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00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,880
Hello and welcome
to our last-ever Grand Tour.
2
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,920
Because this is the last time that James,
Richard and I will ever work together,
3
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,200
Mr Wilman said
we should do something important.
4
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,360
He said we should each buy
a medium-sized electric car
5
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,400
and then see how many laps
of the M25 we could do in it
6
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,320
on one charge.
7
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,840
And we decided to ignore him
and come here.
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Yep.
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So, welcome, everyone, to Zimbabwe.
10
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,320
And we won't be driving
crummy electric cars either.
11
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,680
Instead, the three of us
decided that we would simply buy
12
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,480
things we've always wanted.
13
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And that's why I bought this.
14
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It's a Triumph Stag.
15
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I've always loved the Stag.
I've loved it since I was a small boy.
16
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But I never actually
thought I'd own one.
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To be honest,
I didn't think I was allowed to own one.
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Only people like David Niven
could own a Stag.
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I'd never even driven one,
in accordance with the rule
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that you should never meet your hero.
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But now I have, I'm delighted to say,
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it's absolutely lovely.
23
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Oh yeah.
24
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,120
At this point, Lewis Collins arrived.
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Oh yeah!
26
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:13,680
Yep.
27
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I am now the proud owner
of a three-litre Mark One Ford Capri.
28
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Is it a GT?
29
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No, GXL.
30
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,800
- Why didn't you get a GT?
- 'Cause this is better.
31
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,240
Not really.
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00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,480
Before I had a chance
to argue, Clarkson arrived,
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00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,760
having already made a mistake.
34
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:41,880
What do you think of that?
35
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,040
Why have you bought a Lancia?
36
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,200
Because!
37
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Twenty or so years ago,
I used one to drive across Botswana,
38
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and proved
it was the ideal car for Africa.
39
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But it broke down all the time.
40
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Yes, it did.
41
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,320
But, that was front-engined.
42
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,200
This, mid-engined. It's a Montecarlo.
43
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,320
And I've made several modifications
to suit the conditions.
44
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Let me talk you through them, if I may.
45
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,640
At the back here,
46
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308 Ferrari tail lights.
47
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,840
They look good.
48
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,720
- Quad tail pipes.
- Nice.
49
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,080
Delta Integrale wheels.
50
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,360
Delta Integrale headlamps and grill.
51
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,200
And then, Lotus Blue paintwork.
52
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Wow. Does any of that
make it more reliable?
53
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,480
And you know we've
been doing this for...
54
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:30,640
112 years.
55
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,320
Yeah, 112 years.
I've learned a few lessons.
56
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So, inside,
57
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I have replaced the leather seats,
which get hot, with cloth seats.
58
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,480
Yes.
59
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,040
And a sort
of Alcantara racing steering wheel.
60
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,120
And, if you look down there,
61
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,120
I've removed the glove box
and replaced it with...
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00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,920
- Is that a fridge?
- Yes.
63
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,640
For my cold beverages.
For my zesty drink fridge.
64
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,240
- Wow.
- That is actually quite good.
65
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,640
Does any of that make it more reliable?
66
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,200
No, but I'll be more comfortable.
67
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,360
You will have a cold drink
whilst you wait at the side of the road.
68
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,600
It makes the many breakdowns
more bearable.
69
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,360
- No, it's pretty.
- It is absolutely breathtaking.
70
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,360
It's beautiful.
71
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,360
I've modified my Capri too,
before shipping it here.
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00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,920
- Have you?
- I've painted the bonnet black.
73
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,320
Because, look at it, it's beautiful.
74
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,880
- Is it a GT?
- No, GXL.
75
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,720
- Why didn't you get a GT?
- 'Cause this is better.
76
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,720
- It isn't.
- Well, it is. It's like a GT,
77
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,000
which is good,
but with more, which is better.
78
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,920
- Mm-hmm.
- What?
79
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,560
I remember that from the GXL
80
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,320
'cause they had put
the wood-look dashboard in it.
81
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:39,800
Correct.
82
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,160
- We've discussed this in the past.
- We have.
83
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,680
The GT is for sport,
the GXL is for meetings.
84
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,880
This is exactly right. You need
to understand your Ford-badge hierarchy.
85
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:51,200
My dad had a GXL Cortina
because he was a managing director.
86
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,200
My dad had a GXL Cortina.
87
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,280
- Both of your...
- Manager?
88
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,600
- Yeah.
- Both of your dads, powerful,
89
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,720
influential men who picked
from the very top of the tree.
90
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:58,880
And you know...
91
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,200
You know how
it's almost become a running joke,
92
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,920
my stereo has never worked...
93
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:03,920
Yeah.
94
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,680
On any one of these trips
we've done. Well, this time, it does.
95
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,880
Bear with. Wait for the lyrics.
96
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,680
I used to be a DJ, I can do this.
Here they come. Now.
97
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,200
♪ Mark One Ford Capri ♪
98
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,840
"Mark One Ford Capri." Voilà.
99
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,040
♪ It's got everything I need ♪
100
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,160
"Got everything I need."
Which it has because it's a GXL.
101
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,440
- I do like a Capri.
- You've got to, it's the law.
102
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,040
Everybody likes a Capri.
103
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,600
- Modifications, James, to your Stag?
- None.
104
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,400
- What?
- None whatsoever.
105
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,520
- Why would you?
- Wait a minute.
106
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,960
You're not telling me
it's still got the original engine?
107
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:40,920
It has.
108
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,040
Mr Clarkson raises a good point there!
109
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,600
It's not every single Stag,
110
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:50,000
but most Stags, I would guess,
have had the original engine taken out
111
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,400
and the Rover V8 put in.
112
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,720
- Yes.
- Which is more reliable.
113
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,160
Yeah. The original Triumph Stag V8
is incredible
114
00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,720
because it's found
so many ways of overheating
115
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,920
and destroying itself,
'cause it's not just one.
116
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:07,120
Casting sand left in the blocks fills
the galleyways and then, bang, overheats.
117
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:11,080
They overbored it. They bored it out
which made all the waterways smaller.
118
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,760
- So it overheats and goes back.
- Yeah. That's two ways.
119
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,040
The clever thing is,
two banks of cylinders.
120
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,000
Yeah.
121
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,880
They only put a temperature sender
on one bank.
122
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,840
So at least you don't know
when it's overheating.
123
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,040
So if the other bank overheated,
the first you'd know of it was the bang.
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00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,360
- If you're on an aeroplane.
- Yeah.
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00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,800
Being piloted directly
at some mountains.
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00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,720
- Would you want to know?
- Actually, probably not.
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00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:31,920
Why would you wanna know?
128
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,960
You're having your gin and tonic,
watching a movie, having a nice time...
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00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,520
Boom. Nothing...
130
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:41,640
I don't wanna raise that submarine,
'cause that's sick. They didn't know!
131
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,440
At least it's the last programme
we'll ever do!
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00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,280
- Well, I mean...
- We don't give a anymore!
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00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,720
How much solace did we take
from the fact that they didn't know?
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00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,960
It was, "Oh, we're having a nice time
under the sea..." Boom.
135
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:50,920
Yeah, exactly.
136
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,880
You can write, call us,
by all means, to complain.
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00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,200
But you'll get a recorded
message saying:
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00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,640
"We are not interested in your call."
139
00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,120
Or simply dial 0800 Bugger Off.
140
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,240
"We're not here anymore!"
141
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,440
We're not even there!
142
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,080
We can say whatever we want.
143
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,080
How do you open the bonnet on this?
144
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,280
- Round this side.
- Look at the wear on that handle.
145
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,520
It's worn the badge off
with the picture of a bonnet over it.
146
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,960
- Pull it from the middle.
- Shit, it is the original Triumph engine.
147
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,880
That's a rarity.
148
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,560
Ladies and gentlemen, come and look.
It's the last time you're gonna see that.
149
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,160
Original but still shit.
150
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,000
Oh wait, a text.
151
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,480
- Oh, Mr Wilman.
- Oh.
152
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:31,760
Oh, Lord.
153
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:41,160
"Now that you've charged your electric
cars, report to South Mimms Services."
154
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:43,760
He doesn't know we're here.
155
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,040
He doesn't, no, he doesn't!
156
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,120
And it doesn't matter anyway,
because, actually,
157
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,200
we've already worked out
a challenge on our own.
158
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,640
We are currently
on the far eastern side of Zimbabwe,
159
00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:02,280
and we're gonna travel
1,200 miles to the far western side.
160
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,080
And that's it.
161
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:05,840
That's it!
162
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,480
- Just one thing still concerns me.
- What?
163
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,040
Mountains? All that.
164
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,640
Well, I'm not worried because,
let's not forget,
165
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,120
this spawned the 037 Lancia,
166
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,120
which was the last two-wheel-drive car
to win the World Rally Championship,
167
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,600
beating the Audi Quattro.
168
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,440
There wasn't a lot of that in it,
was there?
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00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:23,760
Well...
170
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,640
What they actually did was
they said we can make this the basis
171
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,880
of a fantastic rally car
with a few modifications,
172
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,640
and they cut the badge off there,
173
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,000
and then everything
from there backwards was new.
174
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:39,320
With no further ado, we
fired up our fifty-year-old sports cars
175
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,960
and set off to cross
the rugged heart of Africa.
176
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,640
So, for the last time...
177
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:00,960
here we go.
178
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,840
This is the perfect car
for me to take on this trip.
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00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,440
My first car was nearly a Capri.
180
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,960
It was advertised in the local paper.
181
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,640
I kept the picture
of it next to the till
182
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,120
in the petrol station
where I worked in Ripon.
183
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,040
I was just coming on 18.
184
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,600
It was gonna be my first car.
My parents were buying it for me.
185
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,640
But when we inspected it,
186
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,720
it turned out to have been stolen.
187
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,280
So I got
an old 1976 Toyota Corolla instead.
188
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,000
For a trip like this,
this car is perfect. It's light.
189
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,720
It's just a shade over a metric ton.
190
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,720
Plenty of grunt and power.
191
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,360
Three-litre Essex V6 up front.
Rear-wheel drive.
192
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,280
Brakes. Pft... That's it!
193
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:18,560
I love that the rev counter
says 1,000, 2,000, 3,000.
194
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,960
It doesn't work, but if it did,
you'd see it indicated in thousands.
195
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,640
'Cause that sounds better.
196
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:43,040
Back in the 80s, I never used to drive
into Central London on the M4 motorway.
197
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:47,600
I always used
the old Great West Road instead,
198
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,640
because on the Great West Road,
199
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,960
there was a car dealership
called the Chequered Flag
200
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,640
and sometimes in the window,
they'd have a Montecarlo.
201
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:02,000
And if there was one,
I'd pull over and stare at it,
202
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,520
for hours, dreaming.
203
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,760
And now I'm in one.
204
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,120
And it's mine.
205
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,280
It's mine!
206
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,720
As for me, I had just one thing to say.
207
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,200
Triumph Stag.
208
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,440
Holy Moly, look at that view!
209
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,400
I don't know what it is but something
210
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,640
is making we want a cup of tea.
211
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:53,440
What...
212
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,000
What's that about?
213
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,000
Oh, you're joking.
214
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,880
Chaps? No other way
to put this, I'm breaking down.
215
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,360
I'm sorry?
216
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,320
- Oh.
- Well, this is exciting.
217
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,880
It's extraordinary because the Capri
has the same number of moving parts
218
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,840
as this bottle of water.
219
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,040
How can you possibly
break down in a Capri?
220
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,600
- Oh, I know what that is.
- What?
221
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:25,840
The engine's not working.
222
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,240
- I think it's the engine as well.
- Yeah.
223
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,640
- And we're experts.
- Mine was the first bonnet to go up.
224
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,200
- What would we do in this situation?
- Well, let's think.
225
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,680
What would we normally do?
226
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:37,720
Lean on the car.
227
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,040
- That's very hot.
- Just for once.
228
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,840
Shall we change
the habit of a lifetime?
229
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,080
- Yeah.
- And help him.
230
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,080
Yes, for once.
231
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,840
I'm gonna say... no.
232
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,440
Bye!
233
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,600
Still a bastard, after all these years.
234
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:03,560
Right, 15 miles we've done,
and we're down to two men.
235
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,960
Oh! One thing.
236
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:12,440
It's not just the Ford
that has its own music.
237
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,040
This does as well.
238
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,840
Time, I think, to treat myself
to a little bit of Struggle Jennings
239
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,120
and "Monte Carlo". Here we go.
240
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,440
♪ Some young souls on a lonely road ♪
241
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:29,280
♪ Had no fathers to follow ♪
242
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,680
♪ Monte Carlo ♪
243
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,440
♪ Monte Carlo ♪
244
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,200
A few miles later, though,
245
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,600
a new instrument joined in
with the rhythm section,
246
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,040
and it wasn't very rhythmical.
247
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,480
A little misfire there.
248
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,120
Misfire.
249
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,280
Misfire. Misfire. Cows.
250
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,240
This is just shit.
251
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,840
There's a big puff
of smoke coming from your car now.
252
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,760
Oh, Christ Almighty.
253
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:20,880
Yeah...
254
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,800
Smoke, fire.
255
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:26,640
It's the engine.
256
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,680
Yeah. Hmm...
257
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:29,640
Yeah.
258
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,440
I'd love to help, but I don't know much
259
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:37,120
about the Italian Twin-Cam engines,
and mine is working perfectly.
260
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,960
If you break down
who's gonna leave you behind?
261
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,520
Well, that's my biggest worry.
I'll have to leave myself behind.
262
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,080
Temperatures and pressures good.
263
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:04,480
Only one car is still going,
a full 32 miles into the journey.
264
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,840
Stag.
265
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,320
Several miles back,
266
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:14,960
I'd managed to work out that
the Capri's issue was the fuel pump.
267
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,320
Slight problem here.
268
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,720
I've never seen inside
one of these when it is working
269
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,320
to know how it should look and how
it should compare with when it isn't.
270
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,640
Meanwhile, I had deployed my genius
271
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,000
and already worked out
how to solve the Lancia's problem.
272
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,640
This thing on the end was loose.
273
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,440
If I tighten that up,
274
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:48,480
that'll spark properly
and the misfire will go away,
275
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,760
and the unburnt fuel
will stop getting into the exhaust pipe
276
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,600
and catching fire
and setting fire to my Lancia.
277
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,000
A ticking sound. What's that ticking?
278
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,080
Ow!
279
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,880
As I am used
to being electrocuted these days,
280
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,440
I used my genius again,
281
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,000
replaced the HT leads...
282
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,080
And soon, I was underway.
283
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,640
Oh! She purrs like a kitten.
284
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:32,760
Oh yes.
285
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:43,520
I set off in pursuit of James,
not sure which was more surprising,
286
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,960
the quality of the road
or the endlessly changing scenery.
287
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,000
These are pine trees!
288
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,520
In Africa.
289
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,560
We were literally on a tea plantation
290
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,920
and now there are pine trees.
291
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,200
If someone beamed
me into there and said,
292
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,680
"Where are you in the world?"
you'd say Scotland.
293
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,560
By the time I caught up with James...
294
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,320
James May!
295
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,000
He was
in the foothills of the mountains,
296
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,320
where the lovely road
soon became a dirt track.
297
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,920
Well, I knew that was too good to last.
298
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,520
Dust, dust.
299
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:34,880
Agh!
300
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,040
My mouth is filling with dust.
301
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,560
But then I remembered
that for the first time ever,
302
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,560
we were in control of our destiny.
303
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:50,320
Stop. Stop whenever we want.
Mr Wilman's not here. Brilliant.
304
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,280
No point driving beyond...
Well, it's four o'clock now.
305
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,560
A few miles later,
we saw a sign to some lodgings,
306
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,720
dropped Hammond a pin,
307
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,440
and decided to knock off for the day.
308
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,800
I don't imagine this'll be
the best hotel in the world.
309
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,080
I mean, we are in the
middle of Zimbabwe,
310
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,200
in the middle of a forest
on top of a mountain.
311
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,560
But, you know...
312
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,200
Thankfully, I was wrong.
313
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,160
Very wrong.
314
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,280
It's even
a perfect temperature, isn't it?
315
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,480
Hmm...
316
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,320
- It's pretty special, isn't it?
- It's not bad.
317
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,480
You see those mountains there,
the far ones? They're Mozambique.
318
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,920
There was always a reason
why we couldn't come to Zimbabwe.
319
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,800
All those years we were at the BBC,
320
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,880
you couldn't come here
because the BBC was banned.
321
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,080
Yeah.
322
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,680
'Cause if you think about today,
we got up in a very agreeable place.
323
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,080
- Mm-hmm.
- Drove on a very agreeable road.
324
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,520
- Yep.
- To a very agreeable hotel.
325
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,800
It's better than Mr Wilman's idea,
isn't it?
326
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,320
Why have we listened to him
all these years?
327
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,480
I don't know.
328
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,320
Although he will argue that,
without his presence,
329
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,240
two of the cars went wrong
within the first 25 miles.
330
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,560
That, then, got us nattering
about our cars' stats.
331
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,040
I was quite surprised how much we paid.
332
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,080
You paid, James May,
as I'm sure you know, 26,500 pounds.
333
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,320
I did.
334
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:25,320
Richard Hammond, for his GXL,
the wrong Capri, 25,000 pounds.
335
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,560
- Really?
- 25 for a GXL.
336
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,920
For a knackered Capri?
337
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,440
- Montecarlo.
- Mm-hmm?
338
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,560
79,050.
