1
00:00:06,581 --> 00:00:07,486
Good morning, Dwight.
2
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:12,335
Who are you?
3
00:00:12,337 --> 00:00:13,803
Who am I?
4
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,038
I'm Jim.
5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,574
We've been working together for 12 years.
6
00:00:17,576 --> 00:00:19,309
Weird joke, Dwight.
7
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:20,310
You're not Jim.
8
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:21,711
Jim's not Asian.
9
00:00:21,713 --> 00:00:23,179
You seriously never noticed?
10
00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:26,216
Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race.
11
00:00:28,619 --> 00:00:30,220
All right then, Jim.
12
00:00:30,222 --> 00:00:32,055
Why don't you tell me about that sale
13
00:00:32,057 --> 00:00:34,290
that you made yesterday?
14
00:00:34,292 --> 00:00:35,892
Wellington Systems?
15
00:00:35,894 --> 00:00:38,128
Sold them ten cases
of 24-pound letter stock.
16
00:00:38,130 --> 00:00:40,029
Or were you talking
about Krieger-Murphy?
17
00:00:40,031 --> 00:00:41,531
Because I didn't close that one yet,
18
00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:44,434
but I'm hoping I've got a
voicemail from Paul Krieger
19
00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:47,070
waiting for me.
20
00:00:47,072 --> 00:00:49,439
Please enter your password.
21
00:00:54,245 --> 00:00:55,645
You have one new message.
22
00:00:55,647 --> 00:00:56,980
How did you know?
23
00:00:56,982 --> 00:00:58,548
No!
No, no.
24
00:00:58,550 --> 00:00:59,849
That is sensitive information.
25
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,018
Only for employees, not outsiders!
26
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,620
Dwight, cut it out.
I'm trying to work.
27
00:01:03,621 --> 00:01:05,755
You don't work here!
You're not Jim!
28
00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,857
Jim, I got us that dinner reservation.
29
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,159
- Grico's, 7:30.
- Great.
30
00:01:09,161 --> 00:01:11,795
Can't wait.
31
00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:15,398
Jim's at the dentist this morning,
32
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,734
and Steve is an actor friend of ours.
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I don't know who you are,
34
00:01:19,738 --> 00:01:21,671
but you are not Jim.
35
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This is Jim!
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00:01:27,778 --> 00:01:29,746
My...
37
00:01:29,748 --> 00:01:32,048
oh, d...
oh, how did...
38
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,130
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
39
00:01:55,539 --> 00:01:58,041
Hey, study buddies!
40
00:01:58,043 --> 00:01:59,959
Okay.
41
00:01:59,961 --> 00:02:01,828
Getting Things Done.
Awesome!
42
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,747
It's all about finding ways
to make yourself more efficient.
43
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:05,965
Life hacking, baby.
44
00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:07,887
This morning, I brushed my teeth
in the shower.
45
00:02:07,888 --> 00:02:09,669
Saved myself 90 seconds.
46
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,311
Which I just used to explain this to you.
47
00:02:11,312 --> 00:02:12,589
Damn it.
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00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,735
Since Andy promoted me
to Assistant Regional Manager,
49
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,176
I've been trying to step my game up.
50
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:18,961
You know, be more productive.
51
00:02:18,963 --> 00:02:20,296
In fact, you know what?
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00:02:20,298 --> 00:02:22,218
Let's knock out a few more of
these sound bites
53
00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:24,183
while we're here.
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00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:26,686
Whoa.
That person has really
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00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:30,773
gotten him... or herself...
into quite a predicament.
56
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:33,326
S'il vous plait...
57
00:02:33,328 --> 00:02:36,279
Dites-moi...
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French.
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00:02:41,653 --> 00:02:43,503
It's a great language.
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00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:46,039
If you're
a chain-smoking acrobat.
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00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,541
I'm just trying to fit in
better with Andy's family.
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00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,627
They all speak more than one language.
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00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,211
Usually when I'm there.
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00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,413
You want to learn a really
impressive second language?
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00:02:54,414 --> 00:02:55,431
Try Dothraki.
66
00:02:55,433 --> 00:02:56,883
Win over any man in my guild.
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Dothraki is the native tongue
of the nomadic,
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00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:01,804
war-mongering horse lords
of Essos, as featured
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00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,308
in the superb Home Box Office
series Game of Thrones.
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00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,943
It has a lot of nudity.
71
00:03:06,945 --> 00:03:10,363
Which I fast-forward through
to get to the chopped-off heads.
