1 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:06,734 - Hello. You all right? - Yeah. Good, thanks. 2 00:01:06,940 --> 00:01:10,899 See that film last night? Denzil washington? 3 00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:14,217 - No. - He's a brilliant actor. 4 00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:17,617 - He's very good. - Oh, dear. 5 00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:20,254 - I like him. - He's great. 6 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:24,378 - See you later. - See you later. 7 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:31,974 - He's not my favourite actor of all time. - No? 8 00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:36,378 No. My favourite actor of all time is mr sidney poitier. 9 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:40,737 - Well. - So... all right? 10 00:01:40,940 --> 00:01:43,534 Yeah. Amazing. 11 00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:54,928 - Gareth, are you building up your wrists? - Yes. 12 00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:59,495 When is the charity wank-athon? 13 00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:03,454 - I don't know, but you'd win it. - That's good. 14 00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:08,097 - Seriously, what are you doing? - Orienteering with the tas. 15 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,172 All right? 16 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:17,610 - Yeah. I've just come to apologise. - Don't worry about it. 17 00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:22,610 No. I was out of order. I'd had a really bad day. I shouldn't have done it. 18 00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:24,378 Well... 19 00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:28,653 - so we're cool, yeah? - Absolutely. Totally cool. 20 00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:31,374 What's that? Is that for me? 21 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,536 - Yeah. - Cheers. 22 00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:37,096 There's nothing going on between them. 23 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:41,976 I've been watching him and I imagine you've been watching her, 24 00:02:42,180 --> 00:02:45,252 so between us we've got it covered. 25 00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:54,057 - See you later, mate. - Yeah. Thanks for that. Cheers. 26 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:02,379 - Probably a bottle of something. - You reckon? 27 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,889 Look at the shape. 28 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:11,934 Today I'm doing our staff appraisals. 29 00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:15,018 Some people can get nervous - 30 00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:19,896 they think they're putting their head on the block, which is wrong. 31 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,534 They fill out a form in advance 32 00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:28,770 and they don't only list their strengths and weaknesses, but also mine as a boss. 33 00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:33,417 So it's a chance for them to tell me where we're going wrong. 34 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:38,375 - It's an opportunity... - to separate the wheat from the chaff. 35 00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:43,779 No. That sounds bad. We're not trying to find out who the worst people are. 36 00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:47,416 We know who they are. I've put them on my form. 37 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:50,180 - No... - I've underlined the worst ones. 38 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:53,213 You're missing the point. Yeah... 39 00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,774 - hello, david. - Here he is. 40 00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:02,495 Tim canterbury. A good man. "The canterbury tales." 41 00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:05,820 - Chaucer. - Yup. 42 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:07,976 And shakespeare. 43 00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:14,768 Pleased with you. Very proud. New leaf, et cetera. 44 00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:20,259 Trust, encouragement, reward, loyalty, satisfaction. That's what I'm... 45 00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:23,975 wondering why I am so generous with encouragement? 46 00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:28,418 Trust people and they'll be true to you. 47 00:04:28,620 --> 00:04:33,296 Treat them greatly and they will show themselves to be great. 48 00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:36,969 So happier now? No looking back? 49 00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:40,889 I am eventually going to do a psychology degree, but... 50 00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:46,697 no point. No point. Sure, 18-19, go to university, get it out of your system. 51 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:50,290 Waste time mucking around, getting drunk... 52 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:54,254 - having casual sex. - But we're in our 30s now. 53 00:04:54,460 --> 00:05:00,774 - I'm only just 30. you're 39? - No. Both in our 30s is the fact. Yeah? 54 00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:10,730 Who's to say? In a few years time, you could be in the hot seat... like me. 55 00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:15,616 - When I'm nearly 40. - We're both in our 30s at the moment. 