1
00:00:08,030 --> 00:00:10,105
Necesito un bueno worker.
2
00:00:10,406 --> 00:00:11,912
Tú es fuerte.
Come on.
3
00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:13,740
¿Que?
4
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:18,214
{\pos(192,240)}No vamos con ese señor.
5
00:00:18,339 --> 00:00:20,743
{\pos(192,240)}Lo he visto saliendo con muchos otros,
y no vuelven nadie.
6
00:00:20,868 --> 00:00:23,339
{\pos(192,240)}We don't go with that man.
I've seen several men go with him
7
00:00:23,464 --> 00:00:24,632
{\pos(192,240)}and not come back.
8
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:26,920
{\pos(192,240)}- He perdido amigos.
- We've lost friends.
9
00:00:27,045 --> 00:00:30,182
{\pos(192,240)}- No se lo que hace con ellos.
- We don't know what he does with'em.
10
00:00:30,884 --> 00:00:32,255
{\pos(192,240)}No quiero decir mas.
11
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,453
I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
12
00:00:34,855 --> 00:00:36,082
I pick up day laborers
13
00:00:36,207 --> 00:00:38,411
and tell them
that they'll get paid at 6:00 pm.
14
00:00:38,536 --> 00:00:41,158
At 5:45, a certain INS agent
15
00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:44,611
by the name of Mose Schrute
throws them in the back of a van,
16
00:00:44,736 --> 00:00:47,200
drops them off in{\ the middle of} Harrisburg,
and tells them it's Canada.
17
00:00:48,972 --> 00:00:50,622
- Hola, amigo.
- Hola.
18
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,123
- Tú es un bueno worker?
- Si, yo muy bueno worker.
19
00:00:54,435 --> 00:00:56,834
Y el acento...
Dónde are you from?
20
00:00:57,004 --> 00:00:57,896
Scranton.
21
00:00:58,293 --> 00:01:00,858
Y before that, la Philadelphia.
22
00:01:01,257 --> 00:01:03,424
- You speak English?
- Yes, I'm really good{\ at English}.
23
00:01:03,592 --> 00:01:05,051
Good, me too.
Get in{\ the car}.
24
00:01:08,389 --> 00:01:10,025
Who is this guy by our cars?
25
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,178
That is my new
maintenance worker Nate,
26
00:01:12,303 --> 00:01:15,005
and you'll be happy to know
{\that }he's taking care of that hornet's nest
27
00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:16,613
{\that }you've been griping about.
28
00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:19,338
- I got stung up my dress.
- Poor hornet.
29
00:01:19,735 --> 00:01:22,703
I left him all the tools he needs.
This is do or die.
30
00:01:22,828 --> 00:01:25,009
If he chooses correctly,
he'll conquer the hornets.
31
00:01:25,324 --> 00:01:26,500
And if he doesn't?
32
00:01:27,829 --> 00:01:28,700
He'll die.
33
00:01:28,868 --> 00:01:30,243
- What?
- {\Beg your p}Pardon?
34
00:01:30,411 --> 00:01:32,449
When did the phrase "do or die"
become so corrupted?
35
00:01:32,574 --> 00:01:33,746
Is it a blowtorch?
36
00:01:37,127 --> 00:01:38,334
Interesting choice.
37
00:01:40,547 --> 00:01:42,714
- Very, very smart.
- Walking away. Go away.
38
00:01:43,821 --> 00:01:44,716
The bat.
39
00:01:45,701 --> 00:01:46,952
What is he doing?
40
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:48,816
They're stinging him!
41
00:01:51,183 --> 00:01:53,599
- Feygnasse Team -
42
00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:55,101
.:: La Fabrique ::.
43
00:02:09,575 --> 00:02:11,701
{\pos(270,155)}7x04: Sex Ed
44
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:17,498
Good morning, Erin.
Any moustaches... I mean messages?
45
00:02:18,065 --> 00:02:18,958
Terrific.
46
00:02:19,997 --> 00:02:21,376
There are many reasons
47
00:02:21,501 --> 00:02:24,088
a man would wear a fake moustache
to work.
48
00:02:24,521 --> 00:02:25,893
{\pos(120,268)}He is a fan...
49
00:02:26,018 --> 00:02:27,447
{\pos(120,268)}of the outrageous.
50
00:02:27,572 --> 00:02:28,630
{\pos(120,268)}He loves to...
51
00:02:28,755 --> 00:02:29,775
{\pos(120,268)}surprise!
52
00:02:30,772 --> 00:02:33,574
{\pos(120,268)}He loves other things as well.
53
00:02:43,662 --> 00:02:44,905
{\pos(120,238)}It's a pimple{\, Phyllis}.
54
00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:48,154
{\pos(120,238)}Avril Lavigne gets them all the time,
and she rocks harder than anyone{\ alive}.