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00:03:10,365 --> 00:03:12,845
I could teach you if you want,
it's a lot easier than French.
73
00:03:12,846 --> 00:03:13,650
Yeah.
Let's do it.
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00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,401
Athdavrazar!
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00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,869
It means "excellent."
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00:03:16,871 --> 00:03:17,870
And we have begun.
77
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:22,692
Is everything okay?
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00:03:24,028 --> 00:03:25,328
Yeah.
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00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,913
Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.
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00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,698
Fine, fine, fine.
81
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,917
I mean, I d...
I just don't want to burden you
82
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,835
with my massive
stress freak-outs.
83
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,253
Great.
84
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:37,006
It's just that I am taking
my driver's license test
85
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,392
in two days, and I need to practice
86
00:03:39,394 --> 00:03:40,977
with an experienced driver in the car.
87
00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:42,762
But I've had no time to do that,
88
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:46,015
thanks to "Demandy."
89
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,718
I just want to hit the open road
90
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,054
and drive, man.
But...
91
00:03:52,056 --> 00:03:53,239
in whose car?
92
00:03:53,241 --> 00:03:55,441
Nellie!
93
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:58,361
Get your wrinkly old balls in here.
94
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,835
Nellie, I could practice
with you in my car at lunchtime.
95
00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:07,069
Pam, thank you.
96
00:04:07,071 --> 00:04:09,489
You are my savior.
97
00:04:10,908 --> 00:04:12,925
My God...
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00:04:14,596 --> 00:04:16,379
I'm sorry I'm leaving you alone for lunch.
99
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,548
Don't worry about it.
100
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,551
I have a thing.
101
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,386
A thing of soup.
102
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:27,807
Which I've been wanting to try.
103
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,092
This is my research
104
00:04:30,094 --> 00:04:32,428
into how we might produce
child-proof paper
105
00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:34,614
that doesn't give you paper cuts.
106
00:04:34,616 --> 00:04:35,782
We can't.
107
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:39,569
And here is a printout of your genealogy
108
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,120
from thisisyourfamilytree.com.
109
00:04:41,122 --> 00:04:43,239
Executive-summary me.
Hit the highlights.
110
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,774
Well, it turns out
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00:04:44,776 --> 00:04:47,660
you are a distant blood relative
112
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:50,747
of Michelle Obama.
113
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:51,909
- As in...
- Wife of Barack,
114
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:55,084
loves gardening,
wants to wipe out fat children.
115
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,003
Wow.
116
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,422
This is
super-flattering.
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00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:03,509
She's the most popular person in America.
118
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,745
This is a big day for both of us.
119
00:05:05,747 --> 00:05:07,430
My fellow Americans,
120
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,348
I have a feeling my approval rating
121
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:11,801
is about to go through the roof.
122
00:05:11,803 --> 00:05:17,139
Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama.
123
00:05:17,141 --> 00:05:19,242
I was intimidated by Andy's family before.
124
00:05:19,244 --> 00:05:22,195
And now I have to see
the First Lady at holidays?
125
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:23,329
She's gonna be like,
126
00:05:23,331 --> 00:05:24,831
"what's your stance
on politics?"
127
00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:27,283
Or, "what is
the best war to do?"
128
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,585
And I will just be like,
129
00:05:29,587 --> 00:05:31,204
"duh..."
130
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,338
All right!
131
00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:34,757
We gotta get rid of all this junk food.
132
00:05:34,759 --> 00:05:36,375
Get fit, America!
133
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:39,962
Not sure if the buzz has reached
the annex yet, but,
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00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:43,349
I'm related to Michelle Obama.
135
00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:47,503
Yeah, we noticed early on
136
00:05:47,505 --> 00:05:49,472
Andy really appreciates enthusiasm.
137
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,274
So we decided the best way
to get ahead here
138
00:05:51,276 --> 00:05:52,558
is to be his cheerleaders.
139
00:06:02,402 --> 00:06:04,442
It's starting to have this
reverse effect, though,
140
00:06:04,443 --> 00:06:06,989
where I really do think
the stuff he does is awesome.
141
00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:08,541
Yeah, me too.
It's weird.
142
00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:10,326
Hard to remember what's real
at this point.
143
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,995
Just clap through it, man.
144
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,915
You're logging sales
at ten different times.
145
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,801
If you log 'em all at once,
you save a lot of time.
146
00:06:18,803 --> 00:06:19,802
It's called batching.
147
00:06:19,804 --> 00:06:20,924
This is really good, Darryl.