56 00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:20,894 Just chewing the fat. Good. You're on the right lines. 57 00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:26,015 Can I just...? If we're facing in the right direction, 58 00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:29,895 all we have to do is keep on walking. 59 00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:34,450 Very nice. You're quite a philosopher. 60 00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:38,733 It's just that I think our greatest glory... 61 00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:42,649 is not in never falling, but in rising when we do. 62 00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:45,135 - Are you reading these? - What? 63 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:49,893 Confucius. Bernard shaw... 64 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:54,059 it doesn't matter who said them. I'm passing on my wisdom. 65 00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:59,857 Don't tell those I've been reading these. It's an insult. I'll put it down there. 66 00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:05,893 I wanted to be a children's illustrator. 67 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,739 When people asked what I did, I'd say, 68 00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:12,694 "I'm an illustrator, but I do some reception work." 69 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:16,973 For years I was an illustrator who did some reception work. 70 00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:21,617 Then lee thought we should both get full-time jobs. 71 00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:26,974 Then you're knackered after work and it's hard to do illustrating. 72 00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:31,970 Now, when people ask what I do, I say, "I'm a receptionist." 73 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,654 And a bloody good one. 74 00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:42,092 You'll always have the art. Keep up the doodling always. 75 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:46,339 - Pipe dreams are good. - I still hope it will happen. 76 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:52,331 Keep the dream alive because otherwise you'll go, "could I have made it?" 77 00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:58,251 If you keep trying, when it doesn't happen, you can go, "at least I gave it a go." 78 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,928 You know? 79 00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:08,688 - Are you settling in all right? - Yeah. 80 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:11,334 - Having fun? - Yeah. 81 00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:15,215 As much fun as you can have at wernham-hogg. 82 00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:21,177 - How long were you at swindon? - Two years. 83 00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:24,816 If you had to name a role model... 84 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:27,896 who would it be? 85 00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:34,175 - Like a historical person? - No, just someone in general life. 86 00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:40,819 There's my mum. She's strong, calm in the face of adversity. 87 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:44,330 I remember when she had a hysterectomy... 88 00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:49,773 if it wasn't your mother, though. It doesn't even have to be a woman. 89 00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:54,974 A man? Ok. I suppose if it was a man it'd be my father. 90 00:07:55,180 --> 00:08:01,335 Not your father. Take your parents as read. I mean someone in the work-related arena. 91 00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:05,328 Right. Ok. I suppose tim, then. He's always... 92 00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:10,056 he's a friend. Not a friend. Someone in authority. 93 00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:15,380 - Then, I suppose jennifer. - We said not a woman. Or am I...? 94 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:20,779 Er... ok. I suppose you're the only one who... 95 00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:26,895 embarrassing. It's backfired. Oh, dear. Very flattering. 96 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,853 - Can we put me as a...? - Ok. Tim, then. 97 00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:32,733 - We said not tim. Do you want me? - Ok. 98 00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:35,898 - So shall I put "strong role model"? - Ok. 99 00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:52,659 Just a drill. Do not panic. 100 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:57,980 - He's trained. Good man. - Come on, people, let's get moving. 101 00:08:58,180 --> 00:09:01,616 - I'd be the last one out. - Do not run and do not panic. 102 00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:07,417 That's just what I do. We do these every couple of months. 103 00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:13,889 Even though I'm always cool in a situation like this, some people are not, 104 00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,898 and so I try to make sure... I'll do that. 105 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:20,536 - We were... - no, no. I've got it. 106 00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:25,254 I'm going to get you out of here. 107 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:40,018 The lifts... are out of bounds... in a fire... situation, 108 00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:43,690 so the important thing is... put her down. 109 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,928 This isn't worth it. It's stupid. 