1 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:06,248 Hey, everybody! It's closing time! 2 00:00:06,854 --> 00:00:09,377 You all gotta go home but you can stay here. 3 00:00:15,666 --> 00:00:17,805 ♪ Closing time ♪ 4 00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:21,078 Every office needs an end of the day tradition. 5 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,423 Something that tells you that the day is over. 6 00:00:23,515 --> 00:00:26,799 Otherwise, you go home and the night just feels like more day, it's weird. 7 00:00:27,231 --> 00:00:29,677 - ♪ Closing time ♪ - Tell me that you're okay. 8 00:00:29,827 --> 00:00:31,258 ♪ One last call... ♪ 9 00:00:31,909 --> 00:00:35,045 ♪ so finish your whiskey and beer ♪ 10 00:00:35,079 --> 00:00:36,580 Oh, my boss is singing closing time. 11 00:00:36,614 --> 00:00:37,714 Maybe that's what you're hearing. 12 00:00:37,749 --> 00:00:39,466 - Come on, Pam! - Okay. 13 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,501 ♪ Closing time ♪ 14 00:00:41,552 --> 00:00:48,124 ♪ time for you to go home to the places you will be from ♪ 15 00:00:48,142 --> 00:00:51,961 Let's see. Andy has been manager for 105 days. 16 00:00:51,979 --> 00:00:54,631 Which means I've heard closing time 17 00:00:54,649 --> 00:00:57,701 105 times. 18 00:00:57,735 --> 00:00:59,969 Still don't know the words. 19 00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:04,708 ♪ Ah wah dah wah home and home and home ♪ 20 00:01:04,742 --> 00:01:10,280 ♪ I know who I want to take me home ♪ 21 00:01:10,314 --> 00:01:15,418 ♪ I know who I want to take home ♪ 22 00:01:15,453 --> 00:01:20,023 ♪ I know who I want to take home ♪ 23 00:01:20,057 --> 00:01:24,094 ♪ take me home ♪ 24 00:01:24,128 --> 00:01:25,846 You know what? Fine! 25 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,514 I try to start fun traditions for you guys, 26 00:01:27,548 --> 00:01:31,101 but if you don't wanna sing, no traditions! 27 00:01:31,135 --> 00:01:33,887 ♪ Closing time ♪ 28 00:01:33,938 --> 00:01:35,889 ♪ every new beginning ♪ 29 00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:38,074 I never heard that song before. 30 00:01:38,109 --> 00:01:40,811 And once I heard it, I did not care for it. 31 00:01:40,845 --> 00:01:43,680 But that songs means it's time to go home. 32 00:01:43,714 --> 00:01:46,750 Now it's my favorite song. 33 00:01:46,784 --> 00:01:49,035 ♪ every new beginning ♪ 34 00:01:49,070 --> 00:01:53,990 ♪ comes from some other beginning's end ♪ 35 00:01:54,024 --> 00:01:56,026 Good night. 36 00:02:04,585 --> 00:02:10,592 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 37 00:02:26,958 --> 00:02:29,459 - Who's your favorite iron chef? - This report is atrocious. 38 00:02:29,493 --> 00:02:31,461 You go first. 39 00:02:32,964 --> 00:02:35,565 The ticketing software paints a picture 40 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:40,437 of a sloppy, careless, error-prone office. 41 00:02:40,471 --> 00:02:44,207 Well, the monitoring software is a double-edged sword. 42 00:02:44,241 --> 00:02:46,877 - Sometimes the infer-- - Sorry. Go ahead. 43 00:02:46,911 --> 00:02:50,881 Mm-hmm. 44 00:02:50,915 --> 00:02:52,616 Did you need something from us? 45 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,651 Yes. 46 00:02:56,821 --> 00:02:58,054 Your attention. 47 00:02:58,089 --> 00:03:02,058 Uh, because... 48 00:03:02,093 --> 00:03:05,061 No. That is all. 49 00:03:11,168 --> 00:03:12,936 Last night, I dreamed that the number two 50 00:03:12,970 --> 00:03:15,488 was the most valued number in the world. 51 00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:18,341 The vice president had all the power, 52 00:03:18,376 --> 00:03:20,777 athletes fought for silver medals. 53 00:03:20,795 --> 00:03:22,829 Women were considered the best gender. 54 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:29,052 And stadiums of fans shouted "we're number 2!" 55 00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:30,587 As with all my dreams, 56 00:03:30,621 --> 00:03:33,990 I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants. 57 00:03:34,025 --> 00:03:36,459 Last week, an accounting mistake resulted 58 00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,261 in a client getting their order for free. 59 00:03:38,296 --> 00:03:40,530 Oof! That's not good. 60 00:03:40,564 --> 00:03:43,016 Chalk that one up to tweedle Dee and tweedle dum out there. 