148
00:06:20,925 --> 00:06:22,472
Life hacking, man.
149
00:06:22,474 --> 00:06:23,673
There he is!
150
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,395
Andy, you gotta
check this out. He just...
151
00:06:26,197 --> 00:06:29,095
Right now I need canned tuna, okay?
152
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,981
Darryl, guess which talented individual
153
00:06:31,983 --> 00:06:34,150
who also has a killer singing voice
154
00:06:34,152 --> 00:06:36,319
is related to the First Lady.
155
00:06:36,321 --> 00:06:38,187
Tracee Ellis Ross.
156
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,991
Daughter of the First Lady
of Motown, Diana Ross.
157
00:06:41,993 --> 00:06:43,025
It's me!
158
00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:44,494
I'm related to Michelle Obama.
159
00:06:44,496 --> 00:06:46,195
What?
Really?
160
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:48,164
I mean, it's distant, but...
161
00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:50,766
That's cool, man.
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00:06:50,768 --> 00:06:52,001
Right?
163
00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:54,904
Darryl said,
"cool, man."
164
00:06:54,906 --> 00:06:57,239
He called me a cool man.
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00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:02,595
You know, I really do think it
would be worth it to pull over
166
00:07:02,597 --> 00:07:04,180
and just take ten minutes to eat.
167
00:07:04,182 --> 00:07:06,516
The thing is, Pam,
168
00:07:06,518 --> 00:07:08,267
I'm gonna be eating while I'm driving,
169
00:07:08,269 --> 00:07:09,719
so I might as well get good at it.
170
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,221
Brake lights. Brake lights,
brake lights, brake lights!
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00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,056
Whoo!
172
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:16,559
I'm just saying, what does it
imply in this country
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00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,228
when a white person shares
an ancestor with a black person?
174
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,864
You think that Andy's family owned slaves?
175
00:07:21,866 --> 00:07:24,266
Well, somebody owned somebody.
176
00:07:24,268 --> 00:07:27,870
And I don't think anybody
would buy an Andy.
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00:07:27,872 --> 00:07:28,955
I throat-rip.
178
00:07:28,957 --> 00:07:30,323
Foth aggendak.
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00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,541
You throat-rip.
180
00:07:31,543 --> 00:07:32,775
Foth aggendi.
181
00:07:32,777 --> 00:07:34,327
He-she-it throat-rips.
182
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,378
Foth aggenda.
183
00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:36,612
More of a barbaric growl.
184
00:07:36,614 --> 00:07:38,047
Foth aggenda.
185
00:07:38,049 --> 00:07:40,169
Louder. You're shouting it
from the back of a horse.
186
00:07:40,170 --> 00:07:41,751
Foth aggenda!
187
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,587
Pretty crazy about Andy
and Michelle Obama?
188
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,889
Yeah.
189
00:07:46,891 --> 00:07:49,675
It's almost unbelievable.
190
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:50,726
What?
191
00:07:50,728 --> 00:07:52,395
Well, do you know how Andy has been
192
00:07:52,397 --> 00:07:55,297
really salting my onions lately?
193
00:07:55,299 --> 00:07:56,566
Sure.
194
00:07:56,568 --> 00:07:58,768
Well, when he asked me
to look up his ancestry online,
195
00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:00,769
I remembered that news story
about Michelle Obama
196
00:08:00,770 --> 00:08:03,189
having white relatives, and I just knew
197
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,641
he would eat that up.
198
00:08:05,643 --> 00:08:08,077
So he's not related to Michelle Obama?
199
00:08:08,079 --> 00:08:09,445
Pam,
200
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:14,417
I barely know how to turn on my computer.
201
00:08:14,419 --> 00:08:16,669
Nellie's pretty fearless.
202
00:08:16,671 --> 00:08:20,506
And I think she might be
maybe even almost sort of fun.
203
00:08:20,508 --> 00:08:21,841
Pam!
204
00:08:25,495 --> 00:08:27,013
Well, if there's another explanation,
205
00:08:27,015 --> 00:08:29,548
I don't really see
what it could possibly be.
206
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,933
I...
207
00:08:30,935 --> 00:08:32,935
What's going on here?
208
00:08:32,937 --> 00:08:35,021
I'm related to the First Lady, okay?
209
00:08:35,023 --> 00:08:36,806
Get over it.
210
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,975
I still need weekly
status reports from most of you.
211
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:42,061
So can we get back to work, please?
212
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,229
Get back to work.
