - God, that is proper sca-- 1476 01:22:50,720 --> 01:22:52,440 - Argh! Argh! - [clanking] 1477 01:22:52,640 --> 01:22:53,680 - [clanking] - Argh! Argh! 1478 01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:56,640 [James] Argh! 1479 01:22:57,800 --> 01:23:00,240 [the archers shout] 1480 01:23:01,040 --> 01:23:02,400 [clanking] 1481 01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:03,560 [James] Stop! 1482 01:23:07,960 --> 01:23:10,600 James May has become a porcupine. 1483 01:23:10,720 --> 01:23:13,600 [James] Argh! 1484 01:23:13,760 --> 01:23:15,840 Oh, God, let me go across the line. 1485 01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:19,720 Oh! 1486 01:23:19,960 --> 01:23:21,120 [Richard] Oh dear! 1487 01:23:22,440 --> 01:23:24,240 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. 1488 01:23:24,720 --> 01:23:25,800 - [Richard] 6. - [Jeremy] 6. 1489 01:23:26,040 --> 01:23:31,760 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. 1490 01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:35,640 Your score, James May, is 14 and you are alive. 1491 01:23:35,800 --> 01:23:37,960 [epic music] 1492 01:23:38,160 --> 01:23:40,240 [Jeremy] Hammond was up next. 1493 01:23:40,720 --> 01:23:43,000 3, 2, 1, goodbye. 1494 01:23:43,960 --> 01:23:47,440 [Jeremy] Unlike James, he had a choice of speeds. 1495 01:23:49,800 --> 01:23:50,720 [man] Ow! 1496 01:23:52,320 --> 01:23:55,560 He's making dust. He's hoping he'll be invisible 1497 01:23:55,720 --> 01:23:56,640 in his dust cloud. 1498 01:23:58,440 --> 01:24:00,640 Oh my God! That's firing straight at-- 1499 01:24:01,760 --> 01:24:04,000 God above! [screams] 1500 01:24:04,320 --> 01:24:05,120 Didn't like that. 1501 01:24:05,280 --> 01:24:07,840 [Jeremy] Although some arrows found their mark... 1502 01:24:10,800 --> 01:24:14,320 Hammond's speed and power did seem to work. 1503 01:24:16,080 --> 01:24:18,200 [James] Only 1 on this side. Bit disappointing. 1504 01:24:18,360 --> 01:24:19,720 - It broke though. - It broke. 1505 01:24:20,840 --> 01:24:22,400 [James] He's only got 7. 1506 01:24:22,600 --> 01:24:24,680 4, 5, 6, 7. 1507 01:24:25,120 --> 01:24:26,080 [James] But then... 1508 01:24:27,360 --> 01:24:28,960 [James] Ah! Wait a minute. 1509 01:24:29,160 --> 01:24:32,200 [Jeremy] Wait a minute. One of your targets fell off. 1510 01:24:33,000 --> 01:24:35,600 - [Jeremy] What was it? 7? - Plus those 3. 10. 1511 01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:38,480 You dropped a target before the end so he gets a penalty of 4, 1512 01:24:38,640 --> 01:24:40,320 which means 14, so its neck and neck. 1513 01:24:40,800 --> 01:24:43,480 Are these the international regulations for this? 1514 01:24:43,680 --> 01:24:45,840 You can't just randomly give me... 1515 01:24:46,040 --> 01:24:48,720 - [accent] "I agree as well." - There you go. 3 to 1. 1516 01:24:48,920 --> 01:24:50,080 You can't bring Nigel in to this. 1517 01:24:50,280 --> 01:24:52,280 [Jeremy] He just has. 1518 01:24:52,480 --> 01:24:54,640 So that's 14, 14. 14 to beat. 1519 01:24:56,960 --> 01:25:01,240 - [Richard] J. Clarkson, are you ready? - Not happy, but ready. 1520 01:25:01,440 --> 01:25:03,440 3, 2, 1, go! 1521 01:25:05,360 --> 01:25:09,040 [Jeremy] Perhaps because they were distracted by the sheer beauty of my car, 1522 01:25:09,240 --> 01:25:10,400 Ouch! Christ! 1523 01:25:12,280 --> 01:25:15,080 the archers fired more arrows at the bodywork 1524 01:25:15,280 --> 01:25:16,640 than the targets. 