1 00:00:03,799 --> 00:00:06,905 Yesterday Angela may or may not have figured out 2 00:00:07,057 --> 00:00:09,657 that I'm having an affair with her husband. 3 00:00:09,791 --> 00:00:11,570 So I just have to wait and see. 4 00:00:11,604 --> 00:00:13,789 When she comes in, if she's cold 5 00:00:13,824 --> 00:00:16,208 and awkward and cruel to me, then great, 6 00:00:16,243 --> 00:00:18,577 it's business as usual. 7 00:00:22,132 --> 00:00:24,583 Good morning. [Clears throat] 8 00:00:29,423 --> 00:00:33,158 Oscar... 9 00:00:33,176 --> 00:00:35,294 [Sighs] 10 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:36,629 Can I ask you a question? 11 00:00:36,663 --> 00:00:40,049 [Whispering] Of course, ask me a que-- 12 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:42,134 questions. 13 00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,553 Is it cool in here to you? 14 00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:49,442 [Hoarsely] Yes, a little bit. 15 00:00:49,476 --> 00:00:50,643 [Normal voice] Yes. 16 00:00:50,677 --> 00:00:52,511 I think the thermostat is acting up again. 17 00:00:52,529 --> 00:00:55,781 It's the stupid thermostat! That thing's a catastrophe. 18 00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:58,818 So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, 19 00:00:58,852 --> 00:00:59,852 get someone to fix it. 20 00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:01,454 I'll just go downstairs. 21 00:01:01,488 --> 00:01:03,739 - Thank you. - No, thank you, Angela. 22 00:01:03,790 --> 00:01:05,875 She doesn't know. 23 00:01:05,909 --> 00:01:07,710 I shouldn't be surprised. 24 00:01:07,744 --> 00:01:09,361 This is a woman who married a man 25 00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:11,196 who is obviously a homosexual. 26 00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:13,999 Basically, she has her head in the sand. 27 00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:16,802 In a way, I feel sorry for her. 28 00:01:16,837 --> 00:01:20,639 I guess the universe rewards true love. 29 00:01:20,674 --> 00:01:23,642 [Cheerful music] 30 00:01:27,853 --> 00:01:30,257 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 31 00:01:30,292 --> 00:01:32,818 Well, well, well, it's finally happened-- 32 00:01:32,853 --> 00:01:34,687 Pam has ceased caring. 33 00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:38,440 These are my painting clothes. 34 00:01:38,492 --> 00:01:40,025 I think I'm gonna do it. 35 00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:41,744 I am really gonna start painting 36 00:01:41,778 --> 00:01:43,279 the warehouse mural today. [Jim applauds] 37 00:01:43,330 --> 00:01:44,497 Sure you don't want to put another coat 38 00:01:44,531 --> 00:01:45,898 of primer on that, Pam? 39 00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:47,283 Queen of the primer, that one. 40 00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:49,568 You got this, Beesley. 41 00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:50,836 Actually, do you want me to come down 42 00:01:50,871 --> 00:01:52,171 and help you get started? 43 00:01:52,205 --> 00:01:53,405 Are you avoiding your phone call? 44 00:01:53,423 --> 00:01:55,407 What? No. Yeah, right. 45 00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:57,176 As if. 46 00:01:57,210 --> 00:01:58,878 Today, I will be asking David Wallace 47 00:01:58,912 --> 00:02:00,346 if I can start working part-time, 48 00:02:00,380 --> 00:02:02,414 because the sports marketing company that I started 49 00:02:02,432 --> 00:02:04,300 really needs me to be there. 50 00:02:04,351 --> 00:02:06,268 Last week, Jim wasn't there, 51 00:02:06,303 --> 00:02:09,221 and they named the company Athlead. 52 00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:11,089 I could have prevented that. 53 00:02:11,107 --> 00:02:13,075 So I have to talk to Wallace. 54 00:02:13,109 --> 00:02:15,361 Tell them your opening line. [Sighs] 55 00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:17,780 Hey, David, how would you like a guy who's not here as much, 56 00:02:17,814 --> 00:02:19,365 gets paid the same amount of salary, 57 00:02:19,399 --> 00:02:23,101 and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia? 58 00:02:23,119 --> 00:02:25,487 I think it's good. He likes fishing. 59 00:02:25,539 --> 00:02:27,940 This is gonna be awful. 60 00:02:27,974 --> 00:02:31,293 One of my jobs is to input customer complaints 61 00:02:31,328 --> 00:02:32,878 into the computer. 62 00:02:32,913 --> 00:02:35,798 And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. 