213
00:08:46,534 --> 00:08:47,900
Andy...
214
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:48,951
Andy, no!
215
00:08:48,953 --> 00:08:50,853
I would be very polite today.
216
00:08:50,855 --> 00:08:52,521
Why, is it employees' day or something?
217
00:08:52,523 --> 00:08:54,624
I cannot keep track of these BS holidays.
218
00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:56,525
Your connection to Michelle Obama
219
00:08:56,527 --> 00:09:00,029
has certain negative connotations.
220
00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:02,531
Most likely, your family were...
221
00:09:02,533 --> 00:09:04,717
slave owners.
222
00:09:04,719 --> 00:09:06,252
Does anyone else think it's possible
223
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,305
that I come from slave owners?
224
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:15,177
Whoa.
That person has really
225
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,730
gotten him... or herself...
into quite a predicament.
226
00:09:20,032 --> 00:09:21,696
Hey, mom, it's Andy.
Give me a call
227
00:09:21,697 --> 00:09:23,817
when you get a chance.
Got a quick question for you.
228
00:09:23,819 --> 00:09:25,979
No big deal, just about
America's national shame.
229
00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:28,655
Thanks, bye.
230
00:09:28,657 --> 00:09:29,823
Where were we?
231
00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:31,208
Yes, okay.
232
00:09:31,210 --> 00:09:33,377
Your... productivity thing.
233
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:34,945
Yes, yes, yes.
234
00:09:34,947 --> 00:09:35,963
Great.
235
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:38,072
Spreadsheets.
Yum, yum.
236
00:09:38,073 --> 00:09:39,473
I included some
time-saving ideas.
237
00:09:40,436 --> 00:09:41,676
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
238
00:09:41,677 --> 00:09:43,854
I'm a teensy bit distracted right now.
239
00:09:43,856 --> 00:09:45,889
Look, Andy, even if your ancestors
240
00:09:45,891 --> 00:09:48,809
did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault.
241
00:09:48,811 --> 00:09:51,945
This is only weird if you make it weird.
242
00:09:51,947 --> 00:09:53,780
Right on, brother.
243
00:09:53,782 --> 00:09:54,781
Word dat.
244
00:09:55,951 --> 00:09:59,820
- Ador!
- Daras.
245
00:09:59,822 --> 00:10:00,954
Qazer!
246
00:10:00,956 --> 00:10:02,539
Daras.
247
00:10:02,541 --> 00:10:04,825
Does anyone here have
fermented mare's milk?
248
00:10:09,864 --> 00:10:11,031
Hey, Erin.
249
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:12,583
Atchomar chomakaan!
250
00:10:12,585 --> 00:10:14,635
Okay.
251
00:10:14,637 --> 00:10:16,670
Sorry.
252
00:10:16,672 --> 00:10:19,072
Still, it must be great
to have something else going on
253
00:10:19,073 --> 00:10:19,923
outside of work.
254
00:10:19,925 --> 00:10:21,725
Yeah...
turn signal.
255
00:10:21,727 --> 00:10:23,226
It's exciting to be painting again...
256
00:10:23,228 --> 00:10:24,261
those are the wipers.
257
00:10:24,263 --> 00:10:26,229
So the...
it's just...
258
00:10:26,231 --> 00:10:27,347
there you go.
Yeah.
259
00:10:28,717 --> 00:10:30,400
Yeah, things get so busy with the kids...
260
00:10:30,402 --> 00:10:32,903
red light... that it's nice
to have that creative outlet...
261
00:10:32,905 --> 00:10:34,237
red light, red light, red, red...
262
00:10:37,659 --> 00:10:39,660
That is brilliant, Pam.
263
00:10:39,662 --> 00:10:41,194
I'd love to see some of your work.
264
00:10:41,196 --> 00:10:42,863
Well, since we're stopped at a light...
265
00:10:42,865 --> 00:10:46,333
Here is...
266
00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:49,336
the mural I did for Angela's baby.
267
00:10:49,338 --> 00:10:52,072
That is amazing, Pam.
268
00:10:52,074 --> 00:10:55,425
I love the lion in the tuxedo.
269
00:10:55,427 --> 00:11:00,080
Angela insisted that all
the animals be fully clothed.
270
00:11:00,082 --> 00:11:04,434
Hey, has anyone turned in
their status reports up here?
271
00:11:04,436 --> 00:11:06,853
Vos.
272
00:11:06,855 --> 00:11:09,589
So no?
273
00:11:09,591 --> 00:11:11,351
Do you think maybe
you could remind people?