110 00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:53,019 This is just a drill, so we can leave her here. 111 00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:56,974 - Can't I use the lift? - No, not even in a drill. 112 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,535 We won't be a minute. 113 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:24,413 I've got no problem with him visiting every child in a night, 114 00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:29,136 but I can't believe he stands in barnardo's arguing with old women. 115 00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:35,011 I don't know if you're aware of the situation that's arising here. 116 00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:40,169 I usually steer clear of ladies at work, but there's someone I've got my eye on. 117 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:44,339 I won't say who. I don't know what tim's playing at. 118 00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:49,375 He embarrassed himself asking dawn out and this will end in tears. 119 00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:53,050 Whereas I, you probably notice, play it cool. 120 00:10:53,260 --> 00:10:56,696 He's not a man of the world like me. 121 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,659 I can read women. You've got to know their needs. 122 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:06,536 That can be making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries 123 00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:11,495 or making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse. 124 00:11:30,540 --> 00:11:33,816 You were using all your best lines on rachel. 125 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:36,773 Best lines! Just being friendly. 126 00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:40,575 It was friendly, but more than. 127 00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:43,214 - More than? - Friendly. 128 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:52,694 Under "strengths", you've just put "accounts". 129 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:54,413 Yeah. 130 00:11:56,900 --> 00:12:00,210 That's your job, though. That's just... 131 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:06,973 keith. I'm looking for skills within your job. Is there anything else you can put? 132 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,616 - No. - Ok. 133 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:17,258 Under "weaknesses", you've put "eczema". 134 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:24,612 You had a fantastically welcoming buffet. 135 00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:29,211 - The wine was something else. - Everyone's quite friendly. 136 00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:34,175 - Everyone's... and tim seems nice. - Yeah. He's a good laugh. 137 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:39,891 I've just got to... has he got a girlfriend? 138 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:43,251 - Tim? No. - Why? What's up? 139 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:47,339 - Nothing. - Why? Would you? 140 00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:50,816 Mm? Out of the equation. 141 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:54,057 I know, but if you weren't, would he...? 142 00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:57,252 If I weren't? Madness. 143 00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:05,377 You've left this section blank. You haven't done the q&a. 144 00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:10,017 - I thought you filled that in. - No. This is aimed at you. 145 00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:16,090 "To what extent do you believe that you have the skills to perform your job effectively?" 146 00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:21,374 You tick the boxes. "not at all. To some extent. Very much so. Don't know." 147 00:13:21,580 --> 00:13:25,459 - What would you tick? - Don't know. 148 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,253 Ok. 149 00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:36,295 "Do you feel you have received adequate training to use your computer effectively?" 150 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:45,138 - What are the options? - They're always the same. 151 00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:48,696 "Not at all. To some extent. Very much so. Don't know." 152 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:52,176 - Don't know. - Don't know again. Ok. 153 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:59,218 "Do you feel you are given the flexibility to decide how to accomplish your goals?" 154 00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,296 - Do you want the options? - Yeah. 155 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:08,776 "Not at all. To some extent..." always the same. 156 00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:11,130 - "Very much so. Don't know." - Don't know. 157 00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:15,094 If "don't know" wasn't there, what would you put? 158 00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:23,016 - What are the options? - "Not at all. To some extent. 