63 00:02:35,832 --> 00:02:39,351 But the information's already on the computer, so... 64 00:02:39,386 --> 00:02:41,253 why am I filling out the card? 65 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:45,758 I asked Andy, and he told me to "chillax," 66 00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:48,227 and then went away on a big long boat ride. 67 00:02:48,261 --> 00:02:50,179 So here we are. 68 00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:51,964 Don't give me a pointless office chore, 69 00:02:51,982 --> 00:02:55,601 because I will build a little paper house. 70 00:02:55,635 --> 00:02:58,404 Fight the power. 71 00:02:58,438 --> 00:03:02,775 [Vending machine humming] 72 00:03:02,809 --> 00:03:05,277 Meet me in the old place, five minutes. 73 00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:08,781 I need you. 74 00:03:16,423 --> 00:03:17,456 Ugh. 75 00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:18,757 Come on in, the water's fine. 76 00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:21,176 Dwight, it's not that kind of meeting. 77 00:03:21,211 --> 00:03:22,544 Put your clothes back on. 78 00:03:22,596 --> 00:03:24,296 I know. 79 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,465 That's not why I'm naked. 80 00:03:26,499 --> 00:03:28,500 I always work out without my clothes. 81 00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:31,971 Just put them on! Put on your clothes. 82 00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:33,455 I need your help. 83 00:03:33,490 --> 00:03:35,307 I need someone who can operate outside of the law. 84 00:03:35,341 --> 00:03:37,643 - Ugh. - Oh, I'm sorry, 85 00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:40,396 your vigilante privileges ended when you broke up with me. 86 00:03:40,447 --> 00:03:43,065 If I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes. 87 00:03:43,116 --> 00:03:44,566 Why don't you ask your husband? 88 00:03:44,618 --> 00:03:46,735 My marriage is in danger. 89 00:03:46,786 --> 00:03:49,121 I don't know who I can trust. 90 00:03:49,155 --> 00:03:51,490 I need someone to be there for me. 91 00:03:51,524 --> 00:03:54,410 [Sighs] All right, what are we talking? 92 00:03:54,461 --> 00:03:56,528 - Surveillance, wire-tapping? - Something like that. 93 00:03:56,546 --> 00:03:58,797 Yeah, the less I know, the better. 94 00:03:58,832 --> 00:04:00,299 I know just the guy. 95 00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:02,584 He was a volunteer sheriff too. Kicked off the force. 96 00:04:02,636 --> 00:04:06,255 - Can you arrange a meeting? - I can try. 97 00:04:06,306 --> 00:04:10,893 - I'm gonna use SMS text. - Okay. 98 00:04:10,927 --> 00:04:13,095 - Text went through. - Okay. 99 00:04:13,146 --> 00:04:14,446 All we can do is sit and wait. 100 00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:15,781 Okay. [Phone vibrates] 101 00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:17,850 Oh. Look at that. 102 00:04:17,884 --> 00:04:22,721 Yeah, he's free anytime. Not a problem. 103 00:04:22,756 --> 00:04:24,757 I mean, I can handle any client issues from Philly. 104 00:04:24,791 --> 00:04:27,359 Yeah, but I really need someone in the office. 105 00:04:27,394 --> 00:04:30,129 If there's a crisis-- the more I think about it-- 106 00:04:30,163 --> 00:04:31,830 Oh, you mean handle it in person. 107 00:04:31,865 --> 00:04:35,300 Oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley have agreed to cover for me 108 00:04:35,335 --> 00:04:37,302 - while I'm gone. - They did? 109 00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:39,171 Yep. 110 00:04:39,205 --> 00:04:40,639 Oh, okay. Well, that is different. 111 00:04:40,674 --> 00:04:43,075 In that case, yes-- maybe this can work. 112 00:04:43,109 --> 00:04:44,376 Oh, great. 113 00:04:44,411 --> 00:04:46,011 Why should we help you? 114 00:04:46,046 --> 00:04:47,880 Because we're friends. 115 00:04:47,914 --> 00:04:49,248 When is my birthday? 116 00:04:49,282 --> 00:04:51,216 Unfair. When's my birthday? 117 00:04:51,251 --> 00:04:53,252 I don't know, because we're not friends. 118 00:04:53,286 --> 00:04:54,420 How about this-- 119 00:04:54,454 --> 00:04:55,788 you let me take you to lunch, 120 00:04:55,822 --> 00:04:57,022 and I make my case? 121 00:04:57,057 --> 00:04:58,857 - Now we're talkin'. - All right. 122 00:04:58,892 --> 00:05:01,093 Yeah. 123 00:05:02,962 --> 00:05:04,496 Make it go taller. 124 00:05:04,531 --> 00:05:06,331 That's the idea. 125 00:05:06,366 --> 00:05:10,536 No, not taller this way, taller this way. 126 00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:12,471 Well, I've gotta build a wider base first 127 00:05:12,505 --> 00:05:14,039 before I can go higher. 128 00:05:14,074 --> 00:05:15,874 You're not getting this, Peter. 