339
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,320
- Bargain.
- That is a bargain.
340
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,440
Ours are 0 to 60,
in give or take nine seconds.
341
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,400
Hammond's, give or take eight seconds.
342
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,880
- Well, not at the moment.
- No.
343
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,760
Happily, I was now on the move.
344
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,560
But on the dirt road,
I was starting to worry
345
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,280
that the Capri
hadn't been the wisest choice.
346
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,000
♪ Mark One for Capri ♪
347
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,040
Ah!
348
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,800
That was a bit groundy-outy.
349
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,280
With hindsight,
350
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,400
I should have gone for something
with better ground clearance
351
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:12,920
than a 1974 three-litre
Ford Capri Mark One GXL.
352
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,240
And that would include pretty
much anything, as it turns out.
353
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,800
I think it's time for me
to just clear the windscreen a bit.
354
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,240
Oh. Oh no, that... Oh.
355
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,200
Ow!
356
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,960
Oh.
357
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,720
Er, I've just removed my exhaust.
358
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,760
And there is literally
nothing I can do about that right now.
359
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,920
Predictably, when I finally arrived,
360
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,920
my colleagues
were brimming with sympathy.
361
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,720
We stopped work at four o'clock.
362
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,120
- Did you?
- Yes.
363
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,720
In the sunshine, at four o'clock.
It was quite warm then. Less so now.
364
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,320
- We've had eight of these.
- Yeah. Can I have one of those?
365
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,680
- They've just run out.
- Have they?
366
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:08,840
- It's incredible.
- Right.
367
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,680
He's gone to the shops.
Unfortunately, they're 30 miles away.
368
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,960
After not having a beer...
369
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,200
Hammond ruined the nocturnal
African soundtrack...
370
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:24,160
Ooh!
371
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,120
By noisily sorting out his exhaust.
372
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,000
And the next morning,
373
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:43,280
James ruined the dawn chorus
by turning into Mrs Overall.
374
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,600
- Morning.
- Morning.
375
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,200
Erm, how empty does your mind
have to be for you to think
376
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,560
"I could look at the view
and listen to the birdsong
377
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,080
but instead I'm going to vacuum my car"?
378
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,840
I've been up for four hours, looked at
the view and listened to the birdsong,
379
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,320
and now I've made
this thing of beauty more beautiful.
380
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,280
Ooh, hang on, sorry.
381
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:06,920
Guess what?
382
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,200
- A text from Mr Wilman.
- Go on.
383
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,280
Ooh, he's cross.
384
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,840
- Has he rumbled us?
- I think so.
385
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:20,120
"Right. I've just found out you've taken
three classic cars to Zimbabwe.
386
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,240
And as it's fairly certain
one of them will break down..."
387
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,280
- Oh dear.
- Yep.
388
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,560
"I've asked my local contacts
to send you a backup car."
389
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:31,360
Really?
390
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,600
Gotta be.
391
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,160
Oh...
392
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,720
Oh, God.
393
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,040
Oh!
394
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,440
Oh, shit!
395
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,240
It's awful!
396
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,400
Is it?
I haven't seen one for years, actually.
397
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,560
- It is...
- It's a vase.
398
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,080
Oh, I forgot about the vase.
399
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,600
You're supposed to put a little flower
in it because you're a hippie.
400
00:23:56,360 --> 00:24:00,080
Well, I'll tell you what. You know that
village just coming five miles back?
401
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,320
- Yeah?
- Why don't I take this into the village
402
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,000
and I'll sell it or give it away?
I'll get rid of it.
403
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:04,960
Yes, get rid.
404
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,480
Do you want something
to put over your head?
405
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,840
It's the definition of hateful.
406
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:17,520
Just round the corner,
though, things went terribly wrong.
407
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,360
Hammond, I am in a
right old pickle here.
408
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,000
What's happened?
409
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,240
I've had the most
extraordinary accident, okay?
410
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,600
I lost it, and I've ended up here
on this cliff edge.
411
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,800
- Look.
- Oh yeah.
412
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,960
And it gets worse.
A brick is now on the accelerator,
413
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,880
the engine's screaming away,
it's in gear,
414
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,200
it's in first,
415
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,280
and there's a broom handle
holding the clutch pedal down
416
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,320
'cause it's wedged against the seat.
417
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:51,680
Wait, so everything's okay?
418
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,880
Well, yes. Except, somehow,
God knows where it came from,
419
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,320
a bit of rope
has attached itself at one end
420
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,600
to the broom handle
and at the other end to that dog.
421
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,040
Jesus!
422
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,120
Now, at the moment,
the situation is stable.
423
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:10,560
But, over there,
424
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,600
as you can see,
James May is opening a tin of dog food.
425
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,960
Now, if the dog sees that,
426
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,200
we're in a world of trouble.
427
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:22,160
And I just don't know what to do.
428
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,240
I can't think of a solution.
429
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,000
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I've got a plan.
430
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,640
No, it won't work.
431
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,320
Have you got anything?
432
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,240
I've got nothing.
433
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,840
Don't notice James May.
Don't notice James. Look at me.
434
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,600
No, don't. Look at me.
435
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:51,880
Oh no!
436
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,440
It's still going, isn't it?
437
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,000
It's still going!
438
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:43,720
I think it's finished.
439
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,560
That's quite a big accident.
440
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,440
Well, look at it this way.
At least Mr Wilman now has his trailer.
441
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,400
We didn't need
Mr Wilman's wretched backup car anyway,
442
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,160
because we'd brought our own.
443
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:05,840
And here it is,
a Rover SD1 Vanden Plas EFi.
444
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,680
190 horsepower of golden glory.
445
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,760
It is golden glory.
And it's golden glory everywhere.
446
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,240
Oh it is, yes.
447
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,760
Whoever resprayed this
did a magnificent job.
448
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,280
- Yeah.
- He didn't just spray the body.
449
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,640
- Even the aerial there.
- I have covered this car.
450
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,480
But it is still magnificent.
451
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,560
It's the only time we've had
a backup car that we'd like to be in.
452
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,680
We all like it.
My grandfather had one of these.
453
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,240
My dad had one. Two, in fact.
454
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,680
There was one of them in one drive
on a suburban street in Birmingham.
455
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,440
And we would go silent
as we walked past it out of respect.
456
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,880
And, the really good thing is,
from your point of view,
457
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,840
the engine from this,
458
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,680
as we know because almost every Stag
owner in the world has already done it,
459
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,720
fits perfectly into your car.
460
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,600
Can I suggest a modification that
you and I, Jeremy, make to this car?
461
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:52,600
Mm-hmm?
462
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,360
A little padlock on the bonnet.
463
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,600
Just so that... We'll have the key.
464
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,560
When you need the engine,
which you will, ask.
465
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,160
Or we could find the man
who did this bit of welding.
466
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:02,560
- It's beautiful.
- Ooh, that's good.
467
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,360
And weld the bonnet shut.
468
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,520
Actually, that's probably the factory.
469
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,120
Yeah, probably
how it came out of Longbridge!
470
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,200
"I think I'll finish that now, hey."
471
00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:12,920
"You can't see it. Look. Gone."
472
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,600
With Golden Glory taking up the rear,
473
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:23,640
we set off west once more
in our quest to get over the mountains.
474
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,560
Hey, look at this.
These are road-repair people
475
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,800
but they're having an impromptu
sort of dance-club thing.
476
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,960
I wish road workers
back at home did that.
477
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,080
But I suppose they'd have to be
there to start with, wouldn't they?
478
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,520
It's going down a bit now.
479
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,920
Having done a bit of paddling,
we started to climb.
480
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:09,040
And the incredible
Zimbabwean landscape changed once again.
481
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,440
Look at that, meadows. You expect
to see cows with bells on them.
482
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:18,760
And Julie Andrews, giving it
"Doe A Deer" and all the rest of it.
483
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,640
So we've done tea plantation
484
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,600
and now we're in Austria.
485
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,160
Then, it changed again.
486
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,840
What? Hold on a minute.
487
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,080
To my right,
488
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,920
the most spectacular valley
I've ever seen in my life.
489
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,480
To my left...
490
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:47,800
Ireland.
491
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,040
I know what happened.
492
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,560
God had done
all the other countries in the world
493
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,880
and he'd got to the end of the alphabet,
he got to Z,
494
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,840
he got to Zimbabwe,
495
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:07,640
and he thought,
right, this is gonna be my best work,
496
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,360
this is gonna be my greatest hits.
497
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,960
You've got "Your Song",
"Tiny Dancer", "Bennie and the Jets".
498
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:17,800
It's stunning.
499
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,920
And it just changes all the time.
500
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:30,000
Sadly, in my low-slung Capri,
I couldn't look at the view
501
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,120
because I was too busy
looking at the road surface.
502
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,960
They didn't drive Capris this way
in The Professionals, as I recall.
503
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:47,920
It was all a bit more lively.
504
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:55,040
I'm enjoying this. It's fun.
You know, it's what I wanna do.
505
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:56,920
Oh my God, look at that one.
506
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,960
I was suffering
none of Hammond's problems
507
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,240
because my little Lancia
had been a sensible choice.
508
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:15,560
This really is the ideal car
for rough-road African exploration
509
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,440
because the engine is behind me,
510
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,800
so there's no prop shaft,
there are no exhausts,
511
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,640
there's nothing
to snag on the road surface.
512
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,640
I could therefore push on
at a respectable lick...
513
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,960
until something
did snag on the road surface.
514
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,360
Oh. F... hell.
515
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,040
That was a big one.
516
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,040
What is that?
517
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,120
These are bits of Lancia. Oh, joy!
518
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,400
Thank you, thank you. I needed that.
519
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,120
I do need that. Thank you.
520
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:14,480
Oh...
521
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,400
Do you not want us to go down the front?
522
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:17,880
No, there's nothing to see
at the front of my car.
523
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,520
Because there's no front of your car!
524
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,440
But this is all I need.
525
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,080
With a bit of superglue.
'Cause we're tenting tonight.
526
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:28,480
Nothing to do when you're tenting
other than glue your car back together.
527
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,040
We continued onwards.
528
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,360
Oh, God.
529
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,480
Wow, that was a thumb breaker.
530
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:43,440
And then, once again,
we stopped continuing onwards.
531
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:45,400
Oh.
532
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,160
Oh no.
533
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,920
I think my exhaust has come off again.
534
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,600
Having a spot of bother, sir?
535
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,040
That is an extended exhaust system.
536
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,400
Very low. You'll catch that
on the ground if you're not careful.
537
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,360
Why can't you just drive up the road
like the rest of us are?
538
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,720
I can't drive with it like that.
I need to remove it.
539
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,080
Have you played your Capri
music, would that cheer you up?
540
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,240
♪ Ba, ba, Ford Capri ♪
541
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,520
"It's got everything I need
except the exhaust pipe."
542
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,040
I need, I'm gonna say, a 11 mm spanner.
543
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,240
Oh, now, hang on.
544
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,240
I've got some antibiotics,
545
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:29,760
for something I don't have any more.
546
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,560
- I don't think...
- I've got this, Hammond.
547
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,720
- Bernie Taupin's autobiography.
- I've heard that's really good.
548
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,480
Very good. I'm reading it.
Would that help you?
549
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,720
I don't think
it would actually help, no.
550
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,720
I'm gonna say, again, 11 mm spanner.
551
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:46,920
What's particularly irritating is
552
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,000
this car was in brilliant condition
when I bought it.
553
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:51,720
- Yes!
- I mean, genuinely.
554
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,920
So was that Rimac.
555
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,320
Low blow. Very good.
556
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,360
That was a bit harsh!
But I can't deny it's true.
557
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,600
It was, yeah, until then.
558
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,640
Eager to reach the top
of the mountain before nightfall,
559
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,760
we left our colleague behind.
560
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,160
Honestly, if Richard Hammond
was a block of flats, he'd be condemned.
561
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,280
Mother! Come on!
562
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:26,520
Further ahead,
the climb was starting to get so tough
563
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,080
you'd think twice
about taking a Land Rover up it,
564
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,920
leave alone a brittle
Italian sports car.
565
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,920
Oh, God, bloody stone there.
566
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:42,680
We started at 6,000 feet.
We must be pushing 7,000 or 8,000 now.
567
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:49,000
Agh! I can't even get it into second.
It's so steep.
568
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:56,280
I mean, the fact of the matter is,
if you drive relentlessly uphill
569
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,840
in first gear
570
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,320
at the beginning of the African summer,
571
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,800
a car is likely to overheat.
And it is...
572
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,000
Oh my God.
573
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,600
Right. Erm, I fixed it.
574
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,600
Well, when I say "fixed",
quite a lot of it...
575
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,400
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry...
576
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,000
We're back on the road now, Essex.
577
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,760
Let's go.
578
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:34,880
Ooh.
579
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,760
Get you to camp this evening.
580
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,640
We can have
a nice old session putting you right.
581
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:42,640
Oof!
582
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,400
Whilst Hammond
was missing another sunset,
583
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:52,800
James and I reached the summit
of the mountain and decided, yet again,
584
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,000
that we'd had enough for the day.
585
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:57,640
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
586
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,880
Oh. That's nice.
587
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,160
And after enjoying
a refreshing golden-hour beer,
588
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,000
I set about reassembling
the Lancia's face.
589
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,120
This is like watching a dog
try to learn a card trick.
590
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:23,760
A little bit of glue
and this is literally as good as new.
591
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,520
By the time
Hammond reached our campsite,
592
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,160
it was completely dark.
593
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,480
Oh... Right.
594
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,600
This is the most woeful arrival!
595
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,280
22 years. You'd think
we'd know how to do it. But no.
596
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:49,640
Here he comes.
597
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,800
With one and a half headlamps!
598
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,320
Essex is here!
599
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,840
Hammond, however,
wasn't the only one having problems.
600
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,280
Were you having a nice moment?
601
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,200
Well, no, I'm not having
a very nice moment.
602
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:04,960
No, he's glued his finger to the table.
603
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,600
I've glued myself
to the table with superglue.
604
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:08,560
Yeah?
605
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:09,960
How do you drive a Lancia Montecarlo
606
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:11,480
when you've got a table glued
to your finger?
607
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:12,960
Are you going to glue... Oh, I see!
608
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,080
You could slide a razor blade
609
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,280
between your finger and the table.
It's a bit risky.
610
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:18,760
- Can you?
- Yeah.
611
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,880
But very carefully.
Would you like me to do it for you?
612
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,000
James, he's glued the tip of his finger.
613
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,280
No, my fingerprint.
614
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,080
Well, it's the sort of pad.
615
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,440
So if you cut it at the first joint...
616
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,280
- Thank you, Hammond.
- Have I misunderstood?
617
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,480
Then we could graft a biro onto it.
618
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,560
- Lovely.
- Then he'd always have a pen.
619
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,640
Or a bottle opener!
620
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,520
I'm not listening to you.
621
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,880
Replace it with a corkscrew!
622
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:44,960
Opener o'nuckle.
623
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,160
"Oh, brilliant."
624
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,600
Doink.
625
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,360
This is the first time I've ever glued
anything to anything, ever.
626
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,800
I'll get this off.
Can we just cut, please?
627
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,480
- Yeah, I can cut.
- Ooh. Interesting.
628
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,360
- I can cut.
- Give me that. Give me that.
629
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,080
It's Mark Sowerman's new knife.
He's very, very proud of it.
630
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,040
- Yes, I'm not interested.
- It's incredibly sharp.
631
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:06,000
Good.
632
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:07,800
How sharp is... Ooh.
633
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,200
Yes, it's... "Ooh", it is.
634
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,080
- Ah, but look how much...
- Ah-ha, this is working!
635
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,520
Do we look like one of those Dutch
paintings with businessmen in big hats?
636
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,200
It's working. It's working.
637
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:21,760
- Look.
- This is in the trailer.
638
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:22,840
Definitely.
639
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,640
- Look at that!
- Yes! There you go!
640
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:27,360
A grown man unglued his finger
from the table.
641
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,480
Mark?
I've glued your knife to the table.
642
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:46,520
The next morning, after
a terrible and cold night under canvas,
643
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:50,600
I proudly showed off my workmanship.
644
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,680
Look how well a job I've done there.
645
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:57,080
I thought you'd got
a new part from a shop.
646
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,680
- Where is the repair?
- The brackets that hold it on.
647
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,160
- Yes?
- They're brok-ed.
648
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:06,360
So I need to find some place
where I can buy
649
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:10,400
basically new brackets and bolts and
things to get it fastened back on again.
650
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,320
I feel I ought to apologise, viewers,
for having a slightly boring car.
651
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,200
The others spend their evenings,
you know, putting exhaust pipes back on,
652
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,040
making a jigsaw puzzle
out of a front bumper.
653
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,480
All I can really do
is give mine a bit of a clean.
654
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,480
Still,
at least we were now going downhill.
655
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:46,320
And soon, things got even better.
656
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,080
Oh yes.
657
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,120
Look at this.
658
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,640
Look at it.
659
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,040
Oh!
660
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,280
There is a God.
661
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,360
And God has provided tarmac.
662
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,400
It's good 'cause now we're on a road
we can actually look at...
663
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,960
Why did my windscreen wipers go on then?
664
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:15,280
What this meant is
we'd crossed the Irish Alps
665
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,080
and entered actual Africa.
666
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,360
It's completely changed again,
the terrain.
667
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:27,640
Look at that.
668
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,920
Jesus wept, it's pretty.
669
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,680
We're on a Star Trek set now.
