1 00:00:06,202 --> 00:00:09,338 Can you guys come with me for a minute? 2 00:00:09,372 --> 00:00:11,424 I know you saw me with the Senator. 3 00:00:11,475 --> 00:00:12,725 I think I'm in love, 4 00:00:12,759 --> 00:00:14,510 possibly for the first time. 5 00:00:14,544 --> 00:00:17,313 So, yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. 6 00:00:17,347 --> 00:00:20,233 I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, 7 00:00:20,267 --> 00:00:23,886 maturity, and discretion. 8 00:00:30,377 --> 00:00:31,994 Why? 9 00:00:41,438 --> 00:00:42,805 All right, good. Yeah, just sell it 10 00:00:42,839 --> 00:00:44,674 and get the best price you can, okay? 11 00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:46,509 Or we can hope for a holiday rally? 12 00:00:46,543 --> 00:00:48,043 Mike, I'm not a day trader. 13 00:00:48,061 --> 00:00:50,513 I'm just a first responder in a disaster. 14 00:00:50,547 --> 00:00:52,898 Andy's family had a total meltdown. 15 00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:54,350 His dad blew through all their money 16 00:00:54,384 --> 00:00:56,352 and took off to Argentina with a younger woman. 17 00:00:56,386 --> 00:00:57,903 And his brother, Walt Jr., 18 00:00:57,938 --> 00:00:59,272 locked himself in the wine cellar. 19 00:00:59,306 --> 00:01:01,223 The weirdest part is Andy. 20 00:01:01,241 --> 00:01:03,192 The aftermath got dumped on him, 21 00:01:03,226 --> 00:01:06,412 and the way he's been handling it is just so-- 22 00:01:06,446 --> 00:01:08,397 - Competent. - Right? 23 00:01:08,415 --> 00:01:09,898 Are the nards hurtin'? Yeah, you bet. 24 00:01:09,916 --> 00:01:10,950 Got kicked pretty hard. 25 00:01:10,984 --> 00:01:12,501 Family shattered, super sad. 26 00:01:12,536 --> 00:01:13,769 But I'm kinda crushin' it 27 00:01:13,804 --> 00:01:15,221 in the damage control department. 28 00:01:15,255 --> 00:01:17,006 So, that's cool. 29 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,025 I wish my dad could see me now. 30 00:01:19,059 --> 00:01:21,644 Of course, he caused this whole mess, so... 31 00:01:21,678 --> 00:01:23,462 fuck him. 32 00:01:23,513 --> 00:01:25,431 Kevin, listen to me. 33 00:01:25,465 --> 00:01:27,216 I'm in love with the Senator. 34 00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:28,751 And I need time to sort this out 35 00:01:28,769 --> 00:01:31,020 in a responsible manner. 36 00:01:31,054 --> 00:01:33,556 So I need your help in keeping it a secret, 37 00:01:33,590 --> 00:01:36,425 because this means the world to me. 38 00:01:36,443 --> 00:01:37,810 Okay? 39 00:01:37,861 --> 00:01:39,795 That's beautiful. 40 00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:41,897 No, I-I totally get that. 41 00:01:41,931 --> 00:01:44,450 Can you do this, Kevin? 42 00:01:44,484 --> 00:01:47,737 I really want to. 43 00:01:47,771 --> 00:01:50,122 Whatever happens, always remember that. 44 00:01:50,157 --> 00:01:51,991 I don't know what that means. Hey, hey. 45 00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:53,743 Oh, great. 46 00:01:53,777 --> 00:01:58,047 Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. 47 00:01:58,081 --> 00:02:01,801 Hey, guys, has anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio? 48 00:02:01,803 --> 00:02:03,919 Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura show. 49 00:02:03,953 --> 00:02:05,471 Nope, that's Dr. Laura. 50 00:02:05,505 --> 00:02:07,089 Well, her show Bizwhiz 51 00:02:07,123 --> 00:02:08,641 wants someone from Dunder Mifflin 52 00:02:08,675 --> 00:02:09,759 to come on the air today. 53 00:02:09,793 --> 00:02:11,960 Does anybody feel particularly passionate 54 00:02:11,978 --> 00:02:13,462 about local business issues? 55 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,149 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. 56 00:02:17,184 --> 00:02:19,185 The media can make you famous. 57 00:02:19,236 --> 00:02:21,287 And do you have any idea how easy it is 58 00:02:21,321 --> 00:02:23,472 to sell something when you're famous? 59 00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:25,358 "Uh, yeah, wow. 60 00:02:25,409 --> 00:02:29,245 10 reams of 40-pound bond at only $6.90 after discount? 61 00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,947 Uh, whatever you say, Brad Pitt." 62 00:02:31,981 --> 00:02:34,983 It's that easy. 63 00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:37,620 Hey, so that good-looking single brother of yours? 64 00:02:37,654 --> 00:02:40,022 Heard he was in a downward spiral with booze. 65 00:02:40,057 --> 00:02:42,375 Yeah. He's in rehab, actually. 66 00:02:42,426 --> 00:02:43,459 Which place? 67 00:02:43,493 --> 00:02:44,677 The one right near Philly? 68 00:02:44,711 --> 00:02:45,961 I could be there in an hour. 69 00:02:45,996 --> 00:02:47,496 No, it's in New Mexico. 