1525 01:25:19,800 --> 01:25:20,720 In the windscreen. 1526 01:25:22,640 --> 01:25:23,440 Make it end! 1527 01:25:24,720 --> 01:25:26,000 [Jeremy] Although this would guarantee 1528 01:25:26,200 --> 01:25:27,480 a winning score, 1529 01:25:27,680 --> 01:25:28,640 team Le-Seyde 1530 01:25:28,800 --> 01:25:30,680 paid a heavy price. 1531 01:25:31,640 --> 01:25:34,360 Nigel Mansell's head has come off. 1532 01:25:39,760 --> 01:25:41,480 [Richard, with an accent] "Now look what you've done." 1533 01:25:42,440 --> 01:25:44,600 [accent] "I've been shot in the cheek with an arrow. 1534 01:25:45,040 --> 01:25:46,040 And now me 'ead's come off." 1535 01:25:46,240 --> 01:25:49,000 - Can we add up your hits? - 1, 2, 1536 01:25:49,200 --> 01:25:50,080 3, 1537 01:25:50,280 --> 01:25:51,120 6. 1538 01:25:51,320 --> 01:25:52,320 You've won. 1539 01:25:52,520 --> 01:25:54,680 I've lived. Nigel has been decapitated. 1540 01:25:54,840 --> 01:25:58,000 And my candelabra is in tatters. 1541 01:25:58,160 --> 01:26:01,040 And that is a sentence nobody's ever said before. 1542 01:26:05,840 --> 01:26:08,560 [groovy music] 1543 01:26:10,640 --> 01:26:13,480 [Jeremy] The next morning, we all turned off our phones 1544 01:26:13,640 --> 01:26:15,720 so Mr Wilman couldn't text us anymore 1545 01:26:16,320 --> 01:26:18,440 and headed for our final country. 1546 01:26:19,760 --> 01:26:21,400 Slovenia. 1547 01:26:22,400 --> 01:26:25,720 [Jeremy] OK, I've repaired my chandeliers, 1548 01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:28,320 but most importantly, 1549 01:26:28,520 --> 01:26:32,000 I've surgically reattached Nigel's head. 1550 01:26:33,040 --> 01:26:36,480 [accent] "You lads have a life, you do. I'll tell you that for nothing." 1551 01:26:37,720 --> 01:26:40,280 [Jeremy] Meanwhile, James in the hot rod again, 1552 01:26:40,480 --> 01:26:42,600 was back in moan mode. 1553 01:26:42,760 --> 01:26:44,360 God, I hate it! 1554 01:26:44,560 --> 01:26:46,800 It's noisy, it's ugly, 1555 01:26:47,040 --> 01:26:48,160 it smells, 1556 01:26:48,360 --> 01:26:51,040 I've offended women everywhere. 1557 01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:53,200 I'm going to say 1558 01:26:53,400 --> 01:26:55,240 and it's a big field of competitors, 1559 01:26:55,400 --> 01:26:59,360 this is the worst car I've ever driven on TV. 1560 01:26:59,520 --> 01:27:00,600 Actually in my life. 1561 01:27:01,760 --> 01:27:03,640 It's not even fast. 1562 01:27:04,200 --> 01:27:06,560 The biggest number I've seen on that speedo 1563 01:27:06,720 --> 01:27:10,040 is 70 and I know that's only about 64. 1564 01:27:10,480 --> 01:27:11,400 That's it. 1565 01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:18,040 [Jeremy] Soon, we entered Slovenia, where we were immediately distracted 1566 01:27:18,240 --> 01:27:19,800 by the scenery. 1567 01:27:20,240 --> 01:27:22,600 [enthralling music] 1568 01:27:28,960 --> 01:27:30,920 Jesus! That is spectacular. 1569 01:27:32,440 --> 01:27:33,680 Holy cow! 1570 01:27:35,720 --> 01:27:40,680 [Jeremy] Soon we realised that these mountains weren't just beautiful. 1571 01:27:42,160 --> 01:27:44,360 They could be useful too. 1572 01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:47,760 Useful in helping us find out if James' hot rod 1573 01:27:48,560 --> 01:27:51,720 was as slow as he claimed. 1574 01:27:56,200 --> 01:28:01,400 How fast have you managed to make the hot rod go while you were driving it? 1575 01:28:01,600 --> 01:28:05,400 - Maybe 65 miles an hour. - 65. OK. 1576 01:28:05,560 --> 01:28:10,360 Let's see now what it can achieve in the hands of a master. 