Oh, look at the red...
670
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:38,400
Look at that acacia
with the red flowers.
671
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:44,040
And then we saw something even better.
672
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:46,040
Ooh!
673
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,880
I love a scrapyard.
674
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:55,920
We pulled in to see
if they had the spare parts we needed.
675
00:40:56,480 --> 00:41:00,280
But soon we were distracted
by all the treasures.
676
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,080
This is a very good test
of our motoring knowledge.
677
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,480
Is that a Cresta behind that?
678
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,960
I think it is. A Cresta shooting brake.
679
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,640
Shooting brake.
680
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,400
As my mother always used to call them.
681
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,480
In what special
did you drive one of these?
682
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,400
- Bolivia! Yeah!
- He's right.
683
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,160
He's remembered something!
684
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,800
That genuinely is worth restoring.
685
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,640
- It's gorgeous.
- Hey, look at this one.
686
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,200
- That's an Austin Cambridge!
- It is indeed an Austin Cambridge.
687
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,760
With writing. What's that? RSR.
688
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,920
That means it was
when this was Rhodesia.
689
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,960
- Oh, is that what it means?
- Yeah, so that's been off the road
690
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,280
- a long time.
- That's been there a while.
691
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:42,640
Excuse me?
Are you trying to make this go?
692
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:43,880
Yeah.
693
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,440
- Yes?
- Nearly there.
694
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:47,960
- Good luck.
- Nearly there.
695
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,160
Yeah, nearly there.
696
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,200
Erm, you may think it's a joke.
697
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,560
The best-selling car in Zimbabwe
698
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,480
in the sort of 60s was...?
699
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,200
Where do they... It was French.
700
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,360
- Four, Renault Four.
- Oh!
701
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:03,800
- There is one over there.
- Yes, there, look.
702
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,360
Yeah, Renault Four. Do you know
what the 5th best-selling car was?
703
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,680
- The Lancia Montecarlo?
- It wasn't a Lancia Montecarlo, was it?
704
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:10,640
- Close.
- I'll bet it was an Alfa Romeo.
705
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,160
Alfa Romeo Giulia.
706
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:13,160
Was it?
707
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:14,920
- That's 'cause they made them here.
- They made them in South Africa.
708
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,760
- In South Africa, rather, yeah.
- And a friend of mine's dad
709
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:19,920
ran the Ford factory in Harare.
710
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,480
And they used to smuggle parts of Alfas
711
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,360
out of South Africa
712
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,480
and then build Alfas
in the Ford factory and sell them!
713
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,520
- As Alfas?
- Yeah, as Alfas.
714
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,280
But they also used to build them
in the French factories here.
715
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,920
There were Alfa Romeos running here that
Alfa Romeo didn't know they'd built.
716
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:36,280
But all the VIN numbers would be wrong.
717
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:37,960
VIN numbers, VIN numbers!
718
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:39,760
I'm just saying.
719
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,400
Annoyingly, the scrapyard
didn't have any bumper mounts
720
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:47,560
for a Lancia Montecarlo
721
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:52,840
or exhaust brackets
for a 1974 Capri GXL.
722
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,200
So Hammond decided
to bodge another repair,
723
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,000
while I took the roof off my Montecarlo.
724
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,920
- The air con is just useless.
- Is it?
725
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,320
Honestly, it's like being
in the Black Hole of Calcutta in there.
726
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:08,680
You can't say that.
727
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,200
- Er...
- Why not?
728
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:13,760
I just don't think you can.
729
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,520
Well, all right, if you object to me
saying the "Black Hole of Calcutta"...
730
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,080
- I don't object to it.
- Not you.
731
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,560
I'm talking to the ladies and gentlemen
at home. If anybody wants to write in
732
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,320
and say they object to that,
you go right ahead.
733
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:24,920
I'm gone. I'm done.
734
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,440
- Can you just pull the lever?
- Dial...
735
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,560
It's 0800 Off Sod.
736
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:33,120
Off Sod. And then
you'll get a recorded message saying:
737
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,400
- "We do not value your call."
- Yes, "Your call is not important to us."
738
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,160
"Your call... Your..."
739
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,440
Just pull the lever again 'cause
there's another little latch bit here.
740
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:42,480
- Here?
- Yeah.
741
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:43,560
Look!
742
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:45,920
- Yes, there you go.
- The thing has disintegrated.
743
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:48,520
How did you make...?
And then what happens?
744
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:50,720
Well, I think...
745
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:52,680
Well, why does that bit...?
746
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,200
That doesn't... But how does that...
747
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,480
But why does that bit unlatch then?
748
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,800
- Do these now just clip back...
- Oh wait. If that goes...
749
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,160
- Do you think this goes under?
- I do.
750
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:09,160
- Like that?
- Yeah.
751
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,200
Well, to stop... Oh, I see. Oh.
752
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,240
- Ah!
- There. No.
753
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,920
- But nearly.
- But possibly.
754
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,200
- There you go.
- Do you think that's...?
755
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:25,880
And in just 24 minutes,
756
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,640
we've converted the Lancia
Montecarlo into a convertible.
757
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:31,360
James, thank you for your help.
758
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,000
We then had a gossip
about our colleague.
759
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,560
Captain Exhaust Pipe
is going to attempt,
760
00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:41,080
apparently,
to put straight-through exhausts.
761
00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:42,720
- Oh really?
- Out of the side of the car.
762
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,280
So he'll have basically like stacks,
like a Kenworth truck.
763
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:47,840
Well, I've got a suggestion.
764
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:49,680
- We leave him behind.
- Yes, exactly.
765
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,200
I also don't like people with tattoos.
766
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,120
These fully-grown men
go and draw on themselves.
767
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,520
I've noticed. It's the name
of his programme he does.
768
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:02,560
The Smallest Cog.
He's had his television...
769
00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,240
Well, what happens
when that gets canned?
770
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,720
I mean, what if I'd had Top Gear
tattooed on my arm?
771
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,200
Yes, exactly.
772
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,760
He'll have to cross it out and write
773
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,000
"I'm appearing as Buttons
at Swindon Wyvern."
774
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,400
- Yeah, which is a lot of work.
- Which he will be, one day.
775
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,840
- Write "Buttons."
- Or maybe just "Buttons," yeah.
776
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,160
- Put it there, really.
- Buttons!
777
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:28,560
After this,
the Ghosts of Christmas Future set off.
778
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,520
- See you, Hammond.
- Yeah.
779
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:31,880
Bye.
780
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:33,640
Happy travels.
781
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,760
While Hammond banged and clanged away,
782
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:51,040
James and I headed
towards the capital city of Harare.
783
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:05,680
And now we were on tarmac,
we made good time getting there.
784
00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:24,040
I'm gonna miss driving
through cities like this.
785
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:26,600
God, they're colourful and fun.
786
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:31,120
Check out the policeman, James.
787
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:37,640
Look at him! He's magnificent!
788
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,560
Is he having
any effect at all on the traffic?
789
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,720
No,
but he cheers everybody up immensely.
790
00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:52,120
As we headed for the
city centre, we came across a market.
791
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,360
A big one.
792
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,680
Jesus, this is enormous.
793
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,200
Okay!
794
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:15,760
And soon, I had an idea.
795
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:19,640
Right, as this is
the last time we ever work together,
796
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,160
shall we see
if we can help Richard Hammond
797
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,920
and see if we can actually buy him
an exhaust pipe for his car?
798
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:27,720
Yeah, okay, why not.
799
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:32,360
To speed up the shopping,
I fired up another modification,
800
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,280
my onboard public-address system.
801
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:41,440
Does anybody have
an exhaust system for a Ford Capri
802
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,800
Mark One three-litre GXL?
803
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:47,400
On the left, exhaust systems.
804
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,120
Oh yes.
805
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,560
Do you think
any of them will fit a Mark One V6 GXL?
806
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,720
I expect they'll fit as well
as the ones that are currently on there.
807
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:02,200
And on that point, many miles back...
808
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,280
Like a glove.
809
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:14,240
Sidewinder! Yeah!
810
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:20,120
That sounds even better!
811
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,600
Road Warrior coming through. Oh yeah.
812
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,360
We were now on foot
as we searched for an exhaust.
813
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:46,920
Shock-absorbers shop, look.
814
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:48,920
Shocks and springs.
815
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,200
Tail lights.
816
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,280
- They have got your names in the paper.
- Huh?
817
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,520
They have got your names in the paper.
818
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:00,400
Oh shit.
819
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,040
We're in the paper? Oh wow!
820
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,120
We are literally front-page news.
821
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,520
"Top Gear legends."
822
00:49:09,720 --> 00:49:11,240
- Yeah, look.
- Here we are again.
823
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,920
You see, "Superstars
who they made their name in Top Gear..."
824
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,480
and then blew it.
825
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,920
"The most recognisable figures when
it comes to motoring on television."
826
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:24,200
That's a narrow band.
827
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,520
Yeah, it is a bit.
828
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:30,680
Look, this is getting more promising.
829
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,720
I think it's fair to say
that if our colleague had known
830
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:37,360
we were exhaust shopping,
he'd have been very grateful.
831
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:47,320
Okay, I'll be honest, had enough now.
832
00:49:56,280 --> 00:50:01,640
Darkness had fallen by the time I
arrived at our peaceful boutique hotel.
833
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,680
Chaps!
834
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:16,440
- Well done!
- Have you had a rotten day?
835
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:18,800
- Aw! Thank you.
- I've got you a beer.
836
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,160
But I think more important than that...
837
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:25,480
And yes, it is a correct set, look.
838
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,240
- For the GXL.
- It is for the GXL.
839
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:29,360
- I don't wanna be...
- Not the GT.
840
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:31,160
- Is this a cruel joke?
- No.
841
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:32,320
- Really?
- Yeah.
842
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,600
Oh, my God!
843
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,240
Look what that means!
844
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:37,960
- Feel that.
- Quiet.
845
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:39,560
It means you're
getting no sleep tonight.
846
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:40,720
Oh, I don't care!
847
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:42,760
Hammond, it doesn't stop there.
848
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:44,080
- What?
- It doesn't stop there.
849
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,320
This is embarrassing now
but I'm very grateful.
850
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:49,440
Oh, my Lord.
851
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,840
- Oh, my Lord!
- That's a rear spoiler.
852
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,240
- Not just any rear spoiler.
- No, but a Richard Grant rear...
853
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:58,080
- You remember Richard Grant spoilers?
- The actor?
854
00:50:58,840 --> 00:50:59,640
No, well...
855
00:50:59,840 --> 00:51:03,200
That's the thing,
the Richard Grant spoilers were on XR2s
856
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:04,840
all through the 70s and 80s.
857
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,960
Turns out Richard E. Grant,
who did Withnail and I...
858
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,080
- He did!
- He did. He then started
859
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:10,800
a car accessory business.
860
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,880
But because he didn't want
to damage his acting career,
861
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:14,160
he dropped the "E".
862
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,800
Chaps, er,
863
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,840
this is genuinely all spectacular news
and I'm very, very happy.
864
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:21,160
So you can fit that tonight.
865
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,200
I feel terrible.
I haven't got you any...
866
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:24,880
Of course you haven't got me anything.
867
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:25,880
I haven't got you any gifts.
868
00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:28,280
When have you ever,
you two, ever bought me...
869
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:31,440
You bought me
a shit oil painting in Vietnam.
870
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:33,800
- It was lovely!
- Shit.
871
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,360
And you've never bought me anything.
872
00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:36,800
- Have I never bought you anything?
- Never.
873
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:38,720
- Have I never bought you a gift?
- No!
874
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,040
I bought you a galleon
in Vietnam to put on your motorcycle.
875
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:45,800
That night, we polished our cars,
876
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,520
did all the necessary repairs...
877
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:56,360
And then met up for the sort of
breakfast Mr Wilman never provided.
878
00:51:58,440 --> 00:51:59,240
Is that my coffee?
879
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:00,480
Yes.
880
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:02,200
- You ordered me a coffee?
- Yes.
881
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:03,320
It's nearly a present.
882
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:06,880
- Hey.
- What.
883
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:08,600
I went to the bar last night.
884
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:10,560
- Yeah?
- Got talking to a man.
885
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:12,880
And I bought this from him.
886
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,280
- What is it?
- Silver.
887
00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:19,400
Actual silver.
888
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,640
- Is it?
- Nuggets of it, yes.
889
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,640
60 cents a gram.
890
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,000
'Cause, turns out,
you know we've been driving along...
891
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,640
On the surface there's all
the fruit and crops and so on.
892
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,680
- Yeah.
- Bread basket of Africa.
893
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:33,200
Dig down...
894
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:37,600
Gold, silver, manganese, lithium,
895
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,560
diamonds, coal, iron ore.
896
00:52:40,720 --> 00:52:42,760
So you're ploughing a field
to get your pineapples in,
897
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,640
or your tea or your bananas
or whatever it might be,
898
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:47,360
and there's just diamonds and lithium.
899
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,800
- Jewels.
- Yeah, jewels and lithium and cobalt
900
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,600
just pouring out.
901
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,400
And I was thinking,
you know people when they go on...
902
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,680
Well, we go on these trips, we
always go home with a stupid souvenir.
903
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:59,000
Well, instead of buying
some crappy nonsense,
904
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:01,280
why don't we get some silver?
905
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,480
- 60 cents?
- 60 cents!
906
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:04,520
- A gram?
- A gram.
907
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:09,000
We then rushed immediately
into town and went shopping.
908
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,040
And we didn't hold back.
909
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:18,040
So this is 45 kilograms of silver.
910
00:53:18,240 --> 00:53:19,760
- The best souvenir ever.
- I know.
911
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,480
We could have gone back
with an awful painting of a sunset.
912
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,160
This is going to affect my weight
distribution, I've gotta be honest.
913
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,120
This is gonna add
to the downforce from my wing.
914
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,800
I'm just trying to work out
how much that cost.
915
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:33,800
Not a lot, according to you.
916
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,200
- Well, it's sixty cents a gram.
- Yes.
917
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:39,400
But we got a discount on the quantity.
And then the change he gave me was this.
918
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:41,200
So I paid in US...
919
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:44,240
What is that?
920
00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:47,840
- 50... 50 million?
- Mm-hmm.
921
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:49,240
50 million dollars.
922
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:52,680
When they had really big hyperinflation,
it was a million percent, wasn't it?
923
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:54,080
Something like that, yeah.
924
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,720
And at one point,
I think with a 50 million-dollar note,
925
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,040
it was cheaper
to wipe your bottom with this
926
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,440
than it was to use one single sheet
of lavatory paper.
927
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,320
- It was actually cheaper?
- 'Cause that was more valuable.
928
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:06,160
That's why if people ordered a coffee,
they paid for it when they got it
929
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,520
rather than after they'd drunk it
'cause it would have gone up.
930
00:54:08,720 --> 00:54:11,000
- Anyway.
- Enough financial matters.
931
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:16,040
- So we've got 45 kilograms of silver...
- Yes.
932
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,080
And 50 million dollars.
933
00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:19,640
We are in a good place.
934
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:24,560
Having fired up
our fully repaired silver machines,
935
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:26,760
we headed out of town,
936
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:32,680
fairly convinced that no city on earth
gives better avenue.
937
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,920
Those purple trees are breathtaking.
938
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,080
Are these really Jacaranda trees?
939
00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:41,680
Yeah, they are.
Look at that. They're beautiful.
940
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:47,720
Oh, look at this.
941
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,920
That's the most beautiful avenue
of trees I think I've ever seen.
942
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:05,360
With Jeremy on map-reading duties,
943
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:10,240
we headed due west
on a rather brilliant ribbon of tarmac.
944
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,920
The road is good, scenery is good,
945
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:21,240
things are good.
946
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:41,160
For hours,
the journey was completely trouble-free.
947
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:46,520
And it continued to be trouble-free
till I stopped to check the map.
948
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:51,080
Then it wasn't trouble-free any more.
949
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:52,840
Shit.
950
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:54,600
Wherefore have you stopped?
951
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,360
- Good news.
- Go on.
952
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:58,720
Good news. Very good news.
953
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,440
Er, I know exactly which road we're on.
954
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,320
- There is some bad news.
- Yes.
955
00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:07,320
It's the wrong road.
956
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:09,680
- What's happened?
- We're on the wrong road.
957
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:12,440
Who said they knew where
they were going? Oh, I know.
958
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:14,520
- Er, was it... I...
- It wasn't you.
959
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:16,960
- No, it was like another voice.
- And it wasn't me, was it?
960
00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:19,720
Let's not get bogged down
in who turned left and who turned right.
961
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,320
- It was you.
- It was me.
962
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:23,680
So, you've got us on the wrong road
leaving Harare.
963
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:27,600
We should be heading west.
We're not. We're heading north.
964
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,200
- Show me.
- We face a choice. We can either
965
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:32,200
go all the way back to Harare.
966
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:34,040
No.
967
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:35,360
And take that turning,
which we should have done.
968
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:37,960
- Okay.
- Or...
969
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:40,000
If we keep heading north and then...
970
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,000
- On the wrong road.
- Yeah.
971
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,320
If we keep heading north, we will
eventually get to the Zambezi, okay?
972
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:45,880
Which is the border with Zambia.
973
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:47,640
Big river. Can't miss it.
974
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:51,760
Hang a left, we know we're going west.
975
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,640
Well, 'cause the river goes
like that and the road goes like that.
976
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:57,480
So, there we are.
977
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:05,880
Having processed
the fact that instead of doing this,
978
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,920
we'd been doing this,
979
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:11,200
we soldiered on.