70 00:02:47,514 --> 00:02:48,964 Oh. 71 00:02:48,998 --> 00:02:52,551 So, how are you holding up? 72 00:02:52,602 --> 00:02:56,188 We're done, Meredith. 73 00:02:59,109 --> 00:03:00,676 Greta the tittle-tattle prattled on 74 00:03:00,694 --> 00:03:01,861 about the little metal bottle. 75 00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:03,362 - Oh, my God. - She spat a bit of spittle-- 76 00:03:03,397 --> 00:03:04,780 - Dwight. 77 00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:06,449 In a bitter battle-- Hey, hey. 78 00:03:06,483 --> 00:03:08,234 Stop questioning my methods, okay? 79 00:03:08,285 --> 00:03:12,405 I was chosen for this task for a very good reason. 80 00:03:12,456 --> 00:03:13,639 No. You chose yourself. 81 00:03:13,673 --> 00:03:16,525 Tricky Siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit-- 82 00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:18,494 All right, guys, there's a lot of assets here 83 00:03:18,528 --> 00:03:19,912 that my dad couldn't steal. 84 00:03:19,963 --> 00:03:22,882 Now, first of all, there is the family boat, 85 00:03:22,916 --> 00:03:24,750 a 43-foot Tartan sloop. 86 00:03:24,801 --> 00:03:27,219 My lawyer has lined up a buyer in the Bahamas. 87 00:03:27,254 --> 00:03:29,972 The sale would cover the cost of a condo 88 00:03:30,006 --> 00:03:31,841 and living expenses for my mom. 89 00:03:31,875 --> 00:03:32,842 - Sounds great. - Perfect. 90 00:03:32,876 --> 00:03:34,877 Totally, except it is a no-go. 91 00:03:34,895 --> 00:03:37,513 This boat was the heart and soul of our family. 92 00:03:37,547 --> 00:03:39,265 So what else we got? Non-boat ideas. 93 00:03:39,316 --> 00:03:41,267 - What happened? - Jammed. 94 00:03:41,318 --> 00:03:42,601 - Excuse me a second. - Could this day get worse? 95 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,739 Yeah, I think this day could get worse. 96 00:03:46,773 --> 00:03:50,609 - What does that mean? - Kevin. 97 00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:53,245 I don't know what you're talking about. 98 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,396 She could get, like, 99 00:03:54,414 --> 00:03:57,166 60 packages of ramen noodles for 5 bucks. 100 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,901 - Oh, hey, sorry. - She could eat for a month. 101 00:03:58,919 --> 00:03:59,902 All right, what's the grand total? 102 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:00,920 Did we make our nut? 103 00:04:00,954 --> 00:04:04,173 If we sell everything but the boat, 104 00:04:04,207 --> 00:04:06,792 your mom should be set for about six months. 105 00:04:06,843 --> 00:04:09,094 Guys, you don't understand. 106 00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:11,380 This boat's been in our family since before I was born. 107 00:04:11,414 --> 00:04:14,550 Yeah, don't you guys have that place 108 00:04:14,584 --> 00:04:15,968 where you used to spend your summers 109 00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:17,770 and have all those memories? 110 00:04:17,804 --> 00:04:19,755 - I worked at a Jiffy Lube. - See? 111 00:04:19,773 --> 00:04:21,256 I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube 112 00:04:21,274 --> 00:04:23,108 for all the money in the world, would you, Darryl? 113 00:04:23,143 --> 00:04:25,978 I would if I owned it and I went broke. 114 00:04:26,029 --> 00:04:27,613 All right. Uh, all right. 115 00:04:27,647 --> 00:04:30,149 I'm gonna tell the lawyer to pull the trigger on the boat. 116 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,867 Yes, the boat means everything to my family, 117 00:04:31,902 --> 00:04:34,153 but we need the money. 118 00:04:34,204 --> 00:04:35,437 Got the memories, don't need the boat. 119 00:04:35,455 --> 00:04:36,572 Can't cry about it. 120 00:04:36,606 --> 00:04:37,823 What are you gonna do? Cry about it? 121 00:04:37,874 --> 00:04:38,963 Excuse me. 122 00:04:40,794 --> 00:04:43,662 Oh, okay. No problem. 123 00:04:43,713 --> 00:04:45,831 Thanks. 124 00:04:45,882 --> 00:04:47,550 Hey, guys, WPTU called. 125 00:04:47,584 --> 00:04:48,968 The interview's off. 126 00:04:49,002 --> 00:04:50,386 They're opening a new cupcake store 127 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,422 at the steamtown mall, and Iris wants to cover that, so... 128 00:04:53,456 --> 00:04:54,974 Well, why don't I go and tell Dwight, 129 00:04:55,008 --> 00:04:58,310 so he can stop being such a complete nipple? 130 00:04:58,345 --> 00:05:00,012 He's gonna be disappointed. 131 00:05:00,063 --> 00:05:03,131 Yes, he is. And you know what? 132 00:05:03,149 --> 00:05:04,967 We cannot let that happen. 133 00:05:10,073 --> 00:05:11,023 Fax? 134 00:05:11,074 --> 00:05:15,477 Oh, yeah. Just-- just a minute. 135 00:05:15,495 --> 00:05:16,996 Watermelon teeth. 