1577 01:28:11,160 --> 01:28:12,520 Here he comes now. 1578 01:28:12,720 --> 01:28:15,600 [accent] "Let's see the dog getting the rabbit. What's going on here? 1579 01:28:16,280 --> 01:28:19,840 "There's only one fellow for this job, me, with an arrow in me face. 1580 01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:20,840 Ready to go. 1581 01:28:21,320 --> 01:28:24,840 Now you've got a world champion in what you've got here." 1582 01:28:26,200 --> 01:28:30,440 Nigel, you've got your straight six. But to give you a bit more oomph, 1583 01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:32,800 we've added some extra gravity. 1584 01:28:33,520 --> 01:28:35,120 [dramatic music] 1585 01:28:41,880 --> 01:28:48,000 65 mph to beat on one run. There's a speed readout over there, 1586 01:28:48,200 --> 01:28:49,560 which is connected to a speed trap. 1587 01:28:49,720 --> 01:28:52,480 [Jeremy with an accent] "I'll blow the doors off the speed reader. 1588 01:28:52,640 --> 01:28:54,600 Watch this car control." 1589 01:28:54,800 --> 01:28:57,240 - [Jeremy] You ready, Nige? - [Richard with an accent] "Ready." 1590 01:28:57,840 --> 01:29:00,760 3, 2, 1, go! 1591 01:29:02,040 --> 01:29:04,360 - [Jeremy] he's under way. - [Richard] So long, lads! 1592 01:29:12,200 --> 01:29:13,840 - [Jeremy] Nigel! - [Richard] Keep right! 1593 01:29:22,440 --> 01:29:23,560 [Jeremy] Even though the impact 1594 01:29:23,760 --> 01:29:26,120 had knocked all of Nigel's hair out, 1595 01:29:26,920 --> 01:29:29,120 he managed to regain control. 1596 01:29:31,320 --> 01:29:35,600 And he smashed James' speed record. 1597 01:29:37,520 --> 01:29:41,160 But sadly, the hot rod was a write-off. 1598 01:29:44,720 --> 01:29:48,680 [Jeremy] I haven't seen a car this damaged since James drove in to a tunnel. 1599 01:29:48,880 --> 01:29:52,600 - [Richard] Well, that is... - [James] It's pretty bent. 1600 01:29:52,800 --> 01:29:59,440 Nigel, you did 89.14 mph. 25 mph faster than I've ever been. 1601 01:29:59,640 --> 01:30:01,760 [Richard with an accent] "I don't care. I am resigning. 1602 01:30:01,960 --> 01:30:05,400 I hate this gig, it's uncomfy. There's no dignity in this." 1603 01:30:05,600 --> 01:30:08,920 [Jeremy] He's only been working with us for about 3 days. 1604 01:30:09,120 --> 01:30:13,600 People will say: "Remember when Mansell was with... He didn't last long." 1605 01:30:13,800 --> 01:30:16,600 We'd better apologise to the owners of the ski resort. 1606 01:30:16,760 --> 01:30:18,240 - Sorry about that. - Sorry. 1607 01:30:18,400 --> 01:30:20,120 - Sorry. - Sorry. 1608 01:30:24,560 --> 01:30:26,760 [rock music] 1609 01:30:28,080 --> 01:30:32,520 [Jeremy] We got back on the road, a little sad that Nigel had quit. 1610 01:30:36,640 --> 01:30:37,640 On the plus side, 1611 01:30:37,840 --> 01:30:42,480 we were now just 60 miles from the finish line at Lake Bled. 1612 01:30:45,600 --> 01:30:46,840 And our colleague 1613 01:30:47,040 --> 01:30:48,800 was smiling again. 1614 01:30:49,600 --> 01:30:51,560 Hello again, old chum. 1615 01:30:52,360 --> 01:30:53,760 Very, very nice to be back with you. 1616 01:30:53,920 --> 01:30:57,320 I hope I didn't say anything bad about you. If I did, I didn't mean it. 1617 01:30:57,520 --> 01:30:59,720 - [gear stick screeching] - Oh! 1618 01:31:00,200 --> 01:31:01,640 Hang on. 1619 01:31:03,440 --> 01:31:04,760 Don't stop. 1620 01:31:05,320 --> 01:31:08,640 [Richard] Sensing the little scamp was up to its old tricks, 1621 01:31:08,840 --> 01:31:11,400 Jeremy and I took our leave. 