274
00:11:11,353 --> 00:11:13,633
I'm trying to downplay the whole
bossy-boss thing today.
275
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:14,561
Because of your slaves.
276
00:11:14,563 --> 00:11:18,065
Not my slaves, my ancestors'.
277
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,600
Maybe.
Probably not.
278
00:11:20,602 --> 00:11:22,536
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
279
00:11:22,538 --> 00:11:24,771
the Dothraki word for "slave master,"
280
00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:29,042
azzafrok, is a term of respect.
281
00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:31,044
I'm learning how to speak Dothraki.
282
00:11:31,046 --> 00:11:32,278
Color you impressed?
283
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,081
That you're learning
a made-up language
284
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,500
from HBO's Game of Thrones?
285
00:11:36,502 --> 00:11:39,970
I have a lot going on today,
286
00:11:39,972 --> 00:11:43,957
but this was
a great nerd-out.
287
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:45,879
Dwight, you didn't tell me
you were teaching me
288
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:46,520
a fake language.
289
00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:48,095
People laughed at Klingon at first,
290
00:11:48,097 --> 00:11:51,848
and now you can major in it.
291
00:11:54,135 --> 00:11:55,135
Hi, guys.
292
00:11:55,137 --> 00:11:57,320
Hey, boss.
I am so thirsty,
293
00:11:57,322 --> 00:11:59,406
can I have a scoop of water?
294
00:11:59,408 --> 00:12:01,525
Yeah.
You don't have to ask me...
295
00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:06,496
Ha ha.
Okay, great.
296
00:12:06,498 --> 00:12:07,664
Very funny.
I get it.
297
00:12:07,666 --> 00:12:09,499
Just because my ancestors
happened to be...
298
00:12:18,426 --> 00:12:20,210
Very funny, Kevin changed my ringtone.
299
00:12:20,212 --> 00:12:21,494
Very funny.
300
00:12:21,496 --> 00:12:23,964
I liked the original song on my ringtone.
301
00:12:23,966 --> 00:12:25,599
Which, you may remember,
302
00:12:25,601 --> 00:12:27,851
was Diamonds on the Soles
of Her Shoes by Paul Simon,
303
00:12:27,853 --> 00:12:29,502
featuring,
304
00:12:29,504 --> 00:12:34,007
Ladysmith African-American
Mombazo.
305
00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:39,946
Good. Very good.
306
00:12:39,948 --> 00:12:42,532
No.
307
00:12:42,534 --> 00:12:44,684
Here, it's a text from Andy.
308
00:12:44,686 --> 00:12:48,071
"New special proj.
Need fam. Tree for evbody.
309
00:12:48,073 --> 00:12:50,707
"Really dig up dirt.
ASAP."
310
00:12:50,709 --> 00:12:51,792
And then in parentheses
311
00:12:51,794 --> 00:12:53,293
he wrote out,
"as soon as possible."
312
00:12:54,463 --> 00:12:58,732
Looks like it's pretendy time again.
313
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,300
Write back,
314
00:13:00,302 --> 00:13:02,185
"looking for dirt."
315
00:13:02,187 --> 00:13:03,987
Can I help?
316
00:13:03,989 --> 00:13:06,639
We could say someone is related to, um,
317
00:13:06,641 --> 00:13:08,692
Tonya Harding.
318
00:13:08,694 --> 00:13:11,978
Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding.
319
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:13,080
Gee, I'm...
320
00:13:13,082 --> 00:13:16,166
No, I'm just practicing my lying.
321
00:13:16,168 --> 00:13:18,318
- I love it.
- Brilliant.
322
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,454
What should we say about Jim?
323
00:13:20,456 --> 00:13:23,757
Say he's related to Richard Nixon.
324
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:24,875
It's an inside joke.
325
00:13:24,877 --> 00:13:26,760
He looks really Nixony when he wakes up.
326
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:28,929
My ex behaved like Nixon.
327
00:13:28,931 --> 00:13:33,216
All of the lying,
none of the sexual charisma.
328
00:13:33,218 --> 00:13:35,335
I just made a joke then.
329
00:13:35,337 --> 00:13:36,436
I'm sorry.
330
00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:38,021
It's just, um...
331
00:13:38,023 --> 00:13:39,503
I actually do have this weird feeling
332
00:13:39,504 --> 00:13:41,304
that there's something
Jim isn't telling me.
333
00:13:41,305 --> 00:13:43,059
No.