136 00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:18,914 This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone, 137 00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:21,166 but it's a girlfriend's job to know her man, 138 00:05:21,201 --> 00:05:23,035 and I know Andy. 139 00:05:23,086 --> 00:05:25,153 He is seriously juvenile. 140 00:05:25,171 --> 00:05:26,956 Cool. 141 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,156 He's, like, 40, though, right? 142 00:05:28,174 --> 00:05:29,341 Oh, no. 143 00:05:29,376 --> 00:05:32,044 He couldn't be more than late 30s, tops. 144 00:05:32,095 --> 00:05:36,715 Awesome. Have fun. 145 00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:40,519 Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. 146 00:05:40,554 --> 00:05:41,720 Good, sounds-- 147 00:05:47,777 --> 00:05:49,011 This is Dwight Schrute. 148 00:05:49,029 --> 00:05:51,780 Please hold for Ms. Black. 149 00:05:53,366 --> 00:05:54,984 And welcome back to Bizwhiz. 150 00:05:55,018 --> 00:05:56,902 I'm Iris Black. 151 00:05:56,953 --> 00:05:58,487 On the line, we have Dunder Mifflin 152 00:05:58,521 --> 00:06:00,739 senior sales associate Dwight Schrute. 153 00:06:00,790 --> 00:06:03,042 Iris, thank you so much for having me. 154 00:06:04,995 --> 00:06:08,797 Help! My teeth are all messed up in my mouth. 155 00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:11,533 Did you need something? 156 00:06:11,551 --> 00:06:15,471 Oh, I just need your signature on this. 157 00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:17,006 Okay. 158 00:06:21,645 --> 00:06:23,395 Thanks. 159 00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:29,218 Kevin, we're out of 1138 forms. 160 00:06:29,252 --> 00:06:30,552 Did you order more? 161 00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:33,205 I did not. 162 00:06:33,239 --> 00:06:34,857 Well, I don't know why I'm surprised. 163 00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:37,109 Literally nothing you could do could surprise me anymore. 164 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,861 Oh, really, Angela? 165 00:06:38,895 --> 00:06:41,246 That's interesting. 166 00:06:41,281 --> 00:06:43,749 'Cause I do think that I could surprise you. 167 00:06:44,951 --> 00:06:47,503 I think that I could surprise you all the-- 168 00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:49,088 Ah! 169 00:06:49,122 --> 00:06:51,073 I have to go to the bathroom. 170 00:06:51,091 --> 00:06:53,292 That doesn't surprise me. 171 00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:55,160 That actually wasn't the worst cover. 172 00:06:55,195 --> 00:06:57,096 I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room, 173 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:59,465 shouting that he has to go to the bathroom. 174 00:06:59,499 --> 00:07:02,851 Oh! I have to go to the bathroom! 175 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,754 I have to go to the bathroom! 176 00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:17,449 Okay, who wants to go for a super fun lunch 177 00:07:17,484 --> 00:07:19,101 with a super fun girlfriend? 178 00:07:19,119 --> 00:07:22,121 Look, it's not that I don't want-- 179 00:07:22,155 --> 00:07:23,622 Okay, come on, I got someone to cover the phones, 180 00:07:23,657 --> 00:07:26,041 I heard on the radio about a new cupcake place 181 00:07:26,076 --> 00:07:29,161 we could go for dessert, perfect. 182 00:07:29,212 --> 00:07:32,715 All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing. 183 00:07:32,749 --> 00:07:34,116 But dad wouldn't let me. 184 00:07:34,134 --> 00:07:37,720 He said, "you can't be a skipper until you're a man." 185 00:07:37,754 --> 00:07:38,921 You know, I'd reach for the wheel, 186 00:07:38,955 --> 00:07:41,223 and he'd just smack my hand away. 187 00:07:41,257 --> 00:07:42,224 Well, guess what. 188 00:07:42,258 --> 00:07:44,059 Now I'm the man of the family, 189 00:07:44,094 --> 00:07:47,980 and we're selling the damn thing. 190 00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:49,715 So I'm never gonna have the chance. 191 00:07:49,749 --> 00:07:51,900 Well, when does the boat leave, exactly? 192 00:07:51,935 --> 00:07:53,235 Tonight. 193 00:07:53,269 --> 00:07:55,904 Then screw lunch. Let's go for a sunset sail. 194 00:07:55,939 --> 00:07:59,825 Yeah, right. It's in Stamford, Connecticut. 195 00:07:59,859 --> 00:08:01,193 We'd have to leave, like, right now. 196 00:08:01,244 --> 00:08:02,695 Okay, well, then let's leave, like, right now. 197 00:08:02,746 --> 00:08:03,779 Yeah, okay. 198 00:08:03,813 --> 00:08:05,664 Yeah, okay. Let's go. 199 00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:06,815 Seriously? 200 00:08:06,833 --> 00:08:10,002 Of course seriously. Get your coat on. 201 00:08:10,036 --> 00:08:11,453 - All right. - All right. 