1 00:00:18,170 --> 00:00:19,683 Sorry. 2 00:00:28,410 --> 00:00:33,768 No problem. No problem. Um... half an hour? 3 00:00:36,130 --> 00:00:38,803 Another day, another dollar. 4 00:00:39,010 --> 00:00:41,205 Any mail? 5 00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:48,608 - That's your... that's an earring. - Whatever. Get over it. 6 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:51,882 - How long have you had that? - Too long, baby. 7 00:00:52,090 --> 00:00:54,650 - It's bleeding. - Really stings. 8 00:00:54,850 --> 00:00:59,002 - Is it an old one that...? - Yeah. I had to push really hard. 9 00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:04,409 - They heal over. - It had healed over. So I opened a sore... 10 00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:11,009 - what are you looking at? - Nothing. 11 00:01:11,210 --> 00:01:14,566 You know ray and jude that I had the meeting with? 12 00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:21,118 You know they do training seminars and use expert speakers. 13 00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:26,484 - They're using me... for my... - expertise. 14 00:01:26,690 --> 00:01:30,046 The good news for you is you're involved. 15 00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:32,525 - How? - I'm doing one tonight. 16 00:01:32,730 --> 00:01:35,688 I'm getting quite a bit of money for it. £300. 17 00:01:35,890 --> 00:01:39,883 So I need someone just to carry my bag and organise... 18 00:01:40,090 --> 00:01:43,082 - I'm not... - £100 for an hour's work. 19 00:01:43,290 --> 00:01:46,362 - £100 for an hour? That is a lot. - 80. 20 00:01:46,570 --> 00:01:48,288 - You said 100. - 90. 21 00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:51,482 - You said 100. - All right. Get there early, then. 22 00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:54,488 Sharing the wealth, see? Looking after... 23 00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:57,648 that is silly money. I should have... 24 00:01:59,930 --> 00:02:03,889 very exciting. It's what I've always wanted to do. 25 00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:06,479 I've had these cards made up. 26 00:02:06,690 --> 00:02:10,683 "David brent. Assertiveness and guidance training in business. 27 00:02:10,890 --> 00:02:15,361 "If it's in you, I'll find it." That's actually what I do. 28 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:20,086 I just point out what you've already got. I'm like a spiritual guide. 29 00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:25,125 The reason I put "lf" it's in you is if I waste time and money looking for it 30 00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:30,085 and I can see it's not in you, I don't want to be sued because you haven't got it. 31 00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:33,600 You're not going to get me on that. 32 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:49,402 - What's going on here? - What does it look like? 33 00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:53,205 - When were you going to tell me? - Huh? 34 00:02:53,410 --> 00:02:56,607 I can't believe you'd get off with a bird I fancy. 35 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,243 Why not? 36 00:02:58,450 --> 00:03:03,319 I can't believe a bird fancies you over me. He's a weird little bloke. 37 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:09,127 Look at his hair. He looks like a fisher price man. His rubbish clothes. 38 00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:15,360 There must be something wrong with you, but I'd still do you, so I'm confused. 39 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:22,487 I'll ask you straight. Can anything happen between us two while this is going on? 40 00:03:22,690 --> 00:03:26,160 - Like what? - Specifically? 41 00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:27,803 Yeah. 42 00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:33,129 Hand job? Don't answer. Think about it. 43 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:42,123 - Do I look like a fisher price man? - Yeah! 44 00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:44,127 Don't say yeah. 45 00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:52,486 - Hi, dawn. - Hi. 46 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:56,126 - Your favourite computer geek is here. - Jesus! 47 00:04:02,090 --> 00:04:05,127 All right, simon? How's it going? 48 00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:10,164 What are you doing with my computer? 49 00:04:10,370 --> 00:04:14,158 It's not your computer, is it? It's wernham-hogg's. 50 00:04:14,370 --> 00:04:16,884 What are you doing with wernham-hogg's computer? 51 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,924 - You don't need to know. - No, but tell me anyway. 