55
00:02:48,605 --> 00:02:50,323
{\pos(120,238)}That's no pimple, Michael.
56
00:02:50,618 --> 00:02:51,991
- You mean cancer?
- What?
57
00:02:52,159 --> 00:02:54,285
No way.
Definitely not... not cancer.
58
00:02:54,453 --> 00:02:56,617
{\pos(105,268)}It's {\just }good to catch
a Michael train of thought early
59
00:02:56,742 --> 00:02:59,367
{\pos(105,268)}before it derails
and destroys the entire town.
60
00:03:00,042 --> 00:03:02,035
Wait, wait{\, wait, wait}.
It's just a cold sore.
61
00:03:02,484 --> 00:03:03,284
It is?
62
00:03:04,006 --> 00:03:05,630
- Just a cold sore.
- {\Just a cold sore. }Thank you.
63
00:03:05,798 --> 00:03:08,299
Phyllis, I don't have acne.
I have a cold sore.
64
00:03:08,467 --> 00:03:09,675
I didn't{\ even} have a cold.
65
00:03:09,845 --> 00:03:11,886
- I don't know how I got it.
- I know{\ how you got it}.
66
00:03:12,054 --> 00:03:14,339
{\pos(120,268)}- How?
- Michael, come on.
67
00:03:14,683 --> 00:03:16,516
{\pos(120,268)}A cold sore is herpes.
68
00:03:17,044 --> 00:03:18,976
{\pos(120,268)}- What?
- What you should do{\, Michael,}
69
00:03:19,146 --> 00:03:21,771
is have a doctor take a look at it,
'cause we don't{\ really} know what it is.
70
00:03:21,939 --> 00:03:24,591
I know tons and tons of people
who have herpes.
71
00:03:24,716 --> 00:03:26,066
{\pos(120,268)}I have it myself.
72
00:03:26,191 --> 00:03:28,528
{\pos(120,268)}- That's what it is.
- I've never seen herpes on you.
73
00:03:28,696 --> 00:03:30,509
'Cause it's on my genitals, genius.
74
00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:31,883
You have a penis?
75
00:03:32,199 --> 00:03:34,350
{\pos(120,268)}{\Michael, h}Have you ever
been tested for STDs?
76
00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,577
Yeah.
My last physical when I was 40.
77
00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:39,497
- That was like ten years ago.
- No, it was {\like }four years ago.
78
00:03:39,665 --> 00:03:41,040
{\Michael, y}You're at least 46.
79
00:03:41,165 --> 00:03:44,877
{\pos(120,268)}Why at least?
If you're guessing 46, just say 46.
80
00:03:52,553 --> 00:03:55,303
{\pos(120,268)}Can please talk about
how gross Meredith is?
81
00:03:55,692 --> 00:03:58,391
{\pos(120,268)}This is what you get when you
treat your body like an outhouse.
82
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,102
You know what{\, guys}?
83
00:04:01,270 --> 00:04:03,437
How about we{\ just} chill out a {\little }bit
on the herp chat?
84
00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:06,394
{\pos(120,268)}I was an RA in college,
and I can tell you,
85
00:04:06,519 --> 00:04:08,693
{\pos(120,268)}the number one
sexually transmitted disease...
86
00:04:10,342 --> 00:04:11,487
is ignorance.
87
00:04:12,039 --> 00:04:14,758
{\I guess m}Maybe she could marry a meth dealer
with crabs...
88
00:04:14,883 --> 00:04:16,325
I don't even wanna know{\ about these things}.
89
00:04:16,495 --> 00:04:17,431
Hey, guys.
90
00:04:24,872 --> 00:04:26,696
How did this happen?
How did I get this?
91
00:04:26,821 --> 00:04:28,970
{\pos(120,268)}Sometimes it can lie dormant
in a woman for years.
92
00:04:29,095 --> 00:04:30,506
{\pos(120,268)}They may not{\ even} know{\ that} they have it.
93
00:04:30,676 --> 00:04:33,527
{\You know what? }I feel like one of those
old-timey sailors with VD.
94
00:04:34,623 --> 00:04:37,033
{\pos(110,268)}It's me own darn fault.
Girl in every port!
95
00:04:37,158 --> 00:04:38,180
{\pos(110,268)}But what port?
96
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,662
The Jan port?
97
00:04:40,586 --> 00:04:42,393
- The Holly port?
- Don't even...
98
00:04:42,561 --> 00:04:45,521
{\pos(120,268)}Holly was clean, okay?
If anything, I gave it to her.
99
00:04:45,691 --> 00:04:48,505
{\pos(120,268)}- You may have.
- Oh, my God. What if I did?
100
00:04:48,849 --> 00:04:50,649
{\pos(120,268)}You need to contact Holly.
101
00:04:50,970 --> 00:04:54,030
{\pos(120,275)}You need to notify her
that she is crawling with herpes.
