1 00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:06,939 - Uh-oh. 2 00:00:06,939 --> 00:00:08,261 Okay, okay, nobody panic. 3 00:00:08,261 --> 00:00:11,103 Listen up, listen up. 4 00:00:11,103 --> 00:00:13,105 Everyone, follow me to the shelter. 5 00:00:13,105 --> 00:00:15,265 We've got enough food for 14 days. 6 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:18,025 After that, we have a difficult conversation. 7 00:00:18,025 --> 00:00:19,148 - My bad. 8 00:00:19,148 --> 00:00:21,107 Space Heater and Fan were both on high, 9 00:00:21,107 --> 00:00:23,909 plugged into the same outlet, so... 10 00:00:23,909 --> 00:00:25,590 - uh, it's saying the server went down? 11 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,912 Does Anybody know that password? 12 00:00:27,912 --> 00:00:29,232 'cause otherwise, we can't do any work. 13 00:00:29,232 --> 00:00:31,673 - Uh...try "password." 14 00:00:31,673 --> 00:00:32,633 - Nope. 15 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:36,196 - Try zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, zero. 16 00:00:36,196 --> 00:00:37,836 - No. 17 00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:41,718 - Okay, now try Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, one. 18 00:00:41,718 --> 00:00:43,280 - Okay, I'm not doing every number. 19 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,841 - Wait, um, does anyone remember when it was set up? 20 00:00:45,841 --> 00:00:48,722 - Uh...it was, like, eight years ago? 21 00:00:48,722 --> 00:00:50,243 - Lord of the rings stuff? 22 00:00:50,243 --> 00:00:51,644 I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things 23 00:00:51,644 --> 00:00:53,205 that were happening at the time. 24 00:00:53,205 --> 00:00:55,205 - Um, everyone was getting their driver's license. 25 00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:58,567 - Why don't we just call the I.T. Guy who set it up? 26 00:00:58,567 --> 00:00:59,888 What's the name of the guy in Glasses, again? 27 00:00:59,888 --> 00:01:02,689 - Okay, moving backwards, our I.T. Guys have been... 28 00:01:02,689 --> 00:01:05,211 glasses, turban, ear hair, 29 00:01:05,211 --> 00:01:07,851 fatty 3, shorts, fatty 2, lozenge, 30 00:01:07,851 --> 00:01:09,133 and fatso. 31 00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:11,854 I think lozenge was the one who installed it. 32 00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:12,854 - I got it. 33 00:01:12,854 --> 00:01:16,657 Try, um-- [coughs] 34 00:01:16,657 --> 00:01:19,218 - you know what, it made me laugh when I heard it, 35 00:01:19,218 --> 00:01:20,618 but Pam got really offended. 36 00:01:20,618 --> 00:01:23,619 - Big boobs. 37 00:01:23,619 --> 00:01:24,621 - Drama queen? 38 00:01:24,621 --> 00:01:26,301 - Nosy? 39 00:01:26,301 --> 00:01:27,621 - You're typing "big boobs"? 40 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:28,623 - I'm trying everything. 41 00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:29,944 - Try "big boobs" with a "z." 42 00:01:29,944 --> 00:01:30,944 - That's-- 43 00:01:30,944 --> 00:01:32,866 [ding] the password. We're in. 44 00:01:32,866 --> 00:01:34,105 - All right. - Wow. 45 00:01:34,105 --> 00:01:35,106 - Yes. 46 00:01:35,106 --> 00:01:36,107 - The important thing is... 47 00:01:36,107 --> 00:01:40,947 this kept us secure, people. 48 00:01:40,947 --> 00:01:45,071 [cheerful music] 49 00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:55,071 ♪ ♪ 50 00:02:07,042 --> 00:02:10,804 - Morning. - How's it going? 51 00:02:10,804 --> 00:02:12,404 - Hey, I'm wuphf. - I'm facebook. 52 00:02:12,404 --> 00:02:13,565 - What's up, facebook? 53 00:02:13,565 --> 00:02:15,486 - I sent you a facebook message yesterday, 54 00:02:15,486 --> 00:02:16,808 I still haven't heard anything back. 55 00:02:16,808 --> 00:02:17,807 - You should've sent me a wuphf. 56 00:02:17,807 --> 00:02:18,808 - A what? 57 00:02:18,808 --> 00:02:19,767 - When you send a wuphf, 58 00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:20,890 it goes to your home phone, cell phone, 59 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,891 Email, Facebook, twitter, and home screen. 60 00:02:22,891 --> 00:02:23,891 All at the same time. 61 00:02:23,891 --> 00:02:25,212 [phone rings] 62 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,571 [melodic tone] 63 00:02:26,571 --> 00:02:27,574 [robotic voice] Wuphf. 64 00:02:27,574 --> 00:02:28,573 [together] - Wuphf! 65 00:02:28,573 --> 00:02:29,378 - Dot-com! 66 00:02:36,378 --> 00:02:37,617 - Thanks, Erin. 67 00:02:37,617 --> 00:02:38,820 - Sure. 68 00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:42,381 Pam. - Mm-hmm? 69 00:02:42,381 --> 00:02:43,540 - I don't wanna be a lousy snitch. 70 00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:45,660 - Okay. 71 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:47,824 - Ryan has been using the color printer for his business a lot, 72 00:02:47,824 --> 00:02:48,824 and as office administrator-- 73 00:02:48,824 --> 00:02:49,945 - Oh, it's okay. 74 00:02:49,945 --> 00:02:51,825 - But it's not for-- 75 00:02:51,825 --> 00:02:52,945 - let it go. 76 00:02:52,945 --> 00:02:54,666 - Yes, I invested in wuphf. 77 00:02:54,666 --> 00:02:56,227 It's actually a really great idea, 78 00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:58,428 and I can't believe it didn't exist before. 