52 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:24,884 - I'm installing a firewall. - What's that? 53 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:29,561 Protects your computer against viruses, worms and trojan horses 54 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,603 and limits your internet communications. 55 00:04:32,810 --> 00:04:35,370 - How long will it take? - Why? 56 00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:40,280 - Out of interest. - It will take as long as it takes. 57 00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:44,449 - How long did it take last time...? - It's done. 58 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:49,087 When it comes back on it'll ask you to hit yes, no or cancel. 59 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:52,487 - Hit cancel. Do not hit yes or no. - Right. 60 00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:54,681 - Did you hear what I said? - Yup. 61 00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:56,881 - What did I say? - Hit cancel. 62 00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:03,126 Um... I'm an educator. 63 00:05:03,330 --> 00:05:08,723 I'm a motivator of people. I excite their imaginations. 64 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:13,879 It's like bloody "dead poet's society" when they all stand on the tables... 65 00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:18,481 I wouldn't want them on the tables - it's against health and safety. 66 00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:23,286 Life is about communication. We live for threescore year and ten 67 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:28,120 and it's "did I communicate?" "yes." "Did I get something across?" "yes." 68 00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:33,279 "Are you going to pay me for it?" "Yes. Lots." not why I do it, but thank you. 69 00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:43,603 - Going karting this weekend with the lads. - What, down super karts? 70 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:46,085 - Mm. - You any good? 71 00:05:46,290 --> 00:05:50,124 Came first last time. Got a certificate. 72 00:05:50,330 --> 00:05:55,245 I went down there when it opened. I did a couple of laps, pulled over. 73 00:05:55,450 --> 00:06:00,399 The owner said, "no professionals." I said, "I'm not a professional." 74 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,761 He said, "you're not a professional? You should be. 75 00:06:03,970 --> 00:06:07,883 "Take up formula one. You'll be the best in the country." 76 00:06:08,090 --> 00:06:12,447 I said, "I'm not interested. I'm making shitloads in computers." 77 00:06:12,650 --> 00:06:14,606 You ever tried speedway? 78 00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:16,641 - Have you? - Yeah. 79 00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:23,483 I was doing it once, bombing it round and some idiot had left a ramp thing out. 80 00:06:23,690 --> 00:06:29,845 People were going, "if that guy hits that ramp at that speed, he's definitely dead." 81 00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:35,363 I hit the ramp, turned over in the air. They were going, "he's definitely dead." 82 00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:38,528 Landed on my wheels and pulled over. 83 00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:43,279 - About five? - Five. 84 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,766 - Who's this chat with? - Mothers' meeting? 85 00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:52,647 - Dawn says she's shutting down at five. - Just half an hour early today. 86 00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:57,924 - Can it run ok without her? - Yeah. They can answer their own phones. 87 00:06:58,130 --> 00:07:02,089 - So we can lose her altogether, can we? - What do you mean? 88 00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:06,727 - Either she's needed or she's not. - We do need a receptionist. 89 00:07:06,930 --> 00:07:09,205 You haven't put a system in place. 90 00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:14,006 You've told dawn to shut at five. You haven't told people to get the phone. 91 00:07:14,210 --> 00:07:17,998 - Does dawn know about the post? - They can do their own post. 92 00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:21,805 It's no use telling her now. There's no system. 93 00:07:22,010 --> 00:07:26,606 - I'm tired of this fuzzy thinking. - Chill out. Don't have a cow, mate. 94 00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:31,042 Don't talk to me like you've forgotten who's in charge. I'm your boss. 95 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,003 - Yeah. - Try and think things through. 96 00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:43,359 That was your fault. I took the rap for you. 97 00:07:49,330 --> 00:07:53,369 Once, when bruce lee was filming, one of the extras started a fight. 