159 00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:25,780 - "Very much so. Don't know." - Very much so. 160 00:14:25,980 --> 00:14:27,936 - Do you remember the question? - No. 161 00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:31,576 "Do you...?" we're going to leave that. 162 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:43,214 Just going to give the new swindon lot a... it's not an appraisal as such, but... 163 00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:51,977 - sorry. Just showing them... - keep them occupied before the main event. 164 00:14:52,180 --> 00:14:56,935 I hope you warmed them up better than last time! Doesn't look like it. 165 00:14:57,140 --> 00:15:01,770 - Ok. See you later. - See you. Bye. 166 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:05,609 Anyway... good. Hello. 167 00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:11,378 I can't give you an appraisal - you've only been here a week - 168 00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:14,572 but I wanted to see how you're settling in. 169 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:21,849 I know it's not the same vibe you're used to. Neil ruled with more of an iron fist. 170 00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:24,813 Settling in? Having a good time? 171 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,930 How is it different? 172 00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:34,018 More laid back, presumably. 173 00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:38,816 - Think it's more laid back? Yeah? - Yeah... 174 00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:42,774 say yes, then, if it's more laid back. More fun. 175 00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:44,572 - Well... - eh? 176 00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:46,736 - Nothing. - Go on. 177 00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:53,209 We're actually used to doing stuff, like working hard, being motivated. 178 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:57,857 There's not much dynamism. People get away with murder. 179 00:15:58,060 --> 00:16:02,451 - Having a laugh, yes. - Quite a few of us are bored. 180 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:05,413 What, you prefer swindon? 181 00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:10,455 - More of a laugh. - You're having a laugh saying that. 182 00:16:10,660 --> 00:16:13,458 What's so good about swindon? Neil? 183 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:16,732 - Yeah, for one. - You prefer neil to me? 184 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,333 Who thinks neil's more of a laugh than me? 185 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:27,930 That's mental! Come off it. You... 186 00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:32,816 come out for a drink with me and see who's more of a laugh. 187 00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:36,456 We'll go for a drink lunchtime. Right. 188 00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:43,378 Right. Here we are. There's an outing, lunchtime. 189 00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:48,290 Show them what the slough lot are like. Keith, what are you doing lunchtime? 190 00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:58,778 Welcome to alcoholic's anonymous! No. Purely social. 191 00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:03,974 I know an alcoholic and it's no laughing matter - particularly for his wife. 192 00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:07,809 She's got alopecia, so not a happy home life. 193 00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:11,490 Their eldest is like dustin hoffman in "rain man". 194 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:15,693 That probably turned him to it in the first place. 195 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,414 Looking forward to the weekend? 196 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,134 - Yeah. - Cheers. 197 00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:25,932 That's a lovely drop. That's courage. 198 00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:31,089 You get a lot of that round here because the main brewery's in reading. 199 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,098 They do it in london too. 200 00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:40,011 What's the brewery in swindon? Is there a big...? 201 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:43,656 - It might be courage actually. - Dunno. 202 00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:47,216 No. This is all right, though, isn't it? 203 00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:52,094 - Nice pub... eh? - Just a private joke. 204 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:57,738 I was saying this is nice. There's a lovely pub near me - the gardener's arms. 205 00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:03,458 - What are you doing? - That bloke looks like someone we know. 206 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:09,098 Ok. One at a time. Focus. You'll get more out of it in the long run, I promise. 207 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:18,579 I forgot what I was saying. That's what happens when you... 208 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,692 courage... 209 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,415 - three points. - Don't do that on my head. 210 00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:32,219 - Unless you've changed into a dartboard. - The dartboard makes no difference to you. 211 00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:35,014 I could sit here and still get 180. 212 00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:39,213 - Hiya. You all right? - Straight. 