79 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,670 And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, 80 00:03:00,670 --> 00:03:02,191 but Hey, I married Jim. 81 00:03:02,191 --> 00:03:03,831 I've done my part for the nice guy. 82 00:03:03,831 --> 00:03:05,512 Now I want a bedroom set. 83 00:03:05,512 --> 00:03:07,673 - I think an INVESTORS ski trip, frankly, 84 00:03:07,673 --> 00:03:09,994 is the best idea. 85 00:03:09,994 --> 00:03:11,754 It will be a bonding experience. 86 00:03:11,754 --> 00:03:12,877 - I love it. 87 00:03:12,877 --> 00:03:14,397 - I was looking at a Trail map, 88 00:03:14,397 --> 00:03:16,198 and I was thinking that We should start on a Bunny hill, 89 00:03:16,198 --> 00:03:18,157 because I've never actually been skiing. 90 00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:20,040 And then work our way up 91 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,360 to death drop. 92 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,922 - Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company. 93 00:03:24,922 --> 00:03:25,922 [slaps desk] - You're kidding. 94 00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:28,484 - We could sell, but why think so small? 95 00:03:28,484 --> 00:03:30,846 We can just get a couple more people involved, 96 00:03:30,846 --> 00:03:31,845 really do this thing our way. 97 00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,086 - You and me, baby. 98 00:03:33,086 --> 00:03:34,167 - New Investors are key, though. 99 00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:35,687 That's actually why I came in today. 100 00:03:35,687 --> 00:03:37,769 - Don't you work here full time? 101 00:03:37,769 --> 00:03:38,810 - [chuckles] 102 00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:40,250 Today I was thinking I would sit down 103 00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:41,771 with a few of the people who haven't invested yet. 104 00:03:41,771 --> 00:03:43,931 - Mm-hmm. - Or we could do that together. 105 00:03:43,931 --> 00:03:45,092 If that sounds fun to you. 106 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,334 - That does sound fun to me. 107 00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:48,735 - Awesome. 108 00:03:50,735 --> 00:03:52,216 - Ah, this is good hay. 109 00:03:52,216 --> 00:03:53,818 Yeah. 110 00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:56,179 This is the good stuff. Mattress quality. 111 00:03:56,179 --> 00:03:57,858 Every fall, growing up, 112 00:03:57,858 --> 00:04:00,700 my Uncle Eldred used to build us a Maze out of hay Bales 113 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,301 for us kids to play in. 114 00:04:02,301 --> 00:04:04,383 We called it hay place. 115 00:04:04,383 --> 00:04:06,143 Eldred called it hay world. 116 00:04:06,143 --> 00:04:08,224 Eventually, lawyers were brought in. 117 00:04:08,224 --> 00:04:10,666 But that's all behind us. 118 00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:12,867 Hay place lives on. 119 00:04:12,867 --> 00:04:14,987 Watch it, watch it. 120 00:04:14,987 --> 00:04:16,868 Hello! Welcome to hay place. 121 00:04:16,868 --> 00:04:18,391 A place for hay. 122 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:19,871 - Don't forget to make a Broom. 123 00:04:19,871 --> 00:04:21,712 - Oh, the petting zoo closes at 2:00, 124 00:04:21,712 --> 00:04:23,671 and the goat roast is at 3:00. 125 00:04:23,671 --> 00:04:25,232 Come on in, enjoy! 126 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,755 - Hey. 127 00:04:26,755 --> 00:04:30,036 I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay. 128 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,875 - Roll in the hay, five dollars. 129 00:04:31,875 --> 00:04:33,878 - No, I meant... 130 00:04:34,878 --> 00:04:36,719 - Oh, our contract. 131 00:04:36,719 --> 00:04:37,959 - Mm-hmm. 132 00:04:37,959 --> 00:04:40,961 - Yes, why don't we meet at the usual spot. 133 00:04:40,961 --> 00:04:43,202 Uh... 134 00:04:43,202 --> 00:04:44,723 I've got a half an hour during lunch 135 00:04:44,723 --> 00:04:46,164 in-between the historical reenactment 136 00:04:46,164 --> 00:04:48,805 of the dunmore farm slaughters and the onion boil. 137 00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:49,885 - Perfect. - So, uh... 138 00:04:49,885 --> 00:04:51,006 excuse me, get off of there. 139 00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:52,967 Those are show Bales, not play Bales. 140 00:04:54,167 --> 00:04:55,450 - All right, Thank you, I will-- 141 00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:57,529 I will send the contracts over right away. 142 00:04:57,529 --> 00:04:58,113 All right. 143 00:05:03,813 --> 00:05:04,394 Whoo! 144 00:05:05,894 --> 00:05:07,775 I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. 145 00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:09,336 I think it all comes from feeding cece, 146 00:05:09,336 --> 00:05:11,897 because no matter how much she resists, 147 00:05:11,897 --> 00:05:13,738 I sell her those carrots. 148 00:05:13,738 --> 00:05:15,018 Let's be honest-- 149 00:05:15,018 --> 00:05:18,180 if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... 150 00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:20,863 I can pretty much sell anything. 151 00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,982 - Commission comes out to... 152 00:05:22,982 --> 00:05:25,225 dunh-duh-na-dah! 153 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:26,585 Zero. 154 00:05:26,585 --> 00:05:28,545 - Mm-Kay, Well, it can't be zero, kev. 155 00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:29,746 - I entered the sale, 156 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,228 and I hit enter, 157 00:05:32,228 --> 00:05:33,549 and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!" 