980
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:16,720
I think we'll make it
to the Zambezi by nightfall.
981
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,560
We could camp by the Zambezi.
982
00:57:20,320 --> 00:57:22,080
How cool would that be?
983
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:24,960
But then...
984
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:26,840
the tarmac ran out.
985
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:33,560
Oh no!
986
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,240
Oh please, don't let this be washboard.
Oh God!
987
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:39,160
It is!
988
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:42,200
Oh!
989
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:46,760
Chaps, it's about 40 miles
to the river now, 40 miles.
990
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,400
- 14 miles?
- No, no, James.
991
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:51,840
40 miles, four zero miles.
992
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:53,320
40?
993
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:57,200
Yes, I'm afraid
that's about the sum of it, yes.
994
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:02,520
They're never gonna hold together.
995
00:58:02,720 --> 00:58:05,840
Oh, that was a really bad bit.
996
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:08,680
Oh, wait, I'm stopping. What?
997
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:12,440
Chaps, er, I'm breaking down.
998
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,320
It's okay, mine's fine.
999
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:18,320
Oh no... I smell fuel.
1000
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,760
First job is put something white on
1001
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:27,400
because the tsetse flies
are attracted to blue and black.
1002
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:30,960
Oh, shit!
1003
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,440
All my petrol is falling out.
1004
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:35,600
Oh no, that's bad.
1005
00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:40,640
This is the fuel pipe,
and this is the fuel.
1006
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:45,360
That's your... Thank you.
1007
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:46,920
- Well...
- What I could do...
1008
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,040
- Is petrol coming out of your hot car?
- Yeah.
1009
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:50,000
Is this a good idea?
1010
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:51,080
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
1011
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,920
Would one of you fancy standing here
with their finger on the end of this?
1012
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:54,960
- Not really.
- No.
1013
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:57,000
Just try to explain so I can understand.
1014
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:58,000
It's come off.
1015
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:02,120
The line from the petrol tank
up to the engine goes to there...
1016
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:04,880
So there must be a pipe from...
Has it just snapped?
1017
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:07,720
- No, it's come undone.
- Why are you helping him?
1018
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:11,280
I want him to survive otherwise we can't
see him as Buttons in the pantomime.
1019
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:12,520
Oh, please!
1020
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:14,760
Stop it with the Buttons!
1021
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,600
Oh no we won't.
1022
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:20,320
How long before he is appearing
as Buttons at the Swindon Wyvern?
1023
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:21,600
- One year.
- Please, stop!
1024
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:26,520
No, I think he's got enough pride
to make him last two years.
1025
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,040
So this one goes out in 2024,
this programme,
1026
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,800
so I think it'll be 2025.
1027
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:32,800
Possibly Guildford.
1028
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,200
God, I'm soaked in petrol!
1029
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:36,360
Guildford's quite a big theatre, though.
1030
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:38,640
I know... I think the Swindon Wyvern
is where he's gonna be.
1031
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:39,920
It's about 200 people.
1032
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:41,680
The cast, here it is.
1033
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,520
Ainsley Harriott,
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen,
1034
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:46,000
Julian Clary, Richard Hammond.
1035
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:48,000
That is a star-studded line-up.
1036
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:51,480
"Gloria Hunniford and, it is
a lot of 'and', Richard Hammond..."
1037
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:53,280
"As Buttons!"
1038
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:58,080
"Following his illustrious career
travelling the globe."
1039
00:59:58,240 --> 00:59:59,680
Will it say "TV's Richard Hammond"?
1040
00:59:59,840 --> 01:00:00,640
"TV's", yeah!
1041
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:04,280
Because he's done enough programmes
for him to be "TV's Richard Hammond."
1042
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:06,480
I tell you,
Hammond, we're gonna come and see you.
1043
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:08,200
- I'm gonna say...
- On your first night,
1044
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,880
there will be two elderly gentlemen
in the front row.
1045
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:11,960
Every night.
1046
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:16,680
I mean, I hate panto
but I'm going to that one.
1047
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,040
Think of the Premier Inn reward points
you're going to get.
1048
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:20,240
Oh God!
1049
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:22,800
With the Sunday matinee,
you can have the carvery special.
1050
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:26,960
Predicting
that this wouldn't be the last time
1051
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,720
we'd be standing around a broken Capri,
1052
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:33,120
I went to put on
my anti-tsetse fly shirt.
1053
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:36,920
And then, I spotted something
in the undergrowth.
1054
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,120
Ooh, hello. Ooh!
1055
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:43,840
I've got a bonnet ornament, guys.
1056
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:45,920
Remember on the old Lancia?
1057
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:47,680
Oh wow.
1058
01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:49,080
Look at that.
1059
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:51,080
- That's brilliant.
- I know.
1060
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:56,640
Eventually,
Buttons was back on the road.
1061
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:01,720
I'm just checking my fuel gauge.
I lost a fair bit.
1062
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:04,880
And then, with 30 miles to go,
1063
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:06,760
the washboard became so vicious...
1064
01:01:07,720 --> 01:01:09,120
Oh!
1065
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,160
It even started to play havoc
1066
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,240
with the normally bulletproof Stag.
1067
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:17,880
The windscreen wipers randomly come on.
1068
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,320
Stop it, windscreen wipers!
1069
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:30,720
Stop wiping the windscreen,
you stupid rubber bastards!
1070
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:35,240
It was as if the washboard,
1071
01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:38,640
our nemesis for the last 20 years,
1072
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:42,080
knew it was its last chance to break us.
1073
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:48,760
Ooh!
1074
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:01,280
It's on full... Christ,
what the hell's happened here?
1075
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:03,120
I have no throttle control.
1076
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:07,920
Yeah, my foot's not
on the accelerator now
1077
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:09,760
and we're just driving along.
1078
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:12,600
I've put it under the accelerator
to lift it off.
1079
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:19,040
This has properly, properly
started to break my Lancia...
1080
01:02:19,560 --> 01:02:20,640
and me.
1081
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:24,120
Oh, God. Oh no!
1082
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,800
However, despite their great age,
1083
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:31,680
our cars held together
until eventually...
1084
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,760
we reached the banks of the Zambezi.
1085
01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:39,960
Oh God.
1086
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:44,520
Where Mother Nature
had laid on quite a reception.
1087
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:18,640
It's not a bad spot.
1088
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:26,160
After dinner, we had a lovely pudding.
1089
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:27,120
Cheesecake.
1090
01:03:28,160 --> 01:03:30,400
And, this being Zimbabwe...
1091
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:32,640
Now, would you like some gold on it?
1092
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:34,760
- Erm, yeah, I would actually.
- Oh, yes please.
1093
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:36,600
I got it when we were in Harare.
1094
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:40,160
The great thing about it as well is you
do a golden turd the next day.
1095
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:41,120
- That's true.
- And it becomes valuable.
1096
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:46,200
This is just extravagant.
Thanks, Hammond.
1097
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:48,080
- I'm now worth more than I was.
- May?
1098
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:50,360
- Yes, please.
- 'Cause if you think about it,
1099
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:53,080
they grow everything here.
And then you dig a hole in the ground
1100
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:55,080
for your pudding, which is gold.
1101
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:56,840
Hey, that gives me an idea.
1102
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:00,560
- Why don't we melt our silver?
- Hmm.
1103
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:03,280
And then we can make gift items
to take home with us.
1104
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:05,400
Out of our souvenir silver?
1105
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:07,840
- Do you have to make a mould?
- Hmm.
1106
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:11,320
Are you proposing that we do craft?
1107
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:16,280
Well, what else can we do? It's 6:20.
1108
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:17,640
Drinking is going well.
1109
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:20,480
Yes, drinking's good. But eventually...
1110
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:23,920
you'll be wrestling a baboon.
You always do that sort of thing.
1111
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:28,080
In a state of deep joy,
1112
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:32,720
James quickly built all that we needed
to start smelting our silver.
1113
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:37,320
He is Victorian.
1114
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:42,040
- Very happy.
- So happy.
1115
01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:48,680
And two small drinks later,
things were looking good.
1116
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:52,040
There you go, chaps. Look at that.
1117
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:53,040
Holy cow!
1118
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:58,240
So now we can make anything.
Literally anything that we can cast.
1119
01:04:58,640 --> 01:05:01,480
- Yes, so you make a hole in something.
- Yes?
1120
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:04,280
Pour that in, let it solidify.
1121
01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:07,160
- And then you've got a thing in silver.
- Right!
1122
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:10,480
Come on, then.
Gentlemen, let's get to work.
1123
01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:14,560
I'll mend my throttle,
then I'll make something silvery.
1124
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:19,320
Actually, no, I'll make the mould,
put the silver in it, let it solidify.
1125
01:05:19,480 --> 01:05:21,160
- Exactly.
- And while it's solidifying,
1126
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:22,800
I'll mend my throttle linkage.
1127
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:26,040
Welcome to a world of ordered thinking.
1128
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:38,600
The next morning,
1129
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:42,720
the banks of the Zambezi were carpeted
with many different animals...
1130
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:45,800
and Roger Moore.
1131
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:49,360
Have you had that made?
1132
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,400
Yep.
1133
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:52,160
And whose measurements did you send?
1134
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:55,160
- Jon Bon Jovi's.
- I was a little ambitious.
1135
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:58,120
You know how it is, when the doctor says,
how many units of alcohol do you drink
1136
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:00,520
and when somebody says:
"What are your measurements?"
1137
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:03,440
"Definitely thirty-inch waist,
forty-inch chest." I lied.
1138
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,240
Have you noticed what he's done here?
1139
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:09,760
- Very flamboyant buttons.
- Buttons, yes.
1140
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,600
It's like he's easing himself
into the role.
1141
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:17,040
Can we just move on
from his sartorial faux pas?
1142
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:18,680
Isn't it magnificent?
1143
01:06:18,840 --> 01:06:20,080
Is that what you made
out of your silver?
1144
01:06:20,240 --> 01:06:21,800
- Oh, yeah.
- That's startling.
1145
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:24,640
Why has nobody... Well.
I wonder why nobody's done that before.
1146
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:28,000
Your steering wheel's actually
a solid-silver steering wheel!
1147
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,200
That's another £900,000.
1148
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:32,200
I mean, it does look pretty cool,
doesn't it?
1149
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,880
But, talking of bling. Bonnet ornament.
1150
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:36,880
- Is it the bonnet?
- It's not on the bonnet though.
1151
01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:39,560
It is on... But you see...
Ah, but it is the bonnet.
1152
01:06:39,760 --> 01:06:43,280
This is at the back. Does it
become an engine cover, not a bonnet?
1153
01:06:43,480 --> 01:06:45,920
- You can't say "engine cover ornament".
- No, you can't.
1154
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:49,040
- I love it. It looks brilliant.
- I mean, look at that.
1155
01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:51,760
That is an impala on a Montecarlo.
1156
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:53,800
So I'm basically
a Chevrolet advertisement.
1157
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,160
Isn't it remarkable
what makes sense in our world?
1158
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:58,120
- What?
- That doesn't.
1159
01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:01,200
- I saw it as I looked up then.
- Check it out. Come on.
1160
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:03,680
Stuart Little spoiler,
ladies and gentlemen.
1161
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:06,840
Oh, the width, yeah.
That's all the silver I had.
1162
01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:09,400
It's quite... It's
Stuart Little spoiler!
1163
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:12,360
Anyway...
1164
01:07:12,920 --> 01:07:13,960
we now have
1165
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,400
silver adornments
1166
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:16,960
to our cars.
1167
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:19,320
- Can I make a suggestion?
- Hmm?
1168
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:20,960
Keep the river on your right.
1169
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:22,640
It's not
navigationally challenging, is it?
1170
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:24,040
Navigation is not a problem today.
1171
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:25,960
- And we know we are heading West.
- Yes.
1172
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:30,120
And we know if we keep heading West,
we'll get to the other side of Zimbabwe.
1173
01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:32,720
And we know we're gonna look good
doing it!
1174
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:05,080
A big skid!
1175
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,680
A big skid on the Zambezi.
1176
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:15,640
That might be
my last-ever televised skid.
1177
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:17,680
It's strange when you think about it,
1178
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:21,280
because everybody
does everything in their life
1179
01:08:21,440 --> 01:08:23,560
for the last time at some point.
1180
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:25,120
The last time you dive off a boat.
1181
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:26,720
The last time you kick a football.
1182
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:30,000
The last time you do sex.
1183
01:08:30,160 --> 01:08:33,320
But you don't know,
when you're doing it,
1184
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:35,680
that you're doing it for the last time.
1185
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,800
So I shall remember that skid.
1186
01:08:43,760 --> 01:08:46,720
After a spirited morning drive...
1187
01:08:48,880 --> 01:08:50,800
we got back on tarmac.
1188
01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:56,560
Which had yellow lines and everything.
1189
01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:00,280
This is like the Stelvio Pass.
1190
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:03,040
What a road!
1191
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:10,160
And the little Montecarlo
was lapping it up.
1192
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:11,960
I've said it before,
1193
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:16,000
if you absolutely must do
African exploration,
1194
01:09:16,160 --> 01:09:20,280
you absolutely must have a Lancia.
1195
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:23,800
Oh, it's jumped out of gear.
1196
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:26,280
Oh, God, it's back in again.
1197
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:32,920
Still popping and banging nicely
from the back. Can you hear that?
1198
01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:39,200
Love that sound.
1199
01:09:41,160 --> 01:09:43,520
And all you lot growing up today
with your electric cars,
1200
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,400
you're never gonna hear it.
1201
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:50,880
There are lots of reasons
why we're jacking this show in.
1202
01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:53,600
But for me, one of the main ones is:
1203
01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:57,920
I'm simply not interested
in electric cars.
1204
01:09:58,080 --> 01:10:00,240
They are just white goods.
1205
01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:03,520
They're washing machines.
They're microwave ovens.
1206
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:06,320
And you can't review those.
You can't enjoy them.
1207
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:09,000
They are just shit.
1208
01:10:10,600 --> 01:10:14,440
Chaps, I've done
something for the first time in my life.
1209
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:16,600
Masturbated on television?
1210
01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:20,760
No, it's worse. I've put on
a pair of string-back driving gloves.
1211
01:10:20,960 --> 01:10:22,560
Why have you done that?
1212
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:25,680
My silver-bling steering wheel is great.
1213
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:28,160
But now the sun's on it,
it gets a bit hot.
1214
01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:35,680
We carried on driving
along the lovely road
1215
01:10:35,880 --> 01:10:40,200
until the lovely road suddenly stopped.
1216
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:42,760
Erm...
1217
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:44,880
Oh.
1218
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:54,400
Hmm.
1219
01:10:57,800 --> 01:11:01,440
You total plum sack.
1220
01:11:01,640 --> 01:11:02,560
It's a lake.
1221
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:03,520
- Yes.
- Is it?
1222
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:05,280
- Well, I saw it on...
- You're kidding?
1223
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:06,880
I saw it on the map.
1224
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:10,640
I just assumed there'd be
a road round it and there isn't.
1225
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:12,560
Erm...
1226
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:14,800
Why isn't there a road round it?
1227
01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:16,760
Oh, God.
1228
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:19,920
So, wait a minute. You went wrong
in Harare. Let's establish that.
1229
01:11:20,080 --> 01:11:23,240
You chose the wrong road. There were
only two, you chose the wrong one.
1230
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:25,800
You then doggedly made us...
1231
01:11:25,960 --> 01:11:28,680
Beautiful bit,
like the Nürburgring, that last bit.
1232
01:11:28,880 --> 01:11:32,280
Nice bit at the end.
But it turned out to be the end.
1233
01:11:39,240 --> 01:11:42,760
We can't turn right because literally,
just there, it's Zambia.
1234
01:11:42,920 --> 01:11:44,200
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
1235
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:47,000
- We can't go left.
- 'Cause there isn't a road.
1236
01:11:47,160 --> 01:11:49,160
- There isn't a road.
- Yes.
1237
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:50,320
So...
1238
01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:53,800
- We'll just float across.
- Don't be ridiculous.
1239
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:58,320
Honestly, we've done enough car boats,
boat cars, flasks, floating.
1240
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:01,520
We're not building
boats. It never works.
1241
01:12:01,680 --> 01:12:05,000
I've got a better idea:
buy a boat. Buy three boats.
1242
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:07,200
- We've got to get the cars on.
- Yes, exactly.
1243
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:09,680
- Buy boats?
- They've got boats. Look.
1244
01:12:09,880 --> 01:12:11,920
- They're peoples' boats.
- Well, we'll buy them.
1245
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:13,840
I've got a wedge.
1246
01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:15,520
Ten trillion.
1247
01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:17,360
- Fifty billion?
- Yeah, why not?
1248
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:19,320
Yeah, I'll have another fifty billion.
1249
01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:22,160
A hundred billion.
Three hundred and fifty billion.
1250
01:12:22,320 --> 01:12:24,240
Four hundred billion.
1251
01:12:24,360 --> 01:12:28,240
Ten trillion
four hundred billion and twenty.
1252
01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:31,200
This is absolutely idiotic.
1253
01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:32,560
Right. Boat buying.
1254
01:12:37,200 --> 01:12:41,240
Having spent the morning
rootling around the local boatyards,
1255
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:43,360
we reconvened with our purchases.
1256
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:48,000
James had gone
for an old sardine fishing boat.
1257
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:51,880
I'd bought an aquatic hatchback.