61 00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:44,200 Who are they? 62 00:03:44,235 --> 00:03:45,402 They're both Kevin. 63 00:03:45,436 --> 00:03:47,604 Oscar is the sex and the city gang. 64 00:03:47,638 --> 00:03:49,539 And Angela, if you can picture-- 65 00:03:49,573 --> 00:03:52,776 Sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all. 66 00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:54,411 I would agree with that. 67 00:03:54,445 --> 00:03:56,680 Simply end the mistakes. 68 00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:58,081 End the mistakes. Easy. 69 00:03:58,115 --> 00:04:00,166 When I come back next week and this report 70 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:02,252 show me no mistakes, 71 00:04:02,286 --> 00:04:05,188 we can talk about names all day. 72 00:04:05,222 --> 00:04:08,191 Our favorite names, silly made-up names, 73 00:04:08,225 --> 00:04:10,493 normal names said in a silly voice. 74 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,962 Wouldn't that be nice? 75 00:04:11,996 --> 00:04:14,965 - I would like that. - End the mistakes. 76 00:04:14,999 --> 00:04:17,267 That's all I ask. 77 00:04:18,552 --> 00:04:20,720 And you can't have a favorite iron chef. 78 00:04:20,771 --> 00:04:24,240 It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. 79 00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:29,007 Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all. 80 00:04:33,084 --> 00:04:34,617 I'm just saying with the NBA lock-out, 81 00:04:34,652 --> 00:04:37,087 I think roller derby's in a really good place right now. 82 00:04:37,121 --> 00:04:40,857 So my pitch is me, Pam, you, and someone else-- 83 00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:43,159 - Maybe justine. - Bah! 84 00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:45,195 Nope. Not justine. 85 00:04:45,229 --> 00:04:46,529 Never justine. 86 00:04:46,564 --> 00:04:48,498 - Is that off again? - Oh, yeah. 87 00:04:48,532 --> 00:04:49,916 - Okay. - Hey. 88 00:04:49,967 --> 00:04:52,135 Mandatory warehouse safety meeting today. 89 00:04:52,169 --> 00:04:55,055 Uh, we don't really do those. We just sign the thing. 90 00:04:55,089 --> 00:04:58,725 Are you really this lazy? 91 00:04:58,759 --> 00:05:02,012 I'll be there. 92 00:05:02,046 --> 00:05:04,180 - Hey. - Hey. 93 00:05:04,214 --> 00:05:06,049 Mondays suck. 94 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:10,186 Yep. 95 00:05:10,221 --> 00:05:13,389 I'm just trying to-- 96 00:05:13,407 --> 00:05:14,941 Thanks. 97 00:05:14,992 --> 00:05:19,412 I may have a little solution to our mistakes problem. 98 00:05:19,447 --> 00:05:20,730 This is a project I've been working on 99 00:05:20,748 --> 00:05:21,865 for quite some time. 100 00:05:21,899 --> 00:05:23,967 And today might be the day to use it. 101 00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:25,752 What do you got? 102 00:05:25,786 --> 00:05:28,121 Allow me. 103 00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:33,343 You're gonna love this. 104 00:05:33,377 --> 00:05:35,612 Ah, I should've used a shorter string. 105 00:05:35,646 --> 00:05:37,097 Never mind. I know it by heart. 106 00:05:37,131 --> 00:05:39,783 It is a system that holds people accountable 107 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,251 for everyone else's work. 108 00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:42,819 Sounds controversial. 109 00:05:42,853 --> 00:05:44,788 Have I not been worthy of your trust? 110 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:48,024 Have I not been a reliable number two? 111 00:05:48,059 --> 00:05:50,727 Do not go there! 112 00:05:50,761 --> 00:05:52,996 You're the deuce I never wanna drop. 113 00:05:53,030 --> 00:05:55,732 Well, I can make this work. 114 00:05:55,766 --> 00:05:57,667 I'll set it up right now. I just need your go-ahead. 115 00:05:57,701 --> 00:06:00,653 Go do the voodoo and you do so well. 116 00:06:00,704 --> 00:06:03,473 - I will do my voodoo. - Mm-hmm. 117 00:06:03,507 --> 00:06:04,941 - Hey. - Hey. 118 00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:06,459 I need you to get the paperwork rolling 119 00:06:06,494 --> 00:06:07,777 on a new workplace relationship. 120 00:06:07,795 --> 00:06:10,213 - For you? - Yes, for Gabe. 121 00:06:10,247 --> 00:06:11,564 Who are you seeing? That's great. 122 00:06:11,599 --> 00:06:14,884 Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. 