158 00:05:33,549 --> 00:05:36,310 I'm pretty sure I timesed it right. 159 00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:37,910 - You met your commission cap last week. 160 00:05:37,910 --> 00:05:39,831 So from here until the end of the fiscal year, 161 00:05:39,831 --> 00:05:40,792 your commission will be zero. 162 00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:41,792 - What are you talking about? 163 00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:43,193 We--we have a commission cap? 164 00:05:43,193 --> 00:05:44,874 - It's a new corporate policy. 165 00:05:44,874 --> 00:05:47,715 - Dunh-duh-na-dah! 166 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,477 - Is this job really about the money for you, Jim? 167 00:05:50,477 --> 00:05:53,319 I mean, isn't this where you fell in love? 168 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,359 - A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell. 169 00:05:55,359 --> 00:05:57,882 So you realize I now have no reason to work, right? 170 00:05:57,882 --> 00:06:00,803 - When you're dealing with a large organization, 171 00:06:00,803 --> 00:06:04,083 sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. 172 00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:08,046 I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. 173 00:06:08,046 --> 00:06:10,326 Okay, seeing these old guys walking around naked 174 00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:12,609 feels almost passive-aggressive. 175 00:06:12,609 --> 00:06:14,089 But I deal with it. 176 00:06:14,089 --> 00:06:15,691 'cause it's policy. See what I mean? 177 00:06:15,691 --> 00:06:16,690 - Nope. 178 00:06:16,690 --> 00:06:18,211 - Nudity makes me uncomfortable. - Okay. 179 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,291 - My gym allows it. 180 00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:21,892 I wish they didn't, but it's policy. 181 00:06:21,892 --> 00:06:24,175 So I respect it, and I just-- 182 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,936 keep a low--you know, I look away. 183 00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:29,015 Think about your commission cap 184 00:06:29,015 --> 00:06:34,139 as a naked old man in a gym locker room. 185 00:06:34,139 --> 00:06:35,340 - Excuse me, everyone. 186 00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:36,659 Sex! 187 00:06:36,659 --> 00:06:38,822 Now that I have your attention... 188 00:06:38,822 --> 00:06:40,342 - you don't have our attention. 189 00:06:40,342 --> 00:06:41,344 - Money! 190 00:06:41,344 --> 00:06:42,823 - I'm listening. 191 00:06:42,823 --> 00:06:43,945 - You had me at "sex." 192 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:44,945 - Pervert. 193 00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:45,945 - You have all of our attention 194 00:06:45,945 --> 00:06:47,226 just by screaming anything. 195 00:06:47,226 --> 00:06:48,347 - That's good to know. 196 00:06:48,347 --> 00:06:49,948 [screams] 197 00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:50,948 - What do you want to say, Michael? 198 00:06:50,948 --> 00:06:53,349 - Wuphf! 199 00:06:53,349 --> 00:06:54,589 All right, I've warmed them up for you. 200 00:06:54,589 --> 00:06:55,671 You have the floor, Ryan. 201 00:06:55,671 --> 00:06:58,472 - How's everybody doing? - Whoo! 202 00:06:58,472 --> 00:06:59,912 - Good! 203 00:06:59,912 --> 00:07:00,993 Now, a lot of you have already staked out 204 00:07:00,993 --> 00:07:02,713 your corner of the wuphf empire. 205 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:07,117 Raise your hand if I'm describing you. 206 00:07:07,117 --> 00:07:08,396 Great. 207 00:07:08,396 --> 00:07:09,837 - Yes, I have a dream. 208 00:07:09,837 --> 00:07:13,599 And It's not some m.L.K. Dream for equality. 209 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:18,123 I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. 210 00:07:18,123 --> 00:07:20,162 And I want to live at the top. 211 00:07:20,162 --> 00:07:22,844 And nobody knows I live there. 212 00:07:22,844 --> 00:07:26,125 And there's a button that I can press, 213 00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:30,369 and it'll launch that lighthouse into space. 214 00:07:30,369 --> 00:07:31,529 - For my current Investors, 215 00:07:31,529 --> 00:07:32,970 things are going great. 216 00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:34,049 - We already have a buyer. 217 00:07:34,049 --> 00:07:35,050 - Really? Who? 218 00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:36,451 - Washington university. 219 00:07:36,451 --> 00:07:38,332 I don't even want to think about selling 220 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,372 until our numbers get into the billions. 221 00:07:39,372 --> 00:07:40,973 - At least. 222 00:07:40,973 --> 00:07:43,976 - So I've decided to open up a second round of investment 223 00:07:43,976 --> 00:07:46,136 to friends and family. 224 00:07:46,136 --> 00:07:48,577 - Oh, god. Hold on to your wallets, ladies. 225 00:07:48,577 --> 00:07:49,578 - Did you ever think of wuphf 226 00:07:49,578 --> 00:07:51,859 as an EMERGENCY notification system, 227 00:07:51,859 --> 00:07:53,859 like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks? 228 00:07:53,859 --> 00:07:55,821 - No, no--Oscar, it's not-- 229 00:07:55,821 --> 00:07:57,102 it's not a digital rape whistle. 