1622 01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:18,080 Crosley's splashing. There it is. 1623 01:31:19,200 --> 01:31:20,120 Bye. 1624 01:31:20,320 --> 01:31:22,480 [rock music] 1625 01:31:26,400 --> 01:31:30,680 [Richard] I'm very, very keen to get to Lake Bled before it gets dark, 1626 01:31:30,880 --> 01:31:33,560 because I've heard it's unbelievably beautiful 1627 01:31:33,720 --> 01:31:35,880 and given what we've seen today, 1628 01:31:36,040 --> 01:31:38,080 standards are high to start with. 1629 01:31:38,280 --> 01:31:40,560 [car horn toots] 1630 01:31:43,880 --> 01:31:47,440 [Richard] We ate up the miles on silk smooth roads, 1631 01:31:48,040 --> 01:31:51,240 drinking in the "Sound of Music" backdrop. 1632 01:31:52,520 --> 01:31:54,720 As the sun was setting, 1633 01:31:55,120 --> 01:31:58,080 we finally reached our destination. 1634 01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:00,440 Oh my Lord! 1635 01:32:01,560 --> 01:32:03,720 [enthralling music] 1636 01:32:22,840 --> 01:32:25,640 - [Richard] That delivers. - [Jeremy] Does it ever. 1637 01:32:26,800 --> 01:32:30,640 [Richard] If you painted that as a scene, and presented it to someone, 1638 01:32:30,800 --> 01:32:32,680 they'd say: "You've overdone it." 1639 01:32:33,080 --> 01:32:36,520 [Jeremy] "You can't have 2 churches, one on an island and one there 1640 01:32:36,680 --> 01:32:40,600 and a castle on a rock. Nowhere in the world looks like that." 1641 01:32:41,880 --> 01:32:43,720 [Richard] It's fabulous. 1642 01:32:44,720 --> 01:32:47,920 [Jeremy] I love the colour of melted glacier water. 1643 01:32:48,120 --> 01:32:51,120 [Richard] That is beautiful, beautiful scenery. 1644 01:32:51,840 --> 01:32:53,880 We could wait here for James 1645 01:32:54,880 --> 01:32:58,800 or we could go and find a bar or a restaurant. 1646 01:32:58,960 --> 01:33:00,000 With a view... 1647 01:33:00,200 --> 01:33:02,960 [Jeremy] That looks at that and have a cheeky beer. 1648 01:33:03,760 --> 01:33:07,080 I favour that option, because as a team, 1649 01:33:07,240 --> 01:33:12,560 66.6% of us will have enjoyed a beer while looking at that. 1650 01:33:13,440 --> 01:33:16,840 [calm music] 1651 01:33:19,800 --> 01:33:22,360 [Richard] Sadly, Captain Slowly 1652 01:33:22,560 --> 01:33:25,360 didn't arrive until after it had gone dark. 1653 01:33:29,080 --> 01:33:34,560 So it ate half a pig, but it only had 3 legs. 1654 01:33:34,960 --> 01:33:36,080 - So it... - Mate! 1655 01:33:36,560 --> 01:33:38,320 - [James] Evening. - We all made it! 1656 01:33:38,840 --> 01:33:40,640 [Richard] Welcome. Nice to see you. 1657 01:33:40,800 --> 01:33:42,160 - [Jeremy] You're here. - I am. 1658 01:33:42,360 --> 01:33:44,200 You've done a job. We've done a thing. 1659 01:33:44,360 --> 01:33:46,600 We've done well. Conquered it. 1660 01:33:46,760 --> 01:33:48,920 The only drawback is, sorry to have to tell you, 1661 01:33:49,120 --> 01:33:55,080 that view, Lake Bled - isn't it, Hammond? - is unbelievable. 1662 01:33:55,240 --> 01:33:57,440 "View" doesn't cover it. It's like a feast... 1663 01:33:57,600 --> 01:34:00,760 He said his eyes have indigestion. 1664 01:34:00,960 --> 01:34:02,440 They couldn't consume any more of it. 1665 01:34:02,640 --> 01:34:07,600 I love a lake, but nothing rivals this. It's a shame you missed it. 1666 01:34:07,760 --> 01:34:09,800 - I'll see it in the morning. - Ah! 1667 01:34:10,320 --> 01:34:12,720 Mmh. A bit of a problem with that. 1668 01:34:12,920 --> 01:34:14,560 - We've had a text. - Mr Wilman? 