102
00:04:54,771 --> 00:04:56,462
{\pos(120,268)}You know what?
"Might".
103
00:04:56,756 --> 00:04:59,373
{\pos(120,275)}"Might be crawling with herpes."
104
00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:02,079
I might have gotten it after her.
105
00:05:02,249 --> 00:05:04,270
{\You need to c}Contact every woman you've been with
106
00:05:04,395 --> 00:05:06,599
and notify them
of your herpes infestation.
107
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:08,002
It's the right thing to do.
108
00:05:08,361 --> 00:05:10,087
There's no way I'm gonna do that.
109
00:05:10,257 --> 00:05:11,672
- Then I will.
- {\All right, }I...
110
00:05:14,343 --> 00:05:15,909
I'm no doctor, but it seems to me
111
00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:18,052
{\that }we all have an obligation
to the public health
112
00:05:18,177 --> 00:05:20,477
to track down anyone
who gives us a disease,
113
00:05:20,602 --> 00:05:21,906
inform them of it,
114
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:24,541
and take overwhelming revenge
on that person.
115
00:05:24,666 --> 00:05:26,231
Again, I'm no doctor.
116
00:05:26,356 --> 00:05:28,699
I'm just a normal guy
who enjoys revenge.
117
00:05:33,019 --> 00:05:34,654
Hi, Donna.
It's Michael.
118
00:05:34,822 --> 00:05:37,323
{\Michael. }I didn't think I'd hear from you.
How've you been?
119
00:05:37,813 --> 00:05:39,363
I have a disease...
120
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:41,786
for which there is no known cure
121
00:05:41,954 --> 00:05:44,554
that has been sexually
transmitted to me.
122
00:05:46,335 --> 00:05:47,833
I can't even say it.
123
00:05:48,003 --> 00:05:48,801
H...
124
00:05:49,493 --> 00:05:50,908
- I...
- Oh, my God!
125
00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:51,833
R...
126
00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:53,180
P...
127
00:05:53,781 --> 00:05:54,581
E...
128
00:05:55,156 --> 00:05:57,009
- E... S.
- Wait.
129
00:05:57,442 --> 00:06:00,431
You're calling
to tell me that you have herpes?
130
00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:04,558
No, I'm calling
to see if you gave me herpes,
131
00:06:04,728 --> 00:06:06,228
because if you did,
132
00:06:06,353 --> 00:06:08,896
I would be able
to avoid a lot of sucky conversations.
133
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:11,491
- So you have it, right?
- No.
134
00:06:12,087 --> 00:06:13,943
- Does your stupid husband have it?
- No{\, he doesn't}!
135
00:06:14,343 --> 00:06:16,362
Are you telling me
I have to get tested?
136
00:06:16,530 --> 00:06:18,606
Yes, {\I'm telling you }you've to get tested
for herpes.
137
00:06:18,731 --> 00:06:20,157
- {\Good-b}Bye!
- So long, Donna.
138
00:06:20,485 --> 00:06:23,202
Excuse me, everyone,
can I have your attention, please?
139
00:06:23,372 --> 00:06:24,870
- Not again.
- What do you mean{\, again}?
140
00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:27,415
You're always
asking for our attention.
141
00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:28,901
{\Well, m}Maybe like a year ago.
142
00:06:29,418 --> 00:06:30,418
Seems recent.
143
00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:31,568
No, that's...
144
00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:33,601
Andy, the reason
it seems more recent
145
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,653
is because many of us{\ here}
have never stood up
146
00:06:35,778 --> 00:06:37,411
and asked for everyone's attention,
147
00:06:37,536 --> 00:06:39,526
and {\*it seems like }you've done that
on several occasions.
148
00:06:39,651 --> 00:06:41,616
Everyone, I've noticed that...
149
00:06:41,741 --> 00:06:44,637
we've not been entirely kind
to one of our own,
150
00:06:44,762 --> 00:06:46,959
due to stigmas and prejudices.
151
00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:50,187
When you got your new phone.
That's when you asked for {\everyone's }attention.
152
00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:53,941
World cup, that's what I was thinkin'.
You kept announcing scores.
153
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,709
It's the world's
only international sport.
154
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,114
This is Holly.
155
00:07:01,724 --> 00:07:03,124
No, this is Holly.
156
00:07:04,854 --> 00:07:06,550
No. This is Holly.
157
00:07:07,205 --> 00:07:08,497
No, this is Holly.
158
00:07:09,151 --> 00:07:11,051
No. This is Michael Scott.
159
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:13,757
Busted.
160
00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:18,966
- So what can I do for you, Holly?
- I'm calling because...
161
00:07:19,288 --> 00:07:20,885
there was a terrible car accident.
162
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,721
Really?
Was anyone killed?
163
00:07:24,013 --> 00:07:25,313
A lot of people.