230 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,823 Wuphf is about fun. - That's right. 231 00:07:58,823 --> 00:08:00,823 - Fun, communication, connection. 232 00:08:00,823 --> 00:08:02,624 - What's your money situation? 233 00:08:02,624 --> 00:08:04,745 - Well, it's tight, as with any start-up. 234 00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:06,867 - Sure, how long can you sustain this without a cash infusion? 235 00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:08,387 - We have nine solid days. 236 00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:10,310 I love these questions. Keep 'em coming. 237 00:08:10,310 --> 00:08:12,270 - I'm sorry, nine days until what? 238 00:08:12,270 --> 00:08:13,630 - Bankruptcy? 239 00:08:13,630 --> 00:08:16,351 - Wait, Ryan, so this could be over by the weekend? 240 00:08:16,351 --> 00:08:18,353 - How long do you think a week is? 241 00:08:18,353 --> 00:08:20,113 - No, not this weekend; next weekend. 242 00:08:20,113 --> 00:08:22,955 We were gonna go on the investors ski trip. 243 00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:25,562 I bought poles. 244 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,141 - Well, since I have no incentive to sell, 245 00:08:30,141 --> 00:08:32,422 I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, 246 00:08:32,422 --> 00:08:33,782 and taken a multivitamin. 247 00:08:33,782 --> 00:08:36,425 So... 248 00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:37,384 what now? 249 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:40,826 Pam. 250 00:08:40,826 --> 00:08:42,227 [sighs] 251 00:08:42,227 --> 00:08:44,068 Okay, now I've tried everything. 252 00:08:44,068 --> 00:08:45,268 - Did you prank Dwight? 253 00:08:45,268 --> 00:08:47,310 - No. - Well, you like that. 254 00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:49,592 - Yeah, it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work. 255 00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:51,392 - I love you, but I'm kinda busy, 256 00:08:51,392 --> 00:08:59,275 so I need you to figure this one out on your own. 257 00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:02,598 - [blows raspberry] 258 00:09:02,598 --> 00:09:03,998 - [chuckling] 259 00:09:03,998 --> 00:09:05,278 - Oscar said Wuphf only has 260 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,639 enough money for nine days. 261 00:09:06,639 --> 00:09:09,601 - Check this out. 262 00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:11,322 - All that color. - Look at that. 263 00:09:11,322 --> 00:09:13,683 Triple your investment by January. 264 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,084 - Anyone can just throw numbers up on a chart. 265 00:09:16,084 --> 00:09:17,406 What are you doing to make it happen? 266 00:09:17,406 --> 00:09:19,246 - Well, earlier today, I was emailing 267 00:09:19,246 --> 00:09:20,486 someone by the name of John legend. 268 00:09:20,486 --> 00:09:22,447 - There you go. - You have his email? 269 00:09:22,447 --> 00:09:23,969 - A lot of these guys are just Mac.Com, 270 00:09:23,969 --> 00:09:25,609 @ their website whatever. 271 00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:27,650 We get that guy wuphfing, 272 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,651 it's all over. 273 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,412 - I want my money back. 274 00:09:30,412 --> 00:09:31,812 - Do not talk like that, Stanley. 275 00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:34,013 - Ryan, just tell us your plan. 276 00:09:34,013 --> 00:09:35,455 - Okay, all right. 277 00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:36,655 I know what you wanna see. 278 00:09:36,655 --> 00:09:37,699 I'll be right back. 279 00:09:43,699 --> 00:09:44,819 [smacking door] 280 00:09:44,819 --> 00:09:46,379 Hey, kids, was that fun? 281 00:09:46,379 --> 00:09:47,379 - [all] Yeah! 282 00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:48,381 - All right. 283 00:09:48,381 --> 00:09:49,463 - I wanna go on it again. 284 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:50,982 - Oh, I bet you do. 285 00:09:50,982 --> 00:09:51,983 You know what? 286 00:09:51,983 --> 00:09:53,103 When I was a little kid, 287 00:09:53,103 --> 00:09:54,424 they couldn't get me off the hayride. 288 00:09:54,424 --> 00:09:56,865 But it's gonna cost you three more bucks. 289 00:09:56,865 --> 00:09:59,146 Wow! This brings back memories. 290 00:09:59,146 --> 00:10:00,347 [inhales deeply] 291 00:10:00,347 --> 00:10:02,748 Hay stacking, hay throwing... 292 00:10:02,748 --> 00:10:03,989 and at the end of it all, 293 00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:07,471 one lucky boy would be crowned hay king. 294 00:10:07,471 --> 00:10:09,632 I always wanted to be hay king. 295 00:10:09,632 --> 00:10:11,976 The world shines on Mose. 296 00:10:19,276 --> 00:10:20,317 - Where have you been? I've been waiting. 297 00:10:20,317 --> 00:10:21,918 - Uh, can we move this to the end of the day? 298 00:10:21,918 --> 00:10:24,039 - No, I--I think you should make time for it. 299 00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:25,400 - I found the needle in the haystack! 300 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,360 - Hey, congratulations. Do you know what your prize is? 301 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,682 - I don't know. 302 00:10:28,682 --> 00:10:32,323 - Nothing. Life lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing. 303 00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:34,485 - Dwight? 