213 00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:42,890 A couple of my mates are going down to yates's... 214 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:48,857 - the wine lodge? Classy. Joking. - I was wondering if you'd like to come. 215 00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:52,177 Or not. And you, dawn. Bring lee. 216 00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:56,851 - I don't think we can... - ok. You can come? 217 00:18:57,060 --> 00:19:00,609 - Yeah, I can. - Great. Ok. 218 00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:04,335 - Tonight? - Yeah. Just after work. 219 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:07,418 - Have a couple of drinks, yeah. - Cool. 220 00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:11,056 - Ok. See you later. - See you in a bit. 221 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:16,769 - That'll be fun. - Yeah. Yes. 222 00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:20,052 It'll be cool. Cool as a cucumber. 223 00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:47,738 - Good? - It was all right. 224 00:19:51,860 --> 00:19:53,851 I've eaten here, so... 225 00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:58,935 if you want a really good pie - the gardeners. 226 00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:13,255 It's been a washout, hasn't it? If no one else is going to make the effort. 227 00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:15,530 - We have made the effort. - Eh? 228 00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:20,495 - We have made the effort. - Yeah. I'm not having a go at you. 229 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:25,694 Obviously the best people haven't come. I'm going back to the office. 230 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,256 See you later. 231 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:39,132 - Come on, neil. - All right. 232 00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:41,695 - Gareth. - Nearly. 233 00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:49,128 - What are you doing? - Having a laugh. 234 00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:53,936 You could have had a laugh in the pub. Dangerous, isn't it? 235 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:59,612 - You should work. It's quarter past two. - All right. We're just finishing off. 236 00:20:59,820 --> 00:21:05,258 Just want to be popular as the new boss. Oh, love me! Pathetic! 237 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:19,974 I think we should call it a day there. Do you mind putting those away? 238 00:21:20,180 --> 00:21:22,933 Guys, can we go back to work? 239 00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:28,213 - David, can I have a word? - If you want. 240 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:31,651 Obviously you've got a problem, what is it? 241 00:21:31,860 --> 00:21:34,977 No. Time for work, wasn't it? 242 00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:40,573 If you don't want to say, fine, but don't speak to me like that in front of staff. 243 00:21:40,780 --> 00:21:43,294 - You're acting like a petulant kid. - Yeah. 244 00:21:44,460 --> 00:21:49,978 Don't stand out there and embarrass me and yourself, because I will not stand for it. 245 00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:53,968 I've been trying to deal with this situation delicately 246 00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:59,208 because I was embarrassed that I'm now your boss, but you have to live with it. 247 00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:05,131 I don't let anyone talk to me like that and certainly not you. Do you understand? 248 00:22:05,340 --> 00:22:08,457 Do you understand? Good. 249 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:14,212 You're a good bloke, dave, and if there's a problem I'd rather discuss it sensibly. 250 00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:16,376 Shake on it? 251 00:22:16,580 --> 00:22:18,536 Great. Thank you. 252 00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:32,017 - I'll see you guys later. Take care. - Cheers, neil. 253 00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:43,970 - Did you hear any of that conversation? - No. 254 00:22:44,180 --> 00:22:47,570 I had it out with neil. He showed his true colours. 255 00:22:47,780 --> 00:22:50,248 He seems like a good bloke. 256 00:22:50,460 --> 00:22:55,329 I'd better not say anything, then. Watch your back. Slagging you off. 257 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:57,929 - Slagging you off. - Me personally? 258 00:22:58,140 --> 00:23:01,974 - Just me? - Yeah. And you. Slagging all you lot off. 259 00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:05,889 - What's he saying? - Saying you lot were rubbish. 260 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:09,649 I was going, "your swindon lot are shit." 261 00:23:09,860 --> 00:23:13,819 - He got aggressive and I went berserk. - Did you hit him? 262 00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:18,616 - He'd have come through that wall. - He's pretty trim, mate. 263 00:23:18,820 --> 00:23:21,129 Yeah? Against karate? 264 00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:25,811 - What did he actually say about us? - Just slagging you lot off. 265 00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:30,218 I went, "your swindon lot are little slugs with no personality. 266 00:23:30,420 --> 00:23:33,696 "You're jealous that we're better at everything." 267 00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:38,098 If it did kick off with him, I don't want you lot getting hurt. 268 00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:41,736 - I'd step in. - This is big boy shit, mate. 269 00:23:41,940 --> 00:23:46,377 Hit him above the ears because the vacuum in the brain kills instantly. 