98 00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:57,119 He was amazing at kung fu but lee did a roundhouse on him... 99 00:07:57,330 --> 00:08:03,280 no. He smashed him through a wall. Instead of firing him, he said, "go on with the filming." 100 00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:05,446 Those cats were fast as lightning. 101 00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:07,880 You know he fights chuck norris in "enter the dragon"...? 102 00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:10,320 - No. - You've not seen that? 103 00:08:10,530 --> 00:08:14,364 - No. - Have you not...? That is a classic. 104 00:08:14,570 --> 00:08:20,088 I've seen him fight chuck norris in "way of the dragon." 105 00:08:20,290 --> 00:08:22,042 That's what I meant. 106 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:25,048 You said you saw him fight norris in "enter the dragon". 107 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:29,562 He fights bob wall in both, but norris is only in "way of the dragon." 108 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:32,000 - So he's fighting norris... - in what? 109 00:08:32,210 --> 00:08:34,519 - "Way of the dragon." - Correct. 110 00:08:34,730 --> 00:08:38,962 - Um... - you know bruce lee's not really dead? 111 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:44,449 It's in a book. He faked his own death to work undercover for the hong kong police 112 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:48,086 - infiltrating the triads. - I reckon it's true. 113 00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:52,408 Yeah, because if you wanted to send someone undercover, 114 00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:56,569 you'd want the world's most famous chinese film star! 115 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,204 Gone off dawn now, have you? 116 00:08:59,410 --> 00:09:02,925 - What? - What? What are you talking about? 117 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,883 Just shut up. Shut up. 118 00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:20,004 Do a credit check. We haven't worked with them for ages. 119 00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:23,361 - I said we'd go round about four. - Yeah. 120 00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:27,086 - Oi, tim. - Mm? 121 00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:29,565 - You shagged her yet? - What? 122 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,761 - Your bird? - Rachel? 123 00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:35,121 - Have you done her yet? - Course he hasn't. 124 00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:45,370 I don't kiss and tell, lee. I bet you bloody have. 125 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:49,198 Lips are sealed. Don't ask me. 126 00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:51,526 He's done well there. 127 00:09:51,730 --> 00:09:56,008 - What do you mean? - She's tasty. She's nice. 128 00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:59,486 - You don't know her. - She's very attractive. 129 00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:02,648 She's not very attractive. 130 00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:08,038 Ray will introduce me and I'll come out and do a few gags, 131 00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:11,447 then I'll go, "you have to be thick-skinned in business. 132 00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:16,087 "Whether you're the tea-boy or the manager, people will try to shake your spirit. 133 00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:19,168 "Do not listen. Let's do an exercise." 134 00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:23,488 Then I'll pick on someone at random. "Sir. What's your name?" 135 00:10:24,410 --> 00:10:26,685 - Say your name. - Leroy. 136 00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:29,643 - Who's leroy? - The coloured fellow off "fame". 137 00:10:29,850 --> 00:10:32,045 - Use your own name. - Gareth. 138 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:37,278 "Hi, gareth. Insult me. Let me show you that sticks and stones may break my bones 139 00:10:37,490 --> 00:10:39,526 "but names will never hurt me." 140 00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:43,484 Throw some insults at me and I'll roll with the punches. 141 00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:45,885 The swindon lot don't respect you. 142 00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:50,686 They don't know me. And it's not true. Do something else. 143 00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:55,884 - People are laughing at your heels. - I'm not going to wear those shoes! 