129 00:05:15,909 --> 00:05:19,078 Make it go wider... up! 130 00:05:19,112 --> 00:05:22,347 Will do. 131 00:05:22,382 --> 00:05:23,615 What are y'all doing? 132 00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:25,951 Me and Pete are building a tower. 133 00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:28,454 Cool. It should be taller, though, right? 134 00:05:28,488 --> 00:05:30,289 Obviously. 135 00:05:30,323 --> 00:05:32,758 He's a sweet kid, Darryl, 136 00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:37,229 but he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer. 137 00:05:37,263 --> 00:05:39,698 Kevin, I can hear you. 138 00:05:39,733 --> 00:05:41,633 Huh? 139 00:05:44,938 --> 00:05:46,105 Ow! Dwight! Ow! 140 00:05:46,139 --> 00:05:51,777 - Get in the van. - God! 141 00:05:51,811 --> 00:05:53,112 Is it safe to talk? 142 00:05:53,146 --> 00:05:55,481 Well, this documentary crew has been following 143 00:05:55,515 --> 00:05:57,082 our every move for the past nine years, 144 00:05:57,117 --> 00:06:00,252 but I don't see them so I think we're good. 145 00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:04,289 So what are your credentials? 146 00:06:04,324 --> 00:06:06,825 I started following people around to get exercise. 147 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,794 Turns out I'm damn good at it. 148 00:06:08,828 --> 00:06:11,063 Do you have a gun? [Snickers] 149 00:06:11,097 --> 00:06:13,832 Does he own a gun? Show her. 150 00:06:13,867 --> 00:06:17,669 You tell me. 151 00:06:17,704 --> 00:06:19,238 What is this? 152 00:06:19,272 --> 00:06:22,007 It's the receipt for my gun. 153 00:06:22,025 --> 00:06:23,675 You don't carry it with you? 154 00:06:23,693 --> 00:06:24,943 Read the receipt. 155 00:06:24,978 --> 00:06:28,280 That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it. 156 00:06:28,314 --> 00:06:29,681 Do you have any idea how many guns 157 00:06:29,699 --> 00:06:30,983 Trevor's had stolen from him? 158 00:06:31,017 --> 00:06:32,317 Now I keep it in a safe. 159 00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:35,520 - Mm-hmm. Good safe? - Oh, you tell me. 160 00:06:37,824 --> 00:06:39,691 Wow! 161 00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:54,456 I guess if I make a mistake, 162 00:06:54,507 --> 00:06:57,742 I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. 163 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,411 It's just I think less of paintings 164 00:06:59,429 --> 00:07:01,013 with a lot of shrubs. 165 00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:05,250 So I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub. 166 00:07:05,268 --> 00:07:06,585 You paint wall now? 167 00:07:06,603 --> 00:07:10,205 Yeah. Painting now. 168 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,542 I just want to make sure that... 169 00:07:13,576 --> 00:07:14,726 You paint now. 170 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,762 It's probably gonna be a few minutes. 171 00:07:16,796 --> 00:07:21,533 So you can just go back to doing whatever you were doing. 172 00:07:21,568 --> 00:07:23,035 I wait. 173 00:07:25,121 --> 00:07:26,488 - Sweet. - Yay! 174 00:07:26,539 --> 00:07:27,706 [Applause] 175 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,541 This next card comes to us 176 00:07:29,576 --> 00:07:31,493 thanks to Meredith Palmer, 177 00:07:31,544 --> 00:07:33,111 who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary 178 00:07:33,129 --> 00:07:35,330 a, quote, "sausage factory." 179 00:07:35,381 --> 00:07:37,282 Oh-ooooh! [Approving cheers] 180 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:39,117 - Boom! - Bang! 181 00:07:39,135 --> 00:07:41,470 - Yep, yep, yep. - All right. 182 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:44,556 Up next we got a whole lotta creed. 183 00:07:44,591 --> 00:07:47,843 - Let's find out what I did. - All right. 184 00:07:47,894 --> 00:07:49,561 You get half now, and you get half 185 00:07:49,596 --> 00:07:51,463 upon completion of said job. 186 00:07:51,481 --> 00:07:54,299 - And that's all off the books? - Obviously. 187 00:07:54,317 --> 00:07:56,435 Nice. No taxes. 188 00:07:56,469 --> 00:07:58,820 Okay, so everything you need to know about the target 189 00:07:58,855 --> 00:08:00,022 is in here. 190 00:08:00,073 --> 00:08:02,074 So what's the job? 191 00:08:02,108 --> 00:08:04,693 Murder. 192 00:08:04,744 --> 00:08:07,496 Okay, that's the big one. That's the big M. 193 00:08:09,331 --> 00:08:11,833 You can't have someone murdered! 194 00:08:11,884 --> 00:08:13,301 What if they deserved it? 195 00:08:13,335 --> 00:08:14,385 What did they do to you, Angela? 196 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:16,454 They're sleeping with my husband. 