270 00:23:46,580 --> 00:23:50,732 I'd want to keep the twat alive with the shit I was going to pull. 271 00:24:02,820 --> 00:24:05,095 - All right? - Hello. 272 00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:08,337 - You don't have a boyfriend, do you? - No. 273 00:24:08,540 --> 00:24:12,772 - Any kids from previous marriages? - No. 274 00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:18,930 - Would you like to come out for a drink? - I can't. I'm going to go out with tim. 275 00:24:19,140 --> 00:24:21,210 - Tonight? - Yeah. 276 00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:24,253 - Can I come? - Not really. 277 00:24:25,300 --> 00:24:29,293 - You're not going to get off with him? - It's not your business. 278 00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:35,575 Sorry. It's none of my business. Go and have a drink, by all means. Enjoy yourself. 279 00:24:35,780 --> 00:24:40,058 If you don't go all the way with tim, I will still be interested. 280 00:24:40,260 --> 00:24:44,253 Thanks. Good to know I have something to fall back on. 281 00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:48,214 What if I go all the way with tim but want more with you? 282 00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:52,380 I don't usually do sloppy seconds, 283 00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:58,371 but I judge things on individual merit, so we'll cross that river when we come to it. 284 00:24:58,580 --> 00:25:02,050 - Thanks. That's good to know. - No problem. 285 00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:10,134 - One in the kettle? - Yeah. It's just boiled. 286 00:25:10,340 --> 00:25:13,412 One amendment. If you do go all the way with tim 287 00:25:13,620 --> 00:25:18,978 and you expect me to go in there afterwards, make sure he wears a condom. 288 00:25:19,180 --> 00:25:21,136 It's sort of a rule. 289 00:25:24,420 --> 00:25:27,730 - Is there any milk? - Yeah. In the fridge. 290 00:25:39,100 --> 00:25:41,694 - See ya. - See you later, mate. 291 00:25:45,340 --> 00:25:48,093 - You going home? - Yup. 292 00:25:53,780 --> 00:25:56,248 - That's for you. - Cheers. 293 00:25:56,460 --> 00:25:59,532 Can you call neilson's... 294 00:25:59,740 --> 00:26:05,656 and get that credit rate faxed over or emailed or whatever? 295 00:26:05,860 --> 00:26:07,179 Sure. 296 00:26:07,380 --> 00:26:13,012 And do you mind typing up those appraisal contracts? 297 00:26:13,220 --> 00:26:15,780 - Sure. See you monday. - See you. 298 00:26:15,980 --> 00:26:20,815 Dawn, I'm fed up. I'm fed up, to be honest. It's just... 299 00:26:21,020 --> 00:26:25,889 - why? - I think this place is a right shit hole. 300 00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:28,216 - Do you? - Yeah. 301 00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:37,698 - Do you think I'm funny? - Mmm. Yup. 302 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:40,858 Do you think neil's funny? Sit down. 303 00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:46,691 Do I think neil's funny? I don't really know him, david. 304 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:50,859 - But he's not funnier than me? - Definitely not. 305 00:26:51,060 --> 00:26:56,692 I wish you'd tell that to the swindon lot - miserable bunch of... aren't they? Boring. 306 00:27:00,420 --> 00:27:04,299 What's your favourite stuff that I do, comedy-wise? 307 00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:08,857 Um... oh, there's too much. 308 00:27:09,060 --> 00:27:11,494 - The impressions? - Yeah. 309 00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:17,889 - Which ones? - Er... which ones are there again? 310 00:27:18,100 --> 00:27:20,056 - Kermit? - Brilliant. 311 00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:24,538 "Welcome to the er muppet show." "Hai-ya, frog!" 312 00:27:24,740 --> 00:27:28,494 Miss piggy. Do you know kermit's nephew, robin? 313 00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:33,455 # Halfway up the stair is the stair where I sit... # 314 00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:37,619 - do you do gonzo? - No. Do you want a beer? 315 00:27:37,820 --> 00:27:43,895 - Er... I can't go to the pub. - I've got some here ready. 316 00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:46,375 For emergencies. 317 00:27:53,060 --> 00:27:54,857 Cheers. 318 00:28:00,420 --> 00:28:02,809 I was looking through... 319 00:28:04,660 --> 00:28:06,616 some old poems I used to do. 320 00:28:06,820 --> 00:28:09,288 - Oh? I didn't know. - Yeah. 321 00:28:09,500 --> 00:28:15,177 - What sort of...? - Quite sort of... powerful. Here's one. 322 00:28:15,380 --> 00:28:19,817 Shall I read one to you? This one's called "excalibur". 323 00:28:21,620 --> 00:28:27,217 "I froze your tears and made a dagger and stabbed it in my cock forever. 324 00:28:27,420 --> 00:28:31,891 "It stays there like excalibur. Are you my arthur? Say you are." 325 00:28:32,100 --> 00:28:35,490 - Good... - "take this cool, dark, steeled blade. 326 00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:38,897 "Steal it, sheath it in your lake. 327 00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:45,050 "I'd drown with you to be together. Must you breathe? 'cause I need heaven." 328 00:28:49,460 --> 00:28:52,736 - Um... it's powerful. - Very. 329 00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:55,693 - Did you get the double meanings? - I did. 330 00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:20,896 # So what becomes of you, my love, 331 00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:26,737 # when they have finally stripped you of 332 00:29:26,940 --> 00:29:29,374 # the handbags and the gladrags 333 00:29:29,580 --> 00:29:33,619 # that your granddad had to sweat so you could buy? #