202 00:08:11,487 --> 00:08:13,155 - Let's do it. - Let's do it. 203 00:08:14,505 --> 00:08:17,223 Iris, let me tell you, David Wallace is the CEO, 204 00:08:17,257 --> 00:08:18,674 but he's not hands-on. 205 00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:21,727 So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command? 206 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:25,915 Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris. 207 00:08:25,949 --> 00:08:29,185 Uh, excuse me, I'm being told by my sound engineer Steve 208 00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:31,253 that, uh, there is a clinking sound 209 00:08:31,271 --> 00:08:32,288 coming from your end. 210 00:08:32,322 --> 00:08:34,440 Does your shirt have buttons? 211 00:08:34,475 --> 00:08:35,758 Yes. 212 00:08:35,793 --> 00:08:37,860 I'm so sorry, we are going to have to ask you 213 00:08:37,895 --> 00:08:39,529 to remove the shirt altogether. 214 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,453 Now then. 215 00:08:47,488 --> 00:08:48,955 We were saying, when my workers gather-- 216 00:08:48,989 --> 00:08:50,623 Oh, I'm so sorry. 217 00:08:50,657 --> 00:08:53,776 I am told we are still having problems, Mr. Schrute. 218 00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,962 Your voice, it's sounding a little feminine. 219 00:08:55,996 --> 00:08:57,130 That's impossible. 220 00:08:57,164 --> 00:08:58,281 Are you, by any chance, 221 00:08:58,315 --> 00:09:00,833 wearing pants with a metallic zipper? 222 00:09:06,173 --> 00:09:07,890 The Senator is exhausted. 223 00:09:07,925 --> 00:09:09,509 This campaign is wearing him out. 224 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:10,843 It's a tough one. 225 00:09:10,894 --> 00:09:13,396 That man he's up against is so dirty, 226 00:09:13,430 --> 00:09:16,015 and the Senator's just pushing back as hard as he can. 227 00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:19,235 Please stop. 228 00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:20,236 What? 229 00:09:20,270 --> 00:09:23,322 Please stop. 230 00:09:23,357 --> 00:09:25,641 Anyways, last night, he was so tired, 231 00:09:25,659 --> 00:09:27,276 he just wanted a little Mexican brought in. 232 00:09:28,579 --> 00:09:30,746 I can't. It's-- it's too much. 233 00:09:36,286 --> 00:09:38,154 I'm in big trouble. 234 00:09:38,188 --> 00:09:40,456 Yeah, Oscar's in big trouble. 235 00:09:45,712 --> 00:09:47,496 Okay, how is my voice now? 236 00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:49,015 I'm getting the all clear from Steve. 237 00:09:49,049 --> 00:09:51,384 So, Mr. Schrute, what is your response 238 00:09:51,435 --> 00:09:53,386 to the Consumer Product Safety Commission 239 00:09:53,437 --> 00:09:57,023 that says Dunder Mifflin paper is toxic? 240 00:09:57,057 --> 00:09:58,608 This is gotcha journalism. 241 00:09:58,642 --> 00:10:00,175 But you know what? They're not gonna "gotch" me. 242 00:10:00,194 --> 00:10:02,612 It's clearly not an accounting mistake. 243 00:10:02,646 --> 00:10:05,565 - Oh, Kevin. - So... 244 00:10:05,616 --> 00:10:07,733 His gambling problem must have resurfaced. 245 00:10:07,784 --> 00:10:09,852 I'm gonna have to send him home 246 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,071 until I can do an investigation. 247 00:10:12,122 --> 00:10:16,042 Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, so... 248 00:10:16,076 --> 00:10:17,710 This is slander, Ms. Black. 249 00:10:17,744 --> 00:10:19,161 Slander, I say. 250 00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:22,748 I dare you to produce one credible source about this. 251 00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:25,167 Well, as it happens, we have with us 252 00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:27,369 the foreman of your upstate New York paper mill, 253 00:10:27,387 --> 00:10:28,471 Sondra Mc-- 254 00:10:28,505 --> 00:10:30,256 Sondra Mick. 255 00:10:30,307 --> 00:10:31,724 Good afternoon, Iris. 256 00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:32,875 It's a pleasure. 257 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:33,926 I'll get straight to the point. 258 00:10:33,977 --> 00:10:35,228 Is your paper toxic? 259 00:10:35,262 --> 00:10:36,812 No, the paper's not toxic... 260 00:10:36,847 --> 00:10:37,897 Thank you, Sondra! 261 00:10:37,931 --> 00:10:40,233 Unless it's exposed to oxygen. 262 00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:41,734 Then it becomes extremely toxic. 263 00:10:41,768 --> 00:10:42,885 Do not listen to her! 264 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,553 This employee is obviously disgruntled. 265 00:10:44,571 --> 00:10:46,022 What the heck is going on? 266 00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:47,690 The stock price is plummeting. 267 00:10:47,724 --> 00:10:49,058 Are you gonna get control of the message, 268 00:10:49,076 --> 00:10:50,726 or do I have to send in someone who understands the media? 