197 00:08:16,472 --> 00:08:19,507 Oh, monkey. Oh, I feel for you. 198 00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:21,843 - This seems a little crazy. - Yes. Crazy. 199 00:08:21,894 --> 00:08:23,628 - Thank you. - But I think I'm up for it. 200 00:08:23,646 --> 00:08:24,929 - No! No! - Thank you. 201 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,598 Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways 202 00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:27,732 to get revenge. 203 00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,017 I've had great success by defecating 204 00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:30,301 in a paper bag, put it on the porch-- 205 00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:31,853 That's very effective. 206 00:08:31,904 --> 00:08:34,105 I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. 207 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,690 - It's devastating. - No, no, no. 208 00:08:35,741 --> 00:08:38,443 It has to be physical. I want this person to suffer. 209 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,611 What about a knee-capping? 210 00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,079 No! You're not helping, Trevor! 211 00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:43,865 Yes, a knee-capping could work. 212 00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:46,818 No. Angela! What are you saying? 213 00:08:46,836 --> 00:08:48,486 You said you would be there for me. 214 00:08:48,504 --> 00:08:50,822 I'm trying, but what you're asking is-- 215 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,991 It's the only thing that will make this right. 216 00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:57,428 Okay. 217 00:08:57,463 --> 00:09:00,431 But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees 218 00:09:00,466 --> 00:09:01,766 can't scrub worth a damn. 219 00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:04,385 All right, then it's settled. 220 00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:06,003 One knee-capping. 221 00:09:06,021 --> 00:09:08,223 Now, the hit goes down at 4:00. 222 00:09:08,274 --> 00:09:11,342 Keep in mind, once I leave, there's no turning back. 223 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,978 You know, truth be told, 224 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,730 I think all you'll really be doing is 225 00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:17,649 accepting calls from my clients while I'm gone. 226 00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:20,351 We've got all afternoon to talk about that. 227 00:09:20,369 --> 00:09:23,288 - Morning, folks. - I'll have the surf and turf 228 00:09:23,322 --> 00:09:25,022 with a side order of lobster. 229 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,375 Actually, the surf and turf does come with lob-- 230 00:09:27,409 --> 00:09:29,327 Not enough lobster. Side order. 231 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:32,864 How much wine do you have? 232 00:09:32,882 --> 00:09:34,382 I brought you a cookie. 233 00:09:34,416 --> 00:09:37,051 Oh, thanks, Oscar. 234 00:09:37,086 --> 00:09:38,253 You're such an angel. 235 00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:54,385 I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, 236 00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:59,607 so... yeah, we're good. Yeah. [Exhales] 237 00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:01,893 We dodged a bullet, yes. Okay. 238 00:10:01,911 --> 00:10:04,896 Yeah. Yeah, yeah-- well, I gotta go now, but-- 239 00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:06,781 okay, bye. Bye. 240 00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:08,783 There we go. [Cheers and applause] 241 00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:11,569 Nicely done. Very nicely done. 242 00:10:11,587 --> 00:10:13,955 All right, this next one goes to Darryl 243 00:10:14,006 --> 00:10:17,342 for pocket dialing a customer while having sex. 244 00:10:17,376 --> 00:10:20,929 Ooohh... you salty dog. 245 00:10:20,963 --> 00:10:23,381 Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play. 246 00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:24,916 There you go. 247 00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:28,252 Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. 248 00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:30,872 But I'm gonna let them think the other thing. 249 00:10:30,906 --> 00:10:32,724 - Okay, I got this one. - Oh, be careful. 