164
00:07:25,726 --> 00:07:26,674
Any nuns?
165
00:07:27,296 --> 00:07:28,346
Three nuns.
166
00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,800
Missionaries from South Africa.
167
00:07:31,426 --> 00:07:33,405
Were they
in the missionary position?
168
00:07:35,234 --> 00:07:37,525
Hot pizza, check it and see
169
00:07:38,739 --> 00:07:41,028
Got a whole bunch-a pepperoni
170
00:07:41,867 --> 00:07:43,363
Now you're lookin' at me.
171
00:07:43,702 --> 00:07:45,785
Anyone {\who's }interested
in{\ entering into} an honest discussion
172
00:07:45,953 --> 00:07:47,870
about the sexual mores and taboos
173
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,832
of modern society
will be rewarded with a pizza break.
174
00:07:52,098 --> 00:07:55,169
Do you{\ ever} wonder what life would've been
{\ like}if you hadn't been transferred?
175
00:07:57,631 --> 00:08:00,299
- We would have twins.
- I don't think we'd have kids.
176
00:08:01,073 --> 00:08:02,674
We dated for a few weeks.
177
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:04,303
We'd be married.
178
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:05,930
{\Michael, }I've been dating AJ
179
00:08:06,098 --> 00:08:07,651
for a year and a half now.
180
00:08:07,776 --> 00:08:10,434
- You do this, you know.
- Do what?
181
00:08:10,709 --> 00:08:12,497
You romanticize things.
182
00:08:13,065 --> 00:08:14,230
I don't romantici...
183
00:08:16,902 --> 00:08:19,819
You cried at that tag line
for a movie you made up.
184
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:23,520
He had no arms or legs.
He couldn't see, hear, or speak.
185
00:08:25,013 --> 00:08:26,450
This is how he led a nation.
186
00:08:26,620 --> 00:08:28,661
You made us out
to be more than we were.
187
00:08:29,181 --> 00:08:31,082
Maybe we were more than we were.
188
00:08:31,415 --> 00:08:35,278
{\I don't know w}What are you getting so upset about?
We had a fun fling a long time ago.
189
00:08:35,669 --> 00:08:38,515
- It's a good memory.
- Okay, all right. I gotta go.
190
00:08:43,551 --> 00:08:45,417
He forgot to mention the herpes.
191
00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:47,513
It didn't come up organically.
192
00:08:48,642 --> 00:08:50,839
{\pub}... to accommodate the suppliers.
193
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,393
Gentlemen, nice to see you.
It'll be just a moment.
194
00:08:53,563 --> 00:08:55,446
If you could show them
into conference room B.
195
00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:58,073
The pharmaceutical company
should be able to accommodate us.
196
00:08:58,198 --> 00:09:00,272
{\pos(192,240)}How do I do it?
Raise my daughter,
197
00:09:00,397 --> 00:09:02,737
{\pos(192,240)}work as director of office
purchasing for this hospital,
198
00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:05,802
{\pos(192,240)}and release an album of Doris {\day }covers
on my own label?
199
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:08,492
{\pos(192,240)}If I knew, I'd tell you.
200
00:09:08,662 --> 00:09:10,827
{\pos(192,240)}- Nice to see you doin' so well.
- I'm {\really }happy.
201
00:09:10,998 --> 00:09:13,995
{\pos(192,240)}Me and Astrid against the world.
We're lovin' it.
202
00:09:14,677 --> 00:09:16,103
So... kinda the supermom.
203
00:09:16,228 --> 00:09:17,675
Bringin' home the bacon.
204
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,247
Fry it up in a pan
205
00:09:19,372 --> 00:09:21,672
Never, never, never let you
forget you're a man
206
00:09:22,925 --> 00:09:24,227
Love that commercial.
207
00:09:24,547 --> 00:09:26,700
I don't understand the reference.
208
00:09:27,446 --> 00:09:28,296
Well...
209
00:09:28,804 --> 00:09:30,280
{\Michael, i}It was nice to get your call.
210
00:09:30,405 --> 00:09:32,429
We had to come over right away.
It's urgent.
211
00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:35,813
- Michael has something to tell you.
- Are you gonna keep me in suspense?
212
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,359
- Would you excuse us?
- Okay, I'm gonna...
213
00:09:46,811 --> 00:09:49,859
head outta here.
I know you have a lot to talk about.
214
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:53,869
Is there an operating theater
that's open to visitors?
215
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,458
Never mind.
I'll find it.
216
00:09:57,237 --> 00:09:59,042
- He hasn't changed.
- No.
217
00:09:59,662 --> 00:10:01,253
So what couldn't wait?
218
00:10:03,123 --> 00:10:04,820
Am I the kind of person
219
00:10:04,945 --> 00:10:08,427
to misremember our relationship
as something more than it was?
220
00:10:08,719 --> 00:10:11,930
Michael Scott,
you are here for a postmortem.