269 00:10:50,744 --> 00:10:52,278 - Get out of here, moron! - Okay. 270 00:10:52,329 --> 00:10:54,563 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Dwight, who are you talking to? 271 00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:56,115 Uh, no one. 272 00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:58,000 Did you just call Ms. Mick a moron? 273 00:10:58,035 --> 00:10:59,035 No, everything's fine. 274 00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:00,786 Are you insulting my guests? 275 00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:08,010 Okay. I will be right there. 276 00:11:08,045 --> 00:11:09,512 Hey, Oscar. 277 00:11:09,546 --> 00:11:11,180 What if I'm getting a promotion? 278 00:11:11,214 --> 00:11:13,082 I hope that's it, Kevin. 279 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,383 Me too. 280 00:11:14,417 --> 00:11:17,970 'Cause then, I would get my own office, 281 00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:21,607 and I wouldn't screw up your secret with Angela. 282 00:11:21,642 --> 00:11:23,893 I've been really worried about that. 283 00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,935 Hi, Kevin. Look, I need to talk to you-- 284 00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:35,771 - Hi. - Guys, excuse me. 285 00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:37,657 Um, a quick word? Please, just-- 286 00:11:37,708 --> 00:11:39,575 - Oscar, we're in the middle of talking. 287 00:11:39,609 --> 00:11:40,626 I know. I'm so sorry. 288 00:11:40,661 --> 00:11:42,545 Snack machine, on me. 289 00:11:42,579 --> 00:11:44,880 Oh, that is nice. 290 00:11:44,915 --> 00:11:48,250 Classy move. 291 00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:49,552 That's what I'm saying! 292 00:11:49,586 --> 00:11:51,220 No, of course not! 293 00:11:51,254 --> 00:11:53,839 - Wha-- - What are you doing? 294 00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:58,227 Those figures I gave you, they're false. 295 00:11:58,261 --> 00:12:00,295 No. 296 00:12:00,314 --> 00:12:01,931 I was mad at Kevin. 297 00:12:01,965 --> 00:12:05,568 We had a fight, and I acted vindictively. 298 00:12:05,602 --> 00:12:08,020 So you set him up. 299 00:12:08,071 --> 00:12:09,071 Yes, he's innocent. 300 00:12:09,106 --> 00:12:12,158 Oh... I knew it. 301 00:12:12,192 --> 00:12:14,176 I knew it from the beginning, this was a possibility. 302 00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:16,329 What are you talking about? I just did this now. 303 00:12:16,363 --> 00:12:19,148 Oh, no, a few years ago, 304 00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:20,649 when I was on the jury, the Scranton strangler. 305 00:12:20,667 --> 00:12:22,001 Sure. 306 00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:23,703 I always thought he might have been set up, 307 00:12:23,754 --> 00:12:25,171 but I felt pressured to convict. 308 00:12:25,205 --> 00:12:26,989 That's gotta be tough. 309 00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,040 Tough? 310 00:12:28,091 --> 00:12:30,325 I put an innocent man on death row. 311 00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:32,345 The fallout from this morning's revelation 312 00:12:32,379 --> 00:12:33,346 continues to mount. 313 00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:35,481 Since Mr. Dwight Schrute began speaking, 314 00:12:35,515 --> 00:12:39,101 Dunder Mifflin share prices fell 73%. 315 00:12:39,136 --> 00:12:41,604 Mr. Schrute, shareholders demand accountability 316 00:12:41,638 --> 00:12:42,938 from corporate leadership. 317 00:12:42,973 --> 00:12:45,391 Can we announce your resignation at this time? 318 00:12:45,442 --> 00:12:46,942 My resignation? What are you talking about? 319 00:12:46,977 --> 00:12:48,527 No, I'm just following orders! 320 00:12:48,562 --> 00:12:51,147 Listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe 321 00:12:51,181 --> 00:12:55,517 is the ceo and chairman, David Wallace. 322 00:12:55,535 --> 00:12:56,685 That's yours? 323 00:12:56,703 --> 00:12:57,787 That's the family boat right there. 324 00:12:57,821 --> 00:13:00,539 Oh, my gosh, Andy. This is enormous. 325 00:13:00,574 --> 00:13:01,540 Right? 326 00:13:01,575 --> 00:13:02,541 I thought it was gonna be tiny. 327 00:13:02,576 --> 00:13:05,461 Oh, my gosh. It's beautiful. 328 00:13:05,495 --> 00:13:08,714 So this is how your family came to America. 329 00:13:08,749 --> 00:13:11,000 - Move. - Sorry? 330 00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:12,551 I'm trying to rig a boat here. 331 00:13:12,586 --> 00:13:13,836 I don't know how to do that when you're standing in the way. 332 00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:16,472 Sure, I-I'm not-- I didn't know. 333 00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:19,642 I'm not a ghost, so I can't walk through people. 