250 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,809 - Be careful, be careful. - No, I got it. 251 00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:36,811 Easy does it, everyone. 252 00:10:36,862 --> 00:10:41,566 Nobody even take a breath. 253 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,934 [Overlapping shouts] 254 00:10:42,952 --> 00:10:44,435 Kevin! 255 00:10:44,453 --> 00:10:45,787 [Overlapping chatter] What did I say? 256 00:10:45,821 --> 00:10:47,288 What did I just say? 257 00:10:47,323 --> 00:10:49,791 Hey, hey, hey, it's just a mistake. 258 00:10:49,825 --> 00:10:52,076 Just a mistake. That's what this tower's all about-- 259 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,411 mistakes. 260 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,663 Okay, if you're afraid of screwing up, 261 00:10:55,714 --> 00:10:57,165 the tower's not for you. 262 00:10:57,216 --> 00:11:00,418 Show of hands-- who here has never had a complaint? 263 00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:03,504 That's right. Nobody. 264 00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:07,258 See that? Nobody. Okay? 265 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,126 Let's get back to work, huh? 266 00:11:09,144 --> 00:11:12,129 Come on, you in? 267 00:11:12,147 --> 00:11:15,299 Yeah. There we go. All right, let's do it. 268 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,519 You know, at the end of the day 269 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:20,271 it's really only two days, remember. 270 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,689 I mean, I'll be back in the office. 271 00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:24,141 If you need me for an emergency, call me. 272 00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:25,159 - I'll be there-- - You know what? 273 00:11:25,194 --> 00:11:27,528 I don't know where the years went. 274 00:11:27,579 --> 00:11:29,480 'Cause sometimes when I look at my hands, 275 00:11:29,498 --> 00:11:31,332 I don't even recognize them. 276 00:11:31,367 --> 00:11:33,868 - Tell me about it. - Whose hands are these? 277 00:11:33,919 --> 00:11:35,954 They're not my hands. I don't know. 278 00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:37,839 All right. You know what? 279 00:11:37,873 --> 00:11:38,840 - Maybe we'll just-- - Uhh-- 280 00:11:38,874 --> 00:11:40,324 - We'll go slow. - No. Jim... 281 00:11:40,342 --> 00:11:42,010 [Bottle clangs] 282 00:11:42,044 --> 00:11:43,011 All right, check it out, huh? 283 00:11:43,045 --> 00:11:44,128 [Cheers and applause] 284 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,798 Like a Phoenix from the ashes. Ksshhhh! 285 00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:48,466 Nice. 286 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,002 Pretty soon, we're gonna be at the ceiling. 287 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:54,389 - Whoo! - Can you hand me a card? 288 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,057 Um, it's empty. 289 00:11:56,108 --> 00:11:58,175 - What? - Oh, come on. 290 00:11:58,193 --> 00:11:59,176 We could use a blank card. 291 00:11:59,194 --> 00:12:01,562 All: - No! - That's cheating. 292 00:12:01,613 --> 00:12:02,897 I could get us a complaint. 293 00:12:02,948 --> 00:12:06,150 You? Little miss priss? 294 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,652 You wouldn't fart on a butterfly. 295 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,020 No, I wouldn't. 296 00:12:09,038 --> 00:12:11,289 I can't even relate to that impulse. 297 00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:13,408 But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. 298 00:12:13,459 --> 00:12:14,993 I'd like to try. 299 00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:17,829 - Hmm. Yeah. - All right. 300 00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:19,664 Yeah, go, Pam! Pam... 301 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:25,703 [All chanting "Pam"] 302 00:12:28,557 --> 00:12:30,875 What? Why did you call me out here? 303 00:12:30,893 --> 00:12:34,712 The target-- it's Oscar, isn't it? 304 00:12:34,730 --> 00:12:36,380 He and the senator are gaying each other. 305 00:12:36,398 --> 00:12:38,549 I don't know what you're talking about. 306 00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:40,401 Your nostrils tell a different story. 307 00:12:40,436 --> 00:12:43,071 They flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. 308 00:12:43,105 --> 00:12:44,772 Hello again, naughty nostrils. 309 00:12:44,823 --> 00:12:47,942 Fine! It's Oscar. So what? 310 00:12:47,993 --> 00:12:49,277 Well, I could understand you wanting 311 00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:51,079 to get a stranger's knees whacked. 