221
00:10:12,632 --> 00:10:13,432
What?
222
00:10:13,876 --> 00:10:16,102
You wanna dig into our relationship.
223
00:10:16,227 --> 00:10:18,729
Go over it, see what killed it.
224
00:10:22,349 --> 00:10:23,199
I'm in.
225
00:10:24,227 --> 00:10:27,027
So guys,
I've been really bothered by the way
226
00:10:27,449 --> 00:10:30,148
certain people
are getting treated around here.{\*, and...}
227
00:10:30,273 --> 00:10:32,117
{\*I just think }As an office we're better than that.
228
00:10:32,827 --> 00:10:34,745
I'm gonna show you a picture
229
00:10:35,462 --> 00:10:36,612
of genitalia.
230
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,544
- {\*What, }Cause he's black?
- Nope, it's cause it's genitalia.
231
00:10:42,714 --> 00:10:45,209
Perfectly normal genitalia, tuna.
232
00:10:46,956 --> 00:10:50,594
I'm gonna show you another picture
of perfectly normal genitalia.
233
00:10:53,202 --> 00:10:55,057
Am I blocking anybody?
Can everybody see?
234
00:10:55,227 --> 00:10:57,142
Perfectly normal.
Big deal.
235
00:10:57,312 --> 00:10:59,510
Sure, it's got some herpes on it.
236
00:11:00,198 --> 00:11:03,416
But you know what?
It's just as normal as anyone else's.
237
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,110
In the beginning, we were not good.
238
00:11:08,108 --> 00:11:10,866
There's a bit of a learning curve
in the conversation department,
239
00:11:10,993 --> 00:11:14,157
but between the sheets,
we were like Jordan and Pippen.
240
00:11:14,663 --> 00:11:17,287
If there's anything exciting{\* about it},
it was {\*because}we {\*both }knew it was wrong.
241
00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:19,395
Because we worked together.
242
00:11:20,619 --> 00:11:21,958
Imagine {\*there's }a princess
243
00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:25,390
who falls for a guy beneath her station,
and the queen doesn't like it{\*this at all}.
244
00:11:25,515 --> 00:11:29,498
{\*And }The princess knows {\*that the queen }she doesn't like it,
{\*and }so {\it makes her }want to do it {\*all the more just }to get at the queen.
245
00:11:31,017 --> 00:11:34,054
- Am I the princess?
- No, I'm the princess, and the queen.
246
00:11:34,882 --> 00:11:36,431
So I'm the guy at the station.
247
00:11:38,185 --> 00:11:39,142
Mommy!
248
00:11:39,312 --> 00:11:40,306
Assy!
249
00:11:41,624 --> 00:11:42,874
How was school?
250
00:11:43,886 --> 00:11:45,183
It was cool.
251
00:11:45,419 --> 00:11:47,181
What did you learn?
252
00:11:47,956 --> 00:11:49,207
What did I learn?
253
00:11:49,332 --> 00:11:51,655
You might have learned
254
00:11:52,007 --> 00:11:52,807
shapes
255
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:54,608
or blocks
256
00:11:54,733 --> 00:11:55,791
or clocks
257
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:56,943
or colors.
258
00:11:57,068 --> 00:11:58,670
Or you might have learned
259
00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:02,207
that we're all sisters and brothers
260
00:12:02,332 --> 00:12:03,667
I have herpes.
261
00:12:03,837 --> 00:12:04,935
What? You...
262
00:12:05,547 --> 00:12:07,945
I used to think
that she was the one.
263
00:12:08,222 --> 00:12:10,188
Or at least a "the one."
264
00:12:11,653 --> 00:12:13,953
And if I called that one so wrong...
265
00:12:16,475 --> 00:12:19,627
Herpes, like all STDs,
is a consequence of sex.
266
00:12:19,752 --> 00:12:22,250
Can anyone else name
any other consequences?
267
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,979
It feels unbelievable.
268
00:12:24,984 --> 00:12:27,184
I guess we can make a pros column.
269
00:12:27,917 --> 00:12:28,817
Feels...
270
00:12:28,987 --> 00:12:30,135
Unbelievable.
271
00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:33,900
The ability
to express love physically.
272
00:12:34,847 --> 00:12:36,397
It's a magical thing.
273
00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:38,660
Express love.
Magical.
274
00:12:40,207 --> 00:12:41,554
It feels amazing.
275
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,458
Is that different
from feels unbelievable?
276
00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:48,197
Then I will write it down.
277
00:12:48,322 --> 00:12:50,547
The feeling of pure risk.
278
00:12:50,717 --> 00:12:52,765
I had that in the cons column,
279
00:12:53,508 --> 00:12:55,010
- but...
- It's thrilling.
280
00:12:57,394 --> 00:12:58,244
Then...
281
00:12:59,162 --> 00:13:01,869
We'll move that.