123 00:06:14,919 --> 00:06:16,302 Oh. 124 00:06:16,337 --> 00:06:18,838 I'm not technically seeing her, but I've seen her-- 125 00:06:18,889 --> 00:06:21,091 with the eyes-- and there was attraction 126 00:06:21,125 --> 00:06:24,427 in at least one direction. So... 127 00:06:24,461 --> 00:06:26,846 You know, I don't have to do paperwork 128 00:06:26,897 --> 00:06:28,465 unless you're actually dating. 129 00:06:28,499 --> 00:06:31,434 Okay, well, once this starts, it's gonna be moving fast. 130 00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:32,802 It's gonna be hot and heavy, 131 00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:34,821 and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape 132 00:06:34,855 --> 00:06:35,989 wrapped around my jock, you know? 133 00:06:36,023 --> 00:06:38,641 But I mean, have you talked to her? 134 00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:41,578 Yeah, we had a whole conversation about mondays. 135 00:06:41,612 --> 00:06:44,247 Do you know her last name yet? 136 00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,166 Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow 137 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,318 because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. 138 00:06:48,352 --> 00:06:50,053 She's gonna be screaming her own last name? 139 00:06:50,087 --> 00:06:53,289 Hey. Watch it. 140 00:06:53,324 --> 00:06:54,824 Good luck, Gabe. 141 00:06:54,859 --> 00:06:56,759 - Hi, guys. - Hi. 142 00:06:56,794 --> 00:06:58,361 I just wanna say that you all 143 00:06:58,395 --> 00:07:01,331 - have been doing amazing work, really. - Thank you. 144 00:07:01,365 --> 00:07:04,367 And I'd like to add that your work has been a little sloppy. 145 00:07:04,401 --> 00:07:08,138 So Dwight and I have implemented a new program 146 00:07:08,172 --> 00:07:11,057 that we like to call-- Dwight? 147 00:07:11,108 --> 00:07:13,026 The accountability booster. 148 00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:15,812 It registers every time a mistake has been made 149 00:07:15,846 --> 00:07:17,080 in the office, 150 00:07:17,114 --> 00:07:19,482 from a late delivery to an accounting error. 151 00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:23,086 Five strikes in a day equals a homerun. 152 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,588 One home run and you're out. 153 00:07:25,623 --> 00:07:28,758 If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, 154 00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:32,245 something bad happens, like we block mindsweeper. 155 00:07:32,296 --> 00:07:33,530 Or in this case, 156 00:07:33,564 --> 00:07:35,365 an email gets sent to Robert California containing 157 00:07:35,399 --> 00:07:37,000 the consultant's report from last year. 158 00:07:37,034 --> 00:07:38,401 Remember the one that recommended 159 00:07:38,435 --> 00:07:39,836 the branch be shut down? 160 00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:43,039 And as a failsafe also every negative email 161 00:07:43,073 --> 00:07:44,707 you've ever written about him to the group 162 00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:46,042 will also be forwarded to him. 163 00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:47,777 What emails are you talking about? 164 00:07:47,811 --> 00:07:50,146 "Robert's favorite songs, Creep by TLC, 165 00:07:50,181 --> 00:07:51,814 Creep by Radiohead." 166 00:07:51,849 --> 00:07:53,383 Remember that one, Jim? 167 00:07:53,417 --> 00:07:55,018 Uh, "there's no way he hasn't strangled 168 00:07:55,052 --> 00:07:56,719 at least one stripper." 169 00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:58,454 Oscar. 170 00:07:58,489 --> 00:08:00,423 "He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it 171 00:08:00,457 --> 00:08:02,959 for disappoint him." Kelly. 172 00:08:02,993 --> 00:08:04,444 That's not that bad actually. 173 00:08:04,495 --> 00:08:07,113 "P.S. We should kill him." 174 00:08:07,164 --> 00:08:09,532 Wait, so you installed a doomsday device? 175 00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,901 No, it's an accountability booster. 176 00:08:11,936 --> 00:08:13,369 Which when it goes off, it destroys everything 177 00:08:13,404 --> 00:08:14,771 very similar to a doomsday device. 178 00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:16,239 Jim, you're trying to make me sound like 179 00:08:16,273 --> 00:08:17,874 some kind of evil maniac. 