334
00:13:43,061 --> 00:13:44,594
An affair.
335
00:13:44,596 --> 00:13:46,847
It is always an affair.
336
00:13:46,849 --> 00:13:48,682
Jim?
No.
337
00:13:48,684 --> 00:13:50,817
How can you be sure?
338
00:13:50,819 --> 00:13:54,771
Because he just loves me too much.
339
00:13:54,773 --> 00:13:57,991
You're a cocky little thing,
aren't you, Pam?
340
00:13:57,993 --> 00:14:02,028
I have done a little
genealogy research of my own.
341
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:04,698
Turns out I'm not the only one
with a few skeletons
342
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,833
in the ol' family closet.
343
00:14:06,835 --> 00:14:09,402
For example,
344
00:14:09,404 --> 00:14:11,037
Phyllis'
great-great-grandmother
345
00:14:11,039 --> 00:14:14,341
was responsible for spreading
cholera to the United States.
346
00:14:14,343 --> 00:14:15,425
Ew.
347
00:14:15,427 --> 00:14:18,211
Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy
348
00:14:18,213 --> 00:14:19,880
and John Wayne Bobbitt.
349
00:14:19,882 --> 00:14:22,349
And John Wayne?
350
00:14:22,351 --> 00:14:23,850
No. Not that
I see here.
351
00:14:23,852 --> 00:14:26,636
Wayne Johnson?
The Rock?
352
00:14:26,638 --> 00:14:29,723
You mean Dwayne, and no.
353
00:14:29,725 --> 00:14:31,558
What about Jim Halpert?
354
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,427
Turns out, distant relative of the reviled
355
00:14:34,429 --> 00:14:36,313
Richard Nixon.
356
00:14:36,315 --> 00:14:38,398
Pam always says I look like Nixon.
357
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,200
That's crazy, right?
358
00:14:40,202 --> 00:14:42,786
I mean, there's nothing there.
359
00:14:42,788 --> 00:14:44,388
Tru...
360
00:14:47,609 --> 00:14:50,026
No.
361
00:14:50,028 --> 00:14:51,127
Dwight's grandfather...
362
00:14:51,129 --> 00:14:52,913
Was a member of the Bund,
363
00:14:52,915 --> 00:14:54,965
which is not technically the same thing
364
00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:55,999
as the Nazi party.
365
00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:58,668
So...
366
00:14:58,670 --> 00:15:00,804
I was gonna say he was a tax evader.
367
00:15:02,808 --> 00:15:04,891
I was joking about that whole Bund thing.
368
00:15:04,893 --> 00:15:06,726
Ho, the look on your faces.
369
00:15:09,982 --> 00:15:11,431
And Meredith is a blood relative
370
00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:12,515
of Lizzie Borden.
371
00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:13,650
Cool.
372
00:15:15,013 --> 00:15:16,653
Stop it! Stop it,
you're frightening me.
373
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:17,894
Andy, did you call this meeting
374
00:15:17,895 --> 00:15:20,073
just to talk junk about our families?
375
00:15:20,075 --> 00:15:22,141
Yeah, that... you're being
really mean.
376
00:15:22,143 --> 00:15:24,477
No, I'm proving a point, okay?
377
00:15:24,479 --> 00:15:26,145
We all have ancestors who may have
378
00:15:26,147 --> 00:15:28,314
done horrible things in the past.
379
00:15:28,316 --> 00:15:30,750
But it's in the past,
and it's not our fault.
380
00:15:30,752 --> 00:15:32,652
So we don't have to talk about it.
381
00:15:32,654 --> 00:15:35,005
The difference is, Andy,
that you're the only one here
382
00:15:35,007 --> 00:15:37,841
still benefitting from the terrible things
383
00:15:37,843 --> 00:15:38,992
your ancestors did.
384
00:15:38,994 --> 00:15:41,795
Might have done, and how do you figure?
385
00:15:41,797 --> 00:15:43,463
Your family's rich.
386
00:15:43,465 --> 00:15:44,848
I have to believe that a big part
387
00:15:44,850 --> 00:15:47,500
of the Bernard fortune was
earned on the backs of slaves.
388
00:15:47,502 --> 00:15:48,742
You know, there's nothing wrong
389
00:15:48,743 --> 00:15:50,343
with being successful in America, Oscar.
390
00:15:50,344 --> 00:15:52,722
I'm not gonna apologize
for my family's wealth.
391
00:15:52,724 --> 00:15:56,175
That wealth could one day benefit society,
392
00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:58,161
if capital gains are ever
taxed at the same rate
393
00:15:58,163 --> 00:15:59,212
as earned income.