312 00:12:51,113 --> 00:12:53,397 But a co-worker-- dare I say a friend? 313 00:12:53,415 --> 00:12:55,116 Exactly, a friend. 314 00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:57,368 Someone who sits next to you year after year, 315 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,037 making chitchat and smiling, 316 00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,738 and all the while running behind your back 317 00:13:00,756 --> 00:13:03,925 and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband. 318 00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:08,713 I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. 319 00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,765 But the first ones to break your marriage vows 320 00:13:10,799 --> 00:13:12,767 were you and me. 321 00:13:12,801 --> 00:13:17,254 Well, you might be right, but it's too late now. 322 00:13:17,272 --> 00:13:21,258 - What do you mean? - He's here. 323 00:13:21,276 --> 00:13:26,114 No! No, no! [Groans] 324 00:13:30,672 --> 00:13:32,690 Oscar. Oscar. Good. Listen. 325 00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:33,891 - Hey, come with me. - What? 326 00:13:33,942 --> 00:13:35,226 - Come-- come with me. - What are you doing? 327 00:13:35,277 --> 00:13:37,061 There are a bunch of construction workers 328 00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:38,729 in the warehouse without their trousers, 329 00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:40,514 drinking diet sodas. 330 00:13:40,549 --> 00:13:42,650 You have got to see this. They're extraordinary. 331 00:13:42,684 --> 00:13:46,487 Yahtzee. 332 00:13:51,293 --> 00:13:54,862 Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez. 333 00:13:57,632 --> 00:14:01,085 I am Oscar Martinez. 334 00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:03,220 No, not him, not him. Outside. 335 00:14:03,255 --> 00:14:06,874 Outside. 336 00:14:06,892 --> 00:14:08,208 Wha-wh-- 337 00:14:08,226 --> 00:14:09,927 You know, there's doughnuts in the break room. 338 00:14:09,978 --> 00:14:13,213 - Nice! - Yeah. 339 00:14:13,231 --> 00:14:14,715 Listen, I was really wondering 340 00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,767 if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over. 341 00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:18,736 Don't be pushy, Jim. It's tacky. 342 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,721 All right. Phyllis! 343 00:14:20,739 --> 00:14:22,907 Phyllis, that's-- that's decorative. 344 00:14:22,941 --> 00:14:24,241 No, there's wine in here. 345 00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:26,577 - Still decorative. - Is it white wine? 346 00:14:26,611 --> 00:14:28,395 No. Maybe stop with the-- 347 00:14:28,413 --> 00:14:30,063 Don't poke people with knives. 348 00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:31,899 - [Groans] Ha ha! - Phyllis! 349 00:14:31,917 --> 00:14:33,000 Wow. 350 00:14:33,034 --> 00:14:34,785 - Bring it over. - Got it. 351 00:14:34,836 --> 00:14:37,788 There's no time to explain. 352 00:14:41,459 --> 00:14:43,210 Okay, actually, there is time to explain. 353 00:14:43,244 --> 00:14:45,262 When Angela found out that you seduced her husband, 354 00:14:45,297 --> 00:14:46,914 we hired a guy to break your kneecaps. 355 00:14:46,932 --> 00:14:49,099 Oh, my God! What is wrong with you? 356 00:14:49,134 --> 00:14:51,018 What is wrong with you? 357 00:14:51,052 --> 00:14:52,770 There are a million gorgeous guys 358 00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,305 in the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area, 359 00:14:54,356 --> 00:14:56,640 and you choose the man who's the father of her child? 360 00:14:56,691 --> 00:14:57,892 I don't know what you're talking about. 361 00:14:57,926 --> 00:14:59,693 Oh, don't lie. I'm trying to save 362 00:14:59,728 --> 00:15:01,261 those precious knees you're always bragging about. 363 00:15:01,279 --> 00:15:04,765 Now, let's get out of here. He could be right behind us. 364 00:15:04,783 --> 00:15:08,819 Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us. 365 00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:10,654 Let's get it on. I'm gonna do this. 366 00:15:10,705 --> 00:15:13,073 I might-- I might puke, but I'm gonna do this. 367 00:15:13,107 --> 00:15:14,825 No, Trevor, I am not gonna let you. 368 00:15:14,876 --> 00:15:17,127 He's a Dunder Mifflin man. He's my tribe. 