180 00:08:17,908 --> 00:08:20,894 The point is is that we are now working in an environment 181 00:08:20,928 --> 00:08:24,781 where we have accountability to each other. 182 00:08:24,815 --> 00:08:27,183 I am confident that you guys are equal to the task. 183 00:08:27,218 --> 00:08:28,451 - Um, no, we're not. - No. 184 00:08:28,469 --> 00:08:31,354 And you are a psycho who is ruining our lives. 185 00:08:31,388 --> 00:08:32,839 We can't do this, Dwight. Look around. 186 00:08:34,191 --> 00:08:35,958 Smile. 187 00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:37,894 Nod. Smile and nod. 188 00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:39,963 They're making me out to be a Bond villain. 189 00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:43,132 I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist 190 00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:46,102 who will stop nothing to remake the world... 191 00:08:46,136 --> 00:08:48,771 Like... 192 00:08:48,806 --> 00:08:52,709 Not Dr. Moreau. Someone good. 193 00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:54,911 Dr. Frankenstein. 194 00:08:54,945 --> 00:08:58,915 Dr. Jekyll. Not them. 195 00:08:58,949 --> 00:09:00,583 Doctor... 196 00:09:04,655 --> 00:09:06,523 Are you sure that this is a good idea? 197 00:09:06,557 --> 00:09:07,991 I mean, that thing about this office is 198 00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:09,593 we make a lot of mistakes. 199 00:09:09,627 --> 00:09:11,628 But the device will change that. 200 00:09:11,662 --> 00:09:15,398 Without a safety net, people will improve. 201 00:09:18,119 --> 00:09:19,169 All right, everybody. 202 00:09:19,203 --> 00:09:20,870 Looks like we need to be getting to work. 203 00:09:20,904 --> 00:09:23,873 Be extra careful, double check everything. 204 00:09:23,907 --> 00:09:26,092 Or the accountability booster will getcha. 205 00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:29,312 This doomsday device sounds like a scare tactic to me. 206 00:09:29,347 --> 00:09:31,932 There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. 207 00:09:31,966 --> 00:09:34,134 We just make a mistake. 208 00:09:34,185 --> 00:09:35,635 I'll send an order down to shipping 209 00:09:35,686 --> 00:09:37,621 before we've received payment. 210 00:09:44,695 --> 00:09:46,696 Oh! There's one mistake. 211 00:09:46,731 --> 00:09:48,832 Now we only have four strikes left until a homerun. 212 00:09:48,866 --> 00:09:50,933 Dwight's our co-worker and he worked really hard 213 00:09:50,952 --> 00:09:52,302 on this doomsday device. 214 00:09:52,336 --> 00:09:55,872 It's not a doomsday device. Gosh! 215 00:09:55,906 --> 00:09:58,325 We can do this, you guys. 216 00:09:58,376 --> 00:09:59,876 - First! - Second. 217 00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:01,478 It's not a race. 218 00:10:01,512 --> 00:10:04,831 Thirrr-- Third. 219 00:10:04,882 --> 00:10:06,449 Who knows what the belt is for? 220 00:10:06,484 --> 00:10:08,635 It's for protecting my ass when you suckers lift more 221 00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:09,836 than you can handle. 222 00:10:09,887 --> 00:10:12,672 'Sup. I'm Gabe. Corporate. 223 00:10:12,723 --> 00:10:14,957 Continue. Don't be nervous. 224 00:10:14,976 --> 00:10:16,226 Apparently, we have a visitor. 225 00:10:16,260 --> 00:10:18,561 - Gabe, everyone. - Hi, Gabe! 226 00:10:18,596 --> 00:10:20,963 All right, so the support belt. 227 00:10:20,982 --> 00:10:23,566 Now this one is mine. Doesn't get much use nowadays. 228 00:10:23,601 --> 00:10:26,169 Look at this. This is enormous. 229 00:10:26,203 --> 00:10:29,139 Oh. 230 00:10:29,173 --> 00:10:32,442 I got the sense that Val enjoys a good put-down. 231 00:10:32,476 --> 00:10:34,661 Considering that's the only thing I know about her, 232 00:10:34,695 --> 00:10:37,030 I will be milking that hard. 233 00:10:37,081 --> 00:10:39,482 It's like a hula hoop. Right? 234 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,453 ♪ Mele kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪ 235 00:10:45,956 --> 00:10:47,691 You done? 236 00:10:47,725 --> 00:10:50,093 The Michelin man called. He wants his cummerbund back. 237 00:10:51,962 --> 00:10:53,329 Remember we have to give Regal Escrow 238 00:10:53,347 --> 00:10:54,531 their refund by five. 239 00:10:54,565 --> 00:10:56,099 I'm on it. 240 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,201 Kevin, maybe I should handle that. 241 00:10:58,235 --> 00:11:01,204 We really need you to focus on your project. 