394
00:16:00,255 --> 00:16:02,866
Okay, Kevin did that.
395
00:16:02,868 --> 00:16:05,535
I do not wish I was in Dixie.
396
00:16:05,537 --> 00:16:06,786
Hey, mom.
How are you?
397
00:16:06,788 --> 00:16:09,706
Did any Bernards ever own
398
00:16:09,708 --> 00:16:13,043
a plantation in the South?
399
00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:14,628
She said no.
Take that!
400
00:16:14,630 --> 00:16:16,930
Follow-up question,
did any Bernards
401
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:19,966
ever make money in an unsavory way?
402
00:16:24,889 --> 00:16:26,106
I just asked you...
403
00:16:26,108 --> 00:16:28,024
why didn't you used to say that?
404
00:16:28,026 --> 00:16:29,726
Okay, stop, stop.
405
00:16:29,728 --> 00:16:30,977
Stop talking.
Stop talking.
406
00:16:30,979 --> 00:16:33,980
That's... no.
I don't want to know that.
407
00:16:33,982 --> 00:16:35,422
Okay, you're interrupting a meeting.
408
00:16:35,423 --> 00:16:36,399
I have to go.
409
00:16:36,401 --> 00:16:39,152
Love you.
Bye.
410
00:16:39,154 --> 00:16:42,539
Well, turns out the Bernards
of yore did not own slaves.
411
00:16:42,541 --> 00:16:43,790
Really.
412
00:16:43,792 --> 00:16:45,375
We merely transported them.
413
00:16:45,377 --> 00:16:49,212
Which, at worst,
makes us amoral middlemen.
414
00:16:53,767 --> 00:16:55,948
Yo, D-Dog.
I need your help.
415
00:16:58,089 --> 00:17:00,209
I'm trying to think of things
I can say that make it
416
00:17:00,210 --> 00:17:01,970
sound like I had a sore
difficult childhood
417
00:17:01,971 --> 00:17:02,771
than I actually had.
418
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,132
- You gonna po' mouth.
- Exactly.
419
00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:05,173
Help me po' mouth, Darryl.
420
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:07,486
Actually, Andy,
you promised me five minutes
421
00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:09,127
to talk about productivity suggestions...
422
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,513
What if I said that my dad beat me,
423
00:17:11,515 --> 00:17:13,966
and I just left out the croquet of it all?
424
00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:16,351
Or, I could just go all the way
425
00:17:16,353 --> 00:17:17,903
and say I grew up in an apartment.
426
00:17:17,905 --> 00:17:19,638
Or is that too crazy?
427
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,590
That could work.
428
00:17:21,592 --> 00:17:23,308
You know, Darryl, this is
429
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,777
textbook assistant regional
manager stuff here,
430
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:28,613
and I feel like I'm doing
all the heavy lifting.
431
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,016
I'm coming up with all the ideas here.
432
00:17:31,018 --> 00:17:33,035
I'm going for a walk.
433
00:17:33,037 --> 00:17:35,070
Okay.
434
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,160
Good...
435
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,295
Good, and...
436
00:17:55,892 --> 00:17:57,426
You doing all right, man?
437
00:17:57,428 --> 00:17:59,761
I'm done.
438
00:17:59,763 --> 00:18:01,897
I gotta get out of here.
439
00:18:01,899 --> 00:18:03,398
Yeah.
440
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,351
Not the easiest day to be
Assistant Regional Manager.
441
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:09,154
It's not just today, it's every day.
442
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,073
Seems like the better title I have,
443
00:18:11,075 --> 00:18:12,891
the stupider my job gets.
444
00:18:12,893 --> 00:18:16,411
Aw, come on, it can always
get better, right?
445
00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:19,281
Yeah, right.
446
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:20,365
No, I'm serious.
447
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,868
There's always something better.
448
00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:24,086
Like what?
449
00:18:24,088 --> 00:18:26,955
Like, hypothetically,
450
00:18:26,957 --> 00:18:30,125
if I said that there was another job
451
00:18:30,127 --> 00:18:32,577
that you and I could both have.
452
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,412
What kind of job?
453
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:39,718
Something cool,
like sports marketing, or...
454
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,560
does that sound like
something you'd be into?
455
00:18:41,561 --> 00:18:42,441
- Hell yeah.
- Right?
456
00:18:42,442 --> 00:18:43,438
That sounds awesome.