1669 01:34:14,720 --> 01:34:15,520 [Richard] Yes. 1670 01:34:15,720 --> 01:34:19,400 The plane leaves tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock. 1671 01:34:19,840 --> 01:34:23,960 But it's about, in your car, two and a half hours away. 1672 01:34:24,160 --> 01:34:27,440 You need to leave a good hour when you check-in. 1673 01:34:27,600 --> 01:34:28,840 - So... - We've worked this out. 1674 01:34:29,000 --> 01:34:29,840 Have you? 1675 01:34:30,040 --> 01:34:33,320 - There's no more view to look at. - You have to leave at half past four. 1676 01:34:33,520 --> 01:34:36,720 - Really? - This is where it gets unfortunate. 1677 01:34:37,280 --> 01:34:39,640 - You've missed it this evening. - Yes. 1678 01:34:39,800 --> 01:34:41,120 - Because it's dark. - Yes. 1679 01:34:41,320 --> 01:34:44,120 But you'll miss it in the morning, it's even more dark. 1680 01:34:44,280 --> 01:34:46,880 So I'm going to go to bed. 1681 01:34:47,040 --> 01:34:50,040 That's a shame again because we had a delicious 1682 01:34:50,240 --> 01:34:52,600 - spaghetti bolognese. - That's fine. See you in the morning. 1683 01:34:52,760 --> 01:34:53,720 [Jeremy] See you... 1684 01:34:53,920 --> 01:34:56,800 - See you at the airport. - It'll be dark. 1685 01:34:57,000 --> 01:35:00,240 [Richard] I want to remind myself of this before we go. 1686 01:35:02,520 --> 01:35:04,400 [car engine starts] 1687 01:35:05,600 --> 01:35:09,280 [James] The next morning, I was on my way before the sun came up. 1688 01:35:11,360 --> 01:35:15,840 Come on, metal bastard. I've even got my Crosley T-shirt on. 1689 01:35:16,000 --> 01:35:17,080 Let's go. 1690 01:35:18,080 --> 01:35:21,280 I'd actually got up earlier than I needed to. 1691 01:35:21,680 --> 01:35:23,400 Because I wanted to leave 1692 01:35:23,760 --> 01:35:27,360 a present for the Smug Brothers who'd seen everything on this trip 1693 01:35:27,520 --> 01:35:29,680 while I'd seen nothing. 1694 01:35:31,280 --> 01:35:35,360 [gentle music] 1695 01:35:36,560 --> 01:35:38,440 [Jeremy] That has got to be May. 1696 01:35:38,640 --> 01:35:40,360 [Richard] That is next level! 1697 01:35:41,920 --> 01:35:43,320 [Richard] That is really... 1698 01:35:44,280 --> 01:35:45,560 Oh! 1699 01:35:45,720 --> 01:35:46,760 Oh, he's done me. 1700 01:35:47,200 --> 01:35:49,280 - [Jeremy] What? - He's done me as well. 1701 01:35:49,760 --> 01:35:52,200 Oh... he is evil. 1702 01:35:52,400 --> 01:35:56,440 He's also an idiot. I've got 2 spares on my front wings. 1703 01:35:57,440 --> 01:36:00,120 I'll have a wheel. It's a pickup. There's bound to be one. 1704 01:36:00,720 --> 01:36:01,760 Dammit! 1705 01:36:01,920 --> 01:36:05,000 These are fake. There are no wheels in them. 1706 01:36:06,520 --> 01:36:08,520 [Richard] What, your wheel things? 1707 01:36:08,720 --> 01:36:10,160 [Richard laughs] 1708 01:36:10,360 --> 01:36:12,200 Like your manifolds, there's no wheels in it. 1709 01:36:12,400 --> 01:36:14,200 [Jeremy] Where's your spare? 