144 00:10:56,090 --> 00:11:00,049 - And the earring? - They're having a go at that? What else? 145 00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:03,003 - They've given you a nickname. - The swindon lot? 146 00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:05,485 - Everyone's using it. - What is it? 147 00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,681 - I don't really... - what is it? 148 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:10,358 - Bluto. - The villain from popeye? 149 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:13,164 - 'Cause of the beard? - Because he's... 150 00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:19,002 - what's that? I can't believe this. - They'll know it was me! David! 151 00:11:22,410 --> 00:11:24,446 Hello. Sorry, everybody. 152 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:28,848 Look, we are one big happy family here. 153 00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:32,679 I've been trying to welcome you new guys. 154 00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:37,884 I didn't want you here, but you're here now, so well done. Welcome. 155 00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:42,208 But if there's one thing I don't like, it's nicknames. 156 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:48,485 Because nicknames are bad... names. 157 00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:52,608 Yeah? They're not helpful. 158 00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:57,088 They can be hurtful. Not to me - it's like water off a duck's back, but... 159 00:11:57,290 --> 00:12:01,249 - you used to call malcolm "kojak". - That was affectionate. 160 00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:05,489 - He was a great detective. - Maybe "mr toad" is affectionate. 161 00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:09,126 - Who's mr toad? - Some people call you that. 162 00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:12,766 - I thought I was bluto? - Yeah. Bluto and mr toad. 163 00:12:12,970 --> 00:12:15,245 Why am I mr toad? 164 00:12:15,450 --> 00:12:19,966 There's the face again. It's an insult, isn't it? Very... 165 00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:25,847 body fascism that is. The toad is the ugliest of all the amphibians. 166 00:12:26,050 --> 00:12:30,089 If we're handing out insults for being fat, let's have a go at him. 167 00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:35,410 Look at him. And he's got glasses. Let's call him four-eyes as well. 168 00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:41,958 Why don't we call him fatty fatty toad boy? At least start on him and then move on... 169 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,523 mr toad! I can't... 170 00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:58,841 - everything adding up? - Yeah. It was a real mess beforehand. 171 00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:01,120 - On top of it now? - Yes. 172 00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:04,879 - How about you, brenda? - Ok, but I didn't get my wages. 173 00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:09,527 - Did you not? Did you tell david? - Yes. I told him in time. 174 00:13:09,730 --> 00:13:13,518 I'm sorry about that. Let me sort that out for you. 175 00:13:13,730 --> 00:13:16,198 - I don't want to cause... - don't worry. 176 00:13:22,530 --> 00:13:24,964 - Working hard? - Working out. 177 00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:30,483 - Fit body. Fit mind. - Good. Couple of things. 178 00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:37,320 - Did your wages go through ok this month? - Yeah. 179 00:13:37,530 --> 00:13:39,009 - Yours, gareth? - Yup. 180 00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:44,728 Good. So you two are ok. Why, then, has one of your team not been paid this month? 181 00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:48,686 Oh. Eh? 182 00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:51,483 No. 183 00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:57,845 He fears my methods because he doesn't understand them. Human nature, but relax. 184 00:13:58,050 --> 00:14:02,362 I don't want all this, "what are you doing? How are you doing it?" 185 00:14:02,570 --> 00:14:05,004 No. Judge me by my results. 186 00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:09,647 This is not the first time you've forgotten something important. 187 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:13,286 - People shouldn't have to come to me. - Snitches. 188 00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:17,881 I've never seen you write anything down. Do you use your computers? 189 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:21,560 - You've got to have a system. - It's all up there. 