334 00:13:19,676 --> 00:13:20,926 - Okay. - Okay. 335 00:13:20,977 --> 00:13:24,430 - He was salty. - Yes, a little bit. 336 00:13:24,481 --> 00:13:26,215 How you doing, old buddy? Missed you. 337 00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:27,433 What does that one do? 338 00:13:27,484 --> 00:13:29,384 This raises the mainsail. 339 00:13:29,403 --> 00:13:30,603 That was my job when we went sailing. 340 00:13:30,654 --> 00:13:31,887 I wish I had seen you do it. 341 00:13:31,905 --> 00:13:33,989 - Really? - Yeah. 342 00:13:35,725 --> 00:13:37,326 Up she goes. 343 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,328 Don't do that. 344 00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:41,080 - Don't do that. - Oh, it's okay. 345 00:13:41,114 --> 00:13:42,231 My girlfriend and I were actually gonna 346 00:13:42,249 --> 00:13:43,833 take her for a little spin and a picnic 347 00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:45,000 before you guys head out tonight. 348 00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:46,919 You know what? Get some dinner on me. 349 00:13:46,953 --> 00:13:48,120 Nope. Can't do that. 350 00:13:48,171 --> 00:13:49,905 Got it. 351 00:13:49,923 --> 00:13:51,006 You know what, then we'll just take it 352 00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:54,427 for a quick little spin around the harbor. 353 00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:55,961 We've already started boarding. 354 00:13:56,012 --> 00:13:58,347 No one is insured to rig or operate now, except us. 355 00:13:58,381 --> 00:14:00,516 You know what? Chill, okay? 356 00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:03,585 I own the boat. Not gonna sue myself. 357 00:14:03,603 --> 00:14:05,921 All right? So just-- 358 00:14:05,939 --> 00:14:07,139 Wow. 359 00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:08,257 I can smack you all day if you keep touching 360 00:14:08,275 --> 00:14:11,143 what you're not supposed to touch. 361 00:14:11,194 --> 00:14:12,695 - Okay, fine, fine. - Okay? 362 00:14:12,729 --> 00:14:13,979 - Yeah, fine. - Good stuff. 363 00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:16,031 Good stuff. Great stuff. 364 00:14:19,319 --> 00:14:20,369 Fuck! Damn it! 365 00:14:20,403 --> 00:14:22,404 Screw you, dad! Ugh! 366 00:14:24,988 --> 00:14:26,068 Well, we're doing it. 367 00:14:26,103 --> 00:14:29,231 We're finally having a picnic on the boat. 368 00:14:29,265 --> 00:14:32,685 I've had a thousand picnics on this boat. 369 00:14:32,719 --> 00:14:34,386 The point was for me to sail it. 370 00:14:34,404 --> 00:14:39,925 Andy, you never had to sail the boat to be a man. 371 00:14:39,959 --> 00:14:41,560 Fine, but I could have. 372 00:14:41,578 --> 00:14:44,663 As long as we're on this boat, as far as I'm concerned, 373 00:14:44,698 --> 00:14:45,664 you're the captain. 374 00:14:45,699 --> 00:14:47,366 I am the captain. 375 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,001 - Yeah. - Right? 376 00:14:49,035 --> 00:14:52,337 Yeah. 377 00:14:52,372 --> 00:14:55,007 I'm the captain. 378 00:14:57,711 --> 00:14:59,745 Hey, charm school. 379 00:14:59,763 --> 00:15:00,796 What? 380 00:15:00,847 --> 00:15:05,017 - I'm taking over from here. - Nice. 381 00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:07,603 Okay, I hate to ruin this, uh, moment, 382 00:15:07,637 --> 00:15:09,921 or breakdown, but you already signed the papers. 383 00:15:09,939 --> 00:15:11,440 So, if you want your boat back, you can pick it up 384 00:15:11,474 --> 00:15:13,392 there in the Bahamas in ten days. 385 00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:14,643 Yeah, I know, 'cause I'm sailing it there. 386 00:15:14,694 --> 00:15:16,061 Okay, no. 387 00:15:16,095 --> 00:15:18,030 I already said you're not getting back your deposit. 388 00:15:18,064 --> 00:15:20,949 Fine, keep it. Just leave the supplies. 389 00:15:20,984 --> 00:15:24,236 I already paid for those. 390 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:27,623 And how much for that cool fisherman sweater? 391 00:15:27,657 --> 00:15:30,459 For those just joining us, terror in Greenwich, 392 00:15:30,493 --> 00:15:32,444 where police have surrounded the house 393 00:15:32,462 --> 00:15:34,663 of Dunder Mifflin CEO David Wallace. 394 00:15:34,714 --> 00:15:37,049 Wallace is said to be despondent 395 00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:39,284 over the company's stock plummet, 396 00:15:39,302 --> 00:15:41,053 and has taken a mailman hostage. 397 00:15:41,087 --> 00:15:45,641 On the line, we have Chief of Greenwich Police, 398 00:15:45,675 --> 00:15:47,843 Mr. Bill Jackson. 399 00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:50,012 Good afternoon. 