304 00:10:34,485 --> 00:10:36,005 - Wuphf T-shirts. 305 00:10:36,005 --> 00:10:37,446 Who wants one? 306 00:10:37,446 --> 00:10:39,766 Just imagine that you're at spring break daytona beach. 307 00:10:39,766 --> 00:10:40,769 - Here we go. - Okay? 308 00:10:40,769 --> 00:10:42,289 Everyone's like, "hey dude, 309 00:10:42,289 --> 00:10:44,730 what's up with all the hotties in the wuphf shirts?" 310 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:47,452 Or, Uh, "hey, what's up with that helicopter?" 311 00:10:47,452 --> 00:10:49,253 "It's Ryan from wuphf!" 312 00:10:49,253 --> 00:10:51,333 - "It's Ryan the wuphf guy!" - "Yo, Ryan from wuphf!" 313 00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:52,973 - "He's up there." - "What's he dropping?" 314 00:10:52,973 --> 00:10:54,896 "Wow, what's falling on us, man?" 315 00:10:54,896 --> 00:10:56,336 Wuphf condoms! 316 00:10:56,336 --> 00:10:59,137 50,000 condoms out of the sky. 317 00:10:59,137 --> 00:11:00,458 - Look at that! He threw 'em on the ground! 318 00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:02,139 - Look, this is a marketing campaign. 319 00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,179 You got nine days. 320 00:11:03,179 --> 00:11:04,220 Let's say you do get the money. 321 00:11:04,220 --> 00:11:05,339 What are you going to do with it? 322 00:11:05,339 --> 00:11:07,462 - The first lesson of silicon valley, actually, 323 00:11:07,462 --> 00:11:10,503 is that you only think about the user, the experience. 324 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,024 You actually don't think about the money. 325 00:11:12,024 --> 00:11:13,025 Ever. 326 00:11:13,025 --> 00:11:15,345 - That sounds weird. 327 00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:17,347 - No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else? 328 00:11:17,347 --> 00:11:19,627 We have an offer from Washington university. 329 00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,430 So monetize that. 330 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,469 - Are you guys meeting about wuphf? 331 00:11:22,469 --> 00:11:24,630 You know that that was my idea, right? 332 00:11:24,630 --> 00:11:25,751 - [gasps] 333 00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:26,751 - I said to Ryan, "I try to call you, 334 00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:28,072 "and you don't have your phone. 335 00:11:28,072 --> 00:11:29,753 "I try to I.M. You, and you're not online. 336 00:11:29,753 --> 00:11:31,514 "I wish there was a way that I could do everything all at once, 337 00:11:31,514 --> 00:11:32,714 "and I could just be like this little dog going, 338 00:11:32,714 --> 00:11:34,155 'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'" 339 00:11:34,155 --> 00:11:36,316 - baby, baby, baby-- - I think I'm gonna stay here. 340 00:11:36,316 --> 00:11:37,397 - No, no, no, no, no. - I do, I do. 341 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,918 This isn't right. 342 00:11:38,918 --> 00:11:40,239 - I help you with your things, and you help me with my things. 343 00:11:40,239 --> 00:11:41,438 - But I--it's not right. 344 00:11:41,438 --> 00:11:42,439 - [whIspering] I got this, it's okay, 345 00:11:42,439 --> 00:11:43,919 don't worry about this. 346 00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:46,523 - Is it any particular branch of Washington university? 347 00:11:46,523 --> 00:11:48,723 - The Washington university Public health fund. 348 00:11:48,723 --> 00:11:52,044 - W.U.P.H.F. 349 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,285 - Oh, god. 350 00:11:53,285 --> 00:11:54,646 - They only want it for the initials. 351 00:11:54,646 --> 00:11:56,446 - The domain name. Yeah, they do. 352 00:11:56,446 --> 00:11:57,407 - I move we sell. 353 00:11:57,407 --> 00:11:59,247 - What? - Yeah, sell. 354 00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:00,409 - Sell. - Get us out of this. 355 00:12:00,409 --> 00:12:02,010 - Have some faith in this idea. 356 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,890 - If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right? 357 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,051 - I won't sell. 358 00:12:05,051 --> 00:12:06,172 And you know what? 359 00:12:06,172 --> 00:12:08,493 Ryan and I have the majority of shares. 360 00:12:08,493 --> 00:12:09,652 Isn't that right? - Yes. 361 00:12:09,652 --> 00:12:10,654 You alone do, actually. 362 00:12:10,654 --> 00:12:11,655 - I--yes. 363 00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:13,056 We're not selling. 364 00:12:13,056 --> 00:12:15,016 I will not sell. 365 00:12:15,016 --> 00:12:16,937 [children laughing] 366 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:17,539 - Awesome. 367 00:12:21,539 --> 00:12:23,941 - Do you mind if we share this bale? 368 00:12:23,941 --> 00:12:25,581 - Sure. 369 00:12:25,581 --> 00:12:27,863 - There's no charge to sit on the hay, is there? 370 00:12:27,863 --> 00:12:29,463 - Probably. 371 00:12:29,463 --> 00:12:31,304 - I mean, wouldn't you think 372 00:12:31,304 --> 00:12:33,105 the Ten dollars to build your own Broom 373 00:12:33,105 --> 00:12:34,626 would include the hay and not just the instructions? 374 00:12:34,626 --> 00:12:36,026 - Mm-hmm. - I mean, I'm starting to think 375 00:12:36,026 --> 00:12:38,348 this guy is just trying to make money off the holiday. 