1710 01:36:15,320 --> 01:36:16,480 [Richard] I haven't got one. 1711 01:36:17,440 --> 01:36:19,600 Where's he bloody put them? 1712 01:36:20,280 --> 01:36:21,880 [Jeremy] We haven't got time for this. 1713 01:36:22,840 --> 01:36:24,840 [Jeremy] Then, we found them. 1714 01:36:25,440 --> 01:36:27,000 [Jeremy] Oh! 1715 01:36:27,200 --> 01:36:28,280 [Richard] Oh, my God! 1716 01:36:30,120 --> 01:36:33,680 [Jeremy] Worst still, powered craft are banned on Lake Bled, 1717 01:36:35,000 --> 01:36:40,480 so to get our wheels back we'd have to commandeer a rowing boat. 1718 01:36:44,040 --> 01:36:45,000 Oh [beep] hell! 1719 01:36:48,520 --> 01:36:50,440 [Richard] This is like Swallows and Amazons, only crap. 1720 01:36:50,600 --> 01:36:51,400 Right. 1721 01:36:53,520 --> 01:36:55,280 I'm facing the wrong way. 1722 01:36:55,720 --> 01:36:58,480 - I need directions, Hammond. - Er, yes. 1723 01:36:58,640 --> 01:37:01,440 [Richard] Right hand down. I don't know, I'm facing the other way. 1724 01:37:01,600 --> 01:37:03,520 - [Richard] Left hand down a bit. - [Jeremy] What? 1725 01:37:04,840 --> 01:37:06,920 [funky music] 1726 01:37:07,080 --> 01:37:08,760 [James] Welcome back. 1727 01:37:09,400 --> 01:37:12,120 I think I'm going to make it, if nothing goes wrong 1728 01:37:12,320 --> 01:37:14,200 with the fine car. 1729 01:37:14,680 --> 01:37:18,200 I am, I wish to remind you, in the lead. 1730 01:37:18,360 --> 01:37:23,560 724cc, 75 years old 1731 01:37:24,080 --> 01:37:27,440 and here I am... winning. 1732 01:37:29,680 --> 01:37:33,600 [Jeremy] Bullshit! I've gone in the swimming area. 1733 01:37:34,560 --> 01:37:37,200 [Jeremy] Having offloaded Hammond into the other boat, 1734 01:37:37,360 --> 01:37:41,120 we eventually reached the dock with our wheels. 1735 01:37:41,760 --> 01:37:44,960 - [Richard] We've wasted 45 minutes. - I'm aware of that. 1736 01:37:47,600 --> 01:37:50,160 [Richard] No, don't... I can't hold it at an angle. 1737 01:37:50,320 --> 01:37:52,240 [splashing] 1738 01:37:58,400 --> 01:38:00,760 Breaking, buffeting, weaving... 1739 01:38:00,920 --> 01:38:02,080 Thank you. 1740 01:38:02,960 --> 01:38:05,880 What a fine car this is, this fine car. 1741 01:38:07,080 --> 01:38:08,960 [Jeremy] Luckily for us, wheels float, 1742 01:38:09,160 --> 01:38:11,800 so, after a bit more faff... 1743 01:38:11,960 --> 01:38:12,760 [Richard] Go! 1744 01:38:13,560 --> 01:38:15,280 [Jeremy] ...we were finally on the road. 1745 01:38:18,120 --> 01:38:20,000 [bagpipes] 1746 01:38:20,200 --> 01:38:21,120 Bagpipes, 1747 01:38:21,320 --> 01:38:25,080 serious speed is called for. 6 litres of V8, 1748 01:38:25,280 --> 01:38:26,000 that'll get me there. 1749 01:38:27,280 --> 01:38:29,200 [Jeremy] Job 1: catch James May 1750 01:38:29,400 --> 01:38:32,840 and run him off the road. Job 2: catch the plane. 1751 01:38:33,920 --> 01:38:36,400 [tense music] 1752 01:38:37,680 --> 01:38:40,560 Temperature is constant, all pressure is good. 1753 01:38:40,760 --> 01:38:43,840 This car has only one remaining job. 1754 01:38:44,000 --> 01:38:48,240 With as many years on it, it just has to get me to the airport. That is all. 1755 01:38:50,920 --> 01:38:51,920 [engine roaring] 1756 01:38:52,360 --> 01:38:53,200 [Jeremy] Listen to that. 1757 01:38:53,400 --> 01:38:54,720 - [car revving] - Crisp power. 1758 01:38:55,400 --> 01:38:56,720 Yes! 1759 01:38:57,640 --> 01:38:59,320 [Richard] Right. I'm on the hunt. 1760 01:39:02,680 --> 01:39:03,720 [James] Up ahead, 1761 01:39:03,920 --> 01:39:07,000 I was now facing the Crosely's number 1 enemy: 1762 01:39:11,240 --> 01:39:12,640 a hill. 1763 01:39:13,800 --> 01:39:15,600 Oh, God! 1764 01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:18,320 I'm down to 15 mph. 1765 01:39:20,560 --> 01:39:21,840 Come on! 1766 01:39:22,040 --> 01:39:24,240 [suspenseful music] 1767 01:39:24,440 --> 01:39:25,840 [Richard] Roll it in. 1768 01:39:26,040 --> 01:39:28,440 [tyres screeching] 1769 01:39:32,200 --> 01:39:34,640 [Jeremy] Hauling him in through the corners. 