1258
01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:54,760
And Jeremy, naturally,
1259
01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:57,920
had purchased a floating drinks cabinet.
1260
01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:00,320
You've bought a bar.
1261
01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:02,280
- It's also the bridge.
- Oh, I see!
1262
01:13:02,400 --> 01:13:04,880
You steer it from the bar.
1263
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:07,920
Once we'd loaded up our cars...
1264
01:13:14,120 --> 01:13:15,160
To me!
1265
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:19,120
We assembled
on HMS Sardine for a map chat.
1266
01:13:20,320 --> 01:13:22,040
Are they nautical charts?
1267
01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:23,600
No, it's a road map.
1268
01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:25,520
Right, we're going to sea
with a road map.
1269
01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:27,560
- So here's the lake.
- Yes.
1270
01:13:28,120 --> 01:13:29,000
We're going to...
1271
01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:33,000
What?
1272
01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:36,080
- Here's the lake.
- Yes. Here's the lake.
1273
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:42,000
- What's that?
- Bloody hell.
1274
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:43,800
That's the rest.
1275
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:45,320
Yes.
1276
01:13:46,200 --> 01:13:47,680
That goes to there.
1277
01:13:48,240 --> 01:13:49,160
Okay.
1278
01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:52,440
It's about 180 miles.
1279
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:53,920
It's a 175 miles.
1280
01:13:54,080 --> 01:13:55,200
That's all right, then!
1281
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,720
Right, thank God we haven't got
to do that extra 5 miles.
1282
01:13:57,880 --> 01:14:00,840
It's the world's largest man-made lake.
1283
01:14:02,560 --> 01:14:04,040
I am genuinely sorry about this.
1284
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:06,880
I had looked at...
Look, you can see the problem.
1285
01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:09,200
We've driven all the way, I've just
been using this side of the map.
1286
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:12,200
No, no, no, Jeremy,
we can see the problem.
1287
01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:13,640
It's there, pointing at the map.
1288
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:15,640
- The map is accurate.
- There's no problem with the map.
1289
01:14:15,840 --> 01:14:18,320
- You didn't look at the other side.
- But it was all folded up in such a way
1290
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:19,720
that you didn't see...
1291
01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:21,960
How fast does your boat go?
1292
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:23,880
Well, I don't know yet.
But not very I'm gonna guess.
1293
01:14:24,080 --> 01:14:26,760
I think we're talking
about a brisk walk.
1294
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,080
Even if they do ten knots,
which I doubt...
1295
01:14:29,240 --> 01:14:32,800
Let's say 10 miles an hour.
That's eighteen hours.
1296
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:34,400
That's overnight.
1297
01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:35,840
Yes.
1298
01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:39,400
I then did a bit more research.
1299
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:41,880
And that wasn't a great move either.
1300
01:14:42,280 --> 01:14:43,320
It gets worse.
1301
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:44,840
Why?
1302
01:14:45,040 --> 01:14:47,320
Guess how many crocodiles
are in that lake?
1303
01:14:47,520 --> 01:14:48,960
I don't know.
1304
01:14:49,120 --> 01:14:53,960
Somewhere between one hundred
and two hundred and fifty thousand.
1305
01:14:55,960 --> 01:14:57,160
Crocodiles?
1306
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:59,400
Two weeks ago,
they had to shoot a man-eater.
1307
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:02,080
Would you like to see it?
1308
01:15:03,680 --> 01:15:04,440
Jeez, that is...
1309
01:15:04,640 --> 01:15:05,680
Look at it!
1310
01:15:05,840 --> 01:15:08,120
- Can they be this big?
- It could eat this boat.
1311
01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:13,320
On average, 47 people a year
are killed by crocodiles.
1312
01:15:13,560 --> 01:15:16,720
And there aren't that many people here,
to start with.
1313
01:15:23,280 --> 01:15:24,840
On that sombre note,
1314
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:27,520
we set off...
1315
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:33,920
HMS Shitfaced is underway.
1316
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:39,240
Under the watchful eye
of the lake's residents.
1317
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:46,080
I think of this not so much as water
as just a solid lump of crocodiles.
1318
01:15:54,440 --> 01:15:57,560
Right. Safety checks complete.
1319
01:15:58,200 --> 01:15:59,840
There's only one
thing I can think to do.
1320
01:16:02,320 --> 01:16:04,920
I believe Jeremy's
already poured himself a drink.
1321
01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:09,120
Mr Slowly driving HMS Eco.
1322
01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:18,960
What a bloody racket!
1323
01:16:23,320 --> 01:16:27,440
It's extraordinary
to think that in 1955,
1324
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:30,280
this didn't exist,
it was just normal Africa.
1325
01:16:31,320 --> 01:16:34,960
Then the British came and said: "We're
gonna build a dam across the Zambezi
1326
01:16:35,600 --> 01:16:40,240
to create hydroelectric power
for Zambia and Zimbabwe."
1327
01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:42,800
And this was the result.
1328
01:16:50,440 --> 01:16:54,080
The biggest man-made lake
the world has ever seen.
1329
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:12,160
We've done some daft things in our time,
but I'm really enjoying this one.
1330
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:15,520
I'm sailing a bar with a Lancia on it.
1331
01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:19,640
And I've got a lot of drink
to get through.
1332
01:17:21,320 --> 01:17:25,960
So much, in fact, that I invited
Buttons and Greta Thunberg over...
1333
01:17:27,680 --> 01:17:29,040
...to share the workload.
1334
01:17:30,560 --> 01:17:31,880
- Gentlemen.
- I like the look of that.
1335
01:17:32,640 --> 01:17:34,960
I've a wide range of drinks
from the 1970s,
1336
01:17:35,120 --> 01:17:37,800
including the much-missed Galliano.
1337
01:17:38,000 --> 01:17:40,120
- Nice.
- Nice. A step back in time.
1338
01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:42,720
- A gin and tonic, sir?
- I would love a gin and tonic, thank you.
1339
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:45,160
Coming right up.
And you, sir? A Chablis, I'm guessing.
1340
01:17:47,520 --> 01:17:48,440
Thank you.
1341
01:17:49,120 --> 01:17:50,320
Ice and a slice of gold, perhaps?
1342
01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:52,200
Ice and a slice of gold
would be wonderful.
1343
01:17:55,000 --> 01:17:58,320
So if you go in that water, basically,
you are going to be eaten by a crocodile.
1344
01:17:58,560 --> 01:17:59,320
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1345
01:17:59,520 --> 01:18:04,160
And I can't think of a death
I would enjoy less.
1346
01:18:04,720 --> 01:18:07,240
Yeah, it's not the agony, actually.
Well, no.
1347
01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:09,760
- It is the agony. But it's the indignity.
- It is the agony.
1348
01:18:09,960 --> 01:18:11,640
It's ignominium.
1349
01:18:11,840 --> 01:18:15,520
Crocodile comes along. You're there,
dangling your feet in the water,
1350
01:18:15,680 --> 01:18:19,520
thinking about life, filled with hopes,
expectations, loves, dreams,
1351
01:18:20,200 --> 01:18:21,200
thoughts of the universe.
1352
01:18:21,360 --> 01:18:24,640
Crocodile says: "I'll have that."
Bang. Gone.
1353
01:18:24,840 --> 01:18:26,720
- You know peanuts on a bar?
- Yeah.
1354
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:28,960
You're having a drink with some friends
and you see some peanuts.
1355
01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:31,120
You take a couple of peanuts and you...
1356
01:18:31,280 --> 01:18:32,720
That is what you are.
1357
01:18:32,920 --> 01:18:34,920
Do you know what makes it worse?
1358
01:18:35,120 --> 01:18:36,560
A crocodile is prehistoric.
1359
01:18:36,720 --> 01:18:38,640
So it was mates with T-Rex.
1360
01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:40,840
It's two 250 million years old.
1361
01:18:41,000 --> 01:18:43,880
And humanity's what? 150, 200 thousand?
1362
01:18:44,080 --> 01:18:47,800
And civilisation is only
about 6,000 years old.
1363
01:18:47,960 --> 01:18:50,400
So everything from the first
cave paintings to the present day,
1364
01:18:51,040 --> 01:18:53,600
in the timespan of evolution,
1365
01:18:53,760 --> 01:18:56,520
that has all happened while the
crocodile has been scratching its arse.
1366
01:18:56,680 --> 01:19:00,800
After an hour or so
of drinking and chatting and sailing,
1367
01:19:00,960 --> 01:19:02,560
but mostly drinking,
1368
01:19:02,720 --> 01:19:06,320
the conversation started to take
a bit of a dip.
1369
01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:07,840
I've got
1370
01:19:08,280 --> 01:19:10,080
three quarters of a bottle of vodka,
1371
01:19:10,240 --> 01:19:12,600
half a bottle of gin.
No. No, that's not gin.
1372
01:19:12,760 --> 01:19:14,280
What is that? I don't know. I can't see.
1373
01:19:14,400 --> 01:19:17,120
This is a blended brandy.
1374
01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:19,560
- And I also have here a blended whisky.
- Hammond, your boat's buggered off.
1375
01:19:22,040 --> 01:19:23,920
That's got my passport on it.
1376
01:19:24,600 --> 01:19:26,200
- Shall I go?
- You're going to have
1377
01:19:26,360 --> 01:19:27,320
to leave my bar.
1378
01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:29,560
Do you want to come with me,
Hammond, or stay here?
1379
01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:31,040
This is more manoeuvrable.
1380
01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:33,440
So we'll manoeuvre this up to mine
and I'll get off this onto mine.
1381
01:19:36,040 --> 01:19:38,720
Right, now, here we go.
International Rescue.
1382
01:19:38,920 --> 01:19:40,960
Please, catch my Capri.
1383
01:19:41,120 --> 01:19:42,880
I'll give it my best work.
1384
01:19:46,640 --> 01:19:47,640
Don't fall in the water.
1385
01:19:47,840 --> 01:19:49,440
Crocodiles. Definite death.
1386
01:19:50,800 --> 01:19:51,680
I left the gin.
1387
01:19:51,840 --> 01:19:52,960
Would you like another
one before you go?
1388
01:19:53,160 --> 01:19:54,440
I'd bloody love one, yes.
1389
01:19:58,400 --> 01:20:00,560
We continued with our long journey.
1390
01:20:00,720 --> 01:20:02,680
And as darkness fell,
1391
01:20:03,200 --> 01:20:05,800
we realised we were a bit peckish.
1392
01:20:09,080 --> 01:20:10,720
So, to catch some supper,
1393
01:20:10,880 --> 01:20:13,400
James lowered his sardine nets.
1394
01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:16,640
And...
1395
01:20:18,760 --> 01:20:20,360
There we are at depth.
1396
01:20:20,560 --> 01:20:23,520
I don't mind if it isn't sardines,
if it's just like general fish,
1397
01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:24,680
but I'd really like sardines.
1398
01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:28,720
Well, it should be sardines.
This is a sardine boat.
1399
01:20:35,040 --> 01:20:36,320
Here we go.
1400
01:20:40,920 --> 01:20:41,800
Bollocks.
1401
01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:45,640
I'm starving.
1402
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:48,560
- I know, I'm starving as well.
- No, I'm beyond hungry.
1403
01:20:51,680 --> 01:20:52,960
It's crisps, isn't it?
1404
01:20:53,160 --> 01:20:54,800
- It's crisps.
- It's crisps.
1405
01:20:55,560 --> 01:20:58,920
And, as if things
couldn't get any worse...
1406
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:02,920
I've now run out of ice.
1407
01:21:08,760 --> 01:21:12,840
So, we recharged our glasses
with warm drink.
1408
01:21:13,520 --> 01:21:15,160
And, fuelled by that,
1409
01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:18,520
crisps and some wistful memories,
1410
01:21:19,760 --> 01:21:21,120
we sailed on.
1411
01:21:24,440 --> 01:21:26,120
It's gonna be a long night.
1412
01:21:28,320 --> 01:21:29,600
Not our first.
1413
01:21:29,960 --> 01:21:32,080
Ordinarily, I'd say not our last.
1414
01:21:34,040 --> 01:21:35,040
Maybe it is.
1415
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,880
Oh, stop saying those things, Richard.
1416
01:21:54,640 --> 01:21:56,680
What a job this has been.
1417
01:21:57,040 --> 01:21:58,320
What a career.
1418
01:22:34,160 --> 01:22:35,920
Sorry.
1419
01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:47,320
That was a long
night. A very long night.
1420
01:22:56,440 --> 01:22:59,560
I'm deaf.
1421
01:23:01,280 --> 01:23:04,640
There was, however, some good news.
1422
01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:08,240
The little blue dot, that's us.
1423
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:11,400
We are nearing the end of the lake.
1424
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:14,840
And because we were nearing shore,
1425
01:23:15,040 --> 01:23:18,320
we were surrounded
by our chompy friends,
1426
01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:23,400
which made the sudden message from
our director on our camera tracking boat
1427
01:23:24,080 --> 01:23:25,520
all the more alarming.
1428
01:23:26,160 --> 01:23:27,520
Phil to Hammond.
1429
01:23:27,680 --> 01:23:31,040
You've got a problem with your boat.
Your boat is sinking, Hammond.
1430
01:23:31,240 --> 01:23:33,320
Shit, you are.
You're going down at the stern, Hammond.
1431
01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:35,160
- Go to the shore.
- What?
1432
01:23:35,320 --> 01:23:36,600
Give it some power, full power.
1433
01:23:39,560 --> 01:23:44,280
To the left,
to the left. Copy that. To the left.
1434
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:48,920
Repeat.
1435
01:23:50,000 --> 01:23:53,120
To the left. To the left.
1436
01:23:53,280 --> 01:23:54,880
You are definitely going down, mate.
1437
01:23:55,040 --> 01:23:57,160
You are definitely going down.
1438
01:23:57,320 --> 01:23:59,240
Yeah, my engine's going under.
1439
01:24:01,600 --> 01:24:03,080
Ramming speed.
1440
01:24:18,160 --> 01:24:20,200
Right, you've saved the Capri.
1441
01:24:20,360 --> 01:24:23,200
Sorry, I've only just heard,
'cause of the noise of the engine.
1442
01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:24,400
What's happened?
1443
01:24:24,640 --> 01:24:27,800
His boat, if you look,
it was definitely sinking from the rear.
1444
01:24:27,960 --> 01:24:31,560
The whole of the back of his pontoons
were underwater.
1445
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:33,360
Do not try and come in here.
1446
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:36,280
Because I came over sandbanks.
1447
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:38,200
I literally just hammered straight over
1448
01:24:38,360 --> 01:24:39,840
low ground to get here.
1449
01:24:41,280 --> 01:24:44,880
James and I arrived
at another spot along the shore.
1450
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:46,040
There's a ramp.
1451
01:24:47,600 --> 01:24:49,640
And once we'd all disembarked...
1452
01:24:49,840 --> 01:24:52,600
I've definitely arrived.
1453
01:24:53,160 --> 01:24:55,160
I called another map meeting,
1454
01:24:55,320 --> 01:24:59,560
because during the night,
I had had a brainwave.
1455
01:25:00,320 --> 01:25:01,800
So we've just come across Kariba.
1456
01:25:02,000 --> 01:25:02,960
Yep.
1457
01:25:03,720 --> 01:25:05,680
When we reach the border here
and cross it,
1458
01:25:06,400 --> 01:25:09,080
we have gone all the
way across Zimbabwe,
1459
01:25:09,240 --> 01:25:10,600
which is what we set out to do,
1460
01:25:10,760 --> 01:25:11,840
and we finish the programme.
1461
01:25:12,040 --> 01:25:13,440
- Yeah.
- Well done, us.
1462
01:25:13,640 --> 01:25:15,920
In our three improbable cars.
1463
01:25:16,120 --> 01:25:16,920
However,
1464
01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:20,040
on the other side of the border
is Botswana.
1465
01:25:20,760 --> 01:25:23,200
So, if you just turn the map over,
1466
01:25:23,320 --> 01:25:24,800
- which I've learnt to do now.
- Well done.
1467
01:25:24,960 --> 01:25:25,840
- Oh yes.
- Good technique.
1468
01:25:26,320 --> 01:25:29,520
If you look, this is
the Makgadikgadi, yeah? Salt pans.
1469
01:25:29,680 --> 01:25:31,320
And there is Kubu Island.
1470
01:25:31,560 --> 01:25:33,640
And that is where we began.
1471
01:25:33,800 --> 01:25:35,680
That's where we did
our very first special,
1472
01:25:36,520 --> 01:25:38,200
- 17 years ago.
- Wow.
1473
01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:42,840
We've always said this is one
of our favourite places anywhere
1474
01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:44,040
we've ever encountered.
1475
01:25:44,240 --> 01:25:46,000
- And it's where the baobab trees are.
- Yeah.
1476
01:25:46,200 --> 01:25:48,880
- I'd like to finish there.
- Yeah, I think that's right.
1477
01:25:49,080 --> 01:25:51,680
And it's only... That's only... Woah.
1478
01:25:51,840 --> 01:25:53,360
- It's a hundred K.
- 120 miles or so.
1479
01:25:53,560 --> 01:25:54,640
- Yeah.
- I'm up for that.
1480
01:25:54,840 --> 01:25:56,960
So we end this programme here,
1481
01:25:57,640 --> 01:26:00,360
and we wrap The Grand Tour up there.
1482
01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:03,160
I think that's
a tremendous idea. It's fitting.