369 00:15:17,162 --> 00:15:19,663 I'm sorry, Dwight, but for once in my stupid, 370 00:15:19,714 --> 00:15:21,415 stupid life, I'm gonna follow through on something, 371 00:15:21,449 --> 00:15:23,634 all right? I have masculinity issues-- 372 00:15:23,668 --> 00:15:26,119 - Stop! No! - I got it. 373 00:15:26,137 --> 00:15:27,454 - Disarm! - You don't-- 374 00:15:27,472 --> 00:15:30,140 [All grunting] 375 00:15:30,175 --> 00:15:31,976 Don't move. 376 00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:33,811 And disarm now! 377 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,347 Okay. Okay, okay... 378 00:15:36,398 --> 00:15:38,182 No, Oscar, no. No, he's a friend. 379 00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:39,733 He's a friend. 380 00:15:39,768 --> 00:15:42,770 Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. 381 00:15:42,804 --> 00:15:45,472 They're family-owned, but don't let that take away your edge! 382 00:15:45,490 --> 00:15:47,474 Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. 383 00:15:47,492 --> 00:15:48,993 I see failure in you. 384 00:15:49,027 --> 00:15:50,811 Remember, you're a scumbag, 385 00:15:50,829 --> 00:15:54,665 so you think scummy thoughts. Like this. 386 00:15:54,699 --> 00:15:58,002 Hello, this is Pam Halpert. 387 00:15:58,036 --> 00:15:59,670 I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin. 388 00:15:59,704 --> 00:16:01,922 Yes, your paper provider. 389 00:16:01,957 --> 00:16:05,542 And I just called to say... 390 00:16:05,593 --> 00:16:07,845 your mama is so fat, when she wears red, 391 00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,463 people yell, "hey, kool-aid." 392 00:16:09,497 --> 00:16:13,434 Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert. 393 00:16:13,468 --> 00:16:15,853 - Did she buy it? - Did they say anything? 394 00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:17,221 I don't know. I couldn't tell. I don't-- 395 00:16:17,272 --> 00:16:18,389 Were they angry? 396 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,190 I-- I felt like they were confused, at least. 397 00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:23,394 Okay. [Phone rings] 398 00:16:27,232 --> 00:16:29,066 Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. 399 00:16:29,117 --> 00:16:33,237 Yes, you can. Okay. 400 00:16:33,288 --> 00:16:36,206 I will make sure that goes on file. 401 00:16:36,241 --> 00:16:39,693 Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client! 402 00:16:39,711 --> 00:16:42,663 [All cheer] Nice. Nice. 403 00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:45,966 - You did good. You did good. - See ya later, Heymont. 404 00:16:46,001 --> 00:16:49,703 - No. - Oh. Oh... 405 00:16:49,721 --> 00:16:52,423 If you chase me, I will run so fast. 406 00:16:52,474 --> 00:16:54,425 If you catch me, I will bite so hard. 407 00:16:54,476 --> 00:16:57,394 - Got it? Good-bye, my friend. 408 00:16:57,429 --> 00:16:59,763 - What the hell, Dwight? - I'll see you later, Trevor. 409 00:16:59,814 --> 00:17:01,565 You are incorrigible! 410 00:17:01,599 --> 00:17:03,884 I just saved your life. You're welcome! 411 00:17:07,188 --> 00:17:10,107 You hired someone to hit me with a pipe! 412 00:17:10,158 --> 00:17:12,559 You deserved every bit of it! 413 00:17:12,577 --> 00:17:15,395 You made my husband gay. 414 00:17:15,413 --> 00:17:17,364 What-- what I did was wrong, 415 00:17:17,398 --> 00:17:18,999 and I have to live with that every day. 416 00:17:19,034 --> 00:17:24,004 But your husband is gay. He was gay when you married him! 417 00:17:24,039 --> 00:17:26,073 - No. No. - Angela, until you face that, 418 00:17:26,091 --> 00:17:28,575 you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. 419 00:17:28,593 --> 00:17:31,545 But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, 420 00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:33,847 go ahead-- I won't stop you. 421 00:17:33,882 --> 00:17:36,100 Hit me. You have my blessing. Hit me. 422 00:17:36,134 --> 00:17:38,769 Well, are you gonna let go of it? 423 00:17:38,803 --> 00:17:40,921 Because part of the blame is definitely on you. 424 00:17:40,939 --> 00:17:43,190 Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe. 425 00:17:43,224 --> 00:17:44,424 - God! - Aah! 426 00:17:44,442 --> 00:17:46,276 You were supposed to be my friend. 427 00:17:46,311 --> 00:17:48,862 - I'm so sorry. Angela-- - Oscar. 428 00:17:52,784 --> 00:17:55,119 Our crowning complaint card comes to us 429 00:17:55,153 --> 00:17:57,454 thanks to Pamela Halpert... 430 00:17:57,489 --> 00:18:00,273 [Cheers and applause] 431 00:18:00,291 --> 00:18:03,794 For insulting a client's recently deceased mother. 432 00:18:03,828 --> 00:18:06,113 - Yes! - I did not know that. 433 00:18:06,131 --> 00:18:09,783 Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life. 434 00:18:09,801 --> 00:18:11,468 - I'm so sorry. - Wow. 435 00:18:11,503 --> 00:18:16,557 Yeah, that's-- that is terrible. 