"Thrill of risk."
282
00:13:02,437 --> 00:13:04,186
Aren't there also negatives to sex?
283
00:13:04,521 --> 00:13:06,127
Yes! Thank you.
284
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,189
Such as...
285
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,690
Unplanned pregnancy.
286
00:13:08,860 --> 00:13:10,358
"Unplanned pregnancy."
287
00:13:10,529 --> 00:13:11,776
Like Jim and Pam, what?
288
00:13:12,823 --> 00:13:14,946
Just admit
that your baby was a mistake.
289
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:17,611
Our baby was not a mistake.
290
00:13:18,703 --> 00:13:20,316
- She was a surprise.
- Good.
291
00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:22,715
I'm sure they don't regret
having that child.
292
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,846
- {\*Let's }Move it to the pros.
- Thank you.
293
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:28,612
"Unplanned pregnancy."
Going in the pros column.
294
00:13:29,965 --> 00:13:31,555
Next up is Helene.
295
00:13:32,342 --> 00:13:34,473
You're gonna
wanna make a left on Willow,
296
00:13:34,598 --> 00:13:37,019
Which is a little ways away.
I'll remind you.
297
00:13:37,144 --> 00:13:39,725
You know, I don't know
if I trust Jan's judgment.
298
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:41,626
Jan knows paper.
299
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:43,264
Not paper, relationships.
300
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,829
To have the ability to point out
301
00:13:45,954 --> 00:13:48,973
if a man is making a bigger deal
out of something than is really there.
302
00:13:49,098 --> 00:13:51,983
{\*Wait, }What Holly said?
Forget it, Michael.
303
00:13:52,154 --> 00:13:54,401
- Today is about herpes.
- I know.
304
00:13:54,526 --> 00:13:56,868
- Who gave it to you, who has it...
- Right.
305
00:13:56,993 --> 00:13:58,406
And who is going to pay.
306
00:13:58,531 --> 00:14:01,761
To answer your question about Jan...
No, Jan is insane.
307
00:14:02,021 --> 00:14:05,124
- Why do you think... Left Willow now!
- All right! God!
308
00:14:07,169 --> 00:14:08,316
Hi, stranger.
309
00:14:09,129 --> 00:14:10,126
Long time.
310
00:14:10,469 --> 00:14:11,419
Who are you?
311
00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:13,839
I'm Michael.
We dated for a while.
312
00:14:14,009 --> 00:14:15,257
I don't think so.
313
00:14:22,008 --> 00:14:24,224
Would you take
my grandmother for a walk
314
00:14:24,394 --> 00:14:26,643
- While I talk to the real Helene?
- Come on, old lady{\*, let's go}.
315
00:14:26,813 --> 00:14:28,911
- What is happening?
- Come on.
316
00:14:29,566 --> 00:14:32,774
Who can tell me
the safest form of safe sex?
317
00:14:32,944 --> 00:14:33,942
Condoms.
318
00:14:34,112 --> 00:14:36,820
Incorrect.
The only true form of safe sex...
319
00:14:38,762 --> 00:14:39,698
Abstinence.
320
00:14:40,533 --> 00:14:43,128
I didn't realize
we were doing trick questions.
321
00:14:43,624 --> 00:14:45,662
What's the safest way to go skiing?
322
00:14:45,832 --> 00:14:46,663
Don't ski.
323
00:14:49,127 --> 00:14:52,552
I just thought I'd bring it up
In case someone {\*here }was practicing it{\*abstinence}.
324
00:14:53,016 --> 00:14:54,296
That's all.
Anybody?
325
00:14:54,421 --> 00:14:56,548
Andy, that's way too personal
of a question.
326
00:14:56,718 --> 00:14:58,838
{\*Well, }Someone could answer
it if they wanted to.
327
00:15:02,349 --> 00:15:03,496
In that case,
328
00:15:04,005 --> 00:15:07,631
I will now show you how
to put this condom on using...
329
00:15:09,147 --> 00:15:10,896
- This pencil.
- Oh, God!
330
00:15:11,303 --> 00:15:13,653
- What?
- Why would you choose a pencil?
331
00:15:14,444 --> 00:15:17,110
I'm not gonna use my penis.
It's not exactly hard {\*right now }anyway.
332
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,741
Come on,
give it a rest, pencil dick!
333
00:15:20,033 --> 00:15:21,698
I'm doing this for you, Meredith!
334
00:15:21,868 --> 00:15:24,578
- I didn't want it!
- Well, did you... why...
335
00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:27,972
Does no one appreciate
what I'm doing right now?
336
00:15:32,004 --> 00:15:34,419
It'll go away in time.
Just don't touch it.
337
00:15:34,589 --> 00:15:38,131
Did I make more of what we had
Than was really there?
338
00:15:38,301 --> 00:15:39,549
What did you think{\ we were}?