1483
01:26:06,760 --> 01:26:08,320
With our new plan agreed on,
1484
01:26:08,440 --> 01:26:12,920
we set a course for the border,
feeling pretty good.
1485
01:26:15,080 --> 01:26:17,720
Well, this is wonderful, viewers.
We're back on proper tarmac.
1486
01:26:17,880 --> 01:26:21,280
The sun isn't above my head yet,
so my steering wheel hasn't heated up.
1487
01:26:21,720 --> 01:26:23,120
I love this moment.
1488
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:30,240
Boot?
1489
01:26:34,400 --> 01:26:39,240
But, a couple of miles later,
the jolliness came to an abrupt end.
1490
01:26:40,920 --> 01:26:41,760
Jeez.
1491
01:26:46,160 --> 01:26:48,120
Oh, God, this is gonna be pothole hell.
1492
01:26:51,720 --> 01:26:52,960
Oh no!
1493
01:26:53,440 --> 01:26:55,560
I don't believe my tyres
survived that one.
1494
01:26:56,080 --> 01:26:59,600
The potholes, which were
nearly as bad as the ones in England,
1495
01:26:59,760 --> 01:27:03,360
were not good news
for the most fragile car here.
1496
01:27:05,560 --> 01:27:07,560
Oh, shit.
1497
01:27:17,080 --> 01:27:17,920
Ooh!
1498
01:27:18,120 --> 01:27:19,440
Oh, shit.
1499
01:27:20,560 --> 01:27:21,960
I am, for the first time,
1500
01:27:22,160 --> 01:27:25,880
seriously starting to wonder
if this car can take it...
1501
01:27:26,760 --> 01:27:28,240
and if it's gonna get there.
1502
01:27:30,520 --> 01:27:32,680
Bugger.
1503
01:27:35,480 --> 01:27:37,600
There's something very much amiss
1504
01:27:37,800 --> 01:27:39,240
on the rear axle.
1505
01:27:40,000 --> 01:27:42,120
Sounds like a bag of cutlery.
1506
01:27:42,800 --> 01:27:43,880
I hate to say I think I should just
1507
01:27:44,080 --> 01:27:47,680
have a quick look just to make sure
the back axle's not gonna come off.
1508
01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:53,880
The news
from underneath my car wasn't good.
1509
01:27:54,080 --> 01:27:55,000
Right.
1510
01:27:56,760 --> 01:27:57,560
There.
1511
01:27:58,560 --> 01:28:00,280
That's one shock absorber.
1512
01:28:00,440 --> 01:28:04,040
- It's not connected at that end any more.
- Yes, I see the problem, sir.
1513
01:28:04,200 --> 01:28:07,200
Every time the axle comes up,
that was going up,
1514
01:28:07,360 --> 01:28:08,480
punching a hole in the body.
1515
01:28:08,640 --> 01:28:10,400
- Have you actually made holes?
- Yes.
1516
01:28:10,600 --> 01:28:12,200
So, I'm gonna have to run without it.
1517
01:28:12,600 --> 01:28:14,920
This young guy is saying
that if it had been him,
1518
01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:18,480
he would have bought the 2.8 Injection,
not the three-litre GXL.
1519
01:28:18,640 --> 01:28:20,360
- Is that... Is he?
- Yeah.
1520
01:28:21,240 --> 01:28:22,680
He says it's got a much stronger axle.
1521
01:28:24,560 --> 01:28:28,920
Annoyingly, the other
shock absorber had to come off as well.
1522
01:28:29,840 --> 01:28:31,520
So you're just running
on leaf springs, yeah?
1523
01:28:31,680 --> 01:28:32,480
Yeah.
1524
01:28:32,680 --> 01:28:35,240
Like, it is exactly the same
as a medieval ox cart.
1525
01:28:35,400 --> 01:28:36,200
Yeah.
1526
01:28:40,280 --> 01:28:41,760
For Jeremy and me, though,
1527
01:28:41,920 --> 01:28:46,120
it was much more entertaining
than a medieval ox cart.
1528
01:28:54,160 --> 01:28:55,600
I'm gonna crash!
1529
01:28:59,920 --> 01:29:03,040
Well, if you wanted to know
what a shock absorber does,
1530
01:29:03,240 --> 01:29:05,240
it stops cars doing that.
1531
01:29:06,520 --> 01:29:09,960
Oh, yeah. I'm still in it.
1532
01:29:12,760 --> 01:29:14,760
Representing Great Britain
in car trampoline,
1533
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:17,320
it's Richard Hammond from Ross-on-Wye.
1534
01:29:19,480 --> 01:29:23,240
Sadly, the Ford's space-hopper
entertainment soon came to an end,
1535
01:29:23,400 --> 01:29:25,960
because Zimbabwe changed again
1536
01:29:26,360 --> 01:29:28,200
and we could no longer see it.
1537
01:29:33,880 --> 01:29:34,800
Smoke.
1538
01:29:38,000 --> 01:29:38,800
God.
1539
01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:41,120
I can't breathe.
1540
01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:47,760
All right, so, everything's
now covered with a veneer of coal dust,
1541
01:29:48,480 --> 01:29:51,040
because we're in the coal-mining area.
1542
01:29:53,280 --> 01:29:56,680
That's why all the trees
and everything are black.
1543
01:29:57,240 --> 01:29:59,120
Oh, come on.
1544
01:30:00,320 --> 01:30:01,160
Come on.
1545
01:30:03,600 --> 01:30:07,280
If it's like this
all the way to the border, well, Jesus.
1546
01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:11,680
Then, through the choking dust,
1547
01:30:11,840 --> 01:30:15,560
I spotted what could be our salvation.
1548
01:30:22,040 --> 01:30:24,080
This road is intolerable.
Would you not agree?
1549
01:30:24,240 --> 01:30:25,800
It's quite bad. It's not the best.
1550
01:30:25,960 --> 01:30:28,440
Since we got
off the boats this morning,
1551
01:30:28,600 --> 01:30:31,120
I have been shaken to pieces.
1552
01:30:31,320 --> 01:30:32,960
My car is falling to pieces.
1553
01:30:33,160 --> 01:30:35,840
That's a particularly virulent
type of dust as well.
1554
01:30:36,480 --> 01:30:37,840
And I'm looking at this.
1555
01:30:39,160 --> 01:30:42,560
- Well, that's not bumpy, is it?
- Well, no, it's a railway line.
1556
01:30:42,760 --> 01:30:46,840
So why don't we convert our cars
to run on the railway lines?
1557
01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:48,080
We've done it before.
1558
01:30:48,240 --> 01:30:49,720
- Ah, yes.
- We've done it before.
1559
01:30:49,920 --> 01:30:52,280
- Yes, we have.
- What other group of blokes
1560
01:30:52,480 --> 01:30:54,560
can actually say with experience
1561
01:30:54,760 --> 01:30:56,520
- that it can be done? We've done it.
- We've done it.
1562
01:30:57,760 --> 01:31:00,120
We'd have to check the train timetables.
1563
01:31:00,840 --> 01:31:02,560
That sort of thing's really important.
1564
01:31:02,720 --> 01:31:06,280
We'd also need to find a workshop where
we could make the modifications necessary
1565
01:31:06,480 --> 01:31:07,440
to our cars.
1566
01:31:07,640 --> 01:31:08,920
Yeah, we'd need a big town
and a lot of machinery.
1567
01:31:09,120 --> 01:31:10,720
Well, Vic Falls isn't far away.
1568
01:31:11,640 --> 01:31:12,440
Oh.
1569
01:31:15,440 --> 01:31:16,400
It's not one of ours.
1570
01:31:16,600 --> 01:31:18,840
Oh, shit.
1571
01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:24,320
Carry on. They're quite pleased anyway.
1572
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:26,040
Right, so you've called
some locals knob heads.
1573
01:31:26,200 --> 01:31:28,000
- I just called him a dickhead.
- Yeah.
1574
01:31:28,200 --> 01:31:30,120
And they're coming out
to beat the crap out of you.
1575
01:31:30,320 --> 01:31:31,280
Hello. How are you guys?
1576
01:31:31,440 --> 01:31:33,760
- Hi, everybody.
- He said you're the knob heads.
1577
01:31:33,960 --> 01:31:36,640
This traditional English greeting...
1578
01:31:36,800 --> 01:31:38,720
That's fine. This is your home.
1579
01:31:38,880 --> 01:31:40,440
- Hey. How are you?
- Nice to see you.
1580
01:31:40,600 --> 01:31:42,040
Good to meet you.
1581
01:31:42,240 --> 01:31:45,400
Once Kofi Clarkson
had repaired diplomatic relations,
1582
01:31:47,240 --> 01:31:51,240
we set off
on our detour to Victoria Falls.
1583
01:32:01,600 --> 01:32:02,920
And now,
1584
01:32:04,400 --> 01:32:05,480
everything's on fire.
1585
01:32:05,680 --> 01:32:08,440
Yeah. Oh, my God,
absolutely everything is on fire.
1586
01:32:08,640 --> 01:32:09,640
Bloody Nora.
1587
01:32:10,960 --> 01:32:13,400
We are having
some obstacles today, aren't we?
1588
01:32:17,160 --> 01:32:19,200
Once we reached Vic Falls,
1589
01:32:19,400 --> 01:32:21,680
our thoughts turned
to the matter of accommodation.
1590
01:32:22,800 --> 01:32:26,600
And since the tight-fisted Mr Wilman
wasn't with us...
1591
01:32:34,960 --> 01:32:35,840
Afternoon.
1592
01:32:36,000 --> 01:32:38,480
Thank you.
Could we have three suites, please?
1593
01:32:38,960 --> 01:32:41,320
And if you could have my tailor sent up,
that would be tremendous.
1594
01:32:42,360 --> 01:32:44,120
That's what Bond always says.
1595
01:32:44,880 --> 01:32:47,880
Then, after we'd washed
the coal dust out of our ears,
1596
01:32:48,080 --> 01:32:49,200
we found a workshop
1597
01:32:50,560 --> 01:32:51,760
and cued the music.
1598
01:33:27,960 --> 01:33:31,600
A couple of days later,
the work was complete.
1599
01:33:31,760 --> 01:33:34,240
And we met in the local rail yard
1600
01:33:34,440 --> 01:33:36,840
to compare our contraptions.
1601
01:33:38,680 --> 01:33:41,200
Surprisingly simple job.
1602
01:33:41,360 --> 01:33:44,800
I've put the front wheels
in a sort of animal feed trough,
1603
01:33:44,960 --> 01:33:48,080
which has little railway wheels
on the bottom. Okay?
1604
01:33:48,280 --> 01:33:52,080
At the back, rear wheels drive
that sort of belt system
1605
01:33:52,240 --> 01:33:54,960
which then drives the railway wheels.
1606
01:33:55,120 --> 01:33:57,120
It's simple and it's elegant.
1607
01:33:58,680 --> 01:34:00,800
- Unlike that.
- Let me talk you through this.
1608
01:34:00,960 --> 01:34:03,640
Mine's quite elaborate,
and I suspect you're not interested,
1609
01:34:03,800 --> 01:34:06,720
but I based it on
the diesel-hydraulic locomotives
1610
01:34:06,920 --> 01:34:08,800
of England's western region.
1611
01:34:08,960 --> 01:34:12,160
It's hydraulic drive.
The engine merely drives a pump
1612
01:34:12,360 --> 01:34:14,960
which charges the hydraulic reservoir
which is what then drives the wheels,
1613
01:34:15,120 --> 01:34:17,800
giving you massive torque at standstill
1614
01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:18,840
from zero revs.
1615
01:34:19,000 --> 01:34:20,120
How does it work?
1616
01:34:20,280 --> 01:34:22,280
- That's how it works.
- I didn't understand.
1617
01:34:22,480 --> 01:34:24,400
James, what the bloody hell's that?
1618
01:34:24,560 --> 01:34:25,480
Yeah, well, I did warn you.
1619
01:34:25,680 --> 01:34:29,200
Oh, my Lord! There's
a whole... What's all that?
1620
01:34:29,400 --> 01:34:30,400
That's a hydraulic pump.
1621
01:34:31,120 --> 01:34:32,160
This is a hydraulic reservoir.
1622
01:34:32,920 --> 01:34:33,800
These are pipes.
1623
01:34:34,600 --> 01:34:36,880
Those are gauges that warn you
of the pressures.
1624
01:34:37,080 --> 01:34:39,640
How will you see them
when you're driving along?
1625
01:34:39,800 --> 01:34:41,440
As long as they're right when I set off.
1626
01:34:41,600 --> 01:34:43,520
Unless you've got a co-pilot
who is a giraffe.
1627
01:34:44,040 --> 01:34:47,080
The point about the hydraulic
system is it's the transmission.
1628
01:34:47,240 --> 01:34:50,040
This is how they built real locomotives,
so this is proven technology.
1629
01:34:50,240 --> 01:34:51,920
It doesn't look like a real locomotive.
1630
01:34:52,080 --> 01:34:54,240
- Well, it does, actually.
- No, it doesn't.
1631
01:34:54,400 --> 01:34:55,600
It looks like a Triumph Stag.
1632
01:34:55,760 --> 01:34:58,520
I'm visualising the Flying Scotsman,
the Mallard.
1633
01:34:58,680 --> 01:35:00,720
- Got it? Open your eyes.
- They're not hydraulic locomotives.
1634
01:35:00,920 --> 01:35:02,080
- Is it made real?
- No.
1635
01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:04,560
- No.
- Yours looks even easier than mine.
1636
01:35:04,760 --> 01:35:05,840
You don't even need to go over there.
1637
01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:08,360
Sits on rollers,
back wheels turn rollers,
1638
01:35:08,520 --> 01:35:10,480
rollers turn wheel,
it goes along, end of.
1639
01:35:10,640 --> 01:35:12,160
So it's just like a rolling road?
1640
01:35:12,360 --> 01:35:13,680
Yeah, it's like a running machine.
1641
01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:18,560
Well, James, Hammond and I have proved
there's a very easy way of doing this.
1642
01:35:18,760 --> 01:35:22,080
But you've got
to manipulate your clutch,
1643
01:35:22,280 --> 01:35:23,840
your throttle, your break pedal.
All I have to do...
1644
01:35:24,000 --> 01:35:26,120
- Very much like driving a car.
- Driving, yes.
1645
01:35:26,280 --> 01:35:27,800
Yeah, but it's not a car, you see?
It's a locomotive.
1646
01:35:27,960 --> 01:35:30,440
All I have to do is set the engine revs
1647
01:35:30,600 --> 01:35:32,480
and then I simply move a lever
backwards and forwards,
1648
01:35:32,640 --> 01:35:35,080
the very thing that made
those early locomotives so appealing
1649
01:35:35,240 --> 01:35:37,160
to people who'd grown up on steam.
1650
01:35:40,280 --> 01:35:41,880
- Shall we do this? I'm excited.
- They'll miss me when I'm gone,
1651
01:35:42,040 --> 01:35:43,600
which is in a few days' time.
1652
01:35:45,280 --> 01:35:46,960
We boarded our trains,
1653
01:35:47,760 --> 01:35:49,680
ready for the off.
1654
01:35:50,240 --> 01:35:51,760
Hydraulic pressure is building.
1655
01:35:54,400 --> 01:35:59,160
The train now departing
platform 1 is the Montecarlo Express,
1656
01:35:59,360 --> 01:36:01,880
direct service to Botswana.
1657
01:36:03,920 --> 01:36:04,760
Here we go.
1658
01:36:12,720 --> 01:36:13,720
I'm going along!
1659
01:36:20,800 --> 01:36:22,240
And it works.
1660
01:36:25,320 --> 01:36:26,520
Right, we're away.
1661
01:36:28,520 --> 01:36:29,320
What?
1662
01:36:29,880 --> 01:36:30,680
No, I'm in...
1663
01:36:36,240 --> 01:36:37,840
It makes very authentic train noises.
1664
01:36:38,000 --> 01:36:39,840
Did you hear the little "gadunk gadunk"?
1665
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:43,120
Oh, God.
1666
01:36:53,840 --> 01:36:55,760
Er, I've derailed.
1667
01:36:56,120 --> 01:36:57,080
Oh, dear.
1668
01:37:00,120 --> 01:37:02,640
I'm going to have to reverse
to see what his problem is.
1669
01:37:04,680 --> 01:37:05,640
Oh yes!
1670
01:37:05,800 --> 01:37:09,560
The Montecarlo Express
goes forwards and backwards.
1671
01:37:09,720 --> 01:37:10,720
Look at that.
1672
01:37:12,080 --> 01:37:14,040
What a machine I have built here.
1673
01:37:19,960 --> 01:37:23,560
This meant that James and I
had both derailed.
1674
01:37:24,720 --> 01:37:26,240
But it could be worse.
1675
01:37:28,000 --> 01:37:30,080
Oh, bugger.
1676
01:37:31,000 --> 01:37:33,400
So that wheel turns that way,
1677
01:37:33,560 --> 01:37:37,640
which turns these wheels the other way,
1678
01:37:38,200 --> 01:37:40,840
which means it goes the other way
1679
01:37:41,000 --> 01:37:43,160
to the way these wheels are turning.
1680
01:37:44,280 --> 01:37:45,120
Er...
1681
01:37:46,400 --> 01:37:47,360
right.
1682
01:37:48,800 --> 01:37:52,120
Luckily,
as we hadn't actually left the station,
1683
01:37:52,320 --> 01:37:56,880
there was a telehandler on hand
to help sort out our problems.