242 00:11:01,238 --> 00:11:02,672 Good thinking. 243 00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:05,742 Apparently a big client for this company 244 00:11:05,776 --> 00:11:08,945 needs to know the story of how paper gets made. 245 00:11:11,849 --> 00:11:15,785 Oscar, use a calculator. 246 00:11:17,588 --> 00:11:20,423 When the stake are this high, there's only one computer 247 00:11:20,458 --> 00:11:25,128 that I trust, and it's powered by thai food and spanish reds. 248 00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,029 All right, everybody, you're doing great! 249 00:11:27,048 --> 00:11:28,231 Well, I wouldn't say that. 250 00:11:28,265 --> 00:11:29,582 Three mistakes already is pretty terrible. 251 00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:31,000 But I do see improvement. 252 00:11:31,034 --> 00:11:32,769 Meredith kept someone on hold for 30 minutes, 253 00:11:32,803 --> 00:11:35,922 and now look-- She's hard at work. 254 00:11:35,973 --> 00:11:37,757 - Dwight, question. - No questions. 255 00:11:37,808 --> 00:11:38,808 If this doomsday device goes off-- 256 00:11:38,843 --> 00:11:40,210 Accountability booster. 257 00:11:40,244 --> 00:11:42,512 If this bad idea goes off and we all lose our jobs, 258 00:11:42,546 --> 00:11:43,747 are you gonna feel good about that? 259 00:11:43,781 --> 00:11:45,515 I haven't even considered it. 260 00:11:45,549 --> 00:11:47,400 That's how sure I am that this accountability booster 261 00:11:47,435 --> 00:11:49,285 is gonna work. 262 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,820 Try mose 1234. 263 00:11:50,855 --> 00:11:52,054 Dwight would never be that obvious. 264 00:11:52,073 --> 00:11:55,608 Try something like, um, z64$8. 265 00:11:56,827 --> 00:11:58,728 Not that exactly, Jim. Something like that. 266 00:11:58,746 --> 00:11:59,829 Okay. 267 00:11:59,864 --> 00:12:03,166 How about "Scranton strangler 666"? 268 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:07,170 - Nope. - No? Oh. Shoot. 269 00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:08,571 You guys are never 270 00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:10,673 gonna shut down the machine, okay? 271 00:12:10,708 --> 00:12:13,109 But I appreciate your energy and your teamwork. 272 00:12:13,144 --> 00:12:14,544 You apply this to your regular work, 273 00:12:14,578 --> 00:12:16,379 you won't even notice that the device is there, 274 00:12:16,414 --> 00:12:20,016 watching you, ready to strike. 275 00:12:20,050 --> 00:12:21,634 What's Dwight's mother's name? 276 00:12:21,685 --> 00:12:25,188 Um, Hedda. 277 00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:26,422 No. 278 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,476 Once you've ready the packet, sign the back. 279 00:12:29,527 --> 00:12:30,894 Hey, Darryl, I was thinking, um, 280 00:12:30,928 --> 00:12:32,595 maybe while we read through this, uh, 281 00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:35,615 you could grab us all some coffee. My treat. 282 00:12:35,649 --> 00:12:37,534 A $100 bill. 283 00:12:37,568 --> 00:12:39,335 Should cover it, I think. 284 00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:42,071 Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? 285 00:12:42,106 --> 00:12:43,656 I want a decaf frappuccino. 286 00:12:43,707 --> 00:12:44,874 Val? 287 00:12:44,909 --> 00:12:46,876 Actually, Val, why don't you come with? 288 00:12:46,911 --> 00:12:49,412 I'll need the extra hands to carry them back. 289 00:12:49,447 --> 00:12:50,346 - Yeah. Sure. - Uh... 290 00:12:50,381 --> 00:12:52,632 Mm-hmm. 291 00:12:52,666 --> 00:12:54,384 Caramel soy latte. 292 00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:56,619 - No, a decaf frap. - Got it. 293 00:12:58,422 --> 00:13:02,091 You sent the late notice to Rinehart and Wolfe, right? 294 00:13:02,125 --> 00:13:03,927 Mm-hmm. 640, 620. 295 00:13:03,961 --> 00:13:06,479 670, 620. 296 00:13:06,514 --> 00:13:08,164 - Uh-uh. - Yes. 297 00:13:08,199 --> 00:13:12,318 588 plus 15%. 298 00:13:12,353 --> 00:13:13,686 Oh, no. 299 00:13:13,737 --> 00:13:15,071 What does this mean? 300 00:13:15,105 --> 00:13:16,072 What does it mean? 301 00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:22,645 Guh. That's five strikes. 