1770 01:39:36,400 --> 01:39:37,840 [music continues] 1771 01:39:38,040 --> 01:39:39,240 [tyres screeching] 1772 01:39:41,680 --> 01:39:42,960 Ha! Look what I've found. 1773 01:39:45,120 --> 01:39:45,840 [James] Come on! 1774 01:39:46,040 --> 01:39:47,320 [bagpipes] 1775 01:39:49,360 --> 01:39:50,720 Sorry, mate. Gotta be done. 1776 01:39:53,480 --> 01:39:55,600 There we are. James May missed Jesus, 1777 01:39:55,760 --> 01:39:57,760 he missed the POW camp, 1778 01:39:57,920 --> 01:40:01,720 every single lunch and dinner on the entire road trip 1779 01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,520 and now he's going to miss the plane. 1780 01:40:05,800 --> 01:40:08,320 [Jeremy] And a mile or so later... 1781 01:40:09,640 --> 01:40:11,360 [Richard] Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 1782 01:40:12,080 --> 01:40:15,240 I've got the oil light on, temperature light on, 1783 01:40:15,880 --> 01:40:17,040 every light is on. 1784 01:40:19,680 --> 01:40:22,360 I'm overheating. 1785 01:40:23,400 --> 01:40:24,080 I'm sorry? 1786 01:40:24,280 --> 01:40:27,680 [Richard] I've got all sorts of lights coming on. I'll have to stop. 1787 01:40:28,960 --> 01:40:30,240 Oh, dear. 1788 01:40:31,680 --> 01:40:33,440 [engine revving] 1789 01:40:35,560 --> 01:40:37,400 [Jeremy] And then there was one. 1790 01:40:37,600 --> 01:40:39,360 [he laughs] 1791 01:40:43,880 --> 01:40:45,240 [James] Oh! 1792 01:40:45,880 --> 01:40:47,960 Having a spot of bother? 1793 01:40:50,000 --> 01:40:51,040 Oh! 1794 01:40:51,240 --> 01:40:53,800 Shouldn't rejoice, but hahaha! 1795 01:40:59,520 --> 01:41:00,560 [Richard] Oh, God! 1796 01:41:02,400 --> 01:41:06,600 I think the problem is... I don't think, I know what the problem is. 1797 01:41:06,760 --> 01:41:08,440 The electric fan hasn't been running. 1798 01:41:11,880 --> 01:41:14,920 [Jeremy] As it turned out, the airport was just a couple of miles 1799 01:41:15,080 --> 01:41:17,760 from where Hammond had broken down. 1800 01:41:18,280 --> 01:41:19,640 Here it is. Aerodrome. 1801 01:41:19,840 --> 01:41:22,360 [throbbing music] 1802 01:41:23,640 --> 01:41:28,680 I'll have their lunch, their drinks and then stretch out across their seats. 1803 01:41:30,360 --> 01:41:34,680 [Jeremy] However, Mr Wilman's plane was not what I was expecting. 1804 01:41:34,880 --> 01:41:37,640 [suspenseful music] 1805 01:41:42,120 --> 01:41:43,720 [Jeremy] That is... Jesus! 1806 01:41:44,440 --> 01:41:47,680 [Jeremy] And clearly, it was already taxiing. 1807 01:41:47,880 --> 01:41:49,040 Shit! 1808 01:41:49,800 --> 01:41:51,200 Look, the ramp's down. 1809 01:41:53,920 --> 01:41:55,720 The ramp is down. The ramp is down! 1810 01:41:55,920 --> 01:41:57,760 [action music] 1811 01:42:10,280 --> 01:42:11,440 A lot of jet wash. 1812 01:42:11,640 --> 01:42:12,880 Lots of jet wash. 1813 01:42:17,920 --> 01:42:19,600 I'm on! 1814 01:42:20,080 --> 01:42:21,400 I'm off again. 1815 01:42:22,680 --> 01:42:23,720 Go for second. 1816 01:42:27,840 --> 01:42:28,680 Come on! 1817 01:42:29,240 --> 01:42:30,880 Back wheels. 1818 01:42:31,080 --> 01:42:32,280 Jesus! 1819 01:42:35,160 --> 01:42:36,560 [tyres screeching] 1820 01:42:38,880 --> 01:42:39,840 Jeez! 1821 01:42:43,000 --> 01:42:45,200 Holy shit! Are you kidding? 1822 01:42:48,360 --> 01:42:51,160 [action music] 1823 01:42:54,400 --> 01:42:57,160 Come on, car. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 1824 01:43:02,360 --> 01:43:03,320 Go on! 1825 01:43:04,840 --> 01:43:05,760 Argh! 1826 01:43:07,000 --> 01:43:08,520 It's getting away. 1827 01:43:11,400 --> 01:43:12,200 Coming through! 1828 01:43:14,480 --> 01:43:15,640 [Richard] Aha! 1829 01:43:15,840 --> 01:43:17,000 You bastard! 1830 01:43:21,560 --> 01:43:23,880 That was a bit late. 1831 01:43:24,720 --> 01:43:26,200 [car engine revving] 1832 01:43:27,320 --> 01:43:28,640 [James] I've got to do it this time. 1833 01:43:30,680 --> 01:43:32,920 No, windscreen wipers. For God's sake! 1834 01:43:33,720 --> 01:43:34,520 [Richard] Here he comes. 1835 01:43:34,720 --> 01:43:35,880 Here he comes. 1836 01:43:39,200 --> 01:43:41,000 [James groans] 1837 01:43:41,200 --> 01:43:42,480 I can't do it. 1838 01:43:42,680 --> 01:43:45,000 Shoot me! Shoot me, Hammond! 1839 01:43:45,200 --> 01:43:46,360 Come on! 1840 01:43:48,120 --> 01:43:49,400 Here I come. 1841 01:43:53,800 --> 01:43:54,480 [James] Yeah! 1842 01:43:55,240 --> 01:43:56,480 [engine stops] 1843 01:43:57,360 --> 01:43:58,320 Dead? 1844 01:44:00,840 --> 01:44:02,880 It won't start. 1845 01:44:04,200 --> 01:44:05,000 Come on in, James. 1846 01:44:06,080 --> 01:44:09,880 - [James] It won't go. - [Jeremy] We can't take off like that. 1847 01:44:12,680 --> 01:44:13,480 Argh! 1848 01:44:14,360 --> 01:44:15,120 Ooh! 1849 01:44:15,520 --> 01:44:17,800 Oh, Jesus. Come on, car, you can do it. 1850 01:44:18,760 --> 01:44:21,480 [engine revving] 1851 01:44:21,680 --> 01:44:23,840 [epic music] 1852 01:44:26,960 --> 01:44:28,920 [Richard] Come on, James! 1853 01:44:29,120 --> 01:44:31,240 It's a good job the runway is 26 miles long. 1854 01:44:31,400 --> 01:44:32,480 I'm pleased about that. 1855 01:44:32,640 --> 01:44:34,640 It's longer than that one in Fast and Furious. 1856 01:44:34,800 --> 01:44:35,600 Much longer! 1857 01:44:35,800 --> 01:44:37,960 [epic music] 1858 01:44:40,400 --> 01:44:42,680 Buffeting. Buffeting. 1859 01:44:44,440 --> 01:44:45,720 Argh! 1860 01:44:46,600 --> 01:44:47,400 Yes! 1861 01:44:47,880 --> 01:44:49,720 [Richard] Oh, my Lord! 1862 01:44:49,920 --> 01:44:50,800 Wow. 1863 01:44:51,240 --> 01:44:54,040 - James May caught the plane! - Welcome aboard! 1864 01:44:55,040 --> 01:44:55,880 Thank you. 1865 01:44:56,080 --> 01:44:57,640 - We did it! - We all did it! 1866 01:44:57,800 --> 01:45:00,120 - We did a thing. - That was extraordinary. 1867 01:45:05,400 --> 01:45:06,560 [Richard] Err... 1868 01:45:12,880 --> 01:45:14,600 [Jeremy] Oh, God, I know what... 1869 01:45:15,360 --> 01:45:18,200 We've just driven on to an airplane that just landed. 1870 01:45:24,280 --> 01:45:25,880 - I've got a text. - What? 1871 01:45:26,040 --> 01:45:27,800 - It's from Mr Wilman. - [Jeremy] Mmh-mmh. 1872 01:45:27,960 --> 01:45:31,240 It says: "Do you want coffees? I'm at the BA check-in." 1873 01:45:33,960 --> 01:45:35,800 - It's in there, isn't it? - There. 1874 01:45:38,440 --> 01:45:41,520 So everything we just did was nothing to do with this trip? 1875 01:45:41,680 --> 01:45:42,480 No, it wasn't. 1876 01:45:42,680 --> 01:45:44,840 And on that terrible disappointment, 1877 01:45:45,000 --> 01:45:47,360 it's time to end. Thank you so much for watching. 1878 01:45:47,520 --> 01:45:48,600 See you next time. 1879 01:45:50,120 --> 01:45:52,440 - [Richard] Somebody's going to be cross. - [Jeremy] Yeah. 1880 01:45:54,040 --> 01:45:56,480 [upbeat music]