1684
01:37:57,720 --> 01:38:00,640
Er, I'm gonna pick it up
and turn it around,
1685
01:38:00,800 --> 01:38:04,200
so that when it's going backwards,
it's going forwards.
1686
01:38:04,880 --> 01:38:07,160
So what this means is I've now got
1687
01:38:07,840 --> 01:38:11,640
four reverse gears
that make me go forwards.
1688
01:38:14,000 --> 01:38:18,000
Right.
Now, simply put it back on the track.
1689
01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:22,520
No problem. Everything's under control.
1690
01:38:24,040 --> 01:38:27,040
And, when all of us
were back on tracks,
1691
01:38:27,200 --> 01:38:29,080
we set off once more.
1692
01:38:47,040 --> 01:38:50,720
Isn't it funny,
you make one little error,
1693
01:38:50,880 --> 01:38:53,640
miscalculation,
and then your life is this.
1694
01:38:56,760 --> 01:39:00,960
Even though Hammond wasn't
bringing much dignity to the situation,
1695
01:39:01,120 --> 01:39:03,360
this was still quite a moment.
1696
01:39:05,440 --> 01:39:08,080
Because we were now grand touring
1697
01:39:08,280 --> 01:39:12,080
on one of the world's
most iconic railway lines.
1698
01:39:13,840 --> 01:39:15,120
It is remarkable that today,
1699
01:39:15,280 --> 01:39:18,080
we can't build a railway line
in Britain from...
1700
01:39:18,760 --> 01:39:20,080
London to Manchester,
1701
01:39:21,200 --> 01:39:24,080
whereas 150 years ago someone said:
1702
01:39:24,280 --> 01:39:27,440
"Let's build a railway line
from Cape Town to Cairo",
1703
01:39:27,600 --> 01:39:32,880
7,000 miles across the spine of Africa.
1704
01:39:33,800 --> 01:39:35,920
And they went:
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can do that."
1705
01:39:36,080 --> 01:39:38,800
And then someone said: "But there's
a bloody great gorge in the way."
1706
01:39:38,960 --> 01:39:41,120
And they said: "Well, it doesn't matter,
here's what we'll do.
1707
01:39:41,320 --> 01:39:44,480
We'll build a bridge in Darlington,
1708
01:39:44,680 --> 01:39:45,880
ship it out there,
1709
01:39:46,040 --> 01:39:48,280
and we'll assemble it in situ
and it'll fit."
1710
01:39:48,440 --> 01:39:49,480
And it did.
1711
01:39:50,160 --> 01:39:51,600
And here it is!
1712
01:39:57,560 --> 01:39:59,080
Oh, my God.
1713
01:40:00,840 --> 01:40:02,280
Driving a Lancia Montecarlo
1714
01:40:04,680 --> 01:40:06,960
on the Victoria Falls bridge.
1715
01:40:13,000 --> 01:40:17,800
We are 420 feet above the gorge.
1716
01:40:19,080 --> 01:40:20,840
Let's just take a moment.
1717
01:40:48,040 --> 01:40:50,880
I shall certainly miss
doing this sort of thing.
1718
01:40:54,640 --> 01:40:58,800
Having ticked off
this unexpected bucket-list moment...
1719
01:41:03,080 --> 01:41:07,560
We trundled along with our minds
firmly set on the goal.
1720
01:41:08,920 --> 01:41:10,920
So, if we can use the railway now
1721
01:41:11,120 --> 01:41:14,080
to get us past that sort
of coal-mining area,
1722
01:41:14,280 --> 01:41:15,120
yeah,
1723
01:41:16,120 --> 01:41:17,560
it's a home run then.
1724
01:41:33,240 --> 01:41:35,480
I once went on the Orient Express
with my wife in India.
1725
01:41:35,640 --> 01:41:37,160
We had a brilliant time.
1726
01:41:38,560 --> 01:41:39,600
Very similar.
1727
01:41:52,320 --> 01:41:54,840
This is more
comfortable than the roads, isn't it?
1728
01:41:55,280 --> 01:41:56,120
And the other thing as well.
1729
01:41:56,280 --> 01:41:58,880
For the first time,
I've been able to look at the views
1730
01:41:59,080 --> 01:42:00,760
rather than the road ahead.
1731
01:42:00,960 --> 01:42:04,120
Yeah, I'm looking at the views
as they recede.
1732
01:42:04,320 --> 01:42:06,880
Can we call you
the Disorientated Express?
1733
01:42:10,120 --> 01:42:15,760
As we chatted away,
I had just one small niggle on my mind.
1734
01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:20,040
I've been assured that no train
is coming in the other direction.
1735
01:42:21,880 --> 01:42:23,720
But what if one is?
1736
01:42:25,400 --> 01:42:28,040
It's one of those things
you cannot get out of your mind
1737
01:42:28,200 --> 01:42:30,760
when you're on
a single-track railway like this.
1738
01:42:32,440 --> 01:42:36,320
And then,
that niggle was joined by another one.
1739
01:42:37,440 --> 01:42:40,360
Oh! I've got a high-temperature
warning here.
1740
01:42:40,560 --> 01:42:45,080
I don't think my engine
is cooling quite like it should be.
1741
01:42:45,280 --> 01:42:46,320
For some reason.
1742
01:42:48,000 --> 01:42:50,880
Could it be that I've converted my car
into a train?
1743
01:42:52,240 --> 01:42:54,240
My solution was to lift the bonnet
1744
01:42:54,400 --> 01:42:56,600
and then call on my old friends,
1745
01:42:57,200 --> 01:42:58,640
Speed and Power.
1746
01:43:07,120 --> 01:43:08,920
Indicated: 40 miles an hour.
1747
01:43:10,040 --> 01:43:12,840
It isn't 40 miles an hour,
but that's what it says.
1748
01:43:13,760 --> 01:43:17,120
The airflow is good now at this speed,
very good.
1749
01:43:20,520 --> 01:43:22,760
Okay, my right leg's going numb now.
1750
01:43:26,080 --> 01:43:27,840
By mid-afternoon,
1751
01:43:28,040 --> 01:43:31,880
we were confident
we'd actually achieved something.
1752
01:43:37,600 --> 01:43:39,640
I reckon we've passed
the end of the dusty road
1753
01:43:39,800 --> 01:43:41,080
and all that rough stuff.
1754
01:43:41,280 --> 01:43:43,880
Yeah, I think we have.
We've passed the coal mine for sure.
1755
01:43:45,160 --> 01:43:47,960
We therefore pulled over
at a level crossing,
1756
01:43:48,680 --> 01:43:51,880
to do a job
which we'd been avoiding thinking about.
1757
01:43:58,000 --> 01:43:59,240
How do we get them off?
1758
01:43:59,800 --> 01:44:02,840
I suppose the approaching
freight train could do the job for you.
1759
01:44:03,040 --> 01:44:06,440
Right, what you need to do first,
using the adjustable spanner...
1760
01:44:06,600 --> 01:44:08,400
I cannot count on us
using an adjustable spanner.
1761
01:44:08,600 --> 01:44:09,400
Slacken the lock nuts.
1762
01:44:09,560 --> 01:44:11,280
Why can't you use one of these?
1763
01:44:11,440 --> 01:44:13,560
Because it is the tool of a charlatan.
1764
01:44:13,720 --> 01:44:15,760
- You don't mean "charlatan", do you?
- I do.
1765
01:44:15,960 --> 01:44:19,080
You mean someone who just has
one tool instead of three hundred.
1766
01:44:19,280 --> 01:44:21,160
- Undo the lock nuts first.
- What are talking about?
1767
01:44:21,320 --> 01:44:22,240
What's the lock nut?
1768
01:44:22,720 --> 01:44:23,840
That is a lock nut.
1769
01:44:24,000 --> 01:44:25,680
This spanner's too big.
1770
01:44:25,880 --> 01:44:29,360
We don't all have to go
to the same old folks home, do we?
1771
01:44:29,520 --> 01:44:30,720
No.
1772
01:44:30,880 --> 01:44:33,520
I mean, it's not obligatory
after this that we all, the next day...
1773
01:44:33,680 --> 01:44:36,040
He said he's deleting
our numbers as soon as we finish.
1774
01:44:37,160 --> 01:44:40,000
And we finish, delete, now they've gone.
1775
01:44:40,680 --> 01:44:41,600
Oh, God.
1776
01:44:41,760 --> 01:44:43,240
Quite easy to do,
they're next to each other.
1777
01:44:43,400 --> 01:44:45,080
World's smallest cun,
world's biggest cun.
1778
01:44:45,240 --> 01:44:46,320
We've stalled.
1779
01:44:47,960 --> 01:44:50,080
That's actually true as well.
It's not a lie.
1780
01:44:50,240 --> 01:44:51,160
It is true.
1781
01:44:53,280 --> 01:44:55,200
- I've had an idea.
- What?
1782
01:44:55,400 --> 01:44:59,480
Why don't we go to a screen now
that says "Fifteen minutes later"?
1783
01:44:59,640 --> 01:45:00,440
Yeah?
1784
01:45:00,600 --> 01:45:02,760
Get the production people
to get them off.
1785
01:45:02,960 --> 01:45:04,640
- And then...
- It looks like we've done it.
1786
01:45:04,840 --> 01:45:06,120
It looks like we've done it.
1787
01:45:06,560 --> 01:45:08,280
And then, we'll have
a line of voice-over:
1788
01:45:08,440 --> 01:45:11,080
"Soon, all the cars were off
the railway line."
1789
01:45:14,720 --> 01:45:17,840
Soon,
all the cars were off the railway line.
1790
01:45:21,080 --> 01:45:25,280
And, as the border with Botswana
was just under 40 miles away,
1791
01:45:25,440 --> 01:45:28,000
we had nearly completed our mission.
1792
01:45:30,160 --> 01:45:34,520
And for that,
we had three little heroes to thank.
1793
01:45:37,800 --> 01:45:40,760
I am amazed
that the Ford Capri is still running.
1794
01:45:40,960 --> 01:45:42,040
I really am.
1795
01:45:42,200 --> 01:45:45,360
But I'm more amazed
by the Stag and the Montecarlo,
1796
01:45:45,520 --> 01:45:48,640
because almost anyone who knows
anything about cars would say
1797
01:45:48,840 --> 01:45:53,080
those two are
the most unreliable cars ever made.
1798
01:45:53,520 --> 01:45:55,760
And here they are, soldiering along.
1799
01:45:59,080 --> 01:46:02,800
And, we really did
save the best till last...
1800
01:46:14,840 --> 01:46:20,560
Because Zimbabwe has provided
the perfect backdrop
1801
01:46:21,480 --> 01:46:23,480
for our final motoring adventure.
1802
01:47:26,040 --> 01:47:27,320
Amazing cars!
1803
01:47:27,520 --> 01:47:29,480
Amazing, amazing cars
1804
01:47:30,080 --> 01:47:33,640
have survived
this amazing, amazing country.
1805
01:47:38,160 --> 01:47:39,480
Essex!
1806
01:47:42,760 --> 01:47:44,440
Triumph Stag.
1807
01:47:47,200 --> 01:47:50,560
Overheating, my arse.
1808
01:48:01,600 --> 01:48:03,120
Well done, Lancia.
1809
01:48:03,320 --> 01:48:06,240
I can actually see the customs post.
1810
01:48:07,120 --> 01:48:09,680
You fantastic little
car, you've done it.
1811
01:48:10,040 --> 01:48:11,040
You've done it.
1812
01:48:12,960 --> 01:48:14,720
Before going up to the checkpoint,
1813
01:48:14,880 --> 01:48:18,480
we pulled over to reflect on the moment.
1814
01:48:19,880 --> 01:48:23,800
We have crossed Zimbabwe
and you don't know.
1815
01:48:24,000 --> 01:48:27,200
No, barely tell from the...
"Did you use these cars to do it?"
1816
01:48:27,400 --> 01:48:30,080
Yeah, quite. I would love to keep this.
1817
01:48:30,240 --> 01:48:31,080
Yeah.
1818
01:48:31,280 --> 01:48:33,120
I would properly love
to keep it, actually.
1819
01:48:33,320 --> 01:48:35,040
All we need is three bags
to take 'em home with.
1820
01:48:35,200 --> 01:48:37,720
I mean, this is, I think, restorable.
1821
01:48:37,880 --> 01:48:40,160
I think mine is.
It'd have to completely come apart.
1822
01:48:40,960 --> 01:48:41,800
Anyway, listen.
1823
01:48:42,000 --> 01:48:44,840
We must plough on, 'cause obviously,
we've finished the programme,
1824
01:48:45,000 --> 01:48:46,240
now we've gotta finish the show.
1825
01:48:46,400 --> 01:48:49,320
- The whole thing.
- So... Oh.
1826
01:48:50,680 --> 01:48:51,520
What?
1827
01:48:53,640 --> 01:48:54,440
What?
1828
01:48:54,640 --> 01:48:56,120
We've got a small problem.
1829
01:48:56,600 --> 01:48:58,160
- What?
- Well, that's silver.
1830
01:49:00,080 --> 01:49:01,920
- Oh, yeah.
- We've got to get across the border.
1831
01:49:02,680 --> 01:49:04,640
- The silver.
- We've got a lot of silver.
1832
01:49:05,720 --> 01:49:08,080
I mean, if we go through with them,
that's smuggling.
1833
01:49:08,240 --> 01:49:09,080
It is, yes.
1834
01:49:09,280 --> 01:49:10,520
Shall we remove it?
1835
01:49:10,720 --> 01:49:12,040
- No.
- No, that would be...
1836
01:49:12,200 --> 01:49:14,160
- Well...
- Well, you really can't!
1837
01:49:14,360 --> 01:49:17,200
- You'd have no more downforce.
- Yes.
1838
01:49:17,400 --> 01:49:20,120
- What do we do? Style it out.
- Style it out.
1839
01:49:20,320 --> 01:49:22,400
- Relaxed.
- Relax is the way.
1840
01:49:22,600 --> 01:49:23,480
Job's a good 'un.
1841
01:49:33,120 --> 01:49:34,520
- Hello.
- How are you?
1842
01:49:34,720 --> 01:49:36,200
Very well. How are you?
1843
01:49:36,400 --> 01:49:39,120
Do you have anything to declare?
1844
01:49:39,600 --> 01:49:40,520
No.
1845
01:49:44,600 --> 01:49:47,040
- Can you step outside, please?
- Yes.
1846
01:49:48,640 --> 01:49:50,200
He's trying to look normal.
1847
01:49:51,480 --> 01:49:53,920
Can you help us to open the bonnet?
1848
01:49:59,240 --> 01:50:01,480
Don't go round the back of his car.
1849
01:50:03,360 --> 01:50:04,200
Alright.
1850
01:50:04,640 --> 01:50:06,360
Alright, thank you for your cooperation.
1851
01:50:06,520 --> 01:50:07,560
You can go through.
1852
01:50:07,760 --> 01:50:08,440
Thank you very much.
1853
01:50:08,640 --> 01:50:09,360
Thank you, sir.
1854
01:50:09,520 --> 01:50:10,480
Thank you.
1855
01:50:12,840 --> 01:50:13,800
Thank you.
1856
01:50:19,720 --> 01:50:22,960
Yes! Yes!
1857
01:50:25,400 --> 01:50:29,200
I'm just gonna play it as
I'm just like a quiet,
1858
01:50:30,160 --> 01:50:31,640
softly spoken...
1859
01:50:32,680 --> 01:50:34,640
just a fairly miserable guy.
I'm just not...
1860
01:50:34,800 --> 01:50:36,800
I'm not gonna be
my bouncy self, 'cause I'll overdo it.
1861
01:50:40,800 --> 01:50:42,040
- Good day, sir.
- Good day.
1862
01:50:42,200 --> 01:50:43,480
- How are you?
- Very well, thank you.
1863
01:50:43,640 --> 01:50:46,680
You have reached the Pandamatenga
border post into Botswana.
1864
01:50:47,040 --> 01:50:47,960
What?
1865
01:50:48,120 --> 01:50:50,320
You have reached the Pandamatenga
1866
01:50:50,520 --> 01:50:53,120
- border post into Botswana.
- Yes, yeah.
1867
01:50:53,320 --> 01:50:55,520
- Do you have anything to declare?
- No.
1868
01:50:55,720 --> 01:50:57,760
Can you come and open the boot for us?
1869
01:51:02,200 --> 01:51:04,880
- Please, can you move with us?
- Yep.
1870
01:51:05,080 --> 01:51:07,040
That's not very promising, is it?
1871
01:51:16,640 --> 01:51:18,320
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome, thank you.
1872
01:51:20,720 --> 01:51:21,800
Enjoy Botswana.
1873
01:51:22,480 --> 01:51:23,760
- And have fun.
- I will.
1874
01:51:23,920 --> 01:51:24,800
Thank you.
1875
01:51:28,120 --> 01:51:29,240
Yeah, I killed it.
1876
01:51:30,440 --> 01:51:33,400
Please can you come
and open the bonnet?
1877
01:51:36,040 --> 01:51:38,280
You'll notice, when I open this
bonnet, this is the original Stag engine
1878
01:51:38,480 --> 01:51:41,280
and not the transplanted Rover one.
1879
01:51:43,920 --> 01:51:46,120
Open the door for me.
1880
01:51:52,080 --> 01:51:54,480
So there are quite a lot
of empty drinks tins.
1881
01:52:03,840 --> 01:52:04,880
Alright, sir.
1882
01:52:05,040 --> 01:52:07,000
You can close the door.