190 00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,603 - It's not all up there, is it? - Most of it is. 191 00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:27,768 When I was managing the swindon branch, 192 00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:31,042 we thought your branch were having a laugh. 193 00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:33,810 - Thanks very much. - Not in a good way. 194 00:14:34,010 --> 00:14:37,082 Mucking around at the expense of wernham-hogg. 195 00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:40,839 Who's to say if they weren't having a laugh, it would be... 196 00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:46,488 I'm not interested in that. I think you'd rather be popular than steer the ship. 197 00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:50,808 Rubbish. This branch has performed very well. 198 00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:53,365 I want it to perform a lot better. 199 00:14:53,570 --> 00:14:59,327 What is "better?" on a graph of people versus task, where does the line go? 200 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:05,082 Where I say. If you can't improve your sales - with or without making people laugh - 201 00:15:05,290 --> 00:15:08,760 you and I will have to have a serious chat. 202 00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:12,929 Is this why you're always around? I don't need a babysitter. 203 00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:15,086 With respect, david, you do. 204 00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:19,442 I'm worried this management thing tonight is affecting your performance. 205 00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:21,880 It's extracurricular, like golf. 206 00:15:22,090 --> 00:15:23,682 - I play golf. - There. 207 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:27,644 Yes, but I'm performing as I want me to perform. You're not. 208 00:15:27,850 --> 00:15:32,765 I'm performing as I want to. It's a good performance. Let's agree to disagree. 209 00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:35,200 No. Let's agree that you agree with me. 210 00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:40,247 Ooh. You're hard. Showing off because... 211 00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:44,409 I think I've made my point, david. I'll see you later. 212 00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:56,485 - What are you doing? - You're tense. 213 00:15:56,690 --> 00:15:58,760 I am with him... 214 00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:01,609 - does that feel nice? - Yeah, but... 215 00:16:01,810 --> 00:16:06,122 - do some more work on your abs? - Not now. 216 00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:51,565 - Is he ready yet? - Who? 217 00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:54,364 - David. - I dunno. 218 00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:58,279 - What are you doing tonight? - We're going to the pub. 219 00:16:58,490 --> 00:17:00,560 - "We" is? - Me and rachel. 220 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:05,161 - Excellent. Just a couple of pints. - We won't go mad. 221 00:17:05,370 --> 00:17:09,727 Think of me, stuck with... you should come for a laugh. 222 00:17:09,930 --> 00:17:13,889 - We'd better stay out of it. - Definitely. Wise. 223 00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:17,048 - All right, babes. - See you later. 224 00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:30,725 See you later. We're off on our date. 225 00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:35,640 It's not a date. I'm paying her. What sort of date is that? 226 00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:38,683 And £100. what would I get for that? 227 00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,962 Not that I would. Everything, I imagine. 228 00:17:42,170 --> 00:17:46,322 I'm not imagining any of it, but I do know... I'm just... 229 00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:49,966 carry that. That's what you're being paid for. 230 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:10,209 Tonight you've got two groups. They're both from reading. 231 00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:28,888 The other three guys have all done it before, so... 232 00:18:29,090 --> 00:18:34,039 - I'll introduce you when they get here. - I love being backstage. 233 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:39,278 Can I take a photo? It's for the website and the newsletter, if that's ok? 234 00:18:39,490 --> 00:18:43,768 - No problem. You taking a light reading? - I think it'll be ok. 235 00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:46,404 - If you just... - yeah. 236 00:18:51,370 --> 00:18:53,930 Just be yourself. A bit more relaxed. 