376 00:12:38,348 --> 00:12:40,669 - Yeah, instead of hay place it should be pay place. 377 00:12:40,669 --> 00:12:41,670 - [laughs] 378 00:12:41,670 --> 00:12:42,710 - Don't laugh at me. 379 00:12:42,710 --> 00:12:43,751 - No, no, no, I wasn't-- 380 00:12:43,751 --> 00:12:45,633 I was just laughing at your joke. 381 00:12:45,633 --> 00:12:46,234 - Oh. 382 00:12:49,234 --> 00:12:50,754 - Pay place. - Mm. 383 00:12:50,754 --> 00:12:54,517 Yeah, so we can celebrate Thanksgiving-me-your-money day. 384 00:12:54,517 --> 00:12:55,596 - [laughs] 385 00:12:55,596 --> 00:12:56,757 That's humorous. 386 00:12:56,757 --> 00:12:57,800 - Thank you. 387 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,360 - You guys know how to get out? 388 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,203 [kids shouting] 389 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,564 - Hi, Michael. 390 00:13:08,564 --> 00:13:10,443 - Can't talk, saving the planet. 391 00:13:10,443 --> 00:13:11,966 - Oh, we don't recycle. 392 00:13:11,966 --> 00:13:13,405 - We don't? 393 00:13:13,405 --> 00:13:14,648 Well, why have I been separating the trash 394 00:13:14,648 --> 00:13:15,887 into Whites and colors? 395 00:13:15,887 --> 00:13:16,370 - I'm sure no one asked you to do that. 396 00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,571 - Eight years. 397 00:13:22,571 --> 00:13:25,132 - Listen, I know you really like Ryan-- 398 00:13:25,132 --> 00:13:26,853 - no, I won't even consider it. 399 00:13:26,853 --> 00:13:28,535 - Michael, I... 400 00:13:29,535 --> 00:13:32,576 I hate to say this, but... 401 00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:34,457 You know this special bond 402 00:13:34,457 --> 00:13:36,338 that you've always felt with Ryan, 403 00:13:36,338 --> 00:13:38,138 where, like, you're best friends 404 00:13:38,138 --> 00:13:39,619 or you're his mentor or something? 405 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,742 - Right, Yes, yeah. Best friend/mentor. 406 00:13:43,742 --> 00:13:47,983 - Michael, I think that that feeling only goes one way. 407 00:13:47,983 --> 00:13:50,986 And I think that Ryan knows that, 408 00:13:50,986 --> 00:13:53,428 and he's taking advantage of you. 409 00:13:55,428 --> 00:13:57,188 - I think you are wrong. 410 00:13:57,188 --> 00:13:59,831 - And there are a lot of other people in This office 411 00:13:59,831 --> 00:14:02,271 who have money at stake. 412 00:14:02,271 --> 00:14:04,474 Other people you care about. 413 00:14:07,474 --> 00:14:09,475 - You may be right. 414 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,476 I may be crazy. 415 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:13,837 - Don't. 416 00:14:13,837 --> 00:14:16,477 - I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point. 417 00:14:16,477 --> 00:14:20,361 - Yeah, but in a jokey way where you're gonna start singing. 418 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,202 - I thought it might make me feel better. 419 00:14:23,202 --> 00:14:25,123 - Okay. 420 00:14:25,123 --> 00:14:26,304 Go ahead. 421 00:14:28,004 --> 00:14:32,208 - ♪ But it just may be a lunatic... ♪ 422 00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:34,253 no. 423 00:14:35,993 --> 00:14:37,714 - Ooh, nice, wasting time, here we go. 424 00:14:37,714 --> 00:14:39,876 - Hey, back off. It's solitaire. 425 00:14:40,876 --> 00:14:42,757 - Hey, kid-- 426 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:43,756 hear you're looking for work. 427 00:14:43,756 --> 00:14:44,758 - Talk to me. 428 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:45,759 - How far can you reach 429 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,640 those Lovely long arms of yours? 430 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:49,721 Eh, put 'em down. 431 00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:51,042 How long 432 00:14:51,042 --> 00:14:53,201 can you hold that pretty little breath of yours? 433 00:14:53,201 --> 00:14:54,403 - [inhales] 434 00:14:54,403 --> 00:14:55,723 - Good. 435 00:14:56,723 --> 00:14:58,246 - Hey, Jim? 436 00:14:58,246 --> 00:14:59,846 Are you distracting these people? 437 00:14:59,846 --> 00:15:02,807 - We're working. 438 00:15:02,807 --> 00:15:04,569 - Can you at least try to look busy? 439 00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:06,329 - [exhales] 440 00:15:06,329 --> 00:15:08,450 - The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, 441 00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,889 her daddy pulled her aside and said, 442 00:15:09,889 --> 00:15:11,212 "you're too fat. 443 00:15:11,212 --> 00:15:16,214 No one's gonna like you if you're too fat." 444 00:15:16,214 --> 00:15:19,295 The next time I saw David Geffen was at the buffalo club. 445 00:15:19,295 --> 00:15:22,377 "I love you, you gay bastard," I said. 446 00:15:22,377 --> 00:15:24,699 "You gay bastard," I s-- 447 00:15:24,699 --> 00:15:26,259 "gay ba--" 448 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,742 "gay B--" 449 00:15:32,342 --> 00:15:33,983 - Michael, how's it going, bro? 450 00:15:33,983 --> 00:15:35,383 - Good, good, bro. 451 00:15:35,383 --> 00:15:36,906 - Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there. 452 00:15:36,906 --> 00:15:38,426 - Always have your back. 453 00:15:38,426 --> 00:15:41,507 So any ideas on how we can get over this nine-day hump here? 454 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,748 - I have nothing but ideas. 455 00:15:43,748 --> 00:15:45,350 The thing is, they all require money. 