436 00:18:16,591 --> 00:18:19,292 [Cheers and applause] 437 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:22,229 - You did it. - Yeah! 438 00:18:29,771 --> 00:18:31,905 I feel so stupid 439 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:35,308 I sit next to him every day. 440 00:18:35,326 --> 00:18:38,862 You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid. 441 00:18:38,913 --> 00:18:42,833 Jazz is stupid! 442 00:18:42,867 --> 00:18:45,318 I mean, just play the right notes! 443 00:18:45,336 --> 00:18:49,756 I know. 444 00:18:49,791 --> 00:18:51,324 You're gonna be okay, monkey. 445 00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:02,186 I don't like your friend Trevor. 446 00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:03,914 I don't like him either. 447 00:19:07,475 --> 00:19:09,443 And yet, I really like him. 448 00:19:15,617 --> 00:19:19,069 Well, we're here. 449 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,738 Perfect. 450 00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:30,214 We're gonna cover for you, you know. 451 00:19:30,248 --> 00:19:31,632 [Stanley chuckles] 452 00:19:31,666 --> 00:19:33,366 Phyllis, what was that? 453 00:19:33,384 --> 00:19:35,385 Phyllis, are you dreaming, or-- 454 00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:39,389 - I did enjoy grinding your beans, son. 455 00:19:39,424 --> 00:19:42,392 Yeah, we really did peel your grapes. 456 00:19:42,427 --> 00:19:45,062 This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all-- 457 00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:47,981 - Shuckin' your peas. - Shuckin' the peas. 458 00:19:48,016 --> 00:19:49,600 You should go back to the first part, though. 459 00:19:49,651 --> 00:19:50,984 You are gonna cover for me? 460 00:19:51,019 --> 00:19:53,904 - Yeah. - Of course we are, Jimmy. 461 00:19:53,938 --> 00:19:55,205 We love you guys. 462 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,575 Oh, my God, thank you. Thank you. 463 00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:01,862 If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea 464 00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:04,114 that you can't please everybody all the time. 465 00:20:04,165 --> 00:20:07,618 - You paint very bad-- - Shut up, Hide! 466 00:20:07,669 --> 00:20:09,069 I mean, do you think Kevin cares 467 00:20:09,087 --> 00:20:11,672 what people think about him-- or Creed or Meredith? 468 00:20:11,706 --> 00:20:13,073 [All cheering] 469 00:20:13,091 --> 00:20:16,760 Oh, my gosh, these are my role models now. 470 00:20:16,794 --> 00:20:20,380 You know what? I'm okay with that. 471 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,606 Where does gayness come from, 472 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,391 and how is it transmitted? 473 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:29,460 That is-- that is a loaded question. 474 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,264 My pastor said it can come from breast feeding. 475 00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:34,432 He said that? 476 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:35,984 Well, he didn't fight me hard on it. 477 00:20:36,018 --> 00:20:40,789 I-- I don't know if there's truth to-- to, uh, that. 478 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,857 What is it called when two men 479 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,609 intertwine their penises 480 00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:47,162 like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet? 481 00:20:47,196 --> 00:20:49,414 Oh... uh... 482 00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:52,667 - Is it called red-vining? - Is it called red-vining? 483 00:20:52,702 --> 00:20:53,668 I-- I don't-- 484 00:20:53,703 --> 00:20:54,669 We heard it was called red-vining. 485 00:20:54,704 --> 00:20:56,654 People red-vine. 486 00:20:56,672 --> 00:21:01,643 Where are gay men's vaginas? 487 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,995 They don't have vaginas. 488 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,430 What? 489 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:09,851 No. They're just regular men. 490 00:21:09,885 --> 00:21:12,387 When two gay men have sex, 491 00:21:12,421 --> 00:21:15,540 how do they know whose penis will open up 492 00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:18,026 to accept the other person's penis? 493 00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:22,180 Uh... wow. 494 00:21:23,105 --> 00:21:23,880 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com