237 00:18:56,610 --> 00:18:58,919 Something like that? 238 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:03,250 - Not quite. - Ok. 239 00:19:11,090 --> 00:19:14,526 - Maybe if you just sit down. - You're the boss. 240 00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:31,967 I'm looking forward to this. I think it'll be quite a good one. 241 00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:36,960 - Hello, mate. - Are you guys talking at this gig as well? 242 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,764 Yeah. We're just having a sneaky joint. 243 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:44,998 Well, partially decriminalised now anyway, isn't it? At last. 244 00:19:45,210 --> 00:19:47,724 - Go for it. - Ok. 245 00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:51,320 - Is it skunk? - Just weed. You want a taste? 246 00:19:51,530 --> 00:19:53,964 - You sure? - Yeah. I'm on a diet. 247 00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:58,209 When I get wasted, I go to munchie-city, so... 248 00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:03,359 I'm mad enough without the gear as well. I'll take a rain check. Catch you later. 249 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,242 - Yeah. - Chill. 250 00:20:07,170 --> 00:20:11,607 We've got four speakers for you tonight, so no messing about. 251 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:15,769 To begin with, from sound investments, mr mark found. 252 00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:23,166 Let me dispel a myth. 253 00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:29,320 If you're a success, some people will tell you you shouldn't be able to sleep at night. 254 00:20:29,530 --> 00:20:34,524 You should. Why? Because this is a business. 255 00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:42,889 Your future hasn't happened yet. You shape it. You're in the driving seat. 256 00:20:43,090 --> 00:20:44,682 Thanks. 257 00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:53,640 Thanks to richard clark from stockport graphics. 258 00:20:53,850 --> 00:20:59,288 Now advice on motivational techniques. From wernham-hogg, mr david brent. 259 00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:17,840 Get out. 260 00:21:19,290 --> 00:21:22,885 Go on. I've opened the door for you. 261 00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:28,159 If you're not going to make it, go now. Yeah? 262 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:32,682 Save us all a bit of time. If you don't think you can cut it. 263 00:21:35,410 --> 00:21:37,560 No? Good. 264 00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:40,603 - You finished in there? - No. 265 00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:46,046 Ok. 266 00:21:48,770 --> 00:21:51,762 You're all thinking, "you're a success. 267 00:21:51,970 --> 00:21:55,804 "You've achieved your goals. You're reaping the rewards." 268 00:21:56,010 --> 00:22:00,288 "Oi, brent! Is all you care about chasing the yankee dollar?" 269 00:22:00,490 --> 00:22:03,448 Let me show you something I keep with me. 270 00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:10,918 "Collective meditations." it's a collection of philosophers, writers, thinkers. 271 00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:14,042 Native american wisdom. 272 00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:17,162 And it's really showing you 273 00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:22,603 that the spiritual side needs as much attention as the physical side. 274 00:22:22,810 --> 00:22:26,962 It's about feeding the soul. Evolving spirituality. 275 00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:31,163 Foreword by duncan goodhew. So... 276 00:22:32,490 --> 00:22:35,288 can I read one that I think...? 277 00:22:35,490 --> 00:22:38,960 "If all men were to bring their miseries together in one place, 278 00:22:39,170 --> 00:22:43,288 "most would be glad to take each his own home again 279 00:22:43,490 --> 00:22:47,039 "rather than take a portion out of the common stock." 280 00:22:47,250 --> 00:22:52,529 It's saying the grass isn't always greener on the other side. 281 00:22:52,730 --> 00:22:58,088 Don't see your neighbour and think, "he's got a better car. A more attractive wife." 282 00:22:59,450 --> 00:23:03,409 We all wake up and go, "oh, I ache. I'm not 18 anymore." 283 00:23:03,610 --> 00:23:09,082 I'm 39... I'm in my 30s. But so what? At least I've got my health. 284 00:23:09,290 --> 00:23:14,045 If you've got one leg, at least you haven't got two legs missing. 285 00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:19,404 If you have lost both legs and both arms, just go, "at least I'm not dead!" 286 00:23:20,770 --> 00:23:24,524 I'd rather be dead in that situation, to be honest. 287 00:23:24,730 --> 00:23:28,405 I'm not saying people like that should be put down. 288 00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:36,969 I'm saying that in my life, I'd rather not live without arms and legs because... 