400 00:15:50,063 --> 00:15:51,597 Please, sir, spare him. 401 00:15:51,631 --> 00:15:52,898 Please. 402 00:15:52,932 --> 00:15:55,768 Uh, this Wallace guy's looking at hard time, 403 00:15:55,802 --> 00:15:58,237 and we only know this because of what Dwight snoot said 404 00:15:58,271 --> 00:15:59,304 on record. 405 00:15:59,322 --> 00:16:01,240 Okay, everyone. Everyone, hold on. 406 00:16:01,274 --> 00:16:03,275 I've got a solution. 407 00:16:03,309 --> 00:16:04,493 I know Wallace's phone number. 408 00:16:04,527 --> 00:16:05,861 Everyone hold, I'll conference him in. 409 00:16:05,912 --> 00:16:08,280 Oh, no, Mr. Schrute, there's really no need to, 410 00:16:08,314 --> 00:16:10,165 um, involve Mr. Wallace. 411 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,650 Do you even know what you're doing? 412 00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:13,085 Yeah. 413 00:16:13,119 --> 00:16:14,653 Yeah, I know how to hoist the mainsail, 414 00:16:14,671 --> 00:16:16,205 I know how to-- 415 00:16:16,256 --> 00:16:20,175 These buttons control bilge pumps and stuff. 416 00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:22,261 I also know where the booze stash is. 417 00:16:22,295 --> 00:16:25,180 Hello. 418 00:16:25,215 --> 00:16:26,832 Walt? 419 00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:29,468 Oh, God! Thank goodness you're here. 420 00:16:29,502 --> 00:16:31,186 I was having a little trouble, 421 00:16:31,221 --> 00:16:34,723 uh, with this door, uh, yesterday. 422 00:16:34,774 --> 00:16:38,894 I, um-- I think it was yesterday. 423 00:16:38,945 --> 00:16:40,229 I thought you were in rehab. 424 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,613 Yeah, I just, uh-- 425 00:16:41,648 --> 00:16:43,282 I figured I'd get that first relapse 426 00:16:43,316 --> 00:16:45,033 out of the way. 427 00:16:45,068 --> 00:16:47,152 God, what's happened to our family? 428 00:16:47,186 --> 00:16:49,738 Everything is so messed up. 429 00:16:49,789 --> 00:16:51,190 How did you even know I was in here? 430 00:16:51,224 --> 00:16:52,324 I didn't. 431 00:16:52,358 --> 00:16:53,876 I just came to say good-bye to the boat, 432 00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:56,879 but I've decided to sail it to Bermuda. 433 00:16:56,913 --> 00:16:59,414 - Bahamas, Andy. - Same thing. 434 00:16:59,465 --> 00:17:02,751 I need a crew. You should be my crew. 435 00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:05,036 Three weeks, open ocean, no booze. 436 00:17:05,054 --> 00:17:06,037 You need this. 437 00:17:06,055 --> 00:17:08,257 I need it. We need this. 438 00:17:08,308 --> 00:17:09,758 Serious bro time. Come on. 439 00:17:09,809 --> 00:17:11,977 - Hello? - David, is that you? 440 00:17:12,011 --> 00:17:12,978 Dwight? 441 00:17:13,012 --> 00:17:14,429 Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. 442 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,265 Are you okay? Is everyone okay? 443 00:17:16,316 --> 00:17:17,516 Yeah. Are you okay? 444 00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:18,700 I'm okay. 445 00:17:18,735 --> 00:17:22,654 I just want you to know that I believe in you. 446 00:17:22,689 --> 00:17:24,189 I really do. 447 00:17:24,223 --> 00:17:27,609 And I believe in your ability to make the right choices. 448 00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:29,494 I always have, David. 449 00:17:29,529 --> 00:17:31,413 Well, thanks, Dwight. 450 00:17:31,447 --> 00:17:33,115 You're welcome, sir. 451 00:17:33,166 --> 00:17:35,701 But, David, listen to me carefully. 452 00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:39,087 I'm going to need you to let the mailman go, okay? 453 00:17:39,122 --> 00:17:40,088 Dwight? 454 00:17:40,123 --> 00:17:41,406 - Walk out of the house... - What? 455 00:17:41,424 --> 00:17:43,575 With your hands on top of your head. 456 00:17:43,593 --> 00:17:45,410 Everything is going to be fine. 457 00:17:45,428 --> 00:17:47,763 Dunder Mifflin will be in good hands 458 00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:49,464 while you're away in prison. 459 00:17:49,515 --> 00:17:50,749 Okay, Dwight? 460 00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:52,718 Gonna ask you to not call me on my cell anymore. 461 00:17:52,752 --> 00:17:53,719 Gotta go. 462 00:17:58,274 --> 00:18:00,642 Wait a minute. 463 00:18:00,693 --> 00:18:01,727 You guys? 464 00:18:01,761 --> 00:18:02,945 You heard? 465 00:18:02,979 --> 00:18:04,813 Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! 466 00:18:04,864 --> 00:18:07,783 Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! Schrute! 467 00:18:07,817 --> 00:18:08,984 Schrute! Schrute! 468 00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:10,936 Overall, I'd say my first radio interview 469 00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:14,573 went pretty much the way I expected. 