339
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:40,667
Just a...
340
00:15:41,234 --> 00:15:44,346
quirky indie movie
weird sorta thing...
341
00:15:44,789 --> 00:15:46,577
breakin' all the rules...
342
00:15:46,702 --> 00:15:49,180
But had to end
because the summer was over.
343
00:15:49,537 --> 00:15:50,435
For you.
344
00:15:50,861 --> 00:15:53,204
I think that
for you to have come here
345
00:15:53,329 --> 00:15:55,214
even expecting...
346
00:15:56,009 --> 00:15:59,005
that we could have this conversation{\ like this},
shows how...
347
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:00,779
how self-deluded you are.
348
00:16:00,949 --> 00:16:02,247
Michael, your...
349
00:16:02,969 --> 00:16:05,408
memory has failed you greatly.
350
00:16:06,604 --> 00:16:07,404
Jerk.
351
00:16:24,181 --> 00:16:28,033
{\pos(192,240)}So this is a chef's kitchen,
Which is {\*makes it }perfect for real entertainers.
352
00:16:28,369 --> 00:16:30,517
{\pos(192,240)}Real entertainer, like Billy Joel.
353
00:16:31,605 --> 00:16:33,645
{\pos(192,240)}Carole. How are you?
354
00:16:33,815 --> 00:16:35,374
{\pos(192,240)}I'm great.
How are you?
355
00:16:35,776 --> 00:16:37,764
{\pos(192,240)}Great.
I saw your sign outside,
356
00:16:38,079 --> 00:16:41,379
{\pos(192,240)}And I decided, I'm gonna pull in,
And maybe {\*I'm going to }buy a house from her.
357
00:16:41,782 --> 00:16:44,406
You didn't call my office
and ask them where I was?
358
00:16:44,576 --> 00:16:46,345
No!
That's so...
359
00:16:46,745 --> 00:16:48,619
{\*'cause }The receptionist
told me {\*that }a man called,
360
00:16:48,744 --> 00:16:50,870
But he would only say
that he was my ex-lover.
361
00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:52,998
Weird.
Sounds like a nice guy.
362
00:16:53,858 --> 00:16:56,876
I don't know{\*, I mean}, people were being
really mean to Meredith...
363
00:16:57,047 --> 00:16:59,087
But this wasn't really
about Meredith, was it?
364
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,466
- You and Erin were broken up...
- How is that relevant to anything?
365
00:17:03,637 --> 00:17:06,473
I asked you if it was okay
if I asked her out.
366
00:17:06,598 --> 00:17:08,532
You said, and I quote...
367
00:17:08,657 --> 00:17:11,087
"my good sir,
nothing would make me happier
368
00:17:11,212 --> 00:17:14,227
"than to hand you the hand
of the hand once in my hand."
369
00:17:14,604 --> 00:17:17,439
I specifically remembered it
cause you said it in such a weird way.
370
00:17:17,609 --> 00:17:20,680
The only reason I said that
is cause you asked me so politely.
371
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:23,674
And it was very difficult
for me to say no.
372
00:17:24,157 --> 00:17:25,655
I'll let this slide.
373
00:17:26,768 --> 00:17:29,755
But I expect you
to put this {\*whole }Erin thing behind you.
374
00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:33,163
- Another living room.
- It's a family room.
375
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:36,651
You put the TV there.
You put your family here.
376
00:17:37,546 --> 00:17:39,210
Michael, why are you here?
377
00:17:40,152 --> 00:17:41,557
Somebody told me
378
00:17:41,682 --> 00:17:44,632
that I romanticize relationships.
379
00:17:45,502 --> 00:17:47,252
You know, we all do that.
380
00:17:48,015 --> 00:17:49,334
I have herpes.
381
00:17:50,273 --> 00:17:51,073
What?
382
00:17:51,857 --> 00:17:54,768
- You had{\*Did you have} that while we were together?
- I just found out today.
383
00:17:54,938 --> 00:17:56,811
It's...
It's right there.
384
00:17:58,135 --> 00:18:00,357
That's what you're talking about?
385
00:18:00,482 --> 00:18:01,399
I'm sorry.
386
00:18:01,570 --> 00:18:04,569
- Did you have a doctor check it out?
- I'm between specialists{\* right now}.
387
00:18:07,729 --> 00:18:11,723
Actually, you do make a bigger deal
out of things than you need to.
388
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,662
You proposed to me
on our fourth date.
389
00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,623
I believe in love at first sight.
390
00:18:17,093 --> 00:18:18,203
So do I,
391
00:18:18,328 --> 00:18:20,661
but we didn't love each other
at first either.
392
00:18:21,253 --> 00:18:22,921
I don't know what you were thinking.
393
00:18:24,432 --> 00:18:28,001
I know what I was thinking{\* at the time},
But {\*right }now, it just seems ridiculous.