456 00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:47,910 - Nine days, though. That's, like... 457 00:15:47,910 --> 00:15:49,511 - look, I know I've tapped you so hard. 458 00:15:49,511 --> 00:15:51,512 - Yes, you have tapped this. Hard. 459 00:15:51,512 --> 00:15:52,953 - [laughs] 460 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,474 Oh, you are funny, Michael. 461 00:15:54,474 --> 00:15:56,516 You--people--people don't give you enough credit. 462 00:15:56,516 --> 00:15:59,276 - Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo. 463 00:15:59,276 --> 00:16:00,636 - Well, a lot of people are doing that. 464 00:16:00,636 --> 00:16:02,278 And there don't seem to be any consequences. 465 00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:04,439 And they say the rates have never been lower. 466 00:16:04,439 --> 00:16:07,720 - So you would think that's a good idea for me to do? 467 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,200 - Think about this: 468 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,723 You and me on a private plane 469 00:16:11,723 --> 00:16:14,285 flown by our private pilot-- - Mm-hmm. 470 00:16:14,285 --> 00:16:16,966 - Eating our private meal cooked by our private chef. 471 00:16:16,966 --> 00:16:19,287 - Yeah, well, we never even have dinner now, so... 472 00:16:19,287 --> 00:16:20,287 - we totally should. 473 00:16:20,287 --> 00:16:21,287 - Tonight? 474 00:16:21,287 --> 00:16:22,849 - I gotta work on this. 475 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,488 - Oh, right. What am I saying? 476 00:16:24,488 --> 00:16:25,490 Rain check. 477 00:16:25,490 --> 00:16:26,972 - Yeah. 478 00:16:28,972 --> 00:16:32,372 - And now, by show of applause, 479 00:16:32,372 --> 00:16:34,533 we will crown this year's hay king. 480 00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,856 All in favor of purebred. 481 00:16:36,856 --> 00:16:37,856 [applause] 482 00:16:37,856 --> 00:16:39,736 Put your hands together for... 483 00:16:39,736 --> 00:16:40,738 mixed bread. 484 00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:42,298 [applause] 485 00:16:42,298 --> 00:16:43,820 And Let's hear it for... 486 00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:44,820 purebred. 487 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:45,860 [applause] 488 00:16:45,860 --> 00:16:47,420 Mm. 489 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:49,070 It would appear we have a three-way tie. 490 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,463 I have no choice but to pick the hay king myself. 491 00:16:52,463 --> 00:16:56,266 I pick... 492 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,626 me! 493 00:16:57,626 --> 00:16:59,427 I am your hay king! 494 00:16:59,427 --> 00:17:02,149 All Hail your hay king! 495 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,590 Did I truck 300 Bales of hay 496 00:17:07,590 --> 00:17:10,153 to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? 497 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,074 Yes. 498 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,555 - So if I were to call dunder Mifflin 499 00:17:15,555 --> 00:17:17,577 and ask for miss Angela Martin, 500 00:17:17,677 --> 00:17:20,357 would I get through to you? 501 00:17:20,357 --> 00:17:23,239 - You would. 502 00:17:23,239 --> 00:17:25,681 And if I were to call your House and ask for your wife, 503 00:17:25,681 --> 00:17:26,270 would I get through to you? 504 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,962 - My wife passed away a few years ago. 505 00:17:29,962 --> 00:17:31,884 - How tragic. 506 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,325 Very sorry to hear that. 507 00:17:33,325 --> 00:17:35,366 - Thank you. 508 00:17:35,766 --> 00:17:38,126 - Help! 509 00:17:38,126 --> 00:17:40,167 Hello? 510 00:17:40,767 --> 00:17:42,931 Oh! Help! 511 00:17:47,331 --> 00:17:49,133 - Consider it a wuphf in person. 512 00:17:49,733 --> 00:17:51,214 - You're doing the wrong thing. 513 00:17:51,214 --> 00:17:52,334 You're gonna lose Michael's investment, 514 00:17:52,334 --> 00:17:53,695 you're gonna lose ours. 515 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:56,336 - You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back. 516 00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:57,778 Tell Mike to sell. 517 00:17:57,778 --> 00:17:59,738 - If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell. 518 00:17:59,738 --> 00:18:02,060 - I'm betting on myself. 519 00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:03,579 - It's a bad bet. 520 00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:04,580 - Hello. 521 00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:06,781 - Hey. It's an ambush here. 522 00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,183 Nobody here believes in this company. 523 00:18:08,183 --> 00:18:09,383 Will you tell them they're wrong? 524 00:18:09,383 --> 00:18:11,024 - It's not that we don't believe in the company. 525 00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,104 We don't believe in you. 526 00:18:12,104 --> 00:18:13,865 - All those in favor of selling, say aye. 527 00:18:13,865 --> 00:18:14,866 - Aye. - Aye. 528 00:18:14,866 --> 00:18:17,147 - Aye. - Aye. 529 00:18:17,147 --> 00:18:20,108 - Aye. 530 00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:23,871 Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay. 531 00:18:23,871 --> 00:18:25,471 - What is wrong with you? 532 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,351 What happened to you in high school? 