470 00:18:14,607 --> 00:18:17,826 Well, Oscar, I did not get the promotion. 471 00:18:17,877 --> 00:18:20,245 He just wanted to update my personal information. 472 00:18:20,279 --> 00:18:23,415 Well, I'm sorry, Kevin. 473 00:18:23,449 --> 00:18:26,117 Why on Earth would you think you were getting a promotion? 474 00:18:26,135 --> 00:18:28,286 You know what, Angela, I-- 475 00:18:28,304 --> 00:18:30,455 Oh, my God. 476 00:18:30,473 --> 00:18:32,290 Honey, what are you doing here? 477 00:18:32,308 --> 00:18:34,793 Oh, I just had an intuition that someone I love 478 00:18:34,811 --> 00:18:37,813 needed a little of my attention today. 479 00:18:37,847 --> 00:18:40,732 Oscar, looking very healthy. 480 00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,434 Getting lots of vigorous exercise? 481 00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:45,637 No. No. 482 00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:48,690 Oscar, what is going on? What was that? 483 00:18:48,741 --> 00:18:49,992 - Wha-- - What was that? 484 00:18:50,026 --> 00:18:51,777 I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean any offense. 485 00:18:51,811 --> 00:18:52,794 I was just trying to be friendly. 486 00:18:52,829 --> 00:18:54,446 You know what? I'm sorry. 487 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,499 I overreacted, because I'm stressed out. 488 00:18:57,533 --> 00:18:58,984 Why am I stressed out? 489 00:18:59,002 --> 00:19:00,819 Who's not stressed out? Who's not stressed out? 490 00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:02,821 Come on, Oscar. 491 00:19:02,839 --> 00:19:06,491 We're not just gonna sit here and ignore the obvious. 492 00:19:06,509 --> 00:19:09,928 Senator Lipton has a big election next week. 493 00:19:09,963 --> 00:19:11,680 We all need to give him our support. 494 00:19:12,715 --> 00:19:14,049 Oh, thank you. 495 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:17,102 Thank you very much. Oh, thanks, everybody. 496 00:19:17,136 --> 00:19:20,439 'Cause it's really cool. 497 00:19:20,473 --> 00:19:25,010 - USA! USA! - USA. U-- 498 00:19:25,028 --> 00:19:27,396 I have to say, I'm impressed with Kevin. 499 00:19:27,447 --> 00:19:32,684 Uh, he showed a lot of self-control. 500 00:19:32,702 --> 00:19:36,288 I totally forgot about the affair for a minute. 501 00:19:39,125 --> 00:19:42,577 Oscar is having sex with the Senator, 502 00:19:42,628 --> 00:19:45,580 and Angela doesn't even know. 503 00:19:47,867 --> 00:19:50,969 Her life is a complete sham. 504 00:19:52,922 --> 00:19:54,973 All right, guys. Cast us off. 505 00:19:55,008 --> 00:19:56,391 Walt, all aboard. 506 00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,844 Erin, this is because of you. 507 00:19:58,878 --> 00:20:01,446 Do you realize that? You're the best ever. 508 00:20:01,481 --> 00:20:03,932 Oh, you know, just being a good girlfriend. 509 00:20:03,983 --> 00:20:05,684 "Good"? Come on. 510 00:20:05,718 --> 00:20:08,520 Above and beyond. World's greatest. 511 00:20:08,554 --> 00:20:10,989 You did this. 512 00:20:11,024 --> 00:20:12,557 Damn it, I'm happy! 513 00:20:12,575 --> 00:20:15,277 Yes, I am very pleased I could help Andy. 514 00:20:15,328 --> 00:20:18,030 Would I have gone with him if he'd asked me? 515 00:20:18,064 --> 00:20:20,231 On his sailboat cruise to the Caribbean? 516 00:20:20,249 --> 00:20:23,835 Yes, I think that would have been really fun and romantic. 517 00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:25,954 - I'll see you in three weeks! - Okay! 518 00:20:26,005 --> 00:20:28,173 Hey, bro, it was here all along. 519 00:20:28,207 --> 00:20:30,792 - No way! - Way! 520 00:20:30,843 --> 00:20:32,761 Erin, I gotta go! 521 00:20:32,795 --> 00:20:34,046 Them's my chords! 522 00:20:47,310 --> 00:20:50,479 Hey. She's back. 523 00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:51,614 Thanks for covering the phones. 524 00:20:51,616 --> 00:20:53,649 Yeah, no problem. How was it? 525 00:20:53,651 --> 00:20:56,736 Fine. 526 00:21:00,707 --> 00:21:02,374 Hey, some buddies and I are going to poor Richard's 527 00:21:02,376 --> 00:21:03,375 for beers and pool. 528 00:21:03,377 --> 00:21:04,526 You want to come? 529 00:21:04,528 --> 00:21:05,711 I can't promise you too much, 530 00:21:05,713 --> 00:21:08,380 but you might get to meet my friend Flipper. 531 00:21:08,382 --> 00:21:10,249 Does he have a flipper? 532 00:21:10,251 --> 00:21:12,635 Oh, nope. It's not that. 533 00:21:12,637 --> 00:21:17,206 He, uh, he flipped a table one time when he was drunk. 534 00:21:17,208 --> 00:21:19,308 He sounds like an idiot. 535 00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:22,561 Yeah, he is. 536 00:21:22,563 --> 00:21:25,514 - Okay. - Okay. 537 00:21:25,516 --> 00:21:26,515 Thanks. 538 00:21:26,517 --> 00:21:28,550 Yeah.