1883
01:52:07,680 --> 01:52:08,520
Thank you.
1884
01:52:12,440 --> 01:52:14,320
Oh, shit, the steering wheel's hot.
1885
01:52:14,480 --> 01:52:17,240
The steering wheel's hot,
but don't draw attention to it.
1886
01:52:18,520 --> 01:52:19,320
Thank you.
1887
01:52:19,480 --> 01:52:20,600
Thank you, sir.
1888
01:52:21,320 --> 01:52:24,600
Knee steer. Knee steer.
1889
01:52:28,000 --> 01:52:29,200
Ow.
1890
01:52:36,280 --> 01:52:37,800
Us three smugglers
1891
01:52:38,000 --> 01:52:41,080
were now on our final drive together.
1892
01:52:46,280 --> 01:52:51,280
Heading to our favourite place
in the world.
1893
01:52:57,640 --> 01:53:02,760
We've travelled thousands
and thousands and thousands of miles
1894
01:53:02,960 --> 01:53:07,200
and had thousands and thousands
and thousands of adventures.
1895
01:53:10,120 --> 01:53:12,920
And we're gonna end up
right where we started.
1896
01:53:17,400 --> 01:53:22,000
Never thought
that what we do together would...
1897
01:53:22,680 --> 01:53:25,760
would go on as it has.
1898
01:53:28,680 --> 01:53:31,720
I was excited when I got the job,
way back.
1899
01:53:32,320 --> 01:53:33,560
Very excited.
1900
01:53:34,400 --> 01:53:37,440
But I never dreamed
it would grow into a career
1901
01:53:37,600 --> 01:53:39,600
and life-defining adventure.
1902
01:53:39,760 --> 01:53:44,080
And, occasionally,
nearly career and life-ending adventure.
1903
01:53:48,640 --> 01:53:52,280
I can't pretend it isn't gonna be
a wrench, ending this.
1904
01:53:53,920 --> 01:53:55,000
'Cause it is.
1905
01:54:01,080 --> 01:54:03,040
22 years.
1906
01:54:03,680 --> 01:54:05,600
More than a third of my life.
1907
01:54:10,640 --> 01:54:13,160
This is going to hit me
in quite small ways.
1908
01:54:13,720 --> 01:54:16,080
Like there's a green bag,
I have a green holdall
1909
01:54:16,240 --> 01:54:18,840
that I've used since the
very first special in Botswana.
1910
01:54:19,040 --> 01:54:22,320
I've always used it for specials,
but I've never taken it anywhere else.
1911
01:54:23,480 --> 01:54:25,280
So what will I do with that green bag?
1912
01:54:25,440 --> 01:54:30,040
One day, I'll come across it
in that cupboard where we keep the bags.
1913
01:54:30,600 --> 01:54:32,080
And I'll think: "Oh, yeah."
1914
01:54:34,400 --> 01:54:35,680
And it will come back.
1915
01:54:42,200 --> 01:54:43,040
Anyway.
1916
01:54:43,680 --> 01:54:44,600
I hope
1917
01:54:45,760 --> 01:54:49,080
we've brought you
a little bit of happiness.
1918
01:54:55,600 --> 01:54:59,400
Several miles further on,
Hammond broke down again.
1919
01:55:02,200 --> 01:55:04,160
Er, my car isn't starting.
1920
01:55:05,480 --> 01:55:08,400
And even though
this was our last-ever drive,
1921
01:55:08,560 --> 01:55:12,520
we felt duty bound
to react in the usual manner.
1922
01:55:12,680 --> 01:55:14,880
We shall leave you to the wolves.
1923
01:55:19,160 --> 01:55:21,960
And, as the tarmac surface
was about to stop...
1924
01:55:24,280 --> 01:55:27,320
I decided to give
my feisty little Twin Cam
1925
01:55:27,520 --> 01:55:29,400
one last blast.
1926
01:55:29,600 --> 01:55:30,880
♪ Monte Carlo ♪
1927
01:55:31,040 --> 01:55:33,000
♪ Stood tall on that concrete ♪
1928
01:55:33,200 --> 01:55:34,760
♪ With a heart of gold
and some lead feet ♪
1929
01:55:34,960 --> 01:55:36,560
♪ Kids to feed, give
'em what they need ♪
1930
01:55:36,760 --> 01:55:38,080
♪ 'Cause I refuse to be
another dead beat ♪
1931
01:55:38,240 --> 01:55:39,920
♪ Now, lesson learned
As the tires burned ♪
1932
01:55:40,080 --> 01:55:41,480
♪ Been a long road full of sharp turns ♪
1933
01:55:41,680 --> 01:55:43,400
♪ Catching all the curves
Give it gas and swerve ♪
1934
01:55:43,600 --> 01:55:45,920
♪ Eyes on the journey
till it's all a blur ♪
1935
01:55:48,400 --> 01:55:51,200
Right, now,
finally heading through the bush
1936
01:55:51,400 --> 01:55:52,880
to the Makgadikgadi.
1937
01:55:54,280 --> 01:55:56,120
Sand roads. I remember those.
1938
01:55:56,280 --> 01:55:58,280
God, they were so good.
1939
01:55:58,720 --> 01:55:59,960
So comfortable.
1940
01:56:04,680 --> 01:56:05,560
The hell?
1941
01:56:14,760 --> 01:56:15,720
No way.
1942
01:56:21,840 --> 01:56:23,720
Holy shit.
1943
01:56:30,920 --> 01:56:32,000
It's my car.
1944
01:56:32,600 --> 01:56:34,520
It's my car from the very first special.
1945
01:56:40,720 --> 01:56:43,080
Is that...? It can't be James' Merc.
1946
01:56:46,920 --> 01:56:48,720
I don't believe it.
1947
01:56:51,120 --> 01:56:52,840
The Lite Bite Cafe.
1948
01:56:55,120 --> 01:56:56,480
That is astonishing.
1949
01:56:56,640 --> 01:56:58,800
I'm... I'm... I'm slightly
1950
01:56:59,920 --> 01:57:01,120
choked up.
1951
01:57:05,080 --> 01:57:06,200
Hang on a minute.
1952
01:57:06,760 --> 01:57:09,240
The doors were off. No, were they? Yes.
1953
01:57:09,840 --> 01:57:11,720
Someone's found the doors
1954
01:57:12,440 --> 01:57:15,080
that we took off
to cross the Makgadikgadi.
1955
01:57:16,400 --> 01:57:17,200
What's up?
1956
01:57:17,360 --> 01:57:19,080
You're not going to believe this.
1957
01:57:19,280 --> 01:57:21,680
You are not going to believe this.
1958
01:57:24,480 --> 01:57:25,720
Jeez, is it?
1959
01:57:25,880 --> 01:57:26,800
It's my car.
1960
01:57:28,040 --> 01:57:29,520
It's my old Lancia.
1961
01:57:30,280 --> 01:57:32,720
- Is that my Mercedes?
- I think that's your Mercedes.
1962
01:57:33,840 --> 01:57:35,360
I'll know if this is mine,
1963
01:57:35,560 --> 01:57:36,520
because
1964
01:57:37,560 --> 01:57:40,360
it'll have the five-speed gear knob
on the four-speed box.
1965
01:57:43,240 --> 01:57:44,640
Christ, it is!
1966
01:57:46,360 --> 01:57:50,760
I'm... I'm... I'm absolutely...
My heart's just gone kinda nuts.
1967
01:57:51,360 --> 01:57:54,200
Look, yeah, the badge is gone,
which I took as a souvenir.
1968
01:57:54,400 --> 01:57:56,080
- Souvenir?
- Yes.
1969
01:57:56,600 --> 01:57:59,720
You know what I've kept
as a souvenir on every single special?
1970
01:57:59,880 --> 01:58:02,160
Every single special,
I've had it with me.
1971
01:58:02,320 --> 01:58:04,920
- Yes! Yes!
- I've got it with me now. Hang on.
1972
01:58:05,120 --> 01:58:06,200
Where is it?
1973
01:58:06,360 --> 01:58:08,960
It's in my suitcase.
It's always in my suitcase.
1974
01:58:11,080 --> 01:58:11,880
Sorry, everyone.
1975
01:58:21,320 --> 01:58:22,880
That was my souvenir.
1976
01:58:23,040 --> 01:58:24,440
Let's stick it in.
1977
01:58:26,480 --> 01:58:28,560
I'm sure I took it from here.
1978
01:58:28,760 --> 01:58:29,880
There you go.
1979
01:58:30,040 --> 01:58:31,960
It's got its eye back!
1980
01:58:32,480 --> 01:58:35,400
So somebody found...
They must be the same doors.
1981
01:58:35,600 --> 01:58:36,720
Somebody found those
and stuck 'em back on.
1982
01:58:36,880 --> 01:58:38,440
We left them...
I remember, we had to lighten.
1983
01:58:38,960 --> 01:58:41,160
I think we left the doors
with that bloke.
1984
01:58:41,320 --> 01:58:42,160
Noah.
1985
01:58:42,360 --> 01:58:43,960
- That's right.
- Noah the bush mechanic.
1986
01:58:44,120 --> 01:58:46,880
I wonder if Noah went and recovered
the cars and put the doors back on.
1987
01:58:47,440 --> 01:58:48,840
He probably did.
1988
01:59:07,440 --> 01:59:08,520
Okay.
1989
01:59:10,400 --> 01:59:11,520
Incredible.
1990
01:59:26,880 --> 01:59:29,880
Having spent the night
in a luxury camp,
1991
01:59:30,040 --> 01:59:33,400
we met for breakfast
with our minds all focused
1992
01:59:34,120 --> 01:59:35,560
on the same thing.
1993
01:59:43,720 --> 01:59:45,280
Have you heard anything from Amazon?
1994
01:59:45,440 --> 01:59:47,920
- Yeah, I got an email here.
- Have you?
1995
01:59:50,280 --> 01:59:51,760
They want their laptops back.
1996
01:59:53,680 --> 01:59:56,280
So no big fat cheque? No contract?
1997
01:59:56,440 --> 01:59:59,040
No letter pleading
with us to keep going?
1998
01:59:59,960 --> 02:00:01,200
No, I got nothing.
1999
02:00:01,680 --> 02:00:03,320
Right, well, this really is
our last breakfast then, isn't it?
2000
02:00:03,520 --> 02:00:04,440
Yeah.
2001
02:00:06,240 --> 02:00:07,240
This is it.
2002
02:00:08,120 --> 02:00:10,280
Have you seen this, Hammond?
2003
02:00:11,000 --> 02:00:12,480
When you broke down yesterday,
2004
02:00:13,160 --> 02:00:14,480
we were driving along.
2005
02:00:18,360 --> 02:00:19,760
Wait, are those...?
2006
02:00:20,400 --> 02:00:22,480
Are they your cars from when
we were last here? Seriously?
2007
02:00:22,640 --> 02:00:23,960
Yeah. They were just
at the side of the road.
2008
02:00:24,160 --> 02:00:25,680
It's definitely the same ones.
2009
02:00:25,880 --> 02:00:27,720
So they've been here ever since.
Driving about.
2010
02:00:27,920 --> 02:00:29,800
It still smells the same, the Mercedes.
2011
02:00:30,000 --> 02:00:31,080
And talking of which,
2012
02:00:32,320 --> 02:00:34,480
we've got the final push today.
2013
02:00:34,920 --> 02:00:37,160
A short journey to Kubu Island.
2014
02:00:37,320 --> 02:00:38,120
Mm-hmm.
2015
02:00:38,320 --> 02:00:39,960
Across the salt pans.
2016
02:00:40,160 --> 02:00:41,680
Why don't we do it
2017
02:00:42,640 --> 02:00:44,000
Makgadikgadi style?
2018
02:01:05,560 --> 02:01:07,160
This is it.
2019
02:01:07,360 --> 02:01:09,360
This is how we did it the last time.
2020
02:01:09,840 --> 02:01:10,840
No doors!
2021
02:01:12,760 --> 02:01:14,880
What a way to end The Grand Tour!
2022
02:01:15,400 --> 02:01:16,440
What a place!
2023
02:02:23,120 --> 02:02:27,360
♪ These mist-covered mountains ♪
2024
02:02:29,560 --> 02:02:32,520
♪ Are a home now for me ♪
2025
02:02:35,880 --> 02:02:39,920
♪ But my home is the lowlands ♪
2026
02:02:41,960 --> 02:02:44,960
♪ And always will be ♪
2027
02:02:48,160 --> 02:02:52,360
♪ Someday you'll return to ♪
2028
02:02:54,760 --> 02:02:58,120
♪ Your valleys and your farms ♪
2029
02:03:01,360 --> 02:03:07,400
♪ And you'll no longer burn
to be brothers in arms ♪
2030
02:03:24,040 --> 02:03:25,080
There it is.
2031
02:03:26,760 --> 02:03:28,120
Kubu Island.
2032
02:03:29,240 --> 02:03:30,600
Oh, God, I think that's it.
2033
02:03:32,400 --> 02:03:33,440
That is it.
2034
02:03:42,600 --> 02:03:44,760
There's our tree.
2035
02:03:47,960 --> 02:03:50,240
It just remains for me to say,
2036
02:03:51,400 --> 02:03:54,680
thank you very, very much for watching.
2037
02:03:56,320 --> 02:03:57,320
Thank you.
2038
02:04:00,760 --> 02:04:01,720
It means a lot.
2039
02:05:49,360 --> 02:05:50,360
Poof.
2040
02:05:51,680 --> 02:05:52,920
And, er...
2041
02:05:53,960 --> 02:05:54,800
That's it.
2042
02:06:28,400 --> 02:06:30,480
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2043
02:06:32,000 --> 02:06:34,520
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2044
02:06:36,440 --> 02:06:38,680
♪ I really want to see you ♪
2045
02:06:40,600 --> 02:06:43,000
♪ Really want to be with you ♪
2046
02:06:44,600 --> 02:06:49,960
♪ Really want to see you, Lord
But it takes so long, my Lord ♪
2047
02:06:51,760 --> 02:06:54,320
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2048
02:06:56,160 --> 02:06:58,600
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2049
02:07:00,280 --> 02:07:02,920
♪ I really wanna see you ♪
2050
02:07:04,560 --> 02:07:06,960
♪ Really wanna see you ♪
2051
02:07:08,520 --> 02:07:11,280
♪ Really wanna see you, Lord ♪
2052
02:07:13,000 --> 02:07:17,880
♪ Really wanna see you, Lord
But it takes so long, my Lord ♪
2053
02:07:18,040 --> 02:07:19,480
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2054
02:07:19,640 --> 02:07:21,680
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2055
02:07:21,840 --> 02:07:23,520
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2056
02:07:23,680 --> 02:07:25,640
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2057
02:07:25,800 --> 02:07:27,440
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2058
02:07:27,640 --> 02:07:29,680
♪ My, my, my Lord ♪
2059
02:07:29,840 --> 02:07:31,840
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2060
02:07:32,000 --> 02:07:33,640
♪ I really wanna know you ♪
2061
02:07:33,800 --> 02:07:36,400
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2062
02:07:36,600 --> 02:07:40,080
♪ Really wanna go with you Hallelujah ♪
2063
02:07:40,240 --> 02:07:42,560
♪ Really wanna show you, Lord ♪
2064
02:07:42,720 --> 02:07:45,520
♪ That it won't take long, my Lord ♪
2065
02:07:45,680 --> 02:07:48,200
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2066
02:07:48,360 --> 02:07:49,440
♪ Mm, my Lord ♪
2067
02:07:49,600 --> 02:07:51,440
♪ Hallelujah ♪
2068
02:07:51,600 --> 02:07:54,480
♪ My sweet Lord ♪
2069
02:07:56,440 --> 02:07:58,000
{n8}Are we ready, gentlemen?
2070
02:07:58,400 --> 02:08:00,680
{n8}Honestly, I don't know.
2071
02:08:02,920 --> 02:08:05,200
{n8}- He's on it!
- I'm on the shunter!
2072
02:08:05,400 --> 02:08:08,960
{n8}A properly
three-legged old man went past!
2073
02:08:10,760 --> 02:08:12,600
{n8}Maybe leaking slightly.
2074
02:08:13,400 --> 02:08:14,200
{n8}What a moron.
2075
02:08:17,040 --> 02:08:20,200
{n8}There must have been 40 people
in the room when the police arrived.
2076
02:08:20,400 --> 02:08:22,200
{n8}Woah!
2077
02:08:22,360 --> 02:08:24,560
{n8}Clarkson!
2078
02:08:26,960 --> 02:08:29,080
{n8}Sideways in linen.
2079
02:08:31,760 --> 02:08:34,440
{n8}Bollocks.
2080
02:08:36,520 --> 02:08:40,920
{n8}Get out of the way,
get out of the way, I'm in a race.
2081
02:08:43,600 --> 02:08:45,760
{n8}- Let's sing a song.
- No.
2082
02:08:48,560 --> 02:08:50,200
{n8}There's no dignity in that, is there?
2083
02:08:50,400 --> 02:08:51,240
{n8}Nah.
2084
02:08:54,760 --> 02:08:56,200
{n8}Okay, it's time now
2085
02:08:57,000 --> 02:08:59,200
{n8}and, nobody's ever said this
on a car show before,
2086
02:09:00,040 --> 02:09:01,800
{n8}save the world.
2087
02:09:04,040 --> 02:09:07,520
{n8}We don't all have to go
to the same old folk's home, do we?
2088
02:09:07,680 --> 02:09:09,360
{n8}No.