289 00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,967 I'm just getting into yoga, for one thing. 290 00:23:44,810 --> 00:23:49,361 Are you familiar with the term, "laughter is the best medicine"? 291 00:23:51,370 --> 00:23:53,122 It's true. 292 00:23:53,330 --> 00:23:59,280 When you laugh, your brain releases endorphins, your stress hormones reduce 293 00:23:59,490 --> 00:24:03,165 and the oxygen supply to your blood is increased. 294 00:24:03,370 --> 00:24:08,125 I try to laugh several times a day because it makes you feel good. 295 00:24:08,330 --> 00:24:11,208 Let's try that. Who-hoo-hoo. 296 00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:13,483 Just... 297 00:24:14,170 --> 00:24:16,525 trust me, you'll feel... 298 00:24:27,930 --> 00:24:29,522 yeah? 299 00:24:40,690 --> 00:24:46,322 I'd be lying if I said my life had turned out exactly as I'd expected. 300 00:24:46,530 --> 00:24:51,888 My old school recently had a school reunion, which I didn't go to, 301 00:24:52,090 --> 00:24:55,321 but one girl in my class, it turns out, 302 00:24:55,530 --> 00:24:59,967 is running her own internet auction website, making a fortune 303 00:25:00,170 --> 00:25:02,889 and is married to a marine biologist. 304 00:25:03,090 --> 00:25:05,240 She used to eat chalk. 305 00:25:06,650 --> 00:25:12,725 That's about it from yours truly. Thanks for taking all I had to throw at you. I'm spent. 306 00:25:12,930 --> 00:25:17,606 I am now going to make like a banana and split! 307 00:25:19,290 --> 00:25:21,440 He got it. Ok. 308 00:25:21,650 --> 00:25:27,202 Before I go, though, promise me you'll remember one thing. 309 00:25:27,410 --> 00:25:29,207 Just remember... 310 00:25:33,570 --> 00:25:36,687 # you're better than all the rest 311 00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:40,605 # better than anyone 312 00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:42,641 listen to her. 313 00:25:42,850 --> 00:25:45,000 # Anyone I've ever met 314 00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:47,280 come on. Get into it. 315 00:25:47,490 --> 00:25:49,640 # I'm stuck on your heart 316 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,804 I've been david brent. You've been the best. Goodnight. 317 00:25:56,330 --> 00:25:58,969 # Tear us apart 318 00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:04,962 # baby, I would rather be dead... # 319 00:26:08,890 --> 00:26:12,644 - er... our thanks to david... 320 00:26:12,850 --> 00:26:14,602 - who stopped it? - I did. 321 00:26:14,810 --> 00:26:17,882 No. Leave it going right to the end till I get... 322 00:26:19,450 --> 00:26:22,408 - don't do that again next time. - Sorry. 323 00:26:23,730 --> 00:26:26,767 David brent from wernham-hogg. 324 00:26:33,890 --> 00:26:38,839 I'll let you into a little secret - I was worried whether I still had it. 325 00:26:39,930 --> 00:26:42,160 I'll let you judge. High five. 326 00:26:42,370 --> 00:26:44,122 Thank you, dawn. 327 00:26:45,130 --> 00:26:47,519 Oh, jeez! Here he is. 328 00:26:49,050 --> 00:26:51,484 - Tina too much for you? - Possibly. 329 00:26:51,690 --> 00:26:54,887 Hold me back, because when I'm out there I am... 330 00:26:55,090 --> 00:26:58,605 and it's like... so that's up to you, I'm afraid. 331 00:27:00,610 --> 00:27:03,078 They seemed to go for it. 332 00:27:03,290 --> 00:27:05,406 - Knock knock. - You all right? 333 00:27:05,610 --> 00:27:08,283 - Yeah. Well done. - What did you think? 334 00:27:08,490 --> 00:27:11,402 - My tastes are traditional... - too rock and roll? 335 00:27:11,610 --> 00:27:13,566 - Possibly. - Each his own. 336 00:27:13,770 --> 00:27:18,127 That was me on a seven. Wait till you see me on a nine or ten! 337 00:27:18,330 --> 00:27:21,640 - Here's your cheque. - Thanking you. 338 00:27:21,850 --> 00:27:24,808 More importantly, what pub we going to? 339 00:27:27,530 --> 00:27:32,001 More important than £300? I don't think so! Where we going? 340 00:27:32,210 --> 00:27:36,044 - We'll just grab some food and go home. - Pizza? 341 00:27:36,250 --> 00:27:40,209 Yeah? Never mind pizza express, what about beer express? 342 00:27:40,410 --> 00:27:42,844 "Next stop, drunkenness!" 343 00:27:43,050 --> 00:27:46,838 We can go anywhere you want. Chinese? Indian? 344 00:27:47,050 --> 00:27:50,008 As long as it's... it's on me! 345 00:27:51,410 --> 00:28:01,410 The three musketeers! Oh, I can't. What? There's something I've got to do. 346 00:28:01,650 --> 00:28:05,438 Just us two, then. What clubs are round here? 347 00:28:05,650 --> 00:28:09,484 - I'm not going to a club. - You bloody are! 348 00:28:16,410 --> 00:28:20,608 # So what becomes of you, my love 349 00:28:22,450 --> 00:28:26,887 # when they have finally stripped you of 350 00:28:27,090 --> 00:28:29,479 # the handbags and the gladrags 351 00:28:29,690 --> 00:28:34,684 # that your granddad had to sweat so you could buy #