394
00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:29,386
Excuse me.
395
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,349
Someone died in the upstairs bathroom,
didn't they?
396
00:18:37,114 --> 00:18:39,377
We should schedule meetings,
397
00:18:39,816 --> 00:18:41,959
cause the days
can slip away with chitchat.
398
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:44,025
Are you crying?
399
00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:45,983
No. I'm just sweating.
400
00:18:46,406 --> 00:18:49,327
I don't know what's got you upset,
but my advice is...
401
00:18:49,855 --> 00:18:50,824
stop crying.
402
00:18:50,994 --> 00:18:52,509
I'm not crying, I'm sweating.
403
00:18:52,634 --> 00:18:54,452
You need to pick yourself up.
404
00:18:54,623 --> 00:18:56,291
Man up, all right?
405
00:18:57,044 --> 00:18:59,124
Son, you will win this in the end.
406
00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:01,461
It's all about heart...
407
00:19:01,968 --> 00:19:03,211
and character.
408
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:05,881
Be your best self.
409
00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:12,622
I have no idea what his problem is.
It's just my standard advice.
410
00:19:12,747 --> 00:19:14,139
It's good advice, right?
411
00:19:14,309 --> 00:19:16,942
This is Holly Flax.
I can't come to the phone right now.
412
00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:20,370
But leave a message at the sound
of the tiny truck backing up.
413
00:19:22,114 --> 00:19:23,857
Hi, Holly, it's Michael.
414
00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:28,528
I just wanted to call and let you know
I was thinking about what you said.
415
00:19:29,164 --> 00:19:31,130
It's just...
You know...
416
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,929
It's weird.
Today I...
417
00:19:35,459 --> 00:19:38,262
ended up seeing a lot of the women
that I used to date.
418
00:19:39,122 --> 00:19:41,668
And in my mind, they were all great.
419
00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:44,401
And then when I actually saw them,
420
00:19:44,899 --> 00:19:46,754
It was mostly a freak show.
421
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,893
And you and me,
that must have been a real...
422
00:19:50,018 --> 00:19:50,967
train wreck.
423
00:19:52,627 --> 00:19:53,827
You know what?
424
00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:57,142
Holly, you're wrong.
425
00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:00,518
You are wrong.
426
00:20:01,627 --> 00:20:03,627
I remember every second of us.
427
00:20:03,984 --> 00:20:05,752
And talking to you today...
428
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,840
I don't feel for them
429
00:20:08,965 --> 00:20:10,820
anything like what I feel for you.
430
00:20:13,476 --> 00:20:16,765
I didn't joke with any of them.
I joked with you.
431
00:20:17,685 --> 00:20:21,604
You were the only one
who was {\*actually }happy to hear from me.
432
00:20:22,002 --> 00:20:24,639
And I don't know
why you downgraded what we had,
433
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:26,618
but I did not make us up.
434
00:20:30,371 --> 00:20:34,171
And you might{\*... you should} talk to a doctor
Because you might have herpes.
435
00:20:41,937 --> 00:20:43,661
What is this about?
436
00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:46,524
We once sucked face in public.
437
00:20:47,216 --> 00:20:48,943
As part of an office presentation
438
00:20:49,588 --> 00:20:52,806
to destroy the stigma
about gay kissing.
439
00:20:53,312 --> 00:20:54,778
- Do you recall?
- Yes...
440
00:20:54,903 --> 00:20:57,428
You may have given me
a sexually transmitted disease.
441
00:20:57,864 --> 00:20:59,954
- What?
- Herpes duplex.
442
00:21:00,122 --> 00:21:02,957
{\pos(192,210)}It's probably just an in-grown mustache
but we have to be exhaustive.
443
00:21:03,125 --> 00:21:06,044
{\pos(192,210)}I already contacted
all of my ex-lovers except for you.
444
00:21:06,538 --> 00:21:08,087
{\pos(192,210)}We were never lovers.
445
00:21:08,255 --> 00:21:10,509
{\pos(192,210)}I'm gonna need a list
of every men you've {\*ever }had sex with.
446
00:21:10,634 --> 00:21:13,075
{\pos(192,210)}I'm talking train stations,
mens rooms.
447
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,553
{\pos(192,210)}Flower shops, firework celebrations.
448
00:21:16,597 --> 00:21:18,587
{\pos(192,210)}- Fence with a hole{\* in it}.
- Moonlit gondola.
449
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:21,539
{\pos(192,210)}- Carriage ride through Central Park.
- Woods behind liquor store.
450
00:21:21,664 --> 00:21:25,123
{\pos(192,210)}- The swamp behind the old folks' home.
- Electric car dealership.
451
00:21:25,248 --> 00:21:26,898
{\pos(192,210)}The democratic primary.
452
00:21:27,401 --> 00:21:28,199
{\pos(192,210)}Think!