302 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:26,416 Well, I was saving this for my retirement, 303 00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:28,084 which I guess is today. 304 00:13:28,118 --> 00:13:30,753 Dwight, we got five strikes. 305 00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:31,754 Really? 306 00:13:31,789 --> 00:13:33,256 Did the email go out, or--? 307 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:35,592 It goes out automatically at 5:00 P.M. 308 00:13:35,626 --> 00:13:37,043 There's got to be a way to stop it. 309 00:13:37,094 --> 00:13:38,428 Well, I would have to enter my password 310 00:13:38,462 --> 00:13:39,679 in order to cancel it. 311 00:13:39,713 --> 00:13:43,850 Okay. Dwight, you may now enter your password. 312 00:13:43,884 --> 00:13:46,202 - No. - What? 313 00:13:46,237 --> 00:13:47,887 You don't deserve to have this branch. 314 00:13:47,938 --> 00:13:51,007 Five mistakes in less than a day? 315 00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:52,308 We did our best. 316 00:13:52,342 --> 00:13:54,143 No, you didn't, Phyllis. 317 00:13:54,178 --> 00:13:55,728 You complained the whole time. 318 00:13:55,779 --> 00:13:56,913 You yelled at me, 319 00:13:56,947 --> 00:13:59,065 you tried to break into the machine. 320 00:13:59,116 --> 00:14:00,283 What? 321 00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:02,351 You're a real crumb bum, you know that? 322 00:14:02,369 --> 00:14:03,887 Hey, you can't just change the rules 323 00:14:03,921 --> 00:14:06,389 because you don't like the outcome. 324 00:14:06,423 --> 00:14:07,574 What about you, Kevin? 325 00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:09,375 What about you and your fake task? 326 00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:11,294 Can you tell me now where paper comes from? 327 00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:14,397 Uh...The man tree puts his penis-- 328 00:14:14,431 --> 00:14:16,833 Okay, all right. Andy, back me up here please. 329 00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:18,268 - No. - What? 330 00:14:18,302 --> 00:14:19,586 No! 331 00:14:19,637 --> 00:14:21,971 Dwight, be human for once. Shut down the machine. 332 00:14:22,006 --> 00:14:23,806 Shut it down! Shut it down! 333 00:14:23,841 --> 00:14:26,092 Shut down the machine! Shut it down! 334 00:14:28,062 --> 00:14:30,680 Good luck finding a new job, idiots. 335 00:14:30,714 --> 00:14:33,382 I'll make sure to write you a glowing reference. 336 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,985 Glowingly negative. 337 00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:41,257 Dwight's car is gone. I bet he went home. 338 00:14:41,362 --> 00:14:42,796 Some of us should go there 339 00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:44,565 and try to talk some sense into him. 340 00:14:44,599 --> 00:14:46,550 Get him to stop that email. 341 00:14:46,584 --> 00:14:47,885 Pam, you should come with me. 342 00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:50,721 Dwight really likes you and...Your breasts are enormous. 343 00:14:50,755 --> 00:14:52,256 That can help us. 344 00:14:52,307 --> 00:14:56,210 - Kevin has that lovability. - Guys, come on. 345 00:14:56,244 --> 00:14:57,728 I'm right here. 346 00:14:57,762 --> 00:14:59,246 Jim, I want you to go find Robert. 347 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,849 Just be where he is in case that email goes out at 5:00. 348 00:15:02,883 --> 00:15:04,885 You can try to delete it or something. 349 00:15:04,919 --> 00:15:06,153 Okay, where is he? 350 00:15:06,187 --> 00:15:07,554 He's at some club where you either 351 00:15:07,589 --> 00:15:10,774 eat squash or play squash. 352 00:15:10,825 --> 00:15:12,726 I'll try both. 353 00:15:12,744 --> 00:15:17,063 Oh. Did you come to reason with me? 354 00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:18,665 Got you something. 355 00:15:24,005 --> 00:15:26,790 And, uh, I just really wanna talk to you. 356 00:15:26,841 --> 00:15:27,941 Get lost. 357 00:15:27,976 --> 00:15:29,676 Well, now hold on. 358 00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:31,929 What are you doing? 359 00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:33,480 What does it look like I'm doing? 360 00:15:33,514 --> 00:15:35,132 Digging a grave for a horse. 