457
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:44,840
Okay, but wait.
What if I told you
458
00:18:44,841 --> 00:18:45,721
that it was in Philly?
459
00:18:45,722 --> 00:18:47,309
- So you'd have to...
- I love Philly.
460
00:18:47,311 --> 00:18:48,693
Right?
461
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:50,735
- It's not even a thought...
- Not even a thought.
462
00:18:50,736 --> 00:18:54,316
It's not even that far away,
I could still commute... exactly.
463
00:18:54,318 --> 00:18:55,984
Exactly.
464
00:18:55,986 --> 00:18:57,936
All right.
465
00:18:57,938 --> 00:18:59,037
What?
Wait, wait, wait.
466
00:18:59,039 --> 00:19:00,705
So what, is this happening?
467
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,289
It's happening.
468
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:03,770
Let's just keep it between you and me
469
00:19:03,771 --> 00:19:05,931
- for right now, all right?
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
470
00:19:05,932 --> 00:19:07,092
For sure, for sure, for sure.
471
00:19:07,093 --> 00:19:09,331
Man.
And Pam's into it?
472
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:10,582
We gotta have a talk about it,
473
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:11,967
but I think that she's...
474
00:19:11,969 --> 00:19:13,135
I think she understands...
475
00:19:13,137 --> 00:19:14,697
- Aw, come on, man.
- ...what this is.
476
00:19:14,698 --> 00:19:16,018
I thought you had something real.
477
00:19:16,019 --> 00:19:16,922
What?
No, no, no.
478
00:19:16,924 --> 00:19:18,223
Come on.
This is real.
479
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:20,458
It's not real
480
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:24,513
until your wife is on board.
481
00:19:25,815 --> 00:19:27,632
So what did you want to show me?
482
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:30,735
That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it?
483
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,804
Yeah.
It's really ugly.
484
00:19:32,806 --> 00:19:34,606
Needs something, doesn't it?
485
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,824
I'm thinking,
486
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:38,827
a mural.
487
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:39,861
You mean me?
488
00:19:39,863 --> 00:19:40,862
Yes, you.
489
00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:43,698
You are so talented.
490
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:45,534
It's going to be my next special project.
491
00:19:45,536 --> 00:19:48,120
Hiring Scranton's most
dangerous young muralist
492
00:19:48,122 --> 00:19:50,122
to paint the warehouse wall.
493
00:19:50,124 --> 00:19:51,590
My God, I love it!
494
00:19:51,592 --> 00:19:53,008
I...
Nellie,
495
00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:54,759
this is brilliant!
496
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:55,877
- Hey!
- Hey.
497
00:19:55,879 --> 00:19:57,762
Can I talk to you for a second?
498
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:01,133
Anything you have to say to her,
499
00:20:01,135 --> 00:20:02,167
you can say to me.
500
00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:03,218
She never loved you.
501
00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:04,970
What? No, I...
I got this.
502
00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:06,171
Okay.
503
00:20:06,173 --> 00:20:07,573
Okay.
This is his fault.
504
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:08,890
It is not your fault.
505
00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:12,527
I am gonna find you
someone better, and rich.
506
00:20:12,529 --> 00:20:14,479
And Filipino.
507
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:18,450
But we'll break that to her later.
508
00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:20,235
You know what this is all about?
509
00:20:20,237 --> 00:20:21,953
Yeah.
510
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,021
You too?
511
00:20:23,023 --> 00:20:26,524
Yeah.
512
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,628
Go on, spill it.
513
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:33,465
Tell her all the gory details, you snake.
514
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:34,799
Hey.
515
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,484
He deserves this.
516
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:40,338
And he said I could get in on it too.
517
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,175
Yeah.
518
00:20:43,177 --> 00:20:45,927
Pam, no.
519
00:20:45,929 --> 00:20:47,812
I can't bear to watch this.
520
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,981
I don't know what I was so worried about.
521
00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:53,652
I have the best wife in the world.
522
00:20:53,654 --> 00:20:56,671
I still can't believe he didn't tell me.
523
00:21:05,775 --> 00:21:06,991
I was helping Nellie drive...
524
00:21:06,993 --> 00:21:09,828
Do not care.
525
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,701
Fonas chek!
526
00:21:16,703 --> 00:21:19,337
Dothras chek!
527
00:21:22,676 --> 00:21:24,742
I like that guy.
528
00:21:24,744 --> 00:21:26,795
We should hook him up with Meredith.
529
00:21:32,132 --> 00:21:36,645
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com