533 00:18:27,351 --> 00:18:28,673 - Michael, are you that blind? 534 00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:29,792 - I'm not blind! 535 00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:31,754 I know exactly who he is. 536 00:18:31,754 --> 00:18:34,996 He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, 537 00:18:34,996 --> 00:18:38,117 and he is a bad friend. 538 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,119 And he's also clever. 539 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,520 And he shoots incredibly high. 540 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,440 And he may just make it. 541 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,161 But you know what, even If he doesn't, 542 00:18:46,161 --> 00:18:49,444 I would rather go broke betting on my people 543 00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:51,484 than get rich all by myself 544 00:18:51,484 --> 00:18:53,525 on some island like a castaway. 545 00:18:53,525 --> 00:18:55,367 And there is no middle ground. 546 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,448 - You're gonna lose all of our money. 547 00:18:57,448 --> 00:18:58,888 - Only If he fails. 548 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,489 And you know what? 549 00:19:00,489 --> 00:19:01,891 Ryan, I believe in you. 550 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:05,852 Just like I believe in all of you. 551 00:19:05,852 --> 00:19:08,973 You have nine days to save Everybody's money. 552 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,454 - Oh... 553 00:19:10,454 --> 00:19:11,694 that's a lot of pressure. 554 00:19:11,694 --> 00:19:13,696 I--I'm gonna need some more time. 555 00:19:13,696 --> 00:19:14,537 - You can't have it. 556 00:19:17,537 --> 00:19:19,378 - Okay. 557 00:19:19,378 --> 00:19:20,744 I won't let you down. 558 00:19:28,744 --> 00:19:31,425 - Angela? 559 00:19:31,425 --> 00:19:32,271 Angela! 560 00:19:41,671 --> 00:19:45,472 - The world sends people your way... 561 00:19:45,472 --> 00:19:47,554 Ryan came to me through a temp agency. 562 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,754 Andy was transferred here. 563 00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:52,555 No idea where Creed came from. 564 00:19:52,555 --> 00:19:54,157 The point is 565 00:19:54,157 --> 00:19:57,518 you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. 566 00:19:57,518 --> 00:20:00,000 Jim, that guy is an ace. 567 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,681 Dwight is my king Up my sleeve. 568 00:20:01,681 --> 00:20:03,121 Phyllis is my old maid. 569 00:20:03,121 --> 00:20:04,522 Oscar is my queen. 570 00:20:04,522 --> 00:20:05,482 That's easy. 571 00:20:05,482 --> 00:20:06,804 Gimme a hard one. 572 00:20:06,804 --> 00:20:08,884 That's what Oscar said. 573 00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:11,605 Toby is the instruction card you throw away. 574 00:20:11,605 --> 00:20:13,408 Pam's a solid seven. 575 00:20:13,408 --> 00:20:14,407 And Yeah, you know what? 576 00:20:14,407 --> 00:20:16,287 Ryan is probably, like, a two. 577 00:20:16,287 --> 00:20:18,369 But sometimes twos can be wild. 578 00:20:18,369 --> 00:20:19,451 So watch out. 579 00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:22,331 And I am obviously the joker. 580 00:20:22,331 --> 00:20:24,692 So... [phone rings] 581 00:20:24,692 --> 00:20:26,373 [phone rings] that's, uh-- 582 00:20:26,373 --> 00:20:28,375 [melodic tone] 583 00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:29,734 [robotic voice] - wuphf from Ryan Howard. 584 00:20:29,734 --> 00:20:31,415 Decided to sell company. 585 00:20:31,415 --> 00:20:34,017 Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride. 586 00:20:34,017 --> 00:20:36,252 - Thank god. 587 00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,581 [phone rings] 588 00:20:45,581 --> 00:20:46,981 - Gabe Lewis. 589 00:20:46,981 --> 00:20:50,263 - Now, listen here, gabe, you're too fat. 590 00:20:50,263 --> 00:20:52,023 No one's gonna like you if you're too fat. 591 00:20:52,023 --> 00:20:53,985 I made some changes to my book. 592 00:20:53,985 --> 00:20:55,705 See if you like them. - Well, jo-- 593 00:20:55,705 --> 00:20:58,868 - now, I love reading, and I hate being interrupted. 594 00:20:58,868 --> 00:21:01,389 Shut up and listen, you gay bastard. 595 00:21:01,389 --> 00:21:02,549 Chapter one. 596 00:21:02,549 --> 00:21:06,150 I was born, not into luxury Nor poverty, 597 00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:08,632 but into adversity, and for that, I thank the lord. 598 00:21:08,632 --> 00:21:10,993 My father was a man. That's all we can know. 599 00:21:10,993 --> 00:21:11,954 After I learned to ride a bike, 600 00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:13,355 there was no stopping me. 601 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:16,836 I would ride up Magnolia Street and down Azalea Lane. 602 00:21:16,836 --> 00:21:17,836 Which would later become my-- 603 00:21:17,836 --> 00:21:18,877 - All right, good night, gabe. 604 00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,158 Just wanted to say thanks again, 605 00:21:20,158 --> 00:21:23,879 'cause I really think I made good use of my day, oh! 606 00:21:23,879 --> 00:21:26,001 Sorry. 607 00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:28,442 - And fate has obliged me with plenty of battles, 608 00:21:28,442 --> 00:21:29,962 the first being a hard--