361 00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:38,268 Um... 362 00:15:38,303 --> 00:15:40,654 Do you need a hand? 363 00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:43,807 Yeah, you need a hand? 364 00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:52,699 If you hit another horse, you dug too far. 365 00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,952 I'll see you next week, Will. 366 00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:56,536 Robert? 367 00:15:56,571 --> 00:15:58,639 Jim, what are you-- 368 00:15:58,673 --> 00:15:59,957 What a surprise! 369 00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:01,124 Yeah, well, you know, just had a meeting-- 370 00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:02,876 Squash meeting. 371 00:16:02,910 --> 00:16:05,245 Yeah? 372 00:16:05,279 --> 00:16:06,613 You up for a game? 373 00:16:06,648 --> 00:16:08,582 A game or a match? 374 00:16:08,616 --> 00:16:11,218 Exactly. Here we go. 375 00:16:11,252 --> 00:16:15,055 Let's do it. 376 00:16:16,591 --> 00:16:19,793 Are you okay, Kevin? 377 00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,313 Where you going? 378 00:16:23,348 --> 00:16:24,865 In. I'm hungry. 379 00:16:24,899 --> 00:16:27,651 Uh, could we come in too? Just for some water? 380 00:16:27,685 --> 00:16:29,853 Okay. Take off your shoes. 381 00:16:29,904 --> 00:16:33,073 Except you, Kevin. They stay on. 382 00:16:33,107 --> 00:16:37,611 Oh, wow. I forgot how pretty your house is. 383 00:16:37,645 --> 00:16:38,979 This is the newest addition 384 00:16:39,013 --> 00:16:41,481 built by Erasmus Schrute in 1808. 385 00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:46,837 It doubled as a tuberculosis recovery room until 2009. 386 00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:49,122 That's too much doodle and not enough lab. 387 00:16:49,156 --> 00:16:51,958 Yeah, when are they gonna do a labradoodle that's just lab? 388 00:16:51,993 --> 00:16:54,344 That's what I'm saying. 389 00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:00,017 Hey. 390 00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:02,019 - You're welcome. - Thanks for the coffee. 391 00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:04,221 So tonight I was thinking I'm gonna go to the cemetery, 392 00:17:04,272 --> 00:17:06,172 I'm gonna drink a little wine, 393 00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:07,841 and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me. 394 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:10,077 Are you asking me on a date? 395 00:17:10,111 --> 00:17:12,029 Yes, I am. 396 00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:13,547 Because I don't date coworkers. 397 00:17:13,581 --> 00:17:15,916 It's not personal. It's a matter of policy. 398 00:17:15,950 --> 00:17:18,518 I could quit. Problem solved. 399 00:17:18,553 --> 00:17:21,455 Don't quit. 400 00:17:21,489 --> 00:17:26,393 Good policy. It's sensible, smart. 401 00:17:26,427 --> 00:17:28,495 All right, serving. 402 00:17:28,529 --> 00:17:30,247 Serving, serving, serving. 403 00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:33,884 - In the box. - In the box. 404 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:41,641 Why haven't we heard anything? 405 00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:43,427 It's 4:45. 406 00:17:43,478 --> 00:17:45,145 There's only 15 minutes left. 407 00:17:45,179 --> 00:17:46,930 Oh, now you can do math? 408 00:17:46,964 --> 00:17:49,032 Where were you two hours ago, beautiful mind? 409 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,767 I made a mistake. I'm sorry! 410 00:17:50,802 --> 00:17:52,986 I know how to save the company, everyone. 411 00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:54,554 Just write a petition. 412 00:17:54,589 --> 00:17:58,692 Get everyone's signature, including our clients. 413 00:17:58,726 --> 00:18:00,694 March down to Florida... 414 00:18:00,728 --> 00:18:04,297 And shove it up your butt. 415 00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,450 It's not that funny. 416 00:18:17,428 --> 00:18:19,763 Oh, Pam, you got something on your shirt. 417 00:18:19,797 --> 00:18:21,431 Oh! 418 00:18:21,466 --> 00:18:23,350 Oh, well. 419 00:18:23,384 --> 00:18:25,318 Pobody's nerfect, right? 420 00:18:25,353 --> 00:18:26,720 Did you just have a stroke, Pam? 421 00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:28,155 It's nobody's perfect. 422 00:18:28,189 --> 00:18:30,273 Nice stroke, Pam. 423 00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:33,794 No, it's a jokey saying. Pobody's nerfect? 424 00:18:33,828 --> 00:18:37,280 Like, I can't even say those words right. 425 00:18:37,315 --> 00:18:42,135 I haven't heard that before. That's-- that's funny. 426 00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:43,820 Dwight, there's just the small matter of-- 427 00:18:43,871 --> 00:18:47,007 You know what would go so great with this cabbage pie? 428 00:18:47,041 --> 00:18:48,175 Milk. 429 00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:50,076 Any specific animal? 430 00:18:50,110 --> 00:18:52,045 - I'm thinking cow. - Don't say cow. Ugh. 431 00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:56,183 What are you doing? It's five to five. 432 00:18:56,217 --> 00:18:58,802 Just don't talk about the email, okay? 433 00:18:58,836 --> 00:19:00,287 He's gonna cancel it on his own. 434 00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:02,489 - I really think he will. - That's insane. 435 00:19:02,523 --> 00:19:03,757 Just trust me. 436 00:19:03,791 --> 00:19:05,625 Trust you like I trusted Dwight this morning? 437 00:19:05,660 --> 00:19:08,127 I got this. 438 00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:13,500 Thanks for everything. 439 00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:15,852 Sive drafely. 440 00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:21,708 Isn't it supposed to be drive safely? 441 00:19:25,696 --> 00:19:28,281 Is that my phone? 442 00:19:28,316 --> 00:19:30,316 Sounded like mine. 443 00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:32,869 No, I think it's mine. Let me just check real quick. 444 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,504 All right. 445 00:19:34,539 --> 00:19:37,591 Oh, it's mine. You took it out of my bag. 446 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:39,860 Oh. Woop. Yeah. 447 00:19:39,894 --> 00:19:43,847 - Can I have it? - Yes. 448 00:19:43,881 --> 00:19:45,498 - Right now? - Yes. 449 00:19:45,516 --> 00:19:48,518 - Here you go. - Whoa, no, wait, wait, whoa! 450 00:19:48,553 --> 00:19:49,669 - Oh, man, I'm sorry. - What the [Bleep]? 451 00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:51,271 - Sorry. - Jesus. 452 00:19:51,305 --> 00:19:52,889 Did it break? 453 00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:54,841 - No, it's good. - Are you sure? 454 00:19:54,859 --> 00:19:58,845 - Yeah. - What kinda iPhone is that? 455 00:19:58,863 --> 00:20:00,847 It's the standard one. The one everyone has. 456 00:20:00,882 --> 00:20:03,182 Oh, yeah, I have the one that nobody has. 457 00:20:03,201 --> 00:20:05,452 Anything interesting? 458 00:20:05,486 --> 00:20:06,686 It depends, Jim. 459 00:20:06,721 --> 00:20:08,038 Do you find one-day only 460 00:20:08,072 --> 00:20:11,491 Jetblue sales to Buffalo interesting? 461 00:20:11,526 --> 00:20:13,359 No, I don't. 462 00:20:13,377 --> 00:20:18,665 No...I...Don't. 463 00:20:18,699 --> 00:20:20,634 All right. 464 00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:24,738 Well...I am sore, and obviously horrible at this. 465 00:20:24,772 --> 00:20:27,240 My serve! 466 00:20:31,262 --> 00:20:33,897 Dwight stopped the device. 467 00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:39,486 He stopped it! 468 00:20:40,588 --> 00:20:42,355 Oh, we still have our jobs. 469 00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:44,324 They're not my favorite people in the world. 470 00:20:44,358 --> 00:20:46,059 I wouldn't even call them friends. 471 00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:48,745 They come over here, eat my pie, 472 00:20:48,779 --> 00:20:51,731 dig the crappiest horse grave you've ever seen. 473 00:20:51,749 --> 00:20:55,735 God, I'm gonna have to work with them forever, aren't I? 474 00:20:58,288 --> 00:21:00,472 Just take it easy. Nice and easy. 475 00:21:00,506 --> 00:21:02,441 Ah! 476 00:21:02,475 --> 00:21:04,175 Classic, right? 477 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,871 - Ooh. - I'm all right. 478 00:21:15,905 --> 00:21:17,222 - You all right? - Yep. 479 00:21:17,256 --> 00:21:19,791 - Skinned knee. - Yep. 480 00:21:19,826 --> 00:21:21,860 Agh. Oh. 481 00:21:21,878 --> 00:21:23,378 Put a little ice on that maybe. 482 00:21:23,413 --> 00:21